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how are you? Yes, it's the raste one and only Mandy V. Hey guys, it's Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, whatever day you're listening to us. It is Horrible Decisions And I am recording live out here in Los Angeles. I am joined by a guest co host today because Wheezy is still in New York and probably actually in Europe right now. But I am joined by my good friend Stacy. Hi. You really just so nervous because you're just staring straight now crazy. You totally just you just
introduced yourself like Wheezy. I'm like, Yo, just Mendy b A k A. Hi, I'm Stacy, Okay, I'm the realist bitch ever a k A Stacy a kor just Stacy Ak the only one she has money signed, boss Witch. And it's not just us in the studio today, we are also joined by a lovely lady that you guys may or may not have seen, but you're gonna learn her today. She's been on TV and I'm gonna allow her just both about all of her accolades that she's
been through. Go ahead and introduce yourself. Well, Hello, I'm Demona Hoffman and I am certified dating coach and you may have seen me on the TV show's hashtag black Love on f Y I or a Question of Love, Black Lives. Yeah, and I write for b ET and Washington Post and all kinds of magazines. But let's say that now I'm loving I'm loving it, Oprah Magazine Daily That there's what I do. This is what I do. You're an expert dating coach. That is your typle on how to date and um also how to stay in
relationships if they want. Gosh, Mandy needs you and her I'm so excited. I'm not even a lie. When you were coming, I was literally like, so you emailed us and I was like, oh, yeah, we need this because I apparently need an intervention when it comes to dating, and so I'm super excited to be having, um, the conversation we're gonna have. Of course, we are going to talk about dating. We're gonna dig into the mistakes of online dating and also eating. As a millennial, UM, A
lot of us, what what is millennial? What is that eighty seven to ninety six or something like that? Millennial? I know me too, but I was born in nineteen ninety, but I feel like I think it's like eighty five. No no, no, no, no, no, hold on, because I researched this because my man's ten years older and he wouldn't and I was he always talked about because I'm ten years younger. And it says millennial was like seventy I don't know. Google it. It's I think it's like
seventy nine. Basically, we don't know what the millennials just a state of mind. Okay, I would say between between mid twenties two late thirties would be I would agree with you, yeah, which would be about the millennials. Okay, do you want the real answer? Yes? Go ahead, Okay, early nineteen eighties, UM to mid nineteen nineties, early two thousand's Okay, yeah, that's about as early as nineteen eighty one to nineteen nineties sixty. There we go eighty one
to ninety six. So this really um, this I guess conversation is kind of going to apply to so many of you guys. I guess before we get started to instead of doing an icebreaker, because it's gonna be pretty pretty PG thirteen ish. Apparently she has an eleven year old daughter, and I don't know how to be even PG so do not let Mandy watch like sexual filter at all. But I didn't know, like what you can. I cannot stay around a kid because I feel like
these conversations need to be had. So me and her daughter were watching the vim as and this is not what I'm talking about. I know, well I'm gonna what I'm gonna bring it up. So we're talking and I see the girl like kind of Caballo or whatever her name is, and so we're talking about Fifth Harmony. I was like, oh, yeah, one of them date ty Dolla Sign and I was really heartbroken because I'm followed him because he posted so much of him and this girl, and so she tells me she updates. She's like, I
think they broke up. I'm fill the bathroom like with the door close, listening, not saying anything. So she's not saying I'm literally talking to her eleven year old daughter like oh my god. So we're looking on Google about why they broke up. We're looking up his instagram, her instagram like, oh my god, all the pictures have been deleted. And I was like, dang, he's saying now he's fine.
I'm about to slide at his DM and we literally were just talking within Yeah, she also just entered middle school, and I was like, yeah, that was probably here we go. So I just just like my daughter, she is eleven. She's very mature. A lot of my friends forget that she's eleven, and my daughter will look at you and listen to you. It's like whatever you tell her, like really,
like she didn't she's older. Anyways, She's talking about how she just got into middle school and um Mandy, she's just like walking around like, oh, I remember middle school. I was getting my titty sucked on in eighth grade. You did not, man, Oh my god. I cross. I was just like in middle school, that's when you do start like experience, like that's where I had my first tone kiss my friends were getting finger pops. I had my nipples. Say that to a fucking eleven arld that
just entered sixth grade. You want her to be you want her to be open with you when that happens very forward. I wasn't ready for her to say were sucked on? Yeah. I talked to my nine year old and like, not, I don't go that far with it. No, that's a little bit much. My daughter just stared at me, like because the last time she came, she says some
crazy fucking wild ship. I said. She was on face time with somebody I don't know, you know, one of her lovers, not lovers, And she was just saying, actually, do you remember that? And then Adriana and my daughter named ag it was yes, it was him, it was him last night. Um well he was drunk and wanting me like this, just like I just my daughter just doesn't stay at the house. So she doesn't like Mandy because she can't stay home because she likes talking to Maddy,
but I just can't filter her. Oh yeah, like me and Hart will be talking and I'll be like I'll be like, Adriana, cover your ears, and she's covering them. But it's like, girl, I know you hear us. That's cute that you're covering your ears. So that's real cute. Okay, so we're gonna get into our vanilla ship. Vanilla ship, if you guys are listening for the very first time,
is our sex in the news segment. So this one I picked especially for you as a dating coach because I would love to know what your thoughts are on this. So this comes from Mirror Online. It says that sex on the first date is important if you want a serious relationship. Yes, so a listening counters dot Com, the UK's leading dating site for married people, has shared its staggering research into sex on the first date. If you want a serious relationship, sex on the first date is crucial.
According to new research, more than a third of men found love after sleeping with their partner on the first date. It has led um to a proper relationship for thirty six percent of women a percent of men, but women are slightly more weary than men of partners who wants to jump into bed straight away. Um, I guess I wanted to know what your thoughts were on if dating on the first night is a tell tell fine, that you could or could not be in a serious relationship
with that person. I wish we can like record your face expression. I'm not good at yeah, I'm not good Like no poker face for me. No, I just see that study. I don't know who they were they were talking to. But here's what I'll say. I would never tell a client you will not end up in a relationship if you have sex on the first date. It can happen, and it does happen all the time. But I'm trying to help people move into relationships that are
going to last. And statistically speaking, you're much more likely to have the relationship last if you practice slow love
and if you get to know them over time. Now, I'm not really here for this like ninety days, like Steve Harvey says, that's a little bit much somewhere in between, but I I feel like you have to if you want to be in a relationship, like you you could just go on an app and have sex and that's fine, But if you want it to move into relationship, I feel like you have to be at that point where there's still a little bit of mystery left, because once you have sex, the question of are we going to
have sex. When are we gonna have sex? What's it gonna be? Like, it's already answered, and that just takes all of the anticipation. It's crazy that you said that, because to me, I do have kind of the thought process of, Okay, let me get sex out of the way, because now I know if we're continuing after the sex has gone, now you are finding other reasons to be around outside of just sex, Like we're having conversations. But it's not you manipulating your answers based on sex. No,
why does that? Why does that not make sense? How are you getting sex out the way first? Because like you're doing it backwards. Okay, So here's what I understand what you're saying. You're saying, you're saying, if you've already had sex, then it's like, well, what else is there? If you're still sticking around, you're just trying to get me right. Well, well, and that's the thing, so listen, hear me out saying, and for and for the listeners
who are who are on board with you. To me, when you're dating somebody, I feel like that's where maybe the manipulation even comes in on the male side of things, because they're doing things the right way in order to get you into bed. So the dating, the maybe things they say as far as what their relationship status is, like all of the things that you ask when you're dating somebody, they're probably gonna give you more answers that that they're gonna want to get you into bed with.
