69. Falling in love part 3 - focus on Self-Discovery prior to starting a relationship

Eldar [00:00:00]:
On this week's episode, what kind of picture do you need to paint to the other individual in order for them to actually say, you know what? I'm down for this. Like, I want to go for this plan. I, you know, I have the same dream, I have the same aspirations, and I'd like to journey this as a unit, as one.

Mike [00:00:17]:
He has this image and I think a lot of people have an image of being a nice guy and what they think that is. But being a nice guy is not always being always the right thing to do.

Phillip [00:00:27]:
He's a total nut.

Anatoliy [00:00:28]:
I think the common thing in relationships is that, like, love dissipates over time.

Phillip [00:00:33]:
Are we even convinced that this guy is capable of love? No, I'm saying I think this guy needs an overhaul and hit deep. This guy seems like he doesn't even know himself. So after a while you're hiding so much you don't know yourself. He's lost. He's in this relationship with somebody else. They're growing apart. When he's saying he loves her, my question is, what are you loving, by the way?

Katherine [00:00:57]:
Phillip is a nice guy.

Eldar [00:01:08]:
Alright, so the topic is, obviously we're gonna continue with part three, love. However, we have a little bit of, I guess maybe a true story or an actual example. Yeah, an actual example. Thank you. An actual example where a person is right now struggling with something in a relationship. It's about love, obviously, and needs our advice. He couldn't make it today, right?

Mike [00:01:30]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:01:30]:
But it's here with us in spirit through Mike.

Katherine [00:01:36]:
What's his name? Oh, no, we're keeping him anonymous.

Eldar [00:01:40]:
We could keep him anomaly, but yeah. Yeah. He's a cool guy we've known in the gym. Totally. I think knows him too.

Mike [00:01:46]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:01:46]:
Yeah, I think he does. Yeah. He's a nice.

Mike [00:01:48]:
He's a basketball player. Short. He flies.

Anatoliy [00:01:51]:
He fly.

Mike [00:01:52]:
Totally froze.

Eldar [00:01:53]:
You frozen with that.

Anatoliy [00:01:54]:
Yeah, I understand what you mean by fly.

Katherine [00:01:56]:
So we're gonna be sending this to him once it airs, so that.

Mike [00:01:59]:
Okay, he flies.

Eldar [00:02:02]:
So what Kathryn just said, just make sure, you know, the pc more little.

Katherine [00:02:08]:
You know. We're gonna share this with him.

Eldar [00:02:09]:
Yeah. We're gonna try to share with him and hopefully we can give him some advice here on air.

Mike [00:02:13]:
Right.

Eldar [00:02:14]:
And then see how he does. Yesterday he gave us a little bit of a spiel when we were leaving yoga. Yeah, Catherine. And Mike was there standing with him and he was just pouring whole heart out.

Anatoliy [00:02:22]:
He works at the gym.

Eldar [00:02:24]:
He works at the gym. You know.

Mike [00:02:25]:
You know him, bro.

Eldar [00:02:26]:
Oh, you want to get to that first.

Katherine [00:02:28]:
Yeah. Do we need to do.

Eldar [00:02:30]:
Yeah, we do need to go.

Anatoliy [00:02:31]:
Well, like, I.

Eldar [00:02:34]:
Play basketball.

Mike [00:02:35]:
He also. He flies.

Eldar [00:02:37]:
He flies. I mean, like, that means he jumps really high.

Mike [00:02:42]:
He.

Eldar [00:02:42]:
He has a lot.

Mike [00:02:43]:
Come on, bro. Like, that's the number one thing. He jumps, like, crazy high.

Phillip [00:02:46]:
You have to say nine or eight times.

Mike [00:02:48]:
Yeah. Not. Not. Not the tall guy. The short guy.

Eldar [00:02:53]:
Short.

Mike [00:02:53]:
Yeah, short. Not the tall guy.

Anatoliy [00:02:55]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:02:55]:
He thinks he's good. Who thinks he's good? Got a shot. He's always bragging about that.

Anatoliy [00:03:00]:
He was on the lifetime team, right?

Eldar [00:03:02]:
Like, he's absolutely horrendous. I'll just put it that way.

Mike [00:03:08]:
There's two guys on a lifetime team. There's a taller one.

Anatoliy [00:03:12]:
Not Matt.

Mike [00:03:13]:
Matt. That's neat. Yeah. Not Matt, like the manager.

Anatoliy [00:03:16]:
The shorter guy.

Mike [00:03:17]:
The shorter guy.

Anatoliy [00:03:18]:
He's a personal trainer.

Mike [00:03:18]:
Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:03:19]:
Okay. All right.

Phillip [00:03:22]:
He's teaching me how to challenge.

Eldar [00:03:24]:
Yes. Yeah. By the time I'm done with Philip. That's it. Elders. Yeah. Philip's gonna fuck the world up, yo. He's been bottling up a lot of anger inside.

Phillip [00:03:32]:
I'm telling you on the phone today, though, I definitely like the big boy package. The big boy package? $4.99 plus postage, I would say.

Anatoliy [00:03:45]:
Phillips, one of those judgmental people I've ever met.

Eldar [00:03:47]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:03:49]:
You met me. Now, you're lucky to meet me at 18 years old.

Eldar [00:03:53]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:03:53]:
It would have been over completely.

Eldar [00:03:54]:
Right?

Mike [00:03:54]:
Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:03:55]:
Okay.

Eldar [00:03:57]:
Yeah. So he is running through some stuff right now. Going through some stuff. And after we started speaking and stuff.

Phillip [00:04:05]:
So this guy flies.

Eldar [00:04:07]:
So this guy flies.

Mike [00:04:07]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:04:10]:
Mike introduced the problem that he has and what, he spoke to you and he.

Mike [00:04:14]:
Some of the details. What he told me. This happened two days. We spoke. Like the run this week? No, early in the week. Like Monday or Tuesday. And then again, I saw him yesterday with you guys, and we started telling more. More.

Mike [00:04:27]:
We're talking more about it.

Eldar [00:04:28]:
When is your next appointment with him?

Mike [00:04:30]:
Probably next week.

Anatoliy [00:04:31]:
But this also stems two months ago, right?

Mike [00:04:33]:
Yes. We started talking months ago, too. From before. Oh, yeah.

Eldar [00:04:36]:
Mmm.

Phillip [00:04:37]:
So you're just giving out free therapy session?

Eldar [00:04:39]:
Yeah, yeah. Without him subscribing?

Mike [00:04:41]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:04:42]:
All right, cool.

Mike [00:04:43]:
So he's in a relationship. Yeah. He was been in a relationship for, I think you said six years, right?

Eldar [00:04:49]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:04:50]:
Open or we denounced that.

Eldar [00:04:53]:
Okay. Yeah.

Mike [00:04:54]:
But he's been in Russia with her for six years.

Eldar [00:04:57]:
Six years.

Mike [00:04:58]:
Six years. Yeah. Two years. Very serious. They live together right now. Right now they live together, yeah.

Katherine [00:05:04]:
So two years living together.

Mike [00:05:06]:
I think two years living together, probably.

Anatoliy [00:05:07]:
And they currently live together.

Mike [00:05:09]:
They currently live together. Yeah. Yeah. She also works out at the gym.

Eldar [00:05:13]:
Mm hmm.

Mike [00:05:14]:
So.

Eldar [00:05:17]:
Aka spies.

Mike [00:05:19]:
Aka spies on him.

Eldar [00:05:20]:
Okay.

Mike [00:05:21]:
So he is going through a kind of like a, some kind of personal thing.

Eldar [00:05:25]:
Mm hmm.

Mike [00:05:26]:
Where he's, well, the story, how it all started was that he was walking home. Right. Should I tell this?

Eldar [00:05:34]:
Sure.

Mike [00:05:34]:
Right. So we can go from there.

Eldar [00:05:36]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:05:36]:
He said the story was that he was walking home reading a book and about love and trust and, you know, those kind of things.

Eldar [00:05:43]:
Wait, first of all. Yeah, first of all.

Anatoliy [00:05:45]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:05:45]:
When's the last time you see anybody walking and reading a book?

Phillip [00:05:48]:
Yeah, he flies, elder, he does fly.

Eldar [00:05:50]:
He, never mind. I would like to hold on 1 second. Let me find out how to delete this comment that I just asked because he flies. Does that explains everything?

Anatoliy [00:05:57]:
Yes, I read a book while walking.

Katherine [00:06:00]:
He was probably reading on his phone, right?

Mike [00:06:02]:
No, he was walking with the actual.

Eldar [00:06:04]:
No, he showed us a picture of it.

Mike [00:06:05]:
Showed us a picture.

Phillip [00:06:06]:
I've seen one person in the city do this and it was the most unique experience. He was walking just full on with a, just like this.

Eldar [00:06:11]:
Just, you know what? I would say that back in the day, people used to do this a.

Phillip [00:06:14]:
Lot more like any, with the newspaper.

Eldar [00:06:16]:
Hundred percent.

Phillip [00:06:17]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:06:23]:
You just don't think about it. But it's the same thing.

Phillip [00:06:25]:
Yeah. Looking at your phone and walking.

Katherine [00:06:30]:
But.

Anatoliy [00:06:30]:
Like to read, like you have to. Like what, what's this font size we're talking about?

Eldar [00:06:34]:
It's not, he's, we concluded that, Tony, if you don't have any other skills, you have one skill. You can walk yourself on the back already. Yeah.

Katherine [00:06:47]:
He's like, what did I get myself into?

Eldar [00:06:50]:
Yeah, no, he's a good sport.

Phillip [00:06:54]:
So he's walking and he's reading.

Mike [00:06:55]:
Walking. He's reading a book. A hard book. Allegedly a hard to read book.

Eldar [00:06:59]:
A hardcover book.

Mike [00:07:00]:
Both hardcover and hard to read. And his cell phone is in his pocket and it's on silent so he doesn't hear it.

Eldar [00:07:10]:
Okay.

Mike [00:07:11]:
And I guess the walk is maybe, I don't know. Probably, I don't know, half an hour, an hour, whatever. And I guess this girl was trying to reach him.

Eldar [00:07:17]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:07:18]:
Also they have a tracking, they have it. She definitely texted him a bunch like, you know, there's one message is like, yo, what the hell? Why not answer my messages? I haven't seen as you're walking home, you have your phone on you. You know, so she's definitely tracking on him. He said they have a, they have a spying app on each other installed.

Katherine [00:07:35]:
He didn't mention that. I guess that she saw him through the window, I guess from wherever they live. And she saw that he was on his phone or something. So she assumed right away, like, I know you see my messages where you're just not picking up or something.

Mike [00:07:47]:
Oh, no, cuz I don't think so. No. Maybe.

Phillip [00:07:51]:
I have a question about the spying app.

Mike [00:07:52]:
Yes.

Phillip [00:07:53]:
Do they both know that? Not yet, but do they both know that they have it?

Mike [00:07:59]:
Yeah, like a trading app, which is.

Eldar [00:08:02]:
Already a very good question.

Mike [00:08:03]:
It's a very good question.

Katherine [00:08:05]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:08:06]:
You assume the answer to that or no, huh?

Mike [00:08:09]:
That they both know about it.

Phillip [00:08:11]:
I would think this is a secret.

Mike [00:08:13]:
No, he said so he knows, obviously. Yeah.

Eldar [00:08:17]:
That's already a red flag.

Mike [00:08:18]:
That's it? Yeah, it's already a red flag. Hundred percent.

Eldar [00:08:20]:
Good, good.

Mike [00:08:21]:
But you prefer than your relationship though?

Phillip [00:08:24]:
I'm thinking of like one way only. I remember I watched a whole cold.

Eldar [00:08:27]:
He wants to be true.

Phillip [00:08:28]:
And he had it tracking device on his daughter. I get that if you're a dad, like, but when you're in a relationship, there should be like an even equal.

Katherine [00:08:35]:
Well, there should be trust.

Mike [00:08:36]:
Should be trust.

Eldar [00:08:36]:
Yeah, should be. Could be a trust. Yeah.

Phillip [00:08:38]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:08:39]:
So, so, yeah, so they have tracking apps. Bad red flag already. But he's walking, he's not paying attention. She text him a bunch of stuff saying like, yo, why in it, why ignoring me? Blah, blah, blah. You know, I'm not sure what you thinking. And he kind of is walking and he's already had some things going on in his relationship where he's like, not sure, like, you know, based on the previous day conversation, he's not sure like the direction if he wants to stay in it. Because he's like, I'm on his path of like trying to figure out my life, figure out myself. And I think I need some time to myself to kind of like, you know, figure my thing out and figure himself out.

Mike [00:09:13]:
And it seems like the girl that he's with, she's not. They're not going toward the same direction.

Eldar [00:09:18]:
Mmm.

Mike [00:09:19]:
Like he's going one way and she's like maybe going another and did on the same page and he doesn't want to, maybe he doesn't want to like, you know, hold her hand through it, you know. Also he said he's bad at communicating things, so when this stuff going on, he's bad at communicating that. Yeah, but you know, back to the, to the thing. He came back, he saw the messages and he was frustrated because he's like, yo, here I am. You know, he's, what he said. He said, here I am reading this book, trying to figure out my thing, figure out, understand my relationship, what I should do.

Eldar [00:09:49]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:09:49]:
You know, it's been. They've been together for a while. Should I propose? Should I get engaged? Or should I, like, you know.

Eldar [00:09:54]:
Oh, shit. Yeah.

Mike [00:09:55]:
That's what he said.

Eldar [00:09:56]:
Okay.

Mike [00:09:58]:
And he's like, and then I come home, and now she's blowing up on me. Like, yo, what the hell? This is bad.

Eldar [00:10:02]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:10:03]:
So he's obviously tight about it. You know, he's not happy with what's happening, and. And I guess that kind of stuff has been built up for a while. What I was saying to him, and you were saying to him that it's a buildup of, like, all this stuff that you never speaking on it, never talking about it. Like you said, he has bad communication. So when he, you know, something's happening, he tries to be positive and, like, not.

