Ep. 28 - Patrick Keane

Are you leaving on? You want your way back home?

Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a termino and gay.

We want to send you off inside. You want to welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it. We scared her? Was it fine? Mal porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need ride?

With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.

And this is Karl Gareff.

Right now, currently getting in the car is Patrick Keane.

Hello, hey guys, good to see you. Karen. You're so funny. I love everything about you here.

That's a really good start. That's a really strong start for this podcast.

I like it.

Patrick, you were it just seems like you were just walking along the street here. I'm so glad we were recording.

Yeah, I just you know, this is Seventh Street. I like to I like to stroll down here, closer to downtown.

It's funny because we're about to do a show here at the Monty, this Drunken Story show.

Do you want to get on it. We could call the guy we have connections.

No, I'm I'm gonna do Is that what you're saying this, I'm going to do the show.

Well, that wonderful coincident that explains why you were walking along the street. I thought that you hadn't gone gone back to your jigglow work.

You know. Paramore is a term I like to use.

Its romantic.

Yeah, would I've never heard that word paramore.

It's just I think it's just jigglo. I really think literally, that's maybe.

I've never heard of the word because I'm not in the business myself.

Oh, that's right, that's right. How are you are we? I never know downtown quadrants? Are we going southwest?

Right now? We are? Currently? I would say southeast?

Okay? Nice dude, how are you? It's good. I had a blast with you in Montana.

Oh, let's hear about it, Karen Uh, Patrick and I went to Montana together, not together, separate flights, but uh, same hotel, same comedy.

It was a contest, yeah.

The Big Sky.

Yes, and we had fun.

There's no one funnier in a van full of comics than Patrick King.

Oh really, yeah, I.

Think everyone really like It's funny when there's a certain situations where you just have to be funny all. It doesn't matter the kind of comic you are, the kind of writer, the kind of material you are, what your headshots look like. And Patrick Keane is the winner when.

It comes to He brings it every time.

We were laughing so hard, just tag team and like a comedy duo.

Well hey, you know, likewise you're fantastic. I think with those festivals it's tough in competitions because they only get to see you once. So it's like whatever works immediately, you know, isn't always the funniest stuff that resonates. If you've got stuff that resonates, that's not going to work in a festival, right, stuff you have to think about.

And you have to keep in mind that you're in rural well all of Montana is rural, it being the fourth largest state with less than a million people.

Go ahead and check that. You want to not do big.

City material, which Patrick and I both we have very metropolitan jokes.

Yeah, you're very your high falutine is what I would call you. Mediums top hat comics, yeah.

Calls, Yeah, that's true.

And so we have both the mister peanuts of stand up comedy is what I.

Think of when I think, uh, monocle wearing sandwich tycoons.

It is tough in those markets, it is, and which is most of.

Those just because you're not dumbing it down. I'm not saying they're dumb.

No, because like when I started doing the road, I started doing comedy in LA which isn't the best place to start, like the Marines, you know, but.

It's the best place to end it. I'm discovering.

And then you go to these towns and you're like, oh, you're still here, Like you're still at this point in evolution and everything, and like stand up comedy, you guys don't make fun of it, you know, like the process right right, which.

We're used to right in our circle.

They still think it's kind of a fascinating wonder.

Oh yeah, they still they still in these markets love Hey, who here is married? Who here is single? And it's like, are you kidding me?

And you kind of have to do that.

And I think Patrick and I both we kind of have our act as built around holding a mirror up to comedy working. Maybe not as much as someone like Andy Kindler or something, but I do like that in my act to be like, oh, I'm eating it right now, even when I'm not right. But they actually will backfire there and they're like, oh, he said he's eating it.

I guess I'll stop laughing.

Right, They don't they don't get it recognize, yeah, which is so crazy that there's it's almost like we went backwards after like what were the nineties for if they still don't get.

I guess just big blousy flannel shirts.

Yeah, I mean a lot of good fashion came out of it.

Guy.

Really, I'm so grateful for the huge holes in my knees and jeans that I wore like I was a goddamn hobo. Right, So at least that you mean in comedy in comedy.

Sorry no no, But what's funny is like you mentioned Killer's Letterman sets are so good, amazing, They're so funny.

Yeah, it's almost like the he needs that last one he did. There was a couple jokes that were so rotten, but like in that in the way of Andy doing it, it's not even about the words anymore.

It's like very meta. And the thing that was killing.

Me was.

Children at play m there's just a family running.

Just a perfect silhouette and a border town. Yeah, and that's on a sign.

But you could hear Letterman just cackling in the background during which you never hear that. To me, that was like the most beautiful thing in the world listening to Letterman diet.

And I've said it since I started.

It was always my goal and comedy at some point make David Letterman laugh. And it looks like it's not gonna happen unless I just go outside as cabin cabin in Showdow, Montana do something. Yeah, yeah, right next door

Is she of white descendants?

Yes? Yes?

And it was about the you know, just homesteading, squatting on land earning through making it a viable farmland earning it. It was an interesting documentary in this guy was part of it, and next door to him was Letterman, and it was an interesting town because Letterman bought like a fancy gymnasium for the high school, and like there was buildings there that were beautiful and it was Letterman money.

Yeah, I hear that he does a ton of anonymous charity donations and he just said, nobody knows it's him doing it, but he does stuff like that.

