If you would like to have us answer your questions. If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible threatful guess what you've got? Decisions All right, y'all.
This week we are talking giving feedback to your partner, accepting honest feedback, working through it, how to be honest.
We're doing a.
Lot of things, so let's get right in to the letter. Hi, ladies, love you both, and this podcast has helped me become more confident in dating and in the bedroom. I'm a forty four year old single mo. I recently ended a twenty two year relationship about two years ago. In my previous relationship, I never had a problem making my partner come from oral sex, but I haven't since then. I've been dating for two years and have had seven partners. Most will stop you sis. Most will stop me five
minutes in for sex. I can't tell if they stop me because it's great and they don't want to finish early, or if they think it's terrible and just want it to stop. One of my partners seems to love it, and when we're high, I've spent as long as two hours down there. I am a giver and enjoy oral sex, so I didn't even realize I was down there that long. He's now requesting that two hour head every time. He's a brutally honest person, so I don't think he would
lie about enjoying it. But I could go down on him for thirty minutes and he still won't finish. Am I boring when I give head? My ex had me super insecure about sex. I've asked for feedback from others and I don't get much. I love giving head so much, but I want to know that the man is actually enjoying it. Here are her questions, question number one, do
you have any good oral sex tips? And question number two, what's the best way to ask for feedback to make the other person feel comfortable enough to be honest with you. I'm still trying to figure out this whole dating thing. Thank you, ladies. So let's actually start with let's end with good oral sex tips. Let's start with the problem at hand is that she wants feedback from her partners because she's insecure now about feeling if she's even doing a good job.
I feel like if they are rushing you to stop, then it probably ain't that.
Good because I'm not gonna lie I do I'm tired of a second dady.
Well, I do that with head, Like if I don't really feel like it's doing much down there, one, I want to just get fucked.
But like I literally have been exhausted because a dude doesn't want me to stop. That's how I know I feel like somethings offul Well, Well, of course you're twenty two years you figured.
It's well, there's a difference there.
You were saying, someone keeping you down there lets you know that you're doing a good job.
She is on the flip side.
She feels like a man coming kind of solidifies it to her that it's good, right because she also made the fast Well, she has someone, Well, she has someone that she's down there for two hours and he's not coming even after thirty minutes.
Yeah, I don't think that means it's bad either, right, Well, in her mind's it's a lot of edging.
Men love to keep sext going or a moment going. I've literally had my man tell me things about how well if I comment's over, you know, like men want to enjoy sex too, and if you're the type of person that can sect it for two hours. Fuck, if they can't hold themselves back, they probably will. What I do think, though, is there may be some maybe you're going. I typically find head and kissing or one in the same when they're not done right. It's either too fast.
That's generally when kissing is bad for me. And I'm like trying to slow someone down. Can't stand a bitch that's going too fast. Slow is never really that bad because you can always work up to it. But too fast or a little like too slow sometimes too like if a girl's trying to give you all this spit and trying to do all this theatrics, it's like, bro, now I's going down is ass correct?
Like Nigga's calm down field up to that shit? Okay.
And I think that sloppy toppy idea is something women think they should be doing when really like, there should be an art to sucking dick and trying to be carean is not supposed to happen to minutes time.
I only disagree here because I think it depends on your partner.
But she said out of seven five, they're always trying to stop her at five minutes.
That's not good. No, but that's what But we don't know if she's being sloppy.
So I'm just saying, even in terms of like this having these multiple partners, if she's also saying she's asked them and she they make it seem like she's doing a good job, she's just insecure at it. I think then what you should be asking your partners is not how good you're doing at something sexually, but what they enjoy, so that you can focus on what things they like.
Some men may like it sloppy, some men may like it slow.
I think the way to actually get out of your head about whether you're doing a good job or not, especially if you have multiple partners, don't think that one dick sucks fits all. I think that you should talk to each partner and just be like, hey, when you get ahead, what things do you really like? Because like when I have oral sex, I really like fingers. A lot of women apparently do not like fingers, to where I find myself asking niggas to finger me.
But it's because I like penetration.
So because there's such a gambit of different ways we all enjoy sex sex, I think it's not about you leaning into you being insecure as to whether they like it or not. I think if you're gonna casually have sex with multiple people, have those individual conversations with them and actually ask what they like.