Katherine [00:10:25]:
Can I interrupt you for 1 second? I think one of the things that was important is that he's more. He's like a nice guy, you know, like, maybe he's not really coming out and saying what he's really feeling just so that they could avoid a fight or something. Like. So that's important to know.

Eldar [00:10:39]:
Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And I was gonna add that. Yeah.

Phillip [00:10:42]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:10:43]:
He even said that himself. He's like, no, he got it.

Katherine [00:10:45]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:10:45]:
He's like, I'm a nice guy, and.

Phillip [00:10:46]:
I don't really say much.

Eldar [00:10:47]:
I don't want to get into a conference.

Mike [00:10:48]:
Yeah, he said, he said he's a.

Katherine [00:10:50]:
Positive text messages, but he goes up and then he just, you know, agrees with her. Kind of just like, let's it. But that's a problem.

Eldar [00:10:56]:
And in a text message, after she's bombarded him with those questions and accusations, you saw what he did first. His first move was to send her the book.

Katherine [00:11:05]:
Yes. Reading.

Eldar [00:11:06]:
To show that he's actually. No, we don't know.

Katherine [00:11:12]:
No, we don't know.

Eldar [00:11:13]:
No, we don't.

Phillip [00:11:13]:
Okay.

Katherine [00:11:14]:
Just kind of like a one sided thing.

Mike [00:11:17]:
Yeah. So. So that's what he's feeling. But when you asked him yesterday, and I think this kind of, like, you know, opened up the conversation, you asked him, do you love her? He says he does love her. He does love her. And sounds like he does want to make it work. Yeah, but he's undecided or what the right thing to do is to continue, maybe doesn't know how to do it. You know, he also has some resentment, some built up stuff, frustration, you know, from being silent and trying to be positive.

Eldar [00:11:44]:
That's what he said, is a big thing where they both holding on to certain things, and they constantly bicker and they use that stuff, like, almost receipts to bring out.

Katherine [00:11:53]:
That might be because of all the unresolved stuff, the built up of things that he's not addressing or they're not addressing properly.

Phillip [00:12:00]:
Well, I think the thing that he wants to do, which is take time, I found I get to that point, too, where I need time, and when I have conversations, I find, like, it goes, like, one of two ways. Like, it's very extreme. Either somebody's going to be very open to, like, hey, you can, like, take your time and you can do your own thing. It seems like in this case, based off of, like, tracking each other and all that, I don't think that she's gonna, like, grant him this. So, like, oh, yeah. This time that he needs, which seems like it's important to him. I I don't think that he's gonna get that. So, like, where he's at, it's like, I'm gonna make the biggest decision in my life, or I need some time.

Phillip [00:12:34]:
I don't think those two things happening at the same time are really good. So it seems like if I had it without knowing the girl, that getting your time and just making that decision is going to be the most important thing. So he might have to, like, step out of his comfort zone and just be confrontational.

Mike [00:12:51]:
Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's over. That's. That's, I think, part of stuff we want to discuss.

Phillip [00:12:55]:
Yeah.

Katherine [00:12:56]:
You know what would have been a good question? Um, was he reading outside? Because he wasn't comfortable reading inside?

Mike [00:13:02]:
Oh, I think he was coming from somewhere. He was walking home from work.

Katherine [00:13:06]:
Just walking home.

Eldar [00:13:07]:
Yeah, he was walking home from work.

Mike [00:13:08]:
He's like, yo, I'm going to use my time wisely. You know, he was inspired and stuff.

Eldar [00:13:13]:
He said during reading.

Phillip [00:13:14]:
Yeah, but that's a good question, though, because if he did feel really, like, if you feel really comfortable at home and, like, it's your home, your apartment, whatever, it's gonna be, like, you should feel comfortable, like, reading at home, too. Like, that's a good question. Like, was he just wanting to read on the walk there to just, like, maybe prolong the walk and, like, not want to go home? Like, these are all details.

Katherine [00:13:33]:
Like, maybe he doesn't, you know, maybe it's not, you know, maybe the environment.

Phillip [00:13:37]:
That he's so comfortable at home.

Anatoliy [00:13:38]:
But it's also like, from my understand, you guys are saying that like he's walking home and he's reading about something. Right. Like this has to do with like relationships.

Mike [00:13:47]:
Right.

Anatoliy [00:13:47]:
And stuff like that.

Eldar [00:13:48]:
I think. I think it's like a self. Self development book he was reading.

Anatoliy [00:13:51]:
Yeah. And you're talking about that like he's in a borderline of either proposing or breaking up. Or breaking up. Like that's like he's on a.

Eldar [00:13:58]:
Yes.

Anatoliy [00:13:59]:
Yeah, that, that just like, if you're in the world where you're contemplating like one or the other, I think that, like, that's just a huge. Yeah, it says a lot. Like, it's just like, should I kill this person or I bring them an apple, you know?

Eldar [00:14:12]:
Yeah, apple.

Anatoliy [00:14:13]:
Which one should I go with? It's like proposed about like, ask somebody to spend the rest of their life with you and then live like build a life together.

Eldar [00:14:24]:
Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:14:24]:
Or go your separate ways and never talk to each other again.

Mike [00:14:27]:
But that's what you say.

Anatoliy [00:14:31]:
Something like, yeah, no, no, I'm just saying that, like cock like you, you like. I would need to be explained how those two things could possibly be on the table at the same time.

Mike [00:14:42]:
100%. I think it makes perfect like that.

Anatoliy [00:14:45]:
Yeah, that's a mean.

Mike [00:14:46]:
I think they know I'm saying what is actually happening makes perfect sense.

Eldar [00:14:50]:
What?

Phillip [00:14:50]:
Cuz it's so extreme. It's the two polar opposite things.

Mike [00:14:53]:
Well, if again, this is part of what, um. Yeah, I think it's normal because 90% of people live their lives in this thing where something big happens and they just step past it. Right? So like there's a path to life that most people think is the normal path.

Eldar [00:15:11]:
Right.

Mike [00:15:12]:
You know, go to college, you get married, you have kids, blah, blah, blah, like this, whatever, right? And how much time? Only when. What happens when you have to actually reflect and see things, what they are, but how long do you actually stop for, see what the hell is happening, think about it and do something about it. This is what we showed is just a glimpse, right? That conversation was short lived. Just like for most people, a lot of these things, self development, figuring yourself out is very short lived. So in that moment, he felt a certain way. But then you go back to your regular life where you have responsibilities, you have bills, you have kids, you have a job, you have all these things, and you just live your life and you get engaged.

Anatoliy [00:15:51]:
Yeah, I would say that in a.

Mike [00:15:53]:
Societal norm, that's a normal thing, I think, where, you know, people are in the brink of like, doing extreme stuff, because. Yeah, I think there's weighed emotionally every single day.

Anatoliy [00:16:02]:
I don't even think it's extreme, though, after thinking about it, I think that. No, no, no. I don't think he's weighing those two things. I think that if you're saying out loud that this is what you're weighing, there's no chance you're leaving that relationship.

Phillip [00:16:17]:
Oh, wow.

Eldar [00:16:18]:
I'll see.

Phillip [00:16:18]:
I think the opposite.

Anatoliy [00:16:20]:
No.

Eldar [00:16:21]:
Whoa.

Anatoliy [00:16:21]:
If you're considering staying with them forever or leaving completely, they're the leaving. The leaving completely is just, I think, a trick that you're playing on yourself, that you actually think that you're gonna possibly do this.

Eldar [00:16:35]:
What about the other way around?

Phillip [00:16:36]:
Think the guy would do that?

Anatoliy [00:16:38]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:16:38]:
Oh, see? I see the opposite.

Eldar [00:16:39]:
Yeah, yeah. What about the opposite way? What do you mean, the opposite? That you're tricking yourself to think that you want to be with them for rest of your life.

Anatoliy [00:16:47]:
Well, no, no, actually, you're not.

Phillip [00:16:49]:
That's what I'm.

Anatoliy [00:16:50]:
No, then you would not be. I don't think weighing those two things.

Eldar [00:16:53]:
You would not be.

Anatoliy [00:16:54]:
I think that the consideration of leaving is just like a. Like a check mark.

Eldar [00:17:00]:
But why consideration of staying together could not be.

Anatoliy [00:17:03]:
There's no consideration.

Mike [00:17:04]:
Also, like, what's happening on top of that. On top of that, my belief is that this is the ongoing thing of his pattern behavior. He doesn't know how to communicate. He, you know, he lets things build up.

Eldar [00:17:16]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:17:17]:
So, for him, maybe. Or maybe for most people, this is sickle thing from relationship, you keep making the same mistakes. So this is something that's, like. It's, like, ran its course. Now you have to exit relationship, think about yourself, and go back, and, in a way, make the same mistakes you did in a previous relationship. That's how, unless you change the change.

Anatoliy [00:17:36]:
I just feel that it's such a drastic, like, black and white type of thing that I don't even think that there's a decision being weighed here. I think that the decision is to stay.

Mike [00:17:49]:
Well, yeah, because if you're considering those.

Anatoliy [00:17:51]:
Two things, like, I just don't. Don't. Don't see, like, would you say the.

Eldar [00:17:57]:
Consideration to stay because leaving is more radical?

Anatoliy [00:18:00]:
Well, there's. There's too much comfort involved in everything, so I think that because there's too much comfort involved everything. I don't even think that you're saying.

Eldar [00:18:09]:
This is the type of person that got comfortable with the uncomfortable.

Anatoliy [00:18:13]:
Yeah. Like, there. There's probably a lot of, like, crazy things happening that have that have been like, normalized.

Eldar [00:18:18]:
Okay.

Mike [00:18:19]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:18:19]:
All right. So now. Okay. So there you go. I think. I think if that's a diagnostic diagnoses diagnosis. Diagnosis. Thank you, baby.

Katherine [00:18:27]:
From.

Eldar [00:18:28]:
That's the diagnosis from Doctor Tolly. Then we have to look more carefully at his character.

Phillip [00:18:33]:
But aren't we saying that this guy's uncomfortable and he's non confrontational? So, like this guy saying he's a really nice guy, right. So, yeah, if he never confronted her, he's definitely not showing his true self to this woman. Right.

Eldar [00:18:45]:
That's what we're like.

Phillip [00:18:46]:
So like how, how are we saying that? Like, he's doing like all these, like the opposite. Like, I'm seeing this as a real conversation where deep down he's probably never showed himself. Right. So he's doing all these things. He's got all this bottle up aggression and he's like saying, okay, the next step is the societal norm to make this decision. It doesn't seem like his real feelings are there. It just seems like I'm gonna make the next step because we have x amount of years together. But I'm reading all these books about love and about myself and, like, growth.

Phillip [00:19:16]:
Like, he seems like he is on a certain path. She's not there. It seems like the most important thing to him right now is growth. So if they're not gonna be on the same path, I think it's a real possibility that he does want to leave. It's a matter of, does he want to confront your. Are you actually make the decision?

Eldar [00:19:32]:
Are you also making an assumption that he's on a path of growth?

Phillip [00:19:35]:
Well, I'm just going off of what he's saying. Based off not knowing this guy. I'm just going based off of what he's.

Eldar [00:19:42]:
Yeah.

Katherine [00:19:42]:
Information that we have.

Phillip [00:19:43]:
That's the only information we got.

Eldar [00:19:45]:
I would not have a kid.

Mike [00:19:46]:
Yes.

Anatoliy [00:19:47]:
With this girl.

Phillip [00:19:48]:
No, no.

Anatoliy [00:19:50]:
Okay.

Phillip [00:19:51]:
The information we got so far was he was reading this book. He was saying that he, he and this girl are going on in different directions. They want different things. He wants growth and she doesn't. They're like growing like this. So I'm taking that as he's starting to figure, okay, I'm this person. She's this person. We're going like this.

Phillip [00:20:10]:
This growth is really important to me. Does this person come along or not? I don't want to carry her along for the ride.

Mike [00:20:18]:
Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:20:18]:
I think that that's the illusion that is being like, painted. But I think the growth is like this. It's linear.

Eldar [00:20:25]:
The walking right now, there's none.

Anatoliy [00:20:27]:
What?

Eldar [00:20:28]:
There's no growth.

Phillip [00:20:29]:
You don't see.

Anatoliy [00:20:29]:
There might be some, like, slivers of. Of it, but.

Eldar [00:20:32]:
Yeah, but that's the thing. It's nothing sustainable. Because if he keeps hitting the same, same wall, which he is, he's saying. Right. He constantly hitting the same wall, he constantly has the same anger that he has to resort to because of previous stuff, he's stuck. Right. So I would have to track back and see what's in his character that's made him build up this anger or this resentment.

Mike [00:20:54]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:20:54]:
You know what I'm saying? And most likely, I'm gonna have to tie it to the fact that he's a nice guy.

Mike [00:20:58]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:20:59]:
Who ate a lot of shit. I would say in the beginning of the relationship, you predict this, that he was very nice and gave it all.

Mike [00:21:05]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:21:06]:
Gave it all.

Mike [00:21:06]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:21:07]:
Okay. And what happens is when you give it all, you run out of energy. It's a natural phenomena for a lot of people.

Mike [00:21:13]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:21:14]:
You and, and that nice guy image that you've created for the world, number one. And then for the per. The other person that you're courting. Right. It's not. It's not. Not sustainable. Right.

Eldar [00:21:27]:
You finally deplete, and then what happens is you need to actually relax, you know, and take time for yourself.

Mike [00:21:32]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:21:33]:
Right. But you can't because you have to uphold that image. So what happens, however?

Katherine [00:21:37]:
It would be uncomfortable for him to be himself.

