Ep. 16 - Guy Branum

Tell us all about it.

We scared her?

Was it fine? Malborn? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and chriss a little welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks to my right.

Her name is Karen Cilgarriff.

I don't know why I've never introduced you. That was that was kind of controlling.

It was super controlling, but it also made me feel safe.

When would Karen ever give someone else the chance to introduce me?

So I'm all elbows out in front, I'm all sharp elbows, like Margaret Thatcher.

It was because you were being controlling with the air conditioning right off the bat.

You mean asking to have it turned on?

Fuck you?

That that very distinct laugh you heard in the backseat was our guest, mister Guy Bronham.

Good to be here, Karen, but it's really brand It's Branham introduced me on my album with Bronham. I didn't think after knowing you for three years or so, it would be necessary, but also I'm good with it.

Do you have to have like some kind of a sound doctor going there and tinker around.

I don't care.

I'll go in for a dr.

Isn't that what it's called?

And say brand I alternate between bran Branham and Branham.

You know that I'm coming up that that much in your life, Chris Fairbanks.

Oh yeah, I'm always saying your goddamn.

I am Guy Branham did this and Guy Branum did that.

At the beginning of these I'm always for a lots of words because I'm looking down at these little things to make sure they're not peaking.

How are we doing?

Oh, we're doing okay. I'm gonna churn mine up a little.

And can you hear my gum? I should probably take it out.

No, it's everything's fine.

It's just when Guy laughs, the actual mechanism shuts down.

No, please, don't do your laugh. I love your laugh.

No, I'm the only it's the only solace I have during shows that are horrible.

If you're in the room, you're letting me know everything's okay.

But anytime people, anytime people like make note of it from the stage. I've become very self conscious that I'm that girl in tenth grade who has an interesting laugh so that people will talk about her and notice her, so I will like stop afterwards. It's terrible.

I used to do long ago.

I did a joke where I said all comedians have their distinctive laugh to let comedians on stage know they approve of their material and mine as I just shout my name.

That's how you know.

I like it.

Oh, like comics that laugh on stage at their own material.

No, no, no, comics in the back like you know, like guys or when you hear Andy Kidler, it sounds like a machine gun in the back and the but a machine gun that loves your stand up.

Yeah. Yeah, it's that thing. Not the kind that puts little metal holes in your heart.

No, no, no, the opposite almost.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, we laugh plugs and metal.

And also still metal. It's still a gun.

Guy. We picked you up from work?

Yes, you are working up?

Can you talk about Yes?

I'm working on a Comedy Central program. It's currently called Another Period and may not be called Another Period?

Did they do that? That's Natasha Lazero and Ricky Lindholm's new show. Yes, did they do that? Do you think to do a play on words about mensduration.

They did, and I think that Comedy Central may be worried that that is too much of an off putting lady subject lady for their core audience to be able to enjoy.

Chris What's your vote? I love I always love the mention of a period when also he said the word pudding. I'm sorry, I'm I'm still looking at the levels here.

No, I can't figure out what I did. There's always some technical thing and it throws me.

From the loop.

You are as meticulous about our sound as Jeff Lynn from Elo.

I would say, Oh, Karen, did you okay? A Elo is what I listened to the entire time I was studying for the bar, and it means so much to me.

Do you do your mama?

It's so rang magic, little.

Evil gota that you can't do say.

Hello, Hello, where it is?

Take that one.

But the other thing was earlier you you said that you were all elbows like Margaret Thatcher. Today I was listening to my uh songs of people in the eighties criticizing Margaret Thatcher playlist.

Yes is it like? Can I guess?

Yes?

So it's got It's got to be the clash.

The first twelve songs of the clash.

I don't have. I don't look, it's not exhaustive. There are like seven songs.

On Itanama No I have.

Like there's Morrisey song. There's this these people called the English Beats.

Tell me about the English Beat.

There's Elton John Oh what did he say?

Goodbye English Rose.

No, it's a song from the Billy Elliott for real?

Yes, a wait from the Billy Elliot was not the movie.

No, from the musical. That's It's called Merry Christmas, Maggie Thatcher and.

It's basically fuck you. Yes, we're all starving to death.

Yes, yeah, there are all just songs about how they hope she dies? Yeah, and she did they walk?

Yeah she was.

She was row of music.

The power of a child ballerina that I don't.

Know which is too small? His tank top or skateboard.

Oh yeah, we're.

Crossing the street, ripping on pedestrians. That's what this uh podcast hopefully will devolve into eventually.

I hope we get in a fight with another cyclist.

Yes, I'm sure you lock on the reading to black off one of your side mirrors mine?

Oh ship wearing my car?

Wait, look at that billboard of Larry Flint like he was some kind of it looks like the Little Lebowski's junior achievers.

I once look at that.

I was once at a hotel and he pulled up in a in a regular limo, but that that chair was pulled out by his helper person. And I said, Wow, that's a really nice chair, and thank you.

Four carried.

Oh that's it. Yeah, that's a really good impression.

Yeah. He you notice how I didn't tart it up too much. That's because I remember exactly whether his voice.

Sounded and you are a natural mimic, and he was.

He was very sweet.

He talked about that chair for a while. Oh so I'd be like, enough about the chair, stranger. And then I realized, Larry.

Flint carrying, you have a very musical ear, but a complete inability to commit to anything that's a remotely and abstraction.

Tres It's so true, and not even that just commit in general. It's a serious fucking problem of mine. I'd say it's called avoidance personality disorder, I believe is what the professionals have told me.

But do you do you have any impressions that you can.

Go to well of course, New York really built me, and.

Uh, that's exactly what I do that that's your New York.

You could also tell people that's the your Dove impression if you wanted to. But I like impressions, you know what it is.

I don't like impressions like rich little where he's got to do Sammy Davis with one eye closed. I just like when people, Oh okay, I thought impersonations were when you stole.

Someone's wallet and lived their life.

Okay, okay, okay, we got to get this cleared up. But like, like, for example, Chris Fairbanks does such a dead on Howard Kramer that it I can't believe it and go.

I'm doing that.

Okay, you gotta come to because the special gum and you're gonna swim away from shocks. And I don't I don't think he'd say BFF.

Whatever I put you on the spot.

I'm sorry.

It's really impressive when you're the amazing rich Little well.

And also I just realized as I watched you do that a big part of that impression really is visual because you do you turn your head, you look exactly like his physical I have.

To do that otherwise I can't pull it off.

That's maybe what rich little he has to squish.

Let's hear some of your impressions, guys.

