On this week's episode the true liberation is when , like an objective change like that happens , where it's like you feel differently , the people around you feel differently about you , yeah , and then that's just like a forever like , or so you just define hell . Oh , absolutely yeah , you define hell . Yeah , you will get hit by it . I can guarantee you that Wow .
I can guarantee you that Wow . Whatever you believe destiny or luck or karmic thing if you stumble upon this podcast , get ready to get on the get fucked express train .
You know what he's right ? Yeah , today's topic is memory . And Toli , do you remember what kind of take you had on memory and how uh interested you were in this topic ?
um , probably not word for word . No , okay , maybe mike can help out yeah we .
we talked about more so about , um , I guess , memory and how it relates to our awareness .
Yeah , you know , right , what we talked about a lot of the times is that there are moments , you know , in our day or in our lives where we can have maybe let's just say for the lack of a better word like pure awareness of where , like our soul , let's just knows exactly what's right , knows exactly what's good for us , um , and we're in that zone or in
that moment or that moment of focus , right , and we feel good . Obviously it fills us up with , you know , good feelings and all this other stuff , clarity , and maybe even gives us the guidance to continue living our lives in a better way .
However , what a lot of times we see or we experience I think all of us is that , despite the fact that we had this nice little moment of clarity or awareness , as soon as life happens quote unquote we tend to forget those moments of awareness .
We tend to kind of go back to regular programming almost , and maybe we can call that a subconscious programming , right , where we are more so asleep , right , and not aware . So I wanted to discuss that a little bit more and I remember that you had a little bit of a take , or a little bit of , maybe , insight on this .
Why this happens , you know , and what should we do ? How can we practice whatever it is that we're practicing to keep awareness and not only make it a weekend thing , you know ?
Or like , people go to church right on Sundays , right , they pray , they do the right thing and they maybe get closer to God , right , and then they go Monday through Friday , maybe sinning , in order to then come back again and redo the whole thing over and over again .
Yeah , well , I mean , I think the two things that you're talking about redo the whole thing over and over again .
Yeah , well , well , I mean , um , I think the two things that you're talking about like when we're talking about something and we have like , or or an individual has like clarity on something versus like them , them like like um themselves , um alone I think those are two different things . Um , we were also talking about .
I think those are two different things we were also talking about . I think how this topic started was because we were talking about , I guess , people that have come into our lives . When they walk away , do they carry the things that we were talking about and do those have a lasting effect , do they still live on or do they go back to regular programming ?
I think that's what we were talking about too .
Yes .
Yeah , my argument there is that , yeah , I think that they go back more to regular programming .
But my question was yeah , why do you think that ? And also , when does that actually happen ? When does that transition kind of goes back to the regular programming , and why does it go back right , and how long does it take , and is it same for everyone ?
well , um , so why ? Why does it happen ? Yeah , well , well , I think again , like , um , I think that you can't underestimate how long it takes to uh to actually change and to uh to implement all of these different things and do that .
It's not even and like I mean it , it it could be a time thing , like time combined with , like time practicing to like over over , override , like your previous habits . But , but what it's like if we change as a person , it's not like what happened didn't happen , it's like it's it still happened . It's still us .
We're just like a , a different person now , potentially , like , if we've actually changed , but it's very hard to erase who you were .
It's very hard to erase your idea of , like , who you are , um , it's very hard to change those things , especially because I'm very convinced that a lot of your adult life gets influenced by your childhood and how all that happens .
If you want to call it a nervous system , your brain Developed yeah , just how a nervous system like you're just brain , like , develop you're , you're , yeah , like , just like how that operates and how you're , um , brought up right . Are you brought up in a , uh , high anxiety zone ? Are you brought up in a very calm zone .
Are you brought up to be like more resourceful let's just say , handy type of personnel like person ? Are you brought up in like a , uh say , handy type of personnel like person ? Are you brought up in like a uh non-very , like resourceful like a way like so ?
Like all of those things I think have a very long lasting uh impression on you and for you to change those kind kinds of things I think require really a lot of uh of practice , a lot of talking and a lot of uh implementing and like a lot of talking and a lot of implementing and like a lot of really work .
And oftentimes I think people underestimate , like how much it actually takes to change and I don't think that it's like equivalent amount of times .
Like if you've been doing something shitty or like wrong for , let's just say , 10 years , you probably need like 20 , 30 years to undo it , to undo it of that , especially because , again , the times when we're making these changes is past our child like stage it's , it's it's it's when we're considered like adults .
So in like any kind of implementation or change is very hard .
Um , now , if we're're comparing it to when we're talking or thinking , I'm very convinced that in any moment , if we have three , four of us thinking about something , as long as it's within the realm of the things that we have some levels of knowledge or expertise , in that we will have a very , very easy time finding the right answers to things .
Um , finding the finding the right answer , I think in our circle is the probably one of the easier things I think , out there for us when we're all three , like you know , or four like , let's say , like focusing or like thinking about something , um , but when we separate those , that same level of like , focus or like or like power , that like we have together
is not the same . It's not translated , no translate . You pretty much need , like , um , a piece of like who we three are , for example , together , to become you like , like , like in who you are .
How , so well , repetition , yeah , that that goes through like , understanding through repetition , through , um , probably being honest with yourself , through like , yeah , experimenting with certain things , like , playing out certain things , trial and error , a lot of things , yeah , yeah , because it's very hard to change like that .
That's just the reality of it , mm-hmm , it's very hard to change .
You almost feel like it's a you're trying to unchange a physical connection , right . That's been like almost hardened throughout the years your childhood years , right , and then almost solidified more than doing your adult health , adulthood right just for you to like , okay , cool . I want to be a critical thinker now . I want to think a little bit .
But those connections are those connections , right , those habits are the habits . They're still the pathways that you take naturally , organically when certain moments happen , right , like if you decided that road rage is bad and you used to give middle finger all the time .
Next time you have a moment , you probably will throw up the middle finger almost organically Like , oh fuck , oh shit , what do I do again ? It's almost like in you habitually .
Yeah , that . And then , while you're realizing , while you're changing , yeah that . And then , while you're realizing , while you're changing , like you still have your um , a big portion of of your life that you don't think when you're doing actions , like you still .
So you have that combined with , like your responsibilities , or like the life that you have already like chosen and made and like signed up for . Yeah , and those responsibilities are there and you still have to um like . Adhere to them yeah , I guess that here is probably the best word to them .
And then you still have a ton of actions that you do throughout the day , every day , that you don't even realize are happening , so it's even hard to even know , like , where are you actually like messing up , where are you going wrong ? And how many non-thinking actions are you doing each day that are contributing towards not helping you ?
but is the whole goal is to enlighten yourself to a point where you actually are aware when you do the things that you do , or at least that the actions that were not examined previously are now has been examined and installed through your awareness , through the proper actions .
Right and now are habitually good actions , so you can kind of relax and not be aware about them because you doing the right thing without knowing almost yes , yeah , I think what , what you're saying is very , very hard .
Uh , it being so , it's very , very hard to have them to be just as part of , like , who you are , without having to think about them like that . It's like a next level . Yeah , it's already very hard just to be aware of what's going on and , like , consciously , do things and think about things the right way . Yeah , that's already a crazy next level .
Yeah .
What you're saying is like a beyond the next level .
Okay , so let's bring in a couple of actual personal examples . Mike , I think you can help us out with this one .
What are some things that you've , you know , through your journey right of self-development , have that are actually an example of what I'm talking about , that you used to be a certain type of way which was the wrong way , habitually wrong , let's just say , have subconscious actions , you know , overwhelm your life and bring you stress .
Then you sat down , thought about them , changed them , understood what needs to be changed , then consciously practiced them in the field , saw results . Now they're good . And now you've done it so many times that now there became subconscious actions , good , right actions that you don't need to put much thought into . You understand me ?
Yeah , Okay , Give us some examples .
Well , we spoke about one not too long ago , maybe like a week or two ago . I asked you if you agree with my thing I don't know if you remember About , like , when we're doing something I'm always thinking about the next .
Thing right , yeah , like always like what's next , buzzing for the future , right , and that definitely used to bring me like some kind of comfort , but it was also like a sickness itself was a sickness , you know and I was just like thinking about it , like yeah , I don't . I was thinking about that , I was like I don't do that anymore .
Yeah , I don't think like that anymore . I don't like operate , I guess , um , and then that kind of was interesting , that it kind of happened .
Yeah , you know , um , and it feels like natural to me , like I didn't , I didn't , uh , I don't think like okay , I gotta keep my mouth shut like don't say anything , or you're gonna look like an idiot or , like you know , like get caught .
But you had that process right .
You went through the process of first being conscious about it and saying like yo , look , I'm gonna make an actual effort here to think before I speak , or whatever , and this and that you know what that one actually I think , um , there was there was no like direct thing of like learning to like , like really focus on that specific problem .
Okay , but I think it was a side effect of slowing down , becoming more aware , being more in the moment . Okay . And then that problem itself got resolved because I wasn't living . So that's like even more interesting . Well , yeah , that's a different example then .
Yeah , give me an example which you actually thought consciously to say you know what ? I'm going to go into this environment or whatever . I'm going to be different .
Let's just say for now , kind of like thinking it through . Yeah well , with my parents and my sister , the interactions you know , uh , definitely a lot of that has changed . Uh , how I used to come in , I used to get excited , yeah , you know and get yourself in trouble , and get myself in trouble . Yeah , yeah , so that that's a huge one .
Um , but it's not um is it on autopilot now , where you're doing the right thing on autopilot , or no ? Or is it still like a conscious effort , like okay , cool , like , look , this is a dangerous environment . I need to be on my you know my toes here with my dad , uh , yeah .
More so with my sister ? No , what about your mom ? My mom , yeah , I'm good with her . Yeah , I don't have that . She doesn't really , I don't have those moments with her .
Why the difference between your mom , your dad and your sister ?
Oh , I think , with my sister , I have that soft spot for her that we were talking about . I have that soft spot which I'm discovering now where it's coming from and why . I have that soft spot which I'm discovering now where it's coming from and why , and I am actively thinking about it and being careful with her .
Now , okay , not to get involved or drag myself into certain situations that usually come from excitement . You see something , you get excited about it and before you can think , you're already commingling in areas you shouldn't commingle , you know , or allowing for disrespect to come in ?
Yeah , how long did that take With your dad , with my dad ? And did you see , or did you witness the transition between being very strict about it and conscious versus it ? Now you relax . I did see that . Yeah , because in the beginning .
When I first started doing it I mean , it's probably gonna be over two years , you know , since I started you know , initially started working on that my sense of time is a little bit off , but probably at least two years uh , in the beginning I was like I was like , okay , I'm going home . I'm about to see them .
Pay attention , be aware , be conscious of what's going to come at you . Set your boundaries , yeah , set the boundaries , but yeah , that was definitely a more conscious effort . And then , when did it transition ?
I don't know , there wasn't something that in my mind that transitioned maybe from seeing success a little bit , you know okay like uh when did you , when did you almost like maybe learn to trust yourself that you got it , like hey , like relax , like a little bit , almost telling yourself like you wouldn't have to be so on guard ?
Let's just say Because first you're on guard , yeah , yeah , by expecting a shot , and now it's like okay , we got this , we see success , we're good at this . Like I want to know that little transition between when this happens ?
Yeah , I think what you're asking for is when I maybe what I'm thinking is when you're did I take a stance opposite to the one I had before ? Yeah , and it became yours and it became mine . How did that happen and when ?
yeah , or did you pay attention to that transition and how does that transition work ?
So maybe people that are listening can get a better idea as to like , okay , cool , like I'm working here , totally saying like , look guys , truth of the matter is which is crazy , which I , to a degree , agree with him right , if you went 10 years doing a stupid action and you being bad , you need 20 years to undo that . You know what I mean .
Realistically , right , to really rewire your whole fucking system , your values , your belief systems , then your actions , your habits and all this other stuff .