Eldar [00:21:40]:
No, no. But he made the impression to himself, to the world, and to her that he is this nice guy. He's been hiding behind that for a long time, and he's been keeping up with it for some time. You know what I mean? And a lot of people do this.

Katherine [00:21:53]:
That's not to say he's not a nice guy, but. But he's.

Eldar [00:21:56]:
Well, that's also questionable, you know?

Phillip [00:21:58]:
We don't know.

Eldar [00:21:59]:
The thing is, I'm not sure if there's nice guys out there.

Phillip [00:22:03]:
He's a total nut.

Eldar [00:22:04]:
Yeah. See, Philip already is getting there. Yeah. At the end of the day, he's a total nut. Probably that he needs to open up to it and. And embrace that. Right. The truth of the matter is, I think that he's been putting on a nice guy act for a very long time.

Eldar [00:22:16]:
He's finally this relationship specifically showing him that it's not serving him.

Mike [00:22:21]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:22:22]:
You know what I mean? And I think he's tired and he wants to bounce.

Mike [00:22:26]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:22:27]:
Because of it.

Phillip [00:22:28]:
But that's what I'm saying. I think this is a real decision. Like yes or no. Like, I think there is a decision there based off.

Eldar [00:22:35]:
No, but, yeah, it is. But Phil, you underestimate how long this can drag on.

Mike [00:22:39]:
Yeah. Everybody's lies go back to the regular schedule program.

Eldar [00:22:43]:
Yes.

Mike [00:22:43]:
Yesterday and a day or days ago. Most people, they have some kind of thing like this, like a moment with, like, midlife crisis or crisis.

Eldar [00:22:52]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:22:53]:
And then they go back to their lives. They have to down a choice.

Eldar [00:22:56]:
Yeah, yeah.

Anatoliy [00:22:57]:
I don't know how you can, like, have a day where, like, hey, yeah. Just like it. Let's say he says he chooses to leave and just never touch base again. Like, I don't know how you can, like, be like, yeah, yesterday I was sort of getting married. No, I think. I don't know how those two thoughts can coexist.

Phillip [00:23:13]:
I don't think they go, I don't.

Mike [00:23:14]:
Know, decision, like, yeah, but again, you're talking about a thinking mind who's constantly going through the stuff, not a person who's was like this and.

Anatoliy [00:23:24]:
Well, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying is that I don't even think that there's a decision of.

Eldar [00:23:28]:
See, totally, totally. Just not, like, based on how you define the decision. He does not. He's not given the people, the regular folk. Right. Let's just say out there that this is even decision worthy.

Mike [00:23:38]:
No.

Anatoliy [00:23:38]:
Yeah. My prediction is just, even though it's.

Eldar [00:23:40]:
A decision for all those people.

Mike [00:23:41]:
Yeah, yeah.

Anatoliy [00:23:42]:
I think that there's. There's maybe a front that's being put up. There's. Yeah. I'm considering one or the other, but the choice has been made. If you're even contemplating these two extremes to begin with. Like, I just don't.

Eldar [00:23:54]:
So he might be looking for justifications as to leap towards one or the other.

Mike [00:23:58]:
Yeah, yeah.

Katherine [00:23:59]:
Maybe pros and cons list.

Phillip [00:24:04]:
I do.

Anatoliy [00:24:06]:
Yeah, yeah. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like a. Yeah, yeah. I'm not sure how to picture those areas.

Mike [00:24:14]:
Yeah, no, I think we're describing is a very good example of a person who is, you know, working on themselves and has a good understanding about themselves, and then, you know, can make decisions. They're not gonna be so polar opposites, but the average person, for them to live in these. In these two extremes, I think it's perfectly normal.

Phillip [00:24:32]:
That's myself.

Eldar [00:24:33]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:24:33]:
Like, somebody like me versus finally you said it.

Mike [00:24:36]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:24:37]:
I'll be like, yeah.

Mike [00:24:39]:
No, yeah. I mean, I think a lot of people deal with this. It's not just that deal with this. Just in different areas, we. We all can be extreme, right?

Eldar [00:24:47]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:24:48]:
In certain areas. We can be extreme in certain things.

Eldar [00:24:50]:
Hundred percent.

Mike [00:24:51]:
Even if you're a thinker or are in a full journey of, like, self discovery and development.

Eldar [00:24:56]:
I agree.

Mike [00:24:56]:
I think it's. We have our. All have our weak sides that we're not able to work on.

Eldar [00:25:02]:
Right.

Mike [00:25:02]:
Right.

Eldar [00:25:02]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:25:03]:
Everything. You can't work on everything at once. It's hard, you know, so you take as much as you can. Yeah.

Eldar [00:25:10]:
See, I think that in his position, though, based on how he presented himself, I think it would be inevitable for him to discover the fact that he needs probably a break, like Phillip said.

Mike [00:25:20]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:25:21]:
In order to rest up. Right. And finally. And finally find direction that he's talking about or decision.

Phillip [00:25:27]:
That sounds real. The break sounds real.

Mike [00:25:30]:
Super necessary or not.

Eldar [00:25:31]:
It sounds like it's super necessary.

Anatoliy [00:25:33]:
However.

Eldar [00:25:33]:
Right. However, based on what he told us yesterday. Right. What he said is he loves her.

Mike [00:25:38]:
Yes. No.

Eldar [00:25:38]:
But nobody in a serious relationship will be okay with a break if you love them.

Mike [00:25:43]:
Right? Apparently.

Eldar [00:25:44]:
But that's why the challenge here, whether or not he actually loves her, because the other side of it. Okay. Don't take the break. Right. Then persevere with your love.

Mike [00:25:53]:
Yeah. Well, I think that's what you were kind of, like, hinting towards or talking about the question and formulating it around.

Eldar [00:25:59]:
Correct.

Mike [00:26:00]:
Is if you love her.

Eldar [00:26:01]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:26:02]:
And you have these things, he's hard for you to communicate.

Eldar [00:26:04]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:26:05]:
You may be on different paths. You may not even know your own path.

Eldar [00:26:08]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:26:08]:
How do you combine that and also let go of the bad history that you already had? You know, do we have any more.

Phillip [00:26:15]:
Information about, like, her and the things that. Like, that.

Mike [00:26:19]:
That boiled her?

Phillip [00:26:20]:
Yeah. No. Is it, like. Is it like they have different values, that they have different.

Mike [00:26:24]:
Like, he didn't get into specifics, but based on what I was told, like, uh, based on what I understood, is that they just. It sounds like they want different things from life in life. But again, you know, those things, you have to spend hours and hours getting to know what that means to a person.

Eldar [00:26:40]:
And I think at the end of the day, Philip, I'm not sure if it's. That information would be even relevant.

Mike [00:26:45]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:26:45]:
Like, so I'm saying, like, if it's, like, a moral thing or, like, how they treat one another, how they communicate. I'm thinking, like, I've been in situations like that where I don't think love is enough to kind of put you over the top where, like, the type of person like maybe you grew apart and you realize that they act like this towards me. I don't like the way that they treat me, blah, blah, blah. Like I think those things are really important and if those don't add up, those aren't. Things are going to change overnight. That's the character of the person. That can take years and years to shape for sure.

Eldar [00:27:09]:
And that's why you have to ask that question whether or not you love them. Because if you love them you have to journey that life for a very long time and be able to eat shit.

Katherine [00:27:16]:
Like with love comes acceptance.

Eldar [00:27:18]:
Correct.

Katherine [00:27:19]:
Right.

Eldar [00:27:19]:
Compassion and understanding. Right.

Phillip [00:27:21]:
Yeah, that's pretty.

Anatoliy [00:27:22]:
Is it possible to confuse loving somebody or loving or like. I guess like loving your current life and comfort with a person?

Phillip [00:27:30]:
Yeah, it's a good.

Katherine [00:27:30]:
Yeah, yeah that's a good question. I think. I think.

Anatoliy [00:27:33]:
Yeah, I think it's love.

Katherine [00:27:34]:
Like the idea of love or what it is can differ.

Eldar [00:27:37]:
I think a lot of people journey, journey these types. Again, just ideas of love.

Anatoliy [00:27:42]:
Yeah, because again it's like someone loves another person but they're put up in the air is talking about like the. That they want different things in life. Yeah, like again another like, like how do we get to that point? Yeah, how do we get to the point we like the.

Eldar [00:27:59]:
Love is not the common language.

Anatoliy [00:28:01]:
Yeah. That you love an individual but then like the things in the ways that like they want different things. Like.

Mike [00:28:08]:
But also maybe he's not sure what he wants to for, you know.

Eldar [00:28:11]:
No that's. That's the thing with the challenges and I'm gonna go out mostly out assumption here but. But I'm gonna probably say that he needs to break up with her.

Mike [00:28:18]:
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know. You know my take a always said about.

Eldar [00:28:23]:
Because that's what's gonna happen.

Mike [00:28:25]:
I always said, I guess I always thought that you can't work on yourself in your relationship.

Eldar [00:28:29]:
Right.

Mike [00:28:30]:
You can't. You have to be in a good place and then you can get into relationship. Right. And I think this part where he's at, it's very hard to, you know, do it. So therefore I maybe would say. Yeah, like you said it's probably he needs to break up. Yeah but you know and we spoke about that too. And I said well if you do break up what are you gonna do? Just gonna not learn your lesson? You can go and repeat the same mistakes.

Eldar [00:28:53]:
Yeah, that you.

Mike [00:28:54]:
Cuz I went on a limb with him that few days ago.

Eldar [00:28:57]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:28:57]:
And I said yeah, if you're gonna break up with her, what are you gonna do. You're gonna take some time off.

Eldar [00:29:00]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:29:01]:
And you're gonna go back into another relationship and do the same thing. You gotta figure out what's the core of this.

Eldar [00:29:05]:
That's.

Katherine [00:29:06]:
I'm glad that you followed that up.

Mike [00:29:07]:
It's not.

Katherine [00:29:08]:
Just breaking up is probably gonna be really hard already because it's six years, and he loves most.

Eldar [00:29:12]:
Most. Yeah.

Katherine [00:29:13]:
But, you know, it's actually, you know, kind of working on himself and.

Mike [00:29:16]:
Yeah.

Katherine [00:29:17]:
Building up, I guess, more, what would you say? Like, courage to be himself in a relationship or, you know, to speak up or. Actually, this is not okay. I actually don't like. I don't like that I can't read a book without you texting me a million times. Like, it's okay to say these things.

Mike [00:29:35]:
Yeah. I think, you know, I think he has this image, and I think a lot of people have an image of.

Eldar [00:29:40]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:29:41]:
Being a nice guy and what they think that is. But being a nice guy is not always being right. Always the right thing to do.

Katherine [00:29:48]:
I think, aside from the image, I think that, you know, just a few years ago, I was under the impression that in my relationship, I had, like, really great communication.

Mike [00:29:57]:
Yeah.

Katherine [00:29:57]:
But I didn't.

Mike [00:29:58]:
Yeah.

Katherine [00:29:58]:
I was in a fantasy land thinking that I had great communication with Eldar until, like, we had a moment where he was like, no, I can't read your mind. And then, you know, I, you know, started some self development myself, and through therapy, I realized, like, holy moly. Not only can I not process my own emotions, but I'm a terrible communicator, you know? So sometimes you really have to kind of maybe just have, you know, find your self awareness, like, you know, find your. Where you're lacking so that you can make a change and then not just better yourself, you know, just personally, but also better your relationship. So I would probably say this is, you know, this would. Would be, like, the right steps for Tony, you know?

Anatoliy [00:30:41]:
Yes.

Mike [00:30:41]:
Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:30:41]:
I also think that, like, my. My perspective is. I like, I think, like, a lot of people get into relationships, and then I do think that there's. There. There is, like, love at the start, like, a certain point, but then I think that there is, like. Like, I think the common thing in relationships is that, like, love dissipates over time. What would we agree that, like, this is what's seen very often.

Eldar [00:31:10]:
Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:31:10]:
Very common, you know, parent, our parents. Right. Like, you know, one point, they really liked each other, I'm sure. Right.

Eldar [00:31:15]:
Mm hmm.

Anatoliy [00:31:15]:
And now, like, they can't stand each other like, they're like, you know, like that. See, I think it's like, like, in, like, a real, like, love. Unlike an actual, like. Yeah, just, like, something more real. I think it's supposed to get much significantly stronger over time.

Katherine [00:31:32]:
Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:31:32]:
If you're actually, like, the purpose of it, I think, is to grow towards those same thing. Those things that you kind of, like, fell in love almost, like, over, and, like, your whole life is, like, your. Your. And the other person's growth towards, like, strengthening those things. So 20 years in, I think you're supposed to, like, love each other more, right then, like, 20.

Eldar [00:31:56]:
I agreed years ago. Yes.

Anatoliy [00:31:57]:
Um, but what I think a lot of people.

Mike [00:32:00]:
What.

Anatoliy [00:32:00]:
What happens to a lot of people is that they have this love very early on, in the very beginning stages, and then, like, that. That stuff is not like. Like, it doesn't grow. And what happens that they just actually just fall in love with the. The comfort of what life is and just, like, what your daily. Like, uh, the routine is. Yeah. And.

Anatoliy [00:32:22]:
And, like, even if it's crazy shit, even if it's arguing, even if it's fighting, even if it's, like, physical where, like, you know, people get hit or beat other up or, like, abusive, like, verbally. Right. Like, there's just, like, a comfort and just, like, how you grow up and how your routine is, like, as crazy as it sounds, it's like people could get, like, you know, verbally abused and stuff like that. And just, like, they're used to their everyday routine. And I think that, like, humans are very, like, a routine based, like, creatures, like individuals. And even if it's bad, even if it's crazy or even it sounds crazy to others, to that person, there's a comfort in that madness and it just continues. And then they can maybe get to breaking points where they're, like, kind of trying, like, waking up to certain things and then realizing that when they're walking.

Eldar [00:33:15]:
In reading a book.

