Hey, navy girl, a long time listener, I had like a two carter question. So right now I am twenty five and I am a virgeon. I know, and I will can change the show, but I think I want to change it for you any hits now and all film because I am twenty five young.
Admit I kind of want to know where this niggas at. How to get shipped out of fly out.
I know that you're in additional space now of loving and companionships and wanting niggas to take off the trash, But how do I do that thing that you were having and you were twenty five, like the fly outs the middle of page, because right now a bro is working and I'm not really trying to that hard.
All right, thank you so much, And yeah you go in horrible y'all.
Now this is this is crazy. By the way, it's fine that virgins listen to us. We talk a lot more than just sex. And it's entertainment, you.
Know what I mean.
Like I watch movies, you know where niggas is jumping out of planes and ain't never jumped out of a plane.
If I like, it's fine, this is entertainment.
Okay, So two part question, and I'm gonna break it into two parts, because first off, I want to talk to you about being twenty five and being a virgin. You said you want to change being a virgin. That's the first part. I think the word intentional is going to be used here as well. However, I want to just tell you and and ladies listen and please let me know in the comments.
If I'm being too harsh.
I don't think there's a right or perfect way to lose your virginity.
It could be with a longtime boyfriend, but then maybe y'all break up. It could be with a long.
Standing crush like my first was my grade school crush, and I was bright in his hair and then he ended up getting inside of me while my mama was at why crazy. I don't think there's a perfect way to lose it. However, I think as a woman with the choice and knowing as much as we know now, with consent and all those things, I would just say, when you are ready to make it the most damn
that word intentional, bitch. I'm about to look up at the source for another word intentional, but I think it needs to be discussed with the person.
I think that you need.
To make sure that they are aware that this is your first time, and hopefully they're loving and caring and show you that grace that is I think oftentimes stripped from women in giving up their virginity to a man. And don't feel the pressure. I mean, I know you listen to the show. I know you hear Hella. People having fun and sex is amazing. Girl.
The first couple years of sexy, I was just figured it out.
I don't know, if I look back, I wasn't having great sex. So just know it is going to take you a while to learn yourself, your body, what you like, what you don't like, being comfortable, being secure, not worrying about if one titty.
Is over here and the other is down there, or.
How you how how your role may look to them, or I'm not gonna lie. There's so many things that aren't discussed about giving your body and yourself to someone else in the moment that it's It's just gonna take some time. So, like I said, I would say, be intentional and make sure the person that you give this part of you too is not only deserving, but is aware that this is what this moment.
Is and hopefully they're a partner.
I don't believe you are in a relationship because if the second part of this question, now the second part of this question. So this was my hardest chapter two write in our book. This is the part of the podcast that I have the most shame. This is the topic of discussion that took Wheezy and I close to a year to even agree on this book for because she felt that it would be contradictory to the brand of horrible.
Decisions to have shame.
And I was like, no, bro, I'm in therapy and I'm realizing this.
This is tough for me.
Like I was out hell fucking for the five hondo, for a stack, for a pair of genus, for the cost of a tomahawk statement like and I knowing now my my self worth my value, and like that, I am upset a bit at this letter asking from a virgin not only how to lose their virginity, but in the same breath, how to be a prostitute. And that's essentially what this is. That's essentially what I was doing. I was involving myself in a form of sex work by using my body as a form of currency.
In exchange for flights in exchange for money, in.
Exchange for moments, and in becoming someone of a value who's busted her ass to do and be able to live how she wants.
To know that I have purchased a pair of genes.
That is hanging in my closet that I ain't even worn yet because that money meant nothing, and to know that that was the price tag on my pussy at one point is crazy.
This I've reworked. I don't think you guys realize that. In this book coming up, I have a chapter on sexual assault, on abortion, on my ex on.
There's a lot of deep.
Trauma that I put into this book, and this topic.
Brought the most tears.
Was the very last chapter for me to write, because as I would go and start writing it, I would feel shamed, like I was full of shame. I'm still currently working past what my twenties was and what sex was for me and what that relationship with men entailed, And so at thirty three, I'm not going to advise any woman to be out here.
Selling couchie if they don't have to. Like I was. I was.
It was survival sex for me, and I definitely spoke about it. On this podcast, like it was lavish, Like bitch, if my nigga ain't.
Dropping no bag, he ain't.
But really, Mitch, I had bills to bay, and between all the jobs I was working and my fucking Sally May loans and financial aid, I was making it.
And I use.
That as a form to just fucking make it and looking back at it now and having a different view on what money is or what that comma looks like, or the difference between a thousand and ten thousand and ten thousand and fifty thousand and like I've made in one weekend what back in my twenties took me a year to make working forty hour weeks, and so like just my mind has changed on what that looks like.
