Ep. 112 - Chris and Karen

Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim.

And give us time and a terminol.

And gaye ad.

We want to send you off INSTI.

You wanna welcome you back home?

Tell us all about it.

We scared her?

Was it fine?

Malborn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride.

With Karen and Chris welcome? Do you need a ride? This is Chris.

Fairbas and this is k oh No, that's.

Okay, it's okay. There's a lot of consonants in your name. I do it all the time because you get so cavalier thinking you know your own name, that's true, and then you get real loose.

And and goose it up.

Yeah. I don't think anyone's judging.

You, Okay, thank god. I mean I I feel like when you go to say your own name, you have you go like, oh this again, Like that's what my brain does.

I'm like, oh, do that thing you always do.

Yeah, That's how I feel pretty much every day with showering and eating this again.

The uplifting. Do you need a ride.

Right when I wake up? Oh my god, my friend sent me before you put on your cup?

Yeah, before I put my handicap night cap on. You know how all men.

Who admire the fifties, the ones that admire the old and the better days, sleep with a hat and a.

Shirt with a pocket that's righting a candle in a holder.

Every time I go to bed, I'm like, where's my pen? And now it wouldn't be nice to have a pocket because I like to wake up and write down my dreams.

Are you talking? Are you describing your night shirt to us?

Yes? I see, yes? Did you?

I watched there's this comic James Castor. I think I've mentioned him before because I've blown away by him being under thirty and having four specials and they're all bizarre and funny and good. But in one of them he has a shirt with a giant pocket and he doesn't address it until the end.

He uses an iPad and says.

Good night and slides it into this pocket, and it was just made me so very happy.

He's from where.

Somewhere in the UK or Britain, or it was great Britain. But I think it may have just been in England.

Just playing Britain.

Yeah, yeah, the not so great part. Yeah, it was definitely Europe.

Okay, yeah, the England part, got it, got it.

I don't know the difference between the Britain and Great Britain.

In the UK and England, we both cross our arm. You're driving just a not unappreciated thing that makes us die.

That's right. Something it's only funny to us and kills us.

I've been I felt almost nervous to podcast.

It's been so long, it's been forever.

Get I hate that I'm this person, but I am uneasy with most of the things I enjoy and even excel at.

Same I get when.

I haven't skateboarded a while. I get on board, my knees shake. It's like, why the shaky knees?

Well, because you know I do. You're but there's excitement in nervousness, and sometimes we just define one or the other, either positively or negatively, what it could be the other one. We're just interpreting it, right, So actually it's like you're super excited, like it's your birthday, but we're podcasting.

You're right, I need to remember what everyone's always told me since I was a kid, as being nervous.

Is good, you just have to use it.

It's just hard to believe that if when you were nervous, nobody helped you when you were a child, right, That's that's what my therapist has taught me is there were lots of times where I had things happening, and if just one adult had said, hey, no, you're fine.

I would have been fine. Yeah, I was on my fucking out.

No.

My mom would always go that.

She'd be like, oh, I'm worried too, Just back it up immediately.

You're right to be worried.

Will tell you about nuclear war.

This entire town is filled with sharp objects.

Speaking of which, have you seen sharp objects? What a what a mini series?

I haven't. It's good, but I've heard I should.

It's good.

There's lots of good TV going right now.

Sure you we've seen it. Sounds like sharp projects. But it's called The Bleeding Edge and it is a documentary. And the only reason I watched it is there is a picture of my hip as the main one of the rotating things. But it's a documentary about medical devices and their advancements before they are tested on people. And some of them the biggest examples of their life Adnile mesh, where you know those big guitar and women in their twenties have to get hysterectomies.

That's a big lawsuit that people.

That's right, and certain scary birth controls that fuse your fallopian tube and it gets lost you all of a sudden have there's some scary total recall wire in your It's so scary. All of it was so scary because it's real, and they interview these people that just got a raw deal. But it opens with this guy who's got early dementia and it's going blind because of the exact type of hip I have. So I watched it because it feels great.

So sorry really quick. When you said my exact hip is in this picture, it's not your literal hip, right, No, how'd.

They get my name's on it? Yes?

I thought you meant that's the outline of my penis that I have to fog out when I show people my X ray.

No, it was this other man's pence him and hip ball, Yeah, and ball part of it.

He would like me had one ball because we used to be in the Tour de France on a unit cycle.

Which gives you cancer.

It does unicycles give.

You can signing up to the further turn. That's right, Well, make one of your guys go bye bye.

Yeah, awkward self.

Okay, So I yes, I and I've been my vision has been declining. I've been to a doctor a couple of times prior to watching this documentary.

So I immediately.

I've decided that it's because I'm in my forties and you just all of a sudden one day can't see grade.

Yes, that's exactly right.

Doctor. I talked to him. He said, nah, you saw the Netflix documentary. A bunch of my friends said, not to freak you out, what have you seen this Netflix documentary? Because I called him and said, do I have a cobalt metal on metal hip? And he said yes, But they're talking about advancements and devices, bad installments, bad doctors. Yeah, that's what causes it to kind of get rejected.

And it's not the thing itself.

But I still am too right.

I think mine and it feels great and I love him a robot hip.

Well, and let me say this, my sister told me because my sister always had contact lenses and thick glasses and I was like, ha ha, I don't have glasses. When I was in my early thirties, she was like, hah, you're going to overnight in one day, you won't be able to see distances and then come back and we'll have a good laugh together. And that's exactly what happened.

It just happened.

I thought something was It really felt like something was in me. And then like some kind of a because it's he goes in and out just like liquid cobalt over your cornea and I'm making everything up.

I have no training, but that's what you do when you watch those fucking.

Documentary and I so I went and then I didn't. I testes like you have a perfect vision, and I'm like, well not sometimes that's the cobalt. And but I think I just need like many people reading glasses. And then's messing with me because I always bragged about my perfect vision and never having a cavity. Even talk to me Wednesday, my teeth will probably be falling out.

You're down to one brag, just the teeth.

Every party. Well, I still don't have any cavities, motherfuckers.

I thought brag was like what you called a part of it tooth down to one brag. One time my friend's got in a fight. It was, uh, and let's order.

One of them got punched in. He said, you knocked out my anchor tooth because he was about to get new teeth. He was punk rock and didn't brush, you know. And and I appreciate this business, and I'm glad they sponsorous. But every time I look at a menu, they don't have the VENTI and I don't even remember what they are anymore. I've started saying small, medium, in large because if you go in the store, they don't.

They haven't been used I know, just.

Then, they haven't been using the terminology, right really yeah, or reminding you of their basic menu items.

They're like, they know what we have, they know the sizes. Let's just push the nitro tap stuff you know you can get like carbonated coffee.

Now I feel like booze soon.

Yeah. Really, they're on the verge. They just want to be like an Italian cafe really deep down. But with the advent of cold brew coffee, I feel like with the world that we live in now, which is a very mean place, sometimes cold brew coffee, we don't need it.

It should be taken off the shelves.

Why is that?

Because it makes you fucking crazy. Oh it's too much caffeine. People get super like I told you the story where I drank at the Earwolf studios. They have it on tap. So I went in with my venty iced coffee empty thing and filled it with cold brew, so it's like, what is that sixteen ounces? Twelve ounces, and then drank all of it and on the way home started crying. But I didn't know why. So I was like kind of like looking around, like, uh uh, what is that?

Can rap? I wish I could wrap my hand around a giant thumb right now? Yes?

And the more like the more places we go, cold brew is everywhere and it's like infer you know, grocery store refrigerators and shit, and I think it makes people insane.

Yeah, it does make me jittery. I wish I could remember it.

But Jordan Morris had a great about ice coffee versus cold brew, And that's just me telling people to go out and seek out a joke because I can't even begin to tell you.

