Ep. 39 - Jake Johannsen

I leave, then I you wanna way back home? Either way we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim. I give us time and a turmano and gay. We want to send you off inside. Do you wanna welcome you back home? Tell us all about it? We scared her? Was it fine?

Now?

Porn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do your need ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and Chris? Mhm, welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks, This is ercle Garret. We are near La X.

God, it's gorgeous.

Just kind of hovering around it like.

A nervous school girl, like a or someone uh you know, could be intimidated by our behavior, like a nervous school girl or a possible terrorist.

Yeah, we are hovering around l a X.

We might we might have bad intentions, mal intent.

But not this time. No way, you're picking up the delightful Johnson. Yeah, maybe go around. Yeah, let's do it, Jake, it's just landed.

He is a major celebrity in the comedy world.

Be sure it's to me.

I I've looked up to him as a comman sense before I even started doing this stuff.

Yeah, he's I remember seeing him on Letterman long ago where he did his joke about it it's not guns that kill people, it's bullets, because you right, do you remember that joke. There's something like that where then it does a whole thing about pushing a bullet into someone's head.

Oh right, that's funny.

Or maybe it was the opposite that people were saying, it's not guns don't kill people. People kill people, but you really do need the gun to get the bullet in.

Right, Yeah, something along the line.

It is the it's like.

A nail building the house, right without a hammer. No, it's very much like that. I think that almost deserved like a rejoicing sound of recognition for me just.

Coming up with for how accurate that was of you?

Pretty accurate?

Yeah to do Yeah, I don't what kind of rejoicing sound would you like to hear?

Exactly like saying, oh, oh okay, exactly, let's do it again.

Let's let's start over.

Oh bullet, Yeah, bullets kill people without a gun. Yeah, and a nail can build a house.

Oh my god, exactly, thank you?

Was that loud and horrible enough.

It was a little shrieky. That's me from the beginning. When I started doing comedy. People always like to compare you to That's always fun, a fun game. Oh you're like a young new heart. I'm like, I didn't even know he did stand up and I learned he did and I learned. But people compare it just because of People have said I'd talk like Ellen a little bit m just because of the stammering or whatever. But I also someone said ja Jo hansome months and so I

Was like, oh, I get it that. I like the way that guy thinks.

And I think I met him for the first time last year and I may have said something stupid like we have similar brains.

I don't even know.

No, he had seen me just we just did a show together and he liked what I did.

And I think while I was on.

Stage, oh good, he knew you were a comedian.

And then I had just done well. And I also because I just watched him. I do I do this sometimes where I kind of will do an impression of someone. Yeah, and like when Kramer was in our on our podcast, it was dug and like this little time, yeah, like I can't not do it.

That's the third episode we've mentioned.

You know what. The subtitle of this show is the Howard Kramer Love Cast. We love him. It's too bad, too.

Bad, too bad.

He'll never know unless he listens.

He'll never know.

But I get.

I like the way Jake's brain thinks, and we're gonna have his brain and his body in the car shortly.

What I am excited about. And when I say excited, I kind of mean like nervous and fear based, uh huh, because as everyone knows, we talk about it all the time. This car is it's moderately filthy, just in the way that you can't get dog hair off of your what seemed to be fleece seats in this stupid hand fast.

I think the inventor of Velcrow had the same breed of dogs as you, and he had it's eureka moment one day cleaning off the seats and it's buggy. I don't know if this was buggy days when the guy invented, but it's a series, you know, velcro on a not quite microscopic level.

There are little hooks, a series of hooks and loops.

And yeah, this is what's happening. Yeah, there's a hook and loop dog hair scenario happening in this car.

I guess they have split ends. That's the only way to explain the barbed hook at the end of Now.

I did read once that Martha Stewart brushes her dogs twice a day, and I don't think I've ever brushed either of my dogs. So maybe that's where the filth is coming in.

Brushes her dogs in between cookie make No one ever told Martha Stewart to get a goddamn job.

You know, just because she was rich. She didn't have to. She's one of those people.

Because she's got that dead look in the eye.

Oh yeah, that you know, like you were saying that guy that like we're we're talking smack about a few people.

We're not going to imagine it. Now, you'll have to get the bonus episode.

Was like, oh yeah, blah blah blah.

I know, no, no, we can't do that, but she we should do that. She has that look in her eye where I'm like, I don't trust her, you know.

She she looks like the painting that her eyes or her eyes, and then you slide her eyes out and your eyes go in so you can spy on people.

Like the Scooby Doo painting.

Yes, that's totally Martha Stewart's face. Someone should do an oil painting of Martha Stewart.

Looking at us, like, look at the eyes.

Hey, remember, no, we I never do this in a consecutive way. That would be like good like hooking back to another episode. I never do it recent enough, but on the Drenda Davis episode Ode, you regaled me much to my absolute joy with your all of your Scooby Doo voices, Oh, the entire cast.

Yes, yes, I'm still working on Fred, but my Daphney is on point up also.

But I found the picture. Did you remember seeing it? I posted on Twitter where when I we were talking about you being Nightcrawler or any villain from Scooby Doo, and I found the pictures where they look exactly alike.

Yeah.

I was really impressed by myself.

Find it you made the thing?

Yeah, oh, I forget.

I appreciate that.

This is basically me taking a moment to say, hey, remember that time when I did.

That thing I and it's me.

Oh, Henry's calling and I don't have time to talk to him.

Let's just see what he wants. Henry Phillips. Everybody wants a guest of this show.

Yeah, once a co host turned guest in one episode.

Uh am, I I want to turn left? But am I allowed to? I think?

I am?

Yes, I am, yes, you are allowed.

Great. This is a this part of LA which would be considered.

What er I don't know. It's the single one.

I don't know. Could it be Fox Hills?

Oh?

Yes, we are near the Fox Hills Mall.

Lots of foxes running around in the traffic.

Oh, it's almost like it's a hazard while you're driving.

They have foxes.

Sometimes they're just blowing around like dandelion sports. Just foxes everywhere.

Oh, we're not allergic.

I have Yeah, I have a fox hellery. I was gonna.

Say yeah when they're blowing around not and I'm not talking about their dander. These are little fox that.

Are airborne, tiny, airborn fox tiny.

And you breathe them in.

I'll be damned if it doesn't get me stuffed up.

Okay, yes, still have.

A herd from Jake. But I know he's in the airport, he'd be old.

He will be walking towards the outdoors, and I think this is gonna be one of those episodes where we time it perfectly and he will jump in seamlessly to our arrival, and we're going to rejoice, and you're gonna squeal to let us know you're rejoicing.

Oh yes, now that I know what rejoicing's supposed to sound like, because exactly before this, when I was rejoicing, I would go And that's how you knew I would make sound.

You've been giving the wrong impression at all parties for years.

Yeah, yeah, yes, it's absolutely true.

Happy birthday, friend.

No, I'm happy, No, I I really I'm some might say overjoyed for you. Wow, it doesn't you don't doesn't feel like that in any way. It feels like you're mad at me. Well I'm not.

No one ever showed you how to celebrate. So sad.

It's uh, it is sad. Actually it is sad. Now there's a there's a sign in front of that gas station over there that says enjoy a cup of fresh hot coffee. And what's fascinating about that is we both are.

Right now I'm currently holding one, as is Karen, and it is hot. The only thing that that sign isn't letting everyone know I'm not really enjoying it.

You're not. It's not good.

This came out of a robot box at.

