99. The Journey of Filling One's Cup: Achieving Balance and Personal Growth - podcast episode cover

99. The Journey of Filling One's Cup: Achieving Balance and Personal Growth

Dennis Rox
Dec 08, 2023•2 hr 15 min•Ep. 99
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Episode description

In this thought-provoking episode of Dennis Rox,  host Eldar engages with guests Phillip, Anatoliy, Mike, and Katherine in a deep dive into the intricacies of personal growth, facing fears, and the pursuit of happiness amidst the trappings of materialism.

The dialogue opens with Mike and Eldar reflecting on the transformative nature of wrestling with fear and self-sabotage, conceding how humility and life lessons often blossom from such struggles. Phillip brings attention to the necessity of enduring each step of personal development to forge mental resilience.

Eldar brings a personal touch to the conversation, candidly sharing his trepidations about falling in love, the sense of responsibility it entails, and preparing for a shared future. The discussion then spins into the realm of parenting, examining the seriousness of deciding to have a baby and the lifelong challenges it presents.

Anatoliy and Eldar ponder over the ephemeral quality of happiness, questioning the pursuit of goals and the maintenance of fulfillment. Drawing an analogy to solving a Rubik's cube, Eldar muses on the often impatient journey towards constant achievement.

As the episode progresses, the group waxes philosophical on the concept of leveling up in life, addressing humility, the quest for self-improvement, and the paradoxes of success. They propose that wealth can mask one's limitations and question whether societal status truly reflects individual mastery.

Further into the conversation, the guests contend with the notion that happiness, all too often attached to material possessions, is fleeting—a pattern of seeking external symbols of success leading to mere temporary gratification. They dissect the roots of giving and receiving gifts, the symbolism of such exchanges in fostering relationships, and the authenticity of love as divorced from material demonstrations.

Through anecdotes and personal stories, the group highlights the daily actions that form the bedrock of relationships and contrasts these with grand but sporadic gestures. They critically examine the influence of societal norms such as extravagant weddings and engagement rings on perceptions of love.

Eldar and his guests delve into the challenges of parenting, the unpredictability of raising children, and applying the lessons of love and humility learned from UFC fighters outside of the ring. In a cliffhanger for the next episode, tension simmers as the group discusses a potential guest's possible confrontation with Mike.

Focusing on the larger picture of human experience and growth, the episode circles back to the metaphor of continually filling one's 'cup' with virtue and understanding. Eldar and the guests probe into the depths of self-improvement, grappling with the twin demons of social media influence and ego attachments, debating the delicate balance between enjoying life's pleasures and avoiding overindulgence.

In an atmosphere ripe with wisdom, vulnerability, and contemplation, 'Overflowing Cup' leaves the listener pondering the essential elements that fill their own ever-evolving cup of life.

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Transcript

Eldar [00:00:00]:

These are the fucking jabs that he's always talking about.

Mike [00:00:01]:

You take. Yes.

Eldar [00:00:02]:

They're fucking good. Yeah, because I forget about it. You know, like, they subtle, but, yo, he's taking notes, bro.

Mike [00:00:07]:

Of course he's taking notes.

Mike [00:00:09]:

You know why? Because he knows why they're there.

Eldar [00:00:11]:

He knows why, right?

Mike [00:00:12]:

Yeah.

Eldar [00:00:13]:

He can't fucking stand it.

Mike [00:00:14]:

It's comforting knowing that nobody is moving.

Eldar [00:00:20]:

Holy shit. If he listens to shit, he might just come and surprise us on the hundred. This is 99. This is episode 99.

Phillip [00:00:27]:

So he's coming for 100?

Eldar [00:00:28]:

No, he wants to come for 100, but now, because he doesn't feel welcomed by some of the members, he doesn't want to come. He wants to have, like, a red carpet rolled out to him.

Phillip [00:00:38]:

I'll wrap him around in it.

Eldar [00:00:43]:

No, I really think the reason why he's not coming is because he's a pussy and he can't. There's. He's not going to be able to say all the accusations that he had about Mike and actually accuse him of the stuff that he was trying to accuse him of not being humble and all this other stuff of how Mike is doing it all wrong.

Phillip [00:00:59]:

So maybe he should cater us a nice lunch and just say thank you for us allowing him to edit our talking conversation.

Eldar [00:01:07]:

That's good. That could be appreciative for him to.

Phillip [00:01:10]:

Come from that standpoint. Yeah, I think that would be a really good humbling start.

Eldar [00:01:14]:

I'm not sure if he has that in him. No, he's not coming because what is he going to say? He has nothing to say. What's going to hold water here?

Phillip [00:01:21]:

So when he gets beat up and his face is bloodied on the ground, he's going to be like, guys, I was able to edit this whole thing. Can I get any credit for this?

Eldar [00:01:30]:

Anything? All right, this is, what do they call them? Live reactions? Yeah, or something like that, right?

Mike [00:01:50]:

Yeah, reaction video business is entertainment, and.

Phillip [00:01:54]:

What entertains the customers is the sight of blood cam.

Eldar [00:01:58]:

I mean, I was being nice.

Phillip [00:02:01]:

I'd say, like, early twenty s, I would go down to Belmont and go.

Eldar [00:02:04]:

Down to short and stuff.

Phillip [00:02:05]:

I would like to hang out with women in their forms. That was, to me, like, I was genuinely attracted to that. Then I got older.

Eldar [00:02:11]:

Yeah, you better be careful, then. It's going to use this against you, bro.

Phillip [00:02:14]:

I would beat him either way, but we were saying that we would do wrestling or like Judah or something like that. So he's muscular, no show. If you look at his body and just like, how he handles himself, he's a big martial art. Yeah, he's like a doinky dinky. Like walking around Doinky and dinky.

Eldar [00:02:33]:

Wow, we're alive. I got to see this.

Mike [00:02:37]:

It's also your temperaments are different.

Eldar [00:02:39]:

That's important.

Phillip [00:02:40]:

Yeah, I can definitely switch. Zero to 100. Very angry.

Phillip [00:02:52]:

I got really angry, and I got in his face and, like, I wanted to fight him.

Mike [00:02:55]:

He was in this guy's face, and he takes off his tongue glass, like, hey, do you know who the fuck I am?

Phillip [00:03:04]:

I've been having interactions with people that have been very hostile, I guess confrontational. Oh, no, in this, when you have a full physical advantage, oh, no.

Phillip [00:03:22]:

I do agree. If there is an even matchup, I would say the even keel calm guy would probably win. But in this one, I'm going to.

Eldar [00:03:28]:

I think he's tight over you, probably, and, like, muscle, but, like, you're sturdy. Oh, no.

Phillip [00:03:33]:

I'm gonna steam. Steamroll what I'm actually saying to myself. I'm a humble guy, and you don't get that your level of attachment to these things. And ours is next to nothing.

Eldar [00:03:44]:

Ours is next to nothing.

Phillip [00:03:46]:

He's going to be, like, having his dumb little face on it. I'm just going to be walking towards him. I'm not going to stop here, and I'm just going to keep going until he drops.

Eldar [00:03:52]:

Oh, my God.

Phillip [00:03:53]:

It's going to be one of those compressor things that just like, push, push, and he just goes to the ground and then he just.

Eldar [00:04:00]:

It all makes sense.

Phillip [00:04:09]:

I'm a humble guy.

Katherine [00:04:15]:

Dennis really went in.

Phillip [00:04:16]:

So is Dennis trying to show that he's creative, so when he gets beat up and his face is bloodied on the ground, he's going to be like, guys, I was able to edit this whole thing. Can I get any credit for this?

Eldar [00:04:29]:

Anything?

Phillip [00:04:29]:

Is that what he's trying to do?

Eldar [00:04:30]:

I don't know. As you can see, he clearly has some receipts on you.

Phillip [00:04:35]:

Listen, it's an open invitation.

Eldar [00:04:38]:

It's an open invitation.

Phillip [00:04:40]:

I'll take it. As in WWE, they call it, like, money in the bank, pretty much. You can take a suitcase to any location so I can be in the office? I can be anywhere. And if he wants to do it at any time, I do it in the office. You're back.

Eldar [00:04:53]:

Doesn't matter.

Phillip [00:04:53]:

Lunch. I can be in any position. I'll do it after my surgery, before it doesn't matter.

Eldar [00:04:58]:

I like that.

Phillip [00:04:59]:

I'll take him anytime, anywhere, whatever he wants to do. On the beach, in the sand, wherever he feels comfortable. He fills his tents and does all that other nonsense. I'm definitely fine with that.

Eldar [00:05:10]:

All right. You heard it, Dennis.

Phillip [00:05:11]:

It's an open invitation.

Eldar [00:05:13]:

Yeah, edit that, you slimy fucker. All right, guys, so topic for today, for tonight, actually, is sometimes. I mean, a lot of the times, actually, when it comes to philosophy, bubbles, stars align. And they align in such a way where me and you had a conversation, Mike, privately. And then me and Toli had a conversation privately. Whoa. And the topics actually align. That's sick.

Eldar [00:05:44]:

Okay. And the topic is, why is it important to have your cup full? Does this remind you of anything? Totally.

Mike [00:05:53]:

He completely forgot the conversation, I think, based on that response.

Eldar [00:05:56]:

Oh, my God. Well, you didn't forget because yours was more recent. Yours was actually more recent than his. His was a couple of days ago. Yeah. And then yours was probably today, right?

Mike [00:06:05]:

No, a couple of days ago.

Eldar [00:06:07]:

Yeah, whatever.

Mike [00:06:07]:

Three days ago.

Eldar [00:06:08]:

Yeah. This week. Yeah, it was this week. Right? It was yesterday. What are you talking about? It was yesterday on the walk. No, it was the day before. Okay, the day before, I believe. Fine.

Eldar [00:06:19]:

I think you guys were talking about actually the same thing. Yeah. And you had a question. I did have a question. First you had a statement about people's cups being full, and then you reverted it to maybe asking a question. Yeah. Your first statement was about the cup being full.

Mike [00:06:37]:

I was saying that to have any success in life, the most important thing is to have a full cup. Like, whatever endeavor you're about to embark.

Eldar [00:06:47]:

On is super important to have a full cup, because if you don't, you won't succeed.

Mike [00:06:53]:

What does this mean if your cup is not full?

Eldar [00:06:57]:

Right.

Mike [00:06:57]:

The way I think about it is that you're working out of a deficit. So you're always in a need, you're always in a desperate place.

Eldar [00:07:03]:

Right.

Mike [00:07:04]:

And probably your reasoning for making certain choices is not clear minded. I would say you're doing things out of desperation, unhappiness, and you're probably going to go about doing it the wrong way as well. My initial hunch. Yeah. So that was the statement. But did it make sense, what I said about. What does that mean? Like cup being not full to me.

Eldar [00:07:31]:

Because we have more of a conversation to me. Definitely. Yeah. With. Totally.

Mike [00:07:34]:

You guys understand what I mean when I say your cup's not full?

Eldar [00:07:36]:

Yeah, we talked about it. A. Yeah. Yeah.

Mike [00:07:39]:

Okay, so you guys understand?

Eldar [00:07:41]:

Yeah. Okay, totally. Can you add to anything to this and related to what we're talked about? Because you had a very specific thing about the example that we had, for example, with Tommy, when you provide something to a person with everything that they want, for example, to fill their cup to help them with the things that they want. Right. They can no longer make any external excuses almost right about that. What they're trying to do, that they were trying to accomplish, succeed, success, or whatever. Right. Because you finally have to start looking within yourself.

Eldar [00:08:19]:

Okay, cool. I got this done. I got this done. This is what I wanted. This is what I wanted. This is what I thought I needed. Right now it's time to perform. Finally, maybe you are under the impression that your cup is full.

Eldar [00:08:30]:

However, my challenge here to you, which I challenged you and said, hey, Mike, I wanted you to talk about it, that you were under assumption that getting your cup full is a very simple task.

Mike [00:08:44]:

Yeah, at first, yeah, I think it's simple, but it's paradoxical.

Eldar [00:08:49]:

Paradoxical and it's nature. Okay. Yeah, but I actually feel like it's very hard. It is. And time and time and time and time again, especially for people who are not really looking within, who talk about and concentrate on things that are external, they'll say, oh, I need this. Oh, I want this. They can't start something until they do this. Like Portland quitting smoking before the wedding.

Eldar [00:09:14]:

He needed to have the wedding in order to quit smoking. For example, there's countless examples of people's lives where they say, I can't start this up until I get something else accomplished. They're under that impression. And then Toli's whole thing is like, oh, elder has this little strategy where he tries to provide to people that what they actually want and need, right. So then they have no choice in the matter anymore but to start looking within themselves. So there's no more external arguments. Right. To me, the tricky part about a cup being full or not, a lot of times I think the people that are judging their cups, they might not be judging the right things.

Eldar [00:09:51]:

What's actually filling their cup and what's actually not filling their cup. I think that's the biggest argument that we probably can make out of this whole thing about what fills the cup and what doesn't fill the cup.

Anatoliy [00:10:01]:

Well, I think that. And then for that person, the evolution as to what their cup is defined as, I think also changes over time.

Mike [00:10:13]:

Yeah, we touched on this yesterday. We're coming back. We talked about this.

Eldar [00:10:17]:

Yeah, right.

Anatoliy [00:10:18]:

Because as you, I guess, maybe evolve and stuff like that.

Eldar [00:10:23]:

Evolve or age.

Anatoliy [00:10:25]:

No, evolve. Definitely not age.

Eldar [00:10:28]:

Okay. Right. As you evolve, if you evolve and not just age.

Anatoliy [00:10:36]:

Yeah, no aging. Just, I would say maybe widens the cup but not make it larger, if you want to say it, that your requirements for what that means, like full cup, I think, changes. And I don't know if you want to call it potential or what, but something that's related to potential increases and your outlook and maybe the appetite for.

Eldar [00:11:04]:

What'S normal for you or good for.

Anatoliy [00:11:07]:

You, I think, also changes.

Eldar [00:11:09]:

Right.

Anatoliy [00:11:10]:

I think that's just how naturally people evolve in some portion of their life. Full cup might be just like being able to, let's say, afford an apartment or a place to live and having enough food.

Eldar [00:11:25]:

Right. Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:11:26]:

That might be like, what they're defining for themselves is like, okay, my cup is full. So they might be on more survivability cup flow.

Eldar [00:11:35]:

Right.

Anatoliy [00:11:35]:

But then if they get that and then, for example, let's say they work on their mind a bit and then they have some other. More requirements, maybe they want to have particular friendships or relationships or different things.

Eldar [00:11:51]:

Right. So it's ever evolving cup.

Anatoliy [00:11:53]:

Yeah, it's an ever evolving cup, I think. Yeah. What's dangerous, though, is I think what you were saying, if you're defining the wrong things as to what's actually important in filling this cup and what does it actually mean and making sure that you're selecting the right things, probably, and not putting into the wrong things.

Eldar [00:12:15]:

Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:12:15]:

Because I think there's also an emphasis put on certain things that are viewed upon as very difficult to that person because they don't have that. It might be like money, for example. Okay, right. Someone might say, like, yo, I want to have six figure salary or be well off. And to them, that's like an astronomical feat to accomplish, but it's really not that crazy. But because where they're at, to them, that might be huge.

Eldar [00:12:43]:

Huge.

Anatoliy [00:12:44]:

Then they get there and then now what's next? If that was their thing.

Eldar [00:12:51]:

Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:12:54]:

I do think that people are judging things wrong in the sense of what is actually difficult to achieve and what isn't.

Eldar [00:13:01]:

Yeah. You know what? The more I think about the way you were explaining this whole thing, I think filling up the cup almost can help with the struggle that all the people have with setting goals? Because if you look at it this way, whether you have an actually cop, let's just say, which is ever evolving, becoming wider, becoming taller, becoming shorter, smaller, whatever it is, right. Your goals obviously will change in accordance to that which you currently are pursuing. And Tony's example of, if you're just surviving and you just need an apartment and food, right? Sure. Okay. Get that. And then that's your cup is full in that little level one.

Anatoliy [00:13:44]:

For now it's full.

Eldar [00:13:46]:

For now it's full, right? Okay. But then how long will it take you to be in that level, that now level that is completely satisfied, right? You no longer have those same thoughts, you no longer have the same fears. You no longer have the same thirsts, hunger, right? You have the roof over your head and stuff like that. How long is that timeline up until you go, oh, I'm missing friendship, I'm missing love, I'm missing this, I'm missing that, right? When do you graduate? When does your cup become bigger? And as soon as it does become bigger, that stuff is no longer relevant. Right? You start striving, you're evolving. Your cup has become bigger. Now you're like, oh, my cup got wider. Now I need friends.

Eldar [00:14:33]:

I don't have any friends. Right? And now you have to fill that cup with friendships, right? What kind of friendships? Right? You might know some people. You can go to meetup.com and find some people. Or do you develop real friendships? You know what I mean? And as you start defining yourself and changing yourself into these types of things, you quickly realize that there's always something greater and bigger about life that you need. So your cup is expanding. So it's like, almost a never ending thing. Yeah. But a lot of times, I think the way people at least look at life, right, it's an ending goal.

