Eldar [00:00:00]:
On this week's episode, it's just now he evolved, and now he finds that to be more important to him.
Mike [00:00:05]:
What you guys are saying, it doesn't sound like it evolved at all.
Phillip [00:00:07]:
They're gonna treat you a certain type of way.
Eldar [00:00:09]:
Yeah, I disagree with that completely. Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:00:13]:
If we surveyed all of North Helden, how many people that are the son in the family live in the master bedroom?
Eldar [00:00:18]:
Yo, Tom, calm down. I do see you jitting your pants.
Anatoliy [00:00:20]:
Just, like, why you're breathing so hard over there.
Eldar [00:00:34]:
I mean, the big one, the one that you're struggling with, you're saying, you know, that's constantly revisiting you, you know, anger and frustration. Well, yeah, about, like, previous things.
Phillip [00:00:44]:
Oh, yeah.
Eldar [00:00:45]:
I thought that was very interesting to see.
Mike [00:00:46]:
We had so many topics this week, I can't even remember, bro.
Phillip [00:00:49]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:00:50]:
The question at hand would be, right, when do you stop suffering from your previous doings?
Phillip [00:00:56]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:00:57]:
If you become conscious. After you become conscious.
Mike [00:01:00]:
Yeah, I think that's.
Eldar [00:01:01]:
Yeah, you speak a lot on that.
Mike [00:01:03]:
Same process, I think. Because when do you free yourself from that?
Eldar [00:01:07]:
Correct.
Phillip [00:01:07]:
Yeah. Correct.
Mike [00:01:08]:
And how do you. How does that look?
Phillip [00:01:10]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Eldar [00:01:11]:
How long does it take?
Phillip [00:01:12]:
Yeah. Right.
Eldar [00:01:15]:
When you relieve yourself of all that old stuff.
Mike [00:01:18]:
So maybe then we can just give the example. So that can really.
Eldar [00:01:21]:
I mean, I, like. You were kind of stuttering. So how do you want to.
Phillip [00:01:23]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:01:24]:
Push you into it.
Mike [00:01:25]:
No, I forgot. I'm telling you, we spoke a lot about.
Eldar [00:01:27]:
You're just one blank.
Phillip [00:01:28]:
Okay.
Mike [00:01:28]:
I want to blame completely.
Eldar [00:01:30]:
Expose your dirty laundry here.
Tommy [00:01:34]:
Or do you relieve yourself? Or do you actually, like, maybe accept and integrate?
Eldar [00:01:38]:
When. Yeah, when do you forgive yourself? When do you relieve yourself? When do you move forward with your newfound identity?
Phillip [00:01:44]:
Right.
Eldar [00:01:44]:
If you found a new identity for yourself, you know, for example, if you are this honest guy, dishonest, you know, cutthroat, you know, and doing shady stuff.
Phillip [00:01:55]:
Right.
Eldar [00:01:55]:
But then you realize you found Jesus. All right, or elderism, and you realize that you want to be honest going forward. You don't want to be that slime guy anymore.
Phillip [00:02:04]:
Right.
Eldar [00:02:05]:
However, the old stuff is still in you. You still remember it. You still feel it. So you even talk badly to yourself because of that stuff, you know? When do you actually buy into the new Persona, newfound self, and live a free life?
Phillip [00:02:22]:
Yeah.
Tommy [00:02:22]:
Well, simply something I was thinking about, for example, is, like, what if I'm just like, a nice guy?
Phillip [00:02:27]:
Right?
Tommy [00:02:28]:
You're just like a nice guy. And you're talking.
Mike [00:02:30]:
You have to define what is a nice guy, because I think we all.
Anatoliy [00:02:33]:
Might have this in terms of, in terms of relationships, right?
Tommy [00:02:38]:
Like, what if. What if you say, what if you say to yourself, like, um, I. It's weird. Okay, so there's this, there's this psychologist, right? Her name is Esther Perel and she's. She said, in terms of relationships, maybe you want to think of like a part of yourself that you want to let go of or you want to break up with. You know, so what if. What if there's something you've been telling yourself a long, long time, for a.
Anatoliy [00:03:08]:
Long time, you could be, this could.
Tommy [00:03:10]:
Be true, or this could not be true. For instance, do I want to break up with this part of myself or do I want to keep this part of myself correct. Do I want to let go of this part of myself or do I want to actually, like, integrate this part of myself?
Eldar [00:03:20]:
Correct.
Tommy [00:03:21]:
So, yeah, that's a big one. Because you could be telling yourself, oh, you know, I'm too kind, but you could be totally wrong. I don't know, something like that.
Phillip [00:03:31]:
I think there's that and I think there's also, once you do say, accept that and it's like, okay, I either want this part of myself or I don't. I think then putting it into action and getting results, if people are not getting the results that they want or they are getting them, I think that can keep them going or maybe have them revert back to what they were doing, depending on what actually happens.
Eldar [00:03:52]:
Okay, so you're saying that if you throw in results, good results, especially the ones that you're looking for.
Phillip [00:03:56]:
Right. Right.
Eldar [00:03:58]:
Then do you let go of the old stuff?
Phillip [00:04:00]:
Well, I think you would have to complete in order to do it properly. I think you'd have to let go first and then you.
Eldar [00:04:06]:
How does that look like?
Phillip [00:04:07]:
Like, what does acceptance look like? Like a visual, um, or steps. Like steps. I never, I never thought of it in that context. When I say I accept it, like, there's kind of a feeling that just washes over me. I'm like, okay, it's just done.
Eldar [00:04:22]:
Oh, okay. That's interesting.
Phillip [00:04:23]:
You know what I mean? I don't know. I don't know what it would look like in steps.
Phillip [00:04:28]:
Okay.
Phillip [00:04:28]:
I haven't honestly thought about it.
Eldar [00:04:30]:
Why don't we bring up an example?
Phillip [00:04:31]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:04:32]:
So we can get an actual. It's much easier to go like that.
Mike [00:04:35]:
So I have a few examples. But, you know, the big one was, I spent a lot of money on this car, you know.
Phillip [00:04:41]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:04:41]:
It was a very expensive car. Spend a lot of money on it.
Eldar [00:04:44]:
We're not gonna say the brand.
Mike [00:04:45]:
We don't need to see the brand because they haven't sent us that really big, fat, juicy fucking check yet.
Eldar [00:04:48]:
Plus, the car is not even that good.
Mike [00:04:50]:
It's a pretty wide car now.
Phillip [00:04:51]:
Retrospect. Yeah.
Eldar [00:04:52]:
Compared to, yeah, what you're driving now.
Phillip [00:04:54]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:04:54]:
Which is we also not say, no, you have to give us even more money.
Eldar [00:04:58]:
Oh, my God. You know, Tom, calm down. I see jibbed in your pants. Why are you breathing? So what the fuck? Hyperventilating over here.
Mike [00:05:08]:
So I spent a lot of money on this car.
Phillip [00:05:10]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:05:11]:
And it probably spent the money to bring me something that was not able to extract from it.
Phillip [00:05:17]:
Right.
Eldar [00:05:18]:
What's that?
Mike [00:05:19]:
Happiness.
Eldar [00:05:20]:
So it wasn't a pussy magnet.
Mike [00:05:22]:
It was definitely not a pussy.
Anatoliy [00:05:24]:
Where is it?
Mike [00:05:28]:
And I probably now, four years later, maybe more, five now, I think I still, you know, think back on it and say the consequences of those decisions now affecting my current life where like, I'd like to buy a house and the money I spent on that car or lost on that car, I could have probably done something like that.
Phillip [00:05:50]:
Right?
Mike [00:05:50]:
Instead I'm living, my parents not able to kind of like progress, haven't saved money, you know, and that's just one example of just bad habits. But that was a huge one. And a lot of, you know, and sometimes I have this thing where I, you know, negative self talk about, like, you know, where I am now, I guess, in the financial picture and where I'd like to be. I think about all those financial choices that I made, you know, because there was other great choices after that one as well that also affected my financials. And I beat myself up over it, you know, because I was unable to really understand it, see it for what it is. And then me and you started talking about it.
Phillip [00:06:32]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:06:33]:
And I think that's kind of where we're talking about now is how do you kind of, like, see things for what they are, what they were, then understand your actions, you know, and hopefully you, you know, you accept it and you, I don't know. I'm not even sure. Probably next is like, you know, become better, more aware.
Phillip [00:06:53]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:06:54]:
You know, why he did it.
Phillip [00:06:55]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:06:55]:
And so you don't make those mistakes again, but also probably ultimately like to move on from carrying that guilt.
Eldar [00:07:03]:
See, to me that it's interesting part that the person who made those decisions.
Phillip [00:07:06]:
Mm hmm.
Eldar [00:07:07]:
Did he suffer?
Mike [00:07:11]:
No.
Eldar [00:07:13]:
Right. But the person who's now new, let's just say, who doesn't have the same bad habits is suffering.
Phillip [00:07:20]:
How's that.
Eldar [00:07:20]:
How does that work?
Mike [00:07:22]:
It's the same story of the guy who's getting drunk Friday night and the guy who wakes up on Saturday morning, he's like, yo, what the fuck?
Phillip [00:07:29]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:07:30]:
What are you doing to me? Yeah, that's just a very quick version of it.
Eldar [00:07:33]:
Why.
Anatoliy [00:07:34]:
Why. Why are you saying that? Like, the same guy is not suffering with that?
Phillip [00:07:39]:
He's not consciously suffering, but he's definitely putting himself in it, but he's not allowing himself to feel it. Is that the example?
Eldar [00:07:45]:
Yeah, he. He's giving me a testimony. He's saying, y'all there, when that guy was buying that car and that guy was driving that car, he wasn't suffering with this, with these thoughts, with these guilt things. He wasn't really think we was really digging that far. No, he was just thinking in the moment, he was buying a pussy magnet.
Phillip [00:08:02]:
Yeah. What?
Eldar [00:08:03]:
The pussy magnet. You know, I'm saying? And it was. It was whatever.
Phillip [00:08:08]:
Okay.
Eldar [00:08:08]:
Now he's changed, has different habits. Right. We're taking his testimony for what it is.
Phillip [00:08:15]:
Right?
Eldar [00:08:16]:
And now this person is now, like, holy shit. Now I get it. Now it hurts. Now he's suffering.
Anatoliy [00:08:24]:
But that makes sense.
Phillip [00:08:24]:
No.
Eldar [00:08:27]:
Explain. How does it make sense?
Anatoliy [00:08:30]:
Well, like, now he's. He was making decisions and being, like, numb to the context, to, like, the consequences of those actions.
Eldar [00:08:41]:
Yeah, but are those two same people or two different people?
Anatoliy [00:08:44]:
Well, I mean, it just depends on how you want to look at. It's physically the same person, but just he. That person potentially has, like, you know, learned or evolved in different ways, but he's still bound to, like, suffer the consequences of what he did.
Eldar [00:09:00]:
Okay, so then we're gonna say this. Can we say this? Our current bad self is creating a punishment for our future good self.
Anatoliy [00:09:10]:
I mean, that. That's how it always is. You only feel.
Mike [00:09:15]:
How is that?
Phillip [00:09:15]:
Just.
Anatoliy [00:09:16]:
How's that?
Eldar [00:09:17]:
Just.
Anatoliy [00:09:20]:
I mean, it's for sure.
Eldar [00:09:22]:
Just how so?
Anatoliy [00:09:25]:
Well, like, how is it not just.
Phillip [00:09:31]:
Like.
Anatoliy [00:09:32]:
Just because this new person potentially.
Phillip [00:09:35]:
Right.
Anatoliy [00:09:35]:
Like, new. New, like. Like, I guess like a way of living or, like, thoughts, right. It's still physically the same perks and just like, a new perspective, right? Yeah, physically, like, just because this have.
Eldar [00:09:51]:
Nothing to do with this here.
Anatoliy [00:09:51]:
No, no, I know. Well, I mean, it does have something.
Eldar [00:09:54]:
To do with it.
Anatoliy [00:09:54]:
It's still physically the same person. Just that person.
Eldar [00:09:57]:
Yeah, well, that's a.
Anatoliy [00:09:59]:
Has, like.
Phillip [00:09:59]:
Yeah, yeah. Right, right.
Anatoliy [00:10:00]:
Like, that person has just potentially, like, evolved and learned mentally. Mentally. Right. But it doesn't excuse him for the past actions that he himself did.
Eldar [00:10:12]:
How so?
Anatoliy [00:10:14]:
Well, how would it excuse him?
Phillip [00:10:17]:
Well, it doesn't.
Eldar [00:10:18]:
Not necessarily excuse him. I'm not sure if they can be applied, but.
Anatoliy [00:10:24]:
But it's not like a. Like a choice. Like once you like choice, actually. Well, no, well, well, no, I'm saying that, like, the. Yet the choice might not be to like. Like, the choice might be to actually look at things for what they are.
Phillip [00:10:39]:
Right.
Anatoliy [00:10:39]:
And see that this is what it is. Well, but it doesn't mean that they might still not feel bad.
Phillip [00:10:44]:
Well, no.
Eldar [00:10:44]:
There you go.
Phillip [00:10:45]:
Right.
Eldar [00:10:45]:
I think the process of learning and understanding and evolving, you rid yourself off that suffering.
Tommy [00:10:53]:
I don't think it could be a bad self, like you said, if it wasn't suffering, if that guy didn't suffer, how can we call him a bad guy for having earned his money and spent it in a particular way?
Eldar [00:11:05]:
I actually think it's a different situation here. In the first place, I was trying to lead to the fact that that person that we think that is gone might actually be in there somewhere deep inside.
Anatoliy [00:11:15]:
Oh, yeah, no, that. That part I definitely agree with.
Phillip [00:11:18]:
Okay.
Eldar [00:11:18]:
So I think that's the person that's actually suffering now, and he's still there deep inside. Barry.
Phillip [00:11:26]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:11:27]:
You know what I'm saying?
Phillip [00:11:28]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:11:29]:
The new person has nothing to do with this. He did not commit those crimes.
Anatoliy [00:11:33]:
No.
Eldar [00:11:35]:
You know what I'm saying? No, but it just like, he's being held hostage by the old self because the new person supposed to see things for what they are. Clearly. That person should be able to distinguish between what was wrong and what is right. You know what I'm saying? One should not blame the other. Those two are separate. Two different.
Anatoliy [00:11:53]:
Okay.
Eldar [00:11:53]:
That's how I feel.
Tommy [00:11:55]:
The coulda would have thing.
Phillip [00:11:57]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:11:58]:
What a shit.
Phillip [00:11:58]:
Yeah.
Tommy [00:11:58]:
It jumped out at me right away.
Phillip [00:12:00]:
Mm hmm. Yes. Why?
Tommy [00:12:01]:
Because that's so common in a way. And it's like, we think of it as, like, this is my situation. No one else is going through it. I've been through this. Like, no one sees it, that kind of thing. It's, like, really intense. I could have done this, should have done this. Like, that kind of worry just kind of takes away that feeling that you've got power over your situation.
Phillip [00:12:26]:
Yeah, yeah.
Mike [00:12:28]:
But I guess to be empowered.
Phillip [00:12:30]:
Right.
Mike [00:12:31]:
Like, what you guys are saying, they were required to get the knowledge of the situation that it is currently to see things for what they are. And that brings empowerment.
Eldar [00:12:40]:
Correct. And that also brings a level of behavior that is not the previous behavior.
Anatoliy [00:12:46]:
But things are for what they are, though, in this case. Is that a product of the actual change?
Eldar [00:12:52]:
Correct.
Anatoliy [00:12:52]:
Being real.
Eldar [00:12:53]:
Correct.
Anatoliy [00:12:54]:
Like, actually happening.
Phillip [00:12:55]:
Right.
Eldar [00:12:56]:
Cuz like, correct.
Anatoliy [00:12:57]:
Like, you can't, like, your punishment was.
Eldar [00:13:00]:
To evolve and kill the other person. That's the punishment.
Phillip [00:13:04]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:13:04]:
And you're only suffering it because you haven't done it yet.
Eldar [00:13:07]:
Correct.
Phillip [00:13:07]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:13:09]:
There's somebody else is talking in the back.
Phillip [00:13:12]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:13:13]:
You having a different conversation?
Phillip [00:13:15]:
Yeah. No, no.
Anatoliy [00:13:17]:
Tell us where it makes sense.
Eldar [00:13:18]:
Yeah, tell us about that conversation, Mike, that you're having with yourself a little bit more.
Phillip [00:13:22]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:13:23]:
I mean, I'm definitely angry about the situation. I'm frustrated about situation that happened now, currently, this how I feel, you know, about the choices that I made before.
Eldar [00:13:32]:
Mm hmm.
Mike [00:13:33]:
You know why? Because it's limiting what I'd like to do now, which is a different thing. It's like the bad stuff that I did, but now reading me to do something that I believe is potentially a good thing, you know?
Eldar [00:13:47]:
But why is that? That thing now is limp. What's. What are you limited by?
Mike [00:13:53]:
Because I made the bad choices and spent money recklessly.
Eldar [00:13:56]:
And you're saying that you need money now in order to feel better?
Mike [00:14:01]:
No, I'm not saying that. No, I don't.
Eldar [00:14:03]:
So what is it. What is it that you're suffering from? What is it that you're lacking? What is it that now what you're doing is not fulfilling you enough to then be able to say, what are we talking about here? Like, what. What are you not satisfied about?
Mike [00:14:20]:
Really not. There's nothing really like that. That, that huge that I'm not happy with currently. You know, this is like, um. Yeah, I can't, like, I really can't complain about my life. It's not bad.
Eldar [00:14:33]:
There's a complaining going on.
Anatoliy [00:14:34]:
There is.
Phillip [00:14:35]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:14:36]:
So what's happening? It's almost seems like the person, the old self, had certain level of means at that time and behavior patterns to try to get what he wanted and.
Phillip [00:14:48]:
Mm hmm.
Eldar [00:14:49]:
And the new self is also almost attaching himself to, like, oh, if I had this, I could have done this. It's almost like the same type of pattern.
Phillip [00:14:57]:
Mmm.
Mike [00:14:58]:
Is that how you guys. Is that what you think?
Eldar [00:15:00]:
As I'm understanding this a little bit more?
Phillip [00:15:02]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:15:03]:
Is that, like, I'm trying to uncover it from you to see whether or not that's what's going on.
Mike [00:15:08]:
So you think that, I mean, if I wanted to, I could definitely do anything right now, but I'm like, I'm not thinking about it. I know that I am, like, capable of definitely buying a house if I needed to, but the thought of doing it in any other way doesn't even come across.
Eldar [00:15:21]:
But you see, the person who used to, used to want those things and now was able not, was, was not able to get those things right away. He had to make maneuvers and do certain things.
Mike [00:15:33]:
Yeah, of course.
Eldar [00:15:34]:
And he was angry, but not angry because he was able to get through them.
Phillip [00:15:38]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:15:38]:
If you're right now can't get it, but you're still getting angry and you're blaming something. It's a completely, it's almost the same pattern. It's just you're not doing it because you see that it's morally wrong.
Mike [00:15:50]:
No, but I'm not. I never thought about doing it in a different way.
Eldar [00:15:53]:
You know, I'm sad, but you still have a block.
Mike [00:15:56]:
But I have a blog that I'm upset with my previous actions.
Eldar [00:15:59]:
Nobody you say.
Anatoliy [00:16:00]:
So he generally feels that if he had this, then he would feel that.
Phillip [00:16:04]:
Right.
Anatoliy [00:16:04]:
Like, that he would. Like, if he had these things, he would know because. Better.
Eldar [00:16:08]:
Yeah, because he has the desire. Yeah, because the desire is still there. I think that he's using the old guy as, like, to fuel that. To fuel this, that he can't get it.
Anatoliy [00:16:19]:
But what do you mean by he can't get it?
Eldar [00:16:22]:
Like, he can't get, like, right now he's restricting himself because he's morally good.
Mike [00:16:26]:
Wait, no, but feels restricted.
Eldar [00:16:29]:
I know he feels restrict. That's why he's.
Mike [00:16:31]:
I don't feel like, like I said, I never thought about getting this thing, this house thing and doing it in the wrong way and a way that I know is wrong.
Phillip [00:16:38]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:16:38]:
Never thought.
Phillip [00:16:38]:
No, no.
Anatoliy [00:16:39]:
But you feel restricted.
Phillip [00:16:40]:
Yes.
Anatoliy [00:16:41]:
Based on the choices that you made before.
Eldar [00:16:43]:
Absolutely, yeah.
Mike [00:16:44]:
I mean, I said that, like, you're like, is it. I mean, I understand.
Eldar [00:16:50]:
No, it's correct.
Phillip [00:16:51]:
That's correct.
Eldar [00:16:51]:
Correct.
Mike [00:16:52]:
I think that's like, logically makes sense. No.
Eldar [00:16:55]:
Well, yeah, but then almost shows that that guy was lacking stuff. This guy is lacking stuff. The, the outcome is the same. You're not satisfied.
Mike [00:17:09]:
I'm not sure. Maybe.
Eldar [00:17:10]:
You know what I'm saying?
Mike [00:17:11]:
I don't feel like that. Like what you're saying. I don't feel like I'm more upset that the choices I made, that they were bad choices, that I made them, not that now that I made them, it's like.
Phillip [00:17:24]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:17:24]:
I don't know. I'm not sure. Maybe.
Phillip [00:17:27]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:17:28]:
But then it's almost like, how can. Yeah, how can you logically feel that they were bad choices if when you were making them, they were good choices?
Mike [00:17:35]:
Well, they definitely weren't good choices. I knew what I was doing.
Phillip [00:17:38]:
Like, you know.
Eldar [00:17:39]:
Well, the thing is, it's that. That tells me that he's not really bought in, into the current self, because if the current self was given enough, there would not be desires that are attached to the previous self.
Mike [00:17:50]:
But what's the desire that attached the.
Eldar [00:17:52]:
Previous self to buy another house? Buying of the lambo. Those two are attached. Remove that, Dennis.
Phillip [00:18:00]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:18:01]:
Buying the luxury car. I bought this. Now I can't get this. What the fuck? You know what I'm saying?
Mike [00:18:09]:
Okay, give me the same scenario then, with the stock market stuff.
Eldar [00:18:12]:
Uh huh. Which one?
Mike [00:18:14]:
Well, that also fucked up my. My financial stuff.
Phillip [00:18:17]:
Mm hmm.
Mike [00:18:17]:
I invested a lot of money. I lost a lot of money in stocks. Yeah, that's the same story here.
Eldar [00:18:23]:
You would have to find out. What were you trying to do when you were doing what you were doing?
Phillip [00:18:27]:
Mm hmm.
Eldar [00:18:28]:
Is it attached to something too, like nice things, buying more nice things? If it is, then it's probably the same.
Mike [00:18:33]:
Probably it is.
Phillip [00:18:34]:
Okay.
Eldar [00:18:34]:
If it is.
Phillip [00:18:36]:
Yeah.
Tommy [00:18:38]:
Do you think at the time, it was like, an exciting alternative to what could be, but didn't seem so, like, if a house wasn't that important to you, then.
Phillip [00:18:48]:
Mm hmm.
Tommy [00:18:49]:
Was it still, like, on the back burner a little bit, like, okay, I could. I could do that.
Mike [00:18:53]:
But now what? I was buying the car now.
Phillip [00:18:54]:
No, it wasn't.
Eldar [00:18:55]:
It's just now he evolved, and now he finds that to be more important to him, and now he can't get it, so he's blaming that other person.
Mike [00:19:03]:
Yeah, but what is you guys saying? Doesn't sound like at all.
Eldar [00:19:06]:
Well, no. With how you understand of getting it and attaching your happiness to it. No, you haven't.
Anatoliy [00:19:12]:
It definitely doesn't, because you're attached to.
Eldar [00:19:14]:
The desire that overshadows what you actually have. So therefore, you're not really immersed in that which you actually have, which is good. And that's what we're trying to convince you of. Right. So how do you think for what they are?
Anatoliy [00:19:28]:
So how do you.
Phillip [00:19:30]:
How do you. How do.
Anatoliy [00:19:30]:
How do you. In a healthy way or is there a healthy way of having desires?
Eldar [00:19:35]:
Well, no. First of all, before you get to the desire part, I think that seeing things for what they are is the.
Phillip [00:19:41]:
Is the.
Eldar [00:19:41]:
The key to freedom and seeing things for what they are. You have to be grateful what you have and not what you don't.
Phillip [00:19:47]:
Have.
Eldar [00:19:49]:
That's a very. It's a very can't.
Anatoliy [00:19:50]:
So, can he be grateful for what he has, but still be angry about the decision?
Phillip [00:19:56]:
No.
Eldar [00:19:56]:
In the past, absolutely no, that's not allowed. No, absolutely not. Not in the same moment. It's impossible. That's a complete contradictory.
Mike [00:20:05]:
So how can this. But those two things can survive within one person? No.
Eldar [00:20:08]:
Well, they do. That's why we have the cognitive dissonance.
Phillip [00:20:11]:
Mmm.
Eldar [00:20:12]:
That's why we suffer in the first place.
Phillip [00:20:14]:
Wouldn't you get to the point where you're actually thankful for those experiences?
Eldar [00:20:17]:
You have to get to those two.
Phillip [00:20:19]:
You.
Eldar [00:20:19]:
I think you first have to see things for what they are, and when you see them for what they are, you have to become grateful for the things you have now.
