And money, money, Money. This is like the theme song. At least I'm not long ago. I was the holl and I'm at I won't take it back because I did this ship. I won't take it back. I love that song my Money. I won't show money. I want my money one of my favorite Larry. She said, Um, if I want to funk up a fuck him. But if he ain't got a buck, I'm going Ducats facts Marieland. It's so funny because watching her, I'm loving hip hop.
I'm like, oh my god, but I actually really do like this song and it came out, oh my God, maybe like two or three years white. She's as white as white gets. She just wears lace fronts and braids, and I don't understand it, but I think she would be great on this show. So I would love to, like, see what you know, Mariah Land. If you listen, go here and check us out. A girl how I had us? Um Hey, y'all, anyways, guys, welcome to yet another episode
of Horrible Decisions. Um this year Garral Mandy Be and I'm wheezy WTF and I guess um we want to start the show off by saying thank you to everybody who came to the live show, and we're sorry we didn't have an episode for you guys last week, but you know, we were just super exhausted, super fucking exhausted. It was quite just it was just a lot going
on with our moms in town. It was our first live show, which by the way, sold out twice, and we've gotten such great feedback from everybody, and we're only going up from here. I can't believe nobody said. It's like even when, like I was asking my friends, like, please just tell me, tell me what was bad, and it was bro like, I mean, verybody sent me a text while I was on stage like this is amazing, and I was shocked because I just never thought it
could be that good. I mean, even the reaction that people had afterwards, that's when I knew it was good because we've been to other podcast live shows and so just comparing like that, yeah, no, absolutely not. And it was so awesome too. I actually had my coworkers come and both of them are virgins. And yes, both of my coworkers are virgins, So I'm like, did y'all go to the bar. They didn't even drink. They're like super safe sweet girl at the bar. That's right. We were
sponsored by Avian Tequila, so dope shout out. So and that's something that we were able to offer the guests who came, and they found out the day before or the day of. I text everyone was like, if we knew that we had, y'all would have know, y'all would have paid Moe. But um, we actually shout out to Avian Tequila for sponsoring us last minute. We also had Ips Popcorn um, and they're like a protein healthy ship.
I was like, Mall, I got your healthy ship because Mall from the Joe Button podcast is actually he's like on a health trip. Did you see that him and lover Boy knew each other? No? I didn't. Witch of course mom knows everyone in the basketball realm. Wait wait wait, okay, he's not a basketball player, but he's saying of it. But anyways, so um so yeah, So we had Ips Popcorn shout out to them. And we also had Va Voom, which was actually an orgasm clitterers cream um, and it's
to help you reach an orgasm during sex. Shout out to our sponsors for the show. I also want to go ahead and shout out get lashed l a they sponsored me with my lashes, and go ahead and check the description this bio. They're actually going to give our listeners twenty percent off. Um, so we'll go ahead and drop the code in there and tag them on our Horrible Decisions page. I don't know. It was just really exciting. We told some stories that guys we haven't shared with
you all yet. And mind you, both of our moms were just sitting on the side of the stage and here goes wheezy. Sorry Mom, Sorry, Mom, Mom, Sorry, I'm just sorry. I know why I kept saying that. And the strange thing is my like, my mom and I are so close, but like saying it in front of people then my mother was there made me feel like she would be embarrassed. Her friends were there. You saw the two old and I was like, holy fuck, it's so funny. After they were done, they're like old New
York City. They're like, I'm like, you know, you did a great job, honey. It was hilarious when people were really like, it's like a talk show and you guys spoke so well. I don't know why some of some of my friends acting like if it was because I had a blaze around, but I felt less like a ratchet hole. Yeah. We we definitely dressed classy. I made I made it a point to where dress pants instead of a body suit. Dude. One of my friends was
so funny. She sent me a text after. I was like, girl, you just did that show with such class and I'm laughing. I'm like, we fucking had a banana dick stuck. In contest, Mandy did sex positions on stage. I told him story about it. I tricked and again to give me Plan B money that didn't need to be given, but thank you. I talked about sucking someone and only knowing there at name, and I'm just like, and here goes my mother there mona,
I'm gonna beat you as when I see so. One of our previous guests decided to ask our mothers, do you swallow or take the come on your day? Well no, and then my mom said something crazy. So UM for you guys who have subscribed to Patreon, you will um.
The video footage will be up this weekend. Lord proper, I'm waiting on him to send me the footage, but we'll also go ahead and be releasing behind the scenes from videos that our friends captured and we will also be posting pictures um, some that we haven't posted on our Instagram page. So we'll get more into Patreon at the end of the show and let you guys know how you guys can help us. UM. And so I guess we'll do. I guess we'll go into the Kink of the Week and the King of the Week into
I know we can definitely talk about it. UM. I'm kind of think, oh my god, the girl that breaking did dp bro that was down. So before the show, we had Sam White out shout out to our host. Um, you guys loved him, by the way. We had him host two shows, two games shows or yeah games whatever, quote quota ho and the like. Our listeners had to guess who said what, and we came up with some really good quotes. I don't know if you can. One
of my favorite ones was the bonus quote. He said, all bitches and he has got in good dicks and and they'll be smiling. And nobody realized that was leak the lips. But anything that pretty much had to do with like throwing up and getting wasted and being emotional, everybody knew was me. And then and then here we go with us, what the plan being, I've taken Plan B with billionaires. I ain't have no fucking baby. And then in fact, no, no, everybody knew. Everyone knew that
was me. Like there was a girl that we had like never have I ever game? And me and Mandy are in like the back right getting our makeup done, and I hear him says, anyone ever had done DP? And then everybody goes, there was a girl who um she said one love her boy told me when we were at dinner the other night, he said, the final question was have you ever sucked a celebrity? And she was the last one standing. That's hilarious. Doubt it not stop.
