Ep. 3 - Baron Vaughn

Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there.

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Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need ride?

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Need with Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride? I'm Chris Fairbanks, I'm Karen Tilgarath.

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We are coming up on Lax.

Gorgeous night here to drive to Lax.

It's kind of like almost it's past dusk, it's almost night time, but it's still light blue and a bit of smoggy orange.

Right at the horizon.

Yeah, it's that it's that perfect time where you just don't know quite of its night or day or really what you're doing with your life.

Yeah, if you should move away, if you should go to the airport and get on a plane and just get out of town permanently, it's I.

Don't know what my next move in life is going to be because of the night time of day.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's a beautiful thing to really have to question your entire existence just because of the colors that surround and I think it happens a lot.

Yeah, I have to say, I don't really like. I don't like dusk, does it scariot? I don't like what it's doing to me.

Does is it giving you the sundown?

What am I doing with my life? Just go down, son, oh hawk, right back at you.

We podcast in the car, so anytime a horn blows, you will see me blow my lid and.

Cris will blow his lid.

I will read from the novel Horatio Hornblower, just as kind of like a wry literary reference.

Yes, so, And also to balance out when I'm just screaming racist things at cars passing.

That's the way to balance racism m hmm with boring literature.

We're picking up Baron Vaughan.

Hilarious comedian Baron Vaughan, who was in Seattle, you stay.

I think so that's where his flight was coming from. I don't know what kind of business he had there.

I love Seattle, you mean, not comedy. He could have been like, uh, buying diamonds.

By government exactly, blood diamonds. We'll go right into that. Right when he gets in the car.

We'll be like, why are you Leonardo DiCaprio specifically asked us not to buy these bloodshed You.

Know how sore these children's fingers are because of you.

They're exhausted.

I don't know much about the blood dimon diamonding industry, the blood diamonding.

You've got friends in the blood diamond industry. Sorry, I just I just knocked my own my.

Car, got friends? Oh that's okay, Yeah, okay? Sound guys? Love when you tap?

Yeah, tap the equipment, tap it, move it around.

Wear a nice necklace.

How do we sound it? You sounding good? Okay? Terrific?

Thank god? And and we're on video.

You know, I love coming in. Oh is that what that thing is? Yeah?

That's Do you think that was a raven on your hood?

I thought I thought it was an Edgar Allan poebird.

Yeah, a bird? Oh have you ever had a pope bird? Sandwich? So great? It reminds me of the South.

What is his?

Uh?

Terminal five Airline, Delta.

Foxtrot, Delta Alpha, Leo Beta Alpha, Delta flight two four one thing.

Anyway, I was trying to make one up. Is V Victrola?

I think I think V is Vic Vega or Victor Victor Vega. Also a popular full fiction character. This happened last time at the airport. There's unpredictable traffic.

I think there's probably nothing more vibrant or electric than a podcast that takes place sitting in airport terminal traffic.

Yes, this is so now, all this is so modern. This is the way people live. It's amazing.

Yeah it is. Airports are very very new concept. Yes, you're right. Is that what you're saying.

Yeah, I'm saying the airports are from the eighties everyone, They're new to everybody. We all love them, and I just I guess what I'm saying is we're in the.

Right place at the right time.

What is this guy saying by merging into three lanes at once that he's an idiot?

He's saying he lives a fear based life.

Oh, yes, self induced fear. Yeah, well, keep living your life the way you enjoy it.

I don't have to be a fan.

Keep living your life at around twelve miles an hour. Yeah, slowly merging in you at a stroke, and he's just kind of slipping off.

I always think that sometimes when I scream at someone for the way they're driving, I'm like, well, wait, let's hear him out.

Let's make make sure they aren't having a stroke.

Let's hear his side of the story.

If only I Baron, I think I'm almost certain is doing stand up.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

He does that a lot. Very funny man, He's very funny.

He's got an amazing voice. He speaking and for telling jokes, but also singing.

Right. He played first chair violin in high school.

I was third trombone.

No, does that mean that you're not as good?

I was the worst. It was one out of three. I was the worst. I was third.

So they really do rate you, yes, daily Europe for review, and I constantly was maintained my spot in last place.

I am. I never played in band. We didn't have band at my high school.

But that element of pressure, what I would have been out, Yeah, I would have been able.

To say it didn't feel good.

So people that are in like symphonies, they were first chair always.

You know what I knew the whole time. I wasn't trying. I didn't want to be good at trombone. I just said, hey, do you have an ear for me? It's an amazing year for music, I think they said. I said, okay, I guess I'll play trombone.

The natural reaction. Okay, I'll go straight to trombone.

My heart wasn't in it.

It's a trombone.

I wanted to be cool. Wait, what are you saying about trombone? Are you saying trombones aren't cool?

That's not it's more a.

You are Yeah. Well there that was second share level, wrong way.

Well I might have Yeah, things like that, they just happened, it said, P five, Yeah, P five.

It's not the same as there's a chance. There's a chance that I have over overshot the and now we're in traffic.

I didn't.

I wonder if it's a good idea to have a podcast that will can continually take place at a place that stresses me out to the point of anger.

I think it's actually it's almost like a zen Uh, it's work, you know what I mean. You're going You're going into the mouth of the ghost. You're right, You're.

Going right into the place where you need to work the most.

Am I because it seems like I'm just stopped at the gate.

Well yeah, but the height of your frustration, I'm angry like traffic. You couldn't work on your traffic problem if we were moving and.

My traffic anger issues. You're right.

The only healing can take place as if I open the wound. Yeah, they say that.

Yes, they say that at an al Kaiser hospital.

You know.

Now, now, bite on this piece of leather. I'm going to roll down the wind. I'm my air conditioner. I do plan on fixing that. Right for any future productions, we should have air conditionings.

Yeah, I agree.

How is your week?

It was good?

I was that Pete Holmes. Do you want to talk about work?

Sure? It's fun.

Yeah, I love that job.

Yeah, it's good.

Yeah, it would be fun.

There's a lot, but there's really great people and that makes it really fun.

