75. Authentic Connections and Real Talks - Bridging the Gap Between Theory and Practice - podcast episode cover

75. Authentic Connections and Real Talks - Bridging the Gap Between Theory and Practice

Dennis Rox
Jun 23, 2023•2 hr 13 min•Ep. 75
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Episode description

How can we align our philosophical discussions with our actual lived experiences to foster genuine connections and personal growth?

Delve into the nuances of applying philosophical concepts in real life, and the transformative potential of authentic connections. Throughout the episode, we explore the discrepancies between discussing lofty ideas and the actual implementation in day-to-day scenarios. A central theme of the conversation is the superficial nature of societal interactions, with a focus on material possessions over richer experiences and personal growth. Phillip shares a moment of self-realization about maintaining false pretenses to meet social expectations, providing a candid look at the importance of integrity and personal values. Additionally, the group discusses the trap of superficial romantic connections and the journey towards self-acceptance and understanding one's true desires, using examples from "The Notebook" to exemplify breaking away from societal pressures to find genuine happiness.

Throughout their dynamic dialogue, Eldar, Phillip, Mike, and Tommy reflect openly on their own experiences with relationship dynamics and the personal challenges they face, such as the struggle to read people correctly and the dangers of complacency in continuous growth. Phillip's acknowledgment of a tendency to be a "people pleaser" ties into broader discussions on the lack of deeper conversations in society. Anecdotes shared, including a personal story about a woman who hadn't asked herself if she actually enjoyed her activities, help illustrate the importance of self-awareness within social interactions. The hosts and guests also consider taking their philosophical discussions on a road trip to engage in real conversations with diverse perspectives, enthusiastically embracing the opportunity to broaden their horizons and impact a wider audience. The episode navigates the balance between vulnerability and strength, the power of attraction versus the substance of character, and ultimately the courage to forge tighter, more meaningful connections in life.

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Transcript

Tommy [00:00:00]:
I think it's time for you to jump in.

Eldar [00:00:01]:
Whoa, whoa.

Phillip [00:00:03]:
And I haven't even sat down in four years and asked myself, do I actually like doing this, or am I.

Eldar [00:00:07]:
Just doing it gigs up?

Tommy [00:00:09]:
We don't all have elderism in our life.

Eldar [00:00:11]:
Well, sorry to hear that.

Mike [00:00:12]:
That they would make me happy because I couldn't make myself happy.

Eldar [00:00:15]:
So when you sucked that air out of their booty holes.

Mike [00:00:17]:
Yes.

Eldar [00:00:17]:
You didn't. You weren't happy?

Mike [00:00:18]:
I was very happy.

Phillip [00:00:19]:
Is this a metaphor or is it real air from the booty?

Eldar [00:00:29]:
All right, Mike, you want to introduce the topic?

Mike [00:00:32]:
I can introduce the topic.

Eldar [00:00:33]:
Yeah. Very good.

Mike [00:00:34]:
So the topic is how to develop a tighter gate about who and what you let into your life. So the gate. I don't remember how this conversation started, but me and you started talking about this a few weeks back, and we're talking about my thing about girls, right. How I let them in past the gatekeeper. Because there is no gatekeeper. Well, there was no gatekeeper for a long time. Yeah. I would let them in and I would give them the pass thinking they're good girls because they look pretty or they were beautiful, and then I would end up getting fucked, you know, like, having a lot of problems falling, probably falling for them, allowing them to treat me like shit and.

Eldar [00:01:29]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:01:29]:
Just basically not, you know, not just with girls, but in general, with all. A lot of relationships.

Phillip [00:01:35]:
You see, I thought you were talking more about relationships and friendships. Like when with the example.

Mike [00:01:40]:
Well, it is relationships with girls.

Eldar [00:01:42]:
Okay.

Mike [00:01:42]:
And also by me and all, I think we started talking was more about a girls thing, because now, you know, I'm thinking more about dating. I'd like to, you know, start that again. I'd like to talk to girls, but I'm trying to understand what are the things that are preventing me from this? What are the issues that I'm worried about? Yeah. Why am I not going into this dating stuff confidently? What's holding me back? You know?

Eldar [00:02:06]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:02:07]:
And one of the things that I was thinking about, one of the things that I thought about was the fact that I don't have a tight gait.

Eldar [00:02:13]:
Okay, cool. So can you explain, then, why did you give those girls passes? You said because they look good.

Mike [00:02:19]:
Because they look, like, really so good.

Eldar [00:02:22]:
Yeah. Okay. Did you? Did you. Let's talk about this. Did you associate their competence with beauty?

Mike [00:02:28]:
No, I did not associate their confidence with beauty.

Eldar [00:02:31]:
No.

Mike [00:02:31]:
I think it was. I guess I had a desire, you know, to like you.

Eldar [00:02:36]:
Really learning how to relax, don't you? Yeah. You said you did give some passes out, right? Because. Because they look good. Yeah. So why? Why?

Mike [00:02:44]:
I think my own self interest, wanting to, like, maybe be in a relationship with them, maybe have sex with them.

Eldar [00:02:50]:
Okay.

Mike [00:02:51]:
Or do some other naughty things with them.

Eldar [00:02:52]:
Okay.

Mike [00:02:53]:
I was willing to kind of sell out anything and everything just to, like, you know, be with them, probably.

Eldar [00:02:58]:
Okay, so, cool. So you just said self interest.

Mike [00:03:01]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:03:02]:
So would you say that self interest dictates how tight or how loose your gate is?

Mike [00:03:07]:
Yeah, I think. I think self interest has a part of it. I'm not sure if there's other stuff, but definitely self interest is probably a big one.

Eldar [00:03:15]:
You said that that's what it was.

Mike [00:03:17]:
Yeah. Yeah. I wanted something from them, which I know. I guess we're continuing as I'm thinking about. We. I wanted something, them that I was not able to give myself. So I guess maybe I believed that they would make me happy because I couldn't make myself happy.

Eldar [00:03:32]:
So when you suck that air out of their booty holes.

Mike [00:03:34]:
Yes.

Eldar [00:03:34]:
You didn't. You weren't happy.

Mike [00:03:36]:
Was very happy. It was not all worth it, though.

Eldar [00:03:41]:
Yeah. Okay, fine.

Mike [00:03:42]:
Because the sucking in the booty hole was like a very, you know.

Eldar [00:03:44]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:03:45]:
Once in a while thing.

Eldar [00:03:46]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:03:46]:
Is this a metaphor or is real error from the booty?

Eldar [00:03:52]:
Okay, yeah. So. So self interest.

Mike [00:03:55]:
Self interest. Yeah. But I think.

Tommy [00:03:57]:
Where does that come from, the self interest?

Eldar [00:03:59]:
Uh. Oh.

Mike [00:04:00]:
Yeah. I think we got another culprit. I think it's probably from low self esteem, because in my case, and probably in general with self interest, you want somebody to give you something that you are lacking. Now, I. Now that I think about it, it's a lot. It's, like, impossible that somebody else can make you happy if you're not happy yourself, you know, with who you are, you know?

Tommy [00:04:25]:
I see, I see.

Mike [00:04:26]:
So I guess I was maybe seeking approval.

Tommy [00:04:29]:
So if you knew you were, then your gate would be sort of solid. If you knew who you were, then you would kind of, sort of let the right person into your life rather than let the specific person who meets those specific needs into your life. Not. Not real, like rational needs, let's say, but those kind of animal like needs or something. No, I mean, like this girl. She's gonna be the one who, like, pleases me when I need to be pleased. She's gonna be the one who fills in these gaps when my. My gaps are not filled.

Mike [00:05:02]:
Uh huh.

Tommy [00:05:03]:
You know, I don't know whether to smile at you, kick a field, go.

Eldar [00:05:07]:
Wait.

Phillip [00:05:08]:
Can you.

Eldar [00:05:09]:
Can.

Phillip [00:05:10]:
You know, who you are and also be insecure at the same time, or they. They cancel each other out.

Eldar [00:05:15]:
I'm not sure. I'm not sure that's possible.

Mike [00:05:17]:
I guess knowing who you are and being happy with that is. Might be two different things.

Phillip [00:05:21]:
No, I'm saying accepting, knowing who you are. Right. Like knowing who you are. But then is there a courage in accepting it? Because there can be an example where Mike probably knows who he is, didn't accept who he is yet, but then allowing this other stuff. So these things are going to keep coming into his life, you know, insecure, you know, results, which is letting these people in through his gate.

Eldar [00:05:42]:
That's right.

Phillip [00:05:42]:
But if he knew himself, accepted it, and acted on it coming from that place of, like, strength and courage, these people probably would not come in his life.

Eldar [00:05:50]:
I agree with that 100%.

Phillip [00:05:51]:
Okay.

Mike [00:05:52]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:05:52]:
Yeah. One thing is to actually act out of courage, like you said, and be honest with it. Right. And straightforward with it. Hey, this is who I am. I'm a human being. These are my flaws. And be okay with it.

Eldar [00:06:01]:
Versus doing the people pleasing stuff, putting on a mask and then kind of hiding throughout the whole process, you know, in turn, you give passes to those people. Right. For being nasty, for being rude, for being manipulative or controlling jealousy and all that's all the baggage lost. Confused. Fine.

Phillip [00:06:24]:
So the price to pay for not accepting who you are is. Is allowing other people to run all over you.

Eldar [00:06:31]:
Correct. Yeah. Because it's almost on an even exchange. Right. Like, hey, I'm cheating you here. It's okay. You can cheat me.

Phillip [00:06:37]:
Like, I'm not giving you my full self.

Eldar [00:06:38]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:06:39]:
So, yeah, you can just slap me around.

Eldar [00:06:41]:
Yeah, that's right. And you kind of okay with that? Yeah. I mean, you. I think you answered your own question, Mike. Yeah. Yeah.

Mike [00:06:48]:
Like I said, I didn't really think about it a lot. You know, I was just thought about, you know, why I do that. But, you know, as we started talking about, I guess, you know, definitely understood it more. What I'm. What I was thinking about, what it.

Phillip [00:07:02]:
Made me think of was the examples that we talked about of, you know, some people when you're out, you know, bartenders and stuff like that, people, you know, that I thought were a certain way, maybe certain level of attractiveness. But I had my blinders on thinking, okay, they look a certain way. I'm not even. Maybe I'm hearing them. I'm having conversations thinking they're deep or saying that they're deep. Right. But again, if I'm honest with myself now, a couple of years later and looking at a situation and saying, damn, I allowed their beauty to basically mask what the actual real conversation was. And now that I really know who they are after I really heard them, when I put the beauty to the side, I was like, damn, they're not attracted to me at all.

Phillip [00:07:42]:
And I think you called it like, the ick. Like, I guess I didn't label it. But now that I have that, like, I'm so far gone that it's not even attractiveness. It's just like, like there's nothing there and I don't even want to talk to them.

Mike [00:07:56]:
How, um. So, yeah, I guess part of this, right, is how I haven't tried this yet, but I'm curious, how. How do you put the beauty aside for a person like me who's a lot of the time, for a long time, was stuck on that. Now I'm trying to learn this new thing where I can put the looks aside, right. And not get intimidated by them because there's something that happens, this automatic process. I lose my head when I see a girl and I can't say anything or I'm, you know, or I say some, or I get myself into trouble.

Eldar [00:08:25]:
Right. Yeah.

Mike [00:08:25]:
So how do you solve this issue of the gate of putting the beauty aside?

Eldar [00:08:32]:
Yeah, I got it. You know, I'm not sure if you should put the beauty aside. I think in your case, if you're attracted to those girls, there's nothing wrong with exploring their attraction to seeing where it goes. You know what I'm saying? So I don't think you need to put it to the side. I think you need to complement the attraction with being yourself.

Mike [00:08:52]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:08:52]:
You know what I'm saying?

Mike [00:08:53]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:08:54]:
But ultimately you have to ask yourself, what is that beauty? If it's still swaying you one way or the other, what is that beauty doing? Like, what is it complimenting for you? Right. Why is it still has, you know, has so much weight versus seeing yourself as beautiful and complimenting that beauty as to saying, like, yo, you look really good. Like, this might work. You know what I'm saying? Like, that kind of an approach versus just, oh, shit, she's so beautiful. Like, what do I say? Yeah, see, you know what I'm saying?

Mike [00:09:24]:
All, like, very automatic things that I've carried for most of my life.

Eldar [00:09:28]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:09:29]:
So I'm trying to try and understand the way to slow down.

Eldar [00:09:32]:
Okay.

Mike [00:09:32]:
I don't lose my head and then I don't know what to say or I'm, you know, get, like, insecure or whatever, you know? But I guess I'm trying to figure out a logical way where I can understand it.

Eldar [00:09:42]:
Well, I think through maybe some level of your own self awareness and affirmations that you actually have good. Something good to offer. You have beauty within you. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? That you actually are beautiful yourself.

Mike [00:09:55]:
Yeah. And this is. That was what I was thinking, you know, as I was thinking about this. And it related to the line that you always say when it rains, people get wet.

Tommy [00:10:07]:
Me never said that in my goddamn life.

Eldar [00:10:11]:
Yeah. He's just seeing whether you're listening, you fucking fanous fire hot and water burns today. Yeah. Yeah.

Mike [00:10:23]:
I was thinking about the line that you use all the time. You like your shit. You know, you shit, and can nobody tell you shit.

Eldar [00:10:29]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:10:30]:
And I was trying to understand how do you transition from, you know, no knowing your shit, obviously, you know, you know, you get knowledge, liking it as you appreciate it. And now you go out into the world, you don't care.

Eldar [00:10:40]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:10:41]:
And I think I was thinking that the kind of. For me or where the way I was understanding, and I'm not sure if it's accurate, but I guess part of it is having the courage to go out there and to test what you have learned.

Eldar [00:10:52]:
Correct.

Mike [00:10:52]:
And I think that's where, like, I have to maybe, I don't know. I don't want to say push myself, but I have to have the courage now to go out there and be like, okay, let's go test if I'm really about this life.

Eldar [00:11:02]:
Yeah. Because. Yeah.

Mike [00:11:03]:
It seems like I know some shit.

Eldar [00:11:04]:
Yeah. I.

Mike [00:11:05]:
Seems like I like some shit.

Eldar [00:11:06]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:11:06]:
Now I got to see if I. Somebody could tell me something.

Eldar [00:11:09]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:11:09]:
You know, and I'm obviously leaning more towards no.

Eldar [00:11:11]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:11:12]:
But I think the action through courage solidifies that.

Eldar [00:11:16]:
That's right. That's right. And I think that the liking part also, that won't just happen here, like, where you like your own shit now. It will also solidify for you that you can make other people feel good about themselves. And if you can do that, that would just reaffirm that you actually all those three things. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? That you know something because you're making them feel good. They're smiling, they're laughing.

Eldar [00:11:40]:
Right. Yeah. You like your shit because other people like your shit. Yeah. They're about you. They're fucking with you. You know what I mean? And the last one, obviously, you know, they can't tell you shit because you. You in control.

Eldar [00:11:51]:
You're the one who's steering the ship. There's no longer gonna be. That girl is gonna tell you, like, oh, you supposed to behave this way? Like, yeah.

Mike [00:11:57]:
It's probably, like, a deep rooted, illogical thing in my head because I don't have this thing with friends.

Eldar [00:12:02]:
Mm hmm.

Mike [00:12:03]:
Right. Like, friends that I meet. I don't feel like it's especially more recently, though, I have no problem talking to anybody straight up, like, trolling them, bullying them, you know, bullying them, but just kind of being upfront and telling them what the things that they probably don't want to hear or they probably don't expect to hear because it's honest, you know?

Eldar [00:12:20]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:12:21]:
But with the girls, I guess I haven't obviously tried this in a long time. I haven't been dating or really talking to any girls, but I guess.

Eldar [00:12:31]:
I.

Mike [00:12:31]:
Feel like that on the other side. But I just don't. Don't have this yet because I haven't tried it in this part of the girl stuff. But everywhere else, I feel like I'm definitely being more confident and I'm being myself. I'm presenting that person like, I don't have anything to hide. And I'm. I genuinely love. Yeah.

Mike [00:12:49]:
The way I am, you know? Like, as far as the way I think and as far as the way I express myself.

Eldar [00:12:54]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:12:55]:
You know, so I think it's. Yeah, I think it's maybe just a matter of now action that will require to solidify that which I am understanding 100%.

Tommy [00:13:06]:
I'll definitely say this. For me, with relationships, I think about, where am I at right now in my life?

Eldar [00:13:13]:
Are you giving advice right now, Tom? Are you asking a question?

Tommy [00:13:17]:
No, I'm saying kind of how I, you know, I'll use the experience that I had today.

Eldar [00:13:21]:
Right.

Tommy [00:13:21]:
I was sitting at Starbucks today, of course. So I was at Starbucks, and there was this really pretty girl sitting, you know, a beautiful young woman sitting next to me. She was dressed in, like, business attire, and she was, you know, she was, like, in a meeting or something, and I was attracted to her, but so attracted that I kind of didn't even want to look at her because. And here's what goes back to, I know where I'm at in my life, and there's just, like, a thing that tells me, hey, you know, resist, like, trying to get into a new relationship right now, because I know where I'm at, and there's some stuff that I need to deal with. Right. I think there's also a sense of that where we have to figure out, hey, where am I at, and what do I want and how do I, like, what's my intention? What's my intention?

Eldar [00:14:16]:
Well, you also never had a problem that Mike had, right? You always were the guy that got all the girls, and you approached all the girls that you wanted to approach.

Tommy [00:14:23]:
Well, for me, it's a different case, because for me, I'm like, I'm like, well, I mean, it's a different case.

Eldar [00:14:30]:
Why?

Tommy [00:14:31]:
Because of just when I reflect on my life like, I have you, how.

Eldar [00:14:35]:
To act throughout your whole life, and it's been serving you pretty well. No, you're not up to that.

Tommy [00:14:40]:
I feel differently today about myself.

Eldar [00:14:42]:
Mm hmm.

Tommy [00:14:45]:
That's that's it. Like, I reflect on my life in certain ways, and I've learned lessons from, from the way that I was. I'm not saying that, like, you know, that's like a, I don't know. This is just personal for me. You know, the way I behaved as a teen was obviously much different than the way I am now. I've matured. My mindset is, I don't know, maybe even I developed a philosophy in life. Like, I learned a lot of lessons that I deal with on my own way.

Tommy [00:15:16]:
So in a way, I'm kind of just like an airhead a little bit when it comes to this stuff, because I'm looking for meaning. And I'm now starting to develop this sort of mature, emotionally stable way of approaching what my relationships should be like. You know, like, having that intelligence of being in a relationship is something I'm interested in. So maybe I have some skims of that from my teenage years, but other than that, I spend most of my teenage years just fucking up. Mostly fucking up. And that's not, that's not exactly a good foundation or a good example for how the hell you're supposed to.

Eldar [00:15:53]:
Okay, Mike, noted.

Tommy [00:15:54]:
Jump in.

Mike [00:15:55]:
Oh, yeah.

Tommy [00:15:56]:
But I think that there is something in. If you can figure out what you want, then I think it's time for you to jump in.

Eldar [00:16:03]:
Whoa, whoa. Yeah, there you go.

Mike [00:16:06]:
That's that's what I'm thinking.

Eldar [00:16:07]:
Yeah, yeah. We gotta jump in.

Mike [00:16:09]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Phillip [00:16:11]:
So I think with the attraction thing, Mike, I think I think we have similar things that drive us, especially in this world. I don't think it's honest to put the attraction aside and then just go strictly intellectual and just, no, I'm not.

Mike [00:16:25]:
Saying to put the attraction aside, but to put it aside is to say that it's not. The priority is. The priority is first to get to know who the person is, what they're about.

Phillip [00:16:33]:
But that's not honest though, because the first thing that you see is the attraction. Well, that's what I don't think that you can put that to the side.

Mike [00:16:39]:
No, I get it. I agree is that I'm gonna approach girls that I find attractive for sure.

