Ep40: Living HIV Positive

as to talking about it. During this podcast, we kind of debunked some of the myths associated with the HIV virus and we kind of learned some things that we had no idea about. UM. I'm super excited. We definitely were able to ask a lot of the questions that you guys shared with us on the Patreon platform as well as our Instagram page, and we hope that we did justice to this conversation and we hope that you guys learn as much as we learned. While recording it.

UM Me and Wheezy had Google pulled up the entire time. UM, so we hope we were able to really dig into this and hopefully you guys enjoy. Please feel free to give us feedback on this episode at the Patreon platform and that's at www dot Patreon. Dot com back slash Horrible Decisions, or on our Instagram page at Horrible Underscore Decisions. Can't wait to hear from you guys soon, I decides depressing, it's actually not depressing. I really liked this song. Um,

this is jesse J. Who you are. It's like, you're fucking A and R s Now what do we not? Yes? You know what. I actually first heard this song when we were at spin class and I really really really like yeah, So I'm gonna play this for the rest of UM towards the end of the episode. I want people to listen to it because I think it's really hard, you know, touching, and we'll relate to the deep conversation that we're about. I just want to say, this is

a podcast about hot shit. I don't know what, UM I hear you, but UM, A lot of people have actually been hitting us up saying that they've been learning a lot and as much. And it's not crying. It's a really good well no, it's super swaggy. The song is amazing and jesse J is awesome. UM, and I want people to know that, bitch, although we're holds, we can educate these holes too. Goddamn you really come in

here lit today. I never know why, and I literally and I can't take you when you're sober off anything. So the fact that you're on caffeine, I'm about to die today. UM. Anyways, guys, welcome to another episode of Horrible Decisions. UM, I'm your girl, maybe I'm easy. And we have our guests to bars today. Yeah, speaking right now,

speaking right now. So UM, I guess if you guys haven't noticed by even the intro today, UM, today, we're actually gonna be having a more UM, more deep conversation, something that's a little bit more educational and something that I honestly didn't think we would ever get to touch on, because I didn't think we would ever have anyone open enough to come into the studio and talk with us about about this. But our guest today in the studio

UM has HIV. UM, and so this is gonna be an episode where we can talk about how you're living with HIV, how you got it, UM, debunking some of the things that are associated with it. UM. Because as much as we talk about how amazing sex is and how much we be sucking dick, I think that it's also very important to know that we are educated in the realm of sex, and we like to continue learning, um more about the risks associated with the pleasures of the things that we like. Um So, I guess we

can start. So normally when we have guests, we like to do kind of an ice breaker. Um and this icebreaker is going to be different than any other. What I wanted to do is actually kind of debunk some of the myths. No, it's actually kind of like, um, I'm gonna say things that people may think is associated with with HIV, and what I want you to do is maybe talk about how it's not true. And of course I did a little bit of background research as well to to kind of furthermore let you guys know

that these are not the case. Um So the first one, oh my god, there's one that I didn't know already. You can't get HIV from insects. I thought that they were saying you can't get sex from what HIV from insects when they say, like, I thought that it could be transferred through like mosquito bites, and oh that was

they would have. There was always a thing that they would say about like, oh, if you go to like the rainforest, you go to Amazon, you go to Africa, like, some of the insects can infect you with you you'll get maybe yellow fever or anything else. You can't get any animals. Remember that you're you're totally off of my my um. Yeah, we're reading the ship together, but that was going to be after the myths. Those are not myths. Those are ways you cannot contract. These are the myths.

Read the outline, hope, I'm reading things that you can't. Yeah. Yeah, So the one of the first myths that I wanted to debunk is that HIV is a gay man's disease. It's not. And so do you have anything further on, um, maybe how HIV doesn't discriminate? And um me I was born fit you were you were born with HIV okay, and so your mother had it and passed it down to here. And so was this something that upon birth your mom was notified of did they give you medication?

That was their complications with your birth because of knowledge because at my mom not because she had passed away like about four years ago, but to my knowledge and when we had my mother had those talks, it was more so that she don't know how she how she contracted herself because because she was doing drugs at the time, she was shooing heroin and having sex with people. Once saw that, but I think you tracked to do it. Do birth, okay, And so I guess I wondered the

percent of people that they're born with HIV. Yeah, now it's better because I'm going to nineties. So like nineties, late eighties is when messages are really coming out, okay. And that's also when yeah, we weren't even just aware of what it is. And so I want to talk to you about the second myth. So the second myth is that being diagnosed with HIV is a death sentence.

It's not. And you're and your how old? So you've been living with HIV for twenty five years and at any point during any doctor's visits did any of your doctors say you have this much time to live? Nahum, we're also a concerner of my mother because doing doing like the early nineties, the eighties, Um, the medicine was not as advance like some people have. Medicines was really in the testing phases. I think the better way to describe this stuff before we even get into that is,

like people think HIV and AIDS are the same. Oh is that right? Okay? Oh so yeah, we'll definitely have to to go into that because a lot of times you even see just HIV backslash AIDS um and I believe AIDS is just higher. Do you know the form after HIV. I have to because once you go on to age, you cannot have HV no more, okay, because h is a the virus is sleeping, okay, and AIDS is the final step. You cannot cannot reverse it. It's like once you have it magic Johnson have v HIV,

