You've Got Decisions: I Feel Guilty For Ending My TOXIC Relationship

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If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible throuffle, guess what You've got decisions?

You've got decisions. Wait, I don't know if I sound like her? Wait no, no, what was No? No, it's a man. You've got mail. Yeah, but Siri is a woman. But Siri nervus. You've got decisions? Ayay, no, damn? All right, anyway, go ahead and we'll see espanol. Uh what.

Before we get started with this week's You've Got Decisions all, we want to let you know if you haven't yet, to go ahead and pre order our book, No Holds Bard of Doing Manifesto, Sexual Exploration and Power You if you want to see our pages come to life. We have also announced that we are on Tour Baby starting in July. Head over to NHB tour dot com to get your tickets, your book, your VIP, just buy everything that you see that is available for purchase.

I uh now that we have some copies that we're sharing with press influencers, et cetera. My only friend that's reading it right now is Breonna, and she was on the train.

She goes, oh god, I just passed a masturbation me anything. She's I'm reading holes.

And I'm like yeah, She's like it's too wordy, like it's so weird because I know we haven't been through this yet, Edd and you need to read it, but having have any of your friends ready yet. I actually just gave Key Key, Drea and Killa are copies, yeah, because I recorded.

With them, and then.

I asked Shan for her address to get it to her, like I'm working on getting into people, so pease will have to other but I gave it to Break.

I also read, so when she started talking about it, I was like, oh my god, oh my god. My boyfriend's also reading it and like even chapter where he's in it a little bit.

He was like, I remember this in the first at it. Nigga, Yes you did. I'm not gonna lie reading the book. So y'all may not know.

Our book was ninety thousand plus words. We only needed it to be sixty or sixty five. So I didn't realize until we started reading it for the audiobook, how much.

Of my mother packet story is cut out? And pick a number and you pick a number? What a number? Just give me a number four thousand. No, I'm kidding. Thirty. Okay, let's see, let's see a word from thirty. Oh it's wheezys.

She kept pulling me by my waist to sit on her face, but I really just wanted to concentrate on the moment instead, Naty, pick a number.

Uh up, two hundred and forty five?

The fuck bitch on here? No, I don't. Oh, look it's wheezy chapter again. And look at the words that pop out, you fucking whore.

So make sure you purchase her book nos Bart available wherever you get.

We just lay that gave every episode that was Fu'm not med with that, all right, y'all.

So this one's kind of lengthy, but I love that she gave us backstory so that we can help her just a little bit.

She love it. I'll get lost, I'll do too much. Here we go.

Well, it's broken down in a paragraph, so I'm gonna fallse a little bit. The way I've been reading, I'm like, I feel like I could do a good job. All right, hate me, Andy l Weezy. I just wanted to say I randomly found your pod four years ago, and I've been so grateful to have a space to listen to women that get the one hundred percent quote unquote traditional life, both sex and relationship that it may not be for everyone. Here we go, with that being said, I need your advice.

I've changed and I'm ready to be the man you deserve.

Now this is not the first time I've heard this from an ex. I just honestly never expected to hear it from him. Backstory to this relationship about eight years ago. I was twenty six and he was twenty five. We were together for a year and a half when I lived in another city. We instantly connected and got hot and heavy quickly. Because the relationship was so intense, I looked past a lot of things that didn't make sense. Boy don't we all? Well, it turns out he was married the entire relationship.

Long story short.

We broke up after I found proof and dared him to come to me with his divorce decree and prove me wrong.

How do you not know? I told you all about the story. My friend pulled up to the house.

Obviously, he never showed up, so when he popped back up, I was curious and immediately asked if he was single. He forwarded me the link to the state that shows the decree for his divorce, and we basically had the closure I secretly always wanted. From there, we kept talking and started to see each other again, but things would happen that caused some sort of drama, like when he came to visit me in Houston for a weekend and.

Immediately pulled away emotionally.

After he left back to the city, then it was revealed that he in fact still lived with his new ex not ex wife, in a house that he had rented for them before they broke up. I ended up breaking things off because I saw a repeat of last time and decided enough was enough. Well, of course, after I cut him off, he returned several weeks later.

This bitch, bitch, you returned. You allowed him to return. He came back, You let him.

You did anyone see centered you invited him in this time out of the house he rented from his ex, completely broken up, and in a new house he bought all on his own to show that he was one hundred percent ready to start something with me on a clean slate. It felt nice to be pursued, and I started to think maybe we finally had a chance to do it right.

What could possibly be in our way now?

Well, earlier last week, he asked me to come spend the weekend with him in his new home so we could see what a weekend at home looks like.

Uh with us after all these years apart.

