Detangle with Malaika Arora

Thank you so much for joining me today .

Dance definitely was , because I've always dance has been an integral part of my life since I was a kid . So , yes , I always thought I would probably just be a really accomplished dancer or I would go , I would probably study dance further , you know , kind of join an academy or something like that . I really did think that would be the step that I would take .

I was a fairly good psychology student , so that was something else that kind of crossed my mind in college . I guess I've always been very good with kids , with , you know , with teaching . I've been very good with that in my growing up years .

So I just thought that that was again something I would probably pursue and , you know , and I thought it would be my calling . But you know , of course life has different , different ideas and dreams for you which one never ever thought of . So , yeah , all of it just kind of happened by chance .

To be very honest , literally everything in my life has happened by chance .

taken a break , you know they've . They've completely , you know , decided to give , you know , a complete hiatus to their career of and then moved away , got married , children . A lot of them have now made comebacks . You know , I think that's been pretty much the pattern of sorts for women .

I don't know , but I've just somehow managed to just be around for the last three decades and be relevant , as you said . And to be relevant is very , very difficult in a business where things change , tides change , there's a new flavor of the season , you know , every , every now and then .

So to actually stay above the game , hold your head up high and be relevant is very , very difficult . But I don't know somewhere . I think , for me , two things I think of being staying relevant one is consistency and one is constantly reinventing myself . I never , really I was never part of any sort of a rat race .

I never was trying to , you know , be a top notch heroine or be the best . I was never in that sort of space . I somehow felt I needed to cover niche for myself , which genuinely I felt it was .

I mean , in all these years I don't think there was anybody in that , in that category , you know , in that niche that I've created of of being this , of being this girl , you know a sex symbol of sorts , somebody you know you kind of , you kind of desire and then comes on screen and then takes over the whole space of of doing , you know , songs in , in

films you know , which was literally that kind of took the credit in a film where you know you would kind of say , oh my God , you know , that song just kind of was the highlight of the film , you know . So there was nobody really in that space who was doing any of that . So , like I said , I just kind of made a niche for myself .

I was in the industry and yet I was not completely , you know , both legs in the industry . I just kind of had this great love affair going on with this , with the industry , and I love it and to date I still have it .

I still have this amazing , you know , a place of this amazing love or this amazing , like I said , a love affair that I continue to have , which is amazing .

So I'm not really a full-fledged heroine , I'm not a full-fledged producer or whatever , but I still continue to be part of the industry , purely because you know of my , of all the number of songs that I've done and I continue to do , and I really do get a lot of love for that and , of course , over the years of kind of , like I said , being consistent and

constantly revamping yourself and remoulding yourself and re-jigging yourself is very important , you know , and I think fitness plays a very , very important part in that . I've never let myself , I've never let myself go . I've never , ever let myself , you know , kind of just take a slump , never . I've always tried to be on top of my game .

I've always tried to look a certain way , I've always tried to be a certain way . I've always and , like I said , I've never competed with anybody . I mean , in today's day and age , there are girls half my age , you know , and yet I still hold my own , I still stand my space and I'm not competing with anyone else , even though every second day . I'm always .

I'm always compared to somebody half my age , which I think is . I don't know why , but I still am . But , like I said , I've managed to . I really have managed to just kind of carve my own niche and just stay in that space of mine .

I don't ever let , I don't get swayed by what's going on around me . You know so , literally it's my world . That kind of exists for me .

So that's a constant thing where you're judged for your looks . Unfortunately , that goes with the territory , but I think spanning over three decades is not . You can't just survive on your looks , right ?

I mean , at some point those looks are going to fade away you , at the end of the day , it is your professionalism , it is what you bring to the table , it is your hard work , it is your constant thirst and your constant need to be better . Right , that is what eventually is going to hold you . You know , hi , it's not your just .

