Ep. 21 - Jackie Kashian

Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a turmano and gay.

We want to send you off InStyle.

You wanna welcome you back home? Tell us all about it?

We scared?

Or was it fine?

Now?

Porn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need ride?

With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride? My name is Chris Faermany.

My name is Kara Calgareff.

Calgareff.

It's the new way I'm pronouncing.

It, Karen Calgareff.

That's I'm in high school now, so I have to be cool.

You constantly have to reidentify yourself. Yeah, mine is misusing words. Yours is mispronouncing your.

Name, mispronouncing my own name. Girl.

A lot of people mess up your name, they do. I've heard kill gif. I mean, come on, are you do you live in a castle?

Seriously?

We are about to pick up Jackie Kashin, who.

Is terrific, one of our favorites.

And a podcast legend.

If you will yes. The Dork for Us is her podcast, which is I've been on it several times. I still don't understand like what my part on it was.

It was probably guest.

Yes, but I mean on it you talk about the thing that you york out about, and I didn't really get that. So the first time I did it, I talked about loving Sandra Bullock. I was gonna say being in love with Sandra Bullock, but that's not totally accurate. I don't know her.

You just love her work.

I love her as a as a best friend.

If you took a poll from a just a cross section of people as to you know, whether or not they loved Sandra Bullock. The ones that said no, I don't much care for her, I would question them as Americans.

Fuck yeah, I think I would question them as human beings.

What's not to like?

I think that's a sociopath test. Yeh, do you like Sandra Bullock?

No?

I don't really care about her?

Okay, well only yourself?

Yeah, just you, and you're going to murder me, is what you're saying.

That's what you're saying. I'm read between the lines.

This is my new stutter to show that I'm.

A Oh yeah, she I love her work.

She's the greatest. I was gonna mention, even though it's so drab of.

Me to do.

But it's fucking boiling here in Bourbon, California. We're going to the bourbonk Airport to pick Jackie up. And it is this morning when I checked or not, you know, this afternoon it was one hundred and two. Really, it's the kind of weather where I just walked out of CVS to get into Chris's car that was parked directly in front of CVS. And the whole time I was making a low moaning sound because it's that hot. That was fifteen feet yeah, And the whole time is like, did you do it?

Past adorable boy that I want to kidnap only because I want to raise him, Raise him, not no funny business, Come on god, It just it seemed like his mom didn't appreciate him.

She didn't. She was making himself candy first football team.

Oh maybe you know that's actually a motherly thing.

It is, but you would if you had him as your own, teach him tap dancing lessons or jiu jitsu.

All little tap dance shoes. You know what I'm starting to think. I don't really care about kids as much as just smaller clothing. Yes, tiny shoes. I go to the store and I look at these little Nike running shoes, over priced, little kitchen. Oh, I just hold them. No, yeah, I do. I'm in that section. I let everyone watch me do it, and I pick up and I make the same low moaning so sound that you do. Well. I just hold this little shoe. I hope the shoes.

God, there's a small.

Will look perfect in my slightly oversized dollhouse.

Imagine you work retail and it's like you've been on like a six hour shift. You're you're four hours in. You walk through your folding stuff, pretending to work, and then you hear low moaning from the children's shoe area and you have to take care of it.

Can I help you get something for your son? I just like to hold them. And I'm wearing lipstick.

And the John Lithgow wig from the World according.

To gart Oh that's the one I didn't watch in my in my film festival of Robin Williams movies.

Oh, it's a lot, but I love John Irving. But there's a lot going on in that movie.

Yeah, I watched it as a kid. It was a very vivid day. I had just gone to after school ski program. My pants were very wet. I was sitting. I was making Valentine's Day Valentines, the best time to make Valentines children. Yeah, fifth grade watched the world.

According to I ask, fifth grade is a pretty crucial year because that's when you start. Actually, those Valentine's could mean something. Was there anyone that year that you were like, there was an electrically charged Valentine that you were making?

Yes, Shannon, the girl named Shannonhardy de Hardy. A lot of people said one eye was lower than the other, But it didn't bother me because my heart was in the.

Right place, right between those two eyes, right between those tents.

Oh, she was a child.

She was a greater for Christ.

Oh she had such tiny shoes. Later, I uh fulfilled that dream by going to the junior prom with her at a different high school than mine. And they all were band kids. One of them had.

Banned from a different high school.

Yeah, and I wasn't even in band anymore. I was breaking so many cool rules. One of the guys played saxophone and he had little business cards and they said, always practice safe sacks. Yeah, yeah, yep.

That child is is my uncle John's hero. I mean a child who loves puns so much. He makes business cards.

I remember we were juniors in high school and I remember talking to him and I'm like, you are fish years old, hello Vista print.

Yes, I don't have a credit card because I'm a sophomore.

I've never had sex and probably won't for another decade. But I these cards.

Will guarantee that how many can I get to save sex?

Yeah?

What kind of goofy father dominated that kid's life?

Maybe I actually I do remember that his dad was the band leader.

Oh you buried the lead?

Whatever, go ahead, getting out the way. We're still moving. Well, we lost Karen. Do not fold your voice, so it sounded like you jumped out of the car. We're in my Honda Accord. It's an eight.

Oh, and this air conditioning is better than.

Ever it is. I'm so glad I paid that five hundred dollars, so it was.

The best five hundred dollars for me you've ever spent.

We're at the Bob Hope Airport, Jackie.

So you're gonna have to get over one lane. But all these Jack and Apes are gonna be doing a bunch of dumb parking stuff. So just keep going straight, okay, and don't worry about them, and then you'll sneak over the right lane because I believe terminal twos Oh.

Okay two or b.

This is a woman goes to the same school of directing traffic by pointing at your own face. She said, she's wearing green horizontal stripes. I say, you're not supposed she is. Oh, I wish we were picking up that's a hot number. All right. Oh I'm gonna go right in front of her. Actually I'm doing it.

Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah.

Look at her.

She's ready to go.

That there's room. I'll be embarrassed if there isn't room in my trunk.

Is your pottery wheel back? There?

Is it bad? It might be bad, Jackie.

She's making it work like any good Casian would.

Uh oops, hi, hi guys, Hi Jackula. What's the room in the trunk?

There was plenty of the trunk. Very exciting, right, this is a tall skinny mite.

Nice work. Where are you coming from?

