Ep136: Am I Transphobic? Feat Hope Giselle & Tahoe

That's it. Give me another one, Give me one, uh trouble model good light skin Flynn. I'm calling it light skin Flynn. I'm done. First of all, I Hope I was on your team. Baby. So we got Tahoe in the building. If you don't know his boys, um from the So Shameless podcast, and we have a special guest here, Hope, please introduce yourself to the pe was good? He was Goody. My name is Hope. This guy to be at the

social media aka both Bitch in Training. Oh, everybody got a K I gotta I gotta come up with something. I don't have one because like I just did that because Mandy and she always dow hers. I got nothing. I got nothing. She's Pegg the Stallion. I'm partial. Pegger might peg might not what we always have to talk about Peggan, but that's her anyway, fun the Peggan Today

we aren't talking about Peggan today. Today is a very special episode, um, because I'm sure it'll be someone in the title, Um, we have a black trans woman in the studio with us. I believe our last trans woman that came to the studio was Latina, so I'm super excited. She might have been after Latina. But I'm just super

excited to have Hope here. I met Hope in Tahoe's Live I g live and they were having a great dialogue going, and I'm just really excited for him to be here because, Um, y'all might be tired of this nigga. I don't know, you might be, but I feel like having assists hetero supermask Brooklyn nigga is really vital to the conversation because men like Tahoe not necessarily like you, but now you didn't gotta clean it up, I mean like someone that I mean. It was It was an

interesting live. We started and somebody came on Alive and was like what is Oh, so their man had sex with a dude before or something like that, and it was like, is that gay? And so I started asking the followers and one of my dude, he's from Harlem and he's super hood. Yeah, yeo, that's gay. That's gay. Is good. I was like, well, why is it gay? If a dude could do it, if it's just one time, he couldn't have been curious. We went into that. Then a girl jumped in my homegirl Becca, and she was

super homophobic. It was I'm gonna be respectful when you come on here, Becca, but I saw her using words like shim Yeah. She was like she learned from a lot from Well we spoke after this. She was like, Yo, you know what I didn't think about things. Yo, we all need a chance to have learning moments, and a lot of this stuff we don't have that. Like literally, people you're around the same type of thinging people all the time, there are there's a very little chance for

you to have learning moments in the same crew. And that's what today is so important because so many trans women are dying and it is probably mean that you've grown up with look like you can act like you walk and talk like you. So I think it'll be great to have this conversation and understand that trains women

are people. Black trains women are part of our Black Lives Matter ship that we tweet about all day long, and we just got to make sure that we're not for the cause and being hypocrites at the same time. I do it all the time. I'm talking about everybody,

but I've been trying. So, like I said, I was talking about it um on my show I Believe and I told Mouse was there and I was like, yo, I'm holding phobic and he was like, you are not, and I was like, yo, I kind of got to own the fact that my mind still hasn't opened up to fully understanding, of fully comprehending or fully accepting. But I feel like you have to. You have to know yourself on that because that way what you do that you can say, all right, this is where I'm wrong

and that's where I want to be. But it's not as easy just to say because you people still have homeoph with tendencies. People still think a certain way. I might be cool with hope, and then when my man do something like, yeah, that's mad gay. Like you still attributing bad to the word gay, you know what I mean? So they still I mean, don't get me wrong, I've had slip ups and things like that by like gay and it's like culturally we say ship like that, but

by no means a by that person. I told a joke on the show recently, I have gay friends, did you? I might do that, but I'm not that person. I go to fucking kind regards. I'm in Brooklyn, it's nine. It was a heat wave. I think it was a hundred degrees that night. So these niggas is kissing in the club and I was staring at them right and I'm like, yo, hot, this fun. I can't beleave these niggas kissing. They're looking at me watch them kiss, and I'm like, no, no, no, it's not because you're gay.

I have gay friends. I'm totally everything. Just wanted to fight me. Know. I felt so bad. No, no, no, I'm well, but it's literally I like, you don't understand have gay pride. I was that bit. I felt bad, But anyway, let's hump into vanilla ship. Um So this week I found this on Twitter. I don't know. If you guys know who shann Booty is, do you? She's a popular sexologist. Um, she's fucking dope. We've had her

on the show. New author of the book Game of the Desire, she is a sexologist who uses vagina juice as perfume and says it's a delicious secret. My ex uster us has come the same line, where do you put it like on his like temples, in the back of his neck and like right around his hairline? And yes, did you want to scream gay? That? I kind of know when I'm not supposed to say nothing. So when I saw the headline, I didn't know it's gonna be my homegirl. But let's see, struggling to attract a mate,

have you considered a new look, maybe learned Spanish? Perhaps you should just try rubbing pussy juice on your neck. Sexologist Shannon Boo Drum claims that people have flocked to her when she's wearing the bodily fragrance. In order to test the theory, she had women that she was doing a survey with going to a bar to connect with strangers before gathering. They went into the toilets halfway through the night. Um, basically to stick their fingers around their

vaginal opening. The goal is to get a sample from the bartholonans grant ship Shann I'm sorry barthol loon in glands which are the size of a p but they play a large role in vaginal lubrication. Um. She concluded, I'm not sure how effective this is. I'm certain that every single single time I do, it makes me feel

like an enchanted goddess with a delicious secret. Um. Yeah, I don't know, but I will tell you they sell pheromones in a spray that I just kind of feel like, all right, you're in the club and you're walking around smelling like pussy. Of course people are gonna be flocked to you because you're making them think of fucking like you smell like pussy. Why wouldn't not be attracted like you? You're making me thinks. I don't think you distinctly smell.

It's I think it's like you don't know what you're smelling. It's like almost like when I'm passing by like a basketball court, right and I could smell the sweat or like I'm it may not mean any smelling dick, but it's like, oh, it feels I smell something musky, like there's a I mean, we're fucking animals, nig there's a difference between must like musty and like, no, no, we like the not must Wait, you're telling me you don't like you've never noticed a woman draw towards you or

your sweating. Oh yeah, because I look like an animal at that moment when I'm sweating, I look like I'm on some Yeah, I still got it in my hands. No, I just picked my front. We smell of box? Okay, do you like the smell of pussy? I love box, but I'm in the I'm actually liking that person at the time. Are you one of them niggas that like like war smell pus like? I don't. I don't. I don't know because everybody got their own smells, so I'm

kind of open. I know when it's not supposed to smell like that, So I'm good on that as long as I know what it's not right from fish other than that shouldn't be fish ass. Things like that smell like your ass. Something that smell ass. When the girl took her drawers off before, what do you do? Do you ever give a warning like or do you give it, like the shower. Sometimes you and you're trying to like, oh man, because sometimes you don't want to hurt somebody feeling.

Sometimes you think maybe it's just you, it's just this kind of but then you realize that it's not right. Something right and your body, my body, I'm older, my body reacts like that. It just takes one thing and I'm off. I'm not coming back. When's the last time you had to do it? Say it? Well, that was the last time it was it was recently. What do you say? Oh, I don't know, I'm drunk, That's what I said, because my sip wasn't get hard. You didn't tell her to shower. No, I don't want to. I

don't want to. Yeah, it's dub and it was it wasn't my girl, and nobody's just run off. Yeah, so it's kind of like, all right, this ain't gonna work for us. Have you had to tell someone they was saying, oh yeah, when I was in college, I just told this story on my my I g lads the other day a little pizza. It was like a little piece

of trade. He comes into my room, like I got to just getting off of the basketball court, smelling like straight dicking ass and I was like, oh no, you gotta go shower, and like Homie was just in his feelings. He was like, you really going to make me shower? Like I think it's like do you want it to go on my mouth? But that's what I'm saying. Like women, they're like salt like salt man. That okay, that first of all, you'll are very unhealthy walking about seasoning period.

But I'm just saying women like especially after basketball, like you said, they're sweat and all that, they'd be like I've had a woman, you know moment, but you know, you know I'm gonna work for sanitation, right women, I've had women do me like, I want you to come have sex with me in your uniform? Y'all have this most sanitary people in the world. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. They've said I want to have

some in your garbage. Man has had a message from a woman that said I want you to suck me in your uniform? Or did she say I want you to suck me like in your uniform, Because maybe it's like a uniform fantasy, right, that's possible. That's possible. It better not be a garbage. That's the case. Stand outside on the corner and I said, I said that, like, that's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard in my life. Let me ask, what's the weirdest thing has something ever

like squirted on you. I've had maggots, roaches all that ship on me. It's disgusting. It ain't no way they pay you a lot though. I kicked the rat one day. The rat ran out from under the bag and I kicked it, and I didn't realize that there was a car open with the sunroof ship it landed on, so rats can't take kicks, so it died like on the way, but it landed on the sunroof, like right there with the dude in the car. He's good. I didn't know. I just seen. Oh we've seen a kind of ship.

How long you working for the Deportment Sanitation Um? So our King of the week this week, if you guys have never heard our show, we pick a particular king that you may never heard of, or you might actually do yourself. This one is a little weird, but I

actually found it in a porn category. Word. We all know guns as phallic shaped instruments usually display power It's no surprise that guns are heavily fetishized, although for obvious reason, exploring this fetish has an accompanying accompanying degree of risk attached. There's an endless kidnapping and rate fantasy porn on the Internet that features guys and girls being forced into sex at gunpoint. I'm that's me. I'm in the wait you said that's me. That's me. Now I'm be weird with you.

I'm not attractive, like putting no gun on me, but I do like when nigs like have guns. It makes me feel safelous. Give me like, don't give me like a Trump supporter, like you know what I'm saying, You got a permit gun, Give me a nig saying that makes me feel like, oh my god, bibe got me. But I feel like if you got like went to school for your gun and did a test, like you might shoot me and blame it on that ship, you know what I mean. But like a niggad it just

got his ship. I don't know what it is. You picked it up from your cousin, baby. And I'm kind of good on woman because I was playing with a woman that said that she was going to pop up at my crib and so I got a little baby gun I found while I was working. So I got a BB gun and I sent her a picture to BB gun and she sent me a picture of the biggest gun I've ever seen in my life. And she was like, you don't want no smoke. I was like, I felt like I felt like she had a big

addicting Yeah. I I was just kidding, was the biggest guy and she's just holding this ship. I'm like, what the I mean? Good though, you send me a gun talking about I'm not now. I'm from Florida, so like everybody has a gun where you from Miami? Okay, so like everybody has a gun, you know what I'm saying. But in New York when niggas have I'm like, oh, that's not legal anything else. That's why I really like

to go about bote. You know, niggas getting real. Once I get to like Dike minudte ship, I was like, this suck ship, like niggas that don't speak English, and I know they're still like if I don't know what you're saying and you're still scaring me, that's too much. Um, So let's deep dive right into it. So first I want to start with Chyle, just to see what you think your orientation, your prone and your pronouns are. Can you tell us that what do you mean? So that's

what start as far as what okay, what's your sexual orientation? Though? Um, heterosexual? Okay, good thinking about sists and stuff like that. So I'm right, I'm assist gender straighter, hetero sexual black man. These people used to when they're trying to dispete. We're gonna talk about that in a minute, because I'm tired of nig saying that ship it's true. Anytime they're using that, they're talking down on people. That's another way saying it's bastard use.

That's when they use it on internet they let sick. We're gonna talk about why that's problematic, but go ahead, Oh what are your pronouns and your sexual orientation? So she heard hers and I'm paying sexual pan sexual? What are your How old are you? By the way, six her, she her, hers, she her hers people. I believe she her and there's she knows, So day them is a completely different for comple people. Um, but she her and hers. It's just like the way you would address somebody in conversation.

