Ep. 35 - April Richardson

I leave in I you wanta way back home? Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a termino and gay.

We want to send you off inside.

We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it. We scared? Or was it fine?

Now?

Porn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do your need ride?

Ride with Karen and Cris Welcome to Do you need ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.

This is Karen Kilgaraff.

Happy twoy fifty eight, Everybody.

Happy fifteen Chris Fairbanks.

This is our first podcast of the new year.

God damn, it feels fresh.

I know I'm kind of already just looking forward to twenty sixteen. Hey, I'm gonna give it a few more weeks.

Why not look to the horizon if you can, you know, give it a chance, because sometimes it's like when you make pancakes.

And the first one is all fucked up.

Everybody expects January to like answer all their problems because it's a new year, but you gotta I don't know, it's bullshit.

And plus I'm always trying to make those Mickey Mouse pancakes.

You can't do a circle with two smaller circles.

No, no, only the professional chefs.

All of my expectations for this year should be standard pancake shaped.

Just maybe crape.

You can go slightly thinner, but don't try to do characters that are trademarked.

The only thing that shooting your sites high does is it raises your expectations. So I'm going to lower my expectations and then they'll be fulfilled.

And fill out your fulfillments.

Yeah, let's not get all lofty in twenty fifty.

Lofts just so sick of them.

Just maintain. Yeah they're drafty.

Yeah, they're usually not well insulated and you got to share a bathroom with someone.

Yes, it's the furniture's really pointy.

I hate loft.

God, they're so lofty.

Oh oh, it's good to see you again.

I know I haven't seen you in so long. How is your Christmas vacation?

My holiday vacation? Hey?

Just oh sorry, I forgot that you were a Muslim jew?

Is it filled with the only important thing Jesus Christ? So I had a good time. Let's see how I.

Just negated you got your agenda going already.

Yeah, it was fun, went home, played with nieces and also nephew.

Montana or to your sisters.

Both Montana and Spokane.

What's your sister's name again?

Lisa Fairbanks Rossy, Hi, Lisa Fairbanks my best friend.

Yeah, she wants to be your best friend.

She is my best friend.

Oh wow, won't she be happy?

And was it snowing in Montana?

It was one degree?

What just one of the degrees and then it starts snowing right when I left. So no, it was snowing. It was just too cold to use it for skating boarding.

Skateboard?

Do you skateboard sometimes?

Yeah, a lot of people don't do it because, uh, the quote unquote doesn't exist yet.

And it's so much like knee boarding.

I just get a ski and narrow ski and I mounted as if it's a snowboard.

Yeah, so it's a keyboard.

And then I got a kneeboard, and then I bought a keyboard. Remember the first episode.

That was eleven years ago.

Oh, and there's many maclamoric Oh oh, driving by the Hollywood improv.

Oh there's the improv. So much great comedy happens.

There none of it out of my mouth, and I'm sure they're employing some of the top guys.

It's really not true.

I did a show with you where you were the headliner, and it was people were a gate at how hilarious.

They were there. They were like open wounds they were.

There was a lot of puss in the audience.

There was uh yeah, it was very unsanitary.

Was discussed.

It was so gross. I had to leave.

I remember, I kind of blocked it out, so yes, I do now remember performing at that pussy show.

It was like the trench is a WW one crazy.

I thought w W one was a wrestling league for a second, I forget that.

It's a war.

That's my new personality is the guy who likes wrestling.

No longer a woman.

Oh shoot, if you if we start talking trash about WW one, basically everyone that's over eighty five just turned us off.

Yeah that's right.

We seriously lost our I don't even know those are those people are older than baby boomers?

Yeah, what are they?

They're older than Gen x ers. That's me.

That's yep.

Just Nirvana and bubble Gum.

Oh we had such a good time.

I loved it.

I really did. I can't believe it's over.

You've never heard us before, and then you've started a new podcast for twenty fifteen.

Oh yeah, Hi, this is do you need a Ride?

Hi?

That's the name of our I don't think we say it often enough.

No, I totally agree with that. I think we should.

I think we should actually have the theme song going very quietly under the whole podcast.

Oh yeah, like Christmas music.

Yeah right, but it's just the chorus that was my nightmare.

Yeah, that, along with the wipers going. This is also our driving in the Rain episode.

Yes, that's right.

If anyone has driven in Los Angeles in the rain, you know it's an intensely high risk operation.

People are stupid and bad at driving, right.

And but at times I like it, like if you're it depends on the situation you're in, because I kind of like how everyone is all of a sudden cautious and scared. Yeah, because no one's going eighty five and trying to pass people on the right. And there's no goddamn motorcycles true true, or r croch Rocket or Harley. If you're a motorcycle guy, you're only my friend once you're not sitting on that that.

That what hog.

Yeah, once you fell off it and got severe brain damage, that's when will help you.

I'm sorry that you hit your head. Let's go to the hospital, new friend. But if you're like no, it's okay, I'm getting back on.

You're dead to me.

Dead to me.

I own bubbles bleak into your brain. It threw your blood, death defying bubbles.

That happened at one of your audience members at the improv that night, Oh yeah, brain bubbles.

It was weird. A whole table of them.

It was so weird.

It was like almost like your comedy was causing brain in It was weird.

They all collapsed at once. And I remember I had that funny ad lab check please, and I pointed at their table a little.

Did we know they had all passed?

Yeah, I mean it's sad. At the same time, more stuff for us, right they all Yeah, at.

The end of the day, At the end of the day, they went to a better place, the comedy store.

Neither of us like it. There, I was kidding.

I love the We're severely misrepresenting ourselves and our podcast conversation, I know.

And I'm misrepresenting my style of comedy. Two old timey jabby jabs.

But you know what, that shows your range exactly shows all the choice. You know what, you make a choice of the kind of comedy you want to do. But like Picasso, who could also paint a vasive flowers all plane, you can do street comedy, plain jokes, whatever you like to call them.

Right exactly, because he also could do faces with eyes in the wrong places.

And I do that jingle.

I do faces with eyes in the wrong places.

I'm Picasso.

Please Picasso stops singing, Please just paint. Do you have a class to teach?

Please put some pants on? You're so old?

Why do you guys all they get syphilis on purpose because they think it makes them more creative.

Have you heard that? No?

Yeah, a lot of the old Impressionist painters.

The rumor going around about it.

It was like, ooh, how severe is your syphilis? You must be paintings. I'm real wild ship?

No?

Yes, what? Yes?

Why can't they just were ason or whatever?

It's easier to just jack get a you know, a shady woman other night mm hmm. To give you a little.

Sif waitch, did you watch the nick that series on Showtime about the old hospital in the eighteen hundreds.

I wish I wish you met Nickelodeon, and there was a show Nick Nick Nick.

Nick mag Nick Nickelodeon, The Nick, Oh you told me about that.

I was a little bit obsessed.

I love a period piece and I like learning because I don't have a formal education, so I like to watch television shows on Showtime that teach me what used to happen?

You were a homeschooled Montsori.

Style, Yes, that's right, style in the style of no teas.

Yes, so just no education whatsoever, a lot of granola. But on the Nick, there was a woman whose husband gave her syphilis and her nose fell off.

