Corporate Hotline: Naked Zoom Calls, Office Hookups, and HR Nightmares

Today we are reading salacious office stories. Some of them occur at home with your camera on. Others take place in the supply closet of your office. If you're hooking up with your boss's wife. Maybe don't. We're going to talk about it today. Natalie, for a second there. was blinded. What is on your finger? We're talking my engagement story. This episode gets very spicy. Tune in. Motorheads. Good to see you all. Happy Tuesday. What were we doing the past hour? And by we, I mean me.

What were we doing? Setting up my mic and looking through my parents' house, trying to find AirPods. What we're going to do about it is we're going to come in hot because today we're doing a corporate hotline, which means we've got some confessions from all the freaks that follow us. We've got some news.

Some other stuff, some random asides, you know, all the stuff that you come to Demoted for. We've got a little bit of everything for you all today. And we pulled our audiences from Corporate Natalie and Corporate Bro. So we got even outside of the motorhead.

Yeah, all the people we can't seem to get to listen to the fucking podcast, even though they're diehard followers. They're participating now. Yes. Yeah, they're participating in giving the true motorheads, the real ones, the people we actually have little. little pieces of our heart invested in the information and stories that you crave so much. So I'll kick it off because this comes from...

Uh, one of my followers and I laughed out loud when I read this the first time when it was submitted and I was like, we're definitely using this one. So, uh, I'm told by this submitter to keep anonymous like we always do. So.

That should go without saying. I was super anxious one day after a planning meeting for a virtual conference. I got off the call and went to take a bath to try and relax and decompress and get rid of anxiety. Got out of the shower and walked to the window of my room and dropped my towel.

Stretched by arching my back and then turned around and dried myself off. Turned around and see that my camera light is on. Holy shit. I ran over the computer and I hadn't left the meeting in the virtual conference software. Nobody is on anymore, so I hurry and exit the software. Immediately, I see a pop-up that says recording saved. I click to view the recording. It's an hour long. I fast forward through the meeting, then the blank empty space, and then boom.

Out comes a man from the bathroom in his towel, drops the towel with his full dong hanging out and stretches backwards like he wants you to look at it. Then he proceeds to turn around and bend over and starts drying his legs while you get a straight shot up his b-hole.

I am watching this of myself. Most strange, horrifying, anxiety-inducing event in my life. And it's saved on the virtual conference server. There's a little piece that continues here. But I'm not going to lie. When I read this at first, I thought it was a woman. I did. Completely. Well, first of all, I'm feeling a little anxious. I'm going to take a bath. I'm going to take a bath.

Okay. Then when I realized it was a dude getting up and just forming a C shape with his back, dropping the towel. I was like, it felt like I was reading soft porn a little bit. Like, so I dropped my towel and I leaned back. I spread these cheeks and I said, hello world. And I show the entire world camera my butthole. Like, how? And also, like, I don't even do that.

First of all, I never just like arch my back alone after dropping my towel. Like I've only been like an inverted C for the last 10 years, but let alone, like I don't do things when my computer is open. I'm so afraid. Not even on a call, okay? That's fair. My computer being open, I assume they're watching. Yeah, I...

I mean, how about my own little Corpy confession right here? Every now and then I come out of the shower and I walk up to our window and I tell what I tell Becca is I need some vitamin D for my vitamin D for a second. For a second. It's like a joke, right? I mean, I'm doing it, so it's real, but it's a joke. I'm like, sometimes the sun needs to kiss my body where it doesn't get a lot of opportunities to.

I need a kiss down there. Everywhere. And I'm talking like 30 seconds. And also my window is kind of angled off the street. Also, it's my house. What are you looking at? Can I just. Say for a second, like anyone doing that is weird. You doing that with having such a massive platform and being actually famous is insane. You live in a crowded city. I do have a massive platform, but you're not talking about the platform. I know what you mean. I know what you mean.

But here's the thing. I've never arched my back. I want to be clear. I never arch my back. Straight back. Straight as a rod. As straight as a rod and I never reached down and grabbed my toes. Do you think Becca living with you has aged from exhaustion of dealing with your shit? She has created an Instagram account that she's never posted on called Married to Ross.

She just like says, I'm going to post you doing this freak shit like me having conversations and accents with myself and other strange peculiarities. But she hasn't gone through with it. Mostly because she knows I'll be canceled. She'll be canceled.

My fiance recently said, he's like, if you can just cut it with the accents, I think we talked about this last pod. Please stop with the accents. It just, you can't get out of a situation where I'm actually frustrated with you with an accent. I have so many good accents, most of which would get me canceled. And Becca's the only one.

who gets to hear them. So that's what I got to do for you. I'm glad you do a bunch of every, you have a big repertoire of accents. And you know what? If you play your cards right, maybe I'll show them to you too.

