Eldar [00:00:00]:
On this week's episode, you actually are.
Mike [00:00:02]:
Showing that you're not able to kind of, like, lead. Lead? Yeah. Subconsciously, the person smells the weakness.
Eldar [00:00:08]:
Okay. And if these people are gonna start coming your way.
Mike [00:00:11]:
Right.
Eldar [00:00:11]:
And you obviously are open to them coming your way because your doors are open now. Right.
Mike [00:00:15]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:00:15]:
How do you identify that individual that actually fucks with that energy and accepts it? Who understands it?
Katherine [00:00:21]:
I grew up Catholic, and I never, like, grew up with a concept of reincarnation, but when I felt, like, now that I, like, you know, just thinking about things and, like, I remember that feeling of falling in love and always going back to, like, he feels so familiar. I feel like I've known him like I've known him for. For a lot longer than I did. I sometimes, like, you know, that idea of reincarnation that you. You know, like, you're reborn. There's something to that, you know, because of this. Yeah. The way it ties in it.
Eldar [00:00:48]:
How can that feeling, that type of feeling be so strong and inside of you that you can't deny that? Like, wait, this person is familiar. This is not a stranger. This works. You test it. Like, hey, am I really acting? Am I being myself with my family, with my sisters and brothers, with my friends, with my colleagues, with my employers? Employees? Am I being actually myself, or am I hiding behind some kind of facade? Should a prerequisite before dating be that you can be completely independent? Happy? Happy, independently happy, independently?
Mike [00:01:37]:
If I think. Yeah, if you want the relationship to be successful, I think it's. Yeah, you have to have that, I think.
Eldar [00:01:43]:
Do you think it's a prerequisite for it to be a healthy relationship?
Mike [00:01:46]:
Yeah. Yeah, I think it is prerequisite. I'm not sure how it can be without it.
Eldar [00:01:50]:
Like. Like a person. People should not date at all, let alone pursue others. Right. Because what happens is, I think you become extremely reliant on someone else for something that you try to accomplish for yourself.
Mike [00:02:06]:
Well, I think the misconception maybe is that in love, that. That person that is, you're supposed to find or use it, like, the person you're with, there's supposed to somehow save.
Eldar [00:02:15]:
You, make you happy, and we can.
Mike [00:02:17]:
Make you happy, but also save.
Eldar [00:02:18]:
Save you.
Mike [00:02:19]:
I think that's, like, a thing. Like, I think the love has this. I don't know. Like, people think it's built in. That part of love is saving somebody, you know, and you come in with your own problems. You hear a lot of people say, well, you gotta accept me the way I am.
Eldar [00:02:34]:
Right.
Mike [00:02:35]:
And certain things.
Eldar [00:02:35]:
Mm hmm.
Mike [00:02:36]:
So I think people come in with the thing that, like, yo, I have my problems, but, like, I'm not gonna. I'm not sure I'm gonna work on them or.
Eldar [00:02:45]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:02:45]:
You know, how about that?
Eldar [00:02:48]:
How about this? And. Yeah. To revise this question, then it sounds like, okay, cool. You definitely can have both people be dependent on one another kind of thing. Right. Is becoming dependent. Dependent love.
Mike [00:02:58]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:02:58]:
Right. And in the relate. I'm not to say that in a relationship, it's. You can't depend on one another. You definitely should. You will. Right. There's going to be ups and downs.
Eldar [00:03:07]:
However, in order to start a healthy relationship, I would say probably at least one person. At least one person has to be on a mindset where they're independently good on their own, regardless of the relationship of the other person.
Mike [00:03:23]:
Yeah, I think so. I think at least one person. I mean, ideally both, but I think it's hard even to find one.
Eldar [00:03:29]:
Well, that's what.
Mike [00:03:29]:
That's what I want.
Eldar [00:03:30]:
But at least one has to be the grounding factor in a relationship.
Mike [00:03:36]:
Somebody have to have a good base.
Eldar [00:03:38]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:03:39]:
Like a base of their. Their solves and kind of like what they standing on.
Eldar [00:03:44]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:03:44]:
A good ground, you know? Yeah, I do think at least one. Yep. But, uh, you have to be very strong and very on point to, I guess probably the worst thing you could do is reinforce bad behaviors.
Eldar [00:03:58]:
Right.
Mike [00:03:59]:
Like, we're watching the show.
Eldar [00:04:00]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:04:01]:
And the guy, he's a nice guy, but that girl, she's nuts. But because he's nice, he's kind of promoting and reinforcing bad behaviors.
Eldar [00:04:10]:
Yeah. Because.
Mike [00:04:11]:
Yeah. By allowing her to have these, like, outbursts and he's not checking her.
Eldar [00:04:14]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:04:15]:
And if he is trying to check, he's checking in the wrong way.
Eldar [00:04:17]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:04:17]:
You know, he's.
Eldar [00:04:18]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:04:18]:
So he's saying, I constantly saying, I love you. I love you.
Eldar [00:04:21]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:04:21]:
We're gonna get through this. This is normal.
Eldar [00:04:23]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:04:23]:
Kind of relationship stuff.
Eldar [00:04:24]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:04:25]:
But that's not what she needs to be told.
Eldar [00:04:27]:
That's right.
Mike [00:04:28]:
You know?
Eldar [00:04:29]:
That's right.
Mike [00:04:29]:
She needs to be told something else, depending on the situation.
Eldar [00:04:33]:
But she needs to be educated, and the type of education that is probably required is not the type of, like, thing that he's currently saying. I love you. I love you. It's actually probably a level of reprimanding, a level of challenging and pushing back on some of the beliefs that she has as to why she behaves like that in the first place.
Mike [00:04:52]:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think. I think we're you know, there's a lot of things that happen, like subconsciously or psychologically, and when you reinforce bad behavior, the person maybe doesn't know it, you know, but you actually are showing that you're not able to kind of like.
Eldar [00:05:18]:
Lead.
Mike [00:05:19]:
Lead? Yeah. Subconsciously, the person smells the weakness. Yeah.
Eldar [00:05:23]:
See, that's very interesting. Yeah, I think that's very interesting. You said that. Mm hmm. Yeah. Because even though you might be coding it with words like I love you, I support you, but what you're really saying is that I. I don't know what the hell to do. So I'm just gonna use these generic words.
Mike [00:05:38]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:05:39]:
To make you feel a certain type of way. But I'm not gonna reassure you, really reassure you with any type of. I guess, like you said, concrete shit, concrete stuff that's gonna be able to really shift you and you're understanding your consciousness. So what you're doing is actually you're reinforcing that bad behavior and showing the other person subconsciously that you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
Mike [00:06:00]:
Yeah. Yeah. Again, because you all. You heard all the depth of your understanding of what love is or love is supposed to be is just like, oh, yes. Stuff fucked up. I love you. Everything's gonna be okay. I got you.
Mike [00:06:13]:
I'ma hold you down.
Eldar [00:06:14]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:06:14]:
What does that mean? Like, besides those words?
Eldar [00:06:17]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:06:17]:
You know, like, it means that's nothing. Give me. What are you, what are you, what you saying?
Eldar [00:06:22]:
What are you gonna do to help.
Mike [00:06:24]:
To solve my problems, you know? And how can I rely on you? I guess in this weakness that I have to help to guide me instead of just telling me I love you, like, everything's gonna be alright. I think that's a big problem. People learn to use words but not understand what they mean at all. At all.
Eldar [00:06:40]:
Yeah, at all.
Mike [00:06:42]:
Because they sound nice. Yeah, they sound. On movies, when you say those words, the guys and the girls always get together and then they glove.
Eldar [00:06:50]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:06:51]:
This is people under that impression like that. Okay. That's what I gotta say. And everything will be okay. Yeah, I guess life's not a movie, you know?
Eldar [00:06:59]:
Life's not a movie.
Mike [00:07:00]:
Yeah, for some.
Eldar [00:07:01]:
No. And what happens though, too, like you said, subconsciously you're making actually a mistake in the problem. You might. You might salvage that moment, right?
Mike [00:07:11]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:07:11]:
In that moment, you might have the other person be receptive to your words. Like, okay, they love me, they support me. Like I gotta, like, I, like, I gotta chill out. You know what? I'm. I can't be. Keep throwing these fits. You know, you apologize and you kind of make up just for the moment, but the actual problem has not actually been solved.
Mike [00:07:26]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:07:27]:
Right. So sooner or later is gonna come out again, and that same remedy that you used to do, those words are not gonna mean the same way slowly more and more and more and more over time. Right. What's gonna happen is the other person who, you know, who's no longer getting filled by those words, like you said, I love you or whatever.
Mike [00:07:48]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:07:48]:
They're gonna say, that's bullshit, you don't love me. And what are you gonna say then? Beg. Beg to. What can you do to try to reassure them and try to convince them that you do love them.
Mike [00:08:01]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:08:02]:
What happens then?
Mike [00:08:03]:
Nah, it's not gonna last. Person's not gonna stick around. You're not competent. If one person is not competent, their own problems, solving their own problems, and you're with another person who's maybe initially sounded, it looks like they're competent, they love you.
Eldar [00:08:18]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:08:19]:
Or, you know, or you have initially that love, you know.
Eldar [00:08:21]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:08:22]:
Which I'm not even sure if it's love or whatever we want to call it. I have to probably think about that, that initial kind of excitement, getting to know each other. If you can't figure it out and that person's clearly showing, they can't figure out, like, you're gonna just fall into your own kind of, like, you know, depression or, you know, frustration. I'm not sure. And then what? Everything's gonna just kind of fall apart, probably.
Eldar [00:08:49]:
Yeah. So that's this transition and now into what is. What is this makeup, right. Of this individual who has to be the ground, who has to be at least the only person that knows what they're talking about. Right. Sort of like what we're talking about your situation, right. Where you're trying to build up to a point where you're no longer the simp. Right.
Eldar [00:09:08]:
And now you're going to be the person who's going to be able to have something behind you, something strong, that's something that's real, something that's going to be able to, you know, both of you going to be able to lean back on. Right. And depend on. All right, so what does that make up of that person?
Mike [00:09:26]:
Hmm.
Eldar [00:09:27]:
That's. When does it go where from? Like, okay, I think I want this. I'm not sure right to that. Like, I want this. I know I'm ready. And it's inevitable for you to come your way, because you can't lose and. And can you lose in the relationship even if you have another individual who's a little bit broken. Right.
Eldar [00:09:49]:
With bad behaviors or bad, you know, habits and stuff like that? Can this person actually fold, the one that's actually strong and able to, you know, I guess, shed the light on some of the ignorant things.
Mike [00:10:02]:
Mm hmm. That's a good question. I guess we can start with the makeup, and then we can see if it's possible for that person to fall. But, yeah, yeah, we'll probably have to do some, like, use some generic things. Like, you know, you have to, you know, use the generic things and then kind of, like, break down what that actually means. But you have to be good on your own. Right.
Eldar [00:10:27]:
Well, there you go.
Mike [00:10:27]:
You have to be good on your own. But what does that mean? Right.
Eldar [00:10:30]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:10:30]:
That means, probably that you're happy and you're.