Like you know who else does that? And it won me over on them existing is Keanu Reeves? Oh wow, apparently it's you know, with anonymously giving huge amounts of money, like that last Matrix movie he gave each crew member, I think a million dollars. I think it was one million, Like he spent seventy five million dollars of his own money.

Is that Matrix revolutions that tirable?

Do not know which one because I've never enjoyed. All I had to do is during the first one, see that part where he goes Oki Doki, and I left the theater And then I heard everyone else really liked it. How yeah he slow motion dives bullets hit his nose Harris and we all loved it.

But uh, yeah, I heard. I think it's because I've watched that movie. And I'm realizing already I've talked too much. I've watched that movie when.

There was a deaf person in the audience, and so they had the subtitles at the bottom which were popping up moments before the lines were delivered. So the entire theater was laughing at Keanu Reeves because at the bottom it said Oki doki, and then almost like he was reading it, he'd go and we all were laughing very hard. But we wouldn't have been laughing if we'd known how many children he put little jackets on.

It, he'd be weeping.

I was won over by Kenna Reeves recently when I heard the story of the second time he's had a female stoker break into his house in the middle of the night. He came downstairs at four in the morning and there was a woman sitting in a chair in his living room, just sitting there, and he had to say.

Okay, excellent.

She was like I'm in your house.

And yeah, that is so that's beyond.

Never stopped screaming, and apparently he was like, okay, I have to call the cops now, you know that, and she was like yep, and then really chill, yeah, yeah, it was all cool about it. He was mister cool. I think he might not have the option to be any different.

Because emotionally he's void in that well.

Or whatever his reasons. I wouldn't want to say what's in another man's heart.

I just know that there's not a lot going on.

And yes, sir Bob, just two terms.

Let's just let that speak for it.

Patrick, why do you love Keanu Reeves?

Yeah? Well, you know what I don't is Point Break a guilty pleasure. It's a likable movie.

I think everyone agrees that it's filled with action. I think a lot of times people are laughing at it, but it's.

A mean Bucy's alive. Swayze is not, which is insane, right, that's so crazy, But it's his teeth. Yeah, it's amazing, but it's funny what you say about you want to make Letterman laugh because for I think a lot of comics and maybe other industry and jobs of things I don't care about. It's more about like the high points aren't maybe being on TV, but a high point is like like Andy Killler came up to me once at a show at what the whatever? That Holy fuck show Tuesday.

Because that's also like the whole year back in high school and you're popular all of a sudden. No matter how much we pretend we don't want that, we all want that well.

And also because comics are the only other people that know like you do, like what the tricks are, it's easy to fall for a comedian, Like the first time you go see comedy, or if you're kind of new to it, there'll be people that you go like, that guy was amazing. But if you've been watching it for twenty years, you know every trick in the book, you know, all the clap traps and all the bullshit people do.

And that's what we are talking about with the Big Skyfest is we watch those people kind of rise to the top and they're good comics, but they are doing not tricks, but they're.

Just doing Yeah.

It's like, don't try that.

Yeah, we all know why that works. But that's why I'm saying. But no one was making everyone laugh.

From the van, like like, mister Patrick Key, where are you from?

Originally originally toled, Ohio, but I grew up in Orange County, California. We moved out when I was a kid.

Talk about where you went to college and.

Went to college in Helen. I'm Montana, the capitol.

Capital of the state.

I'm from Carol College. That's why I was a little disappointing not to go further in that festival too, because I'm like, well, I went to college here, I should have a jump on people. But it's comedy, you know, and it just doesn't have mercy.

There's no way.

Yeah, so I went there to play college football. They gave me a scholarship.

Really yeah what position?

It was a tight end. Uh yeah, So insert joke here.

On my choice.

He's asking you to depending on where you're from, if you're a power bottom or a leather.

Daddy or an otnor you do you still you're an athlete?

Then I stay in shape a little bit as much as I can. But I was I think I took this body as far as it would go. You know what I'm saying. My dad had higher expectations. He was a big guy, he was an athlete, and he married kind of an art draw like an artsy little girl who likes musicals, art, drugs, and so I have some of that body, oh right, instead of like, you know, elitist whatever German. I don't know.

Yeah, no, he should head up if he wanted you to succeed that you only want a fraction of elitist German flowing through you.

Yeah, yeah, insert joke there. But uh yeah, what happened with football?

Then?

Well I hurt my knee and I was done with it pretty quick, and I tried to rehabilitate for a couple of years and work it and work it, and it just wasn't like you know, it was still in my head that it was injured, and so I wasn't going full speed, and I'm like, what am I doing? This is like a Division two school. I'm not going pro and I'm now two years, i haven't been playing in rehabbing and I'm still not sure. And I was like, let's wrap this up.

You know, So you did like Jackson, Bo Jackson, You're just gracefully.

Yeah, just kind of slowly.

Yeah, I think.

That Bo Jackson fully recovered and then realized he wasn't as fast, and he's like, you know what, maybe I'm good enough to.

Pass, but uh yeah, if it can't be full.

Speed passable, I mean, not good enough to become the quarterback.

Yeah, yeah, then make a pass at you.

Well we could do that stuff. But yeah, that's the same same thing. I think, Yeah, if you can't do it.

Full out, so you Bo Jackson from Jackson.

Yeah, and then uh yeah. And then I always wrote, like in college, I wrote, oh, this would be a funny scene for a movie. This would be a funny scene. This would be a funny scene because I never loved like exclusive stand ups. I'd like people like Bill Murray, Jean Wilder, you know, stuff like that.

