Ep76: Child Support and Sexual Trauma Feat Dub & Assante

talk about relationships. And I'm super excited to also announce that I'll be joined alongside author of the M and Man Is for Money Passport Petty. So if you guys have ever wanted to ask us, maybe how to get a sugar daddy, how to join in on threesome, any type of questions that you think you may have had, We're gonna do it over some drinks and a bomb venue, listening to some dope ass music and again painting maybe

some dicks. So if you guys are interested, please go ahead and follow my Instagram at full Core Pumps and also follow at painting Port NYC to keep up on when we will be posting tickets. I hope to see you guys there. Hey everybody, I wanted to let you guys know, this is Wheezy and I'm going to be doing Gotham Podcast Studios first annual seminar. It's gonna be

coming up on September fifteen from two to five. If you guys have ever thought about doing a podcast, or you have a podcast and you need some tips on how to jump your ship off, I'm going to be discussing the horrible decisions journey, some of the pitfalls and the highs we've experienced as we are growing our show. I'm also gonna be doing some Q and A, so if you have questions, uh, come by. Make sure to

get your ticket. They're gonna have something very in depth where they personalize like workshops and like a book just for your pod. Uh. Follow me on. I g to see when tickets go on sale at Wheezy w TF Enjoy the show? Yes, And I also want to go ahead and before we start, if we could go ahead and give a super huge shout out to all of our patrons. We want to thank you guys so much

for our support. If you do not know, or if say you've listened to all of our episodes and you want more, we dropped to bonus episodes per month on our Patreon account. Um, so go ahead support the show become patrons. You could find that at patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions. We also post a lot of the stuff on our Instagram, so go ahead and keep up with us as well on our instagram at Horrible Underscore Decisions.

Now let's get on with the show. Hey, guys, we're back yet again, and we got some wonderful guests in the show. Welcome to Horrible Decisions. Guys. This is your girl, Mandy Be. I'm wheezy, and we have our resident gay studio. You know, we've been having some other gays and I was like, low key kind of feeling a little bad, like I cheated. Thank you. I'm glad that you feel that way, but I you know, I hold nothing to that. I am the resident gay. You know that, and I

know that. So we are square happy to be back. Hey Sante, Yeah, yeah, before y'all, you know you you had a roast. Want to go have another guy? Hold on, we got another bit, you know, we do have another female in the building and we've had her on the show before, and it's so funny because y'all just refer to her as the Unicorn episode seventeen, but we got dubbed in the motherfucking building from Denver, all the way

from motherfucking Denver. Hello, Calas, I'm that bitch if I'm back, so dub your original episode was number seventeen, and you helped a bunch of couples understanding Unicorn how to have threesomes people are asking about. It's so weird because people are just every week someone's like, how do I get a reesome? How about to do this? I'm like episode seventeen. They go back up, But can you kind of tell people,

um what your new projects you have going on? And oh my god, I knew he was going to do and you have to he didn't have your old podcast. You have a podcast too. I do have a podcast with my son um j J. He goes by j J and um girl, I don't forgot the name my son podcast. Sorry. I was fast on the blunt before the episode. So I need you all to know that if you're watching YouTube, if there's a fog, it's not your dream it's not the it's not the camera, y'all.

We kind of smoked out the goddamn room before the which I forgot my name. I almost said, and this is in DV three. Did nothing. I don't know nothing. Shout out to Wax. So you have Younger have a podcast names young Ash, and we're coming back. We're actually going to see Beyonce in Houston and we're gonna jump our new season off after that happened. Yes, every Monday we come out. We're on sound cloud. Okay, but what else you got going on? Go ahead and let him

know putting out a project call whole season. Yes, whole season. Um, it's about the summertime, using that time to be your best hole that you could possibly be. And it's not about these niggas. It's about you and just being whatever home means to you. You do that ship and you love it and you that. What about all the other three seasons? I mean, bitches, be hybernation, I'd be like conservative, you know what I'm saying, most season, cuffing season. What

are the seasons we got? You? Like, Dob wasn't like I think when we were in Seattle. We went to Seattle a few weekends. I had a terrible time. That's not even talking about it. But when we were there, Dob was telling me like, I haven't had dick like and what was it? A year? Girl year? And people love. This is what cracks me up. Nigga's love to call you ho and a slut. This that no dicks was up in there for a year. I haven't seen it. I was barely I was barely massurveyd. I was barely

watching for it was bad. It's crazy like someone. It wasn't like. It wasn't like I didn't want to, but I was busy and got you to do a whole like I'm never too busy to play with me. Neither I do that at work. We got a lot of break I'm not proud of it. I'm working on so a season of New Dicks. I want to tell you guys a story really quick. I will make it fast. But so, if you have ever heard episode one, pisode one, it is called the Missing Condom And here we go.

So I went to the Hamptons with this white boy and I decided he's older, he's in his Let me not say if she had sex with the elder y'all know she wanted one. Let me just show you him first before he had sat and Pepper. How old I think? So I'm gonna pure wait, okay, but how old was the dick? You? Really? It doesn't matter. I want you guys, and maybe you're tired, so look going all night it was, you know, so you just want all of YouTube to tie pictures bro put the and very you know, a

nice looking man season day. So anyway, I want to talk a little bit about I wasn't gonna say this on our show. I was gonna wait till I go on Van show because I thought he knows the name of my podcast, and I'm worried he's gonna listen. But I'm like whatever, maybe he won't. So we have sex for the first that time, and he was eating my pussy is so good that I thought if the head, if he's that good ahead, he can't be that good in bit right, Like how could you be that good?

Something's wrong with your dick? Like that's how good he went down on me. So I start returning the for a favor, and I just want to say I am married out of my blowjob skills. It's just something that I'm good at you know, God damn bless me with much but good. So I'm sucking his dick and he's not getting hard, and I thought maybe because he's old, and he's like, you know, if you do something for me, I will really get off. Now. When I heard that, I said, okay, he wants me to eat his ass,

which not a post. So then he said I really like my nipples touched. And I was like what, and he's like, yeah, like right here. I was like, okay, so I'm sucking his dick. I've put my hands up and then he could gets so hard I thought I was gonna break a tooth. So I'm now right like touching his nipples. So I'm trying to put my hand back on the dick because I like doing my ship. This niggle pulled me right back up to the nipples and I was like, oh wow, with nipples, no broad

listen to this. I like, so I agrest weird weight sensitive like and then he's like, light her lighter, let her lighter to hold on. Then he puts the con in one and I bent over because I'm gonna get sucked, and he's like, oh um, can you turn back guys don't like back shot. Yes, yes, how you don't know never, I mean, I don't know anything. Sold on. So I turned around from the back and then he's like, that'll go on your back. I'm like, no, no no, I want

to like this. He's like, well, it's just not really because I can't really have this stimulated if I'm doing that. So I'm like, Nick, you can't suck me from the back because you can't be nipples. So hold on, now he's sucking me from the front. Okay, I'm sitting here going counterclockwise the other way, left, right, left, trying to suck its throw this pussy bag. I was exhausted. Okay, so that was the first time he had sex. Takes me out to day. This is Wednesday night, and let

me just tell you what happens. We're fucking everything's going fine. I'm doing my left right switch thing. I can't even put my hand on my clip because he fucking pulls it off just to touch his nipples. He's ridiculous. So he pulls out comes on my stomach and I'm like, this is weird because we were using a condom, So where is it? Ballad to your pussy? I was like, hey, ball into your pussy? Can I make that the horribleness into your pussy? Everybody on the count of three and