You know what's so crazy? You bring him up and he has been literally he just so he's actually for those who followed me on no, actually shut up, well, Fellam Bay is actually no longer Fellam Bay. For those of you who um follow me on Instagram and came to the live show, Um, just as quickly as he entered My Love My Life, he also exited it. Um he is back in carthree. I did not know. I think he led me to believe he had just got out. He's been out for a three years, he's been out
for two years. Two years, he's been out for two years. He did eight years. Um. People were asking in the show June. It's so funny. I thought he would have been there. Speaking of Nia there barely let us say welcome to horrible decisions before some bitch took her fingers say and that like that, I said, let's get this start. Yeah,
let's go in and let's go in and go. So no, no, My ex girlfriend was there too, which was hilarious because when I was dating her is when I met him and they were both I could see them both like turn and look at each other and then she was like, oh, it's not nice to finally meet him. He was like, yeah,
it's not that bit that Yeah. And another person that I slept with was also in attendance to Like, I just really appreciated that lovers um two women and then him, but that lovers could be there and like support me and I'll be in the same room and get along. And I was just like, this is just my one happy whole family. Yeah. A lot of my lovers live out of town, but they bought tickets even though they didn't show up. A lot of people bought tickets for
us that it was still crazy package. Yeah, and um yeah, Fellam Bay would have been there. It was planned for him to be there, um, and that's why he actually so he ended up listening to the episode that we talked about, and you know what, he wasn't upset about me calling him fellam Bay laughed at it. The part that pissed him off the most was, I guess he caught that. I said he had a medium dick, and he rode my ass about saying that, and I was like, but if it fits in me, I still like you.
It's like a pocket. It's like, you know, you're good. Um. And so yeah, he's no longer. I wanted to say something that's superdo it. I thought that happened and we didn't meet and greet after and got to meet so many of you. I hung out with a couple from Cleveland after. I really liked them. They were so Yeah, they were super no social media. The girl sent us like an emails like thanks so much. Yeah, she was super. I do want to give a shout out, I guess
to the people who traveled we had from Chris. Shout out Chrissie from Chicago. UM. Also, UM, I don't know name from Toronto. I feel bad, I don't know, but shout out home girl from Toronto. Shout out the chick who was there at four pm and helped us set up chairs from Boston. Oh my god. She came so early that the venue just let her in and she was like, Hi, I'm up. She was three hours really um, and she just walked in and she's like, just really
want to screen. I think she thought I was screaming at her because I was like, are you fucking kidding me? She and she was just super dope. Also shout out UM to t J and his wife, UM, which is the couple from the Baltimore. She's the teacher. She came in and did her rap that she did at the Browing Idiots show, UM, which is where I met them. And they also shout out if you guys want to listen to a couple's podcast, they have one called Quarrels
the Corals Show. I believe ye Lovers Coral. No, there's a group of three girls that came up to us. They were so adorable and they said, so we had raffles that were giveaways for sex toys and The final raffle is a threesome day with me and Mandy where we take somebody out. So these girls come up to us maybe ten minutes before the raffles are called. They're like, we always write you guys ems, I think they said, and they were like, we just want to smoke all
out some time or like kick it or whatever. And I said, oh, maybe I'll win the raffle. And then suddenly they call it and been scream and it's so funny because everyone else said, we're taking pictures with Yahoo was playing that ship. I don't know that it wasn't playing deservice. So we're gonna hang out with her on Sunday.
We're going to um but yeah, so that was cool and I was gonna say I'm losing my train of thought, but um yeah, I really liked that, and I wish we could do this every time, and I hope we can.
People that flew in. I think we hung out with all of them after for food, right, most of them, not all of them, Okay, um yeah, because the other girls from Chicago was like, y'all invited the other girls for Chicago, but not of us, And I was like, we just all that girl to a few of our listeners took pictures with us and I was like, oh, tack us in them, and they were like, I don't have social media. And that fucked me up because I thought, damn,
you really listen to this podcast. You followed it. You fucking had to listen to our voices to go on event, right, because you don't see us most things, you still are here. Yeah, it's it's pretty crazy. Well, we're gonna get right into the show for this week, and so you guys know, we like to begin with a ink of the week. Um, and this one just it resonates with me kind of sort of now in my life. Um, but no, it's
it's rather it's rather interesting. So the kink of the week for this week is hy bristophilia, and hybristophilia is a paraphilia in which sexual arousal facilitation and attainment and attainment of orgasm are responsive to and contention upon how that's got no b Being with a partner known to have committed an outrage, cheating, lying, known in fidelities, or crimes such as rape, murder, or armed robbery. Being attracted to those things or gets it's actually being attracted and
finding at attraction and orgasm to those type of people. Dude, I don't want to talk about this razing because me and level Way just had a conversation about me wanting to play the scene out and I feel like, well, that's different. That's something completely different with this um particular kink. It's people who are aroused by knowing that their partners did these crimes. So um, so I have I used to get put my pussy web for drug dealers? Does
that count or is it a money thing? It's it's actually people who are incarcerated, people who are in jail or have been in jail. Um And so I what do you google to find this Mandy prison bay kinks or something like that. I was like kinks of people in jail because you know, I'm sitting here and I know I told you all that I am not a writer. Die and I literally had a whole conversation with my coworkers today, like, so this letter that I write him and jailed? Is it handwritten? Do I ask? Do I?
How do I started? I know? So I'm actually considering writing fell in Bay. Okay, I'll yeah, when I write it, I'll share, I'll share with y'all the story. You know what Nick is be doing in jail? Tell me I want to know. Please tweet Mandy or we're gonna I'm working on our horrible decisions Twitter. I'm trying to keep it to the one that you guys already know that's like lockdown. But tweet us about if this is true
or not. Why do niggas from jail always draw ship and send you artwork because they're boy, That's why, Like, I'm not gonna lie. I talked to him and I told him vocabulary is was so well. I was like, what the fucking books they give you all jail goddamn articularly you are articulated as fun um. So it's funny because as I was looking this up, I was like, why would someone be attracted to someone in jail? Um? And so I looked it up. These are a couple
of reasons. Tell me if any of these makes sense. Um. Some believe that they can change a man as cruel and powerful as a serial killer. Others see the little boy that the killer once was and seek to nurture him. Um. A few hope to share in the media spotlight or get a book or movie deal. However, this was one of the best explanations of this, and I think that, um, this comes to sense with maybe some of the relationship discussions we've had. Then there's the notion of the perfect boyfriend.