Eldar [00:10:34]:
You're not resorting on things like people pleasing. Right. You no longer need to please other people in order to harvest some kind of energy, some kind of happiness for yourself that you are a good person. Right. So you don't go around saying namaste, you know, to everybody.
Mike [00:10:53]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:10:53]:
Blessings.
Mike [00:10:54]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:10:54]:
You know, may peace be upon you, you know, and all this other stuff. Right. And I'm not saying that those things are bad. I'm just saying that a lot of people are using those things in excess without really doing it for the right reasons. They're doing it for. Oh, I understand what a good person would say. So I'll say those things to look like I'm a good person because I see myself as a good person. But really, inside, you have no idea what you're talking about.
Eldar [00:11:18]:
You're just throwing words around.
Mike [00:11:20]:
I think so, yeah. I think we're talking earlier in the week, and I was, you know, telling you about this show, and I think that a lot of people, they're in love with the concept of actually, like, love. Right. They're, like, infatuated with it because it sounds so beautiful.
Eldar [00:11:33]:
Right.
Mike [00:11:33]:
And what we've seen, what we've heard.
Eldar [00:11:35]:
About it.
Mike [00:11:37]:
And we're kind of, a lot of people are just content, I guess, for a short term to live that, like, I don't know, that Hollywood love, if you want to call it lack of a better word.
Eldar [00:11:45]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:11:45]:
This fictional love that only exists in movies or it doesn't exist in real life.
Eldar [00:11:49]:
Social media and social media.
Mike [00:11:50]:
Yeah. The perfect wedding. Yeah. So people are kind of more stuck on that love, on that, like, Hollywood love versus actually understanding what love, the genuine, true love is. You know, and I think that's like a big problem because the Hollywood love, all you have to do is just say a bunch of things that sound nice. Like you said, namaste, or, you know, blessings be upon you. Or like all this romantic, cute shit. But yeah, you have no idea what they mean, but you've kind of tricked your own self into believing that they do mean something.
Eldar [00:12:25]:
Okay, so would you say that. How about this? Would you say that those people that don't know what stuff means, they actually feel the words or the other feelings behind those words meaning? Right, I appreciate you. Right. Like it almost, like at least when I hear it right, I almost hear it so much now from people.
Mike [00:12:46]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:12:46]:
That it's like I'm not sure what they're appreciating.
Mike [00:12:49]:
Yeah. When like, there's somebody that says this to me too. Yeah, not all you have was to. I have one guy that says to me often, every time I see him, I'm like, okay, cuz I don't understand what the fuck that means. Yeah, and also I don't understand like how do I deserve to be appreciated.
Eldar [00:13:05]:
Yeah, and you don't even know each other.
Mike [00:13:07]:
I don't know each other, yeah, yeah. You know, but it's a nice thing to say, you know? Yeah, but I guess, like, what I'm.
Eldar [00:13:15]:
Saying is that, like, there's no, I'm not sure if the feelings are being carried over onto the words real feel.
Mike [00:13:20]:
But that person, you think that person feels that they appreciate you?
Eldar [00:13:24]:
Not sure. You know what I mean? At the end of the day, I would say guns in my head.
Mike [00:13:27]:
No, I would say the same. Yeah. I think it just sounds like a nice thing to say.
Eldar [00:13:31]:
Yeah, yeah.
Mike [00:13:32]:
I think saying something like that, it shows that you're grateful, but showing that you're grateful does not actually mean that you're grateful. Yeah, and I think, you know, again, it's all that same stuff.
Eldar [00:13:43]:
Are you feeling grateful in that moment? Right. Because I'm not sure if everybody can just pull out these feelings all the time at any given point. No, you know what I mean? Unless they can. And then it's. Then it becomes like, okay, like is that something that, that's what people, these people are tuning into now where they're just like overly grateful and overly appreciative of everyone and everything, say, even possible?
Mike [00:14:05]:
Not genuinely, no, I don't think so. I'm not sure if like a genuine action or genuine feelings need to be like said like that point blank. I think more so they displayed in the action and I guess energy that the people carry.
Eldar [00:14:17]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:14:17]:
If you're speaking to somebody and they say to you something like that and you don't feel, like, the energy, you have no idea what's happening. I'm not sure if it's real. Like, you know, if it's a real thing. I think it's. Yeah.
Eldar [00:14:29]:
Just. Why would somebody do that? Why would somebody use these types of things in order to, you know, communicate this way if it's not real?
Mike [00:14:39]:
If it's not real?
Eldar [00:14:40]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:14:41]:
One of the things that comes to mind is that genuinely people want to think of themselves as good people and behave like good people. That kind of helps them to not face the face, the fact that they might not be.
Eldar [00:14:53]:
So then you're saying they're hiding. They're playing hiding.
Mike [00:14:55]:
I think a lot of you are hiding. Yeah.
Eldar [00:14:58]:
So it's a way. It's a technique to actually hide that which is deeply inside of you.
Mike [00:15:04]:
Yeah, yeah. I think it is a technique, but I'm not sure.
Eldar [00:15:07]:
Well, you keep. You don't want to address the elephant in the room.
Mike [00:15:10]:
No.
Eldar [00:15:11]:
Right. You. So you go and you kind of distract yourself by saying that you appreciate, you love everyone. Yeah. It's great, right.
Mike [00:15:17]:
Well, yeah, it's. You, like, trick yourself to check a box that you're a good person, you know, without actually checking the things that fundamentally that make you maybe not such a good person.
Eldar [00:15:30]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:15:30]:
You know.
Eldar [00:15:31]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:15:32]:
It's a very, you know.
Eldar [00:15:34]:
Okay, so one thing that we talked about then is not being able to use the words or attach feelings towards the words. Right. But rather do them because we need to people please and somehow recharge ourselves or see or bounce ourselves against others to make ourselves believe that we're good people.
Mike [00:15:54]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:15:55]:
So that's number one.
Mike [00:15:56]:
Right.
Eldar [00:15:56]:
Like, so then that's ultimately. Then it's one of those things where. Okay, if you want to be in a relationship, the prerequisite. Right. Is to be able to be good on your own.
Mike [00:16:07]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:16:07]:
And to be good on your own. Right. Is to not go around people pleasing, being able to be yourself. Right. Be comfortable in your own skin of who you are. Right. The floor, the person that you do, you know, that you might be, you know, and stand tall on that.
Mike [00:16:24]:
Yeah. Yeah. I think that's big. Being yourself, being. Yeah. And not being somebody that you're not. And being content with yourself. Yeah.
Mike [00:16:34]:
And who you are and. And your flaws. I think it's. That's big. That's hard.
Eldar [00:16:38]:
Okay, well, so then if you've accomplished that, let's just say, right, like, you finally found. Found out who you are. I don't know. You came out of the closet, you know, for the lack of expression. Right. To your friends and to your family. And, like, now you stand tall on your truth. Right.
Mike [00:16:53]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:16:54]:
And I'm not talking about, like, coming out of closet.
Mike [00:16:55]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:16:56]:
But you know what I'm saying.
Mike [00:16:58]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:17:00]:
Why would you want to then pursue or get yourself into a situation where potentially you can hurt what you already have with yourself.
Mike [00:17:09]:
By you going. By falling in love or going to dating?
Eldar [00:17:12]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:17:13]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:17:14]:
Like, why would you put yourself under.
Mike [00:17:15]:
The gun for the greater good?
Eldar [00:17:17]:
Something bigger.
Mike [00:17:18]:
Yeah. You know, I think. I think love is an essential part of life, and everybody gravitates toward it one way or another because a lot of times. Yeah. Kind of going back, like, all the people that are behaving in such a way. Right. Hiding. I think everything that we're doing is looking for love from ourselves and from others.
Mike [00:17:44]:
Right. So everything that we're doing.
Eldar [00:17:46]:
Right.
Mike [00:17:46]:
We're not doing it just for ourselves, but I guess we're doing it out of love, which could be love for ourselves and love for another person. I think it's a fundamental thing. I don't know. I don't want to say, like, it's fundamental or as important as, like, breathing, but I would say it's probably essential for life.
Eldar [00:18:05]:
Like, wow, that is very interesting.
Mike [00:18:07]:
Yeah, that's my. That's my thought, you know, because, like, I've been in. I don't know what I consider love at the time.
Eldar [00:18:13]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:18:15]:
And it was like, you know, wasn't better than breathing. It was better than breathing. Yeah. But it was. It wasn't, like, the love that I envision for myself now, but, yeah. For the moment, the capacity I did have for love.
Eldar [00:18:30]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:18:31]:
That. Those feelings that I experienced, they were incomparable to anything else. The highs and the lows were as well, probably even, you know, the lowest of the lows and the highest of the highs. But I think that. I think that's part of the reason why people are here on earth. And I think what, you know, what we're born for, I guess, is to love. And I think, yeah.
Eldar [00:18:57]:
So it's worth it. You're saying go under the gun to potentially get hurt.
Mike [00:19:01]:
I think it's a magnetic thing that we cannot. Like, I think it's just a law.
Eldar [00:19:06]:
Wow.
Mike [00:19:06]:
I think it's part of, like. Yeah. As essential as breathing, I think, you know, probably reading is before love.
Eldar [00:19:13]:
I. Are you biased because you felt certain feelings of love, there's plenty of people that say, like, love doesn't exist. That's for simping and for Simpson shit. And like, that does. That's not real. It's all about the paper.
Mike [00:19:27]:
Well, they love the paper.
Eldar [00:19:28]:
So I guess there is some love to that.
Mike [00:19:31]:
That's, that's, but that's, I think, their own excuse because they ultimately, well, what.
Eldar [00:19:37]:
If they're just worthy for that? They're worthy of that they're only worthy of, you know, paper chasing, for example.
Mike [00:19:42]:
If they're only worthy of it.
Eldar [00:19:43]:
Yeah. You know, so then that's, that's there.
Mike [00:19:45]:
Then it's not for them, you know? But then what did Sunny say? The greatest wasted talent.
Eldar [00:19:52]:
Wow.
Mike [00:19:53]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:19:53]:
Yeah. The worst thing in life is a waste of talent.
Mike [00:19:57]:
Is a waste of talent. Yeah.
Eldar [00:19:58]:
You're saying that we innately have this talent to be gravitating toward love. To love. To be loved. Right. To experience it. Right. Because it's the greatest good.
Mike [00:20:07]:
Well, it's the greatest thing. Think about.
Eldar [00:20:10]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:20:10]:
Like if you, we start going into depth more of what love is, we'll start quickly realizing that it's the best of the best of the values, the virtues, all those great things that people talk about it in it, within itself, carries the best qualities.
Eldar [00:20:23]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:20:23]:
You know?
Eldar [00:20:24]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:20:25]:
So I do think that the way you said, yeah, I believe that.
Eldar [00:20:29]:
Well, you said that. That's. I agree.
Mike [00:20:31]:
I said that. Yeah. But what you were saying about the magnet. Magnet. Magnetic kind of thing.
Eldar [00:20:35]:
Yeah. That's interesting. So the prerequisite to love that is to be able to be, to be able to be in a healthy relationship or to get somewhere in a relationship is to first be good on your own. Uh huh.
Mike [00:20:46]:
That's the prerequisite.
