Ep. 105 - Karen and Chris

I leave in I you wanna way back home?

Either way we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gay a. We want to send you off instile. Do wanna welcome you back home? Tell us all about it?

Scared her? Was it fine? Mal porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do your need to ride?

Ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and Chris h welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.

And this is Karen Coilgara.

Boy, there was some that was some historic technical issues. I was sweating. I had to have you turn on the air conditioner. I got so upset.

It's distressful.

It was definitely start putting these little last cards into this nice device that zooms six. I'm going to keep promoting them because it finally kicked in. But for a while I wasn't never going to mention their name again.

It's been a real roller coaster.

Yeah, I was up and down for it was only five minutes. A five minute ride usually there's shorter roller coaster. Yeah, minutes The emotional ones.

Oh, the emotional ones last year.

Sometimes I was on a roller coaster for age twelve to twenty four.

I think that's what they call late puberty.

What so long for that stuff to grow in?

Oh god, you were calling it and putting on the lotion.

Twelve years of hair growing softs, and those wouldn't work.

I'd go back to the nair. It's like you can't force nature.

No or nurture. None of it works.

It doesn't. I don't believe in any of it.

I like the way because the last thing that was happening is this the card isn't being read. And it was like it seemed as I was sitting here in the driver's seat, I was just it seemed like all was lost, right, and then really fast you just went welcome to do like all of a sudden that.

Sound, yeah, it just all of a sudden. I was really losing hope. And I think I'm bad at hiding that. When I when something's bothering me, I let it bother everyone and not it was probably stressing you.

Out, to be honest, it was not only because it happens a lot with us, right.

And you're I think you're a little more ire than.

Me, I think so. I think it's well, it's definitely the drugs, right, you are high the age, yes, yeah, and just you know, losing a parent, you stop giving a fuck about most SD cards, right it is.

I think you know what you're right.

Yeah.

I am a little more laid back.

Yes, But also this is a huge amount of pressure. We get together to record this podcast that we it takes us a month to get together. We want it to work, we want to do it. We put all our good intentions together and then the fucking sound doesn't work and you feel like it's on you somehow.

I'm not a technical I'm not a DJ, I'm not a sound guy. I'm not a cable dragger for Motley Crue. I'm not I'm not this person that you're forcing.

Me to be here.

But I did make you wear those big like tribal earring separator things. Oh.

I like the fashion of it. Yeah, I like the way you wake me dress in the car.

There's a true sound guy thumb ring bracelets, and then just a little some crucifixes here and there as accessor.

I mean, I don't even like the band, but the slip knock t shirt fits like a glove.

It slips right on you, not like something less, not like something that doesn't fit. It doesn't rock.

How have you been, friend, I've been great.

I just want to say I one time saw a slip knot in a documentary about something, and do you know what snoop? Slip will not looks like in real life? I don't they wear if I'm thinking of the correct band, which I'm ninety two percent sure that I am.

Monster makeup right, Yeah?

Monster masks.

Oh masks, Yeah.

Like masks. You have no idea who they are, right, it's really hilarious.

You're right. Yeah. One is like I'm the scarecrow.

Yes I have a shack, and I was like, I'm missus King.

I'm a zippery over my mouth. It's convenient because I sing back.

Up, who zip, un zip, and then sing and zip it back up.

You don't want to leave it open, I'll tell you that, otherwise your tongue flies out.

He's like one of those bulldogs that can't put his tongue back in his mouth, so he ass to zip it up.

All of their masks are functional. It's there for utilitarian reasons. I have this spur lap sack on my head. My hair is filled with ants.

We're just starting to control the bugs.

With this mask. I'm scared of a fly will go into my mouth, so I have this zipper.

I'm wearing a mask. I have a person who's got terrible burns on their face because I have terrible burns on my phone.

Oh man, yours is the most fitting. And I'm sorry for your loss of skin.

But also in two years you'll have the most beautiful skin to have to regrow it.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's called microderm abrasions.

I had a facial. This will be my anecdote for you asking me how I am. I recently had a facial. So this lady who's this awesome facialist who also is named Karen, and she usually does my gooderma brasion where somebody it's like a suction. It's simultaneously a small sander and suction. Oh so that just goes over your face and takes off like two layers of dead skin. So all this creepy, creepy, glooy looking old skin is getting there.

And I'm sure too, it's like a br strip or those pats at the bottom of your feet that apparently pull out tar.

I think that second one is a lie.

It's up there with an ear candle. I think, yes, yeah.

Although God, I love the idea of ear candling. That you could vacuum remove wax out of your ear and pull it out.

I like, I've never done it, but I imagine when you extract it it makes a cork popping sound.

Yeah. And then there's a tiny note that says, good job.

I'm in the little band who lives in here and uses your anil hammer and sir.

Man, no, no, no. So as we were doing that, she goes, do you ever like the new thing I offer is a vampire facial where she takes a needle and pokes my skin, the skin on my face, over and over, like thousands of times.

How loudly did you say no? Thank you?

And how immediately well, of course, And she draws blood and spins out the blood, the serum and the blood it's like not the color part but the other part, and then uses that in a salve once she's done, so that my own blood DNA something or like stem cells are rejuvenating my face.

Is it hard to do this on people when they just can't stop vomiting? It's a description of the vampire facial.

Yes, but that's the kind of thing where like when you're a lady my age, you're someone goes, have you heard of the vampire facial? It's six hundred dollars a treatment and it's amazing, And then I go, yes, please solve this thing that's happening on my face. Please?

How is it? Your own blood is a beauty tip?

I think that I think a lot of this is bullshit, but I don't care. It's like you're at the point in aging where you're like, either I get a procedure or someone's going to be like, oh, don't you know what the Korean women do. They do blood. They put their bottom of their foot on their face. Then you're like, what, me too.

It was all discovered when they saw how smooth Sissy spaces face was.

After Carrie is not aged to days and scary.

All you have to do is bathe in your own blood, even if it's the.

Blood, even if it's pig blood.

Never whistled backstage call that you've ever called that gold episode? How have you been I did.

I'm almost got a facial But I went to a spa place for a birthday party. It was like a Russian in an area where Russian folksay in West Hollywood and all types of folks, really sure, but mostly gay folks and Russian folks, and that I can.

Help us sprinkling of gay Russians.

And there's a crossover.

Yeah, but it was really it's all these extremely hot sonas and people whip you with birch branches, some kind of branches, fragrant.

Yeah.

I think it's supposed to be therapeutic, but I'm like, don't hit me with a scapser or ma'am.

I don't know. I wasn't. I was in there alone.

But then they have a forty or if not thirty five degree ice stip, which my new hip. I mean, I went in there in my lungs. It was like I was diving in the polar bear group or whatever. You know how they treat themselves like an ice fishing pole and I I've it felt so good. It was like it was so cold that it was painful. But then after a while, I guess your body into shock. I don't know if it's good for you. But it was good for my hip. And then I jump into

Of a boy.

Oh so let's have opened some shit up for you.

Yeah, yeah, it did it? Did? I like it on a capillary level and also emotionally emotion But.

I I saw the lord in that pool and the bottom.

Yeah, I'm like, can I do this at home?

Could I put ice in the tub and just treat my body like Nolan Ryan's elbow?

Yes, you have a picture?

Did they say yes?

I don't know if I want. I mean, it just doesn't seem fun to do it at home. This wasn't already deep. You can walk into it. There's a ladder. I don't think I could dip my toes into an ice cube field tub and.

Not have it ruined my days. Yeah. I haven't done it again. But it's weird how this metal hip radiated the cold, if that is right, Like it stayed colder than my real life.

Yeah, I love it.

I think it's like conducted the cold.

Did you watch that documentary about Tony Robbins on I believe it's on Netflix.