I don't do any impressions because I share with with my kindred spirit that self sam fear of No. I mean it's like you kind of take on your sister's mannerisms when you talk like her, and I I will do that sometimes, guys. Well, no, I've never met here, and sister, I just know that there's this thing that she does it rud like it's more just the way your face is and the sort of like shaking of your head and a little bit of condescension. Yeah, and you just you can't do that. You that's not a date.

That's the thing I love talking to my sister about, especially guys, because it's as if she sees the world.

It's so black and white.

All I do in my mind is entertain every possibility of a situation. Yeah, and my sister leader I will call her and just be like hey, so blah blah blah, you know whatever, and then she'll be like no and never talk to that person again.

And also like she has all the answers, it's crazy, and she sounds like that.

I like people who are bringing that level of clarity to the table, because even if you don't agree with them, you can just at least be like, I understand exactly where you're coming from. You've given me clear, clear analysis about this.

Yes, well, any kind of any person who has a very strong stance. It's so much easier to follow their stance than to make up your own right right who wants to dig around and inside yourself and figure out what you truly believe. Way easier to be like, I'll follow the loud, insistent person.

I'm sorry again, all.

Are you still in the sound box?

Yeah, it's because the battery died in my mic, and so oh I'm not mine.

I'm really how.

Do we fix it? There's ambient sound.

We just keep doing it the way it is because the contrast would be abrupt.

Okay, I'm.

I'm really excited that we've like we are getting in during that period of time that California has not yet made podcasting while driving it legal.

It's a small window.

Like years from now, we're all going to be talking to our grandchildren that we purchased leg we didn't even purchase children. We just got grand and children. Yes, but we'll be telling them about how we used to podcast and drive at the same time. Like people used to tell stories about drinking a six pack on you know, while driving around.

That's right, you can still do that where I'm from.

I'm serious.

As long as you're not the one driving, you can just have all the beers you want.

That's amazing, I think.

So. I don't know that. I would confidently just put it to the test.

What don't you google it before you do it?

I'll google it live while driving?

Illegal?

Now that is illegal. Yeah. I'm going there tomorrow.

My friend is having a bachelor party. But it's just us going to the woods and camping. But we aren't bringing food, so we have to I'm not going to kill anything, but my friends, I think.

Will What are you going to eat? Deer fish?

I think all fish?

Oh good?

Yeah, fishing like that. You can do that and then cook it and eat it good.

Yeah, definitely cook it.

We'll bring canned goods processed, yes, yeah, you gotta have those.

A little cottage cheese.

Feminism ruined bachelor parties, I believe, Yes, they are now pointless it's true.

Well, yeah, I think traditionally you're supposed to have a last fling with a dancing girl a woman.

Yeah, well it depends on that's your part, right. Ah, that was a big old dick jum. But then I.

Think we're just going to hang out with the boys and go up in the woods. That'll be fun. But on the way there, what I'm saying is we'll drink in the car and.

See if we get pulled over.

Chris, the tone of your voice tells me that there's definitely gonna be a stripper busting out of a duck blind at some point.

There don't even lie.

I'm from Missoula, Montana.

There are no women that aren't currently wearing flannel. Oh that's not very nice. That's a lot of a lot of like, well no, because they don't have they don't listen to podcasts, they don't know.

Is there duck hunting in Montana?

I'm sure there is. I'm sure there is, of course there is. What do you marry?

Of course there is.

I just am so far removed from that world.

I never have killed an animal, and I don't have anyone in my in my friend circle. Okay, and that's a Google Google circle of friends who who kills ducks. I do have friends that have stayed there long enough to where they just kind of accepted this Montana heritage and they have killed deer.

My uncle Ronnie, Okay, where I come from is a very duck hunting place. But be my uncle Ronnie used to go deer and moose and elk or whatever hunting in Montana, and he talked about it like it was paradise.

It is beautiful there.

Everyone says that, and it is amazing and majestic when you're in the woods.

Like we will be kind of far.

We're going to drive to a certain point and then from their hike, I believe, so what kind of We won't see any people and there will be a moose possible, mostly evergreen, I would say Ponderosa Pine highly occurrent.

Do you guys plan on reenacting any scenes from Northern Exposure?

Only Civil War?

Okay?

Scenes? We are a Civil War an actor?

Did the Civil War rage up?

There are some passionate Yankees there. We will there. I've never seen that show, so I have to back out.

It's okay, I've never seen backing.

Out with your hands in prayer position.

That was a lot like the town I lived in.

So it's like, why would I watch a TV show about what's going on outside my window?

Since we have ended this improv, do you want me to get out and run in front of the two of you like they do when they're editing a scene in improv?

What do you mean swipe? He's talking about a swipe, a stage swipe. Even though when he said running in front of the car, I just thought of that radio Head video I'm a police I I sound great right now, By the way.

So we're driving past the place that's the show that I was supposed to go to and probably want to look at. We need to drive back around so that we can drive past and just see all of the gay guys who are showing up to John show, who would never remotely come to one of mine. So I can be jealous, even though I love John a great deal, but I'm still jealous because he's young and beautiful.

Well, you're on the fence. You don't you're not tappening. You wouldn't say you're a gay comic, you don't do the cruises.

I would say that I'm a gay comedian. What would be telling jokes and putting dicks in my mouth.

No, but simultaneously you have to do them to becoming a gay colon comic.

Well, John is not a gay colon comic in that way, though.

I think it's say, I don't know you guys.

I was gonna make a punctuation upon you guys, Aaron, he said, gay colon comic? Yes, what do you think the joke I was going to make.

But we're get there, and I wasn't talking about the puncut. I was talking about the word cold.

Yeah, you and your gay colon. It's one man show.

Well, do you want to go by the Virgil and be jealous of the line.

Yes, I want to go by the Virgil jealous of the line.

Let's them, Let's do it. You know what, this is great mirror work.

Let's really look into what drives us and what pulds us back?

Is this?

Are these feelings healthy? Are they the gas to get us somewhere? Or actually are they the sand bags that pull us down under the waters.

One of the things I was meaning to ask you about when we were just standing at the strip mall that we were standing at while we were waiting.

Now we're gold we're standing down in the corner away from the myriad homeless that stand and sit out in front of that Starbucks.

But they're polite and they pull out seats for people when they sit down.

True.

Yeah, good.

The thing is like, there are only like fifteen gay comics, so I am able to just be like, guy, you have like the good ones. You have to like and respect because however much you may be jealous of them for being prettier than you are, Like, it's just not healthy and you just have to accept it. But like, women are half of humanity, that's right, and like twelve percent of.

Comedy, that's right.

So like there have to be sometimes that you're like, oh god, but guy, why is this woman busy being like why is she being a woman in front of these people and implying it? That's what female comics are.

You are already beloved by mainstream audiences. Why would you be jealous of a fraction of an audience.