Just saying. Great. I do see there's a bit of a resolution here. There is a resolution. Let me finish it up here. Yeah. Why don't you finish this? So this is continuing on from our fellow who had recently arched his back and shown us his butthole. Okay. I reached out to the marketing director. owns admin permissions that I have an emergency and need her help. While I waited for her response, I found that if I scrolled down on a menu, it gave me the option to delete recording.

But I'll never know if someone saw me on that call that kept running or if some soul has that recording somewhere on a server.

There's a piece that did get cut out where he was like panicking. He's like, I couldn't figure out how to delete it. So I reached out to the marketing director to be like, hey, I need permission so I can go in here and delete this thing. Please don't look at it. It's my butthole. But he did end up figuring it out and got it deleted. However, we will never know if someone was.

stayed on the call a little extra long, maybe just like him, forgot to log out. Imagine just reaching out to IT, like, hope this note finds you well. Yeah. I bared my butthole to a company camera. Yeah. And you know, I would have at least saved the video locally just so I have it for me because you never know. I wish we could see it. And I'm sure one motorhead out there actually has it saved to their local drive. But alas, we'll never know. Please send it to us.

We'll share it, like, comment, subscribe. If you have a butthole video you want to share with us, contact at demotedpodcast.com. Do not send them to me. I have gotten some butthole videos before and I do not want any more. Okay. We're going to do rate my butthole. It's going to be an awesome episode. Everyone come through. Let us know. We might do a live show. We're like, why don't people want to sponsor the pod? I don't. We're talking about rate my butthole. Speaking of buttholes.

Speaking of male buttholes, I know we're shooting this in 4K and I saw something on your finger and I actually like blinked like really hard. I thought for a second I went blind. What is on your finger? I am engaged. I got engaged. Oh, my God. I just quaked. Oh, my God. Motorheads. She's engaged. It happened. She's engaged. This wench.

Found someone to love me forever, and I couldn't be happier. She conned him so hard, and it worked out. I tricked him. Ross and I were joking at the top of the pod that he would be in the bridal suite, of course, as one of my bridesmaids. Me. We're talking about me. I would be in the bridal suite. In a robe.

getting ready. Getting ready. With some under eye patches, getting his glam done at 8am. I do the towel twist over the head that folds back. Totally. And I'm just sitting there with my fingies out. Just get me. Just, hey. Get me. So, yes, I did coerce a man to love me. He proposed.

And it was a whole surprise party. The whole plan was like we're going to his mom's birthday. And boom, we're actually picking up his brother at the golf course. Oops. And also, I feel like I was in a state of mind at this. point in time where we had gone ring shopping earlier in the year i'm just kind of being a blissfully unaware yes woman and me being the just like

constantly chewing glass, annoyed, evil person. Is this the time he's going to propose? Were you just like, is everything going to be the proposal? No, but not that. More so like anything he would say, I would be like, oh, of course. Yes. Which was such a positive, great way to just go about life. Because normally if he said, can we pick up my brother at the golf course? I would be like, does he know how to Uber? Yeah. Does he know how to Uber? We have to pick him up?

Like, I actually wouldn't be able to say yes to any of this. So then then when he said the brother thing, I'm like, OK, yeah, perfect. Sounds good. We get to the golfers like, oh, we're here a little early. Do you want to go look at one of my favorite spots in the golf course? My heart falls to my butt. Bye.

I know it's happening. I start shaking, you know, at this point, of course, because there have been like tiny little, but the, but the let's look at my favorite spot on the course. That's something a man only says when some real shits happen. You want to go see my favorite spot on the golf course? Like you're proposing to me.

Awesome. So I lose all motor function. I'm shaking to open the door. I'm like, Oh yeah, that's good. I love golf courses. I'm not saying anything. I'm commenting on random things I'm seeing. Look at that guy golfing. There's another guy golfing. What's going on? I'm losing my ability to speak. We get to the spot. He hugs me. He starts crying. I start crying.

Gets on one knee. Turns out it was way too quick. Photographer wasn't ready. We turn. He's holding the box. Photographer is like sideways holding an iPhone. So we don't have any engagement picks, which is totally fine because the memory will last a lifetime. We not not to hide. This is not a hijack here. It will feel like it. We didn't get any picks either. Becca and I didn't. We asked someone to take a picture after the fact. Anyway. Yeah. You're like on a random lady. Yeah.