Right , you said , hey , like it probably took about two years with something like this , right , but the intricate details are in there , that like there were steps that had yeah , yeah , I mean that now it's inside of your memory and it's you , it's your identity that it's no longer you know flip-flopping , making mistakes .
Yeah , I don't know the answer to the question , like when did I have that Convert ? Conversion , yeah .
Toto , you have an idea , but you've come to witness his transition too .
Well , yeah , but I mean including on my own things as well . I feel like one of the things I've learned , I feel like over , like the years , is I like personal account mm-hmm . I think is a deceiving , it's deceiving . Yeah okay , I know yeah okay because , like , for example , I think that Mike improved a lot .
Yeah , it's probably a night and day , yeah for him , based on what's happening , right , but I'm not as convinced . I like if we were able to put on harry potter's invisible blanket whether like to , to whatever standard , I don't know that .
Let's say you have when you with , with , with your family , or maybe , like I definitely don't have , but but maybe I envision would be oh good , right , I don't know if it's on that level , okay , that's only because , should it's on that level and that's only because again , but should it be on that level though ?
Well my standard might be my standard right , and if we see improvement for Mike based on what he said before hey , I was very stressed out and I saw how I got in trouble , but no longer get in trouble and that's improvement for him .
And that's more than enough saying but the personal account level is tough because , like you , can't account for what you're unaware of , it is happening which is just universally impossible . You can only know like of what you like see and what you understand yeah , yeah right .
That's why I think that , like , the non-personal account is probably the best account for what's actually like going on .
Yeah , you're right If you were a fly on the wall . You could kind of more dissect it and see it . But that's where it comes , to him sharing the more he shares . That's what we always talk about . Hey , if you share actually in some of the pitfalls like he shared with what happened with his sister Emma right . Like he said , hey , I got in trouble here .
Shared what happened with his sister Emma right . Like he said , hey , I got in trouble here . This is why this is the pain I felt afterwards . And then we're like okay , cool , there's more girls in that house , there's more things to uncover , there's more problems to resolve before you become more competent . And he kind of is aware of this .
You know what I mean , where he gets in trouble . But I agree that maybe the standard uh can be higher or elevated .
Yeah that that's why I think it takes like more than two years and more to , because there's , there's , there's I mean , there's 20 , 30 , you know , 40 years worth of relationship , yeah , and worth of memories and habits and things like that . Yeah and um and like , like it's , it's .
It's also not a situation where , like , okay , like let's say that , like , I mean , like , I'm sure you obviously like spend time with them , but like , my assumption is that you don't spend a lot of time with them , right , because like you come to work , you go to the gym , like you're doing your own stuff , like you may see them briefly in the morning and
then briefly at night and then that's it . yeah , like for like the most part , right , yeah , I don't spend like a crazy amount of time with yeah , now , if you take that away , let's say , now he spends as much time with them as he spends with us , for example yeah what happens now ? Yeah right .
So it's like yeah , it's everything's elevated , everything is elevated and the dynamic is relevant and that might be an overwhelming thing where it's like , yeah , it's , everything's elevated , everything is elevated and the dynamic is , and that might be an overwhelming thing where it's like , yeah , like right , but those those things just get let out slower because you
naturally have less interaction , more buffer zone .
Yeah , yeah , with those kinds of people , yeah , and I think people that see each other less are I , I think , more likely to behave better than people that probably see each other more , that are that have some kind of like you know , beefs here and there , right , like , um , like , like , if I don't go to my parents house for a week , everyone's gonna be so
nice , so kind , so like , can I get you this , can I do this ? Can I do that we go back to like living together every day ?
I mean like you can see how people interact people are gonna be nasty to each other because it's like yo , you're every day , like like the comfort level is like to the point where , like , people just piss off at each other and things are not like um addressed or like uh , handled are handled right .
But yeah , when you don't see each other , a lot that does happen , it's just a slow drip over time .
Well , listen , at the end of the day , though , I agree with you , but at the end of the day , I think that a lot of this type of progress has to be you know , has to be reliant on like subjective account too .
You know what I mean , because , like it's his subjective view , it's his life , his life , it's his happiness levels , right , were not in his head , so , like , if he's seen clear improvements , then it's his clear improvements .
No , I think that there's definitely clear improvements , but I still think that you need to nail it objectively for you to feel the happiness that you're looking for . Otherwise you'll be confused .
Yeah , I agree , um , at some point , because at some point there's going to be a breaking point between , like things that are happening that that person's not aware of , yeah , and then what they're envisioning , not unfolding out and they're not going to understand . Like , wait where ?
am I going to my account , like this is what's happening to my understanding , but then there's a not like sense of like fulfillment or happiness that's happening , and I think that's where you get confused , and that and that , and then , like on a moment-to-moment basis , that's probably when you seek help or when you like bring something to the table because it's
like something happened . Yeah , you're almost like not sure , like how did this ? even it was an inconsistency that you've yeah witnessed , yeah , yeah yeah , and and then you , you kind of like , you know , go through those things slow , slowly .
But I think that the true liberation is when , like um , like um , what , when like an objective change , like that happens . Where it's like um , you feel differently , the people around you feel differently about you . Yeah , and then that's just like a forever , like aura , okay . Right .
Like your dad's not going to walk into your house and tell you like shut your fucking mouth . Yeah , like do you ever envision that ?
happening . Yeah , no .
No Right , but I don't know , maybe to somebody else . It's a perfectly normal phenomenon . Who would say that we ?
can bring up a couple of people , but we probably shouldn't .
Yeah , maybe their dads would go into their apartments and tell them , like yo , shut your fucking mouth . Yeah , yeah , you know .
No , I get it . Yeah , and again . Then , what you're talking about is a consistency of character which comes from a level of awareness that's been like you said objectively solidified .
Yeah , I . I think , for example , like uh , for , for mike at least , like um , he will feel at a different level of of happiness and a different level when he feels a particular way towards his family and his family feels a particular way towards him .
Yeah , and then that is like a line in that way full circle and that happens when there is an undeniable , objective change that you have that is so overwhelming that the like it , it's like that , that , like a cheesy quote , but like in your circle it's , I mean , it's , I mean , it's very true . It's like you want to change the world .
Change , change yourself , correct , and the world around you will change right , yeah you operate a different way , you move a different way . As a Oleg would say , you move different than the world around you and the people around you are going to move different . They would have no choice in the matter . Because it doesn't make sense .
It doesn't make sense for your dad to walk into your house knowing who you are and tell you to shut your mouth , that is not nearly acceptable and that would be like such a crossing of a line , yeah , that like no one's even close to like or or like yeah , if your dad walking to your house and just like hit , um , hit you in the back of the head , like
intentionally , because he was upset with you like . That is not where near in the realm of like what's acceptable , but there are households where that's completely fine , yeah even though you're bringing up hitting in the back of the head .
Sure is like a maybe a physical , vivid example . But in the case of Mike's example with the sister , that's what exactly would happen right when she , when she , mouthed off to him and said hey , what about you ? What are you doing over here ?
made an example out of him , kind of thing , that's a smack in the head yeah , yeah , 100% and if the relationship is at a different level there's no chance some of that person would say that kind of stuff to you , because it would be crazy yeah , well , that's what he's striving towards to marry all those things yeah alright , yeah , but I think , until that
objective change happens there , there's still like a uh , like a drop-off rate uh , yeah , a drop-off rate , and then there's like still an unhappiness that will still linger , linger in your life .
Yeah , some frustration yeah , part of why , again , it takes so long , because it's nobody's aware of every single action that happens every single moment and able to interpret it in either reflective times or in real time and understand , okay , like here's what happens .
Yeah , and you , you kind of like there's so many moments , like you said , in life . Yeah , you know from day to day reality that how can you be so aware to be able to extract what you want out of reality every single time , what you actually want ? Yeah , that's very difficult yeah , yeah , yeah it's .
it's like , for example , if you want to bring in my , my example , it's like when you're having me do different things and like , um , different , so like like different things in my day , you you said numerous times , you don't understand how this affects you .
Then , at that time of what happens , like beforehand , how that influences like the moments that I'm talking about , for example , like anxiety or different stuff , like that . Yeah , but I don't necessarily connect those things or see those things yet , or all of them . Yeah .
But over time , you start connecting them , you start seeing them , you start understanding how , like time you start connecting them , you start seeing them , you start understanding how , like , okay , like , this kind of habit helps , this way of doing things helps , this doesn't help , this actually makes it worse .
Right , yeah , but like you as the outsider are able to objectively see those things and understand those things , but you as a person , you just don't see it , you don't get it , you know all right .
So then the next question is then how ? How do you make objective truth infectious , if that's even possible ? So a lot of times , right , we get excited about stuff and we want to implement it or try it out and do things , because maybe we see the light at the end of the tunnel , we see that this is going to make us happy or whatnot right .
The end of the tunnel , we see that this is going to make us happy or whatnot Right . But what totally is calling for is like , look , you need to get to a place where objective truth is embodied inside of you , in and out , and that it's . It became you , it becomes you .
So my question was how do you make it , this objective truth that we're trying to peddle let's just say , if we are pedaling that um infectious enough for people to gravitate towards it a little bit more and be able to embody it ?
you know , it's almost like taking away from the , from the power of it , by saying quicker , you know the word like okay can you do it quicker I'm like you know , and I think what totally was probably right about is that the shit ain't quick . You know what I mean .
The truth of the matter is that if you've been living a very subjective life , right with your own palliative appetites that have been getting you in trouble for a very long time , that your ass better , you know . Buckle up and be ready for decades worth of personal work and grow , you know , personal development in order to undo all the fucking nonsense .
I think he's right about that .
Yeah , I think like happiness happens when you're subjective feelings line up with objective , with objective ones , and when you're able to live in that kind of like reality like you're always guaranteed to be happy . Like okay , like you failed at something yeah , all right , well , life . Like .
You're always guaranteed to be happy , like , okay , like you failed at something yeah , all right , well . Like objectively , what happened ?
like you didn't do enough research , like you weren't gonna count for this you weren't prepared , all right .
So like , like your feelings should line up with that . It's not like how many times you hear like , well , fuck the world , fuck this shit . You know like I gave it my hardest .
You know like that , like that's constant subjective accounts not aligning with objective truths , or like you know , people not being able to get hired for particular jobs or stuff like that , like what is really happening in those moments yeah , and oftentimes um , at least from my observations , is that like um , when I see others , people like others complaining about
things , or just like um saying certain things , like yeah , the , the objective truth of what's actually happening is not um lining up and that's also why there's like um . A huge part of the world revolves around like conflict , right , like and and like like .
I feel you you get entertained by it , by like , not not necessarily like participating in it , but just observing how people act , what people think like like when you go on , like the clubhouse rooms or like on X or like these are different types of platforms , you see , like I don't know , like you'll go where like black women feel particular ways about black men
. But then you have black men who feel , for example , particular ways about black women , right . Or you have , like um uh , israelis feeding , feeling particular ways about like I don't know , let's say , palestinians or palestinians feeling particular ways about israelis .
Like , yeah , ukrainians feeling about like all these different examples of people feeling particular ways , right . But the reality is is that if everybody was objectively lined up , there would be no conflict .
There would be no conversation .
Yeah , this would not exist . But these conflicts only exist because you have groups of people that live in subjective realities and don't objectively understand what's going on , and the reality is that both parties are missing information and not understanding something .
But then what happens is that which I'm not sure if that's how , I guess , god designed mankind , or what not . It just so happens to be that there's a lot of people like you in every kind of thing that you could be , that there's a lot of people like you in every kind of thing that you could think of .
There's a lot of black women , there's a lot of black men , there's a lot of Israelis , there's a lot of Palestinians , people that identify with a lot of other identities . There's young white , let's say , entrepreneurs who are aspiring . There's young black entrepreneurs and anything . Give me anything yeah you are not a one individual .
Yeah , like trans people , gay people , straight people , lesbians everything , the groups , everywhere you have .