So if you guys have sex already and the conversation continues, you can now probably be more of yourself to this person because now you're no longer just trying to get laid or get this person in bed that's already happened. Does that not make sense? So? I think, and to me because it makes sense, Like there's just so many different ways to get into a relationship that that it makes sense. But it's like, I just don't find that being the healthiest way to get into a relationship. It's
also weird because I just met someone. Um, shout out to you, Joe Budden, because I found possibly, um a love interest at your pool party, sir. That was amazing. Um. But the guy that I did meet at his fool party, we've been talking and that's kind of the thing that we both realized, Like when we realize we like someone or we may want them for more than sex. We
tend to wait on sex. And He's like, every time I've done that, it still hasn't happened, Like it hasn't about that, But don't you love that magic and adding to know someone and and the anticipation. I just like to be taste. See, And you know I don't even like heads, so now you're just doing the head a chase. Oh I heard taste? No, but I mean I like that too. I just said, what the fun that I just said. I don't know why I heard taste. I really don't know, because that's where your mind is when
it comes to a relationship up. I will say for gay mail clients that I've worked with, they say, for them, it's that is so important. The sexual dynamic is so important that a lot of them do end up meeting on a dating app. They have sex first and then the relationship develops. It's I'm kind of talking. Yeah, well,
Dustin and a Sante shout out to them. They say that I'm a black gay male at heart, so that's probably yeah, no, that's probably why I am just definitely like what sex is a large component to me, and I genuinely don't feel like I could be in a long term relationship with someone if the sex is bad. I also don't want to get into a relationship with someone who I like, because I talked about this with Fellombay. Fellombay was perfect. I loved being around him, his company. Okay,
financially he wasn't where I needed them to be. But outside of that, I knew that I would still probably need to get pleased from or find sexual from. Don't do this, um, but I just don't want to get into a relationship knowing that I'm going to have to get something else because you're lacking it from someone else. Because then, okay, we just need to talk about not being monogamous. And that's also just a hard conversation to
have about the gate as well. I just see that's why I feel like she's not ready to be in a relationship, because there's a lot of compromise. But it means also you haven't been in a relationship with the person that you want to go on that journey with. And and when you are in a relationship with someone that you you want to continue to get to know better, you want to know on a deeper level. The sex does evolve as well, like this, I've been with my
husband but long sixteen years. Yeah, but like the first time we had sex, like if I had judged, yeah, I feel that. So if the sex is bad, you guys have continued to try to keep going. And I don't want to say it was bad, but just you know,
it just happened. And if you're in a relationship with someone, you work on your sexual dynamic as well as the other elements of the relationship, and that being in that that kind of relationship where you have you have mutual trust, you can you can talk about anything, you can ask for anything, and it's not weird or on more than sex. It's a friendship. It's just like it's like it's like
your Carla, but a man version that you want to fuck. Okay, don't bring up Carla because everyone thinks we already because I know I was saying, I'm trying to like put them together. Like you know how you love talking to carl all the time, even though she you're always with her, Like imagine that just being like not Carla, but like the relationship that you have with her in a man
It's so hard for me too. That makes sense In my I mean, it just makes I think it's hard for me because I'm big on, like building platonic relationships with men. So when I find someone that I want as a friend to me, sex or the idea of relationships can ruin that friendship. And we talked about this too. I feel like my friendships are above everything, so I put my friends before should I put my friends before family? Like, my friendships are like everything to me, So I don't
really like we were having the conversation. If my friends want to go on a trip, I don't care if I have a boyfriend, Hey, I'm going on a trip. I don't want to feel like I have to ask permission or tell someone what I'm doing every now and then. Like there's just so many things about relations right right, And I mean there's also a danger in making your
partner your everything. A lot of times people say that talk about you, but I know I would love to hear about this because that's the thing that I feel like does happen with a lot of my friends. As soon as they do get in a relationship, they cut everyone off or they're only talking, they're venting about the sour things of relationships. So you literally only hear about
when they're going through something negative with a relationship. Other than that, when you get into a relationship, you're like cut you cut off your friends. But also, I refer to it as like a Yelp review, which is why it's hard to it's hard to like gauge what people think of things because they only bring up when they really really hate something, like if you really hate the service somewhere, you're like, I'm going to leave an awfully
up review. This was awful. But when things are going well, you don't feel the need to really tell people, Hey, it's going well. There are plenty of five starry Yelp reviews. Yeah, looks really good. You talk about that too. So when it's really good, and that's normally the puppy dog phase, But what about if it's a three or I find myself complaining talking about relationship when I'm irritated. I don't talk about it when I'm when I'm happy, because then
I feel like I'm gloating. And it's like, Oh, I have a boyfriend and or fiance, and you know he does all the stuff for me, he's so amazing. You're like, okay, good bitch. But when you tell them like, oh my gosh, he's so fucking annoying, like he just will not let me go somewhere. And then it's like, oh, it's interesting, Like I cannot believe he won't let you go anywhere, Stacy, you need to lead, you know, just but but I
feel like, but why is that? Yeah, but it's not only that, Like you even said that as someone who gets into a relationship when your partner, when you're with your partner, you become a hermit crab and you decide, Okay, well, I don't want to spend time with my friends because now I want to spend all of my time with my lover or my boyfriend, and that becomes to me.
