Ep. 17 - Chris' Dad: James W Fairbanks

Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a termino and gay. We want to send you off inside. We wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.

We scared her? Was it fine? Now?

Porn? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need ride?

Ride with Karen and Chris? Okay, welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks. I'm in my hometown of Missoula, Montana with my father. We are taking a mattress and the old griller. The gas grill stop working, so we have to go to the dump. Let's go to the dump. This is my father, Jim Fairbanks. H Chris. We're going to the dump. Where is the dump? I don't even remember.

The dump is actually straight ahead and you're gonna have to go through the north side. So, like Orange Street.

North side is kind of our breaking bed part of town, right or has it gotten nicer?

It's do you know that there are really any really bad parts of town?

You know what?

I'm yes, it is the most modest, modest section of housing.

The Breaking Bad, Breaking Bad the TV show had a lot of modest characters, and we're about to go through the modest part of the town. If you are from Missoula and you live on the North Side, like my friend Carl, I'm not talking about you, and I want you to take no offense. But let's say you're visiting Missoula and you you want to buy something that you would smoke out of a discarded light bulb. You would go to the North Side and you get access to

Well, I was just thinking about the North Side and every time you think about the North Side, because I went to high school there, Oh yeah, I think about the cutest girl from the North Side named Phyllis Willis.

Phyllis.

Of course, Phillis Willis was from the North Side and she was gorgeous, but she was from the North Side and I regretted not even talking to her much for years. Well, as you stated, we are we've created garbage by a warn out mattress and a girl won't work. And that goddamn thing weighed over one hundred pounds. We took it from a deck that's twenty seven steps up off the street.

It had wheels.

I was, yeah, I had wheels with the boy. Once it started moving.

We rolled it down the yard, passed a couple of deer that reside in your front well, they weren't there today.

I thought maybe it was gonna take me out.

I I the strength in me. It's it's I know that I'm smaller than I used to be. But I felt I felt pretty sure we had control over that thing, and very startlike David Banner when all the Hulk. Yes, yes, I travel from town to town and move broken down grills for people.

So I do know something about landfill's, as you say, or dumps. Every time, every time I hear a dump, I think of my hometown in West Conquer, Minnesota, a little tiny town of a few hundred people, and a dump in those days and throughout this Greek country was most likely some guy who was struggling a bit who said, come and put your shit in my yard, and we all did. And his name was Babcock. And I don't believe they had a first name. He was a nice guy.

And he'd showcase it at his place of residence.

Yeah, and he'd go through it, try to salveach tinker.

Those are the kind of guys that do a lot of tinkering.

But his name was Babcock. Later on we moved to Montana, the governor's name was Babcock, asked my dad. He said, Oh, it's a cousin.

Really, that's some the junk duy. So so we're.

Some long ways from the point at which you could put anything anywhere, because stuff decomposes and gets into your drinking water and we don't want that.

The Babcocks have also come along ways from junkman to governor. So what is this? What does it do then? If when we're gonna drop this on the side of a mountain, do they then cover it? How does it cover it every day decomposed? Or how do they.

Class le three landfill? A Class one landfill would take concrete and asphalt and.

It sits there forever, and you do.

For us, right, it's not gonna impose. It is not going to create any gas or a nasty liquid. And so a class three is a hole in the ground, typically dug in a hilly area, that is sealed with a a layer of It's like a leech eate system they call it. And so it's a big plastic liner, thick,

And by deal with a few minutes launched to the moon right of course, out of our sight our minds. But how do you what do you do?

And then there's gas? There's nothing gas.

It sounds like you're talking about a septic tank. How is it isn't the same the seepage.

They flare it out here, which means they've burn it.

Oh, of course you could actually sell.

It to somebody, you could. It's it's something you could run your furnace off of.

Oh wow, created from garbage, right, well, that's that's uh so it's kind of high tech.

And you used to be able to go into the dump area, which was really a thrill, especially you know, you want to take a date or a wife.