Just out of high school. It's like, hey, can you just like take this picture? Congratulations. The fam was there. You also had a party, right? Fam was there. A lot of people ask because I did post a photo of me in a white dress. And a lot of people ask like, oh, did you know you were in a white dress? My actual engagement, I was not in a white dress. My mom.

My sweet, sweet mom laid out five different dresses for me to choose from. And I hand selected the white one of my choosing, put it on. I hate them all. I'm going to go get one. Went to the party. No, they were all gorgeous. Thank you, mom. Went to the party and he gave a little toast there, shared all his feelings about me. My dad spoke. It was, it was beautiful. He's a wonderful fellow. And maybe one day we'll talk about it.

I know him. Wonderful guy. He's endured dinner with me several times. I think one odd thing I just went on. I just went on Victoria Garrick's podcast, Real Pod. And we, you know, of course, unpacked the whole engagement. And I was mentioning because he's. entirely offline and i i did post

three photos, two photos of us for the engagement, just because you're like so happy and you want to share this thing. Right. And I didn't really realize the gravity of like how much people would care. I don't think I just. I view myself as a character. I just don't think. Oh, come on. The parasocial relationship is so real. The girlies love it. It is a little bit.

It is a little bit. And just the like bride culture of people being so excited for people to get engaged. The post got 250,000 likes. I've never had more success with anything I've ever posted in my entire life. I'm like, babe, we got to just.

Start a YouTube channel, become like a family vlogging thing, because this is going really well for us. No, I'm kidding. But no, this is the difference between men and women navigating the privacy versus me being so public. And we're walking down our street the day after our engagement. we got four people just congrats congrats yeah we're like thank you stranger let's celebrate see that's the difference though between like men and women i post like i get engaged to becca and someone just goes

Gay. Oh God. I know your followers are pretty tough on you. They're so brutal. I'm like, wow. So brutal. I post, I post, did you see what I cooked yesterday? I cooked a gorgeous tuna steak. Everyone's like obsessed. Everyone's like. Really, bro? Like, stick to the comedy. Are you serious? I'm not kidding. People are like, ew. This is trash. What are you doing?

And I'm like, I'm so glad not a single male besides you follows me. I don't even know if talent, our producer, follows me. And I'm comfortable knowing that. I'm like, guys, it's just a story. It disappears in 24 hours. I didn't post a reel or anything. I didn't make a video. Could you let me just post a picture of my real life? Yeah, people are like, fucking dance, clown. I'm like, okay. All right, well. It's insane. We should do another episode on

I mean, if you're interested, perhaps more of a girl talk, but the amount of brands and like the monetization behind weddings and people reaching out and the knots like we want to sponsor you. New York Times journalists, we want to feature you like just. to a flame it was crazy that's obviously we're pretty much taking nothing because it just

I don't want to have to work on my wedding day and I want it to be this special thing, but it would be interesting to talk about that. This girl jazz, I don't know if you saw this influencer, you barely scroll that she posted almost a hundred videos the day of her wedding.

a hundred videos and she had a full-time team working for her taking content she did trends it was a full production and she gained hundreds of thousands of followers of people being invested in her narrative as a bride And it was like the most marketing genius thing ever, but could never be me. But Jazz, shout out to you. That was incredible. I'm going to call me old school. Call me a hater. I hate that. I think that's I think that's shit. I think that's trash.

personally and i feel pretty strongly about it like i i don't know for us though for sure but she has said like it didn't feel like work i this is my whole life i broadcast my whole life like you know whatever and i think as a viewer you love that

Not you, because that's that would be so far from your FYP. But yeah, yeah. No, I don't I don't know anything about that. I just I'm old school, I guess. I'm like weddings are intimate. Like it's like a family thing. It's like one of the core, like primal things that we have long before social media ever.

exist and i don't know why it needs to be like a thing i don't know i'm just i'm just like old school smaller is better like like like that's just so not classy to me that is just like that's just like crass and like like makes me want to throw up and i feel sorry and i'll stand on that business all day long and you keep this in yeah you hear me talk shit about this jazz you want to talk about i'm happily talk about it but like you do that you say that

To each their own. I thought it was cool. She also is giving back. She she's giving to two brides all the money she made in the creator fund through all the videos, which I think is kind of sick. So that's cool. Maybe let's have her on. I think we're in two different camps on this. Disagreement is healthy. Ross had a very small wedding, COVID wedding, right? Which is why, obviously, the only reason I wasn't invited, of course. We also didn't know each other.

Yeah, that's true. It was a COVID wedding. And we didn't have any friends come to that wedding as a result. So it was like 60 people. Which I'm an aunt. So obviously now things would be different. We did throw a party later. If it was today, obviously you'd be there.