To me, that's kind of toxic in a sense. And so what what have you seemed to be the reason that people kind of distance themselves from friends and family when they get into relationships. Okay, that's really two questions. So the first question is why do people expect their partner to be everything? And I think actually dating apps and online dating is a part of that, because now our dating pool is as wide as the worlds. It used to just be people you knew, people, your mama
knew like anyone that was in your immediate circle. Now you can find your ideal match anywhere, and if they're not ideal, then you swipe onto the next. And so now our expectation level has gone right, like our life is back next. Yeah, and well, and that's how it's been for me with dating apps. It does happen, Yeah, I absolutely so. We're gonna go ahead and get into our kink of the week. Guys. This one is pretty vanilla. So for you guys who are not into like swap
spinning and cream pies, this may be for you. So the kink of the week for this weekend I would love to see maybe if you can guess just off of the Latin roots. This is what we do with our live show sometimes. So the kink of the week is Melolagnia. What do you think Melolagnia stands for? Oh my god, use the Latin root lag That ain't he's looking at me. I'm looking at her too. I don't even have a guess. Melanagnia. Yes, it's maybe mel like melanin. That's so cute. I don't know. Can I give you
a hint? Okay, ask me for a hint. Melan like a melody. Well that's pretty much. She still doesn't melan is actually the arousal from music. And I wanted to bring this up because I actually have been seeing that more and more when I watch porn. I hate porn music, but I like music that plays that I've had playing, maybe while I've had sex. So I wanted to know if there is any music or songs that turn you on. I had this boyfriend in college that would always play
Byork Weird. First, I know it's weird. I was like, this is so straight. I know. I think you knew because you mean is that like she's um like this Ice sing it? I know you know the song because you had sex to it. No, it's a lot of like kind of electronic sounding like sense you don't know, but I would. It would not be what I would think because it's there's nothing in it that's sexual, but there was something about it. And maybe you like toxicate
because that was my thing. No, okay, no, but it was. I'm turned on by music when I'm drunk. Okay, what so like, what songs gets you to where, oh my god, I want to have sex to Not honestly, you don't you don't like it, but I really love drags on like it makes me so hard, like that would make me. That does not make that actually drive noting scanning, okay,
that it's like very sexual. They'd be talking about how they're gonna eat you or pussy and fuck you and like, yeah, there it's really sexual, like oh, I want your fucking titties in my mouth. But this isn't like aish like a tan. It's Spanish language. When so singing, how does it go? Say something really raunchy in Spanish that turns you on, but it's in Spanish. Let me see if it sounds sexy. No, no, no, that's what it sounds like. That's the be for you to sing too. No, I don't.
I can't pressure thing. Okay, name that tune. O, come on, I'm nervous sela um to me. It's I'm cool with fucking that. Actually it's weird like hip hop can be on Like there's of course, you all know, I watch porn and there's like a few scenes like the amateur ones gay porn and the Korean porn that's cool pop and so the amateur porn they actually have a lot of the music playing in the background, so like hip hop, like all your like young thug or like one of
them actually plays who is it? Um damn? I think it opens with bow wow. Oh it's the first thing I think about you when it's all in my mind. I said that. It just was like, oh, let's go and seen. Um No, but I think I really do like R and B. I really like R and B, and I actually like Donald Jones, or like I like honest Chris Old, Chris Brown? What is that song? That sex me song? What is it by Chris Brown? Oh? Well,
apparently I said it really wrong. I said, lay you down on my thing, and it's take you down, So I really let me take you down? That actually gets me. It makes my pussy. Look my my pussy is wet right now as we're talking. U. No, but I do. I do so for you guys who like listening to music, maybe while you have sex, or if a song comes on and you're like, oh my god, now I need to hop on dick. Um, how about you write us and I would love to maybe start some sort of
um sex playlists for us right check out. Maybe we'll add J O, R K B J. There you go. It was in it. So we're gonna now get into our horrible decisions. So guys, take out your pens, your pencils, type on your work computers because I know y'all are at your desks, but apparently not all of you are. So get your notes out on your phone and oh okay, that's little dots and stuff. Um, so get ready to
take notes. We are going to talk about the mistakes of not only online dating, but getting through the era of online dating as a millennial and maybe the mistakes that we're making and how we can go about doing this ship successfully because is there a way that there is to be successful? Many of my clients have done it. I'm gonna tell you how I love this. So let's start it off. Like, um, Demonel literally hit me and was like, let's talk about sucking mistakes and dumb online
dating and and it was all capitals she said, online dating. Yeah, yeah, she literally and it was a capital. It makes a lot of sense for the millennials because I have a lot of friends not pointing anything, but I have other friends too that they don't know how to date or date on't They just don't know how to date? So what what is? What? Is dumb online dating. You definitely wrote that, what do you consider online dating? Well, there's a lot of online dating dating app mistakes that people make.
I think overall, people first want to blame the app. They're like, oh, dating apps don't work, and it's likely been on all the dating apps and none of them work. Maybe the problem is in the dating app personnel problems. But it's not necessarily that you're the problem. It's the way that you're putting yourself out there that's the problem. Right, just read me because I literally just deleted all of my god damn dating appen because it's not working. And I was like, this is not working. But now I
feel like you're reading me because maybe I'm not working damn. Okay. Well, it's also like figuring out what do you want out of it? If you do you want is it? Are you doing it for sex? Are you doing it for a relationship? What is your goal? And then we work backwards to figure out, well, what how are you presenting yourself? What pictures are you choosing, what you what is your profile saying about you? And then how are you moving
yourself in the direction of what you really want? Okay, so what are I guess the common mistakes that we do um to lead to someone like me who has been very unsuccessful with online dating. A lot of times people choose pictures that they think someone else will think is attractive. They'll just choose a generic photo that is like everybody will like this, and there You're better off having a profile that fewer people respond to, but that the right people respond to then trying to catch everybody
in your inbox. Right, So, cleavage photos are bad for I guess for girls and guys, what would be the number one mistake when choosing your photos? I would say cleavage photos are bad if you're looking to be in a relationship because immediately you know the code is going to send a different message. You have to leave a little bit of mystery. But I actually use little tricks. I use tricks, tricks on the mind that can get
your profile noticed. So you you have to think about the mentality from the other side of the coin, like who's looking at the profile? Right? So put yourself in their shoes? And you know how you swipe on an app right, it's just like picture, Picture, Picture picture. Hopefully like some some right swipes, but a lot of left swipes. And you're just going based on the primary picture and basically the one sentence bio, right, So that primary picture
is everything. And so many times people create a profile and they're just like, well, I just want to get online, and I don't. I'm not really gonna put that much a loot into it. And here's some pictures on Instagram and then they're on. So you have to really put thought into what you're saying with that first picture. And I talked about using the three c's in your profile, three sees in your breaking be easy and it's gonna I'm gonna keep it clean. It's easy to remember. First
C is color. Okay, it's been shown in studies and real studies, not like the ones earlier. Uh that particularly, men will respond to the color red differently than any
other color. Yeah, so if they see like they What they did in the study was they showed men pictures of women with different color borders around it, and they started rotating the same pictures back in with different color borders, and the men raid were rating the attractiveness of the pictures of the women that they saw, and they rated the women with the red border more attractive than the women with the green border even though the same picture.