I think I retweeted that same one.

Me something something ice coffee, cold brew, me, I don't know.

Way worse. Yeah, violent, violent.

With a rifle. I can't remember what it was.

It was something like, yeah, that was a good one. Okay, So what I want to tell you was, yes, the on the equivalent of your bleeding edge. There is a podcast called Doctor Death and it's super popular right now and it is a I think it's like a six or eight part series they're doing about this fucking spine surgeon in Texas who was terrible, like didn't know how to do the job and was operating on people and just he killed. He did, He operated on thirty three people,

It is the craziest story.

And I was listening to it and I thought, because you know, I'm very interested in true crime, and I think i'm high tolerant. I have high tolerance for that kind of shit. I don't take it in. I was literally holding the edge of my kitchen table like I thought I was going to fly away with anxiety.

It was.

It's the most stressful, upsetting idea that there's just someone out there that can do back surgery and they don't stop him because the if they fire a doctor, the hospital could get sued. So these hospitals just kept sending him along with a note that said, he's great, you hire him somewhere else. And of course they kept hiring him at worse and worse at hospitals that were in worse and worse parts of town.

So yeah, that, oh god.

So he's just fusing the spines of welfare mothers, yes, oh god.

And literally like putting screws into muscle mass instead of into the spine. Like insanity, oh god.

Insanity, Like training, because I wouldn't when I lived there.

Friends mine would just substitute teach.

When in Washington, my sister was going through all this school to just hopefully get a substitute teaching job.

It was like drive an uber. In Texas, there's no building codes.

You can build a tower, a tanning tower if you want some redneck that's where I put my rifles in my tanning lotion.

I don't know. I've always wanted a tanning tower. It's a good idea.

And then also medical, it's like a non union state. You want to do voiceover, what's your who cares? Here's some money? It's Texas is wild, y'all?

They're wild, yeall?

And big, they're big.

It's I mean, this story is like I want to recommend it, but I think people I almost had an respect down.

I was like sweating through my shirt when I was listening to it.

It's so upset. Rings a bell. I think I've read about that doctor.

Yeah, then was that in the two thousands. It's so crazy. But the cool part is there's easy.

It's something wanted to happen in the eighties.

So so's much longer ago.

Yeah. Yeah.

There were doctors that basically came after them themselves because they would call other spine surgeons in to try to fix what this guy did. And these two doctors that both got called in after these guys surgeries took it upon themselves to basically and they ended up calling the police because the medical board wouldn't do anything.

Oh, God, you've when you said high tolerance, did you say high Tolerance for death?

Which is an action movie? I wish you were starting.

Oh, I will I want.

Yeah, you're about two doctors that go on like a stakeout and become detectives because they're trying to help people.

The end were the doctors?

No?

No higher talented act.

Oh, Stanley cameo, that's your idea. We can both do it.

I'll be a I'll be a wise nurse. I think I could really sell that.

Okay, I'll be a wise old owl.

Who let that owl in this hospital? It's mine?

The wise nurse says, that's my pet, yeah, and my animal familiar.

A nurse with an owl on her shoulder.

Ah, that would it become.

You're wondering why I wear this eye patch? Is a owl? Did it?

And the owl's on the same side as the missing eye? You would think you'd put it on the other shoulder.

Nurse.

I thought that was an owl.

Voice.

I'm very good at voices.

Know your records.

I've just graduated from lollipop school.

Oh that's the owl, Yes, okay.

Got it.

It's like an owl from It's more of an owl that you'd see from like an old like skeletor cartoon.

Yeah, got it, because they all had if they weren't he man or skeletor they just had him.

White like Yeah, yeah, they had some kind of a utilitarian pet.

Yeah, it's a tiger. It's my friend, but I can also it's.

A it's a pelican, but it's also my garbage disposal.

I guess I'm thinking more.

I'm sorry.

Oh, here's one of those damn turtle straws. I always forget turtles. Most places use corn straws made of corn.

Or they do. Now you mean now that the laws of them, But it.

Takes long enough for it to dissolve and be piodegradable to in that time, it can still fuck.

Up the turtles in Nostril.

They can't.

But we're not near the ocean. No.

But there's a bunch of like random turtles around Burbank. Wild turtles.

You've seen them, turtle, you're confusing them. Those are tortous.

Oh that's a five hundred year old tortoise.

I love turtles. I don't care about them.

And the place where I get my smoothies every day, start using and they're not anytime you use a paper one that they dissipate and dissolve and flop over.

Thank you.

But the corn ones, I love ones, corn corn straw.

Do they taste like anything?

It just it's plastic made of corn, and then one day it dissolves like a mission impossible letter.

I've never heard of that. So you can't you can't tell. You just don't know.

You can't tell. It's great.

Yeah, why haven't we been doing that for the last forty years?

I know they've been able to do this with corn. Yeah, because I've seen the cups and the lids for years now.

Because you live on the West Side and that's where all the hippies right.

Well, that is where I think about it. The most plastic in the ocean is the big deal. That's ninety eight percent of the garbage in the ocean is plastic. Yeah, you know, if it's it depends on what city it's in. You know, if I'm in like a city I don't care about, I just throw my ship right in the street.

I go straight up to a storm drain and I'll just dump boil from I transport it from a different state over to states I don't care about.

I did tell you that I have a bag of garbage of plastic that was once in fish and albatross and other animals that I can't do anything with that. I did a fundraiser for this five gyres. They take garbage out of the ocean on these boats.

Awesome, I don't. I just did jokes for them and got mad because they weren't listening.

At one point I said, can you guys stop trying to get laid and listen to the because they were all beautiful.

It was a bunch of surfers.

But anyway, at the end, the guy gave me a bag of old afro picks and everything. There was everything in there. Every It showed every every race of litter.

Okay, good because it's a little crazy to.

Say a lot of a There was a lot of combs, and there was some melty afro picks.

Okay, and I'm not it's all just sounds terrible. It was riddled with that fro picks.

What about Chinese calms? Were they in there too?

Everyone was represented.

There's a plastic yamica, but I just have this, and some are sharp little tooth brushes like shives. But they all at one point were in an animal and he gave me this bag, and he's like, maybe you could talk about this on stage, and I'm like, yeah, that sounds real funny.

That's hilarious.

It's killing right now. But I have this bag and I can never get rid of it. I've moved to two different houses with this bag of discarded past.

Yes, I can't. What do I do with it?

Sorry, I'm distracted by that fireman's mustach.

He's the most fireMany fireman I've ever seen, guys man.

Then I burned this leg. Then I burned this part of this leg. Oh that was saving a cat.

There's nothing you can do with that bag of garbage except for driving back to that guy's house and dump it off on his front.

Poor.

I know, I just have it. But five gyres, they're good. Donate if you can to.

Five gyres, get that plastic.

Out of the sea. Please, that's their slogan.

Please just please, please, please please, we're begging you for the turtles.

What I like, though, is that.

That that whole thing came up so quickly. It was suddenly like, plastic is killing turtles. Nobody is allowed to use straws anymore, right, And it truly was like a five day change over, and suddenly it was like you would go to a place and.

They'd give you a drink with no straw on it, and you wouldn't think I'd hear from him, But bil Burr had a joke about how plastic breaks down into tiny little cubes and ends up in the system of animals, even on like a almost not.

Microscopic level, but a what I like to call small level, and.

He blames feminists.

Yes, before he.

Was doing that hilarious stuff, it was, yeah, it's just and you don't expect me doing plastic is bad bits.

I saw him saying no, and then I looked into it.

He I think he has a very wide I mean, that's why I'm a fan of his. He really does talk about a large range of stuff and from lots of different points of view.

I like being surprised.

I mean, isn't that the essence of comedy?

It really is.