Yeah.

Yeah, so so LA was kind of the place instead of exclusive stand up in New York. And yeah, and now you're just trying to bring shape to it, right you know, And it's just so chaotic right now. It's like what do you want to do, you know, be on network television. Do you want to go out on auditions? Do you want to just do stand up? Because now there's these podcasts, there's VH one shows. There's shows like, as an example, a Chelsea Handler show where you're a panelist.

I think you're doing it right. I'm glad that you just got hooked on stand up.

Yeah. Yeah, it's it's fun when it works. It's the best in performing in big cities. I just watched I've watched three times now. I've watched pepotone special on Netflix, and it's like, oh, oh, this is what it's about. This is what it's like to enjoy because you just see so much manufactured crap and no offense to a lot of those guys. But I'm scrolling through their specials on Netflix because I'm like, yeah, no, you kind of know. And then Pepotones though really bounces. Man.

Well it's it's it's great, But it's also that it's like that kind of thing of any these days.

It's feels like.

With the kind of uc beification of comedy of performing people that right, that's mine, copyrights, trademark, No, no, no, what's mine?

But everyone's everyone can do it.

It's it's a thing that isn't this mysterious distant thing anymore.

So since everyone can do it, it really takes a lot.

To stand out from the a from not average, because there's some great comics writing good material, but having the performance performance element, and like with Eddie's thing, it's just that electric, you know, it's just really happening right there, and he's really talking about. The stuff he's screaming about is not a character a bit. He's really afraid of the end of civilization. He's really afraid that the world is ending, that they we're all going to murder each other.

Oh yeah, So it's so liberate, Like I would love it. If my dad would ever see him, he would love you know. He's just like multi generational. And I don't know. You try not to be a snob about comedy, but it's got to be funny, you know, and it's not just hopefully a popularity contest. I think comedy and funny have become two different things right now.

Yeah, like popular comedy.

Yeah, it's like, what is this karaoke element?

Yes, it's a real because it's such a business.

Yeah, it's such a love it if one day there was comedy karaoke where you just picked your favorite comic and your mouth the words and just sit in a chair like Bill Cosby would have done.

Oh god, well, Odin Kirk just had that interview. Did you see that.

I saw the title of it, and I didn't want to get bummed out because I didn't I don't want someone to tell me to quit doing comedy.

And here's some grim side of it.

Yeah.

Would he say, it's just it's titled. I think it's titled differently. It's titled like get out of Comedy because it's about to crumble or something like that. But really it's just it's more about it's just in a different direction, I think, and like for me and and I don't know, maybe a lot of comics feel that, like you'll get fun of your stuff out of a breaking bad you know or show, then you will out of it.

He's saying, don't do stand up anymore, get a starring role in a MC drama.

Well that's part of it. If you can't, you know, why.

Not just sell on your sell of your I never thought that I should just get a lead, just.

Be highly successful. That's better than comedy. Okay, sounds good.

They noted, that's a good plan. I got to pick up the phone.

But there's uh, I mean, I don't know. I think a lot of comedy people don't necessarily watch comedies. I I, for one, watch a lot more movies. Yeah, you know than I do straight stand up. And part of it might be jealousy about you know, your own career.

Yes, absolutely, but well and also, don't do you ever have that thing like I feel like I watch less stand up because I don't want to get I don't want to later on write a bit that I think is amazing and it just turns out to be someone else's right.

Yeah, that I've watched that's yeah.

I've definitely done that before.

Yeah, And you don't want to trust one of those people that watch too much stand up where it's like, dude, you're kind of weirding me out, like you like this too much?

Yeah, the experts, that's the big.

So many names that are in my head right now. We don't have that kind of podcast where we talk SMAC, but it really is some of my good friends. It's just oh, you study this, yeah, and do it. That's you can't be both. You can't be a fan and do it well.

Also, just a lot of people can't do it like it.

I mean, there's a difference between doing it and then actually being good at it or worth watching. Yeah, And I think that's the difference is a lot of people kind of don't well, we don't have to think about that part.

You just do what you're trying to do.

But at the end of the day, I think there's only like, if there's one hundred percent of comics, twenty percent are actually really good, yeah, and eighty percent are the other people.

Yeah, I think that's generous.

Yeah. And the clubs. So you go around the country and these clubs push their locals and it's like, Okay, they're okay for this market, but don't you know I wouldn't move to LA just yet.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're gonna get eaten alive.

Yeah, something's gonna happen. You're gonna get a parking ticket. Really, that's what getting eaten alive here is parking in.

A red Oh, the anxiety you get in this town from parking, like you'll wake up on the road and like, where's my car right now? Like where is it? Yeah, you know you're gone for a week or two.

You're already in the fetal position.

Then you look across the street and be like, oh, yeah, I did take that second spot.

Oh no, one my neighbors saw me crying.

I was driving on some bald wheels for a while. My tires were you could literally see the threading underneath the rubber they had split.

I was doing that three podcasts ago in our studio.

And it's a I just didn't realize how much I drive until my life was on the line every time I got into my car, and.

It was like, oh, this is a this is a lot of anxiety.

