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If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible threatfle guess what You've got Decisions? Hey, y'all, welcome back to another You've Got Decisions. I'm your girl, Wheezy. I'm in the studio today with our producer Denisha, and we're going to figure out what y'all got problems with this time. If you haven't already pre ordered, no holds barred. We have a masterclass that we actually have released Insane.
Mandy and I sit down go through modules on things that are actually in the book, like hot Eat Pussy, how to date correctly with a matchmaker, how to safely practice BDSM, how to get over a breakup. There's so many cool things attached. If you've already pre ordered, go to the Decisions Decisions ig fill out the form, upload your receipt whom you're in the master class.
Okay, let me lubricate this whole up problem. Well hmm, now Bebby.
You know he should have left a voice message this how loneess is okay? Hiweezy and Mandy, But today's Nisha. Longtime listeners since twenty eighteen. Let me get to the point. Oh, then, how are the five more paragroes. I apologize in advance for this long message. My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years. I'm thirty, he's thirty one. He told me he discovered a kink that he enjoyed based on some things that.
Happened early on in our relationship.
For the first year of us dating and being together, I would occasionally talk to other guys, meaning talking text, no dating or anything. They were like friends to me because I'd known these guys years before I met my boyfriend. Even though I knew a few of them liked me. Of course, I saw no issue with talking to them. I kept everything appropriate. My boyfriend didn't like it, expressed how he felt disrespected. At the time, I was twenty two to twenty three, I was young.
Oh they've been together ten y Wow.
Just called him insecure or thought he was controlling, And after a real sit down and listening to his feelings, I understood where he was coming from. And I realized that none of the guys I was talking to serve purpose, so I pretty much cut off communication.
Time goes on.
He's obsessing with trying to catch me with these guys or excuse me of being with other guys, and I was getting overwhelmed but trying to prove to him that I wasn't doing anything. He eventually admitted to me three years ago that he got a rush from reading old dms and messages between me and the other guys.
Did you know it was gonna go there? Because I knew he was gonna go there, it turned him on the thought of him seeing me with another man.
He did his research and found out the kink behind it is being called a hot life slash stag. He informed me of everything and wanted to know how we could keep this kink fantasy going for him, so I agreed to try to figure it out, even though I had no desire to.
Talk to another man. Girl, everybody listen is like okay.
We first tried with me just being myself and telling him in detail with other experiences with men while we were having sex, which was only because I've only been with one other guy since him. Yes, I'm thirty and I've only been with two guys. Ever, thank you for listening to the show for so long. Or he would like me to make up stories of being with some of the guys that I was talking to in the beginning. Once the kink was kind of getting old, I assume
you meant to say, we moved to fet life. He would make a post seeking men to sext me on Snapchat and he only wanted me to interact with guys that were bigger than him and dick size.
What is up with this Kanye shit.
I'm not a shading a man, by the way, but there is something with humiliation and dick size that is go to for men, and humiliation is a part of this kink too. Granted he isn't that small at all. He's a good seven and a half to eight. I did that for a while because I really started to get annoyed because I didn't even like any of the guys, which made it hard for me to have a fake interest in sexting. Then we went on other apps like black BLK and three fund.
I told him that sexty and which I never heard three fund.
I told him that sexting the strangers made me uncomfortable and I don't want to do it anymore, but he just won't get the point. He would try to bring that up and that doing this is helping him with jealousy, and he's creating an open space for me to desire other men.
The problem is I don't desire anyone else.
He would also say that I'm the reason that he discovered this, and if I wouldn't have done what I did in the vast we wouldn't be where we are now. I'll just think shit, and I feel like it's affecting our sex life because he always wants to talk to me about other scenarios and I'm over it, even when I make them up.
I don't know what else to do.
Every time I try to tell him I'm not interested in the kink, he tries to say that I'm judging him or kink shaming, and I'm not any advice on how I could get him to truly understand that I don't want to act on this. Well, no shade, Sis, I'm not going to shade your relationship or this cake. But you could have got that out in a paragraph, Denise. No, no, no, I'm actually joking. I kind of like it because the
extra detail makes it more fun. But I don't even know what to say because I know everyone if you like a cook, cook and hot wife. I wanted to read that cutcolding is watching someone else have sex with your partner while you do nothing. The hot wife, at its core is a woman that has sexual relationships with other men with consent, full knowledge, and sometimes and most
times with encouragement of the other partner. It's normally a married woman who gets to fuck as many people as you want, and the husband doesn't do it himself, because then in that case it would then be like lifestyle, open relationship whatever. A stag is the man itself. So here's what I would tell you, he's getting a little ridiculous with every time you have sex.
He needs to talk about this.
If every time I had sex I needed to get choked, I couldn't even do that. I don't know how to explicitly give you advice on how to tell someone no, because the no isn't.
Seeming to work. The only thing that I would try to do.