I am coming from a whirlwind tour all over the world. Oh uh, where?

Where was I I was in Billings, Montana. I've foun through the Salt Lake City Airport six times in the last four days, every single flight connecting, single flight connecting through Salt Lake.

Did you save a bundle of money doing it that way?

I did?

That's well.

I went to weird places too that didn't.

Have direct flights like where else Billings? And then we went from Billings to Portland, Oregon.

Over there follow this car.

Sorry, Oh, that's quite all right. I don't come to the airport very cold.

You usually do, lax. Is that what a bearing? Yeah?

Yeah, I mean I'm not elitist. That's just where I lived near.

Let me tell you something, if you were elitist, you'd fly out of here.

Yeah, that's right, it's right.

Yeah.

It seems like a private country club, except with airplanes instead of all.

Exactly, it's very beautiful. They have rules you can't take off after ten pm. Oh really, Yeah, because of the neighborhood.

That's nice.

It ruins the neighborhood.

Because I live in this neighborhoods. I appreciate that.

Yeah, exactly. That's why they thought of you.

They said, oh, she's gonna want to I'm just gonna want that to quiet down.

None of my dinner parties have ever been ruined by this.

Uh do you ever use a charger anyway?

And you set the table? I've always wondered about those anyway for the candles? No, you know, I like, there's a there's a big plate that goes underneath the eating plate. That's what I like to call it, an eating plate. And then on top of the eating plate is a salad plate.

Oh yes, right there next to you're munching for it, right next.

To the pokey thing you're stick in your face and the food prom.

The food prom.

With the sharp the meat stick, I know, the meat cutter. So yeah, Odelling's Portland organ.

And then yeah, the charger is the decorative plate under the main plate.

That's it.

I knew, I knew something.

I couldn't hate that guy more.

He wouldn't let you.

No, I couldn't hate you more. Doesn't look at it part of it. He won't look at me.

Chris just gave the most hilarious just full of raids. It was a real look that he gave this guy a look.

I want to turn right, am I correct and wanting?

That's an ideal world yeah.

Well sometimes you were where where'd you go after Portland? Jackie?

Well that was the that was the crazy part because what I was doing was a beautiful tour with where I was opening.

Let you know that happened.

What I did was I put that in there. There's a thing the way to go, Yeah, way to go charge and you can do whatever you want.

You can you can play games on child safety.

Oh god, I love ways. It encourages you to drive and play games on your exactly.

The ways and Means committee is what I always fell like.

Uh so, yeah, So what happened was I was opening for mister Brian Reagan.

Oh, one of the guys. I got to open for him in s Francisco when I first started, and it was like a really experience.

Yeah, because then you get to watch Brian Reagan.

Yeah that's they do.

Stand up comedy for hours on it.

And one time this just popped into my head. One time in the late nineties, we had this Christmas party that Brian Reagan. I guess really sorry that we're cutting over that's it directions, I'm the worst co pilot, That's.

Okay, and then you go forever oh Street that we're about to go towards the questionable warehouse guest.

That's right, yes, could a love bit more. But bright Reagan came to a party basically is what I'm bragging about when I was in my late twenties and was the most delightful party guest. I walked into the kitchen at one point and he was looking through I had like an old Better Homes and Gardens recipe book that was my mom's that I took with me when I moved out, and he was.

Looking Sorry, every time she mentions her mother, I show it's like a drinking game.

He absolutely hates my mother.

All right, she's not part of the story.

I might that was the last moment, but he was just The whole joke of it was that he was looking through a recipe book and making he was pretending to laugh at the recipes. He was acting like a stuck up, bitchy housewife. So it was like, as he was criticizing my recipes, just oh, it was pretty good story. I'm glad I powered through all of that.

And a pound of sugar things like that.

Actually, this thing bears left and then you take a ride at the at the next light.

Okay, direct there you go, guys, should we buy a warehouse in this district and just become a part of it.

I would like to build my own quantt hut much like these, and then and then fake like.

Agent, and then we did you tell me to turn? I'm left, oh, bearing.

Bearing left, and then I'm right at this light, and then it's then.

It's forever, no matter if they're.

Just trying to get out of the airport, I'm.

I just want to get off those railroad tracks.

Boom, that's about.

Lockdown and done. Well, here's what happened?

Was I I This is the third time I've opened for him, and it's exciting. Every time I do it, I think, how will I fuck this sum? How will I destroy any rapport that we have? Uh. He's a perfectly nice man and he's a great comic. It's really fascinating to watch for him. But the crazy thing, of course, is that he's performing for somewhere between twelve and three thousands. We're twelve hundred three thousand people every time you go out, wow wow, and so every time it's hilarious to me

And he could take.

Two or three minutes and work on something new.

And fill out that room the way I or the way everybody else does two hundred three hundred.

People, right, Yes, And so he could tell him that, well, this is not the place to try that.

Yeah.

I heard him do a thing about gun control, or try to in Florida, of course, where he is from.

And at one point he actually said to the audience, you guys know me, I am for everybody's side the figure this out.

And it made me laugh so hard.

Did that change that? Did they?

Yeah? They calmed out a little bit.

Yeah, and that he was talking because the thing is, he's genuinely sane, like he's you know, he's he's not going to tell them to get rid.

Of their guns. He's not going to tell them to get guns.

He just wants to discuss it.

He wants to talk about it in.

A funny way. I only want your guns once I'm prying it from your cold bed hands, read your T shirt.

Talk about how we're going to get you cold and dead. What's the problem.

He just wants to figure out the goofy joke that he wants to.

Tell about it because he's a very his stand up as if you don't know Brian Reagan, it is very smart, but it is very silly.

Yeah, right, and so it is. It is the best of both of those worlds.

That's the original leaving the plane and the steward is saying or getting on or whatever, like have a nice flight, you too, you too?

Just a weird Yeah, that is the joke that stands out the most for me when I was younger. Yeah, getting I think it was a cab or something in the version I heard Karen, I could have to have a nice flight, Yeah, you too. You don't fly some day. I'm not saying you are now, but one day you might get a plane, iron idiot. That's yeah, that's a pretty good impression. It's one of the easier.

It does like an hour of his.

New stuff, right, and then he'll come back out for like five to twenty minutes.

We'll do requests.

Oh you're kidding, I have that.

Yeah. So I was on many tiny planes.