Well right now we're rolling smoothly, and I think that you can all you all attest to the fact that there isn't a lot of noise coming from these beautiful UH Como tires. You got Como Kumo Komo, So do you need a ride? Brought to you by kum You should have learned it before we recorded this. UH also by Lyft and Uber. We're sponsored back to the program.

Those are very great Lyft and.

Uber to get both of them, we were very happy.

They It's funny people try to fight. It's like, what are you fighting. You're fighting progress, You're fighting something that everybody likes. You're like, that's so anti.

You're talking about taxi drivers, right, Yeah, who doesn't like Lyft and Uber except for h taxi drivers?

Well, they really had.

Taxi drivers had a lot of power for a long time, and it's good that they got it taken away.

Yeah, time to get knocked down a peg like Pig Steinfeld from DC CAP.

If the only one here wants to be a cab driver, that's right. That was an amazing cast.

I watched that.

Remember when Nickelodeon used to be a movie channel when cable first came out.

No really, yeah, I just remember it being you can't do that on television and that's.

It in the very early days.

I believe I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure it was a movie channel and it was.

Always Silver Streak.

It was always the wilder prior movies and DC Cab.

I think watched DC Cab twenty times when I was a kid.

Well there, I can't remember where it was, but there was a network it's tough to be a baby.

Uh.

I got to rewatch that now.

Not to be confused with p Rod his son, who is a professional skateboarder with his own Nike shoe, earns more money than p rod sor earned.

Yeah.

Wow, just a little side note for you guys. If you get if you get a shoe as a border you you have many cars and houses.

So I should have brought I was just in Jackson Hall. I should have brought you a ski DVD. My my brother in law works. He produces films, Titan Gravity Research. They do these ski films.

I know that. Yeah.

Really, don't tell Chris about Titon Gravity Not.

Get off my assane. Really that's yeah.

I had because I have an extra copy. Gave me a couple of copies, and I gave one to Leah, the girl we were with in Montana, and then I was gonna give one to whoever else and I didn't even think to bring it.

But uh, well, where's your house, let's go.

It's on the west so that's where I live.

But her neighbors we should hang out more.

Yeah, we should. It's the west Side's a weird thing. If you're not you know, like because it's just it's kind of far away from Hollywood in the valley and a lot of gigs.

Yeah, it's far away from everything.

Yeah, it's very isolated.

It is.

But then you get to wear a lot of seersucker suits, m h and walk barefoot everywhere.

Right, I mean, so their benefit, I go.

More Southern play, right, But yeah, either way, you're wearing a free flowing suit, straw.

Hat, you're drunk on gin, just the important stuff.

Do this? Well? They the tax cab drivers, they always claim I don't have a credit card, or you can't I can't take that. It's like, what are you talking about?

Trying to say that?

Now I'm going to pay you with my phone using a satellite.

Yeah, welcome to twenty fourteen.

We're not giving you a tip. Can be an anonymous situation, take it.

I like the cab drivers used to because la is such a bad place for cab drivers.

But they also.

Anyone to McDonald's.

Sorry none for me.

I didn't mean to interrupt.

No, that's okay. Well I was just gonna say.

They never they always need you to tell them directions. Yes, yeah, like they're like, well where is that? It's like, but you're.

A cab, right, You're literally offering no service, right except for the driving part.

But come on.

So, yeah, it's in a city like La uber is just conquering.

But I did. Do you like on the West side.

You know here and there?

Like I like waking up there. Yeah, the ocean's.

There, people are happy. Nobody works. I don't think everybody's in flip flops.

They're all independently, well they wear in flip flops.

Yeah, And it's just I feel like I should be working hard. Like I'm like, I don't deserve this. I haven't worked hard enough. I haven't achieved like these people. Well not that they have either.

But you don't have flip flops.

I don't. I have some rainbows flops.

Yeah, in a male pedicure.

It is great. It keeps you healthy because you're just like, wow, I have to compete. I mean, people are so healthy out here. Yeah, or you drown. But I've lived in Los Follies for years. I love that part of town. That's my kind of my favorite.

Yeah, it would be nice and convenient.

Yeah.

Do you like where you live, Karen?

I do.

I used to live beautiful neighborhood.

She lives in an actual neighborhood, Oh, real civilian live.

I live in Burbank where everyone's grandma lives and it's great. And I used to live in Silver Lake by Les Filis and I moved there because I thought it would be cool and hip and those helicopters. Every night there was helicopters and the light in my backyard and it made me crazy. I was so paranoid and scared all the time. It was just, it's such a I just really prefer the valley.

Yeah. No, And you can hit Hollywood for shows or whatever meetings like it's nothing.

Yeah, you're in a very convenient place. Although I really you're in a good place.

I'm in a good place.

I'm talking spiritually.

But I do like the West Side Wesside for the positive ions.

Oh come on, it.

Might be her last bad decision, but there's clearly been many before that, wandering in the street haphazardly.

Also, could she have looked more like mister Magoo?

She looks like a Chinese ghost chese ghost specifics.

Oh, the racial specifics specific. It's the neighborhood for it. James James Woods.

Boulevard, named after the popular Their Asshole actor I saw him on nine to eleven.

Did you you saw him in a bookstore on nine to eleven in Beverly Hills. It was crazy. Wow, it was the weirdest set of circumstances.

Where you like, oh, this is this is someday to be reading you callous.

Son of it.

But he's looking at a book of how to handle Huge Ship.

Yeah, but Patrick was just looking at a magazine. His heart was still on the.