Oh my god.

And this was a real thing that happened to people, and they used to have like no nose clubs, Oh my god, where people with no noses could go and hang out with other people no noses so they didn't feel bad about themselves.

Oh my god, Wait, where is April's.

We've passed it, but we do a little quick ui, okay that we are picking up April Richardson. That's the April that she wasn't talking about. Where's April Flowers? I'm like, hey, we're in the midst.

It's not me. I'm nuts, April. What I was trying to do. Oh that's a great porn name.

If I had a porn name, i'd grow a beard and I would be dynasty. Oh that's like a camouflage but all gay.

Oh, so you know it's work. I won't take my work home with me. Not that that's wrong, but I do believe it. We have established that. I think my comedy today.

I thought I got worried that I chased all the old days away with our WW two stuff.

So I'm just.

Brought it back. Yeah, you did it. Oh, let me text April and come on down.

Let's get April down. Here.

Are we near her house right now?

And we are basically right Oh, I bet this guy. I'll have a few things to say about where we're parked.

Hi?

Hi, Hi? Is there more space? Thank you? Oh that's very nice of you, Thank you. Thank I know it's small, That's why I bought it. Thank you, sir. Can you believe something nice to say it?

I know, because he had the look on his face of someone that was going to really have some negative things to say about where we were leaving the car.

But that's just his relaxing bitch face.

But this was also a driveway.

Yeah, he was buried. That was strange of him.

No, no, I don't want to block this person.

He actually set us up for a disaster.

Wait was that Johnny Knoxville, an old Armenian man came costume.

Is very concerned about what we're doing.

That's okay, we have to be less concerned about what Okay, we're here, come down.

What I'm saying is I'm scared of.

Okay, I'm just texting April.

He's coming from the laundromat. Do you ever think that, Oh, he can't be a murderer. He puts quarters in a laundry.

Machine and he patiently waits until they all get clean.

He can't be a murderer. He has a via running shoes.

He can't be a murderer.

That means driving a Jennifer Christ's sake.

Oh, it's funny that I said a villa because the night slasher what's his name?

The other night I.

Couldn't sleep, so I just wikipedia serial killers.

Oh between the mirror, the nightstalker.

Yeah, yeah, that's one of the great because he had he really is.

I can talk about it all day long.

I do know. I laughed like that.

Jesus twenty fifteen, twenty fifteen, let's laugh like we smoke a packa.

Day, and let's start smoking a packa.

Day, and let's buy gas like it's nineteen ninety nine. I can't look at that price.

That's crazy.

That's that's.

And then you just keep making that noise can drive you to the hospital.

This is just like.

They all where is her? Sorry?

Did she respond?

Oh?

Is that her? It is her? She's behind that pole? Mysterious?

Is she hiding a pole?

I think that's her.

It is it is.

It's so funny to me. There's a lot of uh there, she is? There, she is?

She's getting in Oh god, it's locked.

Sorry. Sorry, y. Yeah, that's so that you don't get dog hair all over your pants.

Okay, there's a microphone back there, I think there is.

Yeah, feel around. I don't have an inside light right now.

Maybe this is uh, that's our funny trick to say.

Hello, this is hilarious here. Why don't you have the one I'm talking into?

Okay, Hi, Hi there?

Did you don't know? I feel dumb if I'm sitting on it or something and I'm standing on it. Hold on, here's here's a cord.

Hold on, hold on.

Oh wait, let me get my flashlight on it.

This is hilarious.

Did it become separated?

Thank you?

Oh my goodness, Well there.

Is okay, so I've just switched channels. That won't matter. Well that I'm trying.

I like to talk shop to be switched back. Yeah, I think so. It's not okay.

This is awesome. This is like a long like Bob Barker mic.

Isn't it great?

Awesome?

It's it's so everywhere that our podcast fields like they've done they're doing a game show.

Yes you can have them?

Do you just have them?

No? No, not ours our precious mics, I think.

I yeah, I always because we're in a moving car and the knobs on this are adjusted by even the gust of wind.

Yeah, sure enough.

The right suggestion, I've rubbed my.

Thumb or elbow or some other I'm not going to predict what part of my body did it.

You could never predict your boner.

It's probably my dick.

April Richardson, Hi, I know a really long time class put my hand in a holiday.

How have you guys been? I'm sorry that my street is so terrible when it comes to parking.

It's just we's.

Especially because now that that big fancy restaurant is there.

Also.

Okay, I think yesterday that Paris Hilton was on my street. And the only reason I think this is because how weird is this? Right in front of my building there was a bright pink Bentley and where the Bentley thing was inside where there's supposed to be a b it was p h.

On the front and the back, and so I was like, who else could that be?

I guess someone that was handing out peace strips, But.

I'm also like, who is he? Why is she on my street?

Who is she hanging out with on my street of apartment buildings?

Yeah, that's Russian ladies?

Phil Henry maybe it was Phil Hendry.

Was she getting waxed perhaps by an old Russian lady?

Yeah, I don't make it a house called I don't know, house called, Yeah, Russian lady, I'll come to you.

It was funny she came. She came into a coffee shop and she walked in. I was just working. It was in Venice, and I was like, wow, that looks like Paris Hilton, but a small human sized for because I don't know why.

I think everyone's supposed to be.

And I was wearing a shirt, a thrash hairt long sleeve shirt, and she goes that. She goes, that shirt's hot, said one of her cat and then everyone was looking at her and I was like, oh, that is Paris Hilt.

This is a real story. She did say that it seems like I made that up.

The worst brag of all time.

I'm not bragging. I have little to no respect for her. I don't want to think.

She's garbage, but I'm saying, like I it was just a weird thing. And well, here's the thing. Here's the super crazy thing.

The l a lady that lives in the building next to mine is known as the Pink Lady.

I don't know if you either of you have seen her, but like she she has pink.

Hair, she only wears black.

Yeah, it's weird that we're all color blind on my streets. She wears pink only pink, has pink hair dyed, her dog Pink, rides a pink vaca around and then so she's already like the local weirdo, like we're all like, oh, the Pink Lady. But then one day I was flipping channels, and you know how TLC has those like my Weird Obsession shows.

She was on one of them. She was like that was her thing.

She was like, I only have pink things, and they showed the inside of her apartment.

I was pink love it.

So I thought for a second like, oh, this is hers. But then I'm like, there's no goddamn way that lady owns.

A Bentley and lives on my streets. No, that's what I'm saying. Like I thought the pink Bentley was hers, I'm like, oh my god, pink.

Lady owns I didn't realize that. I heard the part about it, but she's I didn't know it was.

But then I saw when I saw the pH in on the Bentley logo, I was like, oh, well, then I don't think that's got to be pairs.

Who else could that be?

It's either Angeline or Adeline the Corvette lighting she's still driving that old I see her.

She hangs out of my hood all the time too.

Yeah, there's like a pink there's a pink situation happening you live.

That's when I noticed that when I see her Corvette whiz by, there's always like a twenty something dude in it.

Yeah, that's her, man. She can get whoever she wants. Really, it's Angeline Chris how old. Her gloves are as big as your head.

Yeah, I mean she has to be. I think have only talked about her.