Anatoliy [00:33:16]:
Yeah. Yeah, potentially. Yeah. Where are they in love with the person or are they in love with kind of just like, the. The comfortable memory of the. Yeah, there.

Eldar [00:33:27]:
There's.

Anatoliy [00:33:28]:
There's just a particular, like, element, I think, to comfort that people don't realize, even if it's bad. And, like, I mean, I have my own. As. As my own example, you know, I could be doing crazy, anxious things or, like, stuff like that. And there is. Over time, there was a developed comfort over these kinds of things. So when I. When I tell other people about them, yo, that's crazy.

Anatoliy [00:33:50]:
You know, like, doesn't make sense? Like, what are you doing?

Phillip [00:33:55]:
Just give it. Just give a couple.

Anatoliy [00:33:56]:
Yeah. Anyone. Like, anyone, really? Yeah. Yeah. Just, like, any kind of way in life where you're like. Like, this is normal to the person.

Mike [00:34:05]:
Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:34:06]:
It's completely fine.

Eldar [00:34:07]:
Right.

Anatoliy [00:34:07]:
Like, they're. There's just a comfort in it that doesn't count.

Eldar [00:34:10]:
Thank you.

Anatoliy [00:34:13]:
Yeah. So, yeah, I think that that's what happens to most people is this, like, comfort that they just fall in love with, and then that's what they just hang on to. And the breakup that you're talking about is actually. I don't even think that that's, like, a breakup with her. It's a breakup with. Yeah. With himself and the life that he's attached himself to.

Katherine [00:34:36]:
The person that he is with her.

Anatoliy [00:34:37]:
Yeah. Yeah. And, like, there's probably, again, like, if you're an individual who's weighing those two things, those two extremes, there's probably there. There's much more, I would say, thought of fear of breaking those comfort levels and those everyday life levels, like, whether it's fighting or actual, like, good things. I think there's a huge fear in that.

Phillip [00:35:00]:
Based off the information we have on this guy, are we even, like, convinced that this guy is capable of love? No. I'm saying at this stage right now, right, this guy does not know himself. He's growing. He's not able to be courageous in the relationship and confront. Right. So he's not showing his true colors. If you're not showing your true colors, this guy seems like he doesn't even know himself. So after a while, you're hiding so much, you don't know yourself.

Phillip [00:35:26]:
He's lost. He's in this relationship with somebody else. They're growing apart. When he's saying he loves her, I'm. My question is, like, what are you loving? So when Toli is describing what he loved, I think that there's a lot of truth to him just loving this comfort. So, to me, I don't think there's a lot for him to really hold onto that's true. In the sense of love. Like, when I hear you and Kat talk about love and I'm hearing this example, it seems like there's a love of comfort in the relationship of something that maybe we don't know about, whether it is fighting, just the routine, whatever it is.

Phillip [00:35:59]:
But I don't believe that you are capable of love if you don't know yourself and if you're not honest and that person doesn't know who you are, like, what are you guys really loving about one another.

Eldar [00:36:09]:
Did you have to go from zero to 100, though? We're trying to take him on the floor ride first. You know what I mean? He took it to the kind of cops.

Anatoliy [00:36:19]:
This is only my third one from the seat, and you just keep, like, holding it.

Eldar [00:36:24]:
To be honest, it's a little mean, considering he's only my third cast.

Anatoliy [00:36:27]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:36:27]:
Yeah. So we fucking thought.

Phillip [00:36:32]:
You see the shit Eldar is teaching me about confrontation?

Eldar [00:36:35]:
Yeah, you just did it.

Phillip [00:36:38]:
But, like, but I'm I'm talking about, I'm saying, like, I'm an example in this, too, because, like, I'm really discovering who I am, right? Like, I've been, like, in positions where I've been, like, a nice guy or, like, you know, maybe, you know, just maybe haven't said exactly what I felt in a relationship. So I can, you know, just have everything kind of be just even keel without, like, too much fighting. And what I found is that they always just end up in the same predicament where, like, I don't know how they ended up, like, all these fights, blah, blah. And now all of a sudden, like, I'm 37, and now I realize I can look back at all of them, and so many things happen because, like, I didn't want to really be myself. It's always be polite, be kind, like, do all these things that you're supposed to do, whether it's from your parents, whether it's from society. Like, you're a guy and you're supposed to do these certain things. But, like, what if I just want to be like me? Like, can I just be me in a relationship? Like, we were talking about people pleasing, right? Like, just being your total self. I feel like there's, like, at least for me, I've always turned it on and been, like, a certain person in the relationship.

Phillip [00:37:40]:
I've had a certain person, you know, to my friends, certain person to my family, certain person at work. All of a sudden, you're dividing all these things, and you're like, oh, man. Like, I'm, like, so many personalities, but who am I? So this guy seems like he's having, he seems like he's having a who am I? Moment. So it seems like that.

Mike [00:38:00]:
Yeah.

Katherine [00:38:00]:
Which is totally, I mean, I don't want to, like, to listen to this and think, like, whoa. Like this. You know, this is like, why not?

Phillip [00:38:09]:
But we're here for you.

Katherine [00:38:10]:
Like, we're coming for. But I think that he's pretty, he's.

Eldar [00:38:13]:
Pretty good at listen, if he can't do that we have a good intention here. Right? It's over for him.

Mike [00:38:19]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:38:20]:
Like, it's all. Doesn't matter what we say. It's over, you know?

Katherine [00:38:23]:
But I think that a lot of people can relate to what Philip said. I mean, I relate to 100%, you know?

Mike [00:38:28]:
Yeah.

Katherine [00:38:30]:
Myself. Like, who really am I, like, what? Really, what is my purpose? And, like, where, you know, like, where.

Mike [00:38:34]:
Do I want to make delicious juices, you know?

Phillip [00:38:37]:
But what's the limit of you? Like, stop. Like, so to me, it's like, if you know yourself, right, and they know themselves, the other person in a relationship, then part of your journey can be growing together and saying, like, hey, we both know each other again, like, their example of, like, you guys talking about love. Like, you. You and elder, like, you talk about love like, you're in this bubble together that you created. Like, you have this thing that you need. It's like, air. The way you describe it, like, this guy's talking about, like, discovering himself in this thing that, like, it doesn't seem like they created anything together. So, like, I think, like, I'm not trying to be mean to this guy, but again, coming from personal experience of just, like, being that nice guy in the relationship, you're building a foundation on something that doesn't seem like it's even started yet because you both don't know yourselves, and you both didn't create that love bubble around the relationship.

Phillip [00:39:23]:
So it doesn't sound like there's anything to really build on. So to me, it seems like an easy decision, but to go to Tolly's point again, they're probably used to all this comfort, this fighting, this routine, and, like, it's just a pattern for them.

Anatoliy [00:39:34]:
So, yeah, we're talking about, like, living together, you know, like, yeah, sharing.

Eldar [00:39:39]:
Co parenting.

Anatoliy [00:39:40]:
Totally. Yeah, co parenting.

Phillip [00:39:42]:
Reading, sharing things where it's possible, expects.

Katherine [00:39:47]:
Or, like, what you do because it's normal in society, really.

Phillip [00:39:50]:
Right.

Katherine [00:39:50]:
But I wanted to follow up, like, Phil's, what Phil just said. It's important to, like, know why it's important to, like, know who you are and to bring that into the relationship. Because I think a fundamental of love and to be in love is to accept that person is to accept them for who they are and to be accepted for who you are. And if you're not showing who you are, you're just covering it up with avoidance or, you know, non confrontation, then. Then they don't know who you are, and you can't. You can't build, like, a solid, you know, that's part of, I guess, the foundation, and you can't. You can't build on that.

Anatoliy [00:40:30]:
So.

Phillip [00:40:30]:
Yeah, so that takes me to that point of you and Eldar were talking about. One person can be that maybe strong, that. That leader. So if this woman is the one, that maybe she. She knows herself and she can come from that place of acceptance and say, like, hey, it's Tony. Like, Tony, like, I accept where you're at. If you want to grow and. And you're at this place, I'm willing to be there while you do it, because I'm coming from a really strong place where I know myself.

Phillip [00:40:53]:
Now, it doesn't seem like she's coming from that place. It seems like they're both in a similar situation where they both don't know themselves. So, to me, it's like you have to have that one strong person who's saying, hey, I'm in a really good place. I know myself. You can't really rattle my cage, at least. Yeah, one, right?

Eldar [00:41:11]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:41:12]:
So it seems like at one for sure is definitely not there. The other one doesn't seem there, either because she's not accepting him. They're spying on each other.

Eldar [00:41:21]:
Correct.

Phillip [00:41:21]:
You guys weren't spying on each other?

Eldar [00:41:22]:
No. Till this day, I've never checked their phone for messages.

Phillip [00:41:25]:
There you go. So, to me, you guys have no.

Katherine [00:41:27]:
Idea how unusual it is for a couple in 2023, especially a female. Actually, I'm proud of saying that. Like, I don't go to elders phone to check his messages. I don't check any of his stuff.

Phillip [00:41:40]:
It's pure trust.

Katherine [00:41:41]:
Unusual for women not to do that in relationships.

Phillip [00:41:46]:
It's.

Katherine [00:41:47]:
It's almost sad if there's no trust. It's almost.

Phillip [00:41:50]:
Oh, you're saying it's norm to check.

Eldar [00:41:51]:
Yeah. You have to surrender your phone when you go into a relationship right away.

Phillip [00:41:55]:
Who said this?

Katherine [00:41:56]:
You know, what do you mean?

Eldar [00:41:57]:
This is a known thing. How old are you?

Katherine [00:42:04]:
So to have a situation where, you know, you know, they're tracking each other, and on top of that, you know, you know, if he's not, you know, answering within a certain time frame, it creates an issue. There's trust issues there. I mean. I mean, hands down, you know? So, again, when it comes to. Again, one of the foundations of love that I believe in is acceptance and also trust. And so if you don't have trust, then. Then you know, there's a crack there.

Mike [00:42:35]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:42:35]:
But you know how you can develop trust? Only through getting to know one another and what you're about.

Phillip [00:42:41]:
But being honest.

Katherine [00:42:42]:
You gotta be honest.

Eldar [00:42:44]:
If you really get to know one another, you will know what the other person is about without even thinking, just.

Phillip [00:42:50]:
Feeling you're saying, no, no.

Eldar [00:42:51]:
You, through conversation, through understanding their values and beliefs and morals, what they really stand for, you know, their next move, you know, their actions.

Phillip [00:43:00]:
Like if they go out and they're going out with their friends, you're knowing that, okay. They're not going to do something, you know.

Eldar [00:43:05]:
Correct. Because of the way they are.

Phillip [00:43:07]:
Understood.

Eldar [00:43:07]:
Yeah. What they believe.

Phillip [00:43:08]:
I agree with that.

Eldar [00:43:09]:
And if you don't, that means you really didn't get to know one another or you have not introduced your true self to the other person.

Phillip [00:43:16]:
I see that.

Eldar [00:43:17]:
You know what I mean?

Mike [00:43:17]:
But it's hard. It's hard what you're saying to be honest and be truthful because you actually been lying to yourself.

Eldar [00:43:23]:
Correct. That's why I think we'll go back to Tony.

Phillip [00:43:25]:
He doesn't know what the truth about yet.

Eldar [00:43:26]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:43:27]:
He's trying to figure it out.

Eldar [00:43:29]:
Has to be Tony has to break up with himself.

Phillip [00:43:32]:
Yeah, I agree.

Eldar [00:43:33]:
I think Tony has to really look within and see what he has been doing all this time. Putting on this, this type of character.

Mike [00:43:41]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:43:42]:
For himself.

Phillip [00:43:42]:
And why.

Eldar [00:43:43]:
And why. Correct.

Phillip [00:43:44]:
Yeah. Like why? Because if you don't know this, why and you just, you want to do this thing, it's definitely coming from a good place. Obviously, you want to be yourself. It's not a bad thing. But like, what made you do this?

Eldar [00:43:55]:
Correct.

Phillip [00:43:55]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:43:56]:
And that's an interesting question. Right? Yeah, no, it's a, it's a good question is to find out why did you create this character in the first place. Right. Why do we create these characters or these images that we out there have to, what. At the end of the day, people, please. Why do we have to come across. Because he is. He does come across like a nice guy.

Mike [00:44:13]:
Yeah, he does.

Eldar [00:44:14]:
And he usually consistently keeps that same energy.

Mike [00:44:16]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:44:17]:
Right. But to me.

Mike [00:44:18]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:44:19]:
From the outsider.

Mike [00:44:20]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:44:20]:
I think that's exhausting.

Mike [00:44:21]:
Well, that, yeah. You know, he said. He said it himself yesterday, remember? I don't know if you remember, but I think that kind of like, said a lot. He said, yeah. Like, I try to be very positive person.

Eldar [00:44:33]:
Yeah. Why?

Mike [00:44:34]:
You know, I think that's part of. Not like, not to say it's a fraud thing, but. But in a way, it's like you trying to uphold this image. Yeah. Of a positive person. But, yeah. You can do that when it's the time to be positive, but when there's a violation happening.

Eldar [00:44:49]:
That's right. You have to be strong.

Mike [00:44:51]:
You have to be not positive to be actually truthful.

Anatoliy [00:44:53]:
Or, why can't I just say that shit's fucked up?

Eldar [00:44:56]:
Like what? Like.

Mike [00:44:57]:
Yeah, well, because I guess people think that if you think positively, everything's gonna be okay.

Eldar [00:45:03]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:45:03]:
You know? Or if you just, like, say, hey, this is not that important. Yeah. Things that are actually are very important, they're gonna. You know, they're gonna disappear. A lot of people have that misconception.

Eldar [00:45:14]:
So why don't we create these characters?

Phillip [00:45:17]:
I say society is definitely a big one. I'd say, obviously, parents and friendships, just overall environment. But I think it ultimately.

