Life at Forty: Redefining Your Timeline

We had sent the kids over to my parents' house and so we had the night before to ourselves , and then we got up early and played a round of golf and then we went out for a nice dinner . And that was pretty much it , I think . Leading up to the birthday we did a few other outings .

We went camping , went to a few breweries , met up with some friends and family members , and I'd say the festivities spanned for the good portion of about a week . But on the day of it was just you know , myself and Jeremy and we just you know did our own thing , and you know we were with my kids on the day of my birthday for a nice dinner .

That was it .

conversations that are still hard to have when you turn 40 . Like it's all the health concerns and you know you're a mom and so as a mom now , at this stage in your life and you have a very young one , like how old is the baby ?

A nine year age gap between my two daughters , and so you know I , I was definitely a different person the first time around , a lot more energetic , and you know things were , were tougher in the sense that , like you know , it was my first time .

But you know , bouncing back and certainly energy levels managing a newborn were were , you know , substantially higher back then than it is now . But I think there's a bit of a trade off because I also , you know , come with the experience of being a second time mom and so I looked at motherhood very differently and I ended up taking

a year off from work and I really was purposeful about that year off . So you know , the first few months of dealing with the newborn are tough .

But after that , you know , I wanted to do a lot of things within that year that were both , you know , for myself as well as like physically improving , you know , myself as well as you know , making sure that my mental health was in check . So I would , you know , meet up with friends .

I would work on my golf game Wow , you know things that I wanted to do and I had a really great support system at home . So , you know , my mom would come over and watched a little one while I took a few hours off .

And , you know , I think that was really important because I knew that , as a 40-year-old mother , you know things aren't going to come as easy as they did when I was 30 .

But , that being said , like I didn't feel old and I think that the important thing I think to you know potential mothers , or you know people who are thinking about having a baby later in life .

It actually nowadays I feel like it's not that big of a deal and I certainly didn't feel that there was a ton of stigma behind being a 40-year-old mom to a newborn , which I think is a culture shift .

And the first time that I really came to terms with that was when I found out that I was pregnant the second time around and I went to go see my family doctor and I let her know that , hey , you know , did the home pregnancy test and , you know , came out positive .

And I asked her and I said , you know , is there anything different or special that I should worry about ? Because I was thirty nine at the time , yeah , and , and she's like nah , all good , most of my patients are around your age and having their first kid .

So she never once used the term high-risk pregnancy with me , and so that gave me a huge sense of comfort and kind of validation that , hey , it's okay that I'm a little bit older and having a baby at this stage in my life , because you know , as my family doctor , she seemed to see it a lot with her patients as well .

But I think there's a lot of misconceptions with 40 . And I think it really has to do with your family history , how you take care of yourself , like mentally and physically , because you just mentioned that a lot like a lot of her patients other than like , besides , you are having kids later on in life too , and that you can do it .

It's just that I guess the one issue is is like you're not going to have the same energy like you did 10 years ago , maybe a little bit different in terms of raising a child , right , but I think that's that's great , that you had a good pregnancy and there wasn't a lot of like issues along the way , right .

lives , despite , you know , just turning a certain age like 40 . Don't , don't let that prevent you from doing anything in life . That prevent you from doing anything in life , because that , in my mind , we're still the same high school girls that we were , you know , 25 years ago .

We might look a tiny bit different , but you know there , are you still competing with me in class now ? absolutely , carlene . I think it was what like english and geography yes , you remember , oh my gosh , I .

And then you're like I don't know if it was like a 90 , some like it was high , high nineties , right . And I'm like Sarah , why are we even ? The only thing I think I beat you in and we didn't even take that class together is gym .

But I love that we can reminisce about our time in high school , you know , because it was we had . We had a good group and you know what's really nice is when we message Miss Vasevilla and like she'll respond to like the group chat about something . I don't know if you've seen what I've posted . I posted a photo on my page and she responded to it .

I posted a photo of us from I think it was the athletic banquet and it's a very fuzzy photo , but I managed to take one . And then someone was like where did you get this ? I'm like it's in my vault . I have a lot of pictures . I loved taking pictures when I was in high school .

My sister was like you're always had a Kodak camera , like you know , so I don't know if you saw it . Yeah , Sarah , you gotta go on my Facebook and see . I post it like it's me you . Um , what's her name ? Mylon Yim . There's a whole bunch of us in the photo . Oh my god I'm gonna go check it for sure , you know it'll bring you back .