one end two and in balance you're a pussy. So wait, I need to ask how many days did it say and your pussy? If you had to wait to come back? And I'm like, a hold on, hold on, hold on, wait, because did you beat by two days? By two days? No? I didn't, I did. I didn't. So first of all, I didn't know that the first time I paid a condom out, I didn't know it was in my pussy. First time that one condom that our first episodes couple of times. So I said, hey, listen, can you do

me a favorit and help me get it out? He's like, of course, absolutely, very classic guy, right the last time you were here? Oh and I was not the help. Yeah. We gotta come back from the doctor by the way, which is the same doctor we've all been too. She's like, she comes back home. I'm like, what happened. She's like, it wasn't in there. Oh wait, you thought it probably fell out in the back. See none, So dub fucked in my laundry room. So we go back to the

same thing last day. That's a New York day. So dumb in my Laundryroommber, why did I go back down the stairs in the laund room to go make sure? She was like, Bro, I think it's either the car or it's here. We were using. So I go down the stairs in my building. I find her underwear. That yes, I find her underwear on the way down on my fucking stairs. So I'm like, okay, well here's investigation piece one. So I go down to laundry room. I'm looking, I

was that's my bit. I'm looking around for the condom. So I run up stairs. I'm like, nah, bro, it's in there. So she's like gets up sitting there in the bathroom, talk about I can't get it. I have my friend, damn my pussy for for a condom before I mean, you gotta just take your hand up the pussy and field because my hands aren't hold on. Let me tell you what happened? Do they't work it? So what are we going? What are we gonna call him? We're gonna call him Hampton's. So Hampton's goes in his

kitchen and his large upper east side apartment. I just want to say goes to grab his glasses and then goes, Okay, here we go. Rereads my legs trying to get up in there. I can't get nothing. So I'm like, you know what, I'm getting anxiety on this. Let me just I'll just go to the doctor tomorrow. So I'm at work and my little work bood comes out to me. He's like, nigga, what's up? I was calling you last night.

I was like, don't talk to me him. I'm so stress, especially what if you that my problem was I want to dick again. So I was like, I gotta get the condom out before. So the problem is. So I'm sitting at work and like, I'm very how used to have a pelvic floor problem because I was always clenching, So now I'm trying to bear it down. I'm trying to squat. I'm taking match ships trying to push it out. So I'll go to the doctor. Right. Here's the first

thing that happens. I go to the Walking Guy. No, by the way, if you live in New York and in a place to go, it's on fifty five and seventh. Walking Guy know very affordable and they take you right away. So all of our condoms out of our pussies. So the girl, the girl at the counter the receptionists, is like, hey, what's the reason for your visit? And I was like, oh um, and I'm mouthing and she's like what I was like? And she's like, okay, um, are you wheezy?

The funny part about this is Alex and I were texting and Alex is like, youre going to this cheapass spot. Watch somebody know you. So I'm laughing with the girl. I'm like, bro, are you freaking kidding me? Like I'm already here for the most embarrassing ship. And she's like, don't worry. She listens to the show. She's like, we're hip a compliant. I'm like, bitch, you not the doctor mean, we're hip and compliant. You got my social and my real name asked all time. So whatever, I'm in the

waiting room, I'm assuming to use my fake celebrity. I'm gonna get to skip the line because there's five people in front of me. So then I'm seeing two people go. I woke up to her. I'm like, bro, like do they have something talking to listen because I need to go first. So we get the doctor and I remember who I am if you're listening to this show. And then you asked when to come up to me at a time and need that you need to help a g hello, how you want to live show ticket? Help?

So I get to the doctor and she's I'm looking at her and I remember her specifically. She was very beautiful, middy. So she's like, do I remember you? And I thought maybe it was my tattoo. Was like, yeah, I was here last time. And it's kind of funny because um, I have a podcast my friend, and I said to her, you know, um, I know a place we can get a content out of you. And here we are. And she's like, oh wow, how long ago is that? I said a year ago. She's like, I totally remember. I'm

like it's the name of our first episode. She's like, well, now you have your turn. The bitch puts me on my back and I'm so nervous. I'm laying down. She's like, I'm like, you see it. She's like, it's just very far away. She goes out of the room, comes back with a long pair of tweezers and she's like, count to ten. I'm like, nig I was freaking out. So she takes it out, throws it in a trash can, and I said, excuse me, Um, can I see it. I just need to make sure a condom came out

of me, like I need to see it. I mean to make sure there wasn't ripped. I need to make sure there aren't pieces stuck in me. And she's like, what a smart girl, And you know what, can I just say, don't be ashamed because I do regular paths and just pull random tampons and condoms out. Oh my god. So anyway, there's part two of missing condom Jesus. But I mean, and you've had a disappearing condom. I've had a missing condom. I think you know at least we

have we got condoms, say sex guysdom so condoms. Oh, there we go. So normally we do icebreakers, but since both of you'll have already been on the show, we're gonna go ahead and have our vanilla ship conversation. UM. So the vanilla ship that we kind of want to discuss UM, and I'm super glad that we have you here to discuss this UM is the child support motherfucker ship. So, if you guys are on Twitter, if you guys are

active within black Twitter. Um, it's been a discussion because good old Blake Griffin, who is black some parts black, I think anyway black, um, black and black as Griffin is paying two hundred and fifty eight thousand dollars a month in child support based on his growth income for two children. Yes to his white baby mama, not say any man, I just want to take xy. I think that's his ex wife. UM, so it's nine of his income. Someone did the math, and so basically he's only paying

nine percent. Someone did the math. Someone did the math. I think he's he makes like two points something million a month because he signed like I don't know, twelve million a year, million dollars over five years, over five years. UM, so he's only giving three million dollars a year on like thirty something million. So let's not act like it's

too much. I mean it's not. But but a lot of people's complaint is especially from men that I've been reading, is that it don't take that much to raise a kid, and so well, it takes two d and twenty three thousand dollars for this lifespan of a child from zero take So why I do want to say, though I don't want to have the conversation about them coins that we don't see in our accounts, but I do want to bring this down to a conversation about child support

with y'all regular niggas. I don't know why y'all think we want to have babies for your regular as money, but it's very important because I want to talk to our audience, UM, the women who listened to our show, who got regular as broke as baby daddies, um, and also even just the men who listened to the show who may be on child support, who's not making And by the way, me and Mandy were going back and forth with who to discuss this with because we're having

Rory in a later episode, and she's like, we need ad to talk about this. I'm like, well, what about

the single moms? And it's like such a hard name begging forth this suit because told me what you paid, what you get paid in child's report, which is what I was like, this makes sense, and not only that, I've experience child support growing up, so I want to I guess if you could tell our listeners your thoughts on child So how much child support do you get a month from your baby, Dad, I'm awarded forty like around forty five forty seven dollars a month, and I

have not seen that money for a year. Your son, he's turning twelve in December. He's turning so now I want to say this, So on the national like the National Bureau or something I looked up on average men are paying of their annual income a child support is the average. I'm waking that much. He's not making enough to pay. So I don't know what he does. I don't talk to him, but forty five dollars is what you got awarded. And he has another child who's also

on child report and she gets much more. Really, so why do you get less? I don't know. There's something with us. I think it's the Massachusetts state law where the older the the younger kids get more than your oldest older kids. Your kids. I mean, in your opinion, has your son been more of an expense as a baby or as a teenager or a pretio. It's all expensive. You think that you think the money is gonna like shift from him, like growing up, but it just becomes

another bill for something else. I had to pay karate. It was like how dollars a month on hundred sixty dollars a karate alone. That was one out of five activities, playing all that ship out of parking. You got him in a special black karate. Yes, I do black owned business. I just I just feel like there's so many um things that are said on social media, specifically from men acting like women either have babies to get child support or that, or that the mothers used the child support

for them and not the children. They'd be like, why is it not going to the kid? I really don't think that a lot of men taking into consideration that, Okay, there's expenses involved with children, but as a woman, your whole life is now changed, Like how would you go about the jobs you can accept, the hours you can work?