So the element of surprise plus tragedy plus time. Surprises plus time equals tragic comedy.

Tragic comedy the kind we specialize.

In where we talked about terrible hips and vicious spine doctors.

Oh god, that scares me. It's really scary. Did you think he was malicious? He just didn't care or he was like, I'm going to mess this person up.

He couldn't be wrong.

So it was that he didn't care that he was going to mess the person up because he kept telling himself and everyone else, you're not allowed to tell me that I can't do this because I can do it right, even though he couldn't.

And maybe this guy that was featured in this thing that had my hip surgery, he was his doctor was like, yeah, I can do it. It's the same as this other kind of It just was scary to see that much like the FDA or.

Or things get past like.

It's that's a real first speaking of someone getting a hip re done, getting carted off to a cold metal table. Won't they be surprised when they wake up, Chris unable to see?

Where have you been?

Oh?

I've loved it. I've had them on the road right. I went to.

Denver for a little festival. I went to Seattle for the bumber shoot.

I went to ship Wait were you high planes in Denver?

Yeah? That was fun, was great. I've got to see Blondie who ship the comic? Oh, I got just kidding. No.

Blondie was so great and I went to uh Boise, Idaho and that's a own.

Of sweet people, but in Seattle.

And listen to this Stephen I got because I thought I was getting a you know, a hotel, and at the last minute I realized, oh, that part was on me.

I confised it with one of these other gigs.

At the last minute, I got this this Airbnb and it said you'd stay with these two cats. Before it showed pictures of the rooms. It was these cats, and sure enough I showed up. It's called the Cozy Kitty Condo. The guy was super sweet, and I liked him because he looked like he was a big kid that was in very much shape, and it looked like he could beat up anyone. But he had a grateful dead shirt and he was just a very peaceful Oh yeah, I like that that. People keep surprising me.

That's right.

Well, I used to cage fight and twist off faces like bread, but now I'm a kiddie man and his cats.

I have videos. I'll link it to this.

There's a cat could I'd come home in the cat would just lay in front of me and I would just make love to him with my soft foot.

Oh that's private, you know.

And I give him love with my foot and he and make love on. Most cats will be like, I'm going to scratch this stranger. Yeah, mis kitty, and I trusted him right away. It's an orange tabby, you connected. Any orange striped cat is not going to wrong you, is it true? Well, you know there's certain ones that have bad upbringings.

Yeah.

I had an orange one that attacked a child one time in my home.

It was very difficult to you know, apologize for.

So you blame them.

You you consider them the redheads of the cat world.

Well, there's just this one Angus, who was feral, even though I raised him.

I like redhead people. I'm doing that's my job. I just don't like the kids, right.

Oh right r yeah, yes, you're going into your act.

Oh of course.

I wanted to try some bits recording a special soon. Yeah. I really like those cats. And anyway, I had a great time. I had great travels. I enjoy stand up right now.

And god, I haven't you haven't even thought of bumber shootings so long. That was the best. Uh.

It was such a nineties thing, it.

Was, yes, and it was different when I first when I did it ten years ago, it was I was the smallest comic on the whole. It was Fly the Concords, it was Zach Galfnacaus, it was it was many Paul Tompkins. Yeah, you know that's Fred Armst.

Lisa Linge was booking it, right, yes, yeah.

Yeah, and now I think it's booked by a fifth grade class.

No, it was great.

It was fun, but I was a little I when I'm ubering from my cat obligation and it's like, you know, forty bucks every day, I was like, that's me planning poorly or I need to start saying no to shit. But do I because I had so much fun, that's true.

I mean it's you. You did get paid, right, sure?

Yeah?

And I got I got some Sure, I got some paid work while I was there because someone canceled at the comedy clubs.

WI oh nice, ma'am, So yes, you have to say yes then?

Yeah? Oh.

I just remembered in saying that out loud, that I listened to Shonda Rhime's audiobook The Year of Saying Yes, and then I was like, That's what I'm going to do. And I immediately forgot and I'm all I do is say no to everything.

I've been trying to do that ever since the film Liar, Liar. That's the same message.

That's right.

Remember, there's like a motivational speaker.

But then so many times in my life since that movie, I was like, no, it would be bad. I need to start saying no because I do you want to stand up at my Yes I do, I'm my apartment, living room. You didn't let me finish. Yeah, I already said yes.

That's every stand up shine ow. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm just my career is happening on different couches well.

And you know that makes me think I feel like those I definitely need to say yes more or at least not have the reaction I always do, which is I don't trust anyone and this isn't going to work out right. But as stand up comedians, I think we are automatic yes people because we're risk takers in our job. So maybe there's other people that say no and really play it safe much more, and we think we play it safe, but comparatively speaking, we really roll the dice quite Yeah, the dice, I.

Seewe quay something something's wrong?

No, it's fine, Yeah, I think you're right. It's part of our comedic improv yes and training. I say yes and to hey, you want to come over and.

Tell jokes in my backyard?

Oh, I did a backyard.

There's this guy's a bear, a date bear, and he does dates and almonds. But he made millions, and I went to his house. Someone asked me to stand up at this rich old guy's date.

But date baron, you're saying that statement like it's.

A fraze and we all use every day.

They made millions in d industry.

He's a date bearon, and I.

Think they're really good for you because he's seventy eight and he and a thirteen year old and a fifteen year old.

Oh then yes.

But the band there was a band before me.

It's a big backyard in Beverly Hills at a giant mansion. And the band stopped playing celebration or whatever, and then just brought me up and everyone right when they got their dinner. And I just knew it was going to be bad, so it didn't. I didn't let it hurt my feelings, but I did. I guess I got kind of upset on stage, but I took.

The money and run and you do that all that's your process.

Yeah, yeah, I mean there's lots of reasons to be upset while you do stand up.

Car right, I promise so lately I've just been happy on stage.

Oh really, not off off.

I love those shows where they hire you to do something and you're like, this is awesome, I'm gonna make money, and then once together, you realize the people who have invited you know nothing about comedy and are setting you up in the worst possible way to do a show, but with love in their heart, they're like, really setting you up to fail.

Right, They had someone from the band that was in a groove and didn't want to stop playing. Yeah, say hey, we have a nice surprise for you. That's when I knew it was going to be terrible. Yeah, scand up comedy surprise everyone's favorite, right as they get chicken or fish.

Yeah, Whereas most of the time stand up comedy just makes people so uncomfortable, no matter whether they're eating or standing.

Yep, visitting. It's like talking about the Bible all of a sudden.

Yeah, it's not cool.

No, no one wants no one wants to be surprised by comedy. But anyway, if I wished I had said no, but alshow then I got the check and I was.

Like, okay, thank you, date Karen, Yeah, thank you. You've never heard of the phrase date baron?

I always I mean the Lord of the dates. That's one I've definitely heard of, baron. It's totally different. It's totally different.

On the way here, I or to your house, I stopped to get gas and I saw this actor I think he's from Ally McBeal. That's like a weasly faced with a little nose. Yep, do you know what I'm talking about.

Yes, he's great.

He is great, but he's often plays like an he.

Plays the guy that's going to fuck you over at your yes.

Yes, And he looks like a weasely villain in person.

And he was driving like a fancy sporty tesla. But we were just I was pumping and he's pumping, and I looked at him, and there's always that thing where you don't know at first how you know someone's face.

So you just say hi, and then he even knows it.

But I've done it before, yes, by said I, and he's like hello, and it's like, oh, I enjoy your work. And then but then he made a face like oh brother, and then so I said, I'm sorry.

I thought you're so old. And then I got in my current drove because that's how much I didn't like his face.

It's hard to podcast about faces, but it was not the face I wanted because I just was saying, yeah, it was just a couple of dudes.

Now do you think he wasn't that actor?

