Hey, did you know that Benjamin Franklin was a known grave robber? It’s true. You should look up that letter where he eloquently lists the reasons why old women are far more superior sexually to their younger counterparts. It boils down to them having to try harder because they are no longer beautiful, are super grateful for it, and don’t worry about how they look because “as in the dark all cats are grey.” Oh, and their vaginas don’t age as fast as their faces because science. Anyway, enjoy the...
Jul 30, 2022•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 156
Choo choo! All aboard the idiot train for a one way trip to the truth! That's right you fur faced imbeciles, at long last the true identity of James “The Baby Yoda” Webb is finally revealed. So put on your pink tank top and get out those big meaty claws for an answer that’s sure to leave you sufficiently whelmed. It’s the episode three years in the making, Beauty and the Beast!
Jul 23, 2022•1 hr 40 min•Ep. 155
No, no solo coloqué un texto en un traductor y terminé con esta descripción. USTED dejó caer esta descripción en un traductor y ahora es un desastre porque no puede leer español. El perezoso eres tú, no yo. Es la historia de la menstruación para latinoamérica,The Three Caballeros!
Jul 16, 2022•45 min•Ep. 154
When I can’t remember what actually happens in one of these episodes, I take a quick peek into the Disney Dunces group chat to help refresh my memory for these summaries. This week it was just pictures of sexy turtle women, the Baby Yoda, and also one of them might be LGBTQIA2S+... I guess? I’m sure it all makes sense in context. It’s mainly an excuse to see more Aunt Cass, Baymax!!
Jul 09, 2022•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 153
Why say gay… when you can sing it! That’s right boys and girls and tikes - much like racism, taking pride in who you are is a year long activity and will not be confined to a single month just because THE MAN/WOMAN/PERSONS said so. Also don’t worry, I’d wager the Dunces haven’t been allowed near any school zone for some time now. It’s where Diana Ross got her start, Trevor: The Musical!
Jul 02, 2022•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 152
Hey, don't blame me! SCOTUS made us carry this episode to term to the displeasure of everyone involved. So I guess you’ll just have to learn to live with our mistake, ya? It’s not as bad as all that, but still pretty bad, Johnny Tsunami!
Jun 25, 2022•58 min•Ep. 151
So it's Andy’s birthday… and the rest is history. Let’s face it, you know this story like the back of Benjamin “Buzz” Lightyear’s hand, but if you really feel the need for a refresher, the boys are here for you. Who knows, maybe you’ll learn something you failed to pick up on your first thirty viewings, but probably not. It’s a post-apocalyptic tale for the whole family, Toy Story!
Jun 18, 2022•1 hr 10 min•Ep. 150
Do you hear me calling, out your name? Lamblala somethin' somethin' la blah dah dah ah. Oooooooooooooooooooooooooo IIIIIIIIIIII, I want to be with you everywhere! Alright, now read every once in a while for the next hour or so, and you're good. It’s a sequel to someone, Hollywood Stargirl!
Jun 11, 2022•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 149
Holy cow! Not just one, but two special guest appearances in this week’s episode. Talk about going the distance! Oh, and for those worrying that they’ll have nothing left to look forward to after experiencing this godlike chapter of the Dunces mythos, I’ll see to it personally that Mr. Goldthwait returns when the boys eventually cover Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja. It’s related to Noah’s ark… somehow, Disney’s Hercules!
Jun 04, 2022•1 hr 24 min•Ep. 148
Sometimes, some crimes go slippin’ through the cracks. Other times, people feel the need to record their crimes and post it all over the internet for the world to see and hear. Bet you can’t guess which time this is! It’s the second, third, or maybe even fourth, most ambitious crossover in DPOM history, Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers!
May 28, 2022•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 147
Picture Cinderella. Okay, now picture it with black people. There you go. It's Cinderella but with black people, Sneakerella!
May 21, 2022•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 146
Alright, so Marvel already had all these Asgardians running around, and now they’ve introduced Ra, Anubis, and all their friends into this wacky world. But I’m sitting here like, "hey, where’s The Last Supper crew? Are the beliefs forced upon me at a tender age not valid, or did Jack Kirby create Jesus and his Amazing Apostles but Stan Lee just forgot to take credit?" Anyway that’s all I got, which is a lot more than this series provides. It’s certainly a show you can watch on Disney+, Disney’s ...
May 14, 2022•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 145
Now I know what you’re thinking, “Race relations, again?!” But we here at the Disney Dunces feel that discrimination should be addressed and eradicated all year round, instead of just one month out of the year. And we will not rest until the entire world is full of horrible racists. Also, that bunny do be packin’ those slacks tho’. It’s like every character passes the Harkness Test by design, Disney's Zootopia!
May 07, 2022•1 hr 34 min•Ep. 144
Imagine your parents went to the Louvre and picked up one of the guided tour tapes because they wanted to share that experience with you. However, on the plane ride back, they realize they’ve lost it and ask the man next to them if he wouldn’t mind recording his thoughts on the art so that they have SOMETHING to give you. And to his credit, he certainly tries his best, seeing as he thinks he’s probably been there, but instead of getting the information about the artist, brush strokes, and ideas ...
May 01, 2022•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 143
Rather than the usual, “here's a plot and follow along with us” format that you’ve come to know and love, this week the boys are covering one of, if not the most, influential stories of all time and examining its impact on every piece of media you’ve ever consumed. It’s highly recommended that you actually watch today's topic beforehand for the optimal listening experience - luckily for you though, The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius only lasted for 3 seasons, so go make a day of it and t...