All of these things are put into that. I don't think the men look at it like that, like you gotta baby, so what I gotta I gotta argument this with my coworker because he was like, what the funk? This is ridiculous, like blah blah blah, like I don't care, the kids don't cost that much. I said, well, you know what costs that much my time. I gotta get a job. I can't have a social life, like are

you kidding me? Babysitters just even trying to daycare after school, and you take that nick on the weekends, and that's a super high bill. I already know, like I'm so used to being broke. I just came into a little cash, a decent salary, and I still got planning alone, so my net worth is in the negatives. But I just became like very self sufficient where I don't need my mom help, I don't need my friend help, Like I'm good, but I'm so used to being broke that with anything.

But my son I asked for scholarships, like automatically, of course the thing he wants to do. First question out of my mouth. If I'm signing him up for something, it's a scholarship because it costs that much. You need to discount somewhere, and then it's past financials. I think a lot of men and maybe some women as well,

think of it on the financial level. But sometimes I'm thinking, like, did you ever think about whenever a woman does receive that child support, By the time she get that money, all her kids ship is gonna be meant anyway, So it's coming out of your pocket regardless no one is waiting for your child support. No one's like because you didn't pay your child support, and these little ass coins at a lot of us, right, they're like, it's chump change.

How did you feel when you saw the blade Griffin thing? And how do you feel about it? With how much she's getting do you think? I think it's fine, you know, if he can afford it. And what's crazy to me is an I kind of wanted to share my situation with child support. Is my dad growing up? He stops talking to us for well over a year because my

mom wanted more. UM. She was getting eighty dollars a week for two kids from my daddy, and so when she finally finished school to receive her lp N, she was then making too much money to be on Section eight and food stamps anymore. So because she couldn't be on second and food stamps anymore, her job was still as an lp N, I think was like ten dollars and twelve dollars, you're making too much to get government assistance. So she took my dad back to court um to

race child support. She ended up getting one fifty a week, which is still only six d a month for two kids and just even through that experience, like that's why we had to go through It was so crazy because he felt like he did so much by giving this little bit of money. And it's crazy because not having that relationship with like it was hell. He made all of us do DNA tests because he wanted to make sure he wasn't paying for a kid that wasn't his mind.

You yeah, he raised like me and my like that's our daddy like biologically, so it just brought in so much because he thought his money wasn't And it's crazy because it's affected me now as an adult where I see men as a t m S unfortunately. And I've

talked about this with some of the guys. I mean, like you can't tell me no, like my dad, you know my dad, Daddy gave us, Daddy gave that, and it's just like I don't know, it's it's kind of it sucks because now as an adult, seeing how much toiletries are, I tell my mama all the time, I don't know how the fun she did it. I didn't know what that was that toiletries is expensive to for her to have to do it for for four women hurt and there's three of us, so Tampon's conditioner good.

I grew up in a single parent household as well. Like my mom, she took care of us and did everything, did everything, And I feel like child support was something that kind of came up. But one thing that never comes up with child support that sucks. Like we always talk about the money. We never talked about the time. Like we always talk about like, oh, here they go asking for all this money, but we never said, well, you know, what's the dad saying, like are they around?

Like are they gonna spend time? Or like what's that game playing like? Because at the very least, if we say Blake Griffin hangs out with his children X amount of times, and then we could be like, oh, well maybe that's successive since he does take his kids around. But why why should we say that successive. He's a he's a dad. He had these kids because he could afford to, and he could afford to pay the shop support.

And I I don't think there's anything wrong with him paying it as long as he continues to take care of his kids as well. And people love arguing about someone else's money, that's all. I don't know. I'd be doing the same ship too. I'm so you're telling me that, Nigga. I'm so happy you said that, because I used to be like really angry about the amount I got, and then it was so sporadic. He will go years without paying and I get like a lump some and then

like it go years again. I used to be really angry about it, but then I let it go when I realized to your point that the most important thing is my son's connection with his dad. At the end of the day, I'm gonna take care of everything my son needs. He's good and so, but what I can't do for him is give him his dad's love. Only his dad can give that to him. So like, for example, this summer, he's gonna send a good chunk of child

with his chunk of time with his dad. And I could be an ass and I could bring up I never bring up the child support. I never bring out how long he had never paid me. The only conversation I want to have is when you're gonna see him, is he good? Do you like? When you're gonna pick him up, We're gonna drop him off and spend time with So that is one thing I can't let me ask both of y'all then, because I'm trying to think, yes,

time is very important. So do you feel like, um, a man should pay less in child support if he is garnering that time with his children. All right, I don't thought he should, but but he does have at least a case to make to say that he can take care of his child to a certain degree. He just has to pay child support because of whatever the circumstances is with him his baby mama. Okay, okay, I

can do that, yeah, in his court order. And I want to give just a quick stat to our listeners because I was speaking to my mom about this last night with what happened, um and so say you have joint custody with your baby mother or your baby daddy, and say both of you guys pay for the child. I do want to let you know that as a woman, if this is not court ordered or on paper, that you give her X amount of dollars, stay off the books.

She can o to court and say that you have not given her a dime and you can be retroacted to pay two years back. The only go two years back, but you'll owe two years worth of child support. And then be court ordered to pay going forward, don't pay and she goes to court and tell so, say so, say you and your baby daddy have an arrangement not on on the books. Say he's giving you a hundred dollars a week, but him, he's just giving it to you Like here you go, this is just from the

kindness of my heart. And you decide one day, you know what, you was late two weeks in a row and ain't give me my money, I'm gonna go put you on child support. You could go to the court and say he ain't never give me nothing, and he'll be required to pay you two years worth of child support. A lot of women will do that. You'd be supplied. And unfortunately that's why I just want to let it be known, like this is something that maybe needs to

be written on paper. If this is a situation or arrangement you have currently, I think you should definitely keep keep track of that. This nigga to this where he had never taken me that as the court, that sord of thing is like using like niggers have to act right on social media, keep right on the time, have your fucking side, bitch girlfriend, whoever you want to take care of your kids. And so, as y'all know, every week we do a kick of the week, and I'm

excited about this one. Go ahead, You're gonna do a jingle for us because you'll be doing les. Wait what was thatright? What was saying? I was the jingle? Did we damn the condom stuck in her pussy? How we forgot the jago already? I don't know what did they pull down? Damn? We highest? Okay? So what is it? So the kick of the week this week, guys, is

a mor aphilia? Um? Yes? So? A more aphilia usually manifests itself by an inhibition of sight, with either one or both partners using a blindfold or having sex in total darkness. This might be caused by reasons such as religious guilt about nudity and sex, low self esteem, or feelings of inadequacy. Yes, what are're just like being blindfold a little bit? So there is this, and so I wanted to talk about that because have you ever been

blindfolded before? And because this is a king, I mean I could see maybe some people being insecure in the bedroom. Or you're gonna do it tonight. You're gonna get blindfolded tonight. You've never been blind hold and it's a big difference. It seems like such a basic thing, but when you lose one of your senses, holy shit, I've had my because like something is gone, you know what I'm saying, Like you can't see anything, so now you're completely focused