The airport Sheridan where we stopped thinking they had a Starbucks, and then once we valaid the car and got inside, Yeah, not not a star It.

Used to be a Starbucks.

Oh really, Oh well, Mount, you get a current employee of this not Starbucks to go take down that fucking sign.

Here's the what I said. I said, fucking sign. Yeah, that's right, upset he has.

He had his fist on his hip, and I said right behind him, way though I kinda yeah, like a bossy kind of momish way. You also had a Yeah he was. He was definitely working it and he was sissing that walk. Then I come up behind him. I come up behind him and I says, hey, I don't want some goddamn coffee from Malaysia, motherfucker.

Yeah that's right.

I shouldn't have yelled that so loud. There are several families.

You and I, both within the same minute, are regretting our f bomb drops.

We went nuts at the airport shared God.

Why I don't know why? No, I mean, just now we both said the F word.

Oh, I've been very good about it.

You have been, and then and then I just once I say it, that opens up the F word.

Karen col Garrett Floodgates.

Oh my god, it just all of a sudden, it sounds so natural to me. It sounds so good.

Oh yeah, Airport Boulevard seems the most appropriate.

It just fits. It makes sense. Yeah, I've been very good about the swearing lately. I've noticed I've also started wearing dresses and pinning my hair back.

Did you finally throw away your garbage pail?

Kids?

That said swearing Karen? Because that is real, Go ahead and look it up. Everyone is that swearing Karen does?

She have a little piece of dried lettuce on her face.

That's why she's swearing.

She's like, goddamn salad, so hard.

To even salad. I hate it.

Are you going to bump this van to prove a point?

Put it forward?

It seems like you're gonna bump this.

I want to roll it up. I want to roll it forward here and.

It's lurching towards this bumper, and we you are. You cannot go any closer or I will get.

Nervous, or you'll scream.

What if?

What if there's an old lady and they need running.

And that's on him being You can't just back up into me. You can't bring that this way, because I'm not the one. One time I was in a check cashing place and sound like you were auditioning for do the Right Thing, Yeah right, because I was in the check cashing place and this homeless lady came in and started saying the N word. Oh oh, and everybody got super nervous. All everybody of every color of.

The rainbow in that check cause real uncomfortable, craggly haired white lady.

That's exactly right. I'm Hollywood Bolvard.

I hate it when it rolls off those oh so homeless tongues.

But everybody just pretended she wasn't there until she tried to get in. This probably six foot seven black man who was standing behind me wearing a beautiful suit. He looked like a banker, and she tried. She came up and she started saying something to him, and he turned and goes, you best not be talking to me, because I am not the one, and then she just left, She left the building and it was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. I am not the one because I'm not the one.

That's great. It was.

I'm not the person you're looking.

This, This is not He was saying, you'll get your seed, will get no purchase here, ma'am. Yes, your racial seed.

I wish that he had said that. Can I change the story?

You could?

Your seed will grow no.

Crops, you will not reap.

Also, why are you because it's.

A racism active in a live today it's a white Mercedes with a person who.

Is not a man and not do you think they were being race? That starts us because we're why then it doesn't make sense. See I can I can sing?

You absolutely can't.

Yeah, well, thank you.

Sometimes classically trained, self taught, but in a classic way.

I made myself sing while wearing a powdered wig when oh as.

A child, Oh I see the Mozart style classic?

Yes, yes, yes, I was singing piano. It was another like one. But yes, Michael Winslow is here's why he's underrated. Okay, reason can he do a better helicopter than that?

That was pretty good?

Oh?

That's the only reason. He just does a better helicopter than that. That's that's he deserves. Good helicopter noisemaker.

He's right in there. He's got like a five point eight, which is exactly what he deserves.

One time, my is on ra video in Austin with that Robert Hawkins guy who we've talked about victually thinking is quite Michael Winslow was on Radio two and we were just asking him to make the sounds of things. And we were like, do sausage sizzling in and he made it sound. It was just coming out of his mouth, this crinkling, popping noise that sounded like. And then and then, in kind of a dick move, Robert said, now do bacon.

And he did a difference.

Yes, that's awesome, a.

Different sound that was kind of thinner. So it's like, well, maybe where else.

Is that guy gonna perform?

Yes, he's not a comedian to me, he's not a guy that thinks of.

Jokes and what he is as an entertainer.

He is an entertainer and.

Where and he also does put those sounds together. He's a comedian in that. I mean, there's some people who call themselves comedians who are way worse than Michael Winslow. Let's not be let's not be tradition right right?

Who are traditionally all them?

Who?

Framework?

Is there?

The frame there, the pr is there. People call them comedians and they work.

And they get them workan clubs.

And you've heard them, You've heard their name constantly, and perhaps are even lauded and are actually rotten rotten.

This is where we are talking about specific people, but we aren't saying who they are. It's got to be frustrating.

It's got to be you know what. It's creating a kind of hot dynamic tension for the listeners.

The listeners at home, like, I know who that is? To me?

Do I know who it means? Does it even matter who it means?

It's signed that comedian in your own brain?

Right? We all hate a person doesn't have to be a comedian. It could be that lady in your office that's so irritating.

Don't your name, don't say your name, don't even think.

It, don't even just know that you're right, know that she exists, and that you hate her. That you're right there are you know? The Internet age has introduced this idea that everybody's great, and that's simply not true.

No, just read my YouTube comments.

How about that for a sound of ecstatic joy? What I just did?

He looks pretty good with that guy. He knows what we're doing.

He knows, he knows. He's hot as hell, looks like.

He's best dressed up for a business meeting. But it's about wrestling.

He's got bad shoes, so you know it's about wrestling. Yeah, yeah, it's really bad.

So he's you know, jumping up on the roads and throwing them, using them as a weapon.

That's right.

When there isn't a folding chair, he's used to a.

Tall Lisa boots black flat shoe. Doesn't really he's not good at shopping for those.

We're all scuffed up because he's tossed them at his co workers.

That guy looked like a beefy er. Stay phoned.

Do you think the wrestlers call the other wrestlers co workers? I guess that's more of a Matt McCarthy question.

I bet you if I text Matt right.

Now, we could crash into a car and.

Then we would do a p s A for not texting while you drive.

I think we just did it.

I didn't mean to jump down your throat.

But there will no texting during.

This There will be no texting.

Vehicular podcast.

Look at that guy's a top pad.

Can anything girl other than homicide be vehicular?

Oh see that was pretty funny. We have a vehicular podcast. Well that's terrible and illegal.

No, I didn't say, man, No, we don't kill anybody. Yeah, no one gets hurt.

We kill with our yeah jokes.

Fucking kill.

They crush. I crushed in my car the other day. Okay, I don't see him.

I guess he's not quite out here yet, but he still hasn't Should we be so so.

Brass? Brash? Brassy?

Should we be should we with our hair so brazier? Thank you.

Is a nice Where are you from? Out of town?

What are you some kind of?

And now they're honking? No, get in front of me.

I want I need someone to honk at.

I'm gonna sometimes I let people in just so I can honk at them.

Chris, we're going around again. We have to go around.

I know, I mean, what are you solving a crime? Don't leap out of your taxi, you crazy ass.

Yeah, I'm really excited to pick up a fair We almost clipped his Uh.

That cab driver jumped out on the driver's side into airport traffic.

He's such a calm look on his face, but it was it was the body of an urgent man.

It was probably he had already his spirit had left his body because he was committed.

The look on that man's face, he's like looking for his loved ones. He look he has a little kid's face.