And so if you think about it from a biological perspective, red is is something that attracts, like we we put red lipstick on because it doesn't right, it emulates what happens you know in the in the animal kingdom, Like we're animals, so you want to use the color red. Also think of like stop signs, you want them to stop and actually go for that very Now we're gonna see like ten thousand profiles. What is the second So the second sea is context. This is telling your life
story through your photos. Like if you just have a bunch of bikini shots where you're like high angle, if the beach, if that's telling you, I like to go to the beach. If it's telling you I like the beach, that's great. But it can't be every shot bikini that would be that would be the picture to your bikini. Right. But you want to have throughout your profile, you know about five six photos max, Like you don't need to tell your entire life story. This is not your timeline
that this is your dating profile. And I'm not a huge fan. While we're on the subject of linking your Instagram, I agree, I don't do it. I'm not. I'm not. It's too much information. That's a ton of information. And then especially for me, like I like to appear as normal as possible while I'm on dating apps, and of course the k behind my name on Instagram and the abundance of photos I do have and some a lot
of Nikini's now. Um, but I feel like it would give them a different idea about me to look Yeah, calm down. I don't know. So I'm thinking that's probably the sand in the beach. I wanter, you know, probably I don't connect my Instagram. Um, I don't know what the thirds is. But while we're on context of photos, I wanted to ask your thoughts between selfies and full body images what you feel like, because I feel like that's my problem because I so I swipe girls as well,
but I am shallow. I'm just as shallow with women as I am with men. And I don't know if I want to necessarily swipe someone who is only from the neck up, because then I feel like, Okay, you're hiding something. So are my profile? Are multiple pictures? I can't you just have? Yeah, But a lot of people still like the don't anything. They don't. They're they should probably have three types of pictures they put right maybe okay, yeah,
well dating coaching certific Yeah, so dating. So I guess the types of photos before we get into the third. See how many should be selfies? How many should be full body? Especially the woman only you only need one full body, but you o, you do need one full body, and by full body you don't. It doesn't have to be like literally head to toe, it has to be three quarters like that. You want to see the whole
gud damned body. I ain't swiping from three couters either, let me see that, let me see if you got some that or something like, I would like to see the full body. But I say that because I remember I was more self conscious when I was bigger, um at putting full body, saying I would just put self like I just started just taking faith selfies. Actually yeah, And so maybe for someone who's not into bigger women like my face can photograph very thin sometimes and so
especially oh girl, that was that's my whole thing. So that's where I go to where maybe you even feel like you you're getting catfished when you meet someone it's like WHOA she looks nothing like her pictures. But then you go back and you realize, oh, well she didn't even have full body pictures. Well, a little bit on that. We have expectations that we bring into the date when we meet someone offline, which is one of the reasons
just sidebar will come back to the third seed. But another mistake is having conversations that go on and on online and then waiting months or or sometimes even years to actually move online Like that's why catfish is a thing, because people are having these fantasy relationships that are actually happening in the real world. And online dating dating apps work as it's just a tool. It's just a tool to connect you if you but you have to actually meet face to face to know if it's a real relation.
So for all of our listeners, um, both men and women who are swiping and in the messages currently doing online dating, how long what is the time frame do you feel for someone to be in the app talking possibly now they're moved to text messages. How long do you think you should talk to someone that you met online dating before you actually meet in person? And one to seven days max? Seven days? Why is the max
seven days? Oh, there's so many reasons. But one, you create anticipation for this person, and they can never be the person that you created in your mind. So they're going through all your face shots and they're like, Oh, I wonder what her body is gonna look like, and I wonder what her personality is gonna be, Like I wonder what she's gonna sound like. And you create this whole fantasy and that person is then competing against the image of who you created. So that's one reason. Another
reason is that there's just so much volume right now. Yeah, I was gonna say that if you take too long to meet me, weaving the good and bad. Yeah, but even if you take too long for I'll forget about you because because we haven't met, I'm still going to probably be actively swiping. And so now we're at the seven day mark, and you may have been the only person I swiped seven days ago, but now since then, I've met three other people that I've swiped chained dating
or something I have. Like I used to have a lot of clients, especially older clients, that would date online all the time. But they literally they would set up dates like all week long, every and just like go for ten minutes and one of them would ten minutes. No one of them was a bit She was like, Okay, I'm gonna go meet you for ten minutes. If I don't like you after ten minutes, and we're just gonna have the part ways. But she was like, so I
I will take a part of that. I tell my clients basically me an hour for the first date, an hour and always coming from somewhere Starbucks or t dates, just and then from there be like, okay, we can go to lunch. Maybe you have but ten minutes is a little bit much, but yeah, I say, like have a drink, have coffee, go for ice cream, whatever, But you don't really need more than ninety minutes max. To just see is this somebody that I want to see
again and see if you convibe with them. I like to think of it also again from their perspective, you want that to leave them wanting more. If you talked about everything, and then the energy that you left the date on felt low, like it was like, oh well it was really good and I was really attracted them at first, but then we stayed for three hours and we ran out of things to talk about. That's what they'll remember. I remember the low energy, and they'll be
like should I call her again? I don't know, and then swipe next. So if you leave the date feeling like oh we just we just got started and now and I always say be coming from somewhere and be going to somewhere, and so then like you're is right and saying like well, if to ten minutes now, I'm
coming or going to the gym, yeah exactly. And I had always a pre date ritual when I was dating, like I would come from the gym and then I would always say like, oh I have to meet up a friend with a friend, or I have to get up early for work or whatever, or like oh my mom's gonna call me anything. It could be literally anything.
But if you set the expectation that the date's not gonna last for the whole night and then you then then when it comes time for the day to end, they're not like, oh, well this bitch kick made the curb after I actually really like that's a little a little dating thing too. I used to always I don't wonder, what do you think about this? I would always bring
a friend on it. Now now no, I literally just talked about this on an episode and I'm not sure if we dropped it, but to me, as soon as I bring a friend on a date, I'm it's the epitome of friend zoning somebody. It's the epitome of this is no longer. I just see how you vey to me, and then if I don't like you first date, Okay, okay, well I think I would just do that with guys that I'm like, I don't know if I want. Yeah, that's what I'm saying to me, it's not a date.
Then I literally will bring a friend if I don't want them to think it's not a date. At that point, it's a group outing. So as we're talking about millennial dating, that is also one of the biggest challenges this is this is dumb offline dating group dates. It's like, I don't date where you don't know your date or hang out. You know, it's creates too much confusion. What is the purpose? But then it would date into like a single day afterwards.
I disagree. Okay, well whatever, I think you're gonna like the third day, because I think this might unlock the whole dating app world for you. It is not it's character's actually showing your personality, showing the wild side of you that wants the character of the dick right and I need that to get kicked off the later you can see the character that but you show don't be afraid of that part of you because that's and I know you've talked about that on the show before too,
Like letting that be an element of your profile. It doesn't have to be every picture is crazy, but letting that part of your personality that's different from everybody else come through in your profile. And this is what this is the biggest dating at mistake. I see people are trying to be something to everybody, but they are not
trying to bring themselves. Yeah, if you I'll put it in like halloween pictures for clients goofy pictures to really to show their personality, to show their sense of humor, and then they're more likely to get a response on those because people see like, oh, I don't have to be a certain thing for this person. I can just come and be myself like that. Okay, So I don't see your profile next and I don't even know, let me see if I have, So I've really been just
deleting these apps. Um oh yeah, and her profile too. First off, calm down, They're good, But I don't have a dating app on my phone. Let me ask you a question. What do you think about emojis in the bio? Hate it? Hate it? I think it's I think it's child is just basically, I don't want to see a fucking palm tree a plane because the plane means you like traveling, a basketball because you liketball. It's like, no, I don't like even when people talk to me an emoji.