has HIV. Ok Yeah, people say he has AIDS because at the time that it was but it was like, so say so new because it's it's easier to live with HIV. It's like it's it's it's a lot of medicines that are advanced to where you can keep yourself from the point of AIDS. And I think what you were saying is in the early nineties and eighties, a lot of people dying from HIV because they didn't know how to keep it from getting to a And so are your doctors telling you that you have HIV, now

you're gonna have AIDS at this age? Like does it? Does it? Are you you know, are you bound to have AIDS having HIV or Now there's always it's always gonna be a what if when you have HIV. So pretty much like if you have it, if you take your messine at all, you get oh so, so the medicine that you're taking with HIV is is what's keeping you from getting AIDS. Oh okay, that's something that I

wasn't aware of. Um So another myth that I found, and this was actually something that related to our Herpies conversation. So a myth is that it is the sole responsibility of hip positive individuals to initiate safe sex. Now we say this and we're going to talk about more so when you're dating. But I feel like people who have herpies or have HIV, or have any of these sexually transmitted diseases, people put it solely on that person to say, hey,

we have to use condoms. And I think it's very important to know that everyone needs to sit here and if you if you're not aware of your partners and people that have HIV one point one million in the US, but one point one in every seven of them don't know they have it. Oh wow, Yeah, and that's actually a lot. Yeah, herpes was one three an adulted decline from in the last seven years went down by so people are because has been more advanced. Now, yeah, I'm

reading that particularly young black men. UM and it says gay men are most affected. And again I think that comes from just the lack of us being able to get insurance and education on sexually transmitting diseases. UM. One of the other myths that I saw that was actually really interesting to me that I actually didn't know it. UM. It says having sex with someone who is HIV positive

means you will contract HIV. And that's what do you have these conversations the people that you date like, it depends on who I'm talking to, because I know for a fact that let me say, the converts with you and you found I found that you are a little bit ignorant or at a little childish. I'm also not tempted to really tell you because they when you do come up, you acting like child Oh, oh I'm gonna get it or this is third right, so I have it now, and that that blows up my psyche. Oh

I'm doing something wrong. And that brings back to my childhood or live with it. Okay, okay, you tell all your partners before, so yes, for most of what I do, and you're keeping from telling them. Um, for most was younger, it was more hard for me to deal with it right, just openly tell someone I have at CHEV because going up my hospital and my doctors had told me don't tell nobody. Wait, your doctor's told you not to tell people, yeah,

back in the early days. And I think because people used to think, oh my god, you're gonna touch me instead? Is that and ignorance of people. But it's crazy to know the doctors told you not to tell because I'm a child. Said the same thing with her pies. Her doctors told her don't tell people, like unless it's you're about to have sex with them. Yeah, because I'm in a big attached to HIV. Oh absolutely well with any sexual diseases, like people get worried for their safety as

far as having HIV as well. That is crazy And so I guess, um, even you bringing up the fighting, everyone just assumes like if you touch someone who has HIV um that you're going to contract it. And so I don't know if you want to pull up that list because I wanted to go ahead and and further talk about things that listen. These are kind of myths as far as transmission of HIV, and so we're gonna run through them. Let me know if you've heard any of them, and let me know maybe if you have

any specific thoughts on any of these. Touching someone you can't get it outside of the body, shaking their hand, um, tears, sweat, Um, there's no HIV infected through things like that. And UM, this is a cool one. So mutual masturbation, so masturbating with um. As far as fingering and hand jobs, those are all safe from HIV. However, depend depending. Women are

internalmen are external. Yeah, because I say I've cut my finger and I'm I'm aware of it, and I'm fingering you, okay, and I'm not sure I have HIV and I'm fingering you and have to cut my finger then, because that's an open wound, technically it can't. And it also says that if you use sex toys, make sure to use a new condom on them when switching between partners. That's

something that we already know. You brought up the insects, which kind of leads us to the animal This is a funny one, and I think that's more so relates to back in the day, But it says air HIV cannot survive in the air, so coughing, sneezing, or spinning cannot trans transmit HIV. Yes, I can cough, sneeze. You're not gonna get it. Have people been around you that have been uncomfortable and have you done those things and

they thought, you know, maybe they would catch it? Because I told one of my friends when I was like, I was like eight oh and and that's like, that's really yeah. I can only imagine, especially at that age, you're just uneducated about sex at all, and back in the nineties you're not far off from our age. I know that the whole stigma and mindself surrounding HIV was just like, oh my god, that's the killer. Yeah, because I'm told him, oh, I want to get this on

third and the whole friendship at changed after that. I was okay, that that just tells me what my doctor told me is true. Don't tell nobody. And instance is what ch child where I'm in a lunch room, Yeah, upset, I can go out of recess and there's these kids, my classmates were talking about as NTIV and me being a young kids like, I know, I can't talk about it. Wait, why can't you go to recess? Somebody should happen. I

thought that you're really in trouble. Else second, go outside, So and these kids having a full conversation but as ANTIV, like, oh, I heard this on third and I want to educate them because I'm mean having it and I'm okay, I'm just I'm saying I'm crying by myself, damn. And because you can't go outside, we're really I can't tell you what you're saying is wrong right right? At one thing I wanted to ask um. And it's funny because I

just went down the list. I was going to ask you as far as like saliva and sharing the blood, but I just pulled up some and that says there's such a small amount of HIV and saliva that kissing it can't you can't be And what's and what's crazy is I read this and I'm not exactly sure if it goes to the semen. I'm not sure is is do you know is HIV and the semen as well?