You know what I mean . It's one of those things where we definitely worked hard and , like you know , the saying goes , we played hard too , you know it's funny you say that like you know , back then , like something like volleyball was was tough , and now , with experience and practice , it's gotten easier .

Like you said certain things with age , just like it's with anything like you just have to practice more at it , just like you know you're , you're a mom and you have two kids now and I'm sure you've had two different experiences raising your first child and your second child right , yeah , and I don't think I can say that like one was better than the other ,

like they were just very different .

Oh , okay , yeah , and you know , my second daughter is actually very low maintenance and she , you know , things came a little bit easier the feeding , the sleeping , the sleeping and so I think in that sense it helped to allow me to focus on things for myself and and really allow me the time to step away from , like , constant motherhood and then go and , you

know , do things that that made me happy in the year that I was off .

I did have my parents close by and they were able to , you know , bring food and , and I did tell myself that , you know , it's okay to leave the dirty laundry sitting for a bit more if I felt tired and really needed to rest , and so , in that sense , like I was able to , you know , make sure that I focused on the things that I needed to get done , but

also set aside time to make sure that I was sleeping . Well , when you know she was sleeping

, and I also had , you know , Jeremy with me for the first little bit , which was really nice just getting to , you know he's for the first little bit , which was really nice just getting to . You know he's a first-time dad and so just giving him a bit of that experience and responsibility and learning how to deal with a newborn was really nice to see .

And so , yeah , I think you know your energy levels and you know not getting enough sleep or something that we touched on earlier , but I think that's going to be the case with any age that you have a baby like . They're just fairly high demand . But you know , not something that that is impossible .

And you know , now that I've gone through my first year with my second daughter , like I can kind of look back and say , hey , it actually like was not a bad time , even in those first few months .

And , mind you , it was like she was born in December and so we had , you know , a couple months of winter where we really didn't go anywhere , and so we just needed to make sure that , you know , mentally my mind was still , you know , engaged and and there was something you know preoccupying me while I was stuck indoors with her during those really cold months ,

and so I decided that , you know , I was doing some volunteer work with some non-for-profits before I had my baby and I decided that , hey , even though I was stepping away from work for a year , I wanted to hang on to some of that non-for-profit engagement , and so I did that , and throughout January and the rest of the months in the year that I was off , I

still kept in really good contact with the folks on the non-for-profit , and so that kept me , you know , engaged in adult conversations and it wasn't just a hundred percent mommy time , which I think was really important for me .

You know what I mean , like the maturity level and just like the comfort of just talking about like different stages of motherhood , which is , you know , sometimes I feel that we don't talk about it enough as women and I appreciate you sharing that , because even with me too , I don't think people talk about depression and how high functioning you can be without

realizing it , because I've been through depression myself and I lost a lot of weight and I don't think I realized I was dealing with depression until I was actually in this workshop and we were talking about anxiety and depression and not wanting to do certain things .

But I mean , I still went to work , but I was depressed , I wouldn't go to social functions and I was like , wow , I was depressed and I was ignoring certain things with my health , like you know what I mean too .

And so when you sit down and like pay attention to your body and everything that's happening , it's amazing how much we can do when we're dealing with so many emotions and like it's hard .

You know , like I'm pretty sure postpartum depression is a little bit challenging too , and like dealing with the changes of your body and and wanting to do all the things but you can't .

Sometimes , when you're in that moment , it's so easy to get sucked in and , and you know , you start to spiral and and you know one poor behavior or decision could lead to another one , and so , yeah , so it takes , and it it sounds like you were able to to do that yourself .

It takes a lot to , you know , almost pull yourself out of it , which a lot of people you know cannot do .

You know what I mean when you know your body and certain things , and so when you're resigned , you're not yourself , you're functioning .

I was Like I was going to work every day when I had to go to work , but there were certain things that I wasn't motivated to do , and so now that I think back , I know what to look for , because it's one of those things where , unless somebody else tells you what it feels like to be depressed , until you actually like sit down and like think about it ,

it's like , oh yeah , when I don't want to get out of bed , when I'm tired , when I don't want to do social interactions , when I'm a social person , but , like you said , getting out of it and , I guess , asking for help , to like having someone there like you said , you had Jeremy there and having that person being like to push you to be like okay , come on

, sarah , like maybe go for a walk today when you have that someone you know just checking in on you .