Eldar [00:15:09]:

I want to have, like you said, six figure salary. I want to have a house on the beach. You know what I mean? And I want to retire my parents. We hear this all the time, and that's it. This is the final destination. Nobody actually says, okay, what's next? It's like athletes, right? They play all this time, they'll till 35, 40, and then what's next? They don't know, right? They're like, oh, shit, we have a crisis now, right? We hear this on MMA fighters now. Like, oh, shit. My whole identity changes.

Eldar [00:15:39]:

Like, I can't just be a father. I can't just be a commentator on football, whatever. I want to actually be in the mix, right? So a lot of times, people don't think about that because the whole life journey and life goals were set around a specific destination. It wasn't an open ended sentence. It was always a period at the end of the sentence. I want to be this, I want to make this, and I want to get there as soon as they get there, that's it. Identity crisis. Right.

Eldar [00:16:04]:

So I think if we can understand the concept of never ending, never always evolving cup, our cup, then we can probably have a better goal. Goal setting. Right? We can be smarter, we can be wiser in the way we set our goals, because then we're going to say, okay, cool. Right. Now, like Tony said the other day, right now, the most important thing for him to be humble, there's reasons why behind that he finally gets to that point, right? But when he becomes humble, what's next? Right? That's it. You just die. You're done. You're done with your journey.

Mike [00:16:44]:

Or I think, yeah.

Eldar [00:16:45]:

Do you upgrade to the next virtue? In this case, it's a virtue, right? Have humility.

Mike [00:16:50]:

So the cup is a container of virtues within you.

Eldar [00:16:54]:

You like making conclusive statements, right?

Mike [00:16:57]:

I do, yeah.

Eldar [00:16:58]:

Why?

Mike [00:16:59]:

Because I'm not following the way you're talking about it. I think about it differently.

Eldar [00:17:04]:

No, I think the cup doesn't have to be virtues at all. The cup can be very basic needs like shelter, food, like you just said, and clothing. And clothing. That's it. That's your cup.

Anatoliy [00:17:14]:

There's nothing person couch surfing, for example, and is very poor and they don't know where they're going to sleep tonight or stuff like that. There's no way you're going to be thinking about any of those kind of virtues. You don't have basic needs met. So their definition as to what their cup is full, that's their full cup. But then when they get there, I'm not sure how those, for example, those Buddhists or people like that function where they just kind of exist and they just meditate and stuff like that. I definitely more think that the way that humans are wired is that there needs to be things to strive towards, things to grow and learn. I don't think that we could just exist in being stagnant.

Eldar [00:18:10]:

Well, I think you're talking about the mazel hierarchy of needs.

Anatoliy [00:18:12]:

Yeah.

Eldar [00:18:12]:

You believe in that?

Anatoliy [00:18:13]:

Yeah.

Eldar [00:18:14]:

You have to have a progress. Keep going on. Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:18:17]:

There needs to be, like each person for them to, I would say, probably maintain sanity. They need to be striving towards something.

Eldar [00:18:25]:

Okay.

Anatoliy [00:18:27]:

If not, I feel like that's when insanity hits, starts to creep in.

Eldar [00:18:34]:

Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:18:34]:

And then they go the opposite way. Right. What happens then? People go into what? Depression. Right.

Eldar [00:18:41]:

From identity.

Anatoliy [00:18:42]:

It might be a down, but with the goal of what? To come back up.

Eldar [00:18:46]:

Right. Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:18:49]:

So it's always still the goal to continue to strive now for what is all different levels of that. Now, I do think that a lot of people are probably either afraid or they're not able to go down the path of past the basic needs, which is why I think that's probably the number one promotion in society is external things.

Eldar [00:19:16]:

That's why it's so. Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:19:19]:

Because past that, I think it gets much more scarier.

Phillip [00:19:23]:

Really?

Eldar [00:19:24]:

Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:19:24]:

And I do think that there are people that can get to the point where they get all those things. And I think I was telling you this before, and then they almost self sabotage themselves to go back into. Just go back to striving for more basic needs or just materialistic needs. Because probably because it's completely external and the next step is internal.

Eldar [00:19:49]:

But why they're self sabotage?

Anatoliy [00:19:52]:

Well, I think probably because they're afraid to face the internal.

Eldar [00:19:56]:

Why would somebody be afraid of facing internal?

Anatoliy [00:20:00]:

Well, because you can't show off, you can't flaunt, you can't be like this fictional character.

Eldar [00:20:08]:

Then what you're saying is that it's almost, then the gig is up there. You can't fake it till you make it. Well, yeah.

Anatoliy [00:20:14]:

You're not going to like, show off to yourself.

Eldar [00:20:18]:

So then it's not self sabotage. If Mike is talking about virtues, then now it's a step into the direction of virtue. But you're not allowed to go there because you're a fraud.

Mike [00:20:30]:

No, I'm not sure what he's saying. I don't think that he's saying people don't want to act. I think people just, they don't know. I think that's more the case.

Eldar [00:20:40]:

See, I'm not sure.

Mike [00:20:40]:

They're not educated enough about how to. There's certain concepts that we talk about. Right. And understanding how to solve certain issues in this virtue world. Let's say it's very hard what to differentiate between, what's the right thing to do, what's the wrong thing to do? Why is this right? Why is this wrong?

Eldar [00:21:00]:

Right.

Mike [00:21:00]:

It's not easy to navigate those waters because for a certain amount of time, you had a certain thinking pattern, right? Now, if I'm going to come to you, or if I don't have somebody to come to, for example, how am I going to solve algebra? If I only did fucking one plus one. How am I going to solve advanced shit if my whole wiring is wired for a completely different. So I think they're like, yo, it's way too complicated to solve without probably humbling yourself and asking for help or going out there and looking for help.

Eldar [00:21:32]:

The question is, why do they self sabotage? Right? Why do they go and kind of like, instead of redefining your cup that we're talking about, right. Say, okay, cool, I'm done with the basic needs now, right? I need more.

Mike [00:21:45]:

I'm not sure if it's self sabotage.

Eldar [00:21:47]:

So what is it?

Mike [00:21:49]:

Have you heard a person who has $100 million and say, it's not enough anymore?

Eldar [00:21:54]:

Probably. I mean, I've never met one, but.

Mike [00:21:56]:

I haven't met one. But I'm saying people, they don't feel like their needs are met, but it's not because of self sabotage, because they're looking for answers, but in a place where they don't exist, but they are.

Eldar [00:22:09]:

Not conscious of that.

Mike [00:22:13]:

They think, oh.

Eldar [00:22:14]:

Well, if I made a million, let.

Mike [00:22:17]:

Me set this goal. Let me make a million. You get a million. You're like, wait, my life didn't improve? Really? I'm not happier. I'm not this, I'm not that. Okay, let me go for 100 million. Maybe that'll be better.

Eldar [00:22:27]:

Right?

Mike [00:22:28]:

So people don't know, hey, this is.

Eldar [00:22:31]:

Not going to fill you.

Mike [00:22:33]:

I think people just don't know that where to look for the answers. So that's why they setting these goals. And then when they get to these places, I don't think they're saying, like, yo, yeah, I'm going to self sabotage. I think they just really don't have.

Eldar [00:22:48]:

The answer or they're not putting the.

Mike [00:22:51]:

Effort to find the answer. Self sabotage sounds more like they're doing it intentionally. They know the right way to do things. And then he's saying that, hold on it.

Eldar [00:23:01]:

There's a level of fear that comes upon you, right? When you finally met your goal of $10 million that you made. Yeah, but then when there's now, okay, cool, like $10 million, you haven't solved a real problem. So let's just say your relationship with your parents. Yeah. Right? Yeah. So you self sabotage, and instead of looking to solve those types of things, you go and set a $20 million goal, whatever. Because you go back to what you know, kind of what you're doing. Right?

Mike [00:23:27]:

Yeah.

Eldar [00:23:27]:

Assuming that this is going to get you somewhere. But at the end of the day, the growth of emptiness starts getting bigger and bigger. Of course.

Mike [00:23:38]:

But where's the self sabotage? Maybe I'm not understanding it.

Phillip [00:23:42]:

So you self sabotage because you don't.

Eldar [00:23:43]:

Know what to do next? He said because it's fear, right?

Mike [00:23:48]:

Yeah, but what fear of the unknown.

Eldar [00:23:51]:

See, I don't think it's fear. I think it's something else. I told you this. I think that it's the law that you cannot go to the next level dirty.

Mike [00:24:00]:

Yeah, sure. Okay, I see what you're saying.

Eldar [00:24:03]:

If we're talking about going from just completely thinking about vanity and basic needs to then talking about virtue.

Anatoliy [00:24:14]:

No, elder, I agree with that. But I think what happens in your example is that if you are dirty and you're trying to go to that next level, you're going to step in there and you're going to feel a particular type of way, which then what I'm talking about, about the fear kicks.

Eldar [00:24:34]:

In and you have to go back.

Mike [00:24:36]:

But what you're saying is you're going to go in there and you're going to face yourself or you may see yourself.

Eldar [00:24:41]:

No, but why is it perceived? You're going to get scared. Yeah, why is it perceived as fear, though?

Anatoliy [00:24:47]:

I'm talking about like that the person is experiencing fear.

Eldar [00:24:52]:

No, I get that.

Mike [00:24:53]:

Where is the fear? I see that.

Eldar [00:24:56]:

Maybe more pain.

Phillip [00:24:58]:

You're not prepared to go to the next level.

Mike [00:25:00]:

Yes, I think it's probably like, imagine the way I visualize this is imagine you get a cut and you're like, yo, what the fuck do I do?

Eldar [00:25:09]:

Right?

Mike [00:25:09]:

You're in pain, but you don't know what to do. I think this is the same thing. You walk into this room and you see yourself like, yo, I'm a dirty fucker.

Eldar [00:25:16]:

I don't belong here.

Mike [00:25:17]:

I don't know how to do that. How do I get undirty? I don't know what to do. And what do you do? You panic, but you're in pain, you leave. So you're like, I'm of here.

Eldar [00:25:25]:

Fuck this.

Mike [00:25:26]:

That's the way I kind of thought about it.

Anatoliy [00:25:28]:

That to me is like a fearful situation that you're describing.

Mike [00:25:33]:

I think it's a painful situation.

Eldar [00:25:38]:

Pain.

Mike [00:25:38]:

And I think it's very tied together, probably.

Eldar [00:25:41]:

Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:25:42]:

I don't think that people go with it as like I'm in pain. And they actually say, I don't know why. I think that they do know why. They feel like they know why. Nobody just doesn't know why. People are not okay in operating in a realm where they don't.

Mike [00:25:55]:

Maybe they know, but I don't think they actually really know or they fully believe it.

Anatoliy [00:26:01]:

No, but that doesn't matter in the moment.

Eldar [00:26:06]:

They know.

Anatoliy [00:26:07]:

They think they know. No one operates out of life sucks. And I don't know why.

Eldar [00:26:15]:

No, people make conclusions. I think they probably made wrong conclusions and the assumptions isn't correct, but nonetheless, they're holding on to those assumptions. Yes, I do think he's right.

Anatoliy [00:26:23]:

Yeah. They're 99% chance they're wrong.

Mike [00:26:25]:

Do they consciously know or no.

Eldar [00:26:27]:

Oh, that's a different question.

Mike [00:26:28]:

That's the thing. Can you sit down with them and have intelligent conversation? Be like, well, yeah, I know, but I lied to this person. I was dishonest here. I was this, that, this, that, and therefore I'm here. Who's going to break it down?

Eldar [00:26:40]:

No, but it's interesting that you say that in the first place, the word consciously, right? Because I think the whole goal to go from one cup to another is to develop consciousness, right? It's that leap. And the leap between being unaware to aware is the leap of fear, right. Of something's there. He's saying you're bound by fear.

Anatoliy [00:26:58]:

Yeah.

Eldar [00:26:59]:

My question is, why the fuck are you bound by fear? Why would fear be the thing that if we. Let's just assume that going from one cup, right, the mazel hierarchy needs of just basic needs to then go into friendship and love and stuff like that, why should that transition be a scary transition? Well, you know what I'm saying?

Anatoliy [00:27:17]:

Scary transition. Because for you to build yourself up to, for example, if we're talking about first achieving financial things or materialistic things, right. You in the process of doing that, you build up a very particular type of character and attitude. Yeah. Of who you are. And during this process, you have, like, an attachment, a huge amount of growth. Right? Now, you don't say that like, hey, I'm actually a piece of shit person, but I'm just really good at making money. You don't believe that.

Anatoliy [00:27:55]:

That's not the attitude you carry. So when you go into those new things, you're not going into it as a newber, beginner. You're a fucking CEO. Boss, what are we talking about here?

Eldar [00:28:06]:

Yeah, you're right.

Phillip [00:28:07]:

Right.

Anatoliy [00:28:08]:

You're an important, knowledgeable person. And that's also why a bunch of people look up to and respect those people. Because when they have their own dreams.

Mike [00:28:17]:

And goals.

Anatoliy [00:28:20]:

They picture a person with, I don't know, a particular home or particular cars or particular levels of wealth. Right. And then particular watch.

Eldar [00:28:30]:

Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:28:30]:

Very particular watch.

Eldar [00:28:31]:

Okay.

Anatoliy [00:28:32]:

All right.

Mike [00:28:32]:

That you're currently wearing.

Eldar [00:28:34]:

Yeah, listen.

Anatoliy [00:28:35]:

Yeah, right.

Eldar [00:28:36]:

I'm not going to flash this.

Mike [00:28:37]:

Okay. I see what you're saying.

Eldar [00:28:39]:

Right.

Mike [00:28:39]:

But it sounds what you're.

Eldar [00:28:40]:

No, I think this is very. He explained it really well. The identity that you've built in on this level, on this cup that you currently have is very specific, has a lot of attachments, has a lot of ideologies. It knows itself. Ego, most importantly, ego.

Anatoliy [00:28:55]:

And you, in that world, you're a very important person.

Eldar [00:28:58]:

Yeah. Right.

Anatoliy [00:28:59]:

Now you start going to level two.

Eldar [00:29:01]:

You are nobody. But you don't go with that attitude. What?

Anatoliy [00:29:05]:

You don't go with that attitude. So when you get approached with that, you're like, oh, shit, I got to get the fuck out of here.

Eldar [00:29:11]:

Right.

Anatoliy [00:29:12]:

It's like, drop off again.

Eldar [00:29:13]:

Is it fear or is there a door that you don't belong here?

Anatoliy [00:29:19]:

I don't know. Drop off right now, let's say like a billionaire. Drop him off in like an Amazon tribe with his flashy shit.

Eldar [00:29:28]:

Yeah. He doesn't know how to. He doesn't know how to build a house.

Anatoliy [00:29:32]:

Well, no, like, what are those people going to look at him like?

Eldar [00:29:34]:

He's a nobody.

Anatoliy [00:29:35]:

He's a nobody.

Eldar [00:29:36]:

He's a baby. Right.

Anatoliy [00:29:37]:

But in the world that he's used to, he's a somebody.

Eldar [00:29:40]:

He's a mogul. Yeah. It comes back to the humility thing.

Mike [00:29:46]:

When you level up, you have to, I guess, in a way. What? Humble yourself every time you level because you don't know what that level carries, correct?

Anatoliy [00:29:55]:

Well, that, but you also have to know what you're leveling up.

Eldar [00:29:59]:

Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:30:00]:

That, I think, is a big issue. You think that you're leveling up. For example, you increasing wealth means that you're leveling up everything that you have. Everything is getting better. But you don't think about that.

Mike [00:30:14]:

No.

Anatoliy [00:30:15]:

Just this one thing. You might be good at doing this does not mean that you're good at doing other things, but that's how the public perceives you to be. When your parents talk how you perceive yourself. Yeah. Probably the most important, when your parents talk about people that they know, that they talk about being successful, what are they describing? They're describing very particular things. And they're proud of this person. This person's like a wow person.

Eldar [00:30:43]:

Right.

Anatoliy [00:30:44]:

And what are they saying? They're saying all those, for example, materialistic, I guess, type things.

Eldar [00:30:50]:

Right.

Anatoliy [00:30:51]:

Those are the choice to tell you about this.

Eldar [00:30:53]:

Like, yo, you should do this. Right.

Anatoliy [00:30:56]:

They don't know who this person is, what kind of life they live.

Eldar [00:30:59]:

Like who they are. Right.

Anatoliy [00:31:02]:

But they're quick to tell you to go, like, you got to be like this guy.

Mike [00:31:06]:

Yeah. They're only seeing one aspect of the individual.

Eldar [00:31:09]:

Yes. What bridge can we have in order not to go through this painful process every single time? There's only one very specific one. That is the antidote. And it's been said many times here that will prevent you from experiencing fear, experiencing self doubt, and self sabotaging yourself. I think Socrates nailed it. He said, I know that I know nothing. And that is, again, rooted in humility.

Mike [00:31:35]:

Yeah.

Eldar [00:31:35]:

That gives the past to go from level to level, wherever you want to go, and be fine. Yeah. Right. 100%. Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:31:44]:

Because I think all of those, to me, the way I look at them, a lot of those virtues, when you're in the early stages of trying to connect with them, it's a lonely process.

Eldar [00:31:57]:

Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:31:58]:

Until you understand it, I think that's when it becomes more of a shared and more exciting process. But the beginning stages of all those different types of virtues, like you trying to connect with it, is a very lonely journey. And that's why I think it's very hard.

Eldar [00:32:19]:

You heard Mike. It's very hard, Mike. You thought it was very easy. I know. To fill your cup. Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:32:26]:

And then the filling of the cup thing, to me is like a moment to moment basis.