I asked multiple times if he was sure, and he said, yes, I want you here.

Well.

Later in the week, he had several blow ups with his ex about several items he had left in their home. This caused him to lash out and drink very heavily during the week, which he claims he doesn't do, but shocker, he does. So I kept asking, are you sure you want me there this weekend, and the response was yes, I want you here.

Well.

The Thursday before I was supposed to leave, we were talking on the phone and I told him i'd leave at a certain time to get this place.

He then proceeded to tell me I've been in a bad place mentally and been drunk all week.

Bitch you, this is like a colomilation of all my niggas, and I know I tried to do that word in another episode.

No, I'm thinking of what was the word? A glom aglomination That was right, but we couldn't figure it out. You and another woman, he said, one of aglomination. Wouldn't you learn this because you got to day and learning.

Goddamn it, he said, I've been in a bad place mentally and been drunk all week. I shouldn't have invited you when I told you yes to come. I need some mental health days.

I'm sorry.

This is not the first time he's used this in the past few months to cancel things. So I said okay and told him the next time, just tell me the truth and not tell me what I want to hear. Because I moved a lot of things around from the weekend and arranged animal.

Care to spend time with him.

There is what animal care I hate instead of babysitters, bitch, she said, I am a pet mavel. He apologized, and we kind of left it at that. Here we go with the question Friday rolls around, I go out and have fun with my friends because I wanted to keep myself occupied while he had his quote unquote mental health time. The few times I text him, he gave me attitude like, oh, is that the thing you had to cancel because of me?

And things like that.

So when I got drunk later that night we argued, I blacked out towards the beginning of the argument, so I don't remember how it started.

Ooh, bitches with accountability?

Remember it ended with us yelling on the phone, me breaking a jar in my house, and my friends arguing with him because he kept calling while I was crying, and him laughing saying that I was being ridiculous. I woke up the next morning trying to find out what started to fight for my friends, but they didn't know.

I tried to.

Remember but couldn't, but couldn't. But I woke up knowing what had happened the night before was not good for either of us. So I called him immediately left a voicemail calling time of death on this relationship, saying we couldn't get it right at all at this point, and we were hurting each other with toxicity.

I don't even know what the question could be here we go.

Now that it's over, I feel guilty with how things ended. Am I crazy to think? I should apologize with how things ended or is this my emotions just using it to have an excuse to go back into the drama of this relationships, of this relationship.

Thanks for the advice. Sorry, this was long. Yes, you are sorry.

You should be sorry that you route us this ship and you knew the answer was no.

No, loc is awesome.

Here's the thing, and it reminds me of one of the chapters in the book. It does.

Worth me because I call myself out. God damn it, well you have water right here.

It reminds me of the fact that you think you deserve goddamn crumbs because that's all giving you.

I had to get my hiller because man, he said, I'm gonna take this opportunity to say, by the book you are chapter seventh.

No.

It is a reminder that a lot of people deserve the treatment of relationships that they get into because they don't believe that they deserve better themselves. So the fact that you now feel like you're in the wrong because you blacked out, I couldn't remember this. I think we have to be able to realize our draw and attachment to toxic drama field relationships.

You know what I think this issue is what I think.

This is a big, a big example of what happens when you put all of your eggs in one basket. I already could tell from how you talking you ain't got no other niggas on your line and probably period not saying that you are a battie, that you're not interesting or beautiful. You just don't want to do it. We hyper focus on one man. A lot of us want a relationship so bad this is no shape. I also am someone that is always looking for love. I'm

And yet still continue. You got to think about what you just did. You wrote into a podcast that you knew, can you stop telling me they gonna stop writing into people?

Was going to say shit, I know you know, it ain't no way me and Mandy's gonna be like, yeah, go say sorry.

Maybe they need to hear it. I mean that's kind of what it is you fear right now. And if you can't afford therapy, Great, glad we're here. We'll do it again.

If you want to write another novel twenty dollars a month. Well, Also, it's not even the affording therapy sometimes. What it really is, in my opinion, is I don't want to be checked. Sometimes therapy is just holding the mirror up of like I don't know. Like I've said on this podcast before, I had to stop therapy sometimes because I think it did more bad than good.

There's moments where I was like a little too much for me.

I think even the point where you were like where he was like, you're acting ridiculous when you were crying. I was kind of agreeing only because I think sometimes maybe he's made you so mad you start spiraling.

Wow nah nah.

If we arguing and you arguing back, don't call me ridiculous with your gas lighting. Was married, moved in with another bitch? Now coming back to me? Motherfucking asked, that's a gaslighting tactic.

I don't think it's ridiculous that she ye, but we're both arguing. She's not back yet.

