You've Got Decisions: Is it Because I'm Black?

All right, let's get into our kick of the week, y'all. We are going to do the A, B C's of Mother Earth. I looked up these kink slash fetishes that I'm like, Damn, I don't know we've ever talked about it, because what the fuck? So the first one, and I want you all to guess what y'all think, It is based on Latin roots and shit. So actorasty fetish. What do you think that means? Actorasty? And I don't know if I'm saying it right, but that's how it spelled.

HOST don't know.

So it is the sexual fetish known when someone is aroused by the rays of the sun. Therefore, someone with this fetish would love being intimate outdoors or under a large window on a sunny afternoon.

What is the sun connected to acting? I don't know. I just thought y'all might know. Let and roots.

I don't know this next one though, mind you, the other egg the other a one was way too easy.

Y'all would have got it.

Aquaphilia, okay, fucking in the water aqua you know, all right, So this next one bronzophilia.

And this has nothing to do with lebron.

Ja damn tough bronzophilia. This actually I think I'm a bronxophiliac. I don't know if that's the word, but this is me. So Bronsophilia is the fetish when someone gets extremely aroused by thunderstorms.

What the fun?

Yes, Oh, I ain't gonna hold you, okay, but I bet the way I'm the way I rub my plussy when it's raining, I'd be like, oh my god, time to like go play with myself. When I hear that goddamn rain and thunder, my whole body shuts down and I just get horny.

Why because your body knows there's nothing else you can do right now? You can't, Bro, you know what I just said. So I went to Mexico to get this dental shit done. Long story short, one of the days it was crazy thunder. So my nigga wakes up and he's like, damn that sucks.

And I was like, bro, we're on vacation to do.

Nothing and now actually in the best place. So we come outside and it's all inclusive award and you can tell they stress and they'll know what activities to do for people. They were like, sawty, you know you guys having a good day. I'm like, you're having a nigga. I had that sex blaze on my face, you know what.

The little dried up.

Coming looked a little white. It looked like I had some eggs of a flakes, just seemen. I love when it rings. Give it to me, all right, and now first seek. Let's see if y'all can get this. This one was strange.

Chasmophilia, by the way, has something to do avoid you. It's all about mother Earth. Oh.

Chasmophilia, by the way, I love that. There's kinks that we still don't know that I saw and I was like, what the fuck? I don't think we ever talked about it.

Close? What did you say? No, we was closer.

I'm thinking of something like feeling the ground, like grounding close. Child Maphilia is an unusual and interesting fetish. What it means is that one is aroused by crevices, caverns, and valleys.

Oh wow, okay, literally maybe.

A bitch one, which, to be fair, I did fucking a cave in in in Jamaica. Now I don't I haven't been to Green Canyon yet, so I don't know if my mind would be turned on by wanting to fuck in the can were.

Other people in the like how big is the cave?

Like the cakes?

The cave is like the sides of this room that we're in, and there was a waterfall like blocking it. So it's a really dark cave the waterfalls coming down and we have we we know, no bad. We were the only ones in it. It's like a man made one. It was at the Nude Poole.

Oh, it was like a fake cave cave, but it was given cave no because like you know, when you go on vacation you start walking with the bull shoes.

Yeah, no, no, no, not giving that care.

It was given a cave in a pool, like.

A belt cave. All right.

So for the Hoda, this is one I found online and I was like, never thought of it this way. This is called tactile exploration. So this is when and this is a real vanilla tip by.

The way, for y'all.

So when I read it, I was like, oh, I never thought about that, but yes, this is great because I feel it when I'm in other people's bed. So tactile exploration is the introduction of very textures in the bedroom where.

You would have sex.

So you could either do this through bedding, you could do it through clothing or even accessories.

So for example, silk sheets I ain't gonna hold you.

Gives a way different thing, a way different feeling when you're having sex on your body, like silk sheets. I had a nigga with silk sheets, and I was like, this nigga is a whore because it felt like I just knew. I said, oh, you have to be a slut. First off, what nigga has silk sheets? But also it made me feel like, why the fuck don't I have silk sheets? Because silk sheets ate on your body like you slide a little bit more and you don't feel like mind you, it just doesn't feel as rough.

But also it's cold.

I'm like wondering right now if those silk shit sheet things was recent, right, somebody listening.

To this like hold on.

Bruh silk sheets. I was like, oh, I need.