This is a the answer.
But also, bro, I'm giving them even people are gonna let you know if you suck tack.
Amazing.
No, but that's the thing to me. If your insecurity is whether you feel like you're doing a good job or not, and you.
Feel into a podcast, she feels like she can't s a good different reason.
So I'm giving I'm giving her advice that I actually think works here. So let me let me again. I'll break it down her. Her thing is she's insecure about whether she's doing a good job or not.
I know what you're saying, and then would not.
Tell you you're awful.
That's why I just want what I'm saying. She the guest that she has, like, why are we lying right now? I'm not lying. Of course you should ask.
But if she feels like she's doing something wrong, seven men are making you feel like, Bro, that's enough of a ratio to know it.
Oh, this probably ain't it, So I think I'm sorry. You could give your advice I have.
My advice is to ask each one of them, what do you enjoy in terms of head and then focus on you doing the things that you know they're asking for and that they like.
If you could name the last five guys who can would have any of them told them you were good? Have what have any of them said you were good? I'm not asking they don't just offer that. No, that's not something that men just offer.
I mean I have something, I have something that like let me know years later, damn the ship was good.
But I'm not asking for a dick sucking rate. You're telling me, am I like the only one I get you.
I've you know, pussy and a woman told me in the middle of it. Man have told me like are we not talking in the middle right after? That was amazing me too.
That's That's what I'm experiening.
But but if someone telling me that was amazing, nigga, I h your ass, I sucked your dick.
We brought toys out.
There's so many things like yes, the overall sexual experience I've had niggas when they come like, wow, that was amazing. Do I sit here and be like, so did you like how I wrote it? Or I ain't write it?
But did you. Did you like how I sucked your nipple? Did you like the head?
Did you I'm not doing an itemized checklist at what made something amazing.
I'm gonna say this, being good in bed is something someone will let you know, right, But being good in bed is not just one sex act.
Okay, this is specific to the head. So yes, I've been told by many people the last five, the last ten, the last one hundred, how great I am in the bed. But what I'm saying is there's a lot of things that add.
Up to your overall score.
She is specifically leaning into head, which is why she also asks for oralton.
I'm just saying, if you have the feeling, I do believe she's probably you know, when someone's enjoying the fuck out of some shit, Like you're asking the question but you kind of know the answer. So I'm just saying, I don't want to like front bro. When someone's really good at something, you fucking know. So I think probably when I started to mention the fast thing, it was purposefully because there are a lot of things that women
do during oral sex that aren't necessarily as exciting. One that I've heard across the board is when they're getting too wild, too crazy, or it's too sloppy. It has to be some sort of a build up. And if you're having sex to me with someone new, asking them what they like given, I think we all should be doing that men as well. But there are certain things within sucking dick that I could see being in turnoff.
Now with the help of Twitter and all this shit, we're seeing some of the craziest right, it's looking like crazy, it's all over your eyes, like we know, super nasty, they love it, we get it. But I have definitely heard from n bitches be leading with that and be like, god, damn, what the fuck talking about good dick.
Suckingd tips.
Number one compliment I've received is teasing licking. The sensation of licking from the shaft to the tip, literally just your tongue like a lollipop. Eye contact is really really important. And making sure that you're not just keeping your head down there, right, dorees a mic, talk it to the mic girl.
Okay, let me give a lot tip.
You're not just keeping your head down. We got bitches on Patreon pan for this. If you're keeping your head down, they're only getting one sensation of your mouth. You actually have to turn your mouth, use your head even if they don't like hands. That'll help you with your posture. But sometimes it can feel really boring if you're just doing this unbobbing motion. There should be more dynamic shit
going on during head. The same with men, which is why you like fingers right, using your lips, using your tongue, all of it making noise. Like there's so many different things that are beyond the actual motion of sucking dick. But like here, if you're gonna do this, make it perform.