So that's right. I went to the movies with her, she left her things in my car. That's hers now, so I'll do she hurt and I'll say they just piss niggers off. Okay, So not to be offensive. Real question, if a guy looks at you and no notices that you are naturally a man, is that the right way to say it? If you're a man? If he sees a man when sees you, and he says he when

referring to you, that's offensive. Now. See. I I have my own struggle with that when I first started transitioning and I was I remember being in a place where I remember telling my best friend's mom because she made a mistake one day when we were like having casual conversations. She's like, yeah, boy, and I was like, no, it's okay because if that's what you see, and she's like no, like and she corrected me, and she's like no, like, this is what you're presenting and this is what you're

gonna grow into, and so I'm gonna respect that. But that's always been like a weird line for me because I'm like, if that is what people see, right, and they're not being rude, like it's legitimately because with the way that people are dressing up these days, you don't know if it's just like a guy being feminine or

what anymore. And so it's like, if that's what you see, then say like, I think that it's better to just recursor it with like they and them and then ask people or just to be like, what's your name, like just to avoid the idea of So I was told by a good gay friend of mine, Christopher. He said, I address people how they're presenting. She has makeup on, she has long hair, titties, I'm gonna go with. Now there's that's what I want to talk about. So there's a few terms I wrote down that I want to

kind of dive into and if you can help us, hope. Um. Some are slurs like transvestite I've heard years ago. I don't hear that word anymore, but I want to talk about those as well. So can we first discuss um if you could tell the people gender versus sex? Because he said I know her gender, I don't know her. I'm gonna act like I don't know, but you didn't. I don't. I don't get none of this. Terms like even the gender versus sex. So the gender is what

you are, all right, gender is time presenting. Now, my sex is what I was assigned at birth. That's like when I came out, they smacked me on the It's like, this is what they said based on what was between my legs. And so those are the two different things, but generous how somebody is presenting right now, So I can assume that you're a man based off the way that you're presenting. I consume that Weezy as a woman

based on the way that she's presenting. If they dressed like that, it's still a woman because she's my thing is she's a stud is still somebody who is a woman presenting masculinely, but it is still the undertone of that is a woman who was presenting in a masculine fashion, much like a gay man who might wear lip gloss or heels. But he's a man, right, Like he's still got feared maybe or what if you were born a

guy and you had the surgery and everything. Okay, okay, So he so he's trying to say, I hear what you're saying. Um, When he brought up stud right, men women that are transitioning, you can tell a little bit more. They're growing facial hair, like you could kind of see that happening. Most studs I've noticed don't have a changing voice yet, Like they don't try to come off as men yet they try to come off as butch. So that's what I've gathered from that, much like gay men,

And correct me if I'm wrong. You know what I'm saying. They might wear makeup class certain tight shirts or whatever, but they're not wearing wigs or trying to look like women or bras. There just may have some feminine attributes, much like studs may have masculine attributes, So the dressing does not change. Sex would be sis male. I have so many questions. My my, my sex would be cis male. Now do you know the difference between when we say female and woman? No, I think it's not the same

thing versus or is it animals. We first started the show, Sam White came on um who's a white guy activist for black people, and he said something about how he wasn't trying to say females anymore. This is two and a half years ago, and I was like, you don'body care because I didn't know female defines you about your genitalia. Woman defines you by your gender and how you're presenting. Right,

So that's why some women don't have vaginas. What do you mean they don't have Females have vaginam All females have vaginas, have vaginas. Women. Oh, they present as a woman. So even though they have different body parts, because she's presenting herself as a woman, then that's how you address and look at you gold stars point all right, um, now gender during Since we got through that sexual orientation, can I ask a difficult question? Are we sure we're ready?

Are we supposed? How are people supposed to notice? Like? How it in? It? Like? It seems to me that in homophobia or people who don't engage age in the active a task of understanding learning everything right is based on ignorance. Homophoonies based on how are they supposed to know all this stuff? Because people get mad at you for saying the wrong thing. I mean here, we're open here, people are supposed to know. But I think right now,

after this you should know better. Right, Oh yeah, I'm doing my best, and the people that are listening this week, they don't know better after this but I think it just takes that teaching moment. I mean, how do you feel about that question, like are you because I know

you go through some ship. I know you go through some ship, and I know it's like super So I want to address that it's the assumption that I do go through some ship, right, because essentially no. But it's important that we talk about this because I think what I don't want you to do, and what I don't want a lot of people to do, is think that we're hung up on the nuances. But we all hung

up on the hung up on the nuances. It's like, as a black woman and as black people, we know when white people are saying something but not saying something right, And so as a trans person, I know when you're saying something but not saying something, or I can assume when you're saying something but not saying something. What did

you think? So? But mainly because you're black, but mostly because he's a man, right, and I feel like he comes from a group of people that have taught him to feel a certain type of way about me, And so that comment came off as I know you, I know you go through some stuff, which means that I know that your trans and I know that people know that you trans, so I know you're going through on the street. So you're basically saying you ain't possible, and

I know I would know you. But we had a conversation together and I felt the anger um coming from you from this situation, So that's why I said that. But I understand your point because I do come off that way and I do represent that, so I'm not going to run from that. But just between you and I, that was only because we had that conversation and we got to that point. Was he right? Listen, I respect you, I respect everything. But that's where that came from. It

really wasn't from a judgment place. And I'm here, you know, I want to talk about the word pass um, so in this room I want say it. But yeah, I do think I hope it's passing. I mean I for sure, and not everyone is, which really puts their lives at risk. However, I want to talk about how passing is not a compliment. Can you talk about that for us? And how someone's saying, wow, you really look like a girl is sucked up to me.

It's it's a big issue because what it's saying is like, you're validating me and how you feel or how you think you should respect me based on the way that I look versus based on based on me being a human being. Right, So it's like people will choose to respect you based on the fact that you passed. So how did my had I been being rains in a wig right here? Your seat might be next to wheezy right now because of because of the way that because you can still tell that it's being rams or whatever.

But then it's also like an insult because it's just like saying, like, oh my god, you are so I can't believe that you used to be because there's this ideology that all trans women look like being rains in a wig. There's this idea that we're not supposed to be attractive, we're not supposed to be wanted or you know, sought after, and that's just not true. But don't bring me down to my looks either. I want to ask another. So I'm just going to be the uncomfortable guy. Can

I use that as an uncomfortable questions too? But but I feel like hope is open enough, and I feel like these questions I don't wonder what we miss do you identify as trans? Yes? Okay, so once you identify as trans, why is it offensive if somebody else identifies you as trains in a way. That's a great question. Boom boom boom. And it's something that I've actually been pondering with with myself for the last couple of weeks.

That's with a new question because um, a college professor of mind tuned into one of my videos and she's like, you know, when are you going to stop identifying as a trans woman and just be a woman? And that question ate my ass up because I was like, but I'm an activist and I'm trying to you know whatever, and she was just like, yeah, but you can be

an activist and still just like whatever. But it's also one of those things where I think for women whose sole goal, right my my sole goal in this life isn't a past. But there are some girls who literally are just transitioning just to blend in and not have to deal with any of the transgressions of trans folks. And they want to live in stealth and that's just how they want to live, and so it's important for them to pass because passing means that they've achieved that goal.

Passing means that I don't have to deal with Nigga's bothering me on the street. It means that I can get a job. It means that healthcare will be afforded to me on certain spaces just based on the way that I look. And so it's important to pass because when I go to the airport, I don't have to worry about like that weird awkward thing when I get t s a checked, or I don't have to worry about being in an acting class and doing a kissing scene with everybody in the room knowing what I'm transis,

so nobody wants to be my partner. It's about there's a bunch of nuances that go on, but passing, and so it's important for some people because passing takes away turmoil. I gotta go. I gotta go with this because when we say passing, um and maybe you've never heard that term, but no, I do. I get it. But then and then we're not identifying as trans because we want to go to full route right, you want to you want to wind up on the other side. I'm fully here.

I don't have to worry about being uh for for anything else. I'm here, you identify me as this when you see me. Nobody wants to say trans to me, I'm a woman, right part of me for anything that might have said that was wrong there. But then you have the people who, if they would find out that you've passed, feel tricked because you have gotten now I want to talk about I think that's great. M one with dating insects and the other with work and other

things that she should have. Big fan of pose. There's episode imposed where she she wants to run a nail shop and she does. She was passing to the person who rented it. Now the guy, the woman's son who you know, found out, he was like, oh that's a man. Ma gave her her money back, was like, you can't have the store here. Now that's a big fucking deal, right because it's like, I don't owe you ship, Nigga, I'm fucking putting my money up to rent this place.

Who gives a fuck? What's here? What I used to be. You shouldn't worry about that ship right now. To me, you don't need to tricks Like tricking is not the issue, you know what I'm saying. For getting a job, you know what I'm saying, she's just saying she's managing a retail store, like being tricked to fucking manage that ship. Like that's fucked up. Oh you know what, maybe we shouldn't have put you as a face front for customers because you're a trans woman. Can't do that. Fuck that

for work, but for sex? Now do you agree with me? There? Um no? Why not? And the reason why I don't it's because if we're gonna normalize this, was not saying it isn't normal already. I'm so scared to say to the own thing. But I'm not saying it isn't normal already, because it's normal for you and it's normal for the

trans community. But if we're gonna say that it's just as normal as homosexual, just as normal as hetero sexual, then I identifying as trans in the moment, if that's what it takes to me, is important because once you're saying that, you're saying it's necessary. No no, no, no no, see, And I get that, I get that, I get what you're saying. No, because nobody's gonna ask you if you're a woman, or nobody to ask you if you're a man. Exactly why One, they're worried about healthcare. Oh my god,

you know my sis is gonna cost too. They're gonna be worried she's an HR issue because someone's going to talk about her. Three, they're gonna worry about clientele and if how this is going to make the company. Look it's always a probibility, which is which is uh, that's a lawsuit, but you have to know it's not. In thirty two states, trans people can legally be fired just because they find out that you're trans. Shut the funk

up thirty two states. I literally, if if I walk in I passed, I get the job, and somebody starts, oh, I follow hop on Instagram she's an amazing transactivist. My boss can give me my walking papers the next day and not even tell me that that's why it is. Let's be. They don't even have to say, like, that's

why it is. Now how you feel, nigger? Like when they write up their paperwork, they can tell HR like, oh, we just felt like it was like all of those things that we just listed are valid reasons that they can say this is why we fired her. Do you remember when the whole thing which Trump happened with the military and trans people. You know why. The main reason for that was because of the cost for transitioning drugs. They don't want to spend money on it, but they

spend two point five billion dollars on diacra. We already know. Really yeah, we feel jet it costs more than transitioning drugs for anyone in the millinaritary like times a hundred or some ship like that. But point being like, it's always this really like asinine, small minuscule excuse to just not say what you want to say. Okay, So where I'm going with that is, Okay, the owner of the nail salon is extremely homophobic, or always said because I

didn't I don't watch polls. I've been scarped to watch trans So there's there's different because there are people who are cool with gay folks. We see it all the time in black culture. Black men are fine with lesbians and studs and all types of But I don't be real, I've seen but trans women scared. Trans women is just an off limits off the unless and I've seen this thing in the hood. If she grew up in that hood, then she's the only one that can come. And why

from the point of view. For me, I think that it's always that thing of like being afraid of the unknown. Right, if we watch Cookie grow up from LaMotte, then Cookie is the hoods And I mean for I'm very I'm very transparent because I know how the world is. Right, So if if Cookie is the hood training, right, we all know Cookie, we know what Cookie is working with, then there's nothing to be afraid of because nobody knows.

Nobody's gonna mistakenly touch Cookie. But if Mariah comes in and we don't know, then somebody can make the mistake at the party, and that's scary. Scary. Now that scy Okay, So we got the unemployment we got because now as a man, you're you're you, you you questioning your own self, you got people questioning you. I want to move past the employment things. Do you understand now, her renting an apartment, why she don't need to tell anybody her getting a job? Now?