I don't know what can you speak like, like we can emoji after a year? Maybe yeah, um, I mean maybe an emoji like at the end of a paragraph. But I don't want to. I don't want to, like guess what you're into because you put fucking you know. I just asked because I'm I. I usually said that, But I feel like communication is changing. This is what I love about the fact that I've been doing this for so long. I've seen so many evolutions in the
way people use dating apps. But it's not It's not like Hi, I'm Yolanda smiley emoji face like, I'm not Eve gonna lie. I want to go back to a s lp age sex let age sex like yeah, but um, so to me. I think not only the dating apps, but um ship, people are now asking for your Snapchat before your number. I've noticed on the dating apps and so and so when they get not personal No, but that's the thing too, Like when you get all of these social media apps, you're now communicating via the dating app.
Now you guys may be gotten too exchanging Instagrams, so now you're dmming each other. Then they asked for your Snapchat, so now you're communicating via snap Nothing is personalized. And you're having all these ways to communicate with me, But yet you're not just picking up the phone and calling me. You're not just doing the basic necessities of talking, which is what I'm seeing. People can have a full blown conversation in text messages in these apps, and then you
go on the day and it's fucking awkward. They don't know how to talk in person. Which is why I feel like it's it's hard to take that day off of the app, because now you're meeting someone you guys connected through text messages, you guys connected through the apps. You thought he was funny, and then you meet him and it's like he doesn't even know how to pity. Yeah, So well, I for a long time. I've had my clients do a phone call before the date, in between
the texting and and I FaceTime. Oh no, not FaceTime. And I'll tell you why, because you only get you only get once to make that first impression. You will get one chance. So if you're just like, oh well, we'll go and face him, because you're like, I gotta check him out and make sure that he's not crazy, I want to check for catfish FaceTime someone, but yeah, I might not even have my makeup done, and of course, to me, I do want to put my best foot
forward and forget. Oh no, definitely not don't. Yeah, so you can't call anybody just out of the blue. So I have I've met someone a Muslim Bay. We met on Unhinge. Yeah, so via Muslim Bay met on Hinge. And it's ironic. I was literally just on there just to get fire rapid questions because the way Hinges set up is super dope, like it's like ice breaker questions, so you really get to learn the person a little bit more. So I was on there and I had a match. I matched him back and we literally were
like up all night in the app. Then exchange numbers and we're texting, and we planned a date almost immediately within the first week. He's like, if it goes beyond that, I'm just gonna probably lose interest. So let's set up a date. So we're talking, and before I set up a date, because he seems so cool, I was like, I'm just gonna face time you real quick, just to see that you are who these pictures are and just
a validate. I can't validate if you're a serial killer or not, but at least I can see if you are who you say you are. And then I immediately hung up, So it wasn't a quick face time. It was just a verify that he was catfish. I don't see why you can't do it that fast. You can do it, but I would say I've always said, if you're gonna do any kind of video video chatting, you
gotta show up like you would on a date. So maybe you line them up back to back and then you know, you get your face on, you get your lashes done by Stacy, and then you're like, all right, let me just let me just check in real quick with each of them. So I mean, right now I'm kind of on the fence about the phone call, because I know a lot of people are like, oh, it's just so much work. But I find my clients do not.
They do not get ghosted on the first date. They do not um end up sitting across from someone that they thought was really funny and actually can't carry on a conversation. And it only needs to be like ten minutes, like just to see do the things that you say in your profile check out? Are you? Are you? My husband call me? I put all my my rules out the window when I met him, and then I was like, oh, hey, rules, I got a bound by rules after I met it,
like we have to change things yours I had. I had so many rules, like only have one drink on the first date, because I knew for me that rule never worked for me. It was awful. Well, I went on. I went on a date with Muslim Bay and was like, just so you know, I know you don't drink, but I drink because when I have two drinks and it just just goes like I get so happy, like oh, let's have another drink. Then it's like I forget how
many drinks I'd taken. Then it's like, wait, I didn't want to fuck you right right and now you know and I know that's like the point where I make the horrible decisions. So I was like one drink, that's it. But I did have to drinks with him. And then I saw his profile and I was like, you are everything I'm looking for, Like when can we meet? And then we set a date and I was like, oh wait,
I didn't do a phone call. So then I was like I need I said to him, I need you to call me so I can make sure you're not a serial killer. That's like, what would serial killer sound like? Apparently? Yeah, him out out? Do you want to meet on Monday? Still? So you met your husband through a dating app? Yeah?
Well it was online dating back then there was. It was called Nerve Nerve dot com and it was it was sort of for the It was tied into like l A Weekly Personals and UM and the onion and it was sort of like for I guess like artsy, I don't know, Yeah, there's a there's app now that UM we talked about a lot riya, which is like not like Ryan at all, and it was clients was like, I guess you have to like send it invitation yet but I heard it was directors and stuff like that
that are on the New York and yes, all creatives and they have to show like their I d social like you have to put all this ship it was. It was more like like striving artists on fun fun Nerve. But yeah, Ryan is only you have to be invited to be the industry people. Industry people. You have to submit your Instagram. That's how you don't like it. I didn't say I didn't like. Yeah, I thought you said don't like it. I'm so sorry said it was not
at all like that. I now I'm careful. I work with a lot of dating apps, so I'm not gonna say I like or dislike any of them. What I'll say from Riya is that there are a lot of people there who are there because they got in and they're like, oh well I'm I'm elite and I'm in Riyah, and then they never move offline. So for most of my clients that have gotten in that have used it, I have a client that's been on it for almost two years and has never ever been on a date
from it. So I want to ask you, this is she's gorgeous. This is before we get into the homemail because I have found, as a black woman who only dates black men, that dating apps have been hard because I'm swiping fifty white guys before I can get to someone black and then shout out to x D black dating.