Eldar [00:45:26]:
Is it wanting to be accepted by the. By the people? Yeah, I want some kind of, like.

Phillip [00:45:31]:
I think acceptance is a result of what happens as. From the cause, and I think the cause is being rejected for who you are at some point. Right. So you're a kid, right?

Eldar [00:45:42]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:45:43]:
Yeah, maybe you're. See, like, I remember personally, so I remember. Remember, actually a very good example. So I think I was in first or second grade. I had to do. I was on stage. You have to do a. I don't know, class presentation, whatever.

Phillip [00:45:57]:
That presentation.

Eldar [00:45:58]:
Volcano. Volcano. Out of pasta?

Phillip [00:46:00]:
No, no, it actually was a presentation. It was like a concert. We all had to, like, go up on stage, play guitar, like, do all this stuff. I remember, like, being on stage, it was so frightening that, like, I never wanted to do it again. And then I remember throughout the course of school, I had to do then, individual presentations where I would do something. I'd be so nervous. Then I would feel great after. But, like, I was so nervous, it was, like, crippling that, like, I didn't want to go in front of people because I would.

Phillip [00:46:25]:
Like. I just felt like people had so much power over me.

Eldar [00:46:29]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:46:29]:
So I didn't want that fear of rejection. So I remember I was talking to somebody who I respected, and they told me to do toastmasters. It's where you speak in public.

Eldar [00:46:37]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:46:37]:
So I remember I ended up doing that years and years later. I was in a relationship, and she was like, what are you doing? This is so stupid. But I knew deep down I had to do it to overcome this fear of speaking in public, and I ended up doing it. I did really well. I spoke at. I won my division in Toastmasters. We went in Union City every week. I went above a Burger King on the second floor, and I won my whole division, and I spoke at Jersey City College, and I overcame my fear.

Phillip [00:47:02]:
My topic was like, about the history of pizza or something. That's really bad. But the point was, is that at some point when I was younger, this debilitating thing, I'd allowed it to take over my life. And I basically didn't pursue things that I was really passionate about, which is ultimately, like, in a sense, performing or connecting with people at a really deep level. And I know on stage is maybe like the extreme, but presenting in front of people, talking on the phone, connecting, I have this thing where I can shut off and go off on my own, and it doesn't serve me. But if I really analyze why, it's because that fear of rejection or that, that fear of going in front of people and feeling that, like, other people have control and this letting go, it's a very big feeling. So I guess the point with Tony would be maybe, what's that thing? Do you have a memory of something in your childhood where somebody did something or there was a situation that really questioned, like, who you are at, like a character base, where it was something that you really maybe liked about yourself, whatever it is. So mine's maybe an extreme example.

Phillip [00:48:05]:
It could be a smaller one. But that once I analyzed that and then even recently, coming into this office kind of being more social opposed to working remote, it happened again. Like, it's happening again in patterns because I just allow to be comfortable and you do it in little bits, but you realize, like, if I don't do this on a day to day basis and I don't practice it, you just lose it. It's like working out. It's like anything. It's like a muscle that you're training. And when it's something you're passionate about, that's like part of your soul, your heart, whatever you want to call it, I think it's really, really important to have like minded people around you, whether they're friends, family, people that you're working with and to grow in that environment. So I would suggest that Tony figures out what this thing is and then surround yourself around like minded people, whether it's a group, you know, work, friends, whatever, and just work on this thing and put it out there.

Phillip [00:48:51]:
So I think once you put it out there and it's not in the dark anymore, then you can do your growth. But until then, I think you're just going to be going into those same patterns.

Eldar [00:48:59]:
So you think that it's probably like a negative thing. And then he just decided naturally to say, you know what? I'm just gonna be very positive person.

Phillip [00:49:05]:
Yes.

Eldar [00:49:06]:
So you just put that on top of it.

Phillip [00:49:07]:
Like, yes.

Eldar [00:49:07]:
Cover.

Phillip [00:49:08]:
It's definitely a cover, because I've. I've noticed that if. If in these examples, and I'm gonna take a guess and say he probably is some type of rejection, whether it was a relationship or maybe he was good enough, maybe he was himself. He was just himself one moment. Maybe somebody just yelled at him and was like, stop. And, like, that's a common thing when you're a kid. Just, hey, stop doing this. Get off the table.

Phillip [00:49:28]:
And he was maybe being adventurous. Maybe he's an adventurous guy, and he feels he can't be adventurous anymore, so he has to read a book while he's standing. He has to fly around the city, like, whatever he's doing. But, like, honestly, like, if you have that part of yourself that's, like, part of your heart and, like, who you are, like, a very deep level, and you can't be that. Like, what are you in the relationship? Yeah, what are you in? Like, with another person? Like, what? Like, who are you? What are you doing in the relationship? And how are you even able to be in this? You literally have to be an actor, basically, immersing yourself in a character that you created, and then there's two people that you don't even know, and then you got another person over here trying to be in the relationship with you, and you're like, what is going on? So I I can speak from personal experience where, unless you address this issue.

Eldar [00:50:14]:
So what's in his brain? Mashed potatoes or scrambled eggs?

Phillip [00:50:16]:
Mashed potatoes. Scrambled eggs. And, like, he. If he's not addressing this, there's. I don't think there's a glimmer of hope in the relationship. It's fully remove yourself, and, like, it's like, I'm working on this part of myself, which is, why am I closing off and being this people pleasing guy? You have to answer this question.

Eldar [00:50:33]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:50:34]:
What was your vital question? Yeah, it's vital.

Eldar [00:50:37]:
Yeah.

Phillip [00:50:37]:
Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:50:38]:
How did you word your question about.

Eldar [00:50:41]:
The mashed potatoes or the thing?

Anatoliy [00:50:44]:
No, no. Like, before Philip. Philip said what? He said you asked something like acceptance.

Mike [00:50:52]:
Is that what you're talking about? About acceptance?

Anatoliy [00:51:00]:
You asked him a question. Right. And then he went on to give us. Take an answer.

Eldar [00:51:04]:
Yeah. We're talking about, why did he create this character?

Anatoliy [00:51:07]:
Yeah. So, yeah.

Mike [00:51:08]:
Okay.

Anatoliy [00:51:08]:
So I think that, like, in general, like, as much as people are saying it now, more and more, I don't think that, like, in society, there's a promotion of individualism.

Eldar [00:51:21]:
100% in general. Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:51:23]:
And I think that, like, like humans, like, like they said they're like, like the human species, right. It's like a social being.

Mike [00:51:33]:
Right.

Anatoliy [00:51:33]:
Or, like, what did they say?

Eldar [00:51:34]:
Yeah, right.

Anatoliy [00:51:35]:
There is something about groups and, like, stuff like that.

Eldar [00:51:37]:
Yeah.

Anatoliy [00:51:38]:
So as long as, if that's fundamentally, for example, how people are, then, like, there's always gonna be things that are, like, you know, like, this is the fad that's in. This is what's popular. This is what's cool. This is what's that. And as long as that's what it is, then a person's life will be, like, for the most part, surrounded around, like, not, not surrounded, but it'll be revolved around, like, just figuring out ways to fit in than ever that then ever promote any kind of individual.

Eldar [00:52:15]:
That's a very good point, but to me, that's.

Phillip [00:52:17]:
To me, that's outside of himself, and that's something that everybody's dealing with. What I'm saying is the thing that he can control, which is inside of him. So, like, yes. If society is saying, like, we're not going to promote individualism and this guy's people pleasing, he's definitely going to be more vulnerable and susceptible to a societal norm because he doesn't have the foundation to stick up for himself and be courageous. Right. That's outside. Oh, no, I'm saying. But, but societal norms is outside of himself.

Phillip [00:52:43]:
What I'm saying is the thing that's.

Eldar [00:52:45]:
But it's not. It's inside of him.

Phillip [00:52:48]:
Yeah, but I don't think condition.

Eldar [00:52:50]:
It's conditioned it himself.

Phillip [00:52:51]:
Yeah, but I'm saying there's layers. And I'm saying the societal norm, if there was, like, layers and I was ranking them one through five, like, the difficult thing to really chop, like you're, like, you're chopping down, like, who you are. Like when you were born, like, what you're meant to do. Like, your soul, your purpose. Like, I'm saying he's disconnected from that. I'm saying society, you can go either way. Society can make you more of a rebel or it can make you just more of a people pleaser. So I'm saying, like, on that level that Tolly's talking about, I'm saying that's like the level after the soul level of not having yourself.

Phillip [00:53:22]:
So I'm saying it's five. And I'm saying society is like, on that outer layer where, like, he's. He's there. Like, he's at that layer. Once he figures out that layer, I think the one that we're really talking about is the one that is inside of him. Like, crushing open your heart and saying, who am I? At that deep level, society is just kind of, like, reinforcing whatever your beliefs are. That's like, to me, that's, like, so outside. And I think this guy's vulnerable to that because he doesn't know who he is.

Phillip [00:53:47]:
And I think a lot of people who are insecure don't know themselves and say, okay, I'm just, I'm good with whatever. Which it seems like this guy is, at some level, he's going to be more vulnerable to just what society is saying now, which is trendy, fatty, hey. Like, um, you know, individualism is not promoted. You know, when maybe 50 years ago it was. So what I'm saying is those, those things go up and down. They trend. But what doesn't trend is, like, people being born, you having a purpose, your soul, your heart, your brain, like, being a human being.

Anatoliy [00:54:16]:
Like, that's, what is, what does that mean, though?

Phillip [00:54:18]:
Like, I'm saying, we're asking, like, who he is at that level.

Anatoliy [00:54:21]:
Yeah, but who, like, how does someone figure, like, how does somebody answer that kind of question?

Phillip [00:54:27]:
It's not, it's not to be answered with just, like, words. Like, you're digging deep and, like, figuring out, like, what makes you tick. Like, connecting with people.

Anatoliy [00:54:34]:
Like, somebody, like, I think the ability to figure that out and be sure about it is, I mean, it's, like, a very advanced one.

Phillip [00:54:42]:
Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. That's the most advanced form of it. And what he's dealing with now, what you're talking about is, like, scratching the surface of just, like, entering that bubble of figuring out who you are. I think if you start with who you are and what you can control, you can't control societal norms and things that go up and down fads. Like, if you're starting there, not setting them elderism. I mean, he has, if you do that, I feel like you have to be in this kind of group and have a really good support system, and you can take it slow and maybe you can, like, peel the layers off slow. Like, I think this guy needs, like, an overhaul and, like, hit deep.

Mike [00:55:16]:
Damn.

Eldar [00:55:16]:
Yo, you're not holding back today?

Mike [00:55:18]:
No.

Eldar [00:55:19]:
You had a crazy.

Phillip [00:55:23]:
What happened? Crazy Philip, y'all, the harvest moon. I had a lot of chicken. That was very good. And then I ate a little bread today, which I usually don't. Yeah, I took the cheese off, so I was okay.

Eldar [00:55:35]:
Mm hmm.

Phillip [00:55:36]:
Oh, shit. But, no, I mean, I'm coming from personal experience, and I'm just saying, like, I think this guy has to have a profound experience. I just think scratching the surface is not. Not gonna do it for this. And I think we're talking about.

Eldar [00:55:48]:
I don't think is asking for a surface level.

Phillip [00:55:51]:
But you talk about society. Am I. Am I misinterpreting what you're saying?

Eldar [00:55:54]:
No, I don't think. Yeah, I think you guys are saying the same thing, actually.

Phillip [00:55:58]:
Okay.

Eldar [00:55:58]:
He's just saying that it has influenced him, and you're saying that he needs to discover himself at a core.

Phillip [00:56:04]:
I'm saying the. I'm agreeing that it influences him. But if that's the thing that we're talking about figuring out, or, like, that's that that's the. The line that he's got to go through.

Eldar [00:56:13]:
No, that's just an agreement. That's just. That's just, like, if one reach to it, right? If he says, yeah, actually, you know what? Like, why am I such a nice guy to everybody? Like, where did this come from? Like, why do I have to always be positive, right? And then if he links that to the fact that he's doing it because the society told him to do it, or is, like, that's the right thing to do, or whatever, you know, that's the first thing, and then you can find out what you're talking about. How deep does it really get and why. Why does he do it at a core level?

Phillip [00:56:37]:
Hmm. Yeah, I mean, I guess you can do that, but I. I mean, I went the opposite. Like, I remember. I remember one time I had something that was really bothering me. I did mushrooms. Like, one time. I'm not saying, all right, everybody's got to do psychedelics, whatever.

Phillip [00:56:49]:
But I did it, and something really profound came of it where I was having pain in my back, and I always had it. And I remember I read, like, multiple books about pain and all this stuff. I think I was telling you guys, there's a doctor named Doctor John Sarno. I remember he does basically mind and body connection, pain. And I guess, long story short, without getting too into it, was, you learn that when you have these traumatic experiences, they build up as pain in your body, but it's really just in your mind. And your mind actually stores this pain in your body, and your body actually creates these spaces where they're creating oxygen deprivation to your muscles. These spaces that have psychological damage, they're actually blocks, and they're actually psychological blocks that you create, and they're emotional damage. So they feel like I have physical pain in my back.

Phillip [00:57:43]:
But to me, the only way to really figure those out is to go deep and figure out, like, who you are and, like. Like, why you're doing these things. And again, I just think when you think about society and things that you can't control, I don't think that that's enough. So the point was, when I took mushrooms and I figured it out, I realized that this pain in my body is just life. It's just up and down and trying to get rid of pain and opposed to being friends with it and accepting it, you can't do it. So that was a big, profound thing, and I realized to myself, oh, this is me. This is my body. And it helped me kind of be more in tune with who I am.