Sure. Honestly, it's when I was younger. I really liked going to the dump.

You were a boy.

It's a great place to get technis. It's a popping noise. There will be the occasional popping. I guess we're good. So how do you Why do you know? I did not know you knew this much about the different classes of dumps.

I'm a you just remember one of my one of my lives was as a real estate appraisier, and I was a local tech the county assessor, and it came to my attention that this landfill is grossly underappraised in my view, So I praised it, and therein started a battle that lasted through the with the with the landfill industry, The Battle of the trash Bates brought in heavy hitter attorneys and a specialist.

These Texas guys, right, the Texas guys.

They spent a half million dollars to prove I was an idiot, and then told him later I would freely admit that seame for one hundred thousand?

Was it? What if? Was it during a court case when someone said, do you have any opening statements? And then you said, what about an all gay military? Was that that was?

Yeah? That was a that was a distracting Yeah, how about an all game military?

I thought, and they laugh and some people got silent. Yeah, because you're a funny person. And then you used it. You're what did you do business before this tech stuff? You were radio guy.

Radio guy, radio announcer personality.

Sell jokes. You sell jokes to Polisher's dad.

That's that's that.

That was something I didn't know and sell a few years ago. You just you kept that information from.

Either I've forgotten all of the important stuff or I keep it well hid.

Well, that's it's the latter, I think. I yeah. And then and then at one point you were looking for a new job. Didn't you look in Canada at a job. Yeah.

Yeah, that was during the seventies, during the Vietnam years tail into that, and I was doing talk radio and Monterey and uh, you also wear a better job always, so we're you were.

Just a little person, always wearing later hos. Yes, I recall I wear a lot of leather.

And we were made it a camping job. Hunting trip. There's nothing like waking up in a campground getting ready for an important job interview.

Yes, shaving by a cat exactly. Won't they be impressed when they see this leaf in my hair?

Right? Where's my pirate shirt with the polka dot collar?

You had some great clothes, man. You don't know until you see a photo that you had a matching bell bottomed pants shirt light blue to navy gradient.

Uh, I love that one.

That was Carmel, where I was born.

Now those are the days eighties. So one of the job interviews I wanted to work for Gene Audrey. Geen Audrey was at the time KFI in l A and and and uh KAS KSFO in San Francisco, uh and the Seattle station KB those are that it matters and at Portland station. So I was looking and meeting with program directors up there to try to convince him that I was the answer.

To and what did you What did you tell me? You said, I do a little bit of talk, I have an eclectic music taste. I'm not afraid to use dead air as a tool.

Actually, as I I was hiring other jocks, and as I became a candidate for some position. It's all in your air check. Oh, it doesn't really matter where you've been who you know. If your air check is good, they may give you a chance. And the air check book was good, your ratings?

What's the air check?

Air check is just uh a recording of me being on.

The air, right, just a sample? Sure, right?

Yeah, a typical day.

Am I going the right way? Okay? Instinctively I was born here. I don't know the name of any street here. Just this is the I just know where it is.

A building is getting shabbier by the block. Yeah, I mean I think we're getting closer to thee.

Yeah. There's a lot of manufactured homes here that are manufactured to look like pieces of ship. Yeah, well there is probably.

Go out in the front yard to change your mind.

These A lot of these homes are installed with wall to wall counseling. That's that's a fireman joke. I think it goes straight.

So then, so anyway, one of the one of the job interviews was in was in Vancouver, okay, yea, And and I pull up this radio station, look like a safely store that was big and this was a big time Canadian station. And this is a job I wanted, and it was talk. I really didn't want to do talk. But you know, I was this crazy liberal and that was my thing. I'm going to talk about crazy liberal stuff and then you're gonna have to turn it.

Right, okay.

And what they wanted was they wanted people. They wanted American jocks to come in and talk badly about the United States. And I knew that going in. I thought, well, I'm angry, and they just elected this guy named Nixon, so I could do that.

And I had the interview.

