Ep. 27 - Mike O'Connell

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Thank you very much, Ali than a.

You wanna way back either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim. Give us time and they turning on engage.

We want to send you us inside.

Leanna welcome you back, tell us all about it. We scared her? Was it fine? Malborn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need to ride. This is Chris Fairbanks.

This is.

Karen and Chris. Uh, I'm the second one. Karen and I are leaving Michae O'Connell's house.

Mike with him in the car.

He's in the backseat.

Mike, Hello, how are you today?

I'm terrific?

How are you grand?

We are going to attend a comedy concert.

At the Monty, my favorite bar in Los Angeles.

It's beautiful inside the Monty. It's the best. You don't expect it when you first see that front door.

In that neighborhood, and yeah, ai is the look of the inside.

That's right. It's it's like a treat. It's a secret. It's like Narnia.

It is.

You walk in those swinging doors and you're like, what's this piece of shippool haul gonna look like?

I expect to go into a cloak room? And then an adventure would end, Sue, And it does. If I could say it, it would do you know what.

It was before? It was the bar? It is right now, Mike.

They said that it was in a bunch of what's his name movie? It was like a set. It was like it was like a junkie bar that they would sometimes use as a junkie bar in Starsky and Oh, and they claim that there were like it was a bookie bar and there were knees broken in the back alley and stuff like that.

But you never know, You never really know when people start talking about broken knees.

Yeah, and they say that like it's the coolest thing ever, and you're like, I think that's not that cool.

Yeah, and didn't happen, yeah, right, Yeah. Violence is the worst folklore.

Yes, well, it's not that hard you can break people's knees, it's not like.

For years.

Yes, yeah, well, it's nothing to brag about or ride home about unless you're threatening your parents.

That's right, this is true.

We are doing tonight. What's the full title of your show? Drunk Drunken Stories of Glory.

Drunken Tales of Glory and Shame stand up comedy spectacular.

And Karen and I are both doing the show. We're all doing the show, all making the show.

It's going to be some show.

It makes it a special episode that we're all on the show.

That's true.

It doesn't happen that often.

And thank you for the ride. Do you take do you take people all over the place?

Yes, I work for uber. When you say wabba, and I believe it's a word that you conjured, But does it not also make you think of Sammy Hagar?

What Cabo Wabbo?

Yeah he has, he has.

You said that like it was ludicrous because of Cobbo Wabbo.

For god, I don't think the place, isn't it. It's taken over. Your word has taken over Wabbo. Even the place. It's Cobobo San Lucas.

Right, yeah, Waba, I mean soon it will be adapted by many.

The story goes he was sitting on a stool in Cabo San Lucas and someone walked in and said, Van Hagar sucks. I'm a David Lee Rothman. And he immediately fell off the stool and vomited. And that's and then an idea was born. That's the way that story goes.

The guy that didn't like Van Hagar fell off the stool or.

Something, Sammy Hagar himself. He hit his head at a premonition. He said, I'm gonna make whiskey. That guy's right, I like I like David Lee roth better. Also, that's how that's how the story goes intriguing. Uh huh tonight, Mike, are you doing a new drunken story?

I well, actually, like it's just it's stand up or drunk tales, like whatever you want to do. So I think I'm gonna do some songs, some poetry, and maybe tell some drunk jokes tonight. I'm changing up the format.

Good so I there's no pressure for me to then, because I may have spent my drunk stories on the past.

You can do as you wish.

Oh, terrific.

It's really just an excuse for people to get together and have a great time.

I think that you should work for a morning zoo.

That was like the most insulting thing you could say.

Oh no, I was in a lovely way.

We've addressed it in the past. Evan Karen tags certain comments when when it's it's you have to take on that role being the being, the kiss of estrogen up front, the what a kiss of estrogen? That's what I call it, lady, just a weely.

None of those syllables together formed anything I could recognize as a phrase, kiss of estrogen. I've never heard or imagine that phrase before.

I don't think that it is one that is common or.

It's your waba really, I think we've found your waba finally, when where's mine? I think by the end of the ride, we're all going to have our own waba.

We'll all have our own.

What's been going on lately, Mike?

Now?

Do you still work at the Monty?

I no longer work at the Monty. I just do the show every third Monday.

He doesn't need to work at the Monty anymore. Were you in Transparent?

No?

Why does somebody else ask me?

Oh, I don't know why. In a picture with Jeffrey Tambour.