It's fun.

I hang out at home trembling about when the next paycheck's coming in.

Is it different than that?

It's very similar. There's just more people around.

Okay, yeah, Baron Von texting.

Saying where are you bro Yep? Read back the text? Was it a word for word?

Did I guess it? Exactly? Where are you?

Bro on Way? Also in the middle of a podcast, So.

Leave us alone. I can do that texting for you if you want.

Oh, oh, Chris has his phone taped to his leg.

Everybody like Rambo.

Yeah, I can't I can't.

He's very he's very much in the mode of just hey, I need a ride. I think he forgot about the actual podcast. Why would he be. He's texting, Yeah, okay, this is a red line.

I'm just gonna go ahead.

Let the Porsche go. He's gonna be about all about that.

This is maybe the biggest production mistake I've ever made. It's taking this road. I don't know what this is, but it really put off thorn in my crop.

But then when we take that thorn out, that's gonna be like the relief for everybody.

And you just made a great podcast episode.

You need conflict, you need traffic, you need things to fight, You need to.

Be distracted and texting. You needed to be texting if it's not bad enough to text while driving. Add add a radio production? Is that what this is?

It's an old fashioned radio like Rannie.

Yeah, in a minute, I'm gonna punch meat as someone jogs.

Right, just like little or Fannie's.

They were always punching the beef.

She loves to punch bee ladies and gentlemen.

I don't have real so I'm going.

To hit this recipe.

That's that's what it was all about I can sing like Annie, but it is the most irritating gift God gave me.

It's not the most irritating thing about Annie.

What I don't like about her giant white eyes, no cornea pupil.

You know why she was addicted to PCP, and that was it was kind of a subplot of that cartoon that they didn't the censors in the twenties made them take out that storyline.

They just left PCP eyes.

Yeah, Daddy Warbucks didn't really talk about how he was making his money.

Yeah, all drugs that he sold straight to Annie.

Yeah, he's hustling the white horse. He used to kids, strapped it to her. He used to put PCP in little balloons. And they want to tell you, Yeah, I mean you just said it.

Annie Mule, Annie Mule. I'll get your hair into you.

Even if you live in the upper punincelaw.

I remember that epis Remember, Oh.

I remember I ate a balloon.

Oh and they pull it out and it'd be in the shape of a balloon animal.

Where okay with this perfect gotta go left? Did you know this is gonna end up perfect?

Are you serious?

Well, that's four, that's.

Delta right there. Yeah, you're gonna have to get all the way across.

Yeah, I can do it.

This is where our brand new video element of this podcast is.

Yeah, to capture car wrecks.

Yes, this huge bus.

Oh all right, get out of me, buddy.

Maybe if they think we're a TV show, they'll let you Emarge.

Just for the record, I told that guy to get out of.

It the mule.

Now you know what, this might be one of those situations where people.

Honk at me.

Yeah, absolutely, Yeah, it might just be nothing's ideal.

We just tough to work with. The Perfection is the enemy of good.

I mean, if the Subaru Forester wasn't enough to learn about that lady her, I own a pet store bangs.

I don't care. I'm at the airport. I'm yelling out hatred.

She did turn all the way around and give us the dirtiest look just now.

Yeah, yeah, I think it was a look like do you think I'm happy with these bangs?

I got these myself when I was drunk on white wine.

I used hedge clippers.

I showed him that could call me back.

I don't think that's who she's interested in romantically. No, no suber Forrester. I am gonna hug her bumper.

Well, she might not like that.

Is the shuttle.

A shuttle would lend itself to a vehicle that moves. It's hard to shuttle when you're just got your ass parked. Come on number six seventy eight.

Come on, old six seventy eight bus shuttle number six seventy eight.

Crowd sponsor of do you need to ride.

The shuttle six seventy eight when you don't want to go anywhere?

Six seventy eight. That's kind of you know, that's kind of blank patches bit.

Is it?

He was doing it.

I just realize it right now because the way it's exactly, We'll.

Have Blaine on and we'll apologize to him.

Okay, good, he has the best his best fake advertiser.

This is a problem. I thought that you're right here.

Oh good, good, just follow super Forrester.

Yeah, if you see Baron, I.

Wanted to I wanted to double down on stealing Blane's joke.

Do you see Oh I thought you were talking about wanting to say there.

I don't know it's right there.

No, but confusing him for that guy is racist?

Well yeah, there's no.

There's really good way to know that really is.

Yeah, yeah, fire.

Recording as well.

Get in here?

Yeah, where can I put my stuff in the trunk? Yes, yes, I'll open it up. You're okay?

Back there, there's a lot of I'm just gonna put on my driving hat.

J'll probably right there, very little ginger and careful of the cameras and stuff.

Yeah, it's a seven camera shoot.

I'm noticing that.

Are you into it?

Sure? Whatever, Michael Bay, I'm okay.

I saw I saw a car of black Honda pulled up and I thought it was you guys because it was really crowded and nope, just the family waiting for this woman who was way too young and attractive.

To have popped out four kids.

Oh did you even though she looked like she married the Israeli Dice?

The are you saying that she was in a union with the fuzzy Dice that we're hanging from the rearview mirror?

No? I mean Andrew, Oh Andrew Dice play Ye, Well, he's had a lot of lady he has well, Yeah, especially the Israeli version of him.

Curly Baron Baron von you're despite popular, I believe you are not. You're not related to theo Von no, yeah, I already knew that. I'm just letting Yeah, his is a short. You're not a von Turnikowski. You're not of the Theovon vonn.

The is from New Orleans.

Yes, so I always like to joke with him that I probably have my last name because his family owned mine.

That way, it's immediately and what kind of look when he hears yeah, well, unfortunately, not one of horror, It's one of shrugging agreement.

Exactly. He's a nice guy, and you're even nicer, and we're glad you're here.

Yes, so much.

You were in Seattle?

Yeah, well Kirkland, yes, laughs, yes, outside of Seattle.

Yeah, how was it?

It was actually a really good weekend. I learned some stuff like what, well, I you know how you get that you get those bits that you just like you.