Yeah, he was lost.

He was adorable. No, this guy's adorable. Look at this old guy.

Look at him. He's like, I'll get it.

Really he's throwing the is he frustrated and his damn hat.

Of my wife's stupid traffic?

No, he's sweet. I never really had a grandpa, Karen.

You didn't know, Oh, I I had one great grandpa, one awesome grandpa.

He was Oh, was he your grandpa's dad or was.

He just awesome?

He was my dad's dad. I didn't mean to say great.

That was a Madison Davis joke. She said she has this great grandpa great grandma joke. Oh was she you're really old or just a really good grandma? And I did it wrong.

I told it wrong. It's basically what you just said.

I liked it. I didn't understand what was happening till the end because I was thinking about my grandpa, who was the greatest.

Yeah, mine Wyatt too, I'd won that was a grumpy and drank and one that was just grumpy and crazy and didn't need drinks to be that way. And they both were just.

Tall and mean, and they were once I was like walking and talking, they didn't want anything to do with me.

You know what, there's nothing worse than a grumpy old Manson. They're the worst. They're scary looking, they look like ghouls.

Yeah, you're making it very hard to respect my elders.

Yes, Grandpa, if you're old, if you're an old man and you make it to that point, just be nice. Like you have a drink, that's fine, but be nice.

I wish that.

Yeah, I wish my grandparents because it's kind of the reason we left California, where I was born and went back to Montana. My dad was like, well, the kids should be around grandparents.

Oh no, we moved.

Down there and then they just weren't into us. They're like, once I started, I think I said something, I had an opinion about something once, and he never really looked at me again.

Because he was from an era where you got to open hand slap children right in the floor.

Or he would there'd be the salt shaker would be empty and he would just slide it across the floor and it would hit my grandma's feet, and without flinching, she would pick it up and put salt in it and put it together. Like that's called abuse.

That's called love. Yeah, that's uh, yeah, that's from a different time.

Yeah, that's they're all gone now, But so I never everyone's grandparents are gone. I'm not saying that I don't know. You and I we have, we have, We've had lost, Yeah, we've had lost, We've.

Had the the thing.

But I do see old men and I'm like, I yearn for their attention.

And that's yearning.

It's the worst word I could have been there. That makes it sound sexual. I don't want to be with them. I want to just.

Be with them.

You want to have a nice cardigan, sweated arm around your shoulder.

I was in England.

I think there was all these grandpa's I never had, because I get I think I'm vaguely English. I don't know, I don't I haven't gone to ancestry dot com.

But I went they don't do it as it is all weird, like military records and ships.

Okay, please insert your teeth into the computer.

I just all these old men, uh like worse, Why is everyone hanking?

It's traffic, everybody's fine, Super Bowl Sunday?

Who's this honking? They're just gonna keep honking.

Sometimes people honk when they're just they don't know. Oh he's saying hi to his friend and we're caught in the cross fire.

Could it be that go bro down on your own? I'm sorry you guys are Yeah, damn.

TI isn't the super Bowl happening right now?

It is happening right now?

Maybe well, my grandfeathers didn't like me. They knew I didn't care about football.

Maybe that's what it was. And then my dad, You really, are you really taking that personally, because if it was an old alcoholic man, it had nothing to do with you, right, Yeah, I mean there's there's a little work to be done there.

Yeah, they were.

Cool when I was really little. That's what matters when a formative count.

Yeah, you know, when you're fourteen, who wants to hang out with your grandpa?

Oh? You were fourteen. That's a totally different story. Everyone eats teenage, seven or eight.

I don't know.

I don't have a good memory.

Great age.

It's all one big blur. And then college.

My grandpa. One time we spent the night at my grandma and grandpa's house. They were both from the Old Country. My grandpa came to America when he was fourteen by himself.

It's the Old Country, always mean Italy. I don't know where that was.

It means, but it doesn't come the Old Country. It depends on what person you're talking to. You. Sorry, yeah, in my family means Ireland.

If you're a Sicilian, then Ireland the boot.

The boot kicked Sicily the boot. So you're the soccer ball if you're Sicilian. And hey, and.

I called soccer balls.

Don't mess around?

And is that racist?

If I make up my own thing, get out the way you damn soccer ball? What the hell does that mean? Well, Italy kicks you and you're like at soccer ball.

Oh well, oh well, too bad. I have to shoot you in the head anyway. Sorry, two to the dome.

That's how the saying, Yep, all Sicilians will shoot you.

That's right, Sorry, I'll go out on a limb. They're gonna shoot me anyway, I might as well tell the truth.

I learned it from true romance my grandpa.

One time we spent the night at my grandma and grandpa's house. Huh. They had a lot of portraits of Jesus with thorns. Oh, on his worst year, the blue period, you might say. And and I woke up before my sister and my cousin Nancy, and my grandpa was awake looking at me. And then he waved his hand and he brought me in and gave me powdered donut and some tang like I was the only grandchild he cared about. Meanwhile,

But it is, I think.

Didn't we were gonna say real specific grandpa stories? Was our third podcast idea Will these stories have an ending?

You?

Then said, and I said they don't have to.

No. Oh good.

Then I said, great, that's exactly how mine's going to go.

Oh I'm sorry, Well, he said, he's getting a coffee. Okay, I guess uh, Oh, no, he's because he's waiting for his bag.

Oh great, and we're going to go up here. We're just going to tell him that we had to go by delta going around. Are we going to go around again?

I'm sorry, I guess we have to. Okay, he's fighting for his bag. What he just was saying getting a coffee because he's waiting for his bag.

I didn't realize.

No, that's right. I feel like the treat is for the listener. Hello listeners. By the way, have we done any kind of a salutation that we like to usually do?

I believe salutation is that it's the conclusionary, doesn't isn't it? Or is it like aloha?

Salutation is greeting.

I thought salutations like hellos and goodbyes.

I think it's I think it's like hellos and hellos.

It's too so it is so salutations.

A perfect example would be aloha, which means hello and goodbye, and it also.

Means to serve your definition. Yes, but in reality.

It doesn't, so it doesn't.

Look if we could just look up Charlotte's Web, we would find out exactly what salutation that is.

Some pick.

I just like to take things from it. It just that might be from babe.

No, no, no, some pig. That's Charlotte's web all the way.

Someone had a joke recently and they.

Were quoting what one of the things the spider weaved in there? And it wasn't that some pig, it was some that's something.

Was it the big long word?

Yes? And they did they just able to say it.

Oh they didn't know. They didn't.

Oh yeah it's been dubiti or yeah, yeah, it was like some Oh, well, who cares. We Hey, don't get me starting on on movies with pigs, and I'm I'll be talking all day.

I'll be talking all damn day.

B Babe, Pig in the city was upsetting. Remember that.

I don't.

I didn't see him go to the city, but I did.

I remember just him the original country pig. So at one point he had to oh he was a real pig. It's not like he packed a bag and they.

He didn't wear like a little red zaster.

Okay, how about a bow tie.

I can deal with that.

You can kind of go for that.

Yeah, Oh, yes, can do.

I can go for that.

I yes, can do.

Is that the real word.

No, it's not.

It's I was doing a little riff of Paul and Oates.

I know, but are those the real words. I can't go for that.

I can't go for that. No, I no can do so, I said, I can go for that.

Oh, yes, can do so.

It's just a little reversal of the content. Classic so enjoyable. I mean, I can't.

