Narcissists are about as reasonable as hostage takers. Though perhaps less so. However, we can learn some techniques from FBI hostage negotiators that help us get better outcomes when dealing with narcissists.
We all have fears, and some fear are actually quite common. Once we realise this, we see how narcissists will exploit different fears in different people. And, doing so, it is common for narcissists to be able to control people, with minimum effort. Once we realise these fears, we can actually protect ourselves more easily for malignant manipulative "people" who want to use others for their own benefit, or simply their own amusement.
Narcissists confuse us by lying to us and gaslighting us. It can be awfully hard to figure out what is true, and what is false. However, there are some simple sentences that can help us ungaslight ourselves a bit after dealing with narcissists. In this video, I share five examples of sentences which are all true, which all raise valid questions, and which can help ungaslight ourselves. Index: 00:00 We don’t know what is true with narcissists 00:26 Gaslight snuffers 00:35 Observation 1: Narcissis...
We can choose to aim upwards - narcissists will aim downwards, and try to drag everyone down with them.
Narcissists hide their manipulation behind word salad that sounds like logic, but that does not resist the test of logic. In this episode, I give some examples of how to take apart faulty logic, and show why this logic is... illogical at best, and dishonest at worst. To watch the full video, with sketches and all, you can tune in to YouTube here: https://youtube.com/live/fGY4iHqRmhc
I recently witnessed a narcissist verbally assault cabin crew on a plane. Luckily I was there to help them realise this woman was not just a bit weird, but was positively crazy and toxic!
Getting over narcissists and getting our life back on track can be really tough. Of course, we want to understand better what happened. AND at the same time, there are some simple (but not easy) things we can do to make things better. In this episode I share some ideas.
Narcissists despite their partners. Especially if the partner leaves them. This can be baffling. But there is a very, very logical reason for this. Narcissists believe they are literally "1 in a million". So, what does this really mean? Join us to find out.
Hurt people hurt people. Ok great, now what? Well, some people don't intent to hurt others. And some people intend to hurt others, with glee, and blame their victims for "forcing them to hurt them".
One key helps us decode a narcissist's lies. And there is one tell that helps us recognise a narcissist's victim. Watch on YouTube here
When there's a disagreement, how can you tell who is being unreasonable - so you avoid "wrestling with pigs"? I share two stories and some tips about how to find more clarity. Enjoy this podcast exclusive episode!
Narcissists often make snarky remarks and claim they are "only joking". We might be tempted to believe them. But there is an objective method to determine if what they say actually qualified as a joke. Or if it is just being mean. Tune in to find out what this method is.
How do you deal with narcissists over Christmas and other holidays? Sometimes we feel stuck with narcissists, whether partners, family members, or partners of family members. So, what can we do to limit the damage they can cause during holidays? This episode is available on the YouTube channel with full visual illustrations to help make sense. Here is the link: https://youtu.be/PLNn2lzd1B0
Podcast exclusive. We can create a scale of toxicity from 0 to 10. Doing so empowers us and helps us compare what we do to what others do. I used this recently with a client who wondered if he had done something to turn his ex into a fully blown psycho who turned their children against him and destroyed his car with a baseball bat. My response: maybe. But highly unlikely. In this episode, I share some of the ideas I share with him.
When we're stressed, our personality can change. Narcissists like stressing us. That tells us... it can be helpful to dig a bit deeper ;-)
Our personality changes between when we are relaxed, between our everyday self, and when we are stressed or overextended. Perhaps this holds a key to understanding ourselves better?
Watch on YouTube with all visuals and drawings here: https://youtu.be/X7sGDTJCMhA Relationships with narcissists feel like we're playing heads or tails: heads they win, tails you lose. Sounds fun? We can use logic and statistics to unravel their toxic games, let me show you how. There's one good place to argue with them. And that is inside your head. We can test their statements with a simple sentence: if this is true, what else must be true. Narcissists accuse us to things, such as having an un...
Life can feel really lonely, especially after being with a narcissist or a toxic person. When I travelled to Kazakhstan, I met these therapists who did body work on me. Despite not speaking the same language, everything was easy: "you are here, you are in pain, we will help you." Having a platform such as this one is crazy. Being able to record thoughts and share them, and have people tell me this is helpful, this is crazy. I wouldn't have dreamt it was possible during my darkest moments. So, us...
Watch the video here: Three stories of the same #narcissist who loved artificially creating unnecessary problems in order to get attention, play victim, and extract attention from his friends. But we eventually got fed up with his BS, and reminded him of reality: if anyone could complain in a situation, it wasn't him as he was the unreasonable one. The situations highlighted that he didn't want solutions, he didn't want to improve things, and when offered ways to deescalate situations, he would ...
