Gravity problems make conflict resolution more difficult because they keep you stuck. Here’s how to recognize gravity problems when you see them, why they’re troublesome, and how to prevent them from hijacking resolution. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .
For conflict in vital relationships, don’t overlook the conversation that comes before the problem-solving conversation (part 4 of 4). Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .
Stop a conflict's past from holding you fast (part 3 of a 4-part series). Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .
Our conflict hooks influence the conflicts we get into, how we react, and how stuck we get (part 2 of a 4-part series). Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .
The story we tell ourselves and others about a conflict isn’t the story of the conflict. It’s our story of the conflict. But what is it trying to tell us? (Part 1 of a 4-part series) Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .
Effective communication requires both sending and receiving skills. This communication tool will help you do both. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .
How to lower the volume without fuss or drama and get the conversation back on track. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .
In honor of his remarkable legacy, I’m replaying my 2020 story about Nobel Peace Prize laureate and former U.S. President, Jimmy Carter. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .
Conflict can be detrimental to relationships, but it doesn’t have to be. What makes the difference? Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .
These phrases will help you introduce disagreement in a non-confrontational way. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .
Help yourself think clearly, make better decisions, and keep impulses in check with these 11 mental tricks. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .
How I form “provisional theories” that can influence the trajectory of a conflict. Find episode transcript and links here , the QueryCards here , and conflict resolution quotes here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here ....
Do you seem like a bad listener when you disagree? Yes, you do, even when you’re an ace listener. Here's why. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my free monthly Substack newsletter here .
Good problem-solving process is like a reliable GPS, helping us navigate a difficult conversation coherently. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .
Venting anger doesn’t help you calm down and increases aggression. So why is the venting myth still embraced? And what’s better? Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .
Here's an exercise to help you identify your conflict hooks and increase emotional agility during difficult interactions. Find episode transcript here . Find part 1 here . How knowing your conflict hooks helps reduce conflict in your life . More about my book here and the free worksheet here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here ....
One of the best ways to increase emotional agility in conflict is to recognize and manage your conflict hooks. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .
What we do immediately after we express empathy helps or hinders the connection and alignment we’re trying to build. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my Substack newsletter here .
How to skip the drama and the rumination and raise a concern so they’ll actually listen. Find Tammy's episode transcript and links here and the printable cheat sheet here . Subscribe to my monthly Subtack newsletter here .
It’s tempting to tell people what they should do. It feels efficient, and it makes us feel helpful and wise. When we replace telling with asking, we can do something more powerful and, ultimately, more satisfying: Help people illuminate what’s important and generate effective solutions to problems. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my free monthly newsletter here ....
My newsletter, Disagree Better , turns 25 this month. I’m marking the milestone with 25 ways to disagree better from a wide array of thinkers. Find episode transcript and links here . Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here .
One reason agreements and solutions fail is that they don’t sufficiently identify and address the root causes of the problem. Another is that they address behavioral elements of the conflict without also addressing systemic elements that drive the behavior. The Relationship Diagram is an excellent tool for overcoming both of these problem-solving hurdles. Relationship diagram demo (video) Episode transcript Frame a solvable problem To automatically receive transcripts of new episodes, plus Tammy...
Should our conflict partners have to earn or deserve our good graces for us to show them generosity of spirit when they’re acting badly? Here’s a way to disagree better even when we think we’re handling the encounter well and they’re not. Episode transcript Seeing the equal human in front of us Susan Cain's website To automatically receive transcripts of new episodes, plus Tammy's newsletter, subscribe here ....
Like a movie trailer, your Stuck Story is a montage of the most interesting moments in a conflict, with certain scenes magnified and others omitted. It’s not the story of the conflict; it’s your story of the conflict. It’s not helpful to keep repeating your Stuck Story, either to yourself or to others. Here’s why and how to stop the unintended rehearsals. Episode transcript About neural pathways My book, The Conflict Pivot To automatically receive transcripts of new episodes, plus Tammy's newsle...
Stonewalling makes conflict conversations more difficult and can damage vital relationships. So what can you do if you want to talk out a problem, but the other person is stonewalling? Start by understanding how the present circumstances may be driving the behavior. Episode transcript When they're not ready to talk How to navigate the "not my problem" problem A question to help make sure you're solving the same problem The "real issue" black hole Instead of labeling, describe the behavior To aut...
I'm on summer break and will be back with a new episode next month. In the meantime, enjoy this replay from the archives. Episode transcript To automatically receive transcripts of new episodes, plus Tammy's newsletter, subscribe here .
When someone is steadfastly committed to their position in an argument, the best we can do sometimes is create just a tiny bit of wiggle room in their thinking, enough to soften their position and give the conversation somewhere to go. Here’s one way to do it. Episode transcript The Knowledge Illusion by Steven Sloman and Philip Fernbach To automatically receive transcripts of new episodes, plus Tammy's newsletter, subscribe here ....
It’s hard to stand in someone else’s shoes when we’re in the middle of a conflict with them, even when we know that understanding their perspective is important. Here’s a trick of the mind that makes perspective-taking easier. Episode transcript The Zen of Listening by Rebecca Shafir The negative effects of trying to stand in their shoes More on practicing in low-stakes situations To automatically receive transcripts of new episodes, plus Tammy's newsletter, subscribe here ....
Conflict and suffering are bedfellows. When we’re trying to help others in conflict, whether as mediators, leaders, or family members, we can help them better if we can turn toward their suffering instead of withdrawing from it. Episode transcript An article about Epstein's and Black's work Small caring actions to ease suffering Every conflict contains a bid to be seen To automatically receive transcripts of new episodes, plus Tammy's newsletter, subscribe here ....
Most of us sit down together to sort out tension and conflict. We meet over coffee, or gather at the conference table, or sit down for a family meeting. We might well benefit more from walking conflict resolution than sitting, and here’s the science to explain why. Episode transcript 2014 Stanford University research 2022 Max Planck Institute research A long walk with two mediation clients To automatically receive transcripts of new episodes, plus Tammy's newsletter, subscribe here ....