She knows where he is at all times and knows that he's thinking about her. While she can claim that someone loves her, she does not have to endure the day to day issues involved in most relationships. There's no laundry to do, no cooking for him, and no accountability to him. She can keep the she can keep the fantasy charged up for a long time. And when I read that, I said, that makes a lot of sense. That's the most reasonable one. That makes a lot of sense.
And it's weird because I don't have that fascination. Of course, I met fell e Bay outside of jail, um, and I'm mad that he's had this impact on me to where I actually want to write him and to say this. But the thing that I can correlate closest to that is having long distance relationships. And I've been in a lot. But you don't feel in control over that either. To me, when they're out, you still know that they can do whatever the fun they want. To do. I don't know
the long distance relationships. I feel like it's like less ship to argue about. Like it's all like anticipating seeing each other. What's gonna happen. It's gonna happen, always gonna happen. Bitch. Fuck you know any movies I watched with lover Bay at this point, I want that nigga go back, come back, We buy and then like, oh I got ten more days. Shit,
that's what I'm looking for. So I wanted UM. This actually brought me to this, and it's a site that I knew of for a while because I make jokes with all of my all of my guys who live in other states, and I'm like, if I wanted a pen pal, I'd go to inmate dot com. So for you guys listening to the show writing me and you can just click on different ones. I would love for you guys, if you're currently listening, get onto yourself. Are
you about to give them his name? No bit? Type in inmates dot com and UM podcast on speaker get it out and so inmate dot com is inmates seeking friendship outside of phone. Now because I'm gonna pass you mind, I'm going to read the first one because I literally spent probably an hour going through these weeks with my roommate and it's so much fun. So here is I'm not going to say his name, right, so I'm reading one now. Hold on, bitch, I'm already wanted. You can
read them compass. Do you want him? I want the perfect? Oh? Um, I'm on here and they actually have bios like you would on match dot com. And so can the inmates access this website? And these are the yes. I guess in prison you have access to computers. Yeah, they do because I've done a computer like so this one, the bio says, are you the one I'm looking for? Um? And so I'll just read maybe his first? You know thing.
It gives me great pleasure to have this opportunity of meeting a special woman I can devote my undivided attention to. If you happen to know, if you happen to be herd, then I'm reaching out with high hopes of touching you, And it doesn't have to be physically in order for you to fil me clearly, I seek to stimulate your mind with uplifting thoughts, corress your heart with my conscience, loving care and ultimately be a positive, motivating presence in
your life. I desire a lady who's equally looking for something meaningful. So at the bottom of these mind you, he has a long paragraph explaining who he can do this for the rest of the episode honestly because no, but so I'm when you go on, you read their their bio, their information, and then at the very bottom it has personal information. Is tender for jail? I said, can you calm down, because I said, you're going to
read another one. So this one the personal information. You have their sex, race, date of birth, height, weight, and it also gives you the length of their sentence, incarceration date, and what they were convicted of. This particular guy was incarcerated in two thousand three. The length of his sentence is fifteen years, and he is convicted of attempted murder and drive by shooting. I was just like, oh, Lord,
and a couple of them. You see murder, you see first degree, you see um, if they sold drugs, is there a cost associated not that I saw? No, Like, basically, so how do they make money? Click click here to send message. No, it's free for us. You must have to pay for ship. And then it says, please write their whole address is at the bottom as well. Anybody you want to do you want to just find one? I guess you want to find one, dude. I just want to look at these dudes. He was cute. Let
me see inmate thinking friendship outside of prison laws. While society at largest social media to thank for new friendships in relationships and insights. It's total social exclusive for an inmate, not only physical. But this is her first time saying the site. By the way, guys, so she's just cute. Read names we don't know. This is on Google. Ian is cute as what's up? I'm a virgo in my name Seattle. I'm green Astis. We'll tell us one seventy and a lean act can go down. What is his conviction?
I'm an artist in worlder by trade, and I in licensed tattoo artists and I define man shit, what American dream? No games, no bowl? I'm wasting precious life. I feel like not challenging myself. I've been in prison for seven years three I'm ready to be home and get going with life. Um, white male, we know, I like twelve years for first degree possession of the fire. That's it. Oh attempted Robert Oh attempted robbery to attempted bit. I know the Joe type. Let me see here you go
with mine? What Mr Worth the way? Excuse me, beautifully send me photos. I was dump because of my incarceration. Hold on, I'm sorry, I want to scroll up really quick. Let me tell you what these niggas is doing in jail. My wait, my six favorite songs to start your own my dre's playlist. Let's see how old they are. Three of them are r Kelly. Of course, what do he do? Distribution? What is it? Distribution of cocaine? I think I saw him already, cal I think I already like, yo, this
is done. Most but these niggs are sitting around jail and being like, yo, you ain't nobody to put your money up. I got you long on this ship. Blah blah blah. A lot of these dudes are really good looking, and I guess these pictures are from when they were out. I wonder how you know some of them are actually inside, like some of them are inside, but a lot of them are like ones from I wondering maybe from family members so you can connect your Facebook to it. I
didn't sign up with Mark Zuckerberg. This is dope. Oh, so did you find Felon Bay in here? Fellon Bay just got incarcerated. I doubt he's I don't know. You can save your profile and pose it. No, I actually spend your account and you know, fuck you know. I had my friend who's actually been in jail. I said I need a favorite. Um, I said, could you find his? Because I know I need like his jail cell number or whatever the funk they call it. You know, I know they go buy numbers and not names in jail
because I watch all these jail shots. So I was like, can you find out where he is? He was like, write on at girl Free found it for me, like in seconds. It was like, oh, he's been transferred to Rikers. So he's now at Rikers and so I don't know how long he's going to be there. But I mean, you're willing to write him visit him? No? Not while that's interesting? Um, what was he He violated probation? Right?