You , you have a lot of people like you out there , yeah , and what happens is that , uh , when there's a lot of people like you out there , you kind of like um , unite maybe in some kind of ways and your anger or you being wrong is like more justified and like not like uh checked a lot of the times because there's relatable things , which is why our famous
thing is like nobody wants to be on the island yeah , right , and when you're put on that island yeah , when you're on the island , you everyone feels a particular type of way , but in the world out there there's no such thing as this island , unless you collectively feel that you're part of an island .
which drives again like that's what drives anger right , is when , collectively , people feel like they're being discriminated towards or maybe they're being oppressed or maybe they're being targeted . Right , those people are angry together and it just drives it . It drives like the flame right , because they're collectively on an island together .
Yeah , so yeah , I think that if everybody- .
Which is crazy right . Well , no Well it's a normal phenomenon .
It's a very normal phenomenon . Yes , right , yes , that again that behaviors are very similar , people are very . Again , people say they're very different .
But they're not . So the question is how do you transfer this knowledge , body of knowledge that you just talked about to an individual who's actually part of that island ?
Yeah , there's no fast way . Again the only fast way again is if you understand this and you have a kid and you raise that kid right away from that way . Okay , if not , that that's it . All dog has a heart . Yeah , if not that your life is dedicated to doing this .
But by design , though , it was made in such a way where life will teach you slowly , right , it will teach you slowly , right , it will teach those people Slowly , yes , through pain , through pain , yeah , mike . Well , you're going to learn , whether you like it or not . Mike , you're going to learn , I know , you know .
Yeah , it goes back to the episode number one . How do we have more fun ? How do we remember to have more fun , right ?
How do we calculate , make calculations in such a way where fun is more the default , right , like you said , like , hey , yeah , sure , you know there's a lot going on in the world , a lot of people you know , identify with all these things . But how do you see that ?
How do you not get swayed or get into that same tumbleweed , fucking shit , you know , with all those people , society preaching you ? One way , you know , how do you stand on your own understanding and be empowered enough and have fun , because that's what , ultimately , it is right , fun equals happiness , right ? Happiness equals fun , right ?
Yeah , you know what I'm saying , the more fun you have , you know , the happier you'll be . Yeah , but again it's like you're only really having fun when you're having again like objective fun . Yeah . When you're having like fun yeah . And then you're only really having fun when you're having again like objective fun yeah .
When you're having like fun , but then you're guilty afterwards for example , yeah and again you're having fun , but then you're still paying on the back end On the back end , or you're still not able to fully enjoy it , enjoy it .
yeah , right , like you said , confusion .
Yeah , so like again , like the life goal is lining the objective truth with what's happening to your own reality .
Alright , is it possible to fully line up permanently , like the way you're describing it ? It's like the way at least I'm , you know , thinking about . It is like you line up or you don't , but to stay always lined up , I'm not . Is that possible ?
I think that's what we're reaching for . I think that's called enlightenment .
yeah , I think that's what we're reaching for . I think that's called enlightenment . Yeah , I think it's possible For in general people out there , probably including us , probably very unlikely . Yeah .
But how does that process look of getting there ?
Well , I think the process of getting there is one um learning , not even applying to yourself , but understanding , I guess , what objective truths truths are , to begin with , and what's objectively actually happening , and then um , um , learning the the craft of being honest , humble and humble , yeah , I think carrying humility is one of the big ones because then you
keep an open mind to learning and being told that you're wrong and being okay with that , and then do that many , many , many times up until you've discovered , like you said , objective truths that actually line up with reality of the world .
You've discovered , like you said , objective truths that actually line up with reality of the world , so then you can finally embody that long enough for a long time , right , so then it can , it can rewire you . Yeah , essentially .
Yeah , and and , and I think that that , um , like , if you want to say God , um , I think it was absolutely intended for humans to be social beings . I think it was absolutely intended for humans to be social beings there , there's no way around that because , um , I am not convinced that you can do this stuff without loans . Yeah , you always say that .
I'm not convinced , because I'm not convinced that you'll be able to get out of your subjective reality without someone else , Because for you . I , I , I do think for you to line up objectively , you you need to up objectively , you need to not get another person's perspective per se , but you need others to see what's going on . You need observation .
I need to see how you go about your relationship , for example . I need to see how you go about your relationship , for example , without ever seeing that I don't know if I could fully understand what's a proper one .
You're like a bouncing board .
I need to see what's also a bad relationship , and I've seen plenty of times as well , and I need to understand that and be like look , clearly this is not good , clearly this is good , and then humans need that social element of of it , because I think the less social you are , um , and and I'm not talking about just like oh , like you're like , just like I
don't know , talking about random shit , or like just like just being um social , social in very particular ways , um , um , for you to , to , to change and for you to to understand things , otherwise , like you'll , you'll , you'll never be able to fully understand like right from wrong .
You'll never fully be able to um , uh , align with like objective , uh truths or and you'll continue to double , to double fry the French fries Probably , yeah . Hee , hee .
Yeah , yeah , and I think that we see it in plenty of ways because the person that's kind of separating themselves and I think we have plenty of examples of that in the moment of them doing that , they kind of feel like it's a good thing , right .
But I also think that those people , I'm convinced , are not understanding what they're actually doing , or like they're actually afraid of objective realities is what I think they're showing and then they're , and then they're but then you're assuming that we got the stuff I , I think in the moment , we , we definitely do , and there's no , uh , there's no denying that ,
absolutely not . No , I'm not saying that it's always or like so then why is this not appealing ? Well , because it's a it's very difficult , okay , it's very difficult , okay , it's more scary than it is good , until you can cross over the cliff of like that's what Mike talks about .
You got to jump . Yeah , you got to make the jump .
Yeah , until you understand that you're going to default to seclusion , because seclusion is a non-judgmental zone .
Yeah , yeah , you do a really good job of not judging yourself .
Yeah , for the wrongdoings , yeah okay yeah , because when you , when you , when you've had enough , for example , and you and then you kind of like if you want to call it like a runaway into seclusion , you'll never judge yourself in that time because you know that like you can't handle it , you know so you'll , either metaphorically or in reality , like run away in
some kind of sense . You know , and I think we've all done that plenty of times , I've definitely done that , yeah , um yeah , I think it's a .
It's a very normal phenomenon , almost yeah , yeah , yeah .
And again , like that's where , where would I be running to in that moment ? I'm running to my subjective reality that I like that's comfortable , that I think that I think I've created , that I think works for me and that I think is correct . But then I , without choice this is the crazy thing is that you , without choice , you feel the wrath of life .
That is objective and that is not something that you can avoid .
Oh wow , you can't lie to yourself .
No , no , no . You can lie to yourself , but you're going to feel a pain that you cannot explain to yourself , which is you can't lie to yourself , which is the pain as a result of that . Yeah , but you may not know where it's coming from , but it's going to happen , it is going to happen .
That is more confusing than anything , then , holy fuck Well that's what .
That's why the subjective reality is confusing and the confusion zone is not a bad zone , because a confused person does not know that he's confused .
Yeah , so you just define hell .
Oh , absolutely yeah , you define hell . Yeah , you will get hit by it , I can guarantee you that Wow .
Yeah , so you don't think the person knows .
Not a lot of times . No , if you do know you're lucky . Yeah , if you do know , yeah , yeah . If you do know , you're in a very , very small minority .
And then you , at some point , you take some steps , do you not know at all , or you just choose not to know . But you know in a moment , in those moments ?
No , I don't think that you actually know no , so how does that work then ?
That's the thing . Like you don't know where it's coming from and how you got there .
When I was in a bad relationship . I didn't know .
You didn't know no , but I knew no , you didn't . That's the thing .
Yeah .
It's the confusion . No , I yeah , it's the confusion , I understand it's . That is hell , you understand . It's a complete cognitive dissonance of , on one hand , no , no I know that nobody knowingly like does wrong , but for that split moment you do know that it's wrong .
When we have those sober conversations doesn't mean the person does know doesn't mean anything , because those conversations , if had properly which we did , right , if you actually knew , if it was part of what you know , totally , talking about , like you , were solidified , an objective truth , right then it would carry over a little bit .
But because of the fact that you know you shut off the light completely and still proceeded with doing the crimes against yourself that you did shows that it's a completely uh oh wow so what was it ?
in the moment when the conversations were soberly hot , you were under a spell so I didn't know , you didn't know shit .
So , just like whoever , whoever carried that , that over , probably me at that time , when I was trying to put clarity in there , I hypnotized you , you understand , for the moment I saved it , you know , because I brought clarity to it you agreed , your reason agrees with it .
However , you're still asleep within that moment yeah , but the thing is , if I'm able to reason , understand it , who is that exactly ? Who is that ?
Exactly ? Who is that ? Who is that non-permanent self , me or you ? Right ? So what he said before , which I agree with right , what happens is right . What happens is that irresistible self that I was in that moment created the reality in you that you had no choice in . You understand , so you're playing my game within that moment and you're lining choice in .
You understand , so you're playing my game Within that moment and you're lining up in accordance to what I need you to line up in .
So do you think that process expedites the person's development or slows it down , or neither ?
Well , it gives you a glimpse of hope . Probably Okay . Where , if played properly , which I hope , I did , right where you went out there and I said hey , mike , you know this is wrong . This is right . You're like I got it . I agree with you that this is wrong . I'm like Mike . I know it's hard to do the right thing . Go do the wrong thing .
You're like yeah , I'm gonna go do the wrong thing . You went and do the wrong thing and I'm like you can come back , no problem . You know what I'm saying . Like you have to do the wrong thing . That wrong thing is who's actually your character is . It's within the line of who you actually are .
Of course , agreed , the coming back part right is the finally like the repentance , almost Like right , when you repent and you're like , yeah , that wasn't all right , but I needed to test that out , what's the right thing ? So that's when it becomes , that's when it finally you become receptive to maybe entertaining objective truth .
Now you know what I mean , but maybe for just so long where you can do it on your dad but you can't do it on emma yeah , like you can do it on totally but you can't do it on me . You can do it on Toli , but you can't do it on me , and vice versa .
In that moment . You're a figment of imagination , correct , until you become like real . You're not real , like in that moment , like what's going on there is not like an actual real thing . You know it's not a real like . It's not like a actual , like a live thing .
You're like , um , you're probably a figment of the other person's imagination that's able to connect with your imagination for the moment , for the moment to like agree upon something or be in a particular place , but it takes time to , yeah , turn that into like a living yeah .
So you're saying yeah , it's like uh , you're not able to empower yourself and line up with the truth , so you need saying yeah . You're saying is like you're not able to empower yourself and line up with the truth , so you need somebody to give you like , a like a boost .
Yes , but ultimately , the goal is that you can obviously be empowered on your own , so you can see things 100% so .
I was just kind of like a raft . Yeah , yeah , yeah , I'm like alright cool , you need a little bit of air . Come up . Alright , got some air , I go back down . You know what I mean . You're like okay , cool , there is air somewhere . But I don't think it's a conscious thing , bro , which is a phenomenon well , yeah , that's what I'm trying to understand .
Why does this happen ? What do you mean ? Well , like this crazy phenomenon that this , that , like you , have such a disparity ?
yeah , because of the attachment of your subjective truths you have such a strong attachment to subjective truths that you're not yet aware of that bring you so much pain that you're not sensitive enough to understand that the pain hurts , right ? So you only come out to gasp for air is when it really really hurts .
And those moments is when you have that little pocket of freedom to be able to connect and understand . Right , because all you're doing is living out your own thing . But for the moment you come up for air , is you living out my air ?
I'm letting you breathe , okay , you know , in agreeance yeah , yeah that's it , you know , up until you're like , yeah , you're right , you're like this is much better here , let me go and pave my own way .
And now , like you , empowered , right , you , you're no longer just running out of a subjective truth , it's now objective for you , and now you can go over there and do your own thing , more so permanently . Yeah , that's very interesting actually . So what do you suggest , toli , for what ?
Well , aside from the fact that you have to be fucking social creatures , so what do you suggest , totally , for what ? Well , aside from the fact that you have to be fucking social creatures , but motherfuckers that run away , what the fuck they doing ? What do they got ?