Are we clear with that? Why? So it wasn't that she for her, it was more like fighting the transphobia and the other person because obviously that person has issues and you know what, I help you don't really have the skill. So what how do we move forward with that? Like if we just said, you know what, nobody ever has to know anything or nobody has to deal with

their own transphobia. But my thing is is my thing is there are people that are drumming pulpes that wouldn't hire somebody who had HIV and AIDS, but they're not being forced to disclose that. People don't feel some type of way if you don't like, people feel some type of way, but if they find out, they're not going to necessarily fire you. It's just like, oh, you know, she got AIDS, but this is about to be my favorite,

so you know. It's It's one of those things where I sit back and I asked, like, if that's the requirement, then everybody who you're dating, they should be forced to. Like I think that the thing is, it's the idea of the rate and the time frame for exposing for trans women that we are like forced to like the second that I Nigga sits down at the bar, looks at you, winks one time you gotta be like, I'm trans And it's just like like that that ship is fucking.

It is annoying and it's confusing, and it's it really hinders you from feeling like a person because I feel like I can never have a good conversation. Is I can never accept a drink. I want to talk about what y'all both got into, and this is a great segue into this. Now I feel like obviously we get all agree. I'm clearly a fucking ally. But I will say I do believe people um should at least have a choice. I don't I agree. I don't think you

need to tell someone sitting at the bar. I don't even know how I'm feeling young about a dating profile. I still don't know. I don't feel like you need to have that. But I want to talk about you said something about walking down the street. You guys got into an argument on I g live. A lot of women lose their lives. It was a debate. Debate was right, it was good, it was good, and you were respectful in that too. I think I want to start talking about dating. How do you go about dating? When do

you say it? First date? How does it go? I mean, that's private, it's your genitaliat I've interviewed people that have an STD. They say they don't say it right until they're about to have sex, Like that's your I don't know, let's talk about it. Everybody has different stuff. My thing is And it's funny that you mentioned dating profiles. It's on all of my dating profiles. Um, And it didn't used to be because I used to like to disclose on the first message, like I still like to disclose

fairly early. But now I put it on my dating profile because I was getting so many messages and this is not like me to my own horn. But it's like the second I would make a tender, whatever the funk I was making, it would be like like a flood of sucking messages and then I would have to tell every single one of them I'm trans. Some trans on trains and then it would either be the block train or the oh you can steck my dig train.

And yeah, it's either it's either right, but it's either I'm not gonna or or you can or we can have sex. But that's it, Like I'll fuck a trans girl, but I'm not gonna like me the date I was talking about that beautiful ship that I'm just putting your in box buck all that, and um, that was the issue. So now I put it out there. It's the first thing that you see I am trans now, I like movies and books and then like all the other stuff.

And then like when I meet somebody at like a bar or something like that, I don't disclose until he asked me out how tall are you? By the way, five times, the height is the only thing that's ever um made me think twice, Like when I see women that are quote unquote just for the sake of conversation passing, and I'm not sure for second it's it's only hyps, never their frame, it's never how big they are. It's only hYP that's been like and that's like, oh, that's

a real texy subject for me. Like whenever I guy asked like how tall I am online or something like that, it immediately pisses me to funk off because that's and my thing is, I wish the people just be more honest about it and just say that because men try to clock you, like it doesn't matter how cute you are, just my how beautiful yards a trans woman if you're over five or seven. That like for a lot of

guys that like they're like, yeah, you might pass. But I ain't got time for that because people question tall women, even people that you know are sist women, you'd be like, no, no, okay, Um, you don't want to delve into this a little bit. I have a specific one. That's fine. Um, you want to go first, all you should. This message is brought to you by Blue Chew, one of my favorite ads

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sex was. So here's my question. I had a class in college once where we had a trans woman come up and she was really just just starting transitioning. Um. To be honest, I thought it was a whit dude with long hair because she wasn't even really dressing um like like a woman. Did you usually would? But I wanted to talk about genitalia in the first question out of my mouth. And it's funny because I don't have

a sex podcast. I was like, what do you do when people want to talk about you know, are you preopera? So I really want to know, and she got really insulted. Did I ask that question? But it's something that I'm curious about because now we know your trans Then what the reason I'm curious is because even if someone's down, maybe they've never I don't know, They're like, Okay, do we have anal sex? Do I have anal sex? Now?

How do we have sex? That's important too, because I'm not sure, So, like, at what point do you feel comfortable talking about it and how can someone ask you in a respectful way that's wild. Um, honestly, I'm but I think it's different just because I've been in an

activism field. So I think i'm a lot more because I have to tell like rooms of people about what's between my legs and what's not between my legs, or how I talk about sex, and so I think that for me, it's more so about asking about their comfort, but it's asking about your comfort for my sanity because

I have time to build something awesome. We're talking for two weeks or so or whatever, and then we have a drunk night, come back to the crib and you just saying down so you you you're saying your activist, and I think that's the second or third time and just you just you being forward right being an activists. That's why you put Is that a reason why you

feel comfortable saying I'm trans? Let's move on? Because some people, like you said, don't want to be pulled out of that space, like I want to be recognized where I am right now, I follow a few trans women that don't have it in their profile right and then they have hundreds of comments let me eat you but you'll understand the other. And I'm like, okay, So that's why I kind of was like, Yo, we need to make trans more normalized. And only where you can do that

is if you say, oh, I'm trying. That's why I said it, because how do you feel about that? But nothing that There are plenty of women that are saying that the trans. But the thing about it is that when we say it, it's immediately brought down, and especially when you're open for hate, there's a lot of hate there,

but it's not even necessarily. Hey, when you're an attractive woman that says that your trans, it's immediately boiled down to your sexual parts of what you can do for me sexually, they no longer want to hear about you know, anything that you have going on. If they followed you for hair. Even women, it boils down to like, oh, she was pretty, But now I want to know if she says it has her penis. Now I want to know if she's willing to me if she does have

her penis. Guys, it's like, oh, I wonder, like if I can slide in the d M is real quick. I wonder if she's an escort, like it immediately goes to all of these others, like the second that you say that you are trans, but you're not, you know, like the version of trans that people think should be kept out of bathrooms, that version, and you're an actually like an attractive person that people can see themselves having

sex with, then that's all people can think about. I've been curious about that too, because like I had a sis had her old friends, not friend for real, but yeah, I smoke with back in Florida and this woman watched by us who was trans. She had a shirt with a flag on it, and he's like, is that a gay flag? That's what he asked me in a blue, white, pink whatever it is. And I was like, no, she's

trans and he was a trans flag. Yeah um, and he said okay, Well like her, I would fuck And I know she heard him, and I wondered how she felt. And I didn't say anything because I was confused on what. I didn't check him. I didn't know what to do, but I wondered, like, is he by curious? Is there a such thing as trans curious? Why is that a thing? If he if it's a trans woman, but it doesn't matter because she's a woman that's an attractive woman who

he would suck. I mean, but okay, so that's the thing. So no, that's the thing. That's the thing we need to be because he doesn't know how to get you know, I need to get there because I was gonna say this before you're at the bar. You're talking to dude. You don't know what his preferences are. He doesn't know your history anything else. I'm trying to try. He doesn't know, bro, I'm trying. Got a big dude over here. It was like, I don't want no smoke. I know your sexual orientation,

but let me just I'm trying here. Just everybody appreciate he doesn't You're waiting to the end of the conversation. Let's talk about the time with you, the whole conversation at the end of the conversation. Yeah, so she's like, she'll have the drinks. Can you talk about do you know trans women that do not do that? And then can you talk about reasons for safety and what works best? I want to talk about safety. Disclosure and safety are they go hand in hand? Right? So you never know

when disclosing it's gonna get you jumped. Outside of this by. You never know when disclosing is going to get a bottle upside the head right then and there. You never know, right You don't know how people are going to respond to react. And when I was I want to say, when I was twenty two, I was living in Texas and that very same thing happened to me. I'm at a bar, I'm mind in my business, I'm drinking, had

a bad night. African do fines ship comes over, six ft something, him and his entourage with people and he's winding. I had a horrible fucking day. So you buying drinks, I'm drinking, We're talking, we're chatting, and at the end of the night, I'm like, okay, I'm bouncing and he was like, no, let me get your number. I'm gonna be back. And I was like, okay, well before you do that, like, I gotta tell you, like this probably isn't what you want. And he's like, what do you

mean this isn't what I want. I was like, well, I'm I'm trans I'm not sure if you want to take it further than this, and he's just like, oh, like, you know, not necessarily my thing. I know how American men are, but that's not me, and I'm thinking, okay, decent exchange. I'm gonna go hop in this car and I'm abounce and on my way to my car, six African men beat my ass outside of the bottom. He went and gather his goonies and they beat me up outside of the bar, and they made it up their

business and then stopped. Uh some guys like from the inside of the bar who heard him plotting. Because what happened was after I said it, it was my immediate like feeling to run, even though he was being nice, something in my spirit just was like this ain't this ain't right. That's so you're I want to apologize for that, right, And I'm apologized just for everybody who are ive, because I know in my life I have had those moments where I might have run into somebody and be like, yo,

that's a man or whatever. I'm pretty sure I can't remember anything specific right now, but I'm pretty sure I've done it. So but that's just my own ignorance that I've had to deal with. But moving further from that without a butt to the end of that statement, because that statement needs to be isolated. Do you think that damn? Because this is mass specific after six drinks. That's the time when you tell me that when I'm not even thinking properly. But my thing is, I have no intention

on having sex with you. Yes you're attractive, Yes you're cool. Why she gotta tell you where she's drinking and chilling, because al our exchange has nothing to It's our exchange here in this bar, at this moment. See, I'm gonna be honest, know where this is leading, this conversation between this man and a woman. You know what this is leading. But at the end of the night, when you're drinking with someone you need at a bar, I'm trying. I'm gonna I don't, but you know I want to have sex.

If you might not know what you want, but you know what I want. I owe you that when I'm enjoying you, don't I'm on my period. That's your mouth works because like he said, like she said, maybe dude could just go for some head. That's what they'd be asking for anyway, right, that's what she said. But that don't mean that she gotta fucking tell you that she

ain't in the mood. I totally agree with you, And like I said, I realized that there's and I realized that some people might not want to say nothing because of how motherfucker's gonna make them feel. How are they going to make them respond? I just to night and enjoying someone's time before and then he's gonna come, and then she's going to get into that place where she's either got to be honest or go back saying I'm not going to say nothing. But why is the end

of the night at bad time? But that's that's good, goes there on the first thing before. But do you see how like this whole thing is like problematic and ship It's like I'm damned if I do. Yes, I get it, I totally get it, But I don't. You gotta understand it as a me too? What do I do? Because now I'm sitting here, I didn't know that this was the conversation I was. But why is that a problem? Because all anybody else in this bar saw, all anybody else in the bar saw, was you talking to a

pretty girl at the bar? Yeah, nobody else, nobody else in the bar. But you knows that I'm trans because your homeboys having lit night, but your home my thing is if you're because Okay, so what you're trying to say is I'm transphobic, right, And what I'm saying is if you're representing this person and you're transphobic, transphobia and to for for it to be triggered. It's about the

embarrassment of being caught with a trans person. Nobody caught you with a trans person you don't know as nobody you know, yo, boom, this is a trans trans woman that lives in my neighborhood. Have body done ridiculously? This is back before bodies was getting done. Biggest round is as best boobs. Everything we all knew, Like you said, we know her. She speaks to us what up you know? And she speaks like a lady, and we we know. We really were just having fun with her all that.

