Ep. 20 - Chris' Dad Part 2: James W Fairbanks

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Hello and welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks. I'm in Missoula, Montana again. Last time I was here for my friend's bachelor party. This time it was for the wedding. It was a great wedding. It was It's funny thing about Montana where you live. Incidentally, to my ride is my father, Jim Fairbanks, who will be my co host and also my guest at the same time.

It's a double job. Not one guy didn't cry during this wedding.

All I watched all my friends tear up and be consoled by their everybody.

Just one guy didn't double.

Negative there, every single not one guy didn't.

Not one man didn't, not cry okay, and then there's solid as a rock. Spouses and girlfriends consoled them with dry eyes. Sensitive sensitive men in this part of the country. That was my I've only done one experiment.

We have soft men with a hard exterior.

Maybe perhaps yeah, it was uh, but not really. I mean yeah, I guess my friends don't go and don't go around telling their feelings to each other.

So it was it was.

Everyone really was affected by all the things my friend Ross had in his in his vows to his wife and to his parents, opening up like that and then seeing him cry. Every every guy it was like watching What's such the movie where they kill the dog or a cowboy rides off. I don't know, Shane Shane or the champ bags the kind of thing that makes men cry or you and I used to watch Highway to Heaven, the cheesiest show ever with Michael An.

I'll tell you one day, the older you get, the more likely you are to cry. I cry at supermarket openings. Yeah, I've any any kind of event I cheer up.

Just a business opening exactly. They put their money together, found a location, So are.

We gonna have time to get some plumbing before we go to the airport. Yes, yes, And I have a question. If you're driving and we're dropping you off at the airport, I'm likely to be just sitting there in this seat.

At that point, I will you will have to make the decision to get out of the car and place herself in the driver's seat.

Yeah.

That I'll leave that up to you, because I'll be gone at that point.

So some weeks ago, I was watching my grandchildren, your nieces and nephew, because your sister was picking up another degree.

Yeah, she likes to just, you know, casually, nonchalantly pick up degrees.

As she does. And I called home to see how things were going, and there was water pouring all over the lower level of the house.

Oh, terrific.

Pipe broke actually the connection to the water softener, which I have since taken out. I've found that I know enough about just about everything to get myself into trouble.

Just a little bit about everything.

I can do that now you can't. So I have to replaced some old work. I took the water softener up, and we're going to pick up some I think some shark bites. Shark bites. Shark bites, shark bites are new plumbing things that don't require soldering, and they're just the best. You know, if you work with lumber, you cut something a quarter of a quarter of a quarter of an inch and it's close enough. If it's plumbing, you're up to your knees and water.

And this is just water, water, not sewarts. We're not talking water. Okay, it's just water.

It's worse. It's much worse when it's ship water.

Oh you recall me working on plumbing, I'm sure when you were young.

I recall you renting a shop back and someone had cleaned a horse stable, except you got the impression it was human shit.

I did that came in.

That shop back or was it was a rug champo rug shampoor and have hoses on them.

And I hooked the thing up and and it wouldn't suck anything up, and I thought, wow, I almost like a hose in there. Yeah, squirt it all out. It was hose was full of shit.

Oh that's disgusting.

It was totally disgusting.

So with this plumbing thing you do, you do all the soldering you do, you know how to do.

All that I do. I know how to try to do it.

You know how someone does it, But yeah, I.

Was if there was any water. If you're making more, I was making four connections connecting two copper pipes, so you need two elbows and then and so I have connected one, two, three, four connections. I had to solder, and I had to stretch my arms out. Couldn't see it well. And if there's any water, they won't solder. So I did the old bread trick. That's where you take a piece of bread and shovel up in a pipe. It has to be bread bread, and it keeps the

Shark bites and skateboarding is when the skateboard hits your ankle. That's the only thing I know as shark bite to be. I did not know about the entire plumbing world. Oh it's marvelous stuff for hacks like me, because you know, there's no threads. It just expands and right, you just have a smooth surface like on a copper pipe or a metal pipe, or or.

A copper or plastic.

What makes it constrict then if you put it over a I.

Mean it's just little seals, little round seals, old ring type seals works pretty good. So I'll go get a bag full of those and take you to the airport.

And it is you do do it yourself.

I did tell you about the time I went to a party at the Van Buren House and the college guys there. There was some sort of a fire in the basement due to they said something electrical, and you did all the electrical in that basement.

I'm not used. Yeah, I mean, no one was hurt.