My mind on sex has changed.
My mind on intimacy and the importance of affection and connection with a person has changed. And so this is actually where we have tons of sex workers come on the podcast and talk about their journey. My only advice for you would be to listen back to those episodes. I am not in a place where I condone a woman doing it just to pay bills and blown out. Get you a man with money who values you, who
wants you to see the world. That's what I would say, be intentional with maybe the caliber of men that you choose to date or who pursues you, and in doing so, let them know you're seeking affection, you're seeking love, You're seeking someone who cares for you and you'd love to see the world. I think a man that loves and values you or really fucks with you wants to make
you happy. So if the things you want are assistance with bills or to go to an island you've never been to, the way to do that is to vocalize that in a healthy relationship, in a setting with a man that wants nothing.
To do but to put a smile on your face.
You just got a little taste of the Horrible Decisions Patreon, But why it's up there? Tap in for the full, uncut and way nastier episodes over on Patreon. Go to patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions and unlock all the messy, t wild stories and bonus content you won't hear anywhere else. And now here's You've got decision.
If you would like to have us answer your questions.
If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend or a terrible throatful guess what You've got decisions.
You've got decisions, baby. Hey, guys, welcome to another you got decisions on a motherfucking hump day.
And actually, let me look, this is the hump day.
Right before Krema.
So Marry Christmas Eve, Happy Hanukah, Happy Kwanza, Happy be Holidays to the Whorehive and everybody else tuned in hope that you guys are enjoying your holidays, enjoying your family and baby, enjoying your time off.
If you have it off. If you want to.
See what I'm doing, I am currently ocean side and curous out because that's what you get when you don't.
Got the kids.
Okay, it is the end of the year, and we are so grateful that you guys have rocked with us and enjoyed all of our new content, our name change, our rebrand, our New York Times bestselling book this year. And it has been a fucking roller coaster in twenty twenty five. And so what I wanted to make sure I brought to you this week for the you Got Decisions is some chaos, some drama, a reminder that even though it's the end of the year, y'all are going going into the new year still with.
Some bullshit on some bullshit and not really knowing how to navigate it.
I think it's funny because this is normally the time of year where you be like, new Year next week, knew me. No, girl, you can't change it that quick, No, sire, you still gonna be the fuck nigga you've been in twenty twenty five. Although we hope that you guys want better for yourselves now, Weezy is not doing this with
me today because maybe our schedules. I was just like, let me get this out, and this one specifically, I felt like, you know, it's talking about developing a crush for a married man, and well, I've been getting dragged all week for being honest about my stint of dealing with married men, and so I was like, fuck it, let me answer this shit while these niggas in my motherfucking comments saying all the bullshit that they can about me.
By the way, if you want to listen to me talk about that recently and why I will no longer deal with a married man, go check out my interview on Love and Fly Shit podcast. Anyways, really excited to get into this letter this week. Hopefully again you guys are joining enjoying your time off or if you're at the office, Here we go constantly giving you pul says holds some content.
Now here we go.
By the way, we received this message just last week, so this is.
A new dilemma.
The subject line reads, I'm developing a crush on a married man. But hear me out, longtime listener and patron living in fos seven Choppa City. Brah blah brah, love y'all down. Okay, So I recently met this guy on a store run. He was super handsome, had an accent, six' three and a beautiful. Smile he asked me for my number AND i said. Yes we started talking regularly. Instantly it was as if SOMEONE i knew for a, while
even though we just. Met we went on a couple of dates and On thanksgiving night we fucked and it was, amazing like, freaky, nasty, spanking spitting dirty talk all over my, body, kisses choked me WHILE i was giving head a personal, frave and he ate my pussy off the bone hashtag. Tenderism so after that we run it back the next day, too but after that next day he tells me has something to tell.
Me my stomach drops and he said he's.
Married, like damn, Nigga Now i'm already hooked on the. Dick he, explained when he moved To america from The, bahamas he got in some legal, troubles so to avoid, deportation he got. Married, Okay i'm gonna have to look this up on CHAT, gpt but here me out because deported to The.
Bahamas, Okay i'm gonna. Okay he, said.
They both do their quote unquote own thing and they don't have. Sex, however he kind of loved it at. That now my immediate reaction, was what the? FUCK i don't know HOW i feel about being a side.
Chick but after.
Talking to my, homegirl she was, like, Girl caribbean niggas have green cards marriages all the, time especially here In.
Florida not gonna, Lie she rationalized it enough for.
Me we still, fuck but he never spends the, night WHICH i want him, to especially after being. Intimate we go out in public a, lot and he's publicly affectionate towards, me but still having this nagging. Suspicion he's left some pieces of this story out and Now i'm starting to like this man a little bit more than just.