Yeah, I guess she also she eats at what's that terrible El Coyote at seven She loves Thousand Island dressing on the tacos. Dude, Okay, not only does she eat there every like every night between seven or seven thirty, because I see your car parked out in front every single night. How About when I first moved here, my landlord, I was like, wear some good Mexican food. And my landlord was like, oh, you gotta go to al Kyote.

It's the greatest.

And I'm like, okay, because I just moved here. So me and my now ex husband we go and like we get.

I got a thing where I got tacos. I got some Kobe where they serve me peas with like peas and yes, and I was like, this is the best ship in town. That can't be.

Right in Los Angeles.

Yes, that is what my crazy old landlord, and.

That's why he's now your ex husband. These tacos are so bad.

This is so weird, David, Like this can't be right, Like this can't be the best recommendation.

It's not right.

I've Coyote, where we used to just only strictly get drunk in the in the nineties. You go there because their margaeraitors are like triple strong, and but the food is literally it's like two stoned kids in a college drawing room trying to make something out of nothing.

Like I got served.

I think maybe it must have gotten a tostata and it was literally like a flat chip with iceberg, lettuce and Thousand Island dressing on it, where I'm like, oh my god, now I missed my grandma who used to put the thousand dressing on everything, none of which has anything to do with Mexico.

I hate peas.

But that's the thing. It's not even americanized Mexican food.

No, no, not to what I didn't get.

It's like, this isn't even americanized.

This is just like my favorite nothing.

I guess my favorite.

Part of it is there is a Spanish word for coyote that they decided not to use, El coyote.

Yes, like when you're in.

When in Austin they really like to shove the Alamo down. Everyone's throw out right, So they there's like a street called Guadaloupe, but everyone will like correct you and go it's Guadaloup wa And I'm like, really, but I just took Spanish in college in Montana.

I believe it's Guadaloupe. People will stop and go.

What oh you mean guadalop Yeah, take him right there and then on the bus.

So they would say everything.

In English and then repeat it in Spanish, so it'd be the next street it's guadaloup and then in Spanish they'd go, whatever, I don't speak Cala.

That's the guadaloupthing.

We do here where we all agree.

Everybody just agrees it's Los Felis when it's really.

Yeah, yeah, what was zach alphanakasi stuff?

The joke uh vita vita?

Yeah, I knew I did that for real. Also when I first moved here.

Yeah, because I say that instead of I.

Thought cohna for real until I heard somebody else say it that lived here.

I used to pronounce it in my head Kui hunga.

That's way better.

Sorry, I wasn't trying to one up your story.

I always except that was way better.

So this did we already say?

This is our driving in the rain episode with April? Yeah, so we're just trying to uh because.

We love a rainy night, just like Eddie.

Edie my mom.

That's her jam he had that he had windshield wipers in that song.

That's why I love that song so much growing up.

That is like one of Donna's jams because when I grew up that Juice Newton is her jams.

Like you don't even be starting on like eighties country music, because that is my ship.

To watch the totally Overridge Boys. I had so many Overage Boys seven inch records, which I still have.

I was already my Mobby suit and American.

Maid and thousands of dollars.

That reminds me of April. When when I did your h what's the high school there? Save by the Belly, go Bayside, sorry your podcast, go base. Yes, when after I did that, you.

Gave me some album frames and for the longest time I sat on him, I was gonna give him.

Back to you.

Would I couldn't find my albums, none of them.

I couldn't find any of my albums, And then the other day in a scared I r s tex Search.

Wait wait wait, wait? Can I guess what it was?

I'm guessing Oakriage Boys. I hope that's where this is the Sea was from.

I'm feeling Kenny Rogers the Gambler.

Oh no, no, I never respected him. Never. Nah.

He was the masters crossover artists of the eighties.

Wait are we out of country? Are you gonna? Is it gonna be?

When? When did you guys ever think like any stage of country? I was just talking about.

The Oakreage Boys, and then you immediately were like, oh my god, album for week. So I was like, clearly you framed your Oakreage Boys albums.

No, it was just albums in general.

I didn't know that album. Yes, is it Special Beat Service?

It's very close as you made me think of English Speed, which is just a hint.

Is it the English Beat?

No? No, it was just a hint. Madness, so close? So close?

What really?

There's only a third one? Yeah? Special?

Okay, so I have an old Specials album? And then and then uh, Biz Marquis the diabolical Biz.

These guys running around, these Jewish guys running around. That guy looked like a blues brother.

I was like, and I remember that it's Friday night and they can't drive Saturday night and they can't that's.

Right, wow, especially in this rain, they gotta be uh well.

And also there's those big fur hats that's gonna absorb a lot of water that's gonna get heavy.

But yeah, so that's cool.

But wait, can I ask a question? The Bi Marquee album isn't the one where he's crying on the front.

It's my favorite picture of all time.

No, him and his him and his MC is DJ. I don't know which he's the MC his DJ, I don't know who what. They're eating cereal?

But in the cereal it's tiny musical instruments that I think are really Christmas ornaments.

Wait, so did you and these are like hanging.

Up in your room?

Yeah? Yeah, so thanks for the Yeah, you're welcome. Yeah. I sat on him for a year.

Well you had to wait till the time was yeah, to figure out the perfect albums.

Yeah or any And then I finally found him.

What are all these people lining up for Purple Rosa Cairo's playing at the New BEV.

I also found the men at work, but everyone frames that one.

So yeah, come on, that's cliche at this point, Lo, you bad if it's not. What time is it?

We seriously might drive by Angeline's car? Oh my god, because that's right, there's the elk. I'm telling you I walked by because this is on the way to Like I walked by like five nights in a row, and it was there, and there were times where she would just stand out outside, like just stand by.

Yeah, maybe it's not till seventh.

I think Angeline and her type, like with Dennis Woodroff and all those people, it's kind of like for New Yorkers it's the naked cowboy at times square.

Oh didn't he's the guy with all the crazy stuff written on his car.

Right, like I'm an actor Dennis Woodroff. Yes, okay, I don't think you've seen him. I think I didn't see it.

I didn't see it. It's two. It's it's reflective.

It's water everywhere.

Yeah, you're right to see that guy around a lot.

And then I also see the guy who whoever it is that has on the back of their car, like, you know, hire me, I'll be a Santa on stilts on a trampoline or whatever. Have you seen that took a picture of it because it's just in hand, Like it's those letters that you put on your mailbox, like like I'm an actor, I'm a whatever, I'll be Santa. I have a trampoline.

I'm not joking like in my hood a lot that.

Yeah, Oh that's terrific.

That's usually the letters someone to remind you they Jesus saves ye.

Usually he might be that guy, the rainbow wig guy.

I wish he would remind people about Jesus while jumping on a trampoline.

That guy was in the set.

My mom has her picture taken with that guy in the seventies. She was like, I saw the Jesus Saves guy. Oh now, yeah, whoever that guy is?

Oh my god, if you haven't Dave Anthony's the doll Up podcast which sorry to triple cross reference podcast when and no One's self interested in the car right now, But there's a doll Up episode where they Dave tells Gareth about the Rainbow guy and it's the most fascinating stories he has, like no.

No, no, no, there's that guy.