And let me just say, like this is when it doesn't get funny anymore, because I really fucking believe they just let Niets go and just try to keep him down Like this is total systematic no, and so I want to ask him. I mean, I would love you guys as comments, because I've never written a letter to someone in jail, So I don't know if it's wrong for me to ask him, Nigga, why the funk are you in there? Like what happened? Because it was literally he was supposed to come over after his meeting with
his parole officer and which he just went ghosts. Like you have to use a lot of like I think something that um, we forget about writing letters is like we're used to like instant gratification, text back, fourth, back forth, back forth when you write a letter to someone. Actually wrote an email to love her boy the other day because my phone went out and I was like, God, I feel like I'm writing a love note, but it has to be longer. You have to say everything you're
going to anticipate that letter back. It's kind of a nice feeling. I mean, I've done letters with friends in jail and lovers or whatever ex lovers, but I think one thing you should talk about is like, how do you feel about him? And you're sorry and I'm so mad that he has me feeling this way. We was only for like five weeks. It was the cuddling and the kiss on the forehead. I am, isn't that why I started crying? He kissed me on the forehead and I just felt like shower in tears. If you wonder
why where he got his name from? The episode four then Nigga started touching my face while I was sleeping, and I was yeah. And so the kiss on the forehead and me actually enjoying his company, UM, it was something for me. So yeah, So the horrible decision guys for this week, UM, I actually wanted to talk about dating multiple partners, and I wanted to talk about in
reference to She's Got to Have It UM. For those of you who may have seen her may have not seen it, There is a Spike Lee UM remake on Netflix, which is a remake of the original movie She's Got to Have At that featured Spike Lee. And in this show on Netflix, you're seeing Nola Darling, who is a black kind of artists from Brooklyn, very New York, very beautiful,
and in the show, she's super fun. And in the show you see her with these multiple partners and how each of them bring out a different side to her, and I feel like, Um, I feel like the show is about me. I ain't hold you because she has one lover who Um is a young guy who she just has fun with. He's fun, he's funny, he brings her her spirits up. I haven't on like on Apiasterday, but I always thought like if if at the end it's one person, I felt like it would be him.
I felt like it would be him as well, like and he was just so down for her. Then you have you know what that is. I'm sorry, but you're so down because he has nothing else going on, you think so you think it's a give me the best attention, bro. You're right, You're right. Well. And then the second guy that she was dealing with UM was Greer. Greer is this model who is apparently supposed to be really good looking and hung to me. To me was understand like how he has like the perfect look to me when
that means like you type of black dude. White girls be like, oh my god, for sure. And it's so funny because while I was watching the show, I don't know if you guys noticed, I feel like maybe he's so flamboyantly gay in real life that he couldn't act like a straight man because she has to be, because there was no way he was straight. I wasn't convinced the entire season. I was in the French restaurant and I was like, this is this He was played the
game your Opina gay a lot. He definitely did. And then of course you had Jamie, and Jamie was the guy who's still married, who was financially secure and broke her off some bread. Absolutely, and then of course you had Opalin bro I started following her. I mess reading super beautiful. And to me this was also because when I get fed up with all my niggas, I go back to dealing with women, and I feel like that's
what Opel was to Nola. I had a conversation today um over lunch and we did not even realizing that this was our episode today, but I was having left with a guard do I work with, and he's like, I'm so fucking tired of people acting like this, Nola Darland ship is cool, Like it's cool to be a hoe. What yo. I'm sitting there with my girl Maya and him and I'm like what, And I said, let me tell you something, but he's like, girls like like, she's
so dope. He's like, even the way she starts the episode, it's like, I'm not a hoe. I don't like labels, blah blah blah. And I said, I feel like it's almost a joke because there's been so many shows out there with men doing this, and I've never heard you get this upset. And I said to him, if I started dating another guy that wasn't lover boy, what would you do? Would you call me a home to my face? Dude? I was like, I know you care about me. You
wouldn't do it, would you? And he was like, well no, I said, He's like, I mean unless you started sucking him, then your home. I said, what, you even told me to start sucking with other niggas when he made me mad, And you want to sit here and tell me that, bro. I was so frustrated because I think it's just like, you're not a home if I know you, Because I know he wouldn't call me a hope if I did that, but if I mean, he may think it but not
say it. So they the second we see them, just like, what's crazy is even her lovers were doing it to her when she wore the little black dress, so she wore a little black dress, and she wore with each lover and they all responded in a different way, Like basically the guy this guy was trying to rub up on her and the way she reacted to Mars about it, like oh, well, like you have this black dress on, but that's kind of a part of the meeting conversation.
Well yeah, he was like, we'll look at that dress, rub up on you too, And that's kind of what we deal with. It's what we deal with um with the society as far as right now with the ripe culture, it's like, just because I dressed sexy doesn't mean I know at just the photo thing that kind of annoyed me, which oh with Greer when he was like, oh you're so sexy, blah blah blah, but like you painted him too, just she did sexy. It's okay for him to bark at you when he's fucking you and do all this
weird animalistic ship. That part I didn't like. There's a few things I'm gonna tell you the same. I'm starting to like the show. First episode, didn't like. Watched it with enough James and Christopher and we were like, I feel like I don't like shows where people are like talking to the camera a lot. How good Cards did that very well? Well, I do how some Cards did it, and so did the Bernie mac Show like you Have, and there's not a lot of shows that can do
it well. I didn't like it with the men talking to the camera, um, and so that threw me off. It got way better towards me, but um, I don't know. I like the show a lot. I'm trying not to give a lot of things away, but just talking in terms of personalities. But there's a few things that I kind of got annoyed with with this show. Um. I like the assault piece and how she had to get over it and went to a therapist for it and
blah blah blah. But I didn't like how she needed to show the pete the in in her life treating her this way. Like I don't know if it made me feel like if you're polyamorous, then at some point like men are going to view you in this way or they're going to say these comments to you and stuff like that because you funk with a bunch of niggas. I don't like that, because the truth is and polyamorous relationships that I've known about, whether black or white. Generally,
these partners are very open with their other. Um Like, the person is very open with the other right there, like I'm dealing with this amount of people blah blah blah, and there's not so much judgment on the other side because they're in this relationship to other people outside judge you. But I think it didn't shine a good light for women to be polyamorous because in her mind that's the thing.