And you know , now , having gone back to work for about four months , you know it's it's still still new having to come home and , you know , juggle two kids who are at very different stages in their lives and you know , oftentimes I am like exhausted by the time the two kids are put to bed and sometimes , you know , my work demands quite a bit and so I'll

have to log on and continue to work after they're sleeping . And so , you know , just having making sure that , like you can find that right balance with people at home that can really help you out in certain aspects , really helps to , you know , get through some of those tough days Wow .

I've moved around different finance roles in my 13 and a half years there , but I've had a really great experience so far . Great experience so far , and when I came back from mat leave the second time around so very recent in January , I started a new role in a different part of the finance group , and so that was something that I had requested for .

When I was , you know , heading off to have my baby , I was very vocal to my leaders that I wanted to do something different . When I came back , I had been in the role that I was doing for about two

years or so , but I had been in that group for about five years , and so I really wanted to try something different , and I started having conversations with my leaders , getting reengaged with them about four months before I returned to work , to see what the landscape was like , what would potential roles be available at the time that I would return .

I was able to land something in a team that I was excited to be on pretty much within like a couple of weeks of coming back from that leave .

So I recognize that that's not always the case , but I've had really strong mentors and sponsors at the bank that have really looked out for my career and , you know , been able to give me the opportunities that I was hopeful about .

I remember high school , like we both went to Bloor , and then where did you go after Bloor Collegiate ?

Yeah , that was very important at the time because I don't know if you remember , Carlene , but I had pretty strict parents . Yeah , yeah , you know , although , although we had our fair share of house parties at my house , I know you're the only one .

And so , you know , when we were applying for schools and you know making decisions on where we wanted to go , One I knew that I was going to go into the area of accounting or finance , and University of Waterloo had an excellent program for that .

And you know I really wasn't that far away from home , but it was far enough that I knew that my parents wouldn't show up unannounced , wouldn't show up unannounced , and you know it allowed me to build some independence . You know , make new friends .

But also , you know , I look back now that we are 40 , I look back at how many friends I was able to hang on to since , you know , leaving high school right , They'll have a very , you know , close , tight knit group of girls that I still speak to , as well as my university friends .

And so you know I don't have any regrets about leaving Toronto to do my schooling because it , you know it allowed me to just expand my network and meet new people yet at the same time , you know , still hold on and cherish the great friendships that I made when I was in high school . That's amazing .

Because , like you said , when you have really strict parents you kind of want to get away from that because , like your brother's , the oldest and you're the baby . So I think when you're the younger child to your parents , kind of coddle you in a way and it's like , oh , let me go . You know what I mean .

It's just like , and I'm the oldest , and so when you're the oldest , there's that pressure to do . Well , like you know how we talk about , we joke about our grades in school . I remember , like my mom , she was just never happy with my grades . Sarah , I get the 85 . And then she's like , well , why can't you get a 90 ?

Something like your friend there , sarah , like you know what I mean , and that kind of stuff would frustrate me . And so for me it just felt like there was I could never get the grade high enough and I'm just like I I am not going to try anymore to please my mom .

Like I'm doing this for me , like wherever school I go to , whatever I decide , this is going to be my decision .

But when , at the end of the day , like all those things we , we did in high school , all the grades we got , all the awards we received , I mean that's just the small stuff . You know what I mean . Like , life is more than just that .

Like you know , your parents have a big influence on the decisions you make in terms of where you go to school and , like you know , my parents are always , like you know , they want you to do this , like why don't you be a lawyer ? You know , like these high achieving roles , and I didn't want to be a lawyer , I went to school .

So , in terms of my regrets , if I were to back , I wish I had listened to some people who thought I should be a teacher . So I did not see that . Clearly , sarah , I wanted to be in radio , like when I originally was in high school and I was thinking about my career and where I was going to go .

I was thinking of journalism and I didn't get into the journalism program at Ryerson very competitive but I studied English and then , after I took a break from my BA at York , then I went back to school for radio and I don't regret going to school for radio . I love the program . I'm so happy I met the people I did at Humber .

But I think , if I had to do it again , I would have like looked into the teaching portion as well , because I did not understand my , what I'm supposed to be doing in terms of , like , my strengths and how I like to help people . And so that's the thing with teachers .