What do you how do you feel about those? I find I am not afraid to fly, and I've written on a couple of those that scared the shit out of me.

So well, I get scared when they feel like they're gonna fall, but if they don't, I'm good.

Okay.

You think at some point in the sky the plane will just cease existing being a plane and we'll fall like an object.

Well, what I tend to do is if it gets super super bumpy, I think, oh, this might be it m But then I think, why don't you treat it like on off road experience? And then I think, because when you're in a car, your car could flip at any time in an off road experience, sure, and then you might die.

And that's true. So you just pretend the airplane is suddenly a four wheeler.

Exactly, and maybe it'll right itself a better chance.

The last few times there's been horrible turbune. I hope this is just because I fly a lot now. But if turbulence gets bad and people start making audible noises because they're scared, yeah, call washes over me and I'm not Does that mean I'm not afraid to die in therefore I'm depressed.

No, it means that you don't care about other people.

Yeah, that's what it is.

It just like these as.

I wanted to make sure that whatever ice feeling was healthy.

You know.

I think that's probably part of that sounds like a it's almost like a first responders thing where it's like if everyone else is gonna freak out, you're just gonna hang back, right, but like you'll you'll come into action if it's the real deal.

You know, I freak out and line at the bank and things like that. But if she hits the fen and there's bodies, a call washes over me because I'm a goddamn hero.

That's right.

Okay.

I have this to say about the lines. That was uh, that is Brian Reagan's dorkdom. We did a dork forest driving on the tour bus from Portland to Seattle at one o'clock in the morning.

We recorded the.

Dork forest and he is obsessed with lines, how people line up, the problem with lines, how people skip in line, these type of things. And he was like, I don't think I could talk about it for an hour. And I said, you have six you have three six minute bits about courtesy right now you're closing.

I think, yeah, you got it. You can let me tell you something fifty seven minutes.

Yeah, he talked about standing in lines and it was hilarious and full of rage and then full of revelation.

It was going to be a beautiful episode.

I can't wait.

It has not yet dropped.

No, it has not. I have a one more episode before it.

I speak about podcasts like their hip hop albums.

Uh, it's great fun of dropping. And then I was like, doesn't it isn't it dropping?

Yeah?

I do.

I don't think there's another word for that.

I mean, if everyone else can act like they're a rapper, then you can say that your podcast is going to drop.

What I mean, why ever hip hop line that you can remember?

A murder contest? You know I'll win it because in every mailbox there's a head with a knife in it.

That's my favorite question I've ever asked. You need to ask everyone.

I guess mine saying.

That I'm sorry, let me ghetto boys out of out of Houston, Texas. They did. Damn it feels good to be a gangster. That's what they're famous on ninety two one.

Good choice, of course, Romance with No Finance is a damn nuisance, which is Big Daddy King ninety eighty nine.

Nice, I love where you just changed the end fastus on a word so rhymes, but the other.

It is pretty great.

It wasn't her idea though, that's how I was quoted. She's merely a vessel.

That's why my husband says, what la gentleman digs, someone put on the.

And that allowed to do any dick choe. So yes, yeah, you do, only because there's a pile of seven to twelve year old sitting in the front row.

Oh you're kidding, No, it's weird. That would horrify me.

It's terrifying just because you think you're you're going to get Tourett's in the middle of your set.

But the I still think state up comedy is an adult sport.

Yeah, for sure, necessarily because they're because I don't change. I mean, I do my act. When his manager called me and asked me to do it to open for him, he said, first of all, hilariously said have you ever heard of Brian Reagan?

And I said, yeah, yeah, I ever heard of that name?

And then he goes, you're mostly clean, right, You're like ninety percent clean?

And I said.

Yeah, And he goes and you could, you could clean the other ten. It's just swearing, right, And I said.

Pretty much, yeah, yeah, just a series of outbursts and then it's shit.

Eventually just screams, fucking kicks the floor for five minutes.

It's like, goddamn cuns, get it system, let it go.

Private moment for me on stage, and I was like.

Of course, not a problem.

And it's because the kids come to the shows.

And it's because the kids go to the show. And he says, I don't care, you know, and Brian doesn't care. It's just what people bring their kids and they have expectations.

No, I would. My instinct would be if there's kids, even if there's only a handful of them or elderly. I changed my entire act for five people. And that's not the right.

Thing to get uncomfortable.

But I don't want to have any kind of the good thing about grown ups it's comforting is you're not going to change their mind about anything. But with little kids, what if they remembered that I shall ship pissed of course, and then they say it that's their first words. I assume their baby's there too.

Just bring an infense to your show. The private nine.

Who brings a baby?

But you know what, I watched most of the first stand up I ever saw in my aunt Kathleen's living room in Millbray, California, on a VHS tape. Why can't they fucking stay home until they're eighteen?

Yeah?

The kids these days, it's like no, but you're the exception to the rule. You go watch a comedian you're seven, Get the fu out of here?

Right.

Well.

The weird thing is is like all my nieces and nephews they can't come until they're sixteen. Yeah, and then I do a special dispensation and I was like, you can come on that meet well, because I don't want to have the conversation with my siblings about their children hearing whoever's opening for me right because I don't know who that what asshat's gonna be, you know, rattling through whatever they're doing right that. Yes, I can't control the whole show.

No, that I used to open for Margaret and I when we came to San Francisco, like a huge chunk of my family came and I ran into my aunt Mary, who's a nun, in the bathroom, and I was like, you can't blame me for what happens when she's on stage. She's going to say, shit, you have never met and people saying before and she was like, hey, Karen, we're all adults. And then I let sell my family when Margaret was on stage and literally they were just staring,

It's what's funny about my entire family and many of my friends from college is that they're like, I don't like stand up comedy, but you're great, so we're going to come see the show.

And I'm like, don't.

I'll just come to your house. Yeah, don't.

I'll have dinner.

I have albums and you could listen and be supportive.

Yeah, and you make food and I'll give you the mouth stabby thing, especially if.

I'm opening for Bamford or Brian Reagan, where you're like, if you don't enjoy them as much or greater than you did me, you're not paying attention.

Yes, you're out of your mind.

That's one thing I can't stand when people you know or family go to a show and it's like they're rooting for you, right, no competition please? Oh I thought you were better than the second guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's Chris Rock is what.

I want you to say. But you can't say it here.

Right, you don't need you can think it. You can say that you like me the best of all the community.

