You've Got Decisions: How Should I Feel? He May Have a Baby!

Welcome to another episode of Horrible Decision.

We are back, y'all.

It's been nice to record remotely because we can do them on time. We give you the solo, y'all, niggas, won't we could get you see the updates.

I had a little things going on.

Chout out to tea antymo with me today.

I had to ask me Andy reschedule because my homegirl leaving a fuck nigga, and she said, I need you to help me move out on Monday. I said, okay, she said, and we need to do it, not her moving out on the first, oh, because she wanted to make sure she do before her nigga come back from Thanksgiving break.

So ooh, that was going.

I just woke to when I say, get you some sheets. Wait a second, how bad?

I asked?

How bad this nigga?

I need to know what level of fuck nigga he is for her to be leaving before he returns.

So then it's also given maybe abusive, like what the fuck?

But low KEI, this is what I asked him. We can talk about. She's like, yeah, just don't say my name.

So I'd say for the last six months to a year, you know, when a relationship feels like it's on that end.

She's felt that for a while.

Okay, I had a lot of comments to me like fuck, I just feel like when I'm ready to make the move for myself, he doesn't let me go, and he won't let me go where he says something to suck me in and I just can't free myself from it. So there's a few things that are just minor but that have bothered her. They've lived together for over a year and a half and she still doesn't have designated

It's so weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird. I know.

She's like it almost became a norm to where like he's like, I'm going to get a dresser. Oh well, we're not going to live in this place forever. Well, i'll get this, I'll add storage.

It's weird.

The other thing, he hasn't made the initiative to take them on a vacation.

Okay, wait, real quick too.

They've been together how long?

About two years? She moved in after a year.

Okay, so she let him know she wants to qualification, and basically he's like, i'll planet it all planet, all planet. And it hasn't happened. They haven't been anywhere in a year. He's just prioritizing everything else but that he's a finance bro.

It's weird.

It's weird.

It's weird. It's weird.

Now I know what she means, because when we have that feeling, it's unexplainable and you sound crazy saying it, but you know, when a nigga is supposed to be doing what they're doing. I think for my judgment, he's just like, all right, well, I'm stuck in the cycle.

We live together, you cook, you clean, you help me out. We're in a couple.

We're going through the motions, and she feels no passion. So she finally calls me and she goes, I'm gonna do it. I feel brave enough to do it. I'm going to break up with him. I have the balls to do it. I'm gonna take my shit out before he gets home.

That way, he won't.

Convince me to stay, because I get really weak when he convinces me to This is how sick niggas are.

I'm gonna read you that. I'm listening because I have a thought in my head right now.

She's had a lot of conversations with him, by the way, suggesting couple's therapy, expressing her needs, telling she wants more, just just all kinds of shit, just saying so. She feels like some things that are lacking. So she sends him a message saying she wants to get on a call. He wrote back, busy, it's the holiday, which is crazy. She was she had to be with her family, by the way, and he could.

Okay, that was the part of my question because I'm like, spend holidays.

Together before, but there was a there was something going on with her family. She had to be there, so long story, She goes, you know what, fine, I can't do this anymore. I felt like for a long time we haven't had We're not aligned. There's been a missing like judgment and compatibility. I think we had a really like, you know, fun romance in the first six months, and like it's it's lacking. This Nigga texts her a letter bit and this is how you know, if you want

I will also make.

Sure that I will be communicating this with your parents and showing them that I love you, not making them confused about your place in my life. I also want to let you know I will cut off all of the women on my Instagram like you've asked me to, to truly make you feel safe, and tomorrow I will post you because I want the world to see you. I also know by the way she used to have a dog. She got rid of the dog because he was allergic. I started to take allergy pills. I didn't

Bitch Blockdom was like, oh now he could do shit.

Girl Blocks asked right now. He showed up on her Mama Dorsett when she flew up to New York to come get.

The shit, and that's how you know.