I mean, I think one of the biggest and why I picked this letter, one of the hardest things I think for people is to tell their partner or a lover that something in the bedroom just don't feel good. I think you don't want to bring out an insecurity with someone, like if a man is down there eating your pussy and is eating it. Yeah, some woman may not be able to or don't know how to tell their partner, hey it hurts, or that doesn't feel good, or I don't even really want you down there because
it ain't doing nothing for me. I think that's a difficult thing for people to communicate, and I want to ask both of you, how a time or how you've communicated that you didn't like something in the bedroom. I guess I'll start there was in my last relationship, I'm claustrophobic. He used to like to do this pillowcase thing where he put my head in a pillowcase and do like
this little role playing thing. And I literally had to tell him how in that moment it took me out of enjoying the sex because I'm either thinking about my breath, I'm not really in it, and I'm claustrophobic, and I like it was something that I know he really liked doing, and I was just like, listen, I know we've done this a couple of times now, I really don't like when you do it. And we just kind of got to have that conversation. Luckily, it wasn't the head or
the dick or anything else. It was kind of another act, but it was something that I brought up to him in a regular setting, not while we were in the bedroom.
I didn't tell him to stop in the moment.
I didn't ruin the moment, but I let him know to the fact, like, hey, I really don't want to do that anymore. And I might have told him like the next morning, like while we were drinking coffee, like I know.
We did that. Let that be the last time.
How have y'all communicated something and how did your partner react when you told them that you weren't enjoying something?
Well, I mean, I'm gonna start off. I have started off in the past just by saying like, hey, like first set the table the right way. I don't want you to be offended by this. I think everything you're doing is great, but I just want you to help. I just want you to consider something. I think that we could take things to another level if we try doing this. Like I've told somebody before, like I would love for you to like put your hands on me
in certain places. It does something for me. It's something that you don't do, you know, like put your hand on the back of my neck, like put your hand around my ankle, you know what I mean. I mean ankle, wrist, you know, think.
Hey, your legs in the air wall. I get that.
Yeah, okay, So I like that because you actually didn't tell her something she was doing bad stuff.
You just said you told her something she wasn't doing that would make it.
Would encouragement ego with people.
You know, is there something that you've experienced that didn't feel good at all that you had to communicate to a partner.
I ain't gonna lie.
I probably just dubbed the whole thing.
Really, Oh so you just out here not communicating.
Probably if I'm not seeing more like of us together, I'm good.
I'm not bringing it up. You know your ship mad. Here's the thing. Something's bad.
I might stop it if something's mid, which is how you want to improve it.
I feel like from hearing this.
This head is mid. Okay, I'm coming back, but it's not great. So something being mid, I'm gonna stay.
Something I want to say to when it comes, Like all our dicks don't work the same? You feel me so like agreed, different the head, different sensitivities, the ball. You know what type of history he had before you got here. You know he might not finish off of head like he might enjoy it a lot. But it's just like this the finale.
There's a something point the point besides the coming. It's definitely not the finale. But I want people to keep in mind, specifically women with their insecurities around suckond dig if you're doing something and you're not getting a reaction, maybe try something else. You should be listening their breath. Also, the dick gets harder, you feel it getting softer. That doesn't mean let me keep doing what I'm doing that doesn't work. It might mean he's off for a second
and try something else. Like it's talking to you. Dick is so much easier to suck than eating a pussy because it tells you they already it really do.
It talks to you, and when it thing, it rocks solid.
I'd be like, bro, the last time my man got soft when I was sucking his dick, I was so insecure and he was like, baby, you can't see behind you.
I look behind me.
Nina's sitting there with a toy, and.
I'm like, why did you say anything? He's like, I know you.
I didn't want to ruin a moment like she's trying to play to like they woke up.
I think that's interesting that you brought that up too, Like we we often think about the physical of sex and not how psychological sex is. So he could not be coming because his mind is elsewhere. Maybe it's on a project from work. Maybe it's the fact that he got to take his kids this weekend because it's his weekend to have them. Maybe it's damn or you know what I mean, Like his mind maybe in the moment.
Is just not there.
And I do like what you said too, like there that that maybe that's not just the finale for him.
But also understand.
That men, which is where I'm working on the two ladies, the finale or enjoyment of sex for men is not dictated upon whether they come or not.
Things can feel really good for a man and they not come.
There's semen retention, there's facts that maybe some men just don't come, but they enjoyed the entire act and don't come.
And a lot of two with the male orgasm during a blowjob, it's either like rhythmic, doing the same rhythm that gets in there.
They get us tired, bitch, I'll I'm sorry.
