Ep37: Living as a Trans-Man

want to talk about the tears that we're gonna offer us. So, because we're you know, a little slotty slot slots, we have named them after Basis, So if you want to go to first base with us, it's just two dollars a month, thinking um us for the free content we've been giving out nikets for six months. A second base is a bonus episode and video footage, So every single

month will be providing bonus episodes. To start, it's gonna be one a month, and as we get more Patreons, we're gonna possibly doing two or maybe one every other week. So we're super hyped up to do that. UM and third base the best base. I most she really likes this space in the space is really good and I like to give. So this is the third base, final base. Um, with this base, this is going to be fifteen dollars a month, and what you're gonna get is everything before.

So you're gonna get the bonus episodes, you're gonna get the video footage, and you're also going to get a T shirt. Um that's if you remember at this tier four four consecutive months. But the best, the best part of this ship. We're also going to allow you to help us plan our shows. Um, so we're gonna be able to receive topics from you guys, and whoever's topics we choose, we're gonna go ahead and shout you guys out on the show. Now. With this will possibly become

longer episodes and no advertisements. We're really trying to eliminate ads. I'm kind of tired of hearing about Blue Apron and Talk space. A bitch is hungry and needs her mental health check all of the time. Now, so I really want you guys is to check this out. Um, It's not like you have to log onto a whole another website too. Um, you know listen to another episode. It's going to be in your Apple podcast just for you or SoundCloud, I don't know, don't sound clothe all of that.

It'll it'll be really easy to access and I can help um some of you guys who have never heard of Patreon. I'll walk you guys through it either via my Twitter. UM, we also are getting a horrible decisions Twitter shout out, Wheezy. We are so coming to Facebook. We're getting on all the platforms, so if you guys have any questions, we will be able to answer those. Um, and I guess let's get on with the show. Okay, bye bye, Okay, So welcome yet to another episode of

Horribled Scisions. We have rush. So we are here for another episode. I'm your girl, Mandy b a k A full core pumps ak that beach and and we honey crip. Um we'll get into that. But UM, I guess we can introduce our guests now. I'm gonna let Wheezy steerhead this episode for many reasons. UM, I guess what I want to go ahead and put out in the beginning of the show is a disclaimer UM for anyone a

part of the l g B t Q community. I don't want to offend anyone with any of the questions that I might ask throughout this show, or with anything that I may say that can come off as offensive. I'm learning, just like you guys, and just like a lot of our listeners, I am not politically correct one percent of the time. So I just want to throw that out there. And so I just want to throw that out there before this episode begins. So we do you want to introduce who we have parties? Yourself? Please?

There we go? Alright? Uh um, I'll go by RuSHA London. Um, no ship. The accent kind of says at all. You see what I like to make his access now the rings visible? Yeah, I'm sorry, definitely marry um. Yeah, so what do you like? So you do b K chat That's how we found yes. So basically I was on a platform called b k chat or back chat UM. It started off in London as a web series or a debate platform UM on YouTube basically to discuss various

different topics in today's society that are controversial. It's a panel based UM that provides different opinions and perspectives on various topics UM and basically what they did is a spinoff that came to New York. UM, I auditioned. I auditioned, and I'm a cast member. I didn't know that you

weren't on the UK one. I wasn't on the UK Well, I wasn't on the UK one because at the when when back chat came out, I was actually already living out here, So when I heard about a year and five months, So when I heard about it coming over here,

I was like, I'm down. I'm gonna audition and see see what's good at my perspective, you know what I mean, let people hear my opinions and try and try and really um give people some thought provoking opinions so that the contract, the conversations not just one track minded, you know what I mean. And I feel like I've done that. So it's so funny that you also say it's back chat because I had black Chat. Yeah, I thought it was Berkley. So I'm literally like posting you and people

are on my Twitter like b K chat. I ain't seen that nan one of the motherfuck's in Berkeley, Like, I don't know. I definitely thought it was b K Brooklyn Chat. So I'm glad that you kind of corrected us chat. Okay, So I remembered you because we recently interviewed Melissa and her Magical Pussy, and you guys were ready to get on us because you're like, oh, yeah, been just want dudes have a nicer bills, yeah, and much Why else do you listen to the show? So

you were the person that said is that all? Is that all? So well? And I was like this nin is me. I'm not gonna lie. Yeah. That that kind of caught me off guard because I was like, yo, you're really saying that this is all that you have to to give, you know what I mean. It's like for me, it was more a question of not so much her man right and her man expects from from her or or requires or anything like that. It was more case of is this really like the weight of

you as a woman? Like that was where I was coming from, you know what I mean, because it was like, as a woman, like, of course, your pussy is is great, it's magical, apparently, how mean it much? She she got a niggat, right, And I was saying, but at the same time, it's like, as a woman, there's so much that you'll have to offer that holds so much weight, and I feel like in society we generally hold pussy

on the pedal stool. And it's like, if that's your only contributing factor to relationship, how long is this really gonna last? That was kind of my mindset, and it was like, how are you comfortable with with saying this when potentially that could be all that your relationships based on them? And I think we dug too much into that because we were like, we still don't get it, we still don't get it. We still get it and listen,

it's got to be good. Um. But now you're on our show because a new video has come onto b K Chat where you came out as trans to your panel, I was curious, did you before you auditioned, did you tell them wow, what made you change? What made you decide to come out? So to be honest, it came from a selfish place and a selfless place. And I say that in a sense of coming from London, it's evident that I'm known in a sense, you know what I mean? Like I've been to school with people, I've

been to college with people, I've worked with people. There's gonna be for me. It was like I didn't want anyone to feel like they held weight over me, like they was going to be the puppet master to my life and my story and be trying to out me, you know what I mean, like on social media, be like, oh I know him, he used to be. I didn't want anyone to feel like they had that power over me. So that was the self because of real they would

have never knew. No, I would never know. But we we want to get really deep into the discussion of you being a trans man and that that's the correct terminology. So we're gonna get into the trans man discussion. But prior to that, we kind of like to break the ice with I guess and kind of you know, so I adn't even questions. I don't even have your oh girl, I pass it because I got some good ones. Um So, what we like to do with our guests when they come on the show is we like to play either

this or that, or have you ever? And I decided to do this or that with you because I think that would be, you know, very telling. Um So I'm gonna start off fairly simple. Okay, So would you rather your parents walk in on your masturbating or walk in on your parents, masturbait. We looked like she's thinking so hard. Right now, my mom's walked in. She's walked in on you. What would you rather do? Like, I prefer them to walk in on me. You prefer them because you're always