It is? Okay, so I know blood too, but it says that the risk of HIV from oral sex is very small unless you were your partner have large open sores. UM it says that there is only a slightly increased risk if a woman given being given oral sex as HIV positive. And if you I'm like thinking, if you swallow, because it's open wounds, it's like a blood it's a blood ze. So if you're swallowing during oral sex, it's different.

That's that's what it's saying. It's very small much. That's that's where I'm confused, because if it's if HIV is in the semen, if you're swallow, that's what I'm saying. I don't know that. That's pretty much if a female has cutting them all, cut them off, and you chances are low to get it. If I haven't and you're talking me off, it's on third and you have to cut them off, your chance is small to get it unless you drink like a whole gut on my nut.

But see this is also saying that's what he's saying. He's saying the cut because even on here it says that UM, your risk is slightly increased if the woman is menstruating, So it has to be. Is it not just through blood? Yeah, pretty much. Anybody is a blood disease, right, Well, the virus lives in your blood stream. I get that. However, if we can't get it from slive, but we can't get it from sneezing, coffee, touching all these other things.

What about semen? Yes, you can. You can't get it from Okay, so if you're swallowing the nut, there is a chance that you can get it just from Let me google this because we're trying to make how much if you have at your mouth yourself No, no, no, you're fine. You're fine if you swallow seamen. That from an HIV and I think it's because it goes your had much of acids and end zombies and that kills it off. And as soon as the h is hitting

in the air, it's a ready killed off. A good it says, um, it's more transmitted through like the cut. Like he's saying, um. It's saying that they've done evaluations. It's very low, but it's not zero. At the risk of acquiring it through vaginal sex and anals hot far higher. But it's not saying why um the fluid I guess

when it's swallowed. It's just like goes through a different way in your body pretty much, it's just body fluids pretty much like Okay, um, like when you get wet and pretty much body one per ten thousand if it's oral sex. Oh, so the chances of that, yeah, are very low. It's still possible, but it's still possible. But okay, and then I guess one of the last um ways that you can contract it that you can't really contract it as um as highly is through tattoos and piercings.

And I know that's a large we used to always be scared about. You better be using a new needle. UM. So it actually says here that there is only a risk of the needle is used by the professional UM that has been used on the body of an HIV infected person and not sterilized afterwards. However, most practitioners are required now to use new needles for each client. UM. So I guess that there is actually kind of, you know,

a possibility. So if you guys are into tattoos, they're getting because everything is saying, he's like, now you can get what you mean you're talking tattoo A chance it's always made a chance, but depending on but it's real. If there's blood that came in contact that wasn't clean, it's blood. So it's pretty much blood transmission. Is to how when you have you had an unprotected sex? And is it with people that have HIV as we who have HIV who do not have it? Yes? And okay,

we don't have to. I guess we can get into that. So if you guys didn't know, the horrible decision for this week is HIV and unfortunately this wasn't even a decision for you. Um, So I guess we'll get into that with dating. So she just asked you if you've had unprotected sex with anyone in your life? You said you have. How do you go about dating now as a twenty year old man? And I want for our viewers to know you are a straight man? Correct? Have you ever been with men? No? Okay, so you're a

straight man, only been with women? What is the conversation that you have when dating women? As more more hard enough? When I was going up, Okay, I can't tell you if I want to tell you because I'm romantically involved with you, right, So it's like I would tell you, but I to get to know you first, so real quick. You said romantically involved. So at one point you were having sex with individuals before telling them. No, I always had a conomal because my mom always said, we put

a rain cold on you. Like you have never used a condom, had unprotecting self without telling someone. Okay, okay, And what is the reaction? I guess when you become that involved that you want to take it that step? What do you tell them? I told him I have a serious talk with them. Send you down. I'm gonna

tell you something. I have HIV. Even you're just telling me that, my heart just dropped because I don't know what my immediate response would be to that, if any have you ever been broken up with I've been broken up with um. I've been told it's so far, it's all right. And I've been cheering on put much every every normal relationship I've been through, Like I broke upbout you getting back with you, it's not there. I'll be

with you be cause you have it. So I'm gonna my life and I'm saying that, wondering, okay, where you at calling? So they just disappear how like? So I'm aware of prep and we'll talk about that later in like true Veda and stuff. Are you on that or you can't be on that because you already contracted No, like prep Haven who had hard zero, do not have it at all? Now, how how do people protect themselves when you haven't unprotected sex with you? Um? Pretty much?

I took much it every day. The medicine helps keep the dormant. Oh so so we're both like, be honest, I just don't know. Medicine it helps you learning into AIDS. I just thought it helped you live. I kind of did it does I'm here to keep it dormant because no cure for it, right, But to keep it dormant means that when you're sleeping with these women, it's a less likely chance they have it because you're on medicine.