Yeah, the one that made me not like him, Yes, where he is a foul mouth bully.

Yes. Yeah, but there's a part where he talks about doing that polar dip every morning. It's like part of his like life, this is how, this is why my life is this way.

Yeah.

Yeah, I just found him so unlikable that I mean, I did watch the thing, but I was really disappointed in in the person he was.

Well, because he's swearing, Oh.

No, because he's like, you're an asshole and you're lying here yourself. It's like, fucking ghiddo. I've just never met someone that's supposed to be helping people but he's so self absorbed. Yes, and and thought he was this he really believes he's like this guru. And for sure, you know, he's really just a fucking weird magician. I don't really, I don't. I don't care for him, but you know, it's probably could.

Change my life.

Well, I think you can change certain people's lives, but I think you have to be the kind of person that would be shocked that someone would say fuck like if you are, like, I don't think we're in that realm because we already have lived shocking lives and done things no one expected comedy wise, So that kind of behavior isn't surprising or new or shocking at all. Right, so you're not that thing like I have a new consciousness or it's like, oh no, this is just like

All that stuff is like, we've kind of done it already, right, Right, But if you're you know, someone that that just works a job and stays at home all day, and I guess if someone says fuck you, you're lying to yourself.

It's like, oh my Atlanti, Yes, holy, I've never been spoken to you that way. And why my small town.

Like w is pronounced well, why I'm about to fight? I like the idea though that, Like I don't know when he was talking to that couple and then he's just basically like, oh, I get it, You're you're running the show, Like he clearly writes insight on it.

Maybe I need to rewatch it. I don't know. I just left it thinking he was a full of himself tasshole.

Well I think he is. He's also like six foot fuck and nine.

I don't like that about people when they're a giant, but.

I love it and their head is confident.

Yeah, they just look like a handsome herman monster.

That's exactly.

He's a handsome herman.

Oh. I just like the picture of urban monster and then just immediately okay, but now do you have is that about height or it's the commation like do you like Andre the Giant because he's a humble giant?

Yes?

Right, if you're a big tough guy and you're intimidating features wise or height wise, or or you're gonna yell fuck you to people, yeah, or I mean no, you can't be the person that yells fuck you to people. You have to be kind. Like That's why I like the Rock or whatever. He seems like a gentle, sweet person and everyone likes him because of that, because he knows he could peel off any of our faces like soft bread.

Yeah, and like monkey bread.

He could bite off your nose like a monkey. But he's just using his thumb and forefinger.

He can literally got your nose.

He has finger teeth.

That got your nose. I love the Rock because he has a good sense of humor. And he knows that it's very stupid what he looks like like. He's he goes, yeah, this is funny that I look like this.

He's self aware. Yeah, it's so funny that he knows that. Yeah, and he doesn't misuse it. That's what I like about tough guys. I have lots of big, tough guy friends and they know they look that way, and they know they don't have to be intimidating or be or confront people.

Or It's like, what a luxury it would be to just be a big giant. I wish all the.

Time, but that you're a big giant. Yeah, unless I'm skateboarding.

It's like, that's what talk about your head larger than five nine or size nine feet? Five nine feet? Well, can you imagine.

See it as Tala's a small man.

I'm just a perfect letter. L like it's it's I'm my height and my feet are the exact I'm just a human right angle. That would be awful. I don't like that.

Or you could then become a great architect, I really could, just always having your tools at hand.

Yes, and foot terrible, terrible, terrible, but yeah, all, yeah, it's not a bad idea except everyone and have pretty low ceilings. I think you got to go at least.

Ten anyway, at least ten ceilings least.

Okay, I personally love giants. I've talked about this before. Huge fan of Robert Wadlow, who is the guy from the Guinness Book of World Record who like you know, has his elbow he's resting his elbow on a light pole or whatever the fuck. But there's Did you know if we ever talked about Anna Swan, the giantess of Nova Scotia.

No, it was my favorite.

She's like really proportionate. So there's like lots of pictures of her, and she's like six foot eleven or some fucking nutso thing that's probably tall. No, she's taller than that, because she's like up there anyway, she's huge, and she was from like the eighteen hundreds, and she just looked like if somebody went and grew somebody like four times larger than normal.

Well that's the kind of tall person that it means they're not going to live very long, right, It's like a gigantism.

Yes, yes, yeah, well that makes me sad. Is the man from oh what is that?

Oh God, there's a movie where the dad keeps lying and telling stories and big fish. Yes, is there a giant in that? A giant after man, A French giant, A.

French giant man. Do you know his name?

I could say nothing I say makes sense, Yet somehow you're able to decipher I'm with you, my meandering.

Oh it's because I don't just say I'm a fan of giants. I'm fucking proving it through this conversation.

Any giant I bring up right now, you will know.

I will know, or I'll lie and it'll sound.

Like I know, oh right, right right.

I'm pretty good at that too, like a bit of a fib conversational fitting, which really ended when the Internet came out and I realized anything is provable, and then you're just kind of a fucking liar, right.

That's I think It's kind of happened to me a few times on this podcast, but I think more often than that people are like, you are somewhat right.

And don't be hard on yourself, don't tell himself short.

Yeah, it's funny when people we say things conversationally on here and then someone with the luxury of just listening and having access to Google says ha ha, You're wrong.

You were.

It's like, well you're looking it up. We aren't, like, we don't have Google in front of us.

Also, I just like my answer always say is I'd love to hear your podcast. I'd love to hear your fucking podcast.

Take that everyone, Take that you.

Person listening doing us the huge favor of actually supporting it.

Yeah, yeah, fuck.

You with anybody.

That's fun to say it. That's why Tony Robbinson's like saying fuck you. It feels great.

That's why he is a big, humongous smile on his face. What's that.

I'm just gonna say something, and I just kind of bit my lip. I did stand up the other night at Largo and Oh show.

It was Pete Holmes's show, and I had a very good time.

And then at the end Adam Sandler.

Who's a nice, very nice person, ye so much so to where it's like, why are you involving me in conversations? He's like, clearly was raised to be a sweet person, and I'm very impressed.

With who he is.

And like a lot of people, I'm like, why do you make stinker movies lately?

Because his first ones were important to me. They really were. But his stand up was so good was it? I couldn't believe.

I'm like, someone's maybe helping him, right or whatever, but he's so good at making them his. If someone is helping him, I'm not saying, but they were great jokes, and this is a guy I don't think that it has done stand up for a long time.

But I haven't laughed that hard really long.

But it's our jokes that are ridiculous, scenarios awesome, but they start with something that actually did happened, and then he turns it so everything sounds like an actual story about his kids, or an actual story about a dog that he found, and then it turns into this bizarre world where he's he's texting with a coyote. I just I was laughing so hard.

That's so up your alley too.

It really was. I'm like, oh man, I'm such a fan of who you are.

And yeah, anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know that Adam Sandler's coming out with a new Netflix special and I think it's going to be really good stand up.

I bet it is. I It is killing me right now because I know somebody that you know what, maybe I should thank yeahs.

Oh, can I make eye contact? No, he won't look. He won't look. He's in his tiny little yellow car.

That was my car made a scary noise when I know that was just when it's anti lock, it's just fancy breaks.

It's like, I don't know if we're on ice, I don't know, if we're on a hill, you're gonna pull, but stops electronically.

Is it true?

Yeah, it is. That's the sign of a good car.

I know it seemed like it locked and felt smooth, Yes, but that was Is this the kind of car where if you fell asleep, it would the breaks have gone?

Probably?

Yeah, I think that it's just it's new breaks. They don't feel great, but they will save your life.

That's way better than the fucking uh Honda Fit breaks. No offense, Honda Fit. You were good to me, but that was a totally different experience, and it's good to know that that was. It did stop us from.

Yeah, why did that guy do that?