Phillip [00:16:45]:
Yeah, but I'm saying that's the initial driver knowing you can't, you can't make that. Not the initial driver, but what is it? Eventually you can make it non priority after you get to know them. Yeah, but I think the first thing that you see inevitably is gonna be the look. And I think I've done this to myself too. And I'm like, oh, I'm like I'm just gonna get to know the person. Like, but you have a picture of this person, what they look like, that's never gonna go away. And I think if you're a physically like aesthetically driven person, I think that's going to weigh out your decision at least to want to have a conversation with them in the beginning.

Tommy [00:17:17]:
And then what if they open their mouth and they speak only Croatian?

Eldar [00:17:20]:
They don't speak any English.

Mike [00:17:21]:
That's even better.

Phillip [00:17:22]:
I'm not good for Mike.

Tommy [00:17:23]:
I'm just saying, is it, what is the attractiveness? I'm asking what is this attraction?

Mike [00:17:27]:
Well, the initial is the physical attraction. We see what we like.

Phillip [00:17:31]:
What, boobs, butts, skinny weights, whatever his.

Tommy [00:17:35]:
Preferences, you know, brown skin, I don't know, 1010.

Mike [00:17:39]:
Yeah, tan boys.

Tommy [00:17:41]:
Okay, so, but is that really the rule? That's what I wonder, is it eyes or is it, um, is it just the way that person did their hair, how they dress?

Eldar [00:17:50]:
Cares about that.

Tommy [00:17:51]:
What I'm wondering is like, you know, can that be like, whoa, your boobs are huge. And I definitely want to get into this with you, you know, so like childish in a way.

Eldar [00:18:03]:
Right?

Tommy [00:18:03]:
It's funny. And I'm not saying that's a negative thing. I'm just saying if we're talking about attraction, like a lot of things go through my head, at least I'm kind of romantic about this.

Eldar [00:18:12]:
Whoa.

Tommy [00:18:13]:
You know, like we share some looks, things start to heat up a little bit. That's attraction to me. I think it's like this varying sort of dynamic thing. Instead of just like you've got a huge rack, like look at those knockers, you know, that kind of thing. It's different.

Mike [00:18:28]:
Get into that. But it's just you find the person attractive, I think then you want to have a conversation with them. But the problem is, once I see the girl, I find her attractive. I forget what to say or I get, you know, right.

Tommy [00:18:39]:
If you think about it, we're looking for boobs and butts. All you have to do is type in Pornhub calm. That's it. And that's net. Now you have the bible of what you're looking for, right? If you think about it. If you think about this just being down to the physical, physical thing, it's.

Mike [00:18:53]:
Definitely not the physical thing for me. Not just the physical. It's both. But the problem is I get sideswiped, you know, with the physical, and then I forget everything else that's, you know, important.

Tommy [00:19:07]:
I see. So in a way, he's being a realist and he's saying, hey, people with, like, huge headlights could really throw me for a loop.

Eldar [00:19:15]:
Yeah. And they do. Right. So, yeah, yeah. He needs to find a different way, you know, see it for what it is.

Tommy [00:19:21]:
Okay, so there is actually hope, because if you're seeing it differently, then you can try. Try looking at it in a new way.

Mike [00:19:28]:
You can try to get to know the person, and then you'll actually see if they're attractive or not.

Tommy [00:19:34]:
I think other people share the idea that, you know, like, there are other women out there with bigger boobs, for example.

Eldar [00:19:40]:
Right.

Tommy [00:19:41]:
Other women out there who grew up like prom queen, so on and so forth. So we do share, I think, some interests in physicality. Yeah, but that's different, though. I think it's just sort of like, this is a sexual attraction in a way.

Eldar [00:19:55]:
There's nothing wrong with it.

Tommy [00:19:56]:
No, nothing wrong with all.

Phillip [00:19:57]:
Yeah, but if you're a sexually driven person, like, if you're driven by beautiful things, smell, look, like to me, like, that is going to always be the initial driver. Even I can say, oh, I'm not superficial.

Eldar [00:20:11]:
Yeah, but you don't jump into the bed with the initial driver right away.

Phillip [00:20:14]:
No, no, but we're talking about to have the type of conversation, whether it's going to lead you off the path, to say, like, fumble your words, not know who you are, put everything to the side. I think. I think it's a matter of taking that information and just being able to process it differently. Like, that's what he's saying. He's saying it's an automatic response. Like, I don't think it has to be an automatic response, but I think it's always going to be. The initial response is going to have maybe like, that feeling, but it's a matter of like, hey, like, how am I going to then, like, communicate these feelings towards that person? He's probably having an automatic reaction going right into it and letting that lead the whole conversation.

Eldar [00:20:51]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:20:52]:
And I don't think it has to be that way, is what I'm saying.

Eldar [00:20:54]:
I agree with you. Yeah.

Tommy [00:20:56]:
Unless it benefits him. You know? Unless it's like, hey, always surrounded by models. So who. How are you different to me, for example?

Eldar [00:21:05]:
Right. Yeah. I'm not sure how that makes sense.

Tommy [00:21:08]:
What I'm saying is, like, if you.

Eldar [00:21:09]:
Have a comp, if you have a.

Tommy [00:21:10]:
Complete picture of what the ideal woman should look like, then. Then everyone who you meet is gonna have to sort of beat the standard.

Mike [00:21:18]:
You know what I mean?

Eldar [00:21:19]:
Okay, fine. Yeah. Yeah. You could psychologically kind of work off that.

Tommy [00:21:23]:
It's a difficult thing, I think, you know, like, there's potential, right, for somebody to, like, to emerge as a potential partner. So what is that potential? And it might not always be, like, the physical, because, like, say, I'm attracted to you, and that's all I see. You know what I mean?

Eldar [00:21:47]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:21:47]:
That's the thing. I'd like to get to know the person before I'm, you know, make any conclusions. And I think that's the gate that I'm talking about, that before I would give the pass because she was good looking, I would then allow a lot more things to happen.

Tommy [00:22:00]:
Oh, so you could fire people up, really? When you're like, hey, you're really attractive, and now you're just looking at them as a sort of this goddess, and that could fire people up. Like an ego, egotistic kind of person will say, okay, I love this. Like, this is like, you know, keep. Keep telling me that I'm hot in a way. You know what I mean? Okay, a hot girl.

Mike [00:22:22]:
What does that do with what I was.

Tommy [00:22:23]:
Attention that you get is it might enjoy the attention if she's just.

Mike [00:22:28]:
But that's not what I'd like to.

Tommy [00:22:30]:
All she cares about really, is.

Eldar [00:22:31]:
No, but, Tom, it's gonna lead to a conversation that's gonna lead to some kind of a date, right? It's not gonna be like, okay, he's just gonna shower her with compliments, and it's not gonna go anywhere. Sooner or later, they have to both open their mouths and see what's actually going on.

Tommy [00:22:43]:
So when. At what point do you know if you're dragging your feet or not? Because this is that. That place when you meet someone where you start dragging feet.

Eldar [00:22:49]:
What does that mean, dragging feet?

Tommy [00:22:51]:
Things lag a little bit. Like, you're like, hey, you know, we're both single, and you kind of subconsciously know this wherever the conversation's going, and it just starts to, like, meander without a point.

Eldar [00:23:01]:
Well, that's. Sometimes that's for you, Tom.

Tommy [00:23:02]:
Sometimes trying to avoid that, sometimes that turns into, I don't know, situations. Like Phil explains, right, where he meets this girl, they exchange information, but what the hell?

Eldar [00:23:12]:
Yeah.

Tommy [00:23:12]:
Why is everything just floating in, like, a pointless mass of stuff?

Eldar [00:23:16]:
What? No, I think. No, but I think it's a very important things that transpire. But as long as you kind of in control of the whole situation, you kind of know where it's gonna land and. And why.

Tommy [00:23:27]:
What kind of important. What importance do you see?

Eldar [00:23:30]:
Okay, I'll tell you.

Tommy [00:23:31]:
Meaning some random person.

Eldar [00:23:32]:
No, I don't have to give you a random person. Philip started talking to her about art. Okay. Okay. She quickly found out.

Tommy [00:23:39]:
I like that we're talking about Phil because that keeps us grounded.

Eldar [00:23:41]:
Yeah, for sure. And I give you an actual example. He started talking about art, and he quickly found out that he doesn't want to fucking talk about art.

Tommy [00:23:48]:
Wow.

Eldar [00:23:50]:
Okay.

Tommy [00:23:51]:
And he didn't tell us about that.

Eldar [00:23:52]:
Yeah. We just giving to you now. Right. So he went and he redirected the conversation towards talking about something more meaningful. Right. He put that out there right away. Right.

Tommy [00:24:03]:
What was the more meaningful? Like, how did this. How did you get here?

Eldar [00:24:06]:
Yeah, something like that. More like, more deeper.

Tommy [00:24:08]:
Like, doesn't want to talk about Picasso.

Eldar [00:24:10]:
That's nonsense.

Tommy [00:24:11]:
Van Gogh and all that.

Eldar [00:24:12]:
Okay. You know, and she didn't. She didn't want to continue the conversation, so he weeded her out. Like, that's. That's not what she wants to do. That's what I want to do. We're not a match. This is not the right time.

Tommy [00:24:25]:
So you're saying this is the important stuff.

Eldar [00:24:27]:
Absolutely.

Tommy [00:24:28]:
So, because Phil's learned, hey, I approached this in a way that now, if I'm honest about it, I can see it for what it is, and I can just make sure that going forward, I'm not really getting myself into the weeds anymore.

Eldar [00:24:40]:
Correct.

Phillip [00:24:40]:
And I'll give you an example of what would usually happen in this situation was I'd end up dating this person.

Eldar [00:24:46]:
That's right.

Phillip [00:24:46]:
I'd end up sleeping with this person. It would turn into months, maybe year. And then I'm finding this out in the relationship.

Eldar [00:24:54]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:24:55]:
As I'm already. No, you're not compatible. So to answer your question, like, when do you find out it? Everything sooner.

Eldar [00:25:02]:
The better.

Phillip [00:25:02]:
Yeah, sooner the better. But for me, it usually gets magnified when you're sleeping with somebody and there's obviously an exchange of feelings that way because then you realize afterwards you're like, I'm sleeping with this person right after. I'm like, oh, I don't. Like, I feel like something's off. Feel off. Like, I feel dirty. I feel weird. I feel like I just, like, I didn't.

Phillip [00:25:19]:
I didn't do my due diligence. And I wasn't acting out of courage. I was acting out of just pure physical attraction, allowing whatever words they were saying to just go in one out, like, out the other ear and just saying, like, okay, I find this person attractive.

Eldar [00:25:34]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:25:35]:
But I do like them. And I'm allowing myself to say I'm liking them based off the physical attraction. But my definition of like was just physical. And I was saying, oh, I feel something, and I'm letting myself feel something, but it's not deep at all.

Eldar [00:25:48]:
It's.

Phillip [00:25:48]:
It's like a. That fleeting thing that goes in and out.

Eldar [00:25:51]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:25:51]:
And it's like tricking yourself.

Eldar [00:25:53]:
Yeah, that's the scary thing. Yeah.

Phillip [00:25:55]:
So lying to yourself, it's so scary because you actually. It comes with a physical feeling that you can associate with light. So somebody like myself who hasn't been, like, in love with somebody.

Eldar [00:26:04]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:26:05]:
You can basically say to yourself, oh, yeah, maybe I really like this person.

Eldar [00:26:08]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:26:08]:
And I don't know this. Yeah, but I'm tricking myself. I'm not acting out of courage. Sleeping with this person. All of a sudden, you get into all these fights, you know, maybe you go through some downtimes, and then all of a sudden you're done with the relationship. And I'm like, yo, what? Like, what was I doing? All I had to do in the beginning was just have a real conversation with them, weed them out. Like, in this time, talked to her two or three times online, all of a sudden had a conversation with you guys. And I realized, like, yeah, nothing.

Phillip [00:26:33]:
I put her out of my mind. Today was the first day in two months I saw her mike got the troller a little bit in Russian, which was fun.

Eldar [00:26:39]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:26:39]:
And, like, I don't like, that's it. It's done. You know what I mean? Am I physically attracted to her? Yeah. But again, same example with the bartender. When there's no substance anymore, I. I'm able now to separate both and not have to think about them in terms of, oh, do I want to talk to them? Do I want to be in a relationship? With them, it's 0%.

Eldar [00:26:59]:
Yeah.

Tommy [00:27:00]:
I like what you said earlier. You said something about you're deceiving yourself.

Phillip [00:27:04]:
Do you remember what you said, um, just now or before?

Eldar [00:27:08]:
His attractiveness to her, the physical attractiveness, was deceiving his actual. What he was actually feeling.

Phillip [00:27:14]:
Yes.

Eldar [00:27:15]:
Right. So every time he had sex with her, he's like, yo, you feel disgusting. Like, what? Something's off. Something's off was the internal thing that there's no connection internally.

Phillip [00:27:23]:
I didn't build it in the beginning.

Eldar [00:27:24]:
He didn't build it in the beginning to have nothing in common. It's just pure physical. You understand? So he's deceiving himself by saying, oh, she's attractive, but that's it.

Phillip [00:27:34]:
Like, oh, we like the same music. We like the same movies. That's why leading with art, the art example is the same thing as saying, like, oh, what do you watch on Netflix? We like the same music. Oh, you like to go down the beach? Like, oh, my God, I love the beach. Like, all these things are fucking bullshit. Like, but they were all things that I was like, oh, we can build on because, like, this is cool. Like, fun activities. Like, then I'm realizing there's a lot of couples that I'm talking to that.

Phillip [00:27:56]:
That are actually in love, and they have a lot of opposite things. And, like, it's okay. But again, all that stuff comes back to not knowing yourself. And when you're not knowing yourself, you can't really act out of courage and confidence, because if. If I'm talking to this person, I'm relying on them to give me happiness. I'm not giving it to myself. So if I'm somebody who's driven by physical and I'm not confident in myself, I'm allowing that person's beauty to say.

Eldar [00:28:20]:
To me, dictate you with that, hey, look.

Phillip [00:28:22]:
Like. Look at me. I know you like my beauty. Now, obviously, she's not doing this. Maybe she did like me also. Right? But we didn't get that chance to, like, truly connect. All of a sudden, it's done. And I thought it was a very easy decision, but, you know, then.

Phillip [00:28:34]:
Then it still comes with complications because there is actually emotions there. Then time is exchanged. You meet people's families. You meet all this.

Eldar [00:28:41]:
You grow onto each other somehow.

Phillip [00:28:43]:
Attachments, you get interlocked, and then it becomes attachment. But it's an ego attachment. It's not a hard attachment. And those ones, they're kind of ugly, but they are actually really easy to break up with because once they're done to me, I don't think about them anymore. Like it's done because as I'm dating them in the relationship, I don't want to be with them. So I'm trying to get away with them while I'm there. Then when it's done, it's like relief almost.

Eldar [00:29:07]:
Wow. You know what I'm saying? Escaped.

Phillip [00:29:09]:
You finally escaped.

Eldar [00:29:10]:
Holy shit.

Phillip [00:29:11]:
Understand?

Eldar [00:29:11]:
That's wild.

Phillip [00:29:12]:
That's like my own ego with myself. Like the pain that you feel in your head. If you're feeling any pain in yourself again, you're not being honest with yourself.

Eldar [00:29:19]:
The inevitable will happen, and the inevitable.

Phillip [00:29:21]:
Will happen pain, whether you're inflicting it on yourself just by you and your own body or attracting people that are going to give you pain. Mike's situation, letting people in, treating him like shit, letting a girl in that, you know, maybe she's a good girl, but she's not a match and it's a waste of time. Why would you live with somebody like this? Why would you do all this?

Mike [00:29:40]:
I guess the question and then from this is like not maybe part of it is how to get, not put the looks first or get past the looks initially. How do you get to know the person, I guess, and see if they're compatible with you?

Eldar [00:29:54]:
Probably, yeah.

Mike [00:29:55]:
And because obviously if you approach the girl, you obviously find her attractive. Like that's like you don't have to fucking, you don't need a confirmation for that. It's pretty clear. Like you, like you think she's good looking, whatever. Now you ask yourself, I guess you have to ask yourself, what am I looking for? What do I value? And does this person line up with those things? Are we on the same page of other values? And then we really find out, I guess, who the person is.

Eldar [00:30:17]:
Well, yeah, but it's almost like when you're talking about it, you almost putting yourself as lowers than the person's because of their looks. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So it's like I think that the leading has to be with the fact that you already know that you almost have something over them. Yeah.

Mike [00:30:35]:
You know, I was just thinking about right now.

Eldar [00:30:38]:
Okay.

Mike [00:30:38]:
What exactly would you say? There's like a one phil was talking. Yeah, but it sounds interesting. It sounds like I wanted to say.

Eldar [00:30:45]:
But I thought you're the catch.

Mike [00:30:46]:
No, I understand. I like, I understand. Yeah, I. But it sounds a little bit like egotistical, but maybe it's not. My thing is like, yo, I know that me as an individual, what I can what I bring to the table.

Eldar [00:30:58]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:30:58]:
As far as, like, what I'm working on in my life and what I'm trying to achieve. The lifestyle, the standard of, like, life that I'd like to live, which is rooted in, you know, living virtuous, being honest, being good person, and really, you know, not just, like, what it sounds like, but actually living those things. She can. I'm not sure if she can bring that, like, same thing because I'm.

Eldar [00:31:24]:
There is a possibility, but there's a high chance that's probably not gonna be.

Mike [00:31:28]:
Yeah, I guess, like, the standard I'm trying to keep myself to.

Eldar [00:31:31]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:31:31]:
Is a very high standard because I want to live a happy life, a meaningful life.

Eldar [00:31:36]:
So why wouldn't you be deserving of the most beautiful?

Mike [00:31:38]:
Yeah. But I guess in the way I thought to myself, you know, I just thought about it now, but I guess before I thought to myself, like, we are supposed to be equal, but, like, I don't know. Like, I'm not sure if it's like that because I'm not sure that a lot of people are walking around or sitting around talking about the stuff that we talk about on a daily basis, really trying to live a certain life, you know, and then also spread that with other people.

Eldar [00:32:03]:
Yeah.

Tommy [00:32:03]:
I don't know if that equals the right word either. And I'm not clearly, like, the, the expert on relationships here, but I was.

Mike [00:32:13]:
Messages.

Tommy [00:32:14]:
Something I was listening to yesterday was in relationships, for instance, you know, like, sometimes balance your roles, and some might say that their roles are equal. Like, this person does this and I do that and that. That way we're equal. Um, and it's. It's not like that. It's fair. That's what it's about. It's about being fair to your partner.

Eldar [00:32:34]:
Okay.

Tommy [00:32:35]:
That's pretty interesting.

Eldar [00:32:37]:
Yeah. My thing is, I don't see how you can string some words together that equal the playing field right away or puts you above right away. Those looks above. Yeah.

Mike [00:32:52]:
I guess I always thought about the putting above is, like, as a bad thing, maybe.

Eldar [00:32:58]:
I'm not. And I'm not talking about from the egotistical stand.

Mike [00:33:01]:
No, I don't. It's not.

Eldar [00:33:03]:
And I'm not talking about being proud, prideful and stuff like that.

Mike [00:33:07]:
No.

Eldar [00:33:07]:
I'm talking about seeing it for what it is and be confident.

Mike [00:33:11]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:33:12]:
I think from, if you come across from the confident level, that's, that's a display of your own understanding of who you are, what you're about, what you really want, and what you are capable of. That's all on display. Yeah. And that confidence is attractiveness.

Mike [00:33:29]:
But I guess it's, and I'm telling.

Eldar [00:33:31]:
You right now, maybe we're, the guys are attracted to their looks. Women are attracted to our confidence like crazy.

Phillip [00:33:38]:
Then that's attached to words. Of course.

Eldar [00:33:40]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:33:41]:
So, so that where my head is.

Eldar [00:33:42]:
Going right now, very specific structure of words and the way they come across.

Phillip [00:33:46]:
And it transforms into an energy. How about.

Eldar [00:33:49]:
That's right.

Phillip [00:33:49]:
So where my head goes, oh, I.

Eldar [00:33:51]:
Was going to say that when that is heard and understood and felt right. But those who are able to understand and feel that, or open to some type of energy that bounces back right away. So they look at him, they're like, yo, this motherfucker is so handsome. He's so cute. He saw this, he sold that.