Phillip [00:20:26]:
No, no, but I'm saying, in to fully accept it, wouldn't you be grateful that you had those like, quote unquote.
Eldar [00:20:33]:
Negative experiences, that's seeing what they are.
Phillip [00:20:36]:
So. Yes.
Phillip [00:20:36]:
Starting with that, then the other thing comes to me.
Phillip [00:20:39]:
Correct.
Anatoliy [00:20:39]:
Oh, yeah, correct.
Phillip [00:20:41]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:20:41]:
That person, you don't view that as what happened. A valuable.
Eldar [00:20:44]:
That's right. That's right.
Phillip [00:20:45]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:20:45]:
That was like a waste of time.
Phillip [00:20:47]:
That's right. Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:20:47]:
Now it's earning you.
Phillip [00:20:48]:
That's right.
Phillip [00:20:49]:
But that's why you still be angry.
Mike [00:20:50]:
That's probably.
Phillip [00:20:51]:
That's probably it. Yeah.
Eldar [00:20:52]:
A hundred percent.
Mike [00:20:53]:
But that's why I think we're talking about. How do I learn? We're walking.
Eldar [00:20:56]:
We're walking. And I was telling you this.
Phillip [00:20:58]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:20:58]:
Mike, there's a lot that happened. There's a lot that you can hang on to here. You have a lot of substance now. It's not materialistic substance anymore. It's a different type of substance. And for some reason, you beating yourself up over it. You, you.
Mike [00:21:13]:
Because I haven't probably learned how to process those that.
Phillip [00:21:16]:
Those.
Mike [00:21:16]:
That mistake.
Eldar [00:21:18]:
Well, you gotta process it properly. That's holding you away from your happiness.
Mike [00:21:22]:
What the fuck you think I'm doing here?
Eldar [00:21:23]:
Very good. Very good.
Phillip [00:21:25]:
Yeah, yeah.
Eldar [00:21:26]:
You said like this whole week you were upset.
Phillip [00:21:28]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:21:29]:
You know what I'm saying? Poor Philip. Philip, yeah. Do you.
Anatoliy [00:21:32]:
Do you think he's having a hard time processing it with the ongoing battle with his family? That is having.
Eldar [00:21:39]:
Well, that doesn't help. That doesn't. If there's people around you that I keep telling you and remind you of your old self and saying that you fucked everything up. Absolutely not. It doesn't help. You have to be very strong first by yourself, and then be able to withstand all the shots that are gonna come your way.
Phillip [00:21:54]:
Yeah.
Phillip [00:21:54]:
I think the environment's just making it more difficult because you didn't accept it. But if you did, the environment wouldn't.
Anatoliy [00:22:00]:
I don't.
Phillip [00:22:05]:
Yeah, I don't think the environment after you accept it, would be relevant at all. But I still think once you do accept it, you're gonna probably want to get out of that environment because it doesn't. It doesn't serve you anymore.
Mike [00:22:24]:
Yeah, well, if you're able to. Problem is exactly what you guys are saying is that I haven't accepted and therefore I'm still stuck. I haven't accepted it or haven't extracted what I need to extract from that. But that's why you don't worry, you know?
Phillip [00:22:40]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:22:41]:
You're seeing things for what they are. And I think that you are dampening the amount of happiness you can get or extract. Or maybe you only have the ability to extract enough happiness to combat the stuff that actually happened in the previous.
Phillip [00:22:52]:
Doesn't make sense that he's still dealing with the same stuff. To me, it may, based off what he's saying and what we're talking about, it makes sense that the situation is what it is.
Eldar [00:23:03]:
I don't, if you jump in that conclusion that quickly, you have to explain how are you like, seeing it so clearly? Because I don't. I don't see it so clearly.
Phillip [00:23:09]:
So if, if he's. So in one sense, you're saying that you are happy with the day to day, but you're still mad at the other guy. So I don't think that you. I think it would be really hard to say that you're happy. I think you'd have to be compartmentalizing happy. So maybe you're happy in certain moments, but like, as it's like in total, I don't think that you are happy because you are saying that you're angry about the other decisions that you're making. You're constantly going back in this environment that's not serving because you didn't accept this thing, the decision that you made. So every day that you're going home or you're dealing with certain type of people, it's just reopening this again and again and again.
Phillip [00:23:47]:
So I think in that sense, it's making it really difficult. So if I had a suggestion, I would say that removing yourself from that situation and allowing you to think independently of this consistently would probably work. I did this with my parents a long time ago and it still took me a long, long time still dealing with it, but then you realize that you can actually choose to go back and interact with them certain amount of hours, certain amount of time, holidays, whatever it may be. I think a lot of people have this with parents. Your parents can be great parents, but once you get to a certain age, I think your parents have a certain type of mindset towards you and they're gonna treat you a certain type of way.
Eldar [00:24:25]:
Yeah, I disagree with that completely. Yeah. No, no, no. It's a good point.
Phillip [00:24:32]:
Is it my experience with my parents and even me growing and seeing a different self?
Eldar [00:24:37]:
Absolutely. I think that you have not immersed yourself in the new self to know what. What the kind of outcomes you can expect in your parents going forward.
Phillip [00:24:46]:
Okay. Yes. Yeah.
Phillip [00:24:47]:
I haven't experienced.
Phillip [00:24:48]:
Yeah. But I'm not.
Phillip [00:24:48]:
But I'm not living with them.
Mike [00:24:49]:
In the beginning of the week, when I started talking to you about this, I was much more angry and frustrated about situation. But as the week progressed and we spoke more, I don't feel that. I don't feel that way about the family situation, living at home stuff or the car thing.
Phillip [00:25:03]:
Why? Right.
Mike [00:25:04]:
Well, because I'm actually making an effort to get close to my family and to get to know them and to help them and, you know.
Phillip [00:25:12]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:25:13]:
Paying attention and uniting them, I think, is what my kind of new thing that I'm thinking about. And see, that's a very interesting phenomenon.
Phillip [00:25:20]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mike [00:25:23]:
And it feels like, see, the application.
Eldar [00:25:26]:
Of your new self, I think, is the answer. And liberation of. Of the old self, of forgiving and forgetting the old self, application of your new self.
Phillip [00:25:41]:
Action.
Eldar [00:25:41]:
Action of your new self is the happiness is where unlimited energy is for you. That is gonna be grateful. That's gonna be like, oh, shit, I am new. I. I'm proud of this. I'm happy with this. I'm grateful for this.
Phillip [00:25:56]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:25:56]:
I guess that moment that puts the.
Eldar [00:25:58]:
Other guy in the back burner in the rear view.
Mike [00:26:00]:
I don't think about that guy often, you know? But I think probably because it was highlighted, like, in the last week.
Eldar [00:26:06]:
Why was it highlighted? You say you have this negative self talk that you are kind of, like, going through. Why?
Mike [00:26:13]:
I think. I think it also goes into that, like, you know, I was thinking and reflecting on the past year or whatever. Year and a half.
Phillip [00:26:19]:
Right? Yeah.
Eldar [00:26:20]:
I mean, you made immense amount of fucking progress, bro.
Phillip [00:26:23]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:26:23]:
And I don't know if you guys. If you remember or maybe you guys remember, but we had set certain goals and we reached, like, a certain place where I was. I felt like I felt, like, good. Like, we accomplished a good amount.
Phillip [00:26:38]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:26:38]:
And I was wanting to rest.
Phillip [00:26:40]:
Yeah. Right.
Mike [00:26:40]:
Like, I just wanted to not do anything. I was, like, tired.
Eldar [00:26:43]:
That's right.
Mike [00:26:44]:
From work, from all the stuff, like. And I just wanted to just, like, kind of be chill.
Eldar [00:26:48]:
That's right.
Mike [00:26:48]:
You know, and I took that time, but I think more and more the time, I didn't realize what I mean in the moment is like, yo, I'm gonna take some time.
Eldar [00:26:56]:
Okay.
Mike [00:26:57]:
I think I even made a joke. I just. I don't want to do anything. I just want to eat, drink, and gain ten pounds. I made a joke about it.
Eldar [00:27:01]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:27:02]:
You know, just to relax.
Phillip [00:27:03]:
Yes.
Mike [00:27:03]:
Because there was a lot of stuff that I did. It was all good stuff, but it's still, you know, it takes toll.
Phillip [00:27:07]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:27:08]:
And I put myself on this kind of, like, you know, enjoying what I. The accomplishments that we've done or where we came from. And I guess now it's coming to the point that, like, hey, I want to. Now I rested. I'm charged up, but I'm also now getting more, like, stale because it's time for the next.
Eldar [00:27:30]:
Next thing.
Phillip [00:27:30]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Eldar [00:27:31]:
I agree.
Phillip [00:27:31]:
And that's.
Mike [00:27:32]:
That's what I was thinking about, like, uh, these days that I didn't spoke to you about this, but, yeah. I feel like I've come to the point that now it's time to ramp again. Ramp again. Because.
Eldar [00:27:41]:
And we already identified very good things.
Phillip [00:27:44]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:27:44]:
Big things. Monumental things for your family.
Phillip [00:27:47]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Mike [00:27:49]:
And I've already had even a chance to put a little bit of it into. Into action. Just, you know.
Phillip [00:27:57]:
Yeah. All right.
Mike [00:27:58]:
Opportunity has been presented.
Eldar [00:28:00]:
I think you got to be careful.
Phillip [00:28:01]:
I am.
Mike [00:28:01]:
I know. I know. I'm just an amateur starting out on this, but still, like.
Phillip [00:28:05]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:28:05]:
You know, it's interesting to go in there and consciously see what's happening.
Phillip [00:28:08]:
Good. So. Okay.
Mike [00:28:10]:
So I think that's what's happening.
Eldar [00:28:12]:
Okay, good.
Mike [00:28:12]:
I think probably the frustration, because there was lack of progression.
Phillip [00:28:18]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:28:19]:
I'm not done yet, you know, like, where I would like to get in my life. But I did take a pause.
Phillip [00:28:24]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:28:24]:
You know, at a certain part, and now it's time to ramp again.
Phillip [00:28:28]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:28:28]:
And I think that's why I was feeling frustrated, and those thoughts started coming in, plus, you know.
Phillip [00:28:34]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:28:34]:
Being reminded of those bad habits.
Phillip [00:28:37]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:28:37]:
Not being able to challenge them. I think it kind of caught me off guard, because in my. Like, I think we had a podcast on it. We're like, how long does it take for other people to recognize your change.
Phillip [00:28:47]:
That's right. That's right.
Mike [00:28:48]:
And I think, I didn't think about that, and that's why I got caught off guard assuming that, like, hey, my dad, when we're having a conversation, I'm talking to him a certain way, you know, where I'm not, like, angry or frustrated with him. I'm actually trying to, like, help. Help each. Help each other to get to the truth here to figure out what's happening.
Eldar [00:29:08]:
But you did mention recently you've been getting frustrated with him.
Mike [00:29:11]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have been.
Phillip [00:29:13]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:29:13]:
But I think it's all part of this kind of thing of being.
Phillip [00:29:15]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:29:16]:
Me slowing down, being a little bit stale.
Eldar [00:29:19]:
Okay.
Mike [00:29:20]:
On my progress and not paying attention to the signs that, like, hey, it's time to ramp again.
Phillip [00:29:25]:
Okay. Yeah.
Eldar [00:29:27]:
Cuz you. You ultimately want to switch on to the point where your default.
Phillip [00:29:32]:
Mm hmm.
Eldar [00:29:33]:
When your rest time is on.
Phillip [00:29:35]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:29:35]:
You don't want to start having still, you know, all thoughts.
Phillip [00:29:39]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:29:40]:
Old behaviors, frustrations, stuff like that. Your default resting period should be the awareness state.
Phillip [00:29:48]:
Mm hmm.
Eldar [00:29:48]:
You know what I mean? That's the ultimate goal.
Mike [00:29:50]:
I think it's something to look forward to and accomplish. Yeah, I guess it sounds. And I. You said this before, obviously, and I understand it. Yeah. It's definitely something I like to get to.
Phillip [00:30:02]:
Okay.
Mike [00:30:03]:
You know, I'm not sure how, but maybe. No, you can talk about that.
Eldar [00:30:07]:
Sure.
Mike [00:30:07]:
As well.
Eldar [00:30:08]:
For sure.
Phillip [00:30:09]:
Okay.
Tommy [00:30:11]:
So you guys ever see that meme with the dog inside a burning cafe or something? Sitting there with a cup of coffee?
Eldar [00:30:17]:
No, never.
Tommy [00:30:18]:
The dog sitting in a. In a, like, on a place with a table with a cup of coffee.
Anatoliy [00:30:22]:
And hopefully the one on the fire. No, I haven't seen.
Tommy [00:30:25]:
The whole place is on fire. And the caption is, this is fine.
Mike [00:30:28]:
Yeah, no, I'm not.
Phillip [00:30:31]:
Yeah. I don't know.
Anatoliy [00:30:32]:
I think it's an interesting, like, like, I think there's, like, so many different components of this situation, right? Like, what one thing that comes to mind to me is, like, do you. Like. I mean, like, do you guys feel. Maybe mike and answer, do you guys feel that in it for this process to be, like, successful? Like, I think, like, a good thing would definitely be for his family to recognize his change. Right?
Eldar [00:31:05]:
I don't think you should put his eggs. You're saying a good thing to recognize.
Anatoliy [00:31:12]:
No, I'm saying that I think. No, no, no, I'm saying that it would be a good thing, his first family, you know, to eventually recognize change. But the question is, in this process. Does he need to forgive his family.
Eldar [00:31:29]:
Again? It would be good. However, I think that if the focus is on the right action, right speech, right thought.
Anatoliy [00:31:38]:
Yeah, but can you take all action? Can you do all of these right things without them?
Mike [00:31:44]:
I mean, I can. I can answer his question. From what I've been observing, you know, like just even these few days, I've been working my mom, obviously we've been talking.
Phillip [00:31:54]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:31:54]:
About her kind of stuff, what she's going through.
Phillip [00:31:56]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:31:56]:
And I do feel like she does listen to me when I talk. Yeah, she does. You know, obviously change is gonna take a long time for her. Yeah, she's, you know, been doing this stuff for a very long time. But when I do. When she does do have conversations, she does listen to me and I feel like she is paying attention. So whether or not it's, you know, she feels that way, I feel that way. So it's kind of like I don't, I don't think I need them to validate that I've changed.
Mike [00:32:23]:
I already feel like the way I'm talking to them, they're like, oh, and I just had the same thing with my sister just this week. Yeah, we're all three. Two of them. All three of us were talking.
Phillip [00:32:35]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:32:36]:
But the big one is, the big kicker is my dad, he's not at that point yet. He's still. And he obviously is the one who's.
Eldar [00:32:42]:
Been harder not to crack.
Phillip [00:32:43]:
He is.
Mike [00:32:44]:
He's a hard nuts guy and he's been the one who's been expressing like all the stuff that he's probably has a lot of resentment for, you know, with me for the previous choices.
Eldar [00:32:53]:
Cuz you know, your dad is also not dishonest because he came here on the podcast.
Mike [00:32:58]:
He did.
Eldar [00:32:59]:
He agreed to certain things that I would think would be hard for him to agree up. Agree upon. Yeah, he did.
Phillip [00:33:04]:
He did. Honest. Yeah.
Eldar [00:33:05]:
You know what I mean?
Phillip [00:33:06]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:33:07]:
One big thing was that he realized that he did potentially mess up the way he raised you.
Mike [00:33:13]:
Oh yeah.
Eldar [00:33:13]:
You know, saying that was big. You know what I mean? Like at least comparison to my mom.
Phillip [00:33:18]:
Mm hmm.
Eldar [00:33:19]:
You know what I'm saying? So he's not unreasonable person, I think.
Mike [00:33:23]:
No, sit down.
Eldar [00:33:25]:
Which I also think that nobody really is. If you actually take the time people, you can bring it out the right.
Mike [00:33:31]:
Oh yeah. Like I was. I mean, I do think there is gonna be progress with him as well. Yeah, it's just gonna be a little bit more difficult. Maybe a little, you know, cuz a lot of the stuff has been, he's been taking it very hard.
Phillip [00:33:43]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:33:43]:
Because of his own expectations that he suffered me that were, I mean, I don't know why he said them, but. Yeah, he said them for his own reasons, but he wanted a golden child. Yeah, golden child.
Eldar [00:33:55]:
I think he's getting it without even understanding.
Mike [00:33:57]:
Without understanding it.
Phillip [00:33:58]:
Yeah. You know, and I.
Mike [00:33:59]:
But I think, yeah, I think he is, uh. Yeah, he's gonna get cracked.
Eldar [00:34:05]:
Oh, without a doubt.
Mike [00:34:07]:
You know, without.
Eldar [00:34:07]:
If you can, if you're gonna be persistent with this stuff. Absolutely.
Mike [00:34:10]:
Well, I mean, I have a desire.
Eldar [00:34:12]:
You're gonna part of seeds.
Mike [00:34:13]:
Somebody's gotta do it.
Eldar [00:34:15]:
Moshe, you moshe. Song is true.
Mike [00:34:19]:
Salam, Tom.
Eldar [00:34:20]:
So if your people were looking for the moshe, tell him, tell him we might have one already. Yeah, he's here, you see? Already enabled.
Phillip [00:34:29]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:34:29]:
So fuck shit up.
Tommy [00:34:31]:
All right, guys, I'm being called, I have to go to dinner.
Eldar [00:34:33]:
Oh, that's all, sorry.
Phillip [00:34:35]:
Thank you. Yeah.
Eldar [00:34:36]:
You're gonna, you're gonna choose gluttony over a fucking a philosophy? Okay, yeah, no problem.
Mike [00:34:43]:
Good luck, Tom.
Eldar [00:34:46]:
Yeah, yeah.
Phillip [00:34:48]:
But one of the seven deadly sins, seven dead sins.
Phillip [00:34:51]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:34:52]:
Gluttony is one of them. That's good stuff. Yeah, I think this is big. I think this is big.
Mike [00:35:01]:
I guess. Yeah, I guess, you know, this situation about the reflection and being angry with myself in the frustration. I think when you slow down and you stop maybe, you know, growing or moving towards a goal or not, like I would say in my case, I don't really have a goal because the goals that I had set for myself.
Eldar [00:35:17]:
That's right.
Mike [00:35:17]:
They're already like, they're in a good, in a much better place.
Eldar [00:35:20]:
That's right.
Mike [00:35:21]:
And now I think it's time has come. So I think the mind has gotten a little bit stale and is requiring.
Eldar [00:35:25]:
What to do next.
Mike [00:35:26]:
What to do next.
Phillip [00:35:27]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:35:27]:
And therefore it's thinking about this stuff because. Yeah, for a long time I didn't think about these things.
Phillip [00:35:31]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:35:32]:
But they just came about in a very, like, strong way.
Phillip [00:35:34]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:35:34]:
You know, and I mean, it was difficult. I guess it hit me and I think it caught me off guard probably, you know, and that's why I kind.
Eldar [00:35:44]:
Of, you know what if it's, if they are a way for you to.
Mike [00:35:48]:
Then ramp up reminder.
Phillip [00:35:51]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Mike [00:35:52]:
I didn't realize that that's where I was until I started thinking about this, you know, and like yesterday I was thinking about this exact thing, like, hey, I'm like, baby plateaued.
Phillip [00:36:01]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:36:01]:
And now it's time to go yeah. I need to go again.
Eldar [00:36:04]:
Based on what? We identified a new.
Phillip [00:36:06]:
Yeah. Path. Yeah.
Eldar [00:36:08]:
It's a big path, man.
Mike [00:36:09]:
Oh, yeah.
Eldar [00:36:10]:
So if you needed rest before. If you got some rest, you gotta rest now or whatever, because this is gonna be. This is gonna test you.
Mike [00:36:18]:
Oh, yeah. I think so, too. But I think it makes sense. Like, makes sense in a way.
Phillip [00:36:29]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:36:31]:
You gotta bring the golden goose back to the family.
Phillip [00:36:35]:
Think so. Yeah.
Mike [00:36:37]:
And I definitely don't want to run, like, filthy.
Eldar [00:36:40]:
Like what?
Mike [00:36:41]:
Like, I don't want. That's not.
Eldar [00:36:42]:
Disregard Phillips.
Mike [00:36:43]:
No, no. I mean, temp that.
Eldar [00:36:45]:
No, listen, I personally think that if it's an emergency and you need to save your mental health, you absolutely remove yourself from the situation. I just don't think this situation apply to you.
Mike [00:36:58]:
I don't think there's an emergency.
Phillip [00:36:59]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:37:00]:
Based on what we're. You had plenty of emergencies. We even moved you out before.
Phillip [00:37:04]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:37:05]:
Emergency. You know what I'm saying?
Phillip [00:37:06]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:37:07]:
So, no, it's just not. I don't think it's the right advice for you at this moment, because I think that he's done the running before Philip. You know what I mean? And the person who's empowered, who wants to do right, who wants to live a righteous life, should meet the fire.
Phillip [00:37:23]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:37:25]:
Should do the right thing and go back to the cave.
Phillip [00:37:27]:
Yeah.
Phillip [00:37:28]:
Just look at it like, if there's enough data, right. If I'm 18 or 19 years old, you realize, okay, I love my parents, but also, at the same time, like, I like living on my own.
Eldar [00:37:38]:
You don't love your parents.
Phillip [00:37:39]:
I think it can benefit me.
Phillip [00:37:40]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:37:40]:
You don't love your parents if you want to live on your own, you don't love your parents, so you'd want.
Phillip [00:37:45]:
To live with your parents.
Eldar [00:37:46]:
I live with my parents. Three years old.
Phillip [00:37:49]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:37:50]:
And then I. Then I started to love my wife as well.
Phillip [00:38:01]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Eldar [00:38:02]:
You don't talk about or.
Phillip [00:38:03]:
No. Yeah.
Phillip [00:38:04]:
I'm just thinking, like, why would somebody.
Eldar [00:38:06]:
Who loves their parents and they love them move out? Can somebody answer me this question?
Phillip [00:38:15]:
Yeah.
Phillip [00:38:16]:
Like, I can say right now, I wouldn't want to live in my house.
Phillip [00:38:19]:
Why not?
Eldar [00:38:21]:
One should be surrounded by love.
Phillip [00:38:24]:
Mmm.
Eldar [00:38:25]:
And wouldn't you be giving love back?
Phillip [00:38:27]:
What's up? Why you.
Eldar [00:38:28]:
Why are you smirking?
Mike [00:38:29]:
Totally want someone back.
Phillip [00:38:30]:
That's why.
Anatoliy [00:38:31]:
That's funny. You're saying.
Eldar [00:38:33]:
I'm asking a question.
Anatoliy [00:38:34]:
I know, but you're saying in a funny way.
Eldar [00:38:36]:
Okay.
Anatoliy [00:38:36]:
Which I'm sure that you know that you know that. Oh, mad dumb elder isn't at its full effect.
Eldar [00:38:42]:
And I'm drinking, so you better watch out.
Phillip [00:38:45]:
Yeah, I would say.
Phillip [00:38:48]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:38:48]:
I'd say, why wouldn't you want to be surrounded by love?
Mike [00:38:52]:
I'm not sure who would say that.
Eldar [00:38:54]:
Unless you allergic to it. Who would be allergic to love? Anger. Angry person.
Mike [00:38:59]:
Yeah, probably.
Phillip [00:39:01]:
Yeah.
Phillip [00:39:02]:
There's a lot of lingering feelings. So if there's somebody who's not working on themselves and it's frustrating, you know, I'm put in a position now where I have to accept it, and I started to do that, but still, would I want to live with that person now?
Mike [00:39:17]:
It's still say no, but that's not out of love. That's out of something else. The opposite, probably.
Phillip [00:39:22]:
Oh.
Eldar [00:39:22]:
Because it sounds like something outweighs love.
Phillip [00:39:25]:
Okay.
Eldar [00:39:26]:
And I agree. Like I said, if it's an emergency situation which is compromising your mental health, get the fuck out. You don't know how to deal with them. Get the fuck out.
Phillip [00:39:35]:
No.
Eldar [00:39:35]:
Yeah, 100%.
Phillip [00:39:36]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:39:37]:
But if you, like I said, if you're in the process of development, right. You developing. I think these are great opportunities to put yourself in the line of fire and test yourself whether or not you're really about the life that you're talking about, which is you trying to be a good person.
Phillip [00:39:52]:
Right.
Eldar [00:39:53]:
In your case, yeah. That's not how you leave.
Phillip [00:39:56]:
Right.
Eldar [00:39:57]:
You leave with a blessing. Hundred percent what we talked about, your original goals. Believe if you're gonna leave, leave with a blessing. How does that look like right now? I don't like I fucking done with this place.
Mike [00:40:08]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:40:09]:
I thought that was love.
Mike [00:40:10]:
I don't want to do that way.
Eldar [00:40:12]:
I think it's the COVID up. Oh, I love my parents. No, you fucking don't. You know what I'm saying? You can't deal with them.
Phillip [00:40:20]:
Yeah. What do you mean?
Eldar [00:40:20]:
You're talking about love.
Phillip [00:40:21]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:40:22]:
You can't accept them, can't stand them. You know what I'm saying? They're sick.
Phillip [00:40:27]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:40:28]:
Rightfully so. You try to run.