Eldar [00:20:47]:
What happens if two people are good on their own and they get together with those two people?
Mike [00:20:52]:
What happens? Can it work if they go down and they get together?
Eldar [00:20:55]:
Yeah. Like, yeah. Like, if there is. No, I'm not saying there's not no growth or no, no tension and stuff like that. I mean, we obviously can always grow.
Mike [00:21:07]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:21:08]:
But generally speaking, people can be good on their own and like, they don't really need each other for one another.
Mike [00:21:16]:
But I think that's, I think that might be an illusion.
Eldar [00:21:19]:
Oh, wow.
Mike [00:21:20]:
You know, I don't think you can actually be, you can be good on your own for certain time.
Eldar [00:21:25]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:21:26]:
But I guess, yeah. It's just a part of life, you know? Again, my belief system. My beliefs are that it's a part of life that we have to, I don't know if we have to, but I think we maybe have to. But it's a part of life that has to be experienced. I think it's like part of the pre predetermined kind of thing, you know? Yeah. Because growth never ends. You never, like, good on your own. You might be today good on your own based on the circumstances in your life.
Eldar [00:21:56]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:21:57]:
And the things that are happening. And then tomorrow, new factor goes in and now you're not good. Right.
Eldar [00:22:02]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:22:03]:
Like nobody. I think what you're saying would be two it lying people meet, you know.
Eldar [00:22:08]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:22:08]:
That have no more growth. They have reached the highest level potential of a human. Yeah. How would their love look, you know? Yeah, but who's like that. Who's like, already accomplished everything.
Eldar [00:22:17]:
Right? About that. You answered it properly. Yeah. I think there's no way you can meet in such a way. You're like, okay, I don't need you. I don't need you, like kind of like buy thing.
Mike [00:22:27]:
No.
Eldar [00:22:27]:
You know what I mean? Because if love is the greatest, greatest thing, greatest feeling or greatest state that you can achieve.
Mike [00:22:37]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:22:38]:
Right. I'm not sure if you can achieve it on your own. You know what I mean? I think it's a unity thing you can achieve with another person.
Mike [00:22:46]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:22:46]:
Right. But that requires some tugging and pulling.
Mike [00:22:54]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:22:54]:
So, okay, so prerequisite is to be able to be good on your own.
Mike [00:22:57]:
Yes.
Eldar [00:22:58]:
But you can't be all the way good on your own. Right. Because ultimately, you can never reach a state on your own. You cannot even reach together.
Mike [00:23:06]:
You cannot reach the same level of heights, I guess, on it as individual as you can with another person. Like, I guess, you know, because you cannot create life on your own. Well, maybe nowadays you can in the.
Eldar [00:23:19]:
Computer lab, but you said in the metaverse.
Mike [00:23:24]:
Yeah, but I think that that's the greatest kind of combination. I don't know. Culmination of love is when you two people come together and they create life.
Eldar [00:23:33]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:23:34]:
That's why I think it's, again, predetermined. Kind of pre programmed in us to magnetize towards love. Because continuing life is, you know, and having kids, I guess that's. That's the next step. What was the question?
Eldar [00:23:47]:
Well, the question was, what are some of the prerequisites, right. That you need to be required in order for you not to get into a situation that's not going to lead to ultimately falling in love. Right.
Mike [00:23:58]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:23:59]:
And one of the. One of them, you said, is you have to be able to be good on your own. Yeah. Not be a people pleaser. Right. Because you know who you are if you're not people pleasing. Right. If you're not doing these funky, weird things that we just discussed recently.
Mike [00:24:16]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:24:17]:
Earlier, then you are. You know who you are.
Mike [00:24:21]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:24:22]:
And you're okay with rejection. Right. You okay with not being understood. Yep. Right. Because you're living in your own lane.
Mike [00:24:30]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Eldar [00:24:32]:
Okay, so there you go. All right. So now let's transition to this lane that we're talking about.
Katherine [00:24:37]:
Mm hmm.
Eldar [00:24:38]:
What does this lane has to look like in order for it to be attractive enough for somebody else to want to go into your lane?
Mike [00:24:44]:
I guess if you use love. Right. I guess one word is described. What we're talking about now is self love.
Eldar [00:24:54]:
Right.
Mike [00:24:55]:
Being yourself, not, you know, staying in your own lane, I think, is self love.
Eldar [00:24:59]:
Mm hmm. And when you act, if you like Elaine.
Mike [00:25:02]:
If you like your lane. Yeah.
Eldar [00:25:04]:
If your lane is good.
Mike [00:25:05]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:25:05]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:25:06]:
If you. If you will have self love. Right. You know, what is that? And what does that mean? And again, I, you know, not. Not to, like, keep using, like, kind of magic kind of things, but if you are. If you have self love and you out in the world, I think people will see it in a subconscious way. People are gonna see the energy that you carry because it's such a. Such a rare thing.
Mike [00:25:33]:
I agree with people to operate on that. You know, most people are walking around wearing masks, you know, being who they're not.
Eldar [00:25:41]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:25:41]:
And then you see a person who's just kind of, like, doing their own thing.
Eldar [00:25:44]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:25:44]:
Enjoying their lives. Happy, smiling. Right. But it's genuine. You can feel. It's like. It's not a show. It's not.
Eldar [00:25:49]:
Okay, so you just said a very important, important thing here. That lane that you're talking about, which you're in. Right. The person that's observing this lane and your yourself in it has to see you as happy, like you said.
Mike [00:26:03]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:26:03]:
You have to be happy.
Mike [00:26:04]:
Yes.
Eldar [00:26:05]:
You have to be buzzing.
Mike [00:26:06]:
You have to be buzzing. Yeah.
Eldar [00:26:08]:
Okay, so that's number two.
Mike [00:26:09]:
Well, yeah. If you're living a. Yeah. If you're living a great, happy life.
Eldar [00:26:13]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:26:14]:
How could you. How could it not show like you. You have. I think you just naturally, it just. People will see it. Not looking to see it, but you'll see it because it's. Yeah. I don't know.
Mike [00:26:25]:
It's just. You have an abundance of happiness.
Eldar [00:26:27]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:26:28]:
Because you so happy with your life, everything is great, you know? Okay. Yeah.
Eldar [00:26:34]:
Okay, that's another one. Okay. You have to be happy.
Mike [00:26:37]:
Right.
Eldar [00:26:37]:
Number one, you have to be able to stand tall on your own and be self sufficient, kind of right in your own lane. But it has to be happy. This doesn't mean that you're kind of getting by. Right. And just monotone. Right. You actually have to be bosn.
Mike [00:26:53]:
Yes.
Eldar [00:26:54]:
Otherwise, the people that are observing you or seeing you. Right. What are they attracted?
Mike [00:26:58]:
Well, they're attracted to that which they want.
Eldar [00:27:00]:
That's what I'm saying.
Mike [00:27:01]:
Because they're. Wait, I want that.
Eldar [00:27:03]:
That's right.
Mike [00:27:04]:
I also want to be just like that. Happy. How is this guy doing it?
Eldar [00:27:06]:
That's right.
Mike [00:27:06]:
Or this girl doing? They want to understand it because.
Eldar [00:27:10]:
That's right.
Mike [00:27:10]:
It's.
Eldar [00:27:11]:
Yeah, I know my shit. I like my shit. Yeah. And nobody can tell me.
Mike [00:27:16]:
Yeah. How do you accomplish that?
Eldar [00:27:18]:
Well, yeah. That you don't go to the next step. No, we're just trying to identify some of the things that. Yeah. You know, that's next level. Right. But that's. Again, you have to go back into, like you said, self love so far.
Eldar [00:27:31]:
You have to go find out what that is and do more of it. Do more of it. Do more of it. So then you filled with this buzzing energy.
Mike [00:27:41]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:27:41]:
That you're happy. Right. You're doing it right for yourself, you know? And then you go and you illum. You illuminate or ready.
Mike [00:27:51]:
Radiate. You ready?
Eldar [00:27:53]:
Right. That energy into the world. Right. And you become like this magnet. Yeah. And people naturally want to gravitate towards you.
Mike [00:28:02]:
Yes.
Eldar [00:28:03]:
They're like, wait, that guy right there, there's something special about him. I want that. Like you said.
Mike [00:28:08]:
Yes.
Eldar [00:28:08]:
How is he doing it?
Mike [00:28:09]:
Yes.
Eldar [00:28:10]:
Right.
Mike [00:28:11]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:28:12]:
Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay.
Mike [00:28:17]:
Another thing that I've been thinking about.
Eldar [00:28:18]:
Okay, sorry.
Mike [00:28:19]:
Go ahead.
Eldar [00:28:20]:
Now, I was gonna ask next question about. Okay. And if these people gonna start coming your way.
Mike [00:28:24]:
Right.
Eldar [00:28:24]:
And you obviously are open to them coming your way because your doors are open now. Right? Yeah. How do you identify that individual that actually fucks with that energy and accepts it or understands it?
Mike [00:28:37]:
Oh, yeah, that's a good. That's. That's a good question. How do you. How do you, I guess, identify the person that understands you so then you.
Eldar [00:28:46]:
Can zoom in on him. Right?
Mike [00:28:47]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:28:47]:
Right on that person. So you can finally say, okay, I'm putting my eggs in this basket.
Mike [00:28:53]:
Yes.
Eldar [00:28:54]:
All my eggs in this basket.
Mike [00:28:56]:
Yeah. That's a good question.
Eldar [00:29:01]:
Because you can get tricked.
Mike [00:29:02]:
You could.
Eldar [00:29:03]:
You can. Not only can I think you can trick yourself, but somebody else can trick you.
Mike [00:29:06]:
Oh, yeah. Both definitely.
Eldar [00:29:08]:
Right.
Mike [00:29:08]:
Both are definitely possible.
Eldar [00:29:10]:
You might jump earlier than you should.
Mike [00:29:11]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:29:12]:
They might jump earlier than they think they should.
Mike [00:29:15]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:29:15]:
You know.
Mike [00:29:18]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:29:19]:
Because, again, nice words. Right. Nice words are easy to come by.
Mike [00:29:22]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:29:25]:
Real feelings behind those words are hard. What we just discussed earlier.
Mike [00:29:30]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:29:30]:
I appreciate you.
Mike [00:29:31]:
Yes.
Eldar [00:29:32]:
Namaste.
Mike [00:29:32]:
Yeah. How do you identify that the person that is, it may be feeling your energy and they want to get to know you more.
Eldar [00:29:41]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:29:42]:
How do you know if they understand you? Yeah, that's a good question.
Eldar [00:29:46]:
Well, they have to show a certain level of enthusiasm. That's for sure. Right.
Mike [00:29:50]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:29:50]:
They want to definitely be around you. Right. Number one.
Mike [00:29:53]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:29:53]:
Right. They're clearly showing you. Like, yo. Like, yo, I'm buzzing. I want to see this person.
Mike [00:29:59]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:29:59]:
They light up every time you walk into the room. Right.
Mike [00:30:02]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:30:02]:
They're happy to see you. You make their day.
Mike [00:30:05]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:30:07]:
And they want to hear from you. They want to hear what you have to say and how you say it.