Because jealousy is fun. I'm not seeing anyone particularly notewhere.

Oh I'm really excited for the show.

Huh.

Yes, this is a good side for the show, aren't you.

John does all of a show with your.

High and tight haircuts.

Oh oh, we put on our buttons nuts tonight, didn't we.

You guys were really seeing what summer fashion of tomorrow is. We're seeing a lot of bold colors, a lot of very very large shirts and very thin boys.

Yeah. Yeah, and Sin is in this the girl.

You know what it was out for so long? When never what it is? And I'm so sick of top knots.

Uh.

They're the tall, weird buns that girls wear on the top of their head.

And some boys and some.

Boys father John Misty to be specific, just a really bad hair look that for some reason fills me with anxiety.

Yeah, I hate it. I don't want to see any top buns top knots.

Oh, but Karen, let me finish my statement and saying, yes, I have just resolved to miss Brodie all of the good little gay comedian boys as hard as I can.

You don't have to miss the show. We can take you there. We've still already.

He's making a reference. He's miss Jean Brodie. He's saying he wants to take them under his wing.

And in an aggressive way that makes them go and fight in the Spanish Civil War and eventually die.

So you will have your revenge.

I don't look on it as revenge. I just think all my girls are the crems of the crown. Basically, it just comes down to if I cannot be the crossover gay comedian that must happen eventually. I just wanted to be one of the ones that I pick and not one of the ones that I told That's right.

I understand this very well well. Comedy really is hard in all of these ways. It's hard for you personally, and then there's all these ants Larry situations that are difficult. That's a great one where it's like it feels like when I look at that group of like a big long line of super hipster standing outside the Virgil, I just think, oh that I would never draw that crowd.

Yeah, I immediately go, I can't have that.

And I'm obsessing right now because I don't know the name of the person that is bring Like I feel out a touch because I've never heard the name that you used.

The Prime of Miss Jane Birdie is a movie from probably nineteen sixty nine.

Nineteen sixty nine.

Yeah, yes, they're watching that movie. That's what they're like.

Yeah, oh sorry, yeah, yeah, I in the comic that's performing there.

I'm jealous. I get, I'm started. It's a new thing.

Well because you used to know every single person anyone anyone mentioned.

Yeah, yeah, and I don't get.

But John Early is not. He's relatively new.

He's relatively new, and he's sort of one foot in like gay performance in New York World and one foot and stand up and like pursues both of them. Like frequently you'll have these people who call themselves comedians and we would be like, no, I don't think so, who are Like I do comedy. I do jokes in between my songs, but they aren't funny songs. Wait, but John is not that. John is a really really funny like you know caper Lance, right, Yes, he's like really good

Up in a way.

But really he's really smart, really smart perspective Shire. They they compliment each other very well. He's I saw him at a we did a show that Cindy Crawford show Billy Skiffurrey does. I didn't pronounce that correctly. That was super fun and he was just so engaging, like you just wanted him to talk the whole time. Yes, it's just he's just great to watch. It doesn't hurt that he is magazine model beautiful.

Here's the thing there, why didn't you guys just say that at the beginning.

Here's the thing that's hard about it.

Guy said it nineteen times I did.

Is the other thing that's difficult is like, go to that show, I know I will see my agents, and I never see my agent at my own show. And it's that. And I've made this podcast way too much about professional jealousy.

That's what it's all about.

Though.

If it's not professional jealousy, I am professionally jealous.

We don't dick around anymore and worried about what other people have, but they get professional.

I just thought of this because I think that too, where I always go, oh, I've never heard of that person. I think there's literally ten times more comics now than there were when I was like really in it and doing it all the time.

So many more, Yeah, there's many more.

I also laughed so hard when people are like so and so has an album, and back in my old timey days, like.

Literally no one had albums unless they were like, you know, thank.

You, thank you for bringing this up. A week after I recorded an album. Karen, I get what you're saying.

I just feel like you wasted your time. Your own recording was wonderful, by the way.

I wish I had I didn't.

I had my own show that I had to go to and I didn't get to watch the full recording. But I have only heard good things, and I wonder have you heard and edit?

I heard the raw audio and it seems all right, but it's very hard. I'm not Are you guys responsible about recording yourselves and listening to yourself?

No? No, I record myself. I did. I then do not listen breaks. I have forty shows that I've been listening.

I sound like I just can't stand listening to myself.

Yeah, that's everyone, That's everyone forever. We all are nasally muppets.

It's so true.

Yeah.

Well, and can I just say not to say my pain is worse than yours. But it is because when I recorded my album, I was like, after that show, because I do singing, and so I was like, that show went so well, I can't wait to listen to this.

And when I.

First put Like the Needle on the record, it was horrifying. I sounded like a fright.

Child doing that. You do good singing, You do do good singing.

But I'm just saying it's.

My own I understand that it's my own neurosis, but it's so painful.

You have a beautif. We have a little bit of vulnerability in your voice of the first song, and it's so lovely.

Yeah, just those moments where your voice cracks and stuff. It's just there's this vulnerability there.

Why. Yeah, we're just it's like, oh, she's so vulnerable. But then the other the low stuff. Oh man, oh my god, thank you.

For turning that into an inside I'm so kidding. I also really like the Cup the Cricket. I really enjoyed the Cup of Cricket.

Honestly felt like a miracle to me. When that first happened.

He was like, right, there was a real cricket in there.

There's a real cricket.

And I got to do a joke right off the bat, and I think it just made me go, Okay, I can do this.

Did you say what the jiminy is that noise? Yeah?

I stole your joke.

Man, I'm gonna get gas.

Should we wait for you?

No? No. The cordal Stretch I'm getting out of the car. You guys talk to your so, okay, we.

Will shift Pope. The night of my album recording, after I got home, saw that I was on Facebook. This question to me was, this is that fucking cricket. It's time that nerd mouth. There was always that fucking cricket, right that.

When Morgan Murphy recorded her album, me and Dave Anthony were sitting on the in the very back and that cricket started above our heads and we started laughing but had to be quiet because it was she was explaining something. It wasn't a funny part. Yeah, and then we stood up and were tapping the wall really quietly, trying to get rid of the cricket.

But you don't apparently did not read and it wasn't a big deal.

But I'm I guess I do have to get out of the car. I'm gonna get some gas. I'll be right back.

Okay, why not have to sound so depressed. Nobody wants to be left out.

I'm gonna try to take that. Watch this.

Oh he's gonna pump gass and.

I can't hear you guys, but I'm going to be out here just getting Yeah.

I thought, yep, I thought his microphone wasn't working.

Yeah, he said it wasn't.

Totally getting Yes, I thought your microphone wasn't working. Oh it is now interesting, just whatever you want it to be.

