Ep151: Fatphobia & Closing The Devil Dick Portal Feat. AshleighChubbybunny

does not fun with me. She give me the total slide. I know because you met me at my friend's event and I was already lit, so like like, I literally when you met me, my friend Valerie was the one that put on the event. I think, um, do you think it was one of your friends? Because there's so many dinner up in the house. There was a few people doing it. Okay, I showed we had her on the show. She is the b K, not the the violet b K did that event. That's right, I didn't

know you were. Let yeah, I thought maybe he was like not sucking with me. Were smoking outside we were, but we finally b K, that's your friend? Is that the one that I made out with, and that's the one I'm like, that name sounds for me. So what happened is I had um. I did a panel for Protects at UM Daniel Saint who's been on our show. He does and that's so I met all of the House of Yes people and they were like, oh my god,

you have to come out. And I got really drunk that night and so up She's like, Hey, up with your co host last night. I was like, there's no way, Like if she knew that we fucked, that would have never happened. Yeah, she was like, but he didn't remember making out. Work should be happening though, because there's made a lot because I'd be going to because I'm like, I'm queer, but let be going now that I'm like with more queer people. Every time I go into a space,

it's like everybody suck each other. Yeah, like good ship. No. I mean, should I be in vr P if if I'm with the right athlete and then't brought the right holes there? Hey, I'm making that with him too, Okay, I mean emmy doing I tell you why I thought that because I have your go skinny girl bos ready.

I always felt like a lot of body paws girls don't funk with me because sometimes I'll post and talk about my weight or how I'm feeling, or use the word fat for myself, which a lot of people do right there, like I'm feeling fat or talk about a foopa, and I'm like, I know that what I'm saying is in my head how I'm feeling. And it's also probably coming across as like bitch, fuck you because you ain't that big, but you acting like you are. But am

I acting like I am? Am I allowed to say those words, And I want to have a really open conversation about it because I want to know what it feels like on the other side of the table when you see smaller bitches doing a ship like that. And I mean, i'math said because I've been across the table from you for three years and when we've gotten it, we've we've had that conversation with Tao, who came on if you guys want to listen back to maybe the

first time. We've got to hold on also real quick before we get into this, can you introduce your name, what what you go buy, and what you're known for on social media? Because she she did send me your page. Your page is phenomenal, So what made people know you ever? Really good? Like, I don't know what your purposes with your page, but it's fun. It is. It's fun. So I was like, yeah, I think she would be dope.

So can you introduce your name, what we call you for the show, what you go by, and what you're known for. My real name is actually in the Cold triple yes, government. I'm trying to make it a thing to use my middle name because I grew up in the night time of like Jonathan Taylor Thomas's and like white people can use all three day names, why can't I. It's a good act like that of black people using the third like the middle name. But I will say

a lot of black people have the middle name baby girl. Yes, my middle day. My cousin's name is the Cold. That's what I got my share one thing. It should be the same age and it was popular. Nay, how old are you? Names are popular amongst your there trendy? Yeah, that's so that makes sense. And so what are you

known for? I'm known for my page Ashley Chubby Bunny, which um as of like seen is when I actually started posting more things but before then I was known on Facebook for being a little bit more outspoken writing essays, and then on Tumbler for basically just reblogging like there but like and then like talking about my experience as well. Is that your job? No, um, as of right now, my job is like freelancing on social media, but like that was like it's a job, but like it's not

like a career. So I think, I mean when you are really like known and centered or on something. So I know you said three years people have heard our conversation, but I think specifically with you, the fat phobia I have never read about and seen so much more often than I would say, maybe even the last twelve months, maybe even the lower like six months, I feel like becoming very apparent. And I also see people saying that it's not real until that I want to talk about too.

So that's really where I want to dig into that ship today. But for now we're gonna start with Vanilla Ship. So Vanilla Ship is our segment where we talked about sex in the news. This one was sent in to me by friend Marcus Sanders. Manny's about to pull it up. It's really I really think it's from queerty dot Com. It's insight for gay News and this one is hilarious. Um also shout out before we um go into this, shout out to Pastor core Elle Scott, who was our

guest last month. An amazing the vanilla ship for this week is a pastor who says he used oral sex to suck demons out of men near a New Jersey minister. Yes, that's hilarious, right, I take this to play parties. I'm like, not, Jesus, it's just because it's hot. I'm did so. A New Jersey minister accused of sexually assaulting his parishioners has launched a creative defense. He claims he was sucking demons out

of them by performing fallacio. Sixty nine year old Reverend Dr William Weaver faces a lawsuit by four former parishioners, three men one woman, who claimed that the Presbyterian ministers sexually assaulted them when they came to him for spiritual counseling. Documents obtained by Newsweek revealed that during counseling sessions, we were asked the three men to strip naked and lay down. He would then place an angel coin on their heads, as well as sacred stones on their hands and ankles

before performing oral sex. You know, honestly, if you dressed it up with the stones and ship. He said it came from something we were allegedly told his victims that he needed to suck the demons out through their seamen and that the ritual had come from Native American lore. At least one victim also reported we were kissing him on the mouth during Do you guys watch The Keepers Netflix?

I don't watch that yet. Fabulous one, seriously, really good. Indeed, do you remember that he was saying that you have to suck out or this is my holy water. You embodied the spirit of God from sucking my Yeah, that's what they did on there. This picture, I need to say, real picture where well we know he not doing this. Dr will Yeah, I said, we Williams motherfuck up. He looked no, no, no, no, no, no no. He looked like he did right spirit. Oh yeah, he looked like

he sucking it. He looked like he did it. Look at that pick, He's like, yeah, I did it. Um, So it's it's crazy because I just went on um grape Vine shout out to everyone at the grape Vine. We had a conversation about how sex is more spiritual than we lead it to believe. Do you guys believe in sex like demons and not that they're maybe attached to your even but do you I lokey do as somebody that like frequents creepy pasta and watch Top ten. So that's why I'm like dying right now, because because

like creepy past Oh my god, okay be pasta. It's basically like it's a genre of like scary stories that like have It's like a culmination of urban legends. Read it for a chand threats, all kinds of creepy ship that comes from all over the Internet, and people just literally engage in it and share it. And there's even like this thing that's like I think it's called SPC where they make up like actual fake monsters and characters

that they talk about. You creepy pasta when you talk about like it's real, and it's like, I just think it's so interesting and I really love like scary ship and the other stuff that I used to look at wasn't doing it for me, girl, So it's still on a hole. I fell on a hole of all of this stuff. I said, I was gonna start doing some more reading. I'm to start this. I'm obsessed with it. It's so fun, but it's very scary. Do not watch it at night. I'm reading scary stuff. It's actually worse

for me. Videos. There's video like reenactment on YouTube sometimes and how they set it up sex. Yeah, let's make it relievable. Thought you thought? That really comes up? So real quick? I want to read what it says I'm into b D S M. Go ahead. It says I'm into b D S M bondage like that. Some people might find that weird, but I'm sure those people are into things others might find strange, so let's not judge.

I mentioned this because it's important to what happened. It gives you an idea and it guys read more, and then you just get into it. You wild. It's like you read it and I don't know what it's like, and it actually gives you the reading time I'm trying to give it. I'm dead this way. Well, it says it's seven minutes of reading. I don't want to get into seven minutes of reading, but definitely check out. Maybe

we'll just awesome. I love that. Maybe we'll do this for Patreon episode Creeps episode look at you giving us content? All Right, well, I think, um so I'm not. I don't want to put him too much on the screen. We know what that motherile is. Um. I don't think that I could suck out the demons of you three semen,

but I do be snatching soul. That's what he thought. So, like I think demons are real because not demons, but and this also could be manifesting too, Like I've met people that I feel like or not just clairvoyant, but have a lot of power in making something happen. Um. For example, like my friend and I were talking about this shout out to Layla. She's actually been on a Patren episode of ours. She's like, I know how strong

my manifestation is because I've watched it happen. She's like, my man was teasing me about always getting sick, and she's like, and I was so irritated and so strong willed, and I was like, you are absolutely gonna get sick. Watch I know it. You're going to get sick. It's going to fucking happen. And she's like on some teas and ship she's like two days later it happened maybe he got sick from being around her. Sickens mean, but

they together for years and he never got sick. When She's like I was wishing it on him, I was so annoyed with him, she was like, you can absolutely put that ship awesobody. Yeah, I want to ask you because we had um A Milia ortiz On here and she talked about you know, the spirit, like just things with energy and manifesting as well with crystals and ropes. Do you believe in in those things and bringing them into the bedroom or if they can affect your love

life at all. I feel like this year I have been more learning more about that because one of the many friends I've had throwing event house, yes Um talked about not only blood magic but sex magic, and so they talked about sex magic through masturbation but also sex magic through like uh like partner simulation, and so like

