Ep. 32 - Karen And Chris

I leave in I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and aid Urmano and gay.

We want to send you off inside.

We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about every scared her?

Was it fine? Now?

Porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do your need ride.

With Karen and Chris? Welcome to do your need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks. I'm here at Lax, my least favorite place in the world. I just decided that I've never really come to terms with it. But it flew out of my mouth effortlessly, so I know that I mean it. I'm picking up my guest today, Karen Kilgareff. You might recognize her from a number of things, one of them being guest host of this show. So once she gets in the car, she will probably just be

Hi, everybody.

That was hard for her and hard for me. There there was a lot of There was a lot of people.

Delta is an intense spot today, Delta five, Alaska six. I don't recommend it. You've got people like this and don't know how to drive.

She was like, okay, She's like, I'm doing this.

Hi, I've got my dad's bite Mercedes. I'm gonna go ahead and pull in. Okay, how are you?

I'm good. I'm good. Until I got I was just ranting to myself about how I suddenly realized how much I hate lax and I want to change the format of our podcast.

Okay, yeah, do you need to go to the zoo?

Do you need the park?

Do you need a massage?

Do you need a massage? It's great. Then we have to become those.

People though, like a new age people.

Strong handed people with a bed that they bring around at different houses. I'm messuses, yeah, MESSI.

I believe they're called Massi warriors. Uh.

You know.

The thing is, it's a lot of work on our part, but people love messuses. I mean every time I've been to messuse, I'm like, hey, don't you love them?

It is there is an element of I've given up and there's no other way to go. When someone says they're in massage school, though, it's it's over. You learnt as good of a painter as you thought.

You don't know that. So what if there's a child who was born with healing hands and they were like, this is my calling, I'm gonna heal the world, this whole lax of a world.

I just I think of this child with big, strong baby hands.

Just a baby, but with man hands, just oiled up with baby oil, and I'm just kind of grabbing at you and touching you and just healing you with golden light. Cameron Cameron Manhans is one of the better baby actresses.

So good the dancing alone.

Okay, okay, let's get serious.

Let's get serious. For gods, let's.

Really focus on this podcast.

But honestly, yeah, no, more we are the I talked to Mike Flynn that works at a C T. Yeah, a T C a C Austin Community Theater. Yeah, Austin, Texas. They have a great they Annie. They had Annie last year.

Stuck with that day, had it last year?

More bucks? I need more bucks to fund this war. I uh, I think that. Uh. He said that because they have their new studio, which of course we won't utilize. No, we have our mobile studio.

We have our own studio.

He was saying, we had what about some cross promotion. Why don't we you just pick up Eddie pepatone and take him to the studio when he about to do his post.

That's a great idea.

And it's a day, you know, then we it's some more schedule you schedule negotiable because we you and I are busy.

Chris You're just a vision to me right now. You're just When you spend any time traveling, you are surrounded by enemies and monsters and people who sneeze without covering their goddamn mouths. And I get into a car with my friends who I love and who always has a very flat brimmed baseball cap on, and I am soothed.

If you ever want to make me angry and we aren't in traffic, grab my hat and try and bend my flat brim.

To make it like a nineties baseball style.

Yeah, yeah, exactly like I remember as a kid, a little kid, you take a baseball and wrap it with rubber bands around the bill of your hat.

Yeah, to shape it.

Thinking of my actual catchers, Yeah.

That's that's actually a mint. Were you a catcher?

No? No, no, I forgot my glove.

Michaelove, Like they're all called cat well, you know, technically they all are catchers. Min's right, that's what you're doing.

Right, but technically not everyone playing baseball is a catcher.

Technically, if you want to, let's not be technical. Ever, No, I hate technically type people.

Let's keep it simple and without knowledge.

Keep it simple.

Favorite, Hey, get a load of that.

Hey, it's muffler, Dan.

I can't hear anything. Oh what did I do?

Did you turn the hole machine off?

I turned the machine off, this machinery. Enough with your hog, So, enough with your.

Hog, Daddy war hogs.

Nice entire sleeve of tattoos. You've got yesterday in one sitting poser.

Poser, Oh, he has the last laugh with this huge muffler. That's why they do it.

It's funny that when I hackle guys on two wheels, they always hear me. They feel it, they feel the rhythm.

And of the night.

It's the rhythm of the night.

It was, it was, It was super fun She asked me the day before. So I was like, normally in that situation, I always going no, I can't because it's like I think it's too much to organize or something. Right, But I'm I've started a new lease on life. I don't know if I told you this, but I've started in new lease on life. The day after thanksgivings.

Better, Oh, I get it.

That was a pun. Look a crane, that's good luck.

Oh wow, Oh he's had his neck broken before.

We just saw a total city crane. Like a crane that's been around the block a couple of times.

If you ever, like in a cartoon or something where they follow a clog going down some plumbing. He had one of those Vendi parts that goes around a corner and food goes down into a.

Poor goose gizzard. So very last minute, I jumped on a flight. I got a car to the airport.

No baggage, no bag.