They listened to the tapes. They said, boy, you sounded like you maybe the guy we've been looking for. It's find a car you like? Could we send you out in one today?

Oh?

Well, but you couldn't. I couldn't do it. I can't. As mad as I am about not electing George McGovern, I I can't bad mouth.

Your country. There's another goddamn right do it. I can't peel it from my hand when it has stopped moving and I'm talking about my gun. And you were in the military. There's got to be some europe especially now. I think you're a very patriotic person. It doesn't just because someone's liberals certainly doesn't mean.

Right and yeah and nor just because I was like an army officer doesn't mean that that I think that every patriot can only be a service.

Should I go up this road? Or will turn left?

Okay? We are coming into say, okay, there's a scale up there.

Oh my god, it looks like we're entering a military base.

If you haven't eaten too much, So we're gonna.

Get Oh do we have to get out?

You have to wait until that guy leaves. Okay, and then they're gonna wait.

Wow, this is high tech, isn't that. I'm enjoying going to the dump now.

I don't know. You see those containers up there. I think we're end up dumping it in that.

Oh and then the process.

Yeah, we no longer can get up into where that. Oh it's a mountain now, Oh yeah, I remember when it wasn't that tall. Right there, there were eight cells probably the last time you were here, you was you was here. Yeah, there may have been two cells. In other words, two holes in.

The ground right right now.

Theyve curvered them up. This is like a depreciating asset that as you fill them up, then then you gotta move on to another piece.

Of dirt because that dirt is poisoned.

Right, but only for the next fifty years or something.

No, yeah, it's fine, we won't have to worry about it. No, just kids, kids, kids, right, kids have kids.

But it's sealed and they put wells in it, and these people all have to have a bond ensuring that there's money to pay for any leakage. And these wells are test wells. Every laugh is like.

This, really, why did they just quit?

Because it's a cold truck. It's still so nice looking hundred degrees huh.

Okay, I thought it was me. I was about to take it personally. It's you. So I got to talk to this junk man right, Hey, your name must be Babcock.

We have a mattress and a grill. Good, how are you good?

What do we got a mattress and an old grill?

Okay? So have you put the grill right over here where it says.

One of the washers and dryers and stuff are why it is.

Metal and I don't have to churn for it. And then just mapplis. I'll just do a yard.

So just a minimum sixteen fifty okay, thanks?

Uh huh sixteen fifty. Yeah, sixteen fifty is the minimum. She's not gonna charge us for the other thing. But if she did charge us, the total would have been sixteen to fifty for both.

Okay, so she just wants to win us over. That's the babcock way. She's obviously a babcock daughter. They know how to make you feel good.

Please about the dollar. Only sixteen fifty to get rid of this worthless, mapless stupid We don't aren't shield with apples and stuff? Oh our guts now out of the back end.

Oh I got you. I got I thought you just would in a a in a human way. Thank you. There you go, daddy. Let me sign that the chilled and cock. Put your bab cock down on that data, dyd.

There we are.

Your signature is looking good.

That's nice of you to say that. But you're a loved one.

My dad has a bad wrist.

Oh there are more, yes, oh each one.

They want your bad cock, your handcock and your madison. Well before when I saw you sign it was really a shaking.

Sometimes it's really bad. Sometimes I just take off start writing on the side of the car.

And you got a surgery, right.

Yeah, carpal tunnel surgery. Yeah, I had a pain in the wrist and go to Okay, okay, Hey, we never go up into the fill area anymore. We never go up into the pill area, right.

Very often sometimes I can send you there, like normally, if you would have had a load plus mattress, I probably would have said you up there?

Yeah, or if we had, you know, family from out of town, would we be able to go up there?

All right? I have obscure interests. Thanks. I think she winked when she said that, didn't she I don't know. We'll just go up there. What are you gonna call the dump cops?

You gotta go in there. Oh that's where the rule goes.

Okay, well, let's unload this. We're connected to Mike's.

So I tell you has pushed that mofo off. Oh wow, why are you back in?