But I, Josh and I went there, uh and and I said, can I look around? I actually my dad used to live here. Went down to the basement and the wall was black and around that light.

Wall lights.

Yeah. I feel like, yeah, maybe similar through and I mean cleanex.

ROMs and wirenuts aren't too complicated. It's not that I couldn't do something wrong, but the chances are it was just help me up about this.

Yeah, sorry, sorry, it could.

Be the electrical police listening.

Oh, yes, they are out there.

Statute of limitations on.

Yeah, you're fine. This was almost ten years ago, so you're fine.

They aren't going to come in. Are you going? Is it? Are people in school right now? I don't know.

It was a friendly college girl. School is going on right now? Okay, in their first football game.

We're driving past the University of Montana, where I once went to school, graduated with a some sort of fine arts degree drawing and painting. I am did stand up recently Dad, with this sketch group that was doing. The theme was cult leaders and cult mentality, and they at the end drank a bunch of kool aid, like Jim Jones.

You met him once when you did radio, right.

I did. I was quite impressed. The situation was I was on talk radio and we just some hat just bought the radio station and we went from middle of the road personality type radio, which is kind of what I did, and we were doing talk and and I was okay at it. But it's difficult to start out to get listenership to respond routinely and call up, so

Because people were jumping off it.

People do jump off from time to time, every year or two, and no one ever survives. No, you know, it's a rare thing. And you know you're eating a straw for the rest of your life. And so so they put these people together, and I thought, well, let me call a couple of these people. And I tried two or three, and I got the Reverend Jones, and I knew a little about the People's Temple, right, and and this was a guy.

And you're not a religious person, no, And I.

Don't know that he was a religious person. Oh really, you know what this guy was was a good old fashioned communist. And and I don't I say that in the most embracing manner. Yes, that he worked with poor people. He cared to mark poor people, and he was tired of people with money not doing enough or not sharing enough. And he was tired of seeing people struggle, and quite

Followers, right right, you know, you're saving we want to.

Help people, but also God out there and we all like him. Yeah, and so come on board. And I think that, you know, if you could talk to him now, which of course you can't, he would really admit he was not that religious a guy, but he did a lot of good things. So he came to the radio station and we talked about his feelings about whether or not people should be walking across the Golden Gate Bridge, and then he asked me for money to help the people.

Did you give him money? I did give him money, and you didn't have a lot of money.

I did not have a lot of money. But there are just people that do stuff for other people, and you get embarrassed occasionally and say here.

Yeah, there's what I got. Really, you threst with this guy. You backed me into a corner.

Here's a twenty And if I met him today, even knowing what I did, I'd probably give him more. Yeah, just because he was charismatic and he was dedicated, and he cared about people whose dreams weren't coming.

It sounds like you don't even know that this is the guy that poisoned.

Nine hundred people. Well, I wish I knew who said this, and we were talking. This is the early seventies when I talked to him, right, nineteen seventy seventy one, something like that when I interviewed him, and his church was getting big, he was getting more and more people. But like a good commy, he wanted everybody to contribute and contribute till it hurt. And that meant to sell your furniture hurt, right, And by the way, that's a cute daughter you.

Have, Yeah, in that kind of shit in a creepy So.

The phrase power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. It was played out in this guy's life so dramatically that the more influence he had, the more he wanted, and the more good he wanted to do, the more people he wanted to help, and the more people he wanted to control.

Yikes, so was he accused of sleeping with young kids?

Little by little stories started to surface, and people were writing expose as those garn people that write expose as okay uh in the in the chronicle.

And maybe he was religious then, because that seems to be where a lot of people hide from the fact that they get bonus from choking.

Just a thought. So uh.

Naturally that district of saying from Cisco at a congressman and his name was Leo Ryan. And I think congressmen should have a six year term because they're running constantly. They spent all of their time. They're worthless anyway, all of them. But they spent too much time running for office and raising money to get elected. And you've set offering millions for this one hundred and eighty thousand dollars a year or.

Two, right, raising more money than they will learn.

At it at the millionaire's club, Yes, which is the US Congress. So if Congress were a six year term, none of this may have happened, right, Lee or Ryan? I was trying to get elected, and he focused on people's temple.

I argue one, just because we're driving by right there at that point in the road. Once we drove up here, Matt No and my friends. We were downtown. Matt had hit some kid in the face with a little bat and we drove up here. It was horrifying. We all drove up here, parked the cars in a semi circle, and Matt fought this guy in the street right there, this wrestler guy, and got his ass kicked and then shook his hand at the end like it was the fifties,

So this congressman what was Leo?

