Welcome everybody to another episode of horrible Decisions. I'm only moaning because someone just mentioned that they missed the moaning, but maybe they're not on Patreon. I'm not gonna own decisions decisions. I'm your girl, Medibe.
I honestly thought you did moan.
No, na easy, I'm actually here on video. I'm I ordered so many like in stripe clothes for the tour, but I was like, I'm not as well bust them out today. So whatever episodes I'll listen to in a near future, it's gonna look like I'm going to a whole job.
It is given like business casual.
Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna maybe I'll wear this to my meeting tomorrow. I don't know. I went to like A.
It's weird because the way that we grew up, and if you're in your thirties, you understand what I'm saying. Thirties and plus I'm not evenna say it's the entertainment industry. People dress different to work now, so let no, it's everywhere. Sometimes when i'm they dressed unprofessional, I hate it. Fuck, it's almost like they're going to the club the mall or just rolled out bed but like I say, like.
A mall outfit.
I'm definitely mall sexy for work. But I went to even fuse. I would say it's like chill, but they're like TV, they're streaming, they're digital, they're all this other shits. Like when I pop in there, I don't dress up too much for meetings, I will say, but any other place, if they have maybe fifty to one hundred employees, they look like shit. Now, the only time I think you can look like shit is if you work in tech.
Here's why, because I really do think some of these tech offices they're forcing these people to come in that we're like semi remote. They're working at the desk eight to ten hours a day. They're not really front facing. They're just there whatever, Like you're slamming the shit back. But somebody's motherfuckers. How you making too fifty and you wear a sweatpants. I mean that's how like super rich people dress. I just think that there's a loss in professionalism across
the board. Like it's funny because me and Crysal Lord just talking about this because in real estate, like you're selling houses, you're meeting people, but you still have to go into the office and do old calls and stuff, and she was like, she was like, bro, I don't get it, Like there's a clear distinction between people who clearly take this series and people who just think this
is like a hobby. And she's like one of like the mentors had had a group meeting and I guess made one of the girls cry because she's like, what the fuck do you think you're gonna sell dressing like this and looked at one girl was like, she looks like she's gonna be able to sell a house. You you probably won't be in this very long. You need to fix your hair, you need to do this. And apparently just how honest she was about how the two like girls look. One of them cried.
I don't know, but Crystal talked about what the people have on because again, like Crystal's gonna be forty next year. Well not only that, there's just a wait to dress when you go to work, but that's when we're outside I'm talking about I'm talking about I'm talking about going to work. She does dress, but you have to well she never on cameras. That's where she's like, she does like the voiceover stuff. We were just talking like girl, you know.
But see that's what That's what I'm saying with the text. Shit that is front facing. She needs to meet with clients. I'm not gonna hold you. Some people, even I remember back in the day, remember in the real estate agent car. When I can hear the car, I'll be like, now, I just looked at houses with my mom to speak to the real estate experience.
Because my mother brought it up. I didn't.
We saw four open houses, so I finally decided, like renting two apartments, isdem I am here for seven days a week a month. However, I'm just like, what if I just got a bigger spot, not an apartment, because I feel like once we start running into each other in the bathroom, maybe it won't work. So a house or town, I'm like, let's have some separation. So we look, we go to a house that is I'm not saying I can afford this. I just want every don't come rob meet. I like to go to any open house,
as y'all know, that's my manifestation thing. I'm like, I want you to see how much houses cost me. This is one point eight and it's in Silver Lake. Then we're gonna go look at something that's nine hundred thousand. I just want you to know what you can get, so if you don't like the stuff that's cheaper, you can understand why. One point eight million. We meet the girl, white girl that's hosting it. Cutesie button down top, the jeans, but the jeans are pressed out, nice shoe, the way
that she's talking everything perfect. Next house nine hundred thousand dollars. My mom joked that it went down here. There another white girl. These are all white women, kind of chill outfit, like little flowery dress but sweet cute, but not as professional. She wasn't saying things like well, hey, this is going to pay for itself back.
You need to understand that.
You know, there's no flooding insurance that's high here because you're a little bit lower blah blah, you don't have to worry about the fires because next girl is like, oh yeah, better than running an apartment, right, bitch, we saw our house, those six could be This nigga had coffee dripping down the shirt and he goes, oh, I'm so Glorio.
