Ep28: Situationships

fab Underscore Look. Yeah literally h s s a f a b underscore look on Instagram. She's gonna keep you all in tune with the tricks and tips. UM. I checked out her page. I actually really liked it. Um from top end products to invest in and the drugstore brands we sleep on and combinations of the two together. Um, it made a great look. So let's all win together, ladies,

It's a look. I'm excited about that because I think it's important for our female listeners to know that you could have a fabulous I was really glad that um Fabiola wrote in UM to sponsor the show because I've been really trying to get my makeup game together and when I go on there and I'll like write down the products on YouTube. I took one list to Sepphora for one phase one whole look, it was a D nine dollars Anastasia. UM just all that ship together, like bro. No, hey, guys,

welcome to the show. Today episode was also brought to UM. One of our listeners zindaw. He has no ad or nothing. He just literally supported our podcast. UM. He paid for today's episode and the next three. He said, how can I support you? UM? So, I'm very grateful he went. He went ahead and set us money on UM the Cash app. So if you guys do have that and want to sponsor us as well, feel free to go ahead and drop us some moula on the cash APT.

Horrible decisions. I appreciate what you're doing that for us. UM. Yeah, what have I've been up to. I've actually been rather rather fucking busy. UM So, no I have. I've been pretty overwhelmed. I fucking hate you know. But for you guys listening who know UM. Not only am I currently at one of the biggest UM investment banks in the world, UM working part time, I'm also a full time student, and where I'm at in my group, I don't feel

like it's where I want to be UM career wise. UM. So I'm on a team full of introverts and I actually like I'm clearly an extrovert. And yeah, but there's no way that every group can be this way, which is my problem. I know that I want to be client facing UM and right now I'm more in the financial services back office part of things. I do tax, and so I know that tax is based on clients. So I would love to be more where I have to go out and meet with people, maybe do financial advising.

So I I'm looking more into even the private wealth management sector UM. And so right now I'm literally going to tons and tons of conferences and career affairs UM, meeting with different firms. So I was just at one of them. I was at one of the big four accounting firms this past Saturday, and it's amazing just seeing you know, if I want to do public private, it's just draining. Right now. I'm in my last semester. I don't know what's in the air. If it's a solar eclipse,

I don't know. I had no It's fine. It's just that I graduate in December. And for those who know, I'm a non traditional student, So nontraditional student is I didn't go to college straight out of high school. Um. I actually got back into school when I was twenty four, and so even to be getting into school finishing early, I'm just super excited. I'm getting my Bachelor's of Science

and I'm graduating with a hundred and thirty credits. Um, you only need one twenty to graduate, you know, It's good. So I've just been completely exhausted with everything and just finding out my next move career wise. That's been the scariest thing I think for most people. Were I gonna do? What am I gonna do? Now? Um? You know, I skipped I skipped school. My parents had a really bad hard ship and my dad had a stroke. I start

working harder. Skip college just kind of found like it wasn't for me because especially the debt kind of equated it to the work that I'm in and would it pay off? And it ended up not. You know, I didn't need college for the skill that I have, but I had something that happened with me. I worked and

fl I made me feel so small. Was it. UM. I. Now I work for a tech calecom company, so the vibe in the office is like super chill, like people have played office games then Google, Like everybody's all over the place like wild shit kind of thing. Um our CEO curses a lot, Like it's just kind of like that vibe. You know what I'm saying, Like this is bullshit, Like that's the kind of people make great money, but

it's a very chill atmosphere. Sneakers, all of that. UM now top one of the top banks in the world. UM is one of my clients. I met with him them. UM got to the office, went super overboard with my outfit, even though I don't wear things like that every day. UM. I sat in there, did a whole Now we have a sales engineer that I can bring on my appointments, but I didn't bring him. I did it myself because I can speak to UM you know, speeds or their

data or whatever. I did this whole thing, and I saw that they looked super impressed, and he says, now, I love it. I think we're ready to go forward with this. Blah blah blah. I just want to know, is there someone else who can come um, reiterate what you said for us? Is there a man that works in a different kind of I said, Um, I'm a little confused. I've been working for this company for five years. What do you mean? Is there someone else I could

bring to reiterate I work for the company. My words should be gold. I mean, I'm putting it down on paper for you. What do you need is a sense security? No, I'm just saying you have another tech guy? Do you have a man? Essentially? He said it again, So what do I do? We have a someone that does implementation and deployment, so that will set up their cradle points, which is like your backup dad, to like set up