Well I have that very small carry on bag, but that was my thing. I was so excited. I was like, I'm only there one night. Oh are the same jeans. I'll bring a pair of show shoes and a show shirt and some toiletries and I'm gonna, like, you know, travel really sleekily and really easily, which is great. And also because I got to use her guitar so I didn't have to bring my guitar, which I love. Yes I did. It was very I'm such a I don't know, you know, I never had lessons, so I know I'm

You are well you're technical, and I promised I wouldn't get technical talk.

We made promises, but I'm just saying you know, you want to do right by Amy Mann. You want to impress obviously her whole band and ted Leo, who is she's on this tour with.

Were the Pharmacists?

Yes, along, No, well, I don't know. Some of the guys that were in the band with them could have been in the Pharmacists. Cool, but I don't know the band well enough to say, but they were all the coolest people. Yeah, he's great, Like I didn't know that much about him, but anyway, the whole thing was.

Very sounds crush well, I mean.

I think you can't not have a crush on ted Leo though. He's super cute and he's really talented, and he's like really funny. He's just kind of one of

Not expecting comedy. They probably really enjoyed you a lot.

They did. It was like they set it up. It's a variety show.

Coffee, you got coffee, you seed? I didn't. I forgot what kind of lot to you like? So I got sesame seed. No, sorry, season my cup Let's just go ahead and tell on me. My cup holder is filled with sunflower seed shells.

I'm cool with it.

I don't know. I'm like a third base coach.

Constantly giving me the signs pulling your ear and rubbing your chin, and I have on your ears the saddest guide. What is this like a fancy? It is a latte haunt.

Let's lower a coffee expectation.

Coffee, the soy milk.

It's drip with coconut milky.

So but this was the Twistaroo that I wanted to throw in all a wonderful experience, very fun and exciting to do at the last minute, and all that, and to be asked to do. I was so into all those other things, and I like downloaded a book on tape on my phone so I would like have things. I was all prepared. I left my house because a car came and picked me up. I didn't wear my glasses, so I just spent the last twenty four hours only being able to see two exactly. I almost got on

And you just walk down a hallway that doesn't go to a plane and it rotates at the last minute.

It gets me on a construction beam that leaves me in the air, and then there's so much distruction and mister town a plane. Oh what a wonderful view.

We're getting off of this island.

That's a different person, No same voice, is it?

Yeah, I sir Howell. Let's let's take a moment for this. Mister Howell was the voice of mister Magoo. I didn't know that remember his name anyway.

I'm gonna wait, I'm gonna bring it all around. I just tweeted a joke about a person that bought a first class ticket on a Delta flight, and the end of the end of the tweet was, well, hello Thurston Hall the third Oh wow, literally just two hours ago.

Retweet that right now and then proactively hyperactive go to retroactive retro in the style of the nineteen eighties, go to the internet, which didn't exist yet. We got to go iTunes, give us a review.

Everybody, you get up and we got to beat Oh wait.

We're supposed to beg people to go to iTunes and give us a review. Apparently that that brings home the bacon. Yeah.

Well, also the mysterious person and it might be Breddystonell's, but I'm not sure who runs the dinar fan tweet page.

We have to mention that do you need to ride fan tweet page at d y nar.

Fan tweet on Twitter on Twitter, join that, join that, become a part of our community, our ever growing family.

Have posters, we have mugs soon to come. These things they don't exist yet, but we're going now soon. And then I found a bonus episode that you probably didn't even you know, and Chris or my dad did this once where it was like February and he literally forgot about a Christmas present that he hid upstairs in the attic and he brought down. He's like, oh, I think Santa left something. It made me believe in Santa until

So something you've always wanted to do.

Yeah, and with Julia.

Yeah, Yeah, that's awesome. Julia is our savior. She has helped us so much.

Thank you, Julia, Thank you, Julia.

You are the best.

So we like to start with the credits. Now, let's get to the beef.

Now, what's your beef? Here's my beef. People who don't cover their mouth when they cough for sneeze on a plane where I am trapped and I have to breathe your hideous, outgoing expulsion.

Who what, Yes, sneezes, that's just unhearded. That's almost worth you going. Oh whoa, I'm sorry. We live in a world where there's other people. Yeah.

Oh, although I have to say this. The lady I was on the airport shuttle this morning from the Crown Royal Plaza hotel near the San Francisco Airport, and the lady that was sitting next to me on this very crowded shuttle, sneezed and then turned in. I said, good,

Yeah, oh, I snee I have never ever sneezed when sick. That to me is just straight from a nikewell commercial. I don't understand. I sneeze because I'm allergic to the world and so and I sneeze in groups at thirteen. So when someone says bless you, and then I know, hey, let's I have twelve more of these coming, and oh, I thought, yes again. And then they get more intense and then they say a zoon dight.

I thought they're just making up ways to bless you. Yeah, yeah, from different countries around the world.

And by the twelfth time I sneeze there, they have a sacrifice chicken and candles are burning.

It turns into a whole voodoo thing. Curse you, sanchaia Uh. When you said I sneeze in groups of thirteen, I thought you meant it. You're allergic to large groups of people, Like if Baker's dozen of people makes you sneeze, and I was like, where is he going with this? What a wonderful creative person?