Because my stepmother she did say one time to me, you know who my favorite comic is. And I was like, think about what you're about to say, and and she goes Norm McDonald and I was like, I think he's very funny as well.

Yeah, it's hard to argue. My dad did that once where he said I think probably my favorite comic I've ever seen is Ron Lynch. And I was just like, the reason I'm up there, reason number fifty five.

I'll tell us about the Ways program. It is sending you my bad cave way to my house. So you're hating left at this light. It's an obstacle.

Course at this point.

And it's told us about traffic lights, it's told us about possible police.

We've gotten points and and.

Yeah, you earn and then you drive through. It's like a candy crush.

Yeah, we've gotten some bit coins on you know.

It's Andy Ashcraft, my person. Yes, Jesus, the word husband is so weird.

It's such a weird word. I don't like it.

You've had trouble with that word before. I remember, I'm not great my fellow human man.

Fella and whatever, but he he makes video games, and he said that we are in the match three era.

Of video game design. It's Bejeweled, It's candy Crush. Oh, yes, it's right now.

I'm playing two different versions of Bejeweled Candy Crush, kind of game based on the movies Maleficent and Frozen. Oh they're out there. They're called free Fall. They're really boring.

Shows up. I fell asleep during the description.

You need to stop the voices.

I'm telling you that. On Facebook there's a guy that broke my nose senior year. He wore cowboy hats to school.

I'm glad you're still friends with him.

I'm just I didn't even know he was on my Facebook, but I did know when he invited me to play The Jeweled Blintz.

Like, oh, because you just do the thing I do, which is confirmed confirmed confirmed.

No. Not with the game stuff, I get mad. But usually it's from an older lady and I'm like, sure, lady, uh, why are you here? I I'll be here.

You could block the game. You could block the game, but you don't have to block the player.

Not only they didn't break my nose. That fell into a fire and it burned off my leg hair. It seems like this hole drive even when I've said things, it's a serious evement something.

Let me tell you about the smoke that's coming out of this this Oh yeah, this used to.

Be ace Jackie.

It is, but it used to be a check cashing place and they put a grill there and they have blown the fuck up Papa.

Ladies j Yeah, you know, it's super popular, super.

Popular, and the food is amazing because all the yeah, why of course it has.

Done very well.

See the smoke coming out of that restaurant, it's because they've blown the fuck up.

I'm gonna use other terms that don't sound Hey, that guy should.

Throw in shade.

What that guy's trying to get out of the sun?

Yeah, five degrees.

Oh, I just love the idea of them cooking food with these uh signed checks. Right we are, Oh now we can speak freely now yea, Hey, how are you a guy that should be in the south somewhere?

This is an area where you're gonna see a lot of pickup trucks. Am I right, Jackie?

Yeah, this is a I live among the working class. This is a blue color neighborhood.

Folks, great houses, great houses around here. People really take pride in their lawns. A lot of succulents over here. That's those are huge alo plants.

Those are really beautiful.

Old my mom used to snip those off, and when I had a sunburn, she'd rub it on my back. Butl but she really the best part is always leave a thorn or two. Yeah, so she'd be cutting my back while stuthing it not good.

It's a good sure way of saying, remember who's in charge.

And in unless and and there's always good with the bad. We've been going about a half hour.

Yeah, we could sit in front of my house and the chip chat.

Yeah, let's do it. Let's do that.

Hello, yep, yellow yellow.

That's such a good Here's let me tell you about my car has been sitting in the sun for the last six months.

It has melted.

It's kind of melted. The paint job is kind of blown.

And I like to see those see the feet, Yes, those are youth.

Those are the alley youth alley. Youth are at the back of our house.

Should I drive by them, I'll give them some steak.

It's okay.

They're leaning against our garage because what I the only thing Grandpa, Grandpa Ashcraft went out the other day and said to him, you guys could be out here doing whatever you want to do, just don't litter, which is the greatest.

They were totally cool.

Its chilled well because we live right by a high school and swear to god, they might be drinking at forty they might be, but nine times out of ten they are staring at their phones, hiding from their family.

Yeah, that's what we were talking about this right before. Is because you see people I especially in like Echo Park, I'll see kids just sitting in a car that's idling, and I think it's because it's like I live with my grandparents and my parents they're fifteen years six brothers, hour.

And a half, two hours after school, where you're like, I don't want to go back there.

It was you have to. They just drive seven eleven, then drive around.

I just didn't want to hear the theme song to mash. I hated being at home around Painless. It's after five I can go that is a lyric, isn't it is? God? If you if you want to have fun listeners, go listen to the mash television. Oh the lyrics. It used to it used to be a series of boobies, I thought. But it's actually that's.

It is. It's exactly what do you think it is?

I like that we're now like high school students hanging out, hanging out in a car chilling.

This is it, neighbor, You've taken the kind of you were laying down with an elbow down like you do on a fur rug.

Jackie was doing the drop me like one of your French girls, having.

The pop secret seat in the back seat.

Here, it's nice.

I'm laying an into drug.

Get.

A lot of my people live in this neighborhood across the street. Uh, they're constantly redoing the inside.

Of their house, this house with the Lexus, a BMW and an Audi.

Yes, yes, they spent all of their They all live together so they can afford those cars.

Do you know?

Would you say that Armenians are car proud and that's a thing they really invest in. It feels like as a status thing, it does.

It feels like first generation immigrants. They're like, no, we've made it. We've made it.

We're doing this.

Here's the proof.

Here's a guy wasn't an immigrant, had glitz all over his his I stayed in them in what was called Saddam Hussein's guesthouse in Bagdad.

Yeah. Yeah, like.

Thing Carnival Cruse.

It was the worst gig.

Holly smokes Trible Run and uh but that now I know we in trible.

That's why when I did a Trible Run, that's what I kept saying.

That needed it needed to be said.

A lot alone in a car. You were just saying today.

I think the kids are still saying it.

Is it? Trible Run is like a booker. Yeah yeah, I thought you guys were making a deep Star Trek reference.

He's a low rent Yoda.

If that helps, it doesn't, because remember she's from the Bay Area. You would have worked for Trible if you have ever had any interest in doing road one night ers.

I was never a mispress that. I just never did anything I didn't have to.

Do, right.

Maria Ramford also as a fucking hothouse flower. She's like, no, no, you enjoy that, you knock yourself up.