all their ship name. Anyway, she's a female, black female, and I said, hey, can you come on an appointment with me? Got there and I said, I just wanted to know. I brought my tech guy. I wanted to fuck him up, bitch. I was looking at her. I'm like, come on with it, spit facts, bitch, and they were so uncomfortable, like completely, So I almost lost the steal. Now, this deal would have cost me what five G So I literally had to fold to make money, which was

very against my pride and what I stand for. And I had to ask one of the sales engineer there was a man, if you could come help me, and I swear to God, got on the phone, got buddy buddy with him and it was done within fifteen minutes. And I've been working on the steal for six months and I was so fucked up over that to know that it took nothing, all of my time and my energy just for him to do me a favor and

talk about some Yankees series. It's terrible, and I think, um, unfortunately, we're both going to deal with that, you being in a higher role, in a higher position as a woman, and me being in a male domin naded industry. I'm in finance and it's it's something to wear. They don't maybe look at us as even equal to men. We can do just a fields that men do better. There are no there there. I want a very few women in the office, to the point where one girl needed

tamp on the other day. We didn't know each other's name and she's like, hey, I'm so I'm Laura, Like okay, and she's like I'm really really sorry. I just hey, I know we never speak. I need a tamplet I was like, girl, like, I mean, it's like that now. It is crazy because even just the word wall Street you think of men, and unfortunately, yeah, when you say Wall Street or this person works on Wall Street, you

automatically put that to a white man. And so me entering this field and it's so competitive, it's so you know, and I'm definitely seen as the black female. So I'm at the bottom of the totem pole and so just getting respect from people because not only is it white men, it's Asians. They control this fucking field since they are and so it's me like, I'm feeling even less secure at work than I would about anything. It's never happened

to me ever until these last few months. Um. I went to Nike and one of the vps I sat with was black and a woman, and I didn't even mean to make her feel uncomfortable, but I had to get it out. I was like, can I just say, like, when I saw the name Alex, I didn't think it was gonna be you. I didn't think it was gonna be you. I didn't think it was gonna look like you. Let alone like I and she just like laughed and she's like, yeah, I know everybody says that I love it.

She's like, I don't put Atlexandra no more for a reason. And it felt good, like just so good, and I was just like, you know what, that'll be me right, but anyway, sorry, my period are you no? I actually just got off and so I'm in the phase right now where you just get off your period and you're like, I want dick so bad, and it's just like, however, I don't want to give pussy to just anybody. So I literally Teeter Todd her last night, um my app And this thing has been going well, not so well.

Well basically in the last two and a half months, I've had one penis. One guy did come to town and I kind of gave in. But in two and a half months, I've had sex once, and so even mentally, I'm just I am by the way he told the other day, like you captive for the first seven days, I said, what happened after the next seven days? Like I'll go slow, but I'm so hyped and like we have to fux so much because I'm going to Tokyo soon and it's like I have to get all that dick.

I'm not even used to having dick every It's been so long since he's been living in New York that I forgot what it's like to get sucked every other It's so bad. My roommate, um, I was watching TV last night and doing homework and she came and put the lock on the door. It was like, m I remember when guys were in and out of this door, and I literally don't have company anymore. She thing, gotta be fucking cleaned every couple of days. I'm having the

plummet issues. I like whatever, So long story short, this thin coming home in a week, and I was like, wow, I really got to like clean up, like I gotta fucking fix all this ship that's going wrong, Like somebody's about to start being in my house, Like bro, when you are getting ship falls apart. Just like Lead the Lips said, I have become a season the whole. I don't want you to see what my room looks like. You look at my arm pick. Your arm pick could

use a razor. Actually right, it's pretty bad. But yeah, no, I'm the same way my room can go. Jay's with being filthy. Jesus Christ, when I had company coming into that that ship, stay clean, man, because I'm just like, it's my clothes, but like my pussies clean, but my roommate you feel that's really I don't even know whereas dirt. I'm just saying there's a mass, there's mass, which there is a difference between You're not gonna find plates and bowls in my room, but you are going to find

piles and piles of clothes and clean. Follow up, son, you know how much it is on Netflix right now? Bitch? Anyway, anyways, that's how you know we didn't get it. But how much is on Netflix? That's how you know you're not getting Which when I can't find a new series to watch on Netflix because I don't watch it all, that's when you know what's bad. But let's go ahead and get into our cheek. I picked this one because this is what this is. I have two six ft tall