And he was like an investment banker and he was just like, this guy's picking up on me at the gas station.

There's one thing I'll brag about more than my sweet ass teeth. I know a goddamn face.

Okay, you know anchor teeth.

When you see that, you know my anchor tooth.

Now did I tell you this?

This is one of my favorite times that I did that because, as I've said, and this might be the story I repeat constantly, but I was at Gelson's in U Studio City, which is a fancy grocery store here in Los Angeles, very expensive.

I love to go there when I want to treat myself.

I always forget it's very.

It's really expensive, but they have things they're like, they have a whole gluten free section or they'll have some kind of cheese that you've only ever seen in like a you know France, right, they have fucking grewere. So I was at Gelson's and I'm walking in and this was, you know, ten years ago or whatever. I'm walking in and I'm in the parking lot walking parallel with a guy and I look over and I immediately go, I know that guy, and I immediately picture him at a

Is this guy a comic? Is he some kind of.

A suit and I should really know who he is for business purposes? And we are both shopping through Gelson's and at one point he comes down the top of one aisle and I come up the bottom of one aisle, and as we kind of meet in the middle, and we're a little bit embarrassed because already saw each other the parking lot, I said, I'm sorry, do I know you from.

Stand up comedy, which is like a slimy guy hit.

And I didn't mean it that way. I did, but I truly didn't it that way.

But I just it was driving me so crazy that I figured if I heard his voice or something, that there would be like immediate recognition. And he I was like, are you in comedy? And he was like, oh no, He's like, but yeah, you look familiar to me too. We probably, you know, maybe we have mutual friends. And I was like, oh, okay, And then I felt so stupid because it was like he.

Was like, that's nice, ma'am.

Yes, And as I turned to walk away, I realized that the night before I had just seen Snakes on a Plane in the movie Theater and he is the herpetologist they call in as the special scientist in Snakes on a Plane.

It wasn't like a well known no.

I just recognized him because he was so funny in that movie.

I hung out with him in the movie Theater the night.

It was as I turned and it like dawned on me as I was walking away, and I almost put my basket down and just left the store because I was so embarrassed because then I realized it did look like I was picking up on him and it did seem fake that I was like, are you are you a stand up comic like me?

Or you know what I mean?

I was trying to brag and pull him into my web. At the same right, I wanted to die.

I felt like that so many times when it's not when I am just saying are.

You a comic?

Because I think I know someone, it's very.

Hard to you know, it's funny at work. So I started back at baskets.

That must be fun. Do you get to hang out with Martha Kelly?

She comes in, the actors don't come. They all come in like once. We don't get to hang but we will, like when we read all the scripts together at the end.

Does Martha live here in Austin.

I think she does. I think she loves in both. From from what I know, I think she comes here to Martha is.

Someone I started comedy with, and it's my old friend.

She's a brilliant.

Community joint custody of a dog.

Yes, and she has a delivery and a dryness that is the first thing of its kind that I had seen when I first saw her, and you knew her before me when she moved to Austin, and then I visited. She said, go do this laundromat, and I had Howard Kramer take me there because I just brought skateboard because I was dumb.

Oh you can't just skateboard everywhere. And then I met you like C J. Arabia and oh right, yeah, way, I mean I was.

I was ninety seven, ninety.

Eight, ninety nine.

I guess yeah, because I didn't start comedy really till ninety nine, but I was brand new, so maybe two though.

I loved that part that laundrymat. They did talk about not wanting to watch comedy. Oh my god, it was like Lucy's laundrymaut on the east side of town. No, nobody wanted to watch Cobby there. They were just like, please stop yelling now there.

If you did that, at least there'd be some chairs and people sitting in them. I don't recall chairs. I recalled people sorting their whites.

Yes, literally, people doing laundry and looking up every once in a while bummed out, like yes, do we really have to listen to this amplified bullshit?

I don't even speak English, Please shut up. It was horrifying.

This in the stage was basically just the spot between the two bathrooms.

Yes, you're right in front of a toilet. God, it's so vivid bad memories. Why don't have vivid good memories?

So?

You know what's also funny is there's so many people that I know now that are like we met at Lucy's laundry mat because it would be like me, CJ. Maryland, Danny Sibios, We would just go there like that was just our thing, you know.

What I mean? Yeah, hilarious.

It wasn't there a documentary about the tour of the I remember there was a tour of Lucy's Laundry Mats?

Really again?

And was there a person named Christina that had something to do with it back then?

No idea?

See my hip isn't I'm killing it memory wise?

Your your memory can see twenty twenty vision.

What if cobalt blinds me? But it also links all my trian glyceroid acids.

In my brain and it erases all the plaques.

Yeah, I've been building coconut oil, which I do feel like. I don't know if it helps, but I do take a lot of coconut oil.

Good good so far.

I think it's just giving me giant eyebrows today on the drive over my eyebrow one of my eyebrows was touching my eyelid.

Oh, I just looked like a math professor.

Well, well, first of all, you do have a beautiful mind. But it might be you welcome. I wonder if it's just your it's your winter pelt, like your system knows we get to.

Warm up for the winter, the winter's coming out.

That explains my back.

Just kidding, I don't know any Hey, everyone out there on the back here, Hey, I just I think it's just I've thin eyebrows and I want to keep them visible and they help you make expressions and everything.

True, Yeah, you need them, so don't get rid of them.

I have curly hair and it's getting curly in my brows.

I mean, look, this is another middle aged thing that I hate to tell you about. But it's like, suddenly your eyebrows. I think that might be a guy thing, because I know my dad. Everyone saw a look over at my dad and one of his eyebrows is like insanely long and pointing north northwest.

But I haven't had any kids, I know. Did you just say it's a dad thing?

Yeah? Oh, yeah, I want it. I know I'm making I could have kids if I want it.

No, you could.

I do want him.

You do not now, not this moment, but it's somewhere in the window this podcast.

Yeah yeah. And then right after.

That first participant, I see that's a hurry.

I gotta be able to play frisbee with him.

Guys, Chris has a show with the Dynasty Typewriter and I if you could please go down any women who are fertile and willing please yes, or create?

Oh what a scary Oh that just scares me. First arrival, Well, you're the one.

I gotta take what I can get. Nice to meet you, ma'am, or should I say, mom? Just go go after it right in the typewriter lobby. And the baby's born ten minutes later, and you.

Name him Dynasty Typewriter Junior. It's not a state typewriter Junior.

It's not a catchy name at all.

Sure as fuck is I'm sorry, Dynasty Typewriter Junior. And I heard it in the whatever that song? Way cool, Junior.

I don't know.

I think it's likely kid Joe, but god damn, Dynasty Typewriter.

Come on, come on?

Oh yeah, are you going to start a band or not. Oh my god, you forgot.

I forgot to start.

It's a new Year's all right. We didn't know nineteen.

But this is thank you for saying that, because it is going to link to the thing I did want to tell you about, okay, which is I had my garage cleaned out.

I just seeing the before picture made me want to hide from my problem.

Right, I'm so proud of you.

Thank you. So I did post it on Twitter if if you're interested, it's on my Twitter. Sorry hipsters, I was I was talking to pedestrians, not you listeners.

If you want it, it's on my Twitter. Sorry, sorry hipsters. You don't do Twitter.

I know that you're on Twitch and you don't or switch. What is it, Stephen? What is it?

Twitch?

Twitch?

Twitch? Yeah? For video game watching?

But I swear to god, I feel different because that garage was bumming me out so bad. Yeah, and it had years of shit in it, and it had stuff from like when Pete lived with me, stuff that I just kept sticking into the garage and going, I'll take care of it later, And all of a sudden, it's all gone.

My entire garage is empty.