It was good. It's going because, like you said, she grew up around us. We know her, we know what when she transitioned and everything. That was a fair point to make to her. So boom, we all outside one night she's walking to the train station. Bus driver polls over, hops out. Bus driver pulls the whole bus over. Somebody's crazy like that. We pull over bus over. Uh tries to highlight her and I guess she just told him straight up like yo, I'm trying. He and she backed up,

so we're like yo, yo yo. So he's seeing us like we was like yo. And he ran back on the bus and took off on the bus. So I get that y'all have it bad either way, but I don't know as the bus driver, when was the right time for him to to know or But obviously nothing if you freak out before my number in your phone, there's no good time. There was no good that's six drains don't matter, dog, because if you was gonna tell your niggas and y'all are drunk to me to be

that violent, like, I'm gonna be real with you. This is the same thing with abuse, right, I've maybe you've never held me told the story, but I had a very abusive X and the first time you hit me, I was like, he was drunk. That's what I thought. How could drunk? You are a good person, right, I don't think you could get drunk and hurt me. I

don't know that he's a period. That is, That's what we're saying the same point, right, trans Phobia comes from from a place where it can't be corrected or learned from that, you can. The point is something correct couldn't have been saved from them sick regardless his niggas jumped you that didn't take beer, didn't take tequila. Period, You wouldn't do it to her. You wouldn't, you wouldn't do

it to me. You have to innately have that, And this is why conversations are necessary so that we can learn, like, trans people aren't scary, trans women aren't scary, and honestly, trans phobia. So I don't know, that's one of my questions. But but that's the thing it's about. It's not even about normalizing. It's about going about your sucking business, mind your fucking business like it's it's not even just the idea of oh, it being scary for it to happen

to you. But I don't understand that people like, there's a young man who just killed himself because he was in a relationship with the trans that that had nothing to do Reese killed himself in a relationship that had nothing to do with other thiggas, But they're pressed because he likes you don't. I'll be real with you. I said, we had Dustin in here and we discussed that and I feel like they were so hard on him because

he looked so mad. Yeah, you nigga like you. Like, let's say maybe you versus a guy that's a little more feminine or flamboyant dating a trans women. They don't get on you more. They don't expect it from you, and that's what happens. I'm thinking about what you guys said to me, and I'm thinking about why it's such a big deal for people who are transphobic, and I think that in the heterosexual community amongst women, women, men, and I've been I've been told that even gay community,

there is a lot of homophobia. I don't know exactly how to represent what they're talking about in the gay community, but I do know men aren't allowed any preferences outside of women before being labeled gay. We're very scared of what we might like, of any exploring, of being judged, and so because of that, we go super hard to prove that we aren't even masking your own desires and curiosities. So because of that, I think that's where the phobia

comes from and the aggression. Because the guy at the bar, this guy, his biggest problem wasn't you, Because he liked you already. His biggest problem was those guys knowing that he liked you. That's his biggest problem. It was them because she walked away when when when she when she walked away, he looked around and wanted to know did they know she was trans because now he wanted to ask, yo,

she's this, Yo, did you know? But it goes back to what he said, that's an internal thing, right, because it's like you having to validate that you're How could I like that? How could I know? I've been at the early stages of my transition. I remember I'm walking home and it was three dudes. One of them wanted to talk to me, and the other two trails behind. I'm listening to the conversation that his friends are having behind us. I think that's the man. I think. I

think that's the man. Yo, you think's I think that's a man. He's so busy trying to spit game, he don't hear nothing that's happening. It's not until we get into the CBS and we part ways that I'm still hearing the conversation. Yo, I think that's a dude. Not I ain't no dude. Like she finds y'all don't see not that's the dude, not to go. We got the light on, now go look at it. And then now that would scare me, Like I'm literally like, I don't

know what it's scared me. But my thing is he didn't think even in the light he came over, he did like the so you really gonna give me your number? But he's observing me now now that there's light, right now that we're no longer walking down the dark street. Now that there's like you're observing me. You still don't see it. But because that you've pressed you about it, now you have to see it. Oh yeah, y'all, all right, that's the dude. I'm getting the funk up out of here, y'all,

let's go. But you didn't see that. And so it's back to what Weezy is talking about. It doesn't matter about what they think. It's all about the perception of myself and how I see myself and how I know that they're going to think about me regardless. Because even if even if he had come back and said, nah, in the light sheet even more gorgeous now according to them, you gay. And that's what he doesn't want to have to deal with. It's still internal. It's all about him

and his bullshit. But and that's the thing. I think a lot of men like to make it about other people when it's it's legitimately about you. One of the scariest things for me when I was talking to a trans woman at the bar like a month back, no bullshit doing this show, being a part of the community like friends that I have, I was literally her feeling her, and I was thinking, like, who's asked them have to

be over my girl? Like I started back forwarding in my head like all the things that would happen to me and how I would deal with everybody else. And

I was really like, I can't. I think that there's so much understanding of what's going on in society now for trans well maybe not for trans or maybe I don't know, but I don't think that it's I don't want to make the heterosexual people the victim, but I do want to say that there's so much pressure on black men, straight black men to be a certain way, and now we looked at as like we're like being demon noted for being that way. I don't think that

we've been talking that by our our music. I'll coach you, our parents, the church, everybody. You gotta be this way. And the minute you deviate from that, you're a white person saying I didn't know that, saying there was bad. That's what you don't know. But I actually I want to come to his defense on that because I think that it's important that we talk about black women's part or portion in the way that black men see and

that you're wrong. You know that this is another human, You know this is a black person doesn't know that at the floor. But when my mother you're telling me you don't, it's not it's not about what they know. It's about the idea that the matriarchs of my community, the women who i'm my thing is I can be attracted to trans women, right, just like men could be attracted to fat women. Men could be attracted to short women, but majority of the time they don't get to date

a lot of those. Majority of the time. He's not dating trans women, right. And so if I know that dating one trans woman could possibly eradicate my chances of dating any other woman because they know that, then I can't date one trans woman. That's fair that I agree with you on. Now, when he was talking talking about the music and ship like that, saying blatantly transphoping homophobic. Shiit No, I feel like people know that's wrong, but

those of fears absolutely because of that influence. That's very That's that's what you're saying about. Saying blatantly homophobic stuff is relatively new when people you still have people saying pause, you still got people saying for like ten years ago, I listened to the stuff like that, but it's literally been everything. I went to problem with a gay nigga, Like, I just kind of lived a different life. I always

knew those things were bad. I always knew even if I said faggot in high school, it coming out of my mouth didn't even feel right. I had to stop doing that. I had too many gay niggas around me. How could I do that? But you did? We didn't. I knew it wasn't right. Like I'm telling you, I feel like, and you come from a place like there are people that, yes, they knew it was wrong. I'm one of those people. Nigger. I grew up with black ship with a black mama. I just grew up on

the different side. You're telling me my gay friends didn't know that was wrong. You understand that I understand your side and I'm doing my best to understand the trans side, but also think that just became bad. That's not true. I just also think that it's been part of our culture to be phobia, to have these phobias, and now we're like, it's wrong. Everybody's wrong. And also, so my thing is where does the growth come from? How does

it happens? It has been part of the culture to push men to be like that, but we've always known that it was to treat people to look at We'll look at how many black people at a faster rate are getting employed to things because we're more of the face of things. Black Lives Matter movement, there's just more movements. We're more in your face. Maybe that's why you feel that way. Even to say sis feels like a slur like nigga. No, that's how people use it. It's not you.

They don't talk to y'all that way. I'm the one on Twitter. If you google, on search, tile TV and sisht, you will see everybody who has says it. It's saying it to me in a derogatory way, to the point where I didn't like the word until I found out what it was. And that's the thing, Like, it's about knowledge of the word right as people are using it. Because I've heard this argument before with people like don't call me sis because that just makes like, just call

me what I am. I'm a woman, you're not a woman. But it's like, so hetero sexual people since type people are allowed to give every other community a name that they can cope with and and compartmentalize people, but then when the LGBT people give you all a name and compartment list for our conversations, it's a slur. I didn't,

I didn't. I didn't. I'm saying that when it's using a certain way, that's the way that But my thing, like there's no way to be like, oh, like I feel stupid even trying to find a way to say sis in a way that's like disrespectful. It's just like, oh no, any time one of these sist said straight black men come on here, it's every time I see that word. It's like that I think that anytime any one of these trans women get on like that's like me being upset for like that. It's just the title.

I think that you, like the energy are given us sometimes how women feel about the word female. These females never right. But you see how easy it is for me to say, yeah, I understand that, and y'all like, no, no, we don't understand where you're coming from. And that's the point is that we have to try to understand the other side. We have to. It's curious to see the comments. If I feel like, why are you gonna do it?

Search it? It's literally right there. I think the reason it's hard is because, like they're so there are real slurs being a well here it is. You're not a marginalized group. Oh I'm not. We're not. When did that happen? But where where is the oppression? Insists man, Like there's no fucking slurs like black men are aren't marginalized? Definitely say that sis het ain't a motherfucking marginalized group. They're the group with all the privilege. And it's just like

the white people privilege out of this world. Ahead, bro, I'm not talking about black man. Take your black ass out of this. Go back to sis head. I'm on black man side always sis Head. She's like, what trumps this this head? Okay? Like I want to questions I've had that. Um, I feel like you're important. I'm gonna go back to Pose. There's a scene in the show pos Okay, there's a popular woman in the show, Electra. She's like the Dune daughter. She's the best. Now Electra

wants to get her operation done. What's the name of it, sorry, srs. What is the sexual reassignment surgery? Reassignment surgery? Okay? Special? So she wants to be post off. She's pre opt so to speak, and on the show she's very poised, fabulous. She has a sugar daddy to pay for all his ship. When she gets her surgery done, he doesn't want her anymore. I want to talk about that. I want to talk about has anyone ever told you they don't want you too?

And how does that feel? Are there any man that are specific when talking to about making sure that it's still there? Whatever? And roundabout ways, um and roundabout ways, Like when the conversation has come up with like two of my long standing like pieces, they both and it's crazy because they are two completely different men, but they both had a very similar answer, which is like it was like that do what you want, but not really

type deal. Um. And I remember like because I was younger when they when I had that conversation with the both of them, and it was kind of like in my mind, I was like, so are you like are

you gay? Like are you not gonna want me if I don't have this, like because I'm a woman, And I thought that that was the whole point, like I thought you would be happy, Like I didn't get the responses from them that I thought that I would get about like getting a vagina, Like I thought that they would be like, oh yeah, like like that, because now there's like a wait, lett, I don't know how I do have a question. I want to ask what I feel like defense like taho for those men, are you topping?

No you're not. So that's what's really interesting to me because at that point it's really all fucking aesthetics, like and it's just when we say topping, are you the one that's penetrating? Okay, so you forget it. I don't want to know, sorry, Like what I wanted to know because a lot of the assumption with trans women and sex is like, oh, now I guess to get fucked. But it's like the trans women I know are not fucking niggas. No, the most have sex with most I

mean fucking niggas. I'm sorry, like penetrating, they're they're they're not taking, they're not getting. Is that better? So yeah, but that's because they are women. Come on, look at you. God damn it. Fucking learning and ship. But I asked that specific question because I was curious to know if men that have a very serious stance about that are feeling like they're is a piece of puzzle missing for

their sex at all. One of the guys like straight up told me, he's like, you know, if I wanted to date or be with a biological woman, I could do that. He's like, the whole thing about being attracted to trans women also is that there's this extra something um, And I was just like, okay, it's just it's an

aesthetic thing. It's just like you know, being with you could be with any woman, but like I like fat girls because I like the way that fields or do you ever want to however, you sign a trargery and it's one of those things that I teeter back and forth with because it's it's I think that it's mostly for vanity's purposes, right, It's so that I can wear a fucking bathing suit and not have to worry about if my tuck is gonna slip? What what is okay?