And you know when , when my high school teacher , ms Skolschlak um , bless her heart If I ever see her again , I'm like Ms Skolschlak , you were right , you know I I finally had that moment of clarity where I was like I I now see what she meant when she said we need more teachers like you , because I did not see myself as a teacher when I went to go

visit her , you know , and yeah , in terms of that , like that's probably one of the things I regret , looking closely at , because you know your career , like I think I was more focused on my career than anything else , sarah , like I wasn't focused on being a mom .

I felt like my , like like I took I was a big sister and I felt like I was a mom to them in a way , like I did a lot of work , like with my siblings and that kind of thing growing up .

And yeah , I , yeah , I hope that that could be something you know at some point in your life that maybe you'll dabble in . You know , course , here and there may not have to be full time , but but yeah , I would say , you know , never too late to do anything , that that you really set your mind .

And I'm thinking of taking courses , because I think what happened was I was doing admin work and then , when that didn't work out the way I wanted it to , it kind of made me like regroup , like it was hard at first .

Whenever you walk away from something , it's hard , but what's challenging , and what you said is true I've done a lot of work on myself , sarah , and I'm I'm sure you have too , because you've done , from what I see , like various things as well .

And , like you said , like I think if I'm going to be teaching , it might be at a different capacity , but I am going to consider like even taking some courses and stuff because , like you said , it's one of those things where there's there's those who teach and those who do right and I my favorite place was the library and I love learning . I'm .

Someone said to me you're going to be like learning forever and I'm like I guess so you know . So even even this , this conversation we're having now , you know this is 40 , like the conversation is great and I think the one thing I'm learning about 40 is that there's so many misconceptions about being 40 and turning 40 .

And I think what I want to ask you is what do you think is the biggest misconception about

women in their forties ?

I think the misconception is that you know like , oh , life is like on the downhill , but in reality I actually see it as like it's continuing on the upward trajectory .

It's what you make of it , and so you know , personally , I feel that right now , you know , my love life and my relationship with my partner and my kids and my friends are probably at the peak . You know I'm very happy of where I'm at with those things , and when I was in my 30s I was still figuring it all out .

You know , I went through a marriage previously and I went through a divorce and you know , and there were years in my 30s that I just felt really lost and I didn't know , you know , what there was in the future , that you know that it held for me .

But you know , having gone through a few of those tough years and now , coming out of it , I was like , hey , like like a 40 is like a fresh start for me .

We can continue to do the things that we want , like now that I know things have settled a bit in terms of , you know , personal goals and my career is at a point where , you know I'm happy with it , then I can go and do things that make life worth living , like go travel and , you know , pick up new hobbies , jump back into sports that I , you know , put

off for a while , and so so really to think that life is over at 40 is like a huge misconception . I don't even think that people should think that when you know we hit 50 , right , and that's 10 years from now .

But I think there's , there's such a you know , life expectancy now is a lot longer than it used to be , and you know we're only if you really think , you know women tend to live a little longer .

Yeah , you know , let's say , you know we live to like our late 80s , which means we're not even halfway through our life yet , and so there's still a ton of time to work on ourselves , to do the things that make us happy and and you don't need to , you know , live so rigidly to what timeline we had originally set for ourselves right .

Life throws curveballs at you and you know you'll reassess as you go along and come up with a timeline that works for you . And you know make sure that you set aside you know time to work on the things and do the things that make you happy , because you know you blink and 10 years goes by and you know again .

You just don't want to let these years slip Because I actually think that in our 40s like we can get a ton of things done . We are more mature , we've gone through some hardships and you know we can do things differently and smarter and that allows us to enjoy life more .

It's kind of like you have been through it all and I think the one thing I want to say is that you , you went through a divorce and you know I've watched TV shows on it and how hard it can be , especially if that person was , you were so close to them and did you find , like , when you were married the first time and when you started to realize that

this is not going to be for the rest of your life with that person , what was the hardest ? Like I mean

, what was the hardest part ? Cause you said you felt like alone . Like you know , there were obviously struggles , right .

And you know , and you continue to fight to the point where , you know you , you are so exhausted that you come to realize , hey , it's just not , it's not worth fighting for anymore . But but you know it was a huge thing for me , especially in the Chinese culture that you know . You just like , divorce is such a huge stigma .