You see , like , okay , mike , at least right , social creature wants to reflect , talk and stuff like that and share . But there's people out there that are fucking like you said . You know , they're just on the island with a thousand people and they still feel lonely . No , but when you say , what do you like ?
you said you know they're just on the island with a thousand people and they still feel lonely . No , but but when ? When you say , what do you , what do you recommend ? Like , what do you suggest ?
for those people , right , if you don't have , like you said , a proper social circle where you can go and say like , hey , this is my problems , to be on the fire for the moment , to dig for the objective truth .
What do you suggest ?
There's nothing that you can do . That's crazy , yeah . So what do you wait for ? What do you mean ? That's crazy , bro . You say there's nothing you can do ? Yeah .
What you're saying is that people are fucked yeah , the issue is that you can't like , can't work on something that you're not aware of so how can you recommend , like something that involves awareness to an unaware person ? You have to just continue ? That's a crazy question . You have to continue living your ? That's a crazy question .
You have to continue living your own reality up until like you , either by like , I don't know , like if you believe in karma , or if you .
I can't say that what ? Yeah , you can't say .
it's like Well , no , it depends on what you believe in . You can believe in karma . You can say it's a matter of like , eventually you meet somebody or you stumble upon something and that's like your karmic thing . Someone might be like I don't believe in that .
Someone might say like , yeah , I believe in this luck , like this was just luck , and you stumble upon something and then something happens .
Yeah right yeah , but that's not like whatever . Like uh , is that a definitive answer ? Well , like , like a world of objectivity and truth are you going to rely on ? Say , oh , it's just your karma or just a luck , or stumble .
No , I'm saying that like how people explain it . Some people explain it like no , I know how people explain it ?
No , but that's what it is . That's their reality , Mike .
No , but I'm asking actually .
No , but that's actually what's happening to those people Like there's no , you can't attribute it to anything else but luck . You have to attribute it to a mere chance .
Do you feel like you got here by chance , by luck ?
I don't , you don't .
Because I feel empowered . Yeah , but you feel that way now . But how did you get here ?
Like through my mom and dad .
Yeah , how'd you become If , totally saying people were walking around like this yeah , how did you get to where you are now ? Yeah , because you were a body boy , bro . I remember where we met son Listen that was a different person .
man , yeah , but I would have to use the knowledge that I do know about recollection of probably the knowledge of the soul , right ?
What I'm talking about is just like how that person interprets , like what well , like what's going on , because , but how does that change for a person ? You don't just all of a sudden say you know what , I'm going to interpret the world differently , right well , well , well , no , no , that's not what I'm saying .
Is that , like , once you , whatever way you have explaining it , of what happens , something happens and then , like , a new journey starts where , like , then you can , um like explain what happened or explain things , right , but I'm saying that up until that point , depending on what you believe in , is what's happening , right ?
Um , like , again , one person can call it luck , one person can call it like this was destiny , yeah , this was my karma , right , um , another person can attribute it to some other thing , some other thing , right , like , there's like a bunch of different things , but then , from that time , you can like say that , like , well , now I'm in power , now I understand ,
like , this is what happened and this is what happened . What I'm saying is that , like for giving advice , like , at least in my account , like , like if , if , if , I just like , if , if you just remove , let's say , like , both of you from my life and we never met , like , yeah , I don't know what , like what , what would happen ?
Like I , I definitely don't envision anything positive happening . So , like , like I viewed , I , I viewed in , like , in , in , in that kind of way , how ?
can you call luck if you're a mush ? No , but I get what you're saying .
You know what Listen we're talking about stuff that's like , okay , how do we get here ? Yeah , my take is that I believe in reincarnation .
Yeah , then you're saying we might be like you know those guys in the cave 5,000 years ago when we reconnected .
There is a reason why . Right , if they were objectively , if they were gravitating naturally towards objectivity and I am too I have no problem saying that we might be the descendants of some people that we fuck with right now , that are dead . Sure , Socrates , Plato , Jesus , Buddha , all the motherfuckers that had objective truths lined up with them .
I have no problem saying that , that we might be within their circle , you know , somehow somehow connected to them . I have no problem saying that . That's how I feel . You know what I mean , Because I mean Socrates believed the recollection of the soul . Right , it's not . You're not getting any new information , You're not discovering new information . Now .
It's your soul , right , that is in the plane of already objective truth . Right , it's inside of each and every single one of us , and through this lifetime we were just remembering the things that our soul already knows that's for sure , and I definitely feel that you know , and it makes me feel good do you ?
did you feel that always , or more intensely , when you fell in love ? I felt that , since I discovered philosophy , since you discovered philosophy .
So always , always or more intensely , when you fell in love , I felt that , since I discovered philosophy Since you discovered philosophy .
So always , well , no , not always Always since you discovered philosophy , yeah which was like 17 , 18 .
Yeah , and then obviously part of falling in love was intensifying everything .
Yeah , yeah , but I don't think that you can , that you could feel the love that you feel now without objectively lining up with particular things like you wouldn't be able to to feel those kinds of feelings . I agree with you .
100 , you know that the only reason why I do feel the way I feel and feel good is because of the fact that I'm lining up and gravitating towards or valuing those things , those objective trips , oh yeah yeah , that that .
That's also why , like , I think that like elder has that trait of like , um , like at any moment he's um like , he's fine to hold court or to like put everything on the line , because I feel like um innately , he probably um knows that if he does not do that like , then he does not continue living like the life that like 100% .
You have 100% . I have to stick by what I believe all the time and I feel that and that's within me and that's what guides me . You know , I think that's one of the reasons why you guys are still sitting here and still fucking with me . You know , because you somehow line up with the same shit . You know , because you somehow line up with the same shit .
You know what I mean Objectively the same mind as yours too , you know , yeah , and I think it feels good ultimately , you know , and I'm having fun , you know . And I'm having fun .
You know , and I think that the faster you marry those two , where you have the objective truth with that ability to have fun I think humor is a big one Right , then you can have like fill yourself exponentially with laughter , happiness and those types of joyous moments so you can be a happy person yeah , but I think that , um , the lining up of objective truth
is , is the fun like that ?
that , like , uh , yeah , like I like I don't think that you get something and then you have fun with it . You naturally have fun when you understand something , and it's actually true , because then you can . That's how you can incorporate comedy to things , because , like , how many times are you called out for like like talking silly about things ?
I feel like yo , yo , this is like serious yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , I love those right I love those , right it's like that person's not understanding something . Yeah , you understand something . Yeah , and that's a a fun reaction to it . Fun reaction to it . You can't have fun when you don't understand something .
I'm telling you right now if I don't understand something , I cannot have fun and I'm going to be probably a piece of shit . But then the other person who's understanding , they understand what's going on and they can have fun with it that's right .
Right , yeah , and I think part of having fun is having the ability to not hold those attachments to certain things that people do hold attachments to because they identify with it so much . So , yeah , it's a conundrum .
We are still fighting against what Buddha said about attachments being the big cause of our suffering yeah , that's why , again , like the , the lapse of memory , no , the the understanding of the importance of putting everything in the line at any moment . Is the anti-attachment ? Yeah , it is , it definitely is at any moment . Is the like the anti-attachment ?
Like a thing ? It is , it definitely is yeah , because attachment always proves to be like a blocker of learning or like a blocker of understanding see , but in the moment I'm not .
If I do do this in the moment , I don't actually think about it that way but like what he's saying , it sounds like an advanced thing right .
What ? Like what you just said . You have to be ready to hold court at any time .
Well it's definitely an advanced thing , yes , but it's the only way to be happy .
And the other thing that you also mentioned earlier about that it takes 20 years . It's also an advanced thing where it becomes a second nature or part of you , right ?
Well , yeah , but we're talking about individuals or we're talking about scenarios where you feel fully at peace in those things and you're able to fully have fun and enjoy them .
So they're all I I think very much inherently very , very simple concepts , but the way that we need to talk about them is that , like , yeah , we need to say that the way that they are in relation to us , based on where we're at , they're extremely advanced things , yes , but like I said but to a kid but if you have that , if you have a kid and you
understand this , they will be extremely simple concepts to that person oh , I think that this is going to be like fucking two plus two algebra yeah
yeah , no , I agree . But I'm just thinking like , is the process right to get to what you're describing ? You don't just arrive at that one day . There's a process that you have to go through .
Well , there's certain things that have to line up kind of yeah , you know what I mean , and obviously they probably revolve around virtuous thinking and action .
Yeah , that's why us understanding what's right and wrong is not the difficult part . That is extremely easy . So what's the difficult part ?
Well , the difficult part is to yeah , yeah , well , like , yeah , going through the process of embodying that and you yourself aligning with those things , you yourself bringing out all those attachments , all ideas , uh , you , um , bridging the gap between awareness and unawareness , right , um , that that is your process in individually .
That is aside from , like , what's correct or not not .
Not like , um , correct , right , yeah , like , I guarantee you , if we , right now , sat here and , let's say , we committed seven days of being together and we're just going to wherever we are , right here , we're just going to fall asleep and we need to rest and then , when we wake up , we'll eat whatever and we'll just continue the conversation , we took seven
days to just write down everything that you suffer from and we , you know , have a crazy question answer session . Go through everything , um , I would almost guarantee that we have answers to everything . But after that seven days , it is gone .
Even if we recorded all those answers , you would not be able to understand or feel the way that you'd like to feel from those kinds of things , because you would need to go on the journey of .
Practicing .
Again , of practicing those things , of understanding it and then bridging the gap of awareness and non-awareness .
Why didn't you check your sister , Mike , when she barked at you ?
Why ? Because there's some unresolved issues there .
Yeah , you see , you didn't check her , yeah .
Well , I did , but not like the way I should have .
Yeah , yeah , you see , yeah , that right there tells you that there's something going on , some kind of attachment , some kind of attachment , some kind of view , a world view that you see , that you cannot practice what the ? Right thing is in that moment ? No I get that ?
that I know . No , but my thing was the way he was describing it . He was like making it sound like , yeah , I don't know how to like explain it , but if you want to run a mile , there's no other way besides running that mile you cannot circumvent , so you have to take one step at a time . Yeah , so you don't just like , uh , become advanced .
No , you know that that's what I'm trying to explain , that you got to where you are but you did the same exact stuff , um , in order to like get that . So you had to be unaware , then you became aware , then you became practicing . So , yeah , yeah , because the way totally is making it sound it's like it's such a far-fetched , unreachable thing .
Well , it is , maybe . Maybe it's discouraging , it definitely is it is .
Yeah , yeah , I mean . But to who right if you a person of attachment like you ? said the people , the people that are on the island , identify themselves as , let's just say , black independent women or white independent males or whatever it is right .
Your attachment to that identity right , depending how strong that attachment is right will define how fucking far you are right . And the thing is , the problem is he's saying that a lot of times , kidding me .
Tell what the fuck attachments you have , because they've been so solidified in you internally that you're playing them out so automatically that you can't even call it for what it is . That's a crazy fucking problem .
Do you understand this ? No , I understand this .
You're suffering from that right now . You don't even know what you're suffering from . That's a given .
Yeah , how do you help that ? How do you help someone ? You see that by knowing that well , that's a start .
First of all , knowing that and agreeing with that like wait a second , because then that that triggers humility , right , that triggers like yo and do not always feel like for anything that , like you , you realize or that , like you like agree with .
When you first get to that phase , you feel like you realize a lot and then , over time , you realize it was only a speck of dust compared to everything else . Yeah , why does that happen ?
Because , like you can realize something , there's no way you're going to get the picture that you're going to get until you go through like many hours and many days and many years of like .
If you want to call it like therapy right , or like talking about it or practicing it , understanding it , or like problem solving it right or reviewing it , then you get an idea like , oh , like hey , like yeah , I'm just an angry person when it comes to this . Okay , this is what you think .
The issue is , the more you get into it , the more that you see that , like you're actually an angry person in every kind of thing , in every kind of activity or stuff like that . So , like , whatever problem that you thought was the problem , it always expands and it always goes further and further and further .