So if it's not about did we assignment surgery? What exactly was trans to you? Like? What is what we're what's happening? What does trans mean that? Do you mean no? I'm trying to like I'm trying to understand, like so is course dressing the great and there's so what is it trans? So? A lot of the times, cross stresses are just people who usually identify themselves as people who like the way that they feel in the opposite opposite sexist closed and usually that applies to women too, But

people don't pay women any attension because whatever. But there are men who will say, like, oh, I just like the way that silk fills on my skin, and like you know the women, the way that women's shirts are cut or whatever. They're usually people that have fallacies for clothing. I wouldn't make feel looking that in their profiles, and then they'll just like wear panties and like more like great type of thing. They're not walking outside, and if they are, it's like for a fetish type of it's

a it's a fetish sized activity. It's not. It's a verb. Being is the thing that you do versus any thing that you're living. Right, So it's not this thing that constantly um. It's a verb in a thing that you do right now. Trans specifically does that mean to his question for someone that may not know taking shots, taking horm moment, like the actual transitioning, like the feminization of the body, the feminization of the look. And that doesn't mean my thing is. There's a different um bridge to

cross for every different person. Right, So me I am a trans them presenting woman, right. But India Moore, who is also on the show Posed, does not identify as a trans woman. OFFSET in India is non binary OFFSET and so their pronouns are they them offset And a lot of people will look at Indian and say, oh, that's a trans woman. I get it now, but you don't get it because India it's them presenting. However, they

are not. By the way, a trans woman that ran into India at a party and she was like bro. People kept coming up there and stand they loved her. On this show, he said, when I found out it was Posed, I was like, ain't a way. He was like, they can't all be trans. She looks gorgeous so much so they're like on the show they talk about I'm still stuck on non binary offset, So what is it about her to make her not scroll up? And yes, she is pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty.

You gotta give me some slack. I get it. So non binary, but when you're non binary, you're somebody who doesn't You don't want to be claimed by either one of those flexes, right, So India is neither super masculine or super feminine. India likes to ride the way of both of those things. It's more of a two spirits sort of deal. Can you switch between like just be if your trans? Can you just be with the non binary slash Andrews and the spectrum of everything? You can

do what you want? Can you talk about two spirit I just learned that term this year at pride Um. I felt bad too. That was like, yeah, I saw the tea, But that's the thing that So the trans there's transgen transgender, and then there's a trans umbrella that everything that's kind of like under that scope falls under. So there's transgender, two spirits, gender nonconforming. A sexual is now a part of our umbrella as well. Um, there's a bunch of things that fall underneath that trans umbrella,

and two spirit is just basically like another. It's like a hyper sensualized version of somebody who identifies himself as not binary or somebody who identified themselves as um androgyn is like Grace Jones and boy George and all those people who like play around with the idea of gender rules and the way that gender is supposed to go.

So right, Prince, So somebody like India takes it a step further and says that not only do I not follow these necessarily like these binary things about what gender means, but I'm also not going to follow the social economic rules of binary and gender. So if I'm with somebody, if he does identify as asis male, India might say, well, I understand that like film presenting, people aren't supposed to pay their own check, but I'm paying the check because

I got it. You know, how do you feel about Because I feel like I'm fake, wote like I'm WoT, but I feel like gender reveal parties are a big deal. I don't really want I don't think a kid necessarily needs to have X because like what about for medical reasons. I want you to know without having to take my it's diaper off. Like how you know what's common in boys or girls when they grow up? How do you feel about gender reveals or gender parties or assigning gender

at birth? I think that it's stupid, like to me, like, I don't like the baby showering in the showering of moms who might be a need with like gifts or you know, just coming to celebrate a mom who might have been having a tough ass pregnancy. That I get, Like, I'm not against baby showers, but the whole idea of this gender reveal and like lately people crying because they got like either a boy or a girl, Like that ship is fucking retarded. So you you feel like gender

reveals or what? Honest? I just think that the unnecessary and especially because with with these new days, your child is growing up in the completely new America. Like when I was growing up, I didn't know, Like I remember my mom telling me after this one incident if I ever came home as anything other than her son, that she didn't know me any power. I was like seven, How old did you do you? Did you when you

were growing up, Um, did you feel like? Okay? I was a gay boy, proud, loud, proud and strong until I was about nineteen. Okay, Like I never had any other idea, Like I was always feminine. There was always like we even makeup and all that jazz. But I never like, first of all, I didn't know I had a choice. So at seven, my mom is telling me if you ever come home as anything other than my son, I'm like, bitch, I have an option, Like what you mean, Like what want me to say that if she catch

you in clothes or no? Um, a guy that she was dating, I had a really bad day at school. Uh fucking third grader. I don't know, but I had a bad day at school and I'm walking home and a guy that she was dating, hood Nigga, was across the street with his homeboys and he was trying to speak to me, but because I had a bad day, I was adding into no seven year old I'm like, fuck, you ain't talking to you today, Like I don't have

time for this bullshit. And I kept walking. And so that Saturday, I'm sitting in the room with my grandparents and my mom comes in, storming, raging, Cusin screaming, yelling and fussing and beating the ship out of me and me and my grandparents like what the funk? Like I'm thinking back, like you as you getting your ass well for something that you don't know about, you thinking like what did I do in school? Like what did I?

And she's just like La Motte told me, he tried to seak to you and you walked away switching like a little bit. And I was like, oh, that's what this is about. It wasn't because I didn't speak. It was because he specifically said that I walked away switching like a girl, and he was in front of all his homeboys, and so there was a conversation about me that ensued after that because you're dating his mom. How did your mom feel about your Oh now we're now,

we're good. I would have never like you couldn't have told me even three years ago she was transpic Now do you feel like your mom was more comfortable with you being? Definitely and definitely Like she swallowed that pill so easy. It was almost like she had her moments where she said ignorant things, but she was not ignorant, like even beforehand, like I don't think that my mom was ever ignorant about you know, like LGBT people. She had like stereotypical black thoughts about it, but she wasn't

really ignorant to the idea. But it was one of those things where when I initially transition, because there was no conversation like how most people sit their parents down, like the gay conversation. That happened. The trans conversation was I went to college and I came back home. Were you comfortable being gay in school with your mom? Like? Yeah, like that was. It didn't get bad with her for the gay thing until I got my first serious boyfriend

and then she knew it was like you gay game? Yeah, when you were gay, did you identify as a game? Did you ever want to be Did you see yourself as a woman? I saw, and that's a that's a really And I talked about that in my book Too Shame, this BLOGOK, Becoming Hope, Removing the disguise. Uh So that was one of those things where I would constantly dream about this woman and she was this gorgeous girl with this black hair in these beautiful blonde highlights, and I

don't know where this bitch was coming from. Girl but I would see this girl all the time, but at that point, like I guess I was, I don't. I didn't have verbage for it. So I would just see and I knew that it was me, but I was like, I don't want to be a girl. I think I'm just gonna play with the weed. OK. And so for the longest time, I spent a lot of time just thinking like I'm I'm a feminist. And then I found out what I dropped to me. I was like, oh,

I'm dropping this. I'm like Grace Shan's like I'm doing this like funky fashion thing. And I was finding myself like it was just like a little by little. I was on a panel once with some citty white people shout out to the good twenty seven that are listening, and one of them told me that I was going so hard for trans people when there's a higher rate of trans people killing themselves once they transition. Finally, Um, has there had there been a time where you were like, funk,

I did the wrong thing? Uh No, that's amazing. I wanted to hurt myself before transitioning. Um. But the life expectancy, by the way from blot Figger that's from getting killed by someone else and killing yourself. Why what's up? I mean, I get the other turmoil, Like mentally an emotion of the transitioning is draining because a lot of trans people who are doing this are doing this without a support system.

Fortunately I have several of them, but there are a lot of trans women who are doing this, and then they're looking at the people of the world like Maya Scott, like India, like um, you know, like ts Madison and all these beautiful trans women who are on social media, and they're like, I'm never going to be that. I am a six ft five guy who played you know, football most of his life. I'm never gonna be that small.

I'm never gonna pass, I'm never gonna whatever. How do you feel about trans popular trans women like Caitlyn Jenner. First of all, Caitlyn Jenner, we don't claim her. I didn't think that we don't claim her, but because she's problematic as ship um and I think that she's problematic because she doesn't realize that she's problematic. And then even once she realized that some of the things that she said was problematic, she doesn't go about apologizing in a

way that shows that you stand in solidarity. She's like the super Trump supporter. But even beyond that. What I was curious, why I wanted to ask that question was because Taylor Swift video. Okay, mat right, can we do Tom Devins Vincent, you guys got a long episode today. We got a great dialogue on here. Taylor Swift had a video where she had a bunch of gay niggas

in it. Lance Bastman saying, Laverne Cox, who is the trans women from Orange's a new Black I don't if you know her, just very like for the people video, but we all know the same ship, and people felt like it was pandering. Now. I had a really good conversation with my gay friends, my closest gay friends, Bennie and Christopher, and I think one of them were saying, this is bullshit and the other one was saying, fuck it.

Now is out there, Like, I don't give a funk how the message gets out, as long as it's there. Is Caitlyn Jenner good for white people to see in mainstream people to see a trans woman or not, because she's not an ideal model of what we want a trans woman to represent. Is she necessary or is she not.

I think the conversation that she facilitated was necessary, but it also shows us how the conversation that we were already having as people, um, as people of color, was ignored because Laverne Cox was already on Anges of Black Way, before Laverne Cox had been on the cover of Time, Laverne Cox had already gotten Mark was in something I heard Jennet Mark. Yeah, Jennet Mark was a freaking CNN like announcer, Like I didn't know she had a whole podcast on the same network as Angela right, Like she

was doing things right. Um, we had so many black trans women who were doing t. S Madison, whether it was probabatic or not. Tis Madison was paving the way for trans women on social media. And so then you have this sixties something year old white man who decides I'm going to embrace this truth and become Caitlin, and now the world stops. Now the world says, I want to pay attention, and it's like we need I have

a question. I have a question. I know you have a couple of left, but there's some questions from listeners, a really good one. So my thing is, um, how do we I feel like trans is their own section

of the community. I think I feel like head of rules their own sexual LGBT s. How do we get it to be more than everybody is in each is having this conversation together, because I feel like even if t S. Madison's maybe you got the girls that are cool with the gay people that have watched the thing with Tiffany had or you know, trans, they'll watch it, but the hetero sexual people won't just turn and watch it. They'll say, oh, that's a trans girl and they'll fast forward.

Or how do we do that? Like, what exactly is the bill that this community like this right by continuing to infiltrate spaces like this and so shameless and spaces wear black hetero sist men getting people to feel congregate one right? And so having Janet mac on the Breakfast Club was like a thing even Sydney starts problematic and she was just trying to do she was doing the thing about trying to expode like Sydney Stars. She was like, she's for she's forcing more hetero dudes that like that

to say, all right, I don't like it. I don't like it. I'm not that guy. But my thing is that that's your issue though, like it's only because my thing is exposing. It is only a powerful tool because niggas give a about being getting exposed. But there's also the community that's all right, So let's listen to Sydney. I didn't like, Okay, could you date somebody that wanted to be a little bit closet about your relationship? That's

a good question. That question I want to ask because whereas like I was saying okay with Sydney, like she's exposing nigga, because we really want someone who's out now with my gay male friends, some of them will date men who are in the closet a little like download dudes. Also, you can hang with a nigga and just get lunch, you know what I'm saying, and be like, oh, there's

my people. It's a totally different thing. You could. You know how much confidence you gotta have in your sexuality, Like say, for me, I say, if I met up with Hope right now, let's just go to lunch. Do people gonna be like, yo, tow's with. I gotta be super secure on myself and all that to be able to deal with that one. Because that's why I said, I know you go through a lot of stuff. That's why I meant like that because I know what had

happened to me. If I was to do that, now, they're gonna be like, oh, you did you this, you this, you this, you this. And I got to be super confident in myself and who I am and proud that I have a trans friend and like, that's why I don't give a funk what you're talking about. But Reese went through that and it was continuous. People will talk about mouth. I really love Mouse. He is always posted his gay gass friends on a honeymoon kissing, talking with

gay niggas out here. Like I was at my show, the one I did with Jesse and I did a dick sucking contest and I had one of my gay niggas come up and Mouse was like that nigga is getting it in No one has ever. I've never seen it them talking to something like it wasn't Drome. Actually that was in Atlanta. That was you and Drone. Jerome was getting I was actually talking specifically about that show. But and you hosted that show. And that's the thing.