on the way you feel pillows on your face. It's a blindness. So sometimes normally like a part of losing your breath, like losing your hair, like I've just over you've covered your face with a pillow, I feel like having all kind of go to scream or something. By the way, something I thought about when watching the reading this is I was watching handmaids Tale, Oh my God, and do you remember when he so like some religions through a hole in the sheet because of the guilt

about nudity and sex. And so this kind of made me think about that. It's crazy because I feel like I've I've experienced some type of trauma now, like I don't ever want to be blindfolded. I got blindfolded for the first time one we talked about this with the

stealthing of condoms. A guy snuck off the condom while I was blindfolded, and I didn't realize right grow well was gonna get into that, and I guess so before we start, do you want to give a disclaimer for our listeners, because I know we've been talking about how we are we you seguated to the guy, damn it, that's ever we wanted to let you guys know. We

wanted to start off on a light note. But as much as uh Dub has been a really good friend to the show and had such a raunchy episode with the Unicorn ship, she just she actually told me that when she came to New York to visit that she

wanted to do this. Uh. Mandy and I have both heard some stories about sexual trauma from her past, and it's been a long time that Mandy and I have wanted to do an episode like this, but we felt like it wasn't appropriate because one, I think we talked sometimes two lax to just be like, we're going to just talk about this ourselves. We want to have someone that has experienced it, has cope through it, and that

has worked through each stage of her feelings. And so if this is triggering for you anyway, we apologize, But we just wanted to give a disclaimer that we will be talking about grape and sexual trauma and sexual trauma. So that's a disclaim. Yeah, I don't know if that's like you kind of read that like Morgan Freeman a little bit serious because good disclaimer, guys. Um. So yeah, if you guys didn't know by Wheezy's wonderful, you know lecture. There you see about my voice, I'm throwing on work.

I just want you guys to know. But we are going get into, um, a little bit of a serious conversation. Um. As you guys know, I'm not going to shout out the podcast because I don't like it, ask no more. But I've spoken on a sexual um you know, a kind of um. Oh god, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, well I spoke me and we have both kind of shared that we've both experienced sexual trauma. Um. But have

you seen the pyramid? Mandy? What what pyramid? There's a pyramid? Um, right, so brilliant idiots I think posted it once on YouTube. But there is a pyramid of the hierarchy of sexual assault. Yes, and so the one that you experience is like right the bottom. No, No No, it's not at the bottom. That's a no, dude. You didn't experience at the bottom, someone pulled their fucking dick out on you the ship. At the bottom is like being spoken to in a dirty way, okay,

like the cat calling. Yes, okay, it goes up and up and up, And what's your experience. I'm not diminishing it hadn't mean to do that. I'm saying that's still pretty bad, like being gender to tell you, being exposed is a big deal, right, because like we'd really we don't realize that the things that happened to us day to day are as bad as they are. And I'm gonna pull it up so we can go through it together.

But what Dub experience is at the top. And I want to say, I've heard a lot of rape shame, I mean, victim blaming about rape culture, especially from women, which is why you know, I didn't want to have you know who on the show, Yeah, because I want I don't like when women say, oh, well, that's not really a big deal what happened to you? So in everyone else's mind, rape in the way that Dub experienced

it is quote unquote the real way for y'all. And so I really want to hate I hate that they do that it's discussed like a real like you really yeah, you really got raped, it's happening, Yeah, the same thing. So I want to start there and then kind of work down to the work experience and how they all are under the same umbrella. So yeah, I guess if you could share a bit of your story, introduces how old you were, and we're gonna let you talk. So say,

like Morgan Freeman, bitch right now. Okay, Now I'm just like Donna happened to ship? Okay, Okay, go ahead, hello. Um So, yeah, so I was fourteen. I started off a little um. I hate to use this word where having this conversation, but fast um. And I think I got attention from boys when I was like thirteen. I locked.

I've actually never even I told you this. So I lost my virginity to a three year old and I was fourteen to a one year old thirty okay, So it started, it was it was, it was completely consensual, but I just started off really fast. So I was dating this guy who was actually twenty two and you were out. I was fourteen. I told him I was sixteen. A lot of girls he told me he was nineteen. Okay, So qu was doing the block. I was kind of dating him, so I can dig a little bit. That's

what David was for me. Sorry, um. But then one day I invited him over and we were hooking up, and then he went downstairs and invited his friends in my house and I was getting raped by six guys, including him. So I ran away and then I went

into this really deep depression for about a year. So for like fourteen and fifteen young age to happening, I was running away constantly, like going all over place, Like I would go to church and I would leave because my mom would let me to go, like Sunday school. That's how I left. And I was like, so I didn't use drugs. I actually wasn't even smoking weed, but my drug was sex. So I was fucking everybody, older guys, younger guys. My guy's mom not really got my age.

They were at least nineteen all the guys. Let me ask you a question, because diving in you experienced him and his friends. Do you mind sharing the number? It was six, so six guys total. And the triggering thing because a lot of women would maybe assume that you would go through his face where you hated men. So for you telling me went through a phase where you were constantly fucking after that. To me, that's the opposite.

I feel like we think like it was my one of my first sexual experiences was someone way too old for me. And then my like maybe third sexual experience was you know, third if you don't count sucking dick. It was like my third sexual experience was rape. So like I did not know a loving, romantic, intimate like relationship at that time. I only knew fucking. I only

knew and to me, the word no didn't matter. So like I would hang out with guys and if I knew it was getting sexual, I knew in my mind like if I'm gonna say no, they're gonna do it anyway. So when you when you were going through that um when the men were coming upstairs, how was the conversation? Did you ever say stop? Yes? But it didn't matter? Then end? Like and then what did it for me? So at first I was like stop and it was like a very forceful, like violent situation in terms of

me pushing back. But then when they sodomized me, I just they sodomized you with what means just the anal I don't know soomize. Yeah, I don't know why sodomized to me makes me think they used tools like or it's just antally it is antal penetration, antal rape, sodomized. I think it's anal penaltration. I think it's just in sodomy. It's just the act of anal But that's why you can, like, I think in Georgia it's still legal or some crazy ship like that, sodoman But just what was your relationship

with your family when this was going on? Yeah? Great questions. So my mom and I was a relationship tanked. I became very angry and just so she was kind of talking ship. Were you keeping this private? Can we start there? So she walked into it? What wait, your mom walked into That's how it stopped. And then I, I don't remember why, they ran out of the house. She's like chasing down the street and then I get my clothes on and I did and I run away for like

two days? Were you Yeah? So that came back? Did a right? Where did you go? Um? Where did I go? Was somewhere in Boston? Two days? Was just I was just like Roman streets. I was homeless. Actually those are my only two days in my life I've been homeless, and I was like, I have to go home. Were you scared? Yeah, I thought she's gonna want my ask because I know she thought it was Oh she didn't, So in your mind you thought that she could have

WoT niggas and I'm naked. I didn't want her thinking that that you asked, right, So I thought she was gonna be pissed, and she was pissed, but she believed me right away. She never questioned that I was raped. So when when this happened, and now your mom knows, you know what is? I get the aftermath of it. But did you go ahead and go through with a rape kids or press charges? So can you talk through

what awful? It's just cold. Actually don't really like hospitals because of that, because it's just cold and they're just swabbing you and aunt they like, you know, they look at your vagina and you and they like see if there's like cuts and bruises and take pictures. It's like a police they take pictures. Oh I didn't know that me. So when you called the police, who called the police?