It's you know why this thing people do in LA They won't stop driving, so if something comes into their lane, they just go into your lane, right, everybody fucking does it. It drives me insane. They don't like you know that this school bus stopped earlier and had the sign up that's had stopped so I stopped. People just whip around you like nobody will stop driving no matter what. So then they're like, well someone's in my lane, I'm going over there no matter if someone's in the other lane.

It's that's and I've said this before, those are the times that's during traff that I kind of wish I was a policeman.

Yeah, and I could just pull people over and give them tickets. There's people all of even when I'm I think I'm getting old, I'm starting.

To really see dad stuff.

Yeah, I'm like, I wish I could give that that guy's drunk right now.

I'm five years ago I was driving around all.

And now you're like, sit that slim's a ray.

Ask you put your hands up when I'm just holding some fruit.

That's good. That's got a lot of fiber. This is what I'm gonna say about Adam Sandler different from you because I'm older and a girl, so I don't have the happy go more relations.

I was just on the end tail end of it.

Yeah, So and I was always like that's I knew I knew personal stories from people who like worked at SNL or whatever, where I was like that he's mean to women. I met him because I did a voice for Punch Drunk Love.

Right, Oh yeah, I remember you. You were on the phone.

Yeah, I'm the sister on the phone. Is that's true? Yeah, I mean it was. I mean I couldn't have been

Yeah, if that's how he was. Even right when he got there, he's like, I like that sweatshirt. That's a fun sweatshirt. Like I'm like, oh, thanks, oh yay. Then and then after he said he was like, is there any did you like that? Is there is missing anything?

But he actually was thankful and he stock everyone's hand like ten times. I'm like, seriously a big fan of Adam saying like, the thing.

Is I love that because whatever, Like here's a thing, especially in comedy, there's such a growth arc. When you start you're so scared, you're so defensive. You're I'm afraid you're not gonna get picked or included. So everybody, boys and girls, men and women. You go in and you just kind of like have a duke's up, like, fuck everybody, I'm gonna fight for my place or at least this If that was in the nineties, it might be different now.

But no way I think it is. Yeah, then you.

Get as you as you age, you think, oh, well, I've already been a bitch or I've already been a dick to that person, or I didn't like them or whatever, and then you slowly realize like once people have families, they have children, and they have severe loss and they really have real life experience, and they're like, yeah, this doesn't matter, like this is supposed to be fun and great, and you're killing me emotionally inside, right, And then they

Perspective, and I see that a lot in people that don't have to worry anymore, and they're doing well, all of a sudden they light up and getting nice. Yeah, and it's like a born again niceness. Yeah, like that Adam Sandler guy. Though reeks of I've always been nice. This is not even something I'm trying to do include you, or say a nice thing to you, or give you eye contact while you're talking, even though I don't know who you are.

It's something that he's who he is, he's been always. Yeah, I can tell. I can tell. I'm real good at reading people.

Well. Also, I feel like I don't want to talk out a turn. I said this already, but they feel like there's someone I know who has been submitting jokes to him, right, I just cannot remember who it is. I feel really bad.

I mean, if you're someone that's busy making I mean as busy as that guy is, I imagine you'd have to and you has.

But that's how everyone sayes it. Yeah, like every all famous comics that you know get eight of their funniest friends to go please help me. I'm now famous. I have to keep this going. Yeah, can I pay you to help me with?

There?

Are?

They're all very good at at writing for his voice because it was great stuff and it was all in the same voice, and it was all long five minute bits that came that took this weird turn and he kept doing them and there wasn't a stinker in the bunch.

I love it.

I was like, I'm not, Yeah, I'm not.

And so he's sting.

I'm not saying that. I used to not like him and now I do. I always kind of liked him, but he's very His stand up is very good.

It's so awesome.

Like I haven't been excited about Netflix specials recently.

I already can tell that one it's.

Going to be and less all of a sudden, easy yelling and or you know, tells it differently.

But this laid back Largo performance was really fun.

Now he saw you kill.

I did well. Yeah, And I get to go there tonight again. I really like it there.

It's the best.

It is the best, and that audience it is like we are paid. It's John Bryan, oh who I like his music always always.

I haven't seen him since the old.

Largo And are you opening for John Brian?

I think I'm I'm just doing twenty minutes somewhere.

Yeah, do you want me to go with you.

That'd be great.

Yay, do do? I'd love to see you do. I mean I haven't seen your I haven't seen you do a set in quite sometimes. Very sorry, Uh, it'd be fun.

Let's go.

Yeah, I'd love to. But also I just love, like, I love the idea because Adam Sammer is just such a thing in and of himself, and I love the idea that he would be sitting in a club watching you, like because he probably doesn't. He started to do clubs again, but you know, like it's a newer thing, so he doesn't know about what everyone's doing. He doesn't know, and then he would come and see you. And then now he fucking knows that you're the fucking shit and he

Well, thanks, it's true, and he I think he was just hanging out at the green room at the Hayworth or the Dynasty Typewriter, the new sort of mini largo that has opened up that it's really fun. He was just hanging out in the green room with his little daughters who are just tiny Sarah Silverman's Oh, and they're really sweet, and they were, and he was just hanging out. And then at the end whenever and was like, give a hand for everyone you've seen tonight. It was no

And then some guy from the streets.

Oh wait, should we talk about what your manager gave you for? Was that for your birthday?

Yeah? It was a birthday present. It's really sweet.

Wait I owe you a birthday present? No you don't, well, but I mean you told me. You told me the like when that happened, this is for my birthday and I didn't. Did I even acknowledge it?

Yeah?

Yeah, I was so excited that she had made that thing for us. It is.

It is really cool.

It's it's an air freshener with art from our podcast on it. It's got our little heads so we'll play right next to each other. And then the do you need a ride logo with like a sunburst behind it? And it smells great and I really needed it because there was a sandwich under my past.

But I wonder we should see if we can figure out a way to get off of those two people.

Yes, don't you think she's She's my manager.

Jessica has been met saying that we should make air fresheners for a while, and I think even people on.

The old Twitter if is that that?

Yeah?

It fits with our our progress aesthetic.

I love it.

I love it too.

That made me happy? Well what if this this might be too? Is John Bryan at nine or eight?

I have to be there at nine to twenty?

Were you going to go home and then go I think I will go home first, Yeah, because I'm gonna say we could go to dinner.

Oh well maybe yeah. I don't need to change that much.

Right, Yeah? What do you need? A button down shirt?

Just something warmer?

Do you have a sweater in your car?

I bet I do?

In the trunk an old bowling ball. I gotta clean out my trunks to talk about. Let me list the things in my trunk.

Yeah, dunk in my trunk, gloves, junks.

So much junk in my trunk, my lovely lady bumps.

Oh did you see her sing the land?

I was I was like, hey, get off for back, and then I watched it and I'm like, oh, weird is uh, back on the old rock the Crystal Map.

I didn't watch it because I'm now to the point where I can't watch video online. I can't take it in anymore. I've maxed out. Like I can't look at Trump's face. I definitely can't listen to him speak. Oh my god, anything else that comes up. I'm always like, I can't. I can't deal with it. But was it that she was singing the national anthem in a sexy manner.

It was like she was doing a like, here's my impression of my drunk aunt trying to sing nineteen twenties style.

Oh no, but the national anthem?

Oh yeah, I don't even recall.

I kind of blocked it out and I only watched a moment of it, but right away I was like, yep, that sucks, duly noted. But I never she never had my respect, I don't. I mean, she's a pretty lady. But her other song was let's get retarded or whatever.

You know. You know she does have a huge singing voice, though, yeah, that's we're.

Not using it. She's using a different voice.

She was doing something.

It was a weak, powerless voice with no tone. What a jerk. I've become.

I mean, look turns out I do care. You went to Juilliard. You know your shit, you know singing, you know tone.