It's like, when you show your confidence, that's right, you did it with your shot Jerome Trammel from Atlanta, nobody is gonna and that's the thing. Why not you? Why don't they be like that nigga. And it's the confidence that you exude and that's the difference, like that, don't do that. I had to make that. I had to make a conscious choice, especially with Jerome um, to say, you know what, fuck that, this is my chance right now to say I ain't scared. Yeah, and I try

to continuously do that. But I have a history of being homophobia, so I had to make a conscious choice to say, yo, you know what, he's a person regards of anything else, whatever these choices are in life, however he lives his life whatever, respect this person as a human being. Fuck everything else. It's not my business. My business is that he is a human. It looks like recently said whenever niggas he said something about hope un quote number, you can't only say when we are gonna,

are you evened the maybe saying you are gay? Nigea, he'd be like, why are you worried about my sex? Like why the funk are you worried about what? Dick? Obviously are you gay? And it's crazy how people are so obsessed with the sex that you have because that's what my thing is. So let me be very clear. But that's how we all define out. But let me be very clear about it. If if Tyler took me out, it would be a question, oh damn they because I'm attractive.

But if he's too Caitlyn Jinn or out, it would be jokes about taking Caitlyn Jinner out because nobody wants to fun Caitlyn Jenner. They're joking on you because they would suck. That's a hell of a good point. They're joking on you because they would hear you. You know what I'm saying, That would be real. I don't be I don't like him. I'm sorry. I didn't like Bruce. Nobody likes Bruce. I didn't. I just felt like Bruce was phony man, and I didn't like him. And I

don't like Caitlyn because I think she's phony too. Yeah, And I'm glad she's said it's hiding it all And I just think he's he was the whole entity of Bruce Slash. It's just weird, Like you just don't get it. You just don't think. Also, it's hard for us to respect because there's always such a circus around Kardashians, so you want to feel for this person, but like I can't. It's hard watching a millionaire cry about ship. What do we ra time? There's a great question from a listener, Um,

do black trans women feel a sense of sisterhood? Assists black women because I feel like, nah, Um, most of the time, I'm going to say that the answer to that is nah. And it's just because you're always worried

about what her intentions truly are. Like when I'm in the store and I hate to say, like I just at my job, but like when I'm in the store and a woman tells me that I'm beautiful, I'm pretty unless she's an older woman, because you know, black matriarch don't play that ship of a black old woman tells you beautiful, but beautiful she means she means that ship. But like a lot of the time, when like young sis women are saying like, oh girl, you so pretty, I'm in my mind, I'm saying, so is this your

way of telling me that you've clocked me? And I'm cute for a trans girl because it's happened like I had a girl like one time about four months ago, I'm bringing her up and she's sitting there and she's just like, oh, yeah, like girl, because I went to Miami before. You from Miami, right, And I was like, yeah,

I'm from Miami. She's like, yeah, I went to this drag brunch girl the drag like and like she was laying in on that and then at the end of the entire transition let me know that she was cool. And then at the end of it, she's just like, oh, and girl, by the way, you are working and you are just but you wouldn't you wouldn't address But do you realize that she doesn't know that's offensive? Like she's really trying. I've stopped telling trans women that they're pretty

that I don't like. Now I'll just talk about their clothes, I'm talking about your shoot, I'll talk about something else. But you still because I know I could. I've watched it. I've seen it happen when it's a genuine compliment, right, and I could see like, because now you're feeling like, Okay, why do you need to tell the girl next to

me she was pretty? Maybe she's not pretty, maybe she's not, but like, why me and I feel like that's the thing, Like why single me out because it's it's not do you say it's the way like and people you know when somebody but even it's just the way I say it. You might look at me, is this this this this this head of real and be like no, you're probably

saying that because you've got these feelings. No, it's but my thing is when something is authentic and it's genuine and it's just coming from like girl, you it's cute today, Like you're wearing that dress. It's different than m Okay, you thought you got me, but you're cute, like girl, Okay, you know what I'm saying. And that's but it's also a woman thing. And I think that that's the thing

between trans women and this woman. I think that a lot of sis women see it as a competition, Like seeing an attractive trans woman is like, oh damn, this another motherfucker I gotta come up against. And especially when you're a dark skinned black woman. Right, It's just like, as a dark skinned black woman, I got enough things

going on in this world. Enough of these niggas telling me I'm not worthy light skinned because I gotta compete with And now I got bitches with dicks, like out here you know what I'm like, and so I get it, and so I understand it coming from a lot of my sisters like women. But it's also like, since I'm not the enemy, I do ship to you. I'm out here trying to get dick like you're trying to get dick. And I'm still a black, dark skinned woman too, So bitches is out here coming for me, like, let's be

sisters for real instead of you coming for me. And I think that that's the That's always the thing. It's just like being an attractive trans woman's fucking sucks sometimes because then you have people piste off at you because you're cute, like and it's just like, oh, she's spending all of this money on we even shoes, Like but if you like, you could do the same thing, the

same doctor I went to. If you like my books so much, go like it's I'm not this magician, like nothing, none of this ship is just like by osmosis, outside of my genetics. None of this is osmosis. I mean to be fair, you are in the community, and like I feel like if you have a gay friend of

your life, you just can't go wrong. So that's really what But that's also a stereoid type though, because I'm not I'm not a gay man's barbie doll though, But let's be all things that are fat, architecture, design, makeup clothes. I'll be pissed when I'll be seeing makeup. I'd be like, how could this happen? Because trans women were the people that were the matrioch. And that's the thing, like this is this last episode opposed should have schooled a lot.

What are you saying? Damn it? But makeup? No. So the last episode of the like the final scenes that it talks about the idea that trans women are out here busting their acts. They created these ballroom floors, and then when everything took off, guests who rode the wave gay men, when it was trans women who put their blood and tears into this ship. And it's just like gay men get all of this wrapping this hype for making it this that in the third but it's like

transmit more. The women out here doing the research and getting the blueprint from women, and trans women were the ones out here learning from their sisters who were accepting in a time that was it wasn't okay to be accepting, learning from their mothers who were actually like not putting them out of their homes, how to properly apply their makeup, and then taking that to their gay guy friends, and then gay guys were just open enough. So we've so

basically I've been blinded by the cloak of gay man. Yes, there's a lot of gay men that will straight up tell you that they don't support and don't like and don't understand. If there's a lot of gay men that if you listen to their conversations they sound just like since head black men, like you would never know that he was gay until he says like like armand Wiggins

is in trouble. He's also another um like blogger via the internet's right now that's in trouble because he's always coming for trams girls and he's a like just so when T. S. Madison was just recently on um Nikki's podcast or whatever, he got online and was like, oh, Nikki, you need tell your man friends, like let him know the Alan play with that like indirect, but he's always

coming for her. I was on his podcast one day and he came for me like, oh, you're a man though, but at the end of the day, I don't matter how educated you are, you're a man like and it's just like he's a gay black man saying this is my thing is that it's so much like pride, Like we talked about pride and then people will still take that from you for your choice and that's like, yo,

she she has a right to be her. I don't know where that this with people feeling like, bro, if you ask what you tell me, you you told me your program pronounced that's what I'm going rocking way for the Rust Show? Why do I give a funk to call you something else? And what does it do for me? And that's the main root of like homophobian racing, Like what do you get out of it? I don't get it sometimes I'm always so confused and it really frustrates

me with men. You know, this morning, I woke up and old Bay is the new nick that I'm talking soon. I was like, Yeah, I'm so excited for today because one of my niggas claims he's transphokeic. I'm like, he ain't, but I know he's gonna be asking some questions that are weird. We got this trans woman that's coming on and it's gonna be fucking lit. And he wanted to see your picture and I knew why, and I was like, my eyes were rolling, and I'm like, do I get

angry about it? I want to see her pure? Yeah, because he wanted to determine how much respect he was going to give he I think he no, I think he wanted to know how you would. He was like, oh, because I told him I did hit his live show. I was like, like, straight up Brooklyn athneck and he was like word, He's like, let me see her page. And in his mind I know what he was thinking, like how is this going to go? How soft is he gonna be with her? Like? Those were the things

I think. I can't speak for him, but I'm not really all the way and in one corner, but one thing I do and say, I know we have run out of time, right, No, I don't know. Benson doing some work. So as long as he doing work right, if we would say, right a step towards learning for people who are all the way in the corner, all

the way in transfor what's one step right now? If you're like, all right, you're worried about people trans people in movies or what's one step right now they can actually self or do for themselves to open their minds or just to consider the possibilities of not being transferred or not understanding that it doesn't have to be this big declaration, right, it could happen, like the start of your journey could be in your house right now on

Google right. Taking a second to look at documentaries from trans people by trans people. Uh So, Janet mac is amazing. Um. Actually, my re pressing on Instagram is amazing. Mila jam is amazing. Um. Now when you say, like watching these documentaries, like what do you want people to see? Do you want them to see someone's journey? Do you want them to just the need? What do we need they need? It's about humanizing people who have been dehumanized and hasn't got it right.

And so it's about seeing them as sisters, it's about seeing them as wives, It's about seeing them as struggling artists in New York, right, It's about seeing them in their element outside of their gender, because that's always like

the thing that we wear. Right. But it's like I'm more than like Hope the trans girl, Like I've written a book, but most people wouldn't even want to talk about that ship because they're still focused on my transmiss I am a manager in a in a world where people say that most trans women have to be escorts, and I'm working. I've worked in corporate America, I do

corporate tours. I've taught it at Netflix, for God's sakes, And it's just like it's one of those things where people would never get to that part because they're so busy focused on if they would have sex with me, who is having sex with me, and how we're having sex, And it's just like if you take the time to see that we're living life and we're going on flights and we're getting drunk and making decisions like everybody else. And my thing is like, yo, do you really like

what do you want people to do? Like to anybody that hates anybody out there, like, what do you want them to do? Take off? People take off? Like reasons you know maybe when you think about it, like it's always like when you listen to super religious people talking about it, they don't they can't get out of their head like this is for this, is this is for this, Like it's never this, like there's never any profound to have so much hate, and I'm like, okay, so what

do you want them to do? Where the gay people they have to just like women, What do you want them to do if they get their transferation? What do you want them to do? You don't like it? So where do they go in your world? How do they That's actually a question I want to ask. They said, how do you feel safe? Where? Where is this safe space for you? When the world is too much? That's what someone asked. I mean, I think a lot of

make it. I'm dead if I don't place one of my one of my friends was actually talking to me about that, because I'm very much so when I say there's a difference between being an activist and an advocate ad the kids are just people that are voices and mouthpieces. I'm an activist. So you'll see me on CNN at the front of the riot like I'm down to like I'll put on makeup and I'll take this shot off and put on some times and some sweatpants and i

will go and fight with the police. Bitch colors. Let's a like, I'm like, I'm tying it up and I'm whipping your asks about these trans rights, Like I don't have time out here in these streets. But I think that my safe place has been with my friends. It's been with my my mom who has been coming around. It's been It's such a dope thing to hear consider and now your safe space that that's really shows you like there can be growth. I don't want to say

change that growth growth. Yeah. One thing I just want to say, um, from my point of view is um, I don't I cannot sit in y'all faces, in anybody's face and say that I'm always going to say the right thing or always gonna understand. But I can't say that I'm working on it and I'm trying, you know what I mean. So obviously you could have a conversation with me and be like you don't get it, and then maybe I'll get it later on. But we need

to be able to have that conversation. So we need like people don't be scared to reach out to Hope if you have questions respectfully, because I think that's all about the way. I think a great thing is like people are scared to ask questions, but I think people respect like in their defense because I've seen trans women get defensive, like I love Jane Max, she's one of my mentors, but like on the Breakfast Club and she said I'm sick of doing trans one on one like

read my book. I was like, bitch, hold up, that's not that's not the answer. You're gonna forever and always be doing trans one on one because this when you had the chance to to be Stells and be on CNN and live your life and nobody knew when you had your cute little husband and a little dog. You gave that up to be visible. And so now as a visible trans woman, trans one on one is a part of your job. You know what I'm saying. I want to ask a question that I didn't that I

think is weird but interesting. We kind of want to know a question when taking like estrogen and ship, what were the first things that you saw, Like what's a change in you five years ago? Was it full? It lives? Is it? Like? What do you think is the biggest difference for transitioning from medicine not just like hair and makeup? Wait? Wait, weight and the way that my skin felt oh um?