Like I don't want to I'm gonna be like completely paraphrasing and making things up because I listened to it.

A while ago.

But basically, that guy used to go to every football game he could go to just to get on camera. And the people that the directors and the people that were shooting, because it's when they first started shooting team like sports things, they would all try to avoid shooting him. They would try to shoot around him all the time, and he started to catch on and then like hide the wig and then pop it out when he saw the cameras were shooting, like he would get behind the goalposts.

It was just so we could get like well, because he was always just so we could get the Jesus saves like the John three sixteen on camera. Yes, yeah, because my mom, I know, she's got a picture of him that she took like in a Falcons game or whatever in like the seventies.

Guess it's the same guy that has labels on the back of his car or I've.

Just oh no, yeah, that's like someone.

I'm just here because we didn't hire a grandpa.

You just got oakage boys, all right.

But my thing I was gonna say was just la is such I think Angeline and those types of people who are trying to get famous for famous sake on nothing is like la in a nutshell to me that it's hilarious and also that it works, like it does work.

Do people love a person with a car of one color?

Or every time I see Angeline because she does hang, I think, okay, she's also must be a creature of habit.

I have had so many run ins.

And Angeline and I am funny because also when I this is like I don't know, five years ago or so, when I went when Morrissey played the Palladium, he played ten Nights in a Row, and so I was in line out front, like ten nights in a row, and across the street is that coffee bean, And it was the same thing where like at five o'clock every single day at that coffee bean, she would go get coffee like to where everyone in line, Like by day three, we're like, oh yeah, there's Angeline, like and then I

Now you have this evidence, but like, yeah, she's nuts.

And order a serial killer. Then you'd be able to jump on that schedule and she's gonna be It.

Would be so easy.

But it is funny that she so when I see her at all these places, she does always have people like taking their pictures with her or getting her autograph. Sure, and I'm trying to think back, like how I found out who she was and it really was. I think, when doesn't she have In some movie they blow up it's like Independence Day or something like aliens blow up a billboard of hers, like I'm not even shooting you, Like I think that was the first time I saw who she?

Remember, Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In many establishing shots of movies from the eighties that were set in La Yeah, and Angeline billboard would be part of how you knew that's where she was.

Kind of like the guy on Rollerblades with the turbine that plays.

Guitar in Vennis, exactly that guy.

I it was so weird to see him because I see him all the.

Time and he seems like a sweet old guy, right, and he on the guitar, like I like what he does, and it is I'm going to multitask on near the ocean.

That's his that's his business.

Kind of awesome.

And but he I saw him get into a kind of nice Mercedes. Mercedes is am I trying? No, he's not homeless at all.

He's getting that that residuals from the movie La Story.

Yeah, totally.

Well, he tried to sell me a CD because we're not one of the times. How many did you buy? Because he's got a Mercedes.

That's the thing, you guys.

I paid for the Mercedes, treated of a Mercedes for his entire CD stock.

It's good music.

Yeah, it's all shredding all the time.

And now, April, do you want to talk a little bit about Morrissey because you are his number one fan. I know he's going through some stuff right now. Is there anything you want the people to.

Know through he?

Well, I think he just maybe had like skin.

He said something about cancer in some interview and I think it's just he's a drama queen though, and so I bet he just got mole removed or something.

I know, it's weird, right, I don't know, it got a little weird.

Because like he this past tour, I flew a little too close to the sun.

My friend like open for him.

And like would tell me I don't want to talk, but like, okay, yeah, I know I got to know like Tony Wisconsin to who like produced, Like I just got to know a little too much in there, yeah, where I was like.

Oh, I don't I don't want to know this much about this guy. Yeah, like don't get me wrong, Yeah I am his number one fan. I totally know he can be a dick and like all that kind of stuff, like you can't.

You know what I mean, But like, yeah, there were just some sad things like about him drinking too much and everything where I was like, oh, I don't want to know he's like a sad drunk.

Yeah, yeah, you don't want to But then it makes it.

Then it's like, okay, well that makes sense that that guy would like go drink alone because like he's professionally sad.

Every time when you start reading about a hero and then they get to that catheter story or something, you're like, whoa, he slipped in his own sad.

We wait a.

Little a little bit where I was.

Like, oh, maybe I should know as much, but I mean I don't know. I still followed him around. I still went to see him like ten times this year. It was pretty fucking great. Like the last well he canceled on me. I was supposed to see him in Detroit, and yeah, I should have switched out on a plane ticket.

But I would to see in Texas. ACTUAL wouldn't see him in Austin.

Whoa jesus, I did not see that car. I did not see that car.

I don't think that was your fault.

Was he coming out of a parking spot?

I don't know what's going on. I think he's just like a honkathon. I'm just trying to out everyone is honking for what the fuck?

That was super crazy.

I don't think that's you at all. I'm not kidding. I think somebody's doing something behind you. You know.

The hankon happens right between four months and the and that's not even a joke.

Let's go eat it, red lobster.

Oh. I can't. I can't go there.

I can't allergic to delicious things.

I like Morrissey hate Joy, So I can't go there.

But you could just o d on those chick her baby biscuit.

Dude.

We had one year at Thanksgiving, my friend Adrian at Thanksgiving and her in laws brought a bag of cheddar Bay biscuits.

From a lot. Stated it was the greatest thing. I'd never had them before.

Let me tell you one of the greatest nights of my life because the only Red Lobster I know around here is in Compton and it's by the Forum.

And there was one night where me and Ship and.

Like Kyle Canadan and a bunch of people went to eat at Red Lobster and then saw Prince.

Oh, it was pretty much the greatest night of our lives. Wow, it was amazing. Yeah, perfect night.

That was pretty great.

I could have seen Prince in Portland.

I had tickets and I was I was slated to go, and I stayed at my friend's house and she's an old friend and I don't want to whatever.

I don't want to tell the story now.

Because I'm too old.

No, she will hear it.

Yeah, telling these stories and then I'm hurting people's feelings. How the point is, I got locked in a fucking room and I'm like, I'm supposed to be a prince right now, but I can't get out of this room.

And my friend, the feelings of your kidnapper.

And I had to pee in a in a never mind?

Stories are how do you get locked in a room?

Yeah?

I just did it, just I had to pee in a clothes hamper. What I was in there for like five hours? And I'm like, I'm supposed to see Prince right now.

Were your friend kept you locked in?

It was not No.

Everyone thought I had gotten out and my phone died and I got locked in a room.

It's like, why didn't you just text me my phone died, that's what happened.

Why didn't you just knock on the door and be like, I'm locked in this room?

Was could not Kno, there wasn't someone on the other side of the door rubbing their hands together.

I don't are I know.

That's why I wanted to stop telling this story really quick. The story is over, Prince.

The story is over, except were you on mushrooms? Yeah?

There's what are we missing here?

There's a large slice.

Of leaning out.

All right, we'll move on.

Okay, I feel like you're not seeing friends is the least important part of the Yeah.

No, that's why I started to tell it. But then I just want to back out.

So let's let's let him back out and let me take over by very smoothly telling the story of the night that we went to see Robert Smith and the Cure.

Yes, and my crazy roommate who.