But yeah, I don't know. It's just like, I'm like glad it worked out that way for us personally, just because it was very intimate. All my family was there. Like the people that are important, the people that matter, like should social media disappear or the rest of the world, like the things that matter are there.

So, you know, to each their own people can do their own thing. That's like, again, I'm old school and I'm happy to have people completely disagree with me and hate my take. And I can I can live with that. OK, so you're getting engaged, which means you're going to have seven different parties sort of like leading up to it. Bachelorette.

bridal shower, engagement parties, the actual wedding itself. You know what I'm going to do for all of those? Your brother hosts one. What are you going to do for all those? I'm going to rip a Z-biotics. For those who don't know. what zbiotics is okay it is this game-changing product that both nat and i use before a night out of drinks it's called pre-alcohol and we like to call we like to say here on demoted and with each other when we text each other before going out

Let's get Z'd out tonight. Let's get Z'd out. Bring a couple Z's because we know what happens next. I saw someone ripping one at the wedding I was just at and I had forgotten my Z-biotics at home and I was devastated. I'm like.

Hey, Pat, can I take a hit of that Z? Yeah, let me get some of that. They're like, no. Anyway, a little bit more about what Z-Biotics is because it really seems too good to be true, right? It's not. It's not. Z-Biotics pre-alcohol probiotic drink is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic.

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engagement weddings party we wanted to talk about before engagement when everyone was doing insane salacious things in their office conference rooms. We're getting into some corporate confessions. These are going to be quick. We're going to start with actually my confessions from my followers, which I think you'll notice perhaps a shift in tone between the woman confessing and the men who are.

Ross's followers, but we'll get to his later. Let's just run down the list and start start giving these confessions and unpacking them. Yeah. And by the way, this doesn't seem like it's before marriage. My work bestie had a relationship with a married guy she hired on her sales team and got pregnant with his baby.

Kept it secret, but the kid looked exactly like him, so everyone knew. She didn't get fired until she had another affair with a guy she hired. No way. I don't know if this is who should be your work, bestie. TBH. I think... having a kid with a married dude is like, you are just standing on business. Yeah. I don't know. That's, that's reckless as hell. That poor kid.

And then and then it doesn't end with that. She's still on the hunt. Another dude she hired is her new boyfriend. Yeah, I just can't. That's I don't know. Say this one's very similar. I'm currently hooking up with my boss's wife. And I have been for years. Should I end it? Probably. That's going to hurt you. That's going to come back to you. That ends badly. I just truly like, I don't believe people can keep these things in their whole life.

I think maybe our grandparents' generation, like my grandparents will die covered in secrets that they just have never let out. I don't think our generation can. The digital paper trail is just. I feel like with our spouses too, we're so open and we know.

everything about them we have their location like i don't know it would be crazy to me to keep this and that means that's because you're a psychopath and that type of stress like how do you just eat you alive i don't know next one here a married co-worker knocked on every single hotel door on the floor to Find my room at 2 a.m. That is scary. Wow. This is a theme. It's all married. Imagine waking up and just being like, oh, sorry for knocking. Anyway, what are you grabbing for breakfast?

Oh, you're the freak who was knocking on everyone's door. My GF never told anyone in her office of me, even when coworkers hit on her. Red flag? Meaning this person, his girlfriend, never mentioned that she was in a relationship even when people hit on her. Red flag? Yes. You know what? You know what I like to say? My partner always has to the first thing out of his mouth must be I am engaged to my lovely fiance. Me on a night out with the girls. Yeah.

I'm not engaged. Who wants to try this on anyone? I'm, I'm, I'm completely single with you ladies. And let's let me wing woman the hell out of you. No one wants an old engaged hag. So tonight I'm single. Yeah.

I just keep my hand in my pocket. No, but I've seen girls too who like are in my extended group who are just so willing to take the single narrative a little bit too far. And I do think you should just, if you're not proud of your partner to shout it from the rooftops, there is something wrong.

Yeah. And I mean, look, things, life ebbs and flows. You know, everyone knows when they're like going a little too far. I would hope. I can empathize, sympathize. I don't know. One of those, one of the thighs is with people who kind of like take it a little like. further than they should and then just drop like with no intent right and then they drop the bomb at the end like

Yeah, you just wasted somebody's time because they thought like, OK, maybe you're doing it's like at the very end of the night or at the end of the conversation. Yeah. So my husband, my wife. Yeah. Anyway, sorry. My wife just texted me. What were you saying? Oh, fuck. So I don't know. Oh, I'm so. OK, that's good. Well, you like to prank people. So that's kind of your bread and butter. I love pranking people. Yeah.