I've actually thought men were horries for having silk filler pastes, because well.

That's well unless he got dreads or hair than it is for him if he got braids or dreads. I'm not even thinking it's for a bitch. I'm thinking this nigga cares about his locks.

I say they do. Okay.

Another way to incorporate this is with temperature play, so warmed or cooled objects to stimulate nerve endings. Now, this is the tip that I found so interesting because I never thought about it.

Oh she did do that, didn't she.

So a cool tip for this would be for those of you with loube Now, yes, sometimes you just keep it in your jaw, you keep it around. Well, the tip is to actually place one of your loubs in the fridge. Place them in the fridge, and it says, instead of just applying it to your genitals, this could be a fun way for you to incorporate a cold sensation all over the body. Okay, so maybe just massage oil in the fridge. Well, it's that astro glad liquid in the fridge.

But I wonder I accidentally massaged my nigga with loub once instead of oh shit, because.

It's just dark and I was about to ask you what it does get a little thick after a while.

Okay, we just did this whole play and it was so dumb. It was only three days ago, but basically he got out the shower. Yeah, I think he told me he wanted to do more role play while we were at dinner.

I'm like, is there anything you want?

It was the part of that conversation I was saying on our last episode, is there anything you want? And he was like, I just don't want nose Like I want us to do weird shit to each other's bodies, like I want everykay to feel like a yes all the time.

And I'm like okay.

So I got out the shower and he was laying down on a towel. I think he was like loationing up after his shower, and so I got out in heels and panties and I was like, sir, thank you so much for coming to the student massage back you hope I do well. I might mess up, but I'm hoping that I can please you.

Look at you with this bitch.

So I laid him down and I put the towel over his eyes, and I turned the lights down because for some reason, for me, I get nervous when the lights are right. Okay, I'm just like, bro, you got it.

Instead, also like I got that I want scarf from when I got bucked up, you.

Know what I'm saying.

I got green on my knee from the bruise, Like it's too much, so I turned the light down. Now I can't see lub or oil and they kind of you know, and they do different things. Once it went on his body, I knew it wasn't vitamin E and I started to feel how thick it was, and the nigga got hair, so it was but you know, I was still at it. Also, he was like really good of an actor, too good, And it started to make

You just got a little taste of the Horrible Decisions Patreon, But why it's up there. Tap in for the full, uncut and way naster episodes over on Patreon. Go to patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions and unlike all the messy, t wild story and bonus content, you won't hear anywhere else, And now here's You've got Decisions.

If you would like to have us answer your questions. If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible throuffle, guess what you've got decisions.

Welcome to another You got decision? Hey, everybody, we're virtual right now. I'm in one place, she's in one place. Just call this an l d are what longest his relationship?

We got to work on our freestyling, like it just it just doesn't really hit Oh my god, restart Like no, we're not restarting vision.

We're keeping this in. But then we might need.

To start like you knows, Hey, if any of y'all are giving Quincy Miller and want to come ghost write us a few wild intros, hey hit us up in the email.

Is that the Drake ghostwriter guy?

And is bitch? And is more?

I think it's Quentin Quincy Miller. I think was a ballplayer. I think it's Quenton Miller. It's a cute start the ball player. Yeah, that was a ballplayer yesterday.

And it was so shocking to me because it's been so long, and I was like, oh, you're trying to funk me.

Was he was he of young age or of seasoning? Good question?

What kind of trick was he you ask? Wow, I was at the Tesla charging station. Okay, he can on the phone, and I guess you can kind of hear, and you know, my speaker turned off. I would like, bitch, and what did nigga was saying? Oh, your speaker always turned up?

You like embarrassing bitches while they tell people, Oh.

You're right.

Well, this particular conversation, me and my homegirl was talking about how this nigga uh was trying to talk her and her homegirl She's like, whatever, I'm a trick on, Like we both do trick on a nigga.

So boom, I get out to unplug my car. He was like, y'all ruthless.

So I actually don't know what he's talking about because I don't realize he was hearing the conversation. So I'm like, huh, and he was like, I'm just playing with you. He's like, which, I couldn't hear what you was saying? What kind of advice you was trying to give? He was like, damn women women crazy nowadays.

Huh.

He's like, I ain't been out, Oh I'm in the.

Game in a while.