Was obsessed with the Cure, made us go after the concert to stand outside his hotel so we could try to get his autograph. Right, So we stood for three hours out so many times outside the hotel, and then a van rolls up and the drunkest human being ever to exist on the planet, Robert Smith, Oh no, rolls out of this van.

No.

What's great about Robert Smith is he already looks like a fucked up person. Yes, like when he's fresh for the show at seven point thirty, he already looks like he's a drunk high school girl. He basically looks like me in high school, all drunk with smeared lipstick and dyed black hair.

And he came out and.

Like did the thing where you know when you're drunk and then you just kind of like you're trying to take things in and you haven't caught up with regular time, so he would. He was just staring at all of us like he didn't understand what was happening. You talk, you all know, my friend Kristin like goes up and she's like, I'm Kristin, I met you and tries to tell him some story like you remember me, and it's like the man is clearly like almost needs to be hospitalized.

For being so drunk.

And she's like and this and that, and he's like, oh, like nonverbal. It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen, Like she's just telling some long story about how they'd already met once before and he did not know where he was.

Did he have like handlers, whim or anything, or was it just him, like it's stumbling out.

Of It was kind of just him because it was so late at night.

They were all drunk, so I think it was probably a couple roadies, maybe another guy in the band and him.

It was really fun.

Someone says handlers. I just imagined them in Cowboy club. Was that made me laugh.

I've only heard that he is the sweetest like most.

I met him once in Atlanta, and I don't think he was. He acted he was. He was very, very nice, but he acted like a five year old kid, like he was so shy and so like like you know what.

I mean, She's that weird ass movie with Sean Penn and where.

He was supposed to be him, he just he really was the only thing and I was like, is this a joke movie?

Yeah?

The only thing missing was any cure music but his wife and it was Francis McDermott, and he had quit doing music because some kid committed suicide listening to his said cure like music, and his friend was David Byrne in it Did that really happen? No?

No, And he ends up hunting some.

Nazi guy that and he buys a black truck and gets a gun and he drives to find this old, aging Nazi.

To kill him. But he does it. It's an amazing movie. It's just but he acts like a five your old knonet.

Sean Penn's performance ruins it for me because he's like, does this weird Truman Capote voice?

I got the right, like, what are you doing? Weirdo? You could have at least watched Robert Smith's speak.

Wait, let me ask, is this movie already out?

Yeah? Yeah, it was like years old.

Oh oh yeah it isn't. I feel like it wasn't. It probably went straight to video?

Yeah it was. I stumbled on it on Netflix, went straight.

To VHS.

Restarted a VHS pressing planet. Yeah, but it was I think I saw on Netflix tow or saw the preview because I was flipping through and the three like the screen grab is, you know, Sean Penn looking like Robert Smith.

So I was like, what the fuck is this? I couldn't believe it was a real man? Watch it looks like a joke movie within a movie, you know.

Yeah. Yeah, I couldn't believe it existed.

Yeah, and that Francis mcner, she was in it, So I'm like that legitimized it for me, Right, that's it Sean Penn should.

But but yeah, I waited.

I when I saw The Cure in Atlanta at the Roxy, like one hundred years ago, I did the same thing, Like I waited outside for like four hours for them to come out.

And he was cool.

I mean, he came out and like talked to everybody after the show, but it was yeah, he was really weird and shy and like.

Looked at his shoes and Yeah.

There are certain times where I'm like, oh, that ain't an act, you know what I mean, Like, Yeah, there are some people I see where I go, oh, you're so fake whatever. But then with him, I'm like, oh, no, you really are that weird?

Right right?

Yeah, I would only expect I'd be disappointed if he wasn't really that weird.

Yeah, totally.

He was like charismatic and yeah he comes.

Out like giving everybody finger guns and ships like you're Robertson.

The other story I have about hanging out with DiCaprio's Roberts.

Where's her English accent?

Where are you call me?

Bro? That's weird?

It looks beautiful, but take down your fucking Christmas lights ramond on Santa Monica Boulevard.

Those do look beautiful.

Well the bottom exactly is that twenty four?

I feel like green light Goo? Whoa? Whose grandpa?

Am?

I so many grandpa's. I'm sorry, No, I don't care.

I'm still traumatized by that weird honking. It looked like I was going to broadside a person. I promising with you.

I think every I think the guy behind you did something.

Can I be the Devil's Advocate or the Is that a movie with?

Yes, it is one of the greats.

Can I Can I be a Keanu Reeves movie? Right now? I think that after the initial honk.

We were all kind of in shock, and your reaction was to go fifteen for a little while, and then more people started honking.

No, but I think but people even behind the guy behind you were honking.

They didn't like that. I got scared, and he didn't.

Want to drive. They're like, step out of it.

Just good.

They were trying to do some honk, some road therapy, some honk honk road therapy.

I have a clip on my phone if I can find it before this light turn screen of Kennu Reeves in The Devil's Advocate, because it's this one part that I couldn't when I watched it on TV. I could not believe it happened. And it did, and I'm going to find I.

Remember seeing that movie in the theater and it actually scared again. Yeah it was a teenager.

I don't know why I'm worried. I'm so worried. And what's gonna honk at us again? Do you want me to find it?

I don't know if you.

Can, Pretty Jane, I went to that justin Timberlake show. Gee, it was amazing.

It was amazing.

Yeah, I saw that billboard. This is gonna make me sound like a real brat. But I saw that billboard when I was walking around, and my dad is like a super high roller. My stepdad gambles all the time in Vegas. So I called him and was like, Hey, is there any chance you give me tickets to this justin Timberlake show?

Can you like call your high roller dude? And he did and like totally got me tickets. So I just drove there.

What then is?

Yeah?

It was rat And then I was totally alone.

I didn't know he was two tickets and nobody was here, nobody could go with me, and so on Twitter, I was like, if there were any is if there's anybody in Vegas who wants to.

Go to the show with me? But I was like ladies only, no dudes, it's not a fake date, no creeps.

And a girl answered me. So I went with like a total stranger and how was she? She was nice, she was super cool.

I like that story.

Yeah, it was really fun and the show. Yeah, I think that's how she knew who I was nice. Yeah, it was super fun.

I like that story.

Social media is really bringing him a basis.

I'm sorry it's working.

It really is social The Republicans can deny it that is not true.

Here's here's the clip from Uh, here's the clip from Devil's Advocate. This is a part where they offer him a job, and this is Canna Reeves. Reeve's laughing at the man who's talking to him. If you'd hold your microphone up to my I'm.

Going to use my microphone.

Shoot speaker. Oh oh, this isn't on there we go.

And get it. Yeah, it's so technology.

I can't drive in the rain and show you a clip at the same time.

That was originally what the Eddie Rabbits song.

Yeah, you have that so readily available on your phone. You watch that clip all the time.

It's one of my favorite things. No, I was scrolling through as I was driving. This happen, please do. It's really funny. I was watching that movie, which is not a great movie, but there's some you like. I really do adore actors like Keanu Reeves that are just like ham bones. They're just like, oh, here here we go. Oh did everyone get that? It's the best thing of all time?

Amazing.

Kind of got to see his newborn bird baby look in his eyes.

He I mean, no one ever said he's not a dummy, but man, everything I've heard about him is that he's nice as the dickens too, because yeah, but it's.