Just will not let go of, especially and then suddenly you start growing the rest of your act out of like this one joke that you love.

Yeah, I can I can think of a couple of your bits like that. Okay, you're going your act out of my jokes.

Interesting, but I like, I like let go of maybe fifteen minutes of material that like retired it I retired it and I looped in a new twenty.

It's just to keep going. Yeah, he doesn't see anything.

Jesus Wow, it's kind of like mad Max this, you got this thing, you got it.

I feel like Tina Turner with a mutant on her shoulders.

Wait do you are you saying you have replacement material that's even.

Better that is now working.

There's one joke that has been like my white whale that I couldn't figure out, and I finally somehow cracked it this weekend.

That's amazing.

And so I have like a new like twenty minute chunk, and I let go of some other stuff that I've been holding on, probably the oldest stuff that's in my act right now that I've been holding on too. So I felt good about the weekend. It was incredibly productive.

That's terrific. Subcamera now do you like and when you're in Kirkland. Yeah, that's one of those clubs where they're like, hey, come do comedy in Seattle.

But you're not in Seattle. You're actually more than an hour away from Seattle, right, how about thirty minute drive? Yeah? Oh so I'm off I'm wrong on that, but.

It's still like it seals the same you're too far to walk and say, hey, there's the space stat exactly.

I mean, you know what's interesting about it is that there's no real proper club in Seattle.

Proper really.

There's a place called the Comedy Underground, but everyone seems to have like conflicting feelings about it. People don't like the management, people don't like the club, people don't like the location. So it's like LAPS is the only club that has tour in LAPS.

In the parlor in Bellevue and Bellevue Sea.

So non Seattle. Yeah, Seattle a bustling city, Seattle of bustling city.

It's really weird.

It's really strange. I really like that. I think we're going the wrong way. Are we definite? Where do you live? Oh? Okay, you don't want to get on the four o five? And then the ten? Well we should have gotten the one oh five. I think to the one ten?

Do you want to Well, welcome to another episode of Backseat Drivers, the Offshooting Podcast.

I guess we can go this way. What is this? Are we head? Are we on Subulbana or century?

This is century?

I think, yeah, I'm just kind of it's the it's the multitasking that involved. I'm gonna let you just get us lost, yeah, I honestly, Yeah, I've never done the one oh five.

We could do that. I mean we it goes right out of the airport onto, but it's behind us.

Now.

We might as well just go whatever way we're going, Okay, might as well keep driving this way until we come back the other side of the world.

Okay, that's gonna be a good podcast.

Yeah, I've never driven near a house before. I'm a world an eighty podcast. I will you to the airport, Yeah, but I don't remember perfect.

There's some kind of freeway coming up.

Yeah, this is a century we're moving. I'm all right anyway.

I don't have bad shows, and I've gotten to the point where I you did.

I don't care to have bad shows or you. No, I don't have bad shows. Oh, you just have weird shows. Oh okay, I have great shows, good shows or weird shows.

I don't have a show that's just flat out bad where the audience is staring at me and booze.

But I have them staring at me confused. Have you ever done an Indian casino?

No?

Okay, no, I haven't. You can have bad shows. Well, well not anymore. I've had bad shows.

I'm just saying like, in the last couple of years, I've narrowed it down to great, good, and weird.

Okay good. I don't feel like it's good. That's good. I feel like I'm making progress.

Well, yeah, that's how you. You wouldn't get booked if you had bad shows.

Exactly right.

You know what you're doing at this How long are you been doing stand up?

Thirteen years?

Yeah, you know you're doing Yeah.

So it's helping explain my career though, because I'm still easily at bad shows.

And how long you've been doing.

It sixteen years?

Sixteen?

Yeah, I know you said you You said that like a therapist.

I didn't know what to say. It's yeah, sixteen.

Let's sit with that for this whole, this whole more.

How does that make you feel? Now I'm driving around in a lit up car. Yeah, no, laughing now not in our audience. Wait a minute. I yeah, I'm gonna get on the four or five, four or five?

Yeah, that's wouldn't the one oh five eventually take you to the four or five?

It does, but you you pass it. Oh, you end up passing the one o five, go straight to the one tent. Should I just go to the one oh five? We'll get on south there. It isn't though. It is too late, So.

We're going south though, four or five to the ten, right, I could get on the even.

Four or five to the ten. Okay? Does the four or five hit one ten?

I think we're already on the I don't know this way this way Camera McGillicutty is this way, trying not to impose himself, but he is shaking his head.

No a lot. Tell us, okay, this way.

And then to the one ten and then to the one one right?

Yeah that makes sense. Oh that's Samuel Jacks.

That was probably the most reviting specifics about freeways been in a podcast.

So well, here's here's a nice little here's a nice little uh.

Hear that piece of trivia for the for the watchers slash listeners.

We want to why would we okay, we want to go south right? No, No, it's safe in this car.

Do you think like it was a good choice?

Chris behind the wheels, Yeah, I can't go wrong, all right? Have you guys been switching it up?

I'm just depressed that I still have bad shows.

No, because you don't. You don't have bad shows. Don't remember what I told you about recording yourself?

Uh huh? Do you record yourself audio? No? Not really? OK, No, but you got to.

In the last year, I started recording myself every show and I listened to it.

Yeah. Number one, don't you don't hate your own voice.

No, I hate my own face, Like I can't watch your video recording of myself.

But the voice, it's like because it makes me listen to the material and not what I'm doing. Right, roll up your window for sound.

So it takes a village.

It takes a village, right.

Number one, It's never as bad as I think it is, because I wait, I realized how much time I was wasting feeling like crap about a set when really I could have learned something from it. And when I listened to it, I hear where the laughs actually were and what jokes can actually be turned into material, and then it's there's then there's no such thing as a bad set, there's just workshop.

Yeah.

And but I realized, like I would beat myself up and never learn anything from it and be like, oh, why doesn't all this stuff magically work?

But now I can listen to it and be like I can make that work? Sure, you know, yeah, I should do that more.