I can't speak for someone like weird Al Yankovic, but I think his early work it was just like reversing songs to polka, right, that's right?

Well, and also he did he really sent up some of Michael Jackson's greatest hits, my favorite being I'm.

Fat, have a Nana, have a whole bunch. Right.

If you don't like it, save it for lunch, Just eat it, eat it jam On.

Jam On described Weird Al and his music. I don't think I would go for that, but yes, it's funny.

Isn't it interesting how he kind of stuck around and everyone.

Likes him, yes, for sure, and respects him.

And people are coming out of the closet, Oh, they go, God, Prius, you're so indecisive because you have no power in.

Your silent You're a silent killer.

Oh why did you?

Oh?

I think I know why we let them in so we can honk at him. That was such a weird behavior.

Yeah, it was not smart driving it very so many bad great pulling around almost there, Yes, can do here. I'm texting Gray text like Howard Kramer.

Gray, Uh, sending you the color of the thug and also the make and model.

It's black.

It's black, don't.

Right, Gray hond Oh black Honda.

Accord?

What with dog hair?

And it?

Should I have written that? Okay, Sarah, I bet he has dogs himself.

Uh.

Yeah, there's nothing I can do. I'm really ashamed about it, but now I've it's turned over into just I have no feeling about it anymore.

Hate being at L A X and you said you like it? God, I get so uncomfortable.

Here, do you really?

And it's nice.

It's not even crowdedna. I don't know what to ask Jake. Oh, let's just I'm gonna I want to know. There's some general knowledge things. I just want to know. I don't know him very well. I just know that I like him and.

I think he's very receptive for Yeah, but you know, who knows he might be uncomfortable. The dogcare might make him uh sneeze, super bummed out. Who knows. We just have to play it by ear. We have to play it as it laid.

And that Prius cut us off.

And right now it's just forever you see him in front of you where you want to be. And now I'm I'm still mad at that Prius Silent killers. You cannot make a car. I don't care if it if it's good for the environment, I do care.

That it is.

I take that it's nice.

It's nice ever since the advent of prius is and there's fewer. When I moved here in two thousand and three to Los Angeles, there's so many.

Hummers and everything.

Oh my god, it was horrible, and I never could see the Hollywood sign. Now I can see it all the time, and I really think it is because everyone's buying smarter cars. But absolutely, the fact that it just rolls up and all you can hear is the tread of the wheel, like there's no motor sounds.

It's crazy.

I've almost been hit by so many Prius.

I yeah, it doesn't make sense like that. Who ever thought of that, they should have put in an artificial noise because it's crazy.

Yeah, like or just baseball card and the spokes.

Look at They had to wave to their grandma. Who's now coming.

Black pants and a brown shirt, he said, which I.

Oh, okay, I like that so distinctive, almost punk rock.

Yeah, here we go.

Black pants, brown shirt.

Jake Johansson, black pants, brown shirt.

What will you do?

Oh, that's not him.

That guy was coming. I honestly thought that guy was getting into our car.

I'm going to roll down the window at the risk of making some noise. The sights and sound, well not the sights, but certainly the sounds. Boy, I don't I don't see him.

Oh I love his face.

Yeah, he's got a great face.

Hey, I'm gonna tell him you said that. You just wait, you just wait. Leon, Okay, I always want to.

It's open, it should be open.

Oh uh oh I always want to help.

Hi. Hi, Oh that was way too high. Did you hear how high my voice went?

There?

It's okay, exclamation of joy.

It's okay, Hi, here he comes, Jake Joe.

Hanson hands and everybody. Yes, well, it's covering all the dog.

Hair on that she she has dogs and look, she's moved the sheet, but I'm glad I didn't.

The sheet's clean.

It would have been funny if you got under it and just immediately took a night.

Just well, it seems like you're picking up a dog.

I know. I kind of always am.

If there's one in the road and it looks like it doesn't have an owner.

I'll grab that pick it up.

Okay, let's see if we can get a dog on our way.

Jake, I'm telling on you, Karen Jake. As soon as you came out, She's like, I look at his great face.

It's true.

I said about my face.

You have a great it's great to see your face.

This is just my face.

I think it's just as good.

In a roundabout way, maybe because I'm uncomfortable, we're saying you're handsome.

Well that's sweet.

Oh you're welcome.

Sweet. I can't believe I'm in the back by myself because is.

It a little weird because you're talking to the back of our heads.

I'm staring at you through the rear of your mirror.

It's nice. I like your podcast. Thank you. It's nice to get a ride from the airport. Though I was thinking when I was, you know, texting it back and forth, and like, oh god, it's easier to take a cab than to do this. But but now that I'm in the car, I'm really.

Right, aren't you glad we're not an angry cab driver.

I would love it if this turned into like a meal and then we all go out tonight, we get some pizza.

Recording the whole time.

Come on, we we.

Know, and especially for the send off episodes where we're bring people to the airport.

That's what I really wish that I you know, I mean, not to take anything away from this experience.

It seems like so far, Jake, you've only complained. It doesn't like it seems like you're not you.

Know, I don't think of myself as a complainer, but maybe it's time to face the pack. Yeah, that those early morning ones, you know, like I have to go to Columbus on Thursday. I think I'm gonna have to leave my house at five in the morning. Where will you be then?

Just out of curiosity, we'll be right in front of your house at four forty fives.

Well, okay, sequel, that's what I smell.

So let's put some cliffhangers in this one.

Yeah, yeah, it's gonna end. Okay, ellipses. I have the worst diarrhea right now, and it's because I ate a bag of diamonds on the plane. To be continued.

Will they become millionaires or just have a mess on their hands.

I went into that airplane bathroom and you never think you're going to see a bag of diamonds in there, but there it was. And I thought, if I come out with these, they're going to know that I have them. But if I eat them, I can deny I had eat the bag too.

That's what one of the only reasons people don't eat bags of diamonds, that's they really cut you up.

Then the diamonds, it's that velvety bag thing. That's where I think is really going to be the problem. Where the diamonds in like a purple crown royal, they were sitting on top of the bag, and so I I didn't I didn't put the diamonds in the bag because I thought, look, that's gonna that's going to create a real kind of a bottleneck. No pun intended. I ate the diamonds separately, and then I also ate the bag. I felt like, if you leave the bag in there, it's kind of Oh, you want to take a right

Yeah, we're going to go to and you.

Can go any way you want.

Did I just make you spell that coffee?

Just a little bit? But that's not bad. I was going to wash these clothes when I get home. I'm coming home. That's the beauty of coming home. Man, would I be mad if we were on our way to the airport now?

Like?

Great? Now I'm going to be in Ohio all week.

Breaking of coffee.

Yeah, I just want to add one thing to the diamond thing. I would have eaten the bag first, just to coat my stomach. Oh yeah, I've been waiting to say that. Well, you know, we hadn't moved on to a coffee.

This is the thing. Everybody's got an opinion after the fact. I don't know where you were when I was on the plane. Here's the problem with our early morning.

When someone has a six am flight and we've gone all the way down for a four o'clock pick up in Studio City.

We're all so tired. No one is funny. I'm not funny until.

I worried about the clock. I worried about that myself too. I worried that, you know, I'm slightly emotional now, that must be part of what happens when you pick people up at the airport.

There's a lot of crying usually on this podcasts, and you've been traveling, you you would think you would just be used to it by now, but it's it's still not a pleasant.