Phillip [00:34:10]:
But as men, I don't think we give, I don't think we allow ourselves to realize this. At least I don't, because people understand that.

Eldar [00:34:17]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:34:17]:
The way that I look at a woman, and I'm like, oh, she's beautiful. Then you're like, oh, how does she think I look? Now, I'm not saying that women don't judge men on looks, but when you hear most women speak, like amongst other women, looks is usually like the third or fourth thing or maybe, maybe fifth or 7th on the wrong.

Eldar [00:34:36]:
That's right.

Phillip [00:34:36]:
It's like, oh, they carried themselves like this. They spoke to me like this. They were funny, they were funny, they were smart. Like, oh, I like the way that he dressed.

Eldar [00:34:43]:
That's right.

Phillip [00:34:43]:
You talk to a girl, like dressing on a guy, like the swipes, all these things, swag, all that stuff.

Eldar [00:34:47]:
That's right.

Phillip [00:34:48]:
So I think that had me change different, but it took me back to the example of, I think we were talking about, or I know we were talking about nutrition and physical and how it's very measurable. Now, if you wanted to exercise and lose weight, you can eat a certain amount of calories and you can exercise, and it was actually like a thing that you saw and you just knew. But we were like, hey, Philip, like, what about the stress? And we're like, oh, we don't know if we can really, like, measure the stress. Maybe it is measurable, but it's not like socially accept or socially spoken about where people don't know about it. So to go to this example, you see looks in a woman and it's something that you can look at, it's tangible, it's like this thing. And then you're talking about confidence. To me, it's like that same example with stress where maybe it's not measured on a table, and you're like, oh, I know exactly how to break this down and talk about it, but what it is, it's very, very powerful inside, and it probably has more of an effect than the physical, which is the beauty in this, than this. So you talking.

Phillip [00:35:46]:
Your words, translating into the confidence, like Eldar saying, like, that's our power.

Mike [00:35:51]:
Well, that's why I think that's our beauty.

Phillip [00:35:53]:
Like, that's our beauty.

Eldar [00:35:54]:
Correct.

Phillip [00:35:54]:
So, to me, that's like the. It's like our beauty, the way that we convey it, it's like it's not seen until, like, worse.

Eldar [00:36:01]:
It's felt. It's felt by them. And they're in tune with that. Yes. You know what I'm saying?

Phillip [00:36:06]:
So my speaking both verbally.

Eldar [00:36:10]:
No.

Phillip [00:36:10]:
So Mike. Mike has to set the tone. So, yeah, to me, it's not even evening the playing field. It's like Mike's not introducing himself or we're not introducing ourselves until we speak.

Eldar [00:36:19]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:36:20]:
So their beauty, we. They don't have to say anything.

Eldar [00:36:22]:
That's right.

Phillip [00:36:22]:
They. They're speaking to us through your physical.

Eldar [00:36:25]:
Yes.

Phillip [00:36:26]:
At least for me and my. Most of us, I would say yes. So we're not. So, to me, it's not about equaling going above or below. To me, it's just, hey, I'm introducing myself with words. So when you are coming with that, I think it's coming with more mindfulness, kind of awareness and saying, hey, I do believe in myself. I do have this. So, probably when you were talking to them, that they.

Phillip [00:36:47]:
You probably were talking to them up, like, looking at them a certain way and your. Yeah, your words did not convey confidence.

Eldar [00:36:54]:
No.

Phillip [00:36:54]:
So I think you were probably attracting that person that didn't even see who you were. So I don't think if that person saw who you were, they wouldn't talk to you like that, and then you wouldn't allow.

Eldar [00:37:04]:
But he wasn't that person either, and.

Phillip [00:37:06]:
He wasn't that person either. So that's what I'm saying. He wasn't that, and they weren't seeing.

Eldar [00:37:09]:
That's right. So it's like double, 100%. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Mike [00:37:14]:
I didn't know. I never figured out or understood a.

Eldar [00:37:18]:
Way to lead with this stuff. Of course. That's why we're here today. Yeah, that's why we're here today.

Mike [00:37:25]:
Welcome.

Phillip [00:37:25]:
Yeah, I want to know how to lead with this stuff, because I always went with things that I quote, unquote, like, yeah. So what do you like? Oh, it's pretty much what do you do in your free time? Like, when you're not working, so if you don't have a crazy, exciting job.

Eldar [00:37:38]:
Right.

Phillip [00:37:38]:
You're not a professional athlete or an actor or something.

Eldar [00:37:40]:
Right. And even then.

Phillip [00:37:42]:
And even then, how does people define you?

Eldar [00:37:44]:
Really? Yeah.

Phillip [00:37:44]:
Say, like, Leonard DiCaprio goes out, talks to all these models and stuff, right. You think he's talking about acting and stuff? Yeah, he's probably just talking about fucking Starbucks and movies and going on vacations and just like, dumb shit.

Eldar [00:37:55]:
Right? Yeah.

Phillip [00:37:55]:
If he's talking to 22 year olds, they're probably talking about Taylor Swift, TikTok, like, Instagram being and where he can take them.

Eldar [00:38:01]:
Exactly.

Phillip [00:38:02]:
So to me, his level of mindset has to be at that level. So for other guys, in order to get other women like this.

Eldar [00:38:08]:
And because he's not in love, we can assume that very easily.

Phillip [00:38:11]:
It's all surface level shit.

Eldar [00:38:12]:
Right. Because he keeps jumping from one to another.

Phillip [00:38:14]:
Exactly.

Eldar [00:38:14]:
If he didn't, he would stay. It would stick around.

Mike [00:38:17]:
Exactly.

Phillip [00:38:17]:
So why. Why are we all changing? What were my conversations? Netflix, art, movies, fashion, things that are fleeting. In and out. Everything, even design. They were like, oh, yeah, I love design. And it's like, oh, really? Do you really love design? Like, why did I not stick with it? Why is it not my profession? Why are these conversations I'm having with other women?

Eldar [00:38:37]:
Why are you falling asleep when you're watching design shows? Yeah, okay. Fuck that guy right there. You know what I'm saying?

Phillip [00:38:42]:
Why is it. Yeah, so, yeah, these conversations make sense because these level of conversations, when I'm saying I'm getting deep, you're maybe talking to somebody about their family and their brother or something like that. And, like, you think you're scratching the surface.

Eldar [00:38:55]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:38:55]:
Then you're having these conversations, and these ones get deeper because you're asking why you're doing what you're doing. And I don't think people are scratching the surface on asking why they're having these conversations. Maybe they hit a point where it's like, wow, I never talked about my feelings about my family to anybody. It's like, why are you doing that? Why are you asking these questions? Why are you talking to this person? And it's like, wow, there's a lot more levels to this. And this is why I haven't built more relationships. Cause I didn't even do this with myself yet, so why would I have done it with anybody else. So this is what we're talking about. Mike didn't even know this side of himself.

Phillip [00:39:27]:
He's discovering it now. So how would he have even met somebody without knowing this side of himself?

Tommy [00:39:32]:
Why is a really good question. Like, why is this person attractive to me? You know? And I think that's a good way of getting started on a conversation.

Eldar [00:39:40]:
No, no.

Phillip [00:39:40]:
We're saying. We're asking the question of why, of why you're even.

Eldar [00:39:43]:
Why do you do what you do?

Phillip [00:39:44]:
Why are you doing what you're doing? Why you're not even that person.

Tommy [00:39:47]:
You're saying down the road. Well, not down the road. But what you're saying is you meet someone and you find that you're telling them personal things, and you wonder, why am I right? So you, before you know it, you're sort of in this thing. No, that's kind of what I heard.

Eldar [00:40:01]:
Sorry. Okay. That's okay.

Tommy [00:40:02]:
But I think why is a really nice question. Because while Phil might like to talk about these certain things or certain actors might talk about certain things, we all have different interests.

Eldar [00:40:12]:
Okay, let me bring you guys back to. Everybody saw the notebook. Mm hmm. Right? Everybody saw the notebook.

Tommy [00:40:19]:
It's funny you bring that up.

Eldar [00:40:20]:
Yeah. And. And they were able to convey this exact thing that we're talking about. Okay. He was, what, the rich guy?

Phillip [00:40:29]:
No, no, the other guy that she was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Eldar [00:40:32]:
But he was a poor guy. Poor. Yeah. Right. Shitty pants. All this. Right? But he had this energy about him. He had this vibe.

Eldar [00:40:39]:
Right? So when he went on a date, what happened? Right? She's all uptight, all, like, put together. Right? He's like, calm down. Lay down on the floor. Yeah. She's like, wait, what? It's dirty. He said, what are you talking about? You know what I'm saying? He's shaking her up with his level of confidence, with his understanding, is to say, why do you do what you do? Are you having fun? I believe he actually asked that question in the movie. Are you having fun?

Mike [00:41:05]:
That's a great question.

Phillip [00:41:06]:
So she told him. She told him what his. What her schedule was. So I have to do this. I have to do my language.

Eldar [00:41:12]:
I have to do my whatever.

Phillip [00:41:14]:
And he's like, he's. He's like, do you like all this?

Eldar [00:41:16]:
There you go.

Phillip [00:41:17]:
And she's like, yes. Like she didn't even know what to say because she was in the routine. I can relate to that example of you asking me about walking and doing all these things. You're asking me, Phil, do you even like this? And I haven't even sat down in four years and asked myself, do I actually like doing this, or am I just doing it?

Eldar [00:41:34]:
Gigs up.

Phillip [00:41:35]:
Yeah. And. And you can basically say to yourself, oh, but I'm learning a new language. I'm learning new music. I'm meeting new people. It's like, yeah, anything. Anything can be anything. Like, right.

Phillip [00:41:44]:
You're doing anything. But do you like this?

Eldar [00:41:47]:
That's right.

Phillip [00:41:47]:
She could be finger painting. And again, in this example, she actually loved the paint.

Eldar [00:41:51]:
That's right.

Phillip [00:41:52]:
She wasn't painting.

Eldar [00:41:52]:
That's right.

Phillip [00:41:53]:
All of a sudden.

Eldar [00:41:53]:
That's right.

Phillip [00:41:54]:
She's painting, and she loves it.

Eldar [00:41:56]:
Thank you.

Phillip [00:41:57]:
And he builds the house with a wing so she can paint.

Eldar [00:41:59]:
I'm glad yourself has better memory than me. You say, what the fuck it to the tea. Yeah. Throw it out there.

Phillip [00:42:03]:
She's in her glory.

Tommy [00:42:04]:
So, analogy, though, for what you.

Eldar [00:42:06]:
What's that?

Tommy [00:42:07]:
What you said about messaging that girl. You know, that's great, because that person may be an artist.

Eldar [00:42:13]:
Right.

Tommy [00:42:13]:
And they may not be happy with their lives doing all this stuff.

Eldar [00:42:17]:
Yeah. He came in with a very scary question, and I was a very scary question, and that person's not ready to go there. The person.

Tommy [00:42:24]:
Yeah, they're not ready to go there. True. And that's apparent, but they're not necessarily wrong for having all these interests. Well, what I'm saying is you're not wrong for individually, like, caring about language and this and that. I know this. I've piled on stuff for myself that absolutely has no purpose.

Eldar [00:42:40]:
Thank you, Tom, for saying this out loud.

Mike [00:42:41]:
You're finally admitting.

Eldar [00:42:42]:
You're finally admitting, but you should be aging.

Tommy [00:42:45]:
But I don't. I don't. I don't say that those things are worthless. I actually believe that I'm, like, doing good for myself when I'm really giving.

Eldar [00:42:54]:
Myself the runner problem.

Tommy [00:42:55]:
The truth for me is that I'm avoiding. I'm avoiding approaching the thing that I really love doing.

Eldar [00:43:01]:
That's right.

Tommy [00:43:02]:
And I think a relationship can heal some of that kind of pain in a way. No, not that. Let's say. Let's say it is a little bit of suffering.

Phillip [00:43:10]:
Right?

Tommy [00:43:10]:
Like, I think happiness is part of a relationship. And that happiness, for me, sure. I idealize and I romanticize about the right woman, meeting her and knowing that, like, my life is just a little bit brighter because of this person. I fantasize about that. Yeah, sure. Because now I can, like, survive, and I can now not live in a fallacy.

Eldar [00:43:31]:
Tom. You can keep living with this strategy. No problem.

Mike [00:43:33]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:43:35]:
How you make out?

Tommy [00:43:36]:
Well, look, I mean, I don't know. We're talking about the notebook here.

Eldar [00:43:41]:
Okay, Tom, we got a specific example with the notebook. To explain that by challenging, by asking the question as to why you do what you do and whether or not it makes you happy, is the confidence is the thing that's gonna promote the best selves within us.

Phillip [00:43:57]:
Who's challenging you? Is your family just enabling you or, like, putting you on their track? Her mom was putting her, Rachel McAdams on her track. And then what ended up happening? The mom at the end of the movie ended up driving. No, she drove to the yard and showed her Rachel McAdams. I actually like this guy that worked at the yard, your dad, who I love. She's like, I love him, but she actually doesn't. She doesn't love this guy. So she married for money. And then what happened with Rachel McAdams is she ended up going with her gut, marrying, not for money, which was Ryan Gosling, but she almost fell into the other guy, James Morris.

Eldar [00:44:36]:
Whatever. She almost fell into the trap.

Phillip [00:44:37]:
She almost fell into the same trap as her mom, but she broke the pattern.

Eldar [00:44:40]:
That's right.

Phillip [00:44:41]:
But her mom also made the same mistakes.

Eldar [00:44:42]:
That's right.

Phillip [00:44:43]:
So to me, it's her mom was putting her on the wheel that she wanted her to be on.

Eldar [00:44:49]:
That's right.

Phillip [00:44:49]:
Which was, if you do a blind.

Eldar [00:44:52]:
Rat race without examination, going to these schools. That's right.

Phillip [00:44:56]:
All these top quality schools, taking all these classes, packing in so many things to your schedule so you don't have a second to think on your own.

Eldar [00:45:03]:
Whoa.

Phillip [00:45:04]:
This is what they're doing, right?

Eldar [00:45:06]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:45:07]:
So Rich McAdams is not even able to think for herself because she literally doesn't have any time.

Eldar [00:45:11]:
And when a fucking beautiful thing such as love comes, you're like, holy shit. You're completely startled. You finally are free for that moment. You can live, you can breathe. You can enjoy. You had the best summer. And even the society even was telling her, oh, it's just a summer fling. Right, right.

Eldar [00:45:27]:
You know what I'm saying?

Tommy [00:45:28]:
I see, I see. Yeah.

Eldar [00:45:30]:
So what we're talking about again, right? He led with confidence. He led with challenges. He pushed her. He said, what are you talking about? You're wrong. Wake up. You know what I'm saying? What's more important, you understand. And if you lead that way, people, if you live that way, you lead that way. But you also live that way, which you are.

Eldar [00:45:53]:
Which he's doing. You know what I'm saying? It's fun. It's enjoyable. You want to do shit. You want to be part of that life. Who doesn't? And the person that will understand it will gravitate towards that and will stick around and will enjoy themselves. Wow.

Tommy [00:46:09]:
So that actually answers what is that point where you, like, you're dragging your feet or not, you know, because when I was, like, faking time, sometimes you're in this thing and you don't really, you don't really like it, but you're.

Eldar [00:46:21]:
Doing it because if you're violating yourself and you're violating the other person by.

Tommy [00:46:24]:
Keep acting true, and then maybe you're giving yourself this too much to think about, of course.

Eldar [00:46:31]:
And then it builds stress and everything else on how to get out. And when you get out, you feel relief. You're like, holy shit. My intuition, my gut feeling was correct. I don't want to be here. Every time I have sex with this person. I feel nasty, guilty.

Tommy [00:46:43]:
But if you leave with courage and confidence, then you kind of know, you're sure you have a certain.

Eldar [00:46:47]:
If you live in with leading with courage and confidence, you weed them out or you fall in love. There's no other way. Yeah.

Tommy [00:46:58]:
And, okay, so it doesn't necessarily wrong. Like, it's not a negative thing to, like, weed them out. It's not a positive thing.

Eldar [00:47:07]:
It's a very positive thing. It's a very positive thing. I think through dating, through putting yourself, your true self out there, you're going to weed out the people who are not ready for something that's real.

Tommy [00:47:17]:
So we. It's something I'm really interested about. When we talk about, like, our flaws, can we turn our flaws, I'm wondering, into, into positive things in this context, in understanding that. That there's that kind of.

Eldar [00:47:30]:
Absolutely.

Tommy [00:47:31]:
That person, that the person you love will have laws, right?

Eldar [00:47:34]:
100%. That's why we, Philip, in the beginning said, but you have to have courage to be able to talk about your flaws and be honest with yourself and the other person that we're human, you know, and we're gonna have flaws just like they're gonna have flaws. You're gonna have flaws. And what love requires acceptance of those flaws. So you accept one another, and as you share that acceptance and the other person feels it, that's, can we fall.

Tommy [00:48:00]:
In love with a second? Can we way, like the first meeting of somebody, right that moment that you meet them where you could possibly be their physical that pulls you in and weigh that with the flaws, where does that balance come in when you meet someone, you're hot, but you're flawed. How does that, where the two come in, does one come in before the other? Cause effect, that kind of thing?

Eldar [00:48:22]:
I can't tell you that. I would have to really understand what you're asking.

Tommy [00:48:25]:
So, like, you meet somebody, they're beautiful, okay? They're flawed. That's all you know? And these are general things. Like, what's their flaws? You know, they're beautiful, but what's their flaw? Wrong.

Eldar [00:48:36]:
Right.

Tommy [00:48:37]:
It's not the right way to think about it. But I'm saying, if you're confident about your flaws, then that's sort of a baseline thing. Like, you can actually, I don't know, you, maybe you. Hmm. It's interesting. It's like, you know, sometimes we could shrug off our flaws. Like, it's nothing. Like you could, you know, have small talk with somebody and just say, like, yeah, like, I'm a real nerd about this kind of thing, you know? Like, I have this, like, obsession with.

Tommy [00:49:04]:
I don't know what. You know? Let's take a typical.

Eldar [00:49:06]:
Yeah, but if you just kind of, like, in passing, saying it without being proud of it or being completely okay with it, then you just kind of still masking it. You still be like, kind of. How would you around the bush about it?

Tommy [00:49:17]:
How would you let your flaws be known or let you let known that you. You have flaws that you're aware of and that you're giving me an example.

Phillip [00:49:25]:
If you're being honest, they're gonna come out.

Eldar [00:49:28]:
Yeah. Right? Yeah.

Phillip [00:49:30]:
The only way that you're gonna not see the flaws is if the person is masking them.

Eldar [00:49:34]:
Correct. Right.

Phillip [00:49:35]:
Then you're gonna have to call them out for being an actor.

Eldar [00:49:37]:
That's right. People pleaser.

Phillip [00:49:38]:
So, like, that's like, the ultimate one. So if you're being honest, somebody's gonna see, like, who knows? Maybe you pick your nose, right? Like something like that. Like, oh, I don't like guys who pick their nose. Like, all right, this is just me.

Eldar [00:49:47]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:49:48]:
Like, yeah, you pick your butt. Like, I don't know.

Eldar [00:49:51]:
I'm just saying these are.

Phillip [00:49:52]:
These are easy examples.

Eldar [00:49:53]:
Right?

Phillip [00:49:53]:
Like, these are physical, stupid examples, but they're examples. But if you're both being honest and then you're saying, okay, my flaw is this. My flaw is this. Okay, great. But do we feel something? Is there a connection when we're talking? We're both being honest with each other. Are we challenging each other? These are the type of things that I think are going to draw you in. That's right. Getting caught up on the fact that she picks her nose or something.

Phillip [00:50:16]:
That's the one that most guys, and myself included, would be like, oh, like, I'm turned off by this. Like, I don't like this. Or, I don't like her opinion on XYZ. I think some of them can be the drivers, but, yeah, I think from my understanding of what Tommy was trying to ask was, I guess your. Your flaws and your beauty. Kind of like, what. What flaws are you able to, like, bypass to kind of get through and then realize, like, okay, there is actually a connection here. Is that.

Eldar [00:50:50]:
Yeah, I think. I think your flaws, I think you recognize that there's an actual connection there. I think you could bypass a lot of flaws. Okay.