That would be I would be telling you all about that.

That would be a practy.

Well. I combine your photo with mister Tambour with the fact that I know that in real life your genitals are a mess.

That you just can't tell which ones they are.

They're just pixelated. It's not they're fine once.

You all meat grinders should come with directions.

Nonetheless, I feel that someday I'll find someone who will tolerate them.

Someday that's your next romantic song. Yeah, tolerate my genital for six to nine months.

Wow, that's you.

That's that's how how long it usually last.

Karon is a professional singer as are you.

But she just professionally sang and make them up. I know that was really awesome.

And I like to spring among people.

Yeah, I like it when they're sprung. I like it when you do that.

That's why you are a match made in heavy.

Mike and I were actually gonna we we probably still will. We were gonna work on music together.

Oh we must.

But I think we're both exactly alike where we were both like the other person will get it together and I'll just show up and we're both so that way that it never happened.

And I show up while you guys are recording because I have a song idea that I want to do it with both of you. Because I can sing reggae pretty good. I want to do a reggae song about white people with corn rows, okay or dreadlocks.

That sounds like a very viable comedy song.

Yeah. Are you sure that weird All hasn't done?

Oh? Have you done your research? That's the most important thing about comedy songwriting.

It's all research.

Basically, it's rhyming and research.

The two ares.

I forgot that he did do that to the sound of I get knocked down by Chumbawamba. What was it this corn rough song? It's just I wish.

But now he's trying to create some perfect world where where everything's been covered, where his whims occur.

See. I've found that with the show format, Mike. I, because I, in reality do drink, possibly to access or have in the past, a lot of the stories just don't come to me because I've forgotten them because of the alcohol.

Beast. Do you have many stories that other friends, like from Montana or something? Just tell you back?

Can remind me of you do some texting? Yeah, maybe I should. Can you guys remind me of my worst moment? I'm sure so. Yeah.

It's a fine line between a dark story and a funny dark story.

You know.

Yeah, I think that last time. My instinct was to do a montage of moments, so I like, there's five of them by mentioning them, but I could elaborate on any of them, like the stolen.

I really enjoyed your montash.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

That was a good one.

Karen, Will you be doing a drunken story? Yeah?

I to be totally honest, I haven't thought about this part of it at all. Today. I knew we were going to be podcasting and picking up Mike, if you want to playing your guitar. I love that guitar is a gentle is a gentle lady.

I'm not the kids.

Have you ever had to borrow a guitar from somebody who's obviously not excited about it? Yes, I love that somebody's very like nobody can.

Play my guitar.

And also I'm kind of intermediate lower intermediate, so I kind of play it pretty hard as I don't really know.

I sorry, Sure, I'll take that, Perry, I thank you for providing it.

Mike drinks for us.

Yeah, that never has happened. In the beginning, when we were all excited, we provided drinks for the guests, glad.

To be here. When the passion is worn.

Off, that is the audio of a classic spit take, right if anyone loves, If anyone needs any genuine fully work, that was a spit take, landing exactly on the Zoom six. Well, that's okay, takes a licking. Oh that was funny. I hope more moments like that happened and make up for my fake story about weird now.

And then your accusation that I stole something from Sammy Hagar.

Open with an accusation.

I'm simply asked in a non passive aggressive way, if Waba reminded you of Wabbo.

I did it.

There's so many things with Wabbo. It's like Wabba grill is now a thing. Oh yeah, you know, it's like I don't. It's not like something that I've copywritten.

It is.

I've possibly stolen.

It from some Can you copyright a tauretzi like outburst?

I've copy written Wabbacore, which is my corporation.

That's good.

Oh yeah, wabacre.

Like really is getting it done these days now?

Really? How many please do you have?

Well, I'm the only employee. I have seven. I have nine cabbage batch kids.

Working right, He's not kidding, and they all reside in a large chair together.

I was at their birthday.

There's a beautiful photo of that.

Oh yes, we are all. It was like, it looks that's my favorite picture.

It's the best picture. It's beautiful. But I can't. I was in the left turn line. It's okay, I can just do some other stuff.

Okay, sorry, I don't think Melrose actually goes all the way.

That's what I'm just remembering.

Yes, yes, Now we're on a podcast. What I'm telling you, I don't know. Should I put it in the machine?