I've only just recently realized that I've done my career wrong. Well, you know, a couple of weeks ago, or maybe it was a week ago. Who can even tell what is a week ago or what's a couple of weeks ago, or what happened this afternoon a North Stra damis maybe, Yeah, everything is so different now that I've swallowed those diamonds. You can do either one. But yeah. I did a show on a comedy Magic and I thought, well, this is gonna be fun. I'm headlining down here and it's

It's so funny.

We were talking about that right before we picked you up, and I've been doing the same thing. I just always wanted to be a comedian for a living.

Yeah, and I'm loving it, Like I was just in Atlanta. I worked at the Laughing Skull. It's a great club, the tiniest club in the university.

It's like an eater, isn't it?

And I did this low budget movie that they're doing while I was there. Is it like a favorite thing during the day. Sure, But that's not the way you're supposed to be doing movies. You're supposed to be putting your comedy stand up career on hold, going to do a big giant movie and you get a sitcom, then you go back to doing stand up later on. But I've done it the other way around. It's all it's too late to change it. Now.

Are you a person that likes acting? Do you act?

And I like the part where you actually have the job. I just want to point out that things are going to be different.

Once I shit these diamonds, the whole tone is going to change.

Yeah, my career is going to change. I mean that's kind of the that's going to be an injection of financial security that I've you know, yet to experience in my life. Not that things are you know, I don't want to kind of maintain this tone of complaining because things are fine. I'm very happy.

Well, you're probably uncomfortable though physically, just with them in there. You you there's no way you aren't feeling that diamond's in there. But it's the heartest substance known to men, right.

Yeah, Well, but I had a big lunch on the plane too, so they're yeah, they're kind of mixing around. When you said that you're probably feeling feeling uncomfortable, I thought you were talking about the back seat of the Oh.

I don't think you're going to be able to though.

Look at that the sheets there. Okay, we'll take it easy.

There's a kind of Mormon field to that setup back there, where there's a sheet for keeping you from doing things.

Oh yeah, I guess I guess it is bad that it's not every time there's a sheet back there there the Mormons.

Do with the sheet. I knew that there was a Jewish thing with a sheet and a board, and it.

Was a Jewish I thought, thinking of special magic underwear that you can, oh, that's a certain pair of underwear. That it's okay too.

We should stick to our own religions. In my church. You don't have to do any of that. You can do it. You know, you're not supposed to have sex until you get married. So I guess I blew it there. It is your church, Jake, Well, I don't really have a church, but I grew up in We were Congregational Presbyterian, you know, which is kind of the the most Protestant Protestant churches. I mean, maybe not Unitarian. Those guys are pretty their relax. That's almost like a you know, pot party.

I went to it.

I was in a Presbyterian youth group in high school just for the pot I no, I really did, and it was really I even was very open with my pastor guy that I'd never read the Bible and kind of saw a lot of holes in it and maybe was agnostic.

And he's like that's okay, wow, because we have some a bake sale to run or whatever.

We just did.

That's all business. See. My family was the opposite because I was raised Catholic, and we went to summer camp that was Episcopalian, and we came home on a Sunday and went to like morning Mass with all the kids we went to camp with at the Episcopalian church. And then when we got back to my aunt's house, my grandma was there and she said, are they going to go to a real church now? She wanted us to go to Catholic Mass. We'd already gone to Episcopalia.

Oh and see for me, from my point of view, the Presbyterian Church Episcopalians were actually very that's the real deal. That's the Henry the Eighth version of Catholicism, right, I mean the sort of the Church of England. They kind of he invented his own church once they wouldn't let him get divorced and then and that.

Was what Episcopalia turned into.

That's my understanding of it. But again we're a little over our heads here.

In there beyond over my head, you're yeah, we're in an arena I know nothing about. I couldn't finger Henry the Eighth and a lineup if I yeah, I mean photo, big fat guy.

He's always eating a turkey leg. I've seen him down at the beach. Yeah. Well, Renaissance Renaissance fair. Have you ever been to a Renaissance fair?

I've always avoided them?

Should I Have I been wrong this whole time? I feel like that's a good sequel to this episode also fair.

The only wait I'll go to a Renaissance fair if you can promise me a couple of things, A person with a snake and maybe a juggler.

Well, come on, I feel like you're sitting in the bar a little bit tall order. That's a tall order.

We can bring our own snake.

Oh god, there's gonna be if there will be a lady with a snake, I don't worry. Forget.

I have a snake, and you know what, I forgot to feed it. Jake.

Yeah, No, I don't really want to get serious. I want to go to the Renaissance.

Right now.

I want a mug of mead from the bench.

And I've never really thought of myself as that guy. You know, there's the dungeons and Dragons, guys like Brian Posan was telling me he does a podcast where they just play Dungeons and Dragons.

Yeah, oh that's great, right.

Yeah, I think so, But I mean I can't. I don't even know how Dungeons and Dragons works. But either the Renaissance Fair was pre Dungeons and Dragons. That's all I'm saying.

Yeah, is the original cosplay?

Yeah? What if? What if instead of coming here and seeing real people doing these things, we just rolled dice and pretend.

In our basement, we won't have to do all this hideous interacting.

Well, there's new versions of that.

What's the game?

There's some not like Risk, but a newer version of that about overtaking the world, and people play.

It now live.

It's like Risk game.

Oh yeah, a lot of girls play it.

Girls.

Yeah, girls, it's like it's I wish I knew that the name of the game.

I wish you did too.

Yeah, it's almost like I've wasted the last twenty seconds.

Well, we can google this, we'll figure it out later. There's people googling it right now, getting mad at us, but not knowing what it is. What's the google? Girls? Renaissance Mystery Date.

It's a dating game, Melton Bradley dating game. Yeah, I guess it's nothing like Dungeons and Dragons unless you're into that.

It's a dating game.

Yeah, I've World of Warcraft.

I've always wanted to go. Not No, I'm not a renaissance. I like going to the Civil War reenactments.

Jake, how often are you on the I don't believe you've ever been to a civil war. I'm gonna say. I know we're not playing a game show right now, but I have to say I doubt that. I doubt that you've been to a civil war.

When I lived in Austin where I first saw you at the Bad Dog Comedy Theater, It's likely they never paid you. I did get paid there, but good Kevin Meanie didn't Kevin Meanie, and he he lived up to his name.

He was not happy. That was just a dumb joke, but I remember he was.

Oh the potholes.

I always not why people have four wheel drive trucks in LA And then and then I go over those potholes and I'm like, Okay, that made me want to have them.

Ye, it's just gonna get worse. I don't I don't want to get all political, but I mean, I feel like you were talking about infrastructure right now, and Barack Obama has let us down. And I don't think Republicans are going to be any help either.

You know, it's gonna it's all just gonna slowly fall apart.

It starts with a hole in the road and then it ends up with our kids being homeless.

Hey, did you speaking of our kids, did you know there's a measles epidemic right now?

Yes? Well, I want to Disneyland.

Yet started at Disneyland, is what I heard? Or it's where that's the episplosion the center.

Everyone's everyone's coming down on Jenny McCarthy and uh, and she's like become the poster child for the lunacy of not inoculating your kids. But I the measles, mumps, rubella shot when I was a kid gave me an immediate reaction.

I had roseasha, I had convulsions. I would get very high fevers, and my mom was always like, I know, you were fine and healthy until we got you inoculated. Then again, So I've had a mom that my whole life was kind of saying that Jenny McCarthy's stuff, really.

Except you've got the vaccination, so you never came down with the real means, and you've got a great career. We're in a car doing a podcast right now.