And within , you know my cousins that were all married . You know I was the first in the family to get divorced and I was just so worried about what others would perceive that as , and when I finally came up with enough courage to tell everyone I actually did it .

So all my friends and I had told my parents to have a conversation with all my aunts and uncles , like the elders , and you know long personal email that came from the heart to all my closest friends and I really wanted them to hear my side of the story and , yeah , and overwhelmingly , the support that I got was like more than I could have imagined .

You know , in my mind I was just thinking like , oh , what would people think ? You know , like it was only you know , a couple of years into this marriage and it's already failed , like you know , would these people stop talking to me ? Would they , you know , perceive me in a different way ?

But , yeah , it really brought to light that I had amazing friends , amazing family members that were so supportive , despite you know all the things that , that , like , they loved my , my husband at the time .

And so , you know , it was just , it was just hard to to lose that connectivity with your family , but at the end of the day , everyone was very understanding and so you know that part of me , yes , it wasn't something that I would have ever hoped for , but it it made me a stronger person and it really made me , you know , vulnerable , but that I could put

trust into my close circle of friends and family . That , you know , despite having gone through such a tough time , I actually , you know , I didn't have to go through it alone and that was , you know , exactly what I needed to come out of this as just a more positive person .

And you know , and eventually , when I was ready , you know , get back into the dating game , right I had a very young daughter at the time when we had gotten , you know , officially divorced . She was maybe about two years old , but we had separated for over a year at that point in time .

And so I felt , like you know , I was still navigating single motherhood , although she would see her dad now and then , but that I was . I was , you know , bearing the lion's share of responsibility with my daughter , and so , you know , it took me a while probably about three years to to really feel comfortable dating again .

But I knew that if I jumped into it too soon , that I wouldn't be the best version of myself and it wouldn't be fair to the person that I was dating .

So you and I have talked about it where timing is key right , talked about it where you know timing is key Right , and and it did take a bit of time on online dating platforms and apps to to find Jeremy , and you know , and you know , we've been together now for four years , four and a half years , and you know , I couldn't , couldn't be more happy with the

way that life turned out .

When I think about it , because you know , you met Jeremy online , right , and then your ex , did you meet him at a social event ? Where did you meet him ?

I feel like sometimes when , like you said , when you're close to the edge , where you're just like you know what I , I can't do this anymore , I don't want to do any more online dating like I just like turn it off and then , and then it's just just I think I've heard you say it , like we were talking about the pre show , where you were talking about it

briefly , but I had a girlfriend too , where I think it was like her last attempt and then something finally happened and she's married now too . Like you know what I mean , and I think when you're ready , like somehow everything just just happens the way it should happen .

Hearing you talk about your divorce and how you felt like a sense of failure , I think that , as high achievers , sarah , like when we , when we , when we're so driven , like I just remember you in school and you're a high achiever and I , you have that work ethic and I think when I talk to you now , it's like you're still that same person , that who was so

driven to do certain things and get it done and try to do the best you can for your family , like your parents , and I think you did your best . You really did . You know what I mean .

Like I think it's hard , like you said , when we , when we're immigrants , like we have parents that came up to this country and they have these expectations of us , and when you're always striving for the best and you feel like you failed , like I feel like you didn't fail . Maybe the conversations in your head made you think that .

But I think even me , like I'm , sometimes I have that conversation with myself too , where I feel like I fail because society was like oh , you're supposed to get married at this age and you're supposed to have kids at this age , but I , I think I was more focused on other things and I've never been like conforming to what society wants me to be or to do .

But I do get like you know , having that person in your life , that's , that's your other half , you know what I mean that person that you go home to , that cause we're human beings , we're not meant to be alone . But I think when I hear you talk about that sense of failure , sometimes I say to myself I'm like was I ? Did I do everything right ?

Was I supposed to do you know , like when a relationship doesn't last , like when I was dating Tim , like he was the boyfriend that I lived with the longest and dated the longest , and when I think back to that too , sometimes I'm like did I miss an opportunity by staying in that relationship too long ? You know ?

But it but yeah , sometimes it takes a real big turning point in your life to realize that , hey , maybe this wasn't all my fault and and it's okay that it didn't work out with the timeline that I had in my head , because I 100% agree with you that I envisioned the perfect timeline in my head of life milestones . Right , I was set to get married at 28 .