Absolutely. There's always a segment on the podcast called backstaed driver, and it shouldn't happen because I'm a horrible front seat driver and I need all the help I can get, and anytime Karen offers it, I am appreciative. I hope it didn't see him otherwise.

No, no, no, I didn't realize you were in a lane. And you're right that I was heading us right into that weird dead end area.

Yeah, by the Virgil. Yeah, I've had a bad taste in my mouth ever since I've yelled at those people in line there.

Oh that's right.

During the you got beef over at the Virgil.

Chris heckled a line full of people for a show I don't like.

When there's a comedian I've never heard of that's gross, way more popular than me. He's young and handsome and been doing it six years.

That is upsetting.

It is upsetting, isn't it.

I think it's good to express those feelings, don't keep them pent up.

But Mike, you have been up. Please tell me for reals what you've been up to lately, because I go, oh, I have it in my head that you're just doing terrifically. I don't know, and my head never lies.

Oh yeah, I was trying to figure this out, this this route out. Sorry, Okay, now I feel like a total asshole.

No, no, oh, because you're looking at your phone. The last time, Mike, I saw you. The last time I saw you, I can hold it was on the WB lot when you were doing Sullivan and some Oh.

Yes, I had a television program.

You wearing a nice suit.

Yes I know they let me be. Uh.

A man who came out of the closet.

On the show was refreshing.

Do you still remember your lines?

Uh?

My mother died and well I was like, all, my mother's in the hospital.

He's like, that's too bad, that's not good luck. And then I was like and then I get a call and she died and I say like, oh my god, she's dead.

I can finally come out. I'm free and free.

Is that how you read it?

Of course I love it. And then I think, take a right onto Virgil.

Oh oh yeah, he hates Virgil.

Okay, I will do it.

Oh but I thought you hated the Virgil, which is an establishment the whole street.

That's crazy.

I drove by it anyway. There you are, you motherfucker. That's what I call that building.

It looks closed.

I'm sorry, Karen. We've made an effort not to drop the f bomb, and there I went.

I know, I just I swear like a cross country trucker and it's sad.

That's why we have a jar up here filled with pennies. Every time she curses, you hear a jingle, and that's when an angel gets insulted.

Soon we'll have enough to go to Cabo Wabo.

Yeah, and like validate your story, prove it.

Yes, I also saw you by the fountain.

Oh, I love that fountain. I like to walk around Hollywood quite a bit. That's why getting this ride has been. It's just majestic because you're a big walker.

Big walker, not a big driver.

Not a big driver.

Why don't you drive?

I have a car right now. I drive it about, but I don't like driving it.

Yeah, it's horrible.

You get to see a lot more when you're walking, and everybody's so grumpy in the car. So true. When I first got the car and I had to sit in traffic. For the first time, I was like, wow, you can feel the and demon energy floating above the highways coming.

This is really how everybody deals with the day. Yeah, it's really amazing.

It is when I am at my worst and you've seen me filled with ridge.

Every time I come over Burrom because it's the only way to get from my house to Hollywood. If you leave any time after four point thirty, it's bumper to bumper traffic, and it takes twenty five minutes to get over what normally takes four minutes a hill to get It's just infuriating by the time, and I'm mad at myself because I never add the additional time, right, I never do the correct traffic math, even though I've lived there for ten years.

Yeah, you just can you time it by as the crow flies?

As I want it to be?

Yeah, I know as I want it to be is the best way to because like a whole city where the people are just expecting it to be okay, Yeah, and like that causes this great philosophical problem and traffic problem.

Yes, because they're like, I'm an executive at Paramount. I should get there when I want to. Why should I have to wait behind this peasant.

Exactly, and then that makes people drive crazy and they're usually in a BMW. Yeah, the people you're talking about, you know who you are out there. All you executives constantly listen to the podcast. By the way, thank you for this.

I'd love to talk to you about some ideas about traffic.

Yeah. Yeah, we're pitching a show about executives and we'd like to pitch it to you.

And we're fine with you being grumpy in your cars and we totally get it.

It's basically about how what assholes executives are. You'll love it.

Try not to get insulted. But I think you'll like the story arch or arc.

The story arch.

It's a fallen arch of a story.

Oh, we just cursed Saint Louis.

Oh.

The other thing, that one thing I was doing, I got a song that I wrote is going to be in a movie with David Hasselhoff.

That that's amazing.

What So I wrote this song because I was helping out on this movie. I was an associate producer on this movie. My friend Ken Jong's in with David Hasselhoff and like Hulk Hogan and stuff.