getting caught doing ship right. And it's like as a parent, as a parent when you have a child, Like as much as you don't ever expect to walk in on your child master being as a parent, you know that there's going to be certain things that you walk into with your child, you know what I'm saying. Whereas as a child, you don't ever think that you're gonna walk in on your parents. Oh my god, I walked into my mom jerking my dad off. One I was like eleven years old. I remember calling our first name. I

said Jewel, good night. I would die. So this is another one. This is rather funny. So would you rather have sex with someone who never showers or someone who never brushes their teeth? Both bed? Yeah, that's fun. If I smote the nanny on it? Wait you bend the die over? Yeah? Would you just said? Oh okay, but like think about it, you. I'm sure everyone slept with someone they've never kissed exactly right, A lot of nigga

my nose stuff up right now? Okay? And then would you rather date someone who refuses to cuddle or who refuses to go down on? You? Refused to go down? Really? That was so fast? I really like coming. I got a dog, I could get a teddy, but listen, I could get what's it called an electrical blanket that feels like a caudle? No, I guess here we go the minute the man in the room is sucking saying, I, of course, just let me get that. Okay, and I have one more. This is one that I'd like. You know,

either both of you gotta answer. Would you rather have sex in front of your closest friends or have sex on a video with your face blurred out but circulated online video? How? No, you don't have to. You don't know what you gotta wear. You ask my friends to watch me. I'm not gonna lie beat in front of my friends. So you beat off in front of your friend in front of one of my friends that they walked in and they wasn't I didn't stop, and I was like, yeah, cool, Oh, I know that's right. I

want all of my friends to see me first. You know you don't know my about short school to get me let me come back. Okay, well, I'm glad to see we're all laughing. Now what else we like to do on our weekly shows. I'm not sure if you listen, but we have kinks of the weeks, week of the week, weeks not weeks. You have it? Um, you want me to read it? Yeah? I like the one you had because it's gross. Which one? Oh? That one? I'm not gonna lie in screenshot at one. So we're gonna go

with sorts. Okay, Well, I guess that this is really um odds at galma tophilia. I want to say it like I'm not retarded atmaphilia. There we go. I say it like a mataphilia. I feel like a Wikipedia out metaphilia. It's a paraphilia in which a person gets aroused by dolls, statues, and mannequins. I watch the document or nothing. Did you see the guy in love with his car? Dude? People really fall in love with things. So anyway, you know, anytime there's a kink, they're always weird. I try to

put myself in that person's shoes. I think I feel like that about my bead. Wait, I don't get aroused by it, but like I get really turned on at the idea of going to bed. I'm excited to go home to my bed. I feel like I'm in love with it. See, I don't know, So I'm gonna admit something I probably shouldn't, but it doesn't matter. I was young, Okay, so before I started having sex, Like I had this big teddy bear that I did. We all used are

stuffed animals. I didn't even have to. Well, you never hunched, so you used to hunch the edge of your bed and I used to hunch this big stuffed animals. So you've never hunched anything that wasn't a post yourself again, because I feel like a little kid does that. I like really used to like grind, Like I used to ride the hell out of my fucking teddy bear growing up, and I proba, I'm not gonna lie. It used to

make my pussy really wet. And I was like probably seven or eight or nine, really fucking the shot out of my teddy bear. And so when when you said that we were going to have this as a king, I was like, bro fucking statues. But I'm not gonna lie. There's this big old statue in Columbus Circle and it's a big old it's a super Columbus naked. But no, that's not the one with Dick showing. I'm talking about the mall where you have the big guy and it's like a and I just like to look at the

penis on the statue. I think it's you know, I'm not by it now, I'm not turning on it, but I was turned on by rubbing my goddamn um. Honestly, I could have it on anything. I've been doing this new thing with lover voice since he got home, so like, you know, you'd be sucking his knee. No, but you know how like when you with somebody, you already know if you wanted to be long sex, it can but could also be very short. Yep, we could like five minutes. So now I think he'd just be ready to come

and go to bed. So like before we're about to, he'll go down on me and I'll get on top of him, and then he kind of just lets me sit on his chest for a little bit while we make out, or like on his stomach, and I come like that bitch rubbing on like just as long as like clip feel a little bit of dick. It's like a tease and it's kind of high. Is that weird? Okay, No, that's not weird. That makes sense. It's not a statue, but I mean it's a it's a not a option stuff.

On the documentary you said people like had arousals from their cars through different objects and the statues, well, the statue one when I saw enough you saw this one where the guy was in love with the doll um it was a live doll. They pay like a thousand dollars and no, no, no, not the thousand, probably way more. They're very heavy. He would put it on I see. Oh no, I'm talking about one where like they put

on these outfits. They spend mad money for it, and it's like a doll literally like they put it on and it looks like a real life walking doll and that's their thing like that. I just see people that are partners with dolls, and I heard a guy would be like, I don't want to go out in the real world and just you know, meet people and have to deal with them. Now, these dolls have actually seen in the Museum of Sex. I think it's and their

eyes move and like the mouth is like softer. I think one of the dolls and there's twenty dollars that's in the skin feels real. He changes her clothes. He's like, oh, she likes to wear pain. So I guess for the listeners, I do want you guys to know that this is not the same as a blow up doll or sex toys or anything like that. This is really an affixiation with statues and option of people dolls. Really, yeah, we do not even blow up dolls, man, like those real livings.

Guys that are listening, I'm gonna find these porns for you. Even since Twitter allows pretty much everything, Twitter is blocking out like, oh my god, I hope no one is looking at my phone because it's mad Dicks bron the light, mad din on the light. Because I'm a whole all day every day. I don't know who this is. Okay, it's a bill collector, so okay, um, and I think that's kind of We're gonna get into our questions, but

I'm not even gonna lie, I said my disclaimer. I'm gonna let we the start off nice until I get into the questions that are probably on everybody's mother s mind. So go ahead and say that the question to get this started. But I want to know, Um, how do you describe yourself? Are you? Hey, you're a straight chance in it man? Are you? Because like people don't know? So yeah, I describe myself. I guess as a black

straight man. Um, I guess for the sake of politics and being politically correct, I have to throw in trends. For a long time, I didn't, and that was because I didn't want to be identified as I didn't want to. I didn't want to be put into a yet another box. I don't have to, however, and a lot of terms of raising awareness I feel like I have. That's that's

the selfless part of me. I have to because there's so many other little boys and girls that feel the same way that I did as a child and didn't have an adult to identify with, or an adult to to have these kinds of discussions with. Didn't have anyone around him that was raising awareness in regards to what it's like to be trans and the trials and relations of being a young black or brown or person of color.