What's Leo right? Was his name?

And he made his re election platform, Let me let these baby deers cross.

Look at the sweet deers.

That guy doesn't care. I'm gonna.

Could be the headlights.

Yeah ah oh there that that phrase never made sense till now there we go a deer in hell.

I thought, well, we have there, we have it.

So he had to get elected in a every two years you got to elected, you got to have an issue, and his issue was the People's Temple and Jim Jones. So more and more heat and an investigative committee was put together by Leo Ryan, and all of this pressure convinced Jim Jones to leave San Francisco and go to northern South America.

Well, they really must have been Guyana. What is he? What was he investigating him? Doing money stuff?

For it was not only money he was getting to getting people to turn over their houses, but he was also accused of being the father of many of the all the children. Okay, that is creapey stuff. So so he owned this property, Jim Jones in Guyana, this little country in South America, and they all went down there, a thousand people about a thousand people are nine hundred and some and h and Leo Ryan ultimately followed them down and uh, he goes.

In with his gang of his sons.

Well, no, there were there were some people from NBC News with him, and uh a writer from the from the Chronicle.

That's when you really don't want to murder at Congress. Yeah, when the NBC News cameras on.

So so they go and they visit and they stay awhile, and he convinces a handful of people that come back with him, like a dozen or so, and they leave the compound after being there a day or so nervously weird cult people, Yeah, and Purple ninety airport, some people with automatic weapons from from uh Jim Jones people kill a US congressman and and NBC news. Yeah, it was awful.

Why did they even have machine guns?

I don't know, bizarre. I have a machine gun, don't you.

And this guy seemed totally normal when you talk to him.

That's normally he was. He was impressive, he was aged, he was devoted, he was a Yeah, he was a good guy, I thought, and and but this was like eight years what do you think? This was eight years later?

His cult people made the decision to kill this guy, or he.

Commanded them to.

I don't know. I don't know that anybody knows. I don't know.

M hm.

So anyway, when when he found out, and he did find out, then that's when he mixed uh was poison you know, told lace right, some bad stuff in flavor aid it was flavory.

It wasn't even But that's where Colder.

Drink the kool Aid came from. Oh wow, I'm not going to drink the kool aid that came.

From and then you can go we Actually, technically it was flavor Aid, a generic version what chap.

Yes, but it was a horrible thing. Nine hundred people were forced to drink that. He had a couple of bullet holes in him. Either he had somebody shoot him or he committed suicide. Oh, Jim Jones, Wow, there were three hundred children.

Well there's I've seen a documentary where they're talking to survivors who seem like normal people, just talking about watching their wife or a child die and it didn't kill them or they didn't drink it for whatever reason.

I think that, you know, my experience is that the people who are struggling in life, that you might characterize that the great disenfranchised things aren't going well for them, are available for any story. Yeah, and they will jump at it and say, yeah, let's do that, and how can I help? And I guess that's how cults start.

Some people have avoid to fill in their brain.

I was just I've told you before, I did several sales jobs in my life, and why didn't I meet these people when I was selling shit, you know, these cult people.

Oh and how about four of these He can convince nine hundred people that kill themselves and you won't buy a goddamn dictionary.

Oh they they practiced killing themselves. Oh wow, this is something they had practiced over and over.

Wow. Dah, person, that's.

You got to admit people that were you were pressed.

With, right, Yeah, And I honestly, I I think I got a culty feeling when I went to that big Sky Bible camp where ultimately you ended up yelling at the guy, which I was always because they scared me. They said my parents were going to go to hell because yeah, oh yeah, there was many different variations of burning that would occur. And you don't tell that to a little kid. But this guy, you know, had people

Like he kept her around him too. Yeah.

Yeah, at that Big Sky Bible camp, it seemed just and that was just a generically Christian, you know, and they they I have always been attracted to church stuff as a charitable thing. Like in high school, I'd go on those work camp trips. It felt great to go do things. Plus the cute girls, and there was cute girls for God's sake, and free dinner every Wednesday night.

How am I going to turn down free dinner?

And but yeah, that once at the power thing that I think it provides.

Religious people as they get higher up. That's that messes everyone we're talking about the Middle East, aren't you pretty much?

I mean, do you think any of these jihadis are really religious people? Right? It's a little hard to believe. It's just me and a mollag. You stand a better chance of having people listen to you and do for you, right, and shoot people for you? Wow, I think you've met celebrity types of Are there well known people that have impressed you? I mean folks as folks, they're.