Mom mom me mo mo mo. Yeah that is how she's saying it.

Oh then I don't like it either.

Oh yeah, And I liked Black Eyed Peas before Fergie you did?

Yeah, what were they before? Well?

They were the only reason I knew about him is it was a free to use album for this snowboard video that my my friend and cousin Ross was in, and they used Black Eyed Peas several times in the video.

I did the cover art for the video. It was a fun time. It was.

It was the late nineties. Everything was great and free. Yeah, it was great.

The music was free.

So I was like, I remember getting a lot of albums when I was in Tahoe working for these guys and this film company, and then that was one of them.

I'm like, this rap group's great.

And then I saw a video and they were all like X break dancers, and I'm like, I like that and uh, and then it became music I don't like. And it was around that time, coincidentally that they hired Fergie.

I wonder if they they were rebranding, and they're just like now we're now, we're doing it this way.

Yeah, in the beginning, they were very much a Jurassic five Black Delicious type.

Oh yeah, like it was. I was. I was really impressed with the music.

It's from the Ball, which is.

That it's from the Ball. I believe it. Cypress Hill.

Now, Cypress Hill even similar to Jurassic five.

Because that's the thing, that's why they are. I don't.

They were more like, uh, they were really it was confusing because they were like all about smoking weed, but then they just also talk about killing people and it's like, but those are two different mindset.

Yeah, they really are almost opposites.

But yeah, I was never a huge Cypress Hill fan, and I know that's gonna get.

A lot of people all twisted.

Yeah, but well, don't get it twisted. Yeah, but not everybody.

That's maybe I should learn how to use some of these new phrases.

Don't get it twisted, don't get it twisted. Chris did not damn it don't.

Are we conversationally rapping?

Yes, I feel like it twisted.

Chris did not mean what he said.

White Bread go to bed.

The sound of a light clicking we should have a help of casual talk wrap right before bed.

Click.

You pay attention to your breathe and don't bother sneeze because that'll wake you up.

The sleep with this puppy. It's harder than I thought.

Yeah, I think we have just canceled the idea we just came up with.

Yeah, Juilliard degree.

Also, I don't think I've come out in such a strong stance against white wrap that I don't think I could have been a part of that anyway, right right, something I really feel strongly.

I felt strongly about it back when I was doing a little white wrapping well Wed, I had friends. It was a weird skateboarding crossover where someone gets tired of skateboarding but they already have the baggy pants and the hats, and so they're like, I'm going to hang out with these visiting gang members in our.

Small town at Montana. So we go to this house and we would drink.

They had forties in a fridge because they saw that in a wrap video. And one of the times, eerily there was like a girl upstairs and the people were sleeping with her.

I'm like, oh, that's a prostitute. I'm had a weird party and they had guns and shit. I thought there was a DJ there and they these guys that were visiting from California would had pretty much made us wrap and it was really fun.

And we started doing their regular and they were trying to start at blood crypts or bloods, I don't know, but they were nice and they liked this for some reason.

I'm sorry, are you saying your cryps or bloods adjacent?

They for one summer and I think they I think they would have fun at our expense sometimes and be like I would hope so.

But they also the welcomed us in.

And there was one time they jumped up and down on the hood of my car and I did hear a gunshot?

Would I would run away and get scared and sleep in this bush and.

I was drinking a lot, but my friends would stop at my bush and pull me out of it and put me in the fort Fair Lane and nice and yeah, it was a good time.

It was I was very young. I mean, this is a twenty to eighteen seventeen, I don't know.

And sorry, there were crips or bloods that were on vacation from California in Montana.

Yes, yeah, and they wanted to start a thing. They were getting away from some problems. I guess I like that, And they could have said that, and they really weren't. They were just, Hey, we're bad assts here in this quaint liberal arts mountain town.

I love the idea that the movie we have to write it's like eater crips or floods and moved to Montana to get away from the pressure and stress of being a fucking gang. And then they start like developing town in the in the community, the college community.

While doing a little hiking and experiencing nature, yes the first time.

And at one point, maybe in the middle or near the end, they have a majestic experience with an elk.

Right, it changes everything they could have learned from a father who wasn't present.

That's right. They're like, you are now our father. And then the elk snorts then and says, this is the way, this is the way of the world.

It's time for you to experience a rocky mountain drive by. He just dances, dance on your face. I don't care if you're a blood or a crip, You're going to feel the hoof tip. I'm pretty good at it.

Now you've really proven that you are gifted.

Yeah.

Yeah, everything I wrapped about back then was kind of fire sidey animal wrap.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you're like the dearestick and pick and she's wearing uh ca can't I glasses?

Yeah, I just you're right. My ship didn't even rhyme.

I'm not I'm one of those rappers that isn't about rhyming. I'm more painting a picture.

Yeah, it's about Cadence hand gusters. Then once again not rhyming.

And really, let's underline the not rhyming park. Avoiding rhyming cannot happen, avoiding the rhyme. Have you ever seen like old video of most stuff when he was young and he would get into freestyle like circle ups whatever they're called, and the ship he would do. I was just like, I knew nothing about Wrap. Wasn't necessarily a fan except for what was forced on me, like the fucking Beaci boys all through high school. Please.

Yeah, there was a time there was a place and.

We can't we lave it in the past ever. But oh so in this video it's it's like, you know, it's almost like a wreck, like a rap battle or whatever. One guy goes whatever, and then fucking most death steps up and then ship he's wrapping referring to things the other guy talked about, you know what I mean, Like he didn't pre plan it. He was fucking really improvising in the moment, right and it is so high level and the fucking like the metaphors and the fucking language, it's so mind blowing.

I think a lot of freestyle rap they do it's it's kind of like what I'm doing. I'm pretending to make stuff up on stage, but I have some planned fake mistakes.

You know, my little I know you're at my fucking kimmick. But I think a lot of freestyle rap is that they're like, well I can fit in that.

A lot of it's written, and the only reason is freestyle is, uh, you didn't know you were going to do it that night.

Oh I see whatever it's like and.

You start at a new place and say what's up with your shoes? And it's like, I got a rhyme that rhymes with shoes.

I'm going to do that right now, you know what I mean?

Booze, yeah, yeah, blues clues fucking start.

I have albums and albums of child TV show references.

That Brian, you're like Steve from Blues Clues. You fucking left for college. Remember when Steve left for.

College but forgot your new shoes?

Remember that fan from the eighties new Shoes. No, don't ask the audience questions. Just keep wrapping. They'll stop.

That is a rookie mistake with Prestell rap Is asking questions.

Climb, It's like, wait, why are you talking? But I guess I did open it up for public warm.

I'm being hackled now, God damn it.

So you were saying you can't watch any videos on the internet anymore.

Yeah, I just don't want to get involved, Like, yeah, there'll be a thing and I'll be like, oh, I do want to watch this, but it'll it's just also triggering.

But the good like all these the teens. Yeah, it's really cool.

It's amazing we're in the midst even though everyone's there isn't a fucking free loving drug culture thing to it. But it feels very like a sixties time right now.

Yes, for sure.

And my dad was talking.

About that on the phone the other day, how it's He was real proud to be from a time where young people stopped things like the draft that was a big yes, And it feels.

Like that right now.

And I can't believe how impressive some of these kids are to where it's like and everyone's been reading that's about how they should lower the voting age now, but I really believe it. Yes, it's just that these kids are so impressive. Well, I mean, I'm amazed by it.

It's incredible will And I like the idea of lowering the voting age because it's like, well, if you could get killed because of the policies, right, you should have

I don't know if it was a town hall, but that n I believe it was an NRA town hall where.

They were feeling these one on CNN.

Just roasting them.

