Ep. 24 - Andy Kindler

Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim.

Give us time and a termino and gay. We want to send you off InStyle. We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it. We scared her? Was it fine?

Now?

Porn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do your need ride.

With Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks is Garaff and we are on Vine.

Very famous. It's just, you know, it's not what everybody says it is. It's just a street like anybody else.

Yeah, a lot of people, people from out of town will come and say Vine Boulevard, Oh.

God, I love Vine.

I'll say yeah, or just Vine go back to Wisconsin.

Yeah, you don't know what you're talking.

It's a street.

Yeah.

We are headed on it due south to pick up Andy Kindler.

And we are headed in the direction of the airport, which is south if you're driving in Los Angeles. But Andy is not at the airport. He already landed at the airport. Then he had to get quickly to a job. And Andy is a highly neurotic Jew. If you have never heard of Andy Kindler, please know that about him first and foremost. So he wanted us to pick him up at the job and not from the airport, right because he didn't want us to make him late, stood that we would feel bad.

And call me neurotic too. Paint me neurotic jew because I too did not want to make him late for his thing.

And paint me like one of your neurotic Jews.

Actually, could you paint me like a cat? That would be great.

Could you paint me Sorry, I didn't have one. I just want to be a part of the conversation.

You paint me with a butterfly under my eye, and just like I've been licking a lollipop all day.

Could you paint me and then two wolves on either side of me and we're all near a moon.

Ooh, paint me like the Gold Lady from James Bond.

Oh no, she died, Oh yes, she died of paint.

Yeah. I do believe that might be an urban legend.

In the movie. Isn't that how they is not that how they kill somebody? They cover them in paint.

I don't know. I don't think so you think I have a tank of.

Sharks viewers, you tell us who's.

Yes, I believe it was just during an opening sequence there's a scantily clad lady. Maybe she's not clad at all, she's just been dipped in latex. Yeah, and then there's a rumor that that lady then her skin closed up, closed up on her, and she ceased to exist, go binga going.

That's not how that song goes at all. None of those tries we're even close to it.

I could keep trying all day and not accidentally nail the way that song goes.

There's no funner song to try and fail at them.

The finger And if you're listening right now and you're like, funner is not a word, it is now? Yeah, it's in the dictionary now. Oh, I'm tired of people correcting me just because they're not up on their webster.

Yeah, guess guess what the Urban Dictionary says? What's true anymore? And Funner's in there along with a lot of dirty stuff.

Next to twerk and Blaine. It's not alphabetized anymore.

Yeah, that doesn't matter. Spelling doesn't matter. Definitions don't matter. It's just whatever the kids want to put in.

It's an order of newness and irritability.

What's the most annoying? We'll put that at the top.

I think I was thinking about that the other day. I think it's I think someone voted actually, and I agree, selfie is the worst word in our lexicon. The next word is, of course, lexical lexicon. What's work for?

Whatxicography?

I do not know.

I don't like selfie only because I just don't understand. But I do understand. But it's just this new trend of everybody, truly in insincerity, taking pictures of themselves and doing everything all the time right, and thinking other people want to see that all.

To the point where even I do it?

Do you do it?

Well? I don't hand my phone to some lunatic here take my picture. That's embarrassing.

Well, that wouldn't be a selfie. Selfie is when you do it yourself right, right.

So that's why I end up selfieing, because I'm not, oh, I see, I'm not ever gonna invite someone to take a photo of me. That's the most humiliating venture I can think of.

Here, could you capture me in my loneeness.

You don't know me very well, but I'd like you to hold my phone. It's worth upwards of two hundred dollars. Please don't run, and I'm gonna smile at you as if you aren't a stranger holding the most important pocket computer I own. That's what that's why I'll just go oh right, I'm in Spain. Clic min ghost.

Does it and then it goes you have a football.

The band is called Yellow Oh.

Someone knows his eighties life.

Eighties I do I have? Actually that song was also featured in Bright Lights Big City. Oh, prior to.

Feris Bueller Feris Bueler No really, yes, yes, bright Light's Big City. They really did a brave casting choice by putting Michael J. Fox into that film.

Isn't it about coke? Isn't it like a lighthearted version of uh of? Yeah? Fuck? You know what? My brain is a shriveling raising. I think it's because of the heat today.

That's what we always do. That's our theme is like we can't think of words, we can't pronounce.

Words, and we get angry at our brains.

Yeah, we get angried our brains and then I say fuck it.

Means that I thought that you were gonna cut down on the fuck word.

You That'll be my last one, I swear to I like.

To call it the fuck word.

Don't shorten it.

You know. Oh what's the it's uh Robert Downey Junior and James Spader and there's cocaine us.

Oh that was a lesson zero less than zero?

Why isn't Why isn't Bright Lights Big City? A lighthearted version of Lesson zero?

Well, I believe it was the same author, So you're gonna get proper the same tone. Oh yeah, similar. It's Brettie Stonellis, right.

Oh, Breddy, We love Stonellis. There's a person named Bretty Freddy like, no, how's that sandwich? It's a little too bretty?

Are you joking?

I don't know Brettie Stenellis is because everyone knows that is.

Okay, Brett Brett, Oh Brett in front of me?

So far?

God bless you?

Do you want a hard candy? Bretty Bretty Stanellis.

He was named after his father, who was a baker, is a.

Bret and his mother was a stenographer and her name was Elice. So Brettie Stanellis became an obvious Oh look, this house to the left was it's the early home of a shaky Burfler who was the first prop Oh see, I don't like them when someone opens the door and just leaps into traffic.

Well, uh, we are right now, and just I'm going to tell the people we're in Rossmore. The Rossmore district pretty much is Vine Vine turns into Rossmore, Yeah.

And it becomes beautiful homes and.

Mansions, such gorgeous homes.

I wonder what that person does for a living, beautiful house like that eighty nine Nissan CenTra in the.

Driveway right, because you know why they let the help park in the driveway. Oh, that's what it is, the help.

I'm just when I get out of my car and there's passing cars. And we may have talked about this in the past, but I am so cautious. I hug the side of my car, a shimmy to the side, getting my pants and shirt dirty.

Because you don't wash your car.

No, because there's a rout. There's a drought. Now, don't care of the water lines are breaking in thirteen thousand gallons are spilling into the sea.

You don't care, I do care, You do care.

That's what I meant to say the opposite good. I do care good, I said no. I here's what I was saying. I don't care if we are wasting so much with when water line breakages. I'm not going to wash my car because that's my version of the ice bucket challenge.

Oh, you're supporting. You are raising money for als by washing your car, even though no one's set up a program.

Slash actually raising awareness about the drought in Los Angeles. Oh okay, it's always been a confusing double edge charity story for me. Maybe I'm having a stroke. Is my face looking weird because my brain is just not working?

No, it's fine. I think it's five o'clock.

That's a perfect time of the day for me to be firing on all cylinders.

But maybe you are.

I've had my afternoon coffee.

Maybe you need more.

Maybe I do need more.

Yeah, maybe we should have got coffee with any Kidler.