Just sure sure that that have impressed me. With the last guy impressed me. This guy really impressed me. And I interviewed a lot of people and well known people. This guy, Ralph Nader, impressed me. Ralph Nader. When I interviewed I thought, don moisting this guy's time.

You could be doing something important in this last Yeah, I remember asking him, do you like go to movies?

And shit? Do you go? Do you go to the storem buy shoes? I really do, make sandwiches and then you eat the sandwich and.

You drive a car. You know his whole You know he generated he was at the time I interviewed, he was he was recruiting Nator's raiders. They call him. You'd get attorneys out of law school come to work for him and do do consumer advocacy work. And I just remember, now, I'll I talk to you, put it on the air, and we'll just sit down after you address this flass. And he was one of the few people I felt like I was wasting his time. Oh wow, yeah, I do not important enough to be talking to you.

I do like it when famous people that you wouldn't you know, like are charitable and care about other things.

Because a lot of people.

That I know, even if they get a little bit of comics that I know that get a little bit of fame or a part on a show, they immediately turned into powerful, powerful asshole. So it's it's you know, when I that you see more impressive like people that I wish I knew whatever, Matt Damon's or George Clooney's that really get passionate about things and use their celebrity in that way to be influential with their causes. I really like that, and it makes me like those people.

Because he's a good guy.

Politically like him.

But we've all met strange people. We used to do the golf tournament. Imagine Crosby pro Am doing that on radio.

Oh yeah, just audio.

He's taking the club back and it goes straight down there.

You can only imagine what it looks like. It's a white ball arching through the air.

So you get to run into people people. Jack Lemon was a marvelous guy. James Carter was a marvelous guy. Eddie Williams was a total dick, you know that kind of thing.

Yeah.

I interviewed Jerry Lewis once he came by the radio station and it was just yeah, it was just before it was just before Labor Day thing, you know, Ms telehon Or Mty muscular distagrete and and and his handlers said came in early and they said, uh, we want to get this straight. Don't touch mister Lewis. Don't what, don't embrace him, just don't touch him.

Oh, for God's sake, how are how are you going immediately be someone that thinks he's an asshole interviewing him?

Don't they know that's what they're doing?

So I said, well, I got to do something. So I had a glass of water there, and he sat down and introduced himself, and I took out my comb and put it in the water and then comb my hair because I've seen him do that, right, And then.

He laughed a hard and we had a good time, okay, And then maybe you were allowed to touch him after that?

Yeah, I suppose we could have kissed.

Oh perfect once you once he show him one of his genius bits, Jerry Lewis.

He was known to get naked with people.

And the one of my other favorite people was was Arnold Palmer.

What a lovely man, the famous beverage man, the.

Famous beverage man. All right, the richest guys in golf currently I'm a golfer. Are Tiger Woods makes more than anybody? Most of it these days off of endorsements. Phil Micholson is number two. Now, these aren't the one and two golfers in the world.

They just got the Nike shoes.

That's exactly right. Number three is Arnold.

Same with skateboarding. If you once you have a shoe, people buy news man.

Number three moneymakers Arnold Palmer. Really he doesn't want a tournament in thirty years? Is it?

Because he has Signature's got.

His fingers and everything and everybody wants to know him.

Yeah.

So anyway, once when when you were a baby, worked at this radio station, we had Arnold Palmer golf tips. Okay, and you, as a you know, Bob's Laundry and Dry Cleaning was a sponsor.

Of this is on the radio.

How the hell do you so you'll have to show someone how to put your fingers or move your hips.

That's exactly one would think.

You're describing it.

That's that's what There was no internet sure appreciate so so uh these tips were a minute long, two minutes long, and then there was a commercial. Well, he happened to be in town and he agreed that this Bob's launder and Dry Cleaning it what Arnold Palmer glof tip. So he came in to do a promo, and and so I wrote down some copy for him that anytime I'm in Contra Costa County, I always go to Bob's laundry

He was just obsessing over it.

That's right. We were in this little room. It meant nothing to him. I meant at a dollar eighty six to him in his life, and he was gonna get this right. Well, so I finally, I'll let me scrush that out anytime I'm in the area.

The area, and then he can't say that every time I'm in the area, Arnold.

Actually, we're gonna have to do that again too.

I And so that's another The example, then, is of a comic being full of themselves when that I got introduced on that premium Blend show that deal.

Hughughley had had some.