Yeah, and it was the best, I mean the clips I signed, emotional thing, but it Yes, it was really great to watch these adult squirm and these kids who are fucking smarter than them, Yes they are, but just hand them their asses. I loved it so much. And that's who I'm saying. If you're a kid that cares that much and you can go through all the stuff that most adults don't even go through to be a voter, then.

They should be able to vote.

I really think so it's true, and a lot of them they can register when they're seventeen, a lot of them are about to start voting. That's the coolest part is when I turned eighteen, I don't even remember. I didn't care about shit. I didn't do anything. I didn't just try to.

Rap and pass out in a bush.

I just wanted to rap. I just wanted to not rap. But it's it's the kind of thing where things I think part of the huge relief of it is that it does feel like since Trump was elected that the world has gone insane. Yeah, and the things that he's repealing, you know, he's just basically like, oh yeah, all public lands for sale, go mining in fucking Yellowstone, like the shit that's happening where you're like, what, No, you can't do that, And it's he's doing everything at once.

What's happening right now is what people would fear if only children voted.

Yeah, that's what I have.

A famous celebrity got elected and now yeah, it's it's the most selfish things in the world are happening, and so we might as well let children vote because apparently old white guys become children.

Yes, they do well. They and these kids today were raised by I would say a majority of parents who were engaged, who are healthy, who are not alcoholics, who are not fucking We're going to leave you at home for seven hours. Like these kids have been raised with confidence. They've been raised very.

Very you know, confidence is what blows me away. No one there, they're even shy people anymore. Remember that was what I was attracted.

To, that price quiet and looks like it gets depressed, he'll be my friend the same. Now. It's like I am a good speaker, right.

Because since American Idol, like everyone's ready to be on TV. Everyone's funny, everyone's like can write a good joke on Twitter, Like this is a this is a I don't know if the word constituency is the right word, but like, this is a group of people who nobody's even been considering, who are the most underestimated because they're smarter than everybody, right, they know how to use social media better, like they know computers backwards and forwards, like they are in charge already.

Yeah, but and then I assume that and see that in kids. But I throw up. Yes, for some reason, just some food that I had yesterday made its way back into my life.

No, they but they some of the things these kids are saying it's like it's not even It's like would come with years of living and some of.

This, some of this inside.

I'm I'm I'm really impressed with that shaved head girl.

Well shaved heed girl.

Shaved head girl.

What about the kid?

That is?

Okay, I don't even know where we fucking are anymore.

We've been here before.

We're in like Sun Valley.

I think it's beautiful. Let's go skiing.

Let's go to canyon.

I went skiing, did you yeah? Not to change the subject, are.

You thinking of sun Valley?

Yes, people are yelling not again. Remember it was a sun City. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yes, christ park City. We couldn't think of park City.

But like, did you hear the thing where they they were interviewing that kid and they were like, you know, there's some people online that are calling you a crisis actor. And his answer immediately it was Wolf Blitzer. He says that to him, and he goes, if anybody saw saw me in this our past present production of Fiddler on the Roof, they'd know I'm not a crisis actor.

Oh he made that's so cool.

He made that joke. Or it's just like instead of going freaking out and being like, how Garret whatever, He's just like, yeah, that's let's explain how that's all kinds of bullshit. And yeah, he was basically saying like, yeah, that's bullshit. Like we've up until this point, anytimes something

They don't care. They don't care.

I did too. I think they're like our guns overall, and it's just like, you've gotta be fucking kidding me.

Yeah, if that's if it's really I think the most Really it's so weird that army. Yeah, arming teachers for they I make twenty thousand dollars a year.

Sure, let me learn some some gun skills.

Well, I do agree, this is almost a conservative view of mine that maybe, uh, security guards and like the NRA should pay for metal detectors at all the schools if that, if you've got to have your guns, that at least make sure they don't get into schools. There's metal detectors at schools in Montana for years. Yeah, and and other place Bowling alleys have armed security guard. I know this school had an armed security guard also, but whatever he wasn't he was taking up shit or something.

They said he hid.

Oh fuck.

Well, so I mean, like that whole idea is like, but when the ship comes down, whether you're a teacher or you're an armed security guard, that's actually not a policeman, and that's fake.

It's the gun.

There's no you could be the most skilled person ever unless you also have a scary ass uh some sub.

Automatic whatever machine gun Air fifteen.

But when my sister heard him, Trump suggested that the teachers be armed. He's mostly talking about the coaches though, because he's a fucking lunatic.

Yeah yeah, the ones that are ex military.

Yeah.

Oh, the history teacher, just say the history teacher.

Yeah. My sister heard that, and then she was in Lombardi's Deli in my hometown, which is like where everyone goes to get lunches lunch. Huh, And she goes, Oh, this fucking dipshit like at the top for a lunch. She goes, I was so angry. She's like, so now I don't just have to throw my body in front of the bullets to protect other people's kids, Like now I have to be shooting a gun, Like, way do I have to fucking do everything? And they don't pay me?

Like, how about you to know they'd make them buy their own guns.

That's right. Yeah, and you might get at fifteen percent rebate from Smith and Wesson.

You can only use in the cafeteria for lunches. You have to buy yourself, that's right.

And yeah, it's it's lasagna credit. Go ahead.

One day. I hope our entire economy is lasagna based currency.

That guy just fully ran a red light with confidence and in a mini van.

Ooh, someone doesn't care about their kids.

Somebody's robbing a bank. Later, hur.

Later, church.

Stick up.

Well I do, I do.

I It's so scary, but changing.

I think that's the thing is like kids will out and kids standing up. It's like somebody's doing something because guess what. These fucking democratic leaders we all were like, okay, lunatics in the house, we got to start fixing it have just been like I've only heard from three of

Yeah, a small group of fucking two hundred people, right.

And now this is like, this is a whole different thing.

Yeah, there was a Yeah, what was the statistic that the number of people that showed up to a Horsey based sex what is that called where they trot around and there's a pot plug and the horse play horseplay. There's like seven thousand people went to that specific meeting and only two hundred of these fucking dipshits, right, but with nice haircuts. I mean I liked all their hair.

Look, we no one can argue that they're not stashing forward. But yeah, but the news presents it like, well here's your new reality where it's.

Like, no, it's fucking not Yeah it isn't. That's yeah, that's news also doing a bad job. Yeah not business.

You know, I'm not this is gonna sound it is. There is some fake news out there, Karen.

I don't know. I got to do some research. Well I'm going did you know I'm doing this tour?

Is Paul Ryan doing these town halls, and there's more, yeah, more venues. It's places that I can't get in as a comic, and I'm doing a great place in Chicago. You Claire, we might be doing Jamesville where Paul Ryan from Minneapolis, I'm now doing comedy on State Street. It's happened in the last four days and so I now have to I mean, I'll field some questions from the audience as Paul Ryan, and it's going to be moderated by Andy Mane, who's a well informed, funny comic from Portland.

I'm scared. I don't want a real fan of Paul Ryan's to show up.

With a gunpointed at my snowflake face.

But I need to now do the work. It'll be in April and they're all back to gigs.

Just oh that's great.

Yeah, And I have to do the research and I have to learn and do my homework, and I'm going to become a very political person in the next few months.

I hope you're ready for them.

That's I'm not I reject it. Okay, thank you, please cancel the right away. You should talk to Paul gil Martin. You know, when Paul gil Martin does that character, you know.

What I even thought about. It's where I'm like, am I stepping on his toes a little bit? Does he do it anymore?

He? I don't know, but you should talk to him about it, because he couldn't be a cooler person, right, He is the best, and it's not the same thing like his guy is made up. It would be really funny if he did it too with you. Yeah, you know what I mean.