mirrors facing my bed in a very tiny New York apartment. UM, and I realized there was a fetch for this. It's called um cataphilia catatron to failure. We cannot beat it up that bad. Let's see it is catapla catron. It's okay, and it basically cataptron. Bitch, it's a great word. Look, I speak Anglo. That's all I got. I was a spelling b champ two. This is embarrassment, have been Excuse me? Can have a definition again? What is the Latin? What's

the origin? Okay, So it may include I'm sorry, it's it's a I can't even talk, not because I'm so fair I. Basically, it's a fetish for in front of a mirror. It could include activities as masturbation, um, orgies in front of mirrors, enacting a stripping fetish in front of mirror, doing anything in front of mirrors that will sexually turn you on. UM. Many porno film show porn stars, sucking in front of mirrors because a lot of people

enjoy doing it. Um. You know they have mirrors in their bedrooms just so they can watch themselves, touch themselves or whatever. It's for personal enjoyment. Um. On a deeper level, this is according to Wikipedia, it could relate to the person's need to reflect and critique themselves. Oh wow, um

when when me and seven we're fucking. Um. We actually started in the living room a lot, because he would come in the house, take off his box and literally sit on my couch like just naked when his fine as anyway, they don't know like he really he's really famous. He's really famous to me he has Actually he popped out on my fucking screen watch listen Loki and this is I was like, wow, I told you you could Jesus.

But anyways about that because when he was on Baller, okay, damn, you know, really trying not to be the evo hole anyway, lipstick alleys, some girls like, oh, we relatable because I go through heartbreak two or so ship she said, I'm like, I'm just a crying ass, just the crying ass. So I just don't talk about my feelings as much. But no, so seven used to come over. We would He always liked to roll a blunt and start in the living room.

And I have this big, huge, like six ft mirror in my living room, so before before I can't want with the big board is like one not and I know, um, but anyways, I have that in my living room. And before we would even make it to the bedroom, he would like to see me on my knees giving him giving him head in the mirror and then he would slightly bend me over on my attument in my living room just to look at me because we are already looking.

He know, he find I want to look the thing with the mirror right like you're looking at the person, do it. Why do you need to see it twice? What is the thing? I don't. I don't know it has because you're sit you see yourself. It's definitely more seeing yourself. I'm not gonna lie. I'll look in the mirror and bitch a bitch starts stuck in her stomach because I want to make sure everything look good. So when I've been over, I've noticed myself like, oh, just

let me arch more, let me like. It's making your stuff second up front, only with my hair and my makeup? Is that do you like to hair? I've never masturbated in the mirror. I masturbate in the dark while watching porns. So I don't think there's a way to look at myself in the mirror. But I think it's more so people wanting to see themselves in that. For sure, I felt sexy looking at myself. Are watching like a video, I mean for me and love her boy fucking videos.

I like it, But I guess that's not that doesn't really count. But yeah, it's funny because I'm on this my wild lifestyle app, and there's a ton of swinger one that lethal lifts are talking about that. Yes, and there's a ton of pictures where there's mirrors on the ceiling. That's when you know it's a little there's a lot of those that used to be a thing in the nineties. I think I don't think many people put mirrors on the ceilings anymore now. So, UM, I guess we could

go ahead and get into mail. You want to do homemail first, Let's do homemail. So this is from a girl on Instagram. UM has to be anonymous. She said, I have this friend. She's gorgeous in every sense of the word, and I find her extremely attractive. She's expressed to me that she's never been with another girl before. But it's curious she's been hitting on me lately. I hit on her a lot. I'm not sure if she catches me. But the other day she made it clear that she's with the ships as much as I am,

and I'd love to do some very disgusting things. So if I'm scared too in the friendship, what should I do? UM? So we've talked about this a lot of times as far as maybe sleeping with friends, and it's something that I've done often. Um, I feel like I've slept with more friends than I haven't. I think maybe the closer my friends are, or the ones who I'm not sexually attracted to. I don't think we have had sex, but the ones where a bitch. If we getting drunk, we

feeling on each other, we're making out. I think I've definitely wait. We gotta call, y'all. I think you want I think you'll want to hear this her mom. We're recording. Mom, say hi to the listeners. To the listeners. All right, listeners, I hopefully out there getting your sex on to the Sunday Red after church? Did you just come from church? Did you call me to show me that your makeup looks all about to say you'll make up beat Miss Jewel? No, not at all. Please all right, love him out. We'll

talk to you later. God everyone, you guys love her. She's coming back. She's coming back, y'all. But yeah, I don't think it would make the situation awkward for her to have sex with this friend. I feel like if her friend is reciprocating the flirtatiousness and maybe open to it. I don't think it'll make it awkward at all. What about you, um, So Mandy, you have slept with a lot of friends. I've only slept with one that i'd like. Still talk to tu this day and was going to say,

