You've Got Decisions: Reverse Stealthing?

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I may say so, in the least.

Now, the subject matter for this is quote unquote reverse stealthing question mark.

Now, if you guys don't know.

Stealth po oh, stealthing is something that is a criminal act. And what's crazy about that is I share about my stealthy experience in the book No Holds Barred under my sexual assault chapter. So I'm really interesting to get into this and this stuck out. So again, if you have a question, make sure you send in your letter to Decisions pod at gmail dot com so that we could read it here on our second drop of the week.

Okay, it probably is.

Is it bad that I am quote unquote reverse stealthing and sometimes faking it with my long term complicated boo? She and I have been doing the grown up for over five years with no commitment. However, a few years ago she had my baby quote unquote, when a couple of months later DNA proved that it was not mine.

No big deal, bitch, the tea, No big deal.

We get back to doing the grown up, I end up having a baby on her I know, messy.

Now.

Though she is fervently adamant about my baby cream pies and no condoms, I am not with this idea, however, So I'm sneaking, slipping in on contraceptive films and during backshots faking it thoughts. So I don't know how she doesn't know she's not getting cream pied and I don't know about contraceptive.

Film I thought she does know, and I think it's just the turn on what do you mean?

Like Okay, So for a while my partner and I were going crazy with the baby kink, like it's also known as a breeding kink, and it's basically just the idea that somebody can get you pregnant, or talking about the cream pies or talking about the type of sex you're having. Sometimes it's not literal, like literally maybe once a week, I'm like.

Ooh, get me pregnant. I don't want to.

So wait, you think she actually doesn't want to have a baby by him at all, and she's just saying it as a part of like dirty talk.

If if she is really like not noticing, I do have a feeling she might know that they're just being dirty.

However, I don't like that there's no other backstory for this baby that.

Wasn't yours, and why you used to a fucking Also, when he said we're doing the grown up, I need to know what this person looks like. Let's reverse engineer the email. We're doing the grown up.

I guess you know. I never give a fuck about what nobody looked like.

I believe good looking people and ugly people and everything in between is fucking.

My thing was that I'm curious because.

I wonder maybe this isn't a guy because I just looked up that VCF is vaginal contraceptive, So I don't understand how the baby wasn't hers or his because I don't understand how you can use vaginal contraceptive film.

Oh it's spermicide. How do you get a woman to do that without her knowing?

Or maybe that's just a part of I'm only gonna come in you if we do this. So essentially, even though she wants a baby, he's adding these other elements so that she doesn't get pregnant.

Because now I'm right right like in case okay, because furmocide is the liquid jump.

Yeah, VCF film is a soft square film that dissolves with your body's natural moisture to create a gel barrier that coats the service cervix and kills sperm on contact for up to three hours.

So so many questions, because how have we not taught you niphing? How are we not teaching you nothing? First of all, it is one hundred percent okay to tell someone I don't want to have sex like this. I don't want to have sex that are protected. This isn't turning me on.

I agree.

I think the fact that oh oh oh wait, wait wait wait.

Wait, now you're sitting here putting Kimmel.

Wait a second, Wait a second, I'm rereading this, which I don't know if I like, So I am not with this idea.

So I'm sneaking.

He's slipping in and on contraceptive films during backshots.

So wait a second, he is sneaking.

Contraceptive which is why it's probably reverse celting. So again, if you guys don't know reverse celthing, it is removing.

The condom ways removing healthing. That's what I meant.

Selthing is removing the condom without the other person knowing it, and so essentially he is sneaking and slipping in and on this contraceptive film, so the VCF is being slid on and in her during backshots.

Bitch, I don't, I ain't gonna hold you to me. I never thought of reverse selthing like that.

But the fact that he is on the opposite end not technically wanting to get her pregnant, so not having unprotected sex doesn't sit well with him because clearly he's aware of the consequences. So he's sneaking contraceptive during the act. And it's not even like he's sliding on a condom. He's sliding on vaginal contraceptive.