The little battery was a skew inside. There's a couple time.

How expensive is alave?

It's all kind of expensive, Like, well, I bought this the microphone pack altogether. Huh, and Chris bought the actual zoom.

I don't know.

It was like, does Arizon just have like a little package together.

Yeah, they sell them all together.

If you want microphones for this thing, you get two of these and a.

Love Oh that's cool.

I know it's a good setup. So what do we talk about when the boy's gone?

Oh, I totally. I had not spent that much time with Chris Fairbanks. And then they had to share a cabin in a cruise ship together. And then I woke up one morning because like he always came back later than I did.

And we woke up in the morning.

Things are going.

Great, O good, real good.

Just down here, get some petrol. Anyway, in the morning, he was just wearing underwear and I was like, oh, that's better than I thought it would be.

Hey, yo. Yeah, well Chris is.

An athlete and a skateboarder. Then he's got old fashioned hair. It all comes together.

He really does what nothing?

He was talking about me? No, I have old timey hair? You do, hey, guy? We got to live on a boat together.

Oh we're talking about we're.

Talking about that. It was very fun. I did not think I was going to have to share a cabin. They told us you can bring someone, and so I was like, I won't bring anyone and then I'll just have a room to myself. And they were like, but also like, clearly, I think fewer people came than they were in tend and so they were trying to streamline things, which I respect.

That makes sense.

It was super fun and great and I had a good time. But the minute you got on the boat, they were I was trying to upsell you because you were supposed to go. I know, yes, I was.

I already got the guilt trip. On the last episode, I.

Was telling the people at home, this is my podcast. But like the minute we got on, they were just trying to sell us like drink packages, and then they were trying to get us to buite jewelry.

Did you buy me jewelry.

He bought the most expensive thing on the boat, which was internet.

I can't believe you.

Yes, it was cheaper for me to have endless drinks all three nights than to have internet. That's not exactly, it's actually indeed false, because it was about one hundred bucks more for me to Yes, okay, so you're right, you got me.

There, you got me.

It was very Here's here's the core.

Did I do that?

Go ahead?

It's basically just name Chris and Bronger all got the like fifty five dollars you can have all the alcohol you wants. I did the one where you also got coffee in fresh squeeze stores whoa for ten dollars more? And I felt really stupid. And also it was the most discussing fresh spezed orange juice I've ever consumed. Like it was just a swindle. The whole thing was just a swindle.

Yeah. It's almost like you're trapped at the what is the place, well, like in.

Las Vegas or like in a movie theater, a place where you have no choice, right, and so basically they take all the things you need and take for granted every day, yeah, and then sell them back to marked up time score.

Like the politics of water at an airport is just ridiculous to me these days, the whole you can't have water, give us your water, all right, A smoking pander of water costs seventy dollars now and you can't do that. This is not the free market.

Except for here's the thing that I always think is funny, like what nine to eleven happened?

What year?

We don't know, but since that time, I still do this day. People show up at the security area at the airport, they're told to throw their water away, and they fucking freak out.

Those people.

It's it's like the year, like a couple of years after, where you couldn't bring wrapped gifts onto the plane because security had to look at them. I watched a woman have like a full temper tantrum because she had to unwrap these gifts. And it's like, lady, there have been commercials on television like every thirty minutes for three months about how you can't have a wrap gift like work with it, avoid this pain.

I'm sorry, I got serious. Because for freedom, Okay, I love my freedom.

It's true.

I think a lot of times it's because people don't fly a lot, but it took me a long time. I had to get It's so many expensive sixteen dollars hair gels, and when they're when they keep taking those from you, it's like, but that was sixteen dollars. Oh yeah, that's my palm made.

It's hard to believe that I'm just gonna not just get away.

Always weird the stuff that you managed to accidentally just get through because you took your bag on a car truck. Like I take my bag on a road trip and I put liquid in there, and then I accidentally bring that along to the airport and I'm like, oh no, they're going to throw away mikelogone, and then they don't.

Yeah, God damn it a duty free, my lord, I don't know what that means.

Also, I enjoy how long these microphones are. Do you guys ever host a game showing here?

These are straight up Jean Rayburn style.

I went to a party at Drew Carrey's house the other night and he he, I'm not name dropping.

It was laying no, go ahead, that doesn't matter. All the stories. Well, don't do it, It's okay.

He was just he has a long microphone the end, big house friendly person.

Oh yeah, a second, he is a long microphone at the party.

No, he just I didn't remember that. That's what he does now as host a game show. Yes, with the signature long microphone. So that's why he's a millionaire person.

He yeah, that long microphone with the little rounded top, that Parker one.

What is more memorable to me is that he's just on Drew Carey Show and does stand up.

And my friend opened from so he had a birthday.

Party there and uh it was Uh, it was not what I wish. I didn't start talking about.

How weird is that you go from being the comedian who tells stories about strippers to hosting the Prices Rights.

Yeah, who then still dates strippers.

Well, look, can we talk about a part in the middle called the Drew Carey Show, which put him firmly planted him in the hearts of all America. My parents loved it, so, yeah, can I tell you guys a secret that I will then regret having said yes, I was on the first two episodes.

You played a girlfriends in the first.

Remember that, that's right, I remember that.

Unfortunately, simultaneously I was on diet pills, which was essentially like beyond experience that.

He was a very nice person.

He was so beyond lovely, so beyond lovely.

But I in the second episode was written out of a bunch of stuff, so I didn't show up.

For a rehearsal, so they just wrote me out. Yeah.

No, I was out of my mind, like and he was still. The next time I saw him was that like, uh uh, what do you call it?

You know, ship, I'm not gonna remember.

What's the name of the Whoopee Goldberg? Robin Williams, Billy Crystal Relief. I saw him at Comic Relief and he literally came over to me and said, I'm so sorry it didn't work out. You're so great, and I was like, are you kidding me? Like a two line character.

Once.

I think everyone there was taking something called Molly, which I avoided taking but until the very end when it was handed to me. Anyway, we were all Rolling I guess, they say, and he said, well, we all have to go to this screening room and watch this James Brown early concert.

It was like old guy.

He was very young James Brown, which I've never seen him young. And then the Rolling Stones had to follow him, and then.

The Beach Boys.

But it was the best performance. We were laughing. It was so amazing, like everyone was laughing. It's like this is comedic the way he was just performing his ass and he was just walking around making sure that people were paying attention to it. And Terry Garr was in it for some reason, like dancing back up.

He's like, that's Terry Garr. That's Tony Basil. They were friends. She was dance choreographer. That's Terry gar. Look at that, that's Glenn Miller and he's.

Like dancing around.

I'm like, look how excited he is about this.