We should. Oh, then we'd totally be ripping off Seinfeld's thing.

Oh yea, oh, that's right.

He's letters comedians and cars getting coffee with Andy Kindler. Yeah, it's just Elie's Andy. I'm so excited to watch that. Did he tell you what his meeting was about, or is that it's a hush hush.

Thing Andy's You know, he was very vague. He was all worried, like, I don't think I can talk about it, so don't ask me about it. So I think we should guess and see what we think it is. Yeah, if it's secretive, then they it might be JFK two, Oliver Stone's sequel to the JFK film, which.

Of course he would be involved with.

Of course Andy would write that, Yes, Oh that's my guess. What's your guest?

Well, the bretty Easton seamstress would be the writer on that.

Yeah.

I mean, don't count that as a misfire, because Breddy's and Eli's is the best mistake you've ever made. And that's how art happens.

Oh Joe, come on, gmc sierra. Oh, he just coughed up a cartoonish black cloud onto us, and and we all know I try and keep this Honda clean, sir, seriously, that was Oh my god, I why do I His car did just die? Oh man, he didn't even spit out his cigarette.

But I literally have to roll down the window because there's so much carbon dioxide in this car.

That was amazing. He did in one fail cough swoop. First of it's in my mouth. God, that was like being in a garage for an afternoon. It's almost like we were a sad dad trying to offer ourselves.

Yes, seriously, I want to live. Yeah, I don't want to.

I want to see my kids go to college, the kids I don't have. All. Honk yourself.

Now, we're in a very We're in a hot button area. I would say Rossmoren's Third is where a lot of rich people live, the kind of people who don't believe they should wait for anything.

Right, right, You're.

Gonna here honking. There's gonna be some screechy land rovers.

Yep, and there's going to be houses that have gardeners with trucks that are breaking down.

With trucks that try to kill you like you're a spy chasing them in their James Bond releasing Humongous.

Black straight out of Spy Hunter, the video game, What next, Sir an oil Slick, I would like to say to him, you know.

I don't get video game references.

Well, Spy Hunter it's a little game. It's a bird's eye view. You control it and you can do one of two things, outrun the cars or leave oil in the road, and or smoke screen. I see it was great. It was one of those games that you sit in a thing. All my video game knowledge is from the arcade. Let's just let it be known. I do not I'm not a home gamer.

Oh, I see this is from so is it an old one?

It is a very old game.

We're going to right and then we're gonna go left on mirror Fields.

Okay, and he just said.

The corner of Wilshire and Mirrorfield.

I can't wait. I would be surprised if he is hesitant to talk about stuff because I'm he's the man who does the state of the Industry address and he's not afraid.

That maybe Jabs is that mirror Field. No, let's Brookside.

Well, I'm excited for him to enter the vehicle. Maybe you can pick up and fill in the gaps with some of my dad Hudson Mullen.

Mullen, mirror Field. This is rimpau fucking ah.

Did we miss it? Because I it seemed like it was right there on the old map.

I mean, let me look at this map. I know it did seem like that. Hudson. Oh, it's oh yeah, it's behind us.

Sorry, okay, that's all right, we're gonna turn around us. Yes, sorry, I get cold. Oh here I go.

Run that yell and then yeah I can't. It's the worst have in the world. I'm the ultimate front seat driver. This podcast is making me work on all my bad habits.

It's work on making them stronger.

Yea, god damn it. There she goes. Oh that guy just taking a rest. I look at what people lay around in LA.

It's such a precarious, like balanced like he's a cat.

Yeah, he was balanced kind of on a what would that be, like a little planter wall?

Yeah, that is as narrow as his body. Yeah, he was almost in full slumber.

What a great guy.

He's great. He was like a cartoon mouse the way he was sleeping, just snoring, and his hat hovering above his head and sucked back down and then blowing up.

I found I foundr field. I found it.

It's just a field of mirrors.

Okay, I'm going to be able to tell you exactly when it turned so exciting it was. It was basically a block after our we turned off.

Will I be taking a right?

Uh?

He said south?

So yes, I believe so.

Mirfield popular mer Cat.

I don't like when or it might be on the corner, so you know what Mullen, Well that's Mullen interesting. Yeah, we're not there yet.

Oh we have about it blocked. This looks like Airfield Road.

We'll try it this way first.

Yeah or Moore? Oh that says Moory and.

You jeez, that was Korean.

Yeah that was a bizarre word.

So I think it was up above God damn it.

Oh so we.

Let me text him to see if he can come to the corner.

Yeah, that'd be great. So I'm gonna do another. There's a lot of these episodes we are going to be listening driving logistics. Thank you. That guy fancies himself a bit of a traffic director. Oh yeah, Oh I'm gonna wait here, okay, because every once in a while, you know, you can't not just talk about what is happening currently.

Right in your car as you drive. You're being forced ton nary your own U turn.

Oftentimes I do it out of it said safety. Really, I'm like, I'm taking U turn. Does any if anyone opposes, say nay, he is right there.

We have to get across this. I think you can do it.

We're coming fing of it, sir, Kitdler, Come on Andy, Oh he can't hear it. We're so far away. Wait, he waved. Let everyone know that he waved. He is confirming that we are arriving and he will be entering and judging by this traffic, it'll only be thirty minutes.

So the mistake I just made made Chris go right instead of left, And now we are on one side of Wiltshire. And this is like the game Frogger, where the chances of us getting to the other side of blusher.

Are no but me the chances of me side stepping and leaping on a floating log are very are to one.

There we go, well done.

Alrighty here he goes and here we are yay already like what he's doing?

Hello, sir, would you like a rye?

Hi? There?

I have my.

You have camerastick this?

Oh you can't hear me? Did you? Did you not hear the first part?

I saw that I do like you?

Do you want to do it? Wah lah? Do you want to catch it?

Wild? Let's do it a cappella.

Let's go in the studio and do it wild? Are we gonna do any a d R and the additional record get in. Do you need help? Well, the airport's just crazy today. I don't no, no, I just meant to general. Who's with me? Wait? Is there a cup holder?

There can be what I've never said.

People like the fourth Wall being broken.

They love it. It's so real.

Yeah, we've been talking about traffic this whole time. And and he's entering the vehicle, he's getting his luggage.

He looks like a pharmaceutical rep. He's got two small black roller bags.

Products.

I love the way you say. I'll have to pretend tell that to Peter pan. Oh my god, taker? Who's tinker belt? Why they call it taker belt? I'm taking four hours to put two bags, all right? And I will do the bit that I do all the time. I'm sorry, I can't sign if I signed for you, I have the time for everybody. Also, like Louis c K, I refuse to take a picture with you. It takes me longer to tell you that I refuse to take a picture with you then it would be is that true?

Can't be true?

It is true.

It simply can't telling you.

But all the stories I've heard it's that he's just a sweetheart.

You know what, he is the greatest comic of our generation.

It's true and uh andy, wait all right, let's talk get into this. Let's talk about you, though, is what I know.

And how I'm not the greatest.

I think you are here.

I'm gonna do not reveal where you're going.

