Detangle with Dr. Suparna Telang

For me , you're a psychiatrist with more experience than I have circles around the sun . Tell us about your qualifications , please .

In between that I tried my post-graduation and doing gynecology , but could not complete my DGO because of my ill health . I had a pre-pregnancy symptoms and so I could not complete that . Anyways , that hit my urge to continue studying never ended .

During that time I used to work with mentally handicapped children and adults and adolescents and realized that the need for sexual consultation to them and their parents was very important .

I would say that they needed sex education , because education is not a word , what we could tell them , but it was more of a practical training that they needed to understand their own sexuality and behavior .

So while doing all that , a bug bit me and I decided that I must do something for human sexuality , and thus I went to Stanford to study , but then I realized that there also it was more of a theoretical Then Dr Rex , who was that time dean of physiology .

So Professor Rex guided me , saying that go back to India , work with the physiology department and study . All this is a physiological subject . So I came back . My guide then was Dr Gaderiwal , who was a dean of JJ Medical , and then I completed my PhD in 1989-90 . Started practicing as a sexual medicine person , practicing as a sexual medicine person .

At the same time , the realization was always there that I wanted to do psychiatry , maybe because I grew up in a large family and maybe in a rural area , seeing people around and different natures of the people .

I was always interested in knowing the psychology of people and that's how my interest in social psychiatry also grew up and I decided to get admission into college again to study psychiatry . Well , I completed psychiatry with my eldest son-in-law doing his MSc and D . We both went to college together .

At the same time I feel that more number of successful psychiatrists were men , like successful gynecologists . So maybe women trusted males more into their health issues than women .

But now I think the whole thing is changing and almost many , many women prefer taking psychiatry because they are the best psychologists and psychiatrists who understand the people much better than men .

You don't feel like coming out of that . Same thing with human sexuality , because it's a vast sea of emotions , more than the physical , the emotional . Balancing and connect is very important as far as sexuality is concerned is very important . As far as sexuality is concerned , nothing is only physical .

Every physical illness has a sexual ovary , as well as every sexual . Every psychological imbalance has a repercussion on the physical health . Same thing happens as far as sex is concerned , and so psychology is equally important , as much as the organic problems .

It's so open , it's so freely talked about , it's so freely acted also , and when they are exercising it right since their age , as low as 14-15 also people may not like me saying that , but which is a fact of life At that time , if I am going to be talking about , guilt is the most important factor

there . Yes , they do it . They do it to prove themselves . They don't do it only because they want it or their body is needed . Yes , of course , at that age they are very sensitive and physically interested in sex . Sensitive and physically interested in sex .

But more than being physically driven to that , it is more because somebody else has it and I'm not doing it . So it is more of a competitive in nature and that brings about more of a guilt , because they may not be socially , culturally ready or family wise . They are not ready for it , but they are compelling themselves to do it .

At the same time , in married women also , I would say that , yes , guilt is one more thing . A married woman may not like everything about her partner , yet she has a guilt of not liking it . So these are the things which are very important . Fantasy is one very important aspect of sexuality .

So if a woman is not going to feel free in fantasizing , she is not going to enjoy that free in fantasizing , she is not going to enjoy the act at all .

I mean , she is restricting herself into enjoying the act because she has to fantasize pleasure , unless you imagine , unless you look forward , and when you look forward to that pleasure , if there is going to be a little bit of guilt in your mind that , oh , this is not really right . Am I being wrong ? Am I fantasizing a wrong way or something ?

So that guilt is something I think one needs to deal with when it comes to female sexual aspect .

It was a very interesting training program where you learn to compartmentalize . It's something like blockchain . You have your own compartment . Your patient has his own compartment .

Nothing interacts or exchanges between the two compartments , so his compartment , your judgment about him , remains in that compartment , and that compartment means his environment , his social environment , his family environment , his financial environment , his relationship . Everything is closed in that compartment .

Everything is closed in that compartment should not be permitted to enter your compartment . So the minute patient leaves your office it's shut . So it rarely affects lovely .

But I used to talk to my grandparents how lovely , and we were a joint family and I think I learned so much from my grandparents my grandmother , my grandfather , all of them and fortunately still , that my both side , my maternal and paternal grandparents were very open to all these discussions . I remember my first growing up or getting my first periods .

It was my nanaji who told me about all that . He said , no , don't worry , you're not going to be separated . Those were the days when girls were not allowed to walk around the house also , and he put his foot down and said no discrimination , she will come and sit here with me in my shop .

He had a shop , a printing place , so I used to go and sit with him and he used to tell me about what changes occur in a female body . So I think I was fortunate enough in growing up and whenever I was low , I could talk to my parents .

Now , after so many years that my parents are not there for about last 10-12 years , I feel very confident in talking to my daughters about all this . So you've come a full circle . Yes .

I have my own answers , which might be different , but let me ask you over the years , over the decades , how has mental health changed ? Were there any challenges you faced when you started out which you don't face now ? Or do you think that things are all the same ?

Not only that , but even the physicians , the family doctors , they all kind of had their strings attached to the patient and they knew when to pull that patient back , went to pull that patient back . Young patients were hesitant in bringing to .

They were hesitant in coming to psychiatrist and even the doctors would say that no , he is not mad , he only has a little bit of a problem . No need to go to a psychiatrist . They will give you shock , and that was a threat not of the medicine but of the shock . True , and yes , those were the days when that was the ultimate that we had .

It's not so now . Now it is much better . We have a much larger basket . But more than all that , now we know the biology of most of the disorders . We know the neurological side of it . We have so many other ways to study psychiatry , like we can do MRIs . We can rule out so many things , simple things like B12 deficiencies , which can cause mental confusion .