Eldar [00:32:30]:

Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:32:30]:

It could, like. I don't think it's just like a permanent, just like forever.

Mike [00:32:37]:

It's your whole life. You should be maintaining your cup.

Eldar [00:32:42]:

Yeah. But I think that it's helpful to look at the cups as different levels and stages in your life and understanding that. Look, the truth of the matter is, if a person set a goal, let's just say, oh, I want this. But they're still displaying actions and behaviors and values in the much lower realm. You know what to expect.

Mike [00:33:09]:

Oh, there's no magic here, bro. There's no magic here.

Eldar [00:33:13]:

There is no magic. Yeah.

Mike [00:33:16]:

You got to do the work to level up, to fill your cup, to then to. I don't know, be able to put more into a different cup.

Eldar [00:33:26]:

Yeah.

Mike [00:33:27]:

Because I guess what? In life. Yeah. Like, totally saying you're always striving for something, right? Not necessarily material, but, like, the quality of life.

Eldar [00:33:39]:

Yeah. The thing is, because your preconceived notions or assumptions, right. You could be striving for God knows what and God knows what the fuck all probably because of what your ego. So you need to go out there, live out very specific attachments. You have to live those out because you have strong attachments towards them. So you have to live them out. And then life, right, life naturally, if you have good friends or whatever will show you and say, hey, you are wrong about this, buddy. Fuck off.

Eldar [00:34:12]:

And now you got to go and like, oh, shit, I got to go back to the lab or the drawing board and see what the fuck is going on here. That was not an assumption. I worked three, five years here, did this, got this accomplished, and I'm still fucking not happy because I've attached myself to think that if I do this, I will be happy. Nobody says, hey, I need a roof over my head. I need a meal, clothes, and shit like that, right? I will be physically satisfied. I don't think people talk like that. People will say, no, that will make me happy. Okay, sure.

Eldar [00:34:46]:

But for how long? Up until you're not? I think those levels have those things. And a lot of people, I think, are quickly disappointed and they're looking for something else. Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:34:56]:

That's also why I think covenants in fear. Because if a lot of what you as individual has been pursuing has been tied to items, for example, or external things, they all work in a very similar type of pattern, right?

Eldar [00:35:10]:

We might buy something and we're super happy, super excited.

Anatoliy [00:35:15]:

And then it fades away. And then we have to buy something again, and then you're super happy. Super happy fades away. Now, when you step into the world of internal stuff, it doesn't operate in.

Eldar [00:35:26]:

This kind of way.

Anatoliy [00:35:28]:

You might just be just getting owned for the first.

Eldar [00:35:31]:

Like, I don't know, however long of.

Anatoliy [00:35:33]:

It, you don't get that just quick swipe. You just get what you want, and then that's it.

Eldar [00:35:41]:

Mike, you could talk about that, probably what you just said, because you're the guy that has been suffering from impatience for a very long time. So a lot of times when you also are a doer, you like to do shit. You like to accomplish it. You like to put checkboxes up like, okay, what's next? What's next? What's next? Right? So what he says, you might be in a tumbleweed, you know what I mean? Tumbling, not knowing where you're going to go, how you're going to feel because you're just trying to get shit done and accomplish it, but it's not getting you there, you know what I mean? Because it's not just like an easy climb, like one step by next step. It's a fucking riddle. It's a puzzle, the mind, you know what I mean? We worked on this thing. This thing is off. We worked on that thing.

Eldar [00:36:25]:

That thing is off. Like your mention of is a very good analogy. I remember he said, it's a Rubik's cube, bro. You worked so well, so hard on doing one side, you got it to be blue. You look, you turn the cube. Everything else fucked up. I think that it's an analogy of what we're usually and try to accomplish and do in the case of setting goals. Oh, I got to get to get this done.

Eldar [00:36:51]:

You know what I mean? At what expense? At what. Know that you're going over there, for example. I don't know. Give a fucking a known example of Tom Brady. At what expense are you fucking playing football till 46 years old at expense of your family? Right. That's your Rubik's cube right there. You got the blue thing. That's the football.

Eldar [00:37:16]:

How famous you are, how much money you made, how important you are in this field. But then as a dad or as a husband, nobody wants to deal with you. Your kids ran away and your wife ran away. This is an example. This is a big example. But a lot of times we'll do it on the smaller level. Right? I don't know. You set a goal of wanting to go to the gym and lose weight.

Eldar [00:37:41]:

How. Right. How. What's your intentions? Yeah. Are you breaking something else on the back end by doing that? And you've been on that end, too. Yeah, I tried a lot of different.

Mike [00:37:54]:

Stuff and didn't succeed.

Eldar [00:37:56]:

You know what I'm saying? And now you're being a little bit more mindful. You're paying attention.

Mike [00:38:00]:

Yeah.

Eldar [00:38:00]:

You're really like, hey, let's be cautious here because I know that I can misstep here, here and there, because I've moved this mountain, now I'm moving this. It's a lot of things.

Mike [00:38:10]:

Yeah. I mean, it is for sure. It's definitely a lot of misstepping, for sure.

Eldar [00:38:15]:

Rubik's cube. Yeah. You move one piece, you forgot about the other one on the other side, on the other five side, six sides or whatever the Rubik's cube is. How many sizes? Rubik's cube? Four. Come on. My four.

Anatoliy [00:38:28]:

It's a three dimensional object.

Mike [00:38:30]:

Three dimensional. What's the six?

Eldar [00:38:32]:

Five. So this ain't that simple and it's not that easy. So for anybody who's out there who's listening, and you just probably purchased some kind of fucking course of self improvement and shit. Say it how it is, or no, you're fucking idiot.

Phillip [00:38:45]:

They should write handwritten letters at scale and call us.

Eldar [00:38:49]:

You know what? I'm saying for their business. No, I mean, you got to be careful. That's snake oil. You know what I mean? I see this all the time. Fix your fucking life. Intense steps.

Phillip [00:38:59]:

I picture those guys at, like, three or four in the morning, those religious guys, those pastors that are really intense, and they're all like, bible kind of things. They're still telling you to donate and all that.

Eldar [00:39:11]:

Yeah. You ever watch these guys? No. I've seen them. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I saw the picture.

Phillip [00:39:16]:

But, yeah, I picture the person we're describing as this is somebody who doesn't know the next step. So I picture them going to that next level, calling it whatever you want to call it, nervous or just feeling like they don't belong. But I remember where my head went was when we had the courage conversation. We talked about this thing, like, courage. Like, it's like this thing that is revered by society. Like, oh, he has courage. But what we deduce is that that person has a lack of intelligence, and they have to rely on this thing in order to get over it, because we were talking about the comedian who was realizing that he has to go in front of a crowd. So what did comedian one do? Comedian one gathered his group of friends, and he started to perform in front of the group of friends to build his confidence.

Phillip [00:40:07]:

So then when he went out into the group, he didn't have to rely on courage. He got to rely on his experience and his wisdom of saying, like, hey, I realize I have to go out there. I'm able to do this here. So then when I go out in front of people who don't know me, I'm not going to be as nervous. So I have experience, opposed to comedian two, who just goes out there and just is like, yo, thanks. I'm just going to rely on my desire and my will to go out there. So when I think of that person going from level one to level two, I'm thinking of a person who's reliant more on courage and just saying, like, yo, I want to get to the next step. But he's not intelligent enough to know how to get to step two, so he's just trying to muscle his way through it.

Eldar [00:40:49]:

Is it not arrogance?

Phillip [00:40:50]:

Yeah, so I think there's arrogance in that, and then I think there's also the lack of intelligence is built within that arrogance.

Eldar [00:40:59]:

Yeah.

Phillip [00:40:59]:

So, yeah, I think you can be nervous, you can be scared, whatever you want to call it. But I think it goes back to that courage conversation. You can't get to level two without completing level one. And the only other way that you can try to get there and fast forward it is using courage.

Eldar [00:41:14]:

But you're not going to be able.

Phillip [00:41:15]:

To stay there for a long time. You got to learn all the lessons.

Eldar [00:41:19]:

From level one that you haven't learned.

Phillip [00:41:21]:

There's no way to bypass that. I think we all agree.

Eldar [00:41:24]:

It also ties to the conversation, talk about how to be a good student, right. To be able to know how to ask for help. And then when you ask for help, how do you have to be in order to really soak in, in the information and not face this thing that Tolly talks about, the fear or self sabotage and all these other things that ultimately are only indicators of how arrogant we really are.

Mike [00:41:53]:

But do you think it's actually important.

Eldar [00:41:57]:

To part of the process, right?

Mike [00:42:00]:

That fear, that pain, that self sabotage is important because if you can get through it, it will humble you.

Eldar [00:42:10]:

Say it again.

Mike [00:42:11]:

Going through the fear, through the pain and self sabotage, if you stick through it, you know what I'm saying? Don't fold. On the other side of that is humility. On the other side of that, it.

Eldar [00:42:20]:

Could be, but you have to go through the tumbling, right.

Phillip [00:42:25]:

I think courage can get you to that point, but I don't think that bypasses all the lessons that you learn. I think you inevitably always have to go back to level one because you didn't learn all those things. I think you can build up maybe your toughness and your mental strength and maybe again through courage, but I don't think you're necessarily going to learn all those steps through that because you're just not equipped to get to level two.

Eldar [00:42:53]:

But you're bound to learn them even if you went in blind. You want to give you an example? Sure. One of the scariest moments in my life. I mean, I've had some scary moments. You could be, like, maybe dying, like almost drowning or whatever, right? But I even won't even label that as scary. One of the scariest moments of my life that came to mind right now was when I was falling in love, right? Me and Catherine were like on cloud nine. You know what I mean? We're really in the zone in the moment, right? And we're laying down on the couch and we're really buzing. We just finally met each other.

Eldar [00:43:29]:

It was surreal. We were looking at each other, pretty much gazing at each other's eyes or whatever, just relaxing. At some point, the moment slowed down so much, but it sped up so fast in my mind that I foreseen almost the future of what's going to happen and how it's going to happen. And at that moment, mind, right. It was premature. I got really scared. I was like, oh, shit, this is what this is going to lead to. And I started realizing on that, and I started getting really scared on the inside, and my heart starts beating faster like crazy.

Mike [00:44:06]:

You saw the levels that are in the future, but you realize that you're not currently equipped for them.

Eldar [00:44:10]:

Yes.

Mike [00:44:11]:

That scared you.

Eldar [00:44:12]:

It was responsibilities and stuff. I'm like, yo, this person right here is my person. And she's now going to be journeying life with me and how much responsibility I have on myself now to be with her. And in that moment, she wasn't experiencing the same thing. She turns around to me, she's like, yo, you okay? I'm tripping. I'm like, hey, can we put on some music? I said, can we put on some music?

Phillip [00:44:32]:

Yeah.

Katherine [00:44:33]:

He breaks that moment with like, hey, can you we turn on some music? And I was like, are you okay?

Phillip [00:44:38]:

You see that?

Eldar [00:44:42]:

I really understood. I guess in that moment, I'm still understanding the magnitude of the moment, of fall in love with and then journeying life with someone. You're no longer alone, right? You're doing this and how important it is that that was the scariest thing, realizing that to be the scariest thing, right. Realizing that in that moment obviously helped me maybe prepare a little bit more to do more philosophy, to work on myself a little bit more in order to be able. Okay, cool. Let's look at the situation realistically. And that's why my proposal or my plan making and stuff like that was the way it was. And Catherine will tell you that elder always pumped the brakes, always said, hey, we're not sure this.

Eldar [00:45:20]:

I never promised her anything. And all this other stuff just because I realized, hey, I'm not going to just create you this false dream, you know what I mean? Because I understood how important girls do.

Katherine [00:45:31]:

That for themselves anyway, in their mind.

Eldar [00:45:33]:

Yeah, they do that. And that's why I'm going to tell you right now that Catherine, we romanticize everything. Catherine, I think maybe out of her ignorance or maybe a little bit of courage went into it a little bit blinder than I did. And I think that now she's finally catching up to the tumbleweeds that we're talking about, you know what I mean? Where finally she's like, oh, shit, this is what I signed up for, and this is what it's going to take. Oh, damn. Maybe courage, maybe ignorance, but now she's on the level five from one, let's just say now she got to do the work. The work is the work. You can never escape it.

Eldar [00:46:11]:

You still have to do it. So I was sharing bricks back then, so it could be like she's sharing bricks now.

Phillip [00:46:17]:

So blind trust could blind trust, especially with a partner. I'm thinking even the relationship that you can have with a mentor in business or something, if you have trust and you realize that maybe you don't have the ability to get there, but somebody else can kind of help guide you.

Eldar [00:46:34]:

Also, trust is big, too. Monster factor of like that can help you bridge the gap a little bit.

Phillip [00:46:40]:

Yeah.

Eldar [00:46:41]:

But ultimately, the work has to be done alone. Yeah. And I think that's what totally talked about that for the moment, being when you do that work on yourself, when it comes to in the virtual land, it feels very lonely, you know what I mean? Up until you have the ability to then be virtuous with your actions and stuff like that, then you can start bridging the gap and become more social and incorporate more things and really benefit from it. So, yeah, that was my fear, man. No joke. That's cool. Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:47:11]:

I think people that experience.

Eldar [00:47:13]:

I'm ramping up for another one. You know which one that is? Yeah, we're ramping up for another one. The next step is, if we're going to have a baby, I'm sharing bricks right now.

Katherine [00:47:24]:

If you are, can you imagine how.

Eldar [00:47:27]:

And I think you supposed to.

Katherine [00:47:28]:

What a big deal that is for.

Eldar [00:47:29]:

Me, and I think it's supposed to be a big deal. I think it's like if you weren't prepared for the other turmoil and all this other stuff, maybe you'll prepare for this one, you know what I mean? And I think that's how people are supposed to, I think, take these types of stuff very seriously.

Phillip [00:47:43]:

We have an empty room.

Eldar [00:47:46]:

Yeah.

Katherine [00:47:50]:

We'll have a babish, an office.

Eldar [00:47:52]:

Babish. So you know what I mean?

Katherine [00:47:55]:

It takes a village, right?

Eldar [00:47:56]:

It takes a village.

Mike [00:47:57]:

Oh, man.

Katherine [00:47:58]:

It's scary just to even think about it.

Eldar [00:48:00]:

100% think about it. But that's real. That's the reality of it. You know what I mean?

Katherine [00:48:04]:

It's a big deal.

Eldar [00:48:06]:

I'm confident in the things that I do that I know, that identity. I don't know.

Katherine [00:48:10]:

They don't give us a manual for that one.

Eldar [00:48:12]:

Yeah. So some degree, you got to get punched in the face and see how it feels, but you prepare yourself a little bit. Wear gloves.

Katherine [00:48:21]:

How do you guys feel about raising a babbage?

Phillip [00:48:24]:

Well, just think, when it comes to the baby shower, the printed letters are going to be excellent. If there's any worry with that.

Eldar [00:48:37]:

That'D be great.

Phillip [00:48:38]:

Having a babish. To me, I don't know, the way that I look at it, if you can have a pet and take care of an animal, like something outside of yourself, the baby is like the next level. But to me, it's like you guys can clearly show, like, you can take care of dogs. Philip, some people can't do this.

Eldar [00:48:55]:

You know that. All the suffering that you're experiencing, Philip, in life, would you want to pass that on to a kid?

Phillip [00:48:59]:

I wouldn't want to have a kid, at least for five or ten years.

Eldar [00:49:02]:

I'm just saying. Just in general. Right. You know how you're confused and the things that you struggle.

Phillip [00:49:07]:

I don't even want to be in a relationship.

Eldar [00:49:08]:

So imagine that. Imagine sentencing somebody to that. Yeah, I wouldn't.

Phillip [00:49:12]:

Well, that's why I'm consciously not.

Eldar [00:49:14]:

No, I know. And that's good because of that. And that's good. It's just a person that if you start thinking about these kinds of things, you start becoming a little more skeptical. You want to be careful and you want to do it in such a way where a human being will experiencing this, what we're experiencing, right. Not in such a turmoil, not in such a fucking up and down thing that we talked about all the time about parents raising kids. What the fuck? Who fucking dropped the ball? Where? You know what I'm saying? I don't want to sentence anyone to this. Yeah, me either.

Eldar [00:49:46]:

This is what I'm saying. I don't know if it's pets. I mean, we sentenced the pets to this. Right? Even sometimes we can't take them out for dubs.

Phillip [00:49:57]:

At what level is it like, what level? At some point, everybody makes that decision just by human nature, like your human condition, you're never going to be perfect. So what is that time? When it is ready? When you are ready.

Eldar [00:50:13]:

No, sure. And I think that by ironing out some of your fears, educating yourself, it probably gets you closer to getting to the point. Ready. But I think a lot of times people skip that process and they're like, I'm ready. They'll raise their hand like, I'm ready. Right. Then you have totally sitting over there, been observing you this whole life and be like, no, you're not, bro. Right.

Eldar [00:50:33]:

I have plenty of reasons as to why not.

Phillip [00:50:36]:

Because I don't think an indicator would be like, hey, you're in a relationship. Because a lot of people just jump into the relationship and they're not ready. So what would be indicators where, let's say, if there was a list of one to five or one through ten, what do you think? The ones that need to be one.