You are of my whole life. You know we will not you.

Hold this mike one more seconds. I don't know about you. Guys like trapped in?

Oh good idea. No, we're all strapped in.

We are all strapped in.

Someone in start the sexual joke. Strapped in more like hanging from a harness with as fiction? Is that the kids.

Like the that's what she said?

No, no, but I'll take this quota back there. Okay, No, no, it's the guy your so I can't say what the brand is. I like COLA.

You don't want to get sued again? No, we remember that Shasta debacle.

Where's your joke was in the A's A. I don't want to get that dot dot dot again. Claren still loves the classics.

I love any so hilarious.

Should turn my phone off? Who cares?

Turn right or left?

You should go right?

Say where you're going though, Oh I won't.

I want. It's going to be a series.

Of you know, even if you say the most expensive water Malibu, that's too much.

Even then the people will be driving wildly towards your whom you're you.

Just say whom? That one that's her. Anytime we talk about Malibu, she does this rich person accent.

Who said, hello, I belove Can I come.

Until you do? You have to.

Get the idea. Are Young's podcast with you? I d fifteen minutes before the hour and uh, we can do that and no, but every one of my bits that break the fourth wall are all tired old.

Well, if you could do some of the occasional traffic report, that'd be great because my Ways app is not being well.

I'll be in my jet. Oh I love. The thing I love about Ways is when I'm driving and I can't even need task how I think popping up? Bubbles popping up?

Yeah, it's a gun. It's a game or something like you get calling on a g oh no.

Game days no gaze GZ a guy who was in the village. People gives you directions too much.

You have to get the microphone out of your mouth.

I'm sorry you really days, really are I think you're going the opposite the way, but I don't even care you live in the valley. Oh you're going south.

No, we're not.

We're going north right now?

Hello, I think I don't know where I know. Hello. Hello, that's that's still good, right, Yes? Are you watching the levels?

Yeah, it's great.

And then you might hear my new joke that just came up with please because I have to. Instead of writing it down, you send it to me. Joke is, uh, you know, to compare everybody at Hitler, right, yeah, so, uh, Harvey Levin is evil. He's uh, he's I'd say he's worse than Hitler because Hitler wasn't a gossip.

Thank you too soon, Harve tmz Oh that's why people around the country don't know yeh yeh see. I think this is an international audience.

So when did you get married?

Well, it was shotgun style?

Literally, what about your dad with a shotgun? That's not funny. My father just got shot this morning.

I'm sorry, that was this morning.

I love that joke. After he dies, un you.

Can rewrite it after he died.

Oh yeah, else, you know why I don't want to get divorced so I love my wife, but I want to have ex wife jokes. You can, well, my first wife jokes.

I feel like people expect that from you.

Yeah, first wife jokes, or better your next wife jokes.

Your first wife because she is your first wife.

Right, that's true, that's true.

It is accurate.

But can I do a couple of can Burns things?

Of course?

Uh? Is my career over? Okay? Well I wouldn't say, oh, you always have to identify the question. Am I the oldest person of my group? Still doing it and it's not looking good? Maybe? All right, take that out. I'm going to be one of those take that out.

Guys are workshopping ship, have a conversation.

Oh okay, have a problem with me whatever they say, Like, if actors have to listen, then then let's take me out of the loop bit.

Right right, I'm just wait. You're waiting to tell jokes.

That's what I I do that when you see their lips when I'm acting with someone, I see their lists moving. All I can say is like, I don't remember the script? Are they completely dying?

That's not true? You're very good on Maren Andrew.

Oh god, I wind you away seven minutes more because you didn't give.

Me the schedule.

Oh yeah, the Marin mentioned was supposed to be twenty.

I'm supposed to be.

That's why I have thirty on the dot.

J We have a we have a four or five is blocked up.

We have a fender bender, and so what there's a.

Tan saturn when a child back, he belongs there, leave them alone his parents.

What is someone refer to a terrible accident. Oh, we have a feather bender. Fifty five people were killed on the I. I was a fender bend tragedy. It was ready and they ran into a little bit of wet stuff. So coming up blood o dying in the desert today because they hit triple digits.

Now the new one from this old mud.

I think we're all over the top. Now we should bring it down.

Yeah that's a notch, all right, my laugh. So you're you were at a you were a high pressure Hollywood meeting. We just picked you up.

Oh yeah, well I did a thing, and I can say this part of the thing I did, and this has happened to me once a week now. First of all, I want to thank Karen because I realized I didn't say anything embarrassing, except that in the I will say what I said in the tweet.

Oh, it wasn't tweet, it was a text.

That's right.

I'm not tweeting to you this I text you. I can't say that what I was doing. But here's what I text. I think I'm doing it to Susan. I say, oh, it's a five diamond hotel, and it's the and the incidentals things. I didn't have to put a credit card down on the room. It's beginning a free food and I got perdem. How sad is my life that I you know that or stand up comics life that not being asked for credit card is caused for celebrations though, and once a week I do this because something with

This is interesting.

Yeah, yeah, get get up, always spilled.

It should be a great hand of my sitcom.

Wake up.

This is interesting. Okay, you will explain to me why it happens.

Well, yes, because I bet you don't. You don't touch the like the blue dot where the new message comes in. You just start writing in my mind, just.

Like a rabbit, like an animal of some kind.

Well, I just said to the you know, this is another sad thing.

I know it seemed like I was going to hit that car, but I didn't know.

You didn't carry on. I'm telling you. One thing that I know for a fact is that you guys are going south.

It's not true. We're heading toward the mountains. Do you see?

Yeah?

Why would how even more wrong when I let it go? Well, that's right, because I see this restaurant. Guys, we're heading nord.

What I hope is that when we get up to the Highland in Hollywood area, you triple down and once again and tell us for going sound.

Yeah, I'm sure.

I hope that after we're done recording and you're walking into your house, you would look back and you go, I don't know why we went south.

We went out the whole way together.

It makes sense if we don't. If I don't say, we'll do them when we do the other Wildlnes.

Oh right, yeah, Well we do have to pick up a little room tone too. Yeah, I'll just do that. We'll just play it's a room tone. Oh, it's fun to do it.

Are you have wacky sound effects.

Whatever.

Do you know what? You can get room tone? You can get that at any Andy Killers show, and a lot of people can't. What do you think here, here's the way I go into the regular materialize that I love that joke. That is a good lot of them.

A lot of filmmakers come to my comedy Shoes shows just to pick up some room tone.

Yeah you say that that's your joke.

You're index cards and right.

I want to, but then it'll take Maybe I could put it on a thing. Oh maybe I get my phone out and you know what I've been using a lot is uh and maybe the kids will like to hear this is I use the voice memo a lot. Oh yeah, right, so like uh, And the thing is, people will say, listening to this, why isn't he just listen to the podcast. Let's not get crazy. You're okay. So here's what I do here. You go A lot of movie directors and producers, they come down to my comedy shows just to get room tone.

Yeah, okay, I would just say directors, okay. Producers are rarely on set. They're usually the money. Yeah, it could just be a lot of a lot of camera no.