Phillip [00:50:57]:
And doing that, which flaws?

Eldar [00:50:58]:
Which flaws are we talking about? Like human flaws? Like. Yeah, like, who doesn't pick their nose in here in this fucking room? Yeah, like, what the fuck are we talking about?

Tommy [00:51:07]:
Yeah, being poor might be a flaw, or let's say the person. No, no, I'm saying, yeah, house being poor, floor tomorrow. It's all about your character.

Eldar [00:51:17]:
You know, that's a judgment call. Whether or not you were saying, like.

Phillip [00:51:20]:
Not being an asshole or something.

Eldar [00:51:21]:
Well, yeah, yeah, that's a different situation.

Phillip [00:51:24]:
Asshole to me would be a flaw. Like being a dislike.

Eldar [00:51:26]:
Yeah. But very you. I'm not sure if you're an asshole. Right. You could come in. Into a genuine relationship in the first place.

Phillip [00:51:32]:
No, no, I'm saying that's a definition of a flaw. Just being a total asshole. Or like.

Tommy [00:51:36]:
Okay, so let's take from the notebook, right? The girl who is like, doing all this stuff. That's like a flaw. Her flaw is.

Eldar [00:51:43]:
No, that's her misunderstanding of the world. That's her misunderstanding and misjudgment.

Tommy [00:51:48]:
I see this sort of like a worry.

Eldar [00:51:50]:
Good life.

Tommy [00:51:51]:
I see it as worrying.

Eldar [00:51:52]:
It's not a flaw, Tom.

Tommy [00:51:54]:
The worrying is not a flaw. It's like you're not a flawed person for having too much worry of about certain things. Like I'm not enough.

Eldar [00:52:00]:
That's not a flaw.

Tommy [00:52:01]:
You don't feel confident.

Eldar [00:52:02]:
That's not a flaw.

Mike [00:52:02]:
That's insecurity.

Eldar [00:52:03]:
That's insecurity. And it's probably because of anxiety on some other shit. Again, you're your wrong perception of the world. That's why you have.

Tommy [00:52:11]:
When you think flaws, what do you think?

Eldar [00:52:13]:
Like, and humans, there's no flaws, bro.

Tommy [00:52:17]:
How is this possible?

Eldar [00:52:18]:
Wait, I mean, in love, there isn't.

Tommy [00:52:20]:
In laws there and love there.

Eldar [00:52:22]:
In love. There isn't. In your perception and judgments. Yes, there are flaws and those are.

Phillip [00:52:27]:
Driven by your ego, right?

Eldar [00:52:29]:
Correct. Those are driven by your ego. That's why I said that any flaw can be overcome. Overcome. Love can overcome any flaw.

Tommy [00:52:36]:
So when you say knowing your flaws, what exactly? We think it, like, when you say.

Eldar [00:52:42]:
Maybe some things that you're insecure about, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's not the same.

Tommy [00:52:47]:
Like, okay, that's true. I mean, so, like, you might be.

Eldar [00:52:51]:
Under the impression, right? You might be under impression. State what a character. You might be under the impression, like, hey, like, I don't have enough money or whatever. I don't have this. I don't have that. You might be, like, judging yourself and have that insecurity or not.

Tommy [00:53:13]:
Maybe that.

Eldar [00:53:14]:
No, no. But we're talking about flaws. So you are right. The other person will help you understand that it's not a flaw by being there for you, by being supportive, by being understanding of the situation, that it is not the fact that you have little money that defines you, who you are or your character. That has nothing to do with that. It just happened to be that you might not be good money manager. You know what I mean?

Phillip [00:53:36]:
Circumcircumstance or, like, a mindset which is easily changeable.

Eldar [00:53:39]:
Correct. I see. Correct.

Tommy [00:53:40]:
I understand what you're saying.

Eldar [00:53:42]:
Yeah, you do? Yes, I do. Okay. Yes, I do.

Tommy [00:53:45]:
I mean, yeah, sure. I mean, I'll say is maybe a little bit personal to me, too, because I'm finding that I have more confidence in doing some of the things I've always dreamed about doing and letting go of some of those things that I've been doing that have been, like, holding you back from that stuff, which, like, we could say, yeah, you know, you've just been on that hamster wheel, and it's hard to say it because you really think you care about those things that you're doing.

Eldar [00:54:12]:
Tom, the gig is up on that. We've been on your situation.

Mike [00:54:15]:
Yeah, Tom, we know.

Eldar [00:54:16]:
We know this already.

Mike [00:54:17]:
Know you're.

Eldar [00:54:17]:
Enough is enough. Running a monkey, pretending enough is enough. We already know. If you want to keep pretending, keep pretending.

Tommy [00:54:23]:
And so, look, for me, that's like, sort of building that secure.

Mike [00:54:28]:
We're not talking about writing or acting or art, about your art.

Tommy [00:54:31]:
What I'm saying is it's about protecting. It's about protecting what you. What you love and what you care about. And maybe that's the wall.

Eldar [00:54:38]:
Like, care about. You don't even care about is that Mike?

Tommy [00:54:41]:
Is that the wall?

Phillip [00:54:42]:
What I'm saying is, what you love.

Tommy [00:54:43]:
And what you care about. Right. Is not something that you're willing to let the wrong person into. For instance, the. The person who comes into your life and says, you're chasing after these dreams, like you always saying, you chasing after these hoop dreams?

Eldar [00:54:57]:
Yeah. You. Yeah.

Tommy [00:54:58]:
Well, would you want that person coming into your life and saying, like, you've got your entire life, you hope that.

Eldar [00:55:04]:
Person that comes into your life will ask you, like, why do you go to school? Do you actually like it? Yeah.

Mike [00:55:08]:
You would hope to have a girlfriend who cares about you.

Eldar [00:55:11]:
I'm talking about love with a very.

Tommy [00:55:12]:
I'm talking about love. What you said. In love, there's no flaws.

Mike [00:55:15]:
So.

Tommy [00:55:15]:
I love myself, guys.

Eldar [00:55:16]:
Yeah.

Tommy [00:55:17]:
So thank you for questioning that and challenging me, but I'm. I love what I. Who I am, what I am and what I do and what I. What I'm interested in doing. If there was someone in my life who would, you know, can't come into my life and. And, you know, like, this is. Maybe I'm not the right example, but for what? Well, the thing is, I was just telling you guys. I was just telling you guys that I'm, like, I question what point I'm at in my life.

Tommy [00:55:46]:
So I'm not looking for a relationship.

Eldar [00:55:48]:
Right.

Tommy [00:55:48]:
Right now, I am looking for these kinds of signs of love. And for me, that's just part of what I'm pursuing. I care about that stuff because it's human nature and it's curious. A curious thing.

Eldar [00:55:59]:
You care about it because it's human nature. Yes.

Tommy [00:56:01]:
It's a curious, very curious thing. It's a. It's a very peculiar, strange, interesting thing for me.

Phillip [00:56:07]:
You seem like you want somebody to turn your light on for you on the outside.

Eldar [00:56:11]:
They do.

Tommy [00:56:12]:
People turn my light on every single fucking day. Every single fucking day.

Phillip [00:56:16]:
But you're saying that you love yourself, so your light should already be on. So why would you be reliant on it from somebody else and then why would you not?

Tommy [00:56:24]:
What light are we talking about?

Phillip [00:56:26]:
Are we talking about the big light? So, so. But if you do love yourself, right, why would you not, why would you not be ready for love?

Tommy [00:56:34]:
Well, actually, I believe that. I'm not sure when level comes.

Eldar [00:56:39]:
He's not complete, so that's how he feels.

Mike [00:56:41]:
No, I said it doesn't have a degree.

Tommy [00:56:43]:
This is very simple.

Eldar [00:56:44]:
Does have a degree.

Tommy [00:56:45]:
I don't know. I don't know when love will come. It's that simple. And I'm not going.

Eldar [00:56:49]:
Yeah, you shouldn't.

Tommy [00:56:50]:
I'm saying I'm not going. Chasing after it, not going, dragging my feet. I mean, I'm staying, you know, in a place where I'm honestly comfortable.

Eldar [00:56:58]:
Right. Nowhere. And. No, it's between nowhere and nowhere.

Tommy [00:57:01]:
It's, it's actually quite simple. It's, it's funny. It's funny that we talk about these things because if, if I really love what I do.

Eldar [00:57:09]:
Yeah.

Tommy [00:57:10]:
I should feel. Not threatened. I should not feel threatened in any way by anyone.

Eldar [00:57:14]:
Yes, because so you not.

Phillip [00:57:16]:
I'm in control.

Eldar [00:57:16]:
You'll be completely fine with me. Tell, however.

Tommy [00:57:19]:
I will.

Eldar [00:57:20]:
Tell me outside. You quit school.

Tommy [00:57:21]:
I will say this, that they're not. Hold on, let me just finish here. Yeah, look, I just. I have to make this point. My point is that there, for one reason or another, sometimes we end up with people who just shoot down our dreams. And I think that if we know these stories, if we've. If, if we hear about how other people have partners who say or do things, or for example, actually, I don't know about.

Eldar [00:57:51]:
I got it. Tom.

Phillip [00:57:52]:
Look, this is kind of.

Eldar [00:57:55]:
Guys does not exist. There's no such thing that you can end up with a person who's going to shut down your dreams.

Tommy [00:58:03]:
Maybe not, maybe not consciously, but people definitely have had parents. And if we think about.

Eldar [00:58:09]:
If we think about families, people that do have dreams pursue their dreams, dude. Those that don't, they got fucking, you know, they got challenged and then they fucking their doubts on them because they didn't really stand on anything.

Tommy [00:58:20]:
Listen, we don't all have elderism in our life.

Eldar [00:58:22]:
Well, sorry to hear that.

Tommy [00:58:23]:
So I want to just say this. I want to say that there are times when people in our lives maybe will sort of like people in our lives. Doesn't matter who. They don't have to be very close. They could be your parents. There are people in our lives who cause craziness.

Eldar [00:58:37]:
That's all.

Tommy [00:58:38]:
They're absolutely those kinds of people.

Phillip [00:58:41]:
Unless. Unless you allow that.

Eldar [00:58:43]:
That's right. Thank you.

Phillip [00:58:44]:
That thing is.

Eldar [00:58:45]:
Thank you. Yes.

Tommy [00:58:45]:
That's exactly what I wanted to hear.

Eldar [00:58:47]:
You're the problem. Yeah. If you don't know how to deal with external factors that are holding you away from actualizing your dreams and your potential, that is you. That is not the world.

Tommy [00:58:57]:
That perfectly sums up why I am mentality questioning. No, I'm questioning why. I'm questioning if. If what my situation is and if right now is the time.

Eldar [00:59:09]:
That's why you start school.

Tommy [00:59:10]:
I want to have intentions.

Eldar [00:59:11]:
Stop school and you start school. And you stop school and you start school. Sure. Why? Yes.

Tommy [00:59:15]:
Why not?

Phillip [00:59:16]:
Same thing with Reli. It's the same thing. Relationship. In and out relationship. In and out of fleeting things that you are not asking yourself, why am I actually there? Why am I in the relationship? Why am I at school? I don't think you honestly asked yourself these questions.

Tommy [00:59:29]:
A perfect, perfect flaw for me would be I'm not sure if I can be creative or not. And there has been someone in my life once who was recognizing of this, challenging it, and I love that a lot. And so that's kind of the last experience that I feel like I.

Mike [00:59:45]:
Why'd you dump her?

Tommy [00:59:46]:
A specific.

Mike [00:59:47]:
A specific connection with a real gem.

Tommy [00:59:50]:
Look, that's just a. I mean, it's me. It's besides the point.

Eldar [00:59:54]:
Okay, so let's go back to the thing. Yeah, no, but let's get back on the thing. We're talking about confidence. I made it a reference. And thank you, Phil, for bringing up all those detailed examples of the notebook. That's great.

Mike [01:00:06]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:00:06]:
He was 100% right about all those examples. Right. That again, showed and displayed that. His words. His words, his challenging things attracted her beyond belief. You guys saw it. All, right, who was the driving factor? Him.

Mike [01:00:23]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:00:24]:
He knew something more.

Phillip [01:00:25]:
He broke her pattern.

Eldar [01:00:27]:
That's right. He broke her pattern. He took her out of that stupid, I guess, and showed her what's really important. He said, I'm never gonna be that fucking guy. You know what I'm saying? The fucking city guy.

Phillip [01:00:39]:
Her father.

Eldar [01:00:40]:
Father. I'm never gonna be like your father. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? But we'll have this. We have a dream. This is it. You know what I'm saying?

Phillip [01:00:50]:
And deep down, that was good enough for her because all the other stuff she was doing on her little hamster wheel.

Eldar [01:00:55]:
Yep.

Phillip [01:00:56]:
She was like, yeah, I don't know if this is actually good for me.

Eldar [01:00:59]:
That's right.

Phillip [01:00:59]:
And it took her for potentially getting married to somebody else, having to see him in the paper faint years to realize, like, oh, damn. Like, I do actually believe this. I've been like, really? Like, just wasting all this time.

Eldar [01:01:11]:
That's right. Yeah.

Phillip [01:01:11]:
Because she. Why? Again, our original example, she did not have the courage to stand up for what she actually believed.

Eldar [01:01:18]:
That's right.

Phillip [01:01:18]:
And then she was sitting around blaming everybody else, yelling at her mom, dad, all this stuff. Meanwhile, she was the one that was allowing this to happen. You could get yelled at all you want. You can get locked in the house even. But at the end of the day, nobody can tell you how to think, can they? Technically, yeah. I mean, you've run in a dictatorship and you. Can you not stick up for yourself? But I. Yeah, people stick.

Phillip [01:01:39]:
There's definitely consequences, obviously, but sometimes you.

Eldar [01:01:42]:
Gotta die for your shit and.

Phillip [01:01:44]:
Yeah, exactly. You might have to sacrifice your beliefs and your life, and this is what wars happen over this beliefs.

Eldar [01:01:49]:
That's right.

Phillip [01:01:49]:
So this is not, like, an easy thing, but once you do overcome this and you do start to, like, come into your own. And I'm speaking from experience now after, like, you know, being here for a little bit and thinking, like, okay, I had some things figured out and realizing, like, you get challenged, your belief systems challenge, but it's a lot easier when you surrender and you say, like, oh, I don't know what this is, but I'm gonna ask, like, for help and assistance. And in her case, she actually got this, whether she asked for it or not, she got what she needed, but she wasn't willing to accept it. It's a whole other thing. And once she did, she got the life that she dreamed of, and it was great.

Eldar [01:02:27]:
But.

Phillip [01:02:28]:
But, um. Yeah, that. That journey is a very, very interesting journey, and that's relationship. I mean, and that takes courage.

Eldar [01:02:34]:
Right. Yeah. Even in the movie, right.

Phillip [01:02:36]:
It does.

Eldar [01:02:36]:
How many years passed where she was on her little thing and she was fine. Right. But she wasn't great comfortable. And then she fucking saw him in the paper and she lost her shit. She went fucking white.

Phillip [01:02:47]:
But think about what you just said. That when you say, like, people say this, and this is the language that people speak. I'm fine. I'm comfortable. This fine and comfortable, I think, is dangerous.

Eldar [01:02:58]:
Yes.

Phillip [01:02:59]:
I don't like when people say, it's settling to me. So dangerous.

Eldar [01:03:03]:
Okay.

Phillip [01:03:03]:
When people say, I don't know, what's the example? Say, like, what's an example say with, like means financial.

Eldar [01:03:09]:
Right.

Phillip [01:03:09]:
Like, middle class.

Eldar [01:03:10]:
Right.

Phillip [01:03:10]:
Like, to me, when I think middle class, let's take the money out of it. Right.

Eldar [01:03:14]:
If.

Phillip [01:03:15]:
If you're. If you're middle class in a sense. Right. You're saying that, like, you're okay with just not pursuing the top, and then you're.

Eldar [01:03:23]:
You.

Phillip [01:03:23]:
You're kind of nervous to hit the bottom.

Eldar [01:03:25]:
Bottom, yeah. So you don't.

Phillip [01:03:26]:
You see, it might be an image thing, it might be status. Like, who knows what it is? But I think with love, it's the same thing. If you want to just go in, like, that middle kind of rung. Yeah, you might be okay. Maybe you keep up appearances, you have a nice house, you do all this stuff.

Eldar [01:03:38]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:03:39]:
But you, deep down, you were never willing to hit the bottom.

Eldar [01:03:43]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:03:43]:
Because you didn't want to achieve the top.

Eldar [01:03:45]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:03:45]:
And to me, maybe it sounds extreme, like, you know, bottom and top, but I don't think there's a middle existence in relationship. I think you put the courage out. You're either going to fall flat, but you're going to learn from it, but you're going to go for love if you're just going to go for the middle. I don't think you ever have an opportunity to love. I think it actually masks it, and I think it makes it very, very hard to basically deconstruct those belief systems. And then you put yourself in a position where then you are relying on other people to point out your flaws because you're so deep rooted inside of your own beliefs that you don't know how to get out of your own problem.

Eldar [01:04:20]:
That's right.

Phillip [01:04:21]:
And then you get to this point where you have a big ego, you don't know how to basically interact with other people. I told myself in these examples where, oh, I'm okay with being by myself. I don't like being by myself. I didn't know this.

Eldar [01:04:32]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:04:33]:
So it took for people like you guys to point it out and say, like, Philip, you might not like being by yourself. You might be your social guy. I'm like, yeah, I'm telling myself I like working from home. I like walking by myself. Why am I telling myself all this? Because I didn't have the courage to basically stick up for myself in relationships, in family relationships. And then you basically become a certain person as a result of being comfortable. So I think comfortable should be labeled something even more. Comfortable seems like a very easy going word.

Phillip [01:05:02]:
Yeah, I think it should be more like. It should be more painful. It should have, like, red tape or yellow tape around.

Eldar [01:05:08]:
Yeah. Caution. Caution. Caution.

Phillip [01:05:10]:
Yeah. Comfortable is caution. I think it's very, very dangerous state of being, and I think is you're digging your. It's almost like quicksand. Yeah, I would say, in a sense. So, yeah, once you discover it, I think you realize how dangerous it is and. But then it wakes you up to the other side. But for me, having conversations like this, it goes back to Mike from the beginning.

Phillip [01:05:32]:
A lot of people aren't having these type of conversations. And, you know, that's why I think this podcast is important, having people listen to it. But there are people having these conversations with their friends and family on a day to day basis. Yeah, I'm paying attention to social media, and all people pay attention to, you know, hey, how much is your watch? How much you paying for rent? Like, these are the type of videos that are getting a lot of traction.

Eldar [01:05:52]:
Right?

Phillip [01:05:53]:
Like, Mike, you see these videos, right?

Eldar [01:05:54]:
Yeah, of course.

Phillip [01:05:54]:
We're talking about this. Like, who is actually talking about why? Who's talking about what? Why you're doing what you're doing, what belief systems that you have. I don't hear people talk like this.

Mike [01:06:04]:
That's a very good, the very good topic and a very good thing to our conversation to ask people why to do what they do.

Phillip [01:06:10]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:06:10]:
You know, why.

Phillip [01:06:11]:
Why do you talk about these things? Like, why do you care about the watch? Because I know deep down you don't really give a shit about it. Like, why are you asking somebody, how much, how much rent did they pay? Like, is this really interesting or is.

Eldar [01:06:21]:
Yeah, because. Yeah, I actually like the way people look at me when I wear this watch. They give me this.

Phillip [01:06:26]:
Yeah, people don't talk. People don't talk like this.

Eldar [01:06:28]:
People won't say that. Yeah, people.

Phillip [01:06:29]:
People don't.

Eldar [01:06:30]:
People not gonna admit to that, right?

Mike [01:06:32]:
No.

Phillip [01:06:33]:
And if they do, they would come off very, very arrogant.

Eldar [01:06:35]:
That's right.

Phillip [01:06:35]:
Right. And then people be, like, turned off. And then they'd be like, oh, at least I'm honest.

Eldar [01:06:38]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:06:39]:
There is an honesty in there. Like, to me, like, deep down, that guy really, truly doesn't care about the watch. Yeah, we know this. Right?