Did it feel the same as you and I both were really scared about tax stuff all its forms, and you had someone help you and I that motivated me. It's like that looking at that picture reminded me of that or a pain you've had in your abdomen for a year.

It's just like I would have ignored that. And then the second picture really looks good.

Your garage it's crazy, well you know what it is. It's just there was just crap in there. I wish he had taken a picture from the entrance because he took it from the outside looking in.

But I would just put things right in the doorway and then shut the door.

So it's even worse coming the other direction right right, because you couldn't walk in. Like I haven't been able to walk into my garage to turn on the outside lights.

So if I wanted to be outside at night.

I kind of want that headboard.

So it's filled with lice. Okay, we just broke by a disco headboard.

I loved it.

It was black with it looked like a goth cruise ship.

It was it looked like a sex club. That the devil ram and then he was like, we got to clean this place.

Out for tax purposes.

Aaron keeps getting pregnant. We're making sinister babies.

Hold down.

I really I liked it. I also like the luggage in front of it. I might take both. It's not me from driving back here. I'm going to get everything.

You can do whatever you want. You can fill your home with lice if that's what you need to do. That's what my mom would say anytime I would go through through through store shopping and be like I bought this old lady's sweater, would be like, it's covered in lice.

There's bugs in the pocket.

Please get get it dry clean, must be covered in lice.

And you know what, I kind of agree with her. I mean, my favorite app for the longest time. I know I've mentioned this, but I'm gonna keep doing.

Do it that.

That's had I found out a garage sale that's at ninety and still on the go.

It's it's remember you mentioned he was.

At a garage sale too, so clearly the man was no longer on the go. Oh no, I know, and I wore with respect to him, but I also I didn't want anyone to see me wearing it and overthink it too much and go like, oh, you think that's real funny, don't you. Yeah, because for all they know, you know, he's ninety to my grandpa or something.

Or you beat up some old ninety year old man and stole his hot not to and.

Some four or five Elvis Gotstello cassettes. Yeah, that was a great garage sale. But when I get a T shirt or something like the World's Greatest Grandpa or any shirt at one of those things, and you wear it and then you wash it and it smells like we light or whatever, and then you wear it and it activates a dead person's bo.

Yes, no thanks, oh man.

Yeah you can easily.

I've worn your shirts and when you sweat a little, the old bo is in there, and I do not like that.

No, it's discussing. And also if it's polyester, which many of the clothes from the seventies are kind of cool and funny looking, are that should never comes out it's like it's stained with odor, right, and disgusting polyester.

Well, I do like that. It's stretchy.

It's fun that it's stretchy, and it doesn't you can't fuck it up, like you can't shrink it.

You can't like wash it badly.

I don't know.

One time I dropped a cigarette in my lap and it melted like a candle. These pants, they wear a polyester and there is plastic. Polly means plastic thig right, I don't know. Polyamorous means you love plastic.

Me and my friends are going to get together, rub some straws on our body. Yeah, now do you want this?

Yes? I want everything on the road. Open the trunk. It's a mildew filled fridge with no doors there.

Tomorrow must be large item pickup day out here where we're driving because there's just random oh yeah, of garbage on the street.

Yeah, this is a good like. If you need you should go to the Armenian part of Lendale.

Is that where we are, which is all of Glendale.

It's with the old in with the new. We look at that haunted scary house that I would live in.

I would live in there.

It's big too, it's boy, it's a real match.

That house speaks to me.

Probably if you were inside, it would speak you too, because it's haunted.

It's haunted.

It is scary. There's a lamp on. Look at those Oh, I don't does the house could be the creeps.

Yeah, being over No, no, no.

I can't stop talking.

I think we should get more coffee.

One time I was on a cruise ship and I think I agreed to do some cruise ship comedy when the price is right, and I.

Don't know that's the way.

I know people make a good living on cruise ship.

I mean it was again on the boat, come back less than a week or whatever.

Dream come true.

Five thousand dollars. Bam, bam, thank you, ma'am. All the shrimp you want. We'll look at this fucking look at this pink jumpsuit happening.

That guy has it all. Okay, I'm taking a picture of him now.

Careful he's looking yeah.

Oh you know what, No, he's a hipster guy.

Yeah, it's not fun.

Yeah. I thought he was going to be a dad. Oh hi uh.

I was on crush ship and we were in the middle of a three day float. Two of the days was going from somewhere to like the Roatan Peninsula.

What's that.

I don't remember, but it was a lot.

You go, if you leave out of Texas and it's down Central America and uh, and.

You mean the Yucatan plements.

It's it's the it's We went to the Yucatan Potato bear and Island.

The Potato Island, yes, yeah, okay.

And out we were in like playing shuffle board, and I looked out in the middle of the night and there was an old boat, a rickety boat that has no business being out in the center of the ocean. And it was very a Scooby Doo like boat. It was like a rowboat that someone had built a little roof on. There was a lantern on it, and it was empty. No one was on it because the waves were crashing and it if anyone was on it, they'd be yelling help.

Yes, it was empty, but there was a light on it. Yeah.

Oh that was a corpse boat.

Unbelievable.

It wasn't.

And later when it was dinnertime, you know, you all sit down at your assigned tables.

Other people I heard talking about.

This boat that they saw, and uh, and I really am convinced that we saw ghost boat.

But anyway, here's the house version. We're driving by this.

There's it like this sauced up version.

Yeah yeah, same architects or twin brothers. That one had a successful life.

This one, you know what this is also the lawn is dead, which is making it look much scarier than.

It means to. It is really a cool house, though, it's.

And also those point the pointy ceilings yeah.

Oh yeah, roof real Yeah, real real, Damien Oman pointed gables.

For real, some serious fucking gable one.

Yeah, it just means a crow. It's gonna peck out your eyes. Sorry, I keep talking about birds pecking out.

No, it's okay.

I think we need to hear a lot of caffeine in this right. I don't eat a lot of sugar either. I think that it's really getting me.

It's getting you high.

Yeah. Well, also, hypern we have a podcast.

You're hyper in.

Your anchors are about to go away.

We're going full steam ahead.

Ankles, those boat We're about to ghost boat the fuck out of here.

Do you want to hear a fun story?

Yeah?

So I work the other day on my friend Teresa, who I work with, huh, who I've known for a long time. She got to work and then she was like, sorry, guys, I can't find my phone. We're trying to start and everyone's like kind of talking about stuff, and she's like kind of touching things and looking around, and then she finally goes, I lost my phone.

It's not here. It's not my purse.

Oh no.

She went out to her car and came back it wasn't out there. And so then the lt who's our writer's assistant, looks up on Find my Phone, which is the best invention.

And I believe online either isn't activated or I don't know the correct password.

Well I got to figure that out.

You got to, because I swear to God. So she they set it up, and luckily she had she has an Apple Watch. So they set it up and immediately send it the code so they can do it on his laptop or whatever. And they show it and her phone is that is at the end of a dead end, like across the tracks in Glendale, and our boss John goes, well, we got to go get the phone. And seven of us get up and get into two cars and we drive over to get this fucking phone, and it ends up.

I'm like, you're in a dog's stomach.

It turns out that.

The it's one of those food trucks that comes in parks, like when construction workers are all in one spot, right, And she dropped it out of her car and the guy drove by saw a car iPhone laying in the street, picked it up and when I bet they'll find like that's everyone can find there, right phones these days. So we pull in. It was the funniest thing. Like seven of us got out of these cars and I was like,

Wow, that's great.

It was awesome.

Yeah, I lost nine once and I did that back when I did when I first got the app and figured it out and took it across the size at home in Montana followed it and it ended up at a house I went early in the morning and there was people that I know were okay with crime, yes, like smoking, they hadn't slapped.

They were like do it drugs share and.