I wanted to do that, but I have this weird thing.

Yeah, this is just mebing crazy, but I have this thing where when I go to hit record, I think it's kind of like JINX my set. Yeah, I'm going to be self aware. Yeah, and then thinking about that as opposed to just like my Lucy set.

Well that's why I just recorded every set.

Yeah, that's right. And I don't listen to all the standard.

I don't listen to all of them, and I still record no matter where the show is.

Well, unless it's going to be a really good show, then I don't record it for real.

Yeah, so you have the same superstitions.

Well, if it's a really good show, I don't record it because I know I'm going to do stuff that I know works.

I'm not going to do anything that's workshopping. We knew that this would be a good podcast, so actually we're not recording.

None of this.

Will want to like barn He's I'm just gonna drop some gems on us.

Did the Owner's Dave? Is it ye? David and Dennison Steven is on his floor in his apartment? Did I stay on his floor in his apartment? I had to stand on his floor in his apartment? What, yeah is that? I don't know.

That's frightening and I think I said something about it and I haven't been there since in laughs.

Yeah, No, there's like a hotel. Yeah, I knew that. I said the guy's name. Yeah, that's so weird.

Yeah.

Why am I on the floor of your apartment, you asked demurely.

Oh.

I think it was so they could take me to radio. Did you have to do radio? Do you enjoy doing radio?

No, I didn't have to do I don't do radio with laughts, which is surprising, Okay, I always do. I don't like doing it, and I don't understand why. I mean, like, I don't like getting up number one right, number two?

Who is listening to the radio at six am? Have you ever yet? And it's going to be like, you know what, I will'll go to that show tonight.

I've never I have many times during a show taken a poll of the audience and said how many people are here because of the radio at six am this morning?

And never once has a hand been raised exactly.

Maybe that's why they didn't ask you back. Maybe pulling the audience all the time there's a.

Slimmish extend up comedy or a gallop pole or.

Yeah.

I don't know why they didn't. I think I maybe something is it's something slapped around a way drifts there.

So if you if you were, you were in Kirkland the whole time. So did you just like go to the movies?

What did you do?

No?

I actually have a couple of friends in Seattle that came out to Kirkland to see me. I went into Seattle one day. Mister Harrikondobolu was doing a theater in Seattle Proper, so I ended up getting to see him for five seconds using the Neptune seven hundred seats.

Sold it out. Oh shit, yeah, pretty incredible, Pretty incredible.

That's very cool.

And then I randomly ran into Joe Mandy and Disease.

And Sorry Today as I was leaving Fun because they had a show in Seattle tonight, and I was like, okay, that's great.

It was it was Greg Gray Holiday. That is you ran you ran into them in the city.

Yeah.

I went into the city too because my my flight was late as you know.

So I went in to meet up with a friend from high school and we went to the place that Joe was standing outside of. Oh wow, if he saw me and he's like Baron, I'm like, Joe, it's crazy. And I guess Azs is up there. So Joe's opening for Asease.

And you like coach two guys, you like hanging out with those guys. Well, I have never really hung out with Disease. But Joe. Yes, sure, Joe, I know from Boston.

Actually, Oh I love Joe Mandy. He's hilarious.

Okay, Yeah, Boston or Austin Boston. That's odd. That happens a lot. Huh.

Yeah, I'm from Austin, and only Austin comics do this. I've never been to Boston. Yes, Boston and comics know not to do it to Austin Papo because they're Austin comics.

Never assume it's Austin.

Okay, gotcha, Yes, yes.

They would never. I said, where are you from?

Originally Vegas?

Is that true?

Yeah?

Las Vegas. Born in Mexico, moved to Vegas and I was like six or seven. You're the most healthy person I've ever met from Vegas. It's because I left it.

You didn't say, yeah, whatevererhaps there stays there if people take that to heart.

Anyone I knew.

That grew up in Vegas, they have their stories are about cigarettes when they were fourteen that were dipped in some sort of liquid acid and then their their mother was like a cocktail waitress at a strip club Jesus Christ and their friend murdered someone and it was on some HBO documentary.

These are different people I know from Vegas. Yeah.

I kind of cut my head down. Honestly, it was things too. I think my grandmother a lot.

Well, no, you keep your chin up. No, No, I just mean, like, oh my chin up. I cut my head down a neighborhood that I was in, Oh okay, so as to not get in trouble.

I thought you meant like at school, you spent a lot of time snoozing. We're playing seven up.

Yeah, definitely in quarters to keep your head down.

Because you were first chair violin.

You know what, I don't even remember if I if I got the first chair. We do suggest going to one on one or doing the ten. I think, uh, do the ten, okay, the ten, will go to the five. Yeah, I definitely go to ten. This is not good traffic.

No, the old That's one thing about living here. I thought you grew up in Los Angeles. Sound know why you didn't spend any time as a child here, Not.

Until I moved here three years ago. Okay, yeah, New York, Boston and New York. I feel like maybe it was one of your stage rifts.

I think that you start get off the freeway, remember that accident.

Well there was an accident, Yes, yeah, no accident.

Waves.

I do mention people say ways a lot, but I just ends up filling with everything except downloading that app.

You mean living your life? Yeah, yeah, living your life? Do you have it? Yeah?

Is it good?

I'm very good at it. Really. I'm liking the top one percent in this state.

Wait a second, is it like a game like it does?

You can earn points because of how much you drive, and you can also mark things like accidents, cars on the road, police, traps, potholes, weather, animals, and like roadkill animals.

Well there's one.

No, one time I was in the South and I was driving and I and it was like animals up ahead and like animals, and then I got it. Then there's a freaking deer right there in the side of the road eating freaking glass.

Road grass roads. I wish you said glass glass. I would love to see a deer just eating a little road glass deer, just a deer that has to prove what a bad ass is. Yeah, deer with an eye patch doesn't care. That was never I was glad she got shot by hunters.

Oh that was my That was my old lady.

Have been the same since anyway, they go the old man Diagen's deer Jenkins.

I don't talk about anymore.

Which which show did you find? There was a show that was the best show.