Phillip [00:58:17]:
And it was like a really big discovery for me. But it had nothing to do with society. It was me and my body and my mind, being with close friends and realizing, like, inside of me is the world. Like, I am one with the world. I'm me. And, like, nothing else outside of me is going to dictate what I do. And if I do allow that, that means that I'm allowing outside forces to basically, like, dictate who I am. Which, going back to my original example of being on stage and having people all outside of me controlling how I feel, that is basically allowing society and allowing outside of me to control me.

Phillip [00:58:51]:
So it's inside of me, I had to basically discover. And then you figure out that society maybe could be altering it, but you have to figure out that inside thing that makes you tick, or whatever it is inside your body, your brain, heart, whatever. So, to me, that was the profound experience for me, it had nothing to do with outside. So when totally was making the example, that's what I was saying. Society, to me, is that. That scratching the surface, outside reason. But it's not the core of what I discovered. That's my personal example.

Eldar [00:59:21]:
Okay.

Phillip [00:59:21]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:59:22]:
No, no, it's a very good one. Aside from Philip's rant, I've a lot.

Phillip [00:59:27]:
I have a lot to say. This Friday.

Eldar [00:59:31]:
Said absolutely nothing.

Mike [00:59:32]:
At the same time, you can't let him eat bread on Friday.

Eldar [00:59:35]:
Yes, yes. Because he's running a month right now. Yeah, he's. No, I still think that somehow we're. We're connecting the two.

Mike [00:59:42]:
Yeah, I think we are not.

Eldar [00:59:43]:
We're not disagreeing.

Phillip [00:59:44]:
I miss. I guess I'm missing that.

Mike [00:59:45]:
No, he's saying that that's what is happening, but that's what's causing the problem. And you think you're saying the same thing.

Eldar [00:59:51]:
I agree with Philip a hundred percent about this stuff that we store and stuff like that.

Phillip [00:59:54]:
Absolutely.

Eldar [00:59:55]:
At the end of the day, it's not the people that are controlling you. You're in the perception that the people that audience is controlling. Yes, but really what's happening is this is you just reacting to it.

Phillip [01:00:05]:
Exactly.

Eldar [01:00:05]:
That's it.

Phillip [01:00:06]:
But it's inside of you.

Eldar [01:00:07]:
I know.

Phillip [01:00:07]:
Yes, that's. That's what I'm saying.

Eldar [01:00:09]:
For sure. No, Tony's definitely not recommending for him to try to change the world. Got it. Yeah, I think.

Mike [01:00:15]:
I think she has plastic in her mouth.

Phillip [01:00:18]:
Oh, nice.

Katherine [01:00:19]:
You can remove it, please. Thank you.

Phillip [01:00:22]:
Yeah, I was running a month.

Eldar [01:00:23]:
No, no, you're good. What are you talking about? Don't apologize. Let me give you actually a soundtrack. Hold on 1 second, 3 seconds, guys.

Mike [01:00:29]:
Meow.

Katherine [01:00:31]:
Did you hear his sound?

Mike [01:00:33]:
No.

Eldar [01:00:34]:
He did.

Mike [01:00:35]:
Meow.

Eldar [01:00:36]:
Alright, cool. We'll record this one for later.

Katherine [01:00:39]:
You know Gary from Spongebob?

Eldar [01:00:41]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:00:41]:
All right.

Eldar [01:00:41]:
So, did we tackle Tony's problem?

Mike [01:00:45]:
Tony game a lot.

Eldar [01:00:46]:
So. Yeah, so I think. Yeah, I think we gave him a lot.

Anatoliy [01:00:48]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:00:48]:
I think that instead of breaking up with the girl. With the girl, you gotta break up with yourself.

Mike [01:00:55]:
And if you want to find out.

Eldar [01:00:56]:
Yeah, if you want to find out how. I mean, at the end of the day, if you want. If you. You want some support, like Philip said, you come out here and we can.

Phillip [01:01:03]:
We can help you out or just get married. Fuck it.

Eldar [01:01:05]:
Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Just. Just do that. Yeah.

Mike [01:01:07]:
And put it off until the next. Next life.

Eldar [01:01:09]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Katherine [01:01:11]:
I give Tony credit for not just assuming. A lot of people just assume that when you get married that like, it fixes your problems.

Eldar [01:01:18]:
Yeah.

Katherine [01:01:19]:
Um.

Mike [01:01:19]:
I'm.

Katherine [01:01:20]:
You know, I give him credit for not going down that route.

Eldar [01:01:23]:
For the jury still out we're gonna.

Katherine [01:01:26]:
See, but it hasn't happened.

Phillip [01:01:27]:
He's contemplating it though.

Eldar [01:01:29]:
It's all for you, you know. Yeah.

Katherine [01:01:32]:
But I think it's also. It would be good for him to. If he hasn't heard the previous episodes. Yeah, last week's episode, I think connects a lot with this one.

Mike [01:01:42]:
Yeah.

Katherine [01:01:42]:
People pleasing and things like that, I think. I think would be.

Eldar [01:01:46]:
So this is a good one. Yeah. So. So talking about that. Continuing the segmenting towards love part, falling in love and keep in love part three. We can segment straight into the fact that. What is it exactly that you need to paint? What kind of picture do you need to paint to the other individual in order for them to actually say, you know what? I'm down for this. Like, I want to go for this plan.

Eldar [01:02:10]:
I. You know, I have the same dream. I have the same aspirations, and I'd like to journey this as a unit, as one. Right. I think Philip started to. I think by explaining to the other person, maybe who you are, number one, and what you actually are about what you actually want to.

Mike [01:02:30]:
Yeah. You have to answer that for sure first for yourself.

Eldar [01:02:32]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:02:33]:
And I think that's interesting, you know, for sure. What, when you say that you want to live a life in love.

Eldar [01:02:39]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:02:40]:
What do you actually mean by that? Besides all those nice, fancy words.

Eldar [01:02:44]:
Correct.

Mike [01:02:45]:
And what is the standard you're gonna keep yourself to?

Eldar [01:02:48]:
That's right.

Katherine [01:02:49]:
What is love even to you, you know, as a person, everybody.

Mike [01:02:52]:
Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:02:53]:
I do think that, like, a big thing in that kind of scenario.

Eldar [01:02:56]:
Before you continue, can you stop jerking the mic?

Anatoliy [01:03:01]:
Keyword.

Phillip [01:03:02]:
Keyword. There's jerking.

Anatoliy [01:03:04]:
Yeah, no, I think that, like. Like, on. On the question you're asking, I I think that, like, what makes some. Someone, like, I think in interested is when they're talking about those two things. And I feel like when those two people both acknowledge. Acknowledge at the same time that they're actually being honest.

Eldar [01:03:27]:
Yes.

Anatoliy [01:03:27]:
And there's, like, no, like. Like. Yeah, I think that, like, when those two people are being honest at the same time and that kind of thing, I think there's some kind of connection that it is, like, developed there.

Eldar [01:03:39]:
Definitely saying being vulnerable is one of them.

Anatoliy [01:03:43]:
Yeah, I think being vulnerable is a. Like, a. Like. Like the acknowledgement that both people. That. That both people are being. That at the same time.

Eldar [01:03:50]:
Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:03:51]:
I think is what creates that kind of, like, okay place.

Eldar [01:03:54]:
Well, we haven't heard from Philip in a little while. Let's get on the stage. Okay.

Anatoliy [01:03:58]:
But because he hasn't said anything a while, it doesn't mean that we want to hear what.

Eldar [01:04:02]:
Yes, this is true, too.

Anatoliy [01:04:03]:
So we're just not gonna hear it.

Eldar [01:04:04]:
Yeah, yeah.

Phillip [01:04:06]:
If. If I met somebody.

Eldar [01:04:09]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:04:10]:
And. And they did not think that taco affair lettuce wrap was top tier. Excellent. I think I can connect with them.

Eldar [01:04:17]:
You're giving away all occasions. Yeah. Punch you in the face, though. They're gonna find you while you fucking eating the taco.

Phillip [01:04:28]:
Shout out to taco affair if you want to sponsor us.

Eldar [01:04:30]:
Yes, yes.

Phillip [01:04:33]:
But, yeah, I definitely. I definitely agree with that. Being. Being totally vulnerable to somebody else and being honest in the same moment at that connection. I think that's.

Eldar [01:04:46]:
That is the PowerPoint presentation of your true self.

Phillip [01:04:49]:
Yes.

Katherine [01:04:50]:
Can you repeat that, Philip?

Phillip [01:04:52]:
Yeah, I think. Yeah, I think. I think you and another person, just like what totally said, if you're both vulnerable and honest, that connection that you feel in that moment, that's the foundation that I think you can realistically.

Mike [01:05:04]:
What's a, what's a good sign that you're being vulnerable and honest?

Phillip [01:05:07]:
Oh, for me personally, it's just being like, a total.

Eldar [01:05:10]:
A minimum of one tier has to have to. Honestly, from the left side of your.

Katherine [01:05:14]:
Vulnerability requires a lot of bravery.

Eldar [01:05:17]:
Right now, look, she's grooming him.

Phillip [01:05:20]:
Courage and bravery for sure.

Mike [01:05:22]:
Oh, no, but how do you, like, explain those words? Like, say, hey, I don't know what vulnerability is. What is that?

Phillip [01:05:26]:
Vulnerability, to me, is like, literally having no care about what anybody thinks of you, which allows you to be completely and utterly yourself, you know, without, without fearing judgment from or criticism.

Mike [01:05:45]:
But what if you created this identity, right. Which a lot of people do. That's why it's. I think that's my thought. My thinking is it's hard to know when you're being honest, when you've been involved, because we created these things.

Phillip [01:05:57]:
Yeah. You can.

Mike [01:05:58]:
These illusions. And how do we know that we're not being illusionary at the moment?

Phillip [01:06:01]:
You have to have, like, people like Eldar, our elder is right. You have to have elderism. You have to have people in your life that are going to be honest. Right. And what you see is a lot of people, we won't name specific names, but, like, there's a lot of people that maybe are in certain groups, right, that are maybe thinking that they're on that path, and then they get called out on who they are and they don't like it, then they have to go maybe somewhere else.

Mike [01:06:21]:
If you were to use the name.

Eldar [01:06:22]:
Holy shit. All gloves are off, man.

Mike [01:06:25]:
Yeah, I'm not even doing. He got the, he got the fucking bazooka out today.

Eldar [01:06:29]:
What does that tell you? So these are what that tells you guys is if you tap into the truth, it's the same shit.

Phillip [01:06:36]:
So the point is, can you, are you ready to handle it? Like, are you ready to, like, put your ego to the side? Just, can you get made fun of, like, for who you are and, like, can you handle it? Or do you not get a handle? So, to your question, like, if you have this personality that you created. Yeah, if you. I think it's a really scary place, which I can say. I can definitely.

Mike [01:06:54]:
No, I think, right.

Phillip [01:06:55]:
That if you don't know yourself and you don't know that if you're not yourself in a situation. Yeah. So I would say to your question, right, if. If you're in a place where you have to question, hey, am I being myself? Am I being honest?

Eldar [01:07:10]:
Yes.

Phillip [01:07:11]:
I think. I think the labels on these people are probably, like, sociopath or narcissistic people, where. Where, where overall, they don't know how to empathize with other people because they don't know that they're not being genuine or they're not being themselves. They honestly don't know who they are. That's a scary place to be psychologically.

Anatoliy [01:07:32]:
With Mike there. Like, I don't think that, like, it's just a matter of, like. Like, I don't think it's just states of, like, sorry, I don't. Don't think that it's. It's just states of being who you are, whatever, and not being fear of judgment. I think that, like. Like, that honest moment. And that thing is, I think that it's like a.

Anatoliy [01:07:54]:
Like a accumulation of a ton of, like. Like, self development work that happens and, like, discovery, and then it's, like, after that, the embodiment of. Of that and, like, the. Yeah, yeah. Application of. Of that. I think that, like. Like, there.

Anatoliy [01:08:16]:
There's just a particular feeling. I think that, like, you get when you. When, like, you can actually feel that somebody is being, like, genuine and sincere and honest and, like, the way they talk about something. Some. Something like, you know that, like, they're about it. Like, okay, but, like, that they're like that. So I don't think that, like.

Eldar [01:08:42]:
Like, who you are.

Anatoliy [01:08:43]:
Like, who you are right now, for example, what you. Like. What you don't like. Like, different. Like, what you show to the world, what you don't show to the world, I think that that will continue to change until you find who you are. And I think that when you find who you are, that's. When that. Like, that.

Anatoliy [01:09:03]:
That kind of, like, moment happens. Yeah.

Phillip [01:09:06]:
And that's what I was saying. Until you find that you can't have that moment.

Katherine [01:09:10]:
I agree. Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:09:11]:
Yeah.

Katherine [01:09:13]:
The walls and be vulnerable.

Phillip [01:09:14]:
Right.

Katherine [01:09:14]:
Then they're not ready, because for that stuff to happen. Right?

Phillip [01:09:17]:
Yeah. If you create this personality. Right. So to me, ego is like, was your personality, right? So, like, that's the thing that you go around. Like, that's the character that you play, right? So if you're in a situation where somebody's challenging you or they're confronting you about a certain thing and you're not willing to, like, have acceptance or push that thing to the side, which is your ego, and just accept, you know, the thing that. That's protecting you or who you are. I don't think that you can have those moments. So, to me, if you have, like, a really thick ego and you're not willing to push it to the side, you're gonna have very, like, little to no connection moments of, like, real, pure, genuine, like, connection.

Phillip [01:09:55]:
So I can say that, like, in relationships where I've been, like, very stubborn and, like, just, like, not wanting to be open and vulnerable. Yeah, maybe combination of not the right person, but ultimately it's back on me saying, like, was I willing to, like, push my ego to the side and, like, just be fully open to that person? And I would say no. And I have, like, very little to no true, genuine connection moments in relationships. Like, maybe a couple is, like, the.

Katherine [01:10:20]:
Complete opposite of honesty and vulnerability, but that's more of a cover up.