There's a treadmill? Oh of course. See, my driving decisions are are hindered by the multitasking of talking and steering.

Well, at least the four or five is absent.

Yes, I'm not My life isn't endanger along with yours?

Well you look at this, see see how this that's a uh, that's a settling pomp okay, and stuff will come out of there into that and then they could up in jars and sell it.

Okay, let's unload this ship, all right and sell it to It's like jelly preserves, all right, all right? How much heavy shit? All right? Here's your mic back, Dad. That stuff's heavy. Does it hurt your wrists to do that?

Everything hurts my wrist.

But you're a painter, So has it been affecting your painting?

Or are you just I can't do fine stuff?

Well, when I was young, you did more gestural brushstrokes. Anyway, Is it making you paint like you did in the sixties and seventies?

Are we on? You know how you've seen how I hold a brush like it's uh fist. So you have a large canvas and you just pushed paint around like this. Yeah, if only people could see this gesture.

Yes, yes, it's very visual process.

Unfortunately, so that that doesn't involve a whole lot of manipulative finger work.

And right right, you.

Know I do when people retire, And I've been retired from from my appraisal work or property tax work for a dozen years, and and now I I get I work for a local bank, and I do appraisals on them. Yeah, commercial businesses.

When I was young, I had all these paintings heres. But and you were working. You went from that turning down that Canadian radio job. Basically maybe you tried to design a couple board games. But then you you moved back to Missoula and got and worked for the government doing the But you I always wondered because you had me drawing at a young age and had me looking at my hand and drawing it, and I of course wanted to draw, so uh. But I always wondered why

Yeah, and I closed down three galleries in town.

You with your work.

Yeah, Use, it's just it's Montana. You know. We Montana fights every year for the lowest average wage with Mississippi. True, it's true. So they're in the whole lot of discretionary income.

People are, of course folks with stuff, but no one's buy an art necessarily.

Not so much. So, uh, which is you know, if you if you're on Social Security, you can make up to twelve thousand dollars and then anything in except of twelve thousand dollars they subtract it from your Social Security payments. So I'm thinking, well, I'm just retired out, I'm painting. Yeah, I'm going to have to pull back. And never been a problem, never hit the old twelve the twelve hundred threshold, I.

Guess right, right, that's but then your wrist took a shit.

Yeah, as I say, I do a little consulting, that's what that's what work after retirements. Cool. Yes, yes, do a little consulting for a bank to drive to the Yeah. The biggest problem is writing ship down right, Well, your hand. I sit on some boards and you know you want to write stuff down. You don't want to look like a moron.

I've just seen you with a cup of coffee and seen it jiggle onto your lap.

Oh yeah, I can. I can spray everybody on the table. There's something about a specific weight that the tremors are, like a tea cup or something.

If something's heavy, you're fine.

Yeah, there's a bowling ball, I'm okay, as well as the small ball child's bowling ball.

Yeah.

But yeah, we were at the mall one day. I asked mel if she wanted some soup, and so I had two cups of soup walking to the table and there was soup flying on the ceiling. Just this trummer. That's just shaking back and forth.

That's funny.

We'll get that man over there. The soup going o everywhere.

It's a lunatic. So when I need to know more about the when you were writing jokes for comics, how did that work? I was.

Going to art school in Oakland, and I was working at Montgomery Ward selling auto parts, and uh, the befriended a guy who worked in the paint department, who who, after years of his wife insisting they have a normal life, left Las Vegas. He was in a band in Vegas, but he knew some folks and and I think he I think he He was Triney Lopez's music manager, and we all know by Hammer and uh, I remember, yeah, he was his biggest down hall.

I think, oh, of course, the of Hawaii Hawa.

Yeah, it's well. Don Holle is a consequence of people in a marvelous vacation spot, sipping lovely drinks and eating bad food. They and listening. Some guy comes up and sings, and you think it's good.

Yeah, it's his whole career is based on drunk people in Hawaii. Absolutely when their impulse purchases.