So and I think that man treated her that way. Well, no, but in her mind she was polyamorous because she was dating these three people. I think she is probably right. But the three men involved did not agreed to be in the polyamorous relationship. So it wasn't a polyamorous relationship because they couldn't have read or not because we're doing it and accepted. Well, no, they knew that she wasn't she isn't um what's the word exclusive to them. They
all wanted her to be exclusive to them. They definitely each try I want commitment, I want this, I want that, and she wasn't giving it to them. So it's not like they agreed to just sit here and okay, where you're Polly, I'm gonna be Polly to and let you date. They all wanted to be exclusive with her and take her further in a relationship, but she was content with where she was. And it's so funny because I just had a conversation similar to to her dealings with a king.
Shout out if you guys listened to the Combat Jack show. UM. So we talked about this and he asked kind of why I'm single? And I think that this was kind of where Nola was in her life as well. She was in a space where she was getting her ship together. All her ship wasn't together where she wanted to be. UM. But these specific people made her happy in different ways, but not one of them fulfilled everything. And so that's why.
And I actually, UM, when I was talking about that with a guard today, I'm in to the King NOI episode when he made the pretty Ricky Um connotation, he said something like, you know you like pretty Ricky. I don't. It's okay for you to go out and find someone that does. UM. I wanted to bring up something, how many how long have you been recording? Can you tell me forty minutes? Should we go in? Well, let me tell you all this. So I have been seeing a therapist.
Oh wait, are we talking about a lot of the reason that I changed. So, guys, I ain't even gonna hold you. I literally sat here and I'm going to tell them because I liked them to know behind the scenes. So so we didn't really get deep. Man, I am gonna get a little deep because I sat here and um, so all I meant so Wheezy, Me and Wheezy were going through hell for um quite some time, um, and I was talking all my friends about it, and I didn't understand why every time we talked like it just
got worse and worse. And for those of you who don't know, I stopped talking to Lawyer Bay because I just felt the energy was so negative and it I was proud of you for doing this. So I guess Weezy kind of felt the tension. In one of one of the sessions, she came to me and was like, I guess it's time for me to tell you I've been seeing a therapist. Um, and I guess I'll let you get into two more in depth. What you've been speaking with them about and how this has affected you
on not only a relationship level of professional level. We have this business together. Um, and it kind of made me take a step back because I was just like, why the funk is everything bring? Every little thing was starting an argument. If you guys are members of Patreon, you guys heard the episode where were just people were saying it wasn't that bad and I'm like, um, and was like, I didn't think it was that bad. I'm
like you just being nice. It was bad. Yeah. And so this was also before because people were like, Mandy, you were tripping. No, bitch, I was not tripping. But this is the thing too, and this is what what what my friends said. Listening to it, you could have seen how I could have took taken what you said out of context. But to me, there was just a lot of other conversations we've had previously to what had led me to take it a certain way that people
don't hear on the show. So the reason I thought about bringing it up just now is because Nola Darling is the reason I needed a black one. So I, UM, I don't know what like really in the stresses in my life that have caused it, But um, I used to think at first when it was happening, and feelings of just like um emptiness or like loneliness were just because lover boy wasn't here. So I thought, Okay, he's
at me home, and it's fine. He's home. He is doing everything I could have asked for, and I still feel terrible and I could not understand what it was. I was like, you know what, I need to start seeing a therapist. And it was a little bit before he got home that I knew I needed to do it. But um, I started seeing a therapist and like realizing some things about whether it just be my professional life or things that I don't have in New York that
I have at home. So I'm always feeling like I need to leave to get back to myself where I'm not making this landmark for myself in New York. Started watching Nola Darling and I'm sorry I keep saying that. I started to watch that She's Gonna have it, and her friend is like, I got you. I'm gonna get too, Black therap his whatever, it is gonna be great. And I was like watching the connection she had with this woman and I was like, yeah, oh my god, dude.
So a few days ago this I've only had one conversation. Why I think did I say it on horrible decisions you started on the Instagram. I'm talking to my therapist, Judy, who I was chosen for me through my insurance, and um, she's been all right, you know, like she'd like let me know, like okay, your experience feelings. The depression is kind of common for something called SAD seasonal effective disorder
or something I watched Broad City. You can get a SAD lamp, which is a lamp that you can plug into like shoot all this vitamin d out at you, basically like the sun. It's like forty bucks on Amazon, and you can just stare into it or leave it on and people say they feel better and they feel inerget because you wake up it's dark. You go back from work, it's dark, like you don't really see any anymore, you know what I mean? Some ship I don't know
the middle of a word. So anyway, I told her yesterday I was getting really comfortable, not yesterday, whatever day that was, I was getting really comfortable. I'm in her office and I'm discussing a conversation I had with a colleague, and I'm like, you know what I'm saying and this nigga just always blah blah blah, and she said this what Wait she had a problem with you saying ni. She said, no, wait, who are we talking about? Because I got confused, and I was like, I got confused.
And then I'm like, hold on, are you about to ask me he's black? Because I said that, because you know you'd be mad like this, motherfuckers you think you're talking about someone in general. She looked so uncomfortable and I said, you know what, I can't do this anymore, Judy, this isn't going to work, I said, And she says, what do you feel like? Therapy isn't working for you?