Oh that sounds.

They are trying to kind of come up with the last song that they could do, and look, you know a song I could do in the movie. And I wrote some song and they were like, okay. I gave it to David hassel Off and he was like, Mike, I don't want to like it.

I didn't want to like it, but I do. I was like, all right, So we recorded.

It and can you give us a teaser.

It's about like rule in the world. It's kind of like a really positive it's almost like a Katie Perry song or something.

For David hassel Off, that's amazing.

So that was like, and he's one of my big childhood heroes. So because of night Rider, it was a big deal to me and my brother and so and so should I turn I think you can keep going. The machine says you can continue.

Oh, listen to the machine. Do not rage against it. When I'm around Mike, I accidentally talk like him.

I think that's the idea.

I'm really sorry. No, Mike, I'm sorry that I always do that. No, You're an influence on me. That's good, right or bad, especially in the moment. Well, according to David Hasselhoff, it's bad, but he likes it. Anyway say that.

Oh no, no, I think he just it was just like he was.

He doesn't understand comedy.

He didn't, he didn't expect to enjoy it, but he did.

And that's great, My guy, get confused. Are supposed to be satirical? Yeah, but you know what I like it?

Oh, clearly a man who's done the videos, he's done and everything like.

I don't think he's embrace Oh he absolutely embraces the whole.

Yeah. Time, how about here? Left?

It says left on Wilshire, but let's do it. Oh is seventh? Why would you take a left on it?

Well, probably because of some one way situation. Once you get downtown, boy, do I sweat like I'm at La X. So it's gonna work out perfect.

To the airport, but it's not all the way downtown where it's like right before. So we don't have to get to the crazy part.

No, just the scary part. Yes, we'll push past that, I'm.

And we'll get in the bar park, which is very safe.

That's the rad part.

That's the rad part.

I think I wish that you had your guitar strapped to your shoulder right now because I want to hear your pop song. Maybe you can't deliver it until it's been Yeah, I got to wait on that.

I think, well, then sing something else.

Tell me yeah that we just became the guy on the airplane that says, oh, you don't seem funny?

May Yeah.

Do you want to hear the song I wrote for my upstair and his neighbor.

Yes, take off your hall boots, take off your hall boots, take off your whole boots.

No, that's all a big pomper.

She's a clumpsy lady.

It's so funny because those shoes are very trendy right now, and I would say only thirty percent of the women that wear those shoes know how to walk in them. Yes, so it's just all you hear.

I am not the rude to call them that, but it was. It's just like, at a certain point, I'm like, are you just doing laps up there?

I like to call them Judy loud shoes, that's my nickname for them.

It's almost like you're in some sort of psychological experiment where they ring a bell on one side of the apartment and then like cheese is produced at the other side of the apartment, and they're going back and full cl clump clamp.

Also, why can't they take them off if they're in their own or they feel.

So good, or they gives them power.

I feel like those, don't You feel like the gate of people improves with these. It's like men and men in cowboy boots, you know, it's just their gate changes. And you're like, I'm a little more coxtuals.

Yeah, but those things are well, at least to me anyway, are truly like torture. I don't understand being in your apartment and wearing Yeah, that's I mean, if you need that much confidence, go to therapy.

Yeah, you've really bought into the whole.

Thing big time.

Yeah, aren'gue? I buy into the commercial where you kick them off and put on a pair of chick jeans and lay.

Back and take a cowg You buy into nineteen seventy eight.

She has an image to maintain, though, even in her apartment.

Image and it's just the auditory experience of a Clyde Stale horse.

And then I think you have to take I'm so.

Sorry, it's okay, what do I take?

You take a left on Union Avenue?

Oh, okay, we have a little time or no, wait is it right, I think it might be right, okay, because the right will go to seventh.

Right, Yes, let us stick to right.

Is this macar the parks smells?

And that's the best song ever?

That the best song.

It's so beautiful.

I just thought Donna Summer's Greatest Hits and that I can't stop listening to that song.

It's written, it's really long as many parts and it's just like so beautiful and you don't know if it's about love or what.

Yeah, it's about whatever you bring to it.

Yeah, because a lot happens in that park sometimes.

And not one mention of the junkies, this whole seven minutes song with like five different parts, and not one mention of the drug abules, and.

Not one mention of that trembling bush that says unspeakable requests.