Yeah, I did a couple and they almost broke me psychologically, and so I was like, I gotta avoid this shit as much as I can.

Yeah.

Yeah, And what happened was is you build character in other ways. There are other ways to learn stand up comedy than to throw yourself on the mercy of nine career drugs in the middle of Montana.

Yeah.

When I did some opening for Maria, I liked that because we were in San Francisco at the Punchline, which is a safe place, the safest of all space. But on weekends it was enough just weekend warriors that we're going for just hey, I have the day off, let's go for some general entertainment. That the next time we went there, she did it on a Wednesday, right, because then it was packed with people that were there that knew what the.

Heck they were coming to see.

Yeah, she doesn't need stumblefucks. Yeah, let's go see stand up comedy and not ever look into what of stand up comedy they're seeing.

I honestly talk about that all the time, where it's like, I'm I know, I'm.

Sorry. I thought of a cartoon man walking pantiless with an erection, tripping and landing on his wife.

And carrying a beer and.

And her then carrying a baby with alcohols.

And recipe, that's a recipe for comedy in a.

Bottle of beer, taking a face for a step on a couch.

You know that Hia Lois Lois is the is the brother is the sister of Beetle Bailey?

Is that true?

They are related?

I have no idea.

It was the same artist.

And it is the same universe. Tiny universe made up the very mediocre comic strips.

That family's origin story. Did anyone get.

Murdered Beetle Bailey?

You know he was in the service, so he did some murdering himself.

Yeah.

So what I have to say about is that guesthouse. It was full of first January. It would be like if my grandmother had been given a million dollars and then spent like half of it on things that were real, like parquet floors.

And bobby and and and beautiful.

Cars, and then ran out of money and had chandlers made out of plastic. Oh wow, So that's that's what the Saddam Hussein guesthouse looked like.

You this really was? It really was. I thought it was called That's that's amazing that you stayed there.

It was weird on that as America because we used to.

And uh, and then they were like, well, we're all we're I went there when we were pulling out a bag Dad to give it back to him, but we were pulling like a.

Mile and a half away.

Yeah, it was.

It was the so not we're not leaving.

It's it's not a good situation.

No, it's not positive. I don't want to go back. And I was only telling jokes.

I went surfing in Costa Rica with a group of friends and one of them was an ex marine who, in a group of six people, killed Oude and Kusa Hussein.

He was one of the guys who killed oud and Kush.

And he was just a tattooed surfer snow he was just reading Snowburder magazine. But he knew how to kill people. But he didn't seem like that type of person. It kind of changed my mind about just all military people being unbalanced or scary because he was goofy and he didn't want to talk about it right, And I sure, I'm sure he is riddled with darkness as we all are. But it was so interesting to me and he was wealthy from it.

They like, oh they oh there was a lot of cash.

Yeah, oh you did this, Well you get to retire now, and yeah, that would make sense for a young person. I think he'd gotten extra sixty five thousand a year just to be a marine.

Okay, Well, here's the thing is.

I went in because I was raised my father was in the was in the service, and I was Whenever any of my brothers, any or my sister wanted to join the service, he would always say, you know, you could just leave town.

You don't have to join.

He was in the six years he was in the Maraine. He was like, you don't have to do this. You can make two dollars and fifty cents an hour doing.

Yeah, that's my favorite. Yeah. My dad was in the Army, and boy, he never would have let me even if I said I want to, yeah, now go one vacation.

Yeah.

And my liberal and a couple of my siblings are very liberal, and I was, and I've always hung out with hippies and we always thought that they were you know, I always had a very preconceived notion about people in the service. And then when I did this tour and I did it not for the best whatever, anybody thanks me. I'm like, the story of why I did this is not I am not the hero. Yes, I did it because I am against war, because I'm against hitting, and so I'm against everything above hitting.

Sure, and so.

I was like, Okay, well, if I go to Iraq and then I say I'm against the war, people are like, well, have you've been to Iraq?

And I could say, yeah, right anyway.

But which is a very dumb reason to put yourself in harm's way is joining the service to some extent. But the but I met some of the greatest, like nine I would say ninety percent of the people that I met literally just joined to.

Be of service, right. They wanted to do something to help. Wow, And there was you know, you would meet people, but you do at every job. The people I met, I.

Don't know if that's if that the murderers go to better maybe and watch the comedy show.

And you would meet like these tool bags who were like, you know, I'm winning the.

War by myself. You know, muscle, You're only safe when you're standing right next to.

Me, right right, two bags for the rest of your life.

The greatest man and even the other soldiers should be like, yeah, I don't worry about Jim's and Jim he's all right, He's just a mess.

Just try try out to be alone with just a fun loving cartoon character with a lot of blood on.

It who happens to possibly attack people when they don't they're not looking.

Well, that's the interesting thing is I think like a lot I know people have been in the military and they went in to get college degrees. Okay, you know in the early nineties, late eighties, Yeah, when war was such a foreign concept. Yeah, it was so not happening. Yeah, I mean it's been happening now for fifteen years years country. It's insane. But back then it was kind of like, oh, get a free ride. I'll just go be on this base for you know, a couple of weekends or whatever.

In the National Guard and you get to help with floods, yeah, and hurricanes and.

Sad things, yes, exactly. But then he ended up going to the Golf War. The Robins is the person I'm thinking of. He got this full amazing education for doing it, but he ended up going to the Golf War, which he was like, I lucked out. So I did all my service. I did everything, and it was like we got out. We got in and we got out and it was okay and it was over and they were super lucky.

Yeah, it's super weird and you're just it was, Yeah.

Didn't we just start a war last week? We're out?

It's so awful.

Yeah, there's I didn't mean to bring everybody down. I'm just talking about my Armenian cousins.

They can't to The Armenians are always cheerful.

What they're trying to do is take over ower at this time.

And they're trying to take over the sidewalk in my neighborhood. They love to pull a folding chair out and have a conversation and not acknowledge you and tell you something.

They are the nicest people, but I can't. I've been I've been in their house twice and I've been to my house once. But you literally it's ours.

And the food comes and it just keeps coming. Amazing. Yeah, it was lovely, but I would I had eaten.

I didn't know that I was not supposed to eat.

Prior to going over there. And they have a fig tree and they have a pool.

Is that the kind of situation where you can't have you you have to eat, even if you are at.