Oh that's my wife.
She looked a mess. I was thinking did she know she was coming?
And I was like yo. It kind of also speaks to who you're selling to.
It does, because for one point eight they need to be making some money, Like right, you're putting down two hundred thousand and three hundred thousand dollars for a home like that, Like you've got to have that capital, like you're making bread.
If you got that, didn't, oh bitch, once you got done six fifty, I said, this is still expensive.
By the way, this is still expensive. It's Los Angeles. But yeah, And my mom got in.
The car with me and she says, there's no experience anymore. I used to talk about you wearing sweatpants in first class. I'll never say it again. She's like, I understand, this is a new world. I thought we were meeting someone a suit. I did my makeup, I did my hair, just to know that we're buying a home.
I was excited about the process. She said that they took me out of it.
She said, if I'm about to do this big, have this big moment in my life and my daughter and you look like that, what is this?
I mean, it's tricky because I know the markets are expensive. But also as a real estate agent, if you're someone selling over a million dollar homes and someone's selling lessons, you know, seven hundred thousand dollars homes. Even your commission is different, so the money you make is different. I mean, I think we see it. You're going to dress differently if you work, if you make two fifty at an executive company, or you're in them all selling clothes.
I mean, I just think it is. I don't know, they don't.
Need a lot of money too. And that also, and we all know this to be true.
You go on she and get you a nice.
Fabb Yeah she could, they could step.
It up, but I think it's really how much care you put into these things. And it's maybe also with these agents, the seriousness of the client.
I just think over all those that's why I said overall, yeah, there's no professionalism that exists anymore, and I do. I mean we could blame the pandemic quite a bit. I mean, with everyone having to be at home, with people not having to go into the office, I think Z has made things a lot more like the days ago, Like professionalism just ain't ain't what it used to be like, even from how you show up on interviews, like showing your shoulders and things that were just never acceptable. Are
now like Okay, I know, I mean it's crazy. It's crazy when when I went.
To work the first day in Audible, I wore a blazer dress.
And the first thing one.
Of the colleagues I had at the time said, is girl, what nigga you think is in here? And I'm like, because I kind of have a blazer dress, Like really this is But at the end of the day, we all fought for casual fridays.
I'll look, we talking about.
Oh, where's the suit? Like nobody ever wanted to do that anyway.
So I feel like and even that when I had casual fridays in corporate, it was just that you could wear jeans, that's it. And you couldn't have rips in the jeans. You couldn't have tears in the jeans. They still they had to be gene. And then you still have to wear like a blouse or a button up or you know, a polo can be, but denim, but well it's Denham can be, especially if they don't have ribson terrors. Like that was even like, bro, you can't
come in here with no rips in your jeans. Man, you just got a little taste of the Horrible Decisions Patreon, but why it's up there. Tap in for the full, uncut and way naster episodes over on Patreon. Go to patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions and unlock all the messy, t wild stories and bonus content you won't hear anywhere else. And now here's You've Got Decisions.
If you would like to have us answer your questions.
If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible throatfle.
Guess what You've got decisions, You've got decisions. Hey, hey, hey, Horhive, it's your girl, Mandy b One half of the Decisions Decisions podcast here.
To answer yo, no question now.
If you want to submit anything regarding your relationship, your situationship, your friendship, your workship, your partnership, go ahead and send it on over to Decisions pod at gmail dot com. Before we get to this week's which is an update which makes me so excited again, make sure, if you haven't yet, go and purchase No Holds Barred Doing Manifesto of Sexual Exploration and Power, available now wherever you get books.
Also make sure you get that audible version as well, and leave a review that continues to help us push the messaging of this book. Now, y'all, I was supposed to record this only yesterday.
Huh.
But y'all the government shut down. Had you grow in a disarray at the airport? You follow me on social media. I ended up being drunk as hell, was put through a mattress and was like, I'm just gonna throw on this Turkey costume and go through the airport.
No one's gonna notice me, no one's gonna see.
Me, bitch.