You know what I mean? That identifies as trend. So I feel like it's very important for me and now as an adult, to be the adult that I needed as a child. So you said that no one, um like a lot of people are listening and young adults don't understand what it's like to go through this. So can you explain how it was that you felt as a child. Well, what you were born? Yeah, you were born a female, correct, What was it like growing and how did you deal with the trans how? Yeah, what

prompted you to transition? And I'm going to start with your question first, which was age. I was eight years old when I was first attracted to another female. So not even when you know you were the wrong girl, No, I had no idea at that point. All that I knew was that the boys and girls playing kiss chase in the playground, and I went on being kissed or chased by no guy we're fighting from like what do

you mean? You know what I mean? But I knew that I was attracted to a female, and for me, it was like I couldn't comprehend it because I grew up in a in a in a home where my mom was with my stepdad at the time, had been for years, and my older brother, who six years older than me, had only ever been with females. Females. That's good, ROMI. So I had never seen any interaction between any anyone else other than males and females. So what city did you grow up in? London? Okay? Okay? Now I felt

like London was progressive? Was it not? How do you by the way six? Um? So at that time, London is very progressive. London is very similar to New York and in various senses. Um, it's very diverse, and yes, it is very progressive. Um. However, back in those days, there wasn't that like look look even here now in the in the state's the same, even in the nineties. We're just now progressing to where we can even have this converse. There's still going to be something that do say.

And it is where it is, and this is where this Conversations like this are very important to be heard. UM. But but then and and also it depends on what area you grow up. And I'm sure you guys are aware of this. In New York. If you grew up in a certain area in New York, there's certain things that you're gonna be exposed to. UM. And there certain things that you're you're definitely not going to be exposed to you, you you know what I mean? And that was very much so high. It was where I was living.

I grew up in a hood essentially speaking, and what I was aware of and what I was exposed to um wasn't anything close to the LGBTQ community. UM. In fact, in terms of my friends at that moment in time, you know, if we would even see anything like that, and even me, like I was, I was a product of my environment. If you could see anything like a gamel was like, oh you're batty boy and what I'm saying. And I'm from the Caribbean. Also my family is from

the Caribbean. So that was a big influence. Even after the music bashment, a lot of bashment is that. So now that's interesting because I'm like super curious because you mentioned actually after Mike that you just said you were from the hood, and you were like, you know, this is not only culture, but race and race influences culture.

You think the black community, I think that the black community is in this unfortunate bubble exactly that the word real my mouth, in this bubble where they have this um forced concept that it doesn't exist, that the LGBTQ

community does not exist in the Black community. And it's like no, like first and foremost, but all of those guys out there that are screaming Black lives matter, you only need to understand that Black Lives Matter was created by queer and gay folks that identified with the LGBTQ community, you know what I'm saying. So you can't be out here screaming Black lives matter but not accepting the fact that all black lives matter. And that doesn't matter how

you identify it, you know what I mean. It doesn't matter whether you're part of the or GBTQ community or not. You are you you're screaming that you're part of this movement and that you want to raise awareness for this movement and you want justice for this movement, But yet you're not accepting everyone in the whole entity. You know, you think that's a masculinity issue, Like when talking about toxic masculinity, do you think that the black community has

a masculinity issue? And it's like, I don't know. I think that's a that's a that plays a huge part, but on a bigger scale, I think it's about awareness. Now you look at the media. The media plays a big part in what we understand and what we're exposed to. If you only ever see white folks. Actually, Like, one of my questions is for you is how do you

feel about Calin I mean as a as a white transmant. Well, then that would be a transferment transforment, correct, So going from a male to a female would be considered a trans woman. How do you feel about the I guess the attention that she's got, not even that, but she's like the face, well, we know she's not people that I feel like every anybody that's down. No, she's not.

But and that goes back to the racial there's a conversation and part of things because when you check it, at the end of the day, everyone has everyone gets to a point in life where they find themselves and it doesn't. Age is not a factor in this. We can't. People are looking at it like, oh, but she she's had kids and being married and and you know she was living her life as a man for so long. What made her do it? Now? That's that's not that's neither here nor there. I agree with you on that one.

A lot of people think that it's bullshit. I didn't. I think it's real. It's real. You find, like everyone has their points in their life where you find yourself and age. Age isn't a factor in that, you know what I mean? Like, you find your authentic self and you want to live your authentic truth whenever you feel

ready to do so. Whether that means that now society has become more progressive and opened the door for you to be able to do so, whether you're you're more accepting of yourself, you've done more research, whatever it may be. That's even like for me, age isn't a factor. The problem I have is that she's not the first trans

woman right ever. Right in fact, like there are other trans women of color out there that have been out there that have been advocating hard for for for trans folks of color that have never had Janet mock Domain was saying like, I can't tell you this is not a beautiful when I was this podcast, Like I can't tell you, like there's been people that's been doing it,

so it's it's just for me. It's just like, now you've got this white woman of you know that's got somewhere well, we know that that's standard white I guess, right, woman, as long as you white, you've got that. You know, people have to you know, learn to understand that. And but anyway, that's a whole different conversation. But um, you've now, I've got this white woman that's come from money, that holds some form of power in the social um in a in a social like economic situation, you know what

I mean. And all of a sudden, it's like all the media is just focused on on her. And that's cool, don't get me wrong, because you're living your truth and you know what I mean, Like you've got the platform to somewhat be an advocate for it. But that to me, But little every other woman of color that's been out here doing this, you know what I mean, And I'm still not today getting the recognition that they should be getting.

And that goes back to the media and propaganda feeding us looking at one of that, right, Well, I really enjoy that we're even discussing the progression that we have been made. But what I really want to do is get back to your story. So when eight he realized you liked women, at what was the next phase, Um that you feel like that you went through through your transition so you realize I'm different. I don't like the opposite sex. What was the next phase? The next phase

for me was puby pubes, impub pubs. I mean I was like pubes. Okay, puberty hits you canybe hit me, and it was like, oh my gosh, like this is not my body anymore, you know what I mean? Like for a long time for me, gender and sex because sex and gender two completely different things. Mind. I'm sorry this segway, but I do want people to understand that sexual orientation and gender identity. So sexual orientation is one thing completely. Sexual orientation is who you're attracted to, what

you're attracted to. Gender identity. Gender identity is a mental thing. It's whether you are. It's how you identify in social circles. So whether you identify as a man in society right and then? And then sex is in terms of anatomy, and that's what makes you a straight man. No, because you identify yourself that way. Yes, But look, sex is so you was born, he was born a male or female. That's six. Gender is man and woman. Ah, so sex gender sexual you have female, so you have sex gender sexuality.