I'm looking more into that right now. But I do feel like that's something that actually does occur, because when you think about it, there's so much like you know, the organs and feels like right, it's like really good. So imagine that power being harnessed and at that moment where you're like, oh, I'm about to Like, you're not thinking about anything else if you just like manifest or

think about or visualize something you want to happen. People are saying that when you get to that height, if you do that, it helps manifest situations and circumstances that you want. And I'm like, we have had three people on that I've talked about that. I'm Kristen, which is

sluts and feminists. We're white shaped butt read her book at the Blue Stockings bookstore and she came on and she talks about black witches in her book, which actually that'sn't really I was like, I don't call it, but she said, like, you want love, and you want read,

you want money, put that fucking green light on. Amelia or tease Um has talked about that as well, and Liz Goldwyn more recently talked about sex magic and I've tried it and I feel like it only works for me when I'm completely invested in and wrapped in, not teasing about it and or Hi, I have to be on some kind of a cadelic to actually connect in that way, or else I start making it like a joke to but I feel like that might be part of the ritual though, because we used drugs to do

other things and like get into another plane of like either existence or thought, when we want to actually be a part of something like I don't think anybody just gets high just to get high. People actually like to doff to create Brianda from Super Trip, she gave me some shrooms, was still too scared to ever take. They never took them, and then shout out to our fans who did meet and greet in Boston. The niggas gave us pre rolls edibles. They're really ext they were just

bringing it real quick. I smoked one of the pre roles that they gave us. I gave them one of the pre roles while I smoked on the pre roles last night, and the way my motherfucking heart was beating it was some indica I don't remember what then it was called. I was just like, oh not, na, I ain't smoking that ship no more. My head I felt my heart beat and my forehead while I lay down. I think there is a different experience, like you gotta

be really comfortable. I think with hallucinogens to like acid troops. I think the number one thing that someone told me that was a great advice, was like, if you have any dark place you could go right now, possibly don't do don't do that, keep telling us what happen. Done yet. That's why ain't done it yet. But I know I'm happy, but there's some deep I'd be bothered by something. I'm just not gonna do it. Like a ghost could be here,

but not really. And then like heah, and I think that demons are scary than ghosts because they're not human, they were never human. So therefore, like that's malevolent forces right there. So therefore why would I want to get high? And I'm thinking about all this. I don't know if you guys have ever met at a house. I ever met a ghost. Years ago, maybe six years ago. We're in this creepy gass house and we were making joe about how someone died there. Not not only right, oh no,

this goes a real bit. I know the lights turned off site. If you're ever in New Orleans, you're New Orleans listener, right. There's a lot of voodoo culture, um, a lot of spirits and things like that. They are always talked about. And this house was very old and there was this box. I want to say it was Latasha. And so Vinnie opens the closet and he said, that's the damn bits closed. I was like, so we're joking around, but the house was fired. It's like six bedrooms, French quarter,

like old ship. Right. We're with a bunch of friends. So we come home. Our house is the only house on the block where still I'm sorry, no, it's okay. We didn't know he's listening to it. So the house is the only house on the block that the electricity went off in, and I was like, what the fuck. Turns out it's just an outage in this one electrical box. Bro, we're trying to go to sleep. Latasha is running through the house. Nope, my friends right, shout out to DONALDO.

We're sleeping. He's like, Bro. I was like, Yo, it's out there, isn't it. He was like, I mean it's so late. What are we gonna do? I was like, you know what, I could live with the ghost. When he comes upstairs highest Ship talking about pay just relax, just don't bother her. We're in her space. We're violating. If we just act like we're fine, she's gonna be fine. I'm like, ge Bro. He legit made us sit there and he's like, yeah, we called Airbnb. There was nothing

else that we can We're fucked right now. So I said what are we gonna do? And he was like, we have to let her know that we're here, established our presidents. We was googling how to talk to our ghost. He's like, and let her know that we come in peace, because bitch, we've been talking to it all day. I was like, all right, fine, we get a candle. We're all in the fucking kitchen, trying to let her know where chill. Don't you know what tending on them lights?

Tart Mica randomly not by calling electricity. This was like seven or six while we all went to sleep, woke up, it was on. I'm like, yo, cool, She was real, I'm just trying now about how y'all like explained that to air and like we need to move just haunted. I wait about the electricity And then I thought if I said ghost, they thought I would have been tripping. Yeah, it's crazy because me and my cousin's like when we when we were growing up, like my cousin shout out

to my cousin Jerry. He used to be into all that ship. So this niggabot Wegi board, no we to night because my mama worked the weekends, so we had my cousin's house and he's the ship moving. Now I know he was making that ship move, but we was talking to some spirit and we had a whole fucking Wegi board and we're all like the lights. Look we used to do listen, yes, but I don't know if

he just set that ship up. My cousin Jerry, used to be in all this ship and we literally had a wegi board and mind you, this was the time y'all know, if y'all been listening to the podcast, I used to be into Charmed like crazy, So like I was into all that ship. We was like calling them the sucy busses and all that ship. And I was like, oh, bit, we're letting the demons into our lives by bringing them through Thisuiji board, because you bring them from like the

other realm under and people don't know how man. People don't know how to cut that connection either. They'll be freaked out by the Weiji board and they'll just like throw it away or something, and the spirits will still be there and listen as an adult now that the Weiji board there, So like when people like start freaking out when the board start bort start happening, they like will be like nah, like we're not doing this and they don't know how to close the portals of the things.

Yeah there, you know what? This remind me of devil Dick and you scared? Where did I talking about? Big bitch resolution. She's sorry, spooky big bitch. I'm sorry. Bring everybody when real people know it's really called my girl. Just we just brought up a million ortiz and I was like, yo, when I was oppressed, I was like, I'm not feeling too good right now and I don't know what's going on, and I just kind of feel like there's just like target on my back. I can

feel this weight. And she's like no, like not even like I'm saying anything crazy. Yep, absolutely, and maybe somebody put it on you. Um. She was like, I can tell you how to break in, how to cut those cords, how to cleanse yourself. I was like, yo, can you recommend me somebody? I'm freaking out and she like with no because I'm making not a joke, but like yo, I feel like blah, blah blah, and she's like, yeah, probably, how do you close the portal of that? So so

I'm outking this. So I'm asking this not for the Luigi board, but I feel like Devil Dick does the same. So I cut I cut seven off, me and him no longer fuck. And since then, I've had niggas who can't stay hard in condoms. They just like I've had. I've been trying to find other like just casual sex partners. And literally since I've cut him off, it's been three niggas. Sorry, And I don't know if it's because the niggas just don't want to with a condom. I don't know if

it's the liquor. I don't know if my mind is how tell you because I'm coming out my own Devil Dick like Instagram this nie like somebody was like, maybe he's a sex man, he's a saving like you down. This is how bad has been. I literally tried to u three niggas since cutting this nigga off in October, and you just don't say hardy nigga. Then I told y'all maybe in another episode, Patron, I don't know a nigga paid eleven hundred dollars to find me the Denver

for twelve hours just to get dick. And I was gonna go nigga, I got stuck on the runway for three hours. When I tell you, I've been trying to get dick from niggas and since I cut that nigga off, I have not been able to fuck. So how we closed, But I don't know if you want to talking about how she married niggas and I gotta married. Here we go to bullshit, man, I gotta harry that someone prayed,

just like j R. Smith's wife prayed. You didn't any what I ain't got no Kurt coutching, you know, because the Mary Nick is still on my phone because in the world, bro, all the dick in the world, you know, this could be my fravorite. And I was like, you know, we ain't sucking. I know, I don't be fucking friends, but don't want dick. So let's and I couldn't even get any of you have Spanish because they definitely I don't even know these nigga's wives. I don't know the name,

how many kids they got. Polly is definitely real because listen, now, I had Latina biches off your side. They will this whole court who I need to close the guy damn

part of for the Devil Day. I feel like that's what I'm trying to do too, because when I talked about on my Instagram, when I called that dude, I was like, I was like, oh, this is a musician he has, Like this is the best I've had like in months, like all year, Like if I had like a little like years my whole life, like yeah, but liked like a Spotify playlists if you like think about your Dick, like your little plays of the year Spotify into the year wrap up, like I probably had four

decent Dick appointments, but then like when I have one that was like, yes, it happened for a month, like your Slidify wrap up, like for a month, like it was solid, just like Demon Dick the entire time. Dick. I honestly think that after years of joking about this, I manifested him. And so every time you say your friend's name, I keep having flashbacks about him because those names are so similar. But I'm not gonna name his name, um, but like what ended up happening was he was always

like on time to my place. He would always show up and like I knew that that was a bad idea, but like it wasn't. Like I would try to get past like the unpleasantry so we could fun, and that's what happened. So I was stuck in that spot where I literally wouldn't go anywhere. Afterwards, I would play my whole day around it. And then like he was able to like get away with certain things because I was

just like, well he's bringing dick, great dick. It's great dick, and like he's bringing it like regularly and consistency, like consistently and so like after like I had to kick him out of my apartment. He thought that I was kidding because I was literally like I was letting so much ship slide. And then he said something that was very that was the last straw, and I kicked him out. What did he say? He said that him he said to me, not being able to finish that time was

not his fault because larger people take longer to organs. Oh, excuse me, say what he said? What he said that me not finishing like me not having an orgasm was not his fault because larger people take longer to work as up now bit he would have got fun in my life. I'd never like he said that porn right now because now I'm like, I'm just text him this is what I gotta know. Yeah, you're very loud and proud about when you don't appreciate it. What did you

like almost could you almost not talk? Nigga? I would have know. It was just like it was weird because the way that I explained to my friends, the whole way I would tell him, the stuff he did a whole month. I'm just like me seeing him more than I saw my friends, like because it's all we did, and so like we ended up happening. He said what I have never but like every time he would say something, it was worse than the last thing he said, and my body was like I was having this for reactions

to it. But I'd be like, is this the time you're gonna kick him out? Actually? Is this a time that Dick's not gonna be enough? Is this the time you're gonna be like? This is you know, like I know this is episode that y'all ain't learned. They still have it. He's thirty one years old, his life, so like I was like, why not say anything. When he showed me that he had only eleven dollars in his account, why don't I say anything? He had broke nigga to

that manifest joke about all he had. Yeah, that's why I said, like, oh, like what I would actually mean hanging out with other men? He was like, we're talking to other man. He got self conscious because he knew that's all he had was just a dick. So if somebody else's dick is coming in, he's like, oh, I don't understand. Like we're not together, but this is not exclusive, but he has that things that I felt were worse about it. He's made rape jokes, he's made other things.