I think it is it would be awkward. But if you've already got an attraction, you'all are making jokes, then you have to get it over with because to me, that's awkward. Learning too much and we know we're friends, we don't know what to do. That's fucking awkward. I couldn't do it. I agree. So, um, I guess so for what we would give advice to any of the listeners may be going through this, maybe considering moving things sexually with a friend. Um, I think it's something to

talk about. Oh I don't know how to do it? Oh go ahead, how do you do it? So you get drunk together? You love getting drunk because it makes it easier because for me, when I have those hidden feelings, like I feel like the only excusable thing if you get rejected. So even if you don't want to get to weight, I'm not even saying get I have to drinks and act drunk just so you can take Oh my god, let's take a picture of kissing and be so cumpe and then you'll keep going, Oh that's my line,

that's your mine. Yeah, okay, us should work, says Let's take a picture we kiss and just know you're gonna keep kissing after that picture of snaps the horrible descision as we gotta know, we gotta hurry a little bit before we get into the horrible decision. Let's take a break, um for one of our sponsors. Oh my bad, you take the attention away, so we'll be right back. This episode is sponsored by say Less with the Culture Podcast. Are you guys looking for a new podcast to add

to your list? Not a whole new one, but you know what I'm saying, This is an addition, just an additional one. We have found a new one for you to check out. Say Less with Duck Culture Podcast is your favorite podcast with a white guy in a room full of black guys That actually sounds very interesting And I listened to one and they're pretty funny. Actually, you're gonna mixed perspective on everything in life from the minds of host Shane Swavey, Deonte Cheese, Charles Patchy and Nate.

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also tweet them at s l w TC. Check them out. I listened to episode eighteen and it was great. It was called Ho Ho Hoes, so of course that was the one I listened to, but it was good liking about us. So check them out, guys. And we are back and we're going to discuss I guess the horrible decision for this week. And we've gotten a lot of feedback, so I'm actually interesting, um interested to get into this conversation. Let's free the definition first and then let's talk about

what people think it was before we go into it. Um. Mandy found this article on a site called aidan neil Um. We'll posted I guess um, so you guys to see it, but it's nine times you're in a situation ship. And they describe it as basically a pseudo relationship, a placebo masking itself as a formative relationship. Smells like a relationship, sort of looks like a relationship. It may even feel

like one, but it's not. Urban Dictionary describes it as a problematic relationship characterized by one or more unresolved interpersonal conflicts, usually confused with dating. Now, I just want to say really quickly, I, before reading this article, have always thought I was in one because there is no title. UM. However, we say we're open and committed, but we don't use

the word boyfriend girlfriend UM. I sent this article to uh lover boy and we both decided number one was the only thing that fits, and number one is you don't have a title. I think situation ships. I have always thought before from my own definition was we're together, but we won't say it. Well, it's crazy because I spoke with UM, my friend about this before coming, and even she immediately asked where we're me and such and such in a situation ship? And she said that seven

of the nine applied to her. So I don't feel like you need to be able to put a check mark next to all of these things to be in a situation ship. At the end of the day, I do feel like a situation ship is uh quote unquote relationship with someone who has not made it a relationship. And one of our listeners, I mean one of the people that wrote us I'm reading just right here. Uh someone named dsw um said that it's usually one sided, and Nichael Tyler wrote that it's one sided. I agree,

it seems like everything is one sided. And it's funny because I could somewhat agree to that as well on my own terms. Yeah, because I think we've talked about UM. Even when it came to loverboy, you stressing, I'm I don't want to talk to him unless I have this title, and this was maybe three months ago, but you were yeah, but you were literally like, I don't feel it's mutual because he won't give me this title or it could

be the UM. And one of our listeners even said, one settles for this relationship UM basically because they don't want to leave the person. So if this is all the person is willing to give them, they're willing to accept it and to me, that is a situation ship. That's where I think was too until I think the only way I got out of my situation ship was when UM, well I'll get into it quickly. But I

got sucked up on Friday night or Thursday night. UM woke up that morning and called his phone and was like, you listen, Um, I'll just come with it. And he didn't even know, Like I, I don't even know where it came from. And I was like, look, I just need to know that what I've told you I've wanted we're still going in that direction and if we're not,

we can still fucking kick it. But we're doing a lot more of committed things and we don't have a title, and I'm getting confused because I need to know if there's a great area on my feelings. So I just felt like we shouldn't do this, and he was like, bitch or tripping, chill the funk out. Everything is fine, you're freaking out, but but nothing changed. And I feel like we have comments about that too, where people hop into situation ships hoping one day he agrees to have