Is tell him that since because it seems like you did enjoy it in the beginning, or it could have been fun, but then it's like this became something obsessive. Okay, he's being very manipulative by telling you it's kink shaming. You're going to have to hold the mirror up and be like, yo, when is the last time you had sex with me and we didn't bring up other people. This isn't about me kink shaming. This is about me wanting to just have sex with you. I'm interested in you.
You see to be interested in other things while fucking me. It makes me feel like XYZ. Sometimes just saying I don't want to I'm bored, da da da. It gives people this openness to thinking we just need persuasiveness or we're just not horny enough.
You have to actually talk about how it makes you feel.
You can say even things where it sounds ridiculous maybe to him, But sometimes I feel like you don't even enjoy this fantasy with me. This is about just having someone to do it with you. And I don't know if I could keep exploring something that doesn't feel like it's an US thing. I figured having sex with you would be something exciting for us. Feels very one sided. I feel like you don't want to please me at all.
Like those are ways to hold up the mirror, because it is crazy that as women we have to.
Be like no, no, no no.
I also almost feel a little bad for joking, like go fuck that other nigga, because when we hear this story, we're like, duh, we want to try this thing, but it's not like that for everybody, And so I think I want to use this time to maybe talk about something where we were like, I'm not into that.
Is it happening you yet? I feel like you ain't fuck a lot ofth No.
I'm also like her thirty and of only mimity people, so I can relate to a sist. But honestly, you know nothing that I haven't been. No.
I've had just exploring on apps like sex apps and stuff. A lot of people tell me that their partners couldn't exercise this kink with them and that's why they were on the apps.
I wonder if there's a world for that, Like are you.
Even comfortable with that? Can he just do this thing and you're not included in this fantasy? That's also ridiculous as a suggestion, because I know that's not what you want to hear. But I guess I'm trying to find the world where when I answer some of these questions, and I'm talking outside of you right now, when I answer some of these questions, am I giving you the advice that I would want.
Here's my real advice.
I don't know how safe I would feel in a relationship where I'm constantly being told I'm kink shamey, or I did something wrong and now I have to sexually act on something.
Now.
I don't want to make it too dark. But did he Cassie Coercion. Sure he's not that bad or rich and famous, but this is all like umbrella of manipulative sex and that shit don't feel good. In the book, I even talk about my ex saying to me, there were these girls I wanted to fuck us. It would have been our first like foursome, and these girls wanted to hit He literally looks at me like, come on, baby,
we can't have fun tonight. And now I'm like, oh my god, I'm the girl that's boring, Like this is all manipulative shit, and they know that they can get away with these things because we love them. We want to be down and the same thing should be going for men. How many women have been wanting DP or three some of two guys and it's a hard But I don't know what it is about us that makes them say, my girl will be okay, she'll do it.
She'll figure it out. So how do you do it?
Because you and your partner are in an open okay, So like when you, let's say, one night, he wants to do something but you don't like, how do you tell him?
Well, I'm lucky that he's understanding, because recently we were at Labain. They have a really fun Wednesday night in New York. It's like Afrobe's and I'm a piano and we love that shit. So we get girl's numbers. Sometimes there was a girl it was. She was gorgeous, but I just wasn't in a mood that day, and he wasn't even asking me to have sex with her. He said, oh, what do you think? Like she's been flirting with us, like can we go get her number? And I said okay, just very reluctant.
He then said, now he picked up.
I don't want we And maybe he didn't say it as eloquently as like I love doing Hell, yes, it's with you consent. He literally said, we aint about to fight tomorrow over this bitch if you ain't Hell, yes, I ain't in it.
Fuck that help and we go and we dancey a good time.
And I brought this up when we did keV on stage because I was like, Yo, people need to read each other, and good partnership looks like reading and loving. And I've had good boyfriends that I've broken up with. I've had bad boyfriends I've broken up with. But a lot of this all tied into how well do you know somebody? Your partner not realizing that he's starting to push you like that is a problem. And I do
think these things to be fixed. I think you got to reconnect, like just the two of you, and he's got to know that because ten years is long, and so if this is his new thing, we got to figure out where I exist in this thing.
If I don't want it. Let's just say this is extreme, but I'm thinking about it. Ask my partner dated.
A girl that liked to be super choked out, hit, dominated, crazy, spit on all of it. I could like some of these things in moderation, and after that girl, I feel like he's maybe had a little bit of a thirst for it too.
I know I can't handle it.
So we got to talk about how I exist If you got this thing, where does Weezy come in?
If you're going to have this thing now?
According to him, he's like, I don't need it whatever, I'm not dripping, it's not something I crave. I think in five years this might come on now you really want to be on your domb shit, And I think we got to talk about where that comes to the plate. Will I change my mind? Will you only do this? Will you do it in front of me? Will I act it out?