They were on the porch and I was like, hey, I left my phone here last night, and she's like oh and went inside and handed me my phone. Yeah, So whoever stole it went and they stole right off the bar from Stockmansys Cowboy bar.

It's not that smart to do, because no, no, I was ready the most traceable thing.

Right right, but I am I'm like, oh my god, all of my bank info. I don't even know that I had a passcode on it, right because of a girlfriend that was maybe jealous. Why do you have your phone locked so I can't look at it. I'm like, je fine, I'll undo it.

And then all of a sudden you could just really nice. Yeah then oh.

God, that was why, and uh yeah, I but it could have been you know.

People with guns, that's right, or just like somebody told a very similar story, but it was a girl they knew, and she she went by herself when knocked on a door and was like yeah, I guess you found my phone. And then the people were like, yep, here you go and gave it back the wow. But it did not look like they found her phone at all, right, like clearly the phone was stolen. People inside behind.

I went out on a limb. Once I got there, I'm like, oh, they are partying. I'll say I was here last night. Yeah, and they it worked.

That's genius.

I don't know though, because I could have been like what.

They could have been, like, what color is the count kitchen countertop?

Marble? It is marble. We love you.

Here's our phones.

Also, you win a phone.

You have a special ability to know the counters of a place you haven't been in.

So they don't believe me, but they think I was.

But they think they're like, don't FuG with a witch.

Yeah, so you could please take our phones and read these tarot cards.

Please tell us what the future holds.

Look at how gorgeous Glendella is on a Saturday afternoon.

Yeah, I've been anguishing about I'm going to move from the beach. I love the beach, but I got to live alone, and you know, I just haven't found the right spot. But I don't know why. I'm why have I not been looking in Glendale. It's like a it's another town and it's kind of far away.

Maybe it's another town and it's more like residential. I feel like it's very family ish. But the good part about it is, here's why I like the valley, and here's why I'll pitch the valley to you as a place to live.

There's no imagine you're at NBC a row suits.

I'm going to picture that you're less Moonvez and I'm pitching for my life. You don't have to deal with the police, helicopters or well.

You got to deal with thatshole, casshole, Oh my god.

But if you drive a Dodge Charger, you better pass people on the right. I think that's kind of what it's for.

Yeah, but it's a stray showroom flower the stock Dodge Dodger.

You're right, he didn't build that shit.

You didn't even put a special muffler on that shit.

But over here, it's just like calm and quiet, which a lot of people don't like if they're still like young and single and free. Right, But if you're not or trying to, I don't know. Yeah, I'm a very volume sensitive and what if I want.

To, yeah, live buy a house.

I probably, Let's be honest, I'm talking about it, and so you know true, Yeah, but you know, rant is so high.

It is. I liked it in one bedroom and it was twenty one hundred dollars a month.

I know it's crazy.

It was very little.

But I am excited about living alone.

Yeah, that's going to be nice because Nate's getting.

And Nate's yeah, and proposed to his lady friend in there, and I think she'll.

Move in and she's cool.

That's great.

I'm like, and you know, and I've been one, you know, two men living together. Come on, it's crazy unless you're in a relationship or a sitcom. Yeah, or you you.

Have a daughter and you're one's an artist and the other's Paul Reiser.

You don't know who the father is.

Well, but my two dads. Wasn't Paul Reiser. I guess it was.

No, it was it was look at that guy, that guy. So you know what, do not move to Glendale. Everybody speaks here really a saint.

And that guy did put on a special muffler.

He did.

You know what, tonight's pretty important. I'm going to put on a special muffler.

All right, I'm going to put on a special special.

Muffler to pass people on the right going ninety miles an hour on the residential Say you're on the right.

Come on, yeah, look at those flat seventies houses.

Look at this gorgeous whatever. This church is a lot of churches over here.

Why should find Jesus?

Oh that's Christ's scientist.

Woh, a little bit of boat.

What if Christ was your surgeon?

Yeah? What if you? Yeah, you didn't believe.

In dinosaurs because you they were made in test tubes.

Oh ship, great? I should not have turned down this street.

The sun lives on it.

Why is the sun such a brutal beas?

I was trying to avoid that exact thing.

Really, it's a bit crazy, pupil dilatingly bright. That place I could live in there. I just went door to door my belongings and a kerchief on its stick.

Yeah, in the kind of the Royal Palms.

You might want to write that town.

I do like it looks pretty cool.

I'll remember Royal Palms.

I'll help you. It's like Royal Pains. The show on to you Palms instead?

Is that the one after burn? Notice? Or Grizzly.

On.

Uh, thank god, it's Bones Night.

Bones.

I think there was a statistic that well, but that there was a statistics that said that Bones was great a lot of people watch it, yes they do, or that it's been on for twenty seasons or something.

I don't know.

Yeah, I think all those statistics like ratings.

Yeah, yeah, I think that's.

It's just like, if you're surprised about politics, keep in mind that Mark Harmon is the highest paid TV actor.

Do you know that. I went through a phase where I couldn't stop watching NCIS, which is the Mark Harmon show where he's in the Navy but also a detective.

And also doing a chorus commercial deep cut. No, that's right.

But there's something about that show because they have all the kind of like I don't know what the word is, but it's like all the you know, the cast is they're each an example of a different kind of person. So there's the funny guy that's kind of good looking, that's like the younger version of Mark Harmon but with a sense of humor, and then there's like a pretty smart lady. There's a guy that's supposed to be a nerd, but he's act cute, and then there's like an old

Easy to watch. It's like you just know what's going to happen.

I guess that's why everyone like friends. You know there's something to be said for like.

I don't know first, I don't know what it is. It's like you you know the setup. It's just variations on a theme. Yeah, you're like, Okay, it's these people. They're all going to make jokes with each other in a certain cadence, and I know what's going to happen.

People are going to eat it up because it's like it's like comfort food.

It is. Yeah, it's macaroni and cheese.

It's a bag of chatdar popcorn, smart food, it's smart food.

We had smart food at work the other day and I told everybody the story of how when smart food came out in the nineties, we all thought it was like somehow diet or better for you than other shit.

And I still sort of think that.

Yeah, when it is just it's just popcorn with real good powder on it.

Yeah, yeah, it's not good for you. It doesn't make you smart.

No popcorn alone is okay, It's like eating air.

Popcorn is a superfood, is it?

It is? What? What? What is a superfood? What does that mean?

It's a food that's so super right right?

I keep forgetting it has like way more vitamins in it or something than normal things.

And you wouldn't know that about popcorn.

But I just know because my dad makes popcorn every single night, and so, like right around the time that he watches Jeopardy, he'll make a big old thing of popcorn and.

Salt on it.

He does, yes, yeah, but he does a reasonable amount.

Right.

Sometimes you'll even throw in some parmesan.

Cheese on there.

Yeah, you know what I like. And I hate that. But let's talk popcorn. I like a lot of oil.

Okay, some pepper, oh yeah, and some little parmesan.

That's good.

One time at a movie I saw this guy get a bag of hot popcorn or it was it was a microwave bad So it wasn't a normal movie theater.

It was bring your own shit, I guess. No, it was Steve Allen and Andy.

Hot hot popcorn, put half of a butterfinger, crunched up yes, and shook it up and I was like, what are you doing?

Gross? Which just gonna be one glock? No if the whole thing.

He had coated each piece of popcorn with butterfinger shrapnel, And my.

Mouth is watering and thinking about it.

I when I go to the movies, I like to get a bag of plane eminem's, throw them inside that popcorn. Then the popcorn heat melts the inside of the eminem, but the candy shell holds it together.

You're fucking kidding.

You throw your hand around in there, and then when you put the popcorn eminem combo in your mouth, the eminem's burst open and hot liquid chocolate comes out.

Wow.

It is sensual perfection.