I was like, I feel like I need a black woman or a black man, and I'm sorry, maybe even Latino, but this is there's a disconnect with me and you, and it's because you're white. Everybody told me I was so fucking wrong for doing that. I said, well, let me tell you what I found out. I was right. I found a therapist online, literally typed in black New York therapist found one chick spokes on the phone. She was super cool. She's so booked up. She's like, yo,
I know we're unicorns. I'm sorry, girl, hit me up. In a month, I found his black black in Dominican. I get on the phone with him for about twenty minutes. We start talking and I already knew I liked him because I said something and like, He's like, why did you think you need someone black? I was like, I don't know, man, there's just this underlying thing of me feeling like the person i'm talking to voted for Trump.
He's like, I fucking no, exactly what you're saying. Tomorrow, sat with this dude, started talking about a few things, and um, my life, my relationship, my family, my friends. And one of the things that he said, which is why I wanted to talk about it, was that he
thinks my podcast has an influence on He said. Yes, he says, you even talking to you right now, you're laughing, you're telling jokes with me, but there's this private side to you where you seem to get totally upset when you're alone, and I can't figure out what it is. And the only new thing in your life life besides the relationship, is your podcast. He says that a lot of people that have newfound fame, not saying we're famous, but he says, you know, he's in New York with
young people. He says, your fame could be a thousand people, but it's all your world. And he was like, and now you're telling everything to have tens of thousands of people online and they have the space to judge you. Whether we go on lipstick ALLI, whether it's in my Instagram box, whether anybody hears it, whether it's a fake page,
You're going to hear it. He's like, so if you decide to do something like, let's say, sleep with someone else that's not lover boy, what if you get his name right, you might think that someone's going to hear this and judge you. Either cheering for you, rooting for you. Someone may not like it. Someone's gonna call you a ho. He might hear it. He's like, everything is aired out and there's nothing that you have this private. And it's
very hard. Now I can ask you a question about that because I found it on UM and I don't know exactly where you were in the state of my not and if you're drunk, so when you were in Orlando you got on Instagram live or the i G story was like, yeah, so I'm missing an airing and it must have been in the guy's house that ate my pussy last night. I didn't say that, bitch, Yes you did. Okay, first of all, I didn't say my pussy last night. I said it might be had somebody's
house because you got crazy head last night. You did. You were telling that story that well, you came out and told it to open just like literally got back to myself when I got to Orlando, so I haven't been seeing was resurrected. She was like, yeah, I lost my airring cell today. I was a clip in that dude came to Orlando. He's so dope. A friend of mine, um came to Orlando, and I mean to Orlando and came to New York. And the second lover voice saw
me posting. He's like, I stocked. I know you fucking did. And I really didn't do anything with him. When I got to Orlando, I was like, nah, fuck it me and were good good night baby. Nothing was wrong. He wasn't out of spite. Was just like I felt like myself. And so the therapist said a few things to me. He said that even though I have a lot of friends in New York, the only person I care about
is him, Loverboy. All of this pressure is on this one person for things to work, for everything to be perfect, for him to come home, because I don't care that deeply about anyone else in New York. The emotions he was speaking about, we're not necessarily from a romantic level, but from what I have with friends. And he said, you moved to New York and where a lot of people think when you first move you're gonna feel upset.
You don't. You're so excited everything is new. You're too busy, which is how you were the whole first year you were here. Like now you're settled and things are real, which is why you had to get a last minute thanks I wasn't going home for Thanksgiving. It's like, fuck it. I got that flight maybe forty eight hours before. He's like,
because you're making these irrational decisions. You don't know what's going on, because you feel completely alone, he said, Because he said, I said, sometimes I'll cry out of nowhere and everything is fine. Actually it was lover Boy's house. Went to the bathroom and he had just got done having sex, and I went to the bathroom to cry for a minute because I didn't know where it was coming from and I just I think I just felt like such a high and everything was good. And then like,
oh my god, now what the sex is over? Now what's gonna happen. It's stuff that's absolutely ridiculous. Like my mom said, do you think he's sleeping with someone else? I said, man, my Mark is all over that apartment. There's no way even if he was, I don't even know, dude, this is not about him. It's something that's so internal. But when I got home to Orlando, it just felt like me, people that loved me were there. I felt at home. I felt more comfortable. I was waking up
just like knowing my purpose. It was so weird. And so then when I saw oh boy, we was out and like, yo you MATTQ. We was in New York. He never kissed me. I was waiting for you to kiss me all night? Was that and we were fu any. I don't know why I happened. You know what happened. It was dope. Um. But yeah, it's crazy because the therapist, like I've always thought therapy was bullshit, and I guess which, like a lot of black people feel like mental health
is like a fucking b S thing. But bro, I talked to him last night before our day and like felt like I was on a cloud. Just airing it out to some one that's completely unbiased is great, And yeah, I wish that we could do ads for therapy. So if you guys wanna know that that, um, it's crazy
because I haven't um thought to see a therapist. I don't really I really feel like I have a strong um idea of who I am, and I guess I'll go back to the conversation that I was having even just my understanding of what I want and what I don't want, so um, back to the conversations that I
was having with a king. I literally and I kind of compartmentalized this to the relationships that Nolo Dotty had in the sense that when when I think of three things that I really want from a guy, I know that I want the sexual connection, I know that I want to want to be around you, and I want
to know that you're financially secure. And for those three things, I'm not gonna settle with a person who I feel lax in any of those three particular departments, because then I feel like I will seek one of those three things from someone else. So in the space that I am right now, being a full time student, working doing everything that I'm doing, my time is very limited. So I clearly want to want to be around you. If I don't want to be around you, I'm not going
to one of the other thing. I just had to be very honest, and I did not like about Nola, like the sorry, she's gonna have it. They all three of them. I'm sorry, but the fact that she didn't want to wife any of them, it's because a lot of them were lacking ship she wanted just like you said. But no, but that But that's what I'm saying. I'm sorry, but you're not really going to meet a man that gives you the total package and you not want to fucking lock him down. But bullshit, because this is but
this was my issue even with um. The one is emotionally unavailable. One is too full of himself. She couldn't laugh with him, she couldn't take him serious. Then one is living with his sister. Like I'm sorry, but each three of these bring the things that I want. One is financially secure in what you have with Jamie. Is that the girl? Sorry, guys, guess Jesus um, and so one is one is financially secure, the other is in a space where he doesn't have his ships together, but