Eldar [01:06:45]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:06:46]:
So it all comes back to these conversations. Why are you talking about the watch? Why are you talking about your rent? Why are you enamored by this?

Eldar [01:06:53]:
Now?

Phillip [01:06:53]:
I know most of the answers to this because I've dealt with this, too. You're allowing these surface level things to run your life because you think that they're going to get you love, right?

Eldar [01:07:00]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:07:01]:
Like, we're walking down, what, in Soho? We're walking down, up and down Spring street in this. And we're having conversations. A lot of these people are shopping, going into these places. They're getting Botox. They're getting a certain look, they're achieving a certain.

Eldar [01:07:13]:
They all look the same.

Phillip [01:07:14]:
All look the same.

Eldar [01:07:15]:
It's crazy.

Phillip [01:07:16]:
They're going into these stores, buying certain type of clothes. Right. Whether they earned it. They're in a relationship that affords them this, whatever it may be. But they're. They believe that if they have a certain look and lifestyle, that they will get some, maybe some type of feeling, they achieve some type of dream. Maybe they were poor before and they became rich now. Is that admirable? Sure.

Phillip [01:07:37]:
Maybe if you do it in a virtuous way, great. But most people are not doing it because of that. They think that they're going to get love as a result of these outside, Botox like type of lifestyles, right? Like, I have a certain pair of jeans, I have a certain type of dress. I shop at a certain type of places, I go to certain hotels and certain restaurants. I'm a certain person. Like, this is what I am. I liked all this stuff growing up. I allowed myself to be taken by.

Eldar [01:08:03]:
This, to buy into it.

Phillip [01:08:04]:
I bought into this, I bought into. If you have a certain type of car, you have a certain type of lifestyle, you go to a certain type of restaurants, you're a certain status of person, you can look down on other people, maybe, maybe not literally, but you actually do. And you think you're better than other people, and you are actually saying that if I keep going down this route and get more and more more, I will get more, more love. And it's actually, you realize it's the opposite, and you're digging the hole deeper. And to get to that realization, to me, it's how much pain are you willing to put yourself through? And it usually comes out in intimate relationships because those are the ones that bring it out, at least for me, the most. But then you realize, like, what are you left with? And it takes me to, like, I watched the first five minutes of the movie that you liked, the dinner with Andre, and he was talking about just something simple. He just said, when I was little, I was just having so much fun. And now that I'm older, I have all these responsibilities, all these financial responses, and if you look at it like this, you realize that money and finance, like, it's.

Phillip [01:09:02]:
Like it can be a burden 100%, in a sense, yeah. But people are looking at this as something that they want, like they want to achieve. Like, it's this thing that they build their success off of. And you realize it's actually pretty empty, of course. Like. Like, if you're not talking about this stuff and you're not doing it in a virtual, virtuous sense, and you're not doing it with connection and camaraderie and. And growing, like, what are you actually doing? You're just accumulating money to accumulate money. And I don't know, I think it's just a.

Phillip [01:09:31]:
However you come to that realization, it's such a wake up call. But I think it's definitely a gut punch because. Because once you admit that you're wrong and the path that you were on was not correct, your ego is essentially gone. So if you are willing to put your ego aside, which most people, ironically enough, won't be able to do, because the ego is the one that gets you in that position. How do you achieve this type of financial success if your ego is not massive? Most of these people pride themselves on all the things we talked about, discipline, routine, you know, being this, like, a guy who's intimidating, has a status. But, yeah, all the conversations we have now are just making me ask, like, why are people able to go down this route for so long? And why do we basically allow ourselves to be taken by this? And I honestly, I don't know exactly, but if I had a. I would say for me, going back is if you're in a certain circumstance, it's all about looks and appearances. I think it's how you want other.

Eldar [01:10:37]:
People to perceive you versus how you actually perceive yourself.

Phillip [01:10:41]:
Versus how you perceive yourself. Yeah, I would say that.

Eldar [01:10:43]:
When did you sell out? When did you sell out to the society to dictate how you feel, and.

Phillip [01:10:47]:
Then you start blaming everybody else. Like, what Tommy's talking about, too, is you're basically saying, okay, am I going to allow this person to do XYZ? And then you realize, like, these type of people don't take accountability for what their. What their actions are.

Eldar [01:11:02]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:11:02]:
It's so much easier to blame everybody else and then say, okay, you know, this is as a result of this person treating me this way, and it's justified. No problem. But I'm not wrong.

Eldar [01:11:13]:
That's right.

Phillip [01:11:14]:
So these people are not gonna be growing.

Eldar [01:11:16]:
That's right.

Phillip [01:11:16]:
They're not gonna be experiencing love at a deep level or at any level. And it's just gonna be this continuing cycle of, let me buy more stuff, get this, and my life can be fixed.

Eldar [01:11:25]:
Can you understand? You just dissed Tommy very directly, and because people like him don't actually listen, they don't even understand that you're dissing them. Yes. It's the beauty about it. It's awesome. He's smiling.

Tommy [01:11:35]:
No disses are allowed for me. And that's it. I've rejected.

Eldar [01:11:38]:
How good is that?

Phillip [01:11:39]:
So cool.

Eldar [01:11:39]:
That's sick, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Tommy [01:11:43]:
These conversations that maybe it'll kick in one day.

Eldar [01:11:45]:
It will. When I'm ready to. In the 800 years.

Phillip [01:11:49]:
See, when I had these conversations, we started talking about these in 2019. I heard these conversations. And I wasn't saying to myself, like, oh, like, this is stupid. What I was saying to myself is, oh, I like these ideas. And then if I was talking to somebody else about these, I would say, like, oh, I am a spiritual person. I'm into philosophy. But just, like, looking back at it now, just like, you would hear these conversations, and when you're not really honest with yourself and you're a people pleaser, you're basically saying, oh, I heard this conversation about philosophy and spirituality. Like, I heard x, y, z.

Phillip [01:12:26]:
And you're just kind of regurgitating what you heard, but you don't believe it inside.

Eldar [01:12:29]:
Wow.

Phillip [01:12:30]:
You understand? So I think we were getting on somebody else that we knew today, right. About these kind of things, about. About regurgitating certain type of information.

Eldar [01:12:40]:
Philip just gets better and better. Like fucking cheese.

Phillip [01:12:42]:
But not believing them. Right.

Eldar [01:12:44]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:12:44]:
So you can hear. I was hearing you guys in 2019, but what was the difference between 2019 and now? I'm actually saying to myself, I'm a humble guy. I've made a lot of mistakes. I've had enough pain.

Eldar [01:12:55]:
You're trying to be, hey, be careful that.

Phillip [01:12:57]:
Trying that. Let's not get crazy.

Eldar [01:12:59]:
So now I'm on this path, and you see application. You start applying, and you start seeing the fruits of your own labor. Right.

Phillip [01:13:05]:
But not. But not until you surrender to this and say, I am wrong. I have not been doing this right, and I'm going to adopt something new. The other one was still.

Eldar [01:13:15]:
I still am fascinated by the fact that, number one, his memory is very good. Number two, how that the ability to be able to transition from one to the other with that turnaround time, you had to go through pain and fire to get there.

Mike [01:13:27]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:13:27]:
You know what I'm saying?

Mike [01:13:28]:
But Phil had to go through pain and fire, too.

Eldar [01:13:30]:
Maybe on his own. Yeah. No. Yeah.

Phillip [01:13:31]:
You guys didn't see it. I would say, like, like, two, three years.

Mike [01:13:34]:
He hasn't in his pizza slice for three years. Where you keep. That's painful.

Eldar [01:13:37]:
That's true, too. You're right.

Phillip [01:13:38]:
So I guess through me depriving myself of certain things.

Eldar [01:13:42]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:13:42]:
But also, I've been doing this for.

Eldar [01:13:46]:
A long time, bro.

Phillip [01:13:48]:
I isolated myself. Just think. I am isolating myself. Yeah. But telling myself I like remote work and I like being on my own.

Eldar [01:13:57]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:13:58]:
I tricked myself into doing the opposite.

Eldar [01:14:00]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:14:00]:
I'm a social person.

Eldar [01:14:02]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:14:02]:
I'm inspired by other people. I love talking to other people. I love good food.

Eldar [01:14:07]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:14:07]:
I love going out, eating well, restaurants, experience. I told myself, like, oh, yeah. I don't like doing this anymore. Yeah, I can. And I believed this about myself.

Mike [01:14:15]:
And in one week, we ruined your whole life.

Phillip [01:14:16]:
Hundred percent.

Eldar [01:14:18]:
So. Yeah, but only with this help. Yeah, only with his help.

Mike [01:14:23]:
Only because he was open and on.

Eldar [01:14:24]:
That's right. He was able to take the humility route and was able to be honest about his experience. And now he sees the fruits of his labor. Yeah. You know what I mean? And the turnaround from just theorizing it like you said, to now actualizing it. Right. It's. It's.

Mike [01:14:40]:
For most people, applied philosophy is like a farfetched dream.

Eldar [01:14:44]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:14:44]:
Most people are literally, we're talking about.

Mike [01:14:46]:
All these are cool subject to talk about.

Eldar [01:14:48]:
Yeah. Like you said, you know, I'm spiritual.

Phillip [01:14:50]:
This thing. The example is window shopping. People are literally, like, window shopping in real, real life.

Eldar [01:14:55]:
Right.

Phillip [01:14:55]:
If I was window shopping in 2019, saying like, oh, these are great, shiny, cool ideas. I'm gonna actually take them. I'm gonna talk to people at the bar when I go out and be like, oh, oh, my. I'm this guy. Like, I heard about this today. Isn't this cool?

Eldar [01:15:08]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:15:09]:
And you're putting on. It's almost. It's like you're putting a little bow on top of your shit and saying like, oh, I'm this guy. Like, this is so cool. How many, like, pseudo intellectual people are online talking about, like, all these guys were saying discipline, routine. Talking about like, oh, if you eat fish. Like, that's really good. It's like, did you take my blood work? Do you even know, like, what's going on inside of me? Like, all these people are giving all these general examples, right.

Phillip [01:15:33]:
Without actually applying it. And to me, you're basically capturing the attention of a lot of these people because most people are not applying this because there has to be a humility, there has to be an acceptance of my path was not correct, or I'm willing to try something new because I'm not getting the results that I want. How many people are actually doing that and then replacing it with something else? So to me, up until probably a month or two ago, I was not doing this.

Eldar [01:15:58]:
So, yeah, so every time. That's a fucking. I can't believe it either. What a sentence, bro. Hopefully he learned how to tune it.

Phillip [01:16:11]:
Out, but he rocks.

Mike [01:16:12]:
Hopefully.

Eldar [01:16:14]:
Yeah. All right, so, yeah, so, Mike with, did we answer your question?

Mike [01:16:19]:
Yeah, I think you guys did answer the question. I think I answered my own question, understanding it more as I. Which is what I wanted. I want to talk about it but, you know, a lot of. Sometimes it's hard to understand the shit just in your own head. You need to let it out, and then you can look at it from.

Eldar [01:16:32]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:16:33]:
Outside perspective and with other people's help.

Eldar [01:16:35]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:16:36]:
And definitely did. Now my. I guess my thing is now I'm understand the courage part, but now I'm wanting to figure out a way to make, like, I guess, to say these things with confidence, but understand, like, I guess, how to make. How to have fun with this, obviously, which I do already do, but now do that with other people.

Eldar [01:16:56]:
And that's why it's exciting to announce today. Yes. That Dennis Rocks is actually going on the road trip. Hey, yo, can we get it? Yeah, yeah, give us a. Dennis Rocks is actually gonna be going out, and tomorrow gonna be oppressing others outside.

Mike [01:17:17]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:17:19]:
And oppressor will be Mike and Philip. Yes. Yeah, maybe I'll join in once in a while.

Mike [01:17:23]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:17:24]:
To see.

Mike [01:17:24]:
What is this? We're going on a road trip. We're gonna take.

Eldar [01:17:27]:
We're gonna take the podcast outside now.

Mike [01:17:29]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:17:30]:
It's time, you know, Mike to Philip.

Phillip [01:17:32]:
Dennis rocks on the go.

Eldar [01:17:33]:
Yeah. Dennis rock to go. Yeah. Yeah. What does that mean? Finally go out there and start to publicize.

Phillip [01:17:40]:
Taking the podcast on the go. We're gonna add a video component.

Eldar [01:17:43]:
We have a video component. Then we're gonna have an audio component together, married. And we're gonna have other people component.

Tommy [01:17:49]:
So what is the road trip?

Eldar [01:17:51]:
Where we are?

Tommy [01:17:52]:
You actually.

Eldar [01:17:53]:
Everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. Anywhere. Anywhere. Everywhere we go, we're gonna be anywhere we need it. Anywhere. Anywhere we need it, we're gonna go.

Eldar [01:18:02]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:18:03]:
We're gonna basically carry these conversations from Friday into Saturday, ask people these type of questions. Yeah, maybe we have some fun with it.

Mike [01:18:11]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:18:12]:
Practice. Practice their own right abilities, their confidence and stuff like that. And bounce these ideas off of people.

Mike [01:18:17]:
And see how they go and ask them why they do what they do.

Eldar [01:18:20]:
Yep.

Phillip [01:18:20]:
Exactly.

Mike [01:18:21]:
You know, what makes them tick, what makes them happy.

Tommy [01:18:25]:
So this is a metaphor for learning from this. And that's it.

Eldar [01:18:29]:
Of course. Well, now, Mike said he wants to take this on the road after all these years, all these conversations, right. All the pods. He finally is ready to go out there and explore the world and apply his new self onto the world and see what he gets, you know, Philip as well. Philip also wants to continue, you know, outside, not just go with where he was by himself and isolating himself and walking by himself. He wants to go out there with Mike and with other people and see where it goes. So this is going to. This is very exciting.

Mike [01:18:57]:
Yeah, very exciting.

Eldar [01:18:58]:
Can't wait to see, you know, what we got.

Mike [01:19:00]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:19:01]:
Like, now we're talking about research. Now we're talking about more fun. Yeah. And putting people's heads in the pretzel. Like that.

Phillip [01:19:10]:
You biting your coolie.

Eldar [01:19:12]:
So, Mike.

Mike [01:19:13]:
Yeah, that's good. Very good.

Eldar [01:19:16]:
Now, next.

Mike [01:19:17]:
Next.

Eldar [01:19:19]:
The tighter gate is good.

Mike [01:19:21]:
The next question was the switch. The switch, yeah. How do you like.

Eldar [01:19:27]:
It's a switch question, but, like, okay, elaborate on that.

Mike [01:19:32]:
Nobody knows. So I guess it's. I'll have to give a little background story on it, kind of, like, explain it. But, like, when I'm here, my switch, my thinking switch on, my light switch is on. Not all the time, but a lot of the time it's on, right where I'm listening to what people are saying. I'm listening to what I'm watching, what they're doing. I'm being attentive. I'm aware of them.

Mike [01:20:00]:
I'm trying to be aware of myself, trying to be in the moment, present, and seeing exactly what's happening. Doing my best to. And a few, like, a few months ago, I went to the gym, and not intentionally, probably, or maybe intentionally, I'm not sure. I turned the switch off where I was not conscious. I was not thinking, I was not attentive to what was happening. And I got sidetracked by somebody that works at the gym. She tried to, you know, hit me with a hammer over the head, a virtual one, and she succeeded, you know, and obviously, I did not like that, you know, that this person was able to kind of, like, catch me off guard, which is the turning of the switch, you know, and I was trying to understand that process. Why does it happen? How does it happen, you know, where, you know, like, you do get caught off guard, and it's probably also part.

Mike [01:21:02]:
Probably has some relation to the gate thing, you know, where, like, you know, you're not really being present in the moment, seeing what's happening around you, and not to, like, say, like, hey, you got to be in this always tense state, like, hey, somebody's trying to damage or hurt me, but more so being aware of what's happening and understanding, you know, maybe in the back of your mind that, hey, I have to pay attention because there's always people trying to put noodles on your head, you know? So.

Phillip [01:21:35]:
Yeah, so I would say in this example, um, I think we talked about, too, uh, you know, does that make sense?

Mike [01:21:42]:
Although, is that a good explanation, or.

Eldar [01:21:43]:
It is the reason I know the. I know the story. I understand it. Yeah. And I understand it for sure. Yeah. Yeah.

Mike [01:21:51]:
Did you guys understand it or would you like to maybe add something? So. No, can I say, cuz I know I was like a little bit vague, but also, you know.

Phillip [01:21:57]:
No, I get it. She definitely caught you off guard.

Mike [01:22:00]:
She was very rude to me. Yeah, right. And instead of me kind of putting her in line or checking her, I quieted down. I didn't say anything because I was completely caught off guard because I was not expecting this kind of behavior in this place, which is, I would say, probably naive, you know, so, so I think the on off switch is relation related to the naiveness because it obviously happens not just to me at the gym. Obviously. Our parents can catch off guard. Our friends sometimes might catch off guard.

Eldar [01:22:32]:
Well, Mike, no, to be fair, now your parents can't catch you off guard anymore. Well, not as they used to.

Mike [01:22:37]:
Not as they used to. Yeah.

Eldar [01:22:38]:
Okay. So I think that you raised enough awareness with your parents at least, right, to know that the switch has to be the switch. Yeah. Right. And you already kind of know what to expect. And there's no really off guard situation or is there? No. Right.

Mike [01:22:55]:
I'm most of the time you time. I know. Like, I guess in the beginning when I was developing this kind of like awareness and making sure to bring it in to my house, I, and my introduction to my parents, I knew that, like, and I said to myself, hey, I'm about to be with these people. I'm about to go home, meet these people. And these people are dangerous people.

Eldar [01:23:16]:
Okay.

Mike [01:23:17]:
In a way. And in the beginning I was probably like, you know, driving home and I was making a conscious effort, like, okay, I'm going home, gonna meet my parents and they're probably gonna try to like, ham hog me, put noodles on my head, give me some bullshit or talk to me in a certain way and like, hey, I'm aware I'm going in there paying attention, what's happening, you know?

Eldar [01:23:37]:
Okay, so my next question is, why do you give the world the benefit of doubt? You feel like the world is smarter than your parents or other situations?

Mike [01:23:44]:
No, I don't think so. I think it's, if you're here, if.

Eldar [01:23:47]:
You'Re here, you come here and you alert and you have the alertness, why do you relax out there?

Mike [01:23:52]:
Because guess it's naiveness thinking that like, hey, I'm not going around like trying to ham on people. And I, you, part of me is like, well, they, I don't think they're gonna be out there trying to do it to me.

Eldar [01:24:08]:
Why you have. But why do you have that impression?

Mike [01:24:13]:
It's a probably a naive thing.

Eldar [01:24:15]:
What does that mean, naive?

Mike [01:24:16]:
It's naive is like not seeing things for what it is that most people don't have their own best interests. So how can I expect them to have my interest as well?

Eldar [01:24:28]:
So there you go. Right. You are able to apply yourself correctly towards your parents. Yeah, there was a clear issue. Yeah, right.

Mike [01:24:37]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:24:38]:
Why, why does the same thing does not translate towards the world and the people outside in the world?

Phillip [01:24:45]:
Isn't there so many variables with this, though? Because there's so many, like, like, you know, your family. Right? There's that dynamic, then you come to work and there's a certain dynamic when we're talking about the world in general. Talking about one person in a sea of many that don't you think it's a. It's just like a person to person example. So I would say in Mike's situation, I think it would be more difficult to manage the random people that you encounter. Just general society, like people that you meet at the gym or at a restaurant versus your family or work, because you're more familiar and they're more consistent. These examples to me are like somebody running at the gym or the restaurant. Like, these are pretty inconsistent.

Eldar [01:25:27]:
But let me ask you, Philip.

Phillip [01:25:28]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:25:30]:
Can you really come up with a lot of inconsistent examples for me that you say like, oh shit, this was completely out of the blue. What can they come up with that you're going to be like, holy shit.

Phillip [01:25:42]:
Oh, you mean like in the actual.

Eldar [01:25:43]:
In the world? Well, in his gonna be a handful of them.

Phillip [01:25:47]:
Yeah, I would say. I would say yes. So where I, where I went to initially with Mike is I said, I think inevitably these things are gonna happen.