Eldar [00:50:53]:

Of the top ones is simple. You see this watch? Are you wearing? You have to wear a watch like this.

Phillip [00:51:02]:

My watch just told me it's time to stand up.

Eldar [00:51:05]:

Yeah. Damn. You only live 15 minutes of sitting.

Phillip [00:51:08]:

Yeah, I guess I put nine or 10 hours, but, yeah. So what's number one?

Eldar [00:51:12]:

No, I don't know. I think number one probably would be, understand that you're ignorant. Understand that you don't know the answers to a lot of things, but that's humility. Right. And really be realistic about the fact that, yeah. Raising your hand and saying that I'm ready is arrogant, I would say.

Mike [00:51:30]:

Unless you said I'm ready to learn.

Eldar [00:51:33]:

Yeah, sure. That's the antidote. Sure, I'm ready to learn. Or even then that could be an arrogant statement. You could be a liar. Right? A lot of times totally said, hey, you come to, you say, yo, I'm ready to learn. Teach me. The sensei will be like, get the fuck out of.

Eldar [00:51:44]:

You're not ready. You have to wash the damn windshield and wipe the floors first. You're ready. You're not ready for this. You're ready for that. But you're saying, you dictating, telling somebody you're ready to learn, that's also crazy. Yeah, we talked about this a lot of times. You know what I really like about some of UFC fighters? That they actually come forward and say, you know what? I'm scared.

Eldar [00:52:07]:

Some of them, not a lot of them do this. Very small percentage. But some of them say, you know.

Anatoliy [00:52:10]:

What, Tom absentee is the one that.

Eldar [00:52:12]:

Yeah, this is why I'm saying.

Anatoliy [00:52:12]:

He's like, anyone who says that they're not scared is lying.

Eldar [00:52:16]:

You know what I mean? Maybe some people have less. More nerves and stuff like that, but that's the truth of reality is, yo, I'm about to get here. This is scary as shit. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing here. Just like when I was skydiving, I was like, I was setting that plane. I was like, what's wrong with me? I'm scared of shit. I'm like, why am I doing. I can't.

Eldar [00:52:32]:

I guess that's the closest thing to actually being honest and true with yourself by saying what it actually is versus somebody asking you like, hey, how you doing? Yeah, I'm good. No, I got a piece of shit coming out right now. I'm not good.

Phillip [00:52:43]:

I watched a clip with George St. Pierre. And he said every fight that he won, he didn't sleep that night, you see. And then he said the one fight that he didn't was Matt. Sarah, I think he slept well. And that's.

Anatoliy [00:52:56]:

Oh, yeah, I saw that clip.

Phillip [00:52:57]:

I believe he lost.

Eldar [00:52:58]:

Yeah, I remember. Yeah.

Phillip [00:52:58]:

He said that was the only time he slept well, like a baby. And then he lost. So to me, in that, if you're not sleeping, there's some type of anxiety. Like some type of thing keeping you.

Eldar [00:53:10]:

Yeah, it sounds like he was taking it very, very serious.

Phillip [00:53:13]:

Oh, yeah.

Eldar [00:53:14]:

Like a nut.

Phillip [00:53:14]:

I would imagine him thinking, like, I want to be. I'm a professional. I'm an expert level guy. And my legacy is on the line, at least maybe towards so many things. There's so many factors. But I would anticipate if he slept well. He was just like, all know, I got this, like, no problem. Maybe to a certain level or certain extent.

Eldar [00:53:32]:

So are we saying anything or no. Or is this just a philosophy bubble?

Mike [00:53:34]:

It's definitely a philosophy bubble.

Eldar [00:53:36]:

Okay. Thanks, Mike. Thank you, Denis. Why are you throwing a fucking job at him?

Mike [00:53:39]:

I'm throwing a bone to Dennis.

Eldar [00:53:40]:

That's a bone.

Mike [00:53:41]:

That's a bone.

Eldar [00:53:41]:

That's a fucking dis.

Phillip [00:53:42]:

Oh, no, he likes it.

Eldar [00:53:43]:

He likes this kind of shit. Course.

Phillip [00:53:45]:

No, he doesn't want us to do anything.

Mike [00:53:46]:

He doesn't want us to succeed.

Anatoliy [00:53:48]:

No.

Eldar [00:53:49]:

Damn, bro. You're doing this again, Mike.

Mike [00:53:52]:

This. Entertainment purposes only.

Eldar [00:53:54]:

Okay, cool. Yeah.

Mike [00:53:55]:

All right.

Eldar [00:53:56]:

Now you can talk shit. Totally. What are we talking about? This fucking cup. How do we fill it? Yeah, be careful.

Mike [00:54:06]:

The thing, that one thing comes to mind, it's always repeating. But again, something you mentioned with you and Kat. This humility like thing. It's always. Somehow I always feel like it always requires two people in person. From another book, from a fucking movie, whatever. Right. It always requires.

Mike [00:54:27]:

I think we're talking about this on Tuesday. That mirror. So you could bounce your shit, your ignorant shit off of. Your good shit, your bad shit that you could bounce your shit off of. Otherwise, I think it's really hard to get humble because you go on about your life.

Eldar [00:54:45]:

You know what? Remember, I disagree with you. Ultimately, what you're saying is that you need to learn with others, right? But I'm saying that you can learn through your experience. Go burn your hand in the fire. You're not going to learn that. That fire is hot. That's life. I think life is undefeated and life will teach you regardless. So either you're going to.

Eldar [00:55:04]:

I think that having the privilege to have a good friend, have a privilege to have a good book, a resource, a library. Right. Resources is what I'm saying. The world, right, is a good privilege. It's good to have. For sure. It might be a little bit of a shortcut, right. But I don't think it's necessarily a requirement for learning.

Eldar [00:55:25]:

Right. Get stuck on the island, survive. Right. Life will humble you. Everything you know has to be redefined. The way you do things, the way you see yourself. Right. Food, shelter, everything is going to be redefined of how you viewed it.

Mike [00:55:40]:

Yeah.

Eldar [00:55:41]:

Oh, where's my bed? You don't have a bed. You got to build it out of wood. You got to sleep on hard wood. You have to appreciate the most smallest things, and that comes out of what? That comes out of life and survival. Right. If you can replicate certain things, then you can get humbled. Right. And I think some of those shows back in the day, they used to do this to those girls.

Eldar [00:56:03]:

What do they call them? Girls gone. Well, no, the Paris Hilton, when they threw them in the farm.

Katherine [00:56:09]:

Oh, yeah.

Anatoliy [00:56:10]:

You guys remember that?

Eldar [00:56:12]:

Yeah. You get humbled or get know life is going to teach you. So I don't think it's necessarily a requirement to have somebody to bounce off, which would be good, but life will do it sooner or later.

Phillip [00:56:27]:

So you think if you're open to it, you get what you need. And getting what you need is building up the characteristics in level one to whatever to get to the next one.

Eldar [00:56:36]:

If you're open. If you're open to it, if you're open. And open is a very interesting concept. Yeah.

Mike [00:56:43]:

Maybe it's not a requirement, but I think it's a huge resource.

Eldar [00:56:47]:

Oh, huge resource.

Mike [00:56:50]:

Having somebody else helping you in the journey of humility. Somebody's going to be a friend and going to be honest and call you out on your bullshit, tell you that you're wrong or to help you to learn. If you don't know where to start, you can obviously listen, you can go and learn whichever way you want. You don't have to have a friend go there.

Eldar [00:57:13]:

You can learn from a book, an author.

Mike [00:57:15]:

Author. But again, that's also somebody else that you're mirroring off of. You're bouncing off of.

Eldar [00:57:20]:

Yeah.

Mike [00:57:20]:

Now, if you put somebody on island, you got to survive. There's nobody.

Eldar [00:57:23]:

You're not going to ask anybody for advice. You have to figure it out.

Mike [00:57:25]:

On your own through trial and error, like getting burned, like you're saying. Yeah, but I think we have an opportunity. Most people, we have people that we know we have, so we think we have people that we know.

Eldar [00:57:37]:

Yeah.

Phillip [00:57:38]:

The only thing I think of when, and you said it too, is you actually have to do it. So I'm thinking of times in my life where I had somebody else in my life, and then you're seeing what they were doing, and whether you liked it or not or you were educated by it, you were getting that knowledge. And then if you're not applying that thing, it's almost useless. Right. In order for you to get that next thing. So whether you're getting it from a book or you're getting it from a person, I think having it pointed out to you, I think it can be important to raise the awareness if you are open to it. But if you're not going to then take that work and then do that thing on your own. Yeah, for sure it is.

Mike [00:58:21]:

No, it work.

Phillip [00:58:22]:

You have to do it.

Mike [00:58:23]:

Knowing and doing is obviously separate, but you got to do the work on your own. It's definitely a solo process, but I.

Eldar [00:58:32]:

Think together, I think the application of work is probably a solo process. Regardless. Regardless. Yeah.

Phillip [00:58:37]:

The way that I think of it is a personal example. So if I had somebody that I was seeing doing something that I liked, where they were being successful, what I was doing was I would get comfortable. And then you almost lean on that person, and then what happens is you're leaning on that person. You can have trust in that person, but I don't think there's much growth in that. I think that's the danger of being mentored or getting knowledge outside or seeking it outside of yourself is if you're not smart enough to realize that you have to apply this thing, you're almost, like, feeling like you're getting it done without doing anything. And it's almost like, I think it breeds, like, laziness and just like, a really different type of mentality. Of course, that does not allow you to actually get to where you need to be. It almost can set you back farther.

Phillip [00:59:30]:

Probably will. So I definitely saw that end of.

Eldar [00:59:34]:

It, and that definitely woke me up.

Phillip [00:59:37]:

Because I got very comfortable in realizing, like, oh, I thought I'm a certain place, but it's like the other person's there and I'm not taking the lessons from that person and applying them to my life. When you're relying on something outside of yourself, I think it can be dangerous in a sense.

Eldar [00:59:57]:

If you're not applying it for sure to yourself.

Mike [01:00:01]:

I didn't understand that.

Phillip [01:00:04]:

Let's say you have a mentor, you have somebody in your life, right? And maybe you like something about them. You want to emulate that thing about them. So as you're spending more time with them, you're like, say, immersed in their world. Now you can be going and doing certain things with that person. And in a sense it almost feels like because you're around that person, you have those things. Maybe if you're not applying what they're doing on the day to day, how are they accomplishing those things? What are they actually doing? If you're not being a student and you're studying good students?

Eldar [01:00:38]:

Yeah.

Phillip [01:00:38]:

If you're not being a good student and saying, hey, how are they getting there? And then I'm going to apply it to myself, it's just like, hey, the fact that I'm around them, I feel like because now I see all the things and I have all these things because I'm around them. It's almost like, oh, did I bypass a couple of levels now? Am I already there? I think it can create this reality for yourself if you don't put the work in and you're just reliant on that other person. Yeah, I think you can be in a relationship with, like, I've done this in a personal relationship where it's gone, like vice versa, where maybe I had.

Eldar [01:01:10]:

Certain qualities or.

Phillip [01:01:14]:

Whatever it may be. I think it can go either way. It can be business, relationship, mentorship, any type of relationship, friendship, family, whatever. But yeah, I definitely have seen both sides of it and it's definitely a wake up call.

Eldar [01:01:28]:

So, Mike, your questions answered about the cup being full, the importance of it being full. Why should it be full?

Mike [01:01:37]:

No, yeah, sure. No, I understand.

Eldar [01:01:40]:

I know you can expand more on this because you said a lot more before about this phenomenon. I guess I like satisfying the illusory cops for people. I like it because I understand the importance of speeding up that process. For that person to come to themselves is to say, okay, this is not the cup that I needed or I wanted, you know what I mean? Because sooner or later they're going to have to face themselves after they've gotten the stuff that they've gotten. I don't know. I don't know if it's a faster process. What do you guys think? I don't know.

Mike [01:02:17]:

Faster process than what would be the other way.

Eldar [01:02:23]:

Make it extremely painful for them.

Mike [01:02:28]:

Call them out on whatever they're.

Eldar [01:02:29]:

Yeah, you don't deserve this. You don't deserve that. You know what I mean? Like, no, I'm not giving you this. I'm not giving you that. You know what I mean?

Mike [01:02:39]:

No. Is the question faster or what's the.

Eldar [01:02:42]:

Right thing to do?

Mike [01:02:45]:

Is there a right thing to do? Is there a right thing to do?

Eldar [01:02:48]:

Which one is right?

Mike [01:02:49]:

Which one is right?

Eldar [01:02:50]:

Probably because the one that's right is probably the fastest. No, about my question. I don't know. Totally. What's the question?

Anatoliy [01:03:03]:

I don't know. I think the other way is more painful.

Eldar [01:03:08]:

I was asking the question to the guys about a technique that know, pointed out that I'm a fan of. I like to know, in the example of Tommy's, right? Tommy came here, sat here and said what? The most important thing for me is to write a book. This is what I want to do. I'm going to focus on writing a book. But I need space, guys. Can you help me out? Right? And in my case, I obviously see the smoke and mirrors. You know what I mean? I understand what he's fucking saying. He's not saying anything.

Eldar [01:03:41]:

I disagree with him. This is not his problem. He's got bigger fish to fry. He's an arrogant prick, right? But nonetheless, I go and I satisfy that. What he wants his request. Hey, Elder, can I get an office? Yeah, sure, no problem. What else you want? Right? You want nice carpet? Yeah, that'd be nice. Oh, you want desk.

Eldar [01:03:58]:

Nice. Okay. Lamp, no problem. Computer, no problem. Nice. Lights? No problem. Gave him everything. Yeah, right.

Eldar [01:04:05]:

Now what? Where is he? Wasn't this the most important thing that you wanted to do? Isn't this what you wanted to accomplish? Yeah, but isn't this a perfect example.

Phillip [01:04:15]:

Of somebody who is trying to get to level two without basically building the characteristics in level one?

Eldar [01:04:24]:

That's why my question is whether or not this is more effective or maybe the right strategy in order to get you there, to kind of realize that where your level is actually not on level two, bro, you're on level zero.

Phillip [01:04:36]:

I think it can help point out your flaws and inefficiencies. But again, if you're not open to realizing that, well, I'm not sure he.

Eldar [01:04:44]:

Was going to be open to me having a deeper conversation with him as to say, like, Tommy. Actually, bro, I disagree with you. You don't need an office. He's going to say, although, no, you're wrong. I need an office. You know what? Saying like that would be the conversation, right? Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:04:57]:

I think if someone takes you up on it, they're definitely going to expedite their process of experiencing a huge amount of pain. I think if you don't give people that opportunity, you give them the opportunity.

Eldar [01:05:12]:

To more, like a little bit chill out and coast and coast a little bit. Right. Make more excuses and stuff like that. Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:05:21]:

I think that by doing that, you're almost operating. I think in that moment, as a vanity devil. Come take this.

Eldar [01:05:40]:

Well, no, I'm not the one who's offering it.

Anatoliy [01:05:42]:

No, they're wanting it. But then you're okay. You're creating it.

Eldar [01:05:48]:

I didn't go and say, hey, let's lure this guy into this office so you can write a book for me or something like that. No, bro, you came to me with a request.

Anatoliy [01:05:55]:

Yeah, but you kind of, like, grant.

Eldar [01:05:58]:

What they want knowingly that the gig is going to be up.

Anatoliy [01:06:06]:

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Eldar [01:06:10]:

You know what I'm saying?

Anatoliy [01:06:11]:

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. If they take you up on the offer, they're going to experience a lot.

Eldar [01:06:16]:

Of pain, which is good. Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:06:19]:

If they don't take you up on the offer, then.

Eldar [01:06:25]:

Can they not take me up on the offer? Yeah, they can.

Anatoliy [01:06:28]:

They can.

Eldar [01:06:28]:

Really?

Anatoliy [01:06:29]:

They can go sell cheese?

Eldar [01:06:31]:

Well, no, he took me up on the offer, and then he went to sell cheese. Yeah, he went to pick out the lights.

Mike [01:06:36]:

He did everything.

Eldar [01:06:37]:

He did everything. We went to the store together, we bought the carpet together. He took me up on the offer.

Mike [01:06:41]:

He didn't learn yet.

Eldar [01:06:43]:

And then he went through the process of trying to level up, right. Come over here and be like, okay, cool. This is what needs to actually be done. And he was under impression that he was ready. Right. But he got one side right on the Ruger's cube. But everything else is still fucked up.

Mike [01:06:59]:

Yeah.

Eldar [01:07:00]:

Do parents strive to expedite this process for their kids when they spoil them organically? When you spoil them? Yeah. Like, you know, kid comes, oh, mom, I want jordans. Oh, mom, I want this. Mom, I want that. I want this. Sure, no problem. They're not really deserving of it, obviously, right? No, they're obviously saying that it's going to make them happy, change their lives. Girls are going to like them.

Eldar [01:07:23]:

Boys are going to like them.

Mike [01:07:26]:

Hey.

Phillip [01:07:30]:

What can a kid do to be deserving of something? So let's say you just love your kid, and they're a good kid.

Eldar [01:07:36]:

Right?

Phillip [01:07:36]:

Say they're polite.

Eldar [01:07:37]:

Right?

Phillip [01:07:38]:

They're polite. They go to school, they go to daycare, they come home, there's a good kid. Don't you think they would be deservant of whatever? You think that they would.