So that I didn't know that. I didn't know. So your medicine also keeps from transmitting it to someone else. So I guess so people that are like, the way it's spreading is for people that probably have no idea they have it. Yar people who have it, they use condoms or whatever, and they do decide to have I'm taking sex. It's and do they ask you these because you just mentioned and protected, and now I can understand how someone falls in love with you and now they Okay,

so that's why magic Magic Wife doesn't have it. That's fine because he takes me every single day and he probably take the best of medicine, so I wanted to So I'm just saying rich, he probably take the ones you don't even know about. Okay. So speaking of this joke though, because he's so healthy and he's right, he still continues to even play. He still looks athletic, he doesn't look sick, and so I wanted to talk about

that too. Um, as far as where you are in your life, and I don't want to get into your pockets, but economically, how are you able to afford these because this is another thing that we hear often is that these medications cost a lot and that normal people can't afford them. Insurance, so your insurance actually covers them? Insurance? Can can you tell us one insurance that is like do you pay more than others? Because because it's pretty existing because originally I was on medicate, I was okay,

then they dropped me. Okay, there's like a caught off with that eighteen but they find out until I was like twenty one, I like sleep out with that. Okay, then that's when my mom had passed, so they I'll get your all insurance. Oh wow, okay, did your mom pass? And I hope this is an inappropriate question, but from no, No, she was fine every day we took it together. Oh wow. Okay, so like a normal thing would just me at hume.

And so with your insurance, is it freeze it's still kind of affordable, like affinity happening, and that's a close enough to medicate. Okay, so where you get the same benefits but not as much. So that pretty much my co pay is about like me, it's about like like

two dollars, that's what that. Yeah, it's really cheap. Now what about if you don't have if you have your short it's more hard for you get it because I'm just no, I'm just thinking like people that are homeless or that are unemployed, it's way harder to get it if you if you even get the medicine, not even if you could have messin in itself, it's gonna run you about like two a month pretty much. Oh okay that yeah, yeah, it depending on how mad stages are.

Oh so there's different medicine depending on what stage. Yes, because before I was I was on a because I was a little I always had a little white white liquid. You a white liquid they paste tasting that like that ship. Then I grew up and I said, it's a messine pills. Okay, I was on I was on a combination pills like a cocktail to call it. I was on Condaba and Seesteva commabart what was the first one? And seestevao conat twice twice the day, when in the morning, when night,

I took Seva at night with the conna bear. Oh wow, okay, so it's three. So at that point it was three pills. How many pills a day are you taking on one? Oh? Because? Um, because mess and I got so advanced where I can just just take one pill, okay, technology and science Like, yes, I hope this isn't a dumb question. But I feel like there's no like you said, there's different stages of HIV, like being that you've you've been on metaphor sin for so long, does it ever get lower? No, you just

stay the same. You take it consistently all the time. Um, say, I don't say myself like a good three days, Um, I might have a blip and my bless cell count which means three days, which means what, um that I might become resistant to the medication. Oh yeah, because the HIV IS is a smart virus and everyone take it for us on all days. Is okay, I'm into the main So you gotta put different, different, different, because right right,

you can get I got it. Yeah, I had. I had some other questions, and I'm like, I'm trying to think, well, how did you guys find each other? So he um, so I was y'all know I'm on Twitter a lot, and he actually hit me in my d M s and was like, hey, um, I listened to the show. I'm a fan of yours. I just want to know if I can come on and talk about my story.

I'm HIV positive And I was just like hello, really like because even starting the show, like when when the whole usher thing came out and I was like, we need somebody with herbies who's gonna talk about it. I was just like, how are we gonna find this person? And shout out to Ala Dawson for coming on this show. She does fucking ted talks talking about it. But I

know that this is such a sensitive topic. I was just like, I want to make it like it's not scary or like you like I told you I'm not even dating you when and when you literally said, well I tell them listen, I have my heart dropped because literally it's it's still something to where if I know that I grew these feelings for somebody and I and I talked about this all the time, like people who have sucked for years, I use condoms and if we got to the point where we wanted to turn, you know,

take the condom off. And he brought me that news. I honestly don't know how I could or would respond to that. Um And so even you saying that people go ghost or you're able to have relationships that last less regular relationships, it's literally something where I'm just like, I still don't know how the funk I would respond

to that. Where I'm at, that's fine, that's fine, because yeah, how do you know, because it's how you deal for it, because they if I'm like being a spiteful about it, and I know some people with the the neals with that that okay, I'm getting I'm affecting so many women. Yeah, because I feel angry about because I got it for someone else to said, Oh now, yes that happens. You can go to jail for that, right, yes, Charlie. Charlie Sheen is getting sued because apparently he knew and he

continued to have sex. So I guess, yeah, that's why I think he raped someone. He wrates someone. But since we have it, they more liable because they sy you'll find someone else's life. This is what I wanted to ask. So, Okay, I'm a friends with friends with a lot of gay men, and so conversation with grinder in different gay apps, it's like already in their disease free, disease free or positive they'll have I wanted to know, are there dating sites

that you can go on to meet people HIV? So it's really do you have some of those that you know of? Not know of one? I hold on, I'm actually gonna read people who who have s wait that have STDs period? Oh so actually, here you go. This is the first site. There's two that come up. Um, so it's positive singles dot Com. It's the number one STD dating community, so that's probably the one you're talking about. And then there's one that's called p O S Date

and it's dating for HIV people. UM. And this one, actually, I will let you know. It says create your free profile now, so that's one you do not have to pay for, sir UM And so it's crazy because one of the myths that I read, UM and I want to talk about this as well, UM, since we're talking about dating other people with HIV. One of it says, UM and it's a myth for any of our listeners who may have this. UM. It says that my partner and I are both positive, so we don't need to