Why people went in on us for saying that women are female. Probably Yeah, this is that conversation that we had with Sam White where everyone was like, how can y'all know know the difference? Which excuse me, So let me break this down for a listeners, because you did a great job. So sex is male or female, gender is man or woman, and in sexuality is what you're attracted is attraction? Okay, exactly. Good to know. Yeah, because

we clearly was like, nigga, female woman, what you're talking about? Like, I'm like what you're still call a female? We really didn't understand. Okay. So during puberty is when you realize you were identifying you want to identify with another gender. You didn't like that your voice was changed, Well, no, look I'm looking at you like a man. I'm like

your voice was changing. No, you're a female. So you ain't like that you started bleeding out your vagina basically, like I lightened none of that saying like pube was definitely a realization for me that came out a young came out twelve, um. So for me, I was still at a point my central orientation was still women, that's the females um. But my gender did not align with my with my sex with what you were looking exactly the question like, uh so, and don't take this wrong way.

It's because it's why I wanted you want here so badly. I sent your picture to some friends, was like, I'm so excited and they're like what, but no fucking way. I was curious to know have you always had that look? Had you always had you been in drogyn this because like so a lot of people don't transition this like you look like a straightening into me. I mean, I'll

just saying no offense. I told you I don't want to and people don't say things like but you look like right and for yes, I have always looked this way. Um in terms of like facial hair and stuff like that. Yeah, of course, like we're gonna get into that right now. But you've always had no shape November okay, And so daring back back to the puberty standpoint, so he started getting teddies at this point where you hiding your breast? Were you hiding the parts that automatically come with with

being a woman. Yeah, And at this point I was hiding that part of my identity, you know what I mean? And and also because I've always looked this way and presented this way. Females was automatically would automatically assume that I was a guy. Oh, they didn't question where I was a girl because you had your hair cut, you addressed at way I had. But then you know you're young, um, so you know, um, having a deep voice and and and having facial hair wasn't the thing. I'm younger that stage.

You're like a little bit. So I'm imagining a little bit right now because I was killed. I mean, and you know they all say, you know, like little mama, because it's like you fluctuate what did your family think? Because I feel like people the scariest thing to do is come out to your friends and family like where they support it. It took me a very long time to come out to my to my family. To be honest, I'm my friends, like I like my mom. One thing

that I'm never gonna forget. My mom wishes I would, but I can't get stuck with me because from a very young age, you know, your mom buys your clothes. You don't really get much of a choice. So I don't know abou anyone else, but we don't have job. I didn't really get much of a choice, but my mom would always kind of let me choose one or two things, and I choose like attract suit kicks, the baggage jeans or something, you know what I mean. And I would wear that like all the time, and my

mom would be like, why are you wearing that? Where something else? You know what I mean? And this is this is like under the age of ten, you know what I mean. And I'll just be the an't going out to play. I feel comfortable. And I was very active like I was. I was. I participated in a lot of sports. Um, I was always out playing well guys, you know what I'm saying. So like in that sense, I was that was my excuse. Oh I'm going not

to play football. I'm going not to play basketball, so I can't be wearing you know, the type dresses and the skirts, you know what I mean. But for a long time, my mom used to say to me, like, you know, do you want me to get your sex change. It's like you want me to you know, It's like you got me working out here to say about all

my money to pay for a sex chafee. And at that age, I didn't even know what that what that man if I had, I would have went to my mom and been like, yes, that's what I wanted, absolutely pleased tomorrow. And so now you've hit here ready high school. High school is where I feel like a lot of us, um not only judging were now then yeah, we're going into adulthood and we're starting to have sex. Um we were early like. But so transition into high school? Were

you picked on where you like? Did people understand where you were coming from? So? And also at this point we were looking at pictures on your Instagram and I made the reference again, shoot me if I'm wrong. He looked like a stud um and so we accept studs, I feel like with no problem. So is that how you identified in high school and then transition past that? Or explain that for us? So disclaimer to anyone that

might be listening. For a long period of time, I lied to females, Oh oh, this is good, because we can't ask this question from the age of about fourteen to at least sixty. And I would say I au thirteen at because I was definitely about sixty. I was. You know, they would assume and I wouldn't correct them, you know what I mean? And and after some long like thinking about my life and and how things panned

out and my transition thus far. I've got to the realization that I feel like that part of me, that part of me that was that was lying to females and and had this like this, this kind of that point of deception. I would say, you know what I mean, like, I feel like that was me creating an alter ego to allow me to be free to identify as who I knew I was. But I was start in the social like in the social struggle of identifying with what

is socially normal? Do you know what I mean? And and so in saying that, I just want to put out there, I don't for any young person that's listening, whether you identify as trans or where you trying to find yourself, Um, I would never want you to do that because the backlash that you see, like the the hardship that you see the female on the other end

go through. And we were just talking about that. So he was just saying in a whole bunch of person because well, you know, I was fingering still eating, but at this point there wasn't there could have been a right And so we talked about this on an episode with um, James, which is one of these really close friends. So James is super liberal, fuck you trans people don't have to tell you ship blah blah blah. So Mandy and James got into it because He's like, they don't

owe you anything. They don't have to tell you about their genitals. Mandy's like, but I still deserve that. So coming back and he said what he said about killing somebody, I wanted to know from you specifically, do you feel like it needs to be discussed when it does? How soon it basically is it your writer? There's because you also have the right to be private and that so that's kind of where our questions aren't like how soon a first date, when they get your number, when they

hauler at you. So I don't feel like I need to disclose to anyone upon me and the trends. I don't feel like that to various reasons because I disagree, but cool, we can get into that. But I don't feel like, you know, at the end of the day, that's that's that's that's a part of me. And I feel as though there's various things, not just transition centered, but there's various things in people's lives that they don't reveal upon meeting a person. Why, because where's this going?

Do I know that it's going anywhere? Why am I going to reveal the deep? Why am I going to reveal some of the deepest parts of me that are so sacred to me to you? And I don't even know where this is going this, this may not be going anywhere. Why am I investing so much into you? And I don't know how much you got invested in me. I don't even know if I want to be that invested in you yet, you know what I mean? And I just feel like this notion, this forced notion that

trans people have to declare it. No, they do not. They do not have to declare anything upon meeting someone, upon a first date with someone. However, however, what I will say is it is important to have these kinds of discussions prior to intercourse. Oh, of course, that is

my standpoint on it. And I say that because, as I said, the hardship that you see females go through after finding out maybe and this sense of you took something from me, you know what I mean, which you took a part of me that perhaps I wasn't ready to give you I didn't want to give you, and

it's it's that deception, you know what I mean. And I feel like it's important before you you're intimate with someone on that level, you give them the option to say whether this is what they want, you know what I mean. And a lot of transfolk might be listening to me, and I feel like I'm not really rooting for the team kind of thing because you know, at the same time, there's a lot of trans folks and