Oh yeah, but instead it was just a boring story. But yeah, I know I'm allergic, Like if thirteen people were in an elevator, I would sneeze just because there's not an affair.

That's well, yeah, there's too many people. We got the Beat everybody.

Round woll okay, we'll added that out.

The Go Goes were the best.

Yeah, they are the best. Yeah, the Go Gos were the Bengals.

How dare you? I remember? We got the Beauty and the Beat album and me and my friend Nisha Benedetti, who lived down the street from me.

What say her name again, and gave it to me as my name.

The last name is Benedetti, the first name is Nisha. Their family, the Benedettis, ran the Clover store Netta. This Clover store had a dairy in my town that is now like the super fancy high end milk that costs six dollars that you get at Whole Foods with the one with the cow on it. That's from my hometown and the Benedetti's. They were just like the people in our carpool, and now they're like very fancy dairy producers.

So then now they're like and now it's a household name. Yeah, just like Jonathan Guda, the inventor. I don't know why it's a Guda because it's a dairy. It's a common thing now, But went back when we were kids, no one had Goda.

No one gave a shit about whether or not there was bovine hormone growth in your milk. It wasn't a big deal, but that their milk was on the table in one shot of Gone Girl, and I almost applauded.

I was so excited. I was fun. I had so much hometown part was that the best part of the movie.

It was the the only good part of the movie. Strictly, what have you been doing?

I have been acting in the movie cocktail with Oh yeah, that's right, how's that going good? It technically I did. I fell downstairs. There's a part where Brian Brown falls downstairs, and so we I'm forrest gumped into the movie for lack of a better superimposed into scenes. They kind of screwed Tom Cruise out of the way, and then I'm in Brian Brown's eye line, and then so he's kind of talking to both of us. There's kind of fight

Face, did they get it on camera?

Yeah? Yeah, I'm bleeding up. I'm real, I'm really bleeding. I hope that one makes it in.

But uh, that's like, did you have to get stitches? That's like a real cut there. Yeah.

I maybe should have, but I just put some super glue on it. No, Yeah, that's what they do in the hospital. My dad cut off the tip of his finger on a table son he just dipped it in super glue and lived its life ship.

Yeah shit, shit, y'all, But.

Yeah, it was. It's very fun. But it's Mike up Church who's making it with me, and this guy T j Ammick. They're both very talented.

Mike's hilarious, he's really good.

They both smoke a lot of weed, and it's but that's how they I'm I can't. I smoked a little, and I see I was not able to act, and I'm like, I made a mistake. I no longer know how to be myself. We have to wait a few hours.

But you know what's interesting about that, the the me and Thanksgiving, that's the real I'm not smoking pot anymore because I, first of all, I do everything compulsively, so I have to do if I have one thing, I have to have twenty five, right, Like it's just that if I smoke one cigarette, I'll smoke the whole pack. So that's what I was doing. Like if I would get someone to be like, oh, here's a pot or whatever, then I would just have to I felt like I had to get it done.

Yeah.

Yeah, and I was just completely like I went to Thanksgiving at my friend's house and I was just it was like I wasn't there. It was so weird. And then I was like the next day, I just was like, I'm done with this.

I can't do it anymore, or certainly just do a better job, because I'm starting to think that it's I need to get on board with it. And there are certain strains or whatever that helped me. Not like one time I accidentally had some and all of a sudden, my hips felt good and I wanted to run and stretch and I was like happy, and I'm like, okay, what kind is that? Let me write it down. But I was high and I forgot to get a pen.

But I remember it.

Drinking, of course, Yes, drinking's the worst. It pickles your guts and makes you want to and so everyone, right, not just me, no, every single person. Yeah, everyone wants to fight and has pickles and they're lower back that are painful.

The pain pickles are probably the worst part.

Case pain poole. No, I'm sorry, boss, it's a real girl back there killing me. Oh anyway, so they smoke and then that's how he's able to technically what he's able to do, like right in front of me, just deleted the green screen put me in and I it was lined up perfectly and I was falling down the stairs like they'll have to ad just like the lighting is the hard to duplicate the lighting from a movie. Yeah,

Ye.

It's it's a lot of long hours with just like moments of action.

But but that's so cool, what a great that's gonna wait to see it.

I can't wait either. I hope that it becomes a viral thing and when it's online go to iTunes and given a good review. I just think that everything's on iTunes.

Yeah, it's all. It all dates back.

I mean I think the YouTube will probably take it down because it's an existing movie.

You know.

Yeah, maybe it doesn't matter because if people like it and see it, it's just the work, Like that's all that matters is you're not trying to make money off it. You're just trying to show here's our idea, and this.

Is really fun. And it doesn't it's not disparaging towards top and it could be. I mean, he's really wasn't a good actor back then.

No, he's not. That's not his thing. Really. He's a good runner. He's good at riding a motorcycle and then standing up on that motorcycle as he's riding it.

He's good at jumping and stopping. Right about the lasers, He's.

Really good at squinting. I loved Edge of Tomorrow though. I think that movie was so brilliant.

I do not know Edge of Tomorrow.

I think that's what it's called, right, that's the one where he keeps living the same thing over and over and getting killed in like a like a video game.