And I did . So I checked that box and then , you know , we would travel the world for a few years and then we would have kids by the time I was 30 . So I like , check that box and then , and then , you know , people change and life happened and I never had a box to check off for , you know , divorce at 32 .

But somehow , you know , I had to check off that one and yeah , and so I had to grapple with veering off from my original path and my original timeline , but I would say like it wasn't permanent .

Permanent because I was able to get back onto , like a , I would say , a modified version of the path that I initially intended for myself , right With , just like you know , a few detours along the way , but I managed to find my way back onto it a little later .

And , you know , and if those things didn't happen , like who knows how life could have turned out . But I don't dwell and , you know , stay up in bed thinking about it anymore , right , you know , and I think a lot of the times , women are so so in our own minds and our own heads about things that are completely out of our control .

And we need to learn to not do that , because I realize that that it just gives me a lot more gray hair than um , than I would , yeah , and so jeremy's always saying that to me . He's just like , like , stop stressing . And I'm like , uh , I don't know , it's in my nature , right , it's that high achiever .

You know , you always want to be in control of things , but at the end of the day , like you know , we can't stress out about things that we can control .

But I feel like there's a path in life and sometimes the path leads to something even better . And I think it took that one marriage to make you realize that this is not what I want and you learn from that so that you know what you do want . And here you are now and you know what the pictures are beautiful .

I was like , oh , sarah , like these trips that you went on you guys have traveled together , like what was just amazing . The one thing I love to see is the trips that you've gone on over the years , like you've managed to do that with your family .

I love it . I love it . So I do have to say . I want to ask you one thing what advice would you give to women , or just to your 30 year old self , who are approaching this decade ? What would you say to you ? To yourself , yeah .

And in being around a group of friends who are also doing similar things , I didn't want to feel like I was that black sheep that was not on everyone else's timeline or that if I did decide to do something different then I would feel behind everyone else . So I kept putting a lot of pressure on myself to , you know , get certain things done in life .

And you know , now that I think about it , like I would have loved to take some time off and , you know , travel even by myself , once school ended .

And you know , like the things that you know , I feel like it's going to be a little not impossible , but a little tougher to do now with , with a family that I don't want to , you know , leave them for long periods of time .

I'd booked this trip to Egypt and Jordan that I was supposed to take in August of 2020 , but then the pandemic had hit that year and so , you know , plans got all canceled and derailed and I never I never went back to that trip to , you know , rebook it and do it on my own . But I think , you know , one day I will .

You know , right now it's probably just not the right time for me to do that , but you know , maybe when , when I'm a little bit older and I feel comfortable , you know , leaving some of the responsibilities behind .

But , that being said , like , yeah , it's just don't put so much pressure on yourself to have to do things the way that society expects you or the timeline that society expects you , because I think , especially when it comes to , you know , career , like you know , especially when it comes to , you know , career , like you know , when we graduate , we have about , you

know , 40 some odd years of a career ahead of us . So delaying it by a couple months or , you know , taking a break from it for a year to go focus on something else , like it actually is not a big deal in the grand scheme of a 45 year career .

And so , you know , really take , take some time to evaluate your goals in life and , you know , and make sure that that you don't forget to do some of those things for yourself . And you know , and the easiest way to do that is don't put too much pressure .

I think maybe you might've felt this too , but I think when we graduated from high school , there was something like cause we were in the double cohort and I think there was this added pressure that if you take any time off from school , I felt like if I they were saying like if you take some time off , then you won't want to finish your degree or you won't

want to go back to school . Just get right in there and like , even when I finished my undergrad , and people were like oh , you know , and I went back to school , how many years later , like three years later , I took a break , like after my undergrad , because the job market was so much harder than I thought it would be . Like after I graduated from York .

And like if you have goals in mind and you are driven , like the time away isn't gonna take that away , like if you're gonna do something , you're gonna do it , and I think that's the one thing that they don't push enough . You know what I mean . I think , like you said , taking a little break is not the end of the world . It really isn't .

our education , which you know was , was one big factor that we had to grapple with . But but I hear you At the end of the day , like you know , like we still could take a break , and it's okay , it's okay , it's okay .

I feel like there's so much more life to live , there's so much more to learn , and I just see you traveling more , sarah , like you're going to make it happen . I know you will , and I want to thank you for sharing like just the struggles too . You know what I mean .

It takes a lot to persevere and be comfortable talking about like uncomfortable things , you know .