the relationship, and sometimes that doesn't come. We had right, and I think what the thing would would happen with me. And why he was telling me I was tripping is because we decided a while ago that we're not going to know a title, and I told he when he asked me what I needed, I said, I need things that showed me we're moving forward. Whether it's blending families, going like vacationing together, holidays, whatever it is, knowing that we're more involved in each other's lives. I'm fine with

that without the title. And now I'm getting it right and I'm complaining. I'll say that those things also hold value to um certain people, So those same things may not mean anything to the next person. Because those girlfriends that have never met her friends, they don't go anywhere with you. Well, there's that, but not only that. Like my my friend was, she was with her in her situation ship, she met the whole family. He didn't mean nobody, but when we went to the funeral, we realized that

all of these women had met the family members. So it didn't hold as much weight to him as maybe it would to the next female. That I'm meaning the family. That means where something, and I think it also speaks to how fast it takes. I've had guys that have introduced me to family way too quick. Well, but that's what I'm saying. So to some people, different things mean

different things. Different things mean different things. And so I guess, um, where I'm at right now with Lawyer Bay is not entering into a situation ship because I have entered so many situation ships thinking eventually it will become a relationship. And because we got so stagnant and content with where we were, there was no need to push it any further. And so that's what I'm trying to send. The way that I had entered into situationships in the past was

I never spoke my mind. I just like that phone call I made where I needed that reassurance, like, Okay, Um, I have never said what I wanted before because I was afraid that ultimatums would push people away. But I realized I'm a grown as bucket my moment, I'm gonna be thirty soon. Like if I don't tell you what I want, like, we'll never get it. So we're gonna go ahead, and um, you want to do that. I really like what some of them said, um, because some

of them are argumentative. I just want to kind of read through the ones that we have on our page. I know you had a good one on yours, but just because everybody thinks that's something different. One girl said it's all the drama of a relationship with the title. I got to disagree with that because I don't really have drama. A situation Allison Taylor says a situation ship was when there's no commitment because the one person doesn't want to take it to the next level, but you'll

still messing around. You fight like it's a relationship. Somebod y'all still mess with other people. There's always drama. Um, let's see the Kyante show. When a person wants to give you them, you to give them your time, energy and attention, but not be exclusive. And if you make it known to other potentials that you're available, that person gets mad, knocks like a toddler. Bit saved. But if you find out he's talking other women, that's supposed to

be okay because you're not his girlfriend. Okay, ran over. Bit you feeling it? Youre really feeling that. I like that one when one person wants to have loyalty from the other while giving only a portion. Yet someone on mind set, just like the whole, but they come home to me statement it's all b s. Everybody wants to be grown in an adult until it's really time to be grown and an adult. Um. And I think it's

more so it's it's the commitment. UM. And it's hard for us to discuss this and such because you do even open relationships, and so I feel like maybe this isn't tied to that because a lot of people assume that they're not committing because they don't want to be monogamous. UM. And yeah, because my commitment in my current relationship we've

discussed is for our emotions. A lot of times when I go on dates, still say things like don't fall in love if there's a rule or something, so like, I think that the commitment is based on what you're asking for. So what I want to do for this episode, UM, I do want to shout out um shout out aiden Neil dot com one more time because they actually compiled a list of nine ways to know that you're in a situation ship and I want you guys to know

you don't need to put yourself in a box. All nine of these do not have to apply to you. You can disagree, but we kind of want to talk about, um these things, maybe put our little insight on it, um and get some feedback from you guys. So the first and I think the most important aspect of a situation ship is that you don't have a title. UM. And it was funny because when we read through these, essentially Weezy was just like, well, isn't this friends with benefits?

And the first thing Crystal said when I said that she was just like, friends with Benefits is a title? You know that that's what you guys are, So friends with Benefits is a title? And I don't think this falls into that because to me, UM, some a lot of things in this list. Before we tell you, I just want to say it's um, seems like a lot of hiding and to me, a situation ship what I thought it was. I thought I was in one kind

of until I read this is just no titles. But this is like a lot of like it gets in depth. Yeah it does, and I think it's cool. So the second one, UM, and I think you don't have a title. The first one is this one. It's really good. UM. Do you want to read this one? So? Um, you have a half a man is better than no man thoughts. I would love this one because so many women, a lot of our listeners specifically, would rather be in a situation ship than have nobody at all because they feel

like they need somebody read it. In other words, you're just in this because lonely at the minute, or you're waiting till something better comes along. I think I was there, um, maybe right before this last trip to Europe to see lover boy, because I was like, I know him, intiment

noise into me, but where is this really going? And not until that reassurance can I I said, Okay, I'm just in a place where I have a new age relationship where we don't know what to call what we do and if I'm happy and I don't feel like I have half a man at all, if I'm happy, do I need societal pressures to make it? Do I need GFBF? Do I need it? I don't know it's it's it's more so do I need that? In a relationshipbook? Um?