Mike [00:30:13]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:30:13]:
And it has to be prolonged period of time.
Mike [00:30:19]:
It does.
Eldar [00:30:20]:
Because not everybody has a stamina. Not everybody is gonna be able to keep up, so.
Mike [00:30:25]:
Yeah. Yeah. That's a good question. Because you may come across somebody who cannot sustain, like, a relationship, you know, because they have a lot of own stuff going on that they might not be ready to unpack. So they hide with you in this love bubble for a month or two or three. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, they can't handle it.
Eldar [00:30:51]:
Yeah. And. But, but then at that point, you already probably committed.
Mike [00:30:56]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:30:56]:
Right. To. To being with them. So what is your play then? How are you gonna now turn around and kind of sustain that. Right. And what is your game plan?
Mike [00:31:12]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:31:14]:
Like you said, it might, you know, they might pull out. And I think that's part of it, too, though. I think that's part of love as well, where two individuals might jump into it together. Right. And somebody might jump out at any given point. And you might. And somebody needs to guide them. Let's be in the rock for them.
Eldar [00:31:30]:
Right.
Mike [00:31:31]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:31:31]:
To get back into. Into what they're feeling and what's really important for them. Right. Because if you tune in into. If that first person who isn't in their lane, understands themselves, has self love, is tuned in into love now. Right. They have an understanding that, look, the most important thing is love, and let's get back to it. So they constantly use that as a reminder for the other individual who comes in and out of love to remind them as to say, like, look, you know, what's the most important thing, figuring out where we're gonna live, for example, like this apartment shit or.
Eldar [00:32:03]:
Or whatever it is.
Mike [00:32:04]:
Right.
Eldar [00:32:05]:
Jobs and stuff like that. All the different external factors.
Mike [00:32:08]:
Yes.
Eldar [00:32:08]:
That might come your way. Right. And mess this up.
Mike [00:32:11]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:32:12]:
Somebody has to serve as a reminder. So, again, going back to the person who's the rock of the relationship, who's grounded and understands more, has to then, you know, tune the other person in.
Mike [00:32:24]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:32:25]:
But through challenging.
Mike [00:32:26]:
Of course. Yeah. It's. I think part of it is. Part of it is definitely challenging them, but keeping that same energy. And the person who's the rock has to be the driver, especially in the beginning, you know?
Eldar [00:32:46]:
How about this? I got another one. Sorry to cut you off. The person that's the rock. Right. Also has to have the ability to let go.
Mike [00:32:56]:
Oh, yeah. That's 100%.
Eldar [00:32:58]:
Because, again, what we're talking about is the same thing. Right. The prerequisite is to be good on your own.
Mike [00:33:02]:
Yes.
Eldar [00:33:02]:
So that person who's gonna come into these challenges cannot. Right. Cannot. No. When this person goes and falls into love.
Mike [00:33:13]:
Right.
Eldar [00:33:14]:
They cannot let go of what. The core basis of themselves. Correct. Because if they do, they become dependent of the new feeling that they discovered, which is love. Right. And then they could potentially fold completely everything.
Mike [00:33:28]:
Yes.
Eldar [00:33:29]:
About themselves. We're talking about the prerequisites for love, for be. For falling in love, being in love, upkeeping love, and living up to some of the love standards. So a couple of things that we've identified so far are, number one, the person that wants to fall in love. Right. Has to be, to a certain level, self sufficient, self reliable. Be a rock on their own. At least one person has to be good in the relationship.
Eldar [00:34:00]:
No. Yeah. Both people cannot be the suckers. Energy suckers. Right. Yeah. So at least one person in the relationship has to know the way. Yeah.
Eldar [00:34:11]:
So, number one, Mike, correct me if I got these, all these.
Mike [00:34:14]:
Right?
Eldar [00:34:15]:
Number one, you have to be before you, you know, kind of journey this. This relationship situation where I go dating even. Right. You cannot be a people pleaser. You have to be able to stand on your own truth. Right. Stand tall and understand who you are. If you're a people's pleaser.
Eldar [00:34:32]:
Right. You constantly gonna look for validation and validate, try to validate yourself through the other person. And that is a no no.
Katherine [00:34:40]:
Absolutely. You have to know who you are. You have to know who you are. And that's easier said than done, you know?
Eldar [00:34:48]:
You agree with us.
Katherine [00:34:48]:
I thought I knew who I was.
Mike [00:34:49]:
Yeah.
Katherine [00:34:50]:
For the last 14 years, and just. Well, no. Twelve years in the last two, I'm starting to, like, now that I'm doing, you know, like I have some self awareness and looking at myself, I'm like, I have. I have no idea who I am because I was a people pleaser.
Eldar [00:35:03]:
Yeah.
Katherine [00:35:05]:
I'm lucky that I found you.
Eldar [00:35:09]:
Yeah. But you see at least one person.
Katherine [00:35:11]:
I mean, I was. I was able to find something so amazing while I was lost. You know, I can only imagine what someone.
Eldar [00:35:19]:
But Mike has a theory on that.
Katherine [00:35:20]:
They are completely.
Eldar [00:35:21]:
Mike has a theory on that. That every single, and this is for everybody, obviously. This is where we give you something. You know, despite the fact that you probably simply now listening to this, you have. You have something built in you as a human being. Not you. I'm talking about the world, right? Built in, in you. This pool, this magnet to love and be loved.
Eldar [00:35:47]:
Like, we have that inside. And Mike. And maybe expand a little bit quickly, a little bit more on that, what you said.
Mike [00:35:52]:
Yeah, that.
Eldar [00:35:53]:
There's no way around that.
Mike [00:35:56]:
Yeah, I was saying that, like falling. Like love, experiencing love, whether, you know, it's built into us, it's like.
Eldar [00:36:07]:
I would say air. Breathing air.
Mike [00:36:09]:
Yeah. It's almost as necessary as air. I think we predet, like pre programmed to fall in love as much as we're programmed to breathe. It's essential to our life.
Katherine [00:36:20]:
Don't have, I guess maybe healthy love at home. Like, don't receive it from like, who are the first caregivers? Your parents, your family or whatever. When people don't receive it there, they start looking, searching in other places. And a lot of times people who have maybe, you know, like that imbalance at home start seeking it in the opposite sex or, you know, same sex, whatever. But, you know, in a partner. You know, I didn't say anything like, anyway, but you know what I mean? Like, you know, they start seeking because that's how much, like we are like built for not just social connection, but, you know, love and one needing to be loved.
Eldar [00:36:55]:
And that's all that journey.
Katherine [00:36:57]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:36:58]:
To see everybody's ultimately whatever they're hiding behind. They're only looking for one thing, whether it's the money or the gym or the health or the nice fancy stuff. Yes. It's twisted the way they understand it, but they only seeking one thing.
Eldar [00:37:14]:
Wow.
Katherine [00:37:15]:
Well, I think one of those things, they're also seeking self love.
Eldar [00:37:18]:
Well, yeah, well, yeah, you jump in the garden.
Mike [00:37:21]:
You jump in the second page.
Eldar [00:37:23]:
Yes, you are. Yeah. So, yeah, so we're seeking it right so we want something. Right. But unfortunately, like you said, we have it backwards. Right. We first, we just want something from the world, really not realizing that we need to first empower ourselves, get into our own lane. Right.
Eldar [00:37:40]:
Understand who we are. Right. And only then start dating. You'll have better shots this way.
Katherine [00:37:47]:
I think that if you're still carrying some baggage or you still dealing with your own issues or, you know, just things, you're just gonna end up just having from one person to.
Eldar [00:37:57]:
Yes.
Katherine [00:37:58]:
And now.
Eldar [00:37:58]:
Yes. So that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That person that you're describing right now, if they're dating, you're leaving it to chance. Finding something good. You're leaving it up to chance. Right.
Katherine [00:38:10]:
Yeah. And I feel like the options are slim.
Eldar [00:38:13]:
Yeah. You know, like, I was just very good at finding you.
Katherine [00:38:16]:
You were.
Eldar [00:38:17]:
You understand?
Katherine [00:38:18]:
Yeah. You knew.
Eldar [00:38:19]:
I knew. I felt it. I knew it right away. It was very deep inside.
Katherine [00:38:23]:
You were the driver because you said you knew the first day that you met me.
Eldar [00:38:26]:
First day. Mike, you remember this? I said it right away. I was like, she understands. And that's all I needed. She was. It was deep inside of her. I needed it to break those walls, like I said. And I'm.
Eldar [00:38:37]:
And I did, and I'm still doing it. Right. But it was there. I knew how to tap into that.
Mike [00:38:42]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Eldar [00:38:44]:
So, you know, and I'm not saying that Catherine left it to chance, but she was. At that moment, she was leaving.
Mike [00:38:51]:
There's a huge disconnect between consciously and subconsciously.
Eldar [00:38:54]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:38:54]:
I think a lot of the times, the things that are happening psychologically, cat gravitated towards you.
Eldar [00:39:00]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:39:00]:
Only because you were, you know, packing.
Eldar [00:39:02]:
Yo, you see this right now? You know what I mean? I'm shaking and flexing my body.
Mike [00:39:06]:
Not only because of that, but, yeah. Ultimately, the reason we seek love, the underlying things. Right. Cat maybe subconsciously felt.
Eldar [00:39:17]:
Mmm.
Mike [00:39:18]:
That you were able to provide that, what you needed from life. Like, she didn't maybe comprehend or have the conversation with herself, but somehow, on a certain level, again, maybe that is very.
Eldar [00:39:30]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:39:31]:
So level. She understood that you were exactly what she's not looking for, but she's actually looking for.
Eldar [00:39:37]:
That's what she needs.
Mike [00:39:38]:
Yes. Well, she's not looking for activity.
Eldar [00:39:40]:
Yes, yes. But that's exactly. That's why. That's why we. The way we felt where we felt. Right. We're like, yo, this is so familiar.
Mike [00:39:47]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:39:47]:
This feels so right.
Katherine [00:39:48]:
You almost feel like you've known that person for a lot longer than you have. Right?
Eldar [00:39:52]:
Yeah. It was like, wait, like, because, like, finally we're back.
Mike [00:39:55]:
Because it's. Yeah, because it's, like. Again, it's pre programmed.
Eldar [00:39:59]:
Yeah.
Katherine [00:40:00]:
You know, I, like, I grew up Catholic, and I never, like, grew up with the concept of reincarnation, but when I felt, like now that I, like, you know, just thinking about things and, like, I remember that feeling of falling in love and always going back to, like, he feels so familiar. I feel like I've known him. I like, I've known him for. For a lot longer than I did. I sometimes, like, you know, that idea of reincarnation, you. You know, like, you're reborn. There's something to that, you know, because of this. Yeah.
Katherine [00:40:29]:
The way it ties in, it's.
Eldar [00:40:30]:
How can that feeling, that type of feeling be so strong and inside of you that you can't deny that? Like, wait, this person is familiar. This is not a stranger? Yes, this works.
Katherine [00:40:42]:
People work on flex. Like, we have so many layers, and you just met someone, and through. Through very small conversation, you're able to feel something like, you know this person. That's why, like, you don't know them.