Like he's due to be mean.

I don't know.

You know what I'm saying, it's not accidentally forfeiting money. He gets paid to pay like people that, wait, what does he do? He gave millions of his own dollars to the crew to make some Matrix movie and never never advertised it or anything. They're like, yeah, he gave everyone one million dollars and didn't get any money for making whichever Matrix movie?

Wait, are you serious?

Yeah, so he does.

I had no I've never seen any of the Matrix.

It's because he Yeah, they're laughable. Everyone loves them.

But I'm I'm the only one that was laughing at you know what in the Matrix, there's a deaf person in the theater, and so they had subtitles up and they were coming up right before his lines.

Oh so if you're seeing.

At the bottom of the screen, it says Oki doki, and then he everyone fucking laughed. So I was in a theater of people that didn't enjoy the movie.

You can't.

Yeah, Arthur died was Wait a.

Minute, so which one I thought that they were all really successful. So it's like, why would he have to put up his own money for it?

I mean, maybe google it. It's it was an expensive movie to make.

And maybe it may have been like a sequel that the studio wouldn't pay for it, but everybody else wanted to do it, and they were willing to pay him a bunch of money, but nobody else.

That's exactly what's cool.

And he and he has all these other like charitable things where he doesn't no one knows about it because he didn't go. Hey, guess what, everybody, Me and George Clooney and Ben Affleck went to this thing, you know, right right, Because even though those guys are awesome, they make sure people know when they're in Rwanda or whatever.

Of course, I don't like any are there.

So you guys know, I'm going to.

Do a really cool hotel rooms there is the Hotel Rwanda.

How's the light shot of me swatting flies out of this kid's eye? Is lighting good?

I don't think Clooney is really like that.

Yeah, come on, Cluin seems like a legitimate dude.

He seems sincere Baffleck. I used to hate baffleck so much.

And then when I saw the town, that's when I had to begin to go, Okay, I don't hate this guy that much.

And then when I saw him a couple of times on Bill Maher, I was like, Oh, he might not be an idiot.

No, he's not an idiot.

He's an idiot, but.

He really does seem like the guy that you would see in a bar who would pretend to pick up on you as a joke for his Yeah, that's a.

Perfect thing I've ever heard.

He just something about him, just always a smug smug.

She like, yeah, and if you're gonna and especially if you're gonna package him to get, if you're gonna give me baffleck with Matt Damon, I'm going Maddie Dames every time.

Yeah, Mad Damon all day.

So yeah, I even liked his ice bucket challenge video. I watched it a few times. Matt Damon did one yeah, yeah, because he was like, it's really dumb.

California is in a drought, so this is water from my toilet and if you think that's gross, it's cleaner than most of the drinking water in all these countries. And so he made it about a water thing and like that love without belittling, you know, the Luke Garrick's disease or whatever.

He seems like a genuine dude too part his own toilet water on his head.

He's the best person on the plan.

He's way way better than Benaffoleix. How are they best friends?

I actually just watched the Legend of bager Vants last night.

What because one of my favorite things to do is on off hours on Twitter to live tweet movies.

Yes, I think it's really funny and stupid movies that have been around for a long time.

Of course, totally we forgot it. Will Smith, Yes, Will Smith is all knowing.

He's the magical Negro that that was all the jokes at the time were like, but it's actually not a horrible movie like on the Grand Scheme. Like if we're talking like on the Devil's Advocates scale analogies.

In it, Well, I think you need to take a sandwich to your relationship with your wife. Is it?

Matt the golfer and you're in the sand draft take a little off the top.

Matt Damon is a golfer who then went to World War Two and was like shell shocked and all messed up from the war. So and he left his girlfriend, Charlie's Throng, who is at her most beautiful. She's young, but she's also like a little bit. I'm in no way going to say she just has slightly more weight.

Her face isn't a monster yet, well.

You know what I mean, Like she's she was when she started. She had more baby fat like on her face, body faces.

Yeah, she's and denim could be fat. Come on, April, you got some baby fat jeans right, look at it.

She was singing.

They say baby fat on the butt, but it was.

Actually like kind of engaging.

And I'm telling you that Matt Damon is like, how do you deny Matt Damon him?

I mean, I watched all of We Bought a Zoo.

Dude, I didn't I see all the movies kick Ass, Oh God, the Born movie, and he's doing another one.

He's coming back to the franchise. Did I get you?

I watched them all all.

I love Matt Dames.

The only thing is I feel like he might be short of me in real life, but like he's one dude where I'm like, I don't care.

I don't even care about.

No, No, he's got he's got a sparkle in his eyes.

I didn't know women hated short men until uh, that's what you just said.

No, I say I hate him. I have my own tall, tall girl issues.

I I just.

What's on that Tinder for a little and it hurt my feelings. And because no one, I never got a match thing.

I never so I got off there.

I was like this, I feel I was on there for like a month and never got a match to beautiful.

I don't understand follow up. I fucking I will never I hate it. It made me feel terrible. But every woman on the Chris five uh five eleven and up.

Please, Like, can you imagine if a dude said speak up in higher only happens.

All the time, imagine anywhere in the entire world we live in.

Oh yeah, but no one voices it on a and it's okay to have it on like.

I think they are Chris, we're too old for Tinder. I'm not even being funny like it. I was like, I'm too old for that.

Yeah, it's it was.

It was.

That's just moment.

Yeah, but truly, because it's like.

So many of the dudes, at least two in the pictures, they would be like flexing or whatever.

I'm like, oh, that's how young you are? Is that you think this is a good intro.

It's all like it's guys in the under armour on Running Canyon, Yeah with Oakley Blades, Like could you be the one where it's like you look like a murderous account And because.

Those are the dudes on there, I was horrified that someone would that knows me would see me on there, and.

I'm yeah, I got off so much of that, like when I I'm just definitely too old for that. And when I was in Vegas for New Year's Eve, I was there.

Alone and like this guy hit on me. He was nice, like whatever, he was fine, he wasn't a creep. But his two opening questions, the very first.

Two things he said to me were where do you work out?

What?

No?

What?

What's your Instagram? And do you have any tattoos?

Though there is two first questions, I was like, you are I just immediately went I'm way too old for you. Oh because if those are yeah, because those are the first two things you want to know about me as a person.

Yeah, I was like, na dude, and I was ten years older than him.

I just think it's so impossible because to whether you're on social media trying to meet people, which then is just saying it's purely surface, like we're all turtles and I'm just gonna judge you by your shell, right, which has nothing to do with what people are actually like. I was talking to my friend about this and I was like, Tinder makes no sense to me, because that's like for me, like you at work working on a

Amazing, amazing, I'm sure do not apologize the genius.

Meet them at the party. When you meet them at the party, they're like the most.

Boring person, or they're like whatever, they're politically offensive or whatever.

It is like the idea that you think you can. But but that's the other thing is Tinders for hooking up.

It's not for trying to meet a person that you could give a shit about or want to spend time with.

It's just about hooking up.

Which I just still feel like is a young man's game.

Well, hell, yeah.

Everything.

When I was on there, every single person said, hey, I'm not here to hook up, I want to get married or whatever.