I mean , yes , I give , I mean I'm really grateful for my looks , I'm really grateful for all of that . But , like I said , all of that fades with time . You have to literally go beyond that and that is the trick and that is how you stay relevant . If you can actually go beyond your looks , then you can stay relevant , true .

So now , how did you deal with this earlier and how do you deal with it now ? So much has changed in this whole ecosystem .

. And unfortunately , we're living in a time of social media which has literally taken over every aspect of our lives . So you're constantly going to be judged like for whatever it may be , for the work that you've like sometimes you've done . You know , you're kind of done so much in your life , so much you know you've kind of achieved so much .

You've kind of put yourself out there , your love for that , your fans adore you for that . And yet there will always be a section of society or section of social media that will say , oh , what does she do ? You know just . You know just about shakes or hips or dances . You know , that's what , that is all that she has to a credit .

So you kind of then you kind of wonder , I mean , is there , is there no pleasing ? You know people , but then at the end of the day you can't please everybody . You have to just keep going until the day you realize that , listen , I think , I think I've done enough and now I need to . You know , hang up my boots right .

So I think , till then , till you have it in you , till you have that fire in your belly , till you have that , that will and that urge to want to be better , I don't think anything or anybody can slow you down .

And I feel , in today's day and age , the opportunities are , are endless , are literally endless Now , whether it's on television , whether it's in films , whether it's producing , whether it is OTT , whether it is , you know , businesses , the opportunities are . Just you know it's limitless .

So I genuinely feel , as a woman working today for me , my opportunities are limitless . I don't I don't feel boxed at all . I feel there is a new opportunity waiting and knocking at my door every single day , every single day , you know , and I feel very , very happy about the fact that I've done it on my own . I've never relied on anybody .

I've never , ever , felt the need . I've never needed a crutch in my life . The only support that I've had a support system is your family right , that's your , your friends and family , that are your support system . But in terms of a crutch or in terms of somebody pushing me or giving , no , I think I've . I have done it all on my own .

I have managed to , you know , I've managed to work with amazing people who have and , time and again , who have come back to work with me . You know , it's not like a one-off thing . I mean , I may have , I've worked with them and then eventually I've worked with them over and over again .

So I think that speaks volumes for any artist , when , when somebody keeps coming back to you to work with you , that means it really does speak volumes . That means you are doing something . You're doing something right .

So , like I said , I think I genuinely have done it all on my own , with a great support system and amazing people that I've met over over my time , over the entire trajectory of my career , that I've met and I've had the opportunity to work with .

But like I mean a lot of I mean somebody said that I , I give myself all credit because I have worked very hard to be where I am today and I will take all credit for it . How nice , I mean , why not ? And more about it . Yeah , I'm not even going to shy away from it and I will . I have had people who have had .

You know , I've met amazing people along the way who have only helped me you know , get better at what I'm doing who have just , you know , who have kind of been there along my but I don't , I've never had anybody hand holding me or , you know , kind of never . So for that I will take full credit .

For the person that I am , or or the success or my or my shortcomings , all of it , I take full credit and I completely will give myself credit for that .

There was a time in my life when I was younger , but I was looking for that Pat on my back and that kind of validation and the woman that I am today , I can , I don't , I'm fine , I'm , I'm okay with not having that , I'm absolute . I mean , yes , everybody , you know , you , you get an award , you're you're , you're appreciated .

Everybody loves that , Everybody loves that kind of validation . But I'm not looking for that , I'm not seeking it . I'm not looking for that Pat on my back and say , wow , Fanta , and no , I will give myself that Pat on my back . I will tell myself every morning that you know what you're doing a fantastic job .

Get up and let's , let's , you know , take over and rule the world and let's do something bigger and better . Today I will say that to myself , I will say it to myself a million times and I will make sure that that's what you know propels me every day of my life .

I mean , I use it for my work , I use it for for a certain amount of recreation , which is just the amount that I want to put out there . So , no , I don't want to look into trolls , I don't want to peep into comments . I don't , because it's a very , very , very toxic space to kind of .