Eldar [01:25:55]:
Right?

Phillip [01:25:55]:
Like, I don't think you can like just prevent all these because I think then you have to be shut off person.

Eldar [01:26:00]:
No, no, he didn't like the response, his response to it, right? Yeah, they're gonna happen 100%, I hope, you know.

Phillip [01:26:05]:
Yeah, he didn't like his response to it.

Eldar [01:26:07]:
Yeah, but I'm even saying he has that in him. It's his character. It's a shutdown.

Phillip [01:26:12]:
Yes, yes.

Eldar [01:26:12]:
So.

Phillip [01:26:13]:
Cuz I even took it one step further and said like, hey, okay, you made a mistake. Okay, fine. But yes, I didn't even think of it like that was. I let it get one step further where that person is inevitably gonna talk to me like that. I can't prevent that person from doing that. My reaction to it is part of the character associates, maybe the insecure, the other person that's allowing these other people in, which coincides with the game, you.

Mike [01:26:35]:
Know, like, the way that she spoke to me. I was the person who deserved to be spoken to like that, probably. You know, I was a dishonest person. I was, like, a crook or whatever, a criminal, like, a bad person.

Eldar [01:26:46]:
You couldn't demand respect.

Mike [01:26:48]:
I couldn't demand respect. Right. And I almost saw, like, this is normal for people to talk to me like this because I was a guilty of whatever crime they were trying to, you know, put me on. But this was for most of my life. And now in the more recent, like.

Eldar [01:27:01]:
You assume the position.

Mike [01:27:03]:
Yeah, I assume the position now. More recently. I'm not doing those things. I'm not being dishonest. I'm not, you know, trying to take advantage of people or, you know, lie to them or whatever. So it's partially. And I don't want to cop out and say, oh, it's a history thing. Like, you know, I have 30 years, 30 plus years of being this dishonest person.

Mike [01:27:22]:
But part of it is maybe the transition and also adopting and learning about this new identity and introducing into the world, introducing to myself and I guess seeing how those things play out, you know, and learning from those mistakes.

Phillip [01:27:39]:
Yes.

Mike [01:27:40]:
Because, I mean, I did learn from a mistake, and I did rectify the situation with some thought. And obviously, I did it in a way which was the right, you know, the justice way, and I restored the kind of.

Eldar [01:27:53]:
The order.

Mike [01:27:54]:
The order, which is good.

Eldar [01:27:55]:
I mean, you picked it up, obviously. Right. Yes.

Mike [01:27:57]:
But I would also do it.

Eldar [01:27:59]:
You want to have preventative care versus picking up the pieces at the end of it. Yeah, yeah.

Mike [01:28:03]:
I definitely better, you know, to be. I would have preferred to respond on the spot, the proper way, you know?

Eldar [01:28:12]:
You definitely do, Mike. Because in relationships, especially.

Mike [01:28:15]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:28:16]:
The relationships call for these types of interactions.

Mike [01:28:19]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:28:19]:
Okay. Where another person would, like, try to try to oppress you with their understanding or their behavior, whatever it is, you know. Yeah. And there is no room to get, you know, caught there maybe once, maybe twice, but sooner or later, you're gonna start going down. You know, you can be really find yourself an oppressive situation where you can't speak out, you know? And by the time you do speak out, it's already fucking shit. Shit.

Mike [01:28:46]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:28:46]:
Yeah. You know? Yeah.

Mike [01:28:48]:
No, and that's. That's part of the reason I would like to learn more about it, because I know that as I'm going out there, as I'm dating. I have to. Not that I have to, but I actually have to. And I want to become better at catching shit and being more observant because you're in, when you're in that lovey, lovey land, that is when the most your guard is down, I think. And that's when the most times you get caught off guard. And I mean, I definitely want to not be like a fucking.

Eldar [01:29:13]:
So would you say you'll have you have trouble reading people or scanning people?

Phillip [01:29:20]:
I don't think you do.

Mike [01:29:22]:
That's funny. I think I would say I probably do. Yeah, but you have to explain to me more what that means. But, yeah, but I would. Initially, my initial thought was probably yes, why not?

Phillip [01:29:33]:
Oh, so where my mind went with that example was where that woman spoke to him the way that he did. Part of him is still feeling guilty for the person that he was, and part of him is still connected to the crook or the web. Whoever that guy, whoever that Persona was in that moment, he was that guy. Or he allowed those behaviors and thoughts to basically, like, come forward and take the punishment. So in a sense, in a sense, it could be like, in that person where you're conflicted, he has this new person, the philosophy guy, the guy that's going for a virtuous life and the other guy that he left behind. And there's still remnants to that because unless you fully accept that that guy's gone and you just say, okay, like I did these things, that person is still gonna come up. And I think this is a perfect example of her exposing that side of him. Because if it wasn't there, right, he wouldn't be.

Phillip [01:30:28]:
He wouldn't have reacted like, yeah, but.

Eldar [01:30:30]:
Who did it first is the question.

Phillip [01:30:32]:
She brought it out in him.

Eldar [01:30:35]:
See, I'm not sure. I think that he mislabeled her. How so?

Mike [01:30:41]:
Should have saw. Well, remember you first day you came in?

Eldar [01:30:44]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:30:45]:
What'd you say about her?

Phillip [01:30:46]:
Oh, I thought she was like, I.

Eldar [01:30:47]:
Do read that so fast for much.

Mike [01:30:49]:
Hey, you read that so fast, you were paying attention.

Phillip [01:30:54]:
Oh, okay, so you're saying that this guy is a guy that does not pay attention.

Eldar [01:30:58]:
Mm hmm.

Phillip [01:30:59]:
This is the first mistake.

Eldar [01:31:00]:
So you.

Phillip [01:31:00]:
Cuz you're, you're.

Mike [01:31:01]:
That's the switch. The switch to pay attention.

Phillip [01:31:03]:
Okay, now that my switch went. My switch. My switch went off on the switch right away. Now I know now I didn't get in trouble. I fully get what we're saying now. Yeah, I said I was hearing the switch, but now I really heard. Okay, now I get it.

Eldar [01:31:16]:
Okay. Yeah. So, so what's happening with him? Right? Yeah. A lot of times in his history, he would open up, right? His arms and say, come on, guys, let's be friends. Right where I'm standing, right next to him, those same people around me. I'm. I'm cordial. Nice.

Eldar [01:31:33]:
But I'm not opening up my arms. I'm like, you. Red flags. I'm seeing red flags. Mike's. Let's hang out. I'm like, Mike, careful. So happy go lucky.

Eldar [01:31:46]:
Time passes, violations happen. The red flags become the red flags. And Mike comes back, goes, yo, look at this shit. I'm like, bro, I knew. You know what I mean? He's like, I got in trouble.

Tommy [01:31:57]:
It's a blood bathroom.

Eldar [01:31:58]:
You know what I'm saying?

Mike [01:31:59]:
Exactly.

Eldar [01:32:00]:
Okay. So he read it right from the beginning, from the jump, the wrong way. Why? You didn't.

Phillip [01:32:05]:
Because he's sleeping.

Eldar [01:32:06]:
He's sleeping.

Phillip [01:32:07]:
Sleeping at the wheel.

Eldar [01:32:07]:
He's sleeping at the wheel, yeah. Again, and I think it comes back to what we talked about earlier. There's self interest.

Mike [01:32:14]:
Yeah. Yeah. That's why I think those two are tied together. So those things are very. The gate and the switch, they're tied together in a way.

Tommy [01:32:23]:
I kind of.

Eldar [01:32:24]:
What?

Tommy [01:32:24]:
Mike has consistent. You've consistently wants to be.

Eldar [01:32:27]:
He wants people. He wants people's energy. You know what I'm saying? He wants to be nice. He wants them to be nice. That's number one. That's the horse in a race. And because of that, he puts down the guard, and there's no guard. There's nobody there at the door.

Eldar [01:32:43]:
There's no face patrol, no nothing. Yeah.

Phillip [01:32:45]:
So they're totally intertwined then. Because once you. Yeah, once you shut it off, the people that are coming in are gonna be totally different than the ones that, when it's on.

Eldar [01:32:52]:
That's right.

Phillip [01:32:52]:
So to me, in this state that we're in, the way that we're talking, even if it is technically off, I think it would still be really hard to let that person in. So I would still say that there is an element of guilt still attached to the other self.

Eldar [01:33:09]:
Well, no. Now he's recognized that. Obviously, he's more sensitive to pain. Yeah, but he's not as sensitive as you and me. Okay. Because me and you. Like. Okay.

Eldar [01:33:16]:
That person will violate us here. Right, right. Okay. You don't see that there?

Mike [01:33:20]:
It's an. That's why I said it's in very naive thinking. It is very naive thinking that everybody's goody, goody. Everybody wants the best for you, and everybody's trying to be nice to you, but like, they, I have my interest, right. Which is to be happy, to share that happiness.

Eldar [01:33:35]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:33:35]:
To be friendly, to be together. Yeah. Do stuff, have fun, enjoy each other's company. They also have that interest, but they have other interests too, because their nature is maybe more rooted in something else. Something else. But I'm not seeing that her nature is rooted in being a nasty person, being rude, being disrespectful.

Eldar [01:33:53]:
Power. Right. She's power tripping. Yeah, she's power tripping.

Phillip [01:33:56]:
Oh, in that position, hundred percent, she's power tripping.

Eldar [01:33:58]:
You know what I mean?

Phillip [01:33:58]:
Like what, what is her gen, what is her general interest? Like, what is she benefiting from that besides getting an ego trip from that and just reprimanding somebody?

Eldar [01:34:08]:
Listen, it's, for some people, it's very important to fulfill some parts of their life that they can't have control over somewhere else. At home, shit is a wreck.

Phillip [01:34:16]:
She's not being financially compensated for this interaction.

Eldar [01:34:18]:
So she comes here and takes ownership. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Now, he she can police people, and that's what it is.

Mike [01:34:24]:
Especially people of the upper enchant. Oh, not like myself, but there's a lot of people that go there that are probably making decent money. You know, it's expensive.

Eldar [01:34:34]:
And she's able to tell them what.

Mike [01:34:35]:
She'S able to, you know, bully them around and talking about if she has a power thing. She's a security guard there. Interesting, interesting, Tommy.

Eldar [01:34:44]:
Yeah. So, you know, so go back to your thing.

Mike [01:34:47]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:34:48]:
Why do you turn it off? And again, is it only the self interest again that's making you go back to sleep at the wheel?

Mike [01:34:56]:
Yeah, I guess it's not seeing things where there is that the world is not as peachy as, you know, as I think it is.

Eldar [01:35:04]:
See, I think that the world is peachy and you can't interact with it in the peachy way. I don't want to take that away from you. I think that's bad, to take that away from you. I don't want you to walk around, be on guard, but I don't want you to walk around, be stupid.

Mike [01:35:17]:
Well, yeah. I think that's finding the level of awareness.

Eldar [01:35:19]:
Correct. Turn it off and turn it on.

Mike [01:35:22]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:35:22]:
You know what I'm saying? You just don't know how to turn it on yet at the right time.

Mike [01:35:25]:
Yes.

Eldar [01:35:26]:
Yes.

Mike [01:35:26]:
Well, that's what I'm looking to do. I'm trying to find that balance where, yeah, I am open. I am very friendly and open arms for everybody.

Eldar [01:35:33]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:35:34]:
But I'm also like, hey, I gotta check you first. I gotta pat you down to see.

Eldar [01:35:37]:
If you can pass through your sensitivity level. It's not. You're not sensitive enough to be able to get those hints earlier. Right.

Mike [01:35:45]:
Not listening.

Eldar [01:35:46]:
You're not really listening. You're not being attentive. You're just going with your agenda, probably the self interest one. Yeah. And because you're leading with the self interest agenda, you washing everything else away. And you're not seeing the person for what they are. And when you do see them for what they are, it's already too late. They already got you.

Mike [01:36:03]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:36:06]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:36:06]:
That makes sense.

Eldar [01:36:09]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:36:10]:
But I also, I guess that interaction, it started that. I guess, I don't know how long I've been going to that gym, but I never, I guess, yeah, I guess it's part of it as I never thought to look there because it's like an ongoing thing. Like, I've been going to the gym for a while. I see the same person. I'm like, I'm not. But I guess it's, you know, you still have, you have to inspect everything, everything that you do.

Eldar [01:36:30]:
Mike.

Mike [01:36:31]:
There's people everywhere that are.

Eldar [01:36:32]:
Mike, let me ask you this, right. Every person you come across.

Mike [01:36:35]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:36:36]:
Are they a person?

Mike [01:36:37]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:36:38]:
So what comes with that? Are there human beings?

Mike [01:36:41]:
Complications. Yeah.

Eldar [01:36:43]:
Are you, are you walking around Dalai Lama all day, probably, you know what I'm saying? You're not walking around with Dalai Lamas.

Mike [01:36:48]:
Yeah. No, you're not. I'm not.

Eldar [01:36:50]:
You're not walking around with Jesus. You know, you're not walking around with those people. You walk around with regular humans.

Mike [01:36:56]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:36:57]:
When you default, by default, those humans have flaws.

Mike [01:37:01]:
Well, that's how I pseudo. Later, those flaws will fall on you 100%. They will.

Eldar [01:37:06]:
Yes. Yes. Yeah.

Phillip [01:37:07]:
When you're, when you're saying self interest in this, what, what exactly in this specific example is, is the self interest. So to get him to shut it off, though, because he's saying, he's, he's saying what? Like, what is he going in and like, kind of getting from the situation to shut it off. Yeah. Like what? When you're saying self interest, my head doesn't go to self interest for the example.

Mike [01:37:33]:
It just example now.

Phillip [01:37:34]:
Yeah, it does. It doesn't seem like self.

Eldar [01:37:36]:
No, no, no, guys, if you examine it enough, there is self interest there.

Mike [01:37:39]:
Yeah, for sure.

Phillip [01:37:40]:
But to me it seems like an assumption.

Eldar [01:37:43]:
I'm gonna tell you right now. I'm gonna give you an example.

Phillip [01:37:45]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:37:45]:
Everywhere we go. Everywhere we go. Who's Mike? Mike is our celebrity.

Phillip [01:37:51]:
Yeah. Knows everybody.

Eldar [01:37:53]:
Yes. Yeah. It's.

Mike [01:37:54]:
It's true.

Eldar [01:37:55]:
Yes or no? Yeah.

Phillip [01:37:55]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:37:56]:
She's supposed to know better, bro.

Phillip [01:37:57]:
So, boom.

Mike [01:37:58]:
But I don't walk around like that, but, okay.

Phillip [01:38:03]:
So he. He is saying in most of my interactions, I know most of these people, and they give me back usually what I give them.

Eldar [01:38:11]:
That's right.

Phillip [01:38:11]:
Why did she not give me. This is what we're saying. So the self interest.

Eldar [01:38:15]:
That's right.

Phillip [01:38:15]:
It's assumption.

Eldar [01:38:16]:
Yes.

Phillip [01:38:17]:
That I am treated a certain way.

Eldar [01:38:19]:
That's right.

Phillip [01:38:19]:
Why did she do this?

Eldar [01:38:21]:
Yes. Okay.

Phillip [01:38:21]:
Okay.

Eldar [01:38:22]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:38:22]:
It's partially like, hey, like, I'm friendly with everybody. I come in and say hello. You know, like, I'm not just like, a random guy just walks in with his head down like she seen me multiple times. I always say, hello.

Eldar [01:38:33]:
Expectation is built.

Mike [01:38:34]:
I'm nice, you know? And for her to say, like, yo, who the fuck are you?

Eldar [01:38:40]:
It's like, wait.

Phillip [01:38:43]:
You ever see the Jim Carrey acceptance speech when he says, I'm two time Golden Globe winner Jim Carrey? And then he's like, when I go to sleep at night, I dream about being three time Golden Globe winner Jim Carrey. And he's just talking about his level of importance, but a jokey way. But deep down as an actor, he was believing this at some sense where Mike at some level is saying, I am this type of person in front of everybody. Like, I have this level of status with everybody else. And these people think that we coined.

Eldar [01:39:17]:
Like, because we started fucking, you know, witnessing the phenomenon. Yes.

Phillip [01:39:21]:
He's a celebrity. He's a celebrity. He created a celebrity thing.

Mike [01:39:24]:
It says, and I didn't create it.

Eldar [01:39:26]:
You're natural.

Mike [01:39:27]:
I'm natural.

Phillip [01:39:29]:
No, but you. But you created this dynamic for yourself, though.

Mike [01:39:32]:
And, you know, I didn't create it so that I can, like, get ahead in life.

Phillip [01:39:36]:
No, it doesn't matter. But in this specific example, though, yeah. You created this example based off of all the other data and interactions. So you calculated whether you, you're awake or not in this moment, and you said, oh, based off of my other, other hundred interactions, everybody's yo, yo, what's my base?

Eldar [01:39:53]:
Good.

Phillip [01:39:53]:
They take it all. So no matter. She didn't so matter if I'm of my light switch is on or off, whatever I'm dressed like, however, I don't.

Eldar [01:40:00]:
Have to put my lights on. I don't have my switch on.

Phillip [01:40:02]:
I don't have to be a certain way. Yeah, I should get this. That's as a result of what you did in. In your other interactions.

Mike [01:40:09]:
So you guys. Do you guys think it's intentional effort to get to be known?

Eldar [01:40:12]:
Well, that's up to you, Mike, to decide.

Phillip [01:40:15]:
But you created it no matter what. Yeah, exactly. You have to decide.

Mike [01:40:18]:
What I don't know was a conscious thing to be created. Insecurity, maybe. I don't know.

Eldar [01:40:23]:
I don't know, Mike.

Phillip [01:40:24]:
I don't know if you created defense.

Eldar [01:40:26]:
I. I find it. I find it sometimes. I'm nice. I think I'm nice. This is my perception of it. But to be extra nice, like, James. James, like, extra nice is the gym guy.

Eldar [01:40:39]:
No, James is a samaj. Our guy.

Phillip [01:40:43]:
Oh, no, no.

Eldar [01:40:43]:
Yeah. See, I was like, extra. Where it's, like, it's too much for me. Like, I think that's gonna take a next level of effort for me to be that level, and that's, like, too much energy. Like, I can't do that. Yeah.

Mike [01:40:53]:
No, but I don't. I don't.

Eldar [01:40:55]:
If it comes to you, natural, nice.

Mike [01:40:56]:
I don't think I'm being extra nice and think I'm being whatever, but I do. A lot of times, I find engagements in conversations with people.

Eldar [01:41:03]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:41:04]:
Like, even the guy from harvest.

Eldar [01:41:05]:
Yeah. Moon. Yeah. Yeah.

Mike [01:41:07]:
Like, we have a conversation.

Eldar [01:41:08]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:41:08]:
Like, we're having conversations, but not because I'm, like, being nice, I guess. Or maybe it is because I'm just open. I'm like, hey, he's a person I'd like to get to. I'm open to getting to know people.

Eldar [01:41:19]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:41:19]:
I'm very social. So it's like, part of that is, like. And then it just happens.

Eldar [01:41:23]:
Yeah. Of. It's more natural.

Phillip [01:41:25]:
Why are you doing that?

Eldar [01:41:27]:
Yeah.

Tommy [01:41:27]:
The thing I was gonna say is, you're consistently consistent about wanting to explore emotionally. Often when Mike says these things, like, let's discuss this. Here's how I feel. He's really talking about these, like, emotionally intelligent things, like, emotionally based things. And that's a good thing in a way. It's like, it's sort of.

Eldar [01:41:49]:
He's.

Tommy [01:41:50]:
You're giving us an example of your character, in a way, and things that you. That you see as strengths or weaknesses in your life, like, in that area. So what is that thing?

Eldar [01:42:01]:
What'd you say, Philip? Or you ask him, thank you, Thomas.

Phillip [01:42:03]:
And Mike, in that example, you're having these conversations.

Eldar [01:42:06]:
Right.