Because I played sports like my entire life, whether it was running track, football, basketball, like you name it, I played it um and so I was always muscular and super skinny like any given point in my life, I was solid um. But it was always solid, so I never looked like a twig. I was just like muscular um.

And So it was one of those things where when I started to take hormones, I noticed that when I was gaining weight like crazy, because there was all these fucking cravings of everything um, and then my skin felt different. It was just like, I don't know, it's just softer and like I know it's men making comments about it like oh you saw like damn you just like it's yeah, Like I don't know, it's just like the skin was the first thing that I saw. Like, now someone asked

about your mental sta, did you feel more emotional or anything? Yes, Um, I started crying as stupid shit like I watched this thing movie, which is the fucking like Kid movie. It's

a cartoon kid movie about sucking singing animals. And at the end when Tory Kelly saying, like the song that's supposed to be inspirational, I'm boo who fucking crying like I'm like legit, like in my bag just I'm a leo a little girls, you know, almost started crying when she was talking about the bar story, so I had to keep looking above her head just so I wouldn't

like black eyes. But mentally like I'm always like it's always I don't know, Like I fight really hard with myself now to not be depressed, because there's a lot of days like I'll wake up and I'm just like just for me, as of late, it's been aesthetics. Like my life is fine, like I'm financially stable, everything is good, but aesthetics has been like my biggest thing is like do I pass this person from like two weeks ago clock me? Like like stupid dumb ship and I wake

up just any given morning. How that could become obsessive? You know? Like that do you feel like you're overdoing yourself like makeup, dressing? Like because of that? No, Like even the night that I went lout with Taho, I had just come from work, I was beat the funk down, and I made it a point to take off my makeup before I got on there. How did you even find that? Okay? So I just want people to realize, like, yo,

it's crazy, no, just how you affect people. I really be thinking about that a lot, A lot like me and I don't know why I care so much, but I really be thinking about how what people take from um moments with me because I might I'm a very what do you call it? Sensitive and sensitive person, so I could be I could be sensitive about what you do to me and super insensitive to somebody else. What are you thinking about? What affect how you made Hope feel,

how she made you feel? I thought about it, and like the next day, I so she followed me, and I didn't wish to follow her, So I was like, you let me follow because I don't want to think that I'm judging on that had I had so much commentary about that, like because after I left you, I went live on my page and we actually had an interesting exchange about it because I was a conspiracy theories at night because the video didn't save, and I remember

you saying that the video probably wouldn't save. But my ask that Nigga deleted how did you know that? Because I went back to look Nigga. I was trying to get I was trying to get highlights and ship can be real. I hate being on someone's life, like I don't know how someone stays on mine when I have another screen, because it sounded always that I would have loved to have that. I was so invested. I was mad proud of myself to see like I was like.

One interesting thing I took away from that live was you were saying like, yo, let me talk to up, and you were like, you sound so angry, and then you said, I'm only or sounding like this because you can't understand how many times I've had this fucking conversation. And I get it because it's not you. Just like when you said, I know you go through ship. I didn't think you meant it that way either, but she

heard it a certain way. It's just like when white people give us a look and we'd be like, bitch. So I can't be in this restaurant and be like, no, you look right. You know, it's like it's hired to fuck hearing it. Um. We didn't go over transvestite and training. And I want to talk about those words, what they mean, where they come from, a deep rooted ship with them now. When I was growing up, my mother and father used to have it out. So I was born in San France.

My godmother was a drag queen full On. Um, I'm just my mother is a total hag. Like I grew up with my mom just in it, you know what I'm saying, even still to this day like all of her friends and now it's I am my mother's child. But I remember my dad said to me one day, like, did you know that uncle Judy is a trans met stite? And I was like uncle Judy, I recalled her uncle's Judy and my mom attention, why did he? Why did he? I think he just didn't understand that. I didn't know.

I was very but I remember that word. Remember their argument. And my father is a lot older and and it's taking him time. He's way better now, totally great about it now. But I remember my mom talking about that word, and I've never heard that word today and it's trans

best I just would we did. Here is the slurest training now yeah, it's just been shortened to training now because I used to think him across just like I didn't get it, Okay, transvesti is the official word or transvestide would be like I guess they would call it the medical term for what like medical people were breaking it down part now, what's trans sexual? Trans sexual is when that's what we like to say. The people who have been posted that right, Okay, so they're not transgendal

you have had that makes sense. So you changed your sex gender versus sex as a gender, you are somebody who identifies with that gender. Trans and trying to vest say are derogatory terms created by white folks who oppressed trans people. Transgender is the person who is pre up, has not changed their gender, but identifies with the opposite sex or sex that they were not assigned at birth. Trans Sexual is somebody who has now matched their sex

with their gender. Now, we had the last trance and when we had on UM, Jamie Paris said that she no, no, no, they were talking about parties. There's there's a thing on Midtown. They called them training parties, um, and she was saying like it depends how you take the word or something like that. I can't quote with her. I'll try to put the clip in there. I remember, but all I know is she said I gave a little pass on it.

And it was awkward for me to listen to because I've been thinking and trying to learn this whole time that training is a bad word. Now when you do see training parties like things like that that that exists, It's in New York. There's t best party training parties things like that, like what do you do? Have you seen trans women letting that word be okay? And how do those conference? I've seen plenty of trans women letting me that be okay. But I've also had to through activism.

I've learned, um to not be so judgmental because I come from a place of privilege as a black trans woman who has two degrees right um, and has worked in a multiple array of different places. And so it came off as I was talking down on people. And I've learned just from like different girls that like it's

different strucks for different folks because there's different environments. And so I think a lot of the trans women who have come up in the paint and had to live and walk and and make it on the streets, that's those words that they have taken back, right, And so it's like, no, you're not gonna call me a training. I'm gonna go home and cry, I'm not gonna do that anymore. Yeah, I'm a training, So what got it? You know what I'm saying? There, they've reclaimed it Now.

For me, I'm still not accepting that you're not going to call me a training and think that that's a proper way to address me. That's just not for me. But I'm also not going to tell the next woman that the way that she's empowered herself is wrong. Is t girl a slur? Tea girl known? But I think it's more so of an Asian thing like tea girl, lady boy Like those things are like more so Asian culture.

I've seen it. Um, I want to I keep saying the most one of the last question, I don't know if you got any that you can cook up in your head. I did want to ask. Someone said, how do we break the cycle? Of The question says something along the lines of, like trans women promote sex work, how do we break that cycle? Now? I assume it's because they can't get jobs anywhere else, because mother buckers like now, which is why I think sex work is the option. But I am curious to know, like trans

like breaking the cycles, it's something that's necessary. How do we keep trans women the safe? My thing is we are the first, the first, first, and foremost before trans people to stop promoting the idea of sex work. We have to make sure that trans people can be employed right at the living at a livable wage. But most people in America can't be avoided livable wage, let alone trans people. Um. But I think that it's also about

promoting things from trans people with sucking. Oh girl, Um, it's about the type of people that trans It's about you know, what were you about to say, like, let me tell you she's just slapped her. It's that be so shameless in this woman. You've been in here doing it for a minute and forty seconds. Ba bye bye ba by. But you it's about the type of people.

It's about the type of trans people that folks promote. Right, So when we have people like Cookie Cookie, when we had like when t s Madisine was first beginning and she was only talking about like being the big the big black dick training or whatever the case may be. When we have people like my good girlfriend Shawn of Brooks, who is openly advertising her only fans page right, those

girls have umpteen thousand million followers. And then a girl like me who was openly trying to tell you guys, how trying to educate you guys like people who are not associated with like the Laverne Coxes of the world, or people who aren't associated to people who are out of the hierarchy. We can't get folks to save by our lives, to listen to our ship until a white

person validates our voice. And it's just like, if you want to like, not all trans women are sex workers, but the ones that aren't sex workers don't get no views because y'all don't give a ship. White trans women have you seen them get? Yes, there's so many programs for white trans women to get fucking surgeries, and they have access to all different types of doctors that black women and Latina trans women don't have access to they have.

And then you have to remember transitioning as a white woman is completely different from transitioning as a trans woman of color, let alone a black trans woman. White trans women every now and then we hear about issues with them and their family, But then there's always some like Aunt Karen, bitch from next door, like come on and da da da da, and I'll pay for your twenty

dollars surgery. G gorgeous transitioned over fucking eight. The bitch was Gregory all of a sudden, like one day, seriously no, but seriously, no, but no, seriously. She was online as Gregory Georgia, Gregory Gorgeous, and then one day came out and was like, oh I'm Gigi now you know, thank you guys so much. I'm going to create a go fund me for you guys to help me with my ship.

In less than about a year, bitch was sickening, snatched in a year, boobs, face, lips, eyes, we've hair transplant everything, hair transplant in a year. Yeah, So not to that because I wanted to finish a point on that, but I just realized that I have I have a transgirl file with me, and I see in her pictures she

doesn't look happy. So I don't know if that's the depression that you were saying or the stress from just living and you know she does and have trains and her um biomet not saying that she should, but if you would to be able to give a message to those people out there who are living under that type of stress right now, Men that had that are dealing with that, families that have that in there, like, what would you say to them, like to keep them going

and waking up the next day, Because I really want to see people past thirty five, like, that's the worst thing I've ever heard. It's important, It's important to validate yourself, right. I think that a lot of trans folks are Our existence is based on the idea of being validated. Does he accept me? Does she accept me? Do they accept me? When my job accept me? And so there's always this

question of who else accepts me except me? And so for me, getting out of those funks and getting out of that depression is about making sure that I can validate myself. Like bit girl, you did the damn thing. You got about the hood, You graduated that stuff in team, got your first degree at like twenty, got your second one at like twenty one. But you had your own crab, your own car, you got your dream life, left your dream life, fuck your shut up, rebuild your ship back together,

you know what I'm saying. And now you're here contemplating whether or not like you did the damn thing, and even if that is not your story, right, even if that's not your narrative, Even if you just got off of the piers last night and somebody robbed you from your date money and now you have no way to pay your rent, but you're here and you got dates last night. There's a girl last night that did not get dates. Validate that ship, like the validation from all

these other people. And whether or not you pass, or whether or not somebody's gonna like your spouse, or whether or not your homeboys are gonna john on you because you dating this person or you find this person attractive, Like fund them niggas, because them niggas eating rama noodles. You're gonna go take this same trans that they're laughing out,

like to the best restaurant out here. Just a lesson of this trans women busy pussy when right whatever, And because that that's the thing, especially like to my men. I think that it's always crazy because I always see like men who are attracted or open minded to certain things. Y'all niggas are the ones like with money doing ship and then y'all trying to impress niggas that ain't got ship on the black doing nothing. Is it, trans trans woman?

Is it easy of being a transman? It is to be a trans of course, and and they hate to admit it, but but it is. And it's just because most trans men, if you don't pass, you're seen as a lesbian that it really gives a shit about lesbian is and if you if you passed as a man, you just passed. And so there's not a lot of issues socially. Now I will say that transmants don't have the health care issues. There's still issues around pregnancy and you know, reform for trans men, right, what's reform like?