Yeah, you're right. I mean so I almost baked my brain as a baby.

Yeah, if you don't consider this a high ten, you're right all the way around.

Yeah you won.

Yeah, your mom is wrong, but I agree Jenny McCarthy deserves a break. I mean, I don't think enough things have gone her way.

What I gleaned from that is I have a pretty good life. That's what I keep thinking.

Thank you. Yeah, well that's what I was thinking. I was thinking. I wish I was the guy who was picking people up at the airport doing a show. Yeah, someday, I hope so close.

You're close.

Just just stick to it. You'll get there, kid. I like to say that too when I started comedy.

Yeah, we both do.

Yeah, we were talking about that earlier.

It's something we should have mentioned. I really like you guys too, So this is really great. What are we going to do after this? I don't know why what I looked up to you. Huh.

I looked up to you and you said, well, I like you guys too. Oh that's actually as well.

I didn't think I can say that. I look up to you because that would be weird, right, I mean, how could we both look up to each other.

It's making fun of my height because I'm short.

I didn't remember that about you.

Now that I'm five nine going on, I'm actually shrinking. We did a speakeasy together.

Oh that show was so ridiculous. We did a show in a bar that was so dark, Like the light on stage was not as bright as your phone. The flashlight thing on your was.

Like one wayward Christmas, a string of light. But it was just one little bowl.

But it was called the Prohibition, I think something.

Like I can't remember. It was in Culver City and it was booked by our friend Al Jackson. Jackson and I spoke to Al about it. He said that the guy, the guy who runs the room, got up at he and wanted to kind of start making all these rules about the comedians and the blah blah blah. You know, he totally became a prima donna producer. No, so Al had he yanked that show out of that room, which is a real shame.

Yeah, so the guy took the lights with him.

Yeah, I'm doing a show tonight under the covers. Once my wife goes to sleep. We're going to do it under the covers on my side of the bed, but you kind of have to be quiet.

Okay, do you need a temper pedic bed for that or I already have that.

Already have that because a lot.

Of times, you know, you know, if you will want to do stand up and the wife will either want to sleep or drink wine.

Jake, what is your sleep number?

Yeah?

I don't. We have the temper peedick. I don't really understand the sleep number. That's a little after my time.

But you have to actually own the bed and read the manual.

Do you know anything about it? Which is the more firmer? Is that a higher number or lower number? Idea?

I've only seen the commercial one hundred times, but I don't really know what that.

I know I have a sleep number, and that's really all I think.

Yeah, I'm proud to have one.

I have a seaypostropedic and that's because you know, it makes it easier. I can just electronically elevate my legs for my gout and then.

Kraftmatic, yeah, craftatic adjustable. I grew up with waterbeds, and I think that's why I have scoliosis and a number of hip problems.

I really did you really have? Did your parents have a waterbed?

I had a series of waterbeds as a kid, and I.

A child's waterbed.

Well it was warm.

You know. I grew up in Montana and lived in a basement my whole life.

Were you rich?

I got out.

I got out of there. The rich kids in Montana are put in a basement with it.

They get their own basement waterbed. My god, it.

Just never had enough water in it. So it was like a hammock.

It was like I was sleeping in a water hammock, right, So my back was always constantly arched. And I think you can all tell with my I'm very self conscient us about my Uh.

Yes, oh, I love when Yes.

Good he works for the city.

That's good that he has a This guy with a reflector vests and a Viking helmet, welcome to the neighborhood.

He's just a crossing guard with a lot of spirit.

Anyway, I'm a bad posture, are you, Jake?

Are you a married person to have family?

I am? I am. I wasn't kidding about my wife. I was kidding about the podcast in bed with her but.

I remember you mention just moments ago, and I obviously I get I think, do you have kids?

That's what I have a wife and we have a daughter who's ten.

That's terrific.

And that's why I'm not out. That's why we don't get to see each other more often. That's the prob that's why we have to wait until Al Jackson does a show in a flashlight show in a tiny bar.

Well, I'm going to see if I can do something about that.

I am too, I'm trying to get out more. I'm trying to be amongst more people. This is the step in that direction once. Yes, this is yeah, this is it.

Well, I know many people who would love to have you on their shows around town. Many.

Yeah, you could just kind of take your pick up the ones that are just fun where you're actually getting work done, because I tend to just do whatever show someone offers me, and I'll drive.

I'd live over here and on the West Side like you, and I'll drive.

All the way to It's a long way from here to there. Yeah, you've done any of those shows that are like in some like they roll up a garage door and you do a show in the driveway, and sometimes they're great.

There's a whole spate of living room shows that space is not the right word, but there's a bunch of living dearth, a bunch of living room shows where the kids that go there are so into it they're like some of the best shows I've ever done.

I totally get why the kids who go there would be into it, But what I don't understand really is like I feel like we might have lost track of what we're trying to do, which is, you know, we're trying to make a living you know. I feel like if you can't ever charge someone to cover or get paid for doing stand up, then I mean, you're not gonna get your own sitcom from doing a show in somebody's living room? Are you true?

Though?

But if it's true, I'm ready to do the living room. I don't want to be completely mercenary about this living room.

Show, but I feel that way when I'm on the road and I go to some club. The last one that really made me sleep in the fetal position was in Houston.

The Joke Joint, and it was I've never been there.

It was, yeah, don't I'm gonna and they might be listening I'm sorry. You're sweet, lady Rachel, but I uh, well, I really have hurt my feelings every night, and I'm like, I'm certainly not going to get a sitcom coming getting well.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

You know, it's hard to know you have to do both, though I do know.

That it honestly seems like these days, like in LA if you're in a living room show, the odds that there's some young assistant to a highly powered person sitting.

In that audience in the living room.

Yeah, Like that's I swear to god. There's people where it's just like, oh I saw you at this thing, or I'm like, why in God's name would you be there?

Yeah, And it's.

Because they, as their job, go to just places around town and they go like hip things.

Yeah. See, I don't I don't need to get paid to do a living room show because I have an ass full of diamonds right now. But most people, I feel like, you know, you see some of these young youngsters and they you know, it'd be nice if not only maybe there's an executive there, but they got twenty dollars. I know.

Sometimes they do some shows, right, It's funny because I would think it would happen all the time.

Oh, we're just three minutes from your house.

Wow, I know, Well we could go around that. You could go around the block if you want to, Sure.

We must, I mean I want to talk more.

I don't mind talking. But if we sit getting the driveway, my wife will come out and maybe come in the house. I can promise you that.

Most most most most drop offs we've had, they we come home to an wife that is angry and coming out with her hair and curlers rolling pins.

I wish to get my wife would get busy with that rolling pin. That would be so happy. I mean, the only thing she uses that thing for is to chase me around.

Not a pie in sight. No, the Joe Handsome's house, get about it. Remember when we were in Sacramento together. Well I wasn't really on the show, I think, but it was Dave Anthony was opening for you and we get to hang out for a weekend. Now this was back in the nineties.

Uhh, this is just Dave's favorite show.

What this podcast?

No? I worked with Dave and Sacramento one time, and he's told the show on my podcast a couple of times, and I don't know if he's If you're thinking about this story where there's a group of young people in the audience that are kind of handicapped and Dave doesn't realize it, and they're kind of talking to each other and doing some making some noises that are that are kind of enthusiastic, and they're supporting and they're really enjoying the show. Dave says something to him once and then

I've had the exact same thing happen at cap City when I when I lived in Austin. There's people in the back and they were laughing and I annoying. They were rather than laughing, they're just making an outburst. And I didn't say I think I said something a little lighter than retarded, but the entire audience was like, whoa should I go here?