Phillip [01:10:24]:
And I relate. I relate that to personality. So I think personality, ego, they're all in the same thing now. They can be good and positive, and they can be maybe certain things of what people like, I think like a comedian or an actor. Like, they have certain egos and personalities that people like. But, like, the people that really love them in their day to day life, like their husband or wife, like, are they loving that thing that's on screen or, like, that they're. That we're watching? Like, I don't think so. So I think that person that you're talking about is putting all those things to the side and saying, like, this is who I am.

Phillip [01:10:52]:
Like, are we connecting on this? Like, who's doing that? And I guess I don't think a lot of people are doing that, at least out in public, like, at bars, when you're going on dates. Like, I don't. I don't see this happen that often. I don't hear a lot of stories like that, and I haven't even done it personally that often.

Eldar [01:11:07]:
So are you looking forward to it?

Phillip [01:11:09]:
I mean. Yeah, I mean, doing it from time to time after we had the last conversation, went in the candy shop and did it. Yeah. Like a total nut. And I liked it, and the result didn't matter, but realized that I just really, actually like being myself. It was very comfortable.

Eldar [01:11:23]:
That's right.

Phillip [01:11:24]:
So it's fun.

Eldar [01:11:24]:
Yeah, that's right.

Katherine [01:11:25]:
And now imagine someone enjoying being themselves, your company, all the time. It's amazing.

Eldar [01:11:34]:
Exactly. Yeah, exactly.

Phillip [01:11:35]:
Home run.

Eldar [01:11:35]:
And that's where you rest all the time.

Phillip [01:11:37]:
Mmm.

Eldar [01:11:37]:
You understand? So that's the but that's the bubble.

Phillip [01:11:39]:
That's the bubble that you actually want to go home.

Katherine [01:11:42]:
Not, you know, not go wander around.

Phillip [01:11:45]:
Right where most guys, like, I'm gonna go play golf for like, 5 hours. I gotta get away from the wife, blah, blah, blah. All these traditional old relationships that you. That you hear the two people don't.

Eldar [01:11:54]:
Really understand each other.

Phillip [01:11:55]:
Exactly. But look at, like, to totally, like, all these people, like our parents, maybe grandparents, examples of, like, people who are just in these relationships for so long and, like, societal norm is just like, yeah, get married, have a kid, and, like, just, you can have the house and do all this. But, like, are people really getting to know who they are and then the person that they're with, like, they're probably strangers in the sense.

Anatoliy [01:12:14]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:12:15]:
You know, like, they don't know or.

Katherine [01:12:16]:
They stay in unhappy situations, which is like. Like, yeah, life was short, you know, like, to live a life where you're.

Eldar [01:12:24]:
Well, no, they stay, like, totally said they are unhappy situations, but they're comfortable. So the people at least stay in something that is comfortable, even if you get verbally or physically abusive.

Phillip [01:12:33]:
But that's where the zero growth happens, though, that level of comfort. There's zero growth happening on either side.

Eldar [01:12:38]:
Well, no, there is. I mean, you keep it. If you keep hitting your heading against the same wall, it's a choice one day.

Phillip [01:12:43]:
So it's like reverse osmosis. Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:12:46]:
Yeah. Also, I think that, like, if you're doing things that you, like, enjoy and you're more, like, happy. I do agree that, like, life feels very short, but I think that, like, the people, like, like, like what we're describing here, I think for these people, life is extremely long.

Eldar [01:13:06]:
Oh, you know?

Katherine [01:13:06]:
Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:13:07]:
And the day and the weekend can't come any sooner, you know?

Eldar [01:13:10]:
Yeah.

Katherine [01:13:11]:
So, yeah. Getting back to aim to be yourself. Aim to be honest and well.

Eldar [01:13:15]:
And remember, we are not part three now.

Katherine [01:13:18]:
Trust.

Eldar [01:13:19]:
Remember, we're on part three now. Having the ability to then communicate this dream right to somebody, your potential, your other half. That is key.

Anatoliy [01:13:31]:
Yeah. Does anybody. I mean, I'm sure everyone here has had those feelings of, like, wow, like, this feels like it's taking forever or this feels like it's going so fast. Right?

Eldar [01:13:40]:
Yeah, but.

Anatoliy [01:13:41]:
But everything. Everyone agrees that, like, mathematically, time is just at the same pace.

Mike [01:13:46]:
Right.

Anatoliy [01:13:47]:
There's done things. You think, like, whoa, like 7 hours just pass.

Katherine [01:13:51]:
Well, think about it.

Eldar [01:13:52]:
You know, you're really enjoying yourself.

Katherine [01:13:55]:
We've been together for 14 and a half years, and I can't believe it. Every time I think about, I'm like, oh, my gosh.

Eldar [01:14:02]:
But I told her, I'll do 30 like this easy.

Phillip [01:14:05]:
You know?

Katherine [01:14:05]:
Like, technically, it's a long time, but, like, it's like this because, you know, it's the best time of my life.

Phillip [01:14:11]:
So I think if we ever watch a movie as a group at this podcast, we should do clips of interstellar with.

Eldar [01:14:17]:
I don't like that movie at the talk of time.

Phillip [01:14:19]:
We're talking about time.

Eldar [01:14:20]:
Oh, James will have to talk about time when James comes back. Yeah.

Phillip [01:14:23]:
Yeah. We're talking about time right now. And love and all this. Yeah. Like, yeah. It just made me. Made me think.

Eldar [01:14:28]:
You keep promoting other things than it's possible.

Phillip [01:14:30]:
I'm so sorry.

Eldar [01:14:31]:
That's okay.

Katherine [01:14:32]:
We're gonna have.

Eldar [01:14:33]:
We're gonna have a talk outside of it.

Mike [01:14:35]:
Okay.

Eldar [01:14:35]:
Outside of this. Turn this off. We're gonna have a talk. Some doctor this.

Anatoliy [01:14:40]:
And definitely, like, remove his cut from, like, anything.

Eldar [01:14:43]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Phillip [01:14:44]:
No, I think it was the bread got you right. And I probably had, like, three high. Choose another candy that we don't make.

Eldar [01:14:54]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:14:55]:
So. Damn. We did try the sherbet flavor today and totally agree.

Eldar [01:15:03]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:15:03]:
And we got totally. To, like, tofu and braised cabbage.

Eldar [01:15:07]:
Yeah, Tony, we got. You know what I mean? We got you. Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:15:10]:
I think that we. Like, if Tony listen to this, I think that, like, the problem that he may have thought that he's trying to solve, you may hopefully realize that there's.

Eldar [01:15:19]:
Something that's your theory always about this kind of stuff, that people come in here thinking that they have one thing to say.

Anatoliy [01:15:24]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:15:24]:
They come out of it, like, holy shit. It's completely different.

Anatoliy [01:15:27]:
He's running.

Eldar [01:15:28]:
Tony's running. Yeah. He's running a mug.

Anatoliy [01:15:32]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:15:33]:
And he doesn't even know it.

Anatoliy [01:15:43]:
I actually penny on the radio, what is the.

Mike [01:15:48]:
What.

Anatoliy [01:15:49]:
What is the only animal that could, uh. Or, like, one of the only animals in the world that can, like, uh, walk, swim and fly?

Phillip [01:16:00]:
Oh, we can't play a duck.

Anatoliy [01:16:02]:
Yeah, a duck.

Katherine [01:16:03]:
Walk, swimming, fly.

Eldar [01:16:05]:
Yeah.

Katherine [01:16:05]:
Oh, cool.

Eldar [01:16:08]:
Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:16:08]:
Like. Like, they have all those abilities, and they can that. Like, they can kind of, like, survive on, like, all different kinds of terrain.

Phillip [01:16:14]:
And, like, is it flamingo?

Eldar [01:16:15]:
Count Flamingo? Yeah, yeah, a little bit. They do fly. Really?

Katherine [01:16:24]:
Not much, I don't think.

Eldar [01:16:25]:
But they do a lot of stationery, but they do.

Anatoliy [01:16:31]:
Like, you know.

Eldar [01:16:32]:
Oh, they fucking take off.

Anatoliy [01:16:33]:
They're not gonna take off and fly. Like.

Katherine [01:16:36]:
Yes, they do.

Phillip [01:16:37]:
Wrong.

Eldar [01:16:38]:
Telling you, brother.

Anatoliy [01:16:38]:
Like, a little bit like this.

Eldar [01:16:41]:
No, bro. No, they fly. No, no, but wait, we don't talk about turkey. Turkey.

Anatoliy [01:16:49]:
Little bit.

Eldar [01:16:49]:
We're sure. Yeah.

Mike [01:16:53]:
He might have been a duck in. Look at him, bro, the way he flopped.

Eldar [01:16:56]:
Yeah. Do the dinosaur arms again.

Mike [01:17:02]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:17:03]:
Yo, our first podcast in new space.

Mike [01:17:06]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:17:07]:
Oh, wow.

Phillip [01:17:07]:
Wow. Yeah, this feels, guys. Been here for so long.

Eldar [01:17:10]:
Yo, yo, I got that deja vu thing I told you about sitting here doing this and listening to this whole thing. I got the deja vu, yeah.

Mike [01:17:17]:
Sick.

Eldar [01:17:17]:
Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty sick. The setup was fucking sick.

Mike [01:17:21]:
And I don't know if you remember one of the funniest things he said.

Eldar [01:17:23]:
Hmm.

Mike [01:17:24]:
Yesterday. Do you remember what he said?

Eldar [01:17:27]:
Well, he said like, oh, I think you guys have to go. No, that kind.

Mike [01:17:30]:
That was funny. But. But afterwards already he's like, he's like, I feel like I got everything. Just a little piece. A little. Just a tiny bit is off.

Anatoliy [01:17:38]:
You remember that?

Mike [01:17:40]:
No, he said, I got everything is good. Just this little bit he has to work on and you know, like, you always think that the. It's a small piece, but it's the biggest piece.

Eldar [01:17:50]:
That's the biggest piece.

Anatoliy [01:17:51]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:17:51]:
Why is that perception always like that?

Anatoliy [01:17:53]:
I definitely think we fucked his to.

Phillip [01:17:55]:
Make yourself feel better about yourself. He's a people pleaser.

Eldar [01:17:58]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:18:00]:
Because we're trying to feel like we have control. Which one?

Eldar [01:18:04]:
Yeah, that too.

Mike [01:18:05]:
It's important for us to feel like we're in control for, for what?

Anatoliy [01:18:08]:
What was the question?

Eldar [01:18:09]:
Why don't we deceive ourselves to think that, like, we have everything under control. Right. But really we really don't comfort.

Anatoliy [01:18:16]:
I just think that we're very.

Eldar [01:18:18]:
And voice it and voice it to us. Right. To the public.

Mike [01:18:21]:
Bolivia.

Eldar [01:18:22]:
Bolivian.

Anatoliy [01:18:23]:
Yeah, I think we're just very, like very oblivious.

Eldar [01:18:26]:
Oblivious.

Anatoliy [01:18:27]:
Like, we just don't know.

Eldar [01:18:28]:
See, I don't. Yeah, no, you given it to the ignorance, but I think it's actually deliberate. You know? I think it's more like you trying to trick some, somebody again.

Anatoliy [01:18:37]:
I don't know.

Eldar [01:18:38]:
You try to trick the audience to.

Phillip [01:18:40]:
Be, to be loving this personality that he created.

Eldar [01:18:43]:
Yes.

Phillip [01:18:43]:
Things. So it's easier.

Eldar [01:18:44]:
He's even promoting it like that by lying to himself and to us.

Mike [01:18:47]:
Yeah, well, yeah, you have to sell it to yourself.

Eldar [01:18:49]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:18:49]:
You got to be a phony at some level.

Eldar [01:18:51]:
Yeah. Like 100%. Yeah, probably at the most levels.

Phillip [01:18:54]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:18:55]:
Yeah. Yeah. We would have to ask Tony, like, when do you rest? Yeah, I think he's tired.

Mike [01:19:01]:
Yeah, I think he's Tony.

Phillip [01:19:03]:
Tony, you can just send us gift cards to taco affair. True food kitchen, Houston's. What else is in our top? Oh, the women. We had a new place, didn't we? Just let the audience know.

Katherine [01:19:19]:
Final thoughts.

Eldar [01:19:20]:
All right, guys, final thoughts for Tony. For Tony. Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:19:26]:
Yeah. I mean, I think it's just like a. If he's open to it, I think it's definitely like a longer road and maybe like a more in depth look at it than what he was like, probably.

Eldar [01:19:37]:
Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:19:38]:
Calculating.

Eldar [01:19:40]:
Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:19:41]:
But only if he's open to it.

Eldar [01:19:42]:
Only if he's open to it. Okay, Mike.

Mike [01:19:44]:
Yeah, I'm curious to see what comes of it. Cuz, you know, like, I've spoken to him on many occasions and this is a. We're giving them a lot of information and I think it's a lot to face yourself. If you actually listen to what's being said and you reflect and you face yourself, I think it's serious. So I'm, you know, interested to see.

Eldar [01:20:04]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:20:04]:
You know, what, what he takes from this, you know.

Phillip [01:20:07]:
Oh, I have, I have a name that we can call the podcast Tony Baloney.

Mike [01:20:11]:
What about phony Tony?

Eldar [01:20:13]:
Tony.

Phillip [01:20:14]:
Well, people, the phrase is you're full of baloney.

Eldar [01:20:17]:
Oh, yeah, Tony Baloney. Yeah, yeah. Full baloney.

Phillip [01:20:20]:
But I think of, I think of the thing that I take is that Tony was open with you, right?

Mike [01:20:25]:
Like he's talking, so you might not be anymore.

Phillip [01:20:27]:
I think there is, there is. There is an element that he tapped into that at least talk to this.

Eldar [01:20:32]:
About my good at the shit.