Right, still on incident.

Yeah, the end of the day.

Yeah, it was. It was crazy.

Hey, let's dive in, let's talk about Yeah, let's.

Get in there.

And then he would eventually I think, play Juliani in something, and I was like, oh, this is weird he's playing. That's funny thing, that's really relatable.

Yeah, it's funny that I know that you didn't care about that day. You were. You were elbows deep in a Tale of My Two Cities.

On My Two Cities still, the combination of the classic novel and the TV show My Two Dads.

There was hot. She would later go on to be in that show with Chrissy from Three's Company. Step by Step. Oh, Patrick Duffy.

Didn't talk about step by Step the.

Other day we can figure out which one it was.

Yeah, we just went straight to seventh Heaven.

Oh yeah, that's a guy.

Yeah he's getting off apparently off put the insert joke. Yeah yeah, apparently statute of limitations.

He was in the first Star Wars movie. Did you know that? It was kind of a flop. Really, it didn't go well.

He was called r O you eight one two or something?

Right?

Didn't it have some it was? Wasn't it his like student film?

Oh well, they made Wrath of Kahan was a sequel and was fantastic Star Wars.

I'm like someone's grandpa, except I haven't even so I'm like older than a grandpa if I confused.

Star Trek.

The TX movie that George Lucas made where they were just in the white void y.

Yeah, yeah, that's what I saw that when.

I was like seven. Yeah it was.

It was on TV one night and I was alone in the TV room and I.

Had a serious, serious breakdown.

Yeah, dude, that's seven. You shouldn't even see that at seventeen.

No, it was pretty cools a lot.

Who knows what that?

And Duel, the movie where the guy's being chased by the truck. Me and my uncle Steve watched Duel one day and I was probably six, and I was just like, and we there was just no way I was going to ask to turn the channel. This was in the seventies, when adults did whatever the fuck they wanted and kids had no say in anything.

Oh God, And so yeah, I.

Got exposed to a lot of great filmmakers at the early age.

I can't believe in the peak time.

One of the cassette VHS tapes that we had in my movie collection when I was a kid was Clockwork Orange, and I watched it at a very young age.

Did you really?

Yeah?

And the but And at the time I knew I shouldn't be watching this, and I would turn it off after one of the many there's like rape scenes. Yeah, And I was watching that as a kid, and I'm like, well, that girl's naked, but I really don't like what's I I think it was good that I saw it because it made me realize right away that even even if the law isn't telling me, rape is probably bad.

Yes, along with it.

That you can Yeah, it's true though, given myself that credit. But the kids these days, I mean, I'm sure my nephew is seen unspeakable porn. I always think about that. It's right there at his fingertips. Yeah, he's always on the computer. You've always seen like.

Don't they have blocks or parentals?

Yeah, I'm sure my sister's on that. I don't mean to. I wonder if I apologize.

I know my sisters, she would, she would make sure he doesn't see that stuff.

I mean, I mean, I had.

Meg from a Spiegel catalog, a page of bras, just pictures of.

Bras, Victoria's than a playboy.

As a kid, I've had that folded up and my underwear drawer in an envelope taped to the roof of my underwear. And when my parents left the house and I knew they're at least a mile away, I would pull that out and look at it and and well, I'm not going to go into detail after that, but I found myself as a man Karen.

Business, I walked in on myself. There's a mirror, full length mirror.

Oh god, but yours was Victoria's secrets.

To this day, I like a little bit of a little bit to be desired, you know, a little hidden Yeah, yeah, yeah, lingerie and wholesome.

I've seen some things on Tumblr that I'll never be able to unsee because it all gets mixed together, like you're following someone's tumbler because you're like, oh, look they like stripes or they you know, they like whatever, and then suddenly some insane porn gift comes up where you're.

Like, oh God, is this child like that? It's so upsetting.

Why is that lady having sex with a dragon? Because that's computer animated some of it just as upsetting.

What her name was hot Jessica from Roger Rabbit.

Oh you used to be a bit of a man.

Oh I see.

It's clear now, yeah, animated tang. It's just the words.

Color me not surprised, animated Tang.

I like the idea that you you said that, like you know who I was into, Like she wasn't specifically drawn to be the hottest thing on the planet.

You know, this is going to surprise everybody.

My little niche.

I really have a crush on scar that ms turns out.

I like cartoonish tits an ass and little nothing to say.

Smurfet was cute too, because her voice was kind of worn out. I like that like that Bonnie Tyler, Yes, she was haggard.

Yeah, she was a haggard smart.

Oh god, imagine just getting knocked around though by all just a village of dudes.

Ninety nine other Smurfs, Smurf alwayste it, my name's Brainy.

Oh shut up. And then they kick him and then she just and then there's well, that's.

A whole communist thing because Brainy was nobody liked him because he was the intellectual, and you know, they were all like Handy Smurf was seen as the hero. Oh wow, it's a whole villain. They alter look the same that Papa Smurf has the only colored hat.

Wow. Did you just back this up?

No, I've I studied it for a while. I mean, not studied it, but just kind of observed it. After you got out of football, right right after movie.

Oh you two at Carol College took Smurf.

Of course, I tried to watch the Smurf movie on Blu Ray, and I couldn't see a thing. You guys, I like it.

See he just says that stuff, Karen, he just has it in his back pocket.

You need to have these guys.

These.