We're actually the other way? But yeah, yeah, yeah, but that's okay, so take the left whenever you well, or you can go up and take a rite and come back to hear and then go back. I like that.

I like that. So sorry you called them a name like return.

I said, I feel like, now maybe I think what I may have said, the word retarded.

It's you know, we're not supposed to say retarded. But I don't think anyone ever says retarded when they're talking about a handicapped person. I only use that word when they're talking about one of their friends is kind of being dopey, yeah.

Or there, or that my bomber keeps coming off of my my car is so retarded, I tell you.

Well, like it would be much more insulting to say to someone, look are you someone who was a competent person? Look, what are you learning disabled? That seems more insulting, right, because now you're talking about a real thing that you would say.

I don't know, it's more clinical.

I guess I can't. We're not going to get to the bottom of it.

It's accurate, you know. And it's accurate though, but it's unfortunately accurate because there are people who identify that it's not a bad thing that they are retarded or handicapped mentally handicapped. But Jeff, uh no, I can't remember.

It's a game shot. I start giving hands Chef.

He's the one that's on.

Career Enthusiasm, Okay, and he Jeff Garlett garlic.

Yes do you think you?

Oh, I could have Where's the Crazies on that other show with this crazy sweaters.

Yes, he's on Crazy five and he has a whole bit about how retarded is the one word that's like that that we should be allowed to say because it's so accurate. It is because when you want to call someone retarded, it's because they're being retarded.

I want to just I only say it when I'm talking about putting out a fire, or slowing down a fire like a fire or slow, or bringing a conversation.

To a halt like I can, I can conversation retardant. Yeah, thank you.

I just wanted someone else to use it in a sentence. But it's okay if you say mentally. As soon as you take out the word mentally.

I don't even think we know this. I think again, we're in some deep water here. We don't really know what we're talking about, either.

In deep water or on thin ice.

But either way, my dream is for us to start getting letters. Do people even write them anymore? Yeah?

They come through the sunroof. It's insane.

I want to get an angry letter. I've gotten some angry emails.

You did.

How do they get hold of you?

With nothing? Into your show tonight? And you got angry at the man? Heckling.

I don't believe that.

I found you very unprofessional.

Oh yeah, that was the letter that you got.

Yeah, and then I threw some deduction. I found out it was the owner's wife, a woman who was pregnant and drinking a beer.

Yes, yeah, Well this is the other thing that I think we need to lighten up on. I think it's okay for pregnant ladies to have a glass of wine every once in a while.

People are getting so a beer nowadays, people are having nine ten pounds infants.

I just got off a plane, so tell me about it. You know, there are some big human beings and maybe a couple drinks during pregnancy could solve this probs a little bit. I'm sing that song, sing the.

Dangers.

Okay, So what you wanted to do was go up and get on that ramp. But that's okay. You can take a right turn down at the corner.

We are just making sure we have exactly an hour and ten minutes.

It's the greatest. This is a great You can't even turn that, yeah, so take a well you can't. This is one way, the wrong way, so yeah, you're gonna have to take it right here and then go back. You just take it right on main Street.

Okay, that's a one way wed.

He don't matter, no matter what we say, do not go the wrong way in a one way street. Yeah, although it be kind of convenient if you.

Don't matter what I say, not untie me.

Oh, it's nice to live out here, isn't it the best?

It is? I moved out here a long time ago after after the pilot that didn't go, and I thought, well, I'm gonna move by the beach so I have sanity. And it's really worked. But it sort of put a real kind of damper on drive. Wanted to.

I'm constantly going back and forth. I love waking up over here. I feel like I when I the brief period I was in West Hollywood, I was overwhelmed with everything and I came over here.

Do you just go to the beach for no reason. We go surfing down there way, wife and I. You can come with us. Why aren't we hanging out more? Chris, this is what I want to know.

I have I got a I got a surfboard from uh from Costco, and then I have a little one that I'm horrible on.

But I like surfing. Okay, well we can go to the beach. We can go have coffee.

I absolutely want to do that. There's not a lot of Westside friends.

I mean, I am still in the car.

That's you know, well you Karen, come on, you're invited. If you would just ditch that ridiculous day job you've got held us back, we could have done this podcast two months ago. It wasn't for you.

You're a stupid and there you're homeowning in the valley house in the valley valley for I don't know. I don't know any furniture. I'll tell you that if that was your next question.

I live in an empty house.

An empty house.

It's an art project.

The only furniture is for the dogs.

Do you have a are you a relationship? Is that going on?

I'm out of a release.

You concern right, if you want.

Please don't hit that incredibly attractive young lady.

There's a lot of there's a lot of attractive people here by the beach. I think you'll find that. Yes, Yes, and you move out here, Karen. When when we all get a locked out here, I feel like I'm ready for a clubhouse in my life.

We could start our own comedy show at the clubhouse.

Yeah, I'm down. You want to go right up to the next block and then you can turn right, or you can pull over if you want to just chat for a little while.

First, when was your pilot that you were talking about there?

Oh, that was that one? Yeah, I've had That's great. I have not. I've been to the plate a number of times. I had a pilot that was in nineteen right after I got to town eighty seven eight, and it was all visitors and fish and it didn't go. It was this is the story of that disappointment. Brandon Tartagoff was the This is the one. He was the president of the network at the time, and his daughter was in a I can't remember if this was this one or the next one, but I think it was

That's just so that was like a triple jerk around.

It was a well I don't I wasn't counting, but yeah, I think you're right. It sounds like a triple.

It sounds like a triple.

I did another one for Fox where it was it was this presentation. It was during when they were like, we're not doing pilots anymore because pilots you got to pay people like double what they would get to if you was an episode of the show. So instead we're going to do presentations, which is we'll put it up like a theater play and then we'll just decide if we want it based on that and then they and I said, okay, well it seems kind of crappy because now they're going to pay you a tenth of what

No, you can't move out a courtroom artist.

Yeah. Now, so the so the schedule that one I did with Tom Thomas, Thomas F. Wilson, my friend Tom Wilson.

Oh, yes, a lot of people know him from Back to the Future.

Yeah, which I don't even like to say that because he's not He's done so many other great things and it's not his favorite thing.

But that's maybe he would bring it up.

It's a great role everyone because he can't help it because everybody.

He has to say they want to put.

That saddle on him and ride him around like it's their birthday. So but he and I are doing this thing and it was so much much fun. And then and Peter Bonners, you know the guy, the guy from the Bob Newhart Show. That was the guy who directed it.

Now that that was definitely three multidirectional.

Yeah, I feel that didn't feel super good, but it was.

I was definitely counting those punches. Its just won to each night, I think traditionally is how that goes in Hollywood.

Okay, dual simultaneous.

Well, I would maybe I'll ride a pilot. Do you want to be in my.

We're teachers to solve and here's my pilot. It's all child. Child murders are very hot right now. I mean British drama shows are all about there's a dead child and let's get to the bottom of it. And then did you watch broad Church? Yes, spoiler alert everyone in that town is a pedophile. It's it's a little tiny town and everybody's fucking kids are in love with them.

It's English.

Yeah, when I did stand up.

I haven't gone to the UK a bunch, but I did uh a club in Manchester and every comic there had.

Pedo file pedophile. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, oh, that's how they say it over there.