Oh weird. I don't know it. Hi, how are you dude?

Yeah, there's there's some high school students in a muscle car who literally the kid in the passenger seat stuck his arm out the window to get over.

Yeah.

Yeah, even though he was trying to pass you.

Yeah. Yeah, I they I everything about that situation. Give your uncle his gto back.

The girls in the back seat aren't that impressed.

And the one in the middle is not wearing a seatbelt. I know because a sixty a gto does not have a middle back seatbelt.

Yeah, motherfucker, my.

Dad had a gto like that, and uh. And he there's some guy that he had been in a fight with and he was like in high school and he had this brand new Gto and he saw him in a park and he just drove by him all slow in fifty style, was staring at him, and he ran the car into a pole.

Oh. I didn't think it was gonna end like that.

No, I thought that.

That's really funny though.

Yeah, all of his tough guy stories and in him messing it up somehow, So that's hilarious, perfect kind of tough guy. I love that. In the end, the joke's on you, because violence doesn't pay unless you're a boxer, that's right, or a football player, or a lot of jobs. There's some jobs where it pays, but prison guard.

It's it's better to be funny. It's way better to be funny.

It is it is.

I love your dad so much for crashing into that pool in.

A gto just like that. That was a nice car, though it wasn't nice cards. I'm not a big car guy. Uh huh, that would be weird if I was. Yeah, just a large man with human arms and legs with a car body a car gat, I wouldn't. I'm not a big car man, you know, half man, half vehicle. And if you pour water on me, I turned to a transjam and all my friends jump in me and we solve crimes. But then I get angry and turn back to a high school student.

Remember that cartoon with your friends still inside? That's how you punish them.

It was called teen Wheels.

No, yeah, did you make make And they go, oh.

No, we have to get out of here, and they pour water on him, and his face would stretch out and his mouth had become a bumper and its fists would become wheels, and all of his friends would jump in him.

Get in me, guys, that's insane.

It was an insane probably Hanna Barbara. They would Those guys were always I mean, how do.

High school students solve crimes? They don't know shit? Hey, oh do we have a huge high school following?

Oh there's high school kids in the backseat.

Oh my god, how you guys?

Hey forgetting that gto I just was gonna say, what about the Scooby Doo gang? Love them?

I was like velmot all for a whole twenty four hours. My glasses I just couldn't see anything, and I wasn't afraid of the ghosts that were chasing me.

Oh I think I found them with my foot.

She lost her glasses every fucking time. Oh wait, I'm not saying fucking anymore.

Oh that's I what are you freaking? There's nothing else I know? I know, But yeah, I agree, And let's not say let's get it out of our system right now.

Fuck fuck, I think I've already said it ten times.

Hey, we're good. I'm not gonna say it anymore.

I'm totally not gonna say it anymore.

I'm grown up.

I'm trying to be a grown up. I also think that being being true to the expression that you want to have in the moment is important, right, But I don't think. I think the reason I say the effort is because I feel like it needs an extra zip that it doesn't actually need, you know what I mean? Like, I really want people to listen, but they're already listening, so just calm down, right, It's what I think when I listen to our podcast and hear me say the F word twenty times.

Right, I like, I think the F word is a powerful word and it hasn't lost a lot of it's you know, zi is like it's dusto. It's it's a real spirit. It's got a lot of spirit.

It's the loud muffler of words, isn't it?

And so when you sparingly, it really drives a point home, especially if you're in church yelling.

Or right in your dad's face justffing it up.

I love the holidays.

Oh yeah, Are you gonna go to any Christmas parties? Or have you gone to any Christmas party?

I never do. I always go home for Christmas. So I just go to either my dad's or my sister's house. And it's not a party so much as hanging out with little kids and making cookies and slacks.

Oh family stuff. But I meant like here in La, Like tonight, there's the one at the Virgil that Joel and Mandy are throwing. H Are you going to that? I was?

I don't know that I was invited.

No, it's not an invitation. It's like everybody party. It's like a comedy party at the Virgil.

Maybe yeah, yeah, I.

Think it's gonna be fun. A lot of people are going okay, and it's not they're throwing it for all the comedians basically cool.

I'm just trying to think if I have a comedy concert.

We'll just go after Okay, okay, bye, drop me off at this cemetery.

Oh that's it. I don't like it when all the gravestones are all uniform and lined up and nope, it's just they might as well have a number on them.

Well, because that's like World War two, right those are That's a soldier cemetery.

Is it? Yeah? Goodness, yeah, I'm not comfortable with that.

I really wish they'd stop sending the boys away to be killed. I really wish that's my Christmas wish. Are you going to join the army? Yeah?

Yeah?

Still is that still your plan for New Year's that's.

My safety net if this, if my writing thing doesn't work.

Out, your New Year's resolution, it's to start.

Can you imagine I feel like I can't climb up wall? Can I talk to somebody about the wall? I can't climb up?

I think you should just keep your how it's your new job? Can you talk about your job?