Phillip [00:40:29]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:40:30]:
You know what I mean? But if you have a good enough base, strong enough character and some tools, you can withstand it, you can do the right thing.
Phillip [00:40:42]:
Oh, yeah.
Eldar [00:40:44]:
You can stick around for long enough to then, you know, make sure that they. They're good, they're equipped to be able to then bounce.
Phillip [00:40:50]:
Yes.
Phillip [00:40:50]:
You can test it every so often. But why put yourself in it every day if it doesn't have to be? Doesn't mean like you have to remove myself. I see my parents, like, every couple of weeks, and it's good. Well, why would I want to?
Phillip [00:41:03]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:41:04]:
You live with, what you're saying is that the love is very short lived and you understand it. And therefore you don't live together, which is perfectly fine. I'm okay with that.
Phillip [00:41:14]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:41:14]:
No. Oh, help me here.
Mike [00:41:19]:
Tony tollies on Phil side, I think.
Eldar [00:41:22]:
No, no, he agrees with me. Of course.
Phillip [00:41:24]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:41:24]:
He just doesn't want to vocalize.
Mike [00:41:26]:
You don't want to want to be alive.
Anatoliy [00:41:27]:
No, it. No, no, I am vocalizing it by laughing about what he's saying.
Phillip [00:41:33]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:41:33]:
No, yeah, I think. Yeah, I think that part is probably confused. I think the reality situation is that it is very difficult for you to coexist with your parents. And you identify that and you can't deal with them at the moment because it compromises your day to day life. So you choose to leave and then you choose to come back. Small doses where it does not influence or compromise your life.
Mike [00:42:06]:
You're not empowered.
Eldar [00:42:08]:
Why you guys hit like that?
Mike [00:42:09]:
Sorry, that's fucked up.
Eldar [00:42:12]:
You blanket this shit?
Mike [00:42:14]:
No, it's just I've been thinking about this for the past few days. I had to hit Gary with yesterday. Yeah, with the uppercut.
Eldar [00:42:19]:
Listen, those who are hardest to love needed the most, right? If we're gonna bring the word love, love into it.
Phillip [00:42:25]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:42:25]:
What does that look like? They love me and we all love them. Okay? How would anybody. Why would anybody want to stay away from that?
Phillip [00:42:33]:
Mm hmm.
Eldar [00:42:34]:
Well, the truth of the matter is our fucking parents are sick. We are sick and the sickness doesn't work. That's it. This is the truth of the matter. This is why we. This is why we run.
Phillip [00:42:44]:
Mm hmm.
Eldar [00:42:45]:
That's it. Well, I call that fucking loving our parents.
Phillip [00:42:49]:
No, no.
Eldar [00:42:51]:
It's called self preservation.
Phillip [00:42:53]:
Mm hmm. That's it.
Eldar [00:42:55]:
But nobody's gonna say that. Nobody's gonna admit that.
Phillip [00:42:57]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:42:58]:
They self preserving themselves.
Anatoliy [00:43:01]:
It's hard to, like, say that, like, you love. You love somebody, for example, right. That, like, doesn't understand you. Like, doesn't know who you are. Doesn't like, do the same stuff that you agree with.
Phillip [00:43:14]:
Right.
Anatoliy [00:43:14]:
Doesn't, like, act the same way that. That you do. And in general, you can't be yourself around them. So if that's the case, it's like.
Eldar [00:43:26]:
What are we talking about?
Phillip [00:43:27]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:43:27]:
Like attaching the world the word that you love them, like, is hard in that case.
Phillip [00:43:32]:
Right.
Anatoliy [00:43:33]:
Cuz, like, how can you love somebody but not be yourself around them? Or like, you know, generally, like, it's like, hey, we're visiting the parents, you know, like, let's.
Phillip [00:43:40]:
Oh, yeah.
Anatoliy [00:43:41]:
Not tell them shit and like.
Eldar [00:43:42]:
Yeah, stuff like that.
Anatoliy [00:43:45]:
Keep it very.
Mike [00:43:45]:
Keeping very.
Anatoliy [00:43:46]:
Keeping things at a distance in a very surface level is like. Like, I'm sure at certain times when we see our parents, we all have, like, certain things that are. Looks like we have this, like, a act that we're ready to put on.
Phillip [00:44:03]:
Right.
Anatoliy [00:44:03]:
Because we know that, like, they don't understand us.
Eldar [00:44:05]:
Like, we can't tell we. Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:44:08]:
We don't.
Phillip [00:44:08]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:44:08]:
We can't tell them this. We can't. Like, you can't tolerate them doing that.
Phillip [00:44:14]:
Right.
Anatoliy [00:44:14]:
Like, you know, stuff like that. So, like.
Phillip [00:44:18]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:44:19]:
Like, I don't know how you can love somebody but not be yourself around them.
Phillip [00:44:26]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:44:26]:
I don't think people move out because they love their parents.
Anatoliy [00:44:30]:
Most of the time, though.
Eldar [00:44:35]:
I think people move out because gig is up. A gig is up. That's it.
Phillip [00:44:43]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:44:44]:
But nobody wants to be the bad son, the bad daughter. I get it.
Phillip [00:44:47]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:44:49]:
You know what I'm saying?
Phillip [00:44:58]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:45:00]:
So did we get anywhere with your stuff?
Mike [00:45:04]:
Yeah.
Phillip [00:45:04]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:45:05]:
I mean, I think we did.
Eldar [00:45:08]:
The fact that you're still looking behind, looking back is because you have lack of action, because you're not focused right now on doing what's right.
Phillip [00:45:16]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:45:17]:
And you're not doing it because you were either taking a break.
Phillip [00:45:21]:
Right.
Eldar [00:45:21]:
Recuperating.
Phillip [00:45:22]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:45:23]:
And you were really wasn't thinking about what are the next steps.
Phillip [00:45:27]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:45:28]:
Because now you have next steps, potentially a goal. We can identify and really talk about the next steps. You can focus on what's right, and that is your salvation, and that is your breaking all of your patterns from before. The person that keeps guilting you into stuff that, you know, your house is your house. You know what I'm saying? Your new house is your old house. You don't see that yet, but you have to see it. You have to marry the two. You know what I'm saying?
Phillip [00:46:01]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:46:01]:
Nothing wrong with you. Live in the fucking mansion.
Phillip [00:46:04]:
If I can. Yeah.
Mike [00:46:05]:
If I can't come in there like I. When I know I can.
Phillip [00:46:08]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:46:09]:
If you come in there and be myself and influence people.
Anatoliy [00:46:12]:
If we surveyed all of North Helden, how many people that are the son in the family live in the master bedroom?
Eldar [00:46:20]:
I would say single digits. How many single digits?
Anatoliy [00:46:23]:
All of a burden. All of burning county.
Phillip [00:46:28]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:46:28]:
How many homes have it where the son lives with the parents but the son lives in the master bedroom suite.
Mike [00:46:33]:
But I am the golden child, though.
Eldar [00:46:35]:
This is true.
Mike [00:46:36]:
There's a reason.
Eldar [00:46:39]:
Bedrooms, guest bedroom.
Phillip [00:46:41]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:46:41]:
They have a twin with no ac.
Anatoliy [00:46:44]:
And a box spring mattress.
Phillip [00:46:46]:
Yes.
Eldar [00:46:47]:
Sometimes they sleep on the floor.
Phillip [00:46:49]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:46:49]:
To straighten out their back after two nights.
Eldar [00:46:52]:
That's right.
Phillip [00:46:53]:
There's a movie.
Eldar [00:46:54]:
You know what I'm saying?
Phillip [00:46:55]:
Was it called mean girls? And Amy Poehler's the mom and the daughter gets the master better.
Eldar [00:47:01]:
No, I heard of it.
Anatoliy [00:47:03]:
Mike's toilet has a door.
Phillip [00:47:05]:
Yes.
Eldar [00:47:06]:
Correct. So he has two doors. Three doors. His toilet has a different door.
Anatoliy [00:47:11]:
That's what I'm saying.
Eldar [00:47:11]:
No, but his bathroom has a door and. No, his room has a door. So it's three doors before.
Mike [00:47:16]:
You see my closet on the door.
Phillip [00:47:18]:
Yes.
Eldar [00:47:18]:
Thick ass door dookie. That's coming out, you know.
Phillip [00:47:21]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:47:22]:
His shitter has a door.
Phillip [00:47:23]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:47:25]:
And event. Yeah, but I never use it. Nobody comes up there.
Phillip [00:47:29]:
We need a vent in ours, I think.
Eldar [00:47:31]:
Why you say it like that?
Phillip [00:47:32]:
We don't have one. Why?
Eldar [00:47:34]:
You've been, like, through some war zones.
Phillip [00:47:36]:
I mean, I'm doing them.
Mike [00:47:37]:
He's doing them, bro. I walked in there the other day.
Eldar [00:47:39]:
Smells like flowers, bro.
Mike [00:47:40]:
It smell like disgusting.
Phillip [00:47:41]:
And.
Mike [00:47:41]:
Yeah, he left the ice cream on the walls.
Phillip [00:47:43]:
Ew.
Eldar [00:47:44]:
Are you serious?
Phillip [00:47:53]:
Right?
Anatoliy [00:47:54]:
Look at this guy, man.
Eldar [00:47:54]:
He's disgusting.
Phillip [00:47:56]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:47:56]:
You left ice cream from. For my.
Eldar [00:47:58]:
That's crazy. Yeah, that's like a totally move.
Phillip [00:48:00]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:48:01]:
Holy shit. That's a totally move. You. You can't remember. You can't, like, think of Philip and think that he's not such a natural.
Mike [00:48:08]:
He's also a fake clean guy.
Eldar [00:48:10]:
No, I know, but I didn't know.
Phillip [00:48:11]:
He had a tool.
Eldar [00:48:12]:
Like, if we're gonna choose somebody right here just by appearances, but, yo, this is the guy that will leave the shit without even flushing it. You.
Anatoliy [00:48:19]:
I know. Not misconception.
Mike [00:48:22]:
Fine.
Eldar [00:48:22]:
Misconception or not, but Phil, stereotyping here.
Anatoliy [00:48:26]:
There's a goat here dressed up in lipstick.
Eldar [00:48:29]:
Yeah, you might be that guy.
Phillip [00:48:31]:
No, I didn't know there was a tool to clean it.
Eldar [00:48:34]:
So you knew that that shit was there and you, like, I fuck it kind of.
Phillip [00:48:44]:
No, the only. The only way I thought it was gonna get remedied is if I actually take paper towel and go in there with my hand. With a baby.
Eldar [00:48:55]:
Only the clubs. Only the clubs.
Phillip [00:48:58]:
My own.
Phillip [00:48:59]:
To my own toilet. Yeah, for the baby.
Eldar [00:49:01]:
Wait, I have. I have the brush. Yeah, but you.
Phillip [00:49:05]:
Sometimes the brush doesn't fully clean it.
Anatoliy [00:49:08]:
He puts his hand into the wall.
Eldar [00:49:09]:
Do you understand what we just discovered or.
Anatoliy [00:49:11]:
No, but do you understand what I.
Eldar [00:49:12]:
Yes.
Mike [00:49:15]:
I hear it.
Eldar [00:49:16]:
This is equivalent to you wiping your ass by crumbling the paper.
Phillip [00:49:19]:
This is my hands covered by a baby wipe.
Eldar [00:49:23]:
And it's my own, and it's waterproof. Baby wipe is waterproof? Yes or no? And it's big enough to fit like a glove. You're putting your hand in your finger in your butthole.
Phillip [00:49:31]:
You're putting your finger in your butthole, and you're eating it. This is what I was told.
Eldar [00:49:38]:
Oh, my God. Oh, that's disgusting.
Anatoliy [00:49:41]:
How often do you do this?
Mike [00:49:43]:
I only saw once here.
Phillip [00:49:44]:
I've only done that probably. No, I'm saying at home a handful of times, but I have the wiper thing, which.
Anatoliy [00:49:48]:
And no pun intended, right.
Eldar [00:49:50]:
Oh, my God.
Phillip [00:49:52]:
But I didn't know that we had a wiper thing.
Phillip [00:49:54]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:49:55]:
Do you not have one in your bathroom at home?
Phillip [00:49:57]:
I have a plunger and a wiper.
Eldar [00:49:58]:
How nasty were the streaks, Mike?
Mike [00:50:00]:
They were pronounced.
Eldar [00:50:02]:
Wow.
Mike [00:50:03]:
They weren't like, little mini ones you couldn't see.
Phillip [00:50:05]:
So you're going, well, I don't mess around. Yeah, like, I'm definitely going, well.
Eldar [00:50:08]:
Yeah, for sure.
Phillip [00:50:09]:
We're drinking juice and protein.
Eldar [00:50:11]:
After you do the swirl, after you do the ice cream swirl, does it stick out of the water?
Anatoliy [00:50:16]:
You have, like, a leviathan action or. No.
Phillip [00:50:20]:
So it really depends on, like, what kind of, like, food we're eating. Like, if it's a morning one, it's not gonna be so crazy. But if I'm doing protein shake, green juice, then we're going to harvest mood, and I'm having a wrap. Then it's game over.
Phillip [00:50:32]:
Yeah.
Phillip [00:50:32]:
Then that's a floater.
Eldar [00:50:33]:
Okay.
Phillip [00:50:34]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Eldar [00:50:37]:
All right, well, listen, I'm glad that you're going. Well, you like this is important.
Anatoliy [00:50:40]:
I mean, I think, at minimum, you would have ripped off this arm, wrapped the baby wiper on this thing before sticking your own hand into the toilet.
Eldar [00:50:50]:
He washes it. His hands inside the toilet, or. No, wait. Once you're done, do you leave your.
Anatoliy [00:50:54]:
Hand there, press the flush button so it swirls and cleans yours?
Eldar [00:50:58]:
Oh, my goodness.
Phillip [00:50:59]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:51:00]:
Holy shit. I hope you're joking, though, Phil.
Phillip [00:51:03]:
So do you wet the toilet paper?
Anatoliy [00:51:05]:
No.
Phillip [00:51:06]:
So what do you do?
Eldar [00:51:07]:
There's just dry crumbles.
Phillip [00:51:09]:
So you're okay with just pooping?
Eldar [00:51:11]:
You said the blue cheese. The blue cheese drips throughout the day into your underwear.
Phillip [00:51:16]:
You realize that if you're not wetting the toilet paper using a baby wipe, that your ass has never been cleaned your whole life.
Phillip [00:51:22]:
It's clean.
Phillip [00:51:23]:
He shower without you having bidet?
Anatoliy [00:51:24]:
No.
Phillip [00:51:25]:
How do you think that it's getting clean.
Anatoliy [00:51:27]:
I mean, it's clean.
Eldar [00:51:28]:
Clean enough, right?
Anatoliy [00:51:29]:
Yeah, it's clean enough.
Phillip [00:51:29]:
What?
Eldar [00:51:30]:
He's got big cheeks, so they close, so nothing gets through afterwards unless he farts. That's disgusting. Imagine what happens when he farts.
Phillip [00:51:37]:
Wait, so he thinks that his butts clean, or he knows that it's not?
Eldar [00:51:40]:
He knows that it's not, but he's okay with it, so he's okay.
Phillip [00:51:42]:
Okay.
Eldar [00:51:43]:
So that at least maybe the heritage holds.
Anatoliy [00:51:45]:
The also depends on how long you sit down there for us. How long? Like, cuz, like, if you quickly, even if you use the wipe, if you quickly clean and get up, there's more after effects that happen depending on the.
Eldar [00:51:58]:
If the shit is stale, you're good.
Phillip [00:51:59]:
If not.
Eldar [00:52:00]:
If it's like.
Anatoliy [00:52:01]:
Yeah, like, if you completely wipe and you sit there for five minutes and you go again, there's gonna be more.
Phillip [00:52:05]:
Uh huh.
Anatoliy [00:52:06]:
100%.
Phillip [00:52:07]:
Really?
Mike [00:52:07]:
You got leakage?
Anatoliy [00:52:08]:
No, 100%.
Eldar [00:52:09]:
So you'll have to get ants on your feet.
Anatoliy [00:52:12]:
That's when you know, did a good job.
Eldar [00:52:14]:
Yes. Sitting there long enough. All right, let's get back to the topic. Dennis, you can cut that if you want.
Mike [00:52:22]:
Or not.
Phillip [00:52:23]:
Or not.
Eldar [00:52:23]:
Yeah, whatever. Put that to the side.
Phillip [00:52:27]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:52:28]:
So can you really liberate yourself then, Mike, through this action is what we're talking about. And are you convinced, and are you optimistic, and are you now excited?
Phillip [00:52:40]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:52:40]:
I mean, like I told you, I've been spending more time with them, having more conversations throughout the week. This week? Yeah, with Emma, everybody, all three of them. Sometimes just my dad, my mom, and.
Eldar [00:52:51]:
I do feel like there's some more girls up in that house.
Mike [00:52:55]:
There's a good. There's a good thing. It's a good thing. It's a lot of potential here.
Phillip [00:52:58]:
Okay.
Mike [00:52:58]:
You know, it's a good thing to do.
Phillip [00:53:00]:
It's.
Mike [00:53:00]:
I think. I do think it's probably the right.
Anatoliy [00:53:03]:
Thing to do book in this kind of scenario. Right. Whether it's like. Like, Mike saying that Emma's acting a little bit better, right. Or, like. Like, more like receptive writer, like the mom.
Mike [00:53:15]:
Well, they're listening.
Phillip [00:53:16]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:53:17]:
My question is, is that, like, throughout this whole process, right. Without, like, like, on, like, on all sides, right. Like, I'm confident in, like, you know, Emma having, like, glimpses of, like, acting a particular way. But I also know that if Mike then says and start, like, if Mike starts to microscope Emma on certain things that she's doing now. Right. I think that that person can become extremely nasty like this when that. When the spotlight is put on them.
Eldar [00:53:44]:
Okay, so what's your question?
Anatoliy [00:53:46]:
Right, so it's like, could you be, I guess, in the process, fooled while this is happening, that people are like. Like that. Like, people are potentially changing, or that stuff is actually changing, but people just don't have, for example, like, that level of spotlight.
Eldar [00:54:01]:
Why would you attach yourself to people's change?
Anatoliy [00:54:05]:
No, you definitely shouldn't.
Phillip [00:54:07]:
No, he's just saying what would be as a result.
Eldar [00:54:09]:
Well, no, no, my thing is, if you're. If you're going in there with a particular outcome in mind and you're attaching yourself to the outcome of those people's behaviors, you already lost.
Phillip [00:54:19]:
No. Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:54:20]:
So then how does my go in there without those, for example, like, attachments? Like. Like what? What? Like, I was like, what. What I was thinking is that, like. Yeah, I think there needs to be, like, a level of thought and, like, forgiveness towards them 100% before progress can be made on Mike's personal end, because, I mean, I'm personally feeling that, but.
Eldar [00:54:41]:
I don't think that forgiveness. You can come back, forgiveness. Without foreseeing things for what they are.
Phillip [00:54:46]:
Oh, no.
Anatoliy [00:54:47]:
100%. What I'm saying is that I think it's difficult to take any kind of strides forward without foreseeing what happened and for forgiveness in that sense, to happen. Because if not, I think that you'll trick yourself, that you're ready for, like, progress, but that anger will still be somewhere buried deep and creep back up when that opportunity arises.
Eldar [00:55:08]:
If he has it, if he develops attachments to the outcomes.
Phillip [00:55:12]:
Yes. No, no.
Anatoliy [00:55:13]:
If he hasn't buried the things that he's angry about now.
Mike [00:55:18]:
I think by doing the right action.
Phillip [00:55:20]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:55:21]:
It's enough.
Mike [00:55:21]:
By doing the right action.
Phillip [00:55:22]:
Right.
Mike [00:55:22]:
Like, doing right by them.
Phillip [00:55:23]:
That's right. In a way.
Mike [00:55:25]:
I don't know.
Eldar [00:55:25]:
It is letting go.
Mike [00:55:26]:
It is for you clear your conscience.
Eldar [00:55:28]:
Right, right.
Phillip [00:55:28]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:55:28]:
But I don't know how you can.
Mike [00:55:29]:
Truly do, but I think I have actually developed this thing where you talking about with my dad and no attachment. Like the business stuff.
Phillip [00:55:37]:
Mm hmm. Yeah.
Eldar [00:55:38]:
Right.
Mike [00:55:38]:
Where, like, we talk about all these plans, right? He wants to do things, he wants to change things. And every single time he comes to me, I don't get angry. I don't get upset. I'm like, hey, talked about this already.
Phillip [00:55:48]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:55:49]:
You're not doing anything. You want me to come lead?
Phillip [00:55:51]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:55:51]:
I already told you what I'd like you to do. Yeah, you don't listen. So let's.
Eldar [00:55:54]:
Yeah, like, stop.
Mike [00:55:55]:
Stop this.
Phillip [00:55:56]:
That's right.
Mike [00:55:56]:
But I don't come from anger or anything. Frustration. He's given me this exact, like, hey, I come like, hey, let's work on this. Let's do this together. Let's change.
Phillip [00:56:03]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:56:04]:
I come, I show up, I spend my time, I teach.
Eldar [00:56:07]:
Well, he's saying that you have to be careful that if he shows progress and the things that you're talking about.
Phillip [00:56:13]:
Right.
Eldar [00:56:14]:
The things that you're advising him to do, where you're leading, he's gonna say, okay, cool, I'm doing this. I'm doing that. You're gonna start seeing results. If you start seeing results, there's a potential attachment that you can attach yourself to.
Phillip [00:56:25]:
You understand?
Eldar [00:56:26]:
You start developing that attachment for more outcomes, more than.
Mike [00:56:30]:
Yeah, yeah.
Eldar [00:56:31]:
And then you can find yourself frustrated again. Understand?
Phillip [00:56:35]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:56:35]:
Where if you go in there with not having a horse in the race in the first place at all.
Phillip [00:56:41]:
Right.
Eldar [00:56:41]:
Whatever happens, happens.
Phillip [00:56:43]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:56:43]:
And if you could keep that level of non attachment to this top stuff, you only have yourself to be accountable for and no one else.
Phillip [00:56:52]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:56:52]:
You understand?
Mike [00:56:53]:
You think about that? Yeah, I thought about trying to help, and they don't change.
Phillip [00:56:59]:
What?
Mike [00:56:59]:
I get frustrated, but I don't.
Eldar [00:57:00]:
Well, that too. That too. They might change a little if they might not change.
Phillip [00:57:05]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:57:05]:
I didn't think they.
Phillip [00:57:07]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:57:08]:
There's plateaus that everybody else has. There's a run rate. You know what I'm saying?
Phillip [00:57:12]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:57:12]:
The thing is, I think it's really, it's really easy to be on board when, like, positive things are happening and people are showing progress, but then it's very easily to forget that. Then when, like.
Eldar [00:57:22]:
Well, then you say when that person.
Anatoliy [00:57:24]:
Does something wrong and then the responsibility to be held, that person could revert to old habits of not taking responsibility, and then that could definitely, like, make you feel a particular way.
Eldar [00:57:35]:
Correct. But then again, you're now saying that you're not actually seeing things for what they are.
Anatoliy [00:57:41]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In that process, like. Like, to me, like, I mean, if you're saying that, like, I mean, like, like, I don't know, you have to.
Eldar [00:57:50]:
Tell yourself realistic goals.
Phillip [00:57:52]:
Right.
Eldar [00:57:52]:
Hey, Mike, you would like to see some progress in your family?
Phillip [00:57:55]:
Yes.
Eldar [00:57:56]:
Do you understand that there's gonna be ups and downs? Maybe I don't, but now I do. What are the ups? What are the downs?
Phillip [00:58:03]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:58:03]:
Like, there has to be acknowledgement. There's gonna be going left and right and not always going straight.
Eldar [00:58:07]:
This is correct.
Phillip [00:58:08]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:58:09]:
Like, that you're gonna go down and then you're gonna have to go up, and then you're gonna go left, take a loop somewhere, and then come back.
Eldar [00:58:14]:
Some people might surprise you. Somebody might have an upward trajectory for a very long time, and, you know, they're doing great. You know what I'm saying?
Phillip [00:58:22]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:58:22]:
And some people might not. Somebody going down. You know what I mean?
Mike [00:58:26]:
I think. I think what I know he's saying.
Phillip [00:58:28]:
Okay.
Mike [00:58:28]:
And I'm getting, like, a miniature glimpses of it.
Eldar [00:58:30]:
Okay.
Phillip [00:58:31]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:58:31]:
Because if you start. If you start attaching yourself to the outcomes, Mike, you're losing again and again and again because your attachments will follow with negative thinking, unhappiness, ultimate.
Phillip [00:58:46]:
Right. Yeah. Yeah.
Anatoliy [00:58:53]:
I think, like, I mean, you're obviously the better. Like, like, the better judge for yourself. But I don't know, like, like, I'm not sure how you can know for sure that, like, you don't have anger towards your dad or you're not, like, frustrated with him or, like, like, you.
Eldar [00:59:07]:
Know, he is saying. He's saying he's being honest.
Phillip [00:59:11]:
No, but he.
Anatoliy [00:59:12]:
I thought he just said that he's not anymore. He, like, does that comes to him?
Eldar [00:59:15]:
He said he does.
Mike [00:59:16]:
In that specific subject on the business side. I don't. In that specific, like, interaction about him wanting to me to come in and do stuff. Yeah, but other areas I do.