he's fun to be around. And then you have the third one who sexually but that's the thing. And so to me, none of them, she didn't want to wife any of them. And so we're sitting here like, oh, this girl is so dope and she can fucking just play the game and blah blah blah. But none of them were really that nick But for her, I'm saying, I have that same thing, bitch, felam bay are fine in me compared you don't want a wife guys a lot. You're like, way less emotional than me. That's true. No,
but I do become immationally attached to guys. Fucking you don't know my last five years because we haven't friends so on for the last forty shows we've done, bro, Bro, I really would have. I would have whited, I would have cut everybody off. I'm saying you can be more of a nola darling than I can. Do You not agree with that? No, absolutely so, which is what I just said before you cut me out. No, I hear you. But what I'm saying is do you not agree that
you find that some of the show is bullshit? Because what are the odds that a girl can really be with these three men and fucking feel like I'm sorry, I just don't. I that's why, and that's why I said, maybe you didn't like the show as much because you really seek these emotional connections. And with me, I relate to her in the sense that I do have partners. I have different guys on my phone seven I love being around He's funny, we talk, we catch up on
each other's lives. His personality is bonb We talk, and then he Fox the dog shit on me. Fellam Bay wasn't as great in bed, but I truly enjoyed being around him. And then we have Lawyer Bay, who I enjoyed everything about him, but his mental was not there
to where I stopped enjoying even talking to him. And so I do have these three things from each guys, but all three guys aren't everything that I would want in a in a guy to me um, and so I can't genuinely enjoy all these guys, enjoy what I get from each of these guys, and not like dislike them, not not have feelings for them, because I do have feelings for all of them, but I can still not
want to be with them, if that makes sense. And that's because if I sit here and I decide, hey, I want to commit to you, I'm telling you I'm ready to cut all my hoes off. And if you don't make me feel like I can cut all my hoes off, I'm not going to commit to you because I don't want to get into a relationship where I
still feel like I need something from another man. And again, I'm not gonna be with a broke nigga who I super like, because if I feel like I gotta ask the next nigga for tuition or listen, I want these shoes, I'm not gonna be with a man. And I talked to and I say this a lot with my home girls because they've had boyfriends and have and have had sugar daddies, and I'm like, why the funk would you commit to a man or you feel like you still need to be financially dependent on another man for it.
And so what Nola did was she enjoyed little things of all of these men, even though she didn't see herself being with them long term. There was a piece of them that made her happy. And I think that that's the impression that, um, I don't know that so generalely with polyamorous relationships, you have a um I don't want to use the word main, there's another word primary. Sorry, you're a primary and that person fulfills most of the things.
And she didn't have that right, which is why it was I think a little bit harder for me to be like, oh, is this a good representation? Well, you know what Polly means, and so yeah, if you want to literally dissect the showing that they have to share and be the Kumbaya like Brooklyn williamsburg Bush with gas niggas that be doing, you know what I'm saying. To me, what it was, it was honestly not Polly at all.
To me, it was a single woman enjoying her sexual partners and enjoying the relationships that she had was prime amorous, because polyamorous means you actually have relationships with and she did. I do. But girl said, I'm sucking you like this so that you know that you're not getting sucked right by your other niggas. When I cussed out the nigga who was paying my bills. He said, did everybody get
custed out today or just me? They're all very aware that I have other relationships with other guys and so, but they're not signing up to being a polyamorous relationship where they know my specific relationship with each of these Also a lot of these men that you're in these relationships are unavailable. No, they're except for the ones who pay. The married ones are unavailable. Is not unavailable, No, absolutely,
We've talked about this, Fellam Bay. Is not unavailable. Was not unavailable Lawyer Bay up until when we start talking people, was not unavailable married. But I'm talking if I want, if I wanted to sit here and make the relationship anything different than what it was, I've seen. He's been on my phone every single day for someone actively right now?
Are you like right now? Because of where I am in my life and because I'm focused on my career, and because I don't have the time to give that I would want to give to a relationship right now, I'm not looking. Did what I have settled down with Lawyer Bay when that situation was at a place where we could have Absolutely, because I was at a place where bank account was lit, school, I was about to graduate. I'm about to start my career. He's a lawyer. He
just got his place. I was ready right now. Now that I didn't added another semester, I have to deal with c p A. If someone falls into my life, absolutely I would be in a relationship, but he would have to make me want to cut all these niggs off. That's that's just what it is like. So I would be in a relationship and I'm very emotional, like I was just even talking to got pissed on and he's just like, oh my god, and that I've been talking to.
Thing I hate about going back to like old dudes is because whenever likes me, I'm like, damn, I cut off my holes off. And then it's like not even nis that I really want to funk with. It's just like, yeah, well I have a problem cutting guys off. But anyways, guys, Jesus, that was quite I guess the talk. We'll sit here and I guess we got about ten minutes to wrap up the show. Yeah, so but we'll go ahead, um
before we sign out for this show. And I hope you guys really enjoyed it, because I think we kind of got into some some deep talking. Y'all heard a little bit of finish it, but not really but it was cool. UM. I want to go ahead and update you guys on our Patreon account. UM. And for those of you who don't know and questions that we've been
getting that I want to clear up. We have the Patreon account and which will be posting bonus um episodes, bonus footage, live footage, different things, depending on how much we're able to raise enough. Course, bringing more live shows to you guys UM later in the future. But these shows that you guys are listening to on wherever you
listen to, are not going anywhere. We will still be dropping an episode every week for you guys, whether you listen to us on SoundCloud, iTunes, at heart Radio, We're still gonna be here. UM. What the Patreon does is it allows you guys to support us. Y'all know, we ain't getting no ads in real life. We ain't what you know, and those are all coming out of our pockets, um. And what we want to be able to do is
provide video footage to you guys. We want to be able to provide you guys longer episodes, their bonus episodes, and so that's what Patreon allows us to do, UM, and you can go to that link. It's patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions UM. Also, I wanted to say I've had some people write me UM specifically in Orlando, I guess because we're from there, but I'm also someone in Atlanta as well, discussing doing live shows there. UM.