Right. Attorney was a little like that. He was a Latino guy and it's pretty good. Yeah, And for whatever reason, people were ready for that. And he had a pretty decent career for five ten years. So my friend uh Arcelino said, I put you in touch with a guy I know, a comic. Yeah, I know Sammy Sharp, so oh yeah, he's gonna love this stuff. So I fed him.

Stuff for a while, but he and then he stopped paying you, right.

Yeah, you know, and then that's when I got into radio.

It's funny that you have more of a more of a relationship with the Shortes than I do, because they that family owns the comedy store, and I live in that same city, but I don't go there because it's the parking is bad, it's on sunset. He's still alive, I think, barely, as well as Mitzi, his wife. She runs the store. Yeah, okay, his family. It's kind of in the Portland area. I think, I don't know what where he is, but.

Never met the guy. It was an intermediary. I sent the stuff out.

Yeah, how'd you send it in an envelope?

Gave it to my friend who oh okay, okay, and this was six months worth of yeah right yeah, and I decided, okay, I just can't sell another starter.

It was one of the things you were doing. Tell me all the different jobs you've had.

Upholster different careers.

You tried to design greeting cards for a while, right, well.

Yeah, if you're If you're an artist, takes a great deal of courage and sticktuitiveness to hang in there. You know, I was selling auto parts at the time, making maybe two week right, okay, and that was pretty good back in the sixties. So I got a job as a as a commercial artist, doing paste up work and designing.

Uh, tell me about that. Wasn't there time Mercury the Cougar story then?

Oh that was a radio thing and mona h okay. They introduced the car, the Mercury Cougar, and and they brought down this young, pretty blonde girl. This is this is what what happens to a seventy year old And I can't think of this girl's name.

Who needs to know her name? Everyone knows her name, Describe her body?

Dad yes, come on, it doesn't married to the six thousand or six million dollars.

Okay, Sarapace.

F Fara Facet was the decoration for selling the very first cougar.

She was the walking, talking decoration of the Mercury.

That in that in the Moderate Peninsula.

Because that's real pretty that cop dressed like a hot dog Fender god, just soft in the middle.

Making his own gravy. That's a Letterman line. I've always loved.

It putting cops on bicycles. The number one uh gravy producer. So Fara fawcet clue.

Yeah, I couldn't keep her hands off men. Yeah, you had a problem.

I've always had, yeah, beaten off very fair famous wives or majors.

No, she was, she was not. This was before Charlie's Angels was just coming up. So so they came into the radio station because they were using a local Mercury dealer, and they said, I want six sixty second commercials. And I wrote the commercials and boised them and did the commercial work like I always did. And you had these you had these records with sound effects on them, so there'd be music and occasionally you need.

Sorry, so there's.

One hundred albums with all of that question in there, and they had this big painting of a cougar on the front window, and so I thought, well, I'm going to have a common tagline for all these commercials, and I'll say at the sign of the cat, because there was this big cat and then the big grout at

What about the logo was that I thought in my head you had also drawn the logo, but that it was just that. No, it was just that you first told me about that when we were on a family vacation and I had just done some T shirts for the Albertson's here it was like a beach themed just a drawing of with the Albertsons logo in it. And then we were in Utah behind an Albertson semi truck right, and I saw the art on the semi.

Wow, that's right.

That was crazy. I was like a man and I got less than I got six fifty an hour. And with that out, I can tell her that one.

Oh yeah, I'm working on weekend for somebody. I'm working a Sunday for somebody on the radio station. And there was an earthquake, not particularly strong, and so I got on the phone to Berkeley. Oh this was we were in Monterey, and said, anybody in the seismological department I can talk to, And a seismographer responded with the twenty thirty seconds of yeah, it was a four point two whatever, right, and the epicenter and all that information, and ran it

Oh wow, wow.