Phillip [00:59:24]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Mike [00:59:25]:
So that.
Anatoliy [00:59:26]:
That's what I'm saying. I think it's like, it's hard to progress there when you still have particular feelings that have not been address to for them to, like, you need to have. I think in this process, you need to have your feelings converted into, like, logic.
Phillip [00:59:44]:
Right.
Anatoliy [00:59:45]:
And when you have them converted into logic, you no longer have feelings towards that.
Eldar [00:59:50]:
Well, sure, if you want to put it that way, but, yeah, if you want to negate. Yeah, sure, if you want to prevent the suffering.
Anatoliy [00:59:56]:
Yeah, and that's what I'm saying. Only, I think only when that happens, that conversion hat happens, you no longer. You truly no longer have feelings toward. Towards this. I think only then can you, like, actually devote yourself to help, because I think if you don't, there's gonna be help, help, help, and then there's gonna be a nasty snake that comes out.
Eldar [01:00:18]:
I agree.
Anatoliy [01:00:19]:
And when that happens, like, I think it's gonna revert to the same questions being asked, like, again, from. From the beginning. But I think it's really difficult to. How can you, like, account for all the different feelings and actions?
Eldar [01:00:33]:
Perfect segment. You help. You had a use case. Mike was helping you, helping you, helping you for a little while, but then you say he bit you in the ass.
Phillip [01:00:41]:
Mm hmm.
Eldar [01:00:43]:
I did.
Phillip [01:00:44]:
So I I thought that, um.
Eldar [01:00:46]:
So what you talking about?
Anatoliy [01:00:47]:
No, no, I wasn't talking about that.
Eldar [01:00:49]:
But you're talking about help.
Phillip [01:00:51]:
Help. Right.
Eldar [01:00:52]:
But if you have attachments and feelings.
Anatoliy [01:00:53]:
No, no, I wasn't us.
Phillip [01:00:55]:
Wrong.
Anatoliy [01:00:55]:
No, no.
Eldar [01:00:56]:
You bite him in the ass.
Anatoliy [01:00:57]:
No, no, no. I was saying more in the sense between Mike and his dad.
Eldar [01:01:01]:
Doesn't matter who it is.
Phillip [01:01:02]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:01:02]:
Doesn't matter what is.
Phillip [01:01:03]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:01:04]:
No, I'm saying that helping anybody's helping anybody.
Phillip [01:01:09]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:01:10]:
This applies to helping anybody.
Phillip [01:01:11]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [01:01:12]:
In order to properly help anybody, like, any feelings have to be addressed, correct, or removed.
Phillip [01:01:19]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:01:19]:
So, Phil. So go ahead, hit him.
Phillip [01:01:22]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:01:23]:
So I was thinking about the example.
Phillip [01:01:24]:
Of.
Phillip [01:01:27]:
I think we're talking about the status and, like, you doing, you know, what you were doing to get, like, you know, a reservation to have, like, a certain type of feeling with somebody.
Phillip [01:01:37]:
Right.
Phillip [01:01:38]:
And I didn't think that. I didn't associate it to friendships and relationships. I was just thinking as him, as an individual, and I was saying to myself, like, okay, like, he's trying to gain something in that. And then I was thinking to myself, I saw that you were off, and you were a different person. Like, the last couple of days, I'm saying to myself, is he just being nice to get something from me also, like, in a friendship setting? And I didn't like this, I started to think about this.
Eldar [01:02:04]:
He put you in the confusion box.
Phillip [01:02:05]:
Yeah, he put me in the confusion box. And then I thought to myself, like, oh. Like, I didn't think about me in this because, like, I was in it. And it's the same example that we're talking about of, um, when you're talking to somebody else and giving them advice, you don't have a horse in the race. Like, it's very easy, but when you're in it, you're not really thinking about it, because I'm just like, okay, it is what it is. And also, in the same breath, I'm saying I'm picking out something in this person that they're doing to other people when they're involved. Like, why would I not think that it could also affect me? And I didn't see it until there was an inconsistency in your personality this week. And I said to myself, like, oh, I'm gonna pull back.
Mike [01:02:45]:
And, like, what was the inconsistency?
Phillip [01:02:48]:
You were definitely, like, the opposite of helpful. You were definitely being a little nasty at times, and then you were pointing out things that you wouldn't normally point out. And then you were also contradicting yourself where if me and you were talking, you would say, like, I was doing something in a certain way and being honest. And then if it was me and you maybe in the office or around other people, then you were saying I was doing the opposite. So now. Yeah, like, it was like talking to the girl or was like, maybe like, how I was dressing or something like that. We're like, you normally wouldn't say anything like that. And then you were being very critical of that.
Phillip [01:03:26]:
Then you were saying things about, was it.
Mike [01:03:29]:
Is it the girl thing, the big one that's bothering you?
Phillip [01:03:32]:
That was. That was one of them. But it was just overall, like, being very, like, critical of all things, of, like, how I go to lunch or, like, how I do certain things. And they, to me, they're getting more magnified because now I'm not giving myself, like, if I'm not going to lunch or I'm not doing things, I'm noticing that they ramp up the little comments and the little things where if I do go to lunch or we do talk, I think you're being helpful. And then also I'm saying to myself, if I don't do these things, it's almost, like, spiteful.
Eldar [01:04:07]:
So I don't.
Phillip [01:04:08]:
I don't know when we are talking and everything is good where that thing is coming from.
Eldar [01:04:14]:
Okay, so you're confused.
Phillip [01:04:15]:
That's the confusion.
Phillip [01:04:16]:
Okay.
Phillip [01:04:17]:
So this week was the first time I saw that. And I saw an inconsistency in, like, who you. Who you were, I guess, working towards, which I just took as, like, your new self because I haven't seen this version yet. So the last two months, I've only seen, like, virtuous mike.
Phillip [01:04:34]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:04:35]:
So this last week, I saw, like, another one. And I was saying to myself, like, oh. Like, I don't know. I guess he is fighting the other self.
Phillip [01:04:43]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:04:44]:
And I told you that he's this week.
Phillip [01:04:46]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:04:46]:
Struggling.
Phillip [01:04:46]:
So now I'm seeing this played out for the first time for me.
Phillip [01:04:50]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:04:50]:
But it seems like you guys obviously know him longer. Yeah, we've seen this is more consistent for him, for you guys. But for me, it was the first time. So I just thought to myself, like, hmm. Like, okay, let me think about this little red writing.
Eldar [01:05:04]:
Hello.
Phillip [01:05:05]:
Yeah. So, yeah.
Phillip [01:05:06]:
My observation to speak.
Phillip [01:05:07]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:05:08]:
Was it the girl thing that upset you the most?
Phillip [01:05:10]:
It's not even about it's upsetting.
Eldar [01:05:11]:
What started?
Phillip [01:05:12]:
Right.
Mike [01:05:12]:
I think then the girl started, and I think he thinks the house, him against them.
Phillip [01:05:16]:
No, no.
Mike [01:05:16]:
I think that was.
Phillip [01:05:17]:
I think that was a comment that started it, but the pattern was inconsistent with everything else.
Phillip [01:05:21]:
Mmm.
Phillip [01:05:22]:
That was the one thing that put it out there. It was a contradictory statement.
Phillip [01:05:25]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:05:26]:
Where I was like, what was the statement?
Anatoliy [01:05:28]:
Something is definitely wrong when Mike wants to have lunch with me two days in a row.
Phillip [01:05:31]:
Oh, wow.
Eldar [01:05:32]:
Yeah, Mike, you got a whole jury.
Mike [01:05:33]:
I invited him every single day to lunch.
Phillip [01:05:35]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:05:35]:
I invited him every single day to the gym. Declined all invitations.
Phillip [01:05:39]:
Well, I did this willing. I did this consciously because I didn't want to.
Eldar [01:05:42]:
Oh, because you already were feeling a certain type of way.
Phillip [01:05:45]:
Oh, yeah.
Phillip [01:05:45]:
No, I told you guys that I knew that Mike was.
Eldar [01:05:48]:
I just didn't know you were declining for those reasons.
Phillip [01:05:50]:
Oh, yeah. I didn't want to spend time with them consciously.
Eldar [01:05:52]:
Oh, okay.
Phillip [01:05:53]:
Wow.
Mike [01:05:53]:
Oh, must have been really bad.
Phillip [01:05:55]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:05:55]:
So, yeah.
Phillip [01:05:56]:
All right. Yeah.
Eldar [01:05:57]:
See, to us, maybe it's, like, kind of in passing, because we've known that you have ups and downs and mood swings. And I know you've told me today that, like, yo. Like, I'm not. Today. You told me throughout the whole week that you kind of, like, down and under.
Phillip [01:06:09]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:06:09]:
And feeling upset and you have issues with your family and stuff. So to me, it was like, whatever, because I've seen this before. But to him.
Phillip [01:06:15]:
Right.
Eldar [01:06:16]:
Because you had a consistent character for, you said, like, two months and.
Phillip [01:06:19]:
Mm hmm. Right.
Eldar [01:06:20]:
So when he sees the dip, he felt that the dip was personal, and I was telling him, it's not personal. It's what kind of.
Mike [01:06:26]:
I think. I think there's more to it, because I think he's upset about the girl thing.
Eldar [01:06:30]:
Well, then you have to, because the.
Mike [01:06:33]:
Way that the whole girl thing ended, I think he might be upset with me that it ended that way.
Phillip [01:06:37]:
How?
Eldar [01:06:38]:
Oh, okay.
Phillip [01:06:38]:
So, like, no, no.
Eldar [01:06:40]:
What's the example?
Phillip [01:06:41]:
No, I don't think so at all. I think that the first time that I heard him say something contradictory had to do with the girl, and then everything after that was also consistent.
Mike [01:06:50]:
What was it with the girl? With it that was contradictory?
Phillip [01:06:53]:
You were saying that, like, during the conversation that, like.
Phillip [01:06:55]:
Oh.
Phillip [01:06:56]:
Like, I was doing good when I was on my own. And then you were saying afterwards, you're like. You're like. You're like. I basically talked the whole time, like, you did, like, nothing.
Phillip [01:07:05]:
Right.
Phillip [01:07:05]:
You were very, like, angry about it, and then you said, like, something very contradictory about me doing something right on my own and then not. And then you started to, like, critique my clothes and then, like, say, about lunch. And then, like, I was like, oh, maybe he's just angry. And then I was like, he's not angry at me because, like, I didn't do anything to him. But then I was like, why is he all of a sudden doing this out of nowhere? And then I was talking to you guys about it, and you're like, oh, no, he's dealing with a lot of stuff. And then I remember I was like, okay, Mike was talking about stuff that was bothering him. So maybe I even pointed out in the car, and I was like, oh, you're maybe projecting at me. I think we're all in the cars.
Phillip [01:07:37]:
Me.
Eldar [01:07:37]:
Yeah, I was there, remember?
Phillip [01:07:41]:
Mike in the car, was in front of the old office at letter friend.
Eldar [01:07:43]:
That's right.
Phillip [01:07:44]:
And I even said, hey, Mike, I think you're projecting on me.
Phillip [01:07:46]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:07:47]:
So I knew that he was mad at the time.
Phillip [01:07:49]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:07:49]:
But he started to show little blips. So it has nothing to do with the girl. I think that was the one that, like, put it on my radar. I was like, oh, this is interesting. And then I started to pay attention to everything else, and I was like.
Mike [01:08:00]:
Oh, like, so of the girl stuff. I remember something very specific with a girl.
Eldar [01:08:06]:
Okay, so what happened?
Mike [01:08:07]:
Well, the way that ended that he asked it for. What was it? Would you ask for an end? A sexy picture and a sexy voice. No.
Phillip [01:08:16]:
Yeah, like, how that ended.
Anatoliy [01:08:18]:
Like how that.
Phillip [01:08:19]:
Yeah, that's how that ended.
Eldar [01:08:20]:
That's a good start to that example, right?
Anatoliy [01:08:22]:
Yeah, that's a good example.
Phillip [01:08:26]:
Yeah, but the, but that's, like, the example of what happened with the girl. What happened with me and you?
Mike [01:08:31]:
Was he. But the thing is, he never said to me that he was not happy with that message, but has nothing. But it does have a lot to do because now. But what you're seeing.
Eldar [01:08:41]:
Did this transpire? And when we went to get tacos, once again. Tacos.
Mike [01:08:45]:
Oh, taco fair.
Phillip [01:08:46]:
Oh, no, that already was already over.
Phillip [01:08:48]:
Oh.
Eldar [01:08:49]:
That was the message itself.
Phillip [01:08:51]:
Not important. Like, the actual results. Not important. It's what he was saying. And then what he was saying after has nothing to do with me or the girl. If my.
Eldar [01:09:00]:
Were you upset with his performance on the text message?
Mike [01:09:03]:
No.
Phillip [01:09:04]:
No.
Phillip [01:09:04]:
So Mike told me that one time, he was like, oh, I like what you're saying. And then I thought you did good on your own. And then afterwards, he was saying differently, angrily and saying, like, oh, like, I basically, like, I. Like, she was talking to me the whole time. Like, you don't even know what you're doing like something along those lines. I was like, oh, shit, like, this guy's pretty fucking angry at this. And I'm looking at it, I'm like, I'm like, oh, oh, so he wasn't being honest before.
Phillip [01:09:29]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:09:30]:
So is his angry self the honest one or before he's just angry at parent situation?
Mike [01:09:35]:
Yeah, but the thing is, I had no anger towards when I made that statement. I was making a joke. Oh, he interpreted that way.
Phillip [01:09:42]:
No, he definitely wasn't because he's angry this week and I've seen him do trolling stuff.
Phillip [01:09:47]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:09:47]:
And then this week was. Had a different tone to it.
Eldar [01:09:49]:
All right, Mike, you have to explain yourself.
Mike [01:09:51]:
Yeah, well, I think the thing that pissed him off the most.
Phillip [01:09:54]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:09:54]:
And I'm not sure if he understood what happened there.
Eldar [01:09:56]:
Okay, can you tell me to us what happened?
Mike [01:09:58]:
Yeah, my, what I think is why. Why he has this feeling towards.
Anatoliy [01:10:02]:
Were you wearing the Rolex during that? Changes everything. Yeah.
Mike [01:10:12]:
No, no, no.
Eldar [01:10:13]:
You know what happened to her?
Anatoliy [01:10:14]:
No, no.
Eldar [01:10:15]:
Okay, so give us.
Mike [01:10:16]:
We were talking to this girl.
Phillip [01:10:17]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:10:18]:
He was texting her.
Phillip [01:10:19]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:10:19]:
I was telling him some stuff to say. Yeah, a lot of stuff to say.
Eldar [01:10:22]:
Okay.
Mike [01:10:23]:
But not to rub it in your face.
Eldar [01:10:24]:
Yeah. Okay.
Mike [01:10:26]:
But I was writing, helping him write all the messages.
Eldar [01:10:29]:
And how was it going?
Mike [01:10:30]:
He was telling me, I thought everything was like, yo, I'm bad at this, so you're helping to guide me.
Eldar [01:10:34]:
Okay.
Mike [01:10:34]:
So I reiterated what he said, you know, to him the next day, but he did have some messages that.
Eldar [01:10:38]:
Yeah, it's pretty good.
Mike [01:10:39]:
Yeah, he would send me the stuff. I would help him out a little bit here and there, you know. Okay, I don't. So, you know, like, for now you're helping me. And I just said, yeah, in a joking way, like, yo, she's been actually talking to me, which I think is a pretty funny thing. Like, it's. I'm not putting it to say, but he.
Phillip [01:10:53]:
He didn't say it like that. And he said it like, in the way that he was saying it. He was angry and he was saying, like, yo, I'm talking to the whole time, like, you weren't even talking to her. Like, like, I, like all the stuff that I was saying that he said was good in that moment, washed away. Cuz he was like, you're not, you didn't do anything good. Like it was me. Understand the way he was saying it?
Phillip [01:11:13]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:11:13]:
He's not saying it correctly right now.
Mike [01:11:16]:
I'm not saying it correctly now?
Phillip [01:11:18]:
No.
Eldar [01:11:18]:
You guys have a conundrum here.
Mike [01:11:20]:
Yeah, no, I'd like.
Eldar [01:11:21]:
I wasn't there, and I don't know what happened. It totally doesn't either.
Phillip [01:11:24]:
But I think. But I think what. So to Mike's point, also to make the point, this point irrelevant, is that he is asking me, Philip, what do you feel towards this girl? And I kept saying, I don't have any feelings towards her. I don't care about her.
Phillip [01:11:38]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:11:39]:
And then we came to the conclusion that I liked myself during the conversation. So what I don't like is that he's saying that he doesn't like me and how I was handling it. And I'm saying, I like myself. The girls are relevant. I don't have any feeling for her.
Phillip [01:11:51]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:11:52]:
You know, I'm saying.
Phillip [01:11:52]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:11:53]:
So I didn't like how he was saying to me, I like what you're saying. And then also in the night, I.
Mike [01:12:00]:
Still say that I did like what you were saying.
Phillip [01:12:02]:
Yeah, but. But then you said that you were the one doing everything, and that something along the lines of, like. Like, so why did you say that?
Phillip [01:12:10]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:12:10]:
That you were doing everything.
Mike [01:12:12]:
But I was doing it. I didn't say it in, like, a mean way to say, like, hey, you have. Oh, you did.
Phillip [01:12:19]:
You said that. And then you also said, that's why.
Mike [01:12:21]:
I think his interpretation of me was.
Eldar [01:12:22]:
Upset, because he was saying that in the first place.
Mike [01:12:27]:
I don't know the concept. What's the context behind, like, you? What was that, like, underlined?
Phillip [01:12:31]:
He was angry about. That's what I'm saying. He was angry. Whatever it was. I don't think he was angry at me.
Phillip [01:12:38]:
Did.
Eldar [01:12:38]:
Okay.
Phillip [01:12:39]:
I don't know what brought it up.
Eldar [01:12:40]:
Because I'm not wrong in a text message.
Mike [01:12:43]:
No, no, he did something.
Phillip [01:12:45]:
See, I don't think it had anything to do with this. That's what I'm saying. This is one example that set it off for me, that made me.
Anatoliy [01:12:51]:
There had to be a reason in the moment why.
Phillip [01:12:53]:
Yeah, but what I'm saying.
Mike [01:12:55]:
About the girl situation. Yeah, but I don't think he was telling you this. Maybe he was telling you the story of how it ended. And I don't know if he told you this, but the message that he wrote to her that ended it. I was the one who told him.
Eldar [01:13:06]:
To write that, so.
Mike [01:13:08]:
And I think that he's upset about that, but he's never said, the only.
Phillip [01:13:12]:
Way that I would be upset about that is if I had an actual feeling towards her. And we came to the conclusion that I don't have any feeling towards her.
Eldar [01:13:18]:
No, but that's not true, too, because during the walk, I remember you did have certain feelings. And that's what you were gonna send your license, driver's license.
Phillip [01:13:26]:
Because I wasn't knowing how to handle the right situation. Had nothing to do with feelings towards her. I wasn't handling the situation.
Eldar [01:13:32]:
You had some kind of an attachment.
Phillip [01:13:34]:
I had an attachment to me proving myself in that conversation. Because that was my. The old way that I was dealing with the conversations was that because you.
Eldar [01:13:42]:
Still wanted an outcome. But if somebody wants an outcome, how are they seeing in the same breath that they actually don't have a horse in a race?
Phillip [01:13:49]:
In that. In that moment, that's when I lost. I remember I was telling you that there was one time in the conversation where I let her have the.
Phillip [01:13:56]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:13:56]:
The reins, the rain.
Anatoliy [01:13:57]:
I let her.
Eldar [01:13:58]:
Mike redirected you.
Phillip [01:13:59]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:13:59]:
So I said, okay, great. But then we got to the conclusion where it just ended. I was fine. And then he was bringing up certain things that he was saying that I like how you handle the situation on your own. But then also in the same breath, he was saying, no, I handled the whole situation. And, like, you didn't do anything.
Phillip [01:14:19]:
Right.
Phillip [01:14:19]:
Like, it was something along those lines and an angry.
Eldar [01:14:21]:
So you got somebody want to take responsibility of what happened. Sounds like.
Phillip [01:14:25]:
But the.
Phillip [01:14:25]:
But I think we're talking about, like, one situation that started it. But it on my radar that Mike was angry. And we're all agreeing that Mike was angry.
Mike [01:14:33]:
No, but I want to make like you. I might be angry unconsciously, right? At you or whatever, but you're consciously angry with me, Bonnie. But I don't even know what I'm doing.
Phillip [01:14:44]:
I think you.
Eldar [01:14:45]:
What I think he's angry about.
Phillip [01:14:47]:
What I realize is that he's. That he's angry in general.
Phillip [01:14:52]:
Right.
Phillip [01:14:52]:
We're all agreeing that Mike is angry this week, right?
Phillip [01:14:54]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:14:54]:
He's not his normal self.
Phillip [01:14:55]:
Yes.
Phillip [01:14:56]:
I'm saying that the way that he spoke to me about this example was the first time I realized that, oh, shit. Mike is angry at something more than this.
Phillip [01:15:04]:
Okay.
Phillip [01:15:05]:
That's what I'm saying.
Eldar [01:15:06]:
Not necessarily this thing.
Phillip [01:15:07]:
This thing is, like, relevant. This thing's irrelevant. That's what I'm saying. This example is irrelevant. But it's the point of where I realize Mike is angry at something. Now I pull. I went back to like, okay, he's talking about his parents in the car. I said he was projecting.
Phillip [01:15:21]:
Again, that was when I was like, oh, I went back to that example. It's like okay. Mike is upset about his parents or whatever's going on in his situation at home. And I'm like, okay, he is angry. So then I carry that over to the other example with me, and I'm like, he is angry. Then he was making little comments and all that stuff, which are usually trolling things light, but they were definitely had a different. And then also spicy. What did he also, he happened today.
Phillip [01:15:47]:
He also said, please remove me from doing juice this week.
Phillip [01:15:50]:
Uh huh. Yeah.
Mike [01:15:51]:
To me, that's all anger things.
Phillip [01:15:52]:
That's an anger thing for me.
Mike [01:15:54]:
That's an angry, why'd you remove yourself.
Eldar [01:15:57]:
From the juice thing?
Phillip [01:15:58]:
Oh.
Mike [01:15:58]:
I mean, I can tell you straight up. Without any anger.
Phillip [01:16:00]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:16:01]:
The juice has been very inconsistent, and I don't enjoy drinking it as much.
Phillip [01:16:04]:
Okay. I know.
Mike [01:16:05]:
I enjoyed it when it was good terms.
Phillip [01:16:07]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:16:07]:
I don't believe that he would have said the same thing, because, see, then he would have came to me and said, hey, philip, can you just put less ginger or something else? I think this is an extreme.
Mike [01:16:14]:
Like I said multiple times, I don't have terms.
Phillip [01:16:18]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:16:19]:
I actually thought that, like, I'm getting a lot of juice. Too much juice. And it's like, it's a lot.
Phillip [01:16:23]:
And you said that to me.
Eldar [01:16:24]:
And I said that to you?
Phillip [01:16:25]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:16:25]:
I mean, I said on the beginning, on multiple occasions, I said, y'all fill this juice is the best. Don't change the consistency. I said it multiple times.
Phillip [01:16:32]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:16:32]:
I made my complaints multiple times, and I. You said, you heard it.
Eldar [01:16:35]:
I heard this.
Mike [01:16:36]:
So I'm not gonna come in every week and say, like, hey, Phil, this is, like, what happens to the original recipe? What happens to the recipe? I'm just gonna say, yo, I don't want to partake. Don't need to critique you. You're freestyling about it, and that's why I made the joke Eldar elders Marad version. So I don't like, listen, you want to do it your way, like, I'm fine. Excuse myself.
Phillip [01:16:54]:
And I don't believe that, because I actually did. I actually removed all the other stuff, and I'm only doing pineapple, which you like.
Eldar [01:17:01]:
You said his whole thing was pineapple. He didn't even feel it, so he was angry.
Phillip [01:17:05]:
I've been only doing.
Phillip [01:17:08]:
Today was, today was good.
Mike [01:17:12]:
Today was actually good. The juice, but the rest of the week was not.
Eldar [01:17:17]:
You hear what you just said today?
Mike [01:17:19]:
The juice was good.
Phillip [01:17:20]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:17:22]:
But I had already decided today before you made the juice that I was gonna opt out of it.
Phillip [01:17:27]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:17:28]:
See, to me, these are all things that have nothing to do with me, particularly. And you're angry in general. I have plenty.
Mike [01:17:35]:
You call me a liar. So saying that I'm not being honest here, like, I mean, I think that's very interesting.
Phillip [01:17:41]:
No, I don't think you are.
Mike [01:17:43]:
You don't think I'm being honest?
Phillip [01:17:45]:
No.
Phillip [01:17:45]:
I think you're angry, and you're. You're not. You're underestimating how angry you are. Because I have enough data for the last two months to see when you are maybe in a mood or whatever you may be up and down. I still think that you are a certain way towards me that's not mean spirited. And I think this week was the first time I realized you're mean spirited. That had nothing to do with me. And I'm like, why is he being like this?
Eldar [01:18:09]:
But you were frustrated, right, Mike, this week? Like, you even told me this. Like, yeah, I have anger.