Mike [00:40:54]:
It's crazy, because this is the right way to live. I like the only way to live.
Katherine [00:40:59]:
It's.
Eldar [00:41:00]:
Well, come on, like, crazy high. That's not the only way to live. You know that, bro. Look at the world, bro. Yeah, I know, but you're not tick talking. But there's millions of people that are tick talking right now.
Mike [00:41:09]:
I know, but it's social media. We're made, designed for is to live like that.
Eldar [00:41:16]:
Well, no. Okay, that's a different conversation.
Mike [00:41:19]:
So that's why I say it's only way to live. Yeah, it's the right way.
Eldar [00:41:22]:
It's the right way.
Mike [00:41:23]:
Yeah, that's why.
Eldar [00:41:24]:
But that's. Yeah, but that's your biases.
Mike [00:41:26]:
Yeah.
Katherine [00:41:28]:
We also think everyone, everyone's lifetime is meant to find, like, a crazy question.
Mike [00:41:33]:
That's a crazy question.
Katherine [00:41:34]:
That's what I'm thinking about right now. Is it meant for everyone?
Eldar [00:41:37]:
Or, like, you saying that some people are in the process of development now.
Katherine [00:41:41]:
If we go back to. I know reincarnation has nothing to do with this topic, but, like, if it did go like that, like, are you gonna meet a great love in each lifetime, or is it like a.
Eldar [00:41:50]:
You know, sometimes you have to. Yeah. You know, several lifetimes, right?
Mike [00:41:55]:
Yeah.
Katherine [00:41:56]:
I don't think we always get it right, you know?
Mike [00:41:59]:
Yeah, no, definitely not for everybody in this lifetime.
Eldar [00:42:03]:
Yeah. Mister Todd.
Katherine [00:42:06]:
Teddy's are very, very cute. Golden colored labradoodle.
Mike [00:42:12]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:42:13]:
That's you. Yeah. So there you go. So that's what we're talking about. We're talking about all this makeup that makes up an individual that's going to be able to go out there and attract something that's real and then potentially grow it into love that feels the way it felt for you and me.
Katherine [00:42:30]:
You know what? I just realized that, like, this topic is so complex, so rich, and yet everyone, you know, think about it. Movies, shows, reality tv, this is just. It's bursting out of the seams from everywhere. But it is something that is actually so difficult to actually understand, let alone seek and actually achieve it and be successful in it. I don't even know how to wrap.
Eldar [00:43:02]:
My head around it. You know what? That's why it's important to talk about this. Because you say that. Because even though the way you're saying it, like, I can't help but think that, no, there's actually steps that you can take, very specific ones. We can identify those steps. And if you really about this life that we're talking about falling in love and wanting to love and show us improve it, that you can take those steps and then get there and actually enjoy. I mean, like Mike said, something that's inside of us, innate in us, that is driving us constantly. Right.
Eldar [00:43:33]:
Can't leave us alone. Right. Because we just can't shake it and experience it fully. Really fully, and, you know, and let it be our purpose.
Katherine [00:43:44]:
I commend you guys for breaking that down.
Eldar [00:43:47]:
Well, that's what we're trying to do.
Katherine [00:43:48]:
It's a lot. I feel like that, like, in order for it, like, to get this right, like, you just have to get so many other aspects of your life, right?
Mike [00:43:56]:
Yeah.
Katherine [00:43:56]:
And that's just not, like, no easy task.
Eldar [00:43:58]:
Here's what we know.
Katherine [00:43:59]:
It's like, I want to go fall in love, but, like, now I have to do, like, a through z, you know?
Eldar [00:44:04]:
And this is where we left off. Just right before you came, we found out that you need to be able to be, to some degree, self sufficient. That means you know how to be happy on your own. Number two, you have to know your lane. Be in your lane publicly. Right. And that lane that you're in, you're so happy about yourself that you're buzzing, that the people around you feel that radiance and they gravitate towards you. Right, Mike?
Mike [00:44:30]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:44:31]:
Yeah. So that lane, you have to be able to be in that lane, right. Almost like tunnel vision that you know what you want out of life and who you are. And you're so happy and you're radiant with the same energy, right? You're ready with this energy that the people around you, gravity towards you. And you want that, right? And we left off on how to find. With the question of how do you find out when those people do come your way and they are interested to find out about what is that you're experiencing, that you choose the right one?
Katherine [00:45:05]:
Can you repeat that question?
Eldar [00:45:06]:
Okay, so imagine a person who's not in a relationship, okay? They know themselves. They're not a people's pleaser. They know who they are, right? So they don't have to go and put up a fake front or a fake face in order to get some kind of energy from other people. They know how to harvest their own energy, right? They go around and they just enjoying life, enjoying people, enjoying nature, enjoying everything around them, right. Their surroundings. And people feel that. They genuinely feel that and they gravitate towards that. They want to be their friend.
Eldar [00:45:37]:
They want to be somehow in their circle, right. They want to know how they doing it, what are they doing, and potentially want to be in a relationship with them, right. With this person. Because they're going to keep gravitating towards you. Right. Because they want something from you. Now, the question is, how does this person choose that right person? What are some attributes that this person should be looking at or the other person has to display. Right.
Eldar [00:46:04]:
Or prove out? Because I can only talk to experience or what I felt from you.
Katherine [00:46:11]:
But also, don't you think that's so personal? Every single person is probably gonna gravitate to something different?
Eldar [00:46:17]:
No, I'm not really sure.
Katherine [00:46:18]:
I also think that my belief, I could be wrong, but my belief is that there's always, like, a yin and a yang in a relationship.
Eldar [00:46:26]:
Yeah.
Katherine [00:46:27]:
You know, like, we're similar, but we're also very, very different. I think, like, you compliment me, that's right. Where I lack and, like. That's.
Eldar [00:46:33]:
Right.
Katherine [00:46:33]:
Vice versa. Right. So that's. That is extremely specific. You know, like, well, it's not. Who's going to compliment you has, you know, it's gonna be very specific.
Eldar [00:46:46]:
That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I agree with you. Yes. They have to be very specific. But the, but the equation becomes a lot more clear if. If we know who we're working with, with that individual. For example, in this case, it's Mike. Right.
Eldar [00:46:57]:
Who's looking for someone who's trying to get in that lane, understand himself, be happy with themselves on his own, radiate that energy out into the world. So he almost. We could almost probably, if we really tried, we can deduce as to who we're looking for almost to pinpoint as to, like, what kind of attributes, you know, and all this other stuff, characteristics, habits and stuff like that. We can do it. If we really, really, really tried. It's hard, but we can do it.
Katherine [00:47:21]:
It's hard. Yeah.
Eldar [00:47:22]:
However, there are some general things that need to be kind of outlined in my case. For example, my level of confidence. Right. My level of confidence was needed in your level of non confidence.
Katherine [00:47:36]:
Yes. You needed to complement that.
Eldar [00:47:37]:
You see that?
Katherine [00:47:38]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:47:38]:
I compliment that. Because you knew, I said, I came to you and I said, I'm gonna break all those walls. You're like, wait, what? You know what I mean? Your longest ratio was at that time, three months. I said, I'm gonna beat that easy. You know, so my level of confidence, because you're not a confident girl. I felt that that was a piece, the piece of the puzzle that fit in really well.
Katherine [00:47:56]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:47:57]:
Same thing here. What is he developing right now? Or working on confidence. Right. So if there's gonna be an individual who's gonna be attracted towards him on that level, I'm gonna tell you right now, though, they'll lack a level, a level of self confidence compliment.
Katherine [00:48:13]:
I'm telling you, we see in our.
Mike [00:48:15]:
Partners the things that we need.
Eldar [00:48:16]:
Correct.
Katherine [00:48:17]:
Exactly.
Eldar [00:48:17]:
Correct. Correct. Right. What else did you see in me? What else did I see in her? Right. Right. In that moment. In that moment, I knew she was very sensitive. Right.
Eldar [00:48:27]:
She was very scared, but she paid attention and she understood me. She understood my true intentions. Right. She felt them at a core, and she believed me. And that's all I needed. Right. That's all I needed to be understood. I needed to take my lane, my weird lane that it is, right.
Eldar [00:48:44]:
The way I live my life, and I need to present it to somebody who's gonna say, I fucked with that. I'm okay with that. And I can accept that. This is what I needed, and she filled that gap for me.
Mike [00:48:54]:
Well, I guess. Yeah.
Eldar [00:48:55]:
You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
Mike [00:48:56]:
Yeah, I agree.
Katherine [00:48:57]:
That's true.
Mike [00:48:57]:
I think.
Eldar [00:48:58]:
I mean, that was pretty big, babe. That's what I remember at that moment when I said, you understood. That's huge. Maybe what I'm hearing, you accepted the weird. You still do.
Katherine [00:49:08]:
I'm weird, too.
Eldar [00:49:10]:
No, but we're discovering that now. That's different.
Mike [00:49:12]:
You were.
Eldar [00:49:12]:
You were pc back then. Back then, you were just very level. Yeah. You know, and very kind. Of.
Katherine [00:49:19]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:49:20]:
What do you think? Is that what she saw?
Eldar [00:49:24]:
No. Well, she gravitated towards the confidence.
Katherine [00:49:26]:
I know what I saw. You know what I saw.
Eldar [00:49:29]:
This is what she was getting. I was getting something different that she was getting.
Katherine [00:49:33]:
Yeah. Now, remember, like, I'm extracting something completely different from him, then he's extracting.
Eldar [00:49:39]:
So it becomes. I'm trying to get to the equation. Somebody's giving something to me, and somebody's taking something from me. In this case, one example I'm explaining to you, she's giving me understanding and acceptance. Right. And I'm giving her confidence.
Mike [00:49:56]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:49:57]:
This was a clear exchange of the two things. Right. There's a lot more. Obviously, you can identify a lot more, but I'm saying that there is an equation that if we find out, obviously, your characteristics as a man. Right. There's certain things that you have that I don't have, and vice versa. We're different. We can somewhat piece the pieces together.
Mike [00:50:17]:
Yeah, I know what you're saying. I was thinking about something different. Oh, maybe it's at that time. At that time when you were going out there.
Eldar [00:50:27]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:50:27]:
You already made a commitment to yourself that you're gonna live in accordance to the truth.
Eldar [00:50:32]:
Well, definitely had those conversations with myself. Absolutely. That's. This is the type of life that I wanted to live because I bought in.
Katherine [00:50:40]:
You know, it's funny, like, on my end, like, I didn't have that type of self awareness back then, but, like, when I was. When I had it in front of me, I knew, like, I knew it. I'm like, this is it. This is what? Like, my deep. My values, my core, my. My moral, like, not morals, but, like, core values and beliefs. Like, I knew it when I saw it. I was like, this is it.
Katherine [00:51:06]:
You know, I knew it right away.
Eldar [00:51:08]:
Oh, time out. Here we go. I just came to me when she said that, you see, that the reason why she had the ability to see this mic, I think, is because she had a level of respect and good morals.
Mike [00:51:19]:
Yes.
Eldar [00:51:20]:
Agree.