Right , as you realize , and I have the capability to like understand more . Why were you willing to ?
let your sister be exempt from the objective truth that you've discovered . You understand , I'll keep drawing the same point , because this is the point that he's talking about . You decided to have a little exemption box for the person . You know what I'm saying . Yeah , why Attachments ?
why attachments ?
attachments right , supersede what holding court ? He said you ain't hold court . You were supposed to tell her yo , what are you talking about ? You had to right there , break your relationship right there on the spot , and say I no longer fuck with you .
You stand over there and I stand over here , and this is the line , and it's not drawn in the fucking sand , it's a concrete fucking wall yeah , but the issue with doing that is again , when we're talking about for most people , that is them they're like , at least for me , for certain , for example , issues I have the feeling that you have internally .
When someone says to do that , is you throwing everything away you feel the same way about this , your sister situation .
That's why you are scared .
I feel like that , yeah , you do how do I know that in those moments of feeling that like that person has , or like you know , if you're talking about your example ? The feeling that you have is that for you to do what Elder is , for example , saying is that you would have to throw away everything that , like you guys , have ever had .
But that's what it takes , right ? Yes , okay , so explain that to me and not in hypothetical terms .
All right . So in order to solidify the character that you're practicing right , you have to willing to go deep and jump headfirst into the pool .
Right , okay , but no , you said something about attachment .
Well , yeah , what's the attachment ?
Well , the reason why you didn't do it is because of the attachment of what he said , of throwing stuff away like what well , the , whatever it is that you're attached to , right history , your , your relationship , your relationship right and in that moment you identify with her somehow , yeah , if for you to do identity of this like holding of court thing , would be
you you would , you would basically , it would be like you agreeing in that moment to kill your sister which you actually are
doing . No , yeah , maybe I'll tell you what I think it is and then maybe you guys can explain it to me , because I'm not following exactly what you guys are saying and maybe you're saying the same . The way my sister is is because of the way I am , so the monster that she became is because I created it .
So now for me to now do what I have to do to her , right .
Which is the right thing . Which is the right thing ?
Yeah , is not seen as just in your mind . Um , it's no , it's seeing , it's the right thing to do . But I also know that I created her like that and she is that way because of me . So therefore , you owe her what ? So ? Yeah , well , no , I don't think about that .
But but thing is , that's why that's what the situation is why does she get the pass , though ? That's the thing , because I was the one who created it when I was asleep at the wheel . So therefore she gets the pass . I don't know , no , I don't know , I didn't think about it , but what she should get , right she should get justice .
She should get justice .
yeah , right , yeah , by her do right by her yeah , and the way to do right by her is sometimes challenging her , but for some reason she's exempt , it's killing off a particular identity , understanding and identity that like you have and maybe she has , but like in that moment , you're not willing to do that yeah , but I think there's something that we're , that
we're missing , then what is it ?
it's this , all this , no , but the thing is like I have to maybe something has happened that I have to accept that I did that I created this person take responsibility or accountability ? For it maybe forgive myself . I don't know if that's the right thing , yeah , but maybe even ask for forgiveness from her . Yeah , oh , I did ask her forgiveness a while ago .
Well , there you go , for all the stuff that I did , but I guess maybe I need to ask myself for forgiveness and see that , hey , I was blind .
No , I think that you need to grow a pair of balls , which you're trying to do , and confront that which needs to be confronted .
Well , yeah , I mean , I'm not saying that .
Listen , we're talking about some of the things that come up and you just . This is a fresh example .
Yeah , this is why I'm making it an example .
Yeah , of course I'm making it for what it is based on the conversation we're having . Right , you're sleeping , you choose to fall asleep .
Well , because I was the one who drove her there . I created . Well , so what ? No , I don't think it's just that simple . Well , because , until I take responsibility and let that thing go off myself , be like yo , I did this , I was drunk , I was at the week , I drunk at the wheel , sleep at the wheel , whatever . She became a monster .
I contributed to this monster . I didn't know what I was doing at the time , like okay , like I have to like accept myself whatever . I'm not even sure what the process here . That's why I'm asking yeah , but that's , but that's .
You're not asking . Well , you're saying what's actually happening .
Well , I'm explaining to what's happening , but I need to somehow process that . Oh no , You're justifying .
Right now what you're doing ? You're going through the process of justifying as to why I choose not to imply virtue .
No , I'm explaining to you guys because I yeah , I didn't think about this before . I just sat up and thought about it now . Yeah , so I'm explaining to you what actually is happening . Um no , and I get it , yeah , but do you not see that justifying so I can continue doing it ? I'm no , no , no no , I know that .
I know that you're not trying to justify , justify to continue doing it .
You're justifying why you did it yeah , so so I can make sense of it , so that I can process it . No , like , how am I supposed to understand why I'm making a mistake ?
Well , no , I'd like for you to be honest as to what happened . I don't want you to justify it so you can understand it . No , I want you to tell me what happened . You know what I mean . Within that moment of ridiculousness that transpired , that transpired , you decided to be quiet , you decided not to push back , you decided not to ask questions .
If that's the default that you're trying to get to right when it comes to your dad , your mom and others , right , and you do it very naturally , why was that not the same way to go towards your sister ? There's some kind of attachment , there's some kind of relationship , there's some kind of relationship .
Well , yeah , that's what I'm explaining to you guys , that's what I'm saying . Well , there you go .
There's no way to explain your behavior without justifying it , because , at the end of the day , you did what you did for your reasons . Yeah , now , if you're honest about your reasons , you can then maybe confront them and see whether or not they're serving you or not . Well , yeah , that's what I'm trying to do .
I would like to confront them . I just didn't know what the process is now . Yeah , If I'm leaning towards , this is what happened . You know , based on you know me and you spoke , that I feel like she was the lookout for me , Plus , you know .
I helped to mold her and not have to Do you realize this is where the biggest growth can occur .
No , I don't realize it yet . You don't realize that ? No , but I'm not sure if I'm supposed to . Why is that ? Why is what ?
Why is that is not recognized that this is where the biggest growth can actually happen ?
Well , because you can't be understanding and aware of something that you're not aware of .
You're going back to that ?
Well , you can't jump around that , bro , that's crazy . Wow , well , do you not always see that ? What's ?
No , you're right , I'm not arguing you . No , what I'm saying is that compared to any of our things .
If you guys see something about me and I don't either see it or disagree with it , don't you feel that it's crazy to you ? It is crazy , yeah , okay . And then now to the opposite spectrum . When I see something and I'm like that's crazy .
Yeah , where I disagree with it . Right , that's my default . Yeah , but right now I can talk about it . Right now you can talk about it right , right now . Same thing with the relationship . Yes , okay .
So it's , it's right now . You can talk about it , right , we can bring awareness to it . To me , it is the biggest gain for you . For you , it is not the biggest gain for you . That is the disparity , clarity . Do you understand that ? Because even though it's an attachment , I see how huge this attachment is right to your previous past .
Let's just call it or whatever the fuck it is . You know what I mean that when you finally cut this cord , you're done with it . You finally jump . You know what I mean you finally did right for you , you did right for her and going forward , despite the fact that it might feel like totally says it's a fucking breakup . No , it's the biggest makeup is it ?
is it ? Maybe I'm not understanding it , but I don't feel like it's a breakup . Well good , because it's not . Am I supposed to feel like that ?
you so in the moment in the . Moment you act , you do feel like it's a breakup that's what you don't do unconsciously well , yeah , but but that's like , if you really thought about it , I think that you can get to it . I'd like to get to it . Because , there's a Attachment For you to act how you act .
There's going to be a short-term infliction of a crazy pain yeah Right that you , in that moment , are going to potentially inflict on another person and you're going to feel that , yeah , and that feeling is a feeling of like you killing somebody .
Have I not done this to anybody else before ? Is that why I never ? I can't relate to this feeling .
No , no , no , no no , I think that you've done to some degree , maybe on a small degree , but , like I said , it's the areas where you have the most attachment is the biggest growth that can happen . So it's a really , it's an identity suicide within that moment .
That's what totally says that Is it identity suicide for me and for her ?
Yeah , so it's changing your sister , how she is going forward with you .
But in that moment you're going to inflict a crazy amount of pain on her and you're going to , and in that moment you're going to feel it , which is why , when these moments come up , you don't do it , because the outlook of it yeah . Yeah , the outlook of it is too bad right now , you know this does not mean that you can't do it .
I think you will do it and I think you understand the importance of it and with due time you will have an opportunity to do it and do it properly . You know what I mean . I think you can do it , but nonetheless , this is your bar . You know what I'm saying . This is the bar of violation . You know what I'm saying . This is the bar of violation .
You , over here , when I signed you up tomorrow right to go pick up the grill , or Sunday to pick up the grill , you said yo , eldar , excuse me .
I didn't say anything , you did say something .
I didn't say anything , you did . You had a reaction , mike , you had a reaction , I had a reaction , you did . Oh , okay , totally . I don't remember when I said , hey , you're going to go with Toli you know what I mean to pick up the grill on Sunday , mike had a reaction .
He's like yo yo , wait a second , wait a second , don't sign me up for that kind of thing .
No , you said don't sign me up for that kind of thing .
No , but you had some kind of reaction where you disagreed , like yo , wait a second , I'm not signing up for this fucking trip yet . You had a reaction . We can run it back , but you had a reaction and I respected the reaction . That's why I even pushed even harder and I was like started making fun of that reaction . You know what I'm saying .
So that's where it shows me that you are in tune and you're understanding that there are certain things that you don't want to violate yourself . You know what I mean . You have certain self-respect which you can exercise and you can bite back and bark back , but in certain instances you still can't . You know what I mean .
The liberation comes from what Tully said . I think that when you finally discover objective truth and you embody this objective truth , you are objective truth and therefore you are happy . There's a reason why you shared that .
What you shared with me about emma right is because you weren't happy with how it transpired the , the ridiculousness that she accused you of , that . You're like y'all what the fuck is going on here . You know what I mean , but nonetheless , it was a very easy check , which you didn't do , and that's why you felt the way you did .
And when you start checking it , you'll see that you will be the authority figure that ultimately , like Tully said , is going to be irresistible for them to not line up the way they do .
I think that's what we're still looking for and that's what we're still striving for towards you becoming the leader of the family and being righteous , not for yourself only , but also towards them , so they can really line up with you and become more successful . But right now , as you know , they're still running your market .
Yeah , yeah , like . My vision is that , like , when this happens , what you're saying right , you probably will fall in love within one year , I would say , or less .
Wow , why you got to dangle that candy in front of the fucking guy that likes candy , you know , in love with somebody else or myself ?
Well , no , that's the thing .
I think that what he's saying , that he has , he has understood the yeah , the equation .
You guys , understand it , because you have a outlook that I'm . You're not in it , so that's why you see it differently that's why I can't relate when you ask do you see this is your thing and no , I don't . I see something else is huge yes , you know .
No , no , no , no , it's these little moments of where the disparity , of a break . There might be other moments that you haven't shared or you forgot or you're not even aware of . The reason why I'm bringing up the Emma's example is because you shared it with me .
You might be having something at the gym with one of the guys whoever you know what I'm saying that we're not , you know what I mean , aware of .
But even like the thing that I shared with you where that guy violated me on the call and I told you like , yo , he looked me in the eyes and said , yo , it was out of you , like that , like a jerk off , and I was like , oh , it was out of me , I , that's it . You see that what I did , right there was . I remembered what he just said .
I just banned them for life in my mind . Yeah , yeah , you know what I'm saying . Yeah , he doesn't understand that . He went into the locker room and he was sucking my dick in the locker room why he's a fucking idiot . You know what I'm saying .
You can't look me in the eyes , lie to me , to my face , and then be buddy-buddy with me , because I remember this you can never say hi to me again for me to then acknowledge you . You stand over there , I stand over here . My principles are my principles , your principles are your principles . You understand that .
I check that within the moment because , even though I'm playing basketball and competitive , my mind is still on . I still know what's right and wrong .
Yeah , oh , there's an attachment to a murderer . You know what I'm saying .