Phillip [01:18:14]:
So I'm noticing how that can spill.
Eldar [01:18:16]:
Over onto people around you. Like, that's like, even the way he, like, he came across me asking me to go to the gym.
Phillip [01:18:22]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:18:23]:
Like, he was pestering me. You know what I mean?
Phillip [01:18:24]:
Like, yeah, I noticed him being different towards me with that, and I'm used to it.
Eldar [01:18:30]:
So sometimes he's, like, in the mood, you know? So it's like, it's whatever just kind of rolls off my back.
Phillip [01:18:35]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:18:35]:
You're saying that you felt it a little bit extra because you guys also had that little conundrum with the text messages.
Phillip [01:18:40]:
Yeah, but to me, that's an example of one thing. It's spilled over to other things. Just, again, there's a juice example.
Phillip [01:18:46]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:18:47]:
Like, I don't think that this is just about the juice.
Phillip [01:18:49]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:18:50]:
I think that the way that we were communicating before just been like, hey, maybe a little trolling situation. Like, hey, do this, do that, whatever. I don't think it has anything to do with the juice. I don't think it has anything to do with the girl, my clothes. Like, going to lunch, not going to lunch. Like, whatever it may be, I think there was an underlying thing, and we're all saying, yes, you are frustrated about something that's going on, and you're saying that you are frustrated. So I'm telling you that I'm feeling that, and I'm showing you the example. So if you're saying that my examples aren't right, then you're saying that you're not frustrated.
Mike [01:19:22]:
Actually, I don't know what to say.
Eldar [01:19:25]:
Okay. So, moving on, I guess.
Phillip [01:19:29]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:19:30]:
I mean, I still don't understand where it came from, how came from.
Mike [01:19:32]:
I know. I feel, you know, that I felt throughout your interaction.
Phillip [01:19:39]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:19:39]:
That the way that it ended, he did not like it, and he never said that it was my fault, but I felt like he thought it was my fault, but I had. Then I did it that response for a reason.
Phillip [01:19:48]:
Hmm.
Mike [01:19:49]:
I responded, heard that way because that's what it was asked of me.
Phillip [01:19:52]:
Hmm.
Mike [01:19:53]:
Well, that's what I can.
Eldar [01:19:54]:
You guys share that?
Phillip [01:19:54]:
Like, but I knew in the moment, and I realized that, that he knew that it would end it. No, no, he, the, in that moment, after I was finished, I realized I was like, Mike, let me do it on my own because that's where I'm at right now. And I had to accept that. The only time that I felt bad in the conversation was she conveyed a truth to me. And then I said, like, hey, I have to apologize because this is very inconsiderate. Once I, once I did that, my guilt was gone. I didn't feel anything towards Mike, didn't feel anything towards me or the conversation. And I realized, like, oh, like, okay, this is, like, this is done.
Phillip [01:20:30]:
Like, I don't have any, like, emotional feeling towards her. We understood that. I liked myself in the conversation. So to me, him saying something, it's more like I feel some kind of way personally about it because I thought I was doing good with it, and I thought he genuinely thought I was doing good on my own, had nothing to do with the outcome of the girl or anything like this.
Phillip [01:20:48]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:20:49]:
You know what I'm saying?
Phillip [01:20:49]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:20:50]:
Well, I definitely thought you were upset that the whole thing ended. And I know you did express that, because you said now that she showed that she's not just a slut. Like, now I'm more intrigued.
Phillip [01:21:00]:
No, the only thing that I said was the first time that she showed her character was during this, but I said that she complained about blaming America, right. For her being lonely. She's blamed. She's blaming. What else? Her job. It's like a prisoner. She's also blaming me for something that she didn't get over. So I'm being a horny guy, right.
Phillip [01:21:22]:
But I didn't listen, so I apologize. But overall, I'm listening to somebody who's complaining, who's like, overall, just like, why do I want to deal with this person? And that's what I'm saying. Mike's like, don't you have feelings towards her? I'm saying, no, I don't have any feeling towards her, I just enjoy. I'm talking to her on fucking.
Eldar [01:21:38]:
On a phone.
Phillip [01:21:39]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:21:40]:
Like, freely.
Phillip [01:21:40]:
I'm not. I'm not out on a date with her. Like, we're not picking each other's boots brain and really connecting, like, in person. Like, I don't have an elbows. I'm not feeling anything like this. You know? So to me, this conversation, it's not like that's only, like, the seed of it, but it had to do with me. Not the outcome of the conversation. But again, it goes into the juice thing or me not going to lunch.
Phillip [01:22:02]:
And I'm noticing when I say I don't want to go to lunch, it acts a certain way towards me where it's not trolling, it's more.
Phillip [01:22:09]:
But.
Eldar [01:22:10]:
But if you are. But then if you understand that it's more than just what happened, and he might be having a tough week or whatever, but you purposely not saying no to lunch where you usually go to lunch with him. What are you doing? You punishing him?
Phillip [01:22:27]:
I just don't want to be part of his anger.
Eldar [01:22:30]:
You're just removing yourself.
Phillip [01:22:31]:
I'm removing myself.
Eldar [01:22:32]:
You're moving stuff. Like you. The example of the parents thing.
Phillip [01:22:35]:
Same thing. Yeah, exactly.
Phillip [01:22:36]:
Okay. Yeah.
Phillip [01:22:37]:
That's how I look at it.
Phillip [01:22:38]:
All right.
Eldar [01:22:39]:
I mean, I understand the situation.
Phillip [01:22:40]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:22:42]:
We can. I can move on from it.
Phillip [01:22:44]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:22:44]:
Unless you guys harboring some personal stuff. I mean.
Phillip [01:22:46]:
No, that's it.
Phillip [01:22:47]:
I said everything like that. I was in my head.
Eldar [01:22:49]:
You understanding it the way you do, and I guess Mike understands it the way you do, right? Or no. Or is it not resolved?
Mike [01:22:57]:
I'm not sure.
Phillip [01:22:57]:
Totally.
Eldar [01:22:58]:
Can you help them?
Anatoliy [01:22:58]:
Yeah, I would definitely say it's not.
Eldar [01:22:59]:
Resolved, but I don't know what it. Like, what questions to ask. Like, I'm kind of stumped. Like, what's the issue, Soli, because you've been through this kind of mud before.
Anatoliy [01:23:12]:
Yeah, I know. Something is definitely wrong when Mike's down to have lunch with me two days in a row.
Phillip [01:23:16]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:23:17]:
One on one.
Mike [01:23:17]:
Like, that.
Phillip [01:23:18]:
That.
Anatoliy [01:23:18]:
That is definitely, like, for me, it's definitely, like, a. Yeah.
Eldar [01:23:21]:
A phenomenon.
Anatoliy [01:23:22]:
Yeah. You know, but yeah, yeah. I mean.
Phillip [01:23:26]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:23:27]:
I don't know. Like I said, I've been. I invite. I invite Phil to the gym every night. Like, I have nothing against them.
Phillip [01:23:33]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:23:34]:
That's how I feel. I invite him to the gym yesterday, we made plans to get pizza.
Eldar [01:23:39]:
Are you on punishment? It sounds like.
Mike [01:23:40]:
But I think I'm on punishment.
Phillip [01:23:42]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:23:42]:
Well, I think everything's cool. I definitely am going through stuff. I'm very angry.
Phillip [01:23:46]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:23:47]:
Not against him, but maybe against him, possibly, you know, the way he's seeing it, I'm angry with the stuff that's happening in my house.
Phillip [01:23:54]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:23:54]:
But I've been acting to him the same way.
Phillip [01:23:57]:
Yeah, yeah.
Mike [01:23:58]:
I've been trolling him a little bit harder. Maybe, you know, he's not liking that. Yeah, because I've been angry, sure, fine. But not intentionally to hurt him. Yeah, just because of what's happening. And then for him to then turn around and now I try to, like, I feel like I, like the whole time he said, yo, I don't want to hang out with you. You're angry. It's not have been like a nice favorite of me as a friend to say, hey, you know, why do I.
Phillip [01:24:20]:
Have to, why do I have to say something?
Mike [01:24:22]:
Oh, you don't have to say anything. But if we're trying to be friends, I mean, I hope we wish, I hope we wish the best for each other. And, you know, if I'm doing something that you think is intentionally trying to hurt you, what kind of fucking friendship is that?
Phillip [01:24:34]:
So my mindset was I let it play out for the week to see, like, if it was consistent, and it was consistent for the whole week. So I was like, okay, maybe we'll come out in a walk.
Mike [01:24:42]:
Or like I was dancing for you in the fucking juice mode. Was that, that was out of anger when you, when I came in there and you were doing the juice and I did that fucking techno dance? That was out of anger or that was, that was like a glimpse of having fun.
Eldar [01:24:59]:
Uh, you guys dance together?
Mike [01:25:02]:
No. Remember no one told me about this? No.
Eldar [01:25:06]:
I didn't know there was a disco in the lunch.
Phillip [01:25:08]:
Disco, yeah, I remember you did this.
Mike [01:25:12]:
So, like, that was out of anger too, you think?
Phillip [01:25:14]:
Probably not. You're probably in a good mood at that point. Yeah, but but for the most part, for the whole week, I'm not, like, purposely, like, not saying anything. I knew I was gonna say something, but I'm like, okay, I'll let him do his thing. He's being different, but I'm not going to, like, willingly go to lunch and do the regular stuff with you. So you're going through your stuff, right? I'm gonna deal with it the way I'm gonna deal with it. I'll eventually tell you, which I'm telling you now. So I just don't, don't feel like I should be like the, like, indirect, like, getting the indirect brunt of your anger.
Phillip [01:25:48]:
Like, I don't think that I deserve that.
Eldar [01:25:49]:
Did I do the wrong thing to bring this up?
Phillip [01:25:52]:
No, I think it's good.
Eldar [01:25:53]:
Cuz I was like, I don't know how, like, what's your usual process?
Phillip [01:25:56]:
No, I was gonna say. I was gonna say. I was gonna say it anyway.
Mike [01:26:04]:
If it's a month, try to put.
Eldar [01:26:06]:
On punishment.
Anatoliy [01:26:11]:
Because I'm sick. Different angle this time. And observing. It's definitely funny.
Phillip [01:26:17]:
Yeah, but, like, for me, like, what am I supposed to tell him? Like, yeah, so what are we saying? I'm supposed to tell him on the spot and be like, hey, you're bothering me. No, we're in a business, right? So, like, what the fuck we do?
Mike [01:26:31]:
Wow, he's gonna play the business card.
Phillip [01:26:33]:
Six.
Eldar [01:26:35]:
No, Phil.
Phillip [01:26:36]:
But didn't I tell you guys?
Eldar [01:26:37]:
No, you did tell us. So I was honest with you guys.
Phillip [01:26:40]:
Yeah, I asked. Yeah, I said, hey, I did not.
Eldar [01:26:42]:
Know that you were saying no to his lunches. Lunch invitation.
Anatoliy [01:26:45]:
Yeah, I didn't know that.
Eldar [01:26:46]:
I. Yeah, like, I didn't know there was like. So.
Phillip [01:26:48]:
But who cares, though? But I told you guys what was going on and I asked you, hey.
Eldar [01:26:52]:
As soon as your process, like, I said, if you have your process, I should.
Mike [01:26:57]:
I'm involved in an ongoing beef that.
Phillip [01:26:59]:
I don't even know that I'm in.
Phillip [01:27:00]:
But you're. But you're causing it.
Eldar [01:27:03]:
I don't even know that I'm closing.
Phillip [01:27:07]:
Said he's frustrated this week, right?
Eldar [01:27:09]:
100%.
Phillip [01:27:10]:
So what are we talking about?
Eldar [01:27:11]:
I actually know the ins and outs behind why the frustration.
Phillip [01:27:14]:
Okay.
Eldar [01:27:15]:
And I'm telling you guys about it.
Phillip [01:27:17]:
So I told you. And then you're reiterating and you're saying yes, okay? So I'm saying to myself, okay, but.
Eldar [01:27:23]:
Why punish the poor guy with the lunch?
Phillip [01:27:25]:
So that's like. That's like a small example of saying, like, oh, what else did you deprive them of? So we're saying. So we're saying that, like, I have to.
Eldar [01:27:37]:
That's why he fucking doesn't like it. That's why his juice is off. Yo, everybody else got pineapple? Oh, my God.
Mike [01:27:46]:
That's why the juices is. I'm not liking this week.
Eldar [01:27:49]:
He's doing that.
Mike [01:27:50]:
Juices have to come back, y'all.
Eldar [01:27:51]:
You have to put some more pineapple in his juice.
Anatoliy [01:27:54]:
Just put the whole pineapple on the blender for Mike with.
Mike [01:27:57]:
With.
Anatoliy [01:27:57]:
With the hair on it.
Mike [01:27:59]:
He's making the juice for his enemy right now.
Phillip [01:28:03]:
The only thing you guys are saying to me is if I said hey, Mike, like, the only reason that I'm not going to lunch with you is because you're being angry. If I said that on Wednesday or Thursday, then I have nothing. So this is the only.
Eldar [01:28:13]:
I don't even know what's going on behind the scenes. There's shit going on.
Phillip [01:28:16]:
I already told you guys before. On Monday or Tuesday.
Phillip [01:28:18]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:28:19]:
There's nothing else.
Phillip [01:28:20]:
Okay.
Phillip [01:28:20]:
Everything that I told you is. What is everything now is, like, specific examples. But the main thing is, I'm saying, which we're all in agreeance. Mike is frustrated this week, more so than usual.
Phillip [01:28:30]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:28:30]:
That's all I'm conveying, and I'm giving you specific examples, so why would I have to say, hey, Mike, I'm not.
Eldar [01:28:36]:
Coming to lunch with you because of XYZ.
Phillip [01:28:38]:
We're saying it now. I thought it was gonna come out eventually. Now I'm not holding in anything. Yeah, I told you guys now.
Eldar [01:28:45]:
But it's faster than you usually. Usually take these things, right?
Phillip [01:28:48]:
No, I usually say it fast.
Eldar [01:28:49]:
Oh, okay. Wow. That's interesting.
Phillip [01:28:51]:
But I'm saying, because I don't want to make it a big thing, and I was not exact. It's not a big thing. Yeah, but we. There's a business element involved, and I'm saying, why would I want to do this now and just, like, maybe have a bigger conversation? That one needs to be had. When I know that we're gonna have a podcast and probably it's gonna come out, then we're gonna do it on a walk.
Phillip [01:29:09]:
Okay.
Phillip [01:29:10]:
And it didn't come.
Anatoliy [01:29:11]:
Tell you one thing. One person that's gonna be extremely happy with all this is going to be.
Eldar [01:29:16]:
Dennis rocks. Yes.
Anatoliy [01:29:19]:
This is gonna make Dennis. He loves this kind of shit.
Phillip [01:29:25]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eldar [01:29:26]:
Listen, what I'm seeing from all this is that, you know, the operation is the operation, and then, obviously, Philip is a new variable, and he just deals with it. The operation differently. You know what I mean? Responds to a different. That's all that is, you know, about it. I didn't know that. No, but I think going on behind this. Yeah, but I also made the casual shit that Mike.
Anatoliy [01:29:46]:
No, I know, but I think downs. Yeah, but I think in this kind.
Eldar [01:29:48]:
Of, like, moody Mike is a fucking thing.
Anatoliy [01:29:50]:
Yeah, no, I think.
Phillip [01:29:52]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [01:29:53]:
In these kinds of things, people, I think, like, just, like, learn about each other, and I think that. Make it.
Eldar [01:30:00]:
Make adjustments.
Anatoliy [01:30:01]:
Yeah, make adjustments. And they could maybe be more honest with each other, speak more freely as time goes. But I think it's only natural for.
Eldar [01:30:09]:
For this thing.
Phillip [01:30:09]:
To happen.
Anatoliy [01:30:10]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:30:10]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:30:10]:
I agree.
Phillip [01:30:11]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:30:11]:
Like, if you actually beat him to the punch and ask them, like, what's actually going on? Because he opened up to me. What's going on. You would have, like, washed us away.
Mike [01:30:20]:
From this whole week. We have not. I don't think we've done maybe one walk together because.
Phillip [01:30:24]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:30:24]:
You guys go at night. I don't go.
Phillip [01:30:25]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:30:26]:
After hour, like, the 04:00 p.m.. Walk.
Phillip [01:30:28]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:30:28]:
In the morning, me and you've been going.
Phillip [01:30:29]:
Yeah. Alone. Yeah.
Mike [01:30:30]:
So we haven't even had a chance to bond.
Phillip [01:30:32]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:30:33]:
Because it's been a busy week. I've been busy with working.
Phillip [01:30:35]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:30:36]:
And we haven't had a chance to talk after work. He doesn't.
Phillip [01:30:38]:
He's not.
Mike [01:30:39]:
He hasn't been hanging out, I guess because he's angry with. Or he thinks I'm angry at him or. Yeah, whatever. The whole situation.
Phillip [01:30:44]:
So, yeah, I chose to remove myself, like, from, like, I would say the last two, three days, but also with those walks and stuff. Like, usually do them as a. As a group. Like, we were really busy this week. We're in business and all that. So, like, you guys were going then, like, me and Toli were here. So, like, it wasn't like, oh, I'm not gonna go on this walk because of this, or I'm not gonna say this. Like, all I said was the last two, three days that I didn't go to lunch because I'm like, I just don't want to deal with it right now, and I'm gonna remove myself from it.
Phillip [01:31:09]:
And I'm like, okay, he is angry. I'll let him deal with his anger like this. I'm not gonna, like, confront him and be like, hey, you're being like this, blah, blah. I got a basically confirmation from you guys that he was dealing with something. I went back to my example in the car with me, you and Kat, and I was like, oh, he is angry about this, or maybe he is dealing with it. I'll just let it be.
Phillip [01:31:28]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:31:29]:
And I'm not going to go to lunch with him right now. And eventually we'll have the conversation.
Phillip [01:31:32]:
Okay.
Phillip [01:31:33]:
And we're having it now.
Phillip [01:31:34]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:31:34]:
That's how I looked at it. I wasn't trying to be, like, a certain type of guy.
Eldar [01:31:38]:
Yeah, no, it's fine.
Phillip [01:31:39]:
Saying, like, okay, I'm gonna deal with.
Eldar [01:31:40]:
It was how you felt was right at that moment.
Phillip [01:31:43]:
Yeah, that's how I did.
Phillip [01:31:43]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:31:44]:
You like to run from your challenges.
Phillip [01:31:48]:
No. I would say, like, I usually talk about them quicker and in different situations. And I would probably have been. Maybe, don't worry.
Anatoliy [01:31:56]:
Maybe after this, they're gonna leave somewhere. We're gonna leave somewhere and we're gonna eat pizza and Mike's favorites, pepperoni. And that's what we're gonna have.
Phillip [01:32:05]:
But, yeah, I feel like if I would have said it probably in the moment, I would have probably even been angry back also. Okay, so I think me also removed it.
Eldar [01:32:13]:
You removed the frustration.
Anatoliy [01:32:15]:
I to marinate.
Phillip [01:32:16]:
I think I removed my frustration now. Talking about it now because it's end of the week, I'm more calm. We're talking about it more in a group setting where everybody does know each other. More like I am the newer guy, even though I knew you guys from years ago. Like, we really only. If you think about it, if you remove that year, we've only really known our new selves probably for two, three months. So this is still pretty new.
Eldar [01:32:37]:
Hundred percent.
Phillip [01:32:38]:
It's ironic because I feel like we all are close, more so than like, what somebody would be if they just met, like, for two, three months. I think we have a similar belief and values. I think we all genuinely enjoy each other's company for the most part. So when something like this does happen, I'm like, I was taken back by it.
Eldar [01:32:56]:
You like taking notes on this kind.
Phillip [01:32:57]:
Of stuff, I guess in my brain.
Eldar [01:33:01]:
You should have said yes for that.
Phillip [01:33:03]:
Yeah, sure.
Anatoliy [01:33:03]:
Phil, the yogurt marinate that I use for the chicken, the longer you leave it in there, the more it softens up.
Phillip [01:33:10]:
Is that a metaphor?
Eldar [01:33:11]:
Yes. I like it.
Phillip [01:33:14]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:33:14]:
I mean, listen, everybody's got their things, but when something. When a new variable comes in, it's. Then I have to process this. And it's like, I'm not just. I'm like, if I didn't react to it or I didn't feel the same, I would be being dishonest with my feelings.
Anatoliy [01:33:28]:
Can we agree that this is all good stuff?
Eldar [01:33:31]:
I would definitely agree. How much of this stuff is good stuff?
Phillip [01:33:36]:
I think it can turn into this stuff.
Eldar [01:33:39]:
I'm not a buyer yet.
Mike [01:33:40]:
Okay.
Phillip [01:33:41]:
But yeah, I mean, for right now, it's a thing. I'm just saying how I feel. I'm saying how I perceived it. If we're all in agreeance that he's.
Eldar [01:33:47]:
Frustrated, but generally, you like, you like the punishment route.
Phillip [01:33:52]:
I can be spiteful if somebody's genuinely mean spirited, angry towards me. But in this case, I'm trying to understand if he is angry about something else. And then I understand more where he's coming from.
Phillip [01:34:04]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:34:04]:
So then I wouldn't be as spiteful as I normally.
Eldar [01:34:06]:
You would apply compassion, then I can apply exactly.
Phillip [01:34:09]:
More compassion, but you just have to.
Eldar [01:34:11]:
Make sure that the person is deserving of it. Yeah, of course.
Phillip [01:34:15]:
I want to understand where he's coming from.
Phillip [01:34:17]:
Okay. Yeah.
Anatoliy [01:34:19]:
Greasy mothball.
Eldar [01:34:20]:
A mothball.
Phillip [01:34:23]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:34:24]:
Okay. Mike.
Phillip [01:34:27]:
What?
Eldar [01:34:27]:
You have anything?
Anatoliy [01:34:28]:
This is Mike, where, you know, you say, okay.
Eldar [01:34:31]:
Okay. Okay.
Phillip [01:34:35]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:34:35]:
All right. So how do we marry this to the topic? Oh, well, yeah, we can marry this. It's the. You had a glimpse of.
Phillip [01:34:45]:
Right.
Eldar [01:34:45]:
Maybe a little bit of Mike's also old self oppressing the new self. And the results were the results holding him back from seeing things for what they are and enjoying himself in the present moment. And therefore he came out the way he did. And you felt it. Yeah, yeah.
Phillip [01:35:06]:
I think I just felt. I felt the product of that.
Phillip [01:35:09]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:35:10]:
And I don't feel like I'm, like I did anything necessarily. That's why I am. I'm understanding. You move out of something else.
Eldar [01:35:17]:
What's that? You moved out of the parents house in this. In this moment.
Phillip [01:35:20]:
Mmm.
Phillip [01:35:21]:
It for this example, for, like, not going to lunch. Yes.
Anatoliy [01:35:24]:
But only to the shed.
Phillip [01:35:26]:
Right.
Anatoliy [01:35:26]:
Not like a permanent move, but, yeah.
Phillip [01:35:28]:
But now we're addressing.
Eldar [01:35:29]:
Hopefully not.
Phillip [01:35:30]:
Like, if I'm addressing it with my parents or talking about something, it's to me, we can talk about it, but nothing changes. I feel like with these conversations, I think there's probably more hope that something's going to change or it resonates.
Eldar [01:35:44]:
Why is that?
Phillip [01:35:44]:
I think we're all more considerate of each other. We're all striving towards being virtuous and our best selves.
Phillip [01:35:50]:
Right.
Phillip [01:35:50]:
So I think these conversations are that, like, why are we all here? Like, we generally like talking about these things, for sure. We're not trying to, like, hold grudges. I think we generally all want each other.
Eldar [01:36:00]:
Well, we do crave a little bit of drama here.
Phillip [01:36:04]:
I don't know if I crave it, but, I mean, it just. It kind of happens.
Anatoliy [01:36:08]:
I'll take responsibility for it, because if I booked more monthly clients early on, we would have been at Houston's, and no one can be angry at Houston's.
Eldar [01:36:15]:
That's a good point.
Phillip [01:36:16]:
That was big of you to say this, but.
Eldar [01:36:18]:
Word, Dennis.
Phillip [01:36:19]:
Yes, but, yeah, yeah. Listen, all this is. I guess it's inevitable. Everybody's gonna have, like, things that they're gonna deal with that are outside of the. Of the company. But I guess when you do spend this amount of time with each other, and you expect for them to be.
Eldar [01:36:33]:
Able to compartmentalize it a little bit, right?
Phillip [01:36:36]:
No, but it's. It's. When you're spending this amount of time.
Phillip [01:36:40]:
With each other, if you're going to.
Phillip [01:36:41]:
The gym, you're doing things the hardest.
Eldar [01:36:44]:
The irony of this, but, yeah, well.
Phillip [01:36:46]:
When you see it's consistent, it's not just at work. I think I've had other work relationships where you just see them at work and then you see them outside, you're like, oh, they're very. They're very different in this case. I've seen Mike outside of work. I've seen him at work, and he's very consistent. So when he's inconsistent, then I'm like, oh, shit, this is very weird, and I don't know what's going on. And then once I realized, okay, it's an outside thing, I just kind of let it be. And then I was like, okay, we'll eventually address it.
Phillip [01:37:15]:
But that's why it hit different, because I realized he was a certain angry that I haven't experienced in a personal setting or in a work setting, and we're spending a lot of time together.