Yes, the late night Friday Show was my best show. Maybe I even felt like the best set I've ever had. It's great, like in my like the strongest, clearest hour. All the jokes were lucid.

Every punchline hit. The audience was hanging on my every word. They're nice people there.

Yeah, the Saturday shows were weird though, So I had my greatest show ever late Friday, and then the Saturday shows they were just kind.

Of Do you remember this famous whatever Steve Martin quote where he said I quit there and stand up because of the blank late show?

Was it Saturday. Okay, yeah, it's it's usually the Saturday or Friday. I for me, it's always different which shows. Yeah, I feel like the late shows are always harder.

Yeah.

Are you sure you didn't quit because you became a famous movie star Steve Martin?

Well, ka waka. I think it was a joke.

I you know what's funny is I? Oh, it was Agree? I agree those those shows are harder.

But I really found when I was doing lots of clubs that I started to love the BRT the bachelorette parties that everyone else feared and hated so much because I could get them.

And then when you get those.

Disruptive, self centered assholes and they start loving everything you say, it's like the ultimate power.

Yeah, yeah, be friends feeling.

And you know, I actually think on the early Saturday show there were these young girls in the front eighteen. I think because the first show is like eighteen and over, second shows twenty one and over, right, And I think that when there's really young people or really old people in plain sight of the rest of the audience they are, they spend the whole time wondering if they should be offended for them, right or scared for them.

Oh is this a pla? I mean there's don't it surface streets? All right? This is kind of amazing because I don't know.

Driving from the airport is so stressful. Yeah, in just the airport in itself is a mess, and we've made he decided to capture it on the video.

It seemed like a good left the time at Palms. It seemed like a good idea as far as getting something for us to do it. My brakes are also giving out that but yeah, I forgot that. Driving just makes me stressed angry at society. When I did your podcast, we talked about anger. Literally, don't to be sure to turn your lights off? Oh bo wait, at some point I'm going to fix the air conditioning. I'd like to apologize to everyone for how hot we all are right now.

In here, get lights in here. I'm wearing two coats, right. They just came back from Seattle, and see that's what I can't stand? The rain? Are you? I love a rainy night? Were you sleepless a little bit?

I like all the Seattle jokes you can. Yeah, I don't have any jokes about kirk Kirkland.

They're just they have a water brand. There's a water and they.

Make fleeces that are at Costco.

Yes, yes, they make signature jeans, facons, signature jeans, winter tires, and muffins I wonder.

And delicious birthday cakes.

I wonder if in this podcast, what do you need?

We make it podcast brought to you by a popular blame capatch joke.

Joke.

Yeah, well we gave him credits. He's a very funny man. That's how he's sponsoring.

Is this his talent is sponsoring this podcast?

Sponsored blank patch? Blank Patch when you don't want to know it's age look the same the whole time I've known him. Of those guys, Yeah, we gotta get in this left flank. Okay, we're gonna let this person. How about I kill you? All right? Wow? God, I love driving.

Last time I was in Kirkland, I was on stage and you know they have that green room that everyone who works in the kitchen changes in.

I don't go in there. I just hang out in the back of the room that groen is groady. Yeah, but yes, I know the green room talking.

It seemed like every time I've been there at a sore throat or I sick or something nursing something. It just happened to be the last two times I went there, I was sick. Maybe that's why they don't have me back. But I someone I think that someone that works there or someone from the audience went into the green room on the way in the bathroom stole my wallet while I was on stage and opened it. And it's like, oh,

So he let the guy go, Wow, that's really a specific question for you. Yeah, yeah, so will it's casual nice, it's scary with lights in the car.

Yeah, this must be insane.

It is insane. It's it's a little bit crazy.

Hey, guys, future reference, don't do this at night. I think all the natural daylight. First of all, it's good for people's complexions. Second of all, it's great for people's complexions.

Yeah, I think you're right, because right now, just taking this turn here, so much backsweat just because I'm not sure what's going to happen. Okay, now we're in the flow of traffic. I'm glad we had that little new tour because it's been a while since I've checked out.

The motor area.

It was gorgeous.

It was beautiful, especially at what is this twilight.

Nighttime?

Yeah, straight night time, it's twilight time.

Oh, we were going to talk about the Eliza Skinners improv music show.

Yes, you were terrific during that, as were you? Chriss were you? Wasn't that interesting? How scary that was? All of us were terrified and then somehow killed it just.

A stand up show with it a piano accompaniment. Yeah, and uh and it turns out we all like to make his songs right.

Yeah.

Oh. Also, it was like, it's interesting when that happens because it's just like I think we were all kind of a little afraid to trust ourselves.

Yes, personally, I loved what Guy Brandham did, which was it was absurd. Yeah, the Martinians sitting. It's like, I'm not gonna sing, I'm just gonna do this lounge character.

Yeah that's hilarious.

Yeah that was great.

Wait, now what did you do?

I picked from pieces of paper and a fish bowl and did.

Little song, did little song stun whatever someone had written and it was terrifying, so sorry, so fun.

So it's like the name of the song is in the fishbowl.

And then the fid rope people wrote there's two things that can happen. People wrote suggestions before the show started, and uh, Eliza put them all in a little bowl that if we felt the need to, we could pick a suggestion out and that was the title of the song that we were gonna sing.

Or whilst you're doing your.

Act, the piano player would just start playing under your jokes and so you had to turn the rest of your bit into a saw.

That's so if you pull on a piece of paper and it says swash buckling Penguin, you'd sing a song like this, go baron I have boom boom.

Boom, boom boom boom boom boom boom boom. Well there's a penguin I know, and he lives on a ship. He's a swash bucklyn penguin.

He's got a sword and a musket so hip. He's a swash buckln penguin. Big on ero fling Win big on aero Linguin because he's a swash buckling penguin.

I'm kind of.

Impressed by clearly the top of your game right now.

It was almost I was almost excited to get in a car wreck during that. If the last thing you hear is swashbuckling penguin Errol Flynn Glynn, I got to do.

That show sounds so fun.