Leave me.

I think I get in the right lane, all right? And then uh up on the right it says Union.

Yeah.

Are you using Ways?

No? I was just using them?

Google?

Yes, Google it.

Do you need a ride sponsored by Ways? And Google?

Whatever gets you there? It's none of our business, Ways and Google?

Or is it our business? That depends on whether or not they answer our letters?

Did you see the chillmeister. But he took he took all of his time crossing the street. Yeah, us the chillist brow of.

The Judy Cloppers and a chill bro or they should get married.

You just wander around in circles.

I walk, I slowly walk the streets as my lover was slowly walks above Mike.

She walks like she's in the streets, whereas I walk like I'm in her apartment because she kicked me out and I long for her.

Now there's a deep backstory to the duo. Oh and then was seventh.

Oh shit, well you.

Just go yeah, it's okay, not go on, chargret.

Now we are This is a gorgeous part of is this Korea Town? Would you say?

I think this is?

Is it? MacArthur Park?

Arthur Park.

I am a fan of that white building that I've never seen bricks be so shiny, And she'll act.

Yeah, that looks nice, it's beautiful. That could be some kind.

Of you would never know someone was currently being murdered.

That's the old murder building.

Yeah.

Oh, that's where they won one a week at least guarantee Mondays.

And they want to start the week off right with the fresh with a freshet.

Down the basement. It does look like they just painted it.

I know that hotel is around here where they found the woman in like the water, so every building like that. I look at him like probably a body in the don't drink the water.

Can you remind me of that story?

It's very upsetting. It's a yeah. I think she was was she an exchange student or she was Asian, and I think she was here either visiting or like as a student, but she was staying in this really shitty what is it? It's the hotel I forget the name.

Yeah, maybe we shouldn't say, but it's all yeah, it's just like one of those hotels that there's one right down here that just kind of sells it like it's a Hollywood in Hollywood, and it's like not in Hollywood, even though Hollywood is interesting, it's not.

In Hollywood and people kind of live there. It's almost like a transient hotel. So she was there. The last video they have of hers in the elevator pressing the buttons, all panicky, wandering, uh huh, and then she ended up dead in the cistern on the roof, which is where they hold all the water that everybody uses that it stays.

In the hotel.

People were kind of drinking her drinking and showering and all the things you would not want to do with.

Why up in there though? Was there foul play or drugs?

I believe it was you could right there, okay or your soonest left? Was it foul play? I mean think it really was.

I think there was something super suspicious going on. But the fact that she wasn't found for I think it took a while to figure that out because.

It was even in a drug state. Wouldn't you know, Oh my gosh, I'm climbing into a cistern.

No, she didn't climb in there. That's where they put the body.

I believe she.

Was murdered for sure.

Yeah.

It's really dark, different.

Levels, Okay, now I know that. I thought, Well, then of course there was foul Yeah.

Nuts, I mean, because you can't really wander into a cistern or get up into it. I don't think.

I'm sorry that I made it even talk about it, but it is Halloween, and also I could talk about that.

I know you like she watched the dayline on it.

Oh, yes, I've watched them all forty eight hours on ID forty eight hours regular.

It is, it is.

We're right here.

Oh my lord, we're so good at this.

Are you feeling Mike an urgency to get in there? You can totally say yes.

Oh, I mean I no, I don't have to, oh shadows, it's okay, lady, okay, lady lady. Please, we will have arrived.

But whatever you want to do.

Well, where are we at there, Karen with the time, Oh, let me tell you we're twenty seven minutes.

Oh, well, perhaps we can what if we recorded some of the show. Well, is that a hair brained idea or what?

I don't think so, No, I love that.

Let's do that and then we'll all be at ease. We can hear.

Oh, and that's you can park. Oh there should be parking on this dream.

Yeah.

It's so hard for me to do things and also drive and also talk.

And I think that's why you're the perfect guy for this podcast with me.

But I will bring us back to where we need to be in a moment. I just wanted to prolong our time together.

No, it was, it's been it's been joyous so far.

Oh, this is always This is one of those blind benders.

A lot of those since that guy, since I had since I've been driving for the first time in a very long time, I've had my car toad and someone knock off license plates and you're like, this is why everyone's so stressed out every day.

If a bad car thing happens, it fucks you up so bad.

Yeah, I think that is how a lot of people move here with these hopes and dreams, and then something that has to do with the vehicle happens to them and they go back to At.