And I was like, so he was older, Okay, okay. So I'm about to get in the car. He's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait where you where are you running to? I was like, to my home.

You should have said to my man, my man, my man, do you see this hand? This is what I'm gonna do.

I'm just playing, I always say, but I'm gonna start doing it till I get married.

Do you see this hand?

So uh, he immediately said when he said you running at home, you must got a man at home.

I was like, I do he ain't got a wife at home? And he was like no.

And all I could think is not in this home that I'm sitting now, not in this particular home. So as I'm about to get in a car, He's like, well, I charged my car probably every other night, so I'll see you again if you coming this time.

What that was it? That was the pickup line? I said, thanks so much. Okay, that's given overseas player. I need to know who it was if you know the name, because you know, I know.

Was the Tesla truck. So it just gave little dick. I need a big car. Whoa Tesla truck gives a little dick? Now?

Word, you know, I'm telling Alex on you. I'm telling Alex, I'm telling Alex. You're talking about him on the pod.

I wasn't talking about Alix, but he got a Tesla truck.

Okay, because I do be judging niggas with the Tesla truck. You can't see it, don't you be like, uh.

Tell me you don't do that. I don't mind it. I think it's kind of robotic. It just it. It made me think that they're into conspiracy theories and might have a robot at home.

LEXP would like to speak, because the nigga came back that slaby, then motherfucker's be scruggling.

I'd be seeing the Tesla truck go around and around and around and around trying to look for parallel parking.

Hell no, I mean, well, here in Atlanta there's parking spaces, so now it is, or here in Atlanta you could pretty much pay twenty to sixty dollars to ballet everywhere. Like everywhere you go and pull up to in Atlanta got vallet. But you can ballet at the mall.

You know.

I tried to do a little fucking nice act that I went on a date with a niggain in Atlanta.

It was very short lived.

Right when I broke up with o Bed and I remember when we pulled up to the spot.

He was like.

I was like, I could take care of Vallet. He looked at me like that was cute.

Love and drog dealer tell me what I do?

Oh my god, I'm on my pomcast.

Okay go, I'm we all right.

Well, y'all, this is gonna be an interesting one today.

Again.

If you have a letter where you want me and Weezy, who are not experts at anything, probably accept podcasting to give you advice. Email us at decisions pod at gmail dot com. This week, one of our listeners wants to know, is it because I'm black?

Let's get it to it. First off, I'm a huge fan.

Big shout out to you sisters for always making me feel seen and validated as a multifaceted and sexually.

Liberated black female background.

I'm a black girl living in Maine, so it can feel very isolating not having girlfriends and my folks in close proximity to be able to have these more intimate and sometimes embarrassing combos. So I'm a faithful listener to the show and love being able to relate to the concerns guests makes me feel like I'm not the only one in her head sometimes, and I finally felt like I needed to write in for a bit of advice.

I also want to just say I googled the black population in the state of Maine one point eight to two and a half percent.

Ooh girl, I'm gonna just guess yes, because it's because you're black.

Right before we even read the rock. So here we go.

So I have been having sex with a Hispanic gentleman for over fifteen years.

Damn girl, this is a situation. Sit not that pingos that bueno.

Okay, so this might not be the problem we thought. It's not even a white all right. We've never taken anything beyond the physical. However, when we got together, I was significantly overweight at the time, so my confidence didn't pursue seriously, and I never really felt like it was anything to be taken serious. I was just grateful for a good time and somebody who saw the same thing in me.

Oh girl, I've been there.

We never dated, just met as mutual friends in the home, and we were young, horny kids that fell in lust. Fast fast forward. He's always around on the back burner. If I call him, he comes faithfully. Now, I was married in twenty twelve and don't play about loyalty, so whenever relationships I've had became serious, I would be honest and cut him loose. In that marriage, I had one child, and when that relationship ended, I reached out to him first. Over the years, I've had a few other long and

Me like that.

His dick literally feels made for me, and he always comes, no matter the location.

Time he responds and lets me.

Know he wants me to time like hey, Pussy's sister.

If he's out of sound, he lets me know I'm a priority when he gets back. Now, when we started fucking, we were in our late teens early twenties. So when I got married, he slept with a friend of mine. Crazy part is he told me not her.

I hit him up.