Your mom did? Okay? And what kind of questions is that how I hate the cops because of this because so they were like, oh so you like pretty much they made me feel like I wanted it, which is exactly what I did. And I just didn't feel protected because these were guys in the neighborhood. That was the worst part, Like I know these niggas, why I didn't

really know them. Well, I knew the guy that I was quote unquote dating, right, so he was like in the neighborhood, roman free and I'm like and then I had all the d n A on me, so like there was no question about it, and I was like bruised and like all this stuff. But they still were just like, well, why, why, how this happened? How did it happen? Why did you? And just made me feel like where's your mom sitting with you while they asked

your questions? What's your mom getting? Like? I don't even remember her reaction, but it was it was very tense and I just shut down. Like when I knew this was going I was like, Okay, I'm just not gonn pressure, Like I'm not gonna go through this like you think I'm gonna go court and y'all gonna be having me like at a jury or whatever. Then you know what I'm saying, in your mind, it's also six against one.

All six of them could say you wanted it or asked were you also worried about what would happen when you went to court and like what if they didn't get convicted? These people that fucking rape you, And now you're sitting here and you gotta see all these motherfucker's in the neighborhood family like my my little my little brother, and my sisters and my mom. My mom's a teacher

in the neighborhood. Like I was just like, I'm not gonna go through this, like if if the police don't believe me, and y'all got and you could see me. It's like a few days after and I'm clearly like, amaized, y'all is a question me my family. I never asked you this, And all the time I've known you, But the next time that you saw one of them, what was that, Like, yes, you know the PTSD, that ship is real. There were certain sense that like if I

smelled it, I was immediately triggered. There's actually certain parts of Boston. This is like later in my story, but there's actually certain parts of Boston that I won't even go to because I'm just like instantly triggered. It's weird, like if I see them. Obviously it was a trigger, but like it was something it could be much more subtle than that. I've ever apologized to you. The guy I was dating did did you? Did you? Did you accept that apology? It didn't matter at that point the jam,

which was done, you know, it didn't really matter. Did you ever ask why? I didn't? It wasn't necessary for my healing at that point, right. It was nice to hear, but it wasn't necessary. Had you asked why? Only guy asked why? I think I said in that episode one and I asked why to the guy that I got right by, and he told me he liked watching me cry and it was so disgusting to hear. And I remember it was like on aim. He told me that, And I was shaking after that ship because I was like,

how can you even admit the ship? Now this happened to you a second time? Can you describe how old you were the second time? So when I went into my deep depression, I was walking alive. I met another group of guys that I would consensually have sex with them often as as a group. As a group, they would technically run trains on me. Okay, how many guys? Six of them and I would hang out with them too, and I would run away if I ran away. I was with them for a very long time, for about

a year, so then how old? How old were you? So the next year, oh wow, my whole fifteen, Like I tanked in school. I was run away. The cops were like, we're gonna lock you up if you keep running away. So that's when I was like, Okay, well I'm not gonna go to jail, so let me get my ship together. So I slowly s got my ship together. My mom. I had like six therapists in a two year frame. I my mom switched me out of a

school that really helped. So I was going to like the So I'm from Cambridge and like in Massachusetts, and there's one high school in Cambridge. Everyone was like, she's a hope, right, murd what happened? And I was like, so I was tainted as a whole, and it was just really tough. And my mom worked at the school, so it was just a lot. So my mom switched me out of the school. To a school that was like everyone in the school had a therapist in house.

It was for kids who like really going through some ship. Let me in that school. Amazing school saved my life. So by this time, I'm hitting six team and I'm really starting to get my ship together. I'm like, Okay, well, I can't be working with these niggas no more. I

got like and I'm like doing well in school. Actually graduated year early from school because I was going to mentioned my best gun of the Master's you know what I'm saying, you know, graduating when I was sixteen, But like it was really hard, and I did it because I was like, I can't be in Boston. I felt like Boston was gonna kill me at this point. So I cut it off with the guys that I'm regularly having sex with and I'm like, no, So for a

while I don't see them. But then one day one of them that I'm like, the one I'm most close with, hit me up. I was like, you want to hang out? And I was like all right, So they all come over and we all chilling, and then it just, I swear to God, it just turns and it breaks my heart because I actually really funk with them. All my other sexual experiences have been completely one thousand percent consensual.

But the one time I was like, you know what, I'm really not trying to be doing that ship with y'all know more, they just took it in their own hands and they raped me. Now, a lot of people claim that you can't get raped by like someone you know or someone you're letting your home. Wives can't get raped by their husbands. You totally can know, well, the

wife's not getting raped by their husbands things. But there's like stats show that most of most rapes actually occur from people that no, no no, sorry not but you know, but people you've had sex with. A lot of people say that, like how can you say that you got raped? Yes,

can be considered rape. Sorry. People have used that again, like in defense when they have been accused of rape, like well I sued her before and that was the So that was my challenge with the second rate, because I was like, these things supposed to be my friends, and actually most of them ended up apologizing in time. I still don't know. So what was your second step for this time? You said you did another rape kit? So did another rape kit? I went to the hospital

right away. Again, my mom was super supportive and she never questioned me. So shout out to her that's um got a rape kit. But I did not go to the police because I was like, I'm not doing that ship and I was so close to getting out of Boston. What made you have to go to the hospital. You have to if you're raped, you have to go. You

just have to get a DNA. The thing is, they keep the DNA the rape kits for like six years or something, So you ever changed your mine if you want to pressure, if you want to press charges, okay. So that's why I go, And that's why I tell everyone, if you're ever rape, just get the rape kit and have that ship sitting there because anytime you do want to go for it, and you should, because I regret not going for it. You regret not going forward to the police in like present charges in a second time,

so I want to go in. This hierarchy really quit more strengthen me. That I didn't realize at the time, But now looking back, I'm like, I probably could have pulled that shirt off. The nigger should have paid. All of them are walking around now living their life, and I know that should eat them up. And I know

they did that again. I'm sure that's what That's what I was gonna go to, Like if they did it with you and we're so comfortable and then just gave you a sorry, like that's something that probably they've done another time screen if you google rape culture pyramid. So the reason I was so proud of you just a few weeks ago when we were in Seattle together, because you had a situation that happened at work and I I want to show you guys this pyramid. Will post

it on Horrible to sit Jan's. But the reason it's so important is because you didn't press any charges on the men that did something so fucking brutal and disgusting to you, but you did take matters into your own hands to what some people feel like is not a big deal. So here's the pyramid. So um at the top of the pyramid, there's it's like three different colors. There's rape, drugging, molestation, and UM for Mandy, which is funny, you just brought that up. Stealthing, covert condom removal. It

is always and that's that's what happened to me. Um. Oh wow. But and it's crazy because so well when the thing happened to me on the train, So I don't think I've mentioned too much of it on this episode. Actually, maybe maybe I have brought it up. So I was on the train coming home from work, um, and it was an express train, and y'all know how these motherfucking trains in New York get packed. And I go to step off of the train. Mind you, I had I had felt a guy bumping into me the whole way,

but we were still packed. There was nowhere to move, so I was trying to put my purse behind me, but there was just no room. And so the whole time and I'm like, I feel this niggas dick is getting hard, but I thought it was through his pain. So I go to step out of the train and this this nigga's whole dick is exposed. He had been rubbing his dick on me the whole time I was on the train. It was an older black guy on top of that, so I like just felt super violated.