And that's it , even though I was cordial and nice to him before , I entertained his bullshit . But now the bullshit came out , that's it , and now we know exactly where we stand . I said bye to him . He didn't get it In the locker room . He's still trying to be nice . I'm like my man . I didn't say the word to him . You know what I'm saying ?
Yeah , so if you're in tune with this kind of shit , it carries over , it keeps carrying over and over and over . So then when you do do it , you feel good about yourself . Like I know where I stand , I don't feel like a bitch . It feels like a fucking bitch .
bro , don't tell me good game or like trying to do small talk with me afterwards after the fact that you looked me in the eyes and said , yeah , it was out of you knowing what you know . You fucking violated me , bro . That's how I felt .
You know so , and I think that that's what totally he's talking about that if you feel that way , actually you put that kind of energy out , it's inevitable for you to be able to attract and give and be able to then be a vessel of giving .
You know what I mean I mean I , I mean I think I said this like I don't know five , six years ago . My my take on it like on , like , for example , like mike's relationship stuff , like yeah , like like I feel like I always said that , um , like until , uh , and until the relationship with like family and friends is in a particular way , yeah .
There's no way that you can I agree with you have a relationship like a romantic one , absolutely yeah , but it's not even the relationship with family and friends .
I think it's the relationship with myself .
Well , no , I mean that's part of it , yeah , and .
I think then , yeah , then that's everything else . If I don't respect myself , I'll let other people disrespect me . Well , that's what it is . Yeah , that's what it is . But I think the relationship with myself is you know , I'm learning that more and more and more yeah , how important and how to keep it you know what I mean .
Um , because those things , small things , matter . Matrix came up to us and said yo like ah , that was not a big deal , totally wait a second , that is a big deal . But what happened , what transpired in the chat because of certain accusations and stuff like that , that's it . Yeah , when I separate ways , I feel a lot better .
Bro , you know what I mean , yeah .
I mean , yeah , I have the same thing as you , because all those guys , they all want to do the same thing , like nothing happened , be friendly , and I'm like I'm over there , like I'm acting like a mute retard because like I don't fuck with you like that , I don't want to laugh with you . I don't want to joke with you .
I don't want to shake your hand , I feel extremely good about this . Yeah , yeah , it's like I feel extremely good about this Again and again , they reassuring us to say that , yeah , what we did was right , because of the fact that they're coming back to us like hugging me and stuff . He kissed me , bro . Yeah , he kissed me on my cheek .
Yeah , I said what the fuck ? Yeah , so he missed me .
Yeah , Me too . This guy said to me on Wednesday he's like I miss you , man , Came up to me while we were hugging me and fucking shaking my hand a couple times .
What is this ? What is this ?
You don't know what's going on ?
we don't know . Yeah , no , they don't .
They don't know what's going on , yeah , yeah , yeah , but again , like , again . That'll always show that , like the life , life will have its way life will have its way yeah , that's like the life , yeah , that's like the most . Life is undefeated . Yeah , yeah , I mean it's the most unstoppable force .
It is the most unstoppable force . So life is God . Yeah , I mean Right , yeah . Yeah .
Yeah , it's like the uh existence that was put into place will always like um like will prevail . The way that things were constructed is that they're going to prevail whether you like it or not , yeah one way or another , but does that not bring you peace ? Well , yeah , it does . The realization of the .
The realization of this brings me crazy peace , yeah , but until you align with it , you will experience suffering .
Yeah , you're right , you know .
That's what you were kind of saying just a minute ago about the biggest thing , right , mm-hmm ?
To me the biggest thing was , like , I guess , thinking about purpose in life and , I guess , trying to examine as much as possible and and , like you know , knowing that if I do make a mistake which I will , you know or if people make mistakes that I'll always want to analyze as much as I have the capacity you've been yeah , but I think that was like me
understanding the purpose . It's like it's not a destination , it's not like to be someplace , it's a journey like , um , you know , I have , uh , some kind of idea of enlightenment . Obviously , yeah , that sounds great , but I know that enlightenment happens every single day , like well , no , you work on every single day .
But don't sell yourself short . You do know you have an idea .
The more you think , the more you have an idea of the enlightenment no , but I mean , enlightenment is moment to moment , day-to-day kind of thing where , like , yeah , the more you practice and you know to be aware , to be patient , to like you know all these things that we constantly referencing , talking about , that feels like and that's why I was trying to
connect it to that 20 year thing where , like , in order to get to that place where you're this enlightened 20 year guru , like who , like fucking , you know , always walking around at this , I don't know , I don't know a bad way to explain it , but like it still happens every single day you have to be on point and be attentive , be aware , be focused , be
humble . You don't have to do shit . Don't use those words . Sure , if you want to , I want to . That's why , if you want to , you could .
You don't have to . None of this shit is a requirement , bro .
It's a choice .
No , no . I just think that when you understand the benefits and understand the design you have , no choice in the matter .
Well , that's how . I feel I have to , but I also want to . Yeah , don't mislead the people that are listening . Yeah , they can run a conversation together .
We are having a conversation , but people are listening , yeah .
Yeah .
Especially Joe .
Hey Joe , what's up , Joe ? Yeah ?
Yeah , and like , if you want to say that like , for example , right , and they just um have put themselves , I guess , or maybe they are in a position where there's enough of a following of them , where society views them in a particular way to try to give them time , time of day , right , but like um them just listening to that person umuring , I guess , almost
in like a way , like I'm not convinced that they changed any kind of like a way in the way that they want to or in the information that they actually hear .
Yeah , maybe , but I think that part of it is , you know , like you said earlier , it is social . So , even though we may know some things right , or think we know some things , we still listen to like other people's takes , you know , philosophers and things like that but he's saying a very specific thing though .
That's it in regards to the fact that , like yo , they don't . Guru is a guru just for guru , but it's not necessarily mean that any of that will translate towards , like you know , a miracle fucking worker where it's like here you go , now you're different .
I'm more convinced , for example , and I actually think , that this is happening and like unfolding right .
I think so what the gurus are doing is that they might be saying something that is truthful , but they're more just like lecturing it and just saying it and just more in like a way , sharing it right yeah , what they're trying to do is maybe spark some thought in a person .
It's like the thing you guys we couldn't like you were saying it's a karma is a luck . I think they're trying to figure out a way how to make that maybe happen . That's what I thought .
I'm not sure if they're consciously trying to make that happen . Will those moments happen , maybe ?
yeah , is it intentional ? I don't think so yeah , you don't think they're intentionally . The gurus are trying to like awake people . Awaken them .
Well , they are trying yeah sure they are the thing , I think where maybe they ?
the thing is the problem is right , like again , I think , in the moment of again , those gurus that just say , hypnotizing those individuals into reason right is a good thing .
Maybe it's a well , that's , but let's call for what it is it's a very temporary thing .
Yeah , but I also think that the people that are doing that in that kind of way , I do almost feel like they're missing some information themselves which I don't know how Like I don't have an explanation as to how if they actually understand something , I think a more effective way , but it's definitely not as sexy or mass-produced yeah , or mass-produced .
If you know something , you actually do know something and you actually are a guru , I think that maybe in a lifetime you might have capacity to like to actually in , to actually put enough time in to actually okay . So I feel like an actual , more effective method , but , like I said , it's not a very sexy one .
Is that like , if you're a guru , you probably have capacity to maybe make let's just say , a one to three , like to actually make one to three actual other gurus ?
yeah , but in order to become well known , you have to have thousands or millions . Well then , that's what I'm saying well then , that's what I'm saying .
Is that , like , like , like , if , if I got to a point where , like , I actually know something and I'm practicing it and I'm living a certain way , I cannot picture myself ?
yeah , then what you're saying ? Is like doing that like that person to have a circle around them that they can influence to help better . So so they go for this huge thing . Is that what ? Because that's what it sounds like .
Well , I can't like , because you know what I'm saying . I just don't know like what information because , like you can hear some of the things that they're saying , right ?
Well , the problem is yeah , sorry , it's all . The problem is with some of these gurus , right , and the way they turned out , like , for example , Osho , who was revered by a lot of people , right , you know how that shit turned out . A ?
lot of people died .
Yeah , a lot of people went to jail . Shit went berserk . Well , that's what I'm saying .
Like those guys At the end of the day where it's like , if you're a guru , right , I mean the way they do play out , unless you justify in his head that , like , I did see this and I'm okay with this playing out the way it did , but to me it's like yo the fuck , how could you ? How could you ?
Yeah , the thing . Yeah , Like to me it doesn't make sense .
If you have a personal relationship or understanding , you know how to guide individuals to frustration or ways of animosity to get the things that you want . And these individuals clearly displayed that . Like that's no way near a fucking understanding of enlightenment . No , you know what I mean Now .
If , like the Dalai Lama , or when the Chinese invaded Tibet , right , and the Tibetan monks sat in front of tanks and got killed , like that's like , to me it's like holy shit . Like they knew something right Through a peaceful protest , kind of like , and they said I'm not going to allow , I'm not going to do no violence , I'm just going to let them kill me .
That's enlightenment , right , that's enlightenment forever . You , that's enlightenment forever , when they were able to sacrifice their lives for the cause or for that thing , when it's like non-violence . Or Gandhi did the same thing . He said I'm going to starve myself if you guys fight back . So the people that follow me don't fight back .
Because we're non-violent , and I think that's the responsibility that you carry , as a guru at least .
To make sure that the piece is upheld . You know , yeah , no-transcript , have like and have , let's say , thousands or millions of people like just list , listen to you and I'll put their lives and they and they actually make the change , actually like like . I'm not talking about them understanding a few concepts and and and . Maybe it's just doing some yoga poses .
Yeah , no , no , and and and . Maybe it's viewed upon in the way of like , okay , hey , I can either completely change let's say like a couple of people's lives and and like , create gurus out of them , right , who who know like just as much as me , or more right . Or I can say , okay , I am going to reach the mass audience .
I'm not going to actually create any other gurus , for example , but maybe people will have slightly better lives .
So what are you saying then ? These guys are just , they're actually out for they become famous .
No I don't know .
The question is , what are they out for ? Yeah , I don't have an explanation for this .
I was saying that like if they actually know what they know .
If they actually know what they know , they'll realize that you don't have to go for millions .
My professor realized that .
Well , yeah , maybe there's something that I don't understand . But I'm saying , is that , like , I don't understand why they go about that process of doing it ?
Because , like , for example , like they go about that process of doing it Because like , for example , like , yeah , I just don't see , like I don't see more gurus created from those gurus , and if that's not happening , then there's something wrong . It jigs up .
There's something wrong . You see that I agree with him .
I agree too , I agree 100% . So then they're not actually guru . Well , he's not saying that .
Well , no , no no , I don't know what's , I don't know what's like .
I see a lot value like , for example , like , um , if , for example , let's just say like if elder is a guru , right , if he could pass down that knowledge for , for example , to me and you , and we become gurus like actually right , we either become like him or like supersede him , for example , right .
And then if you could do that to one or two other people and if I can do that to one or two other people , and then that chain continues of those gurus creating gurus , like over time there will be a significant enough change .
Um , that'll be actually like forever , lifetime lasting , and like for as long as , like earth exists , like lasting , yeah , in that kind of way . But again , that requires like a very what's viewed upon or maybe like understood as like a very small change , but it's a crazy one , like , it's a crazy phenomenon right ?
my professor said that it's not . I asked him . I said Paul , why are you teaching here in Bergen Community College ? You know what I mean he's like . Well , first of all , eldar , I think the kids in Yale , they're going to be all right . But he said , you also don't know .
All I have to influence is one individual and you don't know how far that ripple effect goes . Yeah , and I mean but you have to spark one mind . Yeah , I think Tupac even said this . You know what I mean . Mm-hmm .
In his Machiavelli like raps , yeah , and a lot of these gurus that we see out there that are , like , again , the more known ones . I don't know if they've actually created another guru .
Well , yeah , the more known ones . I don't know , but know .