You know, That's what I was about to ask if there's like I just so, I just noticed all of the black dating apps basically have vanished from the app store, so soul Sweat one and I don't know that's day and I was like, I like just turn around and realized, like what happened? There is one called b Lka out there. And then oh, somebody told me about another one. I'll look it up for you black people. Well I know that no, well that I'm sure it's transformed into app,
but it's online like match dot com. And then I know that there's another one that I just heard about. Um Olani Um from the Laid Bear podcast shout out to her. She does. It's called highly, but it's not it's not specific to black people, but it is a black owned app. Um, so it's h I L Y
or something like that. But um, but that is a problem and a problem with me with dating apps because of that, when they like when they launched Coffee Meats Bagel, they were like, we'll do a beta with one of your clients and I I so, I gave this is what. Way in the beginning, they were launching in l A. And I had a black client that was only dating black men, and like it literally got to the end in a week. She was like, they were like, we
have no matches for you, and that's a problem. It's a problem when you're when you're doing the swipe apps, particularly because you can't filter rate really right. So the only that's why I did UM. I just wanted to know if you knew of any other ones. But Hinge Hinge has been the only dating apples and now owned by match Really yeah they oh wow, So hin hinges where I met Muslim Bay and Hinge allows you to um do deal breakers, And for me, a deal breaker
is someone who's white, Like I'm not interested. So I literally you know what they say, once you go white, No, don't know, don't knock it though, don't knock it. Hinge has been the only one that I've been able to specify whether they are you know, black or other. Wifey somebody told me about wife white. FA is a is a black dating app. Apparently not. I've not looked at it yet, but see I come in here with all kinds of information. You do look a whole munch. So
I'm excited. Now you're gonna go ahead and let me check us. Okay, we're doing good on something, so I am. We're gonna talk about our home mail. If you guys want to send in your homemail, you can do so by emailing us at Horrible Decisions at gmail dot com. So this one, I'm just gonna read the title just so you can know what we're dealing with here. The title for this week's homemail is escorts. Do I have a problem. Over the last two to three years, I've
had experiences with escorts. It started as an exciting experience whils at university, but kind of progress into a more occasional thing. I've been with around four to five each year and have enjoyed my experiences, usually going for girls that are down to earth and laid back, offering the girlfriend experience, not pouring star or trashy types. But I do like trying kinky new experiences with escorts. I'm comfortable
with two. I've had a strap on. The problem is I'm worried I may become too reliant on escorts for new and regular sexual experiences. It doesn't help that I'm kind of shy when approaching girls too. Also, I'm worried that regular girls won't be too interested in getting as kinky as me. And I'm really enjoying trying new things like b DSM. I love being dominated. Now, what are your opinions? What should I do? This is a man
or a woman. Definitely sounds like a man. It sounds like a man, so basically they are I guess feel like they're becoming addicted with having sex with escorts. Um they're paying. I assume he said he does like to be nominated, so this would be in the kinky realm where he may not feel comfortable bringing up these kinks too. Regular people, however, of course, when and I've realized, even with me just having a podcast about sex, that people are more open to talking about sex as the same
with porn stars. You can be in the group of girls who do nothing surprises them. So I guess his concern is ever being able to date a quote unquote regular girl because he's not only shy, but it's bringing the kinky world to regular people. I think it is a problem is that he yeah, he is. It's not just the dating escorts or going whatever, going out with escorts and having sex with escorts that is the problem.
It's the fact that he never has to actually risk to write, to to share anything about himself, to ask a woman out, to even chat on a dating app. It takes a little bit of effort, right, a little bit of risk. And if he's never it's going to experience that, then he's going to continue to feel shy, as he says it. And I would not assume that regular girls are into your key, right, I think you have to talk to them, no one, that might be the thing. He just doesn't know how to talk about it.
So I feel like when he feels like he's putting a dollar sign on it, he feels more confident in asking for these things because he feels like he's buying. So you're getting what you pay for as as opposed to dealing with a regular girl, you are going to have to maybe be like, so, this is what I'm into. Is this something you would be like? Yeah. I think the dynamic of just communicating that you're into these things is what is scaring him. But it's what scares a
lot of open up right away. I think, you know, you just kind of get to know someone and then eventually, but he has to start me. That's what the relationship is. Like, that's so weird because I opened up. I open up
so early about the things. Yeah, you know, if he wants a relationship, I would think that it's like just take your time, because like if you're going to be with someone, you don't know how long you're gonna be with them for, and it's like you don't want them obviously judge you right away if you want, Like I don't know whatever he's into, but you know what, we
slowly start opening up. You No, I feel like you learn stuff about your partners still till this day because like even with my situation, like he was like, oh, I just I didn't want your judgment, Like I'm not going to judge you. And you know, also i've been together for five years. After you've been with someone for a while to like sixteen years. Like there were things that he brought up early on that I was like, no, not into that after sixteen years and like fine, like
let's try. You're just like whatever if you want to keep the relationship fresh. You're like, we'll try it, but he has to get over the hurdle of even taking the risk and talking to women and and like feel that there's sometimes he might not get his need met, he might get rejected and that he's okay. Oh and I've done that um recently, especially with dating. So, like I said, I opened up actually almost immediately. Of the
things that I think, what opening up that fast? I just want you to have a successful relationship it one day, No, But because this is such a big part of what she does, I think it's appropriate for you to bring it up early on, because you don't want people than going and like checking out the Instagram and listening to the podcast. Like the guy that I just met at the pool party, our first conversation was about sex clubs and polyamory and open relationships and monogamy, and so this
was like a conversation. Mind you, I don't remember at all because I was highly intoxicated. So we're gonna probably have to redo that conversation. But to me, seeing the comfortability of these things, so I'll bring it back and I'm not I think I was just having this conversation
just amongst friends. But there was a guy recently that I was talking to, super good looking, definitely sexual like attraction, and we started talking about what we were both into because, as I said, I talked about the things that I like very early because I want to be sure that we're gonna have sex that I'm going to be able to come from. Like there's things that I want in sex, and I want to know that you're willing to do
those things. And I remember where I brought up the kinky aspect, and of course pegging was brought up, and his response to that was like, thank god I didn't suck him. He literally was like, wait, a guy let you do that to him. He was like, actually, now
I don't listen to how like ignorant the song. He literally said, well, I don't really know if I want to have sex with you now, because if a guy allowed you to peg him with a strap on, I know that that guy has had sex with other men and they're literally and he said, I just don't think you know, he's like, not that I'm calling you dirty or anything, And of course brought in brought in that whole thing. It was literally like I just don't want to have sex with a girl who has had sex
with a man, who has sex with men. He's like you, like literally he's literally with like so beyond with it. And I was just like, thank god, I didn't open my legs to you. For one, because you're ignorant, but for two, for you to genuinely think that every woman you've had sex with, you know that you know all of their sexual history and who their partners have had sex with, just based off of a kink that someone may enjoy, Like we literally went down a rabbit hole
and I just started like he was spewing homophobia. And of course, so to me, bringing up those things early allowed me to see where he is in his mindset. And yes, maybe two years from now that may change, like he could be one that's open, but to see how closed minded he was that early, I was like, Okay, I'm not even gonna waste my time moving forward, Like just a disclaimer because I love Mandy to death and I don't judge her at all for whatever showever she goes.