Also, I dealt with three flight cancelations and it took thirteen hours for me to get from New York City LaGuardia Airport to goddamn Atlanta, Georgia. Okay, finally I am done from being stressed out over all that shit and really excited because this week we have an update from the letter. Is my boyfriend get boy?
Do? I love an update?
So let's just get into all of these things. And girl, I am not gonna read your name. By the way, when you submit a letter, just know that it will be anonymous. We will not give any details that'll let the folks know you are going through it.
Again.
If you want to say and your letter in make sure you send it on over to decisions pod at gmail dot com.
Let's get into it hunt.
By the way, I'm doing this by myself because Weezi is still in Brasil.
Okay, she is still in Brazil. Okay.
Anyways, don't know what accep that is, but suck my day from the back. All right, this is an update. It is my boyfriend Gay. Hey, thanks for answering my email. I just listened to the episode and I'm writing back to provide more details.
Transparently.
I ended it before writing that email, but I was still ruminating on it, so I decided to write in we broke up back in July. I'm definitely okay with a man being bisexual, and honestly find it attractive. My issue was that I felt he had zero attraction to me as a woman and seemed to be attracted to men. He claimed that he was a boob guy. I'm a size forty G, so you would think he would love that. When it came to intimacy, he seemed mortified at the sight of my breast.
My boobs are nice.
After the breakup, I hooked up with an old friend from college and he thoroughly enjoyed my boobs, So I feel comfortable saying that my breasts weren't the issue here. When I tried to have conversations with him about sex and sexuality, it was an uncomfortable topic for him and he would get defensive. He said in his last relationship,
sex was an issue as well. At one point I thought he might just have ed. But as I continue to ask questions, the combination of his answers and his behavior around gay men and his lack of sexual interest in me made me feel like he is gay.
His family is on a cult, girl, his words, all.
Right, now, I don't think you added the cult port last time, so I imagine they would disown him if they found out he was gay. So I believe that is why he sought out a relationship with a woman.
Now, Girl, I don't think coats.
Have any connection to homophobia, like real for real outside of the church. But U Okay, back to the topic of conversations around sex and d I asked him if he watches porn and if he is able to ejaculate when watching porn, and he said yes. I asked what type of porn does he like and he refused to answer. Oh, bitch, he said, that previous exes gets him in his past and said things like I bet if I was this,
you'd want to have sex. He didn't explain what this was, but I'm going to like but might automatically filled the word with man. I still tried to stay open minded and think of the possibilities and also consider that he may be a sexual, but the way he lustfully looked at men, it was hard to believe that he might be a sexual. The other part that made me feel like his roommate was his boyfriend is because for the nine years he was living with him, they also had
only a one bedroom apartment. He lived in Oklahoma, which is extremely affordable. The man works in aerospace, so only is financially able to get a apartment. The city that I'm in is LA, so it is definitely moreive, but he can still financially afford a two bedroom there as well. What led me to break up with him is that I couldn't get over that feeling, and anytime I tried to discuss sexuality, he blew up and got defensive.
Ever since his roommate moved out here.
He's made excuses as to why I couldn't come over the combination of that and the fact that he went one week without seeing me even though he only lives ten minutes away from that led to the breakup. While texting, I did tell him that I don't think he's straight, oh God, and he vaguely confessed that he isn't straight. Going to attach a snapshot of that text as I'm curious on your thoughts about it, ooh girl.
Not the tape.
The situation where I felt like he was farting with a guy, only engaging in conversation with him and not his friend, I guess when they were out and anytime the guy would try to speak to me, he would interrupt. I felt that he was competing with me for that guy's attention.
Also, the fact they.
Thinked about him and wondering about him right after we had sex was also odd.
I know I could be wrong, but there were too many red flags.
The roommate situation really took it over the top for me because that's when everything changed and he became less available. Also, the fact that he's living or been living with this man for nine years in a one bedroom apartment explains why he didn't want to talk on the phone. Lunch and preferred texts and voice notes. Also, they're black and in their late thirties. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks
for taking the time to read all of this. I was more so seeking confirmation if you all believe that he is likely gay and.
That I was tripping.