And again, I don't want to directly correlate each of these two our specific relationships because I know so many of our listeners are in similar ones as US and beyond UM, but I think a lot of people are just content with maybe having someone they see often without making a title because they're happy at the moment, even though they're not fulfilled with exactly what they're getting from that person with That is settling. Settling, absolutely, I have

done it in the past, for sure. It's all right. Well if I get them once every other week, Okay, that's what I have to take. Number three I think is really good means it does show how someone how much someone gets a fuck. Um. So number three is that your main means of communication is texting, and unfortunately, with this generation, I feel like this is the main

means of communication with so many people. Yeah, but it says that your exchanges are limited and chances are the most frequently visited visited topic of discussion leads to sex. I I completely agree for sure, for sure, and it leads into um, they had another one. We could skip the order. I want to talk about this one right after number five was your friends, your mom, your coworkers no more about how you spend day than they do. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, because if you feel

like you can't just vent have a conversation with them. Yeah, when I knew I was getting closer. Um in this relationship was when I could say the name of a coworker and he knew who you were speaking. Involved are people in your lives, And I think that man in your life that you may still be weary about if I say a name, if I say anything, you gotta know that lets me know you give a funk and you're making enough effort to put yourself in my life

and even and even lawyer Bay. It's so funny because the fact that we can discuss where I'm at in school, what's going on with work, what I'm doing with this podcast. I love that I can speak on that with him and all of our conversations aren't send me a video, what you wearing at work, what you look like, go to the bathroom. It's not all that sent me in my three way relationship. Actually, the guy, the British, the dumb guy, um, we call it ourselves in a relationship.

We said the words, but no, like he didn't make me feel like he was involved at all, and I wondered if it was just him. But no, when someone really cares about you, they can about your day to day. And I think this is gonna jump into actually number six were skipping a around here. Um, but another thing that you know that you're in a situation ship in regards to bringing up sex constantly, the sex is mind boggling.

I I agree with this one because a lot of times you do put yourself into a situation ship, maybe because the sex is great, and if the sex is great, you kind of are blinded with what your situation can be or is because you're having this sexual connection, you're

constantly in bed together or whatever. And not only that, a lot of things can be said during sex that you can take is something way more And we all know we've said maybe even that I love you, or don't give this pussy to no one else, or this pussy is mine, And you can relate that to old ship. Maybe you putting claims on me, and it's in the it's in the realm. I think that you can say things you don't mean during sex with someone you know people might. I just watched this Being Mary Jane episode

where she asked him to say I love you during sex. Yes, I love Being Mary jan. I don't want you know. I just started and um, that's never happened to me, but I have had someone asked me to say that. Um, but I think that mind box. I don't know, dude, I have good sex. But right, but I'll say this, I know that even my situation with UM, I guess we'll leave it out. Um, Jordan's was ongoing. And I say this in a in a funny sense because I know we've talked about meeting family. He flew me out.

I met his sister. I clearly was cool with his cousin, and I met his friends. I met his fucking son like he's brought me around his children, and then we spent Christmas together because they were playing the magic and he brought me home to see my family, and I spent Christmas with him. And although I'm sitting here meeting the kids, meeting the sister, spending quote unquote holidays with him, we were in a situation ship. I'm gonna tell you

what I think to differentiate situation ship. I've met families too and thought it meant more. And I think this is what we have to admit to ourselves as women. Are you is this like I'm going to introduce you to my sister today? This is so like? Is there something does it feel like something? Did you say like this Saturday, we're going to go have lunch or we're gonna have dinner. Are you planning this? Is this because

we're getting further. And that's where I have sucked up in the past with relationships, thinking that I meant more than I did, right, because I think a lot of women do that. Yeah you you're like, but nah, but like why would you do this then? But that goes back to what we said in the very beginning as things that mean so much to us, or if we introduced If I introduced the guy to my mom, that's a big deal to me. If a guy introduces me