I'm gonna make some money here. They're running this. Later out of my cousin who was in Germany said hey, I heard you on the radio. Bought the earthquake like six months later. Yeah, so this went worldwide. I'm thinking Katchen Katchin. Yeah, so I about two weeks later, the mail comes. There's a letter from the Mutual Broadcasting Company to me. Oh shit, and it's got a window in it. Oh boy, So I tear that puppy open. Oh boy, And I ran down to the dollar figure. Eight dollars, jesus,

Well, you're affiliate, we already own you.

Yeah shit, that was it.

That is that's eight dollars. Also, just to bring it to modern day, that that's exactly how much they will staple together to a W two that you fill out when you work at the improvisation in Hollywood. They give you eight bucks. You know, there's a bunch of comics on the bill. It's just funny to get. I don't

I don't know how you do this.

Well, it's starting to you know, Yeah.

I think you and your pals, and it takes a lot of courage, a lot of guts, showing a lot of guts coming off off of abdominal surgery, showing a lot of guts there, well, Field.

I thank you, but I think it also, it's just I don't know. I've put too much time in and I'm too stubborn to because there's been opportunities to kind of parlay this in the writing jobs or what. But I like doing stand up, so I just yeah, it's an up and down thing. I also must, on some level that I'm not recognizing, enjoy the up and down of it. There's dry spells, and that makes you appreciate the wet spells. And I know that came out sounding

But now this is an attraction. This is called Splash Mountana.

Yeah. Why didn't they have this when I was a kid?

Absolutely, the grand kids, your nieces and nephews. I love coming here. You know they did. There's tubes you slide down in and the.

Lazy river thinguse water slides. I'm not that into, but the lazy grip you just lounge there water. Occasionally you go under some fake waterfall. Get to watch.

Kids buckets fill and then bump on you.

Kids having fun. I like watching kids have fun. But it's weird when you have a mustache like mine. You can't do it for too long.

Is the mustache or something that's Yeah.

It's not the same as when you had one. It's putting out a mess.

Everyone had one. Yeah, didn't you used to think that that I was?

I thought you were a Mexican. Yeah, you were very tan, and you always had a big dark mustache and big head of dark almost black hair, and I, yeah, my dad's Mexican. I don't know why I thought. I don't know what we live in Montana. Everyone's white. I don't know why. I I guess I saw a picture that looked like my dad. I didn't know Mexican. I'd never been to Mexico. Of course I was toddler, so I

I remember one of your first fallover sideways laughing jokes, and it really wasn't a joke. You were like three or four years old. Gosh, I wish I could get these things straight.

It doesn't. It's all right.

I was a little guy, you were a tiny person. Did not like peas. I still like peas.

I don't like peas still, and I grew up.

I don't know what's wrong in a family situation where you ate everything. I liked it. You couldn't say, oh, I don't think so.

I remember you guys making me sit and.

I made you sit there until he's still sitting there? Could he's still sitting there?

Mom? Mom wasn't the best cook. I'm sorry, No, she wasn't was very awful. I had eventually hide it in my sock or something.

You put it in your little pants, you know, your little pants, of those little tiny.

Pot that's like I'm in prison. And there were peas in a little pocket and a sharpened toothbrush just in case sh it got real nasty.

So so uh so you said, was not having the greatest vocabulary. Vocabulary vocabulary, Larry Tabulary, You said, I but daddy, I don't like green balls. And I love the fact that you said green balls. And every every time a little kid said something cute, I never correct them because eventually they're gonna find it.

I just love hearing well, I think that I think that it was later I called back to it during.

The halfway through this.

Oh sorry, I'm sorry.

So later that year, you had artistic talent at a very early age. As soon as you could grab a pencil, I said, we are going to make Christmas cards with color. And so everybody always appreciated getting Christmas cards from you and I and so I take old Christmas card you know, steel plage your eyes yet of course you know, and rip off.

Yeah, we just Sammy the design and Carlos Mencia it onto a piece of paper.

So here's one with with with a dove and looked really pretty in it said peace, pray for peace, that's what it was. And you asked, not being able to read, what does that say? And and I said it says pray for peace. And you looked incredulously and turned your little head and said, why would anybody pray for green balls?