Any moment, you could be like, there's most likely at least twenty seven people crying about their cars.

And crying inside their car, and.

Crying inside their cars because it won't start or just for whatever reason.

There's just was this the spot right here?

Perhaps an look at that.

So many bad things can come of the car shadow.

Can we just acknowledge how sweet of it? In my time visiting you at the Monte we're doing your concerts there, I've never parked this.

Close my comedy concerts.

Yeah, you have a lot of concerts there and I've never parked right in front. This feels terrific and I think it's a good omen for the night.

And the show is going to be the Cat's pja big time.

The cat will slumber welt comefully. So should we just go in and yeah, experience can you this is portable? We have some time to come in. From this point we begin.

Should we all say one goal that we hope we reached during this show?

Yeah? I think that's a good way. It's a good way to close things out.

We just.

It's just we're dead. I don't know why.

Hello, can you hear me?

Nope? Nope, everything went down. Oh oh you know what, the head my headphone. So the what you just experienced for me was panic. I also put in another spit take in there. I don't know if you heard that, But.

Here we go from the panic.

Yes, yes, I often vomit when I'm nervous. I know it sounded silent, but sitting here is not silent at all. What so can you repose your question?

Yes, I'll say we should all say a thing that we hope a goal that we hope to achieve in doing the show tonight. Okay, so I'll give my example one. I'll give one. I'll go first as the example. Okay, since I don't have anything planned, I hope to not shut down on stage based on reaction and instead think of a good story and just enjoy the telling of it.

I think that's I. I almost want to say dido, but yeah, but no, beautifully put. It was beautifully put. I think I'm excited if I could speak for you to see you fly by the seat of your pants. I rely on it too much, So tonight I'm going to do something scripted, oh, which I have not yet written. So I've really made a bed for myself.

A scripted thing that you have seven minutes to write.

I actually haven't. Can I change mine? I do want to go back to it being just like yours. I hope that I do a few jokes to spice things up and then follow it up with a with a drunken story about a car I stole once.

Mike sounds lovely, Yeah, Mike, yours your goal would be the most important thing is.

To run a tight ship.

Oh shit, and just really you know, be uh to somebody that the other performers can look up to.

Its first punctuality is concerned. I also long for the gafas.

To thunder through the bar for each performer as if they were the bulls of Pamplona, and for all that come in the math perform. I wish upon them at the time of their.

Lives because they're the audience.

Right.

That went from a Native American.

Like I love all the people that was.

It was a rainbow, the rainbow of Americans, all of us.

I want to talk to Mike Moore.

And right there in the bar too.

Okay, terrific, Okay, good, well, let's go in and have a comedy concert.

Wow.

For many years arrived the existential found is only accessible.

I admittedly have never been a fan of the holiday.

As it causes me great concern when those who lack personalities during the rest of the year decide to show the sexy, scandalist, oscillacious side of themselves.

Why would you reserve and then.

Relegate your fun and all wild nature traverse forth on only one day of the year. Has always been a mystery more intriguing to me than that even of the Yetti or the monster of luck NaNs.

As far as I am concerned, if you.

Are only having fun and out love, if you are only fun and outgoing one time a year, then you have fallen prey to the greatest of societal I dear pressures, the pressure to live a moderate and mildlife.

That being said, I do appreciate how.

This one's vagan ceremony has been commandeered and turned into a holiday on which one gets brazenly drugged in the name of demons.

Not wanting to be the drama with me dicatifon, not wanting to be the garambis without a costume, I pulled out my unitarts from the closet, trying each of them on and deciding that I would.

Be terribly fool hardy were I not to employ a silver little the Lure number that I recently purchased at a thrift store.

It made me look stupid, it made me look fat.

But not content with just looking stupid and fat, I downed them all away in My costume was complete, and so I said at the back of my unitar and I gave myself a high five and the beer and said, this is probably going to be the dumbest Halloween ever and down laughs.

Oh so down a.

Wave some friends and izing karaoke in the long gone place, and Cente Monica called the Bit of Redhead.

There were about ten people.

And quickly everyone became quite oppressed that they had gone through the trouble to even dress up for such a lackluster affair. We had many shots through down the boardroom, not even got back at a moon. Not even my rousing version of Tom Jones Delightla could grace the poor along experience of my compatriots. I felt the demons, somehow displeased with our sacrifice, were conspiring to ruin a knight that should have possessed so much levity, so much joy

I thought.