To self, don't go with producers, stick with directors, and don't forget that Harvey Levin Gold.

I'm a lawyer.

I think we're going diagonally a diagonally.

Why are we heading directly towards the beach? Karen? Now, I don't know what I'm doing.

Just drive into the ocean, please, I know what I'm talking about.

One for one block. Let's do the morning too. Uh sixty five degrees? And the Karen you were over at TJ Gribbers Like.

When is she not?

Was fart Wednesday? Not to be said.

That's all the women on there are just always like these sad milk toasty like are you kidding me?

Last night in sports?

Oh she carriage offended.

Oh you mean for a change.

Yeah, she doesn't like when the jokes up the colon one thing.

Here's here's what I don't get about women.

Yeah, you give Karen assels for us.

You give them, you give them their hand and they take all the fingers.

That's exactly right. Why can't I say woobles all the rat? Sorry, glorious Steyne, you're on the rat.

And that's what she would say, That's what women would say.

She did not die.

You know she didn't. But the woman on a morning Zoo show with the she died. Yeah, that's right. I'm going deep with my character subt.

Yes, and I like it. But you know, a woman comic to get mad at me, I think, And here's what I think. It's hilarious to every time I introduce a woman comic To me, it's funny to say, are you ready for a lady now? Or change up?

The end.

Is annoying because now someone has to react to it. So I've decided to stop it. Are you agreed that I should stop it even though it's funny to me? No? Okay, screw that woman, not.

Literally, because here's the thing, all the things that can happen to you as a female comic, that is the least bad of all of them.

The worst version I've heard is, are you guys ready for a little estrogen? Yeah?

Yeah, It all depends on how you're doing it. If you're doing it as a joke and people understand that, Oh.

No, I'm not doing it, Karen. Do you really think I am going up there and say.

No, I'm just making the point clear.

Look, I don't know what's happening, you know, what I'm.

Ovulated well, and also women are women who do it that? That was one of my favorite flyers. In San Francisco, there was a comedy team what the uh what was it? Called its No, No, it was all women and it was a play on something like estrogen. What the hell was it? Of course I forget it. Do you remember it was? Yes, it was something like that, and it was so terrible, and it was their fucking idea.

Yeah. Oh yeah, because now because a lot of the young kids who listen, because I'm sure your your your demographic is the sweet spot.

Yeah, fifteen, eleven, fifteen, it's.

Younger now.

All my people, it goes backwards, it goes south.

Yeah, I don't want to leave at the two year old. But you remember the eighties comedy shows where everyone was named a woman of the night. Yes, that kind of thing.

Yes, overreaction, thank you, I knew i'd remember it. It was called overreaction overy. I'm sorry I didn't hit that.

That is a really good joke. That's a good All puns are funny.

There's a pretty good show right now called Transparent, and I it was I was halfway through the siloight and I realized it's about a transgendered parent. I never get that, And isn't it great?

Oh it's transparent. I wouldn't have gotten that in a million, just like I don't get that sweetheart sweethearts are a version of sweethearts?

You mean the candy?

Yes, the candy.

Got there is a sweet tart?

You know what.

Turn this car around?

We need to go south. Hey, this car around? And I swear to God, that's all news to me. I thought they were just sweethearts.

I think I'm wrong. No, no, no, there's sweethearts, sweethearts. Maybe there were sweethearts too. I remember there's a big lawsuit in the candy industry.

Oh yeah, never did you get it?

I would never, Yes, you would get it. But I knew the story beforehand. I knew that Jill's dad had become what transgender?

Yeah? I don't know this. Yeah, yeah, unbelievable. We now noticed his dad or dad think about it.

I'm not sure. I haven't seen the show.

Wait, you know the actual people that show is based on.

I know Jill Soloway and when that show they made that show and then it was the thing on Amazon got up voted so like that they made a pilot or something, and then it was like.

Up voted, why are you distancing me with lingo?

You get away voted?

Okay, cool, that's cool. You're in dream is to get up voted. Here's the thing. If she was like Woody Allen or something and she says it's not based on my life, don't draw that conclusion. People say their stuff isn't based on their life. But now it's okay, what do I say that I say the joke, it's not even a joke, and I have to repeat it if you didn't hear it correctly.

That's what I do.

I thought I was to go for Woody Allen and get into the whole Woody on the I.

Got real nervous that you were going to go straight too.

No, no, I'm anti you just you really do like a morning super anti. People thinking that this was a joke, I said, was the quart of public opinions on the actual court and enraged me that people who had known nothing were all of a sudden saying he was guilty. Let's not get into this because I'll get into atheism, the angry atheist Jesus, and you'll throw you'll kick me out of the car.

You're becoming the people that you hate. I said it to your.

Face the hand.

Why do you go the extra step.

Because I'm dedicated to this podcast very.

Matter of factly. Yep, of course, oh halfn't.

I always run straight at you, Andy, from since nineteen ninety when I first met you.

Coming straight at me for over twenty five.

Years, with open arms, and it's in a nice way, like you're gonna hug him, right.

No real shark, and yeah, she has sharp elbows.

Andy. I met Andy when I was twenty years old. He was the first comedian I ever met, and I was so nervous to meet him. My friend Alicia Gonsalez was dating him at the time, and so she was like, I went to see him at the.

Laugh laughs, unlimited sack, not the nice one. And we weren't on the way to Reds. We weren't driving up to Reds and he was meddling.

For Steve Brunner.

I don't remember that part. Oh, he would raise his jokes. He was gone.

Told me that's what I needed to do to my set list. My jokes best first to least ten, and then I needed to put number one at number ten and number ten at number two and number eight at number three, and he gave me literally a mathematics card.

Counter was he autistic? He was the who prioritizes jokes and then reorganizes them.

I think thirty year road comic, right well, who decides whose thirty years are up? Who in God's name would say would want there to be jokes that weren't as funny? I could never think, like, well, they're all pretty funny, right well?

Yeah, That's what I was thinking is I don't think I have a one, and I hope I don't have a ten. You know, I think that all fours and there's definitely some sevens when I'm working on them, or I'll just get.

Them so it works. It works. You've already raised them right back me up on this, Chris, I already raided them.

See we're making fun of him. But he helped youriiant man, and he helped me.

More than Andy. But then the only thing Andy would tell me as help. And I was panicking because the first really big comedy said I did the third time I did stand up, I was in a contact.

I can't even believe it was the third time. It looked like it was the fourth time. At that, No, you were so hilarious.

But Andy, all, Andy, the only advice he would give me was stare at the back wall, like there's a clock on it.

That's hilarious.

The only thing you would say. And I looking at him like I knew there was something you could be telling me that would help me. And that's all he would say.

That that was not my best working And my whole thing was I see this, I see this check coming up my backside. I'm sorry about that one. But yeah, I wanted to knock you out before you got good. You're really good, I see. Yeah, sappotized. I'm gonna sabotaze you guy.

Listen, all, y'all, this is.

You know. I oh, I don't know enough of them. But I love the idea of lacking the Beastie Boys because they were funny and I love them and I know nothing about them, not even one song. You got to fight the right to party.