I'm Tinder.

Yeah yeah, almost everyone. Well I set to grown ups, right, and uh maybe not. Maybe I also had some kids in there, but whatever, it was. I believe someone when we when they say that, and I'm like, well, I guess I'll leave you. You're crazy if you're looking for based on five photos. Now, I know you're mentally ill.

Yeah, I want to have a bab here's me in a vintage tennis skirt, but then also a baby.

So you're doing that on Tinder, or you're in a bar trying to walk up to a person like hey, I like your hat.

Like there's no way to win.

Yeah.

When my mom like stopped drinking and she like wanted to still date, I was like, I wish there was something where someone could go like before basically I'm saying I invented match dot com.

It's just before I knew it existed because the Internet wasn't.

There was no cubid.

Yeah you have.

I remember you saying, why do you think that's some cool dudes on there? Really? Yeah?

Because I think it's more I think it's more serious minded. It's more people my age, and you've.

Got to fill out a profiles, not just like, hey, take a picture exactly.

It's not It's not just five pictures.

Five dick pictures. Yeah, is that what I did wrong?

It was.

Not yours.

They were all different dicks from around the world, just clinical not even dick pic.

Screenshots from like the surgery channels.

They were straight out of a health book.

And here's the main vein that everyone loves to talk about.

My main vein. Knew. I think five a guy at that nude beach and say my main vein would be great.

I think the only way to meet people is to go to Blick Art Materials on Beverly at night and just and brows with a kind of sadness about yourself.

A charcoals.

I get it, ever working oils. I don't like how it doesn't drive fast enough. So what size is your feat?

How tall are you?

What size is your feet? Don't you have an Instagram statoo?

That was That was so crazy and I just was like, yeah, I'm too old for you, dude, and he was like, no, you're not. I mean like and then I found out he was a professional breakdancer?

What are you doing?

What's on stage?

He texted me like, here's the thing. I ended up giving him my number because he said it in such a way. And again he was a nice, charming dude, like I do not want to date him. He was perfectly fine though, Like I've been hit on by creeps and been like, do.

The funk out of her, creep, But this guy was like a pleasant a pleasant conversation.

At least especially when he was like when he was like, I'm a professional break dancer, I was like, oh, that's actually cool. And like he talked about like being in music videos, like doing international competitions, all is creepy.

Talk about the day he got uh he got drafted from amateur ranks.

But the way that he were professional my number.

I wish I could remember it because.

It was almost like was it well, head spinning? Should I be?

I feel like I'm supposed to be quiet out of respect.

Out of respect for whatever? Fire? Are you having a stroke?

What's happening?

Yeah?

I don't know or directly, what are you doing?

Apparently?

Why was that? It is a fire truck just drove to our cars?

He wanted, boy, maybe they did they just drove.

I think we were blocking the driveway. They just drove was the flower shop whatever he was, he just drove into it.

Okay, amazing.

That was insane because I wish our listeners right now could have seen that you came into.

Your t bone and your legally had a red light, and that was a fire truck coming from the opposite direction.

Just it looked like he was going to do a U turn, and then he just drove towards us.

It was like seeing a tree. It was like being in a tunnel on the train coming right at you.

It's just some fireman trying to get April Richardson. Hey do you have any tattoos?

She's gone, that's on fire. I can't put out I.

Lost her again.

Well yeah, so this guy, I wish.

I could remember the technique because he just said it in such a way that like I couldn't go, you can't have my number. I've read the game Trust twice. By the way, when I was reading the game, a dude did come up to eat a bar. It was at the shortstop and like tried a game trick on me, like fully from the book, and I go I was like, hey, what chapter is that from?

And he was like what.

I was like, I'm reading the game right now. I'm pretty sure that's in chapter three or whatever. I was like, yeah, he like walked off and I called him out and he walked off.

Oh that's the best.

It was totally the best.

That's like what you want to have him?

It was pretty great.

What if he was your husband?

Yeah?

Nice guy, a really nice guy who was nagging me?

So is this the thing that you would do? Those are nice shoes? Do they come in your size? And then high five? High five someone else in your triple set? I think, let me put on my ski goggles.

Why not?

Be right right?

You got a pea?

Yes, I know some of that yet that I haven't.

That book is actually really fascinating, yes, because it's like half of the book. The sad part about that kind of stuff is it does work. Yeah, it works on care and I were talking about more weak willed people. But it definitely works, and it definitely is rooted in like just kind of psychology.

One o one you know what I mean.

I enjoy a good nagpally. Oh it's there was a guy. It was a guy that put his hands out.

It was the moment of getting out of the car after a date where you don't know if someone want you, don't know where you are with.

Are we gonna kiss? Are we gonna hug? Are we just going to be like by? See later? And I was so nervous about it.

I'm such a I'm such a nervous weirdo anyway with all that stuff. And he just put his hands out, so I had to put my hands in his hands, and then it just broke all of it. It was just like, let's just break the physical barrier. I can't explain it, but it was really effective.

See that I appreciate. It's like, oh, that's a good idea, not a hey, I hate your sweater, want to go out?

Sometimes I don't know, I don't know how it works, but the idea behind it is, unfortunately the truth of you know, hot girls are used to getting everything their whole lot, like a hawk girl is used to getting attention.

And is used to all dudes always falling all over her.

So the idea being that if you don't give her the attention, or if you make it known that you're not impressed by her, she's going to be intrigued because she's gonna be.

Like, what the what's this?

All guys fall at my feet? What's this guy's deal? And so that's kind of like the science behind it or whatever is tower of nerdy dudes. Oh try try to hot girls.

The ultimate, the ultimate version of that is not even looking at them and walking like.

Look at me. Yeah, that's never Hey, I'm sorry. Usually people hit you didn't even look at me.

You didn't even look at me. What's your deal?

I'm going to chase you out of this bar?

Yeah, leave me alone. I'm pacing around worrying about my career.

So yeah, I mean that's the thing is like a lot of that stuff actually does work, but it's not like you should do it because it's still Dick moves. But half of the book is, well the guy, So the guy who wrote it, Neil Strauss, like he I don't have am I totally have you guys read it?

No, No, I've like I've seen it. I had to read it for a job.

We were just fascinating because he goes into it being skeptical, Like he goes into it being like, there's no way the ship works that I know about it. He talks about like the first half of it is like talking about the techniques, and the second half is like how he used them and they did work, and now he's like fucking all these ladies with all these pickup dudes, and how it gets like weird and gross.

But that also say it sounds like a sales technique like that, that's what they used to do at the fair when you'd go in and they'd be like showing knives and then they'd be like, I mean, I thought mine was you know, I used.

To knives at the fair for cutco for real. Yeah, so the production I was in some dumb reality thing but it was comics. It was like a spoof of reality shows. But the crew then worked on the pickup art that show.

It was like overlapping.

They were working on it towards the end of our show and uh and they the makeup girl said, everyone was like, oh yeah, this guy is a goofball.

I'm I'm.

His powers won't work on me. And she said he did sleep with most of the women that dealt that worked on the show.

Even even though she said I made out, I.