we have to discuss. This's a lot of transpolks, predominantly of color, that are being murdered, uh, pretty much every week. And I'm glad that you really like your perspective because that was the one I had. I would want someone to tell me before sex, but I don't feel like they owe me that. No, if I feel like I'm going on a date with a man, I am. I mean, the only thing that I thinks, and it's just like

if you had. I hate comparing it to this, but something to tell during sex is if you've got an STD right, I don't need to know that when I meet you or a dinner and we it's crazy because we had um Ella who has her pies and she came out openly and was like a couple of guys who she has met on the first time, She's like, hey, I have herpes. I'm known as the Herpe's girl. You know. Well she's got ted talks about it. She has ted talks about it. Yeah, but that was something I think

that's different, like, oh, how's the calumari? Good? I got down here? See, I don't know. To me, that's something that's private, like just about like just like living with HIV, which part of being in the LGBT community. This this happens and I know about it. No, you don't need to tell someone when you meet them your status in that way because you haven't sucked them yet and you don't know if you want to, and it's something that's

so revealing in private. I think that a lot more people on the other shot side should be sensitive to that. If you had a first day and see, to me, I'll sit here and break it down this way. I feel like the same way with with progress, we're learning to be sensitive to you know, you your transition, how you identify. I feel like as a trans man trans woman, you also need to be sensitive to the heterosexuals who a are not fully comfortable with with what you're going through.

They don't understand, they don't know how to respond to it. And with the hyper masculinity and men women are a little different. I feel like it may be easier for you, but on the other end of the spectrum, men have a different idea. We had an engineering here before, and that was his very first question, like, um, when when when do they tell me that he was a nigga

at one point? And this is again from a trans woman, but it's just like for straight people, I feel like you need to have the respect and be just as sensitive to kind of letting them in. What would be your ideal situation He just said when meeting somebody, which if you do date, we're sitting here someone's number in

the club, do you agree with that party? He doesn't have to you can get getting someone's number, But I'm comfortable with at the end of date one, if we're going on a second date, that means you're progressing to me as a female like myna. We're not going on another day if I don't want to see you. And men kind of the same way, if they're not really

digging a female, they're not going to see them. You need him to tell you that, Like at the end of the first day, if we sum or not the exact day before, if we're on the phone planning a second day, to me, that's progress. To me, we're going in a direction to see each other more than once. That's where I draw the line to where, Okay, I see us now moving forward one day. Okay, we're meeting

at the end of day one. If we plan to see each other again, that's when I feel like you should let me know because as a as a straight person, well I'm not even straight, I like, but I'm talking from my straight people as someone who would be straight and may not go both ways or like both, you know, I think that that's when you should let them know. Listen, I'm this, I've transitioned to this. I'd like to see you again. What was your What were you going to

say when you start? What she was saying that because you looked at and they looked like I was like, yeah, what do you not feel like the end of first day? Do you think that? I feel like it's I feel like it's when that person's comfortable enough to tell you that's some bullshit. Yeah, I feel like that that person should have the space and time too, and that's just what if you were missing Wait, wait what? First of all, this is something that you're not going to find out

until you see me naked. This is something that you're not going to know about me until and it's something that's like a part of the sexual being that you could be attracted to or maybe not want to sleep me. For when would you tell somebody you were missing a titty? You're sick, you really are, because who picks this ship?

Because I'm trying. I didn't think of saying, don't titty what I'm gonna ask maybe on the first day as a joke you a titty man like like, because if he's an ask man, he might not give a funk about my one titty. So a trance should be like but I wouldn't and maybe, but I know I wouldn't care, and I know you wouldn't know. I have never been attracted to studs because to me, they still have that girly like do when they hate that I'm bisexual, Britney grindery.

But if I've been someone fully transition and they told me on the date three or four, I might be like I mean, I know you're gonna strap up, So what do I here's fine with them strapping up because you like both, you like what everybody. But my question what I'm gonna say, No, you gotta strap You sleep with men, you sleep with women. Yes, I am shocked that you're telling me if someone you liked by date

three like, that's me. However, I'm saying this because your friends with a lot of members of the LGBT could community. You you're your that's what your friends are. I'm friends with a lot of people who aren't. Okay, you know, I'm friends with a lot of black people. Okay, I'm I'm friends with niggas, and my friends a lot of them don't swing both ways. A lot of them would never peg their man. A lot of men that I'm around are like good good ship from me. So they

are the little duvalls. Those are a lot of my friends. So when I'm speaking, I'm speaking for them. Um of course I like men and women, and I identify as bisexual. But I'm speaking from them because I'm talking about you, right, But I'm speaking both of us. Can't speak up for them. I want to speak up for my friends. That when I have these conversations with them. They say the ship like Little Duvall said, if I was on a date and the female with a nigga and that ship like that,

those are my type of friends. So that's why when I come to you and I ask these questions and I say after date one, I'm speaking for for a lot of people who aren't comfortable with this Conversation's been on dates with guys that I've asked if it's ever happened to the Montendo and you man, I've been out with Google guy who I went to sex club with.

He was like, I went on a date. Towards the end of the day, she told me and he said the only kind of clue he had was that she was like five eleven, which but he said it was still it's New York everywhere. Um, And I said, how did you take it? And he was like, honestly, I said he was like a part of me instantly got mad that I didn't know before, But then I thought why she couldn't tell me. Then he's like, what the

fun is she gonna do? Just be like, oh, by the way, on the ray that like He's like, she I thought she did it in the right time. Okay, so that's cool, and you leave somebody that choice. Not has any woman ever told you know after you've came out to them, that's a good question. No, damn your tongue game was No. No, I don't even think. It's not about the tongue games. So you're very very You're a handsome man, um, And so I want to get into that because Okay, you're saying that no one's ever

turned you down for being a woman. But but listen to this, so in terms of me, in terms of me, so I've only heard um, three serious relationships in through my marriage today. Okay, prior to that, I've been with with females who perhaps I didn't tell them straight up, um, and there was how did you get around that? Lights off? You know? I had a real good no. But people saying that that like, what does that mean? That funny?