Yeah, it's actually really fun. That was just a taste of it. Do you have time to do shows anymore? Karen?

I do sometimes.

Was your album retirement from standy No?

I hope not quite the opposite. But I've been doing shows lately, except for this past week. I had to cancel almost every show I had books.

It's just when we when we no.

No, it's like, I think maybe it was a show I was at. Yeah that you had to cancel. Yeah, she's busy. Nobody was taking it personally.

Well, that's kind of the good part.

I remember one time I did cancel on Jim Hamilton and he wrote back because I had to stay in New York longer than I thought I had, and so I sent him this really long apologetic message about because I'm so sorry and I.

Really wanted to be here. He wrote back, Oh, no, period, What will I do? How will I find a comedian?

And awsome?

It's just like, wow, that hurts.

Oh that no Western charm.

But I always think of that where it's like, yeah, I don't want to let people down or whatever, but at the same time, there's always twelve people.

It's funny that we're talking about this because I'm skipping a show right now, are you.

It's well, it started at eight. What show it's was that Bordeners. It's called the you know, that's what I said, Rory Scovel some other people. I have no idea what Yeah, me either. Maybe it's a show you don't know about. I think I was to do the show tonight, but I never heard anything about it. Yeah, well maybe.

Tonight and I I well, there's no tweet tweets about it, no Facebook invite.

You never know from as I'm like, guess I'm standing Joe. Sometimes, isn't it funny to get all these gigs?

And then they're coming in from Facebook things, they're coming in from tweets, they're coming in from actual traditional emails. God forbid, someone call you and ask you to do something. So I have this little calendar and it says show tonight location. Then I write down the the the avenue it came to me, like Facebook or Twitter.

Or right, so then I can look it up right and I do the same thing. But I never She always tweets heavily about what the lineup is. But I saw nothing, So I'm like, maybe it's canceled. I don't know what is going on. So I'm gonna go home. You are gonna go home?

Yeah, okay, maybe I'll skip by show too. You know how much that sounds like a digitido?

Why are you talking about? Wait, no, that just sounds like a guy that's buried.

What are you talking about?

Married less deadree doing? Yeah, I don't I don't know what the show is. Yeah, I'm just doing some tune and yeah, that's right.

It was amazing, was it Inuit throat singing?

Yes?

Yeah, people are really into it. When I do that, there we go slide it. I hope they have a hundred words for awesome, because that's like from the dew hits it.

I have to take a wind break, Yeah, take a wind break.

That would be the best if if you said that horrible part? Could I think all you did was unlock the doors? Sorry, so please lock them back so we don't accidentally fall out. Can I roll this one down? Even has the camera on? Yeah, quick wind I want to stick my tongue out and put my head out the thing.

Like what those those things called dogo those family animals.

That's been something I've been wanting to do lately.

Get a dog.

Yeah, I've never been in my brain and now I'm like, I think i'd like to have. Like I haven't had a dog for a really long time. All of my dogs got killed and then I switched to caps. They who murdered all your dogs? Well, actually two of them were killed by the same woman.

In a car.

Yeah. They both jumped the fence. Oh no, at the same time, like literally.

At like five fifteen when she was coming home from work, and like they both jumped the fence and got hit by the same woman.

On the same block, the same car, in the same moment, same car, No, no different, a year apart from each other.

No, horrified, she lives.

It's not her fault. She was just going home from work and the dogs jumped the fence. And this is back in New Mexico. This happened twice. Yeah, it's terrible. And that's why I was like, I'm gonna stay away from dogs. Oh ka ooh. And then there's the really sad one. We can go there, you want me to go there?

So in New Mexico, I was raised with my great grandparents long story where mom had me when she was nineteen.

Great grandparents are like, you.

Shouldn't have sex beyond marriage, and my grandmother's like, you should have had abortion.

So you can see the difference of progressive them progressive of them there. And so my great grandparents had me and we were in New Mexico and my great grandfather had this little.

Like little restaurant kind of snack store, like kids would come in there and buy you know, cookies and chips and candies, and he also like made like hot dogs and and and burgers.

Do you sometimes sing to the kids like in Willly Wonko? Yeah, bing bing bing ban like that. But right across the.

Street was just this giant farm and just like really tall wheat grass you couldn't really see, and it's just this open field. And I had this one dog and I hadn't seen him all day, and I was wondering why. And then I was in that store and I saw my great grandmother across the street in the grass and had never seen her over there.

I was like, what was she doing?

And I had this little ice cream gun that I had gotten out of a store and then yeah, one ten North.

No, that's the do not go to Sam Peter.

I'm trying to point into camera. O.

So she was there, like digging in.

The grass I's doing. And I came outside. I remember looking at her, looking my little ice cream cone. And then she stood up and she picked up the body of my dog, who I guess had been hidden by hit by a car on that street and he crawled over to the side of the street I.

Guess to die in peace, but he was there.

She picked up his body and he was all bloody and blood in his fur, and she's kind of laid it in front of me and licking the freaking ice cream off of the cone and just crying my eyes.

I watched the Life Leader. He stopped licking the ice cream. That's well, I didn't know what. Yeah, I was like, maybe that's why I don't like ice cream.

Maybe maybe that's why I'm never like, yeah, I love ice creams that never have had a hankering for ice cream ever again again.

Yeah, that's sex has ruined for me because my cat dig while I was mastering.

So you just what you're saying is you destroyed the pussy. You destroyed the pussy. I came from the land of kirks I'm pushing cams. They can't handle me in Kirkland. That's why it's been since two thousand and eight.

You really hung up? Should we visit this?

No, I'm not a day I think that you you can probably go back there if you wanted to. I could ask to go back, and you don't want to. I don't want That's also the other thing. You don't want to go back. That's the other thing. I'm gonna do a show across the way at the Liquid Lime.

Yeah, because the Bellevue, the parlor place seems to be totally corporate. They booked no local as well they have a feature in a headliner coming from out of town.

Sure, plus Bellevue seems really douchey.