But that was in my mind, in my life, that was the first time I had experienced, like, you know, that type of rape. I guess would say to me that was considered rape. So when we talk about the condom removal from the guy who blindfolded me, I didn't even consider that rape. I felt violated, but I wouldn't keep So, by the way, you all want to look it up, it's type in rape culture pyramid. It says eleventh principle of consent, so it goes by normalization, degradation,

and an assault at the top. So that was sexual assault you experienced, Mandy, So both are at the tops. In the middle you have coortion, revenge, porn, groping, and safe word violations. Towards the bottom, non consensual photos of video stalking, victim blaming, flashing, or exposing unsolicited dick picks. Oh ship, that's want to touch cat calls. You'll be raping on INSTAGRAMA sending me all of them goddamn dicks. But I don't want to see. Boys will be boys,

rape jokes, and locker rooms. So our president is right towards our president the bottom. I'm not saying the one with the locker room talk. People love to say, um, but yeah, So every like right when you said you were like, oh, that's not that big of you, I was like, I'm pretty sure that's Like, yeah, I didn't even realize that that's crazy is when you look at this pyramid, like everybody experiences this or even even like like even women victim blaming and ship like that do

this bullshit like everybody's in this pyramid. And I feel like this is a time where everybody needs to become better educated and really see if this is a people thing, because men should not just take advantage of any situation ever. And I feel like it's mostly men because women do have that ship too, but men, it's more often than not, will take advantage, whether it's saying some ship or jumping some ship off and even just trying to apologize just

to get away with it. But how you brought that up? I wanted to ask you the female friends in your life, your aunt's, your female cousins, at any point do you feel like they did look at you like, well, you did something wrong? Because as women, I feel like and that's why again we haven't had a certain guest on the show because we don't really like the victim blaming that even women put on other women. So what was the response from other women in your life? That's a

great question. So my mom at first was like a little shady and she was saying a little slick ship like you a little bit about and I was it was it was at a bad time in my eyes. I was like, bitch, fuck you. I'm like, I'm not taking that ship for me. And her use to bumpets. But then that totally changed. She don't do that no more. Um I used to. In high school, like when all that stuff was going on, I had some female friends and they were just awful. They were spreading rumors about

me and all this stuff. So I ended up cutting them off. And I made a rule to myself, like if I'm really gonna heal and like become the woman that I've always wanted to become, which is this woman sitting right here, I had to have good people in my life, male or female, and I'm not taking no ships. So like, actually, when I hit or went to the high school that had therapy in it, I had some

really good female friends. This girl named a Tia. Actually she was super dope, but she always supported me and

always believe me and never questioned me. And then when I went to Family, which is my first college, I had amazing female friends, some of which you know with Shylotte and stuff like I've had years after they all know what happened to me, and they never questioned me, and I just I just won't take no ship like if if I'm sure there there has been girls that have to question me, but then I don't remember their names. I'm not having them around I can't have in my space.

And it was really important for me to get to a place where I wasn't thinking about it every day and then eventually not wearing that abuse because I used to just wear it like you could just look at me and just like I would talk about it like That's why it's still good easy for me to talk about it now because I've talked about it for years. I used to tell everybody because that was how I healed. But I wanted to still get to a place where

I don't want to talk about this no more. And the only way I was gonna do that if I had good people around me to support me. What is the coping stage after? Like after so I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I coped pretty well, and then other times I feel like I probably could have did it better. Who knows, But I left Boston that was

that was really stage one. Of like full on healing. Now, my my past did follow me like I have very bad habits and not very bad, but pretty bad habits in Florida, and I'll still fucking ain't ship niggas, and you know what I'm saying. But I also started to own it. So the reason I made it will be like I'm like, I do what the funk I want to do, and I'm you know, i'll funk who I want to find, I'm with who I want to win. Is because I took what happened to me and just

like started to own my story. And I never shied away from my story if anyone asked me or if I'm talking about it, it's always been the same story. And I was just like, I own my ship. I also really appreciate you for part of healing admitting that you had slept for these men before. I feel like that's a but I don't really talk about that story.

Well I know, and I feel like that's a big deal because people sometimes think that like women are expecting a pity party, you know what I'm saying for for for stories like this, people think that that's what women want. So to sit there and say like, hey, I did sleep with these men before they were in my home because they let them in. But what happened to me is still wrong. Is a big deal, I agree, because

what happened to is fucking brutal. Like not every time is there this situation where someone's like sleeping in the house and someone breaks in and rapes them, Like, what happened to you is still fucking wrong. There's another thing that I want to bring up to a lot of people feel like promiscuity is deeply rooted with sexual trauma and this is just one story out of many and

it's not connected. Um, you know, I interviewed someone that barely has had one orgasm in her life, been raped, and has total issues with having sex, really has sex. Like everybody is differently, everyone does right way to react, And it's not even the way you were open with constantly talking about it. You said that that was part

of your healing process. There's so many women. There's there's a lot of women though that feel that shame and don't speak on it, And so a lot of them hold it in and harbor those feelings and emotions and don't really talk about talking out, whether it's with friends, the therapist, their parents. It's something that they keep inside, which a lot of times I think, and you talk a lot on mental health um on on the friend zone, and I think a lot of it just has to

do with when you harbor those things mentally. It sucks you up way more than just releasing. It eats at you. It really does. I encourage anyone going through anything. You don't have to be sexual trying to be anything. You could be mad at somebody, right, magic friend, you gotta talk about that ship, Yeah, you have to. You have to so somebody to talk about. Be somebody that can listen to judgment. So if you have questions asked, you're

gonna say, oh, make sure you listen. Like I feel like we've tossed the judgment now real quick before we listen. Um we brought this up. We brought up the pyramid because I wanted to talk about something that was towards the bottom stage. But you took a very big action on. I don't know if I have time for HOMEO, but let's see how long this goes. Can you talk about the work scenario that happen so just for I want to give I like to give context. So we stopped

when I was at FAM. If we fast forward, I had a kid, I'm grown, and I've actually not had any well, looking at this pyramid, I had plenty of that, but like but like assault, I haven't been assaulted or tried or anything like that for years. So I can say that get to work and I have a quote unquote work husband. UM just meaning that I was close with someone and if I had a bad day, I would go to him. We go to lunch together, you know, stuff like that. Just really cool and I really like

I enjoyed. We enjoyed each other's friendship. Chah. I am sleep one day because I've in party all summer because my son was like camp, so need a break. So I'm sleep and it's like eight o'clock. He's blown. He called me, called me twice, and no one from where ever calls me, not even him after four because don't call me. Um, So I don't, and he leaves a voicemail. So this is this is key because you come into play for this. But I don't look man, I don't

listen to the voicemail right away. Um he texted him. He calls me, He's like, what are you doing when you get up with drinking on the party or whatever. I'm like, I'm tired, I need to get some air whatever. So I go get some air. I'm in Chipo A and I'm like, okay, maybe I can't go out. So he ends up calling me back because I sent him like thinking emoji's and I'm calling me back and it's like, you know, we're trying to figure it out. I'm like,

you know, I don't think it's gonna happen. He's like, I don't think you understand what I'm trying to do. And I can't. I can't like say it how he said it. But he was like, I'm trying to fuck you. And I remember being on the phone like this is really just say that, Like what the fund is he? So I reply back first dame, I was like, I will never fuck you. And then he's like I'm happy you said that and I'll talk to you later. So we hang up all night. I feel disgusting, but I'm like,

you know, I just sleep it off. You're fine. Right right next morning, he texts me, I'm sorry l O L and I'm like, no, l O, like you tried the funk out of me. We had a friendship, and you took that ship left. I said, you selfishly took it left. He's like, well, I hope you forgive me and I apologize, blah blah. I was like, I'll forgive you. I was like, but next time, I won't be quiet.