Apr 24, 2022•1 hr 1 min•Ep. 142
Oh hello, I didn’t see you there. Welcome to yet another Disney Dunces Holiday Spectacular! Which is to be expected when major companies fart out content to constantly remind us the reason for the season in order to make a quick buck. Regardless, be sure to listen to this one before April 18th, because after that it reverts to a normal everyday episode. It’s Miracle on 34th Street for the next generation, Disney’s Better Nate Than Ever!
Apr 09, 2022•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 141
Listen up maggots, because it's time for a pop quiz! What exactly makes Hilary Duff the Goku of this film? Who makes the Iceman cometh? Which Dunce is definitely going to prison after this one? If you don’t know the answers, be grateful that this quiz is open-podcast. Military school is back in session and hamboning is on the menu! It’s the Disney Channel Original Movie, Cadet Kelly!
Apr 01, 2022•1 hr 16 min•Ep. 140
56:23, you’re welcome. It’s bad enough to make you think, “hey, maybe all lives do matter,” Disney’s Cheaper by the Dozen!
Mar 26, 2022•51 min•Ep. 139
Uh oh, looks like it’s that time of the month again! Which is to say, time to listen to your favorite boys to talk about the complex journey that is becoming a woman. I’ll be real though, I couldn’t actually listen to this week’s episode because they took all the boys from my class and made us listen to a different podcast, but I’m sure it's very informative. It’s the long awaited "The Story of Menstruation 2", Disney and Pixar’s Turning Red!
Mar 19, 2022•1 hr 24 min•Ep. 138
Time to rise and grind, gamers! ...no, even as a bit, I just can’t do it. It just sucks so much. So uh, anyone check out the demo for the new Kirby game? You get to explore the ruins of a post-apocalyptic cityscape and Kirby drives a car with his mouth. It’s kind of wild. I guess it also implies that the human race has died off potentially, but that wouldn’t be the first time that's happened in a Nintendo game. Fans of The Crystal Shards or Pikmin know what I’m talking about. Alright, I’ll stop ...
Mar 05, 2022•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 137
I would argue that the harmonious melding of two desserts into something spectacular, while acknowledging that both Twix and doughnuts are still perfectly valid on their own, warrants a thirty minute discussion on the “Black History Special.” That being said though, the fried chicken bit was kinda fucked. It’s only as big of a problem as you make it, Remember the Titans!
Feb 27, 2022•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 136
It’s important to take a look at another people's history and culture to better understand the struggles and barriers they’ve had to overcome in order to inspire and give a voice to the voiceless. It’s also important for the fine folks at Disney+ to look at more than a thumbnail and say, “yup, that's a black kid” before shoving whatever into the 'Celebrate Black Stories' category, yet here we are. It’s certainly a struggle to watch, How to Build a Better Boy!
Feb 19, 2022•54 min•Ep. 135
Woof woof, mother mushers! The Disney Dunces Dog Days of Winter are rolling on strong with yet another canine cinematic masterpiece. So join the boys this week for a rousing game of KFM and watch as they learn that there's nothing 'thong' with sucking Wyngz right off the non-existent bone. It’s somehow not a paycheck for the Baha Men, Disney’s and Sisqó's Snow Dogs!
Feb 12, 2022•1 hr 13 min•Ep. 134
You know how I know that Like Mike and Air Bud take place in the same universe? Not once in this entire movie does anyone stop and question the fact that a 13 year old boy is playing professional basketball. It’s almost like they as a society have already accepted that there must not be a rule against it, so it's okay. The boys don’t bring it up either, but what do they know about sports right? It’s the paws clause in full effect, Like Mike!
Feb 06, 2022•59 min•Ep. 133
Whelp, the boys are finally back and with the Season 4 premiere in tow. But if I begin to summarize the talking points of this episode, the rest of this description would have to be an apology to all of Columbia and its people. So maybe we don’t talk about this one, yeah? It’s the episode that's chock full o’ nuts, Encanto!
Jan 29, 2022•1 hr 15 min•Ep. 132
Are you guys ready for a SPECTACULAR Christmas special? With some ASTONISHING insight. Full of AMAZING guests. In one SENSATIONAL spectacle. Broadcasted in SUPERIOR sound quality. FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD. Well, look elsewhere. It’s the backdoor pilot we’ve all been dreaming of, Spider-Man: No Way Home!
Dec 25, 2021•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 131
Anyone here order the Hallouligan Burger (comes with a thirty minute distraction from that thing you don't want to discuss and halloumi cheese)? That's right boys, the Hululigans are here to stay because sometimes it’s safer to let the vermin leave when they are good and ready than risk getting rabies. It’s almost as dark as Tim Allen’s past, present, and future, The Santa Clause!
Dec 17, 2021•59 min•Ep. 130
Oh God, it looks like someone left the windows open and the HULU HOOLIGANS got in!! This week is nothing but murder monkeys and burger boys, so apologies to anyone out there expecting a comprehensive summary and review of an absolute Christmas classic. It’s the holiday staple that no one should include in their diet, Richie Rich’s Christmas Wish!
Dec 11, 2021•57 min•Ep. 129
Here comes the boys, with yet another quirky Christmas crapshoot just in time for Hanukkah. Take this episode as a gift from our mishpocheh to yours, and let it serve as a nice reminder that you guys aren’t missing out on anything. It’s like he crawled so that the Geico Cavemen could run, Ernest Saves Christmas!
Dec 04, 2021•54 min•Ep. 128
The Muppets are back, baby! Back to being the main point of discussion on the podcast that is. In any other context, they’ve been essentially dormant for years and any attempt at a revival has been met with a rather tepid response. It’s the Seinfeld of Christmas movies, The Muppet Christmas Carol!
Nov 27, 2021•1 hr 14 min•Ep. 127