I think so. I mean like, it's I love it that I I think I could only because there's nothing, you know, inflammatory to say. It's I feel very lucky that I have it. It's a really really great group of people. They're super smart, they're really good at the technical aspect of how you write shows and so quickly and all that, and I just feel like I'm learning a whole new skill set at like at a point where I thought I was going to just be doing

That's what employment or steady work does. It brings you a sense of calm. Yeah, it's not the money that buys your happiness. It's the not panicking about the next morning that buys you happy.

That's exactly right, and which is because you have money.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

So it rents happiness for a little while, it rents it, but then you what it is is it money doesn't buy happiness, It buys a peace of mind, and then you have to do other things that have nothing to do with money to get the happiness.

That's what I'm right, That's why I'm slowly figuring it out.

Soup kitchens and stuff.

Let's not go crazy.

You need to me.

Time's mostly facials and massages up.

Yeah, I like living on I like that. I need that edge, I need that panic.

There's a lot to be said for for being fueled by real, like real threat, because I won't do anything otherwise. I never have, so like it has to be like, oh, they're going to foreclothes or blah blah, whatever the drama is. I need that to like, Okay, I'll finally write this script or I'll finally do a big thing.

I need an envelope with red exclamation points on it. Yeah, before I take care of the I r s. Well.

It kind of goes back to my personality naturally, is if you want me to do something, you have to ask me twice. I will always say no the first time, and it's almost like, then I know for a fact you really want me to do it because you've asked me second time.

Oh that's funny. That's happened with us. You're like, I don't want to do this today. I'm like, are you sure I really think we should? Okay, I will, Yeah, I just wanted to see that if you really wanted to.

It's almost it's you know what it is, It's laziness.

It's like, hey, I'm there with you.

It's laziness, right, And then it's kind of this like I just want to do the thing that actually is important, and I personally can't figure out what that is. So I need other people to be like, no, this is really important. And then I'm like, you're right, this is how I'll prioritize. But if it's up to me, everything seems either totally non important or like crazy important.

Right.

I think it's just from being overwhelmed for a long time and not being able to figure it out.

Yeah, I've been feeling horribly overwhelmed as of late. Yeah, but I have a lot of stuff that I'm excited about. I just need one of them to take off.

Well, I have to say this about your project, this cocktail thing that sounds so funny, I honestly believe and this is all this is very woo woo, But like when you make something and you you like, work on something and create, it puts something out there that brings something to you that sounds so dumb in the secret, but I honestly believe it's true.

You're right, And I've noticed that when I get busy on something and accomplish something, all this other. It just starts raining other opportunities.

So yeah, you can't be passive. You just have to go at least start, go do something, and then things will build out of it and you might not get exactly what you're aiming for. You might it might not be a viral hit. It might just be that somebody awesome sees it and goes, oh, I want Chris Fairbanks to come and do this thing.

That's that's I like that idea.

Yeah, there's lots of potential, but it's like you've you will have made a thing. It's the best idea.

It's all make a thing in twenty fifteen, make a thing twenty fourteen. Can suck our dicks?

Bye you two.

I'm sorry I said sucks. I just wait talked about the work.

Yeah, but suck our dicks. It's it's conceptual though, it's like saying you don't have any control over me twenty fourteen.

It's a little too visual you think of an actual number going on. I don't know how to get this dick into my ford. That's the one. Do I put it between the hole?

I mean, if you close top it of the south the zero? Yeah?

Okay? Or no?

You make it. Yeah, like a triangle fore top.

Okay, oh yeah, yeah Ben that so they're touching stick it right in there.

Do you know you know Lynch Shawcroft.

I do know Lynch Chakkraft.

Wonderful, brilliant, amazing Canadian comedian and one of my favorite jokes that she ever said, uh was I'm a little stressed out today. I just started making my flours different. That's so her.

I love that.

I love her.

She still love it up in the mountains.

She has she lives in Big Bear, but then she like comes down to LA for shows and stuff.

I guess I should and complain about living in Venice Beach.

I love that way. Yeah, it's so long, but you have to wait. It's like three hours, right, Oh not that long? No, three hours or two hours?

Yeah? Maybe two? Yeah.

I've been really wanting to go to the snow recently. I don't know why, but like I think I saw a picture I saw giff on Tumblr of a really nice cabin, like from inside a cabin where there's crazy snowfall outside, but it was like a cozy cabin inside.

I'm going to go home and stay in a yurt a heat a tenth for real, overnight in Montana and snowshoe and snowboard. Yeah.

Nice.

Yeah, it's gonna be great because I think I'm doing that. I hope I'm chimed it right.

Is it all snowy there now?

Yeah? Yeah, it'll it'll be uh, it'll be time to snowboard when I'm there.

Nice.

Well, hopefully my hip will be open to it.

What could you do instead? If your hip was no good? Could you go on one of those discs and slide down a hill?

I probably like sledding? Nah, I probably wouldn't. I'm not I'm not a thrill seeker. I just snowboarding is part of my life, so I feel obligated to do it. Oh okay, but I don't need to replace it doesn't provide something emotionally for me.

Okay, you've been doing it forever, done it forever.

And if someone said, yeah, you can't snowboard anymore, but what about these new they're called skis, I probably wouldn't start skiing. Yeah.