It's like rich programmers, but like the ones that you know raped someone in college. That's who it is that's living there, and they got away with it because their dad is important.

They always get houses on the lake and.

Yeah, yeah, lake have lake houses. Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry about your dog that died. By the way, I didn't mean to make a joke about that.

No, it's fine, sad story. It's honestly, I feel like it was. There's something old school about it. Like my great grandmother wasn't like I'm gonna hide this death of this dog. She brought it to me and let me watch.

So I knew.

Life ends. Yeah, my son, and so does ice cream. If that happen.

Yeah, you'd just be fat because of ice cream. You'd be a big fat sweet.

If they'd call me icy mccream. And I see, I probably need the best pool player in all of Minnesota. Yeah, because you have no choice with that. Nime not nime Occam's kind. Oh my god.

Somebody had a joke the other day to Billiards. Somebody had a joke that they can't remember who was. I feel like it was someone like very Rothbart or somebody that had some jokes.

It was like, maybe it was you, Chris.

No, there's some there's a joy in beating someone at pool that came with their own poolstick.

Oh yeah, well you have to watch them kind of. I've experienced that with darts. Some guy came with darts with his own tips and his own little and he's.

Serious about it, and then you beat him and he's like angrily putting all his Oh I've played a lot of darts.

This is awkward. We were supposed to be in the left lane here. Nah that I'll be fine. So we we're basically going like I'll just get on the own now we're going downtown. Don't worry about it. Man, this is just obnoxious that this fricking three ways like this.

Yeah, they come back out somehow.

Yeah, hopefully everyone noticed to do hey.

Oh yeah, everyone else goes where all the traffic is right there. Yes, I do this because there's a few more cars.

Yeah, beautiful box put it in my hands. I yeah, I do.

Wonder what happens in all these building is that like when you're driving around l a. And you see all these giant houses where millionaires live. Do they all work in these tall buildings? Is that where rich people? Maybe I'm always confused.

I don't think his own things. People.

We should get all the way to the left for the five North. Okay, you know in seven lanes and five seconds like it does in Los Angeles.

Like you are expected to do. Yes, well you got it.

Wow, this is actually pretty impressive, Chris impressive.

It is impressive because I'm it's say impressive, but my brain was like, you mean Chris?

That brain was like Google right there? Impressive? Did you mean, Chris Fairbanks? Uh? You missed I think five earthquakes since you've been gone.

Yeah, sorry about that.

Well, actually I saw on some Twitter that somebody was like so and so followed la earthquake alert. It was like some Twitter that tweets every earthquake. And I looked at it and I'm like, there have been eight earthquakes the last day.

What's happened? Isn't that scary?

The one, the most recent one was really big, but it was where I lived. It was not loud at all, Like my dogs did not wake up. So I just thought I had gotten really dizzy, and it freaked me out.

And it was long. It was like more than a minute, I think. So I just sat there going, am I do I have vertigo? It was super weird. And then I looked down and saw it was like the blanket was swinging back and fire.

Yeah, yeah, understood, like activity. It scares me. Yeah, isn't it a good thing? Happened? You always heard that it little tiny earthquakes?

Yeah, they released the pressure.

Yeah. Also, a great earthquake is just album. Is that earthquake just like an earth fart?

Like?

Yeah, the earth is a little gas, right, so it's good somebody.

Yeah. Otherwise everything takes a giant, giant message ship.

And we all die. Right, that's what a volcano is, Okay, okay.

It's real hot ship all the every This whole time, I didn't realize how scared I was to drive in a car with the potential of an earthquake, because I just think about lost lane falling into that trench.

Yeah, hey yeah, maybe Christopher Evel will show up and scream, oh, we are getting this left lane backwards.

We only have three miles here we go, and yeah, we're almost to my place. Actually, this is great. I'm glad we took this route.

It was perfect.

It was it was it was what we were meant to do.

Any upcoming shows you're excited about?

When is this going to be?

Yeah, going up probably December or so.

I do have some up coming shows I'm excited about. I'm just uh, it's not until, like I feel like I'm not. I have a college this weekend in Texas.

Curville, Curville, Currville, which we'll see how that goes. What do I have coming up? Some club dates, but that's not until like the after of the summer. I'm excited about Bridgetown, which is gonna be made. Oh yeah, I'm taking Bridgetown off this year. A lot of people are. But they also didn't. They also didn't.

Regress a lot of people back, like people who they accepted, like a hundred new people who've never done it.

Oh good, I think that's good. I think it is good.

I think it's good they aren't having me back. I was really starting to spin all back there in Portland.

Yeah, that's that's what I got going on and trying to I think that auditioning is over for me as a concept.

Yes, yes, I I don't know.

That I'm going to fit into anything that anyone else has thought of. So two years in a row where Hollywood is like America doesn't believe you exist.

So are you gonna write something?

Yeah?

I mean I feel like that's the only thing that I can do is write something for myself. I guess and see if somebody is interested in it.

But it's like, because.

Auditioning it's so time consuming and I'm never prepared because there's always so many yes, and nobody that isn't an actor doesn't get that you actually need to sound like a.

Human being when you're saying these lines right right, And it's like everyone is.

People are getting cast off of half assed auditions essentially, and then the shows aren't good weird.

Yeah, yeah, I'm I did not do that this year, but it wasn't by choice, just like laughs. I just don't have Yeah, any kind of representative understand it.

But I like it that way.

Well. Also, it's the most painful, like the amount of time you can spend doing anything.

It's the worst.

It's always the worst people and the worst feeling, and the lines are poorly written and.

It's so badly written.

Yeah, when they're like, let's give this person a three page scene in which there's only two lines and it.

Just doesn't track in any way. And then it's like, somehow it's on you. You're not good enough to make that make sense.

Well, I think that, honestly, to do it all in one foul swoop, every show and every channel and every actor and casting director in this freaking city makes no sense.

Is just a giant.

Everyone's a bot, giant ball of annoyed anxious stress. Do I get on I no, stay on the five, I think, get off of the two, don't go on the two, don't go on the two?

Okay, gotcha?