Home, nibble and then and then the other.

Both sides of our house, we had genuinely nice little ladies who live there, who have one of them passed away and one of them went to a retirement home. But they all gave us their their picnic, uh, their their yard furniture, oh, which weirdly enough matched each others.

Oh wow, they'd.

Both been here since since the house was built in like nineteen fifty.

One, because they both ordered out of the same Harriet Carter Catwi.

Everyone's grandparents have the exact same lawn furniture. It's this.

It's this cast iron with a leaf pattern.

It's very beautiful, of course. Oh I know the chair the dickens. She wud tell me about cast iron threund chairs that are uncomfortable.

Can I ask a question about Armenian?

Yes?

What's their dessert? Oh, like, what's the main famous?

It's just like a bockle of hawk kind of thing.

And that's what the Philo do layer. Yeah, some walnuts in it.

Yeah, a lot of bullshit.

Some honey, you have some honey on there?

My money iron't a sad story, always bringing it down, bringing it down. My grandmother, who was amazing cook. She was known in her circles for her Philo dough and buck. None of us, I'm the youngest of six, none of us have a sweet tooth. We didn't like blah blah blah.

It almost killed her, oh be one hundred and one. Wow, so not so. I think she would have been faking it.

Yeah. Nothing, nothing really killed her.

Somebody killed her.

That little bit of poison that you guys served up was kept her strong.

Exactly one hundred and one. Wow.

It was old.

Yeah, that's that's is that? Yeah, I want to go that long.

If you're good, if you still got it together.

Yeah, you're healthy and you know what you're doing.

Yeah. My great grandma lived in Coronado. She lived to one hundred and one as well.

That's neat.

She has her own holiday there, Helen Boris Day. No, there's a bench you can sit on with her name, just because she was old and cool. But you're so down to earth, I know, And then I think, yeah, that's the best way, because then one night I think she was like, well I think uh, I think, uh, I've lived long enough and they were like, yeah, okay, whatever Helen. And then she died.

It's like, oh really decision she Babe Ruth called it.

And that is that is like lucid dreaming, but it's her own death.

She pointed to the hospital.

I'm going, I'd like to be buried there.

My dad is actually talking to to the to the graveyard people, the Armenian graveyard.

In South Monkey, Wisconsin.

Do you know what's six hundred and fifty dollars to be planted in perpetuity in a grave in South Minky, Wisconsin.

Which I think dirt cheap? Yeah, oh, untended?

Yeah, I think that's.

Six fifty yeah.

And the thing is is it's a spot in between my my mother, his first wife, and his parents, and my stepmother, his second wife of many many years, is planted next to her parents. And he was like, I don't know. I don't want to be next to no offense, your mom, my entire life in form of all my death.

But I was talking to the taken sorry some taken, but I don't care.

I was like, Dad, you're so not. But my sister was hilarious because she said, she said, that's where we're planting you because I'm not going to.

Do Yeah, yeah, it's going to be too late for you to start dating.

And but he he was talking to Armand Virginian, a fine Armenian name, at the Armenian Church in South Milwaukee, and he said.

What do you want for that spot? And armand Virginia said it's six fifty Elliot, I can't believe that. And my dad goes, but who else are you going to sell that spot to? Nobody else could want that spot. I'll give you twenty five bucks.

That's sun and Armand said to him, don't die, elliot, don't die.

It's going to be six fifty.

Oh wow, that's so. I mean my I just put down my cat last week. Yeah, I know it sucked.

It's sucked, don't your regular Jackie.

I held a cat while they injected him. He slowly went lamp and I closed his eyelids and tucked his tongue back into his face. But it was only three hundred dollars. We opted to not get the ashes.

Three hundred dollars.

He wasn't doing well once they said that.

Was the aids, and yeah, but it wasn't the AIDS.

That killed them.

Kill them.

They don't know, just a lot of blood. The blood tests were more than the cost of having them put down.

The blood tests were more than three.

Yeah, very people should see my published works about my opinion about animals. Anyway, there and how we all got to wrap it up? Did you guys hear about my I'm going to start a business where you bring your dog to me and I tell you whether it has sleep apnea. Oh, I'm going to call that business. I'm here all week, you guys.

Se pup seatpap is what they give people. That's the that's the name of the mask, and I'm going.

To know that.

Do you know how many people have sleep appy in America? A ship ton people? And they laugh out of.

Their tiny lizard mind. I think it's the greatest thing they've ever heard of.

Do I have sleep apnea? If I wake myself up snorting?

Yes? Or they want you to believe you do. So they want to strip a mask to you.

Because the thing is is every dog that comes to me will have sleep apnea. And I will sell you a mask, and the dog will chew that mask, and then I will sell you another.

That's a great business man.

I will buy land.

Then I will retire with your marine Landridge, I will become land rich and I will retire to Costa Rica with your marine buddy.

Amay, yeah, used to.

Oh that's terrific. That is a good way to make money. I think anything, and I think it's it's honorable. No one's gonna call you out on it. If you're somehow making money off pets.

Here's the thing, the sweaters. People so willing to give their money for their pets. Yeah, that too bad. If that's what you're gonna waste your money on, that's your choice.

I can talk people into saying dogs they have eyes just like us. Why wouldn't they wear a tiny pair of sunglasses? And I'll make everyone's gonna buy a little doggy sunglass.

The Animal Clinic it's one. Yeah, it's right next to Jiki on Ventura.

For real, for real?

Do they have little glasses?

Have you guys ever heard my act I have contact lesses?

I'm sure for no, No, it's a minute. This is I went to the vault for you guys. The Sea Path thing is new, but the Animal Eye Care Clinic is no old. But it's very It's the weirdest thing about all of this stuff.

With animals.

Is that there's part of me that loves Los Angeles because of it, because it's every job that you never wanted to do. That someone says, I will do that because no one does want to clip their cats and toenails, right, And someone is like, for fourteen dollars, I'll do it. And then you're like, I will give you four because I don't want to wrestle my cat. And then they do ten of those a day and they don't have to work on Wednesday, and so it is. This is the most encouraging.

Town in the world. It's like, please, yes, make that into a business.

The whole town is built on really rich people that will pay other people to do whatever, like one weird thing.

Yeah, but it's also a town of lonely people because and and and I've never lived anywhere where I was invited. I've been invited this year alone to three different dog birthday parties. And I think that that's because everyone's lonely there. I can't find the war.