SEX i know it won't be anything.
Serious i've already accepted that AND i don't want that. Either but SHOULD i just cut this off or play my role and? Compartmentalize oh, baby we got some things to break down. Here first, Off i'm going to my husband going to check spinning a couple purified water droplets on researching. This do you need a green card if you're from The? Bahamas and can you be deported back
to The? Bahamas, Now i'm only asking this because The bahamas IS i believe it's An american, Territory like you can get to The bahamas without a passport to my, knowledge and SO i want to check. That but before while it looks that, up let's get into your other. DILEMMA i do feel like you're lying to, yourself first, off and let's get into. That hold, On i'm going to ask my other check because one on my computer run is.
Slow because it's.
Also interesting light NIGGA youa, yeah we'll, see.
Okay so let's get into WHERE i feel like you are lying to.
Yourself first, off you have expressed how you are liking him more than. Sex you literally admit that to, me but then in the very next sentence, SAY i know it won't be anything. Serious, however leading up to what your friend said and what you're agreeing to is that it's possible that he's not really in a marriage where he is emotionally bounded to this, wife and so technically it could be something serious as long as you don't mind him legally being married to someone else only for
a quote unquote. Card you're also saying that you don't want anything.
More, however you like him more than. Sex make it makes?
Sense the math ain't, mathing AND i feel like you're trying to make something like fit in your brain to just continue seeing this.
Person Now here we, go and, girl the internet is your.
Friend when a nigga tell you something and you just feel like you're missing some, things, girl get your ass on the. Internet here's the thing you. Ready you do not need A us green card if you Have bahamian immigration.
Status? Okay?
Interesting apparently it, says hold, on do you need a green card for The?
Bahamas But i'll here we? Go can you be? DEPORTED i THINK i asked this question.
Wrong can you live in the us as a behave mean citizen and can you be deported because this is like if you, TRAVELING i just want to See, Okay, okay okay, Girl, okay, okay he might Be, okay it's.
True it's.
True A bahamian citizen does need a green, card and of course you become a permanent resident with the green card through family, sponsorship, employment, marriage or certain other. Categories, okay, okay so, bitch, listen y'all know geography is not my strongest.
Suit, okay so very.
True here's my, thing here's my, thing and here's where you have to make it make. Sense this man said that he doesn't have sex with his, wife and they're also able to do their own. Thing, however red flag here is that he doesn't spend the night if they are in this marriage.
Only for his green.
Card explain to me why he doesn't have the autonomy to spend the night at your house if they're both quote unquote doing their own. THING i think what you should do is inquire about, that because WHAT i do feel like you're getting here is the short end of the. Stick if you're saying that you would like him to spend the, night because you would like to spend more time with, him especially after being. Intimate you're accepting just the going out in public and public affection without the
private affection in terms of. Him, actually you, KNOW i guess sleeping with you after?
Y'all fuck?
Now Who your question, is SHOULD i cut this off or play my role and?
Compartmentalize and this is where in going into.
Twenty twenty five and going into twenty twenty, six any twenty twenty, FIVE i truly think that you have to go into.
What do you? Want what do you?
Want and what this sounds like is you would like, More you really like this, person you would like a, relationship but you've also already told yourself that you've accepted.
That it won't be anything.
More will you be fulfilled with what it is right? Now with no milestones to reach of this going? Beyond how how well are you with wasting your? Time because if you are looking for something, more if you are looking for a, family if you are looking to be in a committed exclusive, relationlationship if you're looking to potentially get married one, day how how much of your time do you care that you waste with this? Man and that's the compartmentalization of it all? Right is this man
open to you doing your own thing outside of? Him has that been a, Conversation what has been the conversation around whether he could spend the night or.
NOT i think for as.
Much as you have been talking to, HIM i think it's interesting how long it took you to find out his, marriage which means there could be a lot of other things you.
Don't know about this.
MAN i think you could be dick blinded right. Now dick blinded is a thing you gave me almost three lines of what he did to you in that. Bedroom bit you, throwed bit you ha throwed over the, Deck and SO i think you have to actually sit with. Yourself AND i think any woman listening to this you catch yourself in at a crossroad with if you need to compartmentalize your emotions and feelings and the time you get with a man to feel like you're okay with, it are you really and is this what you?
WANT i think for the clip that's been.
Going viral lately about me admitting to be in a side chick in my, TWENTIES i THINK i decided to sit with, myself love myself first and decide WHAT i would and wouldn't accept from a. Man and to, me if you're wanting something that you can't, get you're. Settling and is this the man you want to settle, with because essentially you're not gonna get anything more than probably what you're getting now with?
Him? Right would you be okay.