use condoms. UM and so I'll read what it says about this. It's of course there's still other STDs that you can catch and pregnancy. I was gonna but it says that additionally, it is possible for an HIV positive individual to become infected with a second strain of HIV, which is called HIV reinfection. Being infected with another strain of HIV could potentially cause regimen regiment regiment regiment regiment. I guess I didn't know what spell like it. Regiment

failure a your treatment plan into a spiral. And then it says for more information on reinfection. Um there's an article and in the how do you get pregnant twice? Like? What reinfected? Reinfected with another strain? So do you do you have any insight on any different kinds of cancer? I had dated my mom my child, she has she had it? So can I ask you as well? Does your I didn't know you had a child, So this is this is new information. Does your does your child

have HIV? Is that because you were it's on medicine? You were saying, was that and we took when she was born? We give her mess it is messing now that that prevents transmission. Oh, while she was pregnant, when she's born, she was born to be born for us, we've seen the messine. Wait wait wait, wait to prevent transisicine? She should because would we give like should I give my kid this when I have a kid? Like why would a kid take that? Because the only give it

to you when the parents the parents? Okay? And so when you met her, did she have HIV already? And so that was a clear talk. Was that something that you funds your childhood friends? Okay? And did she contract HIV as well through birth or was that. Okay, how old your daughter now? She's before? Okay, okay, yeah, I didn't know, and they do that in case. I mean, because I guess you're with each other every day, just like you're talking about cousins your medicine. Now, I do

have a question. I don't know if you could answer this and try to google some of it. So, like I said, a lot of my gays take PREP, which I see all of the subways actually all over. And it's funny because I actually went and got UM tested recently. Because before you actually can, of course, even have your insurance cover PREP or your medical um your medical provider issue you PREP, you have to get tested to make

sure you don't have, you know, HIV first. And so I went and got tested because I was considering getting on PREP, just because when I told you, I was trying to go to the to the sex parties, and just because I knew I was going to enter more promiscuous lifestyle, I wanted to get on it. I'm trying to google can women take PREP? Yes, I'm a female, and I went is it as effective? Because they do

not promote it? Is question, But they don't promote it for women as much because they say that HIV is a gay disease, you're not You're not as likely to catch it. But I will say this was another reason why I wanted to get onto it, because I am open to free love. I guess if that's the case, and because I have been open to guys who have been with other guys, or I know the lifestyle of men on the download. To me, as a female, none of us are safe because there are men who who

are open coming out of the closet. So to me, if this is a quote unquote gay virus like they like they call it, I wanted to be safe knowing that it wasn't something that bothered me if a man dealt with another man. But I did read though, it's just like your medication. If you go like two or three days without taking it, your chances of catching it if you're exposed to are just as just like birth control. Um. And so yeah, it's it's one of those that there's

a ton of information that's crazy. Because I called my mom and told her that I was considering getting on this and she was just sucking like it is everyday peel, and she was just like, why why are you getting on it, and I was like, my mom trying to go to these sex parties, like I'm trying to be safe out here, like I don't want anything to happen because I don't want in the back of my mind, Oh my god, I just dealt with a guy who gave another guy hand job. Oh my god, I'm gonna

get you know, I'm gonna catch something. Um And so yeah, as far as prep, if you guys are interested in it, it's called p r EP. It is different than Truvilla, Correcta Creveda like the same thing. Prep is a word for um the medicine used. It's like calling something birth control prep preparation for like STDs and Treveda is. One of the brands actually went to a gay club and heals catching my mom and the guy was telling a joke. He said, it's a prep rally in here. Prep it's

working with the joke. So I like, on the website, I've been on here while you guys have been talking. So I was a little bit skeptical preppy because I never saw it used, like even on the advertisement, maybe one girl out of ten men. So it's saying that's good for trans women, women and men um and apparently we're the same. Um it said they compared it with the press place eb oh, which is a fake pill.

Yeah yeah yeah, and um yeah it caused reduction and infections by prep cut infections by the other Sorry, the placebo was seventy five so it really doesn't work. Okay, yeah, it's um So, it's one of those that, of course, the more you're consistent with taking your pill at the same time everyday type of thing, it's like definitely a super high chance of it's not the best option because

absolutely before it's before yet um wow. Okay, So it's not like a plan B. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, it's not a plan there's no So so do you want to talk about this? So there's no plan B. If you go to the doctor and what would they tell you, like because I know a lot of times, like my friend right now, she's been going to the doctor and they keep talking about her white har white blood cell count, and that's what I'm just like, do

you know what I mean? So, So, if if any of our listeners were to go to the doctor and they say, listen, we want to retest you because this is lower we see this what is the what would they say? So you said teth with me um thing called varra load. Varra load is basically how much it is present in your blood, Okay, and when you have bad zero fantastic Okay. So if you have point zero one percent basically anything, opportunity, I think Biboulo have to be up. I think I think two or three, Dan