Drinks in the green room and said my name wrong, fair Bunks, bunks or something, and then he said whatever, and so I just went.

Out there to my name being mispronounced.

So I had to go back the next day and reshoot just me walking out to the microphone, and they they had him say it over and over, and he was very annoyed with the.

Fact that he had to do this pickup shot. And then I just.

Got a sober up hubly to operate on the kit.

Yeah, so I put my watch on the opposite wrist and didn't put the stuff in my hair. So if you watch it, you can see the watch shoot from one wrist to the other in my hair suddenly shrink on that premium blend.

You you really have to be watching for it. Though.

Well that guy was almost in our line, but yeah, it's he was. He couldn't say. It's funny when people it's a tongue twister. Something that you can say, I, for instance, really have a hard time saying.

Rear view mirror, rear view mirror.

But I think of the words that I can't pronounces. There's a topic that there's a spill binding tone. Yes, this old guy was.

On the Yeah, he started listening in words word that.

He couldn't pronounce. Well, fascinating fast.

It was really had a PBS vibe to it. And at the end he actually fell asleep. You could hear him snoring. He put himself to sleep with.

His word list. We're getting close to the airport.

We are getting close to the airport. Can you see those planes there?

They are.

Wake up that? Oh? Or was that that was? Okay? It sounds like you're snoring. Sound effects that you also do?

Yeah, you're I do those at night?

Really well, Yeah, it's amazing there there you're regular Michael Winslow.

Whatever happened to that guy?

He tours comedy clubs incessantly. He's a road comic. Uh, clean family guy. I don't know if he's a nice guy or not, but he's certainly.

It's like he is.

But he's less funny I think than rich little.

Yeah, maybe a little funnier, but he's uh, he's really.

Would be so good at something and being able to put the other thing, give the other thing because.

He learned how to do the sound effects. I don't think he even learned to be funny later in life just because you got a role in the police academy.

You know what I mean?

Yes, I do know what you mean. But do you remember the first the first time you knew you were a funny person? Who me? You?

No?

Really?

Maybe when I made.

You and some friends that from work a bunch of grown ups laugh.

Oh right, that's usually par it is.

And you know, I knew that I was giving little puppet shows, but it wasn't about my puppet work. It was just me saying weird shit hiding behind the table. I don't know, but that puppet away and zip up your pants. Did you do you recall a similar.

And when I was a little kid back in the forties, No, nobody talked to you, right, your parents didn't talk. He occasionally at night they'd say good night, Jimmy, but that was it. I didn't get any hugs, you know, it was it was it was rough.

Well, thank you for hugging me all the time.

So so I'm riding in this car. I'm riding in this car and I'm looking up in that windshields filthy. So I said, Daddy, could I borrow your knife? And and he said why? Why? I said, I'd like to scrape the bird shut off the window, and so there's three men in the car just roared. I thought, there it is.

That's Oh, for good sake, I got smart.

I'm not fast, I'm not tall, but I got that bird ship. Great.

That's great.

And I and I had to have been a tiny guy.

Yeah, I mean, but I do remember that.

And I say, wow, I've got somebody's ear. Now these people actually heard that. That's irresponded to it.

Well, I never had to fight for your ear. No, so you must have learned from that.

I think, Well, I just you ended up being little kids. Yeah, you think children are as good as people get.

I know my grand neither grandparent really gave a ship if I was hanging out. No, not that I'm not glad we didn't move to Missoula, Montana.

That was one of them.

Man. I didn't want to grow up in Monterey. What do you do there?

Hello? Well dad, this is your grandson. All you're doing?

Put him over there by the Christmas tree? Do we have to feed him?

Talk?

What does he do?

Were you going to park here?

Yeah?

This is where this is where I get out later.

And no, this is I'll get out, I'll get the plane. Ticket is in my name, so I will get on the plane. You then get into this driver.

You'll quick driver.

I will quit.

I will cease to be driving because I will be out of the vehicle and on an arrowplane.

Thank you for coming to visit, even though even though it was just a wedding.

I'm gonna I'm I have next time.

It'll have everything to do with you, all right, yeah, because I'm gonna throw you a wedding.

And I'm gonna I'll be back soon. Daddy.

All right, son, I love you, I love you.

Okay, where's my bag?

Are leaving on?

You wanna way back home?

Either way you want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you time and turning on engage.

We want to send you us inside.

We want to welcome you back home. Tell us all about ity scared?

He was it fine?

Melbourne?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need

With Karen and Chris