to their mom, it might not mean to him. I don't under saying where meeting my mom doesn't mean a lot. I mean, I will say this much when when every boy comes, he's going to mean my mom, this is meaning different. I mean she's been hearing about him this whole time. But I've met dudes on a first day and my mom was at But that's what because whatever, so so some people may um relate meeting family as oh, we're taking the next step, and I think that that's

where this needs to be a communication set. But I also think these situation ships are situation ships because it's not on a mutual basis, whether with needing a title or with emotions. One person either likes the person more than the other person does, or one person wants to commit more than the other person. And it's funny you mentioned um friends that was their number four is and I love how they worded it. Your closest friends haven't

purposefully met now. Actually, uh my mom, God, it's so strange. My mom means less to me than my friends do. Yeah, well, I agree, me an enough to me to James, Vinny Christopher like that means you are something well, not only that. I feel like with friends, we talked so much about these relationships, the good, the bad, and the ugly, that it's like, if I'm gonna have you, if I'm gonna bring my friends around you, they're gonna know everything about you,

and you don't even know that. They're probably gonna know your birthday and and so meeting your friends, you're opening the wounds to Listen, guys, this is who I'm choosing to be with. I know I've talked about him for the last several months. You know what the eight ship ship he's done. You know the Great Ship he's done, and you know, kind of where I was ready to just debt him. So to purposefully introduce him to your friends,

I think makes a statement. I'm honestly really um nervous for that because my friends haven't met a guy that I was with since I was with Losing. We were together a year now, two years. And listen, I don't know what my friends will think because I have talked about the brunt of the relationship and like all of the bullshit before they met him, and now they're like this, naga, and that's the thing, Like your your friends are going to be like the best judgment as to if that

person is for you. I think, um, kind of kind of sort of um. I think on a physical level, I think my friends know what my type is, but maybe on what I emotionally and sexually attached myself too, I don't feel like they do know I'm very shallow. So the guys that my friends have came around and met have just been for sex. And I feel like the ones who I have more of a connection to, I keep them away from my friends because I don't want to hear their opinions on them. I don't care,

And so that's it's kind of different for me. I don't think, yeah, I mean you just met James. You guys will hear this episode coming up soon. But maybe you can see why my friends opinions me a lot. No, that makes sense, he is a lot of my friends

are really analytical. They know me really well. Um, and I think that introducing your mate to your friends will at least give you and where some of you may not have friends like that, or they already know your cycle and they're gonna be like, no, you can't date another one easy neguess you know, possibly the next one that I wanted to talk about. And this actually touches because we kind of touched with this on Jada next

see kind of the social media aspect of dating. So number seven is there are no pictures of you in any public setting. Um. I feel like this is more still people who care about like maybe I want the world to know each other this. I don't think that this has to do with social media, not until the bottom, because when I've been in situation ships, I never took pictures with them period, not for private or public right.

But it's so at the bottom it says it's most likely that you won't find a picture on isn't her? What's that Facebook? Situation ships? You haven't taken pictures in period? I'm not talking about social media. Oh I disagree, being oh boy that I just spoke of. We have plenty of pictures. Like I didn't take pictures with my strict situation ships. It'd be weird almost for me to pull out my phone and take picture because why would we

want to keep this moment in salvage? But see, that's the thing that also goes to where maybe you two aren't There are people who want to salvage because they liked the guy. I guess they like the guy. So it all depends where you stand in the situation ship. Are you more of the person emotionally attached her? You

the one who's lesser detached? You know? So I think that could you even feel there were times where I felt like I can't not in my current relationship, but I felt like I couldn't take pictures, Like he'd think I was crazy for pulling out my phone, but I was laying naked. We took pictures like like yeah, like, but they're I'm talking about real situation ships. Oh yeah, no, I get it. Like on a date. Like so there were times that we would go to dinner, we would

go to the movies. It's not like we would pose for a picture, Like we're not posing for a picture because we're just out with each other right now. So I get that absolutely. I get that absolutely, and I think that for the most part. Unfortunately, the generation we live in now, they're like scared to commit for whatever reason. I don't know where this commitment phobia has come from, but a lot of our generation is okay with being in a situation ship and you don't tell you one

thing though, committed or not. I don't think I'm gonna be public with pictures with my mate next time, whoever it may be. I I could see me doing little I'm a very big instance now person. If any of you guys follow me, I could see me doing that with the hands or no, no, not even hands like fay, I mean whatever, just being like out and funny if