But well , yeah , I mean , listen , if you esteem me as a person who understands something , and I am of that value to you and I believe the same thing and I'd like for you to also live a good life , it is almost my duty , almost my , my purpose , to be able to pass that on and make sure that you're the best that you could be , to whatever limits you
have , which I don't think that you have any limits . You know what I mean . I think that self-empowerment and that ability to be self-empowered to a degree where you can , like Tony said earlier , be objective about your truth and live the way objectively , completely , so you can have outcomes that are completely desirable to you , you can enjoy your life fully .
That's because you align with objectivity .
You are objective , right , about the way you carry yourself , yeah , and the things that you get you completely in control of , and that's exactly what you want , which is you carry yourself , yeah , and the things that you get you're completely in control of , and that's exactly what you want , which is fun and happiness , yeah , and that's all where I think we're
preaching Another form of love Self-love , number one , and then external love , to be able to , you know , give that back and being infectious to others . You know when . They have no choice in the matter but to line up to you because of the fact that you know something . I think that's what you're going towards . You know what I mean .
I mean , that's why I'm calling you out the way . I'm calling you out in the first place about your sisters , Because I see the kink . I see the kink in your armor and to me it's huge , To you it wasn't . I hope to bridge the gap .
No , I mean , I know it's important , but the thing is , maybe I'm not supposed to know how big it is yet To me the question is why , right , why ? Maybe I don't see where it has its hands in everything .
Yeah , yeah , you know , I see it everywhere .
I see it everywhere , really , yeah , can you tell me where it's not ? You're not supposed to . No , I mean I see it everywhere .
Yeah , I see the fact that you're still compromised , and because you're compromised to a subjective experience , your objective experience is not going to be the kingdom that you live in yeah , yeah , I understand .
Can you tell me where the areas I do it ?
I can pay more close attention to it . Yeah obviously it's not just with Emma , but no , but I think Emma might be the queen of that kingdom . Yeah , there's another form of it . If there's some kind of esteem there that you put her on a pedestal , that might be it .
Plus , you're not really engaging in many different relationships right now you know what I mean when you might display this behavior , you know , and are you kind of like secluded to us and to your family . But as soon as you start dating , I think we're going to see a lot of that too .
Well , I'm definitely like , uh , learning a lot now , especially with the basketball and stuff . That's a huge area I think of , like , not seclusion , where I'm re-evaluating those relationships and the way I have , you know , engage in new ones . Yeah , because you know that's definitely like that's a huge thing .
It's very social , like you know , I engage in it a couple times a week definitely you know , yeah , okay , good , so I mean I'm paying attention . Paying attention for sure , and interesting things like obviously been like playing on stuff . Yeah , y'all haven't heard them tell me .
Well , the whole thing paying attention paying attention , for sure , and interesting things like obviously been like playing out and stuff . Yeah , I haven't heard them tell me . Well , the whole thing with the team that was interesting . Which one ? Well , the team , you know , like how we were on a team , and then the whole thing .
Oh that , yeah , yeah , yeah , I was involved in that .
Yeah , you were involved in that and then then with the sheriff , like I learned lesson . You know how he's , he is way , way a while ago . Obviously I learned that lesson . Yeah , we checked that a long time , yeah , yeah .
And then , um , just being careful , getting buddy buddy with new people you know on the court and that's your favorite thing to do yeah , yeah , used used to be there's randy's got you by your balls , bro they like . They like to chat with me , they like to chat with you , but I but um , yeah , yeah .
So I'm trying to be careful with those new engagements you know , but there has , there has well the chat thing that was like . I told you about that . Yeah , you know .
I think that was good based on what you told me .
I think the way you engaged him , that was good well , yeah , now , based on what you told me , I think the way you engaged him that was good . Well , yeah , now I didn't tell you , but he's like obviously I don't know . Did you hear about this ? No , so after that thing with the ref , you know , like a couple of days later , the incident .
Yeah , I'm sitting on the bench .
So quickly say what it is . So the ref got out of hand , started talking shit . You were there , you experienced that . The ref then gets suspended from the league because he was going crazy at us at our team . And then Chad comes on Saturday . Mike is there on Saturday .
He goes to me yo , what's up , team Snitch ? He says this to me . I'm like , yeah , snitch , it says this to me . I'm like , yeah , I'm like what the fuck is this guy like ? Like , like you know , I I disregard him , like I don't want to . He starts asking me oh so tell him what happened . I'm like I'm not telling you anything .
You already made up your mind , you know . He's like no , no , I heard one started story one . You held one . I said yo , I don't got nothing to say to you . You know , because you , coming in here , you're already fucking Calling me team snitch . You already know what the story you wanna know . He didn't say that to me . Huh , he didn't say that to me .
He didn't say that to you . No See , yeah , why ? Because you know he respects you .
You're a punk , I'm a punk , you're a punk in his eyes . Yeah yeah , team snitch . Yeah , yeah , yeah .
Because he knows better . Yeah , he knows better , yeah , to not say that shit to me .
Because I also saw him . He didn't say shit . Yeah , no , of course they were talking shit about you .
Yeah , I know that that was . Yeah , you know what . I mean yeah , yeah , but also he wants you to play in his leagues and stuff in the future . Probably . Yeah , maybe he's biased . He's biased , he like you're a , you know , yeah , you're a baller , yeah , so . So that happened .
And then after that I stopped talking to him , stop , like you know , engaging with him . And then a couple of days , a couple of weeks after that , I'm shooting around and he starts , like you know , feeding me the balls .
Like yo keep shooting , keep shooting , all buddy buddy with me , like you know , you see , you know , then he starts , like you know , feeding me the balls . Yo keep shooting , keep shooting oh buddy , buddy with me , like you know , you know . Then he starts coming up to me talking about UFC stuff . He's like oh yeah , that card was trash .
I'm like oh okay , you know that's it bro .
I want to fucking talk to you . You see why ? You see it , because you acted correctly . Yeah , he saw that like oh shit , they strengthened that you know what I mean . Like who the ? Fuck you think you are . Yeah , you set a boundary . You said , yo , this is right here , right now it's maybe in sand .
Yeah , I feel like there's probably a natural attraction between people that um experience something that they themselves cannot achieve or do or understand . That's a good point . And then there's like a attraction .
I agree 100% with him . So what he's saying is that Chad does not have the ability to set certain boundaries for himself , so when he experienced a boundary set for him , he's naturally is attracted to this kind of thing , like Nate , for example , right . Yeah , of course he gets naturally attracted to that . Yeah , of course .
They can't do it for themselves . We all crave that which we don't have .
That's right .
That's what he's saying .
But it's not like he's consciously doing it where , like he's not consciously doing it . He's deniable , like attraction towards what you yourself probably struggle with or can't achieve .
You understand . That's why that guy in the locker room was praising me or , like yo , trying to start a conversation with me about shit I'm like yo my man . You just looked me in the eyes and said and you lied to me . And then you fucking trying to single me out . This is where we at yeah , how does it feel ? It feel , mike ?
Yeah , or like for me , yeah , that now that you see what chad is , yeah who he's , your bitch bro .
Yeah , I mean , I don't , I guess you understand this yeah , but I feel like um , yeah , I didn't think about it like that , but like , no but that's what it is , a line there's a line there's a line that we don't cross .
You stand over there .
Like I'm not going to let that line be crossed from myself . That's right , not from him . That's right . I'm not going to allow that line to be crossed for that situation to happen . That's right , and if it does , I'm going to obviously speak up about it .
That's okay to say hi , be cordial , and all this other shit , but there is a line that you know you can't cross yeah . And you shouldn't cross . Yeah , I'm okay with Danny . Yeah , I'm okay with him . Yeah , but me and him , we clearly know where we stand . Yeah , yeah , he's looking at me like through a different angle now . Yeah , yeah .
And I'm happy with that . Yeah , she stands there , I stand here , mm-hmm , that's it . She has not disrespected me since . Mm-hmm . Why not ? She hasn't called me a scumbag ? Mm-hmm Ever Since Mm-hmm I don't know how long it's been Mm-hmm Three months , four months . No more Six months . I don't know , but I feel good . I feel good about it now .
Now he's buddy-buddy , you know . Almost make a little joke in there , fine , do it . He even fights for your calls now . He even fights for my calls now .
Yeah , yeah , it's crazy , but that's what I'm saying , that when you stand behind what's right , objective truth , the people that are around there , like their souls , almost have to naturally gravitate towards you and they don't know what the fuck is going on . Why the fuck Nate ?
comes in after a big fight and kisses me in the gym , says he missed me , I lost my mind , was like yo , like this , like yo , let me show , show some character like yo , show me you mad or something . You know what I mean yeah to come over to kiss me , hug me and shit like that . Like what the fuck ? I never got this treatment before . Yeah , I know .
So he says , yeah , they can't get it . Therefore they want it now more Because they don't understand . But internally , their soul respects it . That's yeah . Fuck them .
Fuck me .
Fuck them all . Fuck them all , right , fuck them all , bro , up until , like , we start seeing eye to eye and start having honest conversations . What are we talking about ? For sure , you journey in your life . I'm journey in my life . We're team snitch . My man , this guy almost went berserk bro . We're team snitch .
Yeah , you , the sheriff who didn't fucking acted accordingly properly in that situation , going around spreading rumors that we're the bad team . Yeah , you , crazy , out of control , won't ever talk to me bro . Mm-hmm . Now he's passing me the balls like hey , how are you Mm-hmm ?
Oh , who is the sheriff ? Of course , yeah , he doesn't look at my direction , which is great . He's an idiot . I don't want him to look at me . I don't want him to talk to me . I don't need anything . He was playing defense on me last week , you know . I didn't say anything to him . I don't fucking talk to him .
That's what I'm saying I just come in there and play ball .
I think in your case , through character , you got to those people . They have to be shut down .
You have to show your character through your gameplay by trying to of focus a little bit better yeah because you're fucking airy up there , out there yeah , you guys felt like I was airy this game a little bit yeah yeah , really that's crazy the whole time , or at least no , no , no , in the beginning of the game , more so so in the first few minutes , 100
because I told you guys , I warmed up , yeah , but I was actually made it . You , when you told me , like yo , kill that old man , lock him up , yeah , he , the first half he didn't score anything . Well , yeah , like I had intention to lock him up .
Yeah , then he was doing some weird shit . That's because I was tired , bro okay , I was finished .
Yeah , okay , because I mean physically I was exhausted I couldn't run with him . No , I get it I couldn't run but I was playing defense , I was trying to make the effort to yeah , like lock him up .
I wasn't thinking about shooting or anything .
I just wanted to make sure he's not doing anything and I think he didn't have anything on me really , maybe one or two shots , no , he had some shots , no , no , in the second half some wide open shots he had some shit when I wasn't guarding him , but when I was on him he didn't do anything .
And then later , as I got tired , he started catching me with like jumping and stuff . For sure I did , but I was locked in . Okay good . Even on the weekends when I go like the last few weekends I've been also being focused playing defense I've been getting like three , four blocks , bro , on some days . That's good . That's good , like what's it called ?
Danny , and this other guy I blocked , like I'm actually trying and focusing . You know that's good . The black team .
You know the one guy I blocked , one of the yeah , one of the guys that comes and I think that's part of your character , developing your character in those areas where you socialize and you're being social and you're able to express yourself properly .
But you don't just play good defense just because you're angry , totally no , no , oh , I also was talking shit to that Israeli , I think one of the Israelis . You know he was me and you came to play we lost the first game . Yeah , and he's like yo , he goes to me , he goes , not today . Oh yeah , yeah , yeah , I remember this not today .
Not today like mad serious about it and then we smoked him and then , and then we beat him . Yeah , I came up to him and I patted him .
Like I gave him a pat , actual physical pat . I was like yo not today .
But I said yo don't leave .
Don't leave . Play again . Yeah , and we beat him again . Yeah , we beat him again .
Yeah , I remember that . Yeah , Because I was like yo I'm going to focus because , hey , first of all , I actually enjoy it . Yeah , you wild for sure , but it's also yeah , I mean it's good to fall .