This whole video. It just really made me.

Like celebrities in their natural habitat. It's fascinating to watch.

Yeah, you know what, it is nice that he is not jaded, he's not cooler than now, he's not how many how many people that you go, why in the world would you be a douchebag.

You should be the nicest.

So many words and names of people we know that are friends of mine are in my mouth right now that I can't It would just me be me mumbling the alphabet.

There's so many people that I can't believe are unbelievable pricks that.

But isn't it like drugs. Don't you think those people just have like their pleasure centers blown out by the fact that like they've had all the pleasure.

Yeah, they believe all of it.

I don't.

I don't think there's been a lot of downside for most of the people we are probably thinking of. Yeah, and it's there's it comes back around. The hardest thing is like you're very jealous of people in having done this for a long time. Uh, not to be like that about it, but yeah, you see a full cycle and then you get this kind of oh, like you that jealousy subsides a little bit when you see full cycles of like, oh they have everything, then they stop having it, then they still want it.

That's the worst.

Yeah, that's when you can call me yeah exactly.

I mean you I've seen it. It's rough.

It's really rough, and comics don't handle either the up or the down very well, because I think we're so ego based and so needy.

Yeah, the end.

Well, that's why I think it can only happen in a gradual way and then you come out of it being normal.

Yeah.

Well, there's something nice about being in LA.

We're doing a very gradual family you do that, do it that way?

Sorry, guy, Just like in LA, you're at least like exposed to stuff enough that like when something good happens to you, at least you probably have like been in a writer's room or how to friends be successful, and you like understand it a little bit better. Sure, Yeah,

That's right. That would be yeah, the jazzl Nicks, and then and then and then like Pete.

No, I didn't say anyone by name.

I do fucking drop and name.

I drop names in a in a braggy way, and also in a way that makes everyone uncomfortable.

You know, you're just name dropping.

Having kind of done it on a very smaller scale myself, the second act can actually be great.

Is it was that my time?

How much? How much does she bring up the Emmys on the podcast, Chris, It's like how like how frequently?

Never? Karen rarely gets in a word edgewise.

I'm always complaining about my uncomfortable shoes or mother, but oh, yeah, you did that.

Emmy is a.

Grammys or Emmy whatever. Anyway, these shoes I got. They're from Ross, but they're a high grand Oh.

When we were on the boat, couldn't stop talking about Ross I got.

I still can't.

You.

I know why.

Because that's where I've found a lot of exciting deals.

For your summer clothes.

Well, every guy's like, well, those are some cute shorts, and I'm like, yeah.

Guess where I got them? Ross? And then you'd be like yeah, And then I'd do a mannequin pose.

Would you say you're show him the receipt a maxim Still.

I'd say I'm a fashion I'd say I'm a communist.

Oh well, then this podcast is over.

The Maxiny says they're the ones who sees control of Cuba, right, yeah, yeah, they've got.

All the warheads. Maxidese does careful, careful?

Have you heard? Maybe it was in my roommate said, there's a two.

I don't know why they would keep smallpox in a giant oil tanker, but there's two oil tankers size things of smallpox.

Does this already sound like something I'm making up?

Yes?

Okay, anyway, your friend named Alex Jones, Yes.

Yes, looks a little like Bill Hicks and you can see him on public access in Texas.

Yeah.

Anyway, we could get wiped out by something floating around there at any moment.

The end.

Two tankers are they heading toward each other?

I think they have just been disappeared and are unaccounted for ever since the.

Sixties or something. Oh okay, oh there goes my mic.

And so are you saying I should immunize my children or not?

I'm saying don't have them.

And if you listen to Jenny McCarthy at all, you know the answer to the other question.

Okay, here we go. I am so a lot of us.

It's age fifteen and where there's still so many people.

I just wanted to let you know.

You're still gonna who is this kid that he has a line twice around the block?

Jonathan what?

John Early? It's a sensation. He's a sensation, you guys.

Well, I now I want to watch him.

He opens up with a video he made when he was twelve of him being Celine Dion doing it's all coming back to me now and it's a revelation.

It's amazing.

Wow. I wish i'd grown up with a video camera.

I'm so glad I didn't. It would be devastating.

Yeah, there's some things so beautiful about Lank. All of that. Nobody can look at that, Like the records of me being terrible and embarrassing and in the closet are all pretty much just text.

That's right, it's all diaries that you probably burned.

I did not keep diaries. I was never that responsible.

I would start them and it would always be my diary would always be like school starts next week this year, I'm gonna be nice, I'm gonna act shy, and I'm gonna lose weight. Every single time, it was the exactly.

Why would you plan on acting shy?

Because that seemed to me to be what popular girls did and the better plan, and mentally, like in n in movies, that's what you saw like it was always the girl standing pigeon toad looking up down at the ground. That was like, look at her, she's so hot. So I was like, I gotta shut this mouth soon and I could not do it.

She couldn't. I wanted to so bad.

I shut this mouth so.

Well. No, I remember feeling that way of like, guy, if you didn't just immediately tell people how you feel about fis, eventually someone might wonder how you felt.

I love it.

No one ever asked me how I feel. I know how you feel.

You don't give us time to wonder. But the thing is, that's so great.

You totally have time.

Okay, sure, so we aren't going to that show now?

No, clearly not terrible.

There's still a line though, bless you.

Generally he won't miss us. He's the place is packed because those people aren't getting in.

He's busy being a sensation.

It's twenty after eight.

That show, Okay, I need someone to explain. Is a YouTube that does it? How do you get No?

That's that's the thing is that, seriously, I don't think I don't think he is. I don't think he has a shipload of hits on YouTube. I think it is just sort of like people telling friends or people he went.

To n y U with.

But for God's sake, but like last time he came to LA, I was at a gay party at Eric Gillilan's house, though he was not there, but because Karen has previously told me stories that centered on being in Eric's house, so I wanted to make clear that it was the space that she's familiar with. And they were like, oh, you going, are you going? And they were just all a buzz about whether people were going to John show, and I was just like, what's wrong with you? Guy?

It's always good to keep a running list it is it is, and really hold it out in front.

Of you every where you go.

But this is one of those situations. This is one of those acting shy situations where all I'm thinking about is, wouldn't you seem gracious guy if you just haven't said any of these fates?

I know that if you just.

Had a solid five minutes of John is so talented, but.

We did that.

I'm not and it's true, but now it sounds like protesting, where if I had just done it otherwise.

In this internet age, I brought the protesting to the because I don't know who he is, and that guy, whoever that is, is wildly popular, and if it's word of mouth that brings it, then I should just stop doing this because I don't.

People like that coming to my comedy concerts.