All right. This next one. Veterinary conferences are giant orgies. And now I'm terrified to travel for work. Awesome. It's giving furry convention. It's giving furries. Yeah. It's like. I don't know what to say about that. All right. Another one. This next one is terrifying. It's terrifying. Office was an old hospital. Coworkers got caught banging in the abandoned morgue. What am I supposed to say? The ghosts of hospitals passed just like haunting you at your 2 p.m. I'm good. Yeah. Thank you.

I know someone who got said the ghost. That was your ghost. That was my ghost. Thank you for that. That's an accent I can do and not get canceled. That's my ghost accent. You're allowed to do ghost and Italian. And that is it. And that's it. That's all I'm allowed. Okay. I know someone who got caught having sex in the prayer room. That feels namaste. To me. Forgive me, Father, for I have come. Sorry. Sorry. I don't know. I don't know.

That was a good one. Thank you. I froze. So I had just long enough to think of it. That was great. Company wants cross-cultural exchange. So my friend slept with her German counterpart. Guten tag to that. Awesome. Yeah, that's fun. I got an HR write-up for saying pussy at a work happy hour. The email states, I said pussy.

Sounds like you said pussy. Sounds like you might have said it. Sounds like it might be an HR violation. But I do think a tasteful just calling someone a pussy is kind of funny. It's funny. It's funny. And I know that word hurts people. Like some people like really cringe at that word. But like, like at the right time, that word is so fucking funny. It's so funny. Apparently someone parentheses pooped next to the toilet. Yeah. Oops, I missed. That is. How do you miss?

How do you miss? You know, you know, the only time that that's OK, which is which is never the only time you see that and you don't, you know, you just like are like, all right, that's just another thing. Outside lands or any similar music festival music. Oh, well, that's just like.

The dude was on Molly. He pooped at the side of the toilet. Like that's, that's what you pay when you get. He was so close. That's what you get when you pay for GA. Yeah. He almost got there. You can give him that. I met my best friend at work, fell in love, ended my marriage. Now I'm queer. Cool. Awesome. That was a whole path there. Thank you. I mean, that is a lot of life summed up in three commas.

The crazy thing about these confessions, when you do the question box, they have to keep it concise. I'm sure there's so much more color to this story. Oh, yeah. I like it. We'll just we'll just have to leave it at that. I love it. All right. Here we go. I was hooking up with two guys in my office at the same time.

I'm marrying one this month. I wonder if they know that the other person was in the office or if they all still work together. I mean, I'm sure they know. And here's the thing about guys. Guys will approach that in a way that's like, oh, you also got with her. Awesome. Sweet. Awesome. So you want to grab a coffee or something? Girls would ruin your life. I would too. So that's, and that's the sad reality. It's like, why are they allowed to be okay with this? I don't know. Double standees.

Double standees. I had sex in a tanning bed with another employee when I was a manager at a gym. The gym? Can you explain to me, like, is there enough space in a tanning bed? I've never been in one. Like, are they stable? Like, could you do that as a reformed tanning bed user? Yes, I went to college in South Bend, Indiana. Yes, there was a tanning bed salon on every corner. Yes, I wanted to be tan.

If you looked at photos of me from college, you'd be like, wow, she's really dark for living in Indiana. OK, OK, OK. Anyway, I always did the tanning bed. And are they big enough for two people? Absolutely not. It's like an MRI tube. You get in there and the things here.

Yeah, it's literally this close to you. I'm imagining kind of like open casket situation here for this bank sesh. Definitely open casket. I hope they I hope they wore their protective eyewear because that those UVB rays really do be getting your eyes. Now that's the vitamin D for your vitamin D. Correct. Maybe that's what I should be doing. Excellent callback, Ross. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. I was his boss. Ick. We hooked up in a fancy hotel and then he got fired for stealing 500K. Cool. Ick.

Sounds like regret. Can I ask you a question outside of these confessions? Do you pick your nose? Probably. Yeah. I mean, if I feel it. If you feel it, you pick it. Yeah. I was just talking with my best friend and we were just laughing our asses off because we realized we're like, we've gotten so comfortable picking our nose that we just do it in public.

I don't I like am very conscious of like, is someone going to see me do this? Yeah, like I like I just caught a reflection of myself picking my nose. Just now? Just now? While you were reading the confession. It's not even picking. It's just like I'm itching the outside. No, that's fine. I'll itch the outside, but I'm very clear. I come at a wide angle. I'm like.

By the way, I'm just itching. I'm just itching. I just like caught a reflection of myself and it's so fresh in my mind of the comfort that I feel picking my nose. So I would love you to just check me on that if and when you see me like digging. Hey, can you, Hey, yeah. I mean, Hey, like you're picking your nose. Could you stop? If someone hands me a tissue, I say, can you hand me a tissue? I'll do the, like.