Which at the time, which I didn't see it. I didn't see the anatomy joke at the time, because it would be you would be a lunatic if you had prayed for your balls or peace peace, either one.

Why would anybody pray for green balls?

Of course I prayed for peace. I don't say anyone's name.

I just asked for it, prayed for peace, more peace.

I did not a spell yet. We used to do a lot of You had me painting windows when I was young, murals on windows. I'm sorry, I yeah, I had to wait till five o'clock for you to get off work. It's already dark. I could be a couple of windows in exactly. I get off out of school, so I was high.

I was pretty cheap.

Yeah, and it was a fun thing for us to do together.

I liked and I liked the fact that you had to sell it. I didn't go out to sell it.

I would purposefully dress like Oliver Twist with some paint on my shirt and go act like I was cold. Would you like to have your.

Windows, have your windowsighted?

Would you like my fingers? It is just warm enough to hold a brush for another hour? Might you like a snow scene? But I'd show them then show them a book that you made of designs and those Where did you get those designs? Those are just kind of.

Also I went to art school. Yeah, I just came up with them.

Yeah, they're just classic Santa.

Claus Santa and the snow and the trees and the season's great. I was an in and out kind of person. You were, You were a person that had to create something. Well, that's I just wanted.

Them, do you And I'm all, no, Well, it's just a style thing. A little bit. I hunch over and I get detailed. Yeah, and I always sadly.

I've seen but.

I always wanted to be, especially with painting, you know, gestural and and and you know, exploring how quickly you can the figures and remember motion and everything.

Do you remember university motors? Oh god, it was so cold that the paint wouldn't dry.

These all these car dealers freeze amazingly. They they felt, had the balls to ask to be put in a Nativity scene. So I'm putting yes, yeah, I know, but I wanted to make them happy. It was it was Hubbard's dad. I always wanted that kid to like me. So I'm like, okay, I'll paint all you all you big assholes, and a Nativity scene, which one of you is going to be Jesus. And it was so cold we pain It was freezing while we were painting, so.

And the pain yeah, the paint just didn't lay down and.

Dry hair dryer a light behind it, so we couldn't even see what we were doing. And then and then we finally finished it in the dark, and I think.

We had to come back because the figure looked horrible.

They looked well it it fought out over in the morning and then dried as it was thawing. So the baby, his eyeball had melted down a foot past his head. Everyone looked like a melted candle burned victim. And so it's a We did the first burn unit Nativity scene, the first and last because it was horrifying, and then of course they didn't even call us. I just we had to go back and scrape it off. I couldn't have my name on that window.

Hey, did you ever do inside out?

Yes? I did that in Texas, but I that took a lot of attention. You have to basically start with the twinkle of the eye and then and like with.

Santa, you start with the white shiny twinkle on his cheek, and then the red and then the pink, and.

Then the face color and then in.

The uh mustache.

And the last thing you would do is his hat. Yes, it was.

Well the first thing is his hat, right, okay, yes, of course, yes, yes, your white head.

Yeah.

Yeah.

See it's hard to I can't even it was verbalize it.

Yeah.

I did that at the Haunted Place and my only ghost experience. While I'm painting windows in Austin and they tell you it's haunted, But I don't listen when people say that stuff because I don't know. You and I both don't know what happens when we die. But I I there was something in there, and I could hear people. I could hear people partying. And then the guy showed up and he said, okay, you can come and go now. I unlocked the front door and I said, oh, no,

Hey, you know what you were You were spooked.

I was spooked, but I know I heard stuff. And then when I started to get mad about it and saying get out of here, I got to finish this wall. I was painting a wall. A stack of pint glasses tipped over. So I packed up my stuff and I said, I'll just come back later when there's Because they were going to have a banquet in the where I was painting, so I just went back later when there's people I actually left. I was too confronted by that. I don't and it was not It was an angry feeling. But

I'm open to it. Yeah, just really suspicious. Yes, you know. I mean all of this was created by people who didn't know where the sun went.