Phillip [01:20:34]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:20:34]:
So you gotta mic me next time when I do these kind of things because I'm telling you, I don't know. I don't know what it is. What do you mean? Exactly what it is? Yeah, I like, I just, I guess I have a thing about.

Eldar [01:20:46]:
You have an agenda. No, you have an agenda. You actually do a missionary work for elderism. You know what I'm saying? You're going out there, you're at Jehovah's elderism.

Anatoliy [01:20:56]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:20:57]:
And.

Eldar [01:20:57]:
Yeah, like when they say, like. Yeah. Steph Curry score 50 points yesterday. So how do you really feel about your life?

Mike [01:21:02]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:21:05]:
He does a complete U turn.

Katherine [01:21:06]:
I like, I like to know how he transitions into like.

Mike [01:21:09]:
I'd like to know too, because it's not a secret form. I don't have like a thing that I know that I do is just kind of.

Eldar [01:21:15]:
No, I know, I know you're just good at it. You just straight to the point, you know what I mean?

Anatoliy [01:21:20]:
Looks, I think that somebody, somebody probably makes a, like a statement and then you probably right away, like, challenge that.

Eldar [01:21:28]:
Yeah. I think your mind is already so in tune into, like, probing probably that anytime they say something along those lines. Because we as people, we tend to complain about something.

Mike [01:21:38]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:21:38]:
And we make certain, like, you know, suggestive things. And you know how to pick those.

Mike [01:21:42]:
Up really well, I definitely. That's for sure. Like, if somebody says something to me.

Eldar [01:21:46]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:21:46]:
And I pick it up with the philosophy topic, I'm gonna.

Eldar [01:21:49]:
Yeah, you're gonna. Yeah.

Mike [01:21:50]:
Yeah. That's for sure.

Eldar [01:21:51]:
So you're good at that. So, so you have courage and to speak like that. And talk like that with, like, you know, which. Which you hook all the time and people interested.

Mike [01:21:59]:
But look.

Phillip [01:22:02]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:22:02]:
Actually made a guy cry. And he's once at the bar.

Eldar [01:22:05]:
Yeah, yeah. How about that? Some old man, right?

Mike [01:22:09]:
He was probably, like, in his fifties. Yeah, I made him cry.

Eldar [01:22:12]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:22:12]:
Like, open weep.

Anatoliy [01:22:14]:
Another man asked for Mike's phone number at the Houston's bar.

Mike [01:22:17]:
Yeah. He's like, that's right. He was going through some stuff. I remember, like, the whole thing. But he was going through a lot of stuff. And I was sitting next to him, and we just started talking. First he started, like, he started showing off that he has money. And obviously, you know, when you say these things to me.

Eldar [01:22:32]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:22:32]:
I'm gonna be like, oh, okay. Does that make you happy? Not like that, but no, like that.

Phillip [01:22:42]:
I think that's exactly.

Anatoliy [01:22:43]:
Yeah, 100%.

Katherine [01:22:44]:
I really know how Mike Segways into that.

Eldar [01:22:47]:
Like, so, yeah, Mikey's good at what.

Mike [01:22:50]:
He'S also something like that. Like, he's talking about the stuff that, like, it's acceptable conversation for Houston's. Like, oh, I got this. I got that. You know, that's the people talk about in Houston's. Because the. It's place fancy. And he will come there to show off, you know, I guess.

Mike [01:23:06]:
And he wanted to have that conversation because he had a couple drinks, you know. And then, you know, we had a long conversation. Bought me dinner. I didn't have sex with him.

Anatoliy [01:23:24]:
Dinner.

Eldar [01:23:24]:
Good.

Anatoliy [01:23:24]:
After Mike's phone number and cried in the.

Eldar [01:23:26]:
And didn't have sex with him.

Phillip [01:23:35]:
Doctor love.

Eldar [01:23:36]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:23:40]:
I give definitely Tony credit for opening up, being vulnerable, even Mike, and just saying like, hey, you know what?

Eldar [01:23:47]:
Fuck that. I'm not giving Tony no credit, bro.

Phillip [01:23:50]:
Okay.

Eldar [01:23:51]:
I think that if you come across Mike, it's all for you. You have to open up. Otherwise, it's like, yeah, I don't know what it is.

Mike [01:23:58]:
I feel like it's maybe I have a thing that people really trust me, because it happens so many times. Yeah. With random people, new people, like, strangers.

Eldar [01:24:06]:
That, like, you introduced me to. I like we already in the conversation.

Anatoliy [01:24:09]:
I think it's because I think there's some element of, like. Like, you look closest to, like, a.

Mike [01:24:14]:
Like a celebrity.

Anatoliy [01:24:18]:
No, like, you definitely look closest to, like, a, like, a ruthless thug. So, like, they. They find, like, comfort. Like, you have tattoos, you know, like. Like, uh.

Eldar [01:24:27]:
Oh, wow, that's interesting. So you say, like, a badass image brings that, like, out of them?

Phillip [01:24:31]:
Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:24:31]:
Like, they feel comfortable in sharing, like. Like, particular things because they're like, this guy's not gonna, like, you know, do anything with it. This is not like the justice police over here, right?

Eldar [01:24:42]:
Yeah.

Anatoliy [01:24:42]:
Let alone Mike's like, money. Like money.

Eldar [01:24:47]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:24:49]:
But I think Mike, if you go look and then, like, he's very patient and he's very, like, soft spoken and, like. Like, if you talk to Mike, I'm bet you this guy got very, very comfortable. Maybe he approached, like, as he thought, like, oh, maybe you thought you look like you like money. You like to talk about those things.

Mike [01:25:03]:
But it just. Yeah, it just that I'm in the place where this is what it's acceptable. Like, you know, this you want to talk about, right? Yeah.

Phillip [01:25:10]:
Wait, so, elder, you. So you're saying that. That Mike's influenced him to do it so consistently. Tony's gonna have a really tough time doing it on his own or, like, is that where you're getting that, like, the heavy influence on it?

Eldar [01:25:22]:
Yeah, the. The core. To get to the bottom of those things, you need a person who's gonna be able to dig hard enough to get there.

Phillip [01:25:30]:
So do you think so Mike has.

Eldar [01:25:32]:
The ability to bring that out of people naturally. Naturally. It's already like a second 2nd nature for him. Right. You don't even think about it. So he doesn't even know it, doesn't think.

Mike [01:25:39]:
Because I'm genuinely curious to understand what the fuck. Why is that person doing what he's doing?

Eldar [01:25:44]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:25:44]:
Why does he think and then he acts that way? Yeah, I wouldn't really understand, you know, because it's also. It's a fun game to challenge people and their belief system. It's very interesting.

Phillip [01:25:54]:
So the question is, does Tony have anybody else like this in his life? Is his partner asking him these questions, or is this, like, is this a.

Eldar [01:26:01]:
I'll take a stab at it.

Mike [01:26:02]:
He gave me a cheesy. He gave me, like, a line like, y'all haven't shared this anybody, but I'm gonna tell you.

Phillip [01:26:08]:
There you go.

Mike [01:26:09]:
Confirmation.

Phillip [01:26:10]:
They have reservation at Houston's on Tuesday.

Katherine [01:26:17]:
I would be really, really scared.

Eldar [01:26:20]:
You're done.

Phillip [01:26:22]:
And I showed him a new place of my new place in the city, too.

Eldar [01:26:29]:
No show on us. Yeah. He's a celebrity now.

Phillip [01:26:31]:
He knows all the spots I'm gonna be tomorrow.

Eldar [01:26:33]:
Yes.

Phillip [01:26:33]:
He knows the new spot, the old spot, and the restaurant that we're going.

Mike [01:26:37]:
Unbelievable.

Phillip [01:26:39]:
Yeah. I was saying that I think that based off the limited knowledge that I know, I haven't met the guy, obviously, but it seems like him trying to find himself. I think he's on a positive path. I think it's the right path. I think obviously has some tough decisions to make, you know, with where he's at now. I think it's easy. I think the conversation or the situation is you definitely need time on your own. But that's my personal opinion.

Phillip [01:27:04]:
But I think, to be honest with Mike, open up. It shows that he has that capacity at some level. So as much of a people pleaser and as deep of a hole, maybe he dug himself with this personality that he has, that's not serving him. I think you can look at this as a glimmer of hope and say, like, even if he can write it down in a journal and be honest with himself, you know, via pen and paper, or if there's somebody else in his life that he has, I would build on that little nugget and then kind of just try to surround yourself around people like Mike or similar to Mike, that you feel comfortable enough to be yourself. And I think that's the path to really start, and then you can.

Eldar [01:27:39]:
Yeah, for sure.

Phillip [01:27:40]:
Get to where you want to be.

Eldar [01:27:41]:
For sure. Thank you, Phil. That was great, baby. Do you have anything for Tony? Um, Tony Baloney.

Katherine [01:27:46]:
I would say that, um, if he's at a stage in his relationship where it's either, what are we doing? Or we're more serious, and he's thinking about this, I think. I think he should listen to that intuition and say, like, okay, if my reaction isn't like, I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with this person, then, you know, like, his intuition is telling him, you know, are we right for each other? Am I? You know, something is not right. And I think that if he continues to, like, search within himself, he's, you know, he'll get to a better place, but he's got to do a lot of work, and is he going to be vulnerable and open enough and honest with himself, you know, in order to dive in so I think he's. I think this is a good place to be for him to start, you know, maybe learning about himself or getting to know himself a bit better.

Mike [01:28:36]:
Yeah.

Katherine [01:28:37]:
You know, and I think that he should definitely use other people's help, you know, if he has people he can trust and open with or if he continues to be.

Mike [01:28:46]:
Yeah.

Katherine [01:28:46]:
Comfortable with Mike.

Mike [01:28:47]:
Yeah.

Katherine [01:28:47]:
I told him is the right person.

Mike [01:28:49]:
I have no problem. If you want, you know, you're thinking about these things, you know, why you keep repeating his behavior, all that stuff I said, you definitely talk to your friends. If you don't have any good friends, you definitely talk to me.

Katherine [01:28:59]:
You know, like, this could be, like, the start of him, like, really stepping into a different level. Yeah. This could be really good for him if he continues to.

Phillip [01:29:11]:
I've. I agree. And I've heard Mike say that he would go to Houston's for lunch and dinner.

Mike [01:29:17]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:29:18]:
No, now I know what's happening.

Mike [01:29:22]:
You couldn't have some red right now. Yeah.

Phillip [01:29:24]:
But how many Tony's do you think that he has lined up right now? Like, how many, how many do you think in the gym or in his life right now? How many. How much content is, like, brewing right now?

Eldar [01:29:33]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:29:33]:
How much potential content.

Mike [01:29:35]:
Yeah.

Phillip [01:29:35]:
Is happening.

Mike [01:29:36]:
No greater purpose than service. What do you say?

Eldar [01:29:39]:
Yes.

Mike [01:29:39]:
That is service to others.

Eldar [01:29:42]:
Yeah, that's correct.

Mike [01:29:43]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Eldar [01:29:44]:
This is the greatest purpose of service.

Phillip [01:29:46]:
That one. Oh, that one always stuck with me, I think. No, t with the gas station.

Eldar [01:29:50]:
Yeah. If you're so smart, why are you pumping gas?

Phillip [01:29:53]:
I'm of service.

Mike [01:29:54]:
Yeah, that's warrior.

Eldar [01:29:56]:
Nothing's greater in life.

Phillip [01:29:57]:
That always stuck with me. Me, that one.

Mike [01:29:59]:
Yeah. It's very important.

Phillip [01:30:01]:
He's portrayed as a total nut a lot. And to see him in, like, that kind of peaceful wisdom state, like, overall, just as an actor and in his personal life, so, yeah, when I saw him, like, instill that kind of wisdom, it, like, it came from a different place, and it hit me, I'm like, you're usually a total nut, but you said something really smart.

Mike [01:30:15]:
Yeah, yeah, that definitely. That's a great movie.

Phillip [01:30:18]:
Yeah. That was excellent, for sure.

Mike [01:30:22]:
Yeah. But it's very true.

Eldar [01:30:23]:
So what do I have? Yeah, no, I agree with everything you guys said. I think definitely if he's on the verge of making a decision to get married or quit or, like, break up, I think he should definitely put some time on his hand right now, if he can, and be patient a little bit with himself and with his decision making. Don't do anything drastic, because either way he goes, I think it can be, you know, not traumatic, but more like stressful.

Mike [01:30:47]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:30:48]:
You know what I mean? So even though maybe he listens to this podcast and feels like there is a direction that he's kind of leaning towards, he should still give himself some time to ponder, to think, to challenge himself, you know, ask others and stuff like that to really dive a little bit deeper into his situation. Hopefully can be vulnerable enough to open up and stuff like that and, you know, and share in order to get the right guidance. But, yeah, put time on the side right now and kind of take. Take your time.

Katherine [01:31:15]:
It's good that you're highlighting time and patience.

Eldar [01:31:18]:
Yeah.

Katherine [01:31:19]:
Because change like this, it takes. It takes time.

Phillip [01:31:22]:
It does take time overnight.

Eldar [01:31:23]:
Yeah. And we well know this. This type of change definitely takes time. I'm saying that if he was on this decision about proposing or breaking up, like, on the verge, like, I'm talking about that specific decision making, you should definitely hold off on. Yeah. Choosing one or the other just yet.

Katherine [01:31:41]:
And for the record, does not solve your problems.

Eldar [01:31:44]:
Well, that's for sure.

Mike [01:31:45]:
Good.

Eldar [01:31:46]:
For sure. Unless you're port. No. And you can quit smoking after you get married.

Mike [01:31:49]:
Yes.

Phillip [01:31:53]:
Penny sells problems, though.

Eldar [01:31:55]:
Yeah. So. All right, guys, thank you. Good job, man. First podcast here. Holy shit. This is very nice.

Anatoliy [01:32:00]:
What are you eating, Penny?

Eldar [01:32:02]:
Ambience here is sick, yo.