He said other things. Um, he ruined my first viewing a super Fly, so like it was just so much going on, and that final thing was like you know what he has to leave. He is amazing, movie is amazing. I was like, why is it just now taking me this really sitting here at my mouth open? And the reason being is because I want to use you as an example for strong women that people can't believe get heartbroken people you can't people you can truly niggas will

really fuck a person up. Who would think that you after all everything you preach, it's like, this is really how men get in your fucking breast and talked about it because I was like, I was so embarrassed by it. But I was like, nah, first of all, he hasn't music careery's trying to promote I'm gonna I'm gonna like, that's gonna be over. Um. He also has ties with Zoe Kravitz. I was like, that's definitely gonna be over because she about to be our catwoman. Whether or not

it's gonna be good. Why then are you speaking about her? And then on top of that, I wanted people to know that even if I am somebody that talks out about what I want, how this platform or whatever, or this perceived amount of like confidence, this still happens to me too. So it doesn't matter like where you're at in life or like where you think you need to be.

Niggas really ain't ship. But it's not only niggas, I would say, it's people like even with this we talked about we we we you know, we come on this platform, We're almost three years in and there's even still some Um I went on a pott. It may have been actually tahos or you know, and we openly talk about claiming the slut title and the horse all these things. But even to be introduced as a home like, people don't like that and like, don't demean me, because that's

the word for meant to demean me. So when a man says that, yeah, I just feel away. But it's crazy because at the same time I am on this platform. Also even with weight, like I've had I've had people, you know, talk about my weight in certain things, and I've I've discussed my journey. But the same way he said, you know, well it takes longer for you to come because of your sides. And I've got niggas who have like, well,

can I suck you before you lose the weight? Like and he said things like that, and it's just like you do come off really strong. So to know that someone mentioning something about your weight has an effect on you. I commend you for apartment like I love my apartment, which I'm like blocking people. You have to get out, get out, you have to leave. I was like, you

need to leave. And I even like had this whole it was like this whole fucking like Angela Bassett monologue because I was so I'm telling you, like, we just got done having sex, and I'm just not wrapping my head around the fact that, like, oh, he really not only came on my ass, but like I didn't come and then he sat there putting on his shoes, talking about it's not my problem. So I'm like still and I'm like sitting up in the bed, and I think

that my subconscious like, actually, this is it. This is the this is it. So it was like I was like, you know what, I was wondering how long did it take and what would be like the final thing to get me to kick you out of my apartment and never see you again? And that was that was it. And I was just like, how fucking dare you? You have nothing, You literally have nothing, and like the fact that this is what it took for me to kick you out. I was like, you know, I'm embarrassed, but

I was like, you have to leave. I don't want to see you again. Do not contact me, do not come to my apartment anymore. He thought I was kidding, so he tried to kiss me before he left, and I said, please leave, you not come back. He called me and proceeded to harass me from that Thursday all the way to that Monday, texting me, let's fun. Are you really that mad? Are we breaking up? Or? All I said was this, he doubled down. All I said is that this is what people too long to come

and like it's not it's science, is not me. That's why they have terrible He knows I didn't have a question a question, You're nine, this happened recently. Has any other man in your life ever, um said anything regarding sex and your weight or your weight in your attractiveness to them? Um? And can you share some of those things that were definitely that happens, like especially since now we're using like online apps and stuff, and then sometimes

in person. I successfully picked somebody up in person at the beginning of this year, so that's why I thought. I was like, Okay, I can do this. But then like I mean the face, I mean, it happens. But then like when he like when I would get approached by people on dating apps or even not even that, because that seems to be an issue in itself. When I talk to people, they kind of expect me to put in the work. So therefore I've heard it shouldn't

take all of this to fuck you. You're a fat girl? What? Um? This one guy actually yesterday told me he read my okay Cupid profile and it was like, I don't want to be an experiment. Don't talk to me if you're not used to dating women like me. And he was like, I don't see you as an experiment. I like, have I have? He said, I have other big black girls.

That's what he said. He was white. He's white. Um. And actually what was funny is that the guy that I like exercise from my home, the dick demon, um, he had me his phone as big black girl, and I saw you saw it's not black. I saw it when he like screenshot at me when he was trying to tell me that I said something that girl big black girl, and so like not so many feelings, and they don't think that they have to speak to me respectfully because it shouldn't be all of that to fuck me.

That's what this is. Why it's funny. Manny and I had a conversation and I think it's because she doesn't white dudes. I do from time to time, right, And I'm always like, I hate the word BBC. And she's like I don't know the big deal is, and now I'm kind of hitting me a little bit. It's because if I hear the word I've never heard of nigga, like I've never heard dot com, you feel like white men are saying it, like white men are saying the color. I just have a few things to say about this

nigga that really trips me out. We gotta get off it, because fuck him. I was on i G Live the other day where this dude was like trying to troll me that had no picture, and I was like, it's always these poor niggas, and someone said, stop trying to weaponize the word poor, and I said, I'd tell you why I need to, because it's facts. Having eleven dollars left, it's poor, And nigga, you have the nerve to bring you and your dusty dick over here and tell me

niggas would pay to fuck me. This is true, And you have Dungeon where niggas literally put my toes in their mouth and paid me for that. So it's just like, why do you think that you're better than me and you only have eleven dollars? It's poor, niggas, I'm telling you, and then like, on top of that, what he would do he um, oh yeah. He also tried to get on me because he found my Instagram and he was

like body positivity. I thought that it was like all right, but now people are just thinking that's okay to have heart attacks, and like, I just feel like you're playing a game, like don't get me wrong. Michael's recently said that let's let's talk about that. So the horrible decision for this week is can I say the word fat? I never thought that big old fat dick. I thought I thought fat. It was like a bad word for me to say. I thought you use other verbiage like

do be see I can't even say do fat. People not like the word being called fat, and like, can you explain just the journey of fat if you've always appreciated that word, if you've used other things like yeah, I think it depends. Because there was a pivotal moment for me in college where they had the um Love Your Body Week where I first this was the first time I ever saw a woman that was bigger than

me in her underwear in public. So it was like a demonstration on campus where everybody made signs and stuff. It was a part of like a different organization, like different organization on campus. But if it all go out in the underwear with signs and like basically tell people that they look amazing and like that they should love their bodies and stuff like that, and I was like,

this is amaze saying. So I went out there and I took off my top and like I had my brom but I was just like this is cool, like and I met a lot of different people that way and throughout trying to understand more about that and then becoming a like officer in the feminist organization on campus and doing a lot of unpacking because that's where it required. I became okay with the worry fat because it's what

I felt physically describe me. And up until that point, I would hear it and it would feel literally like somebody was like poking me with needles. And that's that's not like a because when I feel like I hear the word, it's like I don't need words. It's like it's used to de mean it she uses to mean. But it's weird because when it is used to mean, it's used by people that don't think that these people think or know that they're fat. So it's like, I'm

gonna remind you you're a fat bitch. And so that's why my friend like shirt that's a fat bitch, and like you have all these women that are fat wearing the shirt that says fat bitch because that's been reclaimed. It's like, okay, that's that's a fact because I am a fat bitch. We're not getting around the same way. We're reclaiming horror and all. But it's just like if it's used in a way that's meant to demean, then people can see through it. So I think it depends.

It's on a case by case basis. It's kind of like with black people that s where nobody should say nigga, and then you have some black people are like, you shouldn't say that around me, like or you can't say it around me. It's a case by case. Would I go around and call everybody fat if I wasn't fat, No, So I'd be like, you might not be okay with that, But it's somebody that is fat reclaiming your own word,

reclaiming that words. It's been a very big step and being okay with my fatness because honestly, if you're somebody that struggles with that word still, that means that you're still feeling the negative connotations of it and you might not be able to accept the fact that well I did. And um we actually on our Patreon episode shout out to um Naimo. Mindy had VSG by the way, so

I had to gastric sleeve. Um, so I went from two thirty pounds, mind you on five ft one, so I went from two dty pounds and I very depending on my cycles the time of the month, between one and one seven ish. Um. And so we have the conversation, and I've been referred to as fluffy chubby Nigga specifically islandmn Um used to love to just rub all my stomach and my rolls and stuff like that, and that always made me uncomfortable. Does that make you uncomfortable? No,

I hated it. I wouldn't know what happened enough. I think that's weird, But the rest of you is not there. So because I had one of our friends always says she loved it because it makes you feel more present, So like you can kind of tell I think it might be coming from a point where you're, like I feel like I'm being fetishized. That's where So that's the thing.

If it's like you can always tell when you're being fetishized during a sexual weekend when they only focus on like certain parts of your body and talking about your body in a very fetishy way, like I can, how do you mane your size without making I feel like the kind of body works because I go to me is body. It's different. It's different from you massaging my body or you being a lover who is just like I love you any size, all my like hose and

ship there mind you. I've been sucking them for ten years, six years, seven years, so they've been with me throughout all of my weight gains and losses, and they're just like I'm I love you at either side. But when I was at my biggest, it would be niggas that we're just laying and they're just going, like, you know, squeeze or something. You're not worshiping my body, you're literally grabbing. So like you you get what I'm like, not focusing

just on that particularly that makes sense. Like the guys that I had to kick out, like he there's like a place in between my tummy and where my food is that he I never had anybody like be like I like that place and he would kiss it and I'm like, oh, that feels really nice kissing it. That's cute. Like, but if it's like if they're doing this thing where they like grab your arms and they grab your thighs,

your stomach, you're like, hey, what are you doing? And that's uncomfortable and you someone big, And to be fair, I've never had a nigga grab my arms. But we could, we could, we could portray as someone who's dealt was not only fat phobia. Of course, even with my loss of jokes, y'all have listened to brilliant idiots Charlemagne Mouse. So many people have come to me with still the fat jokes, like oh now that I've lost all the weight, now they can say all the fat jokes to my face.