Dando show more concerned, okay, three? Wow, yeah, that's still yeah, because my whole lot of time I've been I've been only like one blip. I mean it came out to late one, okay. And she was saying that some of the side effects a lot of people experience very bad nausea, nausea from from any side from the prop Do you have any side effects with your medicine? It says it

makes me drowsy and somewhere I don't feel it. And I wanted to know too, because we again and I hate to keep comparing this to herpes because it's not, but we just someone on that was able to talk about it, and she talked about outbreaks. Do you get any type of symptoms to where maybe you feel really sick out of nowhere or are there any symptoms related to your HIV if I if I stopped taking it, what would you feel like if you do? You know what you would find like a little a little nausea

is maybe a little week here and there. Really Yeah, Now the weight loss that we see like when we think about HIV, I think that's as like a TV that you lose mad way your age is pretty much if you get a cold, then your body cannot find that all. And they pretty much that they just have to come in cold, coming cold, And you know there's a funk. I can't remember this HBO show something Hard with them and it was a movie talking about the outbreak of AIDS in the eighties when all those people

are just having a cold they didn't know why. And so is that something that your mom showed you growing up?

Like were you watching these movies with HIV? Because there's a movie that pretty much because I remember one in since but I was like, I think this is about entering enter high school and it was like, um, it's like an ACE epidemic documentary on HBO can Avoca and how affect kids not So I was like me and I had that that moment where we just sit there and quiet and just because she's always she's always I

would die before on five. Your mom thought that she thought that she would die before you were five, But you don't remember. He was saying, they don't know much back then. Yeah, a lot of people make it. So that's something that the doctors told her, like listen, don't oh wow, And the medicine just kept working and kept on. Did you have any complications, because because medicine wasn't it as advanced in the nineties. Did you have any complications

as a child. I was born premature, and I have the introview and I had a heard you as a baby. I don't wait, what's it, honey? It's pretty much like the intest on lining, whether it were ay or like, it's not existent, and this is the linings getting pushed out. Oh yeah, and I had grow from my bedy button. Um fuck. Health complications going up because not only what I was, uh, look a drug out its baby, and

I was I had heroin my system. I had like crack cocaine, I mashing my system right, So therefore my chance of the limon was small. And now I have an HIV small? Can I ask? I don't I want to kind of It's a kind of a sensitive question, um, and I'm not sure if you even have the answer to this, But why at any point, um, or was it discussion for you to be taken away from your mom being that you were born with these drugs in your system, because I know that that's the thing I did.

I did get take away from from my mom because because because she was she was in rehab. But I got up in rehab and we have facility. I was like four, oh wow, and then she got better. You got better, so you were able to live because I got to tell you. My sister told me. Now I got to take away one time. Did your sister have HIV? Really?

Is this from a different mom and dad or the same mom and different father, different father, but same mothers older betweens apart, and so she did apart twenty years apart. So it's possible that your mom just didn't have it when she had your older sisters. Because my mom, she had my sister, I think, okay, and then she had

me forties is there? Um? Did you feel any strain with your relationship with your sister growing up or did she did she treat you any differently knowing that you had this anyone else is now a little trans but because I'm going up right, but like her son, Okay, don't think another mother for me. I'm just reading something because I wanted to, Like our next thing was gonna

be like how to prevent and stuff. We're talking about prep if you don't have insurance, that a month the holy ship, and that's that's for the one chill that he's taking. No, no, not for him. This is for people that do not have HIV and want protection against it. It's prep. It's thirteen hundred dollars a month. I think, what, Oh, that's high. It's fun with no insurance that you. Let me just see how much that is the day, real quick. She's doing the math, and forty dollars a day. No,

that's high. That's really high. And the month that is fucking insane. That's crazy. So you know what, though I'm not gonna lie to you, um, not that I consider getting off of it. I'm affluent enough to be able to take care of myself as far as medications and health, and I have insurance. But um, I've been considering dropping insurance because I looked in my pay statements, aw that I'm spending six thousand dollars a year, and I thought, Okay, if I do these things privately, how much all they

cost me? Started adding it up with my accountant. Birth control alone would cost me three tho eight hundred dollars in one year, and kind of like kind of visits

and stuff like that. So bro, I hit a lovable I said, get me all my pills in Europe because kidding me, and just the way that like our country works as far as health care, you can't afford do you do you know if there's any difference, like do you have any friends or any type of pen pals in other countries that are infected that maybe have a different experience than you. I'm not sure, but I do know our friends of other countries stuff like that. But as far I know, one of my friends that go

out with and I know who had it. He had moved to Canada. He moved to Canada specifically for the healthcare or oh yeah, I have drugs from Canada too, Yeah, Canada has free healthcare. Moved to Canada for healthcare. Wow, Wow that's just some ship money. Yeah, that's really crazy. Yeah, I know. Ho my year and we talked kind of like I'm out of It's like the promised line. When