With this relationship if he starts spending the night with? You because then what else would you want after? That is it only the not spending the? Night are you asking him about how often you talking to him about what his relationship with his wife looks?
Like? Mitch why you can't spend the night if y'all not? Together Like there's just.
So many questions THAT i honestly feel like you're so scared to ask because you do like him so. Much and of, course as, women we fear that if we ask somebody for too much that they're gonna leave.
Us is that a fear that you?
Have in twenty twenty, SIX i want women in these complicated situationships to ask themselves how safe they really feel with being with this. Person cool you safe enough for him to eat yo pussy off the? Bone but are you safe enough with him to question and ask for the actual things that you want in the relationship because if you, can't this man doesn't make you really feel. Safe the fact that you're, asking SHOULD i cut him
off or play my role and? Compartmentalize are you willing to play the side chick?
Role because you going.
To your friend said your immediate reaction.
Was what the? FUCK i don't know HOW i feel.
About being a side, chick which means you want to be a, man which means you're looking for a. Relationship you don't want to just quote unquote play your. Role so Since i'm not gonna tell you to play a role THAT i don't think you're comfortable with, Playing i'm also not gonna tell you to compartmentalize and put your feelings and your needs to the side in order to have a nigga in your life who also wait until after he got inside you to let you know that
he was. Married that's called. Manipulation that's called he wasn't keeping it real with you before he put his dick inside of you because he felt like that little detail might keep him from getting what he. Wanted so are you willing to make sure this nigga gets to move and get everything he want out of? You and you don't get what you want out of? Him or is it just dick you? Want is it just a few
dates here and there that you. Want WHAT i am going to say you, is don't sit here and put all your eggs in this, basket, baby because this ain't. Given and, yes there are a tournaments specifically In florida who are legally married.
For.
Citizenship i'm gonna tell y'all some. Tea my mama married my daddy brother to keep him in The. States oh, yeah oh, yeah, baby IF i ever write the book about my ghetto ass.
Life so my mom the only.
Marriage that she ever has on paper was literally to keep my uncle in The states and not and not get not get sent back To.
Jamaica SO i get. It but there's still a lot of.
Holes and you said it, Too you have, suspicion and there's a lot of pieces left out of this.
Story.
Baby going into the new, YEAR i need you to, really really really sit back and consider what it is that you, want what it is that you, deserve and how you're gonna make sure you go about assuring that you get those. Things and it starts, heavily, bitch with sitting back.
And thinking about what you.
Deserve and this goes back to my mother fucking saying THAT i said on The Breakfast club THAT i went back and said on our episode With Sheila. Marie people are in the relationships they, deserve or at least the ones they believe they. Deserve, now of, course we can all want more for. Everybody we all want people to be, Happy we all want people to be in, healthy, loving, caring non abusive.
Relationships, right.
Do you think that you deserve more from this? Man do you think you deserve more from any? Man AND i think that you have to really sit back can decide. That now he focks you On, thanksgiving so you know clearly he wasn't with his. Family i'm curious to know this week how he's spending His, Christmas Christmas, Eve christmas bringing in The new. Year are you a part of that or is the? Wife so for, ME i think
that it's this week is going to be. Telling this week into next week is going to be really telling as to how much you could really put up with this relationship and what he's giving, you as well as you really seeing how much crumbs you can bear to.
Take because a lot of, women especially around the, holidays are excited to spend time with the niggas dicking him, down and when them niggas go and spend it with, elsewhere that's when you really start chin checking your feelings at the dull and so, yeah so to, me super curious to see what happens if you're listening to, this would love for you to write back at the top of the year and let us know where your role kind of went during the holiday, season because clearly we talk about it.
Often it's very.
Telling and, yes even though you just met him within this last, Quarter i'm curious to know to what extent you felt fulfilled or pleased by this man during the holiday.
Season and speaking.
Of the holiday, season y'all, Already, no we're not taking a.
Break you are getting our year end wrap. Up we love.
Y'all we're coming back to y'all and a lot.
Of y'all have been wanting solo, Episodes Baby, baby join us over on The Patreon patreon dot Com Backslash Horrible. Decisions we've been giving y'all the solo episodes weekly. Hunt we've been giving you Just weezy AND i with the.
Updates so for as little it's five dollars a. Month you can head on over to our patreoon where you get a bonus episode every week and you also get the full video to this The You Got decisions that's, right head on over to patrion patreon dot com Backslash Horrible decisions and we want to wish each and every one of you guys a happy, holidays a Happy New, year a Merry, Christmas Mary, Kwanza Happy, kwanza all the.
Things and IF i missed out on a, holiday god damn, it what you expect from, Me Florida Education?
System?
Maybe, anyways love you. All this has been Another You Got.
Decisions see you guys next, week ye