Yeah, that is worse than war, for sure.

That's awful. People like people in LA like to treat their little dogs like in person, but you know what that is.

That's like saying. What they really are saying is I need you to come and act like it's my birthday, but it's not. And I know that's crazy. So I'm projected onto this thing that doesn't know what the fuck is going on and pretend that that matters because I have a gaping hole of need. That's what That's the real subject.

You just nailed it, and Chris tried to put it a little more.

Well, let's get rid of that.

Let's let's jetson that.

Let me tell you that this guy lives doesn't know about the drought.

Your neighbor doesn't know matter there is there's a person that just wasting his ship on a drought precious water. Like clearly those are like evergreen hedges that don't need to be watered, right, they keep playing.

Maybe maybe she's watering those plants for a ls.

Maybe they're all paralyzed.

Yeah, do you notice that our lawn super dead?

That's thank you for that.

I can't I can't care.

Yeah, we have we have a garden in.

The backyard that I've seen your gardens.

It's nice, it's nice.

What do you what do you got in that garden?

We got some cucumbers, do you guys need cucumbers?

I you know what, you never needed a cucumbers?

Have pumpkins. They were volunteer pumpkins.

So I eat pumpkins the time. They're volunteer, have volunteer.

Volunteer vegetables are vegetables that just come out. They start growing out of your compost deep.

All of a sudden, you have twelve goddamn Pumpkinsious.

It's amazing.

No, I think they'll last until October.

And so we stick some of the fridge and you're like, they will be rotten by some I.

Really love you, but.

I don't think we have to wait till Halloween to Carva Jack and Lantern. I'll take one of those pumpkins, all.

Right, when we get out of this car.

You're taking at least I am taking a pump That's a great thing to take to the party. Yeah.

Oh, are you going to go to Andywood's party?

I was thinking about it, but I was thinking about it. I'm going to go to uncamp tonight.

Oh are you doing it?

No, you and Aaron Fuley are doing it.

Oh that's right.

I'm going to watch you guys do it.

And you didn't know you had a show.

No, I did.

Now, you're not going to the pool party.

No, I am going to the pool party.

I said, you're not.

You go homet but on a nice outfit.

This might be the last, the last Andy Woods.

Yeah, he's a good egg.

Yeah you think I like him, let's do it.

I was gonna go to that and then just go down to Oncabure. It never starts till eight thirty anyway, right, So I figured it should be fine, it should be fun.

Yeah, I'm just gonna I went to a weird uh secret bar after Largo the.

Other night, the one right next door. Yeah, yeah, secret.

Bar full of people three hundred dollars haircuts. Yeah.

And so I hung out for about a half an hour and then I turned to one with comics next me, and I said, I'm gonna pretend I'm gonna go get a soda.

And the only way to do it, Yeah, you gotta go is that.

The bar where they all have suspenders. It's old timy, like I love the bars now where it's like a fan mixologist and all the bartenders look like Lenin and Stalin.

Yes, they make fun of and they make fun of people who go to cons and you're like that is it?

Okay, you were wearing a fedora.

Have you been to the Thirsty Crow In It's on sunset kind of near and yet Silver Lake. I guess it's totally one of those places where it looks like the bar staff and everyone in the place is wearing is like cosplaying old fashioned, like railroad workers. Yeah, exactly. Everyone's got like a vest and suspenders and are pretending that they're manual laborers and you know they're all, you know, the richest kids from USC and it's really lame.

Okay, you will enjoy this story.

I bought a pair of shoes at an anime convention at a steam top punk.

I saw those shoes.

Did you see those shoes?

Remember the improv?

That's it.

The greatest shoes in the world, right, They're so good.

They have almost like a two inch heel or an inch and a half heel. I don't wear a heel, but I saw those shoes and I was like, I will be learning how to wear these damn shoes because they're the greatest shoes in the world. So they have a flathead screwdriver as rivets around so they're all steampunky, and then a copper heel right, So they're.

Beautiful, beautiful shoes. I'm wearing them. Guy brandham famous game and clearly oftentimes the smartest man in the room.

Yeah.

Anyway, but Guy Brand says today those shoes are amazing.

Where did you get those shoes?

And I say to him at an anime convention, at a steampunk feel it said, stop stop talking Stop. Why wouldn't that they were seven Italian? Because I'm from Wisconsin. I don't think I could face it.

You support that lie, lying and talking about the House of Milan that made them. That was the same night that right after we saw Jackie's miracle shoes, Fortune Fiemster and I were standing in the bar in the improv and a guy walked up to Fortune and I and said, hey, you two supermodels or comics. And I immediately looked at this guy and I was like I didn't say it out loud, but I was like, fuck you. You're dead

Too many roasts. Yes, I want to bury you headfirst of the sand, honey on.

Your Yeah, you've heard someone else tell the story about how they did this, like three comics did this to each other. And now you're coming up. We don't know who you are, and you're challenging Fortune and just like.

What's happened to did you ever say something to him? Or did you just ignore him? I want to waste the energy.

I walked away there was I didn't know what to say, first of all, it was all about there was no inn he was doing a presentation. And then also, once you call me ugly, I kind of don't feel like talking to you anymore.

Welcome to my lecture series. Its fascinating.

You're mistaking me for some girl, and I don't know who the fuck it would be that would actually pay attention to you. You fool right the weird.

Yet there is a new brand of comedy nerd that are like they think that that that they can, that that joking happens integri They're like com expost each other's balls.

I experienced that a couple of times on the Max Fun Cruise, where people that same harmlets are actually really confident and willing to say things to prove that they belong there too. And I'm like, yeah, that's not what we do.

We don't nobody, nobody really does.

And if there's any.

Of it, you almost immediately take it back. Ye're the greatest friends in the world. You've said something like almost like Dean Martin, Jerry was roast kind of quality of something like I would talk about you know, you guys would mention something my grandmother's Philo do I mean, that's how would.

Be you know, I because we would have been around each other several times before. That's what friendship is. That's the thing that's missing, is actual human fucking connection. This shell Matt is your man? Did your man just pull in the driveway? What if Jackie just dropped the microphone and ran like their goodbye?

We would just watch out the window. Wow, he's gotta get that.

He's got to get the to move, Valentine, they're leaning right in front of your garage?