Katherine [00:51:21]:
Yeah, that's one thing. At that time, I feel like I did lack self confidence, self esteem, and, you know, I was very, you know, definitely people pleaser. But I will tell you this. Like, I. One thing that I never, like, I. In my relationships, like, romantically, I never had, like, an issue with respect, with me respecting him or him respect it. Like, I never was in that type of environment. Like, I always held myself very high in that sense.
Katherine [00:51:46]:
Like, I don't think I would have taken, like, you know, disrespect or things like that.
Mike [00:51:51]:
I would have never ability to write.
Eldar [00:51:54]:
To her, her, I guess, feminine side. Right. A woman was able to give me respect naturally. So I felt like a man too. To be able to grow through that. Right. And become even more confident in myself, of who I am and what I wanted to do and continue to what? To guide her in areas where she may be. Lack of self confidence and stuff like that.
Katherine [00:52:19]:
I brought, like, a softness. You always said the softness. Yeah, right.
Eldar [00:52:23]:
She leveled me out. She smoothed out my edges. So, see, like, I'll tell you, if you keep digging this stuff, there's a lot. You quickly find out that the despite, like, despite of the fact that we're so different, everything fit like this. Yeah, perfectly. I like this. She has it. She like this.
Eldar [00:52:41]:
I have it. And it went in like that.
Mike [00:52:43]:
That's why. Yeah, that's why it's.
Eldar [00:52:45]:
It's a give and take.
Mike [00:52:46]:
So crazy.
Katherine [00:52:47]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:52:49]:
I don't know. It's like.
Eldar [00:52:50]:
It's like a.
Mike [00:52:51]:
It almost sounds too perfect.
Eldar [00:52:53]:
Well, I mean, it is. That's what I start realizing those things in conversations with the other person. Right. Those feelings come out on you like. Like it's pouring out of you. You start radiating even more so as you talk about yourself or who you are to the other person. And you're honest. Right? You.
Eldar [00:53:09]:
Genuinely honest. And you're open because why, again, you're self confident and you're not scared to put yourself out there. You're not a punk anymore.
Mike [00:53:16]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:53:16]:
You're not hiding behind any masks. Right. So when you stop pouring this out, the other person was like, I'd like to also say who I am. And they start pouring themselves out as well. And you're like, holy shit, we really like each other, and we really like these things about one another. Even though they're imperfect, they're perfect for one another.
Mike [00:53:34]:
Yeah. You understand? I understand.
Eldar [00:53:36]:
So my bulliness, for example, might be bully or being too confident or maybe sometimes cocky would work with her, but it would not work with somebody else who's maybe on a. On a stronger level.
Mike [00:53:47]:
Yeah, absolutely.
Eldar [00:53:48]:
You understand it will clash. Stronger personalities and stuff like that. But with her fit.
Mike [00:53:53]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:53:53]:
Like, if you're softer, you're not like me, for example. Right. You might have a stronger, for example, personality a little bit. Right. You understand?
Mike [00:54:01]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:54:02]:
So, like, I can picture that, for example, be a little bit more stronger.
Katherine [00:54:05]:
That he could have ended up with a person, with a girl that has his level.
Mike [00:54:10]:
Of course. Yeah. It would be too much beef.
Katherine [00:54:12]:
Yeah, they would.
Mike [00:54:14]:
Yeah, they would have too much, too many clashing of the heads.
Katherine [00:54:17]:
I dated really laid back people before.
Mike [00:54:21]:
Yes.
Eldar [00:54:21]:
She couldn't take it.
Katherine [00:54:22]:
My ex before Eldar was very great guy, very nice, but he was too nice. Like, everything was just like. Like, even down to the places where we would, like, go to dinner.
Eldar [00:54:33]:
She said, she's like, yo, you got.
Katherine [00:54:34]:
A boss up every. No, I did not say that. Like, everything was up to me, and it was just, like, I found it so boring and so, like, it just. It just doesn't work. Like, I want to be challenged. I want to have an opinion. Like, you know, like, wake up. I would feel to myself.
Katherine [00:54:50]:
So that's when I realized nothing wrong with him. It's just I. When I met elder, I was like, yes. Like, I knew it instantly, you know? Because why? Like, now I knew I had had an experience of, like, okay, I dated someone who was a little bit more laid back, like me, and it just doesn't work. I needed somebody stronger, you know? And, you know, I think I'm grateful for him because, like, I didn't know that about myself. I learned something. I learned something new, and that when I met elder, it clicked. It.
Eldar [00:55:21]:
Look, it clicked instantly when she met me. She was like, yo, this loose cannon is mine. This loose cannon is mine. And he's gonna be my problem, and I'm gonna love him to death.
Mike [00:55:32]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:55:33]:
You know what I'm saying? I'm excited. Yeah. I love you, baby. Yeah. You see what I'm saying, Mike?
Mike [00:55:42]:
Yeah, I do see it.
Eldar [00:55:43]:
So there is those things. See, like, that. That individual, based on who they are, if they know themselves, right. It's not that they have to understand and know exactly what they want out of that other person, but if they know themselves, they're able to blossom in such a way where they'll open up to the world, and the world will give you exactly that thing.
Mike [00:56:07]:
Yeah, I agree.
Eldar [00:56:08]:
Not by mere chance.
Mike [00:56:09]:
Not by mere chance.
Katherine [00:56:10]:
You know what I think? Like, after saying what we're saying and then thinking about, like, you know, the checklist or the things that you have to have right in your life at the end of the day, like, all. All of that stuff, of course, will get you closer. But, you know, I was really young when I met you, and I think that I still didn't. There was a lot of things I didn't have right, technically. And ultimately, what did lead me to you and be able to keep you was that our core values were the same. Like, I guess, like, the future that we wanted. Like, that was the same. And then also being able to be vulnerable and open your heart, because that's probably one of the hardest things to do.
Katherine [00:56:52]:
Most people hide from that and run away from it. But if you get those two things right, I think you can work like the rest, out the kinks. But you have to have, like, core fundamental has to. Has to align, and you have to be able to be, like, not be scared and open your heart.
Eldar [00:57:09]:
But how about this? I'm gonna tell you one thing, because.
Katherine [00:57:12]:
Look, that's how it worked out for us.
Eldar [00:57:14]:
In true love, the core always aligns. Yes or no?
Katherine [00:57:19]:
In true love, the core always aligns. Oh, no, no. Well, I mean, it's not gonna. It's not gonna. It's not even gonna happen if they don't. They have to understand. I would say that those are the major prerequisites. Even if you're not, you know, where you want to be or, you know, I think if you have that, then you can work on it.
Katherine [00:57:41]:
Then once you meet the person, then that's when the real tests come in, because now it's like, okay, well, now you have to smooth some things out. You have to maybe compromise here or work on yourself, and if you're not willing to do that, then you will probably lose. Lose that person or lose a relationship or hurt each other, you know?
Eldar [00:57:58]:
Yeah.
Katherine [00:57:59]:
So that's like a separate thing. But, you know, if you don't have those two cores, I think, like, you.
Eldar [00:58:04]:
Know, it's a cores.
Mike [00:58:06]:
Yeah.
Katherine [00:58:07]:
Like, you're fundamental.
Mike [00:58:10]:
When you met her, did you know that you wanted to live a. That kind of life?
Eldar [00:58:15]:
I've said, not when I met her. I've already been saying that to myself prior.
Mike [00:58:18]:
That's why that. That's. I think it's huge.
Eldar [00:58:20]:
So. So what we're talking about now is that person, that. With the lane, that person with the lane also has to have vision. He or she has to also envision the type of life that they want to live.
Mike [00:58:35]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:58:36]:
And then they introduce or propose that life, that vision, or that dream to the end of.
Mike [00:58:43]:
You have to. Yeah. You have to say, like, hey, I want to live in a corner of the truth.
Eldar [00:58:46]:
Correct.
Mike [00:58:46]:
But say it in a way that the person is gonna understand.
Eldar [00:58:49]:
Correct.
Mike [00:58:49]:
In a fucking. You got to speak their language.
Eldar [00:58:51]:
Correct.
Mike [00:58:52]:
That's what's required. Like, hey, I'm Mike. I want to live in accordance the truth. No, you have to say. And I think that's what it is. I guess with everybody, you have to speak. Everybody's.
Eldar [00:59:05]:
No, no. So. So here we go into the next thing, right? Being. And be able to be in the lane, have the focus, right. Then radiate strong enough. Right? Strong enough, buzz? Strong enough.
Mike [00:59:17]:
Yeah.
Eldar [00:59:17]:
For the people to come into your life. Right. They're gonna start like you want that vampires. Right. You know what I mean? You're gonna make finally, this election, right? This election. What did you say? What was the question? I missed it.
Mike [00:59:31]:
What I asked?
Eldar [00:59:32]:
Yeah.
Mike [00:59:33]:
I said, holy fuck, you did say it.
Eldar [00:59:36]:
And I was gonna build on it.
Katherine [00:59:37]:
No, you were building on his thought.
Mike [00:59:39]:
I was saying about that.
Katherine [00:59:41]:
You have to speak.
Mike [00:59:43]:
Speak the language. You have to. You have to say it in a way.
Eldar [00:59:46]:
Oh, yeah, there you go.
Mike [00:59:47]:
Coded away.
Eldar [00:59:48]:
Yeah. So what I'm saying is. Yes. So what I'm saying is that that person, without being that Lane, know who they are, know what they want, but also have the vision. Right. That story. Right. To be able to pass that story on in a cohesive way to the other individual, to be able to understand and fuck with it and want that same thing.
Eldar [01:00:08]:
Yes, that's what I wanted to say.
Mike [01:00:11]:
Yeah. But again, all this stuff, no matter if you like it or not, it happens on a such a sub subconscious or a psych. Like, a level.
Eldar [01:00:21]:
Somebody has to be. Somebody has to be conscious.
Mike [01:00:23]:
No, no.
Eldar [01:00:24]:
Like one of.
Mike [01:00:25]:
If I'm gonna. If I'm gonna. If I'm gonna come to a girl and I'm gonna say these things, like speak the language of saying I want to live in accordance to truth, it's impossible for that person not to be interested, because at the core, we all want to actually live in accordance with the truth.
Eldar [01:00:37]:
Yes.
Mike [01:00:38]:
You know, and subconscious. I think you, in that moment, you spoke to cats, kind of self conscious, and she felt it, maybe, that she wasn't able to connect it to in that moment.
Eldar [01:00:48]:
Because the words and the connections that I use in that moment.
Mike [01:00:50]:
Yes.
Eldar [01:00:51]:
Were real.
Mike [01:00:51]:
Yes.
Eldar [01:00:52]:
I had feelings.
Mike [01:00:53]:
Yes.
Eldar [01:00:53]:
I have the ability to put real feelings behind the words that I say when I do that, the other individual that's paying attention.
Mike [01:01:01]:
Yes.
Eldar [01:01:01]:
Paying attention, listening, will understand. And she had that ability. And this is what I told you. Yeah, that's all I needed, Mike.
Mike [01:01:09]:
Yeah, I know.
Eldar [01:01:11]:
I knew that she understood.
Mike [01:01:13]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:01:14]:
And that's all I needed. I said, this is the one. She didn't even know.
Mike [01:01:17]:
Yeah, she was still sleeping.