Eldar [01:07:49]:

I don't think that's where it's coming from. If they're polite, why do they need stuff?

Anatoliy [01:07:57]:

They give them that because they need them to shut the fuck up.

Phillip [01:08:00]:

Yeah, if you have the means. Let's say money is not an issue.

Eldar [01:08:04]:

Right.

Phillip [01:08:04]:

And you just want to show them.

Eldar [01:08:07]:

Hey, I love you.

Phillip [01:08:09]:

This is like a thing showing you that I love you.

Eldar [01:08:15]:

Rarely anything showing with that. So buying something is a way of showing you love them?

Phillip [01:08:21]:

In this case, yeah. To me, you can say, like, hey, I love you. You can say it with words, and then you can also say it with a.

Eldar [01:08:29]:

Right.

Phillip [01:08:29]:

Like, isn't that a possibility of, like, if you're giving them Jordans, you're just saying, like, hey, I love you, with an actual thing.

Mike [01:08:35]:

Is that a real gift?

Eldar [01:08:38]:

See, I'm not sure. At least in my case with Catherine. Right. I've never tried to have. I did a good job of not attaching my love to you with gifts.

Katherine [01:08:47]:

A very good job.

Eldar [01:08:48]:

Wow, look at that.

Phillip [01:08:52]:

Do you think you can give.

Eldar [01:08:53]:

She has a lot of gifts. She has a lot of gifts. But this is not because I love her.

Phillip [01:08:56]:

But do you think you can do gifts, though, coming from a loving place that are actual things?

Eldar [01:09:00]:

See, that's an interesting conversation you're saying.

Phillip [01:09:02]:

Here, because I had two different ways. My parents definitely didn't spoil me with things, and then I had somebody who did spoil me with things. It was very different relationship.

Anatoliy [01:09:10]:

So there you go.

Eldar [01:09:11]:

Who loved you?

Phillip [01:09:13]:

I think there was more. Now, this is just one example, though.

Eldar [01:09:15]:

No, but it's a very good one.

Phillip [01:09:17]:

But I think your parents didn't spoil.

Eldar [01:09:20]:

You, but they love you. Right. And they still love you. And then there's a person who, quote unquote, loved you, spoiled you. Where is he?

Phillip [01:09:27]:

Right, but I think, can you also do it where you can still teach lessons and you can do it where you can maybe have a combination of tough love and love?

Eldar [01:09:37]:

You can give gifts, but not because you love people.

Phillip [01:09:40]:

You give gifts with zero expectation. Like, just because.

Eldar [01:09:46]:

No. You could give gifts. I'm not sure if you can attach a gift to love. That's all I'm saying.

Phillip [01:09:53]:

Say, like, a kid wants to have.

Eldar [01:09:54]:

Mike, stop buying it.

Phillip [01:09:55]:

Okay, so say if a kid wants to have, like, the Jordans. Right? You say, like, okay, this is a great opportunity for you to do chores and stuff like this.

Mike [01:10:05]:

They would have to read at least 20 Socrates philosophy books in order for you to have a conversation. With them. Explain to them that this gift is actually meaningless. But you like it, so I'm going to buy it for you. But this means absolutely nothing. And then once that person, if that person buys into that, this is nothing and they still want it, which I don't think they will.

Phillip [01:10:25]:

No.

Mike [01:10:26]:

And if they do either, then they still haven't learned. But why would they take it?

Eldar [01:10:32]:

Yeah, I'd be very careful attaching love and gifting.

Phillip [01:10:38]:

So it would just have to come from a genuine place. But what do you mean? So it would come from a place with nothing attached to it where I wouldn't want, I wouldn't have a level of expectation on any reaction. And it was just, I'm buying this for you just because I'm buying it for you. You don't like that there's nothing there. I'm saying, no, I'm saying, based off what we're saying, that's the way that it should be.

Eldar [01:11:07]:

I think you just have to call for what it is. If you kick, I'm talking a parent. Hey, dad, I like these Jordans that you buy these jordans to them and you say, I bought them for you because you like these jordans. I didn't buy them to you because I love you. You know what I'm saying?

Phillip [01:11:26]:

So if you do it the other way where you're telling them, hey, you need to do a chore in order to afford this. Is that more conditional or is there more of a lesson in there saying, like, hey, I'm going to teach you how to fish and do it on your own? Obviously, if they're four years old, they're not going to start.

Mike [01:11:41]:

But you're also, then I guess you're also instilling by saying, hey, if you go make money, you can buy these things that are meaningless, but I'm certifying that they are meaningful because you're going out there, you're working for it hard to make this money.

Eldar [01:11:53]:

Yeah.

Phillip [01:11:54]:

So that the emphasis is on realizing that you can control the work and what you can get and what you actually can get is not that important. So I'm saying when there's a three or four year old who's like, yo, I want a barbie or I want.

Mike [01:12:10]:

A new doll house, the thing is, I'm not sure, but what I'm smelling is this is the chicken or the egg thing. At what point did your kid learn that this is something that's valuable? Because you were too busy to give the kid attention. You threw gift at him and toys like fuck off. I want to watch tv. Go play with this. And the kid's like, okay, I don't play with this. Give me another thing to play with. You got to buy me more things so I could play with.

Mike [01:12:35]:

So you could tell me to fuck off.

Eldar [01:12:37]:

Never ending loop.

Phillip [01:12:38]:

Yeah, but I'm saying in that example, I think buying the thing is a form of, yo, go fuck off. I don't have time for you. Right. That's definitely one. But is there also a scenario where you can just say an extension of me loving you? I just want to get this thing for you because I love you. Is there something inherently bad in that?

Eldar [01:13:01]:

I think I'm getting this thing to you. In the case of Mike explains, is that I'm just buying time before you come around again, but I'm going to show you that I'm loving you. So please don't forget that I actually love you up until next time you want something else so I can remind you that I love you again. Because you don't really have the ability to actually tell, to show or express your love in different ways. Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:13:21]:

Why do you sound like gifts?

Eldar [01:13:24]:

I'm glad you're asking that question.

Anatoliy [01:13:26]:

It just sounds like a very primitive.

Eldar [01:13:29]:

Way to show love.

Anatoliy [01:13:30]:

If this is what you're able to.

Eldar [01:13:31]:

Do, then this is what you do. Have sex with them.

Phillip [01:13:37]:

I don't know, maybe the person that wants.

Eldar [01:13:41]:

Okay. Because. No, you transition because we're talking about the kids.

Katherine [01:13:51]:

We are going to get canceled.

Eldar [01:13:55]:

I think that the time when I'm spending time with Catherine, at least. Right. And if I want to express true love. Right. I give her undivided attention. I listen to her.

Katherine [01:14:06]:

That's my favorite one.

Eldar [01:14:07]:

There you go. You see? You know, it happens to be sometimes that we get horny afterwards. You know what I'm saying? And we do make love. That happens, too. But I think that me throwing a gift at her and telling her that I love her is nowhere near in comparison to me sitting down with her. And really, she's pouring her heart out. I'm pouring my heart. We understand each other.

Eldar [01:14:27]:

We're bonding. We're getting closer again on the same page. I think that's love.

Phillip [01:14:31]:

Yeah. I think there's definitely levels to it. To me, yes. Undivided attention. Somebody giving you their time, I think, is undeniably, like the number one.

Eldar [01:14:40]:

Okay.

Phillip [01:14:41]:

But we're saying the example of the person who's the dad giving the kid gifts. Right.

Eldar [01:14:47]:

And just having.

Phillip [01:14:49]:

Buying an iPad. Right. Then there's somebody in a loving relationship and they're just saying, like, hey, a spillover of my love. I just wanted to get you this thing, whatever it may be. Is that bad?

Anatoliy [01:15:00]:

It's primitive.

Eldar [01:15:01]:

It's primitive? Yeah.

Phillip [01:15:03]:

So you should not buy the person that you love any gifts?

Eldar [01:15:06]:

No, you should definitely buy. If you're an idiot, you're getting nothing.

Katherine [01:15:11]:

I like gifts.

Eldar [01:15:12]:

She gets everything.

Katherine [01:15:13]:

But that's the paradox. I think the point is it's not about using gifts as a symbol of love.

Eldar [01:15:20]:

There's so many form of communication.

Katherine [01:15:21]:

Yeah.

Eldar [01:15:23]:

There's a whole fucking thing that goes around this social media. My love language is gift giving. What came up with this?

Phillip [01:15:31]:

Okay, so you think the.

Eldar [01:15:32]:

Oh, yeah. Catherine even said this is a push gift.

Phillip [01:15:36]:

Yeah.

Katherine [01:15:39]:

And I told him, yeah. Like, what? You mean your wife or whoever?

Eldar [01:15:42]:

This is a crazy.

Katherine [01:15:44]:

The baby gives birth. The husband now gives crazy to me, bro. And it's usually something luxurious like a new bag.

Eldar [01:15:53]:

Were you not okay with having a.

Anatoliy [01:15:55]:

Child if you're not going to get the gift?

Eldar [01:16:00]:

The gift is the life you give. Like the child that you have. Isn't that the gift? What are we talking about?

Phillip [01:16:06]:

The baby in a Birkin bag? And then you have to.

Eldar [01:16:09]:

They traded a human life for a fucking bag, bro.

Phillip [01:16:13]:

Okay, this is like a thing.

Eldar [01:16:16]:

Who came up with this?

Phillip [01:16:17]:

So how I'm understanding.

Eldar [01:16:18]:

Show me them.

Phillip [01:16:19]:

It's bypassing.

Eldar [01:16:20]:

Sit them down here.

Phillip [01:16:21]:

It's bypassing the necessary communication that you would have to have to have a strong relationship. So the gift can.

Eldar [01:16:27]:

Lazy. It's primitive.

Phillip [01:16:28]:

It can be lazy and a substitute for that thing.

Eldar [01:16:31]:

It's buying time. It's a primitive way of expressing something that you have no idea about. You're attaching wrong things to the wrong things. You're sending wrong messages. You're confusing your relationship. And Catherine just said, I did a really good job showing her that I love her without giving her gifts, but she gets the gifts.

Phillip [01:16:50]:

So for somebody who's not good at communicating, they can be giving gifts and confusing their. Where the confusion is coming from.

Eldar [01:17:00]:

Where?

Phillip [01:17:00]:

Because if you do genuinely feel that and you don't know how to communicate it and you're doing it through gifts, is that bad to do or is that, like a good start? Because if you don't know how to communicate it and you're not, I think everybody starts like. And you're not giving any gifts, right. Then you're just sitting there and she's like, yo, what the fuck is this guy, like, doing? He's not giving me anything.

Eldar [01:17:19]:

Listen, if you don't have the ability to actually sit down, give them real attention, stuff like that. You better fucking give gift. You better, right? That's your only chance here. You know what I mean? And if she's stupid enough to accept it, then you're meant for each other. That's it. That means you found the same language. She likes gift giving. You're about gift giving and not communicating the fucking gift.

Eldar [01:17:39]:

Give all you want, like be that guy.

Phillip [01:17:41]:

Gift giving is not a real love language. Then that's a made up modern one, right?

Eldar [01:17:45]:

Sure. But to me, it's wild.

Katherine [01:17:48]:

I think it's equivalent to how our culture believes now that in order to engage someone or whatever, that you have to have, like, a sparkly diamond. That was like, pure marketing. And here we are, generations that we still do it. I see it on social media all the time. My love language is gift giving. I see it. I mean, the biggest video receiving gift, it's so put out there.

Eldar [01:18:18]:

It's so normal people are going out there and giving out free money and stuff like that. And making social media blows up because you gave a couple hundred dollars to four people and shit, and you film it.

Katherine [01:18:30]:

Come on.

Eldar [01:18:30]:

The fuck is going on? You know what I'm saying?

Katherine [01:18:33]:

Yeah.

Eldar [01:18:35]:

This is what society is consuming. Everybody's confused.

Phillip [01:18:39]:

Philip, do you think it will become more normalized to not have a big fancy ring, not have a big fancy wedding and do all this? Do you think that.

Eldar [01:18:48]:

No, I'm not saying not to do that. If you have the means to go and do a fucking grandiose wedding, $100,000 wedding or whatever. You know what I'm saying? Don't attach that to you. Loving the person. That's it.

Mike [01:19:03]:

Call it for what it is.

Eldar [01:19:04]:

Call it for what it is. We're about to spend a whole bunch of money to throw a big ass party. We're going to get drunk, and we're going to forget it, because our memories are not good enough to remember this day. Are we okay with this? Yes. Okay, that's it. Consenting adult. Go and do your fucking thing.

Mike [01:19:17]:

But don't call this love, but know how stupid.

Eldar [01:19:20]:

And there's still a huge percentage chance that you're going to divorce one another. You know what that fucking divorce rate is? 50. You know what I'm saying? It's a fucking crapshoot.

Phillip [01:19:33]:

So the gift, in either scenario, with the kid or the relationship, the gift should just be like a non emotional just thing. It shouldn't have anything attached to it in order for it to be like a successful exchange.

Eldar [01:19:46]:

Yeah. Otherwise you're confusing each other.

Phillip [01:19:48]:

Yeah, I see that.

Eldar [01:19:50]:

Okay. Confusing number one. But conditioning. Conditioning is the bad part.

Phillip [01:19:56]:

Setting level of expectation.

Eldar [01:19:57]:

Correct.

Phillip [01:19:57]:

This is going to happen.

Eldar [01:19:58]:

And then next time. Oh, you don't love me. Oh, you don't do this. The fuck you mean I don't love you? I take you out every single time. What do you mean? I forgot you about your anniversary. Yeah, we celebrate anniversary every fucking day because we love each other. You know what I'm saying?

Phillip [01:20:12]:

Yeah, gifts are definitely tricky.

Eldar [01:20:14]:

I mean, to me they were pretty cut and dry, but yeah, no, sure. She likes nice things and sometimes when I can get them, fucking get them, you know what I'm saying? I don't care. But this is not a form of love. This is not it. You know what I'm saying?

Katherine [01:20:34]:

For one thing is it's not something that I would get upset at him about. He didn't give me this thing. No. It's not where the value lies, the substance.

Eldar [01:20:46]:

Yeah.

Phillip [01:20:46]:

But the way that I would see most kids, I guess it does start from parenting at a really young age, is like making this very known at a very young age. First Christmas, second Christmas.

Katherine [01:20:58]:

What do you think happens to a girl, for example, that's growing up in a household and let's say the parents are well off or simply just spoil her their way. My dad communicating love is through gifts. I have friends that grew up that way where I guess that was the way that their parents knew how to express. It's fine. And they grow up. They always got what they wanted, so they grew up spoiled rotten.

Eldar [01:21:21]:

Right?

Katherine [01:21:21]:

Let's say now they go into relationships and as a female, she may perhaps begin to expect that from men.

Eldar [01:21:30]:

Imagine they're in a relationship with a stingy guy like you.

Katherine [01:21:33]:

And so now they're going to be.

Eldar [01:21:34]:

Like, my daddy used to rent a horse for my birthday.

Katherine [01:21:40]:

And that may be how she perceives love, but the thing is she perceives love as like the gift giving. Oh, you're not giving me what I want. You don't love me. You're not going to get me?

Phillip [01:21:50]:

No.

Katherine [01:21:50]:

So then I'm going to go find somebody who's going to do that because that's how I understand love to be. It's very confusing.

Eldar [01:21:58]:

And what, how you. Their association with a nice dad is not love. My dad loves me. Oh, are you sure? You're going to come in and be like, are you sure about that?

Phillip [01:22:06]:

Yeah, he bought me. How does he love you? And then it's like, oh, he bought me this, this and this. He never made me want for anything.

Katherine [01:22:10]:

He bought me an audi when I was.

Eldar [01:22:12]:

But that's how.

Phillip [01:22:13]:

This is how I hear most people.

Eldar [01:22:15]:

Well, I think that's why I think philosophy is not an attempt. It's a fucking actual thing that debunks all this bullshit. What are we talking about here? Yeah. These are concepts that are attached to people's minds again, right? We talked about filling your cup. You fill in your cup with nonsense.

Phillip [01:22:37]:

What would you classify a woman cooking for you?

Eldar [01:22:41]:

Is that a gift? I mean, if she loves you, it's probably an expression of form of love, right?

Phillip [01:22:47]:

Is that still in the same category of if you're buying them something, it still can be, like, primitive way of saying, like, hey, I love you. If you feel like, let's say, if you come home and she feels obligated to do it versus wanting to do it.

Eldar [01:23:05]:

Okay, that's a very good question. I said to her, ask her. I said to her, I love her. I said, babe, if this is stressing you out, I don't want this. Right? I don't want this food.

Phillip [01:23:14]:

That's what I'm saying. So if you come home and then the guys say in the traditional eighty s, ninety s, you come home like the woman's like a housewife or whatever, right? And, okay. Oh, I expect my dinner. And then maybe she doesn't want to make it. Maybe she wants to write a book or she wants to do something else. Right?

Katherine [01:23:29]:

She wants to write a book.

Phillip [01:23:31]:

Listen. But let's say she does want to do it is the place that she's coming from that's going to dictate the.

Eldar [01:23:37]:

Frequency of where it's coming from 100%. If she wants to do it, do it. I'm glad. I'll love to eat it. But if you over there banging pots and pans, dropping everything, cursing yourself, and like, what the fuck am I doing here? I don't want to eat that. I don't want to have that kind of wife. Right. If you have some other things you want to do, go do it.