I just because I don't want people like, oh, she's like attacking her. I just want to know, like if there's another way maybe that she can talk to a guy where it's not but her' it's very sexual. So yeah, but like she said, straight and fucking pegging, like you know, it's kind of like doesn't open. Also, but I'm also just saying that I've done it. I don't have to peg every person I'm with, which is also the misconception of me having that kink. I'm okay with us not
pegging at all. I've never pegged. I've never pecked twenty seven. I would. I would like to know what my partner is into or what what the kickiest thing there into. To me, it's just a conversation me saying I like pegging doesn't mean oh my god, I won't have sex if you don't let me peg you. It's literally like, hey, this is the thing I'm into. I brought up the story there was a guy that I met um online and he told me that he wanted to gag and fit my entire foot in his mouth. This is what
he was into. And he's like, I really love Yeah he wanted. I told him, I said, I don't think you'll be able to. He's like, oh yes I will, and oh yes I will though, but go of thing. But this is what he was into, and I let him know. Well, I don't know if I would really be into that, but I didn't look at him many different because that was his king. I think we should
all be able to talk about our kicks. So I feel like the problem even with the guy in the homemail, is that there's some level of shame to what he feels like. He enjoys bringing up the shop on being dominated, so that's where it comes from. It's not that what a regular girl's gonna think. I think it's the shame that he feels like. Damn, I don't think he embraces it.
So going to a sex worker makes sense for him because he feels like he's going to be judged or not be able to bring up this part of him to people. I want people to like me, know me, and all of me. She's just like to say this sounding like I'm a loser or anything. But I feel like he needs to love himself in order for other people to love him and him to be secure and
who he is. He needs to kind of like accept who he is and just be himself and not be someone else, because he's always paid for those things to be done. He's making the assumption that regular girls wouldn't be into that. I mean, don't you listen to this podcast? Well, well he does, but there's a lot of people that
listen to this podcast and they're still learning themselves. Trust me, everyone that listens to this podcast, But I mean, I woul think it would give them kind of like, oh wait, there's people like me out here in this world, which is which is what this show has done, thankfully, but there's still so many people that are still just like, Okay, damn, I realized that this is something that I like to do, but now, okay, how do I express this to my partner or how do I express this to the people
I'm dating? Damn? Is this something I can even share with my friends? There's so many people that listen to this podcast and are like, thank you, ladies. I wish I had friends like you, because there's even we judge each other as friends for what we do behind closed doors. So there's still just a level of uncomfortablelity of sex and shame about the things that we like in it. So to me, within dating, I want to see how open minded someone is, whether they're into the things I'm
into or not. That's fine, but I want someone to be able to comfortably tell me what they like and don't like, comfortably explain to me what their level of kink is and what they want to experience it, because I want to do that your work too. It's impossible to escape it like a first date conversation. As soon as I tell people like I host the Dates and
Mats podcast, they're like, oh, you're a dating coach. I want to know X y Z. Every interaction I have becomes like dating dating advice, and I feel like that's why when we work to him. In his case, I just think he needs to find a little more confidence within himself to one You're finally right because that you've been wrong, so I'm never wrong. I know I'm not gonna lie. When we were looking at you like no, but you're wrong, you were like, how dare you say
such a thing? No, but I love this conversation. And so a lot of us are in unfortunately this dating cess pool because it sucks. So for some way, stop getting stock you have it sounds also a just mindset around it. You have read me a guess your mindset around me, because if you're going into it with the expectation that it is sucked in the past and it's going to suck again. True, you're going to repeat that same experience. So that's the first place to start. Man, Okay,
read me again. So for any of our listeners um that are interested and maybe signing up for some dating coaching from you or listening to your podcast, everything, go ahead and drop everything. Also, everything that Demona says now will be in the description of this episode so that you guys can click on it, check her out and get some more tips. So go ahead and let everyone know where they can find you. Yeah, I give dating advice like this every week on the Dates and Mates
with Demona Hoffman podcast. I'm gonna have to come on there so you could like give me a dating intervention. I know you're coming to New York. Maybe we can do that because I know I leave to please. Oh my god, are you really my friend? I hate you? I want the best for you. Know, we can maybe go down on how I've dated even over just the last year, and maybe how I kind of proved of all my friends in the room and just give, Like what is that called when it's like you give like
a drug addict? You put them in a room and then it's like intervention is like your family gets there. It's like thetating life has affected my life in the following way. Yeah, your dating problems. Okay, so we have the Dates and Mates when you drop and every Monday just likes guy, I know you know you guys want to listen to something on your Monday? Um can you you know? There we go. We have two podcasts that
you can listen to now on Mondays. Yeah. And then I also I have a lot of resources on my website Demona Hoffman dot com or on Dates and Mates dot com. So I have a profile starter kid, if you're just like, okay, I want to date online in a totally different way. It hasn't worked before. We can refresh your profile. You can write your your own profile. It's like remember mad lips, Like were you used to write in like the that must people for meting? My
kids do it? Your kids don't do it? Lives. So it was like you can you kill in the blank? They change the words. It's like a it's it's like a story and then they change certain words and then you fill in a word and then it becomes a funny story. It's like fill in the blank of dating profile.
So I've taken profiles that have worked for clients in mind before and I've basically rearranged it so that you can build your own profile, just kind of cut and paste and put your own words into I like that because I make the hardest party know what to about me genius, because it's kind of like marketing online, except you know all the codes and you know, you just give it to the person, Like, Yeah, it doesn't have
to be stressful. I mean, that's the biggest thing. I try to make dating apps not stressful, like a dating marketer, sell what you have. Yeah. No, well, we'll definitely have to to come. I would love to maybe even just ask more like and hopefully I've had more dates by then with um, what are we going to call him? Pool party Bay or Muslim bayther one. Those are the two guys that I'm kind of entertaining right now. So par Bay, I don't I don't know if I like that.