According to our analytics, Atlanta is another big listen to. Actually, we posted should we do it in Atlanta and mad So if any of you, UM, I would like to finance our own shows so we can make this money, yeah, feel me. But if any of you guys know promoters or maybe venues that you would like to see Horrible Decisions at, or you know, you want to tag us with your promoter, hit us up UM with stuff about that,
because I would love to do a show. We've actually been talking to a friend of ours, d Strong shout out to one or four point five in Orlando. It's a radio station. He wants to host our Orlando show, So he's trying to bring us out there. It ain't gonna be no time soon. Why do you even say that we ain't had this conversation. It ain't gonna be no time soon. Why I have seven classes next semester.
On top of for those of you don't know, I work at an investment bank and which I work in the tax department, so we have a busy season coming up. But bit you were cool with Atlanta. Oh no, I was gonna tell you, We're not doing it till after tax seasons as well. Maybe May, maybe, maybe summertime. I'm not jo could do one if you can fly out for some dictor and taxis you fly out for some money and I didn't fly out for last tax season? Okay,
well bet you Mike. No No anyways, guys, Yeah, so another one ain't coming out time A bitch with stress and what were you gonna say? Thanks for Patreon. Not only thanks for Patreon, I want to thank you guys so much for leaving UM comments on our iTunes reviews. Me and Wheezy actually read them and they like fucking touch our hearts um and real quick, I want to give a shout out UM. Today I got a tweet
from Jesse. Jesse is abelt five six, she said, she said, attending a sexual empowerment session at n S e C seventeen and was able to share how I felt empowered listening to horrible decisions with full court, pumps Um and Wheezy. She also said, I love how you to keep it real and talk about topics that many don't feel comfortable doing, and that you also advocate for safe sex as well as being comfortable with your own sexuality and your needs as a sexual being. UM so shout out, Jesse. I
appreciate that, um a lot. Thank you so very much. Not until the show did I realize, like people, nobody came up to us, as some said, thanks for bringing to hose out, but well, no one came up to us, and like fu blah blah blah. They were just like you touched me in this way and blah blah blah. And I was like, what, Like that ship really touched
my heart. And it's funny because I'm just sitting here looking across from the bananas by our mouth, and I just could not believe so many women spoke just that way. Everybody was just so eloquent and beautiful and fucking I just really thought there's gonna be some ratchet holes because we are classy, ratchy. And it's so crazy because my my coworkers even came to me and said, um, I'm not gonna lie. The men that came out to your
live show. We're dressed so well. Hold on, let me say one other thing that people shocked me up before we go get our next guest for next week's episode. There was a swinger couple that's been writing us and we you asked her husband, her boyfriend, how are you okay with her sleeping with other men? How does it make you feel? Blah blah, And I was waiting for a nick to say something and they listened some in the corner his head the whole guy. Everybody was like,
who was that guy who was like you? But it was hot hope, But no one said anything. No one judged him. And I thought some niggas was gonna be funny. And I feel like everybody is just on the same level and respects different kinks. And that's one thing that I learned from this. And some girls were like, oh my god. I felt like everybody knew each other because y'all was a nasty y'all was making friends with each other. Ship. I loved it. It was it was definitely it was
super dope. Are you looking for something homemail? No? No, no, no, we'll go ahead, and we don't have time for homemail. We actually send some questions and y'all, yeah, if you guys can go ahead and too many of back, Yeah, can you go ahead and send us, um your homemail. We're not gonna do it this episode, but we're gonna do it an next episode, y'all. Um. I think we did good with catching them up on everything, but um, you guys can send us your homemail at Horrible Decisions
at gmail dot com. Um, what's happening is a lot of you guys are sending us homemail to our d M s. But because we post so much and you guys love us, y'all are also sending us memes and commenting on our I G stories and we're not being able to find the homemail. So if you guys can please send homemail to our Gmail, it would be great. Um, but this has been you know, this has been awesome, and I'm so glad that we were able to catch up with you guys. And um, yeah, this has been
yet another episode of Horrible Decisions. Right by and you eat and she my money. I want your money. I want my money, I want your money, my money, I want your money. I want my money. I want your money. Once upon a time, not long ago, I was a hop and I'm a meeting that I won't take you back because I did this ship. I was a hop and I'm a meeting that I won't take it back because I did this ship. I was a hot my money, I want your money. I want my money. I want
your money, my money, I want your money. I want my money. I want your money. If I want, I'm gonna fuck him. But if he ain't got a buck, I won't cover. It's been the honeyed on me. It ain't nothing I wanted double D. So he stuck him back to the point, is it some cash in this place? If it is, I probably stick the SATs in your face. Turned around. Then he asked about the taste he fell in love like the passion and drag. But I fuck him though, and I don't even care if his mother know.
It's about that paper. On another note, and not fake a baby like the rubber broke. And once upon a time, not long ago, I was a home and I'm a meeting that I won't take you back because I did this ship. I was a hop and I'm a meeting that I won't take it back because I did this ship. I was a hot, mo money. I want your money. I want my money. I want your money, my money, I want your money. I want more money. This is for all my house, all my goal, digging house money,
get in love my house, about the riches. All my house broke me. This don't do though, And I'm a meeting that I beat. Then it was been the best send a plick tenor strip, independent check, turn a bit in the Allen the generate, Yeah contrary, I'm the blonde bomb scare. I'm wearing on top, got a lot on near true diarmulin where I found my hair. If you ain't buying it from down around hair, the old double L A R S y'all, motherfucker's gonna pack the old
double L A R s'all motherfucker's don't pay. Once upon a time, not long ago, I was a hop and I'm a meeting that I won't take you back because I did this ship. I was a hot and I'm a meeting that I won't take it back because I did this ship. I was a hot My money, I want your money. I want my money. I want your money, my money. I want your money. I want my money.