Once you let yourself go down that space , let me tell you it is . It's damning , it messes your head up . It really does . I'm sure there are a lot of people who do it , no judgment . There was a time where I did it . With time I have learned and I will not go down that space ever again , because it's not healthy .

It's too toxic a space and I want to be happy . I don't want anybody to dull my shine . I want to be able to wake up every morning feeling amazing about myself If somebody out there is going to , even minutely , even by a point , going to dull that for me . I don't need that . You know , tata , goodbye , I don't need it at all .

Has this been a struggle for you to keep the mind in check , or has that been your kind of superpower ?

Hey , today I got you know , I have to be three kilos down or two inches smaller . I don't look at it that way . I'm very proud of my body because I have worked very hard on it . But of course it's a . It is also a mind thing because I'm extremely disciplined as a person

. I know people around me are like , oh , come on , you know fine , but no , I will , I will do that hard work . I will put in that hard work . If I have worked , if I have worked late or if I've had a late night of you know whatever out with my friends or whatever , I will still wake up in the morning and I will still .

I will still be on the map . I will still do my yoga session or I will do my , whatever it may be , whether it's my yoga , my pilates , whatever , I will be there in the morning . I may be there one hour later because I may feel I need one hour extra sleep , but I will not miss it .

So , no matter what and people around me are , like you know , wise , and it's okay , man , like I know it , I mean I know my some of my sister will say to me she'll be like chill . Her perennial to me is like chill . Why can't you just chill ? I'm like , trust me , I'm very chill , but this is me , you know I .

I'm a very disciplined person and I owe my every , what I do out there , what I put out there , my work . I owe it to my , to my , to my fans . I owe it to the people who who want to watch me . I owe it to the , to the channels that pay me that kind of money to be on their channel . I owe it to them and I need to be a certain way .

I'm not going to let that slip and slide just because I've had a heavy night . You know that that ain't going to stop me . So I know , as a psychologist , I'm sure you deal with so many people having different . You know ways of dealing with things differently .

For me , this is my motivation , this is my superpower the fact that I can wake up every single day and push myself and say you know what ? It's a new day , I'm going to be better . Today . I'm going to . You know , I just , and I just for me . I need to stay in the game as long as I can , and if I need to be at my optimum , so be it .

Nothing and no one can stop me from that .

So I'm sure you do get tired , physically , emotionally . So how do you pick yourself up on those days when you're really run down Of ?

There are days when I feel ridiculously bloated , I'm PMS-ing , I'm irritable , I mean , come on , I'm human . There are days where I don't want to see anybody's face . My son annoys the shit out of me because he said something which pisses me off . You know . You know , things are normal . I think it's just , it's all fine and you have to listen to your body .

You got to listen to your system . You know , for me , sometimes I feel like a good cry helps me .

Or if I'm like I said , if I'm really emotionally high , strong or drained , a good cry really helps me . I mean , people say , you know , sometimes a good chat with your , with a friend , or you know something like that can can really , you know , make you think , you know , just kind of make you feel better .

So I think these are the things that really kind of help and I and I it helps me for sure . So , yes , I have terrible days , there are terrible , terrible days , but I have my ways of dealing with it . I have my ways of of I don't fight it , I deal with it . It's very important you know to accept it and then accept it .

You know fighting it is not the solution , dealing with it is a solution .

I just completely I have whittled myself down to a handful of people because I don't like excessive people in my life . I don't like excessive unnecessary , you know , friendships in my life . I don't . I find that very , very tiring . I find that very . It takes up too much of my energy .

I need a certain kind of energy around me which is in terms of people , right . I find certain people very draining . I try and distance myself , no matter how much that may hurt or maybe , but I have to distance myself from any kind of somebody who drains my energy . I cannot , I can't be next to people like that .