But guys, everybody, And also I'm being this whining like a week after so many people showed up to my hobby.

Recording exactly that was amazing, And can I just remind quickly, sorry sidebar, remind you my favorite joke, which is where you said, because I did your show, Megan Keister did the show and then you were the headliner, and you said, this night is about me and women with too much personality, and I laughed.

But I really what I want to do is really solve because that is my problem. It always has been.

And the idea that now it's being turned around and it's the advantage that I have.

What a magical Hollywood movie that that turned out to me?

Well, there is also that weird thing of I was having a conversation with a friend who was not a comedian and just I forget what we were talking about. You when you professionally monetize having too much personality, you can't go back to a normally interaction with.

People, No, you can't. It's really not good.

Well, also, there's nothing worse than when you have that when you're kind of like can't turn off the show, but you're like supposed to.

Be helping with Thanksgiving dinner with your ants, right, Well, my ants.

Don't count because they love it and they want me to do it all the time. But like, there are those times where I can hear myself and I am like in my head, I'm like, just be quiet or just don't riff, like just talk like normal people where you.

Go, Oh me too.

I read an article or whatever the fuck people do right right, make seven jokes after everything?

Like, can you do that? And the answer is no.

For me, I've I've got.

I was way worse before I became a comedian. Now that I have an outlet, I can totally talk about what article had the right recipe in it. I'm gonna be borring as the Dickens every Christmas.

You just really tone it down, yeah.

Yeah, especially around but man, I know, I yes, how silly and funny.

I used to be walking around like filled with energy.

No, I had like constant need to prove that there's a reason that guys should be allowed to be around. And I feel like only it was only after doing stand up for a couple of years that I was like able to just be quiet, right, And then I was like, oh my god, have you gotten boring?

No, it's I think it's you becoming healthy, because what.

It is is you realize you're already allowed to be around. There's no qualifiers, right, you are allowed to be around. End of story, the end, right now.

But that's the thing, Honestly.

There came a point in time, after having been on Chelsea Lately for a couple of years, when gay guys were being really nice to me because I was on Chelsea Lately that I was like, guy, your capacity to tap dance and do something in between mesmerism and pick up artistic at gay guys. If you lose that and then you're no longer on television, what will you have? And then I was like, no, you have to continue to be able to be aggressive, horrible cake, that's true.

I think the rules are different.

And all that fails you'll still have tap dancing and.

Gays love that. I mean, if nothing else tap.

Dancing, it's being mocked.

Click quicklick.

Tap dancing.

Click. Wait did I tell you guys? I'm sure I told you this.

But one of my favorite moments of my life so far has been the opening of.

Beach Blanket Babylon in San Francisco.

I went with my family. It was like the one of the last Christmases. My family was still like regular before my mom got sick. We went to Beach Blanket Babylon. The show starts, the lights go out, A spotlight goes up on the stage, Mister Peanut comes out tap dancing, and I laughed so loud that my mom took my drink away.

I was.

It was hilarious.

It's it was the funniest thing I've ever seen. Some They got some you know, Joel Gray looking motherfucker with insanely long, skinny legs and then a plastic mister Peanut costume so look just like all stick limbs dancing.

It was the best.

No one will ever relate to that with me, but I'm fine with it alone.

People know mister Peanut is I do.

I always gets a warm response, it's like, the guys still.

Got it, do you CHRISTI eu peanut chunk for us.

Oh, I can't. I can't.

It involves a lot of facial expressions, and I honestly, it's a lot like what you're talking about making food on Thanksgiving. I don't have the energy.

When I lived in Chicago a couple of years ago, I literally knew four or five people in the whole town. And I made my new friend who was my friend Loarcraft, who you work with. Floorcraft had this great friend named Kristin Carter.

I believe Kristin Hi, There's no way you're listening to this. She's the greatest. She was the coolest girl, so funny.

Every time we mentioned someone, we said, oh, by the way, hi, assuming.

Hi, I know you're having a great time. She is the coolest.

She she owns a company called Busy Beaver Button Company. She makes buttons for like bands and for things. She's just the best, and we had a great time. She would be like, let's go to this, you know, let's go to this talk, let's go to this thing or whatever. So she invited me one NYE to her friend's poker game and I sat there and it was like a total conscious decision. I was the shy girl at the

I didn't. I made maybe made two jokes the whole time.

That may probably not because I just wanted to feel that feeling of like this feel what show people feel like?

Can we not all agree that it feels good to be when you're the one, like you just said, a group of people that all know each other and suddenly you're the shy person.

I like that feeling.

Well, it's just a nice change of pace.

Yeah, I do that with some frequency. But I feel like it is almost bitchy from me, Like not bitchy, bitchy, but it is just like sometimes I will just be like, now I'm not trying in this situation. You guys have your little.

Gameck, you're right, That's what I'm doing too.

I think when I worked on Punks, when.

I'm being shy, I'm just being quiet because I hate everything. Yes, yeah, damn it. But such a thin line between shy and hate and hate?

Go ahead? Oh what still worked on something?

Oh pumped? It was basically like they were very nice boys, but collectively they were douchebags who were just talking about the people who they had banged. And I really felt like the like they had already explained to me that I was the female writer on the show, which was deeply insulting to female writers. But I was like, I'm here to be the typist. I'm fine with that.

Like when was this? Who were these jerks?

This was two thousand and eleven to twelve, and they were fine, fine people who I really enjoy and love.

So not true, I can tell.

But collectively there was one guy who was really a lot and the rest of them were in.

His name was Ashton? Could chair? Am I right in? I pumped a girl? Congratulations.

I've gotten in an argument with Laura about whether Ashton Kutcher is stupid or nuts. Laura, Laura craft.

Yes because you say no, and she said.

Yes no, I'm I was firmly team stupid and she was like, I can't believe that he's done too much with himself and his businesses are all very successful and he is like his production company used to be really really idol and active, but he's also very stupid.

Oh is he? Yeah? Yeah, I wouldn't. Yeah, I would be smart.

I only have stories, all of my celebrity stories. The end is how stupid they are. I only have stories. Even Mendes.

No, of course they're Oh, you're kidding.

I'm just like, those are the two dumblest people I've heard of all day.

Although I have to say even Mendez.

When she and Bradley Cooper were together, the two of them were at the same arc Light showing of a movie me and they came in and the person sold them tickets directly next to me and my friend who were there to see the movie.

So it was like an empty theater except for we were all four sitting next to each other.

And so then at once they sat down and it was super weird because at first I didn't know they were celebrities, So I was like, move, weird, sit next to us. And then I looked over and was Bradley Cooper, and he got this look on his face and he like got up and.

They picked it because you looked at him.