I hate skiings guts do Yeah?

Yeah, I like it better now that you can go backwards on them.

I don't like is they're made differently?

Yeah? Yeah? They used to have just a flat end on the back and now they're double tipped and you can do five forties and land backwards and all that stuff.

You know what I mean.

Yet you hate it. I hate it. You hate jumping and spinning and stomping the landing.

Well, you know, Pete used to do that. He's a great skier, my ex Pete, and so he took me skiing one time. It was the first time I'd ever skied, and his dad taught me, but very briefly, and then we went down the easy hill.

Did you fall into a tree?

Well, I know, but I thought I was going to the whole time. Yeah, And I couldn't.

He didn't.

I didn't have enough practice learning how to stop. So it was like I was just going down a hill with no way to stop, so I couldn't. I kept jamming my It was awful unanimous with me and my friends when we were young.

One of the worst things we could ever take up, take like a girl that we were interested in. When the moment it was like I want to go snowboarding? Will you teach me to snowboard? It would be the end of that, yeah, because it's hard. And then you have this there's this selfish thing with all of us where it's like I can't go ten feet and stop and see that you're learning. The best way to learn is to just go off on your own and kill it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, also my realization after that experience, because here's the most embarrassing part. I had to get taken down the hill by snow ski patrol on a like a sled, yeah, because I couldn't go anymore because my like my legs locked up because I it was really bad. And and that was that. It was almost like I felt like this we are fundamentally incompatible because I can't do this. I have no interest in doing this.

It's I've never had it. I've never had a date situation where that's the girl was already good at it.

I hate to tell you this, but to get on the my area, you should be all the way over.

To the left. Can you do it? To get on old pass? Yeah, the old pass, the underpass, That's what I mean. I uh where, Okay, it's anyway, Yeah, it's yes, it's I am excited to go snowboarding.

Here's the other thing. I love the snow, but I don't like being in it. I like to be I like to look at it, and I like to be warm. Well, it's outside, that's the way I like it the best.

I can't have a Christmas where it isn't white. I need a white Christmas.

Yeah, Christmas.

Large, all that trailer, be.

Scary and filled with captives, and.

All your Christmases be knife and.

Be knife at your throat, taking away against your will.

I'm so excited to listen to creepy Christmas music. Oh baby, it's cold outside.

Maybe it's please get away from me.

It's cold outside.

I really need to go and I need to contact at the dream I grabbed my patchwork doesn't taste like wine.

Man Cosby is guilty. Man. What do you do with an elderly man? He's not even probably all there?

How do you solve a problem like a Cosby? How do you persecute a man who's raped everyone in the country?

You just do? You just do? I think everyone's on board.

I mean, there's it's kind of very difficult to deny. Although someone just told me a very funny story about Thanksgiving, their mom going and everybody's saying something about what about Bill Cosby? And then mom, the mom, who was of course elderly, going, what that poor man is going through? We could not sell love it. It's just like that is It's like you can't even imagine someone having that reaction. But that's the disparate, you know, people seeing it differently, And at.

Least it wasn't an old lady saying what that poor colored man is going?

Yeah? Exactly. There's all these ways it could have been bad, but it was just bad in its own way. She chose. She chose choice.

Aid when choosing a bad thing, you gotta pick a door. Yeah, you go down, rachel Or. I'm a woman, but I don't respect because I'm from the fifties.

Let me get I'm not allowed to actually be a person that's with inalienable rets to not have be attacked and have things shoved inside me. I'm sorry. Maybe I just should have said the effort.

Maybe it's cold. Oh come on, Bentley. Oh, Bentley, that's a sharp car. Get over one more because I'm no car man.

No, they's nice, except for imagine those things are what one hundred and fifty thousand dollars?

Oh, they can't be that much, but I bet they're.

Oh I'm gonna look it up on Google. I'm gonna get in your face.

Oh no, I think I bet you can get a Bentley for eighty five gees. Okay, ninety five.

Geese, I say over, yeah, Bentlee, Maybe you're right.

Then, Hey, that Honda looks like my Honda.

Hi, Hannah doesn't have the eco leaf on the back.

No, No, that's just a skateboard company that I put on there. Little for really, Yeah, it's not. This car is not in any way.

This whole time, though I know badly. Car prices started one hundred and eighty and ninety five dollars.

Oh my god, that's exactly what you said it would cost.

Did I say one eighty?

Yes?

Fuck yeah, Karen. That deserves a fuck because I was right.

You promised.

So sorry, you promised. I promised, but only only when I'm being humble. But when I'm bragging and being kind of a showboaterer, I'm gonna f it up.

Yeah, that does it you? Okay, let's say f it up? Okay, fin Oh, get that piece of ass out of the road.

Ye f ns.

What the heck?

H double hockey sticks? It takes so long to say all those ones?

What was my trick? If I don't believe in gosh am I going to heck a lot of people like that?

One? Was that recently?

Yes, it's pretty recent, Chris.

Maybe I muted you. No, there's no way.

Oh well, I did go off on those rants that you didn't approve of.

Yeah, yeah, when you were all like gamer gate, you went crazy for that. Oh god, oh my god, you are such a gamer.