I know you was about to come, but baby, I couldn't do it no more like you.
Feel me, you feel me, maybe no one will be losing it TI.
I mean, like girl, I've be having an elbow my hands up and I'm getting tired and I leaned on one elbow on the leg and.
Let I mean you are not close.
I think that's what it is. I think in terms of our sensitive our insecurities around dick sucking, and this is for men and women, I think we need to lean into just not science, but knowing that you know him coming is not the only telling factor as to
whether he enjoyed it or not. But kind of like you Wolf said about the sensitivity one one dick suck isn't gonna fit all, I think you do need to communicate and test out the sensitivity of that specific partner because I have some men that literally do not want their balls touched or suck, and I have some that will push my head straight down to the balls and they want more attention at the balls than their dick
at all. So I think it's also, again like our listener, if you're dealing with seven different people, it ain't a one size fits all.
You may need to literally figure out. Okay, ooh, he.
Like when I rubbed a head up here, he like when I massage the balls out here.
This one likes when I graise the whole shaft.
There's so many different tips, but that will apply to each person individually, And yeah, I think I think that's my thing and I think I want to lead lead off with this. We are all works in progress and each person is different. So if your partner says that what you do isn't enjoyable for them, you have to take yourself out of it, because if this is a person you love or that you want to please, don't make this a personal attack on you, baby girl, because
maybe that works on someone else. Don't take it as you suck in bed or you suck a head.
I will give you one tip for men that everybody should hear or people that eat pussy, stop looking at shit so fucking hard.
Stop it.
The fact that there's so many women that have gainful head. Yeah, painful head is a thing. Lighten up, bro, light up. I agree, kiss the pussy and work from there. And for anyone sucking or eating pussy who gets that advice like you, don't have to take it personal like oh
you're so awful, you're not good in bed again. Each person is different, and so if someone actually communicates with you that you're doing something that is unenjoyable to them, don't take it as a slight don't take it as a disc don't take it as an as a fucking you know something to impact your whole fucking uh security.
Lize what someone told me that people say I suck good dick because I have an overbite, and the girls who overbites suck good dick because.
Well, you're getting rid of it, so you're gonna be bad at Is that true?
If y'all noticed that with dick sucking overbtes, apparently there's more room for the dick. So like they feel your teeth plus, okay, I'm scared, I'll take them off.
You definitely sound like I mean, maybe it's something to it. But if you get good, you work, you do it with the best with what you got.
With Carrie, did you have to learn that to suck dick again when you did your teeth?
No, it didn't feel different. It feels different for me. Kissing didn't.
I think I had to.
I had to practice eating, Like eating felt a little different at first, but but not kissing, not kissing or sucking dick.
Kissing is the hardest that to co minute. Then sucking dick God's gift. It just really came back to me like a bike. But kissing, I remember being like, oh this is funny. I mean if I kissed someone with metal in their mouth that would be different. Like honestly, so, I kissed three people since I've had it, and I like bring it up.
So the girl that we just fucked was like.
Girl, I didn't feel that shit at all, Like she said she was super nervous once she saw them. I think it's just something to get over, because you really don't feel te when you're kissing.
If you're you have a good kisser.
But I feel it when I'm racing because it's constantly rubbing. But yeah, it's just something new any orthrow work, I feel like you. I don't think I've ever kissed or fucked the guy with bracest.
I've kissed a girl like almost ever. I don't think a girl either. Are you asexual? I don't think I ever dealt with anybody with bracelet.
You might need to get some piffy that might be a nice with your decentering sex, just some nice.
I don't want to say I don't want it the intimacy.
I don't want it with someone who I'm not looking for, Like I'm not just wanting to use somebody for sex or to get me off in a moment, like I want to have some sort of connection with the person I don't want women or nickas.
Okay, yeah, I don't want either.
Right now, Hopefully you guys use some of this advice and find a way to communicate with your partner the things you like, the things you don't like, and again not take things so goddamn personal.
That would work.
And again, if you want to send in your question to us and get our advice or just a specific topic that you want us to touch on, make sure you email us at Decisions Pod that's Decisions po d at gmail dot com.
And we will get to your letter. Again.
Thank you, guys, and hopefully you take some of this advice into your relationship and the bedroom. So next time, bye hye