No, just it was uncomfortable, but the way he did look at me. I almost said out loud, I was here first, fuck.

You, and I'm talking about Hollywood.

I remember that.

Drew carry back in nineteen back when you were asking asking questions in James Lipton's class, he really was really yeah, there's a Sean Penn was on James Lipton and he asked.

Really did he say, I'm I'm on the actress track?

Yeah?

Yeah, it's like, I love your work. I've been studying really hard. My question is it's got like long hair and a ponytail.

No.

But I love seeing famous people when they were real because you're like, yeah, oh they were real once. They were only kind of attractive before we all collectively decided to make them the most attractive.

The one that really blows me away. Not that we should go down this spiraling. What celebrities like, you know, the okay, the that what's his name?

Retner? Jeremy Renner, Jeremy Renner, Thank you? Who's Rettner? I think? Yeah, yeah, Bret Ratner. Jeremy Renner did.

He was on some MTV reality show called Making It or something. I think it was called Making There was like a country singer and a ballerina and then him moved to la Let's see who does well, and he was like auditioning for commercials and stuff.

That's his first IMDb credit.

And then at one point in it he starts crying because he has to choose between a commercial and.

Some MINDI film.

And then the next thing you know, he's Jorn Identity whatever.

He runs around with that baby strapped to the front of him.

Yeah, yeah, totally.

His face looks like a meat.

Yeah, it really does. It looks like thinly sliced beef.

I kind of like to see somebody like Jeremy Renner do well. Can he is not classically beautiful, like when I watch Bradley Cooper.

After a while, I'm like, like, I don't want to look at that too much.

His eyes are too intense, or like it's like the eyes of a person who knows he's good looking and wants to shoot it at you like a laser, or it's like get off me.

But as opposed to a.

Jeremy Runner, who looks like someone who might drive the tow truck that picks up there, and.

Then you go, oh my, that tow truck driver was hot.

Okay, I want to make two points. Okay, one is that I really like people do become I like that people do become super super famous off of reality shows, but not that much. Like it's like a thing where like when you get on reality show, you know, I could be Jennifer Hudson. Probably not, but they happen. The other thing is girls are so likely to like that guy who seems like acceptable and realistic and nice, but like gay guys like because they're all probably straight, you're like, well,

Yeah that's right.

They're all starts like Kendall's.

The weirdest way, like blue permanent blue eyeliner and shit, yeah it's terrifying.

It's also super hot.

I well, I kind of like that same thing happened with Jennifer Ansten because she was technically not the prettiest.

Girl on Friends.

Yeah, but she would and everyone would be like, she's so hot, but it's like, no, she's the one you think you can get.

Yeah, I had pictures of her on my wall.

Oh so I'm talking to you, yeah, right to you.

Yeah, I do not have those pictures anymore. Good? Good, good?

Do you did you have that feeling though, that she seemed accessible to yees?

Yeah, I think you're exactly right. Yeah, that Coudro was untouchable, fucking hippie.

She was spiritually and physically.

Yeah, that's so funny to remember that. I don't.

I was snowboarding and I was living in Oregon and I just was sharing a room with a friend who got his feet smelled, and my mattress was on the floor, and I had one picture from a magazine of Jennifer Aiston on the wall. Like if you walked in there, Oh, who's a murderer who's obsessed about Jennifer?

Why?

Why did you have her on your wall. It's not like you weren't masturbating to that, were you. No? I just like the look of it.

I just dressing up the place. Yeah, how old are you? Oh? Fuck? Twenty two?

And you were just snowboarding with your life, that's all I was doing.

That's crazy, going every day and building jumps and flipping around and thinking about Jennifer Aniston.

It's very fun to watch Chris Fairbanks jump on or over things. He really likes jumping on or over things.

When was I doing that.

That's really exciting.

I was drunk on the Boh, you're right, yes, trying to your riders, trying to climb up on that thing.

Well, the trampoline's so funny.

Yeah, yeah, trampoline at Drew Carrey's house. Dad, I mentioned, guy.

You only really brought up the long microphone. You didn't say anything about trampoline.

There's a trampoline there. Let's just say I gave quite the performance.

Oh.

I thought you told me that Tramplin story, but I mixed it up. I thought that happened on the boat.

Oh, they're Oh, also on the boat late at night. Did you see that there was trampolines on the boat.

Where were the trampoline?

It was at the front of the boat they hold the uh starboard, the mask, the mask at the top of the crow's nest, there was a trampoline.

It was terrifying.

Front of the boat is the four they bat yeaft.

They had all like walking around.

At first I saw they had like harnesses and you could do flips, and there's two spotter guys. But at one in the morning there was no one there. And I know there's cameras, but I jumped up and down on that trampoline.

It was really fun.

Karen, have you ever been on a cruise ship?

Not only have I been on a cruise ship, my parents met on a cruise ship.

It's sort of god.

My dad was a purser and my mom was a nurse's Purser's like what Gopher did on the Love boat, Like they get your bags and they're basically kind of like a bell hop but more.

Oh, I bet my dad'd be real mad. I said pursers were bells.

But yeah, they both worked on these ships and they would go on cruises.

It's actually pretty funny.

When they left San Francisco, it was like nineteen sixty seven, and when they came back, it was like they were in the middle of like crazy hippie flower power era and they were both so disgusted. They were just like, this, what's happened to our city? Because they were both natives. But they met, my mom was already engaged.

How long were they on that boat for like six months or something?

Well more than that actually, because they did multiple.

Cruises, several tours of Dude.

Several tours of Dude. But my mom was engaged and my basically my dad was like, Na, you're not going to marry that guy.

It's beautiful.

Now here's something un beautiful that I think is hilarious. My mom had humongous boobs, and she said she went into the purser's lounge one day and they had her picture.

Up on the wall, but they had cut her head off. It was just her tips.

Oh my god.

So she said she didn't talk to my dad for a long time.

She saw that allow and this is what matter did.

Wait where'd the photo come from? And then it got blown up? I assume that it was a life size photo. Okay, okay, uh well.

No, it just sounded like, you know, they take like headshots of the crew, so that if you were a passenger, it's like, sure, there's the woman that stole.

My finger or whatever. She helped me.

Straight up anywhere. She took my briefcase.

So yeah, Chris, cruising is in my blood. Cruise shipping is I think.

Is that those bass instincts created you. I know, that's beautiful.

It is pretty beautiful. Thanks guys.

It really is a love boat. Love boat.

Oh I got you exciting new he I got your back.

Now come a boat, come on, join back in we're expecting you, right right, guys, Yes, I like.

A laugh track. Let's never forget that show was an hour log.