Wow, truly, I really want to do that.

It's good.

I'm hungry. I'm just hungry. I only want sweets when i'm hungry.

I know same here, and I give them to myself. That's the problem.

I just eat whatever I want all the time.

You I like, give them like your hand is aiming at your body and your little baby in the little cardboard cutouts of other friends in your house.

Do you want one?

No?

Okay, then I'll give it to Karen.

Certainly, I'd love to have this dance mister lamp.

So sad.

That's all right. I'd like to staying at home too, but I do.

I've been in a really good mood lately, and I realized because it's I'm gonna gone on all these festival things and I'm forced engage with people, and then you just snap into it, like you probably are getting that way because you're working all the time.

Like if I've given my own.

Time, I don't do it well and I have to be forced to be play with others, and then when I do, I'm like, wait, I'm good at playing with others and it makes me happy.

Yes, that funny thing you forget.

Because I think we're both like isolators.

And if you're just by yourself, any of these weird stories that you end up telling yourself like I'm bad because this, or nobody likes me.

Because of that. There I'm going to get stabbed.

Yes, nobody is there to go hey, hey, crazy, that's not true. Yeah, you don't get any other input. It's just you and your crazy brain the whole time. Whereas like, yeah, two weeks at work and I've gone from being like oh I can barely get through the day, like yes, let's do this thing because I need structure. I need someone else to impose structure on me, right, I won't do.

It because our parents never said, hey.

There's no one there is crazy. No, I'm not blaming great, I'm just kidding.

I mean, who you gonna blame.

No, not blame your parents. Yeah, I know, No, David, they were great. Yeah, they were Okay. My dad wants to hug you.

True.

Yeah, we've got to give him that.

Yeah.

We had fun ipodcasted with my dad and he pre produced the whole He's like, we'll go this way, we'll drive by this, that'll spark this. I'm like, okay, and he took the reins.

It was fun.

Yeah, that's great.

My town was fun this time. I like going home. Didn't you just go home recently?

I did when I went for my sister's birthday. Oh yeah, which was very fun.

I bet did you guys not when the cake came out? Did you not sing that horrible song?

Uh?

Skip around the room.

Yeah, skip around the room today because you're a little older.

Skipper around the room today. I have some cake.

What's the second verse?

Where's the cakes in the folder?

Rhyme?

I didn't Yeah, no, I got that.

There's a flat cake in there.

That's when the Manila folder comes out. Let's play off this at your birthday.

You're the boss, and here is that report on your birthday. And we didn't sing anything because my sister doesn't like attention of any kind and we were in a bar, so yeah, we kept it real real on the cute on the QT.

Were you about to talk about starting a band?

Oh that was because I got my garage cleaned out and someone on Twitter because we've talked about this before, and sure goes, now you have plenty of room to start that bad Yeah, I gasped.

I was like, I forgot.

I even said that people don't forget shit.

They don't know because I mean something.

There's a whole group of people that are just now listening and they'll reference things from three years ago, and I'm like, oh, I guess I got caught in a little lie.

It's true. We've just been bullshitting on here for quite some time, with never even worrying that everyone was going to listen to.

Yes, just the other day, someone sent me, here's that building that looks like a picnic basket, and I'm like, oh my god, that's like looking through old receipts or something.

For real.

Every once in a while the gift will come up of the guy that turns into a car. Oh speak, yes, and that's I feel like personal ownership. And I've never even seen that cartoon.

Speaking of gifts, there's a really cool oh yes you need a ride one by at Ashley Lane Lane. I think Ashley Lane, Ashley Elaine Elaine.

I think it's hard. There's a big Y in it, an upper case y. Got it? No, I don't.

I think it's a normal case of why usage. But it's so cool. She's not even an animator. She's like an illustrator and she learned to animate. That gift she made for us is her first fora in the animation.

It is for you the best.

It makes me so happy, Like I saw that thing and it was so funny and cool. We're drinking our Starbucks. Steven's in the back seat.

Yes, thank you Steven and Steve yet yes it's oh well now.

Oh.

She also put in on her other constant designer. It's her actual appropriate illustration account, so she's like.

A graphic designer.

That you had a gift, and it's cool because but she also did the bike that tried to thank you tried to hit us with the lock?

But did she?

Yeah, well I didn't see that.

But it's you know, animating legs bending and peddling. It's not that it's rolling, you know.

Yes, it's just the car and my hair blowing in the way. I personally appreciated the.

Little coffee splash and did you notice that detail?

Very excited, Thank you so much for making that.

And it's yeah, it's exciting, like we've just been we were talking about this earlier, but it's just funny. We've been doing this podcast just like for ourselves essentially, and now because of my favorite murder and getting to promote it, using that popularity to promote this one. It's making this one podcast.

And I'm yeah, I'm loving it.

And thank you for having your other very popular podcasts.

Well, I mean I should benefits.

Nope, it's weird. I never thought to cross promote, and that's just the way my brain works of like, oh, I'm just trying to do one fucking thing and it's all right, right, but I should have been this whole time. So and you know, there'll be some fun surprises in.

The yeah, yeah, wink, wink right news coming.

Up ready, I won't believe the surprise you're about to You're about to get your hair blown back, sir, You're about to become a gift because your hair is going to blow in your coffee and spill.

You're going to be in a boxy Volvo.

Also, I want to mention that because he's made a few things at Foul Foul, Peralta has made some cool.

Like Powell Parolta fowl.

Yeah, yeah, that's what you will. Yeah yeah.

And he's made some cool kind of skate related graphics that are dying or and I love them.

That's awesome.

Will you post those so much?

Yeah?

I don't even know I love them. I want to say I love him for doing them.

Will you post them?

I will? Yes? Uh, that made me think, and he did.

I always thought it would be funny. This was months ago to do a uh oh, let me get this straight. Yeah, Bert Reynold's shirt. But it's a picture of Tom Selleck and he made He's like like this, he made it like one hour awesome. But then, uh, you know Burt Reynolds died.

Yeah.

Yeah, And I've always liked him. I mean I was a big smoking, the bandit fan.

Well those as a child our age people like that. Burt Reynolds was everything when I was growing up.

It was like he was he was the brad pit of our youth.

He really was. He was damn handsome.

But he also had like a goofy. He was a goofy comedian with a mustache.

He had a glimmer in his eye.

And that was like that seventies you could be very macho and very like fun times.

You know.

It wasn't like he was like a lady killer. But he also was like I love your shirt.

Yeah, he had a certain and then he laughed like this.

Yeah he was.

And he always chewed gum, which I thought was funny.

Yeah.

Man, always a piece of gum.

In there that's riddled unshakable confidence.

I mean, have you ever seen that? Was it a I think it's cosmopolitan? Or he posed nude on a like a big bear skin road.

Oh yeah.

When I when I made the inappropriate, I just made a I forgot about the one fell per ultimate and I made just tom silk magnum p. I picture him and his in his hot rot, in his uh ferrari instead of the transam from smoking the van, right, I thought that would and then I remembered, oh, I remade this joke, and someone else remade the cool art. So I posted that and I think it was maybe in poor taste because the man had just he had just passed. He had just become tits up.

Yes, wait, here's my job. We're driving by the office.

Oh cool, where I work?

Now, is it?

It'd be funny of the office where they made baskets was a building that looked like a big beast.

Wait where is that big basket building?

Well it was like in Ohio, God, we should go, and it was empty for a long time because it was these.

People hate basket.

It was a fancy but oh yeah, this is absolutely here right there. Awesome, that's where that's what's helping with my thing. The green screen, that's where you do basket yep. Oh wow, yeah, it's an absolutely show.

No, it's just that John Kreisel he used to be an editor on Tim and Eric. He's like kind of an old old school Tim and Eric guy. Oh cool, And they have that office is really big and they have lots of space, so they rented out because we have to go somewhere.