Eldar [01:37:24]:
Would you use the word you got caught by surprise?
Phillip [01:37:27]:
Yeah, this was definitely a surprise. Okay, so now that I know it's. It is a thing, now I can be more prepared for it and understand that it is.
Eldar [01:37:35]:
What kind of measures will you use now that you, like? You know, when people know that, like, there's like, oh, shit, there's a storm coming. They go to a shop. Right. And they buy a whole bunch of shit.
Phillip [01:37:45]:
Right.
Eldar [01:37:45]:
What are some things that you're gonna buy?
Phillip [01:37:47]:
In the short term, I probably won't be as open. I'd probably be more aware of the situation, and I'd anticipate it more, so probably prevent me from being myself in a situation in the short term.
Eldar [01:37:57]:
Why?
Phillip [01:37:59]:
Because I don't know how to deal with it yet.
Phillip [01:38:00]:
Hmm.
Eldar [01:38:02]:
Would you want to find out how to deal with it?
Phillip [01:38:04]:
Yeah, no, I would, but I'm saying, at this moment, I don't know.
Eldar [01:38:06]:
So in generally speaking, you would you say that your person who holds grudges and has a hard time letting go?
Phillip [01:38:14]:
I. Yeah, I normally would. I normally would, yeah.
Eldar [01:38:22]:
All right, Mike, how do you feel about all that, Mike? All good stuff. I know. Did that give you a perspective more about Philip and who he is as a person and, like, how he deals with certain things? Yeah, it did. Oh, interesting. Okay. Thank you, Phil, for being honest. Yeah. You know, totally.
Eldar [01:38:48]:
What do you have assessment me and you are looking at you into this in the third eye view here.
Phillip [01:38:56]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [01:38:56]:
I probably think that there's more to it, you know, that will, I think, just get discussed over time and, you.
Phillip [01:39:02]:
Know, for me, that's. That's everything on my. My mind, though. What, to me, there's nothing else to it for me.
Eldar [01:39:07]:
Oh, that's it.
Phillip [01:39:09]:
For me, there's nothing else. Like, it's like, what.
Eldar [01:39:11]:
What do you think totally, then, is referring to? Can you share?
Phillip [01:39:15]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:39:15]:
You'd have to be thinking of, like, your assumption of, like, what else is there? But for me, like, there's nothing else that.
Eldar [01:39:20]:
Would you say that he's being blind right now? He's blind, probably, yeah. Why do you sign like that?
Phillip [01:39:26]:
Because you're saying that because it's something else in mike that I'm not seeing.
Anatoliy [01:39:30]:
No, I think in general, in the relationship between, like, you two.
Phillip [01:39:35]:
Right.
Anatoliy [01:39:35]:
I just think that, like, this is probably, like, one glimpse. And then, you know, I think over time, as you guys get to know each other, like, more things will come out from both of your sides, but hopefully, over time, you guys will find better ways to. To communicate.
Eldar [01:39:51]:
But you're not gonna hold your breath. No comment.
Anatoliy [01:39:56]:
I think it's a. I mean, it's hard, you know?
Eldar [01:39:58]:
That's hard.
Phillip [01:39:58]:
Okay.
Eldar [01:39:59]:
It's hard, you know?
Phillip [01:40:00]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Anatoliy [01:40:02]:
Like, I think maybe in the moment that you feel that, like, you know, it happened and dead, but I just think that there's probably, like, girls in that.
Phillip [01:40:09]:
More.
Anatoliy [01:40:09]:
More girls up in that house.
Phillip [01:40:10]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [01:40:12]:
You know?
Phillip [01:40:15]:
Yeah, I guess I. Yeah. I don't know anything more than what the situation is now. So to me, you would only be.
Eldar [01:40:22]:
Saying you're gonna roll with the punches.
Phillip [01:40:24]:
Yeah, but you'd be saying it. The only thing that I'm hearing is that you'd be saying it as you have more experience with him and you see other things that I'm not seeing.
Anatoliy [01:40:31]:
No, the only thing is I'm saying, no, I'm just seeing your relationship as a whole. Right. And the more you guys get to know each other, the more comfortable you guys will get to get with each other, the more particular qualities from both of your sides are going to come out.
Phillip [01:40:50]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:40:51]:
The bad side, both.
Phillip [01:40:53]:
But that are. Yeah, that already happened, and this is an example of that.
Phillip [01:40:55]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:40:55]:
But being very comfortable with each other.
Phillip [01:40:57]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:40:58]:
Spending a lot of time with each other. And then when something happens like this, that is out of the ordinary of what would usually do. I'm saying I'm feeling it, and this is what it looks like for me.
Phillip [01:41:08]:
Hmm.
Phillip [01:41:09]:
So I'm already experiencing what you're saying.
Phillip [01:41:12]:
No.
Anatoliy [01:41:12]:
Yeah, for sure. But there's. But, like, I think it'd be naive to say that, like, this is.
Phillip [01:41:16]:
That's it.
Anatoliy [01:41:17]:
And then, like, oh, no, I didn't say that.
Phillip [01:41:18]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:41:19]:
That he's gonna be, like, paying attention more. Oh, okay.
Phillip [01:41:23]:
Yeah, yeah.
Anatoliy [01:41:24]:
No, I'm saying is that, like.
Phillip [01:41:26]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [01:41:26]:
As people spend more and more time with each other, you know, both of their walls come down and down more.
Phillip [01:41:32]:
Right.
Anatoliy [01:41:33]:
And then, like, they're. They act like their true selves.
Eldar [01:41:36]:
Whoa.
Anatoliy [01:41:37]:
On both good and bad things. And then those things are like. Like are going to play out.
Phillip [01:41:43]:
Mm hmm.
Eldar [01:41:44]:
So wait a second. So you said something very important.
Phillip [01:41:46]:
Mm hmm.
Eldar [01:41:47]:
If two people spend more time together and their walls calm down, one or the other side will shine through.
Phillip [01:41:58]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:41:59]:
For the most part, the good was shining through. So then when I saw the bad, I didn't expect it.
Eldar [01:42:03]:
Does the always have to come? The bad has to come with the good, and the good has to come with the bad.
Phillip [01:42:07]:
Well.
Anatoliy [01:42:10]:
What do you mean by that question?
Eldar [01:42:11]:
Well, you made a statement. You said, hey, look, the more you spend time together.
Phillip [01:42:15]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:42:16]:
Some walls will come down and you guys gonna get comfortable.
Phillip [01:42:19]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:42:19]:
With each other. Yeah. With this comfort. The good my shine through, all the bad my shine through.
Anatoliy [01:42:26]:
Depending on the situation, probably.
Phillip [01:42:28]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:42:29]:
Is that always the case? And then what?
Anatoliy [01:42:31]:
Then no, I think we talk about here. No, I think. No, I think eventually, when you get into a strong enough relationship, you can have the good that's consistently overpowering the bad.
Phillip [01:42:40]:
Mmm.
Eldar [01:42:40]:
Okay, how does that look like?
Anatoliy [01:42:42]:
I mean, getting, like, you know. You know, I think this is it.
Eldar [01:42:46]:
Getting what?
Anatoliy [01:42:47]:
Like. Like part of this process, I think. Is that.
Mike [01:42:51]:
Like that.
Anatoliy [01:42:52]:
That's what you're trying to.
Eldar [01:42:54]:
To work towards.
Phillip [01:42:55]:
Right? No.
Eldar [01:42:56]:
Do you disagree? Well, something about the part of where the guard goes down. You said the. The borders go down.
Phillip [01:43:04]:
Right.
Eldar [01:43:05]:
Worries me saying that.
Phillip [01:43:07]:
Okay.
Eldar [01:43:08]:
With the walls coming down, the potential of the bad coming out. I got a problem with that.
Anatoliy [01:43:14]:
So what do you.
Phillip [01:43:15]:
Because there's a trust is a vulnerability when you're letting your dog.
Anatoliy [01:43:18]:
No, but it's not like a intentional thing from one side or.
Phillip [01:43:21]:
Yeah, but doesn't matter. But it is what it is. Yeah, that's it. It doesn't matter whether you establish a certain level.
Phillip [01:43:27]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:43:28]:
And then you're not aware of the other level and your guards down. It's gonna hit a lot more than, like, if I just met somebody, and I'm just like, hey, what's going on? Yeah, I'm not gonna give them. Like, I'm spending a lot of time with Mike. We're talking about a lot of things. We're talking about podcast philosophy stuff. We're getting deep. I'm learning new ways to talk, learn new ways about myself, examining certain things about myself, about what I like, what I don't like, and I'm like, wow. I'm, like, really growing.
Phillip [01:43:53]:
It's great. You know, I look at Mike a certain way. I respect Mike. And then when he act, when he was, like, frustrated, I saw a different side of him, and I'm like. I'm like, damn, I wasn't ready for this. So when it hit, I was like, oh, man. Like, that hurt. It didn't feel good because I have my guards, and I am vulnerable, and I am my true self around him.
Phillip [01:44:13]:
So that's what we're saying is whether you intentionally do it or not, and if it's something that's outside, yes. Can I have compassion about it when I understand it? Sure. But coming from the place of being open and vulnerable, I. I don't do that with many people. So I shared.
Anatoliy [01:44:27]:
So are you saying that I have.
Eldar [01:44:29]:
A problem with what you said?
Phillip [01:44:31]:
Yeah, I don't think it's correct either.
Phillip [01:44:32]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:44:33]:
Okay, well, it's not that. It's not correct. He might be right. I just have a problem with it.
Phillip [01:44:38]:
Yeah, no, I have a problem with it, too.
Anatoliy [01:44:43]:
Like I'm saying, the longer you spend time together.
Phillip [01:44:47]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:44:47]:
The guard goes down.
Mike [01:44:48]:
You should never let your guard down.
Phillip [01:44:53]:
Okay.
Eldar [01:44:53]:
With the. Bringing the guard down. You tell me that, I'm gonna feel this. I don't want that.
Phillip [01:44:58]:
No. Yeah.
Anatoliy [01:44:59]:
No, you're right about.
Phillip [01:45:00]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:45:01]:
I don't care if we have a 99% success rate.
Phillip [01:45:03]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [01:45:04]:
No, Mike, my question to you was.
Eldar [01:45:06]:
Like, I mean, I'm realistic here with humans, guys.
Phillip [01:45:09]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [01:45:10]:
No, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean, I was going to ask you if you felt that, like, the guards are pre maturely going down, but then you're saying that the guard should never go down.
Eldar [01:45:19]:
I'm leaning towards that. If you. If you're saying that this follows that, and if I'm agreeing with that, no, this is the case. I would say, wait a second.
Anatoliy [01:45:28]:
No, I'm saying guard down here. No, but I'm saying more in that, like, I'm okay.
Eldar [01:45:32]:
Are made.
Anatoliy [01:45:33]:
I want to make sure that we're defining guard correctly.
Eldar [01:45:38]:
You use the word no.
Anatoliy [01:45:39]:
Yeah, but you understood it a particular way.
Phillip [01:45:41]:
That's.
Eldar [01:45:41]:
Yeah. Tell me how you.
Anatoliy [01:45:42]:
Yeah, no, I was more saying, is that okay, like you say, Philip and Mike. Yeah.
Eldar [01:45:48]:
Respect.
Phillip [01:45:48]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [01:45:48]:
I feel like, for example, like, Philip and Mike, they're hanging out a lot. Right. Way more than anyone else is hanging out, like, you know, time wise. Right, sure. And when that's happening, especially early on, the two people are probably both. In this example, they're probably both extremely excited to spend time with each other.
Phillip [01:46:08]:
Right.
Anatoliy [01:46:08]:
Like that.
Eldar [01:46:08]:
That could be universal if they're enjoying themselves.
Anatoliy [01:46:10]:
Absolutely.
Phillip [01:46:11]:
They're.
Anatoliy [01:46:12]:
They're extremely excited. So I think when they're extremely excited and there's attachment to maybe to maybe, like. Like, know what?
Phillip [01:46:21]:
What?
Anatoliy [01:46:22]:
To not. Not protect or promote, but to do.
Phillip [01:46:26]:
A certain level of expectation, maybe to.
Anatoliy [01:46:29]:
Like, protect the excitement.
Phillip [01:46:31]:
Right.
Anatoliy [01:46:31]:
Or to keep it going, there's a certain, I think, respect levels, and there's a particular, like, from, like, a distance or, like, a, like level that I think both individuals will keep it.
Phillip [01:46:47]:
Right. Okay.
Anatoliy [01:46:48]:
And I think that as they spend more time with each other, they're not going to, like, as they're spending more time, they're probably not keeping that same level of it to what's called preserve was the right word. I was trying to say, like, they're trying to preserve excitement. Right. On the different things that they're doing. Right. And I think that they're trying to get to know each other.
Phillip [01:47:09]:
Right.
Anatoliy [01:47:10]:
I think as they get to know each other, the more time they spend, they're going.
Phillip [01:47:17]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [01:47:17]:
They're going to learn particular things about each other that may make them feel particular ways.
Phillip [01:47:23]:
Okay. Right.
Eldar [01:47:24]:
So you're almost. You almost describing two addicts to me. You just describe it like fiends. It's not gonna work to me in that sense. Yeah, it's not gonna work.
Phillip [01:47:36]:
Yeah. You.
Eldar [01:47:37]:
You set up. You set up a scenario that's gonna fail.
Phillip [01:47:39]:
Yeah. Okay.
Phillip [01:47:41]:
See, I look at it, like, agree with that from my, if that's what's.
Eldar [01:47:44]:
Happening, it's gonna be bad.
Phillip [01:47:45]:
See, I don't agree with that because I'm, from my perspective, what I'm doing is, like, I'm having fun and just enjoying myself in the moment, and I'm wor. To me, at least I'm growing and I feel good and I'm doing it. Somebody that I think respects me and I respect them, and we're just genuinely having fun. I'm not trying. I'm not looking at it being like, oh, I'm trying to get this, this and this from the situation. I'm like, oh, I genuinely like walking with Mike. I generally like going to the city with Mike. I generally like coming to the city and having conversations with Mike.
Phillip [01:48:14]:
Am I thinking about getting anything? Am I thinking about what's going to come of it? Or the feeling? I'm like, I have a certain image of what Mike is, and I have enough times of that I hung out with him inside and outside of work where I know how he'll deal with me in certain type of ways. And I like it. I think he does respect me and treat me with a certain level of. I don't know, I guess call it respect. And I think we're friendly, and we just genuinely enjoy each other's company. So when he does act a certain way, I feel it, because I haven't seen it before. But as a result of us spending time together, I'm more myself. I'm silly, maybe goofy, maybe vulnerable, whatever.
Phillip [01:48:54]:
I'm like this with maybe a small group of people. Right. And if they do this to me also, I would also feel this.
Anatoliy [01:49:02]:
So, see, because he, for example, does not open himself up to two people often. He gave him the past.
Eldar [01:49:11]:
He blinded himself.
Phillip [01:49:12]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [01:49:12]:
You blinded himself.
Phillip [01:49:13]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [01:49:13]:
And then when something happened.
Phillip [01:49:14]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [01:49:15]:
Hurt him immensely. Right, right. And maybe Mike's like, kind of like, you know, I don't know what I did.
Phillip [01:49:19]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [01:49:20]:
I didn't know what. What I did. And that's the.
Eldar [01:49:23]:
The confusion.
Anatoliy [01:49:24]:
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. When it comes to the guardian being let down, I. My question to you was going to be, do you think the guard was prematurely let down? But, but I think that you were getting at. The guard should never be let down.
Phillip [01:49:37]:
Right.
Eldar [01:49:37]:
Absolutely.
Phillip [01:49:38]:
You see, if my guard.
Eldar [01:49:40]:
But, but see, that's for somehow, somehow Philip said, I trust Mike. I trust that this person is good. He's doing good by me.
Phillip [01:49:50]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:49:50]:
He forgets that Mike is a human being.
Phillip [01:49:52]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:49:53]:
You understand that Mike also has flaws and has ups and downs, and he's a person that Philip doesn't understand that he actually has to be the person above. If he's like, if he's been looking up to Mike, sometimes Mike has to look up to him if Mike is down. You know what I'm saying?
Phillip [01:50:11]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:50:11]:
And I don't think Philip was privy to that information before. You know what I'm saying? In this case, instead of banning Mike, I would call for understanding Mike. What's going on.
Phillip [01:50:20]:
Yes.
Eldar [01:50:21]:
You know what I'm saying?
Phillip [01:50:22]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:50:22]:
But because he didn't. And like, he's, you know, he's following his pattern of how he used to deal with things in the past, you know, moving out of his family's house or banning other people and stuff like that, and become a loner.
Phillip [01:50:33]:
Right.
Eldar [01:50:33]:
This is the same trajectory of, like, oh, I didn't like that about you long enough that if I see that I'm banning you, that's gonna be it. And you're saying, based on what you described, that these two individuals are completely blind, following their own excitement and shit. Like, the gigs gonna be up sooner or later. This ain't gonna work.
Anatoliy [01:50:50]:
Well, I mean, I'm not saying that it definitely won't work. I'm saying that, like, I mean, like, they're gonna have opportunities to speak about it and try to both grow, but. Right. Think it's difficult.
Phillip [01:51:03]:
Right.
Eldar [01:51:03]:
I mean, they.
Anatoliy [01:51:03]:
I mean, it's like. And I think, to me, it's like, things. Things like this are, like, they're part of the process, like, to the individual, where the individual. Not in general. I'm saying that this is how things.
Eldar [01:51:15]:
Are ought to be.
Anatoliy [01:51:16]:
I'm saying that this is how things are with particular individuals, including myself. I'm not saying that, like, I'm exempt is kindness stuff. Mike. Have had similar things. Right. And, yeah, I'm definitely in the same boat, but. But, yeah, I didn't know that you're. That you were saying that you should.
Anatoliy [01:51:40]:
I thought you were gonna say that you shouldn't prematurely do it, but then. Now I'm realizing what you're saying about never, but then that. That also, I think it's important for you to explain by never but not feeling up a particular type of way towards an individual and, like, holding back relationships. I think that could be misconstrued.
Phillip [01:51:58]:
Letting my guard down. It looks very, very different.
Anatoliy [01:52:01]:
Yeah, yeah. You see, I think his definition of what you're talking about is different than, like, his definition.
Phillip [01:52:07]:
Yes.
Anatoliy [01:52:07]:
Because, like, I think off the bat, you could say, like, yeah, all they're saying, just, like, never actually get close with an individual. Never. Never like, actually like that. I think that that's might be.
Phillip [01:52:17]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [01:52:17]:
You have to explain the girl.
Eldar [01:52:19]:
Yeah, definitely.
Phillip [01:52:20]:
For sure.
Eldar [01:52:23]:
Oh, thank you. In your case, in your example, I think that you put your. The reason why you put your guard down in the first place is because you've somehow maybe made out to be yourself as an incompetent person.
Phillip [01:52:36]:
Yes.
Anatoliy [01:52:36]:
And Mike. Mike. As a mentor.
Phillip [01:52:38]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [01:52:39]:
In the process.
Phillip [01:52:39]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:52:40]:
Maybe prematurely. Yeah, right, prematurely. And instead of the two months that you had a track record, you probably needed two years to do that. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, because, and because it was only two months, you're like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Now you're all startled.
Phillip [01:52:58]:
It's eight.
Anatoliy [01:52:59]:
Yeah, it's like a letdown.
Eldar [01:53:00]:
It's a big letdown. You know, it's a big letdown. In this case, I, and maybe in Mike's case, if I was to advise Mike on this, you probably, Mike underestimated your role as maybe a mentor and Phillips endeavors, you know what I'm saying? So because you're not yet on your p's and Q's consistently, right. Let's just say consistently not, not consistent enough for a person like Philip.
Anatoliy [01:53:26]:
Yeah, he feels betrayed.
Eldar [01:53:27]:
He feels betrayed.
Phillip [01:53:29]:
Yeah. Yeah. Correct.
Eldar [01:53:32]:
So you know all good stuff. Of course.
Phillip [01:53:38]:
Yeah, I would say that, yeah. With Mike, I feel like it was just like, yeah, maybe with, like, him talking to me about the girl. Like, I would say like, oh, like, I like the way he talked or he was, he was giving me advice, but I would look at Mike as like, somebody that we had, like, that was like, equal. I didn't look at him as, like, above or below when it was came to that thing. I was like, oh, he's giving me insight, and I like this. But when I hung out with them, I'm not thinking like, he's above me or below me. I just felt very equal and I felt very heard and respected.
Phillip [01:54:06]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:54:07]:
And that's what I really like. So if I'd say for a majority of, to me, us hanging out, it didn't feel like there was any ego. There was any, like, back and forth, like, yeah. The first time that I did, there shouldn't be.
Eldar [01:54:18]:
If you enjoy yourself, there should.
Phillip [01:54:19]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:54:19]:
I was genuinely, I'm genuinely enjoying myself. And I spend time with everybody. Like, yeah, I wouldn't say that if I didn't mean it. Like, I actually genuinely enjoy hanging out with you guys.
Phillip [01:54:27]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:54:28]:
And talking to you guys. So, yeah, I don't, I guess, like, yeah, me letting my guard down in the sense that I do have a trust. So when, when there is trolling and they're going back and forth, I am getting a thicker skin now. But I like that with everybody. I could still keep my guard down and take it and not be as sensitive as I usually was.
Phillip [01:54:48]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:54:49]:
So I was doing this with Mike also, but again this week, we, it was different.
Eldar [01:54:52]:
The, the paradox of the elderism, or whatever the fuck you want to call it, is that we're trying to shoot down your sensitivity, but make you sensitive at the same time.
Phillip [01:55:03]:
Yeah, but that's what, that's what I've been having so far in this experience.
Phillip [01:55:07]:
Yes.
Eldar [01:55:07]:
There's certain things that you have to be extremely sensitive about. Yeah, extremely. And there are certain things that you have to completely let go. That sensitivity on. Like the fucking example of your shoe. Yeah, you extremely sensitive.
Anatoliy [01:55:20]:
Like, oh, but if you want, we could buff that out with that machine and then viral cleaner.
Eldar [01:55:24]:
Yeah, picture. You know, I understand.
Phillip [01:55:26]:
That's a perfect example because that's a meaning nothing.
Eldar [01:55:28]:
Yes, there's certain things that supposed to serve you and there's certain things that not supposed to serve you. In the case of where you may be genuinely feeling something that's being. There's injustice and stuff like that, you should definitely be sensitive. The application of what you're gonna do is a different question.
Phillip [01:55:42]:
Right now.
Eldar [01:55:43]:
You run. Right now you run, I think. And a lot of people do. A lot of people run. You know what I mean? Not a lot of people can either stay quiet and wait it out, you know, long enough to be able to see through or meet it with maybe even compassion or real love and understanding.
Phillip [01:55:59]:
Yes.
Eldar [01:56:00]:
Level.
Phillip [01:56:01]:
I'm not saying the way I'm dealing with it is perfect. All I'm saying is that the way that I'm feeling, I'm telling you exactly how I'm feeling. And as a result of XYZ examples how I'm dealing with it, I'm not saying like, oh, I'm the poster child for how I'm dealing with it.
Phillip [01:56:13]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:56:14]:
All I'm saying is that, hey, guys, this is my feeling.
Eldar [01:56:17]:
These are your feelings.
Mike [01:56:18]:
But how you're feeling with it is the based on your attachment to that specific thing.
Eldar [01:56:22]:
100%.
Mike [01:56:22]:
Because the clothes you wear or the shoes that I was making fun of you, you wouldn't care about that. But because you have an attachment, that's.
Eldar [01:56:31]:
Why you 100% took it there. His associations the previous.
Mike [01:56:34]:
That's why you heard a lot worse than what it actually was.
Phillip [01:56:37]:
Why me?
Phillip [01:56:38]:
Why?
Phillip [01:56:38]:
If somebody else says it versus him, do you don't think tone matters? And then also my trust and vulnerability to a certain individual, it hits different.
Eldar [01:56:47]:
But who did it? Who gave that? Who gave the pass?
Phillip [01:56:50]:
I gave the pass.
Eldar [01:56:51]:
Who's guilty?
Phillip [01:56:52]:
Yeah, no, I get that, but I'm saying when it is down. Yeah, and you do ever trust that person, that does hit different. I'm not saying that I don't take responsibility. I'm just saying. Again, I'm saying. Saying what it is. Yeah, what it is is when your guard is down and somebody is saying something and you're used to them being a certain type of way, that it does catch you off guard.
Eldar [01:57:14]:
Why did that go through the gates in the first place?
Phillip [01:57:19]:
Because I let my guard down.
Eldar [01:57:21]:
What is that? Where did you let your guard down? That you allow that type of energy.
Anatoliy [01:57:26]:
Come your way and affect you? Because it might come your way, but maybe a difference. I'll affect you.
Phillip [01:57:32]:
So is that like, me being naive and not saying, like, oh, everybody is a human and there's gonna be ups and downs, inevitably just assuming that everything is going to stay consistent?
Eldar [01:57:44]:
I don't live like that.
Phillip [01:57:45]:
No, I'm. So I'm asking, like, is that maybe a possibility of my. My mindset of allowing my guard to be down, thinking that, okay, if it's gonna stay like this, or it is like this now, it's gonna ultimately be like this. So I'm naive to say, like, oh, when stuff is not going to go well, this could possibly happen. Is that like being naive?