He made me feel like I was the one tripping anytime I brought up the discussion. All right, few things, so he admitted that he's not fully straight. But you said he likes titties but also flirts with men. It's giving that or in that he likes might actually be trans women. This is just my guess because that too is the point that I like to watch as well, and it may also be the reason why he identifies
as straight personally. I have dealt with quite a few men or heavy Asian conversation with men who identify as heterosexual straight men. However, they have engaged with or are turned by, or at least fantasized about trans women. It is trans women with the dicks with the tits, so that could be also an explanation as to why he still identifies as straight, or even when he decided to
open up to you that he will straight. His confusion came from still identifying those women as women, So in his mind, even though there is a dick there, he still believes that he is attracted to women specifically, did it on women. Let's get into the text message. She sent a text message saying, no, not at all. I'm an open person, but I asked you about your sexuality
and you lied. This seemed to be a text message that he didn't respond to, so she re quoted it and said, so you're not going to respond to this, lol, Okay his response, sexuality is a spectrum.
You know this. You're not even one hundred percent straight yourself. I'm not gay. I don't prefer men. I prefer women.
But I'm just saying I don't think anybody today is one hundred percent straight. All of my relationships have been with women, and that's where I want to stay. I have no interest in men. I was not flirting with that dude at that play.
Lol. I believe I have to say that I.
Just thought you was cool, and since I'm new to the area, I'm gathering context of cool peeps as potential friends.
Is that a problem?
You say things as absolutes, as if you've come to these conclusions without even confirming them Ooh girl, he ran you just a little bit. I agree that sexuality is on a spectrum. We talk about it all the time. If you're new here, check out the Kinsey scale. This response leads me to believe and even the way you kind of attacked him, I asked you about your sexuality and you lied, I find it interesting coming from someone who says that bisexuality would be something that you would
be open to being with. You also seem to not care about the sexuality as much as you cared about the lie, which in the text message you also brought up the lie. However, you can't get honesty out of a person when you come at them on the attack, because all they're going to know how to do is defend themselves.
And so.
I guess I'm glad to see that you guys broke up because this clearly wasn't working.
For either of you.
But in the same sense, I do think that you should wholeheartedly sit with what it is that you want.
You did this long distance relationship.
You're now even admitting that you didn't speak to him very often, You didn't spend him very often. If I recall from the last letter you had been together for like a year. He made it official, but it was long distance and you didn't see him often. So to read even in this email that you also were only able to really text him because you weren't much of a phone conversation because he was living with a roommate which you now believe to be his boyfriend for the last nine years.
It's all very tricky.
And what I want to express to the listeners to the whore Hive, baby, if he wanted to.
He would. And this is one of those things that are like, oh my god, what does that mean? Or I hear it all the time and da da da da.
It's one of those where I promise you you do not have to force a man to show up for you.
You don't.
If he likes you, he will let it be known. If he wants to show up, he will. They know how to ladies. They Here's the other problem. We be thinking, we gotta we gotta like not raise these men, but then we gotta show them how to treat us. Bro.
These niggas know how to treat a bitch. They like they do.
I promise you, And if he's not showing up in a way that makes you feel special or seen. He's just not that into you. If you're going days without texting, he's just not that into you. If he's not showing up for certain holidays and your birthdays, he's just not that into you.
If he makes excuse to us why he.
Don't show, girl, he's just not that into you. And that's okay, it's okay. Thank you for the letter. By the way, she signed a beard for the boy.
I do agree. I do believe that you were none other than a beard for this this gentleman.
But yeah, anywhos, I'm gonna get into this letter fall this week, and I love that we could start with a quick a quick update. If you have sent a letter, you heard our advice, and you want to follow back up, please again, send that on over within the same thread, send it on over to decisions pot at gmail dot com. All right, there's a good one this week, y'all. Dating while broke is the subject. Hey, ladies, I have been
in a relationship for about five years now. I'm a black woman, he's a white man, and he is also about seventeen years older than me. Ooh girl, I've had that age difference before as well. I have a teenage child from a previous relationship that I am the primary parent of, and it's the exact same situation with him, just to paint the picture for you. Recently, I've been questioning if I want to continue with the relationship.
One of my main reasons being is finances.