Though ain't funny? Definitely worn. So I was, I was, I was, I was dating, I was young, I was sixteen, I was dating a female and she didn't know. I used to give her nine months in total, whoa hold up? Wait for him? About three months in she found out? How did she find out? Well, there was other people. There was people in the area that knew me obviously went to school. Me and word go out and you know how it goes. Word is the fastest way to

spread news. So she questioning me, and I was like, no, no, no, no, no, I don't know what you're talking about. The chain shit, let me phone the phone. You know, when you get aggy, make it seem ready, niggas line, you had a down pat. So she's like a cool babe. So we had never done this oral thing, right remember six D mean she ain't never gone down to me. I ain't never gone down to her. So cool, it's so good. And then out of nowhere, like she was like, let me give

you a head. So I'm spitting bars and I'm like, my my wife, my wife, man, you don't need to do all of that. You get me. I got respected, you know that ship two twos. We went out one night, I got drunk, went back to a grand's house. I hope she ain listening, just too yeah, like taco Tuesday. No No, I thought like a transition word like like to like I don't even know how to translate that out here, like two twos like and the next thing next, Yeah, yeah, yeah,

I was turning Tuesday. It's Wednesday anyway, Okay. So we went back to her grand's house and and we're chilling or whatever, and she's like, I want to keep your head. And obviously back then, because I knew that was because I was with her and she didn't know. I was always strapped, like I never I would never go out in public and not have my strap on because I was prepared, like ship might get right here, you know what I mean, I'm gonna be ready. So she was like,

let me stuck at dick and I was yack. So I was like, you know what, Oh god, fucking turn off the lights. She was sing plastic she's doing that thing. No, obviously I'm not at me all the noise effects. I'm like, a cool must be about time to bust night at me. So I'm like, yeah, I done my thing. She got out. She was like, she telling like she do you think I'm a fucking dickhead? You know? When the alcohol just just left my system? I was like, I was like what.

She was like, do you think I don't know? Do you think I haven't known? Do you think I ever? So like a fucking dick I was like, oh shit, wake up, found quick, wake up, get with it. She knew the whole time. She she was basically saying that she had known for a minute and she wanted to just and she wanted to rock with me. Her her explanation was, my sex was good. Oh so she was with it. But for me, it was kind of like, how do we progress from here? You know what I mean?

And and she was the first female that even though she we stayed together after that point, were together nine months in total, and she she found out, well she let me know she knew at the three months mark roughly. Um, but even up to today, she's kind of like, she feels like I betrayed her, you know what I mean? And I made her question her sexuality up until now. And that's crazy because that was gonna be my next question to you. You've been in three serious relationships, one

being your wife. Now do they identify as lesbians like my wife or as in the women that you dealt with, because even though you identify as a male, you still have female parts. So do they do do they like women or do they like like how do the people that you deal with identify? So the two previous partners I have been with they one of them doesn't identify as lesbian. UM. In fact, she she we had been friends for three years prior to again together and UM,

and she was basically like it was me. She felt for me as a as a person. I wasn't about you know, male or female, man or woman. It was the fact that she she was attracted to me as a person, and we went from there. But then when it came down to me telling her that I was, I wasn't happy and content as as a female. You know,

that's kind of when things started going left. She wasn't really down for this, for being with a trance, although she wasn't really down for also letting her friends and family too much know that UM she was also with Because at that moment time I was identifying as a start, I was in the social circle and not so I was. I was trying to label myself as what society accepted exactly what I said at that time, because I was

eighteen at that point. So you know, we're still to more a few years ago when you know, progression wasn't quite a way it was not um so uh and then the female before after that storry, UM, I was here for four years, and she did identify as a

lesbian and again the same thing. But but you know, when it came down to using pronouns and stuff, she was good with that because I pretty much told her from the off, But at the same time, when it came when when she hit the fan and it was really time for me to start transition, and she wasn't

really down with it. She couldn't really understandish. That's interesting, yeah, because she's like, no, for you, I'm curious because I haven't had a friend that was a transmail and he talked about not enjoying women wanting to like his pussy. He's like, I don't like that. I don't like people

talking to me like that. Like so for her to say, lesbian, did you not enjoy because that's the part that she liked about it seems especially if she didn't like that you were transitioning, so because they're not more girl on there, so I can understand how she was attracted to it, Like that's it's almost gone. So in terms of like how she identified, um, that was a problem for me because her her identifying as a lesbian of course right meant that she was with a woman and that wasn't me.

I was. I felt trapped in the in the body that I had. UM. I felt like nature did this justice to me. Um And I wasn't comfortable with that at all. Um. And in terms of like sexual like sexual interaction and stuff, there was like back then as a stud I guess I would be classes are touched me not Um. Yes, in terms of like you know, I can strap up, I can do all that, but you ain't gonna touch me. There's there's none of that

rabbit playing. I mean, there's none of that dildos and all that kind of study ain't gonna be doing all of that on me. And I'm saying so I was very much so I touched me not. I have a question about that. So how do you you get pleasure? Because I've worn a strap on before and I meant I might get wet, but it doesn't make me come. It doesn't really please me more as it does you know, mentally, I'm stimulated, but it doesn't really please me. So if you're a touch me not or you're you know, how

do you become how do you get pleasured? You just don't? That is that is my pleasure, that's your pleasure. Yeah, I think that's a misinception for a lot of people. Yeah, we don't because we get in another way exactly. I mean, I really like penetration. Okay, they don't need to be tops, don't. I mean we take it like game and like tops don't need it. Yeah, but but tops feel the pleasure of going in a pussy. When you have a strap on, you don't feel the pleasure of going inside of the pussy,

but you get the mental stimulation. And I guess in that sense that's what gives you that that stimulation in other ways, you know what I mean, Like from time. For me, it's like a lot of people say, oh, I'm I'm aroused by the intelligence of another being, right, Like a lot of people are like that. They're like um, saipo sexual sexual um. And that is how they're They're turned on by by feeding on for someone else's knowledge a mind, right, And a lot of people find that weird,

But that's that's a mental thing. It's a mental stimulation which stimulates them in other ways. Um. And for me it's very much so. Because I do not identify as a female. I don't want any association to that. So for me, like penetrating my my wife or you know, back in the day, penetrating any woman with with my strap was enough for me and it still is enough for me. Okay, And so I want to talk now briefly because we're running out of time, unfortunately, I know, but I do want to ask you now, um as

an adult the transition. I'm not like my nigger. You look like a straight man. Um. So I want to talk about like you facial hair, your voice is rather deep. Um. I know my mama got a deep voice, but not like this. Um. So, what what is it like to transition? What have you gone through? What? What? What do you have to take people you know that don't understand how this works? I would love for you to break you Like I think you're you're like the epitome of that's

ready to transition. Like so yeah, like the beard, you have, the voice. What have you had to do to undergo this transition physically? So? Um, in terms of the physical journey, the the you know in this thus far at um in terms of like facial features and well, not so much facial feature because my face hasn't really changed, No,

I mean like in that sense. By in terms of like um, growing hair and voice deepen in or dropping um and weight shift because these these are because you have muscles, right, your arms look really like a real much like you've always been. To be honest, like before I transition, like when I when I started my journey, I'm gonna ask you a question first, all right, So it starts. It goes like you have to go and

see a therapist first or psychologist first, UM. And then once you do that, they this is in England at least, and then they will refer you to something called the Gender Identity Clinic. Once they referred you to the gender gender Identity you don't have to see another psychologist in in that center. Once you've done that, then they will assess whether you're ready to start your hormone therapy. Hormo therapy UM as in physically is UM something called testosterone.