Eldar [01:23:54]:

I can buy myself food. Right. You know what I'm saying?

Phillip [01:23:57]:

So that also comes down to communication.

Eldar [01:23:59]:

Yeah. And understanding one another. Right? Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:24:02]:

I was trying to find the article, but that guy, I guess he's probably more known for acting, right? He was in fast and furious. Hey, Tyrese, get that toy.

Eldar [01:24:13]:

Yeah. Right?

Anatoliy [01:24:14]:

He's going through, like, a divorce.

Eldar [01:24:15]:

Okay. Right.

Anatoliy [01:24:17]:

And he was saying that the realizations he had. I was reading this, like, a few days ago, trying to find it, but I was trying to find the exact quote he had, but I couldn't find it.

Eldar [01:24:27]:

But get it over the net.

Anatoliy [01:24:28]:

Yeah. He was talking about. So he's going through a divorce, him and his ex wife. They have a five year old r and b singer.

Eldar [01:24:36]:

Yeah. And the actor.

Anatoliy [01:24:37]:

Five year old.

Eldar [01:24:38]:

Yeah. Actor, yeah.

Anatoliy [01:24:38]:

Five year old kid.

Eldar [01:24:39]:

Okay.

Anatoliy [01:24:40]:

And he was like. I was realizing that when going through this whole process that we liked each other. He was saying for all these different things, we fell in love. All different things. And now we have a five year old. And now this is the same person that we agreed to mutually split. And this person, who has their own career, makes their own good money, is trying to extract $20,000 a month from me.

Eldar [01:25:05]:

Yeah, that's right.

Anatoliy [01:25:06]:

To take care of a five year old.

Eldar [01:25:08]:

That's right.

Anatoliy [01:25:08]:

That I also will be participating in taking care of.

Eldar [01:25:10]:

Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:25:11]:

So he's like, I realized our relationship was built on nothing good, and it was built on just money good.

Eldar [01:25:17]:

I'm glad he realized that.

Mike [01:25:19]:

Tell him I said that.

Phillip [01:25:19]:

He has some great songs.

Eldar [01:25:20]:

You see that? Listen, it's good that he's realized.

Phillip [01:25:23]:

No.

Eldar [01:25:23]:

Or not.

Phillip [01:25:23]:

Thanks, Philip.

Anatoliy [01:25:27]:

That was, like, crazy. I don't know if you know him, because I don't know him. I think he was a bit before my time. Do you know a basketball player, Joe Smith?

Eldar [01:25:36]:

I do know Joe Smith.

Anatoliy [01:25:37]:

He was, like, a number one overall pick.

Eldar [01:25:39]:

Yeah, I do know Joe.

Anatoliy [01:25:39]:

Did you hear the controversy with his wife, too?

Eldar [01:25:41]:

Right?

Anatoliy [01:25:43]:

Yeah, well, he was, you know, at one point, I guess, when they were together, he was very wealthy. He made a lot of money. Like a good amount of money from NBA. I think they said, like, 60 million or something.

Mike [01:25:52]:

That's great money.

Anatoliy [01:25:52]:

And then he went broke. Now he's broke, he has no money. And they built up a particular type of lifestyle in life, and now they couldn't maintain it.

Eldar [01:26:01]:

Yeah, right.

Anatoliy [01:26:02]:

Because he said he messed up on a bunch of things. Investments, buying stupid shit.

Mike [01:26:06]:

Yeah, right.

Anatoliy [01:26:07]:

Stuff like that. And then he found out that his wife is doing an only fans behind his back try to make the money so that she could live.

Eldar [01:26:15]:

When you build your relationship on fucking nothing, this is what happens.

Anatoliy [01:26:19]:

On money.

Eldar [01:26:21]:

What happens. Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:26:22]:

So I think it's the same thing in gift giving. Like, you're just going to continue buying.

Eldar [01:26:26]:

Shit if you haven't learned the proper language of love. Yeah, that's what you have to do. So I'm not saying nothing is wrong with it. If you're an idiot, there's nothing wrong with it. Just be an idiot. Continue to do idiot shit. But I'm going to call for what it is. It's primitive way of expression.

Eldar [01:26:46]:

You know what I'm saying?

Mike [01:26:47]:

It's very bad.

Eldar [01:26:50]:

All right, Mike. Okay, Mike.

Mike [01:26:53]:

As a former. What's it called? What's it called? A gift giver.

Phillip [01:26:58]:

I was definitely a gift giver. No question. I would do it, like, little snacks and all go out. I would do it with little things, and I would do it with bigger things. I would do with anything.

Eldar [01:27:08]:

But you're still out for you guys.

Phillip [01:27:11]:

Oh, no. Now I would be very different.

Eldar [01:27:15]:

Mike, you were going to say, it's also profound.

Katherine [01:27:18]:

Really bad thought about that person.

Mike [01:27:21]:

I know. I went through that camp.

Eldar [01:27:23]:

Not a bad thing.

Phillip [01:27:24]:

Yeah.

Katherine [01:27:25]:

It's the valley.

Eldar [01:27:26]:

You don't recommend that to anybody unless you're an idiot.

Mike [01:27:28]:

I recommend it to everybody. This is the way that we have to learn. And it's a good recommendation.

Eldar [01:27:33]:

Yeah, that's it. Life will teach you shit. You know what I'm saying?

Mike [01:27:36]:

You got to learn what you got to learn.

Eldar [01:27:38]:

Yeah. So don't take my word for the shit.

Mike [01:27:40]:

Yeah.

Eldar [01:27:40]:

You know what I mean? Go test it. Go test your theory. Go be the Joe Smith. Go be the Tyreek. Go build your love on fucking things and see what fucking happens. You know what I mean? When that shit disappears. See who's who. Yeah.

Eldar [01:27:57]:

This is a perfect example of the fucking. Who's putting water in their cup. And then when you wake up one day and you're like, oh, shit. This is just dirt I've been putting into my cup, what do I do? Find out your wife is fucking shaking her ass on the Internet for fucking money kind of shit is this? You didn't understand her mind. You didn't know anything about her. Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:28:20]:

I think that if the idea of achieving happiness was done through making money, there would be a lot more happier people.

Eldar [01:28:31]:

Okay. Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:28:32]:

If it was that.

Eldar [01:28:33]:

If it was that, yeah.

Anatoliy [01:28:35]:

We definitely wouldn't have all these problems out there in the world.

Eldar [01:28:37]:

I agree with you.

Anatoliy [01:28:38]:

Because everybody hustling.

Eldar [01:28:40]:

Yeah. So why does the world have it backwards? Or they have it the right way? It seems like it's backwards, but I think they have it the right way. Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:28:50]:

I'm not sure what the right or wrong way is. I think it's all dependent.

Eldar [01:28:54]:

Yeah. I think everybody has their own stage of development, their own cup. The cup can be long, small, short, wide. And some people have several cups. Right. And they are where they are because of the way they are. No. Yeah.

Eldar [01:29:11]:

And then you'll have a chance maybe one day to wake up and to maybe see things for what they are.

Anatoliy [01:29:16]:

Maybe like the question that you asked yourself. And I think that guy Dan was.

Eldar [01:29:20]:

Asking something about it.

Anatoliy [01:29:22]:

Like in the peaceful warrior, like he has something like, what's it going to be like when you have it?

Eldar [01:29:32]:

Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:29:35]:

Because everybody has all these particular lofty goals and stuff. Why don't you take some time and write down what's life going to be like?

Eldar [01:29:45]:

Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:29:47]:

And then when you get there, match up those notes and see if that's what it is.

Eldar [01:29:54]:

All right, well, do you guys have anything else? So then what are the final thoughts on this cup thing?

Mike [01:29:59]:

Mike, the importance of having a full cup or having a full cup before you engage in things in your life, before you set any goals to go into other things that you want to engage in. Ask yourself, is your cup full? Ask other people, is your cup full? Because if you set a goal like.

Eldar [01:30:19]:

I have a goal for myself that's not. I'd like to deserve, be worthy of in my life, I have to ask.

Mike [01:30:28]:

Myself, am I deserving of it? Is my cup full? Am I doing the right things I.

Eldar [01:30:32]:

Should be doing in order to achieve what I want?

Mike [01:30:41]:

Because too many times people setting goals and setting expectations of things that they want in their lives when they're not getting it.

Eldar [01:30:51]:

That's because I gave all the analogy.

Mike [01:30:55]:

They come in to play basketball and flip flops. You don't have the right tools for the job. Your cup is not full. How are you going to expect to succeed if you're coming in with a.

Eldar [01:31:08]:

Knife to a gunfight like that?

Anatoliy [01:31:11]:

So what does it mean for your.

Eldar [01:31:12]:

Cup to be full?

Mike [01:31:15]:

I think that's what we're talking about.

Eldar [01:31:16]:

No. So what does it mean to me?

Mike [01:31:21]:

Well, the way I thought about it, it's definitely a virtuous thing. I think having a genuinely full cup is, I guess what you saying, there's levels to it, right? There's the maslow's basic needs. But then, you know, for different levels, I think it becomes more of a virtuous thing, right. Because as you start going up on the pyramid, the things that you're. I don't know the pyramid by heart, but those things require, I think, what is it? Friendship, love, right.

Phillip [01:31:55]:

Self actualization.

Mike [01:31:56]:

Self actualization. All those things, those things, they're 100%.

Eldar [01:32:02]:

Rooted in virtue, right?

Mike [01:32:04]:

You want to be a good friend. What does that mean? How can you describe a good friend without using words like kindness, compassion, consideration, respect, trust. Right. Same thing for self acquisition, same thing for falling in love, all those things.

Eldar [01:32:18]:

The root of it, that is your cup. That's the way I think about it.

Mike [01:32:24]:

That to me, is having a cup full. Not just having those things, but the way that you're doing those things.

Eldar [01:32:31]:

Right?

Mike [01:32:31]:

And you cannot say I'm your friend if I'm not treating you with those things. Just because we vibe over cars and cigarettes and russian dancing clubs doesn't mean we're friends. But if we're bonding over something more meaningful, like we're trying to work on lives, we're trying to be better people, trying to be better to each other, towards our friends and family and all other relationships that we have towards our job.

Eldar [01:32:58]:

Right.

Mike [01:32:59]:

If you conduct yourself in that way with everything that is having a full.

Eldar [01:33:03]:

Cup, that's the way I see it.

Anatoliy [01:33:06]:

So you're on the quest to get a full cup.

Mike [01:33:09]:

I think the quest of having a full cup is always.

Eldar [01:33:18]:

Okay. Yeah.

Phillip [01:33:20]:

So once you have a full cup, then you have to keep filling it. You could maintain your level, but then naturally you're going to want to acquire a new level and then you're going to have to keep filling it. So is your cup ever truly full?

Eldar [01:33:41]:

M.

Mike [01:33:45]:

Yeah, I mean, that's a good question. Is it ever truly full? Yeah, probably moment to moment, it's full.

Eldar [01:33:54]:

I know the answer to that question. In the moment of gratitude, it's truly full. I think. So when you actually find out, right? When you sit down and say to yourself, yo, I'm content, what is it that I have to complain about?

Phillip [01:34:12]:

I don't want or need anything outside of what I have.

Eldar [01:34:15]:

I'm grateful for what I have. I understand what I have. I realize what I have. I'm appreciative of what I have. I'm grateful for all of this. I think that's the moment that you're talking about, of the cup is actually full. Right. And then obviously you leave that moment.

Eldar [01:34:32]:

Yeah. Right. And like you said, then I think you go on the journey of like, okay, cool, that's full.

Phillip [01:34:37]:

But life continues like human condition to me. It's only normal to want to want something, right? No or no.

Mike [01:34:44]:

That's a tricky wordage. Yeah, because the way is being interpreted.

Phillip [01:34:50]:

Okay, so let's say it's not even want. It's normal that you're going to want to have the next thing or have.

Eldar [01:34:55]:

Something to go towards, whether it be.

Phillip [01:34:58]:

Level one to level two. Like moving forward. Right? Like we were talking about, if you don't have a thing to go after, somebody retires and then they think like, oh, that's like the end all be all but sudden. They have nothing to do. And it's like I don't have my purpose. What am I supposed to be doing? So if you're not going towards something, whether you want to call that want.

Mike [01:35:20]:

I think another famous Socrates quote would be here, which would be an unexamined life is not worth living.

Eldar [01:35:31]:

If you're.

Mike [01:35:32]:

Constantly examining your life, you're constantly filling your cup, you're constantly going to the next level. Because every single day you interact with new people, new situations, new relationships, you're in a relationship one day your wife's.

Eldar [01:35:46]:

Having a bad day, she may be.

Mike [01:35:50]:

Not kind to you. That's a challenge. Examine it, right. Maybe your parents, maybe, I mean, life is always going outside of what's going on in lives. There's life all around us at our job. Things can change within our parents. They get older, things can change.

Eldar [01:36:07]:

Right.

Mike [01:36:08]:

It's always moving. Life is in constant motion.

Eldar [01:36:11]:

Right.

Mike [01:36:12]:

So always examining it is that process.

Eldar [01:36:20]:

You said it really well, but instead of examining it, I would put adjusting to it, right. Because it requires us to then adjust to these situations in such a way where, I mean, the best case scenario scenario would be that you are of service to those people or to the world. The best case scenario, because if you're of service, what that means is your cup is already full and now you're servicing and your cup is spilling out onto the world.

Mike [01:36:49]:

Yeah, but this is the philosophy. Well, we actually don't do anything. We just observe and move on. Oh, there's no actions done here.

Eldar [01:36:57]:

These are the fucking jobs that he's always talking about you take. Yes, they're fucking good. Yeah, because I forget about it. They subtle. But he's taking notes.

Mike [01:37:05]:

Of course he's taking notes.

Eldar [01:37:08]:

Why would somebody take notes if this is just water off duck's back? Are you making a duck based only? We don't have a video component yet.

Mike [01:37:22]:

Yeah, that's the job. Because you know why? Because he knows why they're there.

Eldar [01:37:28]:

He knows why, right? Yeah, he can't fucking stand it.

Mike [01:37:32]:

It's comforting knowing that nobody is moving.

Eldar [01:37:38]:

Holy shit. If he listens to shit, he might just come and surprises on the hundred with a gap. Oh, my God.

Phillip [01:37:45]:

Wait, when's the hundred?

Eldar [01:37:48]:

This is 99. This is episode 99.

Phillip [01:37:50]:

So he's coming for 100?

Eldar [01:37:51]:

No, he wants to come for 100, but now, because he doesn't feel welcomed by some of the members, he doesn't want to come. He wants to have like a red carpet rolled out to.

Phillip [01:38:00]:

Oh yeah, I'll wrap him around in it.

Eldar [01:38:07]:

Oh, shit.

Mike [01:38:08]:

Yeah.

Eldar [01:38:10]:

No, I really think the reason why he's not coming is because he's a pussy and he can't know there's. He's not going to be able to say all the accusations that he had about Mike and actually accuse him of the stuff that he was trying to accuse him of not being humble and all this other stuff of how Mike is doing it all wrong.

Phillip [01:38:26]:

So maybe he should cater us a nice lunch and just say thank you for us allowing him to edit our talk.

Eldar [01:38:34]:

Conversation. That's good. That could be appreciative.

Phillip [01:38:37]:

Like for him to come from that standpoint. Yeah, I think that would be a really good humbling start.

Eldar [01:38:42]:

I'm not sure if he has that in him.

Phillip [01:38:44]:

And we'll keep it very simple. We'll just go to. Can we say places or not?

Eldar [01:38:50]:

Local sushi bar.

Phillip [01:38:51]:

Oh, no, I was going to say the place that we don't actually say the name.

Eldar [01:38:56]:

Soups we like to frequent.

Katherine [01:38:58]:

And delicious things.

Eldar [01:38:59]:

Exactly. Yeah.

Phillip [01:39:00]:

They have great desserts, they have great pastries.

Eldar [01:39:02]:

Easy.

Phillip [01:39:02]:

We've catered them from there before.

Eldar [01:39:03]:

No, he's not coming because what is he going to say? He has nothing to say. What's going to hold water here?

Mike [01:39:12]:

So you're right. I agree. It's not examining. But I guess in my head it is examining. Right in my head. The way I think about it, it's like you have to examine, but it's already implied that the next step is.

Eldar [01:39:24]:

Then to adjust an action. Action. Adjust. Right. Because like you're saying, and I agree with you, that the world continues. Right. The world doesn't just stop because you're grateful and you're done with work. No, the world needs you.

Eldar [01:39:36]:

Right?

Mike [01:39:36]:

Yeah.

Eldar [01:39:37]:

If you have the ability to continue to help others because there's going to be help everywhere. Right. They're not actualized, let's just say. And they need your help, whatever. Then you go and you act in accordance of that. And that takes some adjusting and probably takes some examination and everything else. But I definitely agree with you. Well put.

Mike [01:39:57]:

Does that answer your question?

Eldar [01:39:58]:

Totally.

Anatoliy [01:39:59]:

Somewhat.

Mike [01:40:00]:

Somewhat. Okay. What are you confused about?

Anatoliy [01:40:09]:

No, I'm not confused. I'm just interested, I guess, in the significance for you.

Mike [01:40:13]:

Yeah.

Eldar [01:40:14]:

Why?

Mike [01:40:14]:

Are you going to share yours?