When my divorce closed, he came over and let me know what happened before we fused, which I appreciate because it allowed me to choose if I still wanted him. And years later, girl, and years later, when he was in a relationship, I messed with someone who I later found out was a friend to him. Do either of us still talk to those outside people? Nor was it anything but once on each end?

But here's my dilemma. Here we go.

When we have sex, it's the best I've ever had. He takes good care of me, and I like to think vice versa. Right now, we are both not in relationships, so we fuck a few times a month, no condoms, but I trust him. I've never had him not be honest about if we should wrap up as a precaution. The last year or so, the sex has changed and became even more intimate or always, but no more crazy

He's focused.

Sometimes I myself dreaming of taking it to another level because it's so good. He says little things to me like he knows he can't be faithful. He likes attention and shit and I do too, But I hate reducing what we have to just fuck buddies because it does feel like more to me. I don't want to like him, but I genuinely like who he's been to me, honest, raw and genuine. If not fucking get out, Oh it's not fucking get out, it's nice combos sex.

And the genuine connection.

I am older now and no, I can't change who he is, and I'm not looking for a relationship, but I'm in deep. Am I wasting myself by just enjoying him when I do have him? I don't want sex with anyone else, but I'm sure he does and I don't mind.

And is it because I'm black? His baby mama is Hispanic?

And I've always wondered if citing a black girl is the problem, if citing a black girl's apot, I don't know. Not a lot of options amain like that, but I do try to date. I just feel pointless when physically I feel like that's where I want to be, and I'm getting older, and I feel like neither of us want to start again our children are older. But I would for him because I feel like it wouldn't be hard. But I'm also feeling weird bringing it up.

If it was just sex, I.

Only have a few years to even have this combo, so I don't want to miss the window of what could be real, but don't want to sound stupid if I'm overthinking. So please I need big sens advice as keeping it up or am I wasting time? Thank you tremendously.

My initial thoughts were not because she was black at all.

My initial thoughts were what other conversations have been had? How what do all his other partners look like that you're aware of that You're thinking that your blackness is the issue. So if there have been maybe comments made aid that you took in jest, or if everyone else he's slept it with didn't look like you, I could see why you feel maybe fetishized to where sex is

Honey, I can't tell you how many situationships my homegirls have been in my I've been in. Random shit's gone on, confusion, and it's not because of race. Like when a nigga wants you, they want you. Now, I'm not saying that you're someone that's undesirable, but this is what I do believe. If you've been fucking him for fifteen years, that's a long time. There is a comfort there with the sex that I don't know if he want to ruin.

However, at this point, oh go go.

As a woman who is fucked on niggas for ten plus years, just because they have that comfortable fuck relationship with you doesn't mean they'll want an exclusive relationship with you.

And now it's only getting better.

Also, you got to remember, because you know each other better, you're maybe you're having more consistent sex than you have in the past. Like you said, now it's five times a month, opposed to like y'all dropping off a little bit, like if I'm fucking a nigga every single week.

Of course, you're going to get better and better and better and better.

Right, So you're mistaking the increase in intimacy for an increase in romance and love. And I think that's kind of where fuck buddies it becomes difficult because you're like, how could this person just be a fuck buddy?

Oh?

Well they are And this is the do you w W we get an episode with is this name Mike? And we were talking about romance with cash will look up Mike the Poet, yep, Mike the Poet, And in that thing, Mandy and I were going back and forth. I'm like, okay, but you can't do this type of stuff and not be attached, and she's like, yes, you can because this is read what I require. So like it's it's different because clearly you can't handle it anymore.

Yeah, you're having more emotions, but you also mentioned that when y'all started you were overweight. If you guys been fucking for fifteen years, especially even putting myself in this position, knowing the amount of confidence I have from at thirty five than I did at twenty, Like, you're now in a place where you've been married, you've had long term relationships with other men. You're out of place now where you do feel like you can demand a man to

Could you really be in an exclusive relationship with someone that you know is gonna have other partners?

And on top of that, if you're enjoying having sex, another question you need to ask yourself is if we didn't get to have a relationship after this, could I still enjoy the sex and feel worthy? Like, because that's gonna suck if you end up in a situation where you keep on fucking on this negga and he's like, yeah,

We do because there's men because I would never cuff dog for a lot if.

They trying to make me their girlfriend. Like, nah, I'm good.

I have a fuck buddy that I don't want to name in this moment, but you know who I'm talking about.

I've been fucking on a nigga for years and there's so many I'm sorry, I don't know who you're trying.