Phillip [01:58:08]:
Totally.
Anatoliy [01:58:11]:
Can you repeat that?
Phillip [01:58:12]:
So I'm saying, in this example of saying you're trusting somebody, you're letting your guard down, you're being more vulnerable, you trust them. Right. So obviously, you know, when, when something hits that hurts, it's gonna hurt a lot more. But saying, letting your guard down, being vulnerable and trusting, is it naive to also say, oh, nothing bad is gonna happen, it's always gonna be like this.
Eldar [01:58:38]:
It's not naivenous. Totally. It's not naive. I don't think it's naiveness.
Phillip [01:58:41]:
So I'm asking what that may be.
Eldar [01:58:45]:
I think it's, for lack of a better word, I think it's a level of stupidity.
Phillip [01:58:49]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:58:50]:
I was thinking immaturity or ignorance. Lack of wisdom in that.
Phillip [01:58:55]:
Yeah.
Phillip [01:58:55]:
Particular experience.
Eldar [01:58:56]:
And I would probably think that attachment to the excitement, like, totally talked about.
Phillip [01:59:03]:
I think it's a level of expectation. So, yes, so I'm attached to an.
Eldar [01:59:06]:
Expectation and that excitement that totally talked about. He described two fiends that have gone off of one another, and as soon as one fiend is, is off the rocker, the other fiend is like, yo, where's my energy, bro? Like, where's my fix?
Phillip [01:59:21]:
Yeah, yeah, no, I get that. So it's almost like when you do let your guard down, you have the situation. It becomes if you're not aware or you're just letting the feeling be the feeling, the other person can then dictate your feeling and you're almost giving them control.
Eldar [01:59:38]:
Why did you give that pass?
Phillip [01:59:40]:
That's the question. Yeah.
Eldar [01:59:41]:
In the first place.
Phillip [01:59:45]:
And.
Eldar [01:59:45]:
And you too, Mike. Why did you give Philip that pass?
Phillip [01:59:48]:
I say to me to make you.
Eldar [01:59:49]:
Feel a certain type of way if you did.
Mike [01:59:51]:
What parts I give him?
Eldar [01:59:52]:
I don't know. If you made you feel a certain.
Mike [01:59:55]:
I haven't felt anything different of how I've been towards him.
Phillip [01:59:58]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:59:59]:
At all. I felt. Even to lunch.
Phillip [02:00:02]:
Yeah.
Mike [02:00:03]:
I didn't feel like he was doing out of Spider.
Eldar [02:00:04]:
Do recognize your actions, though, that were different towards Philip.
Mike [02:00:08]:
Which actions?
Phillip [02:00:09]:
What?
Eldar [02:00:09]:
The ones that he mentioned, the one.
Mike [02:00:10]:
That I made fun of. His shoes and his. And his thing.
Eldar [02:00:13]:
Well, I don't know.
Phillip [02:00:14]:
Girl shoes.
Eldar [02:00:16]:
Like, all the examples thing I explained to you.
Mike [02:00:20]:
I mean, but you guys, you don't believe me, so we can't talk about that.
Eldar [02:00:23]:
Okay.
Mike [02:00:24]:
The clothes thing. I was just trolling him because I thought it was a funny outfit.
Eldar [02:00:28]:
Okay.
Mike [02:00:29]:
But, like, do I wish him poorly, or I'm angry at him because he dressed like that.
Eldar [02:00:34]:
And the last one, the girl, I.
Mike [02:00:36]:
Think I thought that he's mad at me the way it ended.
Phillip [02:00:39]:
Mm hmm.
Mike [02:00:40]:
You know, because he. When he told. Tells a story, he does not say that I was the one who told him to say this message, so he's not putting it on me. But I do think he was upset with me. That was. That was my initial thing.
Phillip [02:00:52]:
No, see it.
Eldar [02:00:52]:
Which message? Can you guys tell me?
Phillip [02:00:54]:
Yeah, I already addressed this. I already said it in the podcast. I already said that.
Eldar [02:00:59]:
Which specific message that he wrote that he.
Phillip [02:01:01]:
He allowed me to say the sexual.
Anatoliy [02:01:04]:
Request message, the sexy thing.
Phillip [02:01:06]:
Okay, so in this message.
Mike [02:01:09]:
Wait.
Phillip [02:01:10]:
I realized that once I sent it, I realized Mike allowed me to say this because he knows that deep down, I still am a horny guy. Right. And, like, I wasn't mad at him.
Mike [02:01:18]:
Because I realized realize it after or while it happened.
Phillip [02:01:21]:
No, I realized after. I'm saying to myself, like, oh, I'm not mad at Mike for this. Like, it's fine. It ended up where it ended up. I don't have a feeling towards her. And then only thing I felt guilty of, which I'll say again, was when I asked her for it after she conveyed a truth. And I realized that I have to apologize for what I actually said because I felt in my gut that I didn't feel good about it.
Eldar [02:01:41]:
But why would he be mad at that?
Phillip [02:01:42]:
I didn't blame Mike about this.
Eldar [02:01:44]:
No, but you say he got mad about the fact, the way things ended.
Anatoliy [02:01:47]:
No, no, no.
Mike [02:01:51]:
I thought he was upset the way that I directed him.
Eldar [02:01:55]:
And you didn't get mad, obviously. No. Why do you feel that he got mad if he's saying, because I don't.
Mike [02:02:00]:
Believe that's desired I wanted. Oh, because he's telling me he doesn't want to.
Eldar [02:02:05]:
Why don't you take his word for it?
Mike [02:02:08]:
Because the actions to me did not seem like they were in line.
Eldar [02:02:11]:
Okay, cool. So that's what, that's where the problem might be. You're not taking his.
Mike [02:02:15]:
What was on Sunday?
Eldar [02:02:16]:
That was your words.
Mike [02:02:18]:
This was on Sunday. The message that you sent to her. I can look it up. I have my phone here.
Eldar [02:02:24]:
Cuz you're saying, look, based on what he's saying, I don't agree with that. It's not true.
Anatoliy [02:02:28]:
No, it can't be on Sunday, because this week we went, right? This was the week that we went to true food and you guys went.
Mike [02:02:34]:
To go see her.
Anatoliy [02:02:35]:
See, go there, go there.
Mike [02:02:38]:
Last week.
Phillip [02:02:39]:
Last week.
Anatoliy [02:02:40]:
Oh, yeah, it was last week.
Eldar [02:02:41]:
Don't ask me this.
Anatoliy [02:02:42]:
Yes, it was last Friday. Yeah, okay.
Mike [02:02:47]:
Yeah, but I kept saying that he's not interested.
Eldar [02:02:49]:
Yeah, it's almost, it sounds like here you guys finally met in a misunderstanding of what's going on, but impression that he actually cares and. Yeah, you don't. You know what I mean? He says, no, Mike, I don't.
Mike [02:03:01]:
But I moved past that. Like, after that day we spoke about it, which is in the car. Was it Monday?
Phillip [02:03:06]:
Yeah, me too.
Mike [02:03:08]:
Again, that's why I'm thinking about it again.
Phillip [02:03:10]:
I'm using this as an example of the first time I realized that he was frustrated and angry at something else.
Phillip [02:03:15]:
Yeah.
Phillip [02:03:15]:
Remember he came in with the watch on? We're like, yo, Mike's a certain way right now. Yeah, he's angry about something.
Mike [02:03:20]:
I was wearing the watch.
Phillip [02:03:21]:
I was angry saying, no, I'm saying you had the watch on. And I remember this. And I said like, oh, oh, Mike's angry today, whether it was Monday or Tuesday. And I was like, oh, he's frustrated more so than normal. And I was like, all right, let me see what he's like. On Tuesday, you were the same. On Tuesday, you were just not yourself. And I was like, oh, the way that he's talking to me or the way that he's frustrated is as a result of something else.
Phillip [02:03:42]:
I conveyed it to you guys and I said. And you're like, no, Mike can be moody sometimes. I'm like, oh, I haven't experienced this. I was like, okay, it's either gonna come up in a walk or the podcast. And like, I'll eventually address it.
Mike [02:03:51]:
Did you all feel the same that I was angry towards all of you know, me?
Eldar [02:03:55]:
You know, we. Aside from that comments about the gym.
Mike [02:03:58]:
Stuff, that wasn't angry. It's just frustration because. Yeah, because you can't give me a, like a bullshit.
Eldar [02:04:03]:
I did. I didn't think so at all. You took it as well.
Mike [02:04:06]:
When you say, I would like to go, it's not a definitive.
Eldar [02:04:08]:
I always say the same thing.
Mike [02:04:10]:
I know, but this day I was asking you because I really wanted to go.
Phillip [02:04:12]:
Yeah.
Mike [02:04:13]:
That's why I wanted to say, hey, am I waiting for you? Are we going together or not?
Eldar [02:04:17]:
For me, it was very typical. Like, I said something, you didn't take it seriously or whatever, and, like, you bold me a little bit, and I was cool with it. Like, yeah, it just went out my one ear at the other. I didn't care.
Phillip [02:04:26]:
But it's not.
Phillip [02:04:26]:
I think you're used to. I use, see, that's why I'm asking.
Eldar [02:04:30]:
I'm not asking whether or not we all felt it. This is the only time that I felt it like that. Like, like, oh, there was something going on, but I did. I knew I wanted to go to.
Mike [02:04:41]:
The gym, not because I was angry, because I wanted to go to the gym.
Phillip [02:04:43]:
Yeah.
Mike [02:04:43]:
And I wanted to know if you're joining me.
Eldar [02:04:45]:
Yeah, but typically you don't do that. That's why the pattern was broken. That's what I'm saying.
Phillip [02:04:49]:
That.
Eldar [02:04:49]:
That I recognize it, but I didn't make a big. I don't care about it.
Phillip [02:04:51]:
Yeah, but it helped me understand that it was something more. Again, it's only an indicator.
Eldar [02:04:57]:
Made a check mark for him.
Phillip [02:04:58]:
If I only have two months of data of saying, like, hey, we're hanging out. It's a certain way. And then I'm asking his friends that have known him for a long time, years and years and years, and say, hey, is Mike frustrated? Cause, like, remember in the car when he was talking about what he's talking about? Like, is that still lingering? Because, like, I see him, like, talking and acting differently right now. And you were like, yes, he is frustrated, XYz. And I'm like, oh, okay, I get it. But I made the choice to not go to lunch because I still saw Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. He was still the same way. I didn't want to deal with this.
Phillip [02:05:27]:
Yeah.
Mike [02:05:28]:
So you knew that I was going through something which I didn't even correlate.
Eldar [02:05:32]:
He deals with it.
Mike [02:05:33]:
No, yeah, I get it.
Eldar [02:05:34]:
You know what I'm saying?
Mike [02:05:35]:
Even though they explained to you, what's happening.
Eldar [02:05:36]:
That's, you can't expect that from.
Mike [02:05:39]:
No, I can't. No, I'm I can't.
Eldar [02:05:41]:
That's his process.
Mike [02:05:42]:
That's how he deals with now I'm I'm listening to it. To me.
Phillip [02:05:45]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Eldar [02:05:46]:
You know, I get it because I've gotten those things before too. You, I mean, where I walked in and you made a comment about what I'm wearing or whatever. I've gotten thousands of those. I don't care. Who cares?
Mike [02:05:57]:
You guys make fun of me too.
Eldar [02:05:58]:
About, yeah, the person who's new and so very specific.
Mike [02:06:03]:
Yeah, but he gets trolled all the time and just like everybody else here gets trolled all the time.
Phillip [02:06:06]:
Exactly. That's why my point, it was different this week. It was mean spirited this week. Had a different level of frustration.
Mike [02:06:13]:
I've said, well, the thing is that make, because I don't have no idea what I did. I was mean spirited to him.
Phillip [02:06:19]:
Yeah.
Mike [02:06:20]:
So we have a bigger problem.
Eldar [02:06:21]:
Well, he say tonality.
Phillip [02:06:22]:
It doesn't matter what it is though.
Mike [02:06:25]:
Because it's not your problem. It's my problem. I'm raising awareness that yo, I don't even know what I'm doing because I can't recognize that behavior.
Eldar [02:06:32]:
So fine.
Mike [02:06:33]:
I'd like to understand.
Eldar [02:06:34]:
Fine. And if you, if you're raising that, he can, if he's feeling it, he could definitely point it out if you'd.
Mike [02:06:39]:
Like that mean, I'm not sure if he'd like that, but I definitely would like that. So we don't have to do this weird thing that he did this week.
Eldar [02:06:44]:
Yeah, that's fine.
Phillip [02:06:47]:
But are we in agreeance that you were frustrated this week more so than normal? Because if you don't think that, then we're not still going back and saying that he doesn't know what he was doing, what he's like, I'm trolling. But I'm saying the tone was different. It was more mean spirited because there was a different.
Eldar [02:07:06]:
He was singling you out.
Phillip [02:07:08]:
No, no, I don't think so either.
Phillip [02:07:09]:
Okay.
Phillip [02:07:09]:
I'm saying, I'm not saying that.
Eldar [02:07:10]:
But he already said it like, yo, I was angry this week, which spilled over to us.
Phillip [02:07:17]:
Yeah.
Phillip [02:07:17]:
That's all I'm saying. Yeah, I agree with it.
Eldar [02:07:19]:
But he'd like to know that stuff because if you feel like you're being singled out or whatever, he'd like to know. So he doesn't do that because he doesn't want to be that guy.
Phillip [02:07:27]:
Yeah.
Eldar [02:07:28]:
Which is a normal thing. Which is a good thing.
Phillip [02:07:30]:
I can definitely say it more in the moment. That's not a problem for me.
Mike [02:07:34]:
Well, yeah, I would appreciate that.
Eldar [02:07:36]:
How would you like for him to say it?
Mike [02:07:37]:
I mean, I'd like him to say what he's honestly feeling. He feels like I said something that was Philip.
Eldar [02:07:42]:
Can you model it?
Phillip [02:07:44]:
Yeah, because it's hard to judge, because you're. You could be saying the same things, but also, you're saying them in a different tone. And now I understand the frustration. So if it's, hey, now I understand if Mike is dealing with something Xyz say with their parents and you're conveying something, you know, I factor that in, and I'm saying, okay, I'll let a day blow over, and I'll see how he was tomorrow. So if you're consistent on that second day, and it's the same thing, and I'm feeling that and, like, it's not just make maybe, like, a, you know, you know, just something small like, this seems like a big frustration that I felt. I didn't feel like it was directed towards me. That was added to the level of confusion. So if you feel that, like, you know, the next day, if I say something, hey, Mike, you know, why you.
Phillip [02:08:30]:
Why you acting like this? Is there something going on? I can definitely address it. There's no problem. But I just felt like I'm putting it off because I'm asking your friends that know you for a long time, they're conveying something to me that makes me understand that you're dealing with something else. I didn't feel like it was even my place to kind of step in, unless you wanted to kind of say, hey, talk to me about it, because it's your thing. It's not mine.
Phillip [02:08:52]:
I mean, I.
Mike [02:08:53]:
We talked about it in the car, right? And then, like, that's also, like that excuse that this office hours, like, how many times we had conversations, podcasts during the day. We've done these things before. So, like.
Phillip [02:09:04]:
Right, exactly. So, like, I didn't know at what level that it was. So once I understood that it was at a certain level, I chose to leave it alone. If you want me to, then go a different.
Mike [02:09:15]:
You would like to be friends, then I would prefer you to be honest with me.
Phillip [02:09:18]:
Yeah.
Mike [02:09:18]:
You don't want to be friends, then we don't have to be honest with you.
Phillip [02:09:20]:
But I've never not been honest with you. I've only.
Mike [02:09:23]:
This was a. This was not honest, though.
Phillip [02:09:25]:
No, wasn't. I asked her. I asked your friends of this is normal. And they said that this is my.
Eldar [02:09:30]:
Normal, bro, you can't.
Mike [02:09:31]:
You can't.
Phillip [02:09:32]:
You put a level of expectation on me to then I don't know. You are right now, because saying that.
Mike [02:09:40]:
I'm asking you if you'd like to continue to be friends.
Phillip [02:09:42]:
No, no.
Phillip [02:09:42]:
You just cut. You just said that the way that I handled it was dishonest. So that's actually not.
Mike [02:09:46]:
But you were dishonest. You didn't tell me what was happening.
Phillip [02:09:49]:
That's not right. I talked to your friends, and I dealt it the way that I thought that I should instead of.
Mike [02:09:55]:
But where's the honesty here?
Phillip [02:09:57]:
Because you're asking, you're saying something, which you did in the car, right? And I'm saying, hey, okay, after you making the comments after on Tuesday or whatever they were, after you said this, things on Monday, I'm like, okay, is it just me or not? Once I heard it from your friends, I said, hey, I'm gonna let this go. And I'm saying, hey, I don't know when it's going to come up. Maybe we'll come up on a walk. Maybe it'll come up on a Wednesday, Tuesday, because we do multiple walks. It just happened that it didn't happen. I was not doing it on purpose. So for me not going to lunch.
Phillip [02:10:25]:
Yeah.
Phillip [02:10:25]:
If you want to hold that against me, fine. That's my way of dealing with it. But I wasn't saying that I was not going to deal with it at all. So if moving forward, you're saying, hey, Philip, if something is bothering you in the moment and you see something like this happen, come up to me right away, I'd rather it, like, happen between me and you then linger. Yeah, fine. But this is how I thought it was appropriate to deal with, because I wasn't 100% sure, and it was very different behavior for me. And then I said, okay, I got the confirmation from outside. I'm not gonna hold it.
Phillip [02:10:57]:
And I didn't have, like, a plan of, like, when I was gonna say it or when I was not.
Mike [02:11:01]:
But your actions were holding it. You don't want to go to lunch those days. Clearly, you said that because of that you didn't want to join the gym.
Phillip [02:11:07]:
Activities, because it wasn't addressed yet. Right, exactly.
Mike [02:11:10]:
So you were being dishonest. You were holding information.
Eldar [02:11:12]:
Well, Phil, let me tell you this. I think this is what's happening here. This happens to Mike when Mike. This happens to Mike, and this kind of behavior comes out.
Phillip [02:11:20]:
Mm hmm.
Eldar [02:11:21]:
I feel it too. However, I don't quote unquote, punish him.
Phillip [02:11:26]:
Mmm.
Eldar [02:11:27]:
Because I know that he's punishing himself in that moment.
Phillip [02:11:30]:
Hmm.
Eldar [02:11:31]:
You know, I'm saying this is not what Mike really wants to be. He wants to get out of it himself. I don't. Might come to you and say, yo, Mike, what's going on with you? You know, I mean, like, I address it on purpose. I can if you want to. However, the way I been doing it is just ignoring it.
Phillip [02:11:46]:
I'm removing myself and ignoring.
Eldar [02:11:49]:
No, no. You removed yourself on purpose. You weren't doing that. I don't remove myself from his invitations. I still go, okay. It's a different.
Phillip [02:11:57]:
That's what I'm saying. If he wants to blame me for anything, it's those two, right?
Phillip [02:12:00]:
No. Well, that's.
Eldar [02:12:01]:
That's a big thing. That's a big thing. That's a punishment. I think what I'm saying, where I know he's dealing with it and I'm not internalizing it, where it's on me. I know that he's going through something himself. It's not me.
Phillip [02:12:13]:
No.
Phillip [02:12:13]:
Once I realized that, it wasn't truly about me.
Phillip [02:12:16]:
Yeah.
Phillip [02:12:16]:
I still remove myself.
Phillip [02:12:17]:
Yes.
Eldar [02:12:18]:
I don't remove myself.
Phillip [02:12:19]:
Okay.
Eldar [02:12:19]:
Actually, I'm actually there and I, you know, and I'm careful, obviously, and I'm waiting for him to return. And he returns.
Phillip [02:12:25]:
Yeah. See, but you know, this more.
Phillip [02:12:28]:
Yeah.
Eldar [02:12:28]:
I mean, I've known for a long time, so.
Phillip [02:12:30]:
Yeah.
Phillip [02:12:30]:
So the way that I have dealt with this in the short term, we're talking about a two or three day span of when I figured it out for Monday, Tuesday, throughout the week. And I really started to not do things. Say Wednesday, Thursday, and then today.
Phillip [02:12:42]:
Yeah. Right.
Phillip [02:12:42]:
So, yeah. If you want to hold that against me, but we can change that, fine. But again, I'm always saying, no, no, no.
Eldar [02:12:49]:
Listen. If it's your. It's, if it's your method, and if you think it works, you should continue doing it.
Phillip [02:12:54]:
Well, it did work for me this week.
Phillip [02:12:55]:
Yeah.
Eldar [02:12:56]:
Like, if it works for you, then this is the way it is. I don't think there is, like, a. Should be any pressure for you to change as a person.
Phillip [02:13:02]:
But I have no problem doing what we're doing right now in the moment. I don't have a problem with this. If he wants to do this.
Phillip [02:13:08]:
Yeah.
Phillip [02:13:08]:
Then I'm okay with this.
Mike [02:13:11]:
I'm saying. But the thing is, when we have conversations, especially during the pod.
Phillip [02:13:15]:
Yeah.
Mike [02:13:15]:
We call each other out for our own things.
Phillip [02:13:17]:
Yeah.
Mike [02:13:17]:
So for him, not to call me out now. In retrospect, I'm like, wait.
Eldar [02:13:22]:
Oh, this was accepted, but we said we entered.
Phillip [02:13:26]:
A new behavior was entered. Yeah, it's different, stiff.
Phillip [02:13:29]:
What?
Phillip [02:13:29]:
We're doing it in this podcast again. It's a different trust. There's a different level of, like, hey, I'm connecting.
Eldar [02:13:35]:
And I really tell you this kind of show, Mike, like, you know.
Phillip [02:13:38]:
Yeah. Are you guys.
Mike [02:13:40]:
You guys saying that I'm all the time angry? Like, no, no, I know.
Eldar [02:13:44]:
You're just elder.
Mike [02:13:46]:
No, this is all the time you have to hold you, your thing.
Eldar [02:13:48]:
No, but there's moments when. When I do, and this is the fact.
Mike [02:13:52]:
Yeah, no, I get it.
Eldar [02:13:54]:
When you're frustrated with something or whatever it is, like, I just hope I just hold back and I just wait for your return.
Mike [02:13:59]:
Yeah, that's my.
Eldar [02:14:00]:
That's the way I deal with it. You know what I'm saying? For me to remove myself from the situation or punish you for something, it's absolutely wrong. I don't believe in that.
Mike [02:14:08]:
No, I just maybe question that. I'm all the time angry.
Phillip [02:14:11]:
No.
Mike [02:14:11]:
You guys not saying anything?
Phillip [02:14:13]:
No, I've only noticed it one time.
Anatoliy [02:14:15]:
Not generally.
Phillip [02:14:15]:
I've only noticed it one time in two months.
Eldar [02:14:17]:
Yeah, that's nothing.
Phillip [02:14:20]:
That's what I'm saying. I don't. I don't. I don't think he's angry all the time.
Eldar [02:14:24]:
I probably was more angry during these two months.
Phillip [02:14:25]:
Then.
Eldar [02:14:26]:
Then you were. Because of what I'm dealing with. You know what I'm saying?
Phillip [02:14:30]:
Yeah.
Eldar [02:14:31]:
You know, so. No, I mean, like I said, I deal with it differently than other people. You know what I'm saying? I chose this method a long time ago, and for me, it works. It works all the time.
Phillip [02:14:43]:
Yeah.
Eldar [02:14:44]:
Versus holding a grudge, punishment, and all this other shit. You know what I mean?
Phillip [02:14:48]:
To me, I like all the other route where I would want to say in a moment so it doesn't linger for me. That probably would work better for me. And if it works better for you.
Mike [02:14:56]:
I mean, I thought that's what the whole thing was about. I think that's the whole point that.
Phillip [02:15:01]:
Under regular circle, I would prefer to.
Mike [02:15:02]:
Be called out, especially as I'm trying to grow as a person. And I think you're also saying this.
Eldar [02:15:07]:
Shit on record now, bro. No problem, bro.
Phillip [02:15:09]:
Yeah, yeah.
Mike [02:15:09]:
Don't expect me to fucking react to it. Well, obviously, because I'm still fucking human, but, yeah, I would like to know so that hopefully when I calm down, I can actually address it.
Phillip [02:15:18]:
Yeah, yeah. I'm saying.
Phillip [02:15:19]:
I'm saying no problem to that.
Eldar [02:15:20]:
Well, I have no problem with that either. Okay.
Phillip [02:15:25]:
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
Anatoliy [02:15:26]:
I mean, I have no problem.
Phillip [02:15:27]:
Yeah.
Eldar [02:15:27]:
Okay, cool. You know, you act like you fall asleep over here. No, no, no.
Mike [02:15:32]:
Yes.
Phillip [02:15:34]:
Okay.
Eldar [02:15:35]:
You know, I mean, I don't know, but then you would have to give me a testimony, I mean, testimonial on how you've been. How you've been feeling about the way I approach it.
Mike [02:15:45]:
Yeah, I mean, we don't really have, like, anything, bro. Like, if it happens 10 seconds, a minute, ten minutes, then we move on. We, like.
Eldar [02:15:53]:
Exactly.
Mike [02:15:53]:
It's not like.
Eldar [02:15:55]:
So. So you almost prefer the way I do it.