We are aware of it. And then for the trans women they're taking a strangers, they will take a students pills. I believe, but I can't speak to you heavily on that just because I'm for transman. You take yes, it doesn't necessarily have to be shot straight away. It might be a jail for a pill. No, there's no pill

for testos. It might be a jail you rub it, so you rub it in certain places on the body and that that seeps into the into the bloodstream, um, the same way those packets, but it's not they're not as effective. Um, but they're not as the shots because the shots, uh enter your muscle, and obviously a muscle is a quick, fastest way to get through the body. Um. Do they have to do you have to do this for the rest of your life? Yes, okay, okay, of course it's it's you know, um, I don't know if

it was ten. No, it is for the rest of your life. However, you know, Um, there's certain things that are irreversible. Right, so in terms of like my voice hair, um, weightshift isn't irreversible. But but there's certain things that are irreversible. So they could get for me or anyone, they could get to a point in their life where they're like, Okay, I've seen as much physical changes as I could possibly get.

I'm going to stop here. But if they haven't had a hysterect to me yet, they're obviously going to have periods after right, right, that's w Yeah, that's so anyone any trans mail probably wouldn't stop taking testosterone unless they had a hystereict to me, so the testosterone doesn't stop the period, but the hystorrect me does. No testosterone doest which maybe I need to if you if you stop taking the testosterone and you haven't had a history to me, then you all go to have period. Have you had

a v sectomy? Okay? But to me is just for me is okay? I'm sorry? Sorry? Sorry, yes, I mean, uh am I wrong? Is that not what it is? Okay? So what historrect to me is your warm removed. Must sect to me is getting your breast removed, and thus sect to me is getting your balls removed. Correct. V Sectomy is balls, right, preach? Yeah, but what sectomy is when you eliminate your ball so that you can't get that's cutting out they ain't go. No, that have drained

them that they can't get in a pregnant Yeah. Oh wait, I think I'm thinking of neutering when you neuter an animals. But sectmy is just draining of the sperm, cut the cords, sorry, and then must activy is cutting out the tissue. So have you cut out the tissue of your breath? But we to surgery in the community. But yet Okay, okay, wow, this is a lot of information. She's just really happy because you don't understand, like me and Mandy have actually argued on air. My word did you say? I think

I said training or trailing or trams. So let's talk real quick before we go. I want to talk about, Yeah, what are the slurs or things that are offensive to the trans community? Now, she said on our horrible decisions. And I'm not calling you out. I'm taking serious. My friends call me. It was like, listen, I need to talk to you before you guys do this because Mandy just went on and said, we're going to have a transgender on Is that not a to me? This is

my argument. I said, if we were going to have a female on a mail on, a escort on, goddamn, everything would be a So I don't know how else I would have said that. I guess because trained to think, because I didn't say trans man like, so explain to us what what is offensive and what is not. So I feel like there's certain things that are definitely perception based, right, and for you to say, sorry, what was it you said?

Tans we're having a transgender on the show. If you have any questions in regard to this police sentiment pretty much so I don't. I don't know. There's a lot of people that probably would say that's derogatory. Um. I feel like for someone that probably hasn't been made aware of some of the slurs, I guess I wouldn't take defense to that. Perhaps some folks would, And as I said, that's perception, right, that's certain things that people are susceptible

to and a certain things that people aren't. For me personally, I wouldn't. I personally wouldn't take defense to that. If you said tranny, which you know certain of my cast members have said, I had to holder at them like and be like, yo, you gotta take off your off your Instagram and all that kind of stuff, because that's

throwing like okay, so training and trainese derrovaty term. It's like you know what I'm saying, it's it's it's just on the minds everything that we've we were going through, we've been through like now the better word I wanted to ask because it's it's a real men men love it.

Every when I went to Amsterdam, we got red light blue lights they were saying tea girls and a lot of especially I don't know if I'm saying away, but two girls like told me that they have enjoyed like I love having a dick like and you know, having tips and you know something they enjoy about their body and they don't want to change it. Is ta girl an okay thing to say? Or what is the proper thing to say? Um? From what I'm I can't speak too much from that. I don't really like to give

out false information in terms of like what like. I like to speak on what I'm aware of rather than gisson because I don't want to be the person that um somewhat represents the community and doesn't even know understand right And you know, you're you're all gonna be comfortable different things. The person that heard it thought a transgender wasn't good enough. You are understanding enough to say, okay, well she doesn't know right, and and that's kind of

what I said. And I just like, even to me, like, I don't know the whole I had a conversation with my friend about the the stud the dyke, the things that we can say stud but we can't say dyke. We could say transgender, but we can't say training. We can and it's just like, I don't know all this guy damned politically correct now like um, in the UK people use that word, and is it I'm not gonna lie. The only time that's used this towards white women, really

it's not. It's not used in the black in the black LGBTQ community because we say stud I mean, but here I heard. I couldn't get it off. Okay, Okay, So I think it's just I guess it's how people receive it as to if it's going to be offensive or not, except for the word of course, training. Okay. So I guess that's good for our listeners to know. And I haven't heard that word, and I'm like, okay it. I think I'm somebody go off of me about that.

I've got a lot of learning to do myself, because, as I said, I feel like I said off air, I didn't identify with with I didn't want to be put in yet another books. I didn't. I didn't for a long time. I didn't want to identify as a transmil right. And we talk about labels here. A lot felt guilty when you were saying it because I want you on so badly because I want people to get it.

I want people to understand it. And most of our listeners are male, which is why this is very important to me, because I feel like women are going to be like, oh yeah, I understand it, but men don't, and I just want them to. But it's also you know, you just said to me like, I don't need to tell someone I identify as a black straight male. I don't need a black straight man I don't know. But not only that, but then I do feel the guilt of asking you to do it because it makes you

open this thing up. But not only that, I think even for our female listeners, they can literally sit here and think if I was put in this position, how would I respond? Um? And I think that's even good with how we talked about where you feel like you should announce um your gender identity as far as dating UM. So for different women, like for me, it might not bother me. I like pussy, I do strap on. It's

all cool. But for the listeners who maybe identify as straight straight straight straight straight, just for them to be able to listen to this episode and think, how would I respond if I was put into this, you know, into a day where where it's true, it's private, sacred. At the end of the day, there's a lot of things in life that we are not going to be able to understand. Right, that's just impossible, And I get that.