I went to Canada. I've never been to Canada. The first time bumping into someone in Canada, they said sorry to me, and then I was just like, it's like a story. Like everybody's just so fucking nice. The health care is great, they're fucking Prime minister. Do you see him fucking coming out of the gay parade, Just like everybody's just so dope. And Canada, I don't get it. They're like twenty ft away. I mean, our school books

are four hundred dollars. Oh yeah. When I so, I studied abroad in Singapore for a semester, My school books for my semester was eleven dollars and was eleven dollars for the semester. Mind you, I came back in the spring, my books were six dollars. Yeah, because well, well my books range anywhere from oh my god, anywhere from forty to a book. And because I'm on track to finish fast, I literally take six to seven classes a semester, and

so yeah, it's it's it's insane. So I can understand even just the cost associated here in um in the States compared to anywhere else. Like as far as how that's affecting you. Um, do you do you feel like I mean clearly you don't wear a sign on your shirt or anything like that. Um, how is it going out? Like? Are there places that you can go and hang around other people that you know there? Because I know that there's like there's gay communities, there's black communities, there's all

these communities. Is there an HIV community? And how do you guys uplift each other? Um, there's many communities over here because I know my hospital they try to open the little little community. Okay, have you been study? I stopped? I was yeah, and why and why do you feel like? It was just it brought down? It was just too much because to me, it was more depressing because I'm

talking about this. I have HV. I get it. I'm like, you're doing right now, right right, We're not struggling to do It's a it was more somber on the mood. It's like, okay, oh we're doing. I can see people that are like newly right O. I was like, I gotta stand up. I just can't like we can name a little little name so that like they're doing too much okay, okay, So you're just at the place in life where you are now. You're just happy to be alive.

You're living, you have a healthy child. Are you still are you currently in a relationship? Are they positive or negative? And this unproductive? Yeah? Oh wow, you said sometimes so you go back and forth and musing condoms. I know apparently us a lot of people say that once you stop using condoms, you don't go back to using condoms. So what is what is the purpose of you guys going back and forth with condom? Us sometimes have sometimes

I have condoms sometimes? Okay, but does she prefer the use of condoms or does she prefers was in the moment okay? Oh wow? Yeah, because because I was at from one him and I told you I have it, And let me ask you, is this because like so like pulling out help? So there's pretty comb there's like so like is that is pulling out like the way to like not? Well, we just said, come, I mean sperm doesn't really affect it, like you can't contract it through sperm. There's an opening. No, we just had this

whole conversation, did we not? Because you picked up your phone so fast. We just had this whole conversation in the beginning about about sperm not being the transmission because it goes through a different opening. That's when you swallow. Oh, but when you come inside the vaginantess is ridiculous. For an hour, we don't know how you get it. How do you get HIV during intercourse? Well, there we go.

You know that's what you're saying. Yeah, because if you're not getting it through swallowing, that's because it's going through your stomach. I'm pretty sure I mentioned this earlier. He's not listening, you know what she's confused at We're all talking about oral sex. Oral sex, right, this is different. So like swallowing, it is different from it going vaginally. You're at a higher risk of its vaginal and and even higher if it's anal Yeah okay, but that's because

during anal sex there's a lot of tearing. Uh. Look like speaking of that the other night, right, I was so scared to like, I'm trying to have more and more anal sex, and like the second I went to the bathroom, I was just like, how is that? I didn't like, it didn't hurt, but it's almost like you can't feel now that should be tearing it comes off and and because I didn't and so sex but how long have you been with her? Four months? Okay, so it's fairly new. Oh all right, well that's fucking I

don't know that. Look, we weasy really in here googling bab. She's like web MD. They're wrong, right, they think we're gonna get it from half five. Um, So I guess what we'll get into now. And it's gonna be brief because we're running out of time. But UM, the homemail for this episode, if you know you listen to the show, we do homemail for this show. I actually wanted to

give an update. Um. And so the last episode you guys listened to with our Femdom Lisa Spliffson, UM, we had a homemail from a listener who was having an issue UM with his partner being sexually confident. She had gained weight, and so I just wanted to give a quick update to our listeners. It says that she's lost weight and is doing great um, and is doing great things for her health. Now. Unfortunately nothing has changed sexually. So I'm starting to starting to see that it is

more of a self esteem issue. UM, do you have any Do you have any tips on helping someone through insecurities? We were both into everything the threesomes, toys, piss and bondage, but now she is too worried and lazy to enjoy those things. Thanks again, Anonymous. He's using the word lazy, and that's why I'm like, I don't know if it's maybe she's just not writing, is what I think. Everything is fun in Dandy in the beginning. I had a ship fit this morning when we didn't have sex. I

was like, are we fucking tired of each other? Last night? It doesn't fucking matter. I suck your dick every day before I went toward and now we're sucking in the mornings, and I think like, at one point maybe the or it's not even the through. I think also that some people just have different sex drives, and so he may feel like she doesn't want to have sex, but she just may not want to have sex. And maybe you want to have sex too much, because I know that's

me with some of my partners. I'm not let's go again, let's go again, and they'd be like, bros, A healthy amount of sex for people that are living together a week. Do you live with your girlfriend. You don't. How often do you guys have stuff twice? Someone? I would Beth because I'm busy doing my thing. It's all sketches, don't line up, which Banks says? I know? I would be content depending on the happy with you a week? No? He said a month? No, But we meet up, we

get crazy. That's what I like. It's a very consistent. We're going go for around, for a round. I would be content with three times a week. Okay. This is a study of thirty thousand Americans. Couples have sex once a week or the happiest once a week. We love it? Where two to three? Right now? That lived together? Though? Like, if I live with someone, I'm getting it everything together. I think needed you think hold on, hold on? I wish can we get you on the mic real quick, preach.

I want to know how many times a week do you and your wife have said? Why? You can't can't answer? Please? You got a baby? Yeah? I got another one on the way? Really like we got a baby all the way? How? How? Yeah? Go ahead? Ten years? Okay? Now, how often are you fucking a ten years? A month? It depends. It's like, okay, before she got pregnant. Before when we first moved it together, it was probably like three or four times a week.