The type of thing, and so to to go through that, but also to have men, I've been like, a nigga has paid me, and of course I text them, but literally because he said, I want to see if I can just fuck someone your size, if I can last. He didn't last, but he gave me money just because he was like, I've never sucked anyone in your size,

and you look like fun. And I think that's weird because it's weird because it's already they're coming out the gay othering you instead of appreciating you, and that's not a lot of men like that's how they talk to me online. You look like you're fun. Some of the first matches I've gotten. Do you suck dick? You like you know how to suck dick very well because you eat because because the very insecure about big girls fucking

sucking my nigga's dick off. But like everybody, that's because that's what they say and it's not they don't think it's something because because that's what they're holding onto when it comes to being desirable, I can do something for you. That's what makes me desirable. And that's not okay because that's some of the first ways that were desirability. We're

not giving desirability. So a lot of like fat women not even just that when you talk to them about how they're being socialized and romantically socialized as to how they're supposed to appeal to the other sex basically because that's we're not being taught like that. It's okay at that time, we weren't being taught it's okay to be with somebody that's not a man as a woman, and so therefore our socialization came in the way of, like, you have to be able to provide something for everybody

to have them want to be around you. When it comes to like other like the opposite sex and your grade. You have to be able to give them something. And because they don't find your body that desirable, you have to be able to use. You have to overcompensate. And so that's why it's weird because because everybody, like with the Jill Scott thing, That's why I was so cringed out about it, because it's like everybody came out the woodwork.

I can suck dick. I could do. It's like yeah, because you feel like that's the only way to gain desirability and your current body. And that's how we were taught to gain desirability in our bodies. And it's really fucked up because we enjoy sex too, and I would love to be able to be like somebody it's like, yeah, I love sucking, but it's always going to be taken as like, oh, because you eat, you could eat dick.

Or because like how I used to get on okay Cupid, like it is it is it true that big girls appreciate sex more because they don't get it enough? Which is that big girls suck dick better because they don't have sex a lot nobody else wild. It's wild, but it happens. And so that's like what is using most of the conversation is all these dumb ass questions about fat girl sexuality that they obviously exist for some reason somebody.

It's obviously like a very much consensus around like men that want to have sex with fat women but don't know how to talk, and they won't open out, they won't be open on social media to admit that these are the type of women they preferate, Like they'll date like and and so like I've dealt with and even in my bigger size that will publicly be with Victoria's Secret models and go out and claim these small girls

and be like, oh my god. But so many friends that have that, like even the niggers they with would be like he only he only repost than women, and like we've been together for like two years, and I'm just like that's very strange. That's not what I heard that because they would turn it into like, oh, that's just my social media, why are you bugging? Especially when tumbler was like a really big and easier to reblog certain photos and stuff. It's easy to get caught up

in that. But like, also you seeing how your partner interact in those ways? Why are they reposting people that looked the complete opposite of you? But they'll tell you that, no, Like, it's not that that's interesting. What I find interesting about that is how, like, Okay, I worked with someone at my last job who was maybe almost four hundred pounds, skinny,

white dude. She dated, and she was never fucking short of a date, right, always meeting people, and she was active, wasn't like not able to move around, and like would go to the doctor. And oh, I asked her when Mandy got VSG. I went to the hospital that day. I was like, oh, I wanted to ask you, like, um, what do you know about it? I was like, I'm on my way to go see my What She's like, well, I know that my doctor told me I was healthy and if I wanted to get it, I could and

I chose not to. And she's like, and I sometimes feel like because I am bigger, people always wonder why I'm not getting it, and She's like, and it really drives me nuts, Like I can go to a health professional that tells me I'm okay, and people still feel like that's the choice I could make first of all your friends lucky, because that's never the conversation and how it goes to a doctor. I was gonna say, even

when I was growing, I was labeled obese. They go by to be my scale, and even though I had thighs and hips and to me it was proportionate. I've always been told from when I wasn't maybe twelve years old, because I'm obese on this b a my scale, that I risk high cholesterol, unhealthy sleep out and only was for shorter people and a certain reason of the fucking country. I mean, I'm sorry of the like of the world and was used to keep track of that populations like

health status is still being used today. I wouldn't even deny. I wouldn't even go as far to say that honestly, not not only be in my because I've gone through this whole procedure of losing weight and have two friends that have done vs. Both three friends who have done VSG, one who did VSG, and the gastric the gastric bypass.

I know that as someone who's been considered obese for pretty much majority of my life, there's no way at four pounds a doctor is saying, oh, well, you're healthy, you don't really need it because they're they're a doctor,

which I still think is weird. When they do speak to fact, they're not thinking of like, oh, you're fine, They're thinking of like preventive measure for whatever, like insurance, whatever, the fun So like they're usually more and like you can come in there and not even be seeking anything that's weight related. Like when I went to a doctor I want to say last summer and I was like, oh, it's like a you know, public doctors like through the

community or whatever. I went in there um for like a blood test because I needed to get tested and stuff, and this woman literally was like, Okay, well obviously we need to sign you up for a kind of colle just visit and then a nutritionist visit, and I was like, I'm so serious. I never went back. I still get emails and phone calls from then to this day. My first E N T tubes put into my ears because I have very bad sinuses. I talked about it on the show. So I went in there for my tube.

Both my ears got infected, so they had to drain it and then put the tubes. And mind you, he's an e n T. He goes to ask me if I have snoring problems, and I'm like, I was gonna say, you have sleep apnea because you're fast. So but literally literally a lot of people that are not fat sleep, right, It doesn't right, loss can help you said, um, well the people around me, Yeah, I have, but I mean I was able to sleep. The sleep apnea is that

you can have shortness of breath. So it's not even really the snoring, but it's more so that when you're sleeping, if you're big, if you have if you're large in size, that while you're sleeping, you could miss the breath and you could probably die. Like you here's the interesting thing, right, because the sleep happening a thing if it was true, or the snoring, and you stopped when you got your VS. You mentioned that how do you like doctors in essence? Figure out if they can help you, and how do

you want them to speak to you? I would ask, I don't know because the nutrition this thing I think is too far. But to sleep on anything, I think sleep at the thing that went even that she didn't even make the appointment for the Ganda colleges, but she

made sure to make that published nutrition. She's like, oh, I can't really do anything that's colleges because she's not here today because it was like after a certain time, like oh, but the nutritionists is so you may you went our way to make the doctor's appointment for the nutritionists. It is well because like I'm looking at you and I'm like, and here's another thing that's like I really want to talk about. It's like, oh, how could they say that she's not that big? Because what is that big?

And who defines that? Because in my opinion, I've been seeing fat phobia and I'm like, I think it's I think it's real. But then I also I'm confused because I'm like I saw some girl like you ain't that big to the girl that was big, and I just think it's weird. I just think it's weird because there's this It's what a lot of like fat women currently deal with in our community of like, well, I'm not that big or I'm not that far gone or I

haven't let myself go that back. So there's some redeeable qualities. Yeah, And so when it's like so when we kind of wrap up the conversations and that it's not about like, oh, that being fat doesn't come with health issues because everybody that says and claims that and just that's the blankets statement and leave it alone. I feel like there's some element of truth to it. I'm not stupid, But to make that the cornerstone of whether or not I deserve

respect as a human being is the issue. So if it's like, oh, you look like you have diabetes, so that makes me less of a person. I think that I have diabetes, Why do I have to like bring a clean bill of health to be told whether or not I'm able to be treated like a person, Especially when it comes to like people asking about like your medical records and like as a fat person, feeling like you have to offer up that kind of information to

kind of Okay, she's clear, she doesn't she doesn't have hypertention. Guys, like we can be nice right now, Like that's weird, Like why are we all asking people that around the board, Because we don't, and I don't like, I don't know, I don't even ask people that are sick, like, oh, when's the last time did it? Because that's not how

we're e gauging how to respect other people. So I think that's really interesting, especially when it comes to dealing with health and people talking about health, that most of the time that's where they're deriving whether or not they

respect somebody from a health conscious point of view. But you're not doing that two smaller people that might have chronic illnesses, that might have like diseases that they're dealing with that they might even be born with or you know, acquired later in life that people might think they are typically are for larger bodies. So it's just outside of health though, how you're talking about respect, it's also the value.