I don't like that neither. We gotta come up with a better name. Graham. Um, but yeah, so and come on social media, I'm at Demona Hoffman on all of the socials, So here you're dating questions decisions listeners, send those in for sure, and I'll definitely send them over to you as well. So any dating app questions you guys have for Demona, definitely put hey, I heard the episode with Dedemona and please help me um. And then Stacy for our listeners who enjoyed you hating on me
on episode. Um, I'm just playing, um, where can they find you? And also tell tell them about what you do in your business because okay, so I was going to close out being serious. I am the owner of get lash l a on Laurel Canyon. I also have an online um shop by manufacturer all my Lashes shop get lash l a dot com. And I just recently made my profile public again and that is all one g s. So please be nice and gental to me
because it's been a while. Also, something happened. It sounds like I used well we okay, like you know, Twitter days, Instagram days, kind of a little like a lot of following the case behind the numbers, you know. So I was kind of a little like, you know, I don't know, social media whatever, the millennial that's what I was. I got in a relationship like you were talking about left everything. I was like, funk this, I just don't want any like you know, I was just too much draw in
the beginning, so I just wanted to get away. I refocused my energy into my business, which is like the greatest thing I could have done. So now I am like refinding myself and who I have become. And I just didn't want to do that in front of everyone because I've changed her. Honus has been deleted has now. But guys, if you guys are lash text or even looking to get your lashes done here in l A,
we do have a promo code. It get last l A. It is w d P and it gets on the shop one person off online that's w d P and then twenty five dollars off of full sets. If you come in and say, hey, horrible decisions. Um, and yeah, she does a really good job and like she does it quick. She did my lashes, and well I have a shop with like it's not meat, it's gonna do your lashes as a couple of girls. Yeah, she's like, which, I have employees. I own it now. Um, I have
people that work under me. No, but thank you guys so much for joining me. If you guys enjoyed this episode, please leave the comments on SoundCloud. We don't have video for this, so for all of the people who enjoy watching us on YouTube, we are recording remotely and so bit a bit had to pay for the studio this time. So um, but shout out to you guys. As always, I want to give a huge shout out to all
of our supporters. So everyone on Patreon who donates as little as one dollar a month, you guys are helping us rock. We are also about to drop these tour dates guys. So there's sixteen cities that we are coming to for the ones who have been asking us. We are coming to Boston, New Orleans, Cleveland, the Bay Area, Dallas, Charlotte, Orlando, New Orleans, I said, the Bay Where else that we haven't had before. Yeah, I'm We're also hitting the cities
we've fit before. Oh also Detroit, Um, so yeah, we're hitting We're hitting nine new cities. So I'm super excited um to see all of you guys. Oh yeah, Philly, y'all rock y'all always rock with us, So we're coming to Philly. Um. But before we get out of here, we are going to leave you a five minute bonus clip from our Patreon. If you guys did not know, we dropped seven episodes a month, that is an additional three bonus episodes. We are now sitting on almost forty
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Demi sexuals are considered to be on the A sexual spectrum, meaning they are closure with a sexuality. So I guess that one. That one is more so, Yeah, I think a Christopher maybe that um And so that's where you're just finding more of um emotional bond because I guess I thought that because maybe some A sexual people don't even need emotional bond. But I was like me with Fellam Bay. I love being around that nigga, but I didn't want to suck him, but only because he wanted
to funk, I didn't want to. I used to call him over when I was on my period because I knew I wasn't gonna do you like him? I liked, liked, liked, liked. So that really weird one. This is not a real one, dude, This it is. It took a long time to find, but I had to look up lgbt Q slang. This one is called an eyeball queen, a person who derived pleasure from watching others engage in intercourse. Now, we normally hear voyeurism, but they call it eyeball queens when it's
like a gay sex club. So the next one is weird. I ain't never heard of this either. You've never heard that friend of Dorothy? Yes, like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. It's like, wait, was the tin man in line and on him gay? With the scarecrawling all that ship? Gay? Don't ruin my childhood. I've been to a brunch called a friend of Dorothy friend of Dorothy? So yeah, a friend of Dorothy is a slang for a gay man. So wait, friend of Dorothy is the friend of Dorothy
the gay man? Or is Dorothy the gay man? No? No, no, like you're a friend of Dorothy, you're the gay man, so like it's a way to say that you're not gay. For example, like I was in a gay bar ones where this guy was like, are we family sis? And I knew where he meant, like, no, what is oh? Are we family? Family? And I've heard are you a ladies lady? When I go to the Gate Club, they love to ask me that. Actually what I was the ladies lady? That means you're a lesbian. Yeah, this guy
was like, are you a ladies lady? Because there's new news with Tessa Thompson she is dating Lupita. Wait, no, wasn't Tessa Thompson dating um no, the one with the suit Jenelle? Now Tessa Thompson or Jenelle Monet Lupia. It's one or the other Lupeta was dating? Wasn't she dating? Um no? Chin? She hates him Michael Michael B. Jordan's He ain't got no chim bro. You don't think he's cute, No, she it's his profile. His chin dips right into his neck. Y'all.
If y'all look at Michael B. Jordan's from the side, she looked. No, she got me saying and that Nick ain't got no chim bro. It's like it's like his face long back. What no, he he ain't got no neck, bro. Well, he ain't got no Look it goes right into no look at him from look at a profile. You gotta do a profile. Look at Michael B. Jordan's profile. His face goes right into his neck. He ain't got no china. So there's a there's two different gs. The first G
is a gender queer. It's a way of describing someone's gender that doesn't include the current definitions of man or woman. And Nope, I'm lying. I'm just queer, I think because some people might identify themselves feminine men or masculine women, or androgynous, or there are other category glories um that they just want outside of boy man or girl woman. Not all gender queer people are trans interesting. The next
one actually picked two. These are two gs. Another one would be gender fluid, So a person whose gender identification and presentation shifts um, whether within or outside of societal gender based expectations, being fluid in motion between two or more down gender fluid because which my dick is long? James is gender fluid, Well, so me and James gender fluid shout out maybe but he wears like saying maybe, which I wear baggy jeans. I'd be ready to be a nigga and slang my dick a nigga. So what's
the problem. I think that's well, no, no, no, wouldn't a woman your gender is not your sexual orientation say that, but you don't think you want? Okay, homo and heterosexual homosexual being gay? Bitch? Could I get an h heterosexual is straight? Mean with the opposite gender? What's I? This is a good one. I is different. Damn. I thought I was gonna get to read the next one. You react because I like the next one. I just like
the sound of it. Intersex as a person born with a combination of genitals and chromosomes that are different from the medically defined herrodite. No, but yeah, so like I think we shouldn't use that word anywhere apparently, which is why intersex is the word. But it is hermaphrodite, but you can't see them. So like a woman that did the intersex ted talk said she didn't know for years or something, and she just didn't have the certain chromosome and she had a male chromosome there, so she can't
have kids. It's it's a very crazy number. It's like one in every two thousand. Let me look at a percentage of intersex, Like a lot of people will have this um and they just grow up and they don't know. And so she said, when she was growing up, her mom would take her doctors. Nobody could figure it out. Come to find out two percent of people. Only two percent in the whole world or American world. I wish
I'd just said nationwide or or the American world. Uh, that's in the US two percent, okay, And it's like what a billion of US I think? Or that China? Is that China eight billion? I think we only three billion or something. Hold on that number. Now I'm seeing one in every births or one in every two thousand, that's what she said. When every two thousand, that's a lot. Yeah, but it's not like you'll have a dick in a pussy. It's like it's your reproductive organs. Okay, So that makes sense.
The next one, which I'm excited about, guys, were at j um j is a jelly dildo, the most soft and flex a toy material but also holds the most back. Oh damn, I like my little me too. So it holds the most bacteria. Most experts have said to throw it out. Goddamnit for J I really was trying, and it was like, okay, what's real quick? Can you think of a j other terms involving sex that has to do with J no, bro, I tried all last night. This took me like an hour, JA, jail bird, sex beat. Okay,
we could have brought up jail bird. Actually jail is pretty gay. Don't do that because they can sleep, they can sleep with the inmate. They could. Don't do that. Don't do that. That's oh nope, he may so they be gay for their sentence and then they come out saying they're still straight. That's how you know sex is really like you just need it. Okay, I like this one. So I did this. We've had this discussion. Kink first is fetish, but kink is referred to as an unconventional
practice which people derive forms of pleasure. It's not okay, but I didn't want to read fetish after it's an