Eldar [01:01:19]:
I still had to knock a couple of times on the.
Mike [01:01:20]:
Yeah, I know.
Eldar [01:01:24]:
You know what I'm saying?
Katherine [01:01:25]:
I woke up really fast.
Eldar [01:01:28]:
I woke up really fast.
Katherine [01:01:29]:
By day two, I was like, oh, my God, like what's happening? I thought I was in a movie. The Truman show. It was crazy. It's a very. It really is a roller coaster. Like falling in love. Like, oh, my gosh. It's unbelievable.
Eldar [01:01:46]:
Can you believe you're still there?
Katherine [01:01:48]:
No, I can't.
Eldar [01:01:54]:
Right.
Mike [01:01:55]:
Coming back to those things, we're talking about living according to truth. Right. Those things. You cannot speak about love and not say those things. Right. Love is compassion. Love is acceptance. Love is kind.
Eldar [01:02:07]:
Yes.
Mike [01:02:07]:
Respect. Right.
Eldar [01:02:08]:
Yes.
Mike [01:02:08]:
So if those things make up love and you're giving information and bits about those things.
Eldar [01:02:14]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:02:14]:
How can the person not gravitate towards that?
Eldar [01:02:17]:
Because ultimately you have to set an example.
Mike [01:02:19]:
Well, yeah, yeah.
Eldar [01:02:20]:
And you. You get to start setting example right away.
Mike [01:02:22]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:02:23]:
Because of the way you carry yourself. Right. Persistence. Right. She, for example. She, for example, had doubts. Second date. Because, you know, she was like, oh, shit, like, I'm late to this thing, to this day, and he's persistent enough to stick around, wait for me.
Eldar [01:02:41]:
Right. And still be there.
Mike [01:02:42]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:02:42]:
My persistence already showed.
Mike [01:02:44]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:02:44]:
Right? There's already. You start.
Mike [01:02:46]:
She was testing you, right?
Katherine [01:02:47]:
Yeah, well, no, I was, like, waiting on my friend, and my friend is, like, doing her makeup now, figuring out what to wear, and I'm like, oh, my gosh, he's there. He drove all the way from New Jersey.
Mike [01:02:57]:
Yeah.
Katherine [01:02:58]:
I mean, literally, like an hour or two, like, late, you know, because I was. I was tagging along to my friends thing, you know? So now I'm, like, with them. Also because I didn't know him. I just met him at home still. I'm not. Like, I'm not. I'm not eager to, like, go to this place and meet a stranger.
Eldar [01:03:17]:
No, no. My parents were like, yo, that shit is dead.
Katherine [01:03:20]:
Like, this girl doesn't.
Eldar [01:03:21]:
Like, she's not. She's not showing up. She's showing up, and this is happening, and this is for real.
Katherine [01:03:26]:
And you really. You knew?
Eldar [01:03:28]:
I knew. Of course I knew. Yeah. I gave her an offer she couldn't refuse. At subconscious level.
Mike [01:03:35]:
That's what I'm saying. The subconscious is huge here.
Eldar [01:03:39]:
You understand?
Mike [01:03:39]:
Subconscious, but if you speak the truth.
Eldar [01:03:42]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:03:42]:
It's. It's impossible for. I don't know. I don't want to say everybody, but I. But I don't know if I have to say everybody. I think, because I do think everybody.
Eldar [01:03:50]:
Has the capacity for the question. See, that's my. The question here is then, everybody.
Mike [01:03:56]:
Yeah. Everybody has a soul, and everybody has a subconscious, and everybody can tap into it. They might be far away. To notice it today or tomorrow.
Eldar [01:04:04]:
But, no, I would. That.
Mike [01:04:07]:
I agree, you know, but I think.
Eldar [01:04:08]:
With the moment that me and Katherine had the way it was, she was ready, and I was ready, and that's why we hear, yeah, it'll align.
Mike [01:04:14]:
It aligned.
Eldar [01:04:15]:
You know, I just.
Katherine [01:04:19]:
Didn'T make the conscious. Like, I didn't go out, like, that night when I met you. I didn't, like, already have in my mind, like, this is. This is what is. This is what I want. Like, you know, how. How women nowadays are portrayed to, like, have this checklist almost of, like, of the person that they want to settle down with. He needs to be this, that the other, you know, like, you know, I definitely knew in my mind, I guess, like, you know, what I would want out of a person, but, like, I.
Katherine [01:04:44]:
You know, I didn't have a checklist, and I didn't know that I was ready, really, until, like, it struck me, and I was like, oh, my gosh, you can't. Can't turn back from that. You know? Yeah, but, like, I didn't go out with, like, an agenda. Like, you know, some women do when they're ready, they're actively, like, aggressively dating, trying to find that person. That was definitely not what I was doing.
Eldar [01:05:06]:
Yeah, that's disgusting, bro.
Katherine [01:05:09]:
No, I mean, no, no. No judgment to the women who are out there looking for their partner.
Mike [01:05:13]:
What's behind that aggression? Like, are you not happy with yourself? Therefore, you're out there aggressively dating, making checklists. Right? Like, those things. Like, are those things good?
Katherine [01:05:23]:
I think. I think. I think.
Mike [01:05:25]:
Or you're not happy with yourself, so you're gonna try to find yourself through somebody else, which is never gonna help you. You're never gonna be able to do it.
Katherine [01:05:30]:
You know, I think one thing that shapes that for women a lot is the biological clock as they start getting ready and, like, feeling ready for kids in marriage, and they're like, okay, so I'm here in my life, whether they're ready with it and, like, career wise, they're where they are. Like, they've hit all these other milestones, and then this one is the one that's lacking. And now society puts a huge pressure on that, let alone family, and just, you know, that it's still a huge part of society and feeling like you're successful.
Mike [01:06:03]:
Yeah.
Katherine [01:06:03]:
You know, so there is pressure on that. So then women start, you know, like, okay, you know, like, now this needs to be, like, my focus.
Mike [01:06:10]:
But the thing is. Yeah, the pressure is there, and that's kind of what we the first thing we're saying is, if you have it with yourself, you're not gonna. I'm not sure if you should. You'll be facing that pressure, you know?
Eldar [01:06:20]:
Yes, exactly. Right. At least one person.
Mike [01:06:24]:
Yes.
Eldar [01:06:24]:
At least one person in this shindig that we're talking about. Right. Has to know himself or herself.
Mike [01:06:31]:
Has some. Yeah.
Eldar [01:06:32]:
You know what I'm saying? Yo, I think we're outlined pretty good things, man.
Mike [01:06:37]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:06:39]:
Right. Number one. Number one, if you out there wanting to date and you want to actually, if you're having trouble, right. Number one thing that you're like, I don't know what to do, you know, where should I start? Where should I look? Number one, ask yourself whether or not you are a people pleaser, whether or not you're not self confident, whether or not you cannot be happy on your own. That is probably one of the keys that you're probably in the area where you're just taking a chance and, you know, leaving it up to a random chance in life for somebody else who's stronger than you to come into your life and find you, which is possible, too, you know, you can sit around and stuff like that. Not suggested here for the sake of, you know, if you want to be empowered, if you're listening, if you actually want to do something, take the steps to figure out who you are first, like yourself second, enjoy that part of yourself. Really enrich yourself and charge yourself like a battery. Charge yourself to a point where you're full.
Eldar [01:07:38]:
Now go out there and show your ass into the world where you are enjoying yourself on your own, you're happy, and then allow right connection to come into your life. Right. Naturally kind of thing. Right after the fact that you've worked on yourself and you're happy and now you're buzzing, somebody else is gonna want to be part of that.
Mike [01:07:57]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:07:58]:
All right. And you're gonna be the empowered individual who's gonna be able to lead the situation to a good place.
Mike [01:08:03]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:08:04]:
So know your lane afterwards. Stay in it.
Mike [01:08:07]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:08:08]:
Be proud of it.
Mike [01:08:09]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:08:10]:
And then when something comes your way, something good, you know how to steer the ship, you know, through the knowledge of yourself.
Mike [01:08:16]:
Yeah.
Katherine [01:08:17]:
Micro, you said it perfectly.
Eldar [01:08:22]:
Yeah. Mike, any final thoughts?
Mike [01:08:25]:
No, no, no. Right.
Eldar [01:08:28]:
That's just.
Mike [01:08:28]:
That's a good base. That's a good base.
Eldar [01:08:30]:
That's a good base to start, you know, if you want to fall in love and have something good, a good relationship, good, healthy. But ultimately, we're not just looking for a good, healthy relationship, because we can probably get there. They can be weird. But ultimately, if you're not in love, this is not what we're looking for. We're looking for actual fallen in love, real love, you know, and. And then living in it.
Mike [01:08:53]:
Right.
Eldar [01:08:54]:
For a very long period of time.
Mike [01:08:55]:
Yeah.
Katherine [01:08:57]:
Keeping it. Yeah is a whole.
Eldar [01:08:59]:
Another topic.
Katherine [01:09:00]:
Other topic.
Eldar [01:09:01]:
Oh, yeah.
Katherine [01:09:01]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:09:02]:
Oh, yeah.
Katherine [01:09:02]:
Okay, that'll be the next episode then.
Eldar [01:09:04]:
Yeah. First you got to get the fish. Yeah. Right. And the way you do it, you know, you empower yourself. You know, if you. If you're the person of chance, then, you know, you don't have to keep listening. But if you're person who wants to do something about it, then do this.
Mike [01:09:21]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:09:22]:
Work on yourself. Be proud of yourself, be happy with yourself, and then put yourself out there. Somebody's gonna want that because they're gonna want, like, they're gonna want to know, how do you get there? How'd you get there? Why are you so happy?
Mike [01:09:33]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:09:34]:
Why you're so confident.
Mike [01:09:35]:
Mm hmm.
Eldar [01:09:35]:
Right. Why are you so peaceful?
Mike [01:09:37]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:09:38]:
Why are you so in tune?
Katherine [01:09:39]:
Mm hmm.
Eldar [01:09:40]:
And grounded.
Mike [01:09:41]:
Mm hmm. Yeah.
Eldar [01:09:42]:
Right.
Mike [01:09:43]:
Yeah. That's for sure. That's what. That's those things that want, the things that make up.
Eldar [01:09:49]:
That's right.
Mike [01:09:49]:
That we're seeking.
Eldar [01:09:50]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:09:51]:
You know, to be whole, I guess.
Eldar [01:09:54]:
No, that's just one.
Katherine [01:09:59]:
This. That most people.
Eldar [01:10:01]:
No, no, no. It's. This is really just one. Ask yourself whether or not you're an actor.
Mike [01:10:09]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:10:10]:
No, that's how you. That's how you test it. Like, hey, am I really acting? Am I being myself with my family, with my sisters and brothers, with my friends, with my colleagues, with my employers employees? Am I being actually myself, or am I hiding behind some kind of facade?
Mike [01:10:24]:
Yeah. Right.
Eldar [01:10:25]:
Some kind of weird facade. Right. That is actually hurting my self esteem, my ego, my pride, and all this other stuff. Right. Are you. Are you being your true self? Because your true self is probably a little bit weird, a little bit quirky, a little bit funny, a little bit odd, and that's okay. Are you being that.