Because we are going to do one in LA at the end, and hopefully Randy Brice we've talked to his people and he hopefully will debate with me. That's totally just a forum for him to actually talk policy and then for me to just be dumb and and cater to what he's trying to say. But I'm just most things, I don't have to be That's the luxury of this character. I don't really have to know too much because Paul Ryan himself doesn't and backtalks and avoids answering things and

Well, it's the you find those like fucking James Adomian doing Bernie Sanders where he just started going the ten percent of the two percent of the fifteen. Yeah, yeah, you just find the thing that they're always doing that bugs people the most.

Yeah, that's comes so easy for James.

But I think if I do a little research, and because basically my the only impression I'm doing is then I'm drawing a widow's beak on my hair.

Well and also he does smile, he do just go shit eating grin of like, yeah, well.

I hold I hold my breath while I smile and hopefully and I raise my eyebrows. There's facial things I can do. But he's got a voice that isn't I wish he did talk there.

We all do. And I don't know where that voice came from. It's what we all wish a troll twelve years ago. But yeah, I it is. I'm gonna I have to the point is I have to watch a lot of these videos that you don't.

Want to watch anymore, and I don't want to watch anymore. I'm not the trumpy ones.

But I have to watch a lot of Paul Ryan yeah and pick up on his bullshit? Yeah what what there is of maybe kind of a personality and duplicate it, but the guy's not his personality.

Plus, can I pitch something?

Please help me?

I think you should have a gabble okay, but nothing to hit it on, but like I get just a gabble around. And I also think you should have a bunch of cash on a any money clip that if you don't know what to say or somebody asks you a challenging question, you just pull it out and start counting money, like do things like that where you're just like, here's all the different ways you could be an intense douchebag, right right? That isn't even necessarily based in reality.

Of course, I'm gonna lift weights on stage when I don't know something, of course, so I'm gonna have some visional of course, I'm going to come out on a skateboard listening to mate against the machine and that is not happy that he likes them. Yes, you know there's going to be and I'm out of nowhere. I'm going to say, today isn't the place to talk about guns. I just have a plan things. But again, I have a lot of writing to do. But I'm very excited.

Yes, be weird to like create a show and.

Then say now so the booking process and then find that no one wants to see it, But yes, it's I'm real excited about it.

Also, it's good to have that a little bit of pressure where when you all speak for myself, when I do stand up comedy, I don't care and it shows in every fucking way possible.

I have that too sometimes. Yeah.

Yeah, So if you're hooked into like you want to deliver this thing because you've been asked to, you know, like it, it makes it more fun and interesting. And then it's a little bit of that like it revs it up because there's a little pressure.

There's a fire under my ass that does not exist for just doing my what I've done for twelve seventeen years. You know, I got some jokes, I'll riff around them. Yeah, I actually have to do some work and I want it to be good. Yeah, just because people are already buying tickets and these venues are already promoting and I'm.

Like, oh boy, yeah, I have to make the thing that people are going to be watching. Yeah a lot.

I mean when I made these videos, that was me just talking out of my ass and trying to be funny.

It's not it's not gonna. I don't have to become a politician, but I do have.

To ta you just have to write jokes to get you out of type places, which they do all the time, except.

Jokes right right. Yes, I do want to make sure there's laughs in it though.

Yeah.

That's the only thing I'm really good at trying to make people laugh.

That's the fun part.

Yeah, it is the fun part. Okay, I'm done talking about my thing. That was a shameless plot. I'm very excited.

If you didn't know about it, no, aless, just it just happened, right Yeah.

Yeah, it's been a couple of gigs, came together yesterday evening.

Nice.

Yeah, it's all happening now.

That's fun. Yeah that I love to be on the road. It's so fun.

It is going to be fun. I just likely back to back days. Yeah, I've never you know, I've always just flown somewhere. It's like, well, I have a week off till the next thing or a month. Of course I go home, but for it to be you know, this is going to be April thirteenth, fourteenth, fifteenth, the sixteenth, off seventeenth in Minneapolis.

It's back to back.

Yeah, it's great.

And they keep adding up because we have something to call a club and say, hey, do you have an off night?

It's a Tuesday. We will go to that city now.

And I'm going to be traveling with a group too. I don't haven't thought about where we're going to sleep. All spitball is outside of our putts.

Okay, good, good guys, because I think you can airbnb. I think there's relatives in town.

Yes, yes, yeah, I have had relatives in every town.

That's a that's it seemed like it was going to go in a rap direction. I was got nervous.

I think we've done enough freestyle hip hopping.

Please for one episode. Is there anything that we need that we need to discuss?

Oh? Yes, oh yes, we're getting close to wrapping it up.

Is it wrap up time?

I don't know.

I feel like I've talked too much during the the What do what do you have to say?

Yeah, let's get back to what est thing. Well, I just realized, like listening to talk about that, I'm like, I just was talking to somebody because somebody invited me to do their stand up show, and I was like, I don't not doing stand up these days?

And then are you what about? I want you to remember you promised the world that you'd start a band. Oh yes, yeah, and I told you.

I've been listening to a lot of specifically the Nico case fronted New pornoun for his songs, and I think you should start a band like that because you can sing like her.

Thank you. I mean I wish I could sing like her. That would be very cool.

I want you to be in a band that it can happen. Just put up a thing.

My friend Colin moved from Missoula. He was in a Blue Grassy band. He moved from Missoula to Portland. Put up a thing and an entire band answered his note card at a coffee shop Bolton Board and then the band was the Decembrist.

What yeah, are you being serious?

Yeah?

You're friends with Colin from the December. Oh yeah, yeah, that's amazing.

Yeah I did all there. There was a band called Tarkio. When we're in Missoula, and I did there. I'd made temporary tattoos and t shirts and stuff for him.

Wow, they would go to my improv stuff.

So when I go to Portland, he he comes in a disguise to my concerts, to my comedy concerts, to.

The comedy concert.

Yeah, he was like weird sunglasses and a fishing hat. Because by his wife is a very very good illustrator. And I went to art school with her and we had cartooning classes together where we'd be the only four people in there. Oh, specific drawing classes, but they make like children's books and she illustrates them and he writes them.

They're cool people.

That's very cool.

But that he really did just say, hey, I'm a songwriter. I don't know what his card said, but I do. I'm pretty sure that all of the people in that band were already an outfit and then and then he just fronted them suddenly.

It probably doesn't usually work that.

Way, but I mean, who always Let's.

Go to a coffee shop and you put up a card.

I'm gonna go, I'm gonna pull over here at Tokyo Yakatori and we're gonna put up a card in the bathroom and then we'll start. Uh, it's almost like a jam band from Tokyo Yakatori. There's people who like, oh, you have.

To keep practicing there and meeting there. Yes, that's where the card got put up.

It's where the car gets put up. Is kind of how you had to base your band and really theme your band out. And I would actually name a band Tokyo Yakatori if other people were into that.

It is a good name.

It's pretty good.

I'm really fun to hear the insights coop on the music industry.

Ye, how it actually worked?

Yeah, yeah, what it's.

Really like my friends, I talk about them all the time. But my friend Kevin's band sure sure when they were changing their name, their band used to be Junior and then they were changing the name, and he asked me, because if you have any ideas for the band name, I'd love to hear them. And my best idea it.

Wasn't called Junior Junior, was it.

Nope?

Okay, there is a band called Junior Junior.

That true? Yeah, yeah, maybe that's why they changed it. Yeah, But my band name suggestion was swift Water Rescue, and I thought that was the best, great fucking name. It is, all right, So maybe we go from.

There and it is something my brother in law teaches. Is that true as a fireman? Yeah, there he was with a bunch of other firemen and one of the guys actually he was talking about how to rescue someone in this raging river and then while he was teaching it, a real person was in the water and he rescued him in front of everyone, so kind of like that.

Yeah, that's amazing.

It was amazing. Yeah.