She claims that she's asking if she would be ridiculous to apologize and go back, so she's not back yet. I would say I agree with you easy in the fact that she may not have other niggas on the line, which is why she finds herself coming here. However, you and I both have had niggas the weeks spout on this podcast that did us wrong, that fucked us over, and we kept going back for certain times at a time, unfortunately.

I do only honest. Yeah, bro, going back and forth to niggas is normal. It's normal at the point that you made it. It's not because you know what. We all have the big one.

I think everybody in their relationship can pinpoint the big moment where they said, you know what, I'm not do an thistion anymore.

I have one. You may have one, and.

Bitch, I got two or three or four or fifty eleven. Okay, so this may be her fifth eleven. So what I'm gonna tell you, girl, is you really need to date other people. I also want to be man, is it? There are you're dating a better man? There are, but finding that gets a little difficult. But I have fun

Nigga this time than a time he was before. And I literally talked about this on the podcast.

Just for him to literally be the person that didn't fit who I was at thirty four and.

Listen, got up and died.

So to me, knowing that you dated this person at twenty five, twenty six years old, knowing that you're eight years older, I want you to believe that you have gone enough to not deal with the bullshit that this nigga is giving you today. Not only is he leading you on, it seems like y'all also don't live in

Okay, so let me ask you something then, right, Yeah, they figure out it's the same man.

It's some Scooby Doo type shit.

They take out the masks and the nigga that they name old Man Jenkins.

Right, all right, So where do you move on from there? You have to and I don't want to just say go to therapy.

It has to be to where a woman and I hate colde a motherfucker art killy hold on.

I was just saying, let's go, but no one else, No woman's fed up.

It ain't nothing you can do about nothing you can do, but she has to be fed up for herself. Her friends ain't gonna be able to tell her to move on, bitch. The audience couldn't tell me to move on when I should have moved on. The parents ain't gonna be able to tell her to move on. Her pussy not gonna be able to tell her to move on until she physically understands her value, her worth and that there is better out there.

Unfortunately, the universe, however, God.

Wanted to play because we ate that apple and eat the gard and the motherfucker edith into world. We'd be dumb as fuck for these niggas, and so unfortunately I have no advice to give her because she not gonna be able to move on until she genuinely believes she deserves better, she deserves more, and that someone on this earth can show up as that.

I am blowing up, Mandy. Yeah, I am enough.

I am perfect just the way I am right.

Listenous bitch five nigga, that's right. Wait, there's another one on two or four. That's a good one. My past does not define me.

I can read define my story starting here and now and find a book, Ladies.

That now dead ass. I'm not gonna hold you, she said, there's a chat throw guess is about tell for being married. She used to post it notes all over her house.

And whether you have them as your notes in your iPhone, or you need posting notes, or you need something every morning, if it's like something that where you go brush your teeth. I think that it's very important that somewhere you're able to affirm yourself. So whether you need to visibly see it, whether you need to recite it to yourself.

I think that you're an alarmed there, like.

Phone alarm. That's a good one, just in the middle of the day. Make it a three zho two pop.

Literally, you think it's your alarm ringing and phone going off, and it's literally a fucking word of affirmation.

I think it's important to affirm yourself that you deserve better, that you deserve the whole goddamn cake, not a crumb, and you deserve that you and you believe that you deserve the love that is awaiting you on the other side of this point.

And it may the next man pay for your animal care, because I'll tell you right.

Now, that's that's church to me. But that's crazy, that's my new personality. Yeah, no, take it from thee. I'm not your child go to church.

I really do want you to fire better says And I know it's fucked up because I feel like a solo trip.

Make going home that you really need other day period you do.

And so you've got decisions to get us a dick that is our motherfucking and.

Maybe're not gonna give you homework. I don't come on home out. I didn't take a guess. Tell us it actually goes out on Monday, okay or Wednesday. I'm sorry, yes, Wednesday, So May is starting in about forty eight hours for you. Sis.

What you're gonna do is we're gonna give you a thirty day calendar, even though there's thirty one days in May.

I don't care.

You have thirty days to get a new dick inside of you. If you're thirty days to write us another goddamn you really only need one.

Thank you.

Just cut the nigga off hit block and never motherfucking on block because y'all bitches be block bo say he got some dick for you. Anyways, if you want us to read your questions, make sure you email us Decisions Pod at gmail dot com.

Thank you guys so very much.

Again, make sure you hit up HB Tour dot com and get your tour tickets. We are touring from July to motherfucker September and we can't wait for y'all to see no holds bar go from the pages to the stages. Bitch wow, you liked h E all anyways, Thank you

Mane