Eldar [01:40:15]:

Oh, shit. Mike got the gun for everybody today. He said, you want my personal example and you're not going to share yours.

Anatoliy [01:40:25]:

Well, no, he was saying that there was something significant when it comes to that. Filling the cup for himself.

Eldar [01:40:35]:

Right.

Mike [01:40:35]:

Not just for myself.

Eldar [01:40:37]:

No. Yeah.

Mike [01:40:41]:

I think I said in general, for everybody if they want to fill their cup, because everybody's talking about full cup.

Eldar [01:40:46]:

Right.

Mike [01:40:46]:

This is like an ongoing thing.

Eldar [01:40:48]:

No, I think you probably more so. Like, what's the path to it? What's the path to victory? Yeah. Right. This is what you're.

Mike [01:40:55]:

Yeah. My idea is that having a full cup is super necessary. And my question was, what's the path to it?

Eldar [01:41:02]:

Yeah. And I told you that. Yeah, sure. But you can't move forward without having reached certain level of that cup being full. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, but that's an obvious thing. And I said, no, it's not. You know what I mean? You were like, this is easy.

Eldar [01:41:16]:

This is simple. And I was like, no, it's not. To you, it is because you've reached a certain level of understanding to know that this shit is obvious to you now, to an individual who is not, who's still reaching for whatever goals that they're reaching for. They're not talking about no fucking cup. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? There's no cup in their world view, even though that what you're talking about is correct, it's there and it's necessary in order for them to progress. So those individuals is not that simple. You wanted to coin it as like, oh, bro, it's obvious.

Eldar [01:41:46]:

No, it just became obvious now to you. Yeah, no, I agree. That's the significant of it where he thinks that it's like one, two, three at first, but no, wait a second, wait.

Anatoliy [01:41:56]:

One, two, three. To what? To fill your cup.

Eldar [01:41:58]:

It's easy. Yeah, it's like it's pretty obvious of what to do, what needs to be done first. Like you got to fill your cup. No, bro.

Anatoliy [01:42:05]:

So he's not saying it's actually easy to fill the cup. He's saying, no, the concept that you need a full cup, that to him.

Eldar [01:42:12]:

Is what he's saying is people should know better. Fill your cup and then be able to progress. No, I don't think.

Mike [01:42:19]:

But I also think.

Eldar [01:42:22]:

I think that was like optimistic. Yeah, very optimistic, but maybe naive.

Mike [01:42:31]:

Yeah, I feel like I said that because I understand the necessary. I understand, not that I do it all the time or that I follow through. When I understand what is required in order to get to that place is humility. If I am able to be humble, I will succeed. If I'm going to be arrogant, I will not. And that's my choice.

Eldar [01:43:04]:

Right.

Mike [01:43:04]:

I can be egotistical about something and be like, keep failing. But I know that the solution is to humble myself and ask for help, be honest, be vulnerable, ask for help and go find the information by myself with others. That's why I'm saying it's easy because more so, like, I'm trying to take the stance when I am conscious enough to use humility, to be humble when I'm approaching something that I like to do.

Eldar [01:43:35]:

Okay.

Mike [01:43:36]:

And like I said, I don't always.

Eldar [01:43:37]:

Do it, obviously, because.

Mike [01:43:39]:

Oh, obviously I have ego still. Yeah. Not like Phil's next to nothing, but.

Eldar [01:43:46]:

Oh, shit.

Mike [01:43:47]:

But yeah, I think in general, not just for me, but I think in general. Thing is, though, if you'd like to find the answer, humility, knowing that firing yourself in a way is part of the solution.

Eldar [01:44:03]:

Yeah. And rehiring yourself in a different form. I think it's what's his name. It's interesting to look at, maybe if you look at life in a sense of different cups, right? Like these cups that we're trying to fill in different stages of our lives, it's interesting to look at it that way and to see whether or not people may be implemented in that way where they have stages of their life and they understand that there's higher stages, right? Be aware of that there's higher stages and keep that humility along the way of the process of going through the different cups, knowing that. Okay, cool. For now, this is what I'm suffering from. I don't have this. I don't have that.

Eldar [01:44:41]:

I don't have this. However, knowing that after I get this, something else will come out that I don't have, you know what I mean? And kind of go up that ladder in that sense where, without having to get caught up on what Tolley said is to like, here you are grinding this one level of survival. You grinded the shit out of it. You became really good at it. You picked up all this fucking bad identity and character traits from it because you fucking now arrogant and you think you'd know your shit in this fucking realm. But as soon as you step into the next one where you're talking about now, virtue and friendship, for example, and honesty and all those things, right? You know where to be found. You're nobody, but you're still carrying that stuff. So you're almost like you've locked yourself, you've karmoured yourself out of good life.

Eldar [01:45:29]:

You know what I mean? You're not deserving of a good life. You're not deserving of the virtues.

Anatoliy [01:45:34]:

That's why it's hard to get financial success, I think, and then get the other ones because the gym carries. When you get all that financial success, first you'll just become too important.

Mike [01:45:51]:

You think you're too confident. You know everything.

Eldar [01:45:53]:

Yeah.

Mike [01:45:54]:

Not just in the financial world. You think you got it all figured.

Eldar [01:45:56]:

Out and everybody else around you, gassing you, using you even more.

Anatoliy [01:46:02]:

It's not only your own fault, it's how others have viewed you in the.

Eldar [01:46:07]:

Process and how socially society has kind.

Anatoliy [01:46:11]:

Of created you and propped you up.

Mike [01:46:13]:

But it's also probably a lot of dishonesty and nonsense.

Eldar [01:46:17]:

Well, no, I think it's lining up with what's supposed to happen. It's all going.

Mike [01:46:22]:

People saying things that they're supposed to say now what they actually.

Anatoliy [01:46:25]:

Yeah, it's too hard to go back.

Phillip [01:46:27]:

But there's an even exchange of, like that person has a level of expectation and this group is giving it to them, right?

Eldar [01:46:34]:

Oh, no, it's the same virus.

Phillip [01:46:36]:

I think it's an even exchange from both sides. And then that person has the inflated sense, they keep feeding into it and then it becomes an addiction.

Eldar [01:46:44]:

Right? Yeah, there's a lot of sicknesses that go there.

Phillip [01:46:47]:

Like fame to me would be the one that comes to mind. Wouldn't you think that that's a disease?

Eldar [01:46:51]:

Well, yeah, because especially if you're playing into it, right. And then you're using it as an advantage to you. Right. To get things or have people act a certain type of way towards you and all this stuff.

Anatoliy [01:47:02]:

You've just invested a long time in developing a particular type of currency that is good for getting particular types of things. But the problem is that in the world that we're talking about, that currency is useless. It can't buy those things. It can't buy those internal things.

Eldar [01:47:19]:

Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:47:19]:

That's why when that happens, it's almost.

Eldar [01:47:21]:

Like that if you become an expert in those very low level primitive needs and wants, you almost barge yourself from being able to go then to the next level and be able to enjoy the fruits of virtues and those types of things. And you're almost not allowed, you can't allow yourself. You don't understand. So you're in this conundrum. And that's why a lot of times very significant events have to happen in your life. Tragic, maybe events, very low points, depression and other sicknesses and illnesses. And all this stuff has to happen in order for you to start redefining your identity slowly. We have plenty of examples of society's characters that play these types of roles.

Anatoliy [01:48:12]:

Yeah, I was going to say that.

Eldar [01:48:13]:

I think that if you're unhappy, the.

Anatoliy [01:48:17]:

Worst thing you can do is be busy.

Eldar [01:48:19]:

That's a fucking tweet that you got to tweet right now, then. Remember we were saying no. Yeah, but that's what usually happens, babe. This is your favorite part, right? You like the final thoughts and not final thoughts. Has that been conditioning you or. No, what have we conditioning you that final thoughts are actually not final thoughts?

Katherine [01:48:41]:

A bit.

Eldar [01:48:42]:

Okay, good. So it doesn't hurt as it used to hurt?

Katherine [01:48:46]:

No.

Eldar [01:48:47]:

All right, good. You said the worst thing you can do. The worst thing you can do. That's a good topic when you are unhappy is.

Katherine [01:48:56]:

I could speak on that one for a bit.

Anatoliy [01:48:59]:

Yeah, that's probably the worst thing.

Eldar [01:49:02]:

T Episode 99 posted. Now the world has going to see it all slow and steady, right? All 62 followers of mine. Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:49:14]:

Because if you stay busy, you'll never have any opportunity to.

Eldar [01:49:20]:

And you're channeling socrates right now when he said that if you stumble upon a truth, be careful picking yourself up and just keep on moving. Examine what you stumbled upon. Examine it. Take your time. Sit with it, understand it, examine it, see if there's anything there. Yeah.

Phillip [01:49:41]:

Can you examine. Will I get waffle fries from chick fil a on the way home?

Eldar [01:49:47]:

You can just don't commit, what's the name? A crime against yourself by overeating.

Phillip [01:49:55]:

At what point does overexamination come in? Is that a real thing, like overthinking, overexamination?

Eldar [01:50:03]:

Yeah. When you examine so much that you don't even know where to start and how to start, that means you don't have actions behind it. You have to go out there and practice. Our dear friend used to say, analysis is paralysis. Right. And that's the thing for sure. So if you're not doing much, if things are not moving and in the right direction, that's like, you're doing too much examination. You're not doing enough.

Phillip [01:50:28]:

So is it over analysis of paralysis? Because we're saying examination. And to me, analyzing and examination are interchangeable. So is it over analyzing as paralysis over anything?

Eldar [01:50:40]:

Over.

Phillip [01:50:41]:

Yeah, because I think analyzing, to me, it shouldn't cause any kind of paralysis of where you're at, if you're just doing it for what it should be done, for understanding what is going on.

Eldar [01:50:56]:

Buddha said it right. You have to find the middle way. Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:50:58]:

It's probably like, to me, it's like analyzing without.

Eldar [01:51:04]:

Know.

Anatoliy [01:51:05]:

Like, if you have no progress in the process of analyzing, then you're overanalyzing.

Eldar [01:51:10]:

Overanalyzing and just beating yourself up because there's no change. Because the reason why you are analyzing in the first place. Right. Is because you want some change to happen. Right. Right. There's the only reason why you're analyzing it. Like you're not analyzing to analyze it.

Eldar [01:51:22]:

Right.

Anatoliy [01:51:22]:

For leisure.

Phillip [01:51:26]:

Like somebody who just. What do you like to do? I really like to analyze to think.

Eldar [01:51:33]:

Yeah. No, there's going to be an answer, right. There's going to be some kind of answer that you come to and you're like, okay, now my view of the world has changed because of my analyzing and therefore I'm going to start acting in accordance of my new worldview because I've analyzed this shit.

Phillip [01:51:50]:

Analyzing for the purposes of kind of tapping into your belief system and maybe changing your belief potentially.

Eldar [01:51:58]:

If it's wrong. Yeah. If it's wrong, if your belief system is not rooted in truth, then maybe changing it, dropping it, analyzing something else and then installing some new belief system. Yeah. And if you're not doing that, then, yeah. You're just fucking analyzing for what? I think that's the philosophy bubble that then is talking about. So, yeah. What were my final thoughts? Yeah.

Eldar [01:52:18]:

The fact that if you can have humility and journey this whole thing with. I know that. I know nothing potentially go from one cup to another, you maybe have a chance to then not develop the ego that Tolly's talking about. Especially if you're chasing money or fame or power, all this other stuff. Maybe you'll have a chance to actually, I don't know, maybe call it enjoy all the fruits of being a human. Right? If all humans have the potential to actually experience truth, love, virtue, God and.

Mike [01:52:56]:

All this other stuff, maybe not all, but at least the important ones.

Eldar [01:53:03]:

Why do you do this, man? Now I have a radar for it, bro, because he's been raising awareness. But you say this all the time like these little things. Yeah. I never used to take him seriously, but now I can see it. Wow. You're keeping him humble. You're trying to.

Mike [01:53:16]:

I'm trying, but it's not working, bro.

Phillip [01:53:18]:

Would you consider pleasure, would you say.

Eldar [01:53:20]:

He'S not good at this?

Phillip [01:53:21]:

Would you consider pleasure like a primitive form of all those things that you just described, like experience, love, experiencing God. Would you say as being a human the pleasure of saying, I don't know, eating a slice of pizza or something like this?

Eldar [01:53:36]:

No, I think God created us in such a way where he gave us low hanging fruit and we should take advantage of it. Go eat the fucking pizza, bro. Nobody told you don't eat pizzas.

Phillip [01:53:45]:

So again, in that realm of what you're describing, this is like lower hanging fruit compared to obviously being in a loving relationship or experience.

Eldar [01:53:56]:

God, pleasure is pleasure, bro. Yeah, I think pleasure is pleasure. And I think that we start with the low hanging fruit. Right. The physical, certain things. But I think we start moving on.

Anatoliy [01:54:04]:

To, right, pizza is the linen paper.

Eldar [01:54:08]:

I like it. Yeah. Listen, no, nothing wrong with pizza, guys. No, nothing wrong with or occasional cigarette. You know what I'm saying? I think overindulgence and all this other crap that makes us hurt our bodies and things like that, that's probably not good. Yeah.

Phillip [01:54:24]:

Addictions then it comes down to your attachment to the pleasure. Like if I'm eating pizza every day.

Eldar [01:54:30]:

No, I wouldn't say it's your attachment to the pleasure. No, I think that it's your over analytical mind not being able to solve problems in real time. Therefore, you need to rely on pizza.

Phillip [01:54:39]:

And every day the substitute of that thing. Just like the substitute of the communication for the gifts or the communication.

Eldar [01:54:46]:

Correct. It's easy. Hanging fruit. Okay, so you're going to be like, okay, yeah, I love you. There goes a gift. I showed you that I love you.

Phillip [01:54:52]:

That's like, oh, I'm feeling this kind of feeling. Instead of going within and trying to figure out what it is, I'm going to eat pizza and just like mask it.

Eldar [01:54:59]:

Oh, yeah, 100%. You have an emotion. A lot of people are emotional eating.

Phillip [01:55:02]:

Emotional eating.

Eldar [01:55:02]:

Yeah.

Mike [01:55:03]:

Usually those things commonly, I guess probably pleasure seeking is a response to not always difficult, emotional. Some kind of like, yo, I'm stressed out. Let me go smoke a cigarette. That's very common. Obviously I'm stressed, let me go eat something. I'm stressed out. Let me go drink something. A lot of people use those pleasures in that sense.

Mike [01:55:25]:

Now, if you're using it like, actually life is good, let me go smoke a cigarette. Let me go have a drink. Let me go have that pizza. That's a completely different rhetoric.

Eldar [01:55:32]:

Yeah, I think you should do that. These are easy things that, who in the world, right? Can you point to me? Who in the world eats stuff that they like and did not enjoy it? I don't think you could find anybody right eating the stuff that you like and you didn't enjoy it unless it's bad, obviously, but no, exactly. If you're actually eating what you like, you're not going to enjoy that. That's the fascinating part about us, that we're built in such a way to enjoy life's. Pleasures. And I think that's awesome. It's a cool system that we have. We're given.

Mike [01:56:11]:

A lot of times, but a lot of people try to take that away with this crazy well, because.

Eldar [01:56:19]:

They don't want to think. No, you understand? They don't want to think.

Phillip [01:56:22]:

So my wife, eventually down the line in 1000 years, I come home and she's cooking for me and I'm going to be like, yo, listen, I don't know what you're trying to do here.

Eldar [01:56:32]:

Yeah, but I need you to talk.

Phillip [01:56:33]:

To me right now.

Eldar [01:56:34]:

This is not the way to do it.

Phillip [01:56:38]:

How do I approach her? How do I take it as a nice, pleasurable gift for what it is?

Mike [01:56:45]:

And hopefully by the time she's a wife, you know the answer to that.

Phillip [01:56:47]:

Question versus putting this thing on it. Because for me, if somebody is cooking for me, I haven't had this done a lot for me. But when somebody does.

Eldar [01:56:57]:

What do you mean? Totally cook for you?

Phillip [01:57:00]:

He's a boy.

Eldar [01:57:01]:

Oh, you mean like a terrible appreciative.

Phillip [01:57:06]:

Sure.

Eldar [01:57:07]:

Yeah.

Phillip [01:57:07]:

But if there's a sexual component to.

Mike [01:57:09]:

It, you wouldn't want him to have sex with you.

Phillip [01:57:13]:

Billy's a nice looking man, but he's not your style. It's not my style.

Eldar [01:57:21]:

Yeah.

Phillip [01:57:21]:

If somebody does cook for you and there's feelings and there's love there, I just think, I don't know, I guess it's difficult for me to separate those.

Eldar [01:57:31]:

And not have it be, I don't.

Phillip [01:57:34]:

Know, I guess, pleasurable.

Eldar [01:57:39]:

What's the question, Phil?

Mike [01:57:40]:

Yeah, what's the question? So I guess, are you saying that they're cooking for you as a. So you're looking at as a gift?

Phillip [01:57:46]:

Yeah, that's what saying, like, I think it's going to be hard for me to not look at it as a gift, to overcome that type of emotion and just look at it for what it is.

Mike [01:57:57]:

But why do you consider that action like a gift?

Phillip [01:58:02]:

I guess I haven't got it done that much to me. And then seldomly when I have had it done for me, the level of. I don't know. To me, it's a very deep, overwhelming feeling that makes me feel like, amazing.