I like that you brought that up, because I don't think a lot of guys realized by them saying I want to fuck you how it makes a woman feel, especially not being in that space with that person. And you know what, the fourteen year old girl came back up. What she hasn't come up in years, But that's what it was, that fourteen year old girl who has been used and used herself over and we're just purely fucking nothing else, just like an object that all came back.

And I was like, how fucking dare you? Because this whole time, unbeknownst to him, I have been working to become a woman who has her past. But his like sword right, and like you can't look at me now and know anything that's gone on with me, right, And I like, how fucking dare you? Say? Anyway, So about ten days go by, I don't see him because either he's traveling or I'm traveling, but when I'm in the office,

I like start hating going to the office. Now I love my job and I love everyone at my job, and everyone my job loved me, and I start showing up at work and slowly like isolating myself. I'm cranky, I'm tired, like something's off. So I finally tell you when we're in Seattle, and then you listen to the voicemail. So let me say, she tells me what happens, and she's like, girl, I haven't told you what happened at work.

Tells me a story, shows me the text. She's like, he left me a voicemail that I haven't listened to. I was like, the funk out of here. We need to hear this. And I felt guilty now because I didn't know what it was gonna sound like. But let me just tell you. It was one of the creepiest sounding voicemails. Like my skin was crawling. He's on there and he's like, hey, you know, He's like, I'm gonna try to do my best. My skin was calling. I'm just I'm out right now. You know, I'm thinking about you.

I want to I want to get fucked up. I'm trying to do something wild with you right now, I'm trying to do something really crazy with you. Are you down for that? Like do you want that? Like? I mean the ship it was it was so bad. I'm holding it on speaker phone thinking we were going to laugh, and I'm looking at her face and how tight, like I'm looking at her body language. And I realized what I was doing, and she's like, she's she could really talk. I don't even I can't work do it. I can't

do it. So let me ask you, did you have you taken that to HR? Yeah, let me tell you what happen. Yeah, let's go. So that was Sunday. Monday, I talked to my mom and I ended up like really just losing it, and she was like, you have to tell somebody, and I said, okay, And I knew he was on vacation that week, so I was like, if there's any time to say it's do it now because he's not in the office and you could just do it. So the company is run by three people

and one of them is a woman. So I invited her to lunch because she knew something was off, and she she actually invited me On Monday and then Tuesday, I was like, actually, I wanna take you up on next we went out to lunch. It's funny because we were just walking up a hill and she was like, what's going on with you? And I was like, let's let's sit down. She was like and she's like hyper and she's like, tell me down. I'm like, so we

sit out. I tell her. I tell her and I just start bawling and just like it just all and her reply was like he's out here, he's done, he's fired. Done. She was pissed. She was like, I am so disgusting. She was like you and I was like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry because I still had that four to your girls, me thinking about everybody else but herself, like what would

this dude to this person? And I was thinking actually about him and like, okay, well if he gets fired, and then like and I don't even know if I wanted him fired, but I knew that I had to tell somebody what was going on with me at work because I was going into work and not being myself and so and she was just like that's not acceptable. You should be angry. She's like, you should be like trying to fight him right now, Like what, like you should be She's like, stop sucking crying, like you should

be pissed. And she was so supportive. She's like he's done. She she was like, you'll never see him again. Let me tell you what's crazy about that? Told someone I don't want to make it obvious, but told somebody about this, and I'm like, hey, just happing my friend blah blah blah. And he was like, damn, did that dude have kids? Though? Like did he have a family? See it? Go ahead, I know what you all I'm gonna say, is that

ship you? It is worth you losing your job for because you don't realize you're literally the human asking someone. You're making someone question like the root of themselves for the rest of their life. Like you're fundamentally fucking somebody up. So if you want to even chance that bullshit by saying I want to fuck you, like, then you'll ask you.

But even I would kind of even question where your friend or your coworker, whoever his mindset or her mindset is to say that, because it's like, so you're putting this person's life over the sanity of my friend. I was shocked spirit and I was like. I was like, I know my friend and I know this person, like trust me when I tell you. I was like, if I feel like I can't do my job because you wanted to be a piece of ship, then you gotta

gotta I gotta kid too. Hello, But they should have been like their kids if they had them before trying to like hold on crazy enough days later, what happens to me? So I got this new job right now, I was working in a very relaxed company. Whatever. Now I'm man a more like up there in the ranks, tech firm like you know, covered up suit like. I have bought a whole new worddrobe to make sure I'm appropriate. I used to have my tattoos out of work. Whatever.

HR sends out a thing about dress code. There's a guy in the office that always dressed us like shit. Apparently someone he says to somebody, Oh wow, I think it's about me, he said, I think it's about the new girl because of her breasts. Now, when I tell y'all you could get for day, I am constantly covered up. I was almost in tears because I'm so conscious about the things I wear. I don't even not wear a long sleep my tattoos. You shouldn't even have to worry

about that. So I go to this older woman in the office. I never really talked to her. I think i'd say she's in her late sixties. I'm like, listen, I need to ask you a serious question. I just want to be honest with me. Do I dress appropriate enough? And she's like, are you kidding me? Yes, of course you do. And she's like, where is this coming from? Start breaking down and told her what happened. She was disgusted. I'm like, I don't want to say anything. I'm too

new for this. People gonna be sensitive around me. I want to do my fucking job. I'm not trying to get fired. I was so fucked up about it. Bro. I went to my boss. I said, I just want to let you know that I'm going to be having a conversation with someone and I need to know what to do to protect myself to make sure I don't get fired in case I go off. And he's like, what, we let me do it, but blah blah, I don't

know what happened. He talks to the director and he's like, a handle, do you know this is gonna be looking at me, the one I was talking about my breast. I don't even know his name. I've never spoke to him. Nothing like I'm a piece of fucking ship now, I mean, and like it's my fault. It's what he said. And it's crazy because I feel like as women, we've all we've all experienced this even in the workplace. So I

haven't yet experienced it in UM Corporate America. But you know, for the seven years prior to getting my degree, I bartended and worked in the clubs. And I worked at a certain club up here in New York, and it's very small and everyone knows who's work there, so I'm not gonna say the name of it. But when I worked there UM, I was very uncomfortable with the manager. UM. A lot of the bartenders and a lot of girls were fucking the staff to get more days on the schedule.

And it started to be to where we had to be at the club at a certain time, and I would normally come early and do my makeup and stuff. But when I was alone in the club, he would invite me to his office and he would try to rub or stuff got my tits, and he's he propositioned me for sex multiple times. When you're in the clubs,

this happens a lot. And it got to the point where I started going to work on purposely late because I knew other girls would be there, so maybe he wouldn't ask me to go into the office with him alone. And then it just got to the point where I was just like, I stopped even caring if I was on the schedule or not. And because I wasn't making

those advances with him, I know other girls were. And so to even be in a space where it's like my my money, me making money, and me being on the schedule is determined upon if I let you play with me or not. And I think a lot of men in your saying it was him saying it, but I think a lot of men even use their power in the workspace to make you feel uncomfortable. And so I've experienced that working in the clubs, and I hate it.