It seems like he's always complaining about being broke or not having enough money to do certain things. At first, he would only say it once in a while, but now it feels like he says it all the time. He still makes a way to plan simple dates or treat me to certain things, but days later he will complain about his money not being right or how he's
tired of being broke. I try not to pocket watch, but he makes more than me, not a significant amount, but it's considerable, and splits the rent and builds with his mother. His child had been living with her for about seven or eight years now. I know things are expensive and he has personal bills outside of the bills that he shares with his mother as well, but he also has a gambling habit.
Girl, that's bitch. He ain't broke, he just irresponsible.
I just feel like he should get a better control of his budget to afford his wants and needs. Also, what's crazy is just talked about this on selective ignorance. This is purely him being selectively ignorant, not budgeting correctly.
Bro, you live with your.
Mom, you raising a whole kid under yomama roof, and you gambling it outside of me being a single parent and working full time. I also recently completed my master's degree program, which I hope will bring me a more lucrative employment. I'm not struggling, but there's nothing wrong with striving for better.
I know that's right.
With it only being me and my daughter, I pay all the bills and maintain the household, her completely out of the picture. Star I received no support from him or his family. Now, don't get me wrong, I am far from perfect and fall short from time to time as well. It just seems like he is always in a financial buying despite the fact that he makes more and splits bills with someone, and because of his openness about money issues, the very few times I needed help,
I avoided asking him. Hell once when I questioned if I should be entertaining anyone if I'm not where I want to be financially, I just have a feeling he doesn't have the same moments of reflection bitch, and don't. That's why he's been living with his mama for seven eight years. The most recent incident was a trip that I wanted to take. Ooh girl, not you wanted a trip in this economy with a broke nigga libing away
his mama with gambling issue. And yet I am that girl that only flies on certain airlines and likes to say at certain hotels.
Ill because his.
Money was short and he couldn't convince me to take a cheaper flight or say at a cheaper hotel, I went with my best friend instead. Period to celebrate me getting my masters, I want to take a trip out of the I already have a feeling that he's not going to be able to and I'll just go by myself. No, it's not when a woman says something is fine, it's not. About two years into the relationship, he brought up moving
in together. My response was an immediate no. Not only am I uncomfortable compromising me in my daughter's face, but I don't want to live with them man with money problems and bad credit.
I didn't want to hurt.
His feelings, so I simply just gave the reasoning of I'm not ready. I'm sure you didn't like the response, and I can see me not wanting to live with him being the reason he breaks up with me in the future.
How would you approach this situation?
Have y'all ever experienced dating a man that was financially irresponsible? Also as a woman, have you ever felt you shouldn't be dating because of your finances? Love y'all and looking forward to your responses?
Oh shit, my bad, y'all. Don't drop my sign because I didn't headick on this one. All right? How would I approach this situation?
I would love to know if you're in therapt because knowing that this is knowing that this relationship is five years old, knowing that he's been living with his mom for seven or eight years, now, knowing that two years ago he asked you to move in. I'm confused to how y'all even got here. You said you have a teenage daughter, so even at the bare minimum, you had her early. You're in your early thirties. I don't know what you're waiting for as to why you're not moving
forward from this relationship. It doesn't seem like I guess my question is, and only because you didn't put it in here, what are you getting from this? What is he providing you that you feel so stuck in this relationship that you don't deserve more. He can't even go on trips with you, He can't celebrate a moment that means a lot to you. You don't feel like you can count on him when you're in a bind. What is keeping you in this relationship? What's keeping you here?
And why? And why? Have I ever experienced dating.
A man that was financially irresponsible? No, not one that I considered having a long romantic partnership with. I think if I think of someone who was financially irresponsible, and maybe it wasn't financial irresponsibility as much as it was the irresponsibility of the decisions he made that led him to not be able to get a job. If you listened to a couple of years ago, a shit, maybe actually six seven years ago. Now, I met this guy on tender. He went by felon May at the time thought he.
Was just oh my god. I was just giddy about him.
But he couldn't find certain employment because of his felony record, And so for me, That was a huge part of why I didn't consider taking him serious. Although like, we had a blast and he was fun and he lived right around the corner and it was a great thing to me long term, I didn't see how it makes if he was still figuring out how to get on
his feet. And for me, you made this decision five years ago, as a woman with a child, as a single parent with a child, to get into a romantic partnership with a man living with his mom.