I think that it's obvious that I'm kind of lost, But I do think that if I turn left here we will be headed to the Monty.

I don't I think we're below that?

Now?

Are we get back up to seven? Oh?

Okay, I'm my apologies.

No, La is so spread out, it's like three different cities. It's just amazing.

We are.

We're headed to do a Drunken Tales show. Yes, are you going to do stand up?

Patrick? A? Are you gonna?

I might open with some stand up, but I do want to stay on theme.

That's what I was going to do.

But I have got a story and I like stories read and not performed.

So you wrote something out?

Yeah, I have something that i'll no.

I love.

Have you been to the show yet, Karen, No, I've been to a show at that bar, but not.

The same Watching Mike do and he does that. He writes it out. He's a great writer.

And the way he delivers it and he's just reading it. It's it's interesting to see that compared to his stand up, or compared to anyone doing stand up.

So I'm excited to watch you do that. Oh yeah, that's great.

Yeah, it is fun see someone in a different light.

And no good, don't worry. He doesn't provide a light. It's just dimly.

I don't know. Maybe he got spot there's me rash.

A little move.

That's a full move.

Are you going to be wearing readers down near the end of your nose?

Well, they will be, yeah, they will be down there. Okay, pitch down there, but I'll be not looking through them obviously out.

Over the top aesthetic readers.

Great, so it's that great starting.

Cool That biker was doing that thing where he's not going forward or backwards and not tipping over.

Get it out of here.

The artist. By the way, Chris, I've seen some of your stuff.

Isn't good.

It's so great, you know, thanks, thanks you guys, guys, guys, thanks. My brakes are wearing out. Is anyone noticing that? I think it's metal on metal at this point.

I mean, do people think we're insane when they look into the car and they see three microphones?

Always?

Well, speaking of bikes, what did what happened? Some guy tried to knock off Karen's uh oh.

We yelled stuff out the window at him. I did, but it was it was for fun.

Because he was we get it.

He was.

Yeah, it was just a joke of like you've got a fixed gear by school you're so cool, but this man was actually a totally insane Yeah, and we only realized that after we started yelling at him and he looped back around and then swung his bike lock and tried.

To hit almost got hit by cars in traffic, like he almost so he.

Was willing to do that offwards. Yes, oh yeah, silly words, not even threading.

We saw that, and then we saw after we calmed down, we saw a horrible fistfight at a bus stop and some guy got knocked out. That was a Here I am again talking about past episodes. That must be insulting it.

Those were our two most upsetting but maybe we can get a new one today.

All I'm saying, Patrick is, come on, we could use another podcast.

Fight next set up, roll down the window.

We can do it.

Karen say one of your racist things.

God damn Philippinos.

So yeah, just the correct pronunciation of where you're from and where you're Laoetian.

I'm sorry, I'm insensitive.

And it's funny. The Asian community is one. This comedian Robert Tran has a great joke where he talks about Asians are the one race people are racist towards in front of them and they don't even mind, Like they don't mind being racist to Asians right in front of their face. Every other race it's like, oh sure, but with Asians, he said, it's like we're the one race we get made fun of in front of us.

Yeah. Crazy, that's truious kind of lamb.

Huh.

Yeah.

I think hopefully we're changing. I don't know. As we drive through Korea Town.

Maybe it's since I mean, yes, let's I think we should all be more. I'm going to make an effort to not and I'm not known to make Asian race material, am I?

Karen? What have you heard?

That's how I got to know you before we were right.

We went to that racist joke tellers anonymous?

Where is that is that? Orange County? Yeah?

I do, I right, Hayden Lake Area. They do a lot of interesting things.

I lived over there for a few years. I lived in Japan for two years, in Korea for one.

Seriously yeah yeah, oh yeah, I forgot you were a marine.

What are you talking about?

No, in college, it was an exchange program. When I finished football, I signed on to go to Japan for an exchange program and I stayed for two years because nobody else from Montana, knew where Japan was or wanted to go easy.

Now I was, I'm from I am oh wait, I was born here, carry.

On, yeah, and then it was great. I was there two years and learned a little of the language. But you end up teaching part time, great money, having great.

I think it would be ridiculous of us to not request a little bit of Japanese from you.

Yes, please, oh if Nihongowhong Scott.

No, No, actually I don't it's a wrist watch. Did I do it right perfectly? Okay, thank you, Joseph. COULDI chun jim bang bang? I don't know that.

No, it's it's a tough language, obviously, I mean coming off.

So I since I don't know, and I can't just riff.

It, I think you could. I don't know. I don't throws some phrases together.

Wait is that Mandarin?

That was Japanese? So that was different than Mandarin or Cantonese Chinese, but it's the same writing, like that's the same concer kanchi.

Yeah, thank you, I came in.

Yeah, well you know, okay, I've Daddy's been around the block a few times, and so actually I learned what kanji is it's good right in front of my house.

It's tough for Western women to go to Japan. For a Western man, it's great. The women are into you. But but a lot of Western women that go they're European, American, Australian. It's a little tougher because we're too huge. That's what it's like. It's hard. You get a complex about shopping for clothes. It's like, oh my god, nothing fits, and it's like, well, these people are very all with no body fat. Don't take it as a complex, but it's hard when you're the only one.

Oh, I can go over there because I have that already.

Oh you do, okay, perfect, Yeah, that's fine, you'll love it.

I'll go in my kaftans.