The ghost finger where you lay the whole thing over. And I will dig. And I will dig in front of someone. You do the tissue condom? But yeah, the tissue condom. And I'm like, that's fine. That's socially okay. Because I asked for tissue. If there's a cover. Right. Right. Yeah. Okay. Got it. My finger's got a dental dam. Okay. Anyway, back to the confessions. Had a year-long affair with married boss, during which time he got me a 20K pay raise. It actually says...

20 pounds. 20 pounds. I don't know what that means. I can't convert. I don't know what that means, but that sounds like a lot. 20K pounds. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it paid off. Okay. Hooked up with my boss and intern at the same time. Sorry, not sorry. I hooked up with two coworkers at the same time from the same office. Nobody ever found out.

Manager slept with a direct report, got caught, fired her, and got himself a promotion. That really seems like kind of the anti-hero arc, but alas. One time my boss gave me oral in a large conference room in a high-rise after work. It's nice of him. You're assuming it's a he that's nice of them. That's nice of them. I was thinking it was, it was, it was guide a girl in that, in that situation. Guys are not like, yeah, she gave me oral.

Who uses the term oral? I don't know. I mean, this is Gen X talk. That's what it sounds like to me. This is Gen X talk. That was kind of like when you gave yourself a hand job. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. I, 30M, hooked up with my CSO's daughter, 19F at a company retreat at a winery. 19 to 30 is crazy. Yeesh. I don't know why. It just it feels like too wide of a gap. Eleven years. It's just because when you're 19, you're so young. She can't even drink at the winery. Oh, that's so true.

That's like, but it's funny if it was like, you know, 40 to, you know, 29. Fine. Fine. 19 is just like a child. 21, I feel like is like the legal adult age. If you could drink at 18, I would view an 18 year old as an adult. I mean, they're technically get tried as adults at 18. I just I like I guess visually now I see college kids and I'm like child.

Like that's that that's I thought I was an adult that like look at those children. No, when I watch college sports, I used to just like I would I laugh at myself for idolizing these literal boys who would play on the Notre Dame football team. Insane. All right, final one here. I sleep with my coworker who only sends me this emoji. I know this is like a Korean thing. What does this mean? There's like a Korean thing where it's like, I love you.

Okay. So maybe he's saying I love you or he's just doing like a, like, I feel like this is like. tiny violin. Yeah. I mean, it is kind of tiny violin, but it's like a, I don't know. I don't know if this is what they're referring to, but that's the only thing I know about it. The Korean thing. Okay. Last one. I hooked up with a coworker on a work trip and he gave me herpes.

All's well that ends well. Giving herpes is so not chill to me. Super not chill. I think that's not chill. Super not chill. Really not chill. I can't imagine something less chill. Here's what to say when you catch your coworkers hooking up. Now that. Is some serious hardware. You know, when you catch your coworkers hooking up and the first thing you think of is let's comment on his piece. I am a guy's guy. I guess I'm late to the all hands. I don't think this is what they meant.

By managing up. I see someone took lean in a little too literally. Can you guys go camera on, please? Is this part of the new company wellness program? Your interdepartmental synergy is off the charts. I didn't know they were doing trust falls in the supply closet. Guess we can cancel that team building retreat. I see you really committed to that workplace.

flexibility initiative. Well done, Samara. Now we're going to go to my followers real quick and we're going to kind of speed. We're going to go speed read through some of these things here. So my husband and I worked for the same tech company, Las Vegas sales meeting. God, I know how this goes. Knock on the door. I answered.

A woman who reported to my husband was there in a t-shirt and panties. My dumb ass didn't suspect. Anything. She came in our room and had a totally normal conversation with us like she wasn't having a massive affair with my husband. She was. Her husband also worked for the same tech company. I divorced his cheating ass. The other couple is still married and still cheating. These like married.

couples who work at the same company kind of scare me. I don't know why. Here's the next one. Boomer coworker showed me her vag in photo library while we were trading kid pic photos. She was just trying to show you where the kid came out of. I don't feel like that's that weird. Blacked out in Miami hotel. Ambien plus shower. Wrong door. Wound up naked in the lobby. Came back from mat leave and made up a new title for myself. No one realized.

Now it's official. Love that. I love being forgotten about. I used to hook up with someone new on nearly every work trip just to feel something. I had a guy complain his year-end bonus wasn't enough to pay for his new hot tub. It sounds like a sales guy. Dude just wants to sit shirtless in his backyard with a Corona. Is that a crime? For three years, I have photoshopped receipts to get more money back, including my 1.5k personal development. Always fake. Lol.