So health care reform. So the way that we're talking about pregnancy as if it's just a women's issue, when now it is indeed a man's issue as well, because there are trans meant that are getting pregnant. But when a man comes into the yard and says, hey, I'm pregnant, they're like, no, I'm serious. Um, so you think nigga like us said fix me right. Yeah, we had a

trans in out here. I run shout out to Rush London from b K Chat that nigga looked, boy, I'm gonna be real most I haven't seen any black trans men, just like a lot of white but like, fuck, you just had it and it was funish and he had a British accent and all I could think to myself was like, I don't give a but what he got going on because everybody's like, do he how do you get a dick? Did it? I was like, who cares?

Then he looks so good, I'll make it work. I feel like women are more accepting, like just going something like that because it's it's just more pressure because women aren't judged for for not in that way. Women are judged everything but sexual right Sexually, women are not. We're essential essential. It's like, oh, that's sex. This was so enlightening for me because you know, I wanna be an ally and make sure I'm saying the right things. But I learned a lot. You couldn't tell me the game

and he didn't make makeup every palette I got. It was the nigga behind it, like nah this yeah, we name it and honey, love the fuck that's my favorite lipstick. Honestly, I think a lot of people needed this too, because I think we covered questions that were uncomfortable to ask and not so fun, you know what I mean. And I think like you want to hear the things like oh, tell us about the NIA was on the DL and

did it up? But it ain't really the conversation is needed more than That's more the novelty like tell us the fucking tea more than like teach us. That's why I was excited with like, you hit me up because I knew that you wanted to have a conversation that was going to be different. I did because I usually have the force people I have this conversation. I knew that you wanted like it was your intention to have

this conversation. Were so my intention because I think there's a very glamorous thing that can happen when you want to have a trans want on highlight how awesome she is and that she's the same, but I wanted to talk about exactly why she's different and how it's different from what we do every day, how it's different from me being Light's intermixed, difference from you being assists head black man. We are black in the day, but everybody's

walking a different paths here. But like, no, I mean, it's great, and I can't wait to hear you on So Shameless too. It's definitely gonna invite it. It's So Shameless podcast. I'm trying to think what angle are you about to take? I'm not sure because I gotta listen back. Nah nah see, I'm well, I'm definitely about respect I don't like bringing people on my show to disrespect them. That was the only reason I felt bad about having that girl back, going here, Oh you're gonna I wasn't

gonna be disrespectful. But I know that I knew that I would dance around. I don't know. I feel like it would have been difficult for her to dance around a lot of the questions I would have. I just can't. It's really hard for me when black women start that ship. But see, that's the thing. You got to have educational moments, and and that's where we are, and the fact that we have our platforms, and I think the people were really intelligent. You know a lot of times ignorance people

hide behind it. Right, He'll take like a fucking white supremacist and can break it down. But I don't feel like I'm that suave enough to sit in front of somebody that I know is transphobic, in front of a trans woman, like I don't think I could do it, because immediately I was gonna say I was gonna, let's be very clear, you think she would. People are real easy at being keyboard gangsters when a person is not

in their face. But I've never run into Like even some of the hardest niggas, like they'll say whatever they want to say online, but they'll see that same old game board Day was talking too and be like, man, I going somewhere with that, Like you know, but it's never the same, It's never the same energy. Now. The Internet, really, the Internet emboldens people to feel because they don't feel like like, oh she and d C, I'm never going

to meet this. All I do when people talk to me aline is like when I'm alive, it's like requests to go alive with them, and then when they answered, they be like, yo eezy wild you know you're not you're cute. Um, so I want us to all drop our ship. Um, I want to tell you guys something. So I've been working on this new podcast I've told some of you guys. It's called I'm ducked Up. It's just the season, And it started from me getting so fucked up on i G Live and telling these dumbass

drunk as stories. Right, So I'm like, Okay, I want to do something alone with nobody in the room whatever. So I recorded all this content and they got'm fucked up, Like fu up story. It's really bad. But um, I ended up all the shift content I had got sucked up, don't want to talk about it. So I'm redoing the stories. And now each episode I'm doing is gonna be based on one thing. For example, it could be the category, could be ship, it could be gay, it could be um,

I don't know a time that you cried. And basically one story is me alone and the others be featuring somebody. So if you have a story that you would like to share with me, and you live in New York or somewhere, I could take a train to not Feeling Never, I mean a train like in New York, I want to come and um, yeah I get your side of the story. I barely talk. I just want you to let it all out. But um, it's been really fun and I need some more content for it. So yeah,

I'm gonna tell you. Do you know how hard it is to like be drunk and also have to record yourself because I can't come to a studio, you know what I'm saying. So I just get funked up in my house. Think I'm recording go on for thirty minutes. I'll be like, wow, that shouldn't even on. Ain't no red light is terrible and people be like, yo, where

is it? And I'd be like, dog, I thought I had content, But it's just like a lot of production because you have to weed out, like there's sometimes when you can't tell what I'm saying, so I had to input my own voice, like oh the word that I said, that's how up I sounded. So it's just a lot of um work. So yes, if you guys have a story, write me the Wheezy w t F at gmail dot com for your home mail. There is none today because all y'all sending questions and those two horrible decisions at

GM dot com. Let's start with Taho. Where can they find you? And what stuff do you have coming up? And you just did your live show. Oh yeah, my my name is Taho Underscore TV on all platforms. Um I have this so shameless podcast with miss dager Bell bisexual woman and uh my my my other friend DJ Trauma NYC. And we just talk a bisexual mom. I feel like that's important. I like that you have a

mom on she reads me to filth every week. You know, we we have really interested in uh conversations from a friend point of view that aren't scared to argue and get down to the nitty greedy about some real ship. And so, you know, it's one of those podcasts where you're you're on one person's side and you're yelling at them, and the other person has a bunch of other people, maybe people in your family and the other person's side,

and they're yelling at you. And you know, I will say this, your podcast gets me in my feelings, not like emotionally, but like sometimes i'll listen to it, I'll be annoyed and sometimes but I like things like that. When you fel something this controversial. It's one of those things where you go to work and be like, what do you think about this? I'm the seeker. I'd be like, right, right, No,

I know you'll be doing us to us. And you know, that's why it's called so shameless, because we do what most people are scared to do in today's society, save what's on people's minds. You know, people, everybody's like kind of programmed, and I don't really believe that it's all real, because, like I said, you'll act one way in front of people and then behind closed doors be a whole completely different way or be um um influenced in a whole different way than what's real. I just I just we

like keeping it fucking funky. I so shameless, and we hope to have hope on the show, Dods begging me to be here today, and I really wish she wanted to be. She wanted to hope to be with us because we're supposed to be called today. We don't by Dodge, can't wait to hug you, talk to you. It's just hope. It's so inspiring, you know. I think it's just because like you say everything that we really want you to

say without, in my opinion, being defensive. Like I think that I've seen some trans women be annoyed when to dude, just like I don't know if I could be to trans women like well why not? It was like that, I don't want to why it's not for me. I'm so glad we had this conversation me too. Where can

they find you, Hope? I know you got a book. Um, I'm gonna put that information in the description, but like, yeah, tell people where they can find you when you have upcoming and like it is hope disguised for those of you. I don't how to spell disguise D I S g U I S E D hope disguise all one word on every single social media platform that you could possibly think.

I try to keep it easy. Hope this Hope gisele dot com for people who don't g I S E l l E. We're gonna put that like when you're listening to the episode, you can always, like I think, swipe up on it and it will show the info and those things will be in there. Boom, so all of that, and then the book is available on Amazon, Eyebooks, my website, UM, certain Barns and Nobles, because I think most of them have sold out of it. Um. But

the book is called Becoming Hope Removing the Disguise. You see that flex I can't mean since it's so sold out. And I think the latest thing that I have coming up I will be on the Own Network September seventh. It is just it's like a it's a little clip. They're just using a clip. UM on the own network. They're having uh this new series called Black Women Owned the Conversation. UM. My episode is episode three. It's the LGBT episode featuring Angelica Ross and a couple of other

like inspiring women. Um, but I will be on that episode that no More. By the way, so I just said op nigga, it's just a no, it's opra. But yeah, so that's like the closest thing that I have coming up. And apparently they're so stame this podcast. Yeah, I think you need a link with all podcasters. I'm sure we all feel inspired. I would love for you to get in the room and read some dumb niggas. I really would, seriously,

Like I really, we're going to have some conversation. I know a lot of my my listeners they're dealing with their own true so they're gonna hit me up, like yo, I'm gonny to have those conversations. And it's crazy because I'm the one saying this and they know me from Nord so they're like, yo, yo, what's up with you? And I'm kind of on something like yo, bro, Like like I said, what do you want them to do? And why does it make you so mad? I know I think that, Like that's a bad Like that's a

valid ask question. Really, why doesn't make you so mad? What the next person is doing? You want them to? Like, we're here, this is where we live at and I'd much rather educate my friends. My children got kids. I don't want my kids going up hateful. You know, I don't want to be the new white man. I don't want to be the new race. One of the most important things you said today. That's right, you have two three kids? You have three or four? Boy? Let's move on? Yeah,

what do you mean? We're about to go? But like, for real, you got three or for are you have a test underway or you just don't know if you have before? You know? I think, oh my god, this is what episode. I'd like the number? Thank you, me too, but three or four? All right, y'all. Check out this Patreon clip me and man, you're gonna be in and I guess uh but bye. Kevin So, Kevin Um is battling with his sexuality and although he has never been with a man, Kevin Um decides to come forward to chair.

So he's on grinder, so you see him become really enthralled into his phone and he's swiping a lot, but on these gay mail apps, so he has not yet acted on penis. But he's like like, is this what I want? Is it not what I want? You see him kind of have these different interactions with men that come onto the scene in different um cases as well. And so finally he comes forward to Charity while she's pregnant,

m ad. She's about to hop hop she she maybe how she got pregnant though he seems so and I feel like you in the beginning was in season one when he like they're having sex and then he like rolls over and he's like back on. That's so they're trying to have a baby. They're having sex. But as soon as they're done having sex, he does he rolls over and gets back on this grinder act to swipe men. So she thinks he's She thinks he's cheating because she's like,

you've been in your phone? Is it? Give me your phone? Which again, this could this is a lot of things that happened in a lot of couples. You see your man change pattern and he's in his phone. Now, nigga, who you want to file with exactly because normally I'll be putting your ask to sleep. So what you're doing now?

She didn't know that he was swiping, so basically right, she had to be what seven eight months right before water breaking with twins, Kevin comes to charity, and it's like, I just I don't know what's wrong with me, but I have feelings for men. He didn't say he was having sex with men. He just knew that he was having some sort of weird curiosity sexual arousal from men. UM and so although he does not act on this immediately,

she kind of doesn't know how to react. So before we dig into this UM, as you guys know, this is something that I've talked about on the podcast quite a lot. UM. I feel like that I am a woman who would be open to dating a man who was either experimenting, curious, has dealt with other men in the past, or has dealt with or curious and trans women. And UM, these are all also facts to men who have previously been on my phone over the last I would say ten years. UM, I have gotten them to

open up about this. UM. So, as someone in banking and someone in law, we have too smart, brilliant UM minority women here. I want to know you guys just take on. If a man came to you and let you know that he was either interested in men or trans or questioned his sexuality, is that something that you would move forward with and why or why not, um who wants to take this first? Um? Back in the day, I would be like, hey, no, get the funk on my face. But they just said I listen to horrible decisions.

And no, I'm serious, Like I think as I've gotten older, I've evolved sexually, like as you should as you get older, like it gets better, you learn more stuff. So now I'm I'm okay with it. Like now I'll be like, okay, like how you want to do this? Do you wan? Do you want me there? Do you not want me there? Because before I would have been like hell no, like I can't deal with it, Like there's something a man

has that I can't give you. But if it's just something you you feel like you can't truly be yourself, who am I to stop you from doing that? Because you're not going to be living in yourself. Here's my question. If you know you can't give him what a man may give him, would you be okay with being in the room with him and another man? Or oh you would today? And so no, like