And then as the years he has gone on, then yes, things work in stress and bills and things like that happened, So it probably goes out to like once or twice a week. But is that because you you too, or because people blame a lot of the woman. I'll tell her, I say that she's always up whenever I'm ready, So she's always ready to go. Yeah, she's always like she she's willing to go whenever, like you know what I'm saying.

But sometimes it's not like she wants to initiate. Have you ever had a time where maybe her insecurity you felt like went down and how were you able to assist with that insecurity? As far as insecurity as you felt like maybe she wasn't comfortable with her body and didn't want to have sex or wasn't his No, it's never been like, no, we've never had that. I don't think she's ever felt like, No, she's always down, like that's never been a problem. Like she always I will say,

like I would prefer more that. I've always said this. I'll probably killed for this, but I always prefer that she take the bull by the horn more so, like when you said, like you know, I used to wake up and that's never been the case as far as like, and I think a lot of men feel that way. I feel I feel like a lot of men want their women to initiate it more so maybe in this case, not only is she saying, oh baby, not tonight, she's also just not initiating it right I get it, And

you feel like you're not wanted rightly. I recently had a conversation a small level, but I was like, why am I always the one asking you for us to go on a date? You always say yeah, but like when are you gonna take me out? You pay? But like this a variety do things, yeah, spice it up and yeah, because I find it with me it's bad to sibinate your mind. Then then I'm thinking sex they could why don't you get your minds like yo, sexually

banging averaging one time? I don't like some nah because I took my girlfriend out like about like I see him more often it's going on random dates. This is random. But I need to ask this question because I'm shocked at the number because on that thing about a couple having sex. All right, I'm gonna ask preach first. Would you rather for one year give up sess sex to guarantee of the rest of your life, your computers and your software would be hack free? Would you all my

ship would give up sex for a year. People are so freaked out about cybersecurity and the internet and it's such a part of our lives. Ever, I want to know. I want to know what she's doing. Security, horrible decisions. We're gonna security that people would worry about their software. That is talking about how overtime people are like less into sex and more into other things. And that's why that's one of the things the devil. Are you worried

about me? Actually guys come out on online and not for a year as soon as you guys are about like commitment and you guys want to be married one day? Is that? Yeah? Yeah? Are you worried about that future? About it might turn into a once a month type of I live someone for two years and it's freaky as I could be. I didn't want to have sex

that often, you know what. And it's crazy because, um, there was a person who actually we were talking about engagement and moving in and he actually came to me and how to talk, and he was like, we need to learn how to have regular sex. He felt like every time we had sex it was like the super intense porn star sex, and he's like, sometimes I just want to have regular Jacksonville really. Yeah. He hated that we would like fun like. He was like, I want

to like have sex like more. Yes, I'd be liking to get fun like that's what I like. Yeah, And so with him that was a thing like and I just need and these men have taken. I think I've noticed myself over the years, the more I have that looking at each other's ice sex, I've had more men attracted to me afterwards or more like into me. It's weird. Yeah, I'm gonna get Yeah. I don't know if you've ever had sex like that where you felt like totally connected

to someone. Course, I have you, of course, but I prefer I prefer porn size sex over making love. Honestly, I've only had sex two or three times in my life where I felt that in tune with somebody, I'm gonna have car energy. But I was also on edible, So I don't know if that help Anyways, UM, I want to thank our guests for coming on the show this week. UM again, I guess if any of you guys listening, UM maybe just recently found out or anything, would would they be able to maybe reach out to

you and talk to you about stuff. UM, So, guys, if you guys an email about that, we're not just gonna post his ship. But if you guys maybe just contracted the virus or know someone close to you that's living with it, please send us an email and UM I can go ahead and contact you with to virus and he can share more about how you guys can get through it mentally, emotionally. UM, there's a lot of free HIV testing centers. All you have to do is

like Google and look local college. And I've not to you girls knowing what you know now, Yes, if a man, you guys dated a man, know how I would do. And to be fair, you can't understand people being uncomfortable, all right, So I don't want to put you in the spot like I don't know. I know what you know now, and I know I learned a lot and thank you so much. But knowing what you guys know now, how comfortable would you be Now if you would be would you be able to? Would you be able to?

I mean that's something to where I mean, I think I would have to continue aside from everything I've learned from you, I would have to continue my UM research as far as the odds of me contracting it and the odds that he won't give it to me, and all of this and all of this. But I also like condom. Dick and I talked about this often, so I mean me moving forward with it's really just raw sex that would you know, be welcomed into our thing.

I don't know mind either condoms of them love with I think that would just be the thing for me, and I don't know if they would like that. Like, think about it if a girl told you this is gonna be us for the next few years, but we want it. Yeah, it's two decisions to make, right, So I'm just fortunately someone now understand. Yeah. Absolutely well. We want to thank you so much again to bars Again. If you guys have any questions regarding this, Google dot

com is your friend. Anyways, thank you so much to ours UM. We see I guess we sign it out. This has been another episode of horrible decisions by yeah. A seven Moms slection, Why am I doing this? Tom losing my mind on a tiny air I nearly left the room, me on the ship. No no, no no. In the part of the SID saying that the saving turning is believing it's okay not to be okay sometimes, look said, some mean you're losing everybody's closing. Just be true to you.