But those were not the days when we would even think about all this . So so much has changed . Psychology or psychiatry , is going far ahead and at a much faster pace . So not just neurochemistry , that is another thing that we know now in much greater details .

So I think there is a lot of change that has occurred as far as psychiatry in those days and now .

But at the same time there was a lot of family support at that time to deal with anxiety . There were people where you could share your feelings . But as far as psychosis is concerned , I don't think it has helped . It has changed much , but the treatment modalities have changed it right . So many more psychotics also .

We see that they are well settled and working , working to a very good extent . They may not be at their best , but they are still doing very good .

So my take on all that would be you must give a holiday to social media , a total take off from social media , at least for some time , at regular intervals .

Off from social media , maybe at intervals , if you can't do without a social media , if your basic core or your profession needs to be attached to social media , then you can spend the remaining time in doing all these other things , not 24-7 glued to social media . I have seen young stores falling asleep with their iPads and laptops around them .

Know we need to do better stuff on social media , but even the quantity matters . As long as you can just take a break , go cold turkey . That is more help . Lovely Doc , have you for yourself tried any of the new mental health tools , these AI bots ? Some of them have been quite popularized with the new machine learning . What's your ?

What will happen to your memory Today ? How many of us remember telephone numbers of our own friends or families ? We don't , but there was a time when we could remember at least minimum 70 to 100 phone numbers . We don't even remember car numbers . We don't remember anything that is important to us .

We just check our mobile and try to recollect what the number is .

Not everybody can afford a psychologist or a psychiatrist , so do you really think there's a future for these ?

You just sit with somebody , smile at somebody , make that person feel comfortable with you . The person is already relaxed , at least 20% . That doesn't happen with machine learning or machine counseling , it doesn't . It just gives you a feel . It's very mechanical . So we are not machines , we are human beings and human feelings , emotions .

Everything is understood by second human , another human , not machine , well point taken .

I call it dangerous , I don't even say it's a very sensitive age , but it is super sensitive that can become dangerous For oneself . Your physical changes , your mental changes , your changing , what you are seeing in the world also is changing super fast , which wasn't so .

So I would recommend that at 13 , one has to sit and talk to somebody , one needs to keep talking to somebody and discuss and move ahead Lovely .

There are people spending eight nine hours a day on their phones , scrolling mindlessly and then saying , oh , I have brain fog , maybe it's my age catching up . So , from the mental health perspective , what tips would you give women in their 40s ?

Holding hands , sitting and talking , having a cup of tea or coffee in a silent mode , looking at each other or doing things together is also a very good catharsis . If you can't do all this , it doesn't matter .

With your friends , make it a point to go and meet them or invite them or meet them in a common place , but spend time together , not only on phone or social media . I see so many of them having hundreds of friends on social media but not a single when they really need to hold hand .

I keep saying hold hand because I think human touch , nothing can make up for that human touch , even as a consultant , even as a counselor , although we have been warned as not to touch your patient , warned as not to touch your patient , but there are so many occasions that you just give a tap on his back or her back and shoulder and say relax , patient feels

much , much easier , better , more confident . Same thing at the age of 40 , you need to give a tap on your shoulder and say , hey , baby , relax , 40 is not something that is end of life . You have just become free of your many , many responsibilities . Now is the time when you plan your life ahead .

You have so much to do , so many things you wanted to do and never did it . You kept comparing yourself with others . Stop comparing . Everybody is an individual by yourself .

We want to keep a band-aid , some paracetamol , you know , just something for those minor cuts and bruises . What if we were to keep a mental first aid box ? What if you were to keep a mental first aid box with little things that would make you happy as soon as you opened it ? So what would you ?

So I've been lucky to be in contact , with , working with , having colleagues in different fields endocrinology , cardiology , neurology who have taught me a lot about the body . And you're right . People come and say that , okay , I'm feeling stressed and so I'm dizzy , but what is this dizziness ? What is the label ? How do I get rid of it ?

I have people standing on a high building and saying , oh , I have vertigo . So sometimes I have to correct them that , okay , have you been diagnosed ? Is it dizziness or vertigo ? So I do this now based on all the things that I have learned from all these experts that don't diagnose yourself , don't label yourself .

So the first thing I tell my friends , my patients , my you know , anybody who comes to me for a physical advice is that you have a symptom , write it down . Write it down before you label yourself .

Keep that as an organic beginning point so that when you go to the consultant or to the doctor you are not going to say that , oh , I have tachycardia no you can say I feel palpitations . Or you will not say I have vertigo . You can say I feel dizzy .

Let the doctor decide what is happening to you , and that's the only way you'll get a proper diagnosis and a treatment plan .

and so you start at a different point if a patient comes in .

Let me give you a personal example . When I was doing season one and season two of my podcast , there was a lag of three months in between . But I jumped right in Now , between season two and season three , when I started again and I updated all my apps and I got all my softwares up to date . Everything had changed .

So in these three months almost three decades- had passed Correct Because suddenly AI is everywhere . It has intruded on every aspect of the software that I'm using and now I have to take a step back and say dude , I'm doing my work like , yes , stay away , so I'm also learning through this process .

but , dog , it has been so lovely to be able to talk to you and to be able to share this discussion with people , because women's sexual health , men's sexual health , psychiatry these are all taboo subjects , to a point of nobody even wanting to put a hashtag on a note of which has been posted online because people say it is too vulgar , it is too risk .

But these are the things that everybody is dealing with suffering from , maybe , enjoying maybe , but not talking about . It's not a rare disorder that we can ignore . These are things that we need to talk about for a healthier society . So I'm glad that you are there in Pune about for a healthier society .

So I'm glad that you're there in Pune at the helm of things , and I'm really , really honored that you could take the time to talk to me today . Thank you so much Thank you .