The whole time she complained and he was like, I don't know what you're talking about. It's in your head, blah blah blah blah blah. And now you got the laundry list of shit you didn't do. This is my favorite part, and I said. When she sent this to me, I said, I hope this didn't make you feel like you made the right decision or the wrong decision, because now he's doing what you want. She goes, no, I did the right thing. By the way, I know you need to hear it. This is all caps, the font

I could not be leaving.

I'm discussing.

You were watching this on video on Patreon the ald time she was reading it.

Discuss it, bro.

When I woke up and saw this because she was getting on the plane in New York and said I just.

Received this, I said, I am from the pit of my stomach.

I almost felt like very nothing because when she said to me, he's not gonna let me leave, I see what she means, because what's going to happen. She must have tried to do something before where he was like, I'll give you what you want and yeah, and men do this to women.

They do a lot like this.

Shit made me so sad, bro. So anyway, here's the awkward part. So my nigga got a car, so she was like, can he come help us? I'm like, sure, he's sleeping in the next room because he had to be here today. And I was like, well, now that you broke up with him, and he flew to your mama house, bitch. He not about to stay down South. He gonna come back to New York. So she's telling me we got to see this thing. She's like, yeah, I don't care. So my man is like, Bro, I was a grown man.

I can't I can't.

Face the we even on double dates.

He's like, what am I supposed to do?

Just look at him and face be like, hey, bro, like I this is gonna be so awkward many So the update will come at town all today.

I'm just like, you.

Just got a little taste of the Horrible Decisions Patreon, But why it's up there? Tap in for the full, uncut and way nastier episodes over on Patreon. Go to patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions and unlike all the messy, t wild story and bonus content you won't hear anywhere else. And now here's You've Got Decisions if you would like to have us answer your questions.

If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible throatfle guess what You've got decisions.

You've got Decisions.

Welcome back, y'all. This is our episode.

Every single Homesday where we take your listener questions and if you want to submit the questions, go to decisions pod at gmail dot com.

If you need it in a hurry, go to.

Patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions because we prioritize the messages there and we answer y'all niggas first.

That's right, and this one specifically is coming from a patron.

And girls messy.

Oh I love a goodness is messy and.

Also curious what you would do in the scenario. So let's get into it.

Okay, all right?

So I met my man almost two years ago. He's twenty, I'm twenty two, and now we're twenty two and twenty four. Thanks for doing the math. He's from LA and I live around Dayton, Ohio. He's out here for college, but lost his basketball scholarship right before we met, so he's kind of stuck out here. His family doesn't have a lot of money, and he can't really just go.

Back to LA.

Last year we had an accident quote unquote, oh boy, So I.

Got an abortion.

Okay, I don't want children under any circumstances whatsoever.

And where are you go?

Well, they're young, bitch, they're two and twenty four. He was not ready or really on the same page either. Okay, at the time, I also just lost my job and had to take out a loan, and overall we dug ourselves into a hole. He's younger than meat and fresh out of college, but I don't expect him to fully financially support me yet and I do own my house where he lives.

With me anywhere house, cars, homes.

This past year has been hard, but we're finally catching up with things.

He gives me.

All of his paychecks if I ask, and he just put two thousand dollars down payment on a twenty twenty five Corolla for me and got a beater off Facebook marketplace, so we both have cars. We were doing so well, love each other very much like best friends. And oh and we both eat each other's ass. Joe christ y'all are killing me. Love the deets you ready until yesterday when I got the mail and there was an envelope from child support.

Bitch. I'll know you lie, oh bitch.

As soon as he got home, I asked him who the fuck is this bitch, and he said it was his ex from almost three years ago, and he knew she.

Had a baby. Oh, but he didn't think it was his because she was cheating on.

Him with at least three other guys.

The fraternity test isn't for almost another month, but he's nervous, but also doesn't think it's his girl.

None of these niggas ever think the baby is theirs.

Okay, girl, so here we go.

You thought the pussy was there.