That's what I like the concept of enjoying them too. But I don't, in actuality enjoy the Beastie Boys.

I don't. Oh no, you got to fight the right to party?

Well, no, I do that also because people are always trying to shut my parties down.

He doesn't need a song about it.

He's living people. Oh, there's my agent.

Guess what they're all rushing to do. You were gonna do it? Yeah, they're shutting down a party right now.

Oh I'm sorry. There's the career police.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry, he's over here.

He already left the meeting.

Oh I'm sorry, I left my defibrillator at home. Two more, I hope Dave Allan Gruger once heard this, but it's a different one. He went to see the Glenn Miller band and it wasn't the original members, but they actually do you know Steve Miller, Uh not Steve Miller, Glenn Miller, Len Miller.

The old band leader, the orchestra.

So he went to see the Glenn Miller band, but they weren't, and of course Glenn Miller disappeared. But then they weren't. Maybe they were in the original members or maybe. So they hear a plane overhead and the guy says, hope, that's one of ours.

Oh wow, I don't get it.

In other words, it was like it's World War two.

Oh I see w W two.

I tell a terrible story. I mean I got it.

I understood it. I'm sorry from that story. Spoke to me like an old beastie boy.

So, oh, you know, if the Maimie eisenhowerd joke isn't strong, you don't remember.

The reference you bring lady Bird Johnson and I'm there. But any earlier than that, did.

You say earlier? From Palm of Them? Now here's the thing about Karen. I was in love with Karen. I don't mean like romantically loved. I mean, of course I was. Who wouldn't be, I said I was in love. I think with every woman I've seen since nineteen.

Eighty two, do comedy or just in general.

General, in general, I love women. I have never not. It's like, oh that one's that one has, her hair is too long, forget about it. Just keep keep me not just a restraining order, keep me restrained. But I love count so much. And I remember every single time in the early days when we saw each other, because I remember her in the green room when she came in and she said, I know, Lisa Gomez, that's how nervous. I thought it was a bit that she was doing

I was because I was doing stand up comedy, like I had just started a month before, and I was so thrilled that I was actually doing it.

A month later. You had a paid gig.

Okay, it wasn't paid. No, no, no, I wasn't opening. I just went to see him.

No no, I thought it was you and flair down at the guy that why did he prioritize your jokes?

Then?

Oh no, because he came to the comedy contest. The comedy contest was in a little clok that we just did it on.

I got you read our book about.

The last of the Sacramento scene. But I was so excited to actually be doing stand up comedy because I wanted to do it since I was twelve. But in my mind I was like, you never will. And then when I flunked out of college, I was like, will, you might as well do it now because you're gonna tack to lose. And then I actually was, And then I was like, it was the first time I was in a comedy club in a green room, meeting a

So I was just it was so funny. To me, it's so fun And the other thing is I other thing was, guys went to see you in an Antigony. You did it? Yes, I didn't know you saw that with Lisa.

I that was my proudest, my starring role. I was Antigony in the play at my junior college. After I flunk out of college, I signed up for junior college.

It's a play called n Kidaney.

It's a Greek play called Antigny, and I was I got the league the Greeks, against all odds. I totally thought I didn't know any of these people. I auditioned, and I thought it was gonna be all the people got all the parts. You know, that's usually how theater departments work, is you know the person that's going to get the lead in this and Da da da. And my the person Kelly Weir who taught my acting class

I know it was so great and and but it was also like a different time, by the way, against all odds, I was up for the lead, and against all odds I wanted to ten minutes.

Jeth Bridges has screwed me over. And now to hear that he screwed you over? Once?

Is he? And that is it? James Woods, It's Bridges.

James wants is not a handsome man?

No, But is that with the Phil the Great Phil Collins song against all odds? Oh my god, everything he did. I love when he remakes like supreme songs. Yeah, because the supreme songs, you're like, Okay, this is okay, but went's Phil Collins Collins take but then and then they okay. So here's the other memorable things. Karen slept in my bed in her Mosa beach. You don't remember this.

Either, I think I do.

She got locked. But we were pals, we were, and I was I was a what if The more I say I was, if I say I was a gentleman, the more people are gonna dig in to see what happened? Right? And I was a complete gentleman. That's the guy.

You don't want it like, you don't get into the bed. And while I was asleep, do you.

Remember how small my apartment.

Was it was was it a studio?

It was half of a garage and her Mosa beach and you had lost your keys.

Yes, I was a drunk.

Oh, I didn't know was that I thought you were. I thought you just found me hilarious that night, that you were laughing so hard.

But didn't you notice I access for eyes.

Uh no, I wouldn't know, because uh you did say I wears a cowl. Yeah, could I come in that you're funny?

Hiccup the word hiccup.

And the thing is, we must not have been We weren't in the club. And it was probably a club in Hollywood or something like that. And she had a drive all the way to her most beach drunk to hear old man Kimdler talk about his future.

I think that was the first time I saw you in running shorts.

Oh my god.

Very upsetting because I didn't realize you were like.

A marathon Yeah right, but I do have solid.

Legs, you have a runner's legs. But it was a weird like I only ever pictured you, and you don't need to picture me that comedy clothes.

I was given horrible legs. I'm just gonna throw that in there believe that I have tiny spindly legs.

No calves, your jun hair now brow Yeah, I know see that we're talking.

It was old timey. It was old timey. I'm in that show that you.

Chris.

I am everyone's grandfather.

I told Chris his hair when we met up at the cafe. I said, you could get a part on Boardwalk Empire because your hair is as perfect thirty.

And then I said, in an hour it turns more in pubic.

Fro like and now tell me that tell me that same thing. I could say it to me that.

Okay, Andy, your hair is so thirties. Ish you could get a part on Boardwalk Empire.

I'd like to get any part at this point anywhere.

Take it again, Andy, your hair so thirties?

Is?

I wish I even had enough money to go to a boardwalk at this point.

You didn't even let me say a boardwalk.

Take it from the other day, Take.

Three and quite please?

What's Karen? Do you have a question for me? It's like Byron Allen would do it. Karen, do you have a question for me? I understand you have a question.

Understand we have a question about fish tanks for me?

Yeah, is it true that you comics unleash but unable to get away from buyer the owl.

Oh god, Andy can ask.

You a question? Please do and Chris, you think about your answer.

I might blurt out my answer.

Okay, answer seriously tooever? Yeah, whoever answers first?

Okay?

Because it is October. Second, Halloween is just around the corner. What candy is your favorite Halloween candy?

Oh?

Thank god, I know what mine is. It is the ones that candy corn.

Really, that's your favorite.

I can sick to my stomach after about eight of them.

That's cus they're made of candlebacks.

But I also have fooled myself into thinking that the yellow part of the top tastes different than the orange part at the bottom, and it's terrible candy. But I love it. Oh and Sweethearts. That's not the ripe one. That's Thanksgiving. No, that's a Valentine's.

What is the most famous Thanksgiving candymkinskin? How you say it? Turkey turkey mints a.