So , yes , I feel from from as young as youngsters , we want to have lots of people around us and have all of that , and as we get older , you kind of just need the bare minimum around you , literally , right .

I mean right from the time I started , whether it was working with some of the most brilliant photographers in the country who would literally call me their muse . You know they'll be like you know , you are , you know . So I feel you know just

something like that . Or or being told over the years that you know that , you've that , you know you've just , you've just gotten better with with time and age . You've kind of you know there's . I mean also when somebody just turns around and tells you listen , you know there's nobody like you .

You know , over the years we've had the opportunity of working or shooting with so many people but there's , there's no one like you . You know . So I guess these are things when somebody tells you they really kind of stick with you , they really kind of make you feel amazing .

It just kind of you just kind of feel I'm doing something , I'm doing something right in my , in my profession , you know . So , yeah , I think to find that one thing is very tough .

I just think , like I said , when I was told very early on in my life by the most brilliant photographers that I was their muse , and that just kind of just made me feel amazing .

Contentment comes with probably finding that right partner in your life , you know where you say , okay , chalo , now I'm content and now I don't need to do anything . So I think contentment is very different for different people .

For me , as from the person that I am , and from the from where I've grown up , from a very , very middle class kind of a family where , where you know , financially we were not very , very stable , those are the years , my growing up years . Obviously , for me , being financially stable and independent is very important . It has a lot of weightage in my life .

So for me , I will , you know , I will constantly like , every time somebody tells me but till , calm down , you know , you've done so much , you've earned so much . I'm like no , what you know , I don't ever feel that's enough . I always feel no , there's more that I can do and there's more that I can , you know .

So I feel , like I said , it comes from a certain sense of , of my where , my growing up years where maybe I was not financially stable . We weren't . We didn't come from that kind of a background . So for me that is very , very important , very important . So that kind of .

I will always try to strive harder because I will always feel , you know it's not enough . You know I still can do more and I still can be .

I still need to to buy myself that home or or take my parents on a holiday or give you know I will always feel that I need to strive a little more because I need to , I need to get achieved a little more so that I can , I can have that , that luxury in my life .

I mean , use that time and energy for something a little more constructive . You know , then just sitting down and having opinions and judging people all the time , I just find that really very , very , very draining . So , yeah , that pisses me off . Of course , I'm the kind of person who's I am very , very particular . I have an issue .

I mean , I hate it when people are , you know , don't value people's time . I find that very , very annoying . I have an issue with certain amount of laziness For me . Somebody else may turn around and say you know , you may think it's lazy , but we think it's just .

I don't like too much of procrastinating and you know , I feel if you put your mind to something , try and make it work , don't procrastinate too much . So there are these are a few things that I'm very , very . That is now whether it's a good part of me or whether it is not so good , I don't know , but that's just my personality .

Yeah , it's a part of you , and why not ?

But what if you were to have a mental first aid box ? You know something you could just open and feel happy on some of those days where you feel run down emotionally and you want a little pick me up . So if you had to make a box like this just for yourself , what would you put in it ?

Like when we were young , if we were going through something , we were acting up or we were , you know whatever we would get two thuppers and say , you know , literally our parents would give us two slaps and say , come on , move on . You know like , get on with it , not actually realizing that we were actually dealing with something .

You know , that's probably why we were reacting . Right Now , thankfully , we have so much available to us . You know , in terms of external health . You know , if you're , if you've identified that you're dealing with something , there's so much of external health that you can , that you can get .

I mean , not always can you get this help from your near and dear ones because they're not quite sure as to how to deal with it Right . They're also , you know , kind of you know kind of kind of literally walking through the dark and figuring how or why somebody is behaving a certain way .

So now you have so much of external health , which is fantastic , which we didn't really have when we were , when we were little , so we didn't quite realize that what we were actually going through . True , but having said that , if there was a box , that I had to put things into it . I mean , I'm not somebody who , I'm not an escapist at all .