Like I'm gonna be real with you.

This is just a testimony, and this is no shade to the listener, but I guess it is.

For some reason.

We have a very difficult time advocating for ourselves when we're uncomfortable, and we have very difficult times with hard conversations, and this is why this is happening. For example, one of my homegirls and her man, whenever they like get kinky or whatever, she'll say come in me or do this or no, He'll say, I want to come in you. She doesn't want to ruin the moment, and then she ends up taking Plan B. So oh hell no, that

Conversation being so hard.

But at the end of the day, what you're doing is absolutely wrong and weird.

It is. It is weird, Yeah, and I would not even know.

She's doing something that you don't want. That's the other thing too, the whole conversation of I want you to get me pregnant, blah blah blah.

It could be sex talk, could be serious.

What you need to do is find out ye talking about we're having doing grown stuff, nigga, go be grown grown stuff is also having the conversation.

I mean to me, if you're in a position where this is clearly just a fuck friend. You guys were fucking for over five years with no commitment, even after she thought she was pregnant by you, and DNA proved that it wasn't your baby. Y'all continued and went back to clearly sleeping with each other unprotected, you were also dealing with someone else. So I will say this if anything else, the fact that you said you had a baby quote unquote on her.

Brings me to believe and brings me.

To the conclusion that you're having sex with multiple partners technically unprotected. You giving her the contraceptive film without her knowing during backshots also lets me know that in other positions during the act there is a possibility that there is no contraceptive at all being used, and so to me, the conversation has to be had and you need to let her know. Hey, I do not because you put

Grown up altogether.

Because if we're being real about it, this is so ghetto for me to say. But It's just something I've said for a long time. Getting pregnant you can pay.

To get rid of it. You over here, I have a grown up time with a woman that.

Was clearly sleeping with someone else when you thought she had your baby and you so have you heard of in sexually transmitted disease.

And you were that part.

I think you got to get your shit together, bro. I appreciate the vulnerability and being honest about like, hey, I'm thinking it, I'm doing this, I'm doing that. But everyone listening, We've all been there. There's been something, whether it be sexual, romantic anything. In this particular situation, you gonna end up exactly where you don't want to be, and it's either with something to burn.

Or with a baby to cry. Yeah.

I also want to let you know and this is I know this is a very stealthing, but you don't want this to be ever used with you. Recently in BBC so this is an article from two thy and twenty four. So just last year a man had nineteen convictions to what is believed to be first in Scotland for stealthing. Of course, again where a condom is removed or not used without a partner's knowledge, and at thirty five years old, he has been jailed and charged with the abuse of nine women.

Well, but this.

Is from a twelve year period where he subjected a lot of his victims to physical, mental, yes, sexual abuse, but they ended up actually convicting him for stealthing. So you also don't want to be deemed And I want to let you know what the police in Scotland coined this guy to be a dangerous and manipulative sexual predator.

Now that's my thing with this. What you're doing.

On a psychological side of this thing is you're manipulating her to believe something is happening during sex that isn't really happening.

I mean, I guess it's not necessarily quote unquote reverse in the most horrible way.

Because it's not the most horrible I agree.

Helthing is considered a form of rape, right right, But the states that ban sell thing, by the way, in the United States are California, Maine, and Washington. But there are no other laws covering this. And the interesting thing about the raids nineteen to thirty two percent of women have experienced heealthing before the age.

Of thirty five. Yes, and I am of this statistic I have.

I think the first time I experienced it, it was almost like a foreman.

I hate the word gaslighting. Good.

He was just like you ain't tell me you saw it, like you saw me pull it out, you saw.

You both times. For me, I did not see it.

And of course men normally will try to make you feel better by saying things like, oh my god, it was just feeling so good.

I wanted to feel.