You'd be cool if someone recut it and put the laughs over the romantic scenes. I have so many I wish I had an editor, so many good editing ideas.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love I love editing. Uh YouTube jokey thing favor, Yeah I do. I really do like where.

You you know, it's a live a band playing live and they fuck up the music and yeah, and then it sounds like they suck, but they're like in their faces they're amazing, No, they're or whatever?

Do you like that more or less than Ross Dress for less? You had to pick one desert island.

Ross, I would have them build a ross on the island. Guy, I'm not going to give YouTube connections.

What would you what would you pick? You're on a desert island. Yes, and you could pick uh huh one of the following Okay, and it can only be one. There can only be one doing a show where there's people out in line for forty five minutes beforehand.

Like we drove by like a little kid on a bike past the girl's Fountcy.

Likes yes, okay, and you yelled at those peoples was smiling.

It was smile.

They were staring. You can either have that.

Or sorts of fresh water, or you live or you have life.

No.

I was gonna say something along the lines of the guy from that shows, Uh.

What's that show? That really good looking gay?

A guy that's like beyond good looking that was also in Magic Mike, but he's on like a us.

Yes, Matthew, Matthew Boehmer boomer, Yes, do you.

Want to show with people waiting outside for forty five minutes? Or Matthew Boehmer's boomers of dying Love.

Oh, here's the thing, is that Matthew Boehmer's Undying Love. Like after I had just done him four or five times, I would be like, all right, okay, we would have to like make chit chat, and he would talk about his adopted children he doesn't seen anymore as we live on a desert island.

How much Jesus, it's gonna take it to shut your mouth, Sarah about here's the here's the thing. Let's go back a little bit. Because that line was around the block. I think that he's not on a deserted island.

It's it's actually inhabited popular.

Would you rather live in a nice tropical location filled with young hipsters or come on one famous guy's face a little?

Basically, do you want to go to Hawaii? That's the only question. Do you ever want to go to Hawaii?

It seems lovely and you know, we've successfully done colonialism. Why not just revel it?

It is so weird how that is the undercurrent in Hawaii.

The locals fucking hate you. Yeah, they hate you.

And socks they hate socks.

They do hate socks, Like, what the fuck are you wearing?

Kelly?

Yeah, it was being being in the Bahamas was really interesting because there's like everything is just huddled around the place where the American money spills out from the boats. Yeah, and it was the grossest and weirdest. It was basically just places to buy expensive watches and shoes.

That was every I've been on three cruises.

Now, don't don't ask me why, but I mentioned that during did you watch My where I was like, tomorrow, we're gonna park on some coral reads and the captain's going to point at some people and they're gonna act native and dance and grass skirts and We're going to leave our boat chugging on and then they're gonna sell us necklaces and it's going to be depressing.

And that's what it was. And i'd never been to the Bahamas.

You just knew.

I knew it.

I had the instinct and the insight and the experience.

Sorry, but it was. It was depressing.

But I had deep read conch and that was exciting.

Wait is that it's?

Yes?

This thing that looks like a crazy tongue, Yes, you eat it?

Yes?

And did it tastes like eels?

Fried? Tasted like fried.

It tastes like I'm thinking of a giant thing that would inhabit that large shell fried like a giant saw.

No, it was cut up in the little Okay, okay, okay, good.

Did you have to eat a lot of fish on that trip, you guys.

The food on the boat was so terrible. It was so sad. The whole point of okay, terrible, Chris Fairbanks. Chris Fairbanks was like, you're gonna get on that boat and there's gonna be lobster everywhere, and it's going to be best.

When I did it before. Yeah, there was.

You went on a better cruise line.

I guess that's right. I guess Norwegian. I don't know Norwegian is And it was the time.

I think, now it's out of market or whatever, and you had to pay extra for the lobster. But maybe, you know, I didn't grow up with a family that was good at cooking.

Maybe I just think because I kind of liked the dinners.

Okay, so here where your your food options were, there's a buffet. It was gross.

Okay.

There was a thing that was called the ham pasta.

Ham pasta ham pasta.

So something you would make at three in the morning yourself because.

Heat up left like they were throwing shit together that they had laying around.

Eggs that didn't make sense, like scrambled eggs. We've all had dorms, trambled eggs. These were so many steps further down from dorm scrambled eggs and.

The powdered scrambled eggs.

Yes, so it was disgusting. And then if you went to dinner at five forty five when you were supposed to, they would make a big show out of serving you a fancy meal. And then it was a weird It was it was like children putting on a play of what a good restaurant is yeah, yeah, right, you had your little because you were the one who got the salad that was you know, the like mozzarella and tomatoes, yeah pasta, yes, except that the tomatoes were like a chalky white and it was was that.

The Mary Loom?

Yes?

Is that is that Bradley Cooper?

I'm like, oh, there he is again.

I knew i'd see you again.

It is handsome. I would not expect him to drive a volks Wagon wagon.

I'm sorry. I rolled down my window to look the people saw talking and they stared it up. That's funny. You've earned some real ire from those homeless peopeople.

It was funny.

When we were turning out of that gas station, I saw Mike Sweeney, who's the head writer of Conan.

You know Mike Sweenie, right, yeah, yeah, And he was totally watching us and laughing because we were sitting here with microphones.

Why didn't you run over and professionally network?

I wish I could have with the microphone in my head.

That's so great. He was laughing. He was laughing at us, So like, yeah, thank god I got the gig.

I do.

Recognized you, though I forgot your wonderful set.

Let me just say, writers like fancy writers with good jobs who aren't stand up comedians have shittier podcast than this put a lot of time into Yeah, they're all weirdly jealous of the fact that we get attention.

I bet you're right, probably right. I've had in Mike spirits with having writing jobs. It's I was very, very anxious to go be doing stand up again. And then of course when you're doing stand up you wish that you were making money writing.

I cannot end this sentence fast enough.

This podcast, Yeah, I'm very hungry.

First know, let's talk about this hot guy. No, do you see the hot.

Guy, the guy with the earphones.

Yes, he's Latino and muscly and.

He's five ft four. He's trying hard.

He's like six feet tall.

He's trying.

So no one listening to this podcast cares.

Yeah he does look good.

Okay, wait, wait, okay, thanks, thanks really, thank you. Do you need to ride?

Please listen to us on iTunes and give a positive review.

And thank you.

We have forty five positive reviews. I looked at them the other day and it was lovely. People say really nice thing.

Oh that's great, Thank you. So much.

You yeah, thank you, thank you very much. You've been listening to d y n A.

Are are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home?

Either way we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim. Give us time and a termino and Gabe. We want to send you.

Off instylele wanna welcome.

You back home.

Tell us all about it. We scared her?

Was it fine?

Mal porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need ride? Do you ride? Do you mean.

With Karen and Cress m