I also lied that I live 40 minutes from the office so I can blame traffic for being late. I live eight minutes away. Wow. Wow. That's called milking the system. And I love that for you. That is milk in the system. Okay. Sales VP that hired me got fired two weeks later for getting arrested in a prostitution sting. What's a prostitution sting? I want one. So I was at one last weekend. Basically what happens is.

The cops set this whole thing up and like one of the cops poses as a prostitute and then someone like brings that prostitute in and then all the cops burst in and were like, we got you, motherfucker. We know you're running a prostitution ring. Got it. Okay. So it's like a setup, basically. Really scary, but definitely some of those like TMZ. Yeah, it's just a Saturday for me.

I let our SVP of customer success suck me off and now I have to reprioritize the roadmap. Why do I have to read that? Vag. Pussy. Suck me off. Gave me oral. All me. I love this episode. SKO, Vegas, 4 a.m. Sawhead of legal with sex hair. Leave elevator with founder. Both married. Obvious shame. We call that JBF hair. Just been fucked hair. That's what we call that here on the pod. Here on Demoted.

As a manager, I make my direct reports where binkies when they miss their activity numbers, i.e. a pacifier. That's insane. Is fishy on the binky? Not really. We're trying to keep him off that shit because they'll get like addicted to it. Like he doesn't really need it, though. I had one until I was six. Yeah, exactly. If you want to talk to my orthodontist, my overbite was.

Horrible. Go-worker fired at Offside for being drunk and urinating on a fake tree in the corner of the bar. Now, this is a little more tasteful. And why was there a fake tree there? Like, I gotta pee. And to be fair, he might not know it was fake and thought it looked underwater. I work at a fancy brokerage firm with a guy who cut and ate his fingernails at his desk. His name was Ross.

I do bite my fingernails and it's a problem. You bite. You're a biter. I don't eat them. Unless you're hungry. Yeah, Becca's like, we're going to go get your nails done and then you're going to not do it. And I get the nails done and I'm like, oh, this is just a challenge. You get a gel manicure.

biting it off. Guy got drunk at SKO, threw a marble side table out of his hotel window. That was day one. Perfect. Welcome to the three-day conference. Enjoy. CISO at my old company referred to himself in the third person as Big Daddy. All right. I was indirectly asked to make squishy with a client we pitched. We didn't close it. Make squishy? Don't tell me that's how you refer to having sex. Babe, you want to make some squishy tonight or what?

That is so gnarly. Okay, that hurts so bad. Small aside, I was discussing this with my fiance, how. when you go and you watch people say their vows and they're just like a little bit too intimate they're like and then when you crawl into bed at night

And cuddle up with your plankie. And I'm here beside you. You're like, now I'm in bed with you guys. Can we just keep it outside the bedroom, please? Your warm breath tickles my neck. Graham Graham's watching from the front row. Like, okay. They're going to consummate. tonight. Bang to first year sales rep while her boyfriend was in the hotel room next door. Perfect. I accidentally gave my customer the number to a porn line instead of our conference line.

I married a coworker at an SKO in Vegas. A man who brought his wife to the Christmas party was cheated on. The wife cheated with his female coworker. She ended up dating for 10 years after that. Maybe this is a reference to the thing above where the person's like cheated on my husband. Turned out I was.

Gay. What if it's the crossover? I don't know. It could be the crossover. I don't know. Brought a guy back from the pub to the office. Went to the loo without a swipe card. Both track. I love how European this is. It's a London follower if I've ever seen one. Went back to the loo.

Without a swipe card, both trapped. Now we're both trapped here. What do you do now? Our 60-year-old CEO started making out with his young EA in front of us at the holiday party. Took a stripper to Disneyland on the corp card. Hope it was fun. Hope you got the fast pass. This next one we're going to end with and we're going to apologize before we say it. Walked in on my boss doing blow next to my grandmother's ashes at my house party. That seems like the right thing to end on.

Oh, what's this urn? Could we use this to rag up some lines? Yeah. Yo, if we mix a little bit of these ashes with the blow, it hits like 10 times harder. You did not take it that far. There are better options than... drinking at your sales kickoffs in Vegas with your coworkers, right? There's a guilt-free option.

What is that guilt-free option, Ross? I'm so glad you asked me. That is Cornbread's organic THC gummies, which is just frankly a better way to hang out, celebrate, relax, and avoid the hangover. Is that America's only USDA organic THC gummy with a one-to-one ratio of THC? sheet of CBD. See, I was hoping you would say that.

And the answer is yes, it is. It is the one with real THC, no synthetics, all right? It's 100% legal hemp. Fast and free shipping. For me, I like the CBD ones. Take those most nights after a long day of work. I got my cornbread. Right here. Right next to my pod. Right here. Here's my cornbread gummies.