When I when I was bigger, um, I felt like people thought I should be happy that anybody wanted to have sex with Talke. And that's how I felt in dating and but even you you you received that from women and men because I remember I was I was dating this this football player, um, and one of the girls knew when I got you know, knew that I was with him. In Indiana, da da da, And he was like, it's so funny to me how bothered she

is that I deal with you and so mad. So she hopped in my d m uh got her body done girl from Miami um and she had like you know, the small ways big as her whole body was done and she and he he was like, yo, she's known other girls. I fun but now I don't know why it's you, but you bother her so much. So she slid in my d m s and literally trashed me because of my size, my weight, and like, I don't know why he would want you at he's sucking me

and all of this. And so even as women would come to me and be like how dare you fuck her when you're fucking me? And I looked like this, so you get you get it from the other women and the men, because those are the ones that like to perpetuate that, and then like it doesn't exist when you say something about it, like what are you talking about? Fat phobia doesn't event obviously in my whole life, but

definitely terrible women women do. They do it all the time because they're like because that's it's different, especially like which is sad because we're getting to be we're getting but like the fact that like that is still something that women internalize as I'm not as bad as this person, and there's something missing from me because this person that I find desirable is not is also dealing with this other person that I find undesirable. I have a question

right when we're on this topic. I was googling fat phobia and like hot takes on it, and I want to know this one. And I've seen someone say it to Mandy actually, and I don't know if you responded or not, but it was in our comments on her VSG episode. Someone said, um uh no, it was a big chick that wrote a blog saying, No, I'm not fat phobic because I'm fat and want to lose weight. Can we talk about that in confidence and what your opinion is? Seriously, that is something that people throw in

your face when you lose weight a confident person. No, it's internalized because you can still be fat phobic and be a fat person. That's how you could be anti black, be black person when you want to separate yourself as far as possible from this community that you are very clearly a part of because of negativity that you feel is attached to them living the way that they exist. So and I deal with that a lot. That's why I've had to actually start un following people that start

that because I'm not against intentional weight loss. I think that conversation needs to be more nuanced than it is. But if we were not against it, I'm not against it, But I also think that if the right conversation surrounding fat phobic we're happening before this super surprise intentional like weight loss, it wouldn't be this much of an issue. Because you have a lot of influencers that make their platforms, that make all their profit off of our community and

never want to bring up the existence of fatphobia. They just talk about, Oh, I have this new dress from the new Anthropology line because now their size inclusive, and it's really cool when it's the ugliest dress I've ever seen. But then they'll turn around and come back six months later and they've had a surgery to make themselves smaller,

and we're just not supposed to address it. You've made all your money off of this community by telling us how we should feel and how things are going for you. But see that's the conversation why I'm interested. It's like just okay, I'll just talk about why it is and then you'd be okay. So like a VSG. That's because

to me, I feel like it's very unfair to me. Um. I did say there was maybe a false pretense of confidence, fully because what people were saying to me, as far as the woman in my d M, as far as the men wanting to only have sex with me, because I was certainly yeah, but don't feel like, you know, with it no more, and I didn't like. But also, living in New York, it's the wintertime, boots don't go up my cats, I'm not fitting jeans, jackets, and layers

are not closing because of my way. And so even though I have this confidence because I am who I am and I'm still bagging nigga, I'm still doing this. So how weight loss, how she's doing it right now? All right? But you said that girl that posted it and then got a surgery, you didn't like that. But then because she came out of nowhere and just expected us to just take that and not have any kind

of conversation surrounding it. But we gotta sit here and talk about all the different fashion Noble Hall she's doing with the plus size like lingerie, and we all know what that means. Everything is more nuanced than a lot of people in the plus size influencer, and she want to act like it is. It's always caused for a

conversation because we're not allowed to have those comps. I've never had a conversation with another fat girl that has been as honest as the ones that I'm having now, because it's always like, well, maybe it's just you know, I just have to go and run around the track and maybe things will change, but no one's discussing how things are supposed to change. I just slim fast. I tried to change my diet. What's the first time you ever put on a diet or was on a diet?

Oh my god. In middle school, I was gonna say, when my mom would take me and my my breast started filling out quicker than they should have. I had hips, I had thighs, So these conversations when I went to the doctor my sister was smaller, I was being told I was obese at a very early age. And then of course when I got to adulthood, just moving to New York, going into college. Um that freshman fifteen turned into over the four years, I gained ten pounds a year.

I gained fifty pounds over four to five years, and to reach two hundred and thirty pounds at my peak at five ft one. And that's why even though even though people are saying, girl, you're not a BBW anymore. I've posted my before and after picks. I've been very open about the procedure, what it's caused, as far as complications. Afterwards, I talked about my acid reflux now that I have and it's super bad now and the things that I've

had to change what I'm eating. And so, yes, this girl did this weight loss and now she's like flawing around and Ladree like, I'm smaller now, so let me get into But you're not owning up to the thing is you can be somebody that isn't a larger body, that is confident, and you might either derive your confidence from some where else or you might feel good in your body at that time, but at some point it doesn't mean that you're not dealing with the very negative

effects of fat phobia. And if and if you're like very upfront and honest with your followers, which I think they still owe to us because they're the ones that people are actually listening to and they have the reach.

But I just think it's unfair. And the reason I have brought that up is because I always found it unfair to say that someone can't love anybody they're in, which is really why I liked with Lizzo said to Charlotte Mane when he was like, you wouldn't look at the kids, she was like, oh, I would look good regardless, which I didn't really. I didn't really like that that interview because he was so focused on the fact that she was not only just that, but like that she

had lost a significant amount of weight. She was homeless, So why are you like focused on the weight that she lost. Yeah, she like during that she used to be homeless, and like she would like go to the like Trony for our fitness and shower in there, and like she literally lost a lot of weight because she

was homeless and he wasn't. She couldn't afford food. Yeah, And he was stuck on how she looked when she lost the weight, and I'm just like, you're asking her about how much weight she lost and what she looked like and trying to compare back to how she looks now she was fucking homeless? Are you kidding? So she's like, he's more focused on the weight loss and the fact that she had no food to eat she was homeless. I watched an entire episode because I was like, okay, alright,

because all my friends like did you see it? Did you see us? Like na, So I watched it. I honestly don't think they focused enough on her music. They

focused a lot on her body. But then what I've really found disrespectful was him focusing on her weight loss during her homeless I think people are obsessed with focusing on her body because, well, one thing I want to talk about that I know you're gonna disagree with, but I wanted to talk about like fat phobia, trolling one if it's real, how it opened everyone's eyes with Lizzos ship, and I'm weird. I'm still like it took that long to like show everybody something to really be happening, right,

and it's been happening. I mean, I think that it was more like mainstream because it was so jarring. But here's my main question for you, because I was teetering back and forth a lot on this one. I did like the outfit, It's okay not to like the Alpha was hideous too. I started getting confused in my head because I didn't like people's reactions, and then I was like, no, I'm team Lizzo Fuckett. But then I was like, yo, am I really serious because I didn't like the outfit.

It's like, like Crystal said, it's okay to be in both camps at the same time, because I honestly think

that was a terrible outfit. I'm not gonna lie. I have T shirt dresses, so when I saw the first photo, I'm like, Okay, she's in the T shirt dresses and so like, I honestly feel like the outfit is terrible, but it is the reaction to it is very much like something that needed to be calling the question whether or not her like not the actual questions or like not the actual outfits appropriateness as a whole, because because I feel like the kids too, because what they watched

poor on their phones, same same thing a few weeks, the same thing then. But then after this, she also talked with her panties out in Chick fil A, like I did not see that. It's just it's just a lot so to me, so um so. Jerome Trammel was our opener host to our show in Atlanta, and he

brought up the post of fat phobia. I want to ask you because this is me and him went back and forth a little bit on it, and even when we had our guests and we talked about Lozzo a few weeks ago, Um, this is do you know what she's talking about? He's slim. So my question to you, um is, so to me, when people bring up these fat phobia problems that people are portraying to meet, I don't like someone to point out that it's fat phobic. Mind you, we brought up she could be asking for attention.

The outfit is terrible. There's all these things. And so let me ask your opinion on people who decided to bring up fat phobia who have never experienced fatphobia. Do you find it okay for them to kind of pledge Oh, y'all are all fat phobic? It only because she's fat. No,

because I think it's hollow. And if you're not going to do the work to actually explain to people why it's platphobic in terms of like the semantics and the language used around what was happening, as opposed to just jumping on this bandwagon that you think is pally correct.

And that's where that's where the hollow that's where the hollowness is like okay, but like and that's why it turns other people off when you're trying to discuss what fat phobia is because like, like I said, it's possible to think that ALFA was terrible because it was, but also when you see the criticism surrounding the outfit, none of it really makes Nobody wants to say yeah, but like it just nobody wants to see that it was like all of these things people are like literally cherry

picking out of like what is appropriate to be shown. They were talking about the seats being dirty, and they were talking about the children, and I'm like, okay, but like I'm not even trying to be that person. Your children see a lot worse on a daily basis, so therefore, a big black woman's ass is not going to corrupt your children. The children thing I actually got really annoyed with because the cheerleaders, which everybody, everybody's critiquing it. It's

like literally the cheerleaders are right, there's seat thing. But I think that the seat thing was also like a random thing to pull out. It was random because everybody wanted to have something to say that wasn't fat over it, or they wanted to make it seem like it wasn't fact right, So that situation I didn't I didn't read

what he said. Um, so I can't really comment on it too much, but I am curious to know how do people and this I guess could go in a box for white people with their Black Lives Matter ship, which gets super annoying sometimes. How does skinny people then become allies and especially with intersexual feminism, not celebrate bigger women's bodies and then be called like you know, just using your verbon hollow like he's not a woman, right, he's an LGBTQ advocate, So it's like, okay, I'm all

four women, I'm all for people. How do you keep in that box and and and be with your activism and support people but then not be called like it can't be opportunistic? Why are you wait till now to say something? She can do with fatphobia since her career started. It wasn't just this this might have been like this might have been like the tipping point, but this is not. So you feel that that's I think a good point

to see. So like using that as the catalysts can't be performative, and I feel like a lot of people that we're like, Na, this is fat phobic, without willing to offer a follow up in terms of what fat phobia is and show examples of how she's been dealing with this. What is it? And fat phobia is a very negative set of attitudes, behaviors, and societal like beliefs about somebody that lives in a larger body that's not