So so I've been fucking on a nigga for years and it's like, fuck buddy. But also, oh, we care about each other. And if when I didn't have a boyfriend and something went wrong with my dad or my mom, who do I call?

You call the closes comfort?

You know what I'm saying. But that wasn't necessarily his responsibility.

That's the other side of the coin here.

You said you both are currently single and not in any sort of relationship, so you're fucking a lot more frequently.

But what you didn't say is we're hanging out more. He's taking me on dates.

I feel seen he's what I'm opening up with him about my traumas. I'm like, you brought up that, y'all were just fucking more, which, of course oxytocin.

And when the dick is good, it makes you think you like this guy. I not even like him.

Is he actually showing up and providing you more than an orgasm?

Take it from me.

I'm the woman that has clearly said broke dick as good as fun.

Now.

I don't know about that nigga's money or nothing like that. But all I'm saying is when I make the broke dick joke, because it is a joke, right.

I don't want to be an.

Omask nigga, but I make that joke because broke Dick is a clear example of Oh, this isn't someone I want to date, but the sex is so good. Now I start thinking of other shit, Holy shit, well he can do stuff around my house. Oh he's a good support system. I just start saying shit because dick be that good. That's all it is.

It's just a joke, right, and it really is a joke because I know when.

Dick is good, it is a prison.

But not only that, your connection with him being sex and you being at a place where you're even considering wanting to give him a baby.

What do those conversations look like?

And do you want to give him a baby because you have these feelings for him and he's been around for fifteen years?

Or do you want another baby? Bro?

Do you know how often we have sex? I would say seventy five percent of me and my man sex. We talk about baby making coming to me, Da da da da.

Second we done? Did you pee? Baby?

Okay?

You got your birth control?

Okay, Like we gotta talk like bruh, oh my god.

I remember we were just like having some really deep serious sex about love and like we were like just manifesting bit she was and tips right face to face, breathe it all deep.

He was like, oh yeah, And I.

Was like, I know you're gonna get me pregnant and ain't gonna make it past that Birchard straw.

Why is that it's so dumb? I don't know that's your child.

I don't I start talking about babies when it's they know better okay, you don't want me to ruin it because in the middle, I'll be like, and I'll kill your sea baby, but I will ain't no baby here.

The quickest way to draw my puss you up is talking about trying to impregnate me. Nigga, I'm gonna make sure not only do you come on my back, but you licked that shit up and your kids swim in your mouth.

I ain't even gonna hold you. Don't you start talking about no baby making fantasies with me? Fuck? You mean?

Well, anyway, thanks so much for writing in out and start turning around so you can deattach baby, you know.

And I would say, if you have, as a woman with any insecurities and knowing that you're in Maine, if you have any doubts about your value in this man's life because of your race, you have a lot of feelings of unsafety with this man to be thinking about pro creating a child with him.

So I would be weary of even wanting.

To not only be in a relationship but pro create with someone that you have to ask if you're valued by them because.

Of your blackness. Agree, that's not okay? You know what to babe?

Your brain is going so crazy on why it's not happening that that's why you're asking questions like that. And I'm telling you you need to start dating someone else so that he's not the only man.

In your life.

But not only that, the dick is good, but this man lacks emotional safety for you.

Yeah.

No, I don't think that this is someone to scramble your brain about. It doesn't sound like a man who's provided emotional safety to be thinking about locking in with him and potentially having his BA.

That'll be my final.

Say, get on the apps, do the surrounding stage, honey, because I don't know what else to do.

But I would just say get on the apps.

Just say you're even engaging and talking to somebody else, so he's not your only focus.

Agree, you could mind you you could date and get to know someone and find that emotional connection and just fuck this nigga. Fucking somebody while you're dating is great because it keeps you from slipping up and fucking someone too early.

That's new, So you could do both things at the same time. Okay, Anyway, if.

You want us to answer your questions and give you our advice, then now becomes solicited because you ask make sure you email us Decisions pod at gmail dot com again. Also, if you didn't know, you can watch the video of this over on the Patreon and that's patreon dot com right now backslash horrible decisions. Okay, thank you guys so much for tuning in to another yged pulls the whole.

See you A s c O, s.

C U S.

What's crazy?

See us is crazy? Do you have people? I'm fun at the beginning. See you asked C. Y Bye

M.