Should we I'm a little worried about are they roused about? Who knows how much malt liquor they've had. I gotta get it. I gotta get it back.

Chris is gonna start a fist fight with those teenagers. He just wants to lose.

They're very tough.

Karen knows that I can take a punch. I've never given one. Let me receive. I'm very charitable during during brawl. Allow me to get my part of out of the way and I lean forward first.

You have never got to work as this story about how my dad would occasually get punched because he's a button pusher and uh, and there's a fine line between because what he wants to do is he wants to irritate you, and that line, you cross that line, you don't notice until you were punched in the face, and then he's like, oops, I pushed an extra button.

Even when he's on the receiving end of being punched. I what I love about him is that he's like, oh, no, that guy was right to punch me.

Wait, how often has this happened? And how often have you been there?

At least twice? And one time when I was nine year the first time I remember it happening. I come down, I come out to breakfast and I'm nine and he's got a fat lip and a black eye, and I was like, what happened?

He said, I won the argument. He said, Frank Puleski punched me. I fell down and he was kicking me.

And I said, he kicked you when you were down, Dad, And he goes, yeah, yeah, that's what you do.

You kick him when they're so they don't get back up. You were being kicked. He was like, no, he was right, because if I want to get up. And one of the first things.

My father, that's the best as it was a child.

One of the other great lessons my father I don't know that he's the hero of any of this podcasts is to me because he would always say it run.

He was.

It was one of his first, one of his first lessons. He's like, yeah, live to fight again. I'd rather be called a coward than an idiot. And he's a get out.

Oh that's the best.

He's a good lesson.

Yeah, he doesn't have anything. He's he literally has nothing to prove.

My mom gave me a can of pepper spray when I was young and said keep this in your pocket and if anyone ever bothers you while you're skateboarding, spray in the face. And I did it. Was I remember it was had a little pink pleather case around it, and uh I used it twice.

Yeah, okay, wow twice.

Yeah, you had to get it refilled. One time, these kids came out of a house. One of my friends was dating a girl. We were young, we were still in high school and these guys were college aged and they just came out and started punching us and I I didn't do it this time. I gave it to Matt, my friend, because I was scared, but he just went spray.

And don't test it in your mouth.

That's the other thing. Yeah, it don't put it in your face before you kiss someone.

I've never used it, but my old roommate Malva, had a pepper spray and a little container on her key ring and I went to pick her up at the Burbank Airport one time. And this was before pre nine to eleven, so you could go and wait at the gate. You just had to go through security, and I took those fucking keys through security, got pulled over. The guy was like, is this pepper spray? And it was they were her key, so I was like, oh yeah, and they were like you cannot bring this in and I

I got pulled over and I just got my first UI ohn again, another Elliot's daughter, and I'm going, I jump out of my car in the dark on a on a highway and I go and I walk back towards the cup car and I'm yelling I was not speeding, and the guy goes, I did not.

Say you were.

In a voice of my older brother, he goes, you don't have any lights on in the back of your car, and I was like, he said, well, can I see your license and registration?

And immediately I'm a puddle because I'm.

Like, I did I dun't think a couple of weeks ago all over is these weird pile of cpled papers.

Oh, I don't have a license drive to my work.

And then I had like one of those fancy ginger beer bottles in the backs.

He said, do you have opened containers back here? And I said, it's ginger ill I'm so sorry.

With the word beer on it, something that still confuses me as an adult. Ginger beer. Huh, that's pretty good beer. It's soda pop right and so.

And I wasn't killed, but I think I would have been.

Yeah, both your stories are the beginning of a YouTube video that I've seen on Facebook Reader. There's I do not want to watch anymore.

This is like that Dave Chappelle bit where he's with his friend and they get pulled over with his white friend who's like and he's like, just to easy. I'm gonna again do a famous bit incorrectly. That's gonna be mi new bit. Is it be like, you know Jerry Seinfeld bit, what's the what's the matter with coffee?

What's the matter with driving in cars? With getting coffee?

Different things have happened in the post office?

Did he say it that way? Yeah, that was my favorite joke of his. What's the matter with the way things happen at the post office?

So true?

Everyone loves it.

Do you have any Uh, we're getting towards the conclusions. Do you have any announcements about your life?

Announcements? Announcements?

Does it how quick out tomorrow morning? Yea, I will send it out.

Is it run on unfettered? Well, I'm in Los Angeles this week and then I go to Zany's.

I go to Zani's in Chicago.

That's a good club, that's always hard, it's good fun.

Yeah, I'm doing several of them.

I'm doing with the one out in Rosemont one night, and then I'm doing the one downtown.

Uh, on the Weekend.

For a minute, I thought I was featuring for Nick to Polo, and I was like, I'm not not. That is in a wonderful comic, but I don't know him and I don't necessarily want to work with him.

Yeah, well, I know it's politics, and that's enough for me to not want to know it's comedy. Sorry, I'm a judge. He lefty right and he's a righty.

He seems you know what, he seems like.

He seems like a bit of a goomba button pusher.

Yep, I don't.

I don't actually want to be ever have I'm related to that.

You've had plenty of that in their lifetime, exactly. You want a nice Brian Reagan style.

You don't want to have to punch him like Polowski did your dad exactly.

Then I have.

Yeah, but Jackie, Kasha dot Com and doork Force, I guess, And then get my album.

It'll make an excellent It'll make an excellent Horks.

I'd like to Yeah, if you could, I could make up a name for you should get this horse Crux. It's great. It's Jackie's album.

And yes, and do listen to Jackie's podcast or Forest it is terrific.

Yes, here's.

Thanks.

There's still a lot of credit on this.

Should we do the Do you have anybody to thank ourselves?

I just I want to thank again whoever started the h d y n a R fan tweet. Yeah, and now there's a Facebook page that you can like.

Oh really, I'm not on Facebook. Well, favorite thing to say to anybody?

You did have a judge tone when you said it, and uh and and good iTunes and give us a rating preferably positive one.

And I mean, please be honest.

And thank you for listening you've been listening to. Oh yeah, it's okay. We'll start at the same time. Join in. Uh d y n a R. Damn it. We have to do it at the snake.

I leave then I you wanna way back home?

Either way you want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim. And give us time and a Turnino and gay we want to send you off instead?

Do you want to welcome you back home?

Tell us all about every scared her? Was it fine?

Now?

Porn? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need

With Karen and Chriss