The kid is like two years old. Though I wasn't cheated on, I was still hurt. But he also didn't know. And although I don't want kids whatsoever, it hurts me that some other girl may already have one by him.

I get that, because you want to not have to do this shit to get that.

I get that. I'm very confused and obviously upset.

I don't know how I should feel or what I should do in the event that the child is actually his.

Can you guys give me advice on how to navigate the situation.

So I guess the two questions we're answering is you not knowing how you should feel and maybe us going through that, and then how you should navigate this in the event that it's his child. Also, it's interesting because you don't want kids right now. But you're hurt because some other girl now has it with him, So there's a lot of emotions here. I think that you are

At first, I don't you said child before listener that oh, like he knew he had his baby. Now would I be having sleepless nights comparing and contrasting.

That niggas nose and that baby nose like Maury?

Yes, But I will tell you if this happened to me today and I genuinely believed my partner wasn't lying to me, of course I would stay with him.

Oh yeah, I guess that was gonna be the question I was gonna ask you, Like, if this, say you know you've been with your partner, I don't know two years. Say an ex from four years ago came and was like this maybe yours.

I would hate this. I would not want it. I would like.

Be you know, angry with him, saying he's irresponsible. But I don't think I would leave him, mainly because, okay, I would date a guy with kids one and two. Even if I wouldn't, is my partner worth throwing away for a life you brought into this world before me, I wasn't feeded on now. The thing is, the only way that I would not want to make that decision.

Is if.

I knew I didn't want to be a stepmother. Okay, I don't like kids. If that was the case, I don't believe that.

Like I have a few.

Homegirls that just don't really vibe with kids. Teenagers maybe, but they just it's not their thing. Okay, it's a bit unfair to date somebody with a kid. And I'll tell you why. When people are dating my friends with children and waste their time, I have the very strong opinion about that.

You grown ass biggas is dating single baby mom?

Like you know what I'm saying, And you find with it when y'all fucking having a good time and then when it comes time to show up for that kid or show up and I'm talking not talking about six months in or some shit like that, like actually just show up as a partner dating someone with a kid.

Okay.

I find it to be selfish, and so I think that we can't be selfish if we know we can't spand fucking kids.

Now here's my other question. Would is there any feelings you would have about not.

Being the first baby mom?

I think she was navigating that too, Like there's another woman who has this man's first child. But we're together, Like if that was a goal in your mind, right, Like, you and your partner right now don't have kids.

Neither of you.

So has there been any like excitement around both of you being first time parents together? Oh oh yeah, we talked about that, all of us. That's what I'm saying. If it happened like this, that could be a potential.

But he never got to be a parent with that baby anyway, right, Like, Okay, but to me, that's a different experience, Like I just saw one of my friends.

Her name's a Kishian.

She she's a writer on key TV too, not the one that everybody's mad at for the Southern fried rice, but shout out to her too. So basically, she posted her man opening his birthday gifts okay, beautiful, like, oh my god, this video like I screen recorded it because her page is private, and I told her, I was like this, this might be one of the best baby reveals I've ever seen. He opens it and he's like what,

Da da da da.

And he's just like, you know, just silently crying and smiling. And I showed my boyfriend. He goes, damn, it must feel so good when you want to have a baby with someone, when you plan a pregnancy, when you talk about your life. He's like, because we don't get to see this shit. We see this shit when it's white people or older couples or married couples. You don't see this young black love shit with the fucking surprise and love.

I mean, I think I've talked about it, maybe on Patreon, but in the last I would say in the last year, maybe last two years, because now people are having babies in the last two years.

I can literally name you.

Six women just with six women that all got impregnated and chose to have a baby with a man that they knew for three.

Months or less.

Fuck, so you don't know this man. You don't truly know their living situation. You don't know their lies yet because but you only known him for I don't know the lies.

You don't even know the lies yet.

The lives are coming out.