It's even the power and the fact that he can still come to work and look at you like you're a piece of ship. When he when he did something like I'm so confused, like it would be okay if he would have come up to you and be like and sincerely, be like, look, I'm sorry about the coming a man about your breast him but he looking at you here this bit like, oh my god, I know, like I can't believe this new bit. And let me

tell you something. So we had this thing. We had some corporate board meeting and um, I got an award for you know, reaching quota blah blah blah. And the next word was him and I was like the back to up. Everybody knew how the problem with it, and lips turned up. I looked like the black beach at the office. I don't give a funk because now you want to put you want to make me feel like that. Oh I'm gonna do any of thing please. I was

so fucking awkward. I was in the office and it was hot, right the a c went on on the left side of office, and he was near the lunch room. Somebody's like, oh, I'm burning up. I said, well, God forbid,

I take off this sweater, right. I mean, well, but before we wrap up with this conversation, because we all have experienced this in different ways, UM, I guess I want to leave off by all of us, maybe giving a little note of advice or a tip if someone is currently experiencing this, whether it's at the workplace, or whether they don't know how to heal with their sexual

trauma and they haven't spoken it. What would be a bit of advice that you would give to any of the listeners who have experienced anything that we talked about today. Great question, Um, definitely talk about it. Get that ship off of your chest. I used many different forms. It wasn't just talking um to like friends. I had therapists. I journaled a ton, I got books, okay, um, and I used music as well to like kind of free myself. UM, a lot of ease music. Because you talked about that,

So just get it off your chest. It will eat you up and it's not fair. But also I just want to say that you can go through the words. I went through hell and I'm fine. Right, that's the best advice, Like, you'll be fine. It's just gonna take a second by second, and then a minute by minute, and an hour by hour and then a year by year. You gave me that advice one day when I was going through my depression. She was like, look, you're gonna

take it minute by a minute right now. She's like, but then it's gonna be an hour and then it's gonna be a day. And that is so true that I like that. What about you say, do you have any advice? I just want to have a call to action for all the men out there, or I mean, it's different for same sex, so like I could give out that advice, but I don't really feel like they're listening to y'all show so far. So far the straight men out there. Make sure that you are in it's

sex is consensual between two people. Make sure the person you're having sex with is into it. By taking something from somebody that's not gonna make it any more pleasurable, it's actually gonna make your ship for the rest of your life. So that karma is real. And I think that we all need to help each other more and stop being so judgmental, because I hate seeing this trend of rape culture, like oh well, what did she have on?

And all that all the times follow up questions should not be follow ups at all, and it sucks that it's so normal for all that should Like, it's normal for this man to be able to come back to work, like not to say he needed to lose his job, but he shouldn't even be able to look at you and get away with looking at you like that after job. Either we're talking about my birst, I don't. I don't, I mean, but the fact that me and y'all know how vocal I am. I even so it said to

this woman, you know what, I'm too new here. I'm not trying to make people feel sensitive. I don't want for them. I just want to do my job real good. And I feel like I shouldn't do this. Who has a podcast? If I was gonna say that was gonna be my advice is And it's something that you brought up to. I think we as women need to focus on ourselves and not give a funk how this is

going to affect the next person. I think that it's important that you look for self self worth and how you feel and how it's going to affect the long run. Instead of worried about if he loses his job, or what his friends are gonna think, or what anyone's gonna think about that person, you need to focus on yourself.

I'm gonna tell you what. For me, it was more so like I know for a fact in that office that I don't want a few women won, my age, my ethnicity, all of it, and all I could think is if I do this, they're not gonna hire another girl. That scared me because as a feminist, I'm worried about every fucking move bym make in the office because I

know for a fact if I'm good. I had someone tell me to my face, my boss my last job, you know, I've never hired a girl before you, And he was like, honestly, and he was like, you are the reason that we have this new girl on the team. You are the only one who gave me faith in women, Like well, the equality will come from saying something because like but on the other end, because but now, because now you normalize in the pattern, nobody like, I see

what you're saying. But because I thought I internalized that is if I'm doing good at my job, that's some trash for him to even say this is when as a woman, as a woman, he's saying it. But what if someone was like, I ain't never hired black people before, but now I'm gonna hire you to hire blood. Listen to when he said that to me, I really believed that is what affected me from not talking about what

happened at work. I thought about what he said to me, and I said, you know what that one person said that to my face? What does that mean if I tell about what this dude didn't work, we don't speak up as well. You're letting You're literally allowing the doors to be open for somebody, for other women, And to me, that was worth more and being worried about the potential hiring. There's got to be someone else in this office, you know.

The moment I said something that work, I was freed everything Like I was stressed out my buy her, I was franky in the moment I told her, and she and he was fired, which that was her decision. I was free. It's about to your point, it's about freeing yourself. Yeah, absolutely, you know, not fancation I want to do. We're we're gonna have it. So we're not gonna have time for homemail this episode. But I'm really glad that we were able to. I know, Wail, but I'm gonna give you

a pass. You know, we definitely need you here. We appreciate you even being able to speak up for the men's you know, and telling them that they need to check themselves. But I appreciate you. Before we head out again, I want to thank you guys all for um, you know, supporting the show and becoming patrons. UM. It's really helping us bring a lot to you guys, being this studio more having this camera for you guys on YouTube. You

guys need to thank these patrons. UM. And again, if you guys want more episodes, if you've maybe listened to all of the episodes and you're like, we need more of you hos, we do drop to bonus episodes a month now on top of the live shows. UM, we include those. Yeah. If you for those of y'all who asked for merch, um, if you are a certain tier, UM, we are sending out horrible decisions T shirts. UM, and let me tell you, Nick is greedy. You've got thongs? Ya,

you got coffee cups like y'all gotta call then down. Also, before we go out, I want to give a huge shout out to my homegirl, UM, the Samantha West dot Com. Um. She is a new mother, UM, and so she's blogging about motherhood, she's blogging about travel, she's blogging about creating her own business. And then she also now has these bomb mass clothes that fit all sizes, y'all see, I'm

thick and bitch. I gotta meet him and if it's real nice um, But no she she definitely talks about being a new mother and there's um just nice as clothes for y'all to check out. I'm gonna put the link in the bio of this show or description. I always call it a bio, but it's um the Samantha West dot Com again. Please check it out, check out her blog and thank you guys so much. I guess before we go off, where can our listeners catch you? Guys?

Tell them where they can follow y'all. I want Twitter dubs underscore the I might change it back the Lady W. I like Lady W. I've been telling Lady W. Know do you go back to Lady W? And of course y'all know we got our resident gay in the building one more time. Go ahead and let them know where to find you and you y'all got some shows that ship coming up to right now. No, they all gone, so yes, you can find me on all social media at Hassan that's h E, y A, S S A and t E and I will be going on the

road with the friends on on the road. So if you catch you know they have a tour dates to day. You know I was going to read off my dates' doing for you. I'm not going to write please the no, no, no no want Morgan Freeman voice, go ahead, and you would like to see a sante, Hey Frand and look at Dustin, look at doesn't find and hey Frank, hey s I wanted to saw Dustin's dick so bad at your show already. I wish you would leave me out

of the friends your friends, all right? Uh to see the friend Zone Live their fall tour August eighteenth in New York City, September twenty two, Toronto, Ontario. Is that Canada? Yes? Why is it Toronto? O? N But they don't. I mean I thought this was passport pussy, but maybe not. No, I thought geography with your October five and Charlotte, North Carolina. October in Seattle, Washington, don't go back there and December fourteenth in Washington, d C. For all of you Chocolate

City left. Please check the tickets out at the friend Zone Live dot com dot com. V I p sold down in some of the city's but catch me along with a look at Dustin and at hay friend. Hey, and that is all I have to say today. Next week I will be talking about how ship with these horses. Yeah all right, And um guys, this has been yet another episode of horrible decisions.