Yeah, maybe maybe my bance thing is that it's swift water. It's swift water Rescue, but out of Tokyo Yakatori.

Swift Water Rescue, Tokyo swift Water Rescue Revival.

Ya Yakatori tkd CCR. One of the great bands that whose posters are so long because the name won't stop. Yeah, going down the.

Page, one of the reasons Fogerty went.

So lo.

Uh oh, that's that's a pretty big church. Now we're in.

Oh no, we're in.

This is Glendale right or is this Bourbank?

I don't know where we are.

We're halfway between Burbank's and Glendale. I feel like, no, this is Glendale.

I think, well it is windy as fuck, wendy as it was. I went.

I was excited because I haven't Mammoth is very far away and it was a six hour drive.

But my roommate's girlfriend has a pass.

There and her friends, her nursing friends, have passes there, and they let me sleep on the couch.

But I didn't sleep because there was a puppy, and boy did he make noises anywhere?

What kind?

He was real cute, but again I just couldn't sleep, real cuddly, but once again I am allergic. I snored, so no one else slept. It was a real disaster. Puppy but cute as the dickens. I just want to put his ear in my mouth and bite it, not with my kind with my lips.

He was very strong and pit bully in the face, but he was he was not intimidating. He was just a happy doggie. But so he was like, I know, actually nothing right home about theme. But it was so windy.

It was one degree and windy, and that mountain was made of ice, and you don't expect like it was a two day situation where it was like the mountain was, Oh, I don't know if that guy's talking to me or he's crazy. But well, when that's what happened up there, some I got I was just talking to some girl. Everyone was getting drinks, and then some guy just came

That's how shocked I was.

And then but then once I realized he was just randomly punching and he didn't hit me, and my jaw hurt a little, but he didn't hit me that hard. And then I thought, well, this must be the boyfriend of this girl I was talking.

I was like, how are you like? It was not.

And then that guy, her actual husband, came up. She's like, I'm so sorry. That guy had no reason to do that, and she was.

They were.

All of his friends were shocked, except for his one other friend that wanted to fight also, and then they saw my Nate came over and they were like, oh, it looks like that guy could beat us up, and so they answered to it. But it was right when I was like, no, this is happening. I'm very angry because it did make me mad.

Well wait, sorry, then I was a fifteen year old. I wanted to fight him.

But the friend punched you because he thought you were trying to pick up on my friends.

I really don't think there is any reason behind it. He came up to me and I smiled, and I'm like, what's that?

What it?

Maybe he misread, but he immediately punched me so quickly that I think it was in his plans.

Oh, walking up to me, and then he's maybe crazy.

Yeah, but he was like a little guy. I easily could have taken him.

He was like I remember I called him soft face, and I kept calling him soft face, and I think that guy because he did have like kind of a soft looking face with a slight mustache.

Oh, it's like I don't like my that I have like a not I don't have a lot of definitive lines in my face. It's kind of a bretty face.

He was a real retty Stonelli's in the face and I so calling him soft face really got to him. And I was filled with so much energy like a spring that I wanted to I have a lot of anger in me, but it was it was the wrong time. When someone hits you, you have to hit them right back, right then. Yeah, you can't wait for all these people.

To get involved.

And then that's kind of what I got upset too late, and I've been upset about it.

I keep having nightmares where I hit him back. Anyway, the point is, well, you.

Got punched in the face, You're not in the wrong.

It wasn't that.

It was not It was just a surprise. It's like it was like, well, my face is hot. I think that guy just hit me. And then the next day I jaw heard, but it was it was really out of note. But there's a weird thing about me, people do. I've been punched a lot.

I don't know why.

I really it sounds like if someone was telling this story, it would if I were you, I'd think, well, Chris isn't getting the whole story.

It probably was.

It really where I absolutely was in a good mood just and people were dancing. It was like a mountain bar where there was a DJ and everyone's dancing and it was kind of fun, and then all of a sudden, some dude punched my face.

That's crazy.

Yeah, my only regret is that I didn't hit him back. Isn't that. I know it's not healthy, but it really is.

Well, no, because you I think it's very natural because someone someone comes at you, they were triggering all your fight responses.

It's just I didn't know mine kicked in so late.

Well because you didn't know what was going on.

I was like, he thinks I'm someone else. Let me wait here, and he's going to go, oh my god, I'm sorry.

I thought you were Gary.

That's fucking athole time of my life.

I'd say. People always think I'm a Gary.

It's your you are Gary esk. I will agree with that. But also, that's so like if he wasn't overtly drunk or like, there's no indicators that it would be happening.

Yeah, it was really he was drunk. Yeah, I you know.

It's funny. I have dreams sometimes, like I had a friend who we fought a lot gurbally, and every once in a while I have a dream I punched her, and then the whole dream would just be the aftermath of oh my god, what's wrong with you? Why did you do that? That's so crazy or whatever, And I would wake up so relieved that I never actually punched her buddy, but it was because I was just so mad and frustrated by her.

Yeah, it's that's yeah, it does. It would be relieved, because the opposite, even when you're in the right and there's a fight, especially as I get older, but even when I was young, you wake up feeling terrible. It's awful.

Yes, I had to hangover emotionally from just getting punched and not even fighting back, just that the next day it was.

Kind of bummed out all day. Yes, done cocaine or something.

Well that because there is the uh that's like the conflict of any kind freaks you out. Like that's why people get so fucking crazy when they feel threatened in whatever way, because it's that it stirs up in you that thing of like, well, what are you gonna fucking do now? Like everybody has a certain amount of PTSD, everybody has a certain amount of like this is what my mother used to always say or whatever, where you're all fucked up and you don't even know why. Yeah, that's so crazy.

He really had that look on his face of what are you gonna do now? And I was like, oh, man, I should have answered it.

Do you think he was like mentally ill. Do you think he was wrong? It was?

He did seem that kind of behavior. It's like, you're either it was a bet. I thought someone bet him I dare you to hit a random person?

Yeah, but it wasn't random because you were talking to his friend's wife.

Yeah, there was a but again, that girl's husband came up and he's like, oh my god, I'm so sorry that she's not even his girlfriend, that this is my wife. I don't know why he did that. And I was like, well, all I was doing and then she was like, he was just talking to me. It was I mean, it was a lady.

Yeah.

It wasn't like some siren that had me all wound up. Just some lady in a park.

How are you?

I don't remember what I said. Maybe I don't know. It would I'd love to get that guy's perspective. That would be a way to find out you were you.

Did you stick your tongue in her ear?

I had my tongue between my fingers and I.

Like that lady. And then he walked up and said, how dare you mock Jerry Lewis? Oh?

I forgot about that.

He was fan.

God rest, God rest that woman.

God rest that of comedy ship.

It's amazing how many people were like, I am so heartbroken.

Yeah, I don't think so.

No, I know, mind, I don't think so, Blaine, not on this time piece. Not a lot of people aren't wearing watches anymore.

That's right.

Not on that cell phone, Apple Apple watch on the SUNDI.

About to about to pass the piclic Lanes, very special place for me.

Oh is that?

Now?

I like bull and we try to go bowling in Mammoth But it was everything there's really defensive.

I didn't know, just the cab ride to the place with twenty bucks.

But it seems like bowling is cool again. And it's fucking not in Montana. It's still like two dollars a game.

Oh, it's expensive.

I enjoy bowling though. Is that it's fun? I want to get good at it. It's something I know I can do later in life.

Yep, it's super fun. It's you. You can talk, you can pay attention to the game. You can stop paying attention to the game, right, you can eat finger foods and then stick your fingers.

It is something that I can't believe people are okay with it? Is there could there be a dirty or hole.

It's so disgusting and hilarious.

And I'm talking about my mouth.

No, it is gro It's like it's so gross.

It hit me.