Like shit? Maybe your man turns into.
One of the guys that are fucking a hot wife, Like where can we all exist? And maybe you like watching it, but there has to be a place where you can exist in someone's sexuality, even if you're not there. And I think that's what's really needing to be talked
about with y'all. I hope that's a helpful answer, because it's so hard to answer questions like this in the middle of all this Diddy cash Cassie shit, Because fuck, waking up every day and seeing it is just like, what's the worst thing you think you thought you read from the Diddy Cassie shit?
Umm, the worst thing that I saw or heard from it? Honestly, anything that has to do with like drugs or being druggs. I feel like that's like just so against your will, Like.
You know, I didn't hear anything yet about I know she was doing drugs. I didn't know she was like being drugged. In my head, when I think of being drugged, I think, oh my god, you woke up and something was different.
My worst thing so far.
I'm listening to this podcast BBC Diddy All Trial, y'all go listen.
It's every day. It's tea. And I don't mean that and.
Know like, oh my god, I love this happening way. I'm just saying, it's a great way to listen and to ray from the shade room.
Dad Nigga be my lawyer. Okay.
There was an episode on The Diddy Trial and DBC where the girl said that the male escort was like I didn't even know what to do when Cassie was getting beat because Diddy is so powerful.
Oh yeah.
So basically, as the story goes, there was a male escort that was brought in to have sex with Ditty and Cassie. He said the first time Diddy was covered hat bandana, he said he even knew because of the voice and just the presence a loan. And then he came back a few times and he said one of the times he would just stay, smoke, chill. They would do it for hours, right. Ain't that the crazy part of this whole Diddy trial too? Everything is four to
eight hours, Like the bitch is a cloth. I'm like, I would oh my god.
I mean Krisha said, don't go to sleep. She did sayday this nigga all sleep.
So but that's also drug shit if you're a cocaine at meta infetamine. Like what I'm gonna do with this Hollywood life of like uh uh up?
So long story.
Short mail escort says Cassie was on her computer. Diddy said, came here. She said, hold on, hold on, hold on. She wanted to tie things up, I guess. So he came in the room.
He can hear this. You come when I.
Say come, and she was like, I'm sorry, It's just I have personal stuff on here. I wanted to wrap it up. And then he started to hear her getting abused. Now the prosecution is like or the defense it's like, well if you heard it while you ain't help his answer. I believe he's like, yo, Diddy is powerful. What was I supposed to do? Go in there and save her? And then something happened to me. He said, Cassie ran
jumped on his lap. He's like, are you good, She's like, ca'm ca'm cam okay, And basically she had to perform after that. So here's the thing that I've been fucking with.
As if you were of this.
There's a text message where Diddy says, I love our freak offs when it's done right. Cassie can enjoy kinky things, but also need to be consenting and wanting and not be abused during And so that's where this juxtaposition of is there right and wrong? And I actually really do believe it is wrong. The escort was sitting there talking about what.
Do I do?
A grown ass man couldn't help you, and we just say things like Cassie could have walked away, y'all. Niggas can't leave a job you don't like.
Like what? So that's the shit. For me, that felt like the worst.
And so when I was reading this, I was like, oh my, this is all so tied together, like everything we read you could have only had sex with two people.
Dunisia.
The stories you've heard, not even unhorrible other people shows like there's always some manipulative thing that's happening to women.
None of y'all niggas are fuck vidy, you know what I mean? And then what you let that? Bobby ask nigga, what would you? And he work at Tarja? What about Diddy? Like what are you gonna do?
So that's the shit that makes me feel bad, and I think I have a lot of empathy because I I don't know if I could have left And what if you consent the first time? For those who have pre ordered, no hols pard, you'll get it in a few weeks.
There is a very.
Violent our word chapter for me, and one of the things I say in the chapter is well, I had sex with him before because I wanted to. So why if I told this story to people, they would have been like, oh, welly aren't you fucking already? So yeah, Like I completely understand how we're all confused on Cassie's consent versus non consent, even when she said he raped her after a closure talk that they had while she was dating her now husband, and then the defense said, well,
did you have sex with him again? She goes, yeah, I did, but I loved him like I didn't know. We all assume when something bad happens to somebody done. But the Stockholm syndrome's real, and we all stick around. Not we all excuse me, but we are sticking around thinking it'll all change.
It's a constant mind frame. It's the same with bad jobs.
Oh fuck it, like I'll get promoted sooner, this will happen, like like something different will happen, and it doesn't. So now I know your man is in ditty girl to tie us all up. I think there's room to change.
I think you have to hold the mirror up and talk about exactly how his actions are making you feel, and low key when you describe them, make him feel corny, be like you be doing all this, not in a shaming way of his sexuality, but like you doing this shit like I'm not even in the room, like really showing him how you feel.
So hope that helps. Every Wednesday, You've got decisions.
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