seen as socially acceptable. And that literally is a systemic issue to the point where it affects uh, it affects insurance, health insurance, being able to have your children with you, It affects how you shop, It affects your employment and effect get paid. It affects everything, And people don't want to acknowledge that because it's still seen as something that you can change, because it's not like being born with a leg or not being born, you know, with like

a skin disease or something like. It's something that they're like, well, you should have or control over this, and it's also seen as a moral issue because with the Ten Commandments and people talking about how gluttony is one of that's directly tied to morality and over feeding yourself, that the result of a larger body is over training when they don't think about the fact that a lot of people are born. I've been fat since I was a child. This is not something that just happened. When I went

through a time. That was a conversation I had this morning with the dude. I was stating right like, um, I was writing out things I wanted to talk about with you, and I was like, you know, I know a lot of girls online that are bigger than me. When I would post myself and lingerie and what my stomach wasn't all the late flat and I would talk about a fuba, they would get angry with me. Girls around my side and be like, oh yeah, I got

a muffin top today. It fluctuates daa. But girls that were significantly bigger than me, we're not working with me for it. I don't preach positivity because it's not my lane. I don't need to um and it's just not something I connect with as much as I connect with feminism. However, I am interested in knowing how you feel when, when and if a girl my size would say something like that, and if you feel like we can because that conversation about this conversation on the podcast and we we went

back and forth. I told her, I told you, I thought that I agreed with you. Yeah, I didn't. I didn't really care first someone her size to even be doing the food or body positivity type don't do positivity type post. But I love my body. Well, first of all, I'm not body positive. I don't like body positively. At the current state it is right now, I think it's very performative. The people that needed the least are the

people that benefit from the most. And I honestly feel at this point it is now a marketing point and we're going to move on to something else chasing. But there's another thing cloud chasing for ad companies that are however, there's an thing with that though. Bro, when I'm on the subway and now I see big girls in lingerie, are they cloud chasing me? Or and now we're putting it in everybody says it isn't better? Is it an

is it an ad of a company? That's already made sizes for us or because but that's the thing where I'm like, okay, you gotta take it, like I like

seeing it. And I also understand how someone who can be bigger can say it's cloud chasy or it's bullshit, but so now they're not supposed to well I can I can get that from Like when the answering the first question you ask, I think that when smaller women or like straight sized women as they're usually called, are able to talk about their body in a way that um kind of talks about what they feel are flaws or what they're uncomfortable with on their body, the language

that they're using is something that they already um attribute as negative that somebody else is already living with. So like if you're like, oh I have a fopa, Oh I have muffin top, Oh I have roles, Oh I feel fat, it's just like I don't know if you'll talked about it in a way of like there's a difference between feeling fat and being fat, and you're already attributing negative word because you already know how fat people are treating. I really like that feeling fat and being

fat because because now that's what I find interesting. I want to say one more time, I've never ever I do not do body positivity posts because that's not my either don't like but you see it's not on there. But I definitely always talk about FOPA because I have a really big fluctuating into my weight and oh, I've noticed that I've felt uncomfortable and which is why I

wanted to take ownership of it. When the girls are talking about flaws that are straight sized women, like you said, do you feel like that is ownership of it or it's them brushing off criticism of what could be because I don't think it's ownership. I think it literally is them, like if you want to, I think it's a because I don't believe in absolutism. I think it's like a whole spectrum of like how they feel fatness affects them, because like I tell people, fat phobia affects everybody. They

are not fat or terrified and being fat. There are studies showing that people rather be blind than fat, and would rather have other terrible things happen to them physically to be fat. Because all the people want to deny fat phobia, they know what fat phobia is they know how fat people are treated. They know how fat people mentally systematically. So so that's why when I was like, it's not fair the worst, they're the worst because it's perfectly set up to not have fat people there, especially

in New York. When I moved here and I would make funs. I look at slim ask restaurants, there's like four chairs in there and it's like this small, most like table. It is set up in a way to where fat people are not allowed to participate. Come to society, and if they have a problem with it, they need to go lose weight so that they can conform to what society thinks it's acceptable enough to treat them with

respect is human beings. And when you have somebody that already gets that respect just by just off of the strength of then existing in a non fat body, attributing all of these negative factors to problem areas they feel are issues on their body because you're not being treated like us in a person, because you have a food, not being treated like you can't raise your own children because you have a muff. You can do things like I'll remember, seven months before my surgery, I went with

my coworkers. This is when I was working at an investment bank and me and all of the co workers that were on my level, we went to six Flags. Do you know do you know one of the rides the thing it wouldn't close. Do you get do you know? Do you know? That's when that's when, honestly, a lot of people are like, like, you know, but you were shapely, you weren't that big. I've been on planes where I got in the emergency seat and the bar didn't lift up,

and so I felt squashed on an airplane seat. So when I went to six Flags and the thing wentn't closed, and he's literally trying between my you're not ride this ride. I cannot ride this ride with my coworkers because of my size. So that's like my problem. When I see the slim people talking about, you know, their size, their food with their arms there, Oh my god, on this, I'm not That's where like it didn't it internalizes with me,

like you have no fucking idea. Yes you may not like your pupa, but there's been things that I have not been able to physically do. Even when I went to Dubai, a little African flew me to Dubai. We went to the NASCAR Ferrari. There's a Ferrari World out in Abu Dhabi. We went there. One of the riots, it wouldn't close over my hips and thighs and we literally had to get up and I was in tears. I was like, I'm ready to go. But in my size, there have been things that I was not physically able

to do. I joke about not writing Dick because it's a lie. I'd had a breath, yeah, all that. But when I was bigger, there were literally things that I could not physically do that happened around people and they

saw that because of my size, I was affected. So in talking about body positivity and people who are smaller and people who I believe like cloud chase off of this body positivity movement, when it comes to people who are slim and who have never been a victim of fat phobia, I do have problems with people trying to bring the conversation of fat phobia when that's something they've never ever had to experienced a series of isolated incidences, And I feel like, because there's still, for lack of

a better phrase, there's still not enough room to have conversations about fat phobia. I really do think that if if finism wants to continue progressing and be intersexual, especially since we go into this next wave, we're going to have to address fat phobia. We're already getting to a point where we're being forced with Sesta Foster to discuss horophobia and like decriminalizing sex work because we had to

actually throw in people's spaces. There had to be put something put in place to have everybody pay attention, which they didn't, And now everybody trying to ax surprise that Instagram and dating apps and all these other websites are

now blocking them for content and like censoring stuff. Everybody's trying to act surprise, like Wow, maybe if you would listen to all the sex workers that were talking about what Sessa Foster is going to do instead of actually helping the people they think they're going to help, we

wouldn't be in a situation. But I think it's going to get to a point where they're going to have to listen because it doesn't just affect whether or not I'm buying close somewhere, which fun facts like three places in New York I could buy closed places, But it's also yeah, but it's also affecting it on a personal level, and like what I talk about with my pages that talked it affects me on a sexual level too, because I'm expected to not even know what sexuality is in

a larger body, and I'm, like she said, I'm only supposed to like take what i can get, be appreciative of whatever dick's coming back, be fetishized, or like shut

the funk up about it. And everybody's response when you bring up fat phobia is either their discomfort, their body issues they want to share with you not in a fat body, but also the fact that if you want to be treated better, you have to lose a significant amount of weight to be even treated as a human, which I still think it's gross because why can't I'll be treated as a human while I'm taking dick, Like so you're you're basically saying that you're gonna put your

dick in anything. But I'm not a person, And during that situation, the lead up to, during, and after, I don't have to be treated as a person or expect to be treated as a person because as a fat person, I don't deserve humanity. And that's what it is. That's

like at the very core of it. And that's why I wanted to discuss it more in terms of sexuality, because like that leads to a lot of like that that is a part of rape culture, and people don't understand how like being socialized to be used as an instrument just to be seen as like desirable happens a lot with a lot of fact when whether or not you're in charge of her sexuality, whether or not you're more like assertive with it, there has been a like instance,

like an instance or ongoing situation where you feel like this is the only thing that I can provide to this person to keep them around because they do not see me as a person. That's where I really wanted you to come because I feel like after watching a lot of your stories and stuff like that, and even someone that doesn't experience it, like just wanting just knowing our listeners seeing what they look like, I know I

need it like a little bit, like do it. It's not about seeing it, it's about recognizing that you benefit from it. So like ask somebody that's not in a fat body, you're like already benefiting from fat phobia because you're being being treated better out of spite of fatphobia, because you're not in a fat body, so therefore you're not you're not existing in a way that is so like seen as a failure at moral failure, like an employment failure, social failure. So you're being seen as somebody

that is human. And even though it might I'm not saying nothing bad happens to you because you're not fat, but it's just like the way that you're being treated an approached by people, talk to you, by people, treated by your partners. Oh, I know and acknowledge that. I mean, listen, I don't deal with fat phobia too often or have too many conversations about it, but I know that around you.

I knew that it was necessary because of one people around me, to our listeners, and three the fact that if I am a feminist and is and this is true, I have to consider all women and what they look like. Yeah, and you have to consider all the ways in which you benefit from something that purely exists, because people do not think that people that live in larger bodies are human. And I felt like this was necessary to just to know that, like we all might treat people that are

bigger than us away and not even see it. And I really wanted that I opening perspective from someone else.