Last time I went bowling, I was eating fries and then sticking my fingers in, which again I have tiny hands. People are like, why do your soft, dainty little hands. But suddenly when I'm bowling, my fingers are huge will Chamberlain flanges, and I don't. I can't find a ball that will house these what our giant fingers only in a bowling alley. It's so funny.

Oh, because like the I see it, because the drilled holes are so small.

Maybe it's because I'm going for like eight pound balls.

Yeah, are you always doing the pink ball, the pinkest ball you can findliest those are for girls? Oh nuts, there's a real delineation between girl balls and boy ball.

You know. I go for the big, black chipped one. What's crazy is give me your worst house ball.

Like one that has metal inside.

That's what it is. People used to be smaller, and I'm getting these old balls. That's right.

It's like when you shop at it, sixty fingers. Yeah, no, no, I'm gonna say. It's like when you shop at the first one and you get something that's from the fifties and it's like.

How is this an extra large?

Yeah?

Yeah, why is there still a dead guy's boa?

Well, because they didn't used to give cow's hormone.

And he died from sweating.

To death in that jacket. We when we played bowling over Christmas.

You play bowling, We played bulowl.

We when we went to check out, it was like one hundred and something dollars, and me and my sister Nad are all like what the fuck? Like what did we do? Because we just kept playing.

Yeah yeah, yeah, and there was like eight of us.

Yeah, it's like you gotta figure out either when is it twenty five dollars for the hour or whatever that kind of deal, or how many games?

You know, lets milk these games?

Yeah, really spend time setting up being shot because if you just bowl willy nilly, like let's go till this isn't boring.

Yeah, it's very expense.

It's very expensive, and it's also doesn't seem like it would be, so it's always a surprise.

Yeah.

Yeah, they're like seventy dollars.

This was a quarter. My whole life.

But also no one likes doing this but me, Yeah, why is it expensive? Mood?

Because they think they're going to be good at it?

But you know what's fun if you go on a league night and you can just watch people who are good at it, like be great at it. It's so I love that.

When I first moved here and someone at a birthday party and Chris Hardwick was there and there was karaoke and I was like, man, that's a good singer.

And then we bowled and he's a professional buller for.

His dad was his dad was yeah, And I was like I couldn't, Like.

I can't even I'm starting to learn how to curve it, you know. Yeah, it is really the secret to consistent strikes, Is it true? Is it coming in at an angle? My whole life, I've tried to throw it as hard as I can straight, and if it's a little off center of that front pan, I'm like, that'll be a strike.

But not always.

Every once in a while, it's like this situation where it's like snake eyes or whatever. Split yep, one ten split you know.

The one ten Yeah, the one ten split down by the the one on one the third exit.

Yeah, but I yeah, it's I am. I've gotten aware. I'm like, get my, is this boring?

I don't know.

I keep my thumb out and ask me and it hurts, hurts my wrist, But I'm starting to learn how to curve it and it can hit anywhere. If it's coming in at an angle, they all go down.

Baby.

It's so cool. Also that way, to me, there's people who are like, oh, I like bowling, and then there's people like I huck the bowling ball like a softball sideways. Yeah. Yeah, that's next level. That's like, that's so exciting.

Yeah, it really is. And their leg curls up behind their back like a skater. Yeah, some kind of.

Sometimes they throw a hand up, yeah, in a gesture, and.

Their shirt has a pin stripe down one side, and their name is Guy Fieri.

And they licked the ball.

That's my favorite. You think it's bad just eating fries with these fingers. I licked the day of ball. I lick that.

Fucking ball the holes.

I don't think if you're tuning.

It right then, I mean I think we just shut it down. I think we actually wrung every possible bit of talking out of this.

Yeah. I car had a lot of talking boy today, and I think I covered them clearly.

Yeah, you did great. I think you covered politics. I think you covered sports. I think you covered friendships without him Sandler.

Did I dominated this? Should I?

No? No, I'm not saying that.

No, I'm saying I'm saying it.

Oh you're saying it, then it's true.

Here I am saying something again.

Oh what a surprise you're saying it.

Oh, man, this is fun. But this is good podcast. We're good at this.

We're fucking good at talking. I can fucking check my texts and keep talking.

Yeah.

You I wish I had your multitasking abilities. I can't even hold a mic and say the word multites.

Well it is two things.

Yeah, it's yeah.

Do you have upcoming shows that you want people to go.

To before there's Paul Ryan stuff that happens in April.

I'm just I'm doing a show next month at Big Sky because they said I could get some tickets to ski show on the day before Saint Patrick's Day. I'm at Big Sky, Montana, the ski area. It's it's just past poseman. If you are someone that's able to go, you know where it is.

Wait a second vote, it's a comedy show at the Ski.

Place at Loan Peak Brewing Company. Oh cool, they have they've had shows there before.

And and yeah, and now they are going to again.

Yeah.

The guy that runs at his Pals with Joe Borden, a friend of mine that writes on Tasha's show, and he wrote on that reality show I was on, And oh great, I realized when I got in contact with him there was a text from him from three years ago saying, hey, do you want to.

Stand up here? And I just do you ever, It's so amazing when you find these old texts. It's like, it's good to meet you. Also, sorry I ignored your text from the two from three years ago.

Oh yeah, like the last the last texts two years ago and they're like hey, what's up.

Yeah, before you reconnect with someone, you're like, oh, let me see if I have their number.

And the last text was like fuck you. It's like, oh, I forgot that. I'm that's a person I shouldn't talk to.

Oh that's there's a reason we're not connected anymore. Yeah, okay, Well, then big Sky comedy situation.

Yeah, and then and then in April I do the town Halls and what these are is that going to take place in that you know? So far?

So far it is you Claire, Wisconsin. It is Chicago, Illinois. It is Madison, Wisconsin. Also not in that order. I think it is in that order actually, and then no, that's the last one and Minneapolis is one.

Okay, that's awesome.

Yeah, I think more to come. It's it's uh, it's it's working out. A thing's working out.

Well. And also no, no, no, no, no, no, I can't. I'm just being this car.

Well we go to you're the rest of your head on the steering.

No, no, no, no, I can't do it. Don't make me do stand up.

I want to make you, but I'm not going to make anyone.

Well, I told my friend, I don't think I got to this part of the story. But I told my friend when I said, I'm not doing stand up anywhere I go because the last time I did a set, I realized all my jokes were these weird, kind of subtle compliments to myself. Like every joke, the point of every joke was like, well, here's how somebody was interested in me in some way, And then I just think I've seen you.

I don't think you do that.

It just felt bad. It was like when you step back and then you see the larger pattern of your fucking insecurity. Anyhow, my band, Swift Water Tokyo Raman will be playing down at the La River on Thursdays. Please come down.

Yeah, it's.

We're to be rescuing fishermen out of the La River from Thursday to Sunday. Very literal band name, Yep, it's more of a service that we provide the.

County musical rescue.

Yeah.

Yeah, not emotional. Don't get us confused. Don't get it twisted.

Everybody too fast for my comfort. Well, I'm Ami said for you to start a band, and he was everyone. We made a promise.

What was my promise?

Your promise was to impersonate Paul Ryan around the country.

Right, Okay, I can't remember.

We both had these were our New Year's promises. Yeah, we had them, and uh was yours? Was yours surfing?

No, I don't think so. I would never make that promise.

I thought it was something like doing blah blah blah more.

Oh right, well, I mean that's not important. Okay, I'm okay with breaking that promise.

All right. Well, since we're at my house and my neighbor Chuck will be lived if I hunt hor Yes, yes, well let's not do it.

I'll do, I'll do. Malforn. Okay, okay, thank you for listening to Do you need a ride?

D y n A R oh my battery? Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a Turmano and Gabe. We want to send you off inside. We want to welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.

We scared or was it fine?

Malforn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and chriss mm hm