And then also, like watching a bunch of watching three hundred people say the exact same words is not going to help you tell people at part no right, Yeah, honestly they should do it like theater the you do didn't even do it anymore, but like people should just be able to come in with their own monologues and showcase themselves. Then you give them the sides when it's a call back. Yeah, and I guarantee you from the first edition they would narrow it down to the key.

People would take less less time. I bet you.

Wouldn't it be great if we kind of took over all the decision making and it wasn't left to people that were just communications majors that like to compartmentalize talent like these just like all the ladies and dudes that weren't at Comedy Central that have no sense of humor, and they're like, we're gonna use this guy, We're gonna cut this right.

It's just like.

People like, no, I hate Comedy Central.

They but they also just they undercut the intelligence of the public. So it's always like they would never get that.

But I really feel like that's kind of going to the wayside now with all the like Netflix and cable and all that stuff, mad Men whatever, where it's almost like the the intelli leigence of the average person is starting to like fight back, you know.

I think so, I kind of. I just I've chosen to look at it that way. Yes, yeah, one day, smart people will prevail and they.

All the TV they want.

Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. See it's okay to have long pauses.

I'm exhausted from driving, Are you guys scared?

Yes, exactly, scary, right, I'm not scared. Horrible could have happened. Not over. We're still on the freeway. On the freeway, I'm telling my friend where to where we're going to go have some food? Heard of it?

What exit is yours?

Right here?

Oh?

Great to know?

Yeah yeah now you.

Oh wait because your brother house of pies we edited out. I do this every time.

I know, all right, describe where take a left tier?

All right?

Now, I think I'll know. There's definitely something in my freaking eye. I'll figure out when I get home. Who can take a poop farts and put it in your hand? The swast buckling pinkuin.

Name er. How early did you have to get up this morning?

Not that early actually, because my flight was until four, so I before thirty nine something like that. So I smartly intentionally booked a late flight so I could sleep in and kind of not rush at the airport.

Right, Yeah, that's good. And do you party after your shows?

I'm in my thirties, party, I I.

And it's funny too because all my friends are in their thirties who come to my shows when they can.

So luckily there's not that expectation like let's go out and drink, and one's like I got to go back to home. I've seen you've never seen me drunk. You've never seen me drunk. I've seen your drunk. I don't know. It's so hard hard to read what I don't know. I'm driving. I'll just leave it up to you. Guys.

No, I.

I drink socially. I don't really get drunk. Yeah you do. Seeing you drunk A bunch of that is unfair.

Banks.

Well, I couldn't tell if you're being sarcastic or if you have this new thing where you're not wanting to be a drinker, which is.

No, I'm not being sarcastic. I don't I don't get drunk a lot. I've just been there when the time. I also think that you are wrong.

I think that you maybe think that I was drunk when you were around me, but I was probably just happy.

Yeah, okay, is this one of the places I guess whenever you I know I've been to your place before, but I just just keep in mind I don't know where it is.

Well, we keep going this way, don't worry, I'll point it out. What this is called los feels. Yes, if it was correct spanishould call yeah.

My tendency is I don't like people pronounce it that way because the Spanish correctly, beer, I don't like that one.

I just say, I says, oh, I don't know, No, it's it's it's as I.

Had the uh those.

I had the audition in Spanish the other day, full page of Spanish.

Really yeah, no, uh huh do you speak Spanish?

Yeah?

But yeah, Spanish. I there's colleges there in education. But are they're like latinos.

No, No, they have white people teaching, of course makes sense, but yeah, yeah, there's there's glas Klosta.

It was awful.

It was I haven't spoken Spanish for a very long time, and I don't remember even I think it said I could do an accent, and then I just went in there and they said it's okay. It's a white guy that's married to a Mexican woman, so his accent is supposed to be bad.

And I'm like, but I couldn't stop laughing.

It was.

It was so funny coming out of my out of your mouth, out of my mouth.

Too, you like, uh, you've got even sounding like I just like someone.

Once you gave me permission to take a left here commercial audition for shows.

Take a left here? All right?

Yes, it said no left turn only those hours here. If you get this paragraph in your head, you'll know when not to turn left.

I know.

So just go in here. Oh, it's becoming familiar. Are you on the left or the right?

Oh?

You should go that way to that stop sign and and take a right. Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna take care of you, guys. Don't worry. Don't worry to get our kneecaps broken. Ago, take it right right here? All right? Whoa? That was the frondiest poem front watch out all the palm trees. That's just me. I don't have a I don't have a Paccino impersonation. Just the rhythm. It's the rhythm that light. No exactly, it's just rhythm, that's what

To the light, to the light, to the light to l like Chris, Hey, Chris, it's fun to have it all like, listen, go up to the light tank.

All right, I got it now.

No, it's not that good.

It'scognize recognized time.

I'll let me just don't worry about it. Well, I hope that something said said of use and hilarity to know. Pull it to that chevron. Let's do that. Also another sponsor of do you need a ride? If you need gas, go with gas. I'm gonna end this.

Part cast for getting some unletted Yeah, Baron, Baron, you inspired.

I'm gonna call laughs too. I want to go there just like you did. I want to be like you. Do you want to walk like me? Talk like me? It's Aero England is okay, we're leaving you at this guess. I live in the building around it.

It just seems so I like it.

I'll walk into your door.

No, it's fine, don't because actually he lives on the other side of the railroad tracks.

Don't want us to see where you live.

I live on the wrong side of the tracks. So good to see Karen, good to see you.

Thanks for doing it.

Okay, I know I did this with my hands.

Did you do at light?

Pat something like that? So that's it for you and I too. You're gonna walk that way.

You're right.

Amount of gas, Thanks Baron, Thank you guys.

Thanks Baron. Okay, here, do you need some gas money? That's all right, take my card.

That's how well I'm just talking about.

This is These are the This is how it really is. Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim.

I give us time and a Turmino and Gaby.

We want to send you off InStyle. We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it.

We scared? Or was it fine?

Now?

Porn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do your need to ride? Do you need a ride?

Do you need ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and cress Mm hmm