Made out with him, and I know I didn't even know what was happening. Discussion and so then I was getting on a plane and he got on the plane and he was wearing like shitty Janco jeans and those kind of smelled. He looked like a magician. And I was like, hey, you were working with the three ball or whatever the company I think it was three and he's like yeah, yeah, and he was looking around desperately. I was talking to him on a plane where he had nowhere to go. He was sitting near me.

And he was staring at everyone like a murderer, like he was obsessed. He was so empty.

Yes, that's how the book.

Like the book ends with him talking about how all those guys in the pickup artist scene it does. It becomes they're just like all sex obsessed and they all it's like a score they're keeping and they end up like fucking like five girls a night because it's like it just becomes their life is like conquering women.

So I don't doubt it. I mean, that's it's totally gross and creepy.

Yeah, I mean to you.

Just kidding.

A reason man, Yeah, mystery mystery.

I just think it's funny because there it's it is weird to me that someone hasn't put together a book of like the real things that people like, but it's always because the other It's like girls are writing books for girls about guys, and it's always like put in your hot rollers or whatever, where guys are like, we don't give a shit about that, and then guys are writing books for guys where it's like you got a pinner to the wall and I will murder you, and it's just impossible.

It's just I feel very negative about it all, very negative.

Oh I know I can hear you. I got my tonsils out and then he un deviated in my saptim. This was a couple of years ago.

Mystery.

Yeah, he's a doctor, isn't me that I'm the one that jumps around.

Let's not point anything.

It's a podcast.

It's me pointing a finger at my own finger.

I uh no, I a doctor did a nose doctor, a rhino plastic person. I needed my tonsils out because they gave me arthritis and ship they were disease balls. But while I did, he said, your nose has been broken a few times. Let's take your undeviate your septum. And for like a year it was amazing. I had better sleep. I quit snoring up or down, April left and then uh yeah, and then it just came back, and along with it he installed some snort mechanism.

So when I laugh now, when I breathe in, oh, your doctor is a clown.

Yeah, he's hilarious.

One of my nipples squirts like a flower.

You had no business going down there.

He was a clown man. He's a clown man. To be fair.

He did graduate with honors from clown college.

He knows what he's doing. You just shouldn't be doing.

You just thought you were the guy from Operation. You just dick anything anywhere.

Leave the bread basket where it is.

Anyway, I sound like an idiot when I laugh. Now, this isn't it? Is it? Yeah?

This is it?

That's my car?

If this is it? Yes?

Is that about the twin towers? I'm reading April's license plate.

Even more embarrassing. It is the catalog number for new Orders Technique album.

Oh but see you don't he's not got it is because you don't know that unless you know it.

You know what I'm saying, Like, if you just look at that, that doesn't necessarily look like a vanity plate, No, not at all.

But then if you're in the know you go, Holy ship, you go.

I have to with her. That was number one.

That album Technique changed my life when I was in Nice.

It's my favorite.

Yeah, yeah, it's so rad. That's that's where it's like, Wow, my sister's awesome.

She gave me this music. I don't have to listen to dire straits. Let me put down you stand by me soundtracks for a moment.

Although they are making money for nothing, I do agree with that, but I would like to listen to something else.

It's nice to get your chicks for free. But then it becomes a contest and.

A night and it's we're a top hat bodies and god.

Hearts an actual peacock on your head, a severed peacock.

Oh my god, gross? Is it gross? Or did you just or did I just get your phone number?

Blood pouring down his face, soon dressed like a huge male peacock, full body peak costume, pecking women's eyes out.

You're stupid. This is nagging.

I was now to have to get out.

I mean, yeah, we usually end it, uh, we just let it fizzle out to the title.

There's nothing. We never say this is the end. We just let you kind of awkwardly get out.

Oh no, no, that's not true.

That's not true at all. April, you're the.

Best, April. Do you have things to plug and talk about? What are you're working on when I don't have a job.

Okay, he needs it? Yeah what I what?

Chris Hardwick. I'm going to open for him on some shows. So that's fun.

That's great.

That starts next weekend on the road. Yes, in Sattle and Portland and Vancouver.

And are you getting on a little plane?

No, I hope not. I don't think so. No, not a Buddy Holly plane. Yeah, no, I think a regular sized plane.

No, they don't. The tiny jets they're the best.

No, I'm not getting on one of those. I don't think commercial airlines only. Sure it's rider.

Okay, smart smarts have.

The ball right now.

Put a bowl of fruit in there too, too.

That's also demands.

Eminem's no green Ones.

That's awesome. And but you're still doing Go Bay Side.

No, it ended a few months ago, because it's like the show's over.

I watched and you did every single There is a ceiling.

There's a ceiling.

Yes, So I'm like trying to think of my next idea.

Did you ever have I know you had mister Belding. Did you have anyone else? Hell?

No, I didn't have mister Belding. You didn't, way man, Okay, he's creepy. Maybe that's a dream I had, right, No, I did not have mister Belding.

Do you have anyone else? Screech? No? Good?

Oh you mean the guy who just got arrested.

He stabbing that And they said, oh no, I was signing an autograph and I must have accidentally poked him.

With the pen like.

May like, you're right, who asked for your autograph?

I mean I was riding my autograph with a knife.

What I love about your podcast is that you recently got mentioned for something. It was like a recommendation, remember, and the picture they used. I can't remember specifically what it was, but the picture they used was when I was.

On it with you. Oh nice, don't do you remember that? And oh, I think gets a picture. I'm sitting on a couch. I can't even explain to you.

You're weird about pictures.

Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, but it's said terrible No, oh no, I feel bad.

No it's not.

Yeah, but I remember it was like saying because it's like a new thing now that people are doing TV show podcasts.

Oh oh, that that's kind of what it was about, because.

But it kind of mentioned you as one of the best ones, didn't it.

I mean maybe is it weird?

Yes, sort of, because like now it's a thing though, Like I was the other day somebody you pointed out the number one podcast on iTunes right now is to do to watch Gilmore Girls.

Oh yeah, my friend Pat Walsh was gonna do that.

Yeah, so it's like a thing now. Yeah, and you were there America.

Yeah, well so are mobile podcasts. A lot of people are jumping on that bandwagon.

Is that true?

This is such a rat idea, like.

An actual band they're in and they podcasting. No, there is another podcast that's in a bus Who ripped You Off? No, he already was going to do that.

There's also there's no ripping off.

There's no you're right all ideas in the world. It's just out in the universe and people pluck away at things, right, and what.

Happens within the car that's what matters exactly, Like how we almost crashed on Beverly Yes.

Yes, Tomitry Martin didn't hear me tell those two jokes that he bull hair.

Chris is going to name one too real, too real, too real.

Well, i'd like to end it with positivity. Yes, I'll edit that out. Okay, Hey April, good to see you again.

Ye. Yes, you guys too, Sorry that we had to push it so late. We were supposed to start so much earlier.

No, it's okay, okay, it's crazy kicking it all right?

And you've been listening to do you need a ride? D A Y N A R.

I leave in a you wanta way back home? Either way we want to be.

There, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim to give us. Time and a turmano and.

Gay, we want to send you off inside.

You wanna welcome you back home?

Tell us all about every scared or.

Was it fine?

Now for?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do your need ride to ride? Do you mean with Karen and cress

M