Mike [01:58:17]:

Now, is that feeling very deprived?

Eldar [01:58:20]:

Sorry.

Phillip [01:58:22]:

In that world, I would say yes.

Anatoliy [01:58:25]:

No, but I think it's not like, to me, at least based on what I'm hearing, it starts with his values. Like, what does he value? And I think that that's why he's.

Eldar [01:58:38]:

Having a hard time for somebody to.

Phillip [01:58:41]:

Take care of you with something and then happen to be something that I.

Eldar [01:58:44]:

Also like or don't have enough of.

Phillip [01:58:47]:

Sure.

Eldar [01:58:48]:

Right. Sure. Imagine you were king and you got it all. What? Now everybody's taking care of you. Everybody's fanning you, feeding you grapes, cooking you barbecue. Right? Let's test it out. What's his name? They massage your feet, give you massages the way you like them.

Phillip [01:59:09]:

We got the strange ending with them.

Eldar [01:59:13]:

Strange ones. Yeah.

Phillip [01:59:14]:

We'll a b test this.

Eldar [01:59:15]:

You know what now what's next, Philip?

Mike [01:59:19]:

Also, do you feel like after that person does something nice for you? Are you connecting it? Is there a connection that's built in, that you all have to buy them a gift after to show that you care for them? Probably because that could be like, a thing where it was implanted.

Eldar [01:59:31]:

Your turn now.

Mike [01:59:32]:

Yeah. Maybe that's why you have this weird thing about it.

Eldar [01:59:35]:

Maybe the way you were.

Anatoliy [01:59:36]:

No, I just think it's values.

Phillip [01:59:38]:

No, when it's given genuinely, which.

Eldar [01:59:40]:

That's what I said.

Phillip [01:59:41]:

It's been like, seldom, where you get like, a genuine gift, which happens to be food.

Eldar [01:59:44]:

Right.

Mike [01:59:44]:

Your mom used to cook for you. Your mom still cooks for you, or.

Phillip [01:59:47]:

No, no, my mom. My dad's more of the cook.

Mike [01:59:50]:

Your dad just gave us a gift this week.

Phillip [01:59:52]:

Right, but no, I'm talking more of like, a girl in a relationship.

Mike [01:59:54]:

Okay?

Phillip [01:59:54]:

I'm talking when there's more different type of feelings, like not friends or not with family. I'm talking about somebody who cares about you and cooks for you. I had it done for me probably like two relationship maybe ago. And I came back to my apartment and she was cooking, and she had a cute little outfit on, and she was cooking, and it was like, okay, I just remember that. And I was like, oh, shit, she only did it for me once. Okay, this is great. But I would have really liked that more consistent.

Eldar [02:00:25]:

Which part? Both. The cute outfit or the cute outfit she was wearing when she was cooking?

Phillip [02:00:30]:

Well, no, both. But overall, I look at that, and I look at that feeling, and I would put that up there with like.

Anatoliy [02:00:38]:

A drug type feeling where it was.

Phillip [02:00:39]:

Like a very deep experience of like, wow, I feel love.

Anatoliy [02:00:45]:

Yeah, it's completely value based. Yeah, I think. I don't see an argument around that.

Mike [02:00:53]:

Can you explain what you mean, value based?

Anatoliy [02:00:56]:

When people do something for you? We could put Elder as an example, right? If you're a jackass to him or you're an asshole, or you act a particular way, but you buy him, like, a nice gift. I don't think that's going to change.

Eldar [02:01:13]:

The way that he feels about you, right? No. Yeah. Why not?

Anatoliy [02:01:19]:

Because his values are not rooted in what you can buy for him. I think it's rooted more in who.

Eldar [02:01:26]:

You are as a person, maybe to.

Anatoliy [02:01:28]:

Him and to others more.

Mike [02:01:31]:

Okay, that's what you mean.

Eldar [02:01:33]:

Okay.

Anatoliy [02:01:33]:

That's why people buy underwear for elder's birthday. That's why people buy you socks and underwear.

Eldar [02:01:38]:

Yeah.

Phillip [02:01:39]:

So the cooking can be also a primitive form of a gift like the other ones, depending on the level of relationship and my value. So she can maybe not treat me good, all of a sudden she does this and it's like a temporary kind of lift of those feelings or maybe lack of communication that we have.

Eldar [02:02:07]:

To.

Phillip [02:02:08]:

Give me some type of pleasure that makes me forget about.

Anatoliy [02:02:10]:

It could be that in the moment. But I think that like the overarching thing is probably a combination of like what you value as what does it look like for someone to be kind to you? For example, what does it look like for someone to be nice to you? What does it look like for someone to be loving towards you have particular things right now that this is what that looks like.

Eldar [02:02:33]:

Right.

Anatoliy [02:02:33]:

And I mean, it probably stems from not having your more primitive needs met right now.

Eldar [02:02:40]:

And I think that if you were.

Anatoliy [02:02:42]:

To have those more primitive needs met, you would have a different outline as to what those things look like for you. And then you wouldn't feel that same way from that. You would probably feel that same way if they were maybe respectful or kind or understanding or more virtuous things.

Phillip [02:03:02]:

So I'm like a cheap primitive date. The thing is, I get it sooner.

Eldar [02:03:09]:

Or later that ain't going to kick it.

Phillip [02:03:11]:

Yeah, this is like the base entry line thing to get it. And then eventually it's like, yo, how you treating me should be the thing that matters because the treatment of how.

Eldar [02:03:19]:

The things that matters, right, will always overtake everything else. It's overshadowing everything.

Phillip [02:03:26]:

That's what I'm saying. This happened to me seldom. I was asking, almost like an isolated thing. Overall, I've been in enough relationships to realize how the person is treating me. That is number one in any relationship.

Eldar [02:03:38]:

On a daily basis.

Phillip [02:03:39]:

Yeah, on a daily basis.

Eldar [02:03:40]:

This is not just one time they fucking cooked you dinner.

Phillip [02:03:42]:

That's family. That's like anything work, relationship, like friendship. That to me is the baseline. But I'm giving an isolated example of just thinking of a memory of having somebody cook for me and then realizing it can be a temporary kind of lift of, hey, how are we treating each other. Where's our relationship? It's like, oh, I'm like, almost in.

Eldar [02:04:04]:

The beginning of any relationship or any dating. What do we do? We make sure we're showered, make sure we groom, make sure everything's prim and proper, as you say.

Phillip [02:04:13]:

Right, right.

Eldar [02:04:14]:

Because we want to make a good impression. That's the same thing. It's just a good impression for the beginning to kind of get your foot in the door, get the hook in, you know what I mean? But then life happens, right? Truth of the matter is, you're not going to shave every day. You're not going to get a haircut every week. You know what I mean? You're not going to be able to change your clothes every single time you go out. That's just unrealistic. Right. And that's why life catches up to you.

Eldar [02:04:39]:

And then you're like, okay, what actually matters? And you quickly find out that what actually matters are the important things of, like you said, treating each other daily. How are you treating each other? What kind of respect do you have? What kind of loyalty you have? Right. You know what I mean? That's going to overshadow the fucking clothes. You getting ready, being prim and proper, grooming yourself and all this other crap. Yeah. It's not the be all, end all, Philip. You know what I'm saying? Those types of acts.

Phillip [02:05:12]:

Yeah.

Anatoliy [02:05:12]:

The relationship is not going to stand on those kinds of things.

Phillip [02:05:16]:

No, I get it. I'm just talking about when it does.

Eldar [02:05:19]:

Happen, basically, how to look at it.

Phillip [02:05:22]:

Because, like I said, it's difficult in those moments because it is a rush of, like.

Anatoliy [02:05:28]:

Yeah, but I don't think that you have. Wow.

Eldar [02:05:31]:

Sure. Yeah.

Anatoliy [02:05:32]:

But I don't think that you have a choice on how you look at it. I don't think that's possible.

Eldar [02:05:38]:

Yeah. Especially if you have a set of values and you're deprived.

Anatoliy [02:05:42]:

That's what I'm saying. Based on your values and based on what you're deprived or not deprived on is just going to be how you look at it. Once you have those things met, you're going to automatically look at it a different way. There's no way to be like, yo, okay, next time this happens, I'm going to be aware and I'm going to look at it a particular way. No, what you feel is what you're going to feel.

Eldar [02:06:02]:

That's right. That's a very good point.

Mike [02:06:04]:

But you can always analyze. I guess, afterwards, maybe you can afterwards. Yeah. I think it's a similarity here to make it simplified again, is the same thing with the smoking or the pleasure seeking. Like, if your relationship is fucked up, you shouldn't be smoking cigarettes. If your day is bad, if your day is good, you're having a good time, smoke, drink, eat for good. If it's bad, the smoking and the drinking. Eating is bad because you're doing out of stress.

Mike [02:06:36]:

Because this is fucked up. Why people give a lot of gifts, right? Because they try to fix a relationship by things that don't actually fix a relationship. By not actually fixing the relationship. They think, oh, well, I love you. You act nothing like you care for the person, but then you buy a gift, it's like, well, I love you because I'm giving you this gift. But if you love the person, you wouldn't need to give the gift because the gift doesn't actually mean anything.

Eldar [02:06:57]:

That's right.

Anatoliy [02:06:59]:

Some people have the conspiracies, right. That holidays exist to maintain balance in people.

Eldar [02:07:06]:

Right. Yeah.

Katherine [02:07:07]:

Gifts are awesome.

Mike [02:07:09]:

Yeah. The jewish community invented diamonds.

Eldar [02:07:11]:

Yeah.

Phillip [02:07:12]:

I remember my dad would always say, throughout the year, just get yourself whatever you need. When Christmas rolls around, we don't need to buy each other like 100 gifts. When you're little. You don't like to hear this?

Eldar [02:07:25]:

No. Why? Because you want more conditions?

Phillip [02:07:26]:

Because you want more gifts.

Eldar [02:07:28]:

Yeah. You've been conditioned.

Phillip [02:07:28]:

And now you realize. And then as I got older, I realized my dad was right to be overwhelmed by holidays, like birthdays and all this. It's a very cheap form.

Eldar [02:07:43]:

Oh, no.

Phillip [02:07:44]:

I said that my whole life. But great. As I got older, then after college and I was in my mid to late twenty s and I was like, okay, yeah, now I understand why he was saying this, but when you're like a teenager or younger, you're living home.

Eldar [02:07:58]:

Come on.

Phillip [02:08:00]:

You're selfishly saying like, no, I want all this.

Anatoliy [02:08:04]:

Your measurement on how much your parents like you is how you look at their kids and yourself as to how they're treated. Like on their birthdays. Right?

Eldar [02:08:12]:

Yeah.

Phillip [02:08:12]:

What they have where they live.

Anatoliy [02:08:14]:

Look, my mom did this.

Phillip [02:08:15]:

My dad got me this huge, oh, I got my kids new bike with the pants. You got this.

Anatoliy [02:08:24]:

Kids are like, yo, my parents don't like me.

Eldar [02:08:26]:

They don't get me. Maybe that kid actually is loved the.

Katherine [02:08:29]:

Most, all those gifts, and I don't.

Eldar [02:08:31]:

Yeah. He or she just doesn't understand that yet. Yeah.

Anatoliy [02:08:35]:

And the reality probably is that it's like the kids that get the most gifts are probably the ones the parents deprive the most of the more important. So they have to just throw the shit at them. They're busy. They can't spend time with them.

Mike [02:08:50]:

They're busy making money to buy those gifts.

Eldar [02:08:53]:

Yeah.

Anatoliy [02:08:53]:

You also see, like, in general, like, in America, if you have two working parents, you're talking about leaving home early, coming home, you're tired already, sleep deprived. Got to do all the shit.

Eldar [02:09:08]:

When you're going to give your kid an undivided attention, where he's going to ask you a thousand questions about life, and you have no idea what the fuck you're not.

Anatoliy [02:09:15]:

He's going to go figure it out, make his own conclusions, grow up to it. Piece of shit.

Eldar [02:09:19]:

And then Tony has to tell him what the fuck to do. And Tony's going to yell at him and tell him, get humbled or get fucked. You understand this or no? And you look at totally like, yo, what the fuck? Who the fuck is this guy, the stranger? What does he know? You know what I mean? They're going to say, what do you drive? What watch do you wear? Look at the fucking watch I'm wearing right now. Who are those fucking losers? Losers, man. Here to see the shit. Oh, shit. My eyes shiny. Listen, I said my final thoughts.

Phillip [02:09:53]:

Yeah, we got to do final thoughts. Rick out.

Eldar [02:10:00]:

Yeah, I guess we're looking for the balance, man. See this? I heard somebody say pizza.

Katherine [02:10:06]:

Those are Philip's final thoughts.

Eldar [02:10:08]:

Because we're leaning to say in one breath, we're saying gifts are bad, right? So some people will conclude and say, hey, like, yeah, oh, shit, I shouldn't be doing this. No, we're not saying that. We're looking to balance. I heard somebody say, no, we're not saying that. We're looking for that middle way, the middle ground for you to still be able to enjoy yourself, have pleasure in your life, and really enjoy and tap it into that. But don't overdo it as well, but also understand what the fuck you actually doing and why you're doing it in the first place. You know what I mean? That's what we're looking for. And we're using, can we be nicer? I don't think it's possible, babe.

Eldar [02:10:45]:

These people are running amok. I don't think they understand any nicer language. I don't think the PC coach will understand it. Like, what do you want me to say? Namaste, after everything I say? I do want to bless everyone, but I think that's exactly what I'm doing. You know what? Elon Musk even said this in his thing, this recent thing. He said, I'm tired of seeing people being nice for the image of being nice. I want people to actually be fucking nice. Yeah.

Katherine [02:11:20]:

No, I think people fall into the.

Eldar [02:11:21]:

You know what I mean? Like, he's like, I don't see anybody being actually nice.

Katherine [02:11:24]:

Of backlash. Canceling 100%.

Eldar [02:11:27]:

Right. About that.

Phillip [02:11:27]:

But what's rooted in that is the image. And these companies have a public responsibility. They're publicly invested, and they realize that it's a popularity contest for a lot of that's like, have we come off a certain way and we look a certain way? People are going to have trust in us because most people have.

Mike [02:11:46]:

But we have pieces.

Phillip [02:11:47]:

Trusting nonsense. Yes, mostly nonsense.

Eldar [02:11:49]:

Well, yeah. And that's what he's saying, that you're threatening me with money. Right? You're trying to blackmail me with money. Yeah.

Phillip [02:11:55]:

He's saying I'm trying to do the right thing.

Eldar [02:11:57]:

I'm trying to do the right thing here. Right. Let the earth decide. He said, let the real people fucking vote. You know what I'm saying? This is a crazy right now transition of fucking wealth that's going to happen. That's going to be fucking wild. It's going to be absolutely wild. We should cancel Disney.

Eldar [02:12:15]:

Plus, I fucking love UFC. Boy.

Phillip [02:12:20]:

If I had a kid right now.

Eldar [02:12:21]:

I wouldn't take him to Disney World.

Phillip [02:12:25]:

No, I think Disneyland Parks. I always thought as I got older, I never knew. Okay, Disney. What is it? And then I got older, and I realized, besides Pixar, which Steve Jobs was involved in, and he did toy Story. Right, like the movie.

Eldar [02:12:39]:

Yeah.

Phillip [02:12:39]:

I thought they were cool. But if you look at anything that is Disney related, there's always some type of agenda attached to these movies. As you got older, I realized it's very big marketing, and it's very big of telling the parents and the kids basically how to feel and how to act. I think there's such a big responsibility in that. And if you're a company like them and the way that they're doing it, I think it's very easy to try to manipulate these kids. And then you have a big amusement park with all these toys and all this stuff. And the more I read about it, there's different color patterns and the way that they associate with the building, so you can smell a certain way and look a certain way, so you can be more prone to stay in the park for more hours. To me, it's like they study the mind and the brain, and they do it in order to get you to be more of a consumer and to put you in this daze where I see a guy, like maybe Elon Musk, and the way that he talks, at least, I don't know him as much, but he seems like he would take that information and extract it and say, like, how can I make this? I think, and do the right thing.

Eldar [02:13:49]:

At the same time. Yeah.

Phillip [02:13:49]:

The danger of what he's talking about with a company like a Disney, I agree, is, like, they have this information and they have this brand recognition, and it's very easy to take advantage of people, especially young people. So to me, going to these parks and doing all this stuff, I think it's just an extension of that. And I think you, as a consumer, are supporting that by just buying tickets and watching these. Don't. I don't like it.

Eldar [02:14:12]:

Good. Yeah. See, I think they will call. You woke. Yeah.

Phillip [02:14:16]:

I don't.

Eldar [02:14:19]:

All right, well, I said my final thoughts, so. Philip, pizza. Pizza is the final thoughts. I'm down for some final thoughts.

Katherine [02:14:26]:

And he's like, I think I heard.

Eldar [02:14:28]:

Somebody say, mike, anything else?

Mike [02:14:30]:

I'll say this.

Phillip [02:14:31]:

I'll say, out of all of them, like, out of all the crap ones, I think little caesars is better than Papa John's. I think it's better than pizza hut. I think it's better than Domino's.

Eldar [02:14:40]:

Why are you saying this on air?

Phillip [02:14:41]:

I'm just saying.

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