But at the same time, like there's this common denominat I believe between all humans which kind of um allows us to to feel able and liberate and expressing ourselves, which is just room for respect. And and at the end of the day, you're not understanding your person's decisions or choices in life, is okay as long as you can still respect that person for living their authentic life

and and and being the authentic self. UM. I don't feel like any trans person or person that identifies as trans is anyone anything in terms of an explanation as to why they're transitioning. Um, But I do feel like it is important to have these kinds of conversations because people that have identified as transgender, non binary, queer, it's not a new wave. It's not this new thing that's just happening like, oh my god tomorrow. It's not it's

all bullshit. Like my grandfather was trans. I was born in San France, a lot of people don't know that. My mom she passed. But yeah, you know what I mean. In San Francisco gay and LGBT community is so open and uh, maybe that's why I'm so used to it. But I mean I knew that in history. It's documented in ancient history, kings and queens in Egypt identified as trans and non binary, you know what I'm saying. So that's what I mean. This is not new. It's just that, um,

I feel like we're talking about it. We're more some of us are more open with with education in others. Um and there is more resources available to educate others. Um And I feel like media and technology plays a big part in that and bringing that to the forefront. UM. But that's needless to say that, Like this isn't something new, you know what I mean? Like people are like, oh my god, the world's gonna end all these transgender people

pack out what they wanted. That's too much. Yea and n that's a great headline the other day that said where are these imaginary rapists coming from? That people keep saying, there's always I don't like what because the bathroom argument is that somebody's going to go in there and rape

and rape you. Yeah, it's just like if someone wants to go in the bathroom emery are in fact, I think that's it's that that's really really stupid because at the end of the day, you've got, as I said, I brought up briefly, there are transgender folks being murdered weekly. We are. There's twenty five today that have been murdered this year alone, predominantly of color and predominantly trans women.

And if we're not going to create safe spaces, what we're doing is basically accepting the fact that these women and men that identify as trands are being murdered. And that's okay. We ask you before we go. I watched Boys Don't Cry. Oh my mom made me watch that from a young age. She did my mom, You know what, Me and mamma were good friends. Now like like she's not my best friend. She wants you to watch it for you to feel better, or she wanted for me

to be scared. Do you remember Boys Don't Cry? We're on a writer or no um where she was I don't know what No No from the Hands and Stranger thing. It is an amazing movie, but basically she's living as a man. I haven't seen it in some years. But gets a girlfriend. The girl's cool with it, she felt it new, didn't give a fuck. Um, but she hung out with some guys. Huh. That was Hillary splaining that more no a right, all right, Oh I movies, Well

you incorrectly ship. I didn't know I from that movie. Um, I just watched Stranger Thing. It was probably my se no no, but anyway, she was hanging out with some men and when they found out, I don't remember if they beat her up and raped her and killed him. Yeah. It was a scary as place to be, but it taught you so much. And I remember watching it with my mom and she was like, if you ever have friends that are scared to come out and blah blah blah, you should make sure they have someone to talk to

and be safe. I wish my mom did. I'm just my mom did it as a scared tactic. I think that she saw that I was, you know, constantly. For her, it was like, oh, I'm constantly wearing boys clothes or masculine clothes. And for her it's just like and and And It's funny because fast forward a little bit and I'll come back to the first forward a little bit um when I was in my teens and I was, you know, dating females and they didn't know, and then

they found out. My mom too found out. And when my mom found out, she was like, say, these little girls brothers and cousins, and dad wants to come and do what what happened? And boys don't cry? And she was very fearful of my s. She was, she was,

she she still was scared. Watched and I'm a grown man now and I can you know, I mean, I'm good, but in terms of like I don't fear yeah, but my mom was really like after I watched, and she's like, you know, she she sent me a voice, no, I I should play, and she's like, let me see a please. That would be I would love to know that, because just looking at you, I wonder if your mom is like, oh my god, he is so handsome and he's got he's kind of me and MO. Mom didn't have a

good relationship up. It was strange, said, we do know we didn't growing up, We didn't have a good good relationship because I was trying to find myself. She was obviously hoping that she would have a relationship with her daughter. UM, and that never came, you know, I mean that never came to fruition. And for a long time we we didn't have a good relationship. And I remember when when you know, she started coming to me, coming with me to appointments and starting to learn about, you know, what

it is that I'm going through. Um. She was like, I just hope that I have a better relationship with my son than I did with my door, you know. And I was like, Yeah, that's exactly what I needed to hear kind of thing. That's exactly what I want, you know what I mean. And that's exactly what we have. We have a great relationship. And it's like finding myself was the first step to me loving myself, and prior

to that, I didn't love myself. And in turn, it meant that my relationships with everyone and anyone around me was strained due to that. I'm scrolling through my phone trying to find um this um she she sent me so many. I said, well, we're gonna end with your voice note. If we can't, can you go ahead and let our listeners know where they can find you? Wait, I think did you find it? Listeners? You can find me on Instagram at Rush London, Twitter at Rush London.

I ain't gonna give out my Snapchat, but don't hurt your information. Um in the link of this episode. Yeah, and if you want to see more of Rush, he is on d b K chat episodes on YouTube. You've seen Jelissa and Flee who we had on. Um. I'm just so grateful that he came and he is just as hot as he looks in pictures. I already stuck a little video because I don't know what I'm gonna do. Look at that myself later. Sorry, Russia's wife. All right, so this is what my mom said because she's still

very much so fearful for my safety. Okay, yeah, I want to hear this. It's quite hold it up to the mike. I don't even know, like making new friends, meeting new people, just nine you know who who you really? You know, you know me? You know, stuff like that. Okay. In other ways, what she would saying in is after being on backchat, she's sure that a lot of people are going to be reaching out. It sounds very supportive. It still doesn't know how to word it exactly. You

could definitely hear the kind of caution. Yeah, but my mom, she is cautious because what she's trying to say is basically just be aware of like who's reaching out to you in terms of one wanting to befriend you because of the ship like that. Again, a lot of trans folks are murdered. Yeah, she's quite fearful of the fact that being in the States where you know, coming out here, she's quite fearful of who who may seem as though they have good, good intentions about going to meet them,

that may not be the case. Thank you well, Thank you mom, and thank you so much Rush for coming to You were an amazing guest and I hope that our listeners on this episode umption they hated us last one, but thank you again so much for coming on. We'll put all of your social media links in the link of this bio. We will also post you on our Horrible Decisions page and for you guys listening, you guys can continue to follow us on Instagram at Horrible Underscore Decisions.

Um every ch out to us again, Thank you again for all of the love on iTunes, SoundCloud, I heart radio, everywhere that you guys listen to us, and thank you. Um oh and bitch, we slow me off with this motherfucking live show hole, so we will see you guys. You'll have to come and see you guys December one here in NYC for our very first live show that is sold out. Bitches. Anyways, this has been another episode of horrible decisions