Turkey mint.

Drops?

You know, when you're doing this podcast, I bet that people it'd be interesting to know if people can sense when everyone is looking at the lane next to you. It's like a little paws. Are we gonna die?

Yeah? There is. There are awkward pauses, mostly because our lives are in danger. But so far you have no complaints, right, Andy, And this is so fun.

I really think this is so good that it should be a show but on TV. But it won't because it's that good.

Well, we had cameras on the car.

No, no, I mean, what do I have to make it already? Is great? I don't know why this works so great.

I don't know. I know I wouldn't say great it is.

No, here's my pitch. Here's my pitch, why why you should do a show like this?

Okay?

No, because you're looking around and it's kind of like you're looking at the scenery and you're talking. So it's not like when you have the cans on, right.

I don't like those cans, dude, Like when people put them on and there is a woman on the I like to say, look at the cans on that one. But then I after that, I ignore them. I'd like to take them off after that joke.

I'd love to hear what you would say when a woman has her jug headphones on. I'm talking about they're made of jugs. Karen, you have to do? Is everything have to be code pink with you?

That truly was an over reaction, overreaction and action. Here's my overason. I like this episode right now because we're actually on the one on one North in really terrible traffic.

Yeah, and here's the thing.

I love it.

It's not as bad as everyone makes it to be. Who can't well because we're having fun?

Right?

But is this really the worst thing in the world?

Being more quiet this episode because I am filled with anger because of the traffic. Isn't that interesting?

Is that true?

I do talk last when I'm filled with road ray.

That's not what it is, Chris. Nobody can get a word in edgewise if I'm in a car, if I'm a podcast, I have to stop, you know what I'm saying to myself and the count internally. Maybe that will stop hogging every damn.

That may be the case, but I absolutely do not want you to stop talking.

You know you can't no.

What I have to stop saying, though, and IMMANI it, I have to stop saying this. I used to say twice a day that I won't Robin Williams the conversation and I had more Robin Williams jokes than Robin Williams did see you know what?

So did everybody?

Yeah, do you really did you make fun of Robin Williams?

I think everyone did it well.

I don't think I that wasn't really I don't know, he wasn't like, but I would definitely have disdain for like he was known as a thief for these different things.

That's what we were all told.

That was that was kind of like the hip approach. And the only thing is, like, you know, I understand that, like everyone said, you get to change your mind and you get to see that maybe you were making judgmental generalizations because whatever, that's all fine, But it's the people that were making fun of him before and the second he died, it's like, here's a link to my think piece on how much he meant in my life. It's like, wow,

I felt fine about retweeting things that people say, and it wasn't like I'm lying, you know. I felt sad about it because it was he died under such terrible, very sad sure, and I know, like some some friends who love him and all this kind of stuff. But so I but I would have been ridiculous if I had said anything, because it would have been phony.

If it seem even the people that did say something, it was phony because it was just an opportunity for everyone to tell their joke or their story that involved them somehow interacting with Robin Williams. It like was a everyone showing off. That's that time that they had picture.

The worst ones were when people would say something sad and then promote their gig that night.

Did you really see that? I mean, the thing that made.

Me thinking about you tonight in the main room at Flappers at thirty.

Please vote for me on my blog about my Robin Williams. If I get the most hits, I get a free Derby series.

So far I'm in the lead parentheses. Well, it is my blog.

I guess I was just sad that he.

What was that motion?

Like that was Chris's sign that I need to shut my mouth. He doesn't.

I do a little backhand flinch. She usually quivers a little, and then it's that's when I start talking.

That's what happened with my ex wife. It works every time. Quivering a little, and that's when I start talking.

Your first wife. Let's read stick.

With the first one.

Stick with the jokes. I love it on Twitter? Is your favorite thing on Twitter? When they say, why don't you just go back and do the funny joke? Stop? Stick to what you do best, be funny people do.

I don't like those, Rando calriss Okay, I have to answer my wife's text. Go ahead, Oh yes, and I don't have to talk while you do that.

We will do a thing between you two.

So you keep going straight for a long time.

Okay, not that long though, No, but it's up for debate.

It's up for debate about how long for Right now, it's gonna be a long time. When we are getting near the exit, I want to give an in car period.

I'm using the voice memo period.

Oh, I get over so you don't get on that they think this is the one.

Seventy things you're using. Siri didn't pick up what I just said.

Nope. But then it makes it sounds crazy that my wife, Yeah, I'm sorry, know what we're gonna.

Do, Chris. We just decided Chris is gonna give me the abusive hand signal. When when we're getting close.

No, no, when we get close and you laying over and I don't know, tap me or mount the horn or something. Yeah, lay on the horn as me get closer, lay on the horn, no matter what I'm doing as the driver.

Okay, well it'll be funny if we do uh, if we do this, we go. Yeah. I told you, don't tell them I live in I can't don't. I told you can't tell them I live in Wittier.

What do your California?

That joke always works, it does. Why are we all depressed now?

And two seconds of silence doesn't mean?

Yeah, that's my problem.

You gotta let him on.

That's my problem.

The problem.

You can't handle that air.

I'm if I could put to put a button or a pin or stick a button or a pin in the Robin Williams thing, because I think we left it. Here's the thing. Yeah, what I feel about it is that I think, you know, I was always hesitant to say someone stole unless I was there. But there's so I have to say, there's so much information, and he did give out checks, and so I don't think it's

I mean, it's to me, it's two different things because he was a comedian, but he was mostly an actor, because when he did comedy, it was just it was basically like one man improv and so he really was doing stuff off the top of his head. I understand. I know, I've heard all the stories about Jeremy Kramer and big chunks of stuff.

He still Oh, why didn't hear that part?

Yeah, I mean heh and Kramer were very close, and so a lot of his source material became stuff he saw Kramer do. But at the same time, you know, to me, it makes a difference that he gave out checks, because that means he was saying, I'm sorry, here's money, right, which is really at the bottom line, that's not stealing anymore. That's like paying someone for their stuff. Although I understand that that's like it's almost like you're writing for him involuntarily.

It definitely happens, you know. I think of your point, and the further point I wanted to say was like, I actually believe, and it's hard to It's not like the harp for me, he says, but I actually believe that he was undeniably a sweet person, you know what I mean? Yeah, so many people felt this way that, and I think it's hard because I grew up. I'm very judgmental, yes, as everyone knows, and I feel very guilty if I like, say, I, well, I don't think

Right, Yeah.

People are very complex, and I think we came up in a time in you two, Chris, before the internet comedy was very competitive and mean, it was there was a lot of bullying. There was a lot of like telling people that they're face stuff. There was a lot. It was hard.

It was I used to turn the mic.

I used to go suck. I used to it used to disturb me what happened in the Velveta room when I first went there, I said, this is really cruel. They kickle each other.

Wow, that's where I started. I mean, and that's so it's not that way.

At the time.