It all or oh my god, you're just so tight. I just wanted to like they'll gaslights, So why they did it? The reason, however, I do want to say, you can still be considered, and not of course in the grand scheme, but in terms of being.

Manipulative in the sense of sex.

Sex I say all the time is ninety percent psychological, ten percent physical. And to me, we've been sitting here debating for weeks about what happened with the Shannon sharp Ord deal, and there's so many layers to that, but one thing that I keep coming back to is the fact that she explicitly said the things that she didn't

The largest issue, too, is that there's no communication at all. Yeah, one girl is I mean that one party is asking for something and you're complying to that you actually.

Really don't want.

So the crazier thing about this message is that you're the one who who is being that avoided.

I feel like the email should be.

Hey, like this guy is saying this to me and I see this happening.

It's actually a pretty.

Weak It's the guy who wrote in I know I'm saying involved normally, Yes, you're right, you're right, you're right. You know the fact that someone thinks they're doing something with you that's consensual and it's absolutely.

Not like yeah, no, I feel like my feelings would be hurt.

If someone was like, hey, I've been slipping on spermicide, I'd be like, damn.

Why are you just say something you know? Well? Then advice? Then?

Do you think that this is a larger conversation? Does he admit to what he's been doing or moving forward? Should he just suggest, Hey, we're not committed. I don't really want kids right now. I want to only fuck with protection. How would you advise him?

He doesn't want to have sex protection, He just doesn't want to. No, he doesn't want to have kids with her. No, no, no, he's not using condoms on purpose. He's only doing the spermicide because of this cream PI talk. So I think in reality you need to cut all that out because how.

Does he approach the situation because okay, maybe it's not condoms, but clearly he feels safe for using spermicide. He's using it without her knowledge. So should he recommend this to her? How would you suggest? What would your advice be to him to actually communicating this to this partner?

Oh, I think you've got to make it really nice and clean and be like, hey, after that whole thing that happened last time with the baby, it makes me real uncomfortable when we start talking about babies during sex. So I want to just leave all that cream price stuff out, like I want to pull out. That's my safe form, which by the way, it don't stop.

Baby pull out. Yeah no, no, no, no. We two grown we in our thirties.

A man saying I'll pull out to me is not like enough knowing that you don't want a baby.

That's why I'm taking to say that that talk doesn't turn you on. Well, no, it's she.

But if he feels comfortable with the contraception being vaginal film, then that is the contraception that you alert her and that she agrees to using. It doesn't have to be condoms. Clearly there's other ways of contraception. But he doesn't want a baby, and pulling out is not a realistic form of birth control.

We all know that as adults.

So to me, then my advice would be is to bring this up to her and let it be known that you do not want children with her, you're not interested in having any other kids with her, or just because you don't want them, and to suggest a form of birth control. Maybe she doesn't want to use VCF, so then you go to condoms. Maybe she's willing to get on birth control. There's a lot of options for contraception.

It's that simple, Like, it's.

Not that you don't like using contraception, because you're using it just without the knowledge of her. And I think that maybe you find a way to still make it sexy.

I mean, y'all know, I'm an.

Advocate on safe sex, protected sex, condom, dick, and so I'm aware that you can still have all the fun. My advice, too, would be is maybe not saying, you know, in terms of dirty talk, not that you want to put a baby inside of her, but that you want to put all the babies on her, or you want her to swallow your baby, or you want them on her back.

You can place the baby somewhere at else.

Now.

Nandy looked directly into the camera into my soul when she said it, and I would like to go.

I mean, there's other good advice though, Yeah.

Yeah, I think there's a way to make protected sex sexy. And I know that there's all these stigmas and things said on these podcasts and social media about protected sex not being sexy, I one hundred percent, one hundred thousand percent disagree with. And there's a way to still have protected sex and make it sexy. Trust me, I've done it with plenty of partners that y'all have heard on this podcast, and currently doing it with my partner now

So hope that we helped you. Again.

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