We were our original podcast. We were going to what was we were first going to talk about moms and Alzheimer's.

Yeah, because we both have one.

We both have moms. We both have moms with Alzheimer's.

Yep.

And then are you gonna go see your mom? What is the holiday?

Well, she's in a home now, so we go see her when I'm home. But she doesn't come home anymore, right, which is of course super awful, but better than when she was home and everyone was so freaked out and upset and there was just a thing after thing that was bad.

Is she in an Alzheimer's specific place?

Yes, it's really nice.

Hey, I'm everyone listening. I'm setting up for a big joke.

Here, so get ready. Don't get sad joke where.

I keep repeating the punchline and I.

Don't know and then asking where you are?

Yeah, my mom is currently in a Alzheimer's specific place. Yeah. Good. It is much better than weird old lightning behind a nurse cratchet one flew over the Cuckoo's Nest building on the side of a hill where the women liked her, but they did not know. All they do is put you in a corner. Yeah, like baby and then don't they don't engage at all. So these places, I know, they do things.

It's yeah specifically. So well, that's the thing is so many people are getting it now have it and are getting it. It's like a it's it's like a plague. It's unbelievably horrible. So there's these places that are popping up because it's not just a nursing home. It's not just because you're elderly and you're you're all there, but your you know, your brain's there, but your body's falling apart. It's the opposite.

I hate that there is not more research and trying to figure out how to combat it because it's kind of a how do we make money off people that are on their way out type of a not of a priority. Yeah, unlike cancer and things like that. But cancer, I'm on solving that too, of course.

But of course, well everyone kicks the thing that affects their life and is hurt, you know that has like been the biggest bummer for them. That's just how it all goes.

I think that most people have Alzheimer's. There's some kind of dementia in a family member, and even if it's a grandparent, which when you or I talk about our mom, someone's always like, oh, I know what you're going through. My grandma had it.

You know what.

Nope, it's not the same, not the same.

My heart goes out, but only a little bit, only halfway, my heart barely emergent.

I open my shirt and you can see the top of my heart pops out of the push it right back in real fast.

You could just see the cleavage of my heart.

It's sexy, yes, but you're not gonna get it.

Cle cleavage of my heart beats to the rhythm of the night. Okay, all the way.

Family, Never gonna get it, never gonna get it. Uh yeah, I always say I always saw that people people talk about, like complaining about people who know my mom's situation, and they complain about their mom in front of me, and I just stare at them, like, yeah, I'm not sure what you'd like me to say right now, because all I want to tell you is fuck off. Go call your mother, you ungrateful asshole.

Yeah, and talk to her and have her talk back.

Yeah, have her recognize you and know who you are.

And to talk and how long is your how long has your mom had it? I'm just talking about this because a year ago or years ago, we talked about doing a podcast and we wanted to do it about moms.

I know, I like it.

We're approaching the end of the year.

Okay, Yeah, my mom got it in two thou like was diagnosed in two thousand and three. Okay, so it's been eleven years.

Yeah, me too.

Yet we're the same. And you know Chris Garcia the same deal. Yeah, his dad he I saw him to a set that was really amazing.

I heard about that and I want to see it and I bet it's recorded somewhere right.

Yeah, well, no, I think he's doing That's kind of what his act is a little bit now. But we should get a hold of him. We should do some kind of fundraising.

That would be terrific.

We should do a show and then everybody who has this in their life can feel like they're helping out somehow. Well, don't need a bunch of money.

It really made me like, oh god, I always forget it joanah, God, No, what's his is? Uh? The actor that everyone knows? Yeah, I love that he has gotten I hate that I can't in this conversation. Oh what got the War of eighteen twelve.

You're just being thematic.

Yeah, he has brought I feel like, single handedly has brought a lot of attention to it.

Yes, Also I love that guy. Yeah, and I've only heard great things about him because like a lot of the people that work on my show have worked on the Comeback or we're around the Comeback and he's on it right now, which is it's also Michael Patrick King's show, and they all say the same. He's like the loveliest guy, so nice, so funny, like everyone just adores him.

Yeah, there's no way he isn't because based on and I'm not talking about his entertainment, entertainment ability at all, just him talking about his girlfriend now wife's mom or that's how he got in, Oh my good friend's mom. I'm going to be outspoken about this, yeah, like, oh, well then you're awesome. Yep. So the point is we're going to do a concert with Chris Garcia and Seth Rogan and hopefully I'll remember his name when I meet him.

You're totally loops the Throgan in there, like yes, and he's doing it too.

Thousands of this. We'll get back to him. He won't be able to this is a contractual agreement. It's on iTunes.

I like this. This is like we're making a plan for twenty fifteen. That's actually we're gonna do some good. It's not just like us in our careers and none in it. It's like we're actually, that's very high aim. Well done, Chris Fairbanks.

Oh, thank you. I was just talking about adding it to my material my career.

Oh I see, so waiting.

As it can help our career, we should get involved. We're involved, of course. Kidding.

Look at these two.

Look at those kids. Oh man, they're just they're out of some Look at their punk rock. That's a girl that that likes that girl and they're punk rock.