I did like it. At the time, I was angry, uh, and I wanted to like. Uh. I confront a lot of people. I didn't like it, I guess, but I think you were right not to like it. Yeah. Yeah, I was getting mad a lot. But then once they realized I would get mad, they're like, okay, let's not do it to him anymore. He might hit us and my statue. I'm very intimidating. I pushed a door open on carry On once and hit him with the door, and I feel bad about carry On. His name was

Maybe he should They should have pushed a door on just for that of Ronnievedo. We never did that. We never did that, but I want to ask, and that's go off this topic with Karen. I always felt that we were part of this, like you know, almost like I mean, I hate to even say it, but like a historical movement, you know what I mean with the Mister Show, all these people. Yeah, I always felt that everybody else was on the inside and I was the

No, I think that that's a very I think that's kind of standard human experience, is right, no matter where you are, you feel like you don't belong and you feel like there's the group is elsewhere and you need to get there, and then people will come and tell you like, oh, you were this or that. I mean, it's very It surprises me to this day. I knew that I was in the midst of a lot of people, but you're constantly comparing yourself to other people, so of course you are never the one.

Yeah, it's always ever. It's been interesting to hear your stories about those times because I would consider you to be someone that was totally in that group, and your stories are yeah, that you felt like an outsider at times, right, I.

Mean everybody does. I think that's just common.

But I also think to me, I always it was very popular in school, homecoming, Prince sure athletic. You were just touch problem with girls and.

From them.

It's weird because I'm doing a combination of sarcasm. People did like me, but I wasn't athletic socause I saw you in.

Like the old timey bathing suit.

I hear some pyramids with.

People and then boxing with my fingers towards my face, and a lot of it was like I'm young George Atlas without the muscles.

Wow. Yeah, well you're a very lucky man.

Thank you.

Well, most are the things I never knew that about you, And I didn't know about you kicking sand and everyone even when you were at the beach.

Here's the thing. It was never on purpose, never on purpose. I was just I did a lot of jogging on the beach and I didn't see there's people laying there.

It was more of an awareness.

I should have been more conscious of the fact that my feet were covered with sand and I was wildly kicked than towards people's faces.

Now, I was anything. I think you don't say any names. But you don't know you went too far? No, no, but you I wanted to say. I want to say, now, can you see that the next thing? You want to get the next thing?

I'm sorry, Oh, I'll get off in the next thing.

Yeah, tell any about it.

If we have to go to that, definitely come back.

Because we're directly into the sun.

I definitely need to get off the most direct we.

Are driving into the sun. We are definitely not going.

So is there we are going? There's something going on with the earth? Is this connected with the water mine?

And I'm saying you may go to puppers? You do, you can get up. You actually could get off for the next one.

I want to do it.

No, you could get off for the next one after if you miss it. Okay, because right was such a great convels. He does definitely want to say about Karen. No, Okay, here's the note. And I really mean this honestly, But I would say I would say it about you like I would say it about a lot of people. I mean, not like Okay, there are people like David Cross who you really thought would punch you in the face the

I never saw that version.

But carry on, Oh you only saw the mean guy. All right now, stay here, don't worry about you missed the thing. Don't worry about it. Go to the next thing.

Okay, Sorry, I really and then make a left, I think, because that's just a line with no words to do it.

It flips around, just taking He's so irritating, and I thought I was the only one with the sun directly in my eyes. And then that's why I just freaked out, because all the lights went red on the back of these cars and I was like, he's as blind as I am. I want it's a dangerous situation.

I've gotten better as I've gotten older of not panicking because what's and I'm not saying I'm perfect at it, but why would you want to panic when you're all that's happening is you're going one more exits. I'm just saying to the kids today, Yes, don't get an offender better. But here's what I want to say about Karen. Karen, is you are and what's what makes you hilarious? And what makes people love you. Is you have a tremendous amount of charisma in the right sense of the word.

At least, it's just right now. I'm just involved with the driving thing. Otherwise I'd be showing, I'd be puffing up, I'd be turning everyone proven it. Yeah, the world over. I'm having an anxiety about this driving.

Thing, so I would be overly concerned with what Karen thought about me. But I'm just bringing you up as of one of eight or nine or ten people. I'm the only twenty people in that group.

I'm the only one in the well Lord, did.

You feel the same way though, Karen about those other people? Or is my my insecurity is different?

No?

No, no, I was very very insecure.

My main.

I was drunk all the time, as I will say a thousand times. Until nineteen ninety seven, I was just always drunk, and my thing was I loved I h I think the only people I worried about and I didn't understand that that's what was happening. Was I worried about David Cross and I worried about Doug Benson. Those were the two people that always seem to not like me, and so they were the people when I was writing,

Good mood and very sweet and very sweet.

But then he also could be super bitchy and mean.

And say a girlfriend of mine crying once.

Yeah, I mean he he, you know, he was that way. But this was like in the nineties. That was kind of how it got done.

Sometimes I didn't feel like I ever overtly was I mean, I think I offended people or whatever, but I wasn't like I'm going to be mean.

No, No, you were sweet.

Are the problems. But here's the thing. I'll give example of David crosspul Davis. Once I went and this is perfect. I think shows who how we're all weird, But he was weird this way. He was wearing shorts, right, So I go and I go, hey, what are you the shorts guy? And he says, no, no, I happen to wear shorts right. And now he could say have heard that and just took it as a bit. But occasionally he didn't take it as a bit.

No, he was actually and this is true, you can.

Make you could make a left here if you don't say.

The street. He was very very sensitive. And and I find as I get old, as they become more decrepit. That's that's a truth. If you find people that seem really harsh or judgmental or meaner, that intimidate you, those are actually the people that are the softest on the inside. They're they're putting on a show. And I was exactly the same way. I was a bully and I loved to be a bully. That was like that made me feel so much better because I was so insanely insecure

Well, it's interesting, I thought it did. I never knew any about this stuff until I heard you talk on Mark Maron show, which I had all for the first time I heard all this stuff. But the interesting thing I think about it is like I think that I put too much like in my I think I'm better at it, way better at it. Now you just keep going straight, but you're way better. But I was unfair to people because I wanted you. I'm saying you as an example. I wanted you to like me so much.

You know, exactly, And that's that kind of uh, that kind of need of other people's approval. Like when I first got into therapy and my therapy kind of explained like that's the thing that we're gonna try to work on, I was like, I'm sorry, what are the options like it was like, how do you not need everybody's approval? And how do you not like because I kind of in my mind put it as like I was striving

I know that for a fact.

I mean, I'm sure I don't think he's a fan of mine, but I also know that he never spent a lot of time thinking about me. We were friends for a while, but it wasn't you know what I mean, I was projecting so much stuff onto him because I needed to.

Well, I also had many times and I don't really care. I've had many things over the years, disappointing confrontations with him, So I yeah, but that part doesn't have to be said. I mean, although I was perfectly happy to bring it up, I felt like, I mean, and the way.

But it's tu word fighting about which Twilight move much better.

There's two goths fighting in the street. What a perfect symbol of what we're talking about right now.

But you know the thing is, but that again, it's the thing about uh now, no, no, you guys, do whatever you want. I'm up here in the right. You can go around the corner. Do you feel like you've got with Yeah, let's keep driving, all right, So let's driving around.