This is a daily thing for your boy. I'm shocked you have any left. Well, I've ordered them a couple of times. I actually ordered a couple of jars. I love that. And right now, demoted listeners can save. 30% on their first order. 30% on your first order. Just head to cornbreadhemp.com slash demoted and use code demoted to check out. That's cornbreadhemp.com slash demoted. Code demoted. Cornbread hemp. This is the good life!

Let's get into Promoted Demoted, get the people out of here. I think they've had enough salaciousness. They've heard things like make squishy and give oral, and it has just been too much. So Promoted Demoted, jalapeno poppers. Jalapeno poppers. Those are... Jalapeno poppers are little jalapenos stuffed with cheese and then fried. And they're fucking delicious. However, I refer to little deals as jalapeno poppers. So you close a little jalapeno papa and you close enough of those.

Then you hit your quota. But, you know, the little guys are just little jalapeno papas, little bites of cheese, little fried cheese and jalapeno. Fried cheese. I'm all for it. I'm not a spice girl, as you know. Yeah. So I might be a little too much kick for me, but I would prefer. A pig in a blanket. Okay. But I'll still promote it because you love it so much. Pig in a blanket with some spicy mussy. Ooh. Sweet hot mussy. Spicy mussy. God, I can just.

Merry Christmas. I just can't wait. At your wedding party, whichever party I get invited to, just make sure you have those little toothpicks and I can dip them in the mussy. Okay, I'll get you a pick and a blanket for sure. Thank you. Promoted or demoted cosplay. Heavy promote.

That's like one of the things I want to do so badly. I want to go to Comic-Con in San Diego and dress up as like either like superhero or like a video game character and go like be with my fellow freaks. Please tell me you're joking.

I'm dead ass. I'm dead ass. No, you're not. I am. I want to go so bad. You want to go to Comic-Con? Like the nerd video game culture. I'm here for it. Would you have a mask on? Probably not. Well, it depends on who I would go as. I'd have to think about it, who I would go as. Like, I'm not going to go with Spider-Man.

You know, I'm probably going to go as a video game character, maybe like an orc or something. You never cease to surprise me with how freaking weird you are. Okay. Yeah. So you're promoting cosplay. I'm promoting it hard. And I'm ending our friendship. Yeah. OK, sweet. All right. Promoted, demoted, people watching. Now, this could mean two things. People watching or people watching.

Let's say people watching the commonly used term when you sit on a bench and look at those around. I don't know if that makes sense, given the theme of this episode. I guess. Yeah. People watching. I will demote. That sounds terrifying. People watching, I also will demote because it's boring. And I'm the most fun person there. I'm going to promote both. Okay. Because one's exciting and exhilarating. The other one, people watching, I like to narrate them.

Like in the airport. Yeah. Oh, this dude. Yeah. I'm like, I'm like fake lip reading and just like making up little stories about them. See, you're so creative. You're just creative at your core. Like I don't look up for my phone.

Yeah, I'm like, I don't want to look at anyone else but me. I want to put my glasses and hat on inside the airport. I want them to look at their phone and actually look up and make eye contact with me and I'm just staring at them. As you're lip reading what they're saying. You're a total freak. Let's read a review. Get out of here. This review is a Spotify comment. Congrats, Natalie, on the engagement. Oh, here's another one from Harry CG. Seething Ronald is a joy to behold.

Now I'm a Ronald. Now I'm not even Ronald. And you are a joy to behold. This one, thank you guys for talking about this stuff. I recently started a new role with Big Pay Bump, and it's a big question for us how we can keep things equitable in light of my wife preparing to go on mat leave.

Thanks for the episode. We just opened a joint checking account and both of us are contributing the same percentage of what we take home from each check. Y'all rock. This is from the Vivian two episode. If you haven't listened, we brought on a financial expert.

She gave so many great tips on how to balance your finances, manage with a partner, where you should put a big check if a bonus hits your account, and really some great little bits in there. Yeah, that little percentage thing, that's how Becca. and I roll, it's the best way to do it. Thank you guys for listening. As always, send us your corporate confessions. We love doing these corporate hotlines. We probably do them

twice a quarter, maybe three times a quarter. Deer to modes, shout outs. Like, comment, subscribe. Make squishy with that subscribe button. Make squishy with it. Give it. Give it oral. Oral, I guess. Showed a picture of the like button's vag. I don't know. I don't know. Show the subscribe button a picture of the like button's vag. Anyway. Arch your back in front of that like button. Arch your back, drop your towel, and tune in next week on Demoted.