I mean, you know, Mandy has been through weight loss, I mean journey and done so many episodes on it, and it always feels like it's never enough of a combo because at the end of the day, I go through instances all the time where I'm seeing it happened, whether Niggas is talking about big Girls, whether it's on online every day, just the fucking Lizzo wave, like it's all of the fucking time, and it's like, especially after that ship, I was like, I just want one more

where people can actually know and understand how it feels on the other side because I don't know, right. And like I said, when I say food and things like that, um, it's not a guilt trip to make someone feel bad for me because I don't need it. I'm just saying I love and like my body the way it is. But also when you are talking about your body, if you're not in a fat body, as a feminist, you have to think about whether or not that's something that

is boring for misogyny or a faphobia. The way that I like my body, the way that if you might have an issue with your body, because I don't. Because a lot of women that aren't fat, they're dealing with their body through the lens of misogyny, not fat phobia. I think the only way out my body no not to wait. I bought tits, and I think I know I wanted them, and I wanted them for myself. But the older I get, I also know why. I'm like, I know it wasn't a man that made me get him,

but was it? Though? Okay, it's okay to think about it, because did I feel less desirable because I didn't have it? And like, I definitely think that that's the one thing, not particularly weight um, but definitely getting it. And I'm super happy I got it because I feel very sexy with it. But I've never been a girl with curbs. I've never had a big as, i've never had hips.

I've been teased on this show for not having it like that, and I'm not doing that on some victim pity party ship because I already know that that's misogyny though, but that's also in my mind, like the way that I think that some skinny girl should goes just like, oh, I'm not curvy enough, and as we've all internalized misogyn right,

we're brought up with the misogyny. So if it's like somebody telling me they don't feel like their curves is big enough, their ass is not big enough, that's something that's completely different from like fat phobia, because it's like you're dealing with things. You're dealing with your body under the umbrella. That's a lot more interesting because I've heard people say that's skinny bitch wolves. I don't call it

that anymore because I still be with the ship. I think it's I think it's but I think it should be looking at and you looked that through another lens, because it is through a lens of misogyny and not something because because I'm only saying that because that's usually what's used as a rebuttal when you say, hey, I don't like being treated like ship fat and then they're like, well, hey I don't have ass, and all the boys in high school and they talked to the curby girls like yeah,

because those are the one sucking dick to get liked and you probably didn't have to. So it's just like you. I've never used not having courage because my hair the way that braid of my hair did it and it was a very awkward six hours. Bitch, I do feel like i'd be mad about how like I've been mad at like, oh I wish I had this, but I don't think I've ever weaponized. And like I nik, I don't want me because of this. No, because what's for me is for me. Bro See, look, you used the

word weaponize because that's what they do. Yeah, they do, they do. Look at me, I'm my fake why fake wonk. I'm just saying through the conversation, I see the wheels turning. No, I see the word. I see the wheels turning. I see Like you're like, oh that's interesting. Oh like okay, because like I'm not saying that then women don't have voes. I'm just saying that they're completely different from what something

else might be doing. So like if I came up to you and let's say you were like a white woman, and you're just like, oh, I just do it so much because men don't respect me and dada, and I'm just like okay, but just you know, that's something that would usually be used in response to like a black woman saying like hey, when I go to work. I have to change the volume of my voice. I have to code switch. I have to make sure I wear things that don't show off my curves too much because

it will be seen this inappropriate something today. And I think the biggest thing that I'll take from you that I will change about what I do. I always say feeling that I mean. Obviously I'm not saying oh I'm I've definitely said I feel fat, and I've never thought about what it would feel like for someone else to hear that it is, but it's it's in my mind how I feel it. Even when I'm on my period, I'll use that word I feel like that, and I'm

definitely not gonna do that anymore. I appreciate you for that. I want to get into the homemail before we get out of here. Um, this one is good because it actually kind of stems to you on what you said earlier with the broken negget, so that this is a hole that deserves it all. Hey, ladies, I just want to start by saying how much I love y'all. You've talked me through a pretty painful and dramatic breakup earlier this year, and now you're teaching me about this whole

life and all the craziness that comes with it. Dating has been a wash for me lately, since me too. I'm not looking to be in a relationship with anyone at this time, but I do enjoy getting to know new people and going out on dates. Here is where the problem lies. My last relationship was with a man that didn't have much of anything. He was always in debt, never out of car, and had some pretty bad addictions.

I stayed with him for over three years because I felt like I could help fix his situation, and because the duke was so bombed and all capitalised me, obviously I couldn't. We broke up in four months later, he's engaged to a white girl. But that's another story for another time. Anyways, I'm twenty three years old, college educated, attractive black woman that pays for my own car, apartment, and student loans, and I have a pretty great job

at a nonprofit. Basically, my ass is deserving of a man that matches my energy and has the means to improve my life. However, all the men I seem to attract are typically broke or like ambition of any kind. You've done at least two episodes on sugar dating in

the past, but seeking arrangements is whack. And as a black woman, finding the right sugar daddy that is willing to consistently spoil mentor and isn't just wanting to pay for play, situation is heard outside of sugar daddy's How do I position myself to receive the abundant blessings of five niggas that are willing to simply show me the finer things You both seemed You both seem to do it with ease. And I know these men exist here in Dallas, Texas. Can't wait to see you guys at

the show. Love a broke nigga magnet, Come on Dallas. They do exist in Dallas, you do. But also they got many in Texas, specifically Houston. You have a lot of the oil money down there. Um, I would say, here, so here's something that me and my friends talk about. Um. And you don't have to go out and and buy luxury items, but I will say, um, you do attract

what you put out. Um. So I would say, dressing a certain way when you go to either nice restaurants or out to a club, making sure your shoes are well kept, your outfit is nice, your hair is laid. So even just maybe putting more effort into what you're put out, keeping your nails done and literally just coming across more well kept does attract people who either want to spend money on you or people with money. There's also two things to be said to with your appearances.

It's levels, right, like the way that I'm dressed right now, I'm wearing like orange pants, big chunky boots and sweater or whatever. This is how I like to dress. I'll dress casually and when I'm going out and hanging out with friends. But there's levels to ship if you want to niggle on a different level, and that's not the niggas you're running into when I'm in my orange pants or chunky heels. You I believe you should dress better than normal or even have a tire four that ship.

Like I had my sugar Daddy clothes. I have my solo house clothes. Bro, I have my I'm going on, I have Hampton's clothes to loom clothes. Then I have my Caid Coon clothes. Like I think that we're like just throwing in like that fucking Oh, I've got a cute dress that I word to the club. Normally, well, don't wear it when you're catching a sugar Daddy because that's not the same one. But not aly that just

knowing your your space. Now you're dressed. So yesterday after the studio, UM, I end up going out hanging out with my homeboy is Sante. But then one of my friends invited me to SLBs. I had on Forces, jeans, a sweatshirt, real chill. Then Katie was throwing a holiday party at Catch Steak, so his brother hit me and was like, Hey, are you coming to the holiday party? Kevin's having it and I was like, Nigga, I'm on

Forces and jeans. I know that I'm not going to go in to Catch Steak where there's gonna be other NBA players, there's gonna be you know, probably team execs. There's gonna be niggas with money. I can't go in there with air Forces. I felt way more comfortable meeting my other homeboy SLB's chilling, rocking it out. So it's also knowing and being aware of the spaces that you're gonna be put in. If your friend is inviting you to a hotel lobby to have drinks and you know

it's a nice hotel, definitely dressed the part. If you're gonna go to the Lower East Side and have drinks, you're probably not gonna find the person that you would

expect to spend a lot of money on. And I think that's another thing too, with like expectations with like getting money out of niggas, like not every number you get so like and I really I want to talk about Cutty with this because I think she might have mentioned in her book and I read her book two years ago, but like, if you're, you know, trying to get money out of every single nigga you fuck with because you're following a person like Cutty who's excelled in

this or even listening to this show and hearing us talk about niggas that we funk with like that, no one understand. Everybody at this table is fucking roe nigger right, but still has preached about the rich nigga and game money cannot pass them in the same net. Like you can't think that when you were chilling out a dive bar and met a dude that he's going to give you the same type of ship that someone else might have.

It's just I'm not saying you can't. I'm just saying, like it's set your expectations realistically where to find them. Hotel lobbies are like the number one place I've always read online. That's like across the board. What they've said is a thing. Yes, because it's undercut a lot, specifically on the West coast in l A. Of course, well Vegas, it's kind of they don't really do it too much. But in l A, my friends would go to the nice restaurants and hopes of finding someone, and even sitting

at a bar they got caught. Well, there was an undercover cop because they will look to see if you're trying to um, you know, sell yourself. Women as well, Yeah, that woman that was just staying at the hotel and they were like, obviously you're here, and they kicked up the hotel and rest. Oh wow, I didn't hear about this. Yeah, So like that if you were trans black, but you just can't be in the lobby, why would you in

the lobby. That's that's insane. But even as my friends, you know, with their bodies down, are dressed a certain way that people automatically assume they're there for sex work. No, but we're just here to get the nice cocktails. We have the money to pay for them. But yeah, like, and that's been something even being with my friends where we've been looked at and we'll be like, oh, they think we're here working, even if we're not. We're just

there to eat good food. It happens to me one time where I realized the dude thought I was a hole. And when he thought it, I almost I was like, I smiled and laughed because I couldn't leave it. I was at hunting Fish in New York. That's the number one place for sugar daddies, thought fish. If you're in New York, hot Fish is where you go to get them. But even our cameraman is smiling. That is the number.