Phillip [01:42:07]:
So I'm saying to myself, why is. Why is Mike having this interaction, like, do you, do you genuinely just like to connect with somebody and then are you analyzing these, like, non say, friendship type connections where like you're having, maybe we're joking around. Like you had coffee with some guy. Like, right. Like, we were just talking. So like, oh, you probably had coffee with this guy and you were like, oh, I actually did have coffee with this guy. We're talking about a random guy, right? Like in the gym or whatever it was, right?

Mike [01:42:31]:
And I'm not sure.

Phillip [01:42:33]:
No, we were talking about somebody and I think it was me. You totally were all talking. Oh, Mike probably had coffee with them. He ended up did having coffee with them.

Mike [01:42:41]:
I might have been trolling.

Phillip [01:42:42]:
I don't, I don't know what it was. But whatever the example was, like, let's say there was even a semblance of truth to that, that I think you, you like people to like you. And I think you like conversations.

Mike [01:42:54]:
I do love conversations.

Phillip [01:42:55]:
You definitely do. But again, somebody that was getting themselves into trouble as a result of just letting anybody in, I think you're having, I would think, a lot of these conversations, like, for something that's not the general, genuine connection.

Mike [01:43:13]:
So to me trying to get a hookup with Dave for walking into a.

Phillip [01:43:17]:
Place, walking into a place and having somebody know you, Houston's knowing the manager, knowing this person, going somewhere and feeling known or wanted, I think it's, I can shut myself off, say I'm in my comfortable space. So think about if you don't have access to the light and you weren't having these full philosophical conversations, what are you relying on? You don't know how to tap into the light. So you are self, you are basically manufacturing this through fake relationships. Your fake relationship is having this conversation which may be genuine and you might actually be talking about things that are nice. And you build this connection with somebody. So then when you walk in the next time, you don't have to maybe be on, you don't have to be that person because you don't know how to be that thing. You can relax and be comfortable. So when you walk into this place, he had the, he had the example.

Phillip [01:44:08]:
He walked into the gym. I'm having all these positive relationships with all these managers, trainers, people that work there. Everybody knows me. I can just walk in here, shut my brain off, and I'm not going to get treated any other way but special. All of a sudden he got treated, not special. He got caught off guard, was like, what the fuck is going on here?

Eldar [01:44:23]:
Yeah, yeah, you're good.

Mike [01:44:25]:
Yeah, so.

Phillip [01:44:25]:
So I'm good. So I'm thinking that these are our manufactured relationships for a disingenuous purpose.

Mike [01:44:35]:
Very possible.

Phillip [01:44:36]:
Built on something that is genuine, which could be conversation and connection. But the actual reason why you're doing.

Eldar [01:44:42]:
Yeah, if you. Yeah, if you can. How they come about in the first place. It'll be interesting. Right. Like how it's because it's a phenomenon. Yeah. If it's a phenomenon, it's not a random chance.

Eldar [01:44:56]:
Even though you come across like, oh, guys. What are you guys talking about? Like, it's a random thing. No, but it's a phenomenon. That's not happening to me. That's not happening to Philip or anybody else. Right. It's an actual thing. So you would have to examine how it comes about, why it comes about and see whether or not that's part of the.

Eldar [01:45:11]:
Your people pleasing, maybe, or your level of comfort where you're trying to be accepted, known.

Mike [01:45:17]:
Yeah, probably.

Eldar [01:45:19]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:45:19]:
Getting happiness by sharing with people because I wasn't able to generate my own.

Eldar [01:45:23]:
Hmm.

Mike [01:45:24]:
Maybe, you know, interacting with people brings me happiness that I cannot, you know, get on my own. So I was looking for those connections with people because I think that was like a cheating way of getting it.

Eldar [01:45:34]:
Yes. And you, you've had this for as long as you know it, this thing? Yeah, probably. Wow.

Mike [01:45:41]:
I mean, how long ago?

Eldar [01:45:43]:
Mike, I've known you for a very long time. I just noticed this.

Mike [01:45:46]:
Really?

Eldar [01:45:47]:
I've just noticed. It's like when totally started bringing this up. I'm like, yo, this is right. You're right. Like, fuck it. Everybody knows him.

Mike [01:45:53]:
But, yo, think about how many years ago was made sushi.

Phillip [01:45:56]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:45:56]:
My house.

Eldar [01:45:58]:
Yeah. You had a house account.

Phillip [01:46:01]:
We were, we were walking here, brand new building. One week in, we went for a walk. We were walking with the dogs.

Eldar [01:46:09]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:46:09]:
A random van drove by us and waved. Yo, this guy I don't even know is a random, like.

Eldar [01:46:18]:
Yes.

Phillip [01:46:19]:
Truck, plumbing, whatever the.

Eldar [01:46:20]:
He met him in the gas station somewhere when he was picking up slowly. Yes. Something like, they talk some crazy. Forgot. Yeah, yeah. But that guy didn't forget because Mike made an impression.

Phillip [01:46:29]:
Do you understand what you. The impression that you have to make on somebody to be driving randomly at a brand new place with the random, random dogs. That guy probably does not know five.

Eldar [01:46:39]:
People, but five people and goes, hey.

Phillip [01:46:41]:
Hey, what's up, Mike?

Eldar [01:46:42]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:46:42]:
Didn't say word anything. Was just a way and a wave.

Eldar [01:46:46]:
Yeah. Sick.

Tommy [01:46:47]:
If you ask about old Tommy, old Tommy was like that for sure. So that was kind of what drove some of my.

Eldar [01:46:53]:
Okay, so some light on that.

Tommy [01:46:56]:
My connections with people.

Eldar [01:46:57]:
Yeah.

Tommy [01:46:58]:
Just, you know, just being, like, being. Trying to, like, happy go lucky, just be, you know, connect. Connect with people. Just, you know, talk to. Talk to, like, the new people who come into school, you know, like, make friends immediately, that kind of thing.

Eldar [01:47:13]:
Yeah.

Tommy [01:47:13]:
And in. In a way, like, my. My vision has changed. Well, really, my. My attitudes and my beliefs have changed because I.

Eldar [01:47:25]:
But you still.

Mike [01:47:25]:
That guy.

Tommy [01:47:26]:
Tom, listen, I'm. I'm just not. I'm not. And this is kind of new to me, too. It's not exactly new because I am sober today. So, like, um. So that plays a role in my life. Like, you know, in my teens, like, I was just kind of, like, screwing up.

Eldar [01:47:43]:
You got your ten year coin.

Tommy [01:47:45]:
Look, it deserves its own story, right? It deserves its own podcast, but.

Eldar [01:47:49]:
Whoa, whoa.

Mike [01:47:49]:
We're gonna decide that in a way.

Tommy [01:47:51]:
In a way. In a way. I'll just sum it up really quickly. I think it's that I actually started to appreciate reasoning, appreciate it for, like, this potential to live a better and happier life, similar to what Mike says. Like, I want to live a happier life, and I'm now realizing that pursuing my dreams could be part of a happier life.

Eldar [01:48:13]:
So, finally. So, thank you.

Tommy [01:48:16]:
I appreciate it. And so I just kind of think, um, you know, I. In a way, I learned to assert myself just with myself.

Eldar [01:48:26]:
Okay.

Tommy [01:48:26]:
Just like, to have a. To have courage in. In pursuing what I want to pursue, which is a little bit different, because sometimes you got to just turn. Like, turn. Turning away from certain things that get in the way of, you know, like, if you're just doing your friends a favor, right? Like, you're sitting there and you're hanging out with them, killing time, that just, like, that's a. That's perfect expression for what you could have been doing for yourself. And that in itself is just its own flaw. Like, I could be an actor.

Tommy [01:49:01]:
I could be a filmmaker. I could be this and that. And you're just not. You're not doing it because, you know, you. Because you fill in and you try to be that social butterfly.

Eldar [01:49:12]:
So, I mean, yeah, if this social butterfly and this. The result is this where you. It almost puts your guard down from being on point, right, where you can get all the time, you get what you want out of life, then this makes you kind of go to sleep at the wheel, and then all of a sudden, you got caught off guard. If that's what's doing that to you, you definitely want to examine that.

Phillip [01:49:36]:
But it's very clever, though, because you are, in turn, you are duplicating the feeling that you would try at least to think that you would get as a result of having courage and doing it the other way. You are getting this through manufacturing this relationship and saying, okay, I'm going to basically con this person. Okay. In a sense, to give me their energy. Okay.

Eldar [01:50:00]:
Because I'm saying he's a vampire.

Phillip [01:50:03]:
In this example, in these examples, it.

Eldar [01:50:07]:
There's a blood sucking mosquito.

Phillip [01:50:09]:
But this is what he was doing. He was, he was doing an even exchange of saying, I'm going to have a conversation and give you my time, you know, whether I'm conscious or not.

Eldar [01:50:20]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:50:20]:
He's giving them something special treatment in exchange for the special treatment. So maybe that other guy, maybe the manager, maybe the other person, maybe they just wanted to have a conversation. Maybe they just wanted to talk.

Eldar [01:50:29]:
He's.

Phillip [01:50:30]:
He maybe recognize this or not.

Eldar [01:50:31]:
What a fucking leech said.

Phillip [01:50:33]:
This guy, I'm gonna give him.

Eldar [01:50:35]:
Yeah, finally. Phil has something against you, Mike. When you go on the walks.

Mike [01:50:39]:
Yeah, that's.

Eldar [01:50:40]:
It's over. This guy, you. Yeah.

Phillip [01:50:42]:
So he gave him, like, he gave him a little situation. So this is what I'm thinking.

Eldar [01:50:45]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:50:46]:
Was, you know, you justifying how many victims? Oh, thousands.

Eldar [01:50:51]:
Oh, my God.

Phillip [01:50:54]:
Because there's a random guy.

Tommy [01:50:56]:
There's a random victims of the person at the front desk.

Phillip [01:51:00]:
He said. He said he's known this to do this for.

Eldar [01:51:03]:
Remember? I just, I just realized they like six months to year when totally was like, yo, Mike's a fucking celebrity. Everywhere. Go, like, you know, we knew this about James. We would always be fun of James because of it.

Phillip [01:51:15]:
I remember this.

Eldar [01:51:16]:
And they were like, oh, shit, you're right. Like, you're. Mike is really a celebrity.

Phillip [01:51:19]:
Where did it start? Like, was his dad pulling him in a wagon when he was like four? And like, he was doing this to his neighbors and friends. Like, when did it start? Yeah, how many was there?

Tommy [01:51:29]:
Great fucking question.

Phillip [01:51:30]:
Or did it just start when.

Eldar [01:51:32]:
Body count.

Phillip [01:51:33]:
Yeah, like, what is your body count? Was it in high school? Was it in college? But yeah, my understanding hooked me.

Eldar [01:51:39]:
Yeah. Okay. And detention. He gave me a job. He tried, but see, guys, see, there was.

Phillip [01:51:50]:
There wasn't even exchange or at least something where he is offering something. Offering. He's offering conversation. He is offering something and he actually is getting something in return.

Eldar [01:52:00]:
No, no, for sure. I don't think it's a fucking complete, like, rapid.

Phillip [01:52:03]:
No, it's not a sham. No, but he's referring to what? He's referring to himself as a crook. So part of him, whether we're saying it or not, yeah. He does feel that he was wronging people.

Mike [01:52:16]:
No, in those situations, I don't think I was consciously doing it. I didn't. My goal wasn't to like.

Phillip [01:52:21]:
No, but it's part.

Mike [01:52:24]:
It was intentional cookery, though.

Phillip [01:52:25]:
But, but so that was one where you, where you weren't. Maybe it extended to a situation where it could because you had that type of mindset and beliefs.

Eldar [01:52:34]:
Oh, yeah.

Mike [01:52:34]:
No, where, if it was born from insecure.

Eldar [01:52:37]:
Absolutely. Yeah. Was it was an alternative alter. Yeah. Alternate alternative.

Mike [01:52:41]:
But also probably a part of it is like, as I was thinking, as I got older, I got a car.

Eldar [01:52:46]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:52:46]:
I was out more and I was escaping my house because I didn't know how to deal with that naturally. I wanted to gravitate towards other people.

Eldar [01:52:55]:
Did you say you were lonely?

Mike [01:52:56]:
Because I was lonely, yeah. And I was not felt welcomed or accepted in my own house.

Eldar [01:53:00]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:53:01]:
You know, so I know I was always going out, like, you know, you're in that mood where you want to connect with people because you're not getting that connection from your parents, for example, or you're not getting that connection from a girl or like, you know, friends maybe.

Phillip [01:53:15]:
So what did you realize? You realized that you could give somebody time and you could listen and you could have a conversation with them and.

Eldar [01:53:22]:
They can realize him. Yeah. Yeah.

Phillip [01:53:24]:
You realize.

Mike [01:53:25]:
Which I was what I was seeking.

Phillip [01:53:26]:
This is valuable. You realize that you had something valuable. Whether you realized it or not. You ended up using it. Okay.

Eldar [01:53:33]:
And.

Phillip [01:53:33]:
And you actually brought people in and you got something from it. You got status, you got a feeling. You got acceptance for whoever you were. He relaxed.

Eldar [01:53:41]:
He didn't have to be on guard. He could relax.

Phillip [01:53:43]:
Exactly.

Eldar [01:53:44]:
Around those people. Yeah.

Phillip [01:53:45]:
But then it got him in trouble. But I don't believe that these things are wasted time because I think these things carry you to a certain point.

Eldar [01:53:52]:
Yeah. Up until they don't serve you anymore. Yeah.

Phillip [01:53:54]:
Yeah. I think they are vessels. Like, without looking at, like, your past. Cause you can look at your past and say, like, damn, like, I wasted all this time. I don't think they are. I think they're.

Mike [01:54:02]:
Now I got my connections, bro.

Eldar [01:54:04]:
Yeah. Now you can market the shit.

Phillip [01:54:05]:
Yeah. I think that he had to learn this way.

Eldar [01:54:09]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:54:09]:
I don't think he could have learned a different way.

Eldar [01:54:11]:
No, there's nothing wrong. I mean, we just discovered he's just discovering this for himself. Right. You know what I'm saying? So he has to examine that connection, that interaction now a little bit more to see whether or not it's something he wants to keep carrying into his life, whether that's gonna serve him. Or he could do something bigger and better. Right. Actually connect, like you said, actually have real conversations, real deeper things that can make some real things.

Tommy [01:54:34]:
I think it's also more than that. And you could correct me if I'm wrong, Mike, but is it also about taking a journey and sort of allowing the story to unfold with what, in a way? Because what he's saying is he wants to explore these feelings with people. He wants to sort of explore love with somebody. And that's, I think that's, like, a key thing.

Eldar [01:54:51]:
Well, that's what he's doing for those small little moments, though.

Tommy [01:54:54]:
How would, how would that, how would your other part of your life, I'm wondering, change if you actually fell in love? Like, how would this social, all that.

Eldar [01:55:00]:
Show will drop and you'd sort of.

Tommy [01:55:03]:
Just let it, like, subside. Like, it'll be dead regular level. Like, you don't have to, like.

Eldar [01:55:08]:
Yeah, it'll impress. Yeah, because. No, because in real love comes also real humility. And in real humility, you can't come to these places and people are pointing at you, singling you out, like, you this celebrity, while you, with your other half, you almost gonna be, feel ashamed. It's gonna be like, oh, shit. Like, shameful. And then you have to explain yourself. You don't want to explain that.

Tommy [01:55:33]:
So, yeah, I mean, if you really.

Eldar [01:55:35]:
Why are you, like, I imagine, right? I'm with the person I just fell in love with. And everywhere I go, girls, guys, whoever, they're all like, hey, hey, hey, Mike. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. You know what I mean? They know these little things, bits and pieces about you that you left everywhere. And now they're like, wait, like, who are you? Who am I with? Like, why. Why you have to make those explanations?

Mike [01:55:54]:
The fucking guy from Goodfellas. Yo, put me in through the.

Tommy [01:55:57]:
There is something about positive energy, though, which means that you don't have to hope that it's positive difference, right? There's like, it's like, I'm thinking about, like, that guy in the notebook, right? Who, he's got this positive energy, and even though he is, like, not fortunate, right? He is. He's not rich.

Eldar [01:56:13]:
He's very fortunate.

Tommy [01:56:14]:
He's fortunate with knowledge. He's fortunate with enlightenment. And that's like, this super fucking energy.

Eldar [01:56:20]:
That's right.

Tommy [01:56:21]:
And that super energy is just, like, a way of showing that, like, nothing else matters. World matters at this moment. This moment is what matters.

Eldar [01:56:30]:
Absolutely. This moment is what matters. Exactly. And that's what he was showing her when he was taking her and showing her these little things that he does that is just so spontaneous and out of nowhere. But they're filled with fun and joy. Right.

Tommy [01:56:41]:
So if you're ready to, like, step into that.

Eldar [01:56:43]:
Yeah.

Tommy [01:56:44]:
I don't know if we need. I don't know if we need walls, but I think we just need to actually walk through our own door. Of opportunity. Of opportunity.

Eldar [01:56:51]:
100%. Each and every one of us have this gift and this magic. It just needs to be unlocked.

Phillip [01:56:58]:
So in Mike's example, it's not.

Eldar [01:57:01]:
That's what I've been fucking telling you, you idiot. What's wrong with you? All those times we have one on one conversations.

Phillip [01:57:08]:
Yeah. In Mike's example, obviously, connecting with people is not bad. It's not. It's what behind it and what you're getting out of it.

Eldar [01:57:16]:
That's all.

Phillip [01:57:16]:
Mike, obviously, connecting with people moving forward is going to be great for business, can be great for friends. It's going to be great for meeting a relationship. The love of his life. Like, all this stuff is great, but where is he coming from? He's not asking himself why I'm doing this. I'm just. He's allowing himself, whether he knew it or not, to have his light shut off.

Eldar [01:57:33]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:57:33]:
Be very, very comfortable. That's why he gets in trouble and get. And get in trouble and ask.

Eldar [01:57:37]:
Think about me. I told you. I'm sorry, Phil. Yeah, no, think about it. I'm thinking to myself, like, if I'm connecting with people, it takes a lot of work to really pay attention. He's just going through them. You know what I mean? Like, his gate had to be open for it to go through.

Phillip [01:57:50]:
And you're a guy that know that you're saying you're a guy. That's what focuses when you're into something. You can hyper focus.

Eldar [01:57:57]:
Yes.

Phillip [01:57:57]:
So you're realizing that if this person is not getting my attention, there's probably something off, and, like, I'm not gonna put my time and attention on this.

Eldar [01:58:04]:
Right.

Phillip [01:58:04]:
Mike, he's getting something else from it. He's getting something else. He's allowing something else outside to drive this thing.

Eldar [01:58:10]:
Yes.

Phillip [01:58:10]:
And after. Yeah, after you get a certain amount of results of what he was getting, which was the attention, the kind of, like, red carpet treatment, the waves of Randall truck, whatever he sold out at some point, and he bought into this mindset.

Eldar [01:58:23]:
Fucking Leech, bro.

Phillip [01:58:24]:
Yeah. Once he bought into it.

Mike [01:58:25]:
Stand. I'm. Yeah, videos.

Eldar [01:58:29]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:58:29]:
He brought in.

Mike [01:58:30]:
I'm the Russian, Rick Ross.

Phillip [01:58:31]:
Yeah. You bought in.

Mike [01:58:33]:
Did you notice or not?

Eldar [01:58:33]:
Yes, I did not.

Mike [01:58:34]:
We'll show it to you.

Eldar [01:58:36]:
We'll have a lot of content.

Phillip [01:58:38]:
But, yeah, he bought at some point. We don't know exactly when, but he bought in, saw the results, and getting what he wanted, and now it's all coming back to roost, essentially.

Eldar [01:58:48]:
To roost. What a word. Yeah. Yeah.

Mike [01:58:51]:
So.

Phillip [01:58:51]:
So, yeah, it's roosting.

Mike [01:58:53]:
It's very interesting.

Eldar [01:58:54]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:58:54]:
You don't like it, obviously, but you like connecting with people.

Eldar [01:58:58]:
Yeah. Every time, Mike, when we at least together and it happens, you shy away from it.

Mike [01:59:02]:
I do.

Eldar [01:59:03]:
I do.

Mike [01:59:04]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:59:05]:
It's. That's. That's a. That's a telltale sign that, you know.

Mike [01:59:08]:
Because you guys, like, brought it to light and made fun of it, so.