Who is seventeen years older than you.
I'm just gonna do the math. Say you thirty, That mean when you met him? No, no, no, let's say you thirty five. Let's go my age, because now we go get it. Let's say you met him at thirty, Mitch, when you met him, you met a forty.
Seven year old man with a child living with his mother. I want to know how yo plus he got on. That's what I want.
I wants to know how he'd have made it five years. I wants to know how he made it past the first date. I think at some point we have to stop dating people and considering their potential. And I don't know what potential you saw in a man who got you seventeen years your senior and couldn't move out his mama crib. I don't know what potential you saw Temna the other and the last question you asked is as a woman, have you ever felt like you shouldn't be dating because of your finances?
Boy, read the goddamn book.
For me, there was a sense of self worth in how I would show up as a partner, as a woman who wasn't financially secure. So in my twenties, I actually felt like I wasn't ready to be anyone's girlfriend because I was such a dire name and to show up financially for me, So the idea that I only wanted a man who could come in and pay my bills or take me on trips.
I knew that those wouldn't be realhips.
They wouldn't be based on the premise that I liked this man, that I'm in love with this man, that he's everything I wanted. More, I knew that it was based on survival instincts of this man can provide, and so for a lot of my relationships they were transactional. Because of that, I absolutely wanted a sense of and wanted to feel like I liked a man because I liked him, not because of what he could do for me.
And so again for me, I think two years into this relationship him even asking him and not wanting that to happen. Two years into the relationship, I think two years is also enough time to see if a man is together.
And maybe you're five years in deep and it don't seem like changed.
In a gambling A gambling problem is not something fixed with a pill. It's not something fixed just over. That is a hard addiction that should be treated as crack cocaine, you know, like maybe it's hard to wean yourself out of the addiction of gambling, but also whatever debt has incurred from it, and there's a lot of embarrassment that stems from that. He clearly maybe is not even too prideful for the simple fact that he did as to move in, for the simple fact that he'd been living
with his mama for seven or eight years. And so my advice to you would be to sit with yourself, and I want you to ask yourself, if you believe you deserve better?
Do you deserve better?
Do you believe that there is any person out there that the ability to show up in the ways that you would like a partner to show up. And if the answer is yes to those, my advice to you is to break up and end this relationship.
It's not serving you. And again, even if he's making.
You feel butterflies, bitch, think about how you feel about not being able to celebrate your master's degree completion with your partner because he too poored a fucking Get on a flight and book the hotel and enjoy the pleasantries of life that you want to travel. Don't let this relationship rob you from your happiness. Don't let it happen. Don't do it, girl, don't do it.
Don't do it.
Also, love that you misled me with the title here dating while broke, you are in a relationship with.
A broke nigga. You're not dating while broke.
You are in a relationship. What a skilly, irresponsible fuck boy. And I'm gonna call him a fuck boy because bruh, he at least in his forties, at least living with his mama and been living with her for seven eight years. He might not even be paying as much or splitting the bills as much as you think he is with his mama because he might be a mama's boy.
So I'd say go ahead and go ahead and break up with him. In the good words of crystalin Fury from the read break up with Him.
Hopefully I spoke to some of you listening to this as well, because baby, we are rounding up the year twenty twenty six is around the corner, and baby, January first is not the time to her and start feeling good about yourself and wanting more for your life.
But the turkey the Christmas gifts.
Don't sit here and wait and squander through these these holidays knowing that you're with somebody that just ain't put in the bill, that just ain't cutting it.
I'm telling y'all, this is where you start.
Making your New Year's resolution, stepping into what you're welcoming into the new year.
You start doing that right now, right now.
So for this listener, I would absolutely advise you to break up with him and really sit with yourself and put out into the universe the type of partner that you feel like you deserve. And I'm telling you, I know we'll be talking about dating is the ghetto. Girl, be found some good ones. I got good ones right now. I got two and a half great ones that are making like just showing me like you know, so.
Yeah do that.
And for anyone wanting to submit their listener letter, go ahead end us your letter.
To decisions pod at gmail dot com because bitch, you got decisions. See y'all next Wednesday,