I guess in my younger days I used to shove everything under the carpet , everything , and not deal with anything , because that was I thought that was the best way to deal with it , and that's largely a large part of my personality .

With time , I've realized that I have to deal with certain things , I have to approach it , I have to talk about it , I have to address it . So , yes , with time I've learned I have to . You know , I can't just sweep it out of the carpet , because that ain't going to help any longer , like the way it did when I was a child .

So , yeah , I've got to think if I have to put what into the box , I would For me I know , frivolous as it may sound , you know holidays really helped me .

Actually , every time I feel like my batteries are running low , my energies are running low , I feel physically , mentally drained , I take off and I go to you know , any one of these places which predominantly deals with detoxing , right ? So ?

So , whether it is going to an Ananda or a Vana or a or a Viva Maya or any of these , any of there are so many places I love going to these because I feel it really kind of resets everything . That's something I love . A holiday I really do . For me , that's probably number one on my on my list of things Just taking off .

I need to just be able to take off and go someplace where I can recharge everything . They can put a little aeroplane in your box yeah , literally you know that's something .

Or tickets and aeroplane or tickets , Both work Well , you know , I think for me , of course , a whole lot of memories that I hold on to , which always kind of puts me in In a good space , certain memories , certain thoughts , you know , which kind of bring back good .

They kind of look for times , music , music is against , something that reminds me of certain times in my life or certain moments or whatever . So that food , food is something else that really keeps me happy , and I don't look at food as a crutch . I look at food as something that is very , you know , nourishes your fuse . It's nourishes me internally .

It just kind of puts you know and I love so whether it means feeding somebody , cooking for somebody , feeding myself , you know . So it's that the process , I think the whole process of having to do that is that really nourishes me . So that's why I love going to places also , which is like a culinary , you know , upliftment for me .

You know places where I'm going to go , you know places where food or wine or tasting , you know things like that I really , I really do . I really love that For me . Of course , my yoga is something that I really , really I put my yoga mat in it as well . So , yeah , these are some of the things that really helped me .

Before we come to a close of this beautiful conversation , malika , I always need the floor open to my guest . Is there a question that you would like to ask me as a psychologist ?

I actually requested you to join me , simply because I feel that what people know of you people who know you is very different from what people just see you . And there's this whole bridge which is not something that everybody can cross unless they hear you talk , and that's an effort most people don't take .

So it's very easy to see somebody on screen and say , oh , what is this ? This is only dance . And , like you said , oh , what does she do ? She just is dancing or moving her hips and earning a nice bit of money through it .

But there's a lot that goes behind it , which is why I wanted to talk to you , to learn about this , to learn from you firsthand what you've done in your life , the whole resilience , the grit , what goes in the background . Now , for me this is new , that you have a background in psychology , then you have yoga in your life .

All these are dots which form a beautiful pattern . It's just so unseen for everyone . So even for me , it was not something I knew , but it's fantastic to find these patterns in people , I'm sure you can't sit down and explain things to everybody .

Now , if I'm going to sit down and try to change that every day of my life , not only am I going to gray before my time , I'm going to be a miserable person . I'm going to be miserable and I don't have the bandwidth for that . I'm too content with myself . I am Like I said . I have no qualms about saying it I'm very happy and content with myself .

It is through these conversations that I like to break these echoes and I like to open out and just want to hear people's stories . And it's amazing . I mean , I find every story amazing because nobody has had a simple , normal life . And those two stories- will be .

I think it's quite amazing . It is . I'm sure I don't know how therapeutic it is , but I'm sure it is very insightful , if nothing .

. You may not label yourself as an activist , but this is exactly what you're doing through your work .

If you have to ask me as if I can inspire a section of society out there , then that means I've done my job well , I've done something right for that to happen .

It is the first week that I have at home chilling , so I feel okay , I can accomplish a lot of things that I need to do at home Literally . But really thank you so much .