Phillip [02:15:58]:
See, he wasn't aware of your method.
Mike [02:16:00]:
No, I know what he's doing. He's doing it.
Phillip [02:16:03]:
He's.
Mike [02:16:03]:
What he's doing. I know what he's doing.
Phillip [02:16:05]:
But you're saying that he's not giving what I want. Well, you're saying that you don't like that method. You want him to do my method, or you want me to his method upgraded now.
Eldar [02:16:13]:
Yeah, I could talk a lot of shit. I could tell you how it is.
Phillip [02:16:16]:
But he's asking me to do it a different way than doing.
Eldar [02:16:18]:
I thought I was being nice.
Phillip [02:16:19]:
So if I do it your way, where I would let it go, but I would still go to lunch with him and do all that, just accept.
Eldar [02:16:24]:
It'S over for everybody if I start really telling you how you actually.
Phillip [02:16:27]:
Okay, so what we're saying is that, do you want me to do it that way, or do you prefer that if I do it Eldar's way, where we still go to lunch, we still do all that. And I'm just saying, hey, Mike, I mean, angry guy.
Mike [02:16:37]:
So I prefer honesty.
Phillip [02:16:39]:
So do you want Eldar to also do this?
Mike [02:16:40]:
I want everybody to be honest with me. Like, what the fuck is the point of me trying to better my life or not through this?
Eldar [02:16:47]:
Say no more.
Phillip [02:16:48]:
So we're doing the different approach?
Phillip [02:16:49]:
Yeah.
Eldar [02:16:50]:
I mean, I gotta get used to it, too.
Mike [02:16:51]:
Sure, you can do whatever you want. Like, if your approach works for you, that's fine. Mean, whatever. I don't have a problem.
Eldar [02:16:58]:
Listen, if you're telling me, I want.
Mike [02:17:00]:
To know, I'm not bothered by others.
Eldar [02:17:02]:
Approaching be a better friend, by accelerate my. My growth, by calling me out when you actually know to call me out, but you kind of, like, take a step back to let me hang myself somewhere else, no problem.
Phillip [02:17:16]:
Yeah, but you're saying that for me, if I did Eldar's approach where I would know that, okay, Mike's going to come back eventually. I'll still go to lunch, but I'm not going to address that. Hey, I'm feeling XYZ. Or I'm pointing out that you're acting a certain way. You're saying that you don't mind that.
Mike [02:17:31]:
I think the approach that other uses. I would have preferred that this week, you know, because. Because at least, you know, like, I mean, I would prefer that approach because I didn't know what the fuck was happening. I'm not, like, saying I'm a victim here, but, like, I had no idea what this is how you felt. I had zero clue.
Eldar [02:17:48]:
Because his application of the way he's behaving, he hasn't been aware of it.
Phillip [02:17:54]:
You know what I mean?
Eldar [02:17:54]:
That it's making some other people feel a certain type of way more sensitive. People like yourself. So you know what I'm saying? That's why he's like, y'all like, what the fuck?
Phillip [02:18:03]:
I have no problem saying it in the moment, all right? I have no problem. I'm saying it now.
Eldar [02:18:07]:
So I don't have.
Mike [02:18:08]:
I've never.
Phillip [02:18:08]:
I don't think I've shown you guys a problem where I have a problem conveying my opinion. I think I've seen, like, my opinions been like.
Phillip [02:18:14]:
Yeah.
Phillip [02:18:15]:
Very bluntly honest.
Phillip [02:18:16]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Eldar [02:18:17]:
To almost you. If you have that, if you could raise more through this way, that's even fucking better.
Phillip [02:18:23]:
I don't have a problem with this. All I was doing was, again, if it's a new situation and I'm entering something new, I was doing my due diligence, trying to figure out if this was something to talk to you about, if it was something about me or not. Once I realized it wasn't about me, then I was like, okay, it eventually will come out. So if that is a dishonesty in this realm, okay, fine, because I wasn't going to lunch, and I was purposely not doing it. But in moving forward, if you're saying, hey, Philip, if I'm acting a certain way, please point it out. I will point it out, because actually, it does serve me better because I don't like holding things in. Yeah, it doesn't serve me well. Yeah, I realize it does not serve you.
Eldar [02:19:01]:
You need to practice that.
Phillip [02:19:02]:
And I don't like it. So I am. I think I've showed you guys in this podcast and just talking in general.
Eldar [02:19:07]:
Well, we have a record.
Mike [02:19:08]:
And this.
Eldar [02:19:08]:
And this is, as the record goes.
Phillip [02:19:11]:
I usually don't hold back in front of you guys usually say exactly how I feel.
Mike [02:19:14]:
That's why I was surprised. After you told me what happened, I was like, wait, we do have a free communication. We can say whatever one. I call you out all the time on things that you do that when you're wrong. And you also, last week, I was. You were sitting here, and I was sitting there.
Phillip [02:19:27]:
Yeah.
Mike [02:19:27]:
I was on the hot, and I was taking it.
Phillip [02:19:29]:
Yeah.
Mike [02:19:30]:
Because I was like, yo, I know that you're my friend. I know you have the best interest in me, even though my ego at the moment will not accept that. Possibly, but I have to, like, that's not the point. Maybe today won't click. Maybe tonight I'll click. Maybe tomorrow click. But ultimately, that'll click.
Phillip [02:19:44]:
It'll click. Sure.
Phillip [02:19:46]:
And in. When I was saying that to you, when we were having that conversation, the podcast, our relationship was different, and the way that you were talking to me was different. This week introduced something different where I was saying, like, oh, wait, what is going on? What's different? This changes the dynamic. And I'm. I'm a very, like, I feel things, like, very, very deeply. So, like, you're a deep guy, I guess, but, uh. But whatever it is, like, I feel feelings very, very deeply. So call that whatever it is.
Eldar [02:20:13]:
Is that, like, a advantage or disadvantage, or is that, like, a trait? A good trait?
Phillip [02:20:19]:
I don't know what it can be. I think maybe for certain things in a creative field, maybe it can be good where, I don't know.
Eldar [02:20:26]:
Are you proud of it or.
Phillip [02:20:26]:
No, I haven't given it too much thought. I think now that I think about it more, it can be something that can actually hurt me. If I do choose to be prematurely open and I am not aware of now, if I use it as an application process where I'm consciously doing it and saying, hey, I can tap into certain feelings. I can feel music and movies or conversations and use them as inspiration. Like, yeah, I think it can be probably a positive thing. But I would say, overall, in this particular example, if I'm going to be open and then I'm going to bottle it up and then not say it, it probably does not serve me very good for this example. I think it would be better for me to say it in the moment if Mike's open to it, which it seems like he wants me or wants to be.
Eldar [02:21:10]:
But you have it on record now.
Phillip [02:21:11]:
I'm fine with that.
Eldar [02:21:12]:
Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, I think that's great.
Phillip [02:21:15]:
So, yeah, I'm not opposed to saying it in the moment. So, yeah, I'm sorry for being spiteful this week. That wasn't right. But I was doing what I thought was right for this, for the moment, to then allow this conversation to happen. So that's how I looked at it. I wasn't trying to hold the truth from you. I was eventually going to say something, but I didn't have a time. Exactly.
Phillip [02:21:35]:
Hey, 545 on Friday. We're gonna say it. I thought there was a possibility could come out Wednesday, Thursday on a walk, and it just didn't happen that way because we were busy. So I wasn't being, like, strategically withholding information.
Eldar [02:21:47]:
Is there gonna be a potential grudge towards me because I brought up this thing?
Phillip [02:21:51]:
No, no, I just want to make.
Eldar [02:21:53]:
Sure I'm in the clear.
Phillip [02:21:54]:
No, like, I came to you guys about this because it was on my mind.
Phillip [02:21:59]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Phillip [02:21:59]:
I don't like to hold these things in.
Phillip [02:22:00]:
Good. No.
Eldar [02:22:01]:
Good job.
Phillip [02:22:02]:
I know.
Phillip [02:22:02]:
It doesn't serve me.
Phillip [02:22:03]:
Yeah.
Eldar [02:22:03]:
Good, Mike, anything else?
Phillip [02:22:05]:
No.
Eldar [02:22:06]:
Uh, what's your assessment, sir?
Anatoliy [02:22:10]:
Um, assessment?
Eldar [02:22:12]:
Are you. Are you surprisingly pleased by the way it went?
Anatoliy [02:22:14]:
I mean, I apologize.
Phillip [02:22:16]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [02:22:16]:
I mean, it sounds like it went pretty good.
Phillip [02:22:17]:
Yeah.
Eldar [02:22:18]:
Respect.
Phillip [02:22:19]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Anatoliy [02:22:20]:
But, like, again, I think in this process, there's gonna be ups and downs, you know, up until I. A better understanding between the two individuals is, like, had. And then I think not. Not that it's gonna be smooth sailing, but I think it's gonna be like, you know, both people will be in a better position to know more about each other.
Phillip [02:22:42]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [02:22:42]:
And they'll be able to. To handle things in a better way on. On both sides.
Phillip [02:22:46]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [02:22:47]:
But like I said, I think, like, again, I think we'd be naive. That's like, every time Philip something, he's gonna definitely call it out right in the spot and, like, you know, like, it's just not.
Phillip [02:22:59]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [02:22:59]:
It's just not a. It's not a fair expectation to set for anybody because it's like, you can also call things out if you're, for example, feeling good, but if you're not.
Phillip [02:23:09]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [02:23:10]:
You know, you might not be able to at that time. Right. And it's not a fair expectation to. To a set there. So I.
Phillip [02:23:18]:
So I definitely.
Anatoliy [02:23:19]:
Yeah, I definitely think there's definitely.
Eldar [02:23:27]:
Me here. Employed me a long time ago. Cannot subscribe for my shit. Nice. You know what I'm saying?
Phillip [02:23:31]:
On it.
Phillip [02:23:32]:
From both sides of what I think I get enough.
Phillip [02:23:35]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Phillip [02:23:38]:
That's why the shit to dangle on his butt.
Phillip [02:23:40]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Phillip [02:23:41]:
Wants to feel a little dirty.
Anatoliy [02:23:42]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know. I definitely think that, uh, you know, as you guys spend more time, hopefully you guys can be more honest with each other and more and learn more about each other and, like, you're wrapping.
Phillip [02:23:57]:
It with the bow.
Phillip [02:23:58]:
Yeah.
Eldar [02:23:59]:
Listen, I think. I think. I think this is good.
Phillip [02:24:02]:
I think it definitely is good. I didn't know how the conversation was gonna be.
Phillip [02:24:06]:
I know.
Phillip [02:24:06]:
We're gonna have the conversation.
Phillip [02:24:07]:
Yeah.
Eldar [02:24:08]:
The conversation go the way you expected? Absolutely not.
Phillip [02:24:11]:
Um, did it go? How is gonna go? I knew there's gonna be some level of frustration, confusion on my part, maybe frustration on Mike's part with me. So, yeah, you persevere pretty well.
Phillip [02:24:21]:
I didn't.
Phillip [02:24:21]:
I didn't think about how, like, the actual outcome was gonna be.
Phillip [02:24:24]:
Mm hmm.
Eldar [02:24:25]:
But you're surprised by the outcome as much as you were surprised by the.
Phillip [02:24:29]:
I didn't know what the outcome was gonna be, so I can't say I was surprised, because I didn't. I didn't have. Have an idea of what it was going to be.
Anatoliy [02:24:34]:
It was looking dark for a while.
Phillip [02:24:36]:
I was just allowing my feeling to dictate it. I wasn't allowing the potential, like, outcome to say.
Eldar [02:24:41]:
Yeah, I think when you employed the logic and reason within yourself, I think you came up with a very good conclusion. Which you're happy with, right?
Phillip [02:24:49]:
Yeah, I'm happy with where it's at now is that I don't have to hold this in. Mike's open to me saying something in the moment, and I think that would alleviate a lot of this, what happened this week.
Phillip [02:24:59]:
Confusion. Yeah. Yeah.
Phillip [02:25:00]:
Misunderstanding, miscommunication, or no communication and confusion.
Eldar [02:25:04]:
I mean, what ultimate I think is being said is like, look, I am in a process of development. Right, Mike? And if I can employ whoever I can in order to help you in this process, I'd like that.
Phillip [02:25:15]:
Yeah.
Eldar [02:25:16]:
You know, and I heard that loud and clear, so. And I'm a hawk when it comes to these things, Mike.
Anatoliy [02:25:28]:
Now, be honest.
Eldar [02:25:29]:
I don't have. I don't have an unsubscribe button on my email.
Anatoliy [02:25:32]:
No, no. Beyond. Be honest. Be honest. Did you put the salad from the chicken train in the other fridge?
Eldar [02:25:39]:
Did that. You did. I did not do that. Yes, you did. You did. But I'm gonna tell you right now.
Phillip [02:25:44]:
Let me tell.
Eldar [02:25:44]:
Let me give you. Let me give you what you actually want to know. Okay. I ate it. It's very good. You know, the carrots are very good at spicy. And the fuck shit was Matt Vinegary. Oh, my God.
Eldar [02:25:58]:
Look, look.
Phillip [02:25:58]:
See?
Eldar [02:25:58]:
I change the topic. Look what I'm doing to his mind. It's so good. Somebody put napkins.
Anatoliy [02:26:05]:
Somebody put napkins all over in the other fridge. How sour was it?
Eldar [02:26:12]:
It was so sour and good. I loved it. Catherine loved it. You lying right now. I could describe the whole fucking taste. That's right. If you're white. Holy shit.
Phillip [02:26:23]:
Yeah.
Eldar [02:26:24]:
Mike, did you put it in a different fridge?
Phillip [02:26:25]:
No. Right.
Eldar [02:26:26]:
You did.
Phillip [02:26:27]:
No.
Eldar [02:26:29]:
One of you guys is.
Anatoliy [02:26:30]:
What do you understand?
Mike [02:26:31]:
I wasn't even here.
Eldar [02:26:32]:
Living in the fucking fog when they say, what's the weather? Your whole shit. 365 days in the.
Anatoliy [02:26:40]:
When I opened the other fridge, those two things were in there with napkins on top of them.
Phillip [02:26:44]:
Yeah.
Eldar [02:26:45]:
No. Somebody else just put it there after you put it there.
Anatoliy [02:26:47]:
No.
Phillip [02:26:48]:
Yeah.
Mike [02:26:48]:
We're on the counter, in the table.
Anatoliy [02:26:50]:
Remember vividly putting it into the refrigerator.
Eldar [02:26:52]:
Stop it. You don't remember vividly anything in your life.
Anatoliy [02:26:55]:
I do.
Eldar [02:26:56]:
You cannot use the word vivid in your whole experience. I even said out of the fridge for you.
Anatoliy [02:27:01]:
I remember putting it in the fridge.
Eldar [02:27:02]:
Think about this vividly. You know what I'm saying? The only thing vivid is, is that you're hungry and what you want to eat next.
Phillip [02:27:08]:
Wait, so you left me this half, and then there was another half that was in the fridge? Is this whole thing.
Anatoliy [02:27:12]:
What I did was when I walked in here, right. I left the food for you over there.
Eldar [02:27:18]:
It was hot.
Anatoliy [02:27:18]:
It was like, you know, it's not something I'm gonna put in the fridge to know that you're gonna eat it.
Phillip [02:27:21]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [02:27:21]:
And then I went and to there, and I put Eldar stuff that I didn't even ask before I offered to get it for him.
Phillip [02:27:29]:
He said, yes.
Anatoliy [02:27:29]:
I got it. And I went back there to the kitchen to put in the fridge. At the end of the day, I come up to Eldar and ask him, like, because I know he's gonna forget. I asked him, do you want me to go to the fridge and bring it to you here so you don't forget? He said, yes. Put it here on the whiteboard right there. I go to the fridge, and it's not there. He's saying I put it in your.
Phillip [02:27:52]:
Well, you're saying you put it. You put it in there, like, main fridger.
Phillip [02:27:55]:
Yes.
Anatoliy [02:27:55]:
Oh, I know what happened. That's it.
Eldar [02:27:58]:
You did this motherfucker.
Anatoliy [02:27:59]:
No, I know what happened. I put in the fridge.
Phillip [02:28:01]:
Right?
Anatoliy [02:28:01]:
And probably Philip, like, came in. We're trying to put his groceries in there.
Eldar [02:28:05]:
He did it. And then someone else Phil, if you put that shit on Facebook, he said, what the fuck?
Phillip [02:28:10]:
I know exactly what I do.
Eldar [02:28:11]:
I know my yeah routine. Yeah, 0%.
Phillip [02:28:13]:
Yeah.
Eldar [02:28:13]:
If I was to be a betting man, which I am. 0%. Yeah, 0%. And this is 100%. He did this. He's in the fog. He lives in a fucking. Do you or do you not live in a fucking fuck? See what? Yeah, you trying.
Eldar [02:28:26]:
Why are you trying to be condescending towards him? That's a different situation. He just doesn't know how to deal with.
Phillip [02:28:30]:
You have dingles on your butt.
Phillip [02:28:31]:
Yeah. Right now.
Eldar [02:28:32]:
That's disgusting.
Phillip [02:28:33]:
Sitting on this couch.
Phillip [02:28:34]:
Yeah.
Eldar [02:28:34]:
Your ass is.
Phillip [02:28:35]:
Matt.
Eldar [02:28:35]:
Harry, what's the last time you shaved our shoes?
Phillip [02:28:37]:
It's on this couch. Penny, Penny, cat elders, white elders wife sits on this couch. The sky dingles on your butt.
Anatoliy [02:28:44]:
This is Mike's casting.
Eldar [02:28:45]:
But.
Phillip [02:28:48]:
He put it in there. You know what? It probably was? It's probably upstairs. Maybe one of these people that we know.
Eldar [02:28:56]:
Impossible, dude.
Phillip [02:28:58]:
100% not.
Eldar [02:28:59]:
He lives in the fog. He lives in the fog. Do you live in the fog or no, at times, yeah, he lives in the fog. But I feel like there was just.
Anatoliy [02:29:08]:
So many specific details that happen here. Not even ask Ella, you want me.
Eldar [02:29:11]:
To go to the fridge?
Phillip [02:29:12]:
Ask him right now.
Eldar [02:29:12]:
How many times out of the week he's still going to.
Phillip [02:29:14]:
Where was.
Eldar [02:29:17]:
Ask him right now, Phil, word for word what I'm going to say. How many times out of the week do you still go to the old office and you park in the park? Ask him, Phil, right now. Three to four.
Anatoliy [02:29:27]:
It's not even like a big number.
Eldar [02:29:29]:
How many times you took this exit, Phil, ask him right now. Ask him right now.
Phillip [02:29:34]:
Since we've got here. Yes, total.
Anatoliy [02:29:37]:
I'm extremely proud to say. Extremely proud to say, even though you guys say I have early all time. Extremely proud to say I have not done it once.
Phillip [02:29:47]:
Get out of here.
Eldar [02:29:48]:
I did it once.
Phillip [02:29:50]:
Really?
Eldar [02:29:50]:
I did it.
Anatoliy [02:29:51]:
I'm proud to say I've not done it once, Mike.
Phillip [02:29:55]:
So again, to this point, if I took it out and I left it on the counter, wouldn't have been on the counter.
Eldar [02:30:02]:
Yeah, but somebody else put. He said, yeah, yeah, I'll leave.
Anatoliy [02:30:10]:
I'll leave a 5% chance that I left it there. But that would be crazy to me. Like, I should get slapped, you know.
Phillip [02:30:15]:
If I left it out, why would terror put it in the. In the main fridge and not our fridge?
Eldar [02:30:20]:
Know what it was?
Anatoliy [02:30:21]:
Yeah.
Phillip [02:30:22]:
So you found it in the main fridge.
Eldar [02:30:23]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [02:30:24]:
I go to tell Elder, I'm gonna go get it from the fridge for you, cuz. I know, like this is meant to be eaten cold.
Eldar [02:30:30]:
And he's leaving.
Phillip [02:30:31]:
Yeah.
Anatoliy [02:30:32]:
And I go look in there. It's empty. Sound like bro. I started looking everywhere after thinking, wait, did I not put in the fridge or something?
Phillip [02:30:36]:
Yeah, right.
Anatoliy [02:30:37]:
And then I'm like, hold on, go to the other fridge.
Phillip [02:30:40]:
And there's.
Anatoliy [02:30:40]:
It's in the fridge with some napkins.
Eldar [02:30:43]:
And there was a. Oh, there was.
Anatoliy [02:30:44]:
A Kool aid jammer leaning on it.
Eldar [02:30:47]:
The Kool Aid jam?
Anatoliy [02:30:48]:
Yeah, you know, bomb.
Phillip [02:30:51]:
But.
Anatoliy [02:30:51]:
But ultimately I'm glad that you liked it.
Eldar [02:30:53]:
I loved it.
Phillip [02:30:54]:
Yeah, I thought that white.
Anatoliy [02:30:55]:
That white cabbage salad was on point.
Eldar [02:30:58]:
Was on point.
Phillip [02:30:59]:
It's fucking.
Phillip [02:30:59]:
So why don't you give me this one? You were hyping this one up and then you gave me the regular cabbage salad.
Anatoliy [02:31:03]:
No, I gave you my leftovers. I ate all.
Mike [02:31:05]:
Now that changes everything.
Anatoliy [02:31:09]:
You said, no, I want your leftovers.
Phillip [02:31:11]:
You were hyping up. This side was the only one you were talking about. You didn't give this to me.
Eldar [02:31:16]:
That one he ate.
Mike [02:31:16]:
Yeah, he got a double portion of it, right?
Anatoliy [02:31:19]:
No, I got a double portion of the carrots, which, which he has.
Phillip [02:31:26]:
Double meat. Don't you?
Eldar [02:31:28]:
So, guys, we. Did we come to a conclusion that.
Phillip [02:31:31]:
Our old selves is fucked, but they are still somehow, some way, a part of us. In. In certain scenarios, they are.
Anatoliy [02:31:41]:
Because once you sell your soul to the devil. Hard to get that fucking back.
Eldar [02:31:45]:
It's hard to get it back, you know, because you sold it for cheap.
Phillip [02:31:49]:
Sold it for cheap.
Phillip [02:31:50]:
233 plus postage.
Eldar [02:31:52]:
Whoa. Whoa. Holy shit.
Phillip [02:31:56]:
Starting package.
Phillip [02:31:57]:
Yeah. Fully. Fully.
Anatoliy [02:32:01]:
Yeah, you could just say that at that time. You're just a little boy.
Eldar [02:32:05]:
You were just a little boy. Always just a little boy. Oh, shit. All right, so, anything else, guys?
Phillip [02:32:14]:
Um.
Eldar [02:32:15]:
For this?
Phillip [02:32:16]:
No, I think I said everything.
Eldar [02:32:18]:
Or at least I did. Yeah, I think that my final thoughts are around. Immerse yourself in the right action. Identify what the right action is and immerse yourself completely in it. And that will be your salvation. And that will be your freedom from your old self who's constantly trying to badger you about nonsense. And long enough, your memory will adjust and that guy will be completely dead or he'll die. But if you're not consistent and you're phony about your actions and you're just talking out of your ass, motherfucker will.
Anatoliy [02:32:56]:
Come out and say hello.
Phillip [02:32:57]:
Yeah.
Eldar [02:32:58]:
And he will rule your life and he will be present and he will give you the fruits of his labor, which is anger, frustration, unhappiness, loneliness, despair, and negative self talk, for sure. So get busy, guys. Get fucking busy. Oh, as Tony says, get humble or get fucked.
Phillip [02:33:22]:
All right.
Eldar [02:33:23]:
Good job.
Phillip [02:33:24]:
Holy shit.
76. Navigating Life Transitions: From Old Habits to Conscious Living
Jun 30, 2023•3 hr 33 min•Ep. 76
Episode description
How can we navigate the complexities of personal growth while dealing with past behaviors and relationships that continue to affect us?
In this insightful episode of Dennis Rox, Eldar is joined by guests Phillip and Anatoliy to delve into the complex dynamics of personal growth, familial relationships, and the conundrums presented by change. The trio discusses the delicate art of leaving situations with grace, whether it's stepping away from a difficult parent or detaching from a past version of oneself. As they navigate the tricky terrain of self-preservation versus compassion, they touch upon the challenge of connecting with parents who may struggle to understand or accept them, leading to surface-level engagements and the pressures of conformity. Phillip shares his journey of processing new variables in life with honesty, while Anatoliy reflects on his penchant for stirring the pot in social scenarios. Through these candid conversations, the theme of personal evolution emerges as the episode explores the nuances of adapting to life's changes while maintaining authenticity in relationships.
As the episode progresses, the discussion shifts to the group dynamics among the hosts and guests. Misunderstandings and unspoken tensions bubble to the surface, highlighting the need for clear communication and genuine connections. Intermixed with moments of lighthearted jest about juice duty and cleaning habits, the episode takes a deeper turn when tackling issues of trust, vulnerability, and the concept of love. Mike reflects on his challenges with family and self-discovery, giving a vulnerable account of navigating the waters of transformation and inner turmoil. The guests collectively grapple with the lasting shadows of their old selves as they strive for betterment, engaging in a philosophical debate on forgiveness, change, and the liberation of one's identity. Eldar provides a guiding voice, underlining the significance of right action, speech, and thought in the chaotic dance of evolving relationships and self-image.
Transcript
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