And they all laugh. They're like, oh, that's my favorite thing to make fun of, whereas here people are kind of like, hey, that's serious.

I had a nephew.

Yeah that got shown something in a pool house and then so that's it's off limits. But in the UK they it's pedophile, this pedophile that, well, they're all pedophiles.

So you can't.

Can't anybody want to hear my PIDs from my o my pilot?

We are we in it?

Yeah, it's called pool house, okay, And you guys.

Both work there and there's Okay, you're.

The towl boys in the pool house.

Okay, and it's mostly kids.

It's just every week a different kid who wanders in and then you take them away, and then a curtain will blow.

I think i'd wires of that. Okay, but I'm not.

Right this you've just described just the first you know, what do they call that first two minutes before the show starts? Kind of every this is just a cold open, yes, then what happens afterwards.

Will murder that kid? Okay, and then whatever else you want.

I mean, like, I feel like most popular when they it's the people who are the main characters of the people who catch the murderer, not the SI. I mean, you're the one with a TV writing job.

Here's the thing. I think you both need to be willing and brave just to be an unlikable character every once in a while.

But as the stars, yeah we're talking amount of SI.

Even been listening to this episode, I feel like we've all been taking turns being unlikable.

We're about as unlikable as you can get.

Yeah, for the recharge, that was terrific. Well, let's face it, we're at your place, We're sitting in a turned off car.

Well, we can start up. We're actually a few blocks away, so we can drive. Yeah, we're not here. No, we're not here. I told you if we were, I said that pull over so we could talk a little bit more. If we pull into my driveway. My wife is going to come out. No, I mean, she's a.

Character, but Hanson will be on. She could jump in.

She said she was going to take my name, and then she didn't.

She didn't do it.

Yeah, that's it's not like a bon of contention, but it's just a factual thing that we've been married for going on, it'll be twelve years and that's October. That did you hear my phone? That's that's her texting me. Where are you my love? That's what she says.

Wait for her to come out. Just stroller a blaze.

Maybe if you print up the paperwork and just put it on her desk, make it easy for her.

What's the paperwork for her name change?

Maybe it's the clerical stuff and going.

She doesn't like paper.

She might have done that.

You know her, Well, it sounds like Karen, I know her.

That's what's stopping me from a lot of things too. Is the papers.

Yeah, yeah, the living room comedy show paperwork that you don't want to get.

Certainly the reason I even't paid my taxes in five years.

We got to be coming close here. It's just will you go over this next thing? And then it's on the right. Oh I remember now? Yeah? What do you remember from well.

Past your house? Oh?

I know, I got My friend is now managing her name is Melan. Yeah, my friend's managing her. Yeah.

Does she have another hit?

She's still rocking it out? Yeah? I can't remember her other hits, but yeah she has. She's had a couple of hits. I didn't know that she's still doing it. Take a take a take. Well, no, there's someone in the driveway right there, right there. Yeah, no, next to the one with a silver car. That one back a droopy.

It's almost like it's melting.

I love it. Okay, No, I'm I'm did you see where that blue car is over there? I'm in the one next to that, behind the other kind of sage greeny one.

Do you want me to back up and go back over there?

Well you can, Okay, she's fine, Hi are you?

She was? She really has a curious look on her face.

Yeah, well, she is a curious person. She's probably coming out because that might be someone in one of her friend's car, or maybe she's mad at the person who left the car. She lives in this building where that driveway goes to, or that building this not in this this building that we're parked in. I don't know the people who live here that much.

I could be blocking somebody.

Yeah, well, but they'll either be in the road or they'll come up this driveway and they'll have an angry look. In the neighborhood that lives behind that building's famous. His default mode is to just start every time something's a problem, he just starts yelling at you. His life. You know how they say you make your own world. You know, he's he's the star of that.

Oh wow, Well, certainly the look on her face could be confused for very angry. I don't It might be.

Just her rest anything to do with us.

But yeah, it's probably just a lifetime of being mistreated.

I bet it's that jean jacket. It's a tiny It.

Might be the fringe on that skirt that's making her angry.

It's just the denim on denim that she has gone.

And you don't even know what kind of undergarments she's gonna sometimes, you know, just.

Big floppy granny bloomers, just windsock.

I was thinking more of kind of a religious kind of like there's a tight thing.

Or some magic underwear.

She just drapes a sheet with a hole in it around her waist or it's chainmail.

Oh she because she is from the rent Fair. I don't need her permission she has. Okay, Jake, what any plugs?

And yeah? Great? When is this going to be coming out? Here's what be next Monday. Here's what I can say to you people listening to this. I've got a comedy special that you can download. It's five dollars and you can download it from my website. Jake. This dot com and that's my website, so you can find out where I'm.

Playing dot com. What's the comedy special? What's the title?

It's called Pictures of My Dinner. I love that name.

I'm going to watch that.

You also have other ones? You have I Love You on? You can watch that on Netflix.

No you can't anymore?

They really I watched it on there.

I know they pull this is Do you want to hear about another kind of way that showbes disappoint you. Yes, they can stop having you on Netflix. I didn't know that they could do that, but I was like, what happened? And not only do they take the special off, but they remove all the reviews and the record of it being on there. So so for a while it was like you could go on and you could say, well, if this ever comes back, I want to watch it, or you could read reviews that people have written about it.

Instead of charge five bucks for that one, since it's the old one, get for free.

On I thought I thought you were going to suggest ten dollars. I mean all money. Money is really kind of classic. Okay, seven, it's all a technicality. Now that I'm I've got these diamonds, so.

Everything is now your whole world has shifted dramatically.

I know it's all for fun. Now everything is for fun. It's great. I can't wait to see you guys at the living room show that we're going to do. Why don't we buy a house that we just do living room shows and nobody even lives there.

I mean, if you make the down payment, you're the one that's shipping money.

We'll fill the basement up with dead children.

A dream house, yeah, dream house, a little place.

It's just for us.

And our predilections.

I didn't think this was going to be that much fun, kind of dreading it a little bit. No, I was excited about it, but but I really didn't. This was more fun than I thought.

I'm glad that you're saying that, and I'm glad.

I hope that it was better than the cab, right it certainly I'm going to just go ahead.

Oh this beats the crap out of a cab. What do I owe you?

No cologne? Starting with no cologne? And then we actually knew how to get to your house.

The payment sort of we spiraled in, but we did it.

You know, roundabout way.

The payment is in, having made you've paid us in laughs.

If you want to go, if you want to park at my driveway, you can come in and meet my wife. If you want to thank you. No, I didn't like so, Okay.

I'm a little nervous. Just anyone in Curlers Wheel.

It's not really where you made that up. That's not who she really is, but retracing my that was my.

Whole I'm catturing her is pet from Andy Cap, and I don't want any part of it.

I should.

That pet for Andy Cap makes me want to take a face naps on a couch, remember like nap on his face.

He was a drunk, he was abusive.

He was a terrible drunk on h O N.

I don't remember Andy Cap as well as you guys, and you're younger than me too. That's it's weird. It's very It's a turnabout thing that's happened.

It's a turnaround, Jake. I'm going I'm going to make you do low key shows in Hollywood.

Okay, I want to We're done now right. I keep thinking like I should put this down, but then it's not really over. But it is over, right, isn't it. Okay, we're going to get out.

Here's you do the sign off? We will Okay, you're trying to say.

Something, Jake, thank you for being on the show. We very much enjoyed you. This is my conclusionary.

Voice you've been listening to Do you need a ride?

D y n Air