Absolutely.

And would I feel comfortable?

And this isn't a joke because I already said I wasn't gonna make those kind of jokes. But would I feel comfortable buying a pair of underwear there?

Oh, that's a good question. The boxers are tiny? Oh they're tiny. I bought a couple of pair and.

Uh, that wasn't a'm j This was a joke about me having a big giant hog.

Yeah, but you said it that it wasn't.

But that's me.

I'm the one that has to live with this big dick. Okay, do you think how do I jump rope? Is that what you're gonna ask next? Or I don't.

I don't skip rope?

Patrick, And you never learned to read.

I never learned to read or write.

Oh, tell me about the rabbits again, George, All right, here we go.

Oh no, I did learn to reader.

Right, that's funny, because now that don't dip your pen in the company ink joke really seems funny to me. My dad always said, don't stick your dick in the cash register.

Is that well, that's is that literal or figurative?

No, he just said, if you get a job as a cash operator, do not slam your dick in it.

Go ahead and make love to someone at work, though, God, you know I just can. I I'm going to edit out.

It is tough to resist a cash register.

Hey, you know, I like money.

They all look like Jessica Rabbit to you.

I like money in the sound of bells, let's get it's slamming.

It's tough as a white woman in Asia because I don't like Asian men. I think are a little bit maybe feminine, like there's not as much body hair, and so it's kind of tougher for them. A lot of Western women don't find Asian men as attractive as Western men find it a.

Well, they aren't looking at their calves because Asian men have beautiful calfs.

Yes, oh yeah, and they only have to shave, you know, once a week or something.

I like Arian man, okay, because they have the beauty, the beautiful skin and hairlessness of a general Asian.

Right.

But then oftentimes they're bigger and deepier.

Right yeah, because it's a hard peninsula, it's hard country.

Yeah there there they can lift things and make a tent out of calf skin.

Things, Unlike it's a hard, bitter piece. The two careas so they're tough. I mean, do you remember when I tried to set us, to set you up with it? It was a double date. We would have gone on.

I do remember that years ago.

It was a long time ago.

The two Asian girls.

No, it was one was a it was black from France of all places.

I didn't say no because of no, no.

No, you did not no, you said you were busy. And then her friend was Asian. But they were both models. It was crazy. Really Yeah, but you couldn't you were a girlfriend. Yeah, but you couldn't do it. And I remember thinking, I don't know another comic I can go to because you were like your fun guy, you're good looking, you're you can work with both common.

Remember bringing that up and you said, Hey, have you ever wanted to get a Pacific rim job?

I don't know. It's just a dumb joke that I thought. Hey, Karen, don't quit doing.

I don't know what you're doing.

It's getting warmer, or the topic is getting Sorry, this is just going guys.

I'm sorry. Well the heat was on because I.

Was trying to talk so much space.

I'm sorry, it is the heat. Usually, let's talk about something else.

Well, I just like the where did you meet two models?

Oh? Well, I met her at a club. It was funny because we were I was with uh, one of my friends who has money, and he had to leave, but he's just like, keep the keep the booth. He's like, I'm out of here, keep the booth. Here's some bottles of vodka. And it was and this girl comes up and she's like, oh, can I sit and have some drinks and I was like, yeah, of course we're not going to finish all this vodka. We can't take it with us, and and so she immediately assumes that I

But somehow it just didn't come out.

No, yeah, I just held it in.

For because other topics came out.

Right.

She'd have my.

Phone put her number in it right away.

I hate that when you want to be truthful with someone but it's too late. They're already putting their number into.

Yeah, it's fantastic. And then we went on a couple of dates and then she's like, oh, do you have it? I want to go out with my friend, and like you were basically it. And then after you it was like, I'll go to some other civilians. I guess, but she wanted to hang out with a comic because we had such a good time, so she wanted a friend to hang out.

If I had a time machine, Patrick, that sounds like the funnest.

We would have come back. I went from where where would we have gone?

We would have gone to the present.

But right now, it would have seemed like we were going back in time, right, that's how time machines really were.

We would have spent all their money. But it was fun. Yeah, you know, but it's it's about more than just uh, what's on the outside, which is why we do this inside.

The car, Patrick, I remember one of the nights at the Big Sky Comedy Festival.

You you had had some drinks and as did I.

You you have probably drinking stories prepared for tonight.

Right, Yeah. They made us do our set and then they we already.

Talked about what I'm sorry you already wrote.

Right now, there is a jackknife trailer in the road. I know you can sell by the urgency in my voice. I wonder what he wants me to do. I think he wants me to do this. Yeah, Hi, thank you, thank you. You're very nice.

You see the car with three microphones.

Are you guys scared of truckers?

You think?

So? Okay? They see things from that perched up position.

Yeah, I thought you watched Dual Karen.

Yeah, that's why I'm not afraid, because as a child I faced the fear.

That was like wasn't in the movie just it was a magic sum my truck that didn't really have a driver, or you never see him.

You never see him. Oh to see his boots, I think are walking. Yeah, it's just a Spielberg joint.

Yeah, it's like one of his first movies.

What did he do after that?

Jaws?

Oh, that's right? And then from there we never heard.

From from there.

And then he just faded into a you.

See did you ever watch Martin Jimmy Glick? Oh? Yes, Oh god, the Spielberg interview.

Is so I want to see it.

Oh, I don't think I saw the Spielberg one.