Why you pray not to mention Mandy, You don't know them how they're going to be as a parent, do you know? For the first time, yesterday I'm a godmother to a new baby. His name is Zaye, and Zane came over and Zane also has two sisters, and it's they're six and two Inzane is two months. So my homegirl's mom is on the couch with us, this little country white lady.

She's really sweet.

She goes and you know, I don't think there's anything wrong with a whooping And I said me and my nigger looked at me and I was like, do.

You and he was like nope. And so when they.

Left, I was like, damn. We never talked about this before. Were playing a child.

Yeah, and we're on the same page.

And what's interesting is like we've also had conversations about people abusing their kids, boy.

Whooping them too, you know what I'm saying.

And I think we're on the same page.

I think it's interesting because I think what this can.

For the listener who wrote in.

Is, actually, you've been together for two years, you live with each other, he's putting helping you with down payments for his car. Y'all are building. Y'all are both very young, twenty two and twenty four. But I think something like this, the beauty in it could be it opening up to you guys, having more of those hypothetical conversations like if this happened, how would you respond, what would you do.

In this scenario? What would be the.

Way in which you you know, react like this is intense, especially knowing that he's not the most financially sound, So that's where I wanted to go next.

I think the conversation as well, not that paycheck ain't yours, bitch.

I think the conversation should be financially too. If this is your baby financially, how do you planned to show up as a man.

But also I would.

Assume as well, if this is your ex, you're in Dayton, Ohio where he went to college and he didn't move back. This is also an ex that might still be in La. Right, so it's given me long distance. So are we willing to we as a partnership now allow me to go back to visit my child or bring that here?

How long two months do we find out that this is his nigga's baby?

Actually as of right now two weeks she said she'll know by December fifteenth.

Fuck meaniss? So I'm actually in my phone.

Yeah, I would want to find and be like, girl, make sure we get the update on this because to me, I think in the next two weeks it's weird because I'm also someone that's been working through my anxiety, and what I realized with anxiety is how much sleep you can lose and how stressed you can get.

Over the what ifs?

What you realized?

Well, to me, no, it's the what ifs?

What's yours?

Like the what ifs are kind of what I even just suggested her to do, right, like, if this is your baby, how do we do this?

How do we do that? Where does the money go? What like?

And so to me, maybe actually then let me rephrase that, because the anxiety will fucking kill you.

Maybe just reframe what your.

Next goals look like within your own relationship with them right now.

Yeah, I did a podcast The Unusual Suspects Malcolm Gladwell, Kenny Barris, a woman named Ursula Burns. She was the first black woman CEO Forbes list be Oprah out a few years and she talked about how her fucking husband had another baby. She said, and I sat there and I said, well, we can do two things, and I and we recorded this two years ago, so maybe a little dicey, but she goes, I can either leave you or we can be a family. And she talked about

Also gone now.

And she really was like, and I had a fruitful life for them, Like unfortunately, okay, you know, mistakes happen. And I don't want to say children are mistakes.

But shit, do you think the mistakes too?

Do you know what I must say? There's really no other advice for us to give. I think you're probably surprised at Mandy and I say, hey, be optimistic. All we need is at update and you need to send that update.

The decisions pot at gmail dot com.

And when y send it, bitch, give us some detail because we want to make the whole episode about this.

I want you to do this, to give this to us.

I want you to tell us where you were when the results happened, the reaction if it wasn't the sigh of relief, and also maybe what you both said to each other.

I mean sigh of relief only if it ain't his, if it's but if it is his, the reaction of like, now, what.

Are you angry? Or are you comforting? What are you doing? What is he saying? Is he like did he have a plan? Like how does this go? I need to know?

Bit to the baby, mama, call your ass, send us the baby and him with a little take the layout story on Instagram, save it and just send it to me because I need to see.

And that's it. Jesus.

All right, send it all over to Decisions about It Gmail dot com. Y'all, we are wrapping up the year very soon, very soon soon come soon, comes soon, come, so if you haven't yet, if you want some more content, make sure you join us over on Patreon.

That's patreon dot com.

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