Is the number? The number one. I was in. I was suited when I was, you know, working in tech, and I came in there, but under my suit I were like maybe a lace like thing under the blazer. This dude was like from New York, honey and the honey thing. I was like, yeah, I'm not from here, but you know I live here. And I was like I worked nearby and he's like, oh yeah, okay, and he's like, well, I'm staying nearby. I was like, oh

cool number one. I was like, I actually live on fifty four right and at the time, And it's funny because I didn't realize I was sounding like I was being inviting. Yeah, And right before he left, he was like listen, like I do this all the time, but you know, I think you're great. And I was like, oh my god, I'm not at home, but I am no. But I was like yeah. When he left, I felt insulted and like hot at the same time. Oh my god,

you were like carry from sexist yet that day. I hate that episode because she was really in her feelings about that. I was like, grow up Sundays I love with Samantha said you have power between your legs and he got power in his pocket. It wasn't a direct quote, but it was something like that anyway. It was so I just realizing whatever the time ed and keeps looking at me. I don't know if you ever someone to go. Mandy couldn't even be here past two weeks. I was

about to get scancer. I can't say something real quick though. How we were talking about like the whole bad energy and closing portal. She like that know how to close man, it funny. How many's Mike bro though? How what? How? What? Look at your microphone? What about it? Your mic broken? Arts energy? I know because the devil dig and I'm talking about it. It's not it's one of their wives. I'm serious. Listen, let's not talk about everything in the

studio falls apart. Let's not. Let's really not. I don't want to say, God damn this dude. So it's not motherfucking double days. Listen, listen this this podcast that don't even record out of here anymore. Goddamnit. So anyways, but shots, nigga, it ain't the double dick energy. I'm not cursed. It's the motherfucking Mike stand anyways, or it is a lord father god full at full card pops. Listen, I'm about to add to understand or underscore to my name. Maybe

I think it's one on maybe two. They can and they know all my A k A. They don't. They don't motherfuckering curse everything. Anyway, before we get out of here, Ashley, can you give our listeners where they may find you, if you have any websites, if you have anything going on, well you can find me an actually, Chubby Bunny Um, that's a s H l E. I g H chubby bunny. That's all one word on Instagram. I don't really use

any other social media at the moment. I also in the vein of what I'm talking about, have a lingerie party coming up February sixteen. Yeah, we have. We had wanted June that was called Centerfold. It was laundry party. Went really well. So we're doing it again and I'm running it with my friend Venus Cuffs, and I'm very excited to have that happen again because the first one, even though there was drama, it was a success. It will be here in New York. It'll be here in

New York. It would be at three dollar bill in Brooklyn, So you have to give us the flyer. I would definitely have to post that. Yet we're taking our photos like next week, pot I will happen. Yes, so I'll get that to you. But that's what we're doing. Awesome, awesome. I do appreciate um you coming in here. Um even even for us going on tour. When we first decided to do merch we we we bought quite a bit of shirts. We we bought it in bulk and when we brought it to Atlanta as one of our first

Atlanta shows. This was maybe two years ago. UM, my friend who did the table um, who was also bigger, she went through the surgery as me. She's like, girl, you have people that wanted to buy shirts, and you guys did they were too you guys didn't have the bigger sizes. So even again, I want to thank our patrons because because of you, we did a large order. But we went all the way up to three x L on our tort shirts just because we do want

to include Yeah. So um, I do apologize for that misstep two years ago for those of you who came to our show in Atlanta and couldn't get merged because we didn't have your size. Um. But yes, for our tour March, we do go all the way into three X. And there's that three X kind of looked like I tell you right now, I want to take your skinny as money, your big as money, Nick money or mom money, your old money, and your scamming money. Now I went all that. But again I want to thank our patrons.

Because of you, we were able to do that. If you guys, UM, aren't familiar and maybe this is your first time listening and you came on over because Ashley Chubby Bunny told you to. Um. Do know that we do offer three bonus episodes every month, so depending on how many Mondays land in that month, you can get anywhere between seven and eight episodes in that month. Um, and we are going to leave you off with a five minute bonus clip front Patreon. If you want to

become a patron, go to Patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions. Also, if you want to submit homemail, definitely go ahead and email us at Horrible Decisions at gmail dot com. That's w h O R E I b l E decisions dot com. Also, we come into a motherfucker's sitting near you, So if you haven't yet get your motherfucking tickets to see us live, we are bringing Kinksters to the stage. We have a lot of invited guests coming out. You may be able to see some of our previous guests

on stage. And it's a hell of a show that we give you guys. So if you guys have not yet, be sure to purchase your tickets at Horrible Decisions dot com and click the city that you're in or one that you plan to travel to and it will take you right to the landing page of the tickets. Once again, we're gonna leave you with a five minute bonus clip of our Patreon episode. Once again, thank you Ashley for joining us. And this has been yet another episode of

horrible Decisions. Three things you and your partner app here to have in commons so you can answer this. Me and you, this is to say six questions to love each other. Um, what do we have in common? I ain't gonna lie. People listen to us, and I think now that we're three years in, they realized we don't have much in common outside of tol. We both love to suck dick and we we both get our hair done with we've we both love to travel, we both love we both love our friends a lot. We love

our friends. We both like ethnic foods. I was gonna say we both like bougie things, but I blewis bitten per across it. And you see, I got a very very jacket. But this is just now like things that I couldn't afford. Um, and I also used to so the niggas that I've when I talk about sugar daddies and stuff like that. All of the men that I've dealt with are those that won't buy me. They would

never they would never buy me tangible thing. They would buy me things for school, they would pay for my bills, they would do things for my livelihood. But they're they're not materialistic niggas. So now that you know, they know, I really don't need that money that way, if I do ask for something, it's like, oh, I want this, and they're okay, Like I'm waiting on these wire cell shoes right now. So it's also, yes, the pump that's

my Valentine's list, that's what only what I'm getting. Well, it's crazy because so they have a boot version and open toe versions and pumpers. So the boots are seventeen hundred the and the other two are. So I was like, the boot is seasonal. Open toe was also seasonal because we live, I said, the pump I could wear a year round. I would get in those shoes by the way. Um yeah, but see even my even on Louis, it's on like, um, combat boots they said are uncomfortable. Not

for those. Yeah, that's what I want. I know that you like ship like this, but that's kind of tacky. I was like, it's not tacky. He's like, listen, it's too over the top. He's like, it's not. Then you could dress it down, but you can wear that with cargo pants. I was like, I don't know why you feel like it's too much. He was like, I think it's too showy. He was like, I'll get you some while I sell ship, but it's not gonna be all over it. And I'm like, then this body standing mad it.

I'm not gonna lie like I'm one of those that didn't grow up with money. I don't have family members that have money, and to me, I don't believe in spending so much money on something. So I was talking to my homeboy about it, and I was like, you know, if I'm gonna buy something, the monograph is gonna be only because they're gonna know if it costs to a hundred, and they're gonna because they gonna see it. I don't

want just a leather black leathers. I felt like the y s l like he'll was tasteful and not that much and he's like no, he was like, real, Nias know when you have a certain kind of time. I'm like, well, I don't know I don't know a bit started walking down the street with well, actually the y saw doesn't have the very round front with a certain kind of thing. But anyway, Nah, okay. Nine is for what in your

life do you feel us fray full? Ten If you could change anything about there raised, I would be eleven. Tell take four minutes and tell your partner your life story and as much detail as possible. I think that's a good one too. Um. If you could wake up tomorrow morning having gained one quality or ability, what would it be? Can I get into my side fake? Yeah? Oh so I would want to be able to teleport anywhere in the world. Wow, mine was totally different. I'm

thinking of magical powers. We like, what what abilities are you talking about? I was gonna say I would want like one quality. I would want like I wouldn't want to be like super strong, Like I'm trying really hard to like build strength, like that's something that's so important to me, Like being able to lift myself up doing certain ships like that, and I feel like a failure every time, and so like my I T band has been sucked up. I haven't been able to work out,

so it's all upper body. I'm gaining weight. That's funny. I can't do pull ups for ship like. My upper body strength sucks, but my lower body these things stronger, but most people are. I can squat and do yeah, but that's how I have a lot of lower body strength. Um. Except if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, where would you want to know? I know about my life. I don't believe in learning about the future. No, I don't want to

know about the future. You know, I was going to say the same thing. I don't want to I don't want to know about the future. Actually, the only thing about the future I would want to know, if I could specify, I would want to know when or if I'm ever gonna find love. I would want to know if I'm gonna be like Oprah and just care about my money in my career, or if I'm genuine. Yeah, seman doesn't really count. I don't think so. I think that they're just chills her partner. Yeah, I don't know

about that. I just think if people say that I'm here, I don't know. But okay, so think okay, okay, well, oh no, me too. But then Tracey Ellis Fross in her fifties, fabulous, but still no partner. The same for a Maya beautiful chick. Never she ain't never would either Chili. I don't want to end up like Chili, so I'm not gonna lie. Like to me, if I could specify, I want to know if I'm ever gonna find love or if love just is not in the cards for me.

I would want to know that so I can get off these dating apps and stop shooting my shot in these niggs. So I would I would kind of want to know maybe when I meet my soul mate, Like for example, let's say they say it's in and be like, Okay, I'm gonna do all the gang thangs and should I need to do now because I'm gonna meet my nigga. But maybe if I know I'm gonna meet my soul mate this year, bet I'm gonna I'm a sloan down. But if my nigga are you, I'm a race to

that finished. But I mean, I'm gonna be likely coming. But if I know that I may not meet my soul mate for another ten years, I think then I would stop putting so much emphasis on, you know, my dating strategies, and and the time I spend going back to men in the past or trying to meet new people that can mean more to me. It's jail.