I was in a committed relationship. But I don't think I'm going to do this this time around, only because I am having this very nothing last forever, I was very in love with the last person I was with and he left me for Jesus. He did, he really did. He got really religious, and I'm so glad that he still is on that path because I would have been really upset. But I just feel like anything could happen, and I don't want to just make this person be my life and express it to everybody else and let

them see it and then it's over. And I feel like maybe almost private life is happy life. More. Sharing the stories about someone that you can't see or don't know the name of is easy for me. But well, I also see a lot of people when everything is so good, they post everything, and then when something goes bad, they post it. So I don't want. I don't want to insert the public into my relationship, and you know, potential really mess up my Happy't get me wrong. I

love looking at some couples Instagram. I love it, but I really think it's I don't I think when I did it, I don't know how much it meant. I'm so happy right now that I don't know what a picture showing you could do, right, I agree, So I want to talk about this. Um, we're gonna go ahead and wrap this up, but what would be your advice essentially to someone entering a situationship or not trying to enter a situation ship. What would be your advice to

our listeners. UM. I think ben give us the idea that you have to be very no pressure to be desirable. They don't want to you to be nagging or you to bring things up for for you to be made attractive, which is actually how I was feeling. But I have given ultimatums and let people know that you will lose me if I don't get what I want, and I've

had to say what I'm looking for UM. In the past, some men have told me they can't give me that UM, and these more recent times, every time there is a part time where I'm feeling uncomfortable, like I'm not getting what I want, I'll say what I need and be like or have to go, and I really feel like it's important. I don't know how old some of you ladies are that are going through things like this, but I'm um, so I'm not super young anymore to not

being able to be scared to express myself. And there's been times but I still haven't done it. So now I just kind of own my truth. I'm not scared to say that I don't want one today. But I'm not scared to say that I eventually want a boyfriend or that I mentually want kids or a husband. I am very very clear on those things. I tried it, honestly. I start talking about a bi weekly now because I want you to know what needs to come now absolutely.

And that's where I'm at with Lawyer Bay right now. UM, we're pretty much making it as translucent as possible. I'm letting him know exactly what I want from the beginning, and I'm telling him straight up. If you can't give me that, let's tell me because I want to funk away. UM. I actually want to read a comment, UM shout out to live good regardless on my Instagram. Um. She said. As women, UM, as women, whatever you get in to, just make sure that you're in control of the situation.

And a lot of times us as women, we feel like we're waiting on the guys with you like I can't. I don't have to disagree a little bit. You can only be control of what you put out there. Yeah, you can't always be control of your relationship with two people. Well,

she said, A good thing. It's mostly don't sit here and put yourself into the situation waiting on the guy to make the move, because if you're sitting here telling him what you want and you're entering into it waiting for him to make the move, you're not in control now in that relationship, in that setting, you're giving him all of the control as to how far you guys moved. She actually suggested this, and I'll put it in our

description The Power of Seduction by Robert Green. She said it will change the way you move out here in terms of dating, and I'm so I just wanted to drop that. Um, we are having to wrap this episode up, guys, I hope you enjoyed kind of our discussion on UM horrible decision decision. I think that's a horrible decision. UM. I do want to read a review that we had

that was good before we close that. By living vicariously in Philly currently sinking into a depression because I binge listened to every episode and now I know what to do with my life besides stoculatis on I d like VFS. Could I read this already? No, I don't know. I just literally like all of y'all think we're your bfs, and I love it, like I've had emails and comments like, girl, I can't talk about this with my friends, so let me get your advice girl out there that doesn't hate you.

You know, there was there was another review. We have another review, but it's a comment on our I G where this girl is like, I have a really long road trip coming up, and I'm killing myself not to listen to your episodes. Just before we head out, I want to give you guys this UM Resist bought text code. So, UM, if you know anything about doctor what's been going on, you think it's bullshit, which we probably should. I feel

like you're liberals if you listen to this episode. UM to this podcast, UM, if you text five zero four zero nine, it's a resist box so that you can join the resistance without doing all of the fucking work. They contact your officials base. It's like under two minutes, you write them, you tell them your name. UM, They're going to look up your zip code and they will

deliver the message that you want to your senators, governors, whatever. Um, you could just say, hey, I rely on Obamacare, I don't want this to go away, and they're gonna help you. It's amazing. Handwritten letters all that ship I love it. I've used it because I just frankly don't have the time to support the movement like I want to. So bi oh four oh nine check the out. Guys. Um, that's really good. Thank you for dropping that on the podcast for our listeners. You look at I mean like

I'm being sarcastic, but I'm not. That I know I can be. But no, that's really good. I glad that you're bringing this on. You don't want to say like, we had a bunch of brown people listening, so you gotta resist, all right, Thank you, guys. This has been another episode of horrible decisions by