At night, you know, the people that thought the world was flat.

So you're making some ship up here. I remember just being tiny, going to Sunday school and asking my mom they presented the talking sneak today.

Oh yeah, what.

Do you think? Oh? I don't know, talking sneak?

Are you scared enough to believe this? We are? We gotta go golfing?

Wow, look at the that course is not very good shape. But it's been hot. It was never hot like this when you were a kid, was sure, but not for Why know that we never had air conditioning? Right, we couldn't live without it?

Does get that's the problem with have we're now going And thank god he brought attention to global warming. I think that it was a big mistake to call it global warming. Because it's already was hot. Climate change, Yeah, climate change, it doesn't. It still gets freezing cold in the winter. There's just no snow.

But there's no snow here anymore.

Yeah, it's you can only nor does it.

You've heard about pine beetles and how they're destroying forests. Are they burrow in under the bark and you know it's it's really killing a lot of.

Forests as all the bees guy.

Yeah, and part of the reason is that it in January and places like this, it used to be ten below for a week or two. Well it killed. Yeah, and Midden never gets that cold. We went below zero last early.

Right before Christmas. It was free and then it dumped and that was the first.

Time they we were below zero for a year and a.

Half and then it snowed like it was nineteen ninety one.

Yeah, it was great and that was it. It was no more snow. Yeah, it's weird.

No one, you can't really see the climate change thing unless you're somewhere that has four distinct seasons. Oh, look at that. That's nice modern.

I've wondered about that lot.

It's on a weird obscurey.

Well, yeah, they built it four feet from the next house.

I just missed having seasons. I feel like, yeah, since I lived in Los Angeles, I everything just flies by because the winter some you know, there's no benchmarking time passing. It's just, uh man, it's seventy five degrees all the time. I'm not complaining.

Yeah, I remember time moving slowly when I was in radio. I think if you get fired every other year for work and moving to another part of the country, yeah, it kind of slows the whole process. So don't you know the only people that will get complacent here, Yeah, bat shit's coming down.

The only so we're saying, the only way you can live a long, full life is through winter and unemployment. It's the only way life doesn't fly past. I guess. Yeah, time flies when you're having fun. I just realized that was a saying, I guess I'm having fun.

Yeah.

Oh, that's great to suddenly realize, Yeah, this has been I.

Think you as I have an extremely high excitement threshold.

Yeah, and that's okay right.

Now, so you look around and say, wow, folks are joining this. I guess I guess I'm having Yeah.

Like when we be in a restaurant, people are laughing. And when I was a kid, and you used to say, boy, did they all just get out of prison? They're just enjoying.

They seem to be overly enjoying.

What why can't I be that happy as that guy with that bullet pudding?

Yeah?

That guy, the guy with a you know, camouflage hat and no sleeves, seems happier than me. It's just easier. I mean, I've you know, I wear camouflage hats and sleeveless shirts.

So who am I to judge the dirt queen?

Oh yeah, the king of the dairy queen, the king of He's a nice guy.

He is a nice guy.

You know. I heard he's got a giant safe in his garage in the floor.

He moved here from the town I was born, Conquer, Minnesota. Wow, that's where the hospital was living over time, the hospital was the same.

What didn't we live in Pacific Grove? But the hospital was in Carmela, just four walks of a small town.

Yeah, no, I lot my train of thought.

That's okay, we're home, Yeah, we are home. We went to the damn dump, got rid of stuff. I feel like a man. God, let's go inside and eat and meat and have a beer.

I'm done with the beer thing.

Okay, well you've heard me and my father James Fairbanks. This has been another episode of do you need a ride? D y n A R?

And I did need a ride? Are not work?

There?

We go?

I leave? You want to way back?

You?

Do you want to be there? Doesn't matter how much baggage you time and Turman al engay. We want to send you off inside. Do you want to welcome you back home? Tell us all about it?

We scared her? Was it fine?

Now? Porn?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need

With Karen and Chriss