The corner the time. But now I sound like a party.

I'll show you where it is for when you want to. It's not this one, this mansion. Not this mansion. It's the one with the lawn jockeys. It's just one yeah, yeah, okay, So we can go around the block. You want to go around the block, or just like, oh your stay stop whatever you want to do. The truth is is that again even that's like I've also had great times

Yes, right, that's all you can do really, But I mean in comedy it's hard, because who who do you want to love you and respect you more than fellow comedians.

Yeah, I've that's always been Michael Is to make comics laugh too. It turns out it doesn't pay the bills. No, are you sure you don't live there beautifully color?

Well, I do, No, I own that place. I read that own. Oh right, here's the thing too, and I get serious, which a lot of people feel like I am during my act. But pause, you'll put the leaf. Here's the problem with comedy, you like to me comics who I always couldn't stand when comics would not acknowledge when they weren't doing well, or if a joke didn't get a reaction. And I think I go too far, Like I think if the crowd isn't like spitting up blood or double very Yeah. But the truth is, you

It's impossible, yes, to please everybody.

But I also think it isn't that kind of a comedian's personality.

Yes, really, but some people more than others, you think.

Probably yes, because there's some some people who clearly don't have any attachment to other people's opinions, or if they do, they're very good at hiding it.

Yeah, you could say that's my couch. By the way, You're.

Needs to be real polster, but I think, yeah, it's just a nice shape. I just wish that I could put the enjoyment of the audience before the other comics.

That's what I know. That's interesting you said, because it is really true that that is again the greatest thing when you get it. But that's the one that will get you, especially if I've become fit like friends with someone who's like I always loved and I meet them, then it's like I up the I think about them responding to my tweets.

Oh yeah, and then you're writing to people.

I obsess about Twitter response things. So it is individual for me, and that's the problem I should be thinking about, how do you make a thousand people happy?

I think you should take the clicker off? Was even if this, why should it end with clickers out?

It helps with the timing. When I do editing, I time it with the click.

Oh, we edit, we remix it and it becomes a dance song for Belgium.

I like the way for Belgium at night, they just keep going, taking it acid.

You taught me that one with an attitude like Elvis from Hell. I really was trained by that.

Woman thinks that dog is a human.

That's amazing, you guys. If you could only see this dog in a baby stroller, that was so upsetting. I thought it was a child with a little white wig on.

It was so disgusting that was a little person in that And you guys hate people who look like dogs.

She actually her baby is Jojo the dog Face.

Boy about him in the National Inquirer it's real.

That's one of the best references of all time. Jojo the dog Face Boy.

Why, I'm not gonna use it, but it would we go, what's what's this guy's problem? What do you Jojo the dog Face Boy? You can use it is a check an.

It was a guy from It was a boy from like the eighteen hundreds. That hair grew all over his face.

Oh I remember, So he had a.

Person underneath, but then like long dog hair. He look like a little dog. And it's a disease that happens sometimes where people their full face gets like long hair on it. But then they make lots of money in the circus. So let's be positive.

Remember you remember Bob Worley, he had a great brother. No, we had a great joke. I think it was his joke. He goes, whatever happened to the elephant mat? He made that one movie And then I love jokes like that. You also had a joke that I never realized till he said it about toys when you were a kid. You go, it's think it's slink he uh. It was like, that's how I felt about it was a terrible toy.

It's fun for the first time it's slink.

Yeah, that's it. Well, kids, how do you wrap up these things? Now? First of all, how long have we done?

We have a little Uh, it's we're perfect. We're on time. We go about an hour. We've done an hour nine minutes. That's a that's a decent.

Did you do all your segments though? Don't you have segments during morning?

We did morning too, that's something we did. You took the lead on that, which was amazing because you didn't even know that we did that. We didn't know the traffic. An EMPI very good with.

Polish call in and they guess how many lanes you're on? You know something?

Where is my car phone? Oh?

If we can, if we can only do call in, watch.

I love pulling out visual gags for the podcast podcast.

Well, that's why car top never did well on the radio. Holding a tennis racket with a toaster.

You should see how big this hammer is?

Hey, what is this Michael Jackson's bicycle?

You're the first person to go two three four? And I was the first person. If I stumbled vocally, I would hold my upper teeth and go Never order them through the mail. That was an actual comedian's joke. In the fifties.

That's awesome.

I love that. Why do I like that a lot?

Never order them through the mail. I do want to. I want to thank the people over at filling the name of the sponsor. I also want to say I want that you guys, because you were so nice to me, what with my busy I can't again, I can't say what I did, but it was big time. It was a big time.

I'm we're very excited about what you may or may not have in development.

And we hope you're We're the first podcast that you come on on your uh PR tour all the one time.

It's so great that that face that you gave, but never be done in a club where you gave a face like you do people can see you.

But it's like, I'm losing it. Well, I'm gonna I'm gonna be the one to wrap this up to be funny. Right then I put on a condom.

I don't know about that. I'm sorry, that's not what you know. Somethings are inappropriate and that's you far.

Let's wrap it up and deserves okay, but it's been a good thank you for having.

This is despressing. It's like every other time in my life. Oh, once you get out of the car, Now.

Do you need a tip plug anything? Are you gonna?

Yes? I do out? This drops is like a break it or something. Doesn't get what you're saying. Well, I'm going to be at t J. Cranberry's, I'm gonna be at McFunny, Mick or Gutbusters. I'm gonna be at Tickle Me rib Tickle mc ribs.

Tickle Me Ribs.

Why can't I think of anything that I'm doing? I was on guard, I was that's not a goodlug.

It's a remember plug.

If you have a d v R might still be sitting there.

Get my new album? I got nothing.

That's not no.

I do have ano album coming up, but it's so depressing because I should have had it out by now.

What are you calling it?

It's called it's gonna be called hence the humor, and it should be in Janet. It should have been in December. It's probably January February. And my joke about it is it's available on vinyl for those people who don't want to listen to it. Do you get it?

Well? Because I don't have a vinyl, I get it. I'm with you. I'm with you there.

You have the don't I tell you have an appointment or a set at you have a set at the lab factory.

It's at an appointment. That's a very serious dental appointment.

All right, I'm leaving the carcase.

How do you?

How do you leave the car?

I know right, that's so true.

Please don't send that tweet. Not tweet the text out.

Andy, I don't. I barely read it when he said it the first time. I don't give a ship if my name's not in it, I don't care.

The funniest thing is the the idea that I'm obsessed like all the times, like, oh she's you couldn't care gimmed it the first time.

I most of the time when you talk about it, I don't really know what you're talking about.

Well, I said, I called my wife my little poop.

That's not my business.

And I said, are you my muffin head, my muff and head? Yes, you are my muffinhead.

You have to stay here for the sign off.

Okay, you've been listening to d Y n A R.

That was I lead you way bad.

Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim. Give us time and a turn and al and gay. We want to send you off inside. Do you want to welcome you back home?

Tell us all about every scared or was it fine? Malborn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and Cress

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