Narcissists exhaust us. Why? Because they always want attention. That means they don't let us have any space for building anything meaningful. And, as we fail to progress, they probably get frustrated with the fact that we're stagnating, and are oblivious that it is largely because of their behaviour and drama. A bit like trying to full a bucket with holes in it. So, we can decide what future we want, and whether it is even possible to get that future with them. #npd #narcissism #narcissist...
Watch the conversation on YouTube here: https://youtu.be/y92Didt7WH8 What if "repressing emotions" was the mistake that makes us vulnerable to narcissists? And, even if we avoid them, doesn't it just pollute our lives? My colleague and friend Yana Govorit ( https://www.instagram.com/yanagovorit/ ), myself and other colleagues worked with hundreds of people during the FourE festival in Almaty, Kazakhstan. We saw multiple cases of people with repressed anger and sadness, closed hearts, and dissati...
*** Watch the full video here and remember to subscribe on YouTube for all visuals *** Moving on after narcissists is a real challenge. If you're watching these videos, you've probably realised this. And perhaps you wonder "even though I've watched so much and I've learned so much, why am I still stuck? Why am I not seeing progress in healing after a toxic relationship with a narcissist?" Or maybe you're wondering "why do I STILL keep attracting narcissists?" Well, healing after a narcissist req...
Watch on YouTube here so you don't miss out on all the visuals. We can drive narcissists mad using self-care and logic. In this video, I'll show you how. Toxic people want to make our life worse. So self-care makes narcissists furious, because it prevents them from harming us. Narcissists also hate logic, because logic prevents them from simply imposing their will on others. So when we combine self-care and logic, narcissists go mad, they can't argue, they are rendered powerless - and we reduce ...
When we know someone is unreasonable, a narcissist or toxic, why do we still argue with them? Let's examine 3 valid reasons for arguing with someone. 3 reasons why arguing might be a waste of time. And perhaps the real reason why we might still argue with them, even though we'd rationally know it is a waste of time. Watch on YouTube for all of the visuals: https://youtu.be/0EmbSmSUnQg
We know narcissists love to play stupid. They'll even confuse us with hyperbole: when someone else uses it, they'll take it literally. And when they use it, they'll sometimes claim it's hyperbole, or it's literal, depending on how we react. But once we learn to recognise hyperbole, we learn which questions to ask to stop them from messing with our heads (and hearts). Watch on YouTube so you don't miss the visuals: https://youtu.be/KHiNJXIwSug
"I asked her this question. And instead of replying, she just smirked at me. She had been unmasked." I had lunch with a woman I've known for over 25 years. I picked up on some very unpleasant behaviours that made the conversation terribly draining. She complained about her marriage but... something was off with her description. And I asked her a specific question. Instead of answering, she just smirked. I had uncovered her toxic game. In this podcast, I share the 5 red flags - and the last one w...
Narcissists hold us hostage to their unreasonable demands and behaviours. So why not learn from the FBI how to deal with these insane individuals? It won't make them sane (nothing will), but it will reduce the damage they can inflict onto you. In part 2 of this series, I explain what you must understand about the interaction, and how to frame it to reduce the risk they walk all over you. In the video, you'll see diagrams that help illustrate the ideas. You can watch the video (and many others) o...
Narcissists will take advantage of any trait we possess. And when we view a trait as "positive", we are even more vulnerable to them taking advantage of us. Watch on YouTube here: https://youtu.be/w5rotcE5cvQ Once we understand which traits are common to "empaths", we can observe how narcissists take advantage of this, as it makes people easier to manipulate. I came across this picture of "12 Signs you are an empath" and, when we use the narcissist filter, it highlights ways "empaths" are vulner...
Let's examine 6 ways we can tell if someone is toxic (for us) but observing how we are reacting unconsciously to them. Instead of debating how and why someone is toxic or is a narcissist, how about we observe how our body reacts? It is possible that our body is telling us EVERYTHING we need to know about the situation - and whether or not it is working out for us. In this video, I share 3 symptoms related to our body, and 3 related to OUR behaviours. By putting the focus back on US, we empower o...
We know that narcissists are *like* vampires, but what if they actually literally were vampires (minus their ability to turn into bats - although we don't really know what they do when we are not looking...)? Maybe, if we knew that they sucked away our energy, drained our focus and life, and ultimately attempted to turn US into undead, maybe then we would be more careful around vampires? I mean narcissists. Maybe, if we took seriously tales that warn us of the monsters inside of us, maybe then w...