Yeah, yeah, you can't just you know, take it on the road. Yeah, No, we have to have a table.

It's important. But the cool part is it's so close to my house. Compared to other jobs I've had in the past. It's and I get to drive through this lovely.

Part of my town.

Do you ride your bike with the helmet with the rear view mirror on the side, like ol?

Can I tell you that I forgot I had a bike until I cleaned up my garage and there was a bike sitting there and I was like, oh yeah, and so I and I just I'm now getting the bike fixed so because I haven't touched it in eight years. So it's like, one, you need to throw some new tires on that thing in me, yeah, put a little oil on the gears.

Yeah, of course.

But I'm getting all that fixed up too.

New garage, knew me, new cycling lifestyle.

Right, Oh my god.

That's why.

That's kind of why I don't ride a bicycle, Like, there's really good lanes for it all around here, But all I can think of is a car driving behind me and looking at my butts spread out on a bike seat.

Oh, that's spread across. That's smart, lighthearted, than what I think. I think of a car behind me and hitting me. Yeah, I am whenever and I ride bikes all the time, and when a car is coming, I look, yeah, look, I make eye contact with every car. Yeah, that's right when a door is going to open, just like when my mom broke the arm of Y Thompson from by the way with Vie, right the way, by the way with Thompson.

What did she do again?

It was a lunch lady that worked at my middle school, but she also had a community calendar access show.

Oh right that was.

Always as yeah, yeah, yeah, by the way, but by the way with vi.

Oh she didn't do by the way, she did the long er right right.

And I think I probably mentioned before that there was a punk band in town called by Thompson Overdrive. Oh yeah they were, and she didn't know anything about them. They were a band for a long time. They did all these indie rock they were. They were a cornerstone of Missoula like post punk.

You know, I feel can our next T shirt? I mean, I think we need to start getting into merch I guess, of course. I think we're one of the more merchable shows. Yeah, I draw right, We have ideas. Yes, by the way, with v Thompson, a T shirt as if we're making shirts for her old show would be really awesome and I can.

Get a picture of her. Yeah, and she won't sue us. She's been dead. She's she's not ninety and still on the bill.

She is she ninety five and deep.

Down or maybe i'd be curious to know. I probably she was a very old lady when I was a little kids.

What if she's still alive and very litigious and she's heard all of this and she's fucking pitched.

And she's ripped.

Just just yoked.

Yeah for Rigno. Elder lady, lady, very.

Tan, very muscular, very mad, and.

Three bikini competitions this month coming up.

She's like, by the way, I'm sewing your ass. I'm by Thompson.

Are we where we at? Seven?

Oh?

Wow, we are chatterboxes.

This is plenty.

Hope you enjoyed the second free Bonus half episode.

I put it on them.

Yeah, exactly, I.

Did it again. I'm sorry, No, no, no, I'm I just the caffeine. I'm a bit of a motor now I feel.

The exact same way I was just gonna say something about. My favorite show on MTV used to be one hundred and twenty Minutes, which was when they would late at night on like a Thursday, they would play all the like goth emo to record it with Matt Pinfield, Right, Matt Penfield was a host.

You don't know was he the other He did it for a while because.

Matt Pinfield what definitely did the metal show.

Yeah, yeah, but he might have also.

Done one hundred and twenty minutes. They were like it's all.

Those Yeah, he definitely. Because I would record it and just watch The Cure.

Yeah.

I was gonna say the same thing. Smith, the Smith, The Cure.

They all had videos, Cotto Twins, Cocktail Twins. I love them. I mean talk about vocal harmoniz were we we were?

If we were not, let's talk about can we finally talk about it?

Good at it?

But it really hard?

Yeah? That's uh. Go out and listen to MTV please, what else? What else do you have going up?

Please listen to MTV?

Yeah from the eighties.

I got nothing going on now. I'm just working and good and we start our We start our tour again up our first weekends of the of our fall tour we're supposed to go to the exact spot it's flooding, which is North Carolina.

Oh wow.

Yeah, my ex lady friend is from Wilmington, and it was it was not as catastrophic as they thought. It was supposed to be like stage four, crazy whippy winds and it was just one.

But there is a very funny if you find it.

There's a clip of a news guy trying to up the intensity, standing in the wind and he's got his legs spread wide and he's like holding his arm up.

It's really torrential downpour.

And then in the background there's two guys just walking nonchalantly and they like, uh, they are not even holding their hats, aren't even blowing off in it, you will find it.

It is worth watching. It's so good. Fake news is what that is.

Well, here's what I love about it. I like there's a couple of those weather ones.

Where did you ever see the one where the person is in a canoe during some other flooding because we've had so many, and then people walk by behind them so they're like it reporting from a canoe of like how bad the flooding is?

Oh good?

And then people walk.

Behind the canoe just walking by and it's like mid cast.

Oh yeah, that's perfect, Yeah, that's perfect.

Those are those are the best.

I love.

I love news bloopers, news just when they want to.

I always thought it'd be funny to have a newsperson be.

Laying down in a chalk outline before a stand up, and it was in a position just like this.

That police found the body and then they stand up just do the news report.

I just thought that would be funny in a movie I love maybe Comfortable with Death.

Uh, sorry, it made you comfortable with death?

No, the movie we were gonna make, wasn't it called Comfortable with Death?

I can't remember.

I don't know. I'm all high on.

I'm flying like I'm done cold, I'm going forever. There's I think news like comedy, news like not necessarily the news and all that. That's my favorite. I think it's so funny when people do. And the Onion News Network had some really great stuff when it was on, really funny. My friend Peter directed a tape piece that was all about a kid who forgot forgot to wear a shirt to school, so he was just wearing a windbreaker with

Oh yeah, I love Yeah local teen feels uncomfortable and wind suit yeah or whatever.

I didn't see it. I'm just thing I'm naming it. Yeah, I want a job.

It doesn't exist.

What if I just named the articles. You guys write them.

I'm in here trianas for titles. I get paid more than everybody.

Yeah, it's going to be awesome. So no, then okay, Oh so when we get when we're back and official, we're going to start having guests again.

Yeah, right, of course.

It's just such a pain.

To book people.

Yeah, and I can. We can rift together and then have the guests. It doesn't have to be true.

It's yeah, we go back and forth. Well, yeah, exactly. Let's keep it similar to the way it is. Otherwise we don't get caught in a lie when it's twenty twenty.

Yeah, that's a diact.

Think about the future when people will be throwing this in our face later.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's going to come up, by the way with vitoes. By the way, So it's just an entire show of like asides and forgotten ideas.

It's a pretty great title. She's she was ahead of her time.

She knew her ship.

And my dad she broke My mom broke her arm, and my dad tried to defend my mom and a court and.

He drew a map and had cars on it.

Oh this is where and they lost.

Your dad represented your mom in court.

Well, he had done a lot of court stuff. He was like a tax appeal hearings and stuff. But it was different to defend a brazen arm breaking.

Yeah.

I mean, at the end of the day, she broke her arm.

There's not all you can do.

She was riding on the street. My mom threw open the door to.

The Volkswagen Bus's arm was there, you know what?

And by the.

Way, guilty your honor.

Ah, Oh that's fun. All right, we're at your house. We're back you. Good to see you again, friend.

I know I've missed you dearly and missed doing this podcast. Let's let's be more regular.

And when I.

Say that, I mean me, not a musical.

I'm good to see you, Stephen. Yes, you've been listening. Do you need a ride? D wyan a R.

Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim.

Give us time and a Turmino and Gabe. We want to send you off in style.

Do you want to welcome you back home?

Tell us all about every scared or was it fine? Malcorn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you you need a ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need a ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and Cress

Mm hmm