Eldar [01:59:11]:
Well, no, because, I mean, if we're calling it for what it is and this is what we try to do, right. It's almost like the gig is up.

Phillip [01:59:17]:
Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't. I wouldn't have pointed it out either, because I think when me and Mike go out, I didn't even notice it because I'm on autopilot, too, with the people pleasing.

Eldar [01:59:28]:
Right.

Phillip [01:59:29]:
But for whatever reason, I had a different.

Eldar [01:59:30]:
You probably were benefiting from this shit.

Phillip [01:59:32]:
I was. But, see, but. But me and Mike, I should even brought this up earlier. We had different examples. Polar opposite. On the gate. Mine was mine so closed that I let nobody in. Yours are so open that you're letting more people in.

Phillip [01:59:47]:
So, I mean, to simplify it, obviously, I'm not having enough of these conversations where I'm lying to myself saying, hey, Philip, you don't have to connect with people. You're okay being alone. You can go to movies by yourself. You can do all this stuff by yourself. Deep down, I'm saying to myself, damn, I'm really a social person, and I should be letting more people in. I need to show more courage. I think in your example, there's some level of courage of just opening up. Whether you have the lights off or not, you're going up to another person, you're opening up, and you're speaking to a stranger.

Phillip [02:00:20]:
So I think that your thing is okay, why am I doing this? I have to pull back, and I have to actually reevaluate how many people I'm talking to and how many people I'm gonna give myself.

Eldar [02:00:30]:
Yeah, you're like a local slut.

Phillip [02:00:31]:
Yeah, you're slutting. You're slutting around this energy. Yeah, I'm buttoned up with, like, the whole, like, parka and stuff. I'm letting, like, nobody see my skin.

Eldar [02:00:40]:
You got the park on.

Phillip [02:00:41]:
I got nothing. Nobody's touching me.

Tommy [02:00:43]:
Can we turn that into an object?

Eldar [02:00:45]:
What's that?

Tommy [02:00:46]:
You know, can we turn that into.

Eldar [02:00:47]:
Like, it always goes into objective. We have to come around more often to fucking see it. Yeah, that's good. We already told you we're taking the show on the road. That's one.

Tommy [02:00:55]:
So if it was asking, why is this. Why am I doing this? Like, why am I doing flooding around?

Eldar [02:01:00]:
Yeah, exactly.

Phillip [02:01:01]:
Is getting something from it.

Eldar [02:01:02]:
Yeah.

Phillip [02:01:03]:
He's walking into restaurants. He's knowing manager.

Tommy [02:01:05]:
No, no.

Phillip [02:01:05]:
Getting reservations.

Eldar [02:01:06]:
That's getting in trouble.

Tommy [02:01:07]:
I think it's just the way he was raised, I think is.

Eldar [02:01:09]:
Okay, fine.

Tommy [02:01:10]:
Am I right?

Eldar [02:01:11]:
Yeah, no, absolutely right. I can't believe it. Why? That's the bottom of it, huh?

Mike [02:01:16]:
You're good.

Phillip [02:01:17]:
Final thoughts?

Tommy [02:01:18]:
I think. I think so, yes. It's about his beliefs.

Eldar [02:01:22]:
It's about his book.

Tommy [02:01:23]:
It's about his beliefs is, by the way he was raised.

Eldar [02:01:25]:
Yeah. And.

Tommy [02:01:26]:
And, yeah.

Eldar [02:01:28]:
If.

Tommy [02:01:28]:
If it's resulting in these kinds of, like, weaknesses or whatever you don't really call them, like, flaws.

Eldar [02:01:33]:
Listen, he's polishing himself, Tom. And by being honest and true with what's going on, we're able to calm down to these things and really examine them. He could continue doing it if you want, but the gig might be up. He has to examine himself within them. If he likes it, he keeps it. He doesn't.

Tommy [02:01:50]:
I see something a little bit similar in Mike that I see in myself, which is like, that kind of nervousness with people, like social anxiety in a way where someone could just throw me for a loop, and I don't want to be that person. I want to kind of be more confident, in a way, roughly.

Eldar [02:02:05]:
This might not be exactly. Mike is not paranoid.

Tommy [02:02:08]:
Might not be exact. It might not be exact, but what I'm saying is that sometimes with.

Phillip [02:02:12]:
I've never seen my grab with relation Mike's.

Eldar [02:02:14]:
What Mike? When we went to Kava, and the guy that's serving us, okay, after he served us, takes his phone and goes over the fucking. The trays of food and hands his phone to Mike, you know, to exchange phone numbers, we were like, oh, shit, this is real.

Tommy [02:02:31]:
Wow.

Eldar [02:02:32]:
Remember the guy from Kava? You guys exchanged phone numbers and told us, like, yo, look what they're doing. You know? I was like, holy shit. From Kava by the gym.

Mike [02:02:40]:
Yeah.

Eldar [02:02:41]:
So there's a guy that works there, and you got his phone over.

Mike [02:02:43]:
Oh, the guy not kava. Eons.

Eldar [02:02:45]:
Eons. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry. I fucked that up completely. Yeah. Eons. Yeah. You probably were like, yo, this is real.

Eldar [02:02:52]:
Like, this guy's a celeb, you know? And he was, like, admiring your car or some shit.

Mike [02:02:57]:
Yeah.

Eldar [02:02:58]:
You know, but something was connected, you know? It was interesting.

Phillip [02:03:02]:
Yeah, I. Yeah. Again, I think when you're on the opposite spectrum, that there is a benefit to that, even for me, in that situation where you're with somebody like this.

Eldar [02:03:10]:
Yeah.

Phillip [02:03:11]:
You're realizing that I don't put myself out there and talk to enough people.

Eldar [02:03:14]:
We become the pimps.

Phillip [02:03:15]:
Yeah, exactly.

Eldar [02:03:17]:
Mike, go over here.

Phillip [02:03:19]:
Give me some hoes to talk to. Hoes can be anybody.

Eldar [02:03:25]:
Sure. Yeah.

Phillip [02:03:26]:
He's like a.

Eldar [02:03:26]:
Like, he gets rid of the airport lice.

Phillip [02:03:28]:
Yeah, he's chum. Yeah, your chum. Your communication chum.

Eldar [02:03:34]:
Yeah.

Mike [02:03:34]:
No, it's interesting. Yeah, it's interesting for sure. And it's. You guys, I think you guys spot on, but it's more. It's like I'm getting something out of it. Right. Which is. Hundred percent.

Mike [02:03:45]:
But I never realized why I. Why I was doing it. It was. I was trying to get something out of it, which is a good thing, I think. Connecting people, socializing, having genuine conversations. Nothing wrong with that. But I was doing it out of a weak, insecure place, which I never understood. Now you're talking about it.

Phillip [02:04:02]:
But it was reinforcing that thing in.

Mike [02:04:04]:
You because it was doing the right thing, quote, unquote.

Phillip [02:04:06]:
So doing the right thing, being nice, you're saying, oh, I'm being nice and being good.

Eldar [02:04:11]:
Right. Whatever.

Phillip [02:04:12]:
Good by example of good is, which is in the comfortable realm of what you think that you should be, because you're getting the response that you think that you should get from other people. You're not challenging anybody.

Eldar [02:04:22]:
So he became a slut. And all those people that he fucked, it's fucking owning him back.

Phillip [02:04:28]:
Oh, yeah. 100%.

Eldar [02:04:29]:
Yeah.

Phillip [02:04:30]:
They're putting the chain around him.

Eldar [02:04:31]:
He has to go around to all these places now. Like, yo, like, yeah. Michael. I don't know you, bro. Yeah.

Phillip [02:04:36]:
I don't know.

Eldar [02:04:37]:
I don't know you, bro.

Mike [02:04:39]:
But he's got to put on that. Sometimes it happens where I don't even do anything.

Eldar [02:04:44]:
No way.

Mike [02:04:44]:
Like that. Like that dumpling spot.

Eldar [02:04:46]:
Yeah.

Mike [02:04:46]:
I have never been there without you guys. So everything you guys seen me do is with you guys.

Eldar [02:04:51]:
Wait for it. Fort Lee. That's wild.

Phillip [02:04:53]:
Wait, so he's never had, like, any profound.

Mike [02:04:55]:
I have not.

Phillip [02:04:57]:
I don't know.

Mike [02:04:57]:
I've not been there without you guys.

Eldar [02:04:59]:
I think you forgot already. He slowed around so much that, like, he already forgot where he slotted this woman.

Phillip [02:05:04]:
This woman's genuinely into.

Eldar [02:05:05]:
Wait, wait.

Tommy [02:05:05]:
Can we just point out one thing?

Phillip [02:05:08]:
She wasn't our waitress.

Mike [02:05:09]:
It might be the energy kid, okay?

Eldar [02:05:11]:
It's already natural, bro. Can we.

Tommy [02:05:13]:
Can I just point out one thing? Very, very important thing. Mike, what was it?

Eldar [02:05:17]:
I don't know.

Tommy [02:05:17]:
Maybe in 2011 when I was down in the dumps and I was doing.

Eldar [02:05:25]:
Drugs and I was on me thing.

Tommy [02:05:26]:
And I had no friends.

Eldar [02:05:28]:
Yeah.

Tommy [02:05:28]:
Mike put me on. So let's just remember that for a second.

Eldar [02:05:31]:
It's true.

Mike [02:05:31]:
Because Mike brought.

Tommy [02:05:34]:
Most of my past could have been completely different if I didn't start hanging out with you guys. And it was some time before we actually started hanging out, but still, it was that one day where Mike turned around and he calls you over, and he was like, yo, you, I want you to meet somebody. And that was maybe the third time in my life that I ever talked to this guy.

Eldar [02:05:51]:
Yeah. Bike doesn't discriminate. We want that stuff. Like a crackhead that. Remember Mike. Like a crackhead.

Mike [02:05:57]:
And lady, like, two days ago after that.

Eldar [02:06:00]:
Yeah, she died.

Mike [02:06:01]:
It was a crackhead. She needed a ride, like limo service. She called the company. I went to pick her up. She was cracked out. And I called a little from reinforcement so we can talk to her, see what's going on.

Eldar [02:06:09]:
Yeah.

Mike [02:06:10]:
Two days later, they found her, like, on a dead on the side of the highway. And then the state police called me, asked me, and I had to tell him the story. Yeah.

Eldar [02:06:18]:
Yeah.

Tommy [02:06:19]:
That could have been me.

Eldar [02:06:20]:
Yeah. So, no, Mike doesn't discriminate. Sure.

Phillip [02:06:23]:
But I would have never. I would have never accused you of that.

Eldar [02:06:25]:
He would drink blood of a crackhead. Hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah.

Phillip [02:06:31]:
I don't see you kind of.

Eldar [02:06:32]:
Yeah.

Phillip [02:06:33]:
Discriminating at all. I think it was just blindly going about it on autopilot, not understanding.

Mike [02:06:41]:
Secure place of not being accepted, probably by my parents. Not feeling like myself at home. Being misunderstood and not know where to find.

Eldar [02:06:49]:
Yeah.

Mike [02:06:50]:
That thing about being understood only through a, you know, connecting with other people wherever I went. Because, like, if I'm not home, I'm not just, like, sitting somewhere in the parking lot.

Eldar [02:06:58]:
Right.

Mike [02:06:59]:
Or I might be somewhere in the parking lot and even the gas station guys. I knew them all. We had conversations all the time throughout years, like, you know, because I would come in and I'll be friendly, you know? So, yeah, I was always going somewhere when I was escaping my house.

Eldar [02:07:13]:
Yeah.

Mike [02:07:14]:
And where I went, that's where I fucking slaughtered around.

Eldar [02:07:19]:
Yeah.

Mike [02:07:22]:
Phil's happy.

Eldar [02:07:22]:
Phil's on Toli. On Mike, yo. Fuck, yo.

Phillip [02:07:27]:
He left his trail, you know, like a snail. And it leaves, like, the slime behind.

Eldar [02:07:32]:
The snail that leaves the slime. Yeah.

Mike [02:07:34]:
All right, good.

Phillip [02:07:35]:
Yeah, good.

Eldar [02:07:35]:
I think we got somewhere, Mike, that's very good. Yeah, the switch. And I think that that could be it. Yeah. When you get comfortable. Right. And you feel like you're in the space of comfort. Right.

Eldar [02:07:44]:
Where other people are not like me or Philip. Right. You let your guard down.

Mike [02:07:48]:
Yeah.

Eldar [02:07:49]:
You know.

Mike [02:07:50]:
Yeah. And I like to go to the places that I can.

Eldar [02:07:55]:
Do.

Phillip [02:07:56]:
Exhibitionist.

Eldar [02:07:56]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you like new places to know.

Mike [02:07:59]:
I like new places, but I also like places that I know, but not, like, again. Never consciously for, like, oh, I know this guy.

Eldar [02:08:06]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Mike [02:08:07]:
Maybe it's consciously. I have to think about it. I don't know. Now.

Eldar [02:08:09]:
Yeah.

Phillip [02:08:10]:
It's like a form of, like, full frontal nudity. Like, you're just, like, exposing yourself, these people, at least part of yourself.

Eldar [02:08:16]:
And they're. They're.

Phillip [02:08:19]:
They're biting on it, and they like what they see. You got what you want. And I think it wasn't even exchanged. Like, I don't think there was any real true deceit.

Eldar [02:08:28]:
No, no. I don't think there's wrong doing.

Phillip [02:08:30]:
No.

Eldar [02:08:31]:
But if it was coming from an insecure place, then.

Phillip [02:08:33]:
But, yeah, I think in this example, it's, like, a perfect example to build on because, like, the foundation of what you're doing is good. Like, connecting with people is great. Building relationships is great. I think making, like, a small little switch and doing what we're doing, which is going to be taking this thing on the go. Connecting with people generally.

Eldar [02:08:51]:
Yeah.

Phillip [02:08:52]:
And using this type of information to lead.

Eldar [02:08:55]:
Yeah. Okay.

Phillip [02:08:56]:
Not allowing looks. Maybe they draw us in a little bit, but inevitably. But we're gonna lean with the.

Mike [02:09:00]:
Definitely gonna draw us in.

Phillip [02:09:01]:
It's gonna draw us leading with the conversation of, hey, what do you think about discipline? What do you think about routine? Why, oh, what do you do for a living? Okay, great. Why did you pick this profession? Why do you do what you do? Why do you dress the way that you dress?

Tommy [02:09:16]:
Why?

Mike [02:09:17]:
What makes you happy?

Eldar [02:09:18]:
Yeah.

Phillip [02:09:18]:
What makes you happy? Do you believe in love is happiness. Your driver, is happiness something that you think about on a day to day basis? What is your definition of happiness? People are going to be like, yo, I just was, I'm scrolling instagram, fucking trying to find a watch. Like people that aren't even thinking about this type of stuff on a day to day basis. So I think we're going to shock a lot of people.

Mike [02:09:36]:
But I also.

Eldar [02:09:36]:
We're going to fuck the world.

Phillip [02:09:37]:
We're going to fuck the world up. But I also think for me and Mike specifically, we're coming from opposite ends of the spectrum, not allowing people in. I'm going to break the ice. He's allowing too many people in, but not talking about the right. The right things.

Eldar [02:09:49]:
Yeah.

Phillip [02:09:49]:
And getting things from them that aren't technically serving his true self.

Eldar [02:09:53]:
Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Phillip [02:09:54]:
So I think in these examples, we're going to meet right in the middle and say, okay, we're going to talk about things that we both like in philosophy, extend our conversation from Friday into Saturday and talk to total strangers.

Eldar [02:10:04]:
Yeah. Right.

Phillip [02:10:05]:
So we're going to have total courage on display with information that we like to talk about ourselves, that we're going to talk about with people that we have no idea what the reaction is going to be. So it'll be an element of uncertainty, unpredictability.

Eldar [02:10:18]:
Yeah.

Mike [02:10:19]:
And we could ask Tommy, you know, to be our camera guy. Cuz he is a camera guy.

Phillip [02:10:24]:
Oh, nice.

Mike [02:10:24]:
But we're not big enough for him yet.

Eldar [02:10:26]:
Sure.

Tommy [02:10:27]:
I'm not gonna jump on the kind.

Phillip [02:10:33]:
Some ropes, some visual proof. Yeah. After a couple weeks, I think he'd be on board.

Mike [02:10:38]:
Money and celebrities. And then he'll hop on board because he's still like into those things.

Phillip [02:10:41]:
So once our instagrams up, we got maybe a couple follows from like some check mark.

Mike [02:10:45]:
We have like a million followers. Then you might, you know, turn around and say, oh, hey guys, you need some help with that?

Eldar [02:10:50]:
Excuse me?

Tommy [02:10:53]:
I mean, I could decline and I could.

Eldar [02:10:57]:
No, I'd prefer for you to decline.

Tommy [02:11:00]:
I know this, elder.

Eldar [02:11:01]:
Yeah, okay.

Tommy [02:11:02]:
I know this already.

Eldar [02:11:03]:
Yeah.

Mike [02:11:04]:
Tommy does not want to discuss.

Eldar [02:11:06]:
Yeah, we want to. Yeah, we want to be like, you know, sweeten up the pie for him. Yeah. So don't. Definitely don't take the first offer.

Phillip [02:11:10]:
No, no, this is like the. You're not getting anything genuinely like hanging out with us and genuinely like just like walking around and going up and talking to people. There's no compensation.

Eldar [02:11:22]:
There's nothing.

Phillip [02:11:23]:
You have to be completely yourself, completely courageous.

Eldar [02:11:26]:
Holy shit.

Phillip [02:11:26]:
Fearless.

Eldar [02:11:27]:
Holy shit.

Phillip [02:11:27]:
And expect nothing in return. We're doing this because we like it.

Tommy [02:11:31]:
It sounds fun, I'll admit it.

Eldar [02:11:32]:
Yeah.

Mike [02:11:33]:
Yeah.

Eldar [02:11:34]:
Awesome.

Phillip [02:11:34]:
Now, are we technically marketing? Yeah. In the back of our head, do we have a focus, if any?

Eldar [02:11:39]:
Yes.

Phillip [02:11:39]:
We want this podcast to be known and have a visual component to it.

Eldar [02:11:42]:
Nice.

Phillip [02:11:43]:
There is a goal. So if there is an ulterior motive, to me, it's still the information that we're talking about.

Eldar [02:11:49]:
Yeah. But we are applying that. What you guys learned, actually, what you actually want to do, exactly the extension of it, it just happens to be, you know, a continuation of what we're doing. Exactly.

Phillip [02:11:58]:
So to me, it's as genuine as humanly possible, because we're going to be talking about, to these people about these examples, telling them exactly what we're going to be doing. Hey, we're going to put this on Instagram. We want to get your permission to ask you some questions. And people are going to love these questions. And if they don't, I think those reactions are still interesting, too, because it's going to show. Maybe some people are closed off and they don't even want to talk about these, but I think the people that will, I think they're going to be pleasantly surprised at the type of questions they get, because, again, most of these people are getting asked about how much they pay for rent. Can I see your apartment? What type of watch you have?

Eldar [02:12:32]:
What time do you wake up to go to the gym? Yeah.

Phillip [02:12:34]:
What time do you wake up? What do you eat? Oh, my God. Did you hear about this new pizza place? Whoa, bro. Like, it has sauce on it. Like, everything has sauce on it. Like, this is redundant bullshit. Nonsense. Yeah, people get drawn into. They like it because it's easy to digest.

Phillip [02:12:50]:
This is not easily digestible for a lot of people. So we're gonna ruffle some feathers, which is great, but. But we're gonna get what we want out of it, and we're gonna control the conversation.

Mike [02:13:00]:
We're gonna get exactly what we want. We're gonna fuck shit up.

Eldar [02:13:02]:
Yeah. Awesome.

Mike [02:13:05]:
That's great.

Phillip [02:13:05]:
Some good stuff.

Eldar [02:13:08]:
All right, guys. Mike, anything else? No.

Mike [02:13:10]:
I think Phil did the final thoughts, everybody, just now.

Eldar [02:13:12]:
He did the final thoughts. All right, that's it. We're gonna fuck shit up. Good job, guys. Thank you again. Holy shit. Meow.

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