And oh were they two girls? I thought I can't see. I thought it was a boy.

No, No, they're awesome.

They're great.

I wish I knew kids like that in Missoula, Montana.

There aren't.

I wish I had like a punk rock, cute lesbian friend when I was a kid. But nah, just a bunch of Nintendo playing chronic masturbainers there with hypertension.

There's a good chance you had one you just didn't know because she like was the cheerleader or something like that Oh yeah, you're right, it wasn't a time. It was just a I mean, that's the weirdest thing. That's what I love so much about the modern life of all the conveniences. It's also kids these days don't realize that it was just like when I was in high school. You still like people call people faggot and you know, like it was like the all that there was so

I trying to say, I don't even understand the concept of that anymore. It's like it's such an I don't think there's any kid that even in Montana where I'm from that it's pretty sheltered and I can see people being maybe a little behind as far as social issues like that.

But it might such huge strides in recent years, like everyone's.

Open and they're just well, I think this is how I feel. So I'm going to talk about it on my Facebook to all my friends and then so, okay, cool, I support you.

But it's such a huge human development. I think it's amazing.

I think it's good too, very cool.

I had someone, you know, it's really funny. I had someone on Twitter call me a lesbo This guy. I think he was trying to be I'm not sure he's trying to troll me, but in this very strange way.

Did he use a Z because that's comedy.

Nope, I think he was like he was. I don't know where he came from. He follows me, but well, the thing that was funny to me was I was looking at it like, I don't know what you're trying to do, but I don't care if that, Like, if that you think that I'm gonna run away from that or be like wow, dare you or whatever. It's like, that's that's like calling me a blonde when I'm a brunette, Like, well, you can say whatever the fuck you want. I don't care. That has nothing to do with me.

But hopefully someone that it doesn't there is someone that it would affect personally. Isn't reading it right now?

Right exactly? Well, but I just don't think it's a thing. It doesn't shame people the way it used to. It used to be such a like this, this means you're less and it doesn't mean that anymore because of the things people have done, like Rue Paul or just people that have brought it not only to the four culturally, but it's like the cooler thing to do almost these days. It's such a forward thinking way to be.

Yeah, yay, Lesbos.

What the fuck are we doing? Well? This is like a very important podcast now, I know, I mean we are issues.

I mean, there's it's been challenging for me because I you know how my vocabulary shuts down at forty five minutes.

Yes, we are just past that, so I am it's over.

I am yeah, my mouth there it is again. I just think if I open my mouth you would see a fleshy pretzel. That is what my tongue is now. I'm covered with salt and cheese.

Was But we're growing up. That's the headline.

And I promise in episode or two we're gonna launch that bonus. I was so excited to realize we had it.

Was it on your phone?

It's just on my phone. I'll doctor it up, spice up the treble.

That's so funny.

We're down the base, take out the hushes.

It's like the Beatles in Germany. Mm hmmm, it's gonna be.

It's gonna take down that wall.

You think it's mister Gorbachev takedown.

That Walter, No, I know you know what I confuse. I always confuse the Beatles with David Hasselhoff. I keep doing that. I keep doing that.

You should do that.

I went to the horse races here. Uh, and before we went, we said we're off to the horse races and we all laughed. Anyway, once we got there, I was betting on horses and uh, but like two or three dollars and David Hasselhoff was off in this balcony, swaying back and forth, and people were just taking video of him. And he had grass stands on his steersucker suit what and grass in his hair. He had wrestled somebody or what. He's probably awesome. And someone said, hey,

That's how a horse's balls are like their gas pedal basically, And so when they parade them around in the beginning, Yeah, you can go off of height or leg girth or vaininess or sheen or but I did look at the balls and I'm like, that horse has giant balls, and I kept winning.

Are you serious?

Yeah, yeah, I won.

You can see I've always done it on vaininess.

Of the balls are just leg vans, because you can go by balvaninus too. That was the next thing I yelled before he fell face first one too. Some popcorn? Uh?

What a great h day?

What a great day for an episode without a guest. Did anyone even notice?

I mean, I feel like that we were both the guest.

Well, I guess we should talk to our guests a little bit. How you doing back there, Todd Glass?

Heay, Oh, he's sleepy, dog Glass. He had such a long trip, he did.

He's real tired, real tired.

Well, I'm going to go in and see if my dogs have committed suicide. Since I've been.

Gone for one day, I'm going to rush off and send this one right to the presses.

Can't wait. This is a good one. It was a good one for just a for it being just you and I. I think we were hilarious but deep. We talked about important things.

I forced the Alzheimer's talk.

Yes, I love the forced Alzheimer's talk. But then turned into a gay pride march.

Yeah, oh god, we that was beautiful, so vibrant, the colors of March.

And now everybody knows how to win at the horse races. Exactly what a perfect ending? Mm hmm David Hasselhoff horse racing tips.

I can maybe think of one better ending.

What's up?

You've been listening to? Do you need a ride? D y n A R?

Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home?

Either way we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage.

You claim and give us time and they turn and.

On and Gabe, we want to send you off inside.

We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it. We scared her?

Was it fine?

Malcorn?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need with Karen and Cress mm hm