Oh it's Jimmy Glick. It's Martin short as a chubby, okay, and he's interviewing Spielberg and he's just like, when are you going to make the big one?

I swear to god the ship he did on that he said stuff and you could tell he was riffing.

Oh yeah, like there's somewhere you're just like, you know, this came to him.

I don't think that I knew he was a genius until that. Yeah, I'm certain I enjoyed Inner Space and three of Me and goes yeah, But he was always just this guy that was in things that I had gotten used to and then all of a sudden, he became my hero with that character.

It's just because he captures a chubby character, you know, and it's like, how do you know what a chubby perspective is? Yeah, and he captured like he's eating, don't He sneaks away to the craft service table during the interview, and the camera's on him so it can see him like sliding down the couch across the carpet.

I think that it was the combination of him looking the way that but his physical comedy. It's just it was just I don't even know if that could be planned. That cop just ran a red light.

Should we report citizen's arrest? Perhaps?

But there was a family.

But there's a police station right here, so we wouldn't have far to go.

He's just doing a joy ride.

But and then Michael McKean is his co host in that it's brilliant. You wonder what those guys think of comedy now, like Steve Martin's and those guys, And and do.

You follow Michael McKean on Twitter.

Yes, he's good. He's so great.

I say, I would like to think that because it seems like Martin short is pretty hip I bet there's stand ups that are new that he's listening.

He would like.

I mean, well he's on's show.

That's true. That'll that'll lend it so much. That's so great that they have a legend or who's the other legend they have on that they have two commons? Oh is it? No? No, Ellie cool Ellie Ellie.

That's right.

Yeah, so that's huge and fun. I bet it's fun for those guys. Even the Sullivan Son and show has that Brian dol Murray on it. Yeah, which would be fun to have a legend like that.

Yeah, he's he's been in so many things.

Yeah, he was a right or left here.

Well I think seventh is below this.

Okay, god, what is wrong with it?

Well, we've just been it's hard because we've been going hand circles.

Yeah, I'm not I'm not very good at driving and talking and.

And well you're a male and we can't we can't.

That's true. We've talked about that multit multitask. Yeah. See, I mean you had one job there and you fucked it up. Yeah.

That's why women are such good I think improv sketch and casting directors because they have sensibility. They take it in right, and males tend to do more than get.

Distracted and start to fall asleep or just look down at their crotch.

Right, dig a hole, push that sled.

I'm no man hater. I'm not gonna go down.

That road, Santa Claus.

I don't know. I don't know why a man.

To push a sleigh or I just need to find a man to get me a sleigh that's only looking.

I just need a man who appreciates Christmas like me.

Was there were there huskies in the movie Cliffhanger? Did he ever have to like mush mush or not? Really?

There are mountains, not that I remember.

Are you talking about uh Stallan's Cliffhanger?

Yes, Sylvester Frank it's.

The opening scene alone.

They want an Academy Award for Cinematography.

Well, now I know why they call it. But you guys just talking about it. I'm on the edge of my seat.

Amazing.

Should we go to the Montay and do the show? That starts to mean, sure, let's do it.

I'm going to find a parking place in this bullet target of a neighborhood and I found No, that's no. I don't.

Yes, it is.

That's way. That's that.

You know what, girl, take a lift, keep your fingers on the home key.

That's right, g h Z. And Okay, I never took typewriting because they didn't call it that. I think they called it keyboarding, but then it got replaced by the popularity of knee boarding.

Okay.

I was extra controlling and riffy during this episode. I know we all had fun, but.

Thanks for having me.

No apologies, how much fun.

He's great.

I'm sorry, Patrick keyt everybody.

We need to I feel.

Like we should go on a road trip Patrick key In this podcast, the first thing that comes to mind, which I regret thinking of, is burning man. Let's go somewhere that would really.

Re established at It's the first idea we come up with, burning man.

It is okay, okay, can we make that plan?

Yeah? What time year is that? April?

Oh? You have some gigs?

Does it rotate? I don't know.

I think it's summertime.

One of the stage rotates you've been listening to Do you need a ride with Patrick kan?

Patrick? Do you do you have anything to plug?

I think just the Twitter and Twitter or just look twitter at Patrick Kean at Citizen Keane.

Oh, Citizen Key.

Yeah, I recently retweeted your tweet. Remember when comedy was fun Yeah, I.

Don't want to be that guy that's like, oh, nothing's funny anymore, but sometimes.

It feels someone has to be that guy.

Yeah, just to mention it.

Every once in a while, I like to remind people with my comedy that that's okay.

Yes, that's how I do it.

We're all funny, and we're all gonna have a show right now, and and up next you'll hear a little bit of the comedy of Patrick Keane.

You've been listening to Do you Need a Ride?

D Y M A R?

Everybody get up for Patrick Key.

Hey, guys, so so in.

The uh in the early years of my life. Uh, that's it. Uh oh no, oh h.

I have uh I have. Uh some of you guys aren't laughing.

Uh oh god, it's not easy.

You know.

Cool You guys are cool with that, okay, Oh hey guys, sorry, I uh, hey, guys, I'm clearly disturbed. Uh oh, there's a.

That's it. Hell, yeah, that's it.

I don't do it.

Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way?

We want to be.

There, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a Turmano and gay.

We want to send you off in Sol. We want to welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.

We scared our Was it fine now? Poorn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need with Karen and Chriss