It was then that three women of profoundly obese kurth entered the.

Establishedy just as a devon a noon and what looked to be a lumjack.

They came straight from my friend Nathan Patrick and myself.

What do we have here?

I said, it seems to be a devon and Anon, and judging.

From your flan only you are either a male Tom or.

A Lumberjack, to which the lumberjack looking lady replied, I'm not wearing a costall home. Well, I said, honest mistake for reasons.

It's still misted by me.

My insult must have been deserved or miss understood. For the next thing I know, she grabbed me by hate the unitard and said to me drunkenly.

Oh you you're coming.

With me, and me, lacking self control and free will, said, of course, darling, of course I'm coming with you. We all jumped into the Lumberjack's truck. Nathan quickly began to make out with the nun and in the back seat as Patrick John easily John demon and I was and I was in the front seat with the Lumberjack, drunkenly embracing an awkward silence that was nearly as large as a rubinous pray. We arrived at their friend's party and continue to drink as irresponsibly as we could for some time.

Everything was going quite swimmingly until around two thirty in the morning, when.

It began circulating the around the party that our friend Nathan, in a frenzy makeout session, had bitten the nun in a manner she found unpleasurable. Patrick and I tried to assure the demon and the.

Love of Jack that we were not at all like God.

Like that, as Patrick had not been anyone in the years, and I myself not in over two and a half months, a new record for me, they required no reassurance, and we soon realized that these girls would have fucked us if we were a pull, pop and stuff.

The lover Jack and the Demon became sufficiently drawn to take us back to their place. When we arrived at her about and she turned on a right leg in her.

Bedroom that revealed to me the greatest boundary of the evening, that sufficient light throughout the night I had been dealing our combum, unable.

To discern their ethnicity. At times she looked at but at others she loved Korean, and.

Even others mildly Chinese, and still others possibly prove it.

I drunkenly convinced.

Myself that I need not know her ethnicity, as it was possible that she was all woman at once, and to make love to her was to make love to all femininity.

The best and the worst thing.

About beverages of the booze written kind is that they will allow me to justify.

N behavior, no matter how.

Logical or reprehensible. She took out a small box. It off and be cocaine. Don't give me no cocaine, I said I. She'd go to me and tell O RELENTI now Jans, don't not stress her struck eye and as face as a hobo, she began to.

Make out with me and I started off. She initially then announced to myself, in my mind, fuck it. If you're in this tap, you might as well do it right. I began to her eternity and turned up the past. It was then when she abruptly slapped my wandering hand and proclaimed, yully into aggressive. I'm going to sleep. I said, great, So what am I supposed to do with this raging pope. I don't care what you do with that boner as long as it doesn't bother me, because I'm going to fuck the bed.

I lay next to her, and she somehow conquered the cocaine and entered the dream world.

My boner would not flee, and soon I found myself furiously master me.

Where do I ejaculate?

I thought?

She said she didn't care what I did with my boner as long as it didn't bother, so I decided there was only one thing I could do.

I would masturbate into her hammer.

It seemed to me.

Even to be and any gentleman to her main scenario.

I spent the next three hours alternating between staring at the ceiling and masturbating into her hander as I ran her and away. When she did, she was hungover, she was grumpy, and she was infinitely more unpleasant than I.

Remember, Hippy, we're going to Norms and you're buying me steaking agg.

Yes, ma'am, I said.

I sat in that Norms in my silver unitar, and my mother.

Wave nursing a diet with this glorinous woman, and she the grizzly steak and eggs.

Like it was Ambrosien stolen from the Mount Olippus.

We were getting looks from the patience patrons. Sorry, it's Norms, might be patience. We were getting looks from the patrons that are usually reserved for death row inmates.

You know, I would admit we who at least I deserved it. She drove me home to enhance the horror, simply to amuse myself. I said to her, that was a lot of fun last night. Can I get your number in your fucking dream, she said.

Get in a car and then stuff my head back in the window and told her, I wait, if I were you, I probably spend doing laundry.

I'm gonna sleep from the cocaine, and I spend and keep masturbating in the append my lady, Halloween, and that's all to sleep.

Most telling you that we.

Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home?

Either way we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage.

You clay give us time and they turn and al and gay.

We want to send you off insil.

We want to welcome you back home. Tell us all about it. We scared? He was it fine? Now porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need

With Karen and Chriss