Mike [01:10:46]:
And if you're not, that's huge. If you have the self love to be, you know, I guess what you're saying is just one word to describe it. If you have self love.
Eldar [01:10:53]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:10:54]:
You're gold. You're in a gold.
Eldar [01:10:55]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:10:56]:
But my.
Eldar [01:10:56]:
You. That's a hard word to understand. Self love.
Mike [01:10:58]:
Yeah. Well, all the things you're mentioning.
Eldar [01:11:00]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:11:00]:
Make that are a makeup. Self love. You know, being something to yourself, not hiding, you know, being compassionate to yourself, like, you know. Yeah. Embracing your weirdness, understanding that you're individual and you're unique and you have your own thing, and there's nothing wrong with that. You know, like, those things all make up self love, you know, and that's. That's a great. Like, that's great.
Eldar [01:11:20]:
As Katherine said, it's. And self love is not going to the nail salon and get your nails done. It's part of it, but it's probably level zero.
Katherine [01:11:29]:
Yeah.
Mike [01:11:30]:
Yeah, I agree. Yeah, I agree. Makes you feel good.
Katherine [01:11:35]:
Don't get me wrong.
Eldar [01:11:35]:
Yes.
Katherine [01:11:36]:
But that's not where.
Eldar [01:11:37]:
It's far away from self love. Yeah, self love. Example of self love is you wake up in the morning and you think that, like, okay, I got to get x, y, and z done. And, you know, it's really important because, you know, for you, you know, I don't know, you upkeeping some kind of image of being a grinder or something, you know, that you want to be on point or whatever, so. And if you don't accomplish it, you start feeling guilty. Right. Self love would be an act of understanding that this is what you do and actually taking it easy and not doing the x, y, and z thing. Right.
Eldar [01:12:09]:
But resting and relaxing because you're actually tired and don't want to do it. That's an example. Yeah. Yeah. So you don't beat yourself up afterwards. Right. Dishes are dirty. Oh, my God.
Eldar [01:12:20]:
You know, and you beating yourself up, but really, you just want to lay in bed and enjoy a show watching Netflix or whatever that self love. Enjoy that Netflix. Enjoy that show. Don't worry about the crazy, you know, to do list that you have in your head. That's.
Mike [01:12:35]:
That's probably not that important.
Eldar [01:12:36]:
Yeah, well, obviously. And listen to the self love, self love podcast episode that we have that we extend, extensively discussed on how to do this. Yeah.
Mike [01:12:47]:
Right.
Eldar [01:12:47]:
So it's not just going. Getting your nails done, unless, of course, you're so depressed and everything is so bad in your life that only the physical things that kind of shake you up a little bit and give you some kind of life and light. Then go do your nails for now. That's the least that you can do for yourself. Then at least get your ass up and go get those done. Yeah, right. That's also fine.
Mike [01:13:04]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:13:05]:
I mean, you remember. You remember we had the conversation with Asley about coffee, right?
Mike [01:13:10]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:13:10]:
How she was beating herself up over coffee, and then we said, go enjoy your coffee.
Mike [01:13:14]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:13:14]:
She said, hey, it makes me feel good.
Mike [01:13:16]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:13:16]:
You know, to take my time, sit down, make myself some coffee and actually enjoy it. Yeah, enjoy that cup of coffee.
Mike [01:13:22]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:13:23]:
Don't beat yourself up over it because you're, you know, your boyfriend or your husband or whoever is telling you otherwise or whatever. Right. You know, so there's a lot of examples of. So that's just one of them, but yeah. Yeah. If you're trying to fall in love and you're not falling in love if you didn't get this part right about self love right first, you're probably gonna miss.
Mike [01:13:46]:
Oh, yeah. I don't think. How can you fall in love if you haven't fallen out with yourself?
Eldar [01:13:50]:
Well, damn.
Mike [01:13:51]:
Sorry.
Eldar [01:13:51]:
Stating the fucking obvious.
Mike [01:13:53]:
Yeah.
Eldar [01:13:54]:
What, I mean, like, why you always say the stuff that's like everybody heard of before.
Mike [01:13:56]:
I have to give those people, people like, you know, I gotta speak people's language.
Eldar [01:13:59]:
This is true.
Mike [01:14:00]:
They like those kind of quotes, you know.
Eldar [01:14:01]:
You know, but what, it's one of those, like, oh, shit, that shit is deep. You know? There's nothing deep about it. You know? But it is deep because it's hitting their deep subconscious. Understand why it's deep, you know?
Mike [01:14:12]:
Yes. Yeah.
Eldar [01:14:13]:
Because it's never been broken down for them.
Mike [01:14:15]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Eldar [01:14:16]:
That's pretty fucked up my. You pedaling like, like no smoking mirrors, bro.
Mike [01:14:20]:
I'm trying to speak with his language.
Eldar [01:14:22]:
So maybe by misguiding them and misleading.
Mike [01:14:24]:
No, but it's not misguided.
Eldar [01:14:26]:
It is, Mike.
Mike [01:14:27]:
Is it?
Eldar [01:14:27]:
It is a little bit, yeah.
Mike [01:14:29]:
Oh, shit.
Eldar [01:14:29]:
It's like because you. What? You're saying. I'm explaining this to you? Okay, maybe I didn't explain this. I did explain this to you before. What you're saying is something that's been heard before many, many, many times. Okay, so what people do automatically, subconsciously they attach to themselves like, oh, yeah, I got that. I got that. That I understand.
Eldar [01:14:48]:
You understand? So they're like, oh, I fuck with this. But what happens is because they automatically say, I fuck with this.
Mike [01:14:54]:
Uh huh.
Eldar [01:14:54]:
There's nothing else to do. They're like, I understand this there. Yes. They're not gonna examine it because they really, really don't understand what's going on. But they've heard this so many times. You understand? So it's okay to be dormant. They keep it dormant. It becomes a very, it's a very quick transaction.
Eldar [01:15:12]:
Like, okay, yeah, I fuck with this, but never examine what's actually, what is actually being said. Nobody ever said, yeah, oh, that shit is deep. But can you tell me more? Nobody ever said that.
Mike [01:15:22]:
Yeah, okay.
Eldar [01:15:25]:
You know what I'm saying?
Mike [01:15:25]:
Yeah, I see what you're saying.
Eldar [01:15:26]:
So it's very important to really break it down.
Mike [01:15:29]:
I definitely have no problem breaking it down.
Eldar [01:15:31]:
And Catherine's been asking for that. She's like, yo, you got to make this, like, as simple and as lame as possible.
Katherine [01:15:35]:
Lame in terms, you know?
Eldar [01:15:38]:
Because the people that know us, they don't have the history of us, right, of understanding our language and how we put this stuff together. In order for it to make sense, we have to really break it down step by step.
Katherine [01:15:49]:
You guys have been having these conversations for literally decades.
Eldar [01:15:54]:
Yeah.
Katherine [01:15:54]:
You're so used to the way you speak and stuff. You guys are just talking. Like you're. You know, you're just recording conversations, you know, which is great, but, like, most people don't understand. You guys understand none of this. You know, these concepts, you know? Like, I remember you sent, like, the first episode to Ivana, my cousin. And Ivana's like, you know, Ivana. It's not to insult her intelligence.
Katherine [01:16:19]:
She's. She's a smart girl, but she has a condition, though, and she's like, I can't follow. Like, this is, like, this is too much, you know? So, like, ultimately.
Eldar [01:16:28]:
Well, I mean, you know. Mike, why are you laughing so how.
Mike [01:16:36]:
Stating facts like, yeah, out loud, cuz, don't be mad.
Eldar [01:16:47]:
She got thick skull and thick skin. I like that. Oh, my God. Anyway, you called her an armadillo on air, bro.
Mike [01:16:59]:
Don't cut this out.
Eldar [01:17:00]:
Yeah, this is the one.
Mike [01:17:01]:
You can't send this to cuss.
Eldar [01:17:02]:
Yeah, yeah, exactly. Oh, my God.
Katherine [01:17:07]:
I lost my train of thought. Okay. Yeah. You know, and most of the world.
Eldar [01:17:17]:
Is challenged, and we get.
Katherine [01:17:18]:
Remember that, you know, you're speaking to other people out there.
Eldar [01:17:21]:
Don't make shish kebabs. Make lulaki bobs.
Mike [01:17:24]:
Fine.
Katherine [01:17:25]:
Most people will not have any idea what that means.
Eldar [01:17:29]:
All right, so it's don't cut pieces into chunks, but make it into, uh, ground meat, you know?
Katherine [01:17:35]:
You see that humor? Most people also don't understand that.
Mike [01:17:38]:
What do you mean?
Eldar [01:17:39]:
The Arabs would.
Mike [01:17:40]:
Yes.
Eldar [01:17:41]:
Come on.
Mike [01:17:41]:
The arrows would come through.
Eldar [01:17:42]:
The brothers would. Yeah. I'm tired, and I'm sleeping. Yeah. All right, cool. Those are my final thoughts, man. Mike, you got.
Mike [01:17:52]:
No, I'm good. I think maybe final thoughts.
Eldar [01:17:54]:
Keep it simple.
Katherine [01:17:55]:
No, I know.
Eldar [01:17:56]:
I.
Katherine [01:17:57]:
No, this.
Eldar [01:17:58]:
No, so that's. Yeah, that's. I guess this is a. This is the first episode of probably a long series of how to fall in love. Yeah, I had to get that one of the steps. You did. You did. Yes.
Eldar [01:18:10]:
Yes. This is always. This always gets my blood flowing. And mics, too.
Mike [01:18:14]:
Yeah.
Katherine [01:18:14]:
You know, this is a much comfier setting, too. Like, the office just doesn't work for me. My back starts hurting. This is like. I mean, I could sit here everywhere.
Mike [01:18:23]:
Quality is good, too, hopefully.
Eldar [01:18:25]:
All right, thank you. Thank you, guys. Thank you.
65. Falling in love part 1: Finding Love Through Self-Love and Truth
Apr 14, 2023•1 hr 18 min•Ep. 65
Episode description
Why is self-love and self-sufficiency crucial before entering a romantic relationship?
In Episode "Falling in love part 1: Finding Love Through Self-Love and Truth" of Dennis Rox, titled "65.mp3," hosts Mike and Eldar dive deep into the indispensable quality of being good on your own and how it profoundly impacts love and relationships. They emphasize the significance of self-love and being authentic, highlighting that genuine happiness and self-sufficiency are irresistibly attractive qualities. The conversation also touches on the importance of conveying your dreams and feelings in a way that resonates with others, creating a harmonious and meaningful connection.
Joining them is guest Katherine, who shares her roller coaster experiences in relationships, comparing them to falling in love. Eldar and Katherine explore their unique dynamic, underscoring how their differences complemented each other perfectly and filled emotional gaps. The hosts also discuss the necessity of being emotionally stable and self-aware before entering a relationship, challenging conventional notions of "Hollywood love" and superficial expressions. Tune in for an insightful discussion on the prerequisites for genuine love and lasting relationships.
Transcript
Transcript source: Provided by creator in RSS feed: download file