You show some character , not just you know , just because you're that sneaky guy that makes layups , but you can also show some character on the court , yeah , yeah , but mentally fucking bullying these guys , yeah , good . So the journey to valhalla ? Totally . So we have anything else regarding ?
Regarding being able to keep awareness for long periods of time and not be able to punk out or sleep on it when we need to .
No , I mean , I don't have anything more on that , but I'm curious , like that thing we were talking about . Maybe there is no answer , but like that karma , that luck thing , what you guys are talking about , I'm trying to understand if there's like you know , something like I think we talked about it before .
Maybe it's like why are you worrying about it ?
you're not subjected to it no , no , I'm just interested in understanding , like , how does how does somebody like get into that ? Like , like , is it what ? Like a survival of the fittest thing ? Like , what is it like ?
is it what ? Like a survival of the fittest thing ? Like what is it ? I mean , some people die bro , ignorantly , that's for sure . Yeah , and I think that's part of the lesson that needs to be learned . Right , we're like what I think that we're experiencing right now is precious yeah it's amazing , it's a beautiful thing . You know what I mean .
But some people act in such a way where it's like it's whatever . You know they're reckless about endangering their lives . I mean definitely the shit that Warren be sending us in the group chats and shit you know what I mean People just balling out . So I don't know .
Yeah , I don't know . I don't know yeah , I don't know . I don't know the answer either to it , but but I don't know , I'm not sure I mean to me . It was just interesting , you know . Yeah , cause like , just like , because I don't know .
It's hard to in a world where we always try to make sense and understand everything , just to say , like karma or luck , it's like to me it didn't . Yeah , it's like a head scratcher still . Hmm , totally , maybe you can help him with it , maybe it , maybe it's like , maybe it could be a help to other people . You know , maybe not , or maybe it's like .
Uh , you have to figure out on your own . Get to this point , then you can help ask other people for help , you know yeah , I don't know .
I'm thinking about that , like , how do you awaken right ? Like , yeah , how do you like oh shit . Like yeah , you know , my oh shit moment came from , you know , when my mom started reading certain texts and stuff like that to me about .
But , yeah , like , what was it that you were receptive in that moment to actually hear that ? Because I'm sure your mom told you . Yeah , your mom has stories for years , bro . Yeah yeah , I know . I hear them all the time . So it's like what made you listen in that day , in that time , to that specific story ?
Yeah , it's not even her story . It was a completely different thing and I was completely receptive to that . I was completely receptive to that . I was like wow , yeah , like there's more to life than this what I'm experiencing . I guess it was a perfect timing of amount of suffering I guess I was experiencing at that time which I was yeah .
But you were like 17 , 18 .
I was confused . I didn't know what I wanted to do . My sister was just kind of like hey , like yo take these courses , you know Money's good there , whatever you know . I didn't know who I was . And then , like when my mom brought that book and she starts asking those questions and stuff like that and reading those things .
I was like , oh shit , there might be more something to it . So I started reading and I started waking up a little bit . And who woke up ? I'm not sure . But I don't think it's the first time or the last time I wake up . Mm-hmm , that's how I feel . Yeah , you know , mm , yeah For sure . So can you call it lucky , I guess ?
But no , I don't feel lucky , bro . Yeah , I feel like it was destined . Yeah , you know what I'm saying .
It was more like no , it was supposed to be this way yeah , but like , maybe an explainable thing right is , maybe people who are experiencing like unhappiness have enough humility to let in yeah , to like inquire from some kind of source , to like let , yeah , yeah , like to inquire from some kind of source , to let in something that will spark , I think , a debate
yeah , internal debate , internal debate and kind of where it goes from there .
Something that will spark , I think a debate yeah , internal debate , an internal debate and kind of where it goes from there will determine , probably a combination of like how unhappy are you and then how humble and interested can you also be in order to be happier , in order to continue to piggyback off that , and then it gets to a point where it just explodes
over time and then you don't have a choice in the matter .
Yeah , like , why did it totally gravitate towards me at the rec ?
Because you're nice with it . You know what I'm saying why .
I don't think it was basketball Sure , sure it was .
You can say that it was , but also I think it was the thing we were talking about earlier , that the energy you had , the confidence , the way you carried yourself . He maybe felt it and maybe in the moment he didn't know it extends beyond the basketball but he wanted it in that .
But his soul understood it and , like yo , I want that yeah .
Well , I thought about maybe , like maybe for you , I don't know about having fun , some connection with that . Like , yeah , I think you always wanted to have fun as much as possible in life , Even when we met each other .
Yeah , senior year .
Yeah , I think you always wanted to have fun and I think maybe life was like everybody was telling you like yo , that's it , no more fun , no more fun , no more fun . Your sister and you maybe thought , like yo , this could be an avenue for having fun , and maybe that's what you heard , yeah , and that could be like a maybe on a soul level .
Maybe I don't know , maybe , but that's what came to mind , you know .
Maybe it like you can't have . You gotta get a job , you gotta get a career , you gotta do this . That high school is done , college like everybody's . Like yo wait , is there another way to do this ? Yeah , I think that's why we are where we are , all of us together .
Yeah , that's because , you know , I took an unconventional route , totally took an unconventional route .
You took an unconventional route to the ship , yeah , and I mean I'm happy but I guess was the idea born out of having more fun for these unconventional routes and choices . The idea might have been already installed in us .
Yeah , I mean , I don't think it was out of a more fun thing , because I think that a person that doesn't understand doesn't have the ability to even think about fun . Yeah , fun is an afterthought . Fun is an afterthought . It is an afterthought .
You don't think so .
No , I don't think it was a conscious effort to have fun . I think it was just like .
Maybe not conscious , but on a different level , preserving probably that .
yeah , Like fighting for it , yeah .
Yeah , I think subconsciously you were going for that . I think it was the opposite .
I think he was probably getting to a point where he was having the least amount of fun .
Yeah , and felt it , you know , and then he felt it , yeah , and then spark text that sparked some kind of debate which then eventually enabled him to have fun , and then it was a like as much of that as possible yeah and forever life thing I do so what are our final thoughts , guys , about this memory thing ?
there's no cheat code or what , totally no , I mean , I feel like the way that it works it makes sense . Yeah , like memory is like a tool , right , like it's like a tool that you use and if you have way more memory of one thing than another , then like it's gonna come out and that's , and that makes sense . Like that , that doesn't make sense .
Yeah , it would make less sense , like if someone's in your life for , let's say , a year or two years or five years , or you talk about things for five years and you're trying to undo , like 20 years or 30 years or more of um , like , uh , yeah , habits and understandings and all that and and and , like I said , I I'm still a very much of a believer that
the , the child version of you , um absorbs like a lot , and a lot of understandings are formed like there , and undoing those is significantly harder than new ones formed as an adult . Because , like , I just feel like there's some forming of like the brain or something that happens during those ages , some like development .
Solidifying yeah .
Right , that are , those roots are going to be like , uh , planted like the deepest you know , and undoing a lot of those things is very , very hard .
Um , also because , like , like , if you're , for example , like 10 or 12 or 15 and then you're like 30 or 40 or 50 , right , like going back to those times and thinking about those situations is , I mean , it's very hard , right To know when . When did you make the choice to do this ? When did you make like like , going back that far is very , very hard .
Um then then something more in your adult life where you like remember more , yeah Right , um , you just don't have like such vivid memories of before , like actually like vivid , vivid of like just daily , everyday things .
You can , you can have vivid memories of like PTSD events or something like that , but not like daily , everyday life , right , like no , you can't even like picture that anymore , um , so , so like yeah , to me it's a tool and it and it works in that kind of way and it makes sense and , um , it plays out .
But then it also can make sense and play out for the good in like a way where it's like when you do actually learn these kinds of things and they , they become like um , who you are , like , you also never forget those either and you can never turn your back on those things yeah you know so , and if you do , you're gonna get fucked .
You can't , you're going to get fucked . You can't . You're not going to get fucked because you can't , you know , yeah , so yeah , I feel like the memory and those kinds of things works as intended and yeah , I mean All right , thank you , mike .
All right , thank you .
Mike . So do you guys think it's like a somewhat of a like a this memory thing Is it ? Is it selective , maybe subconsciously selective , like ?
with my situation . I think it's a very selective yeah Right , yeah , yeah , you'll remember what you want to remember and you won't remember what you won't . Yeah , like you said , if what you want to remember and you won't remember what you won't . Like I told you , if it's predominant , it'll dominate . If not , then it won't .
Up until it will . Yeah , the selectiveness comes in whether or not you want to tackle that problem or face whatever you need to face . In that , you know , with my situation definitely is the case with Emma . I selectively chose that , probably because I wasn't wanting to or ready to face it at the moment . For whatever reason .
Obviously I'm not sure if that's important .
Which I think is still a good mechanism to have as a human . I think I mean praise the Lord for that shit , because you know ignorance is bliss . You know what I mean , and it's , it's a way of maybe , like you said , coping mechanism .
Ignorance is bliss till . You know otherwise .
Oh , that's right , yeah , yeah .
Like not just a specific item but in general .
Yeah , yeah , no , I don't think so . What Ignorance is not bliss ?
No , okay , fine , okay , yeah sure .
Because what's going to play out is's gonna play out , is gonna play out whether you wanna , whether you know it or not , or like you're ignorant to it or you're , or you're aware of it .
Right , you're gonna feel the wrath yeah , it's definitely not bliss , but it's yeah with time . Yeah , you always lose . Yeah , you lose . I guess ignorance is bliss if you never find out right .
There's no he's saying there's no chance .
He's right , yeah , there's no chance .
There's no chance man Sooner or later , life will be life . If it's not right now , sure , in the moment you can say that , like in this specific moment , yo they were ignorant , they didn't feel the pain , fine .
But they will feel the pain one day or the other in this lifetime or the next , right , yeah , or the next , yeah , yeah , that makes sense . Yeah , I don't know , I don't have anything else . Really , it's a lot to process yeah , for sure , I guess .
For me , yeah , there's no shortcut . There's no shortcut to this shit . And totally pessimistic suggestion for 20 years might be , might be spot on , but if you fucked yourself up for 10 years , don't you fucking dare think that it's gonna be one year , don't you fucking dare ? You know what I'm saying . Strap on , strap your seatbelt . It's a long ride , you know .
You know what I'm saying . Strap on , strap your seatbelt . It's a long ride , you know , because your fucking ignorant , prideful self is going to have to go through the turmoil necessary in order to get back to seeing things for what they are .
Yeah , I would say that , if you're whatever you believe destiny or luck or karmic thing yeah , if you stumble upon this podcast , get ready to get on the get fucked express train .
You know what he's right ? Yeah , if you . You know what I'm going to read , what I have on the X ? Right , I'm going to read it to you guys because I put this up and I was like , yeah , this is appropriate and also again came from one of these epiphanies . Number one is get humble to get fucked .
Mm-hmm , that's number one right Caution New episode drops every Friday at 9 o'clock am Eastern time . Right Caution Whether you like it or not , we will adopt your mind . If you want to keep running amok , our pod is not for you . That's what it is . But if you did stumble upon it yeah you're done .
Yeah , because I feel like it's so crazy how it works and like paradoxical in a sense . So like if you actually stumble upon something that is good for you , you're going to first experience more pain than pleasure which is a crazy thing and then . I guess , like your ability to withstand it , will be the deciding factor . Yeah , that's interesting .
And then I guess , like your ability to withstand it , yeah .
Will be the deciding factor .
Yeah Is like you're , like a pledge , almost like to get in . To get in . You know , and that's how it always works , because part of change and part of doing that is having what's wrong pointed in your face .
And if you're having that to begin with you're not accustomed to that to begin with and you're not going to like it it's not going to be a fun time for you for a good amount , for a good amount of time , right .
But the question is , can you withstand that not fun enough time and still have the and still have , um , the desire to find out , can , can , can that supersede , like the , uh , the , like the momentary pain that that happens for you to get over the cusp ? You know .
Yeah , that's good , it's interesting , and some fall , some can't do it . All right , totally . Thank you . This was great . Those were the final thoughts . Outro Music you , thank you .