Ep108: 31 Year Old Virgin Feat Akaash Singh

They love both y'all. Mandy. Mandy's a little colder toward us, but because maybe don't play she got you know what I'm saying, Mandy, mad feisty for no reason? Why do you say that what she says that we had the whole episode. That's the whole point of that. You were beating it. You were being a dick. What I do, what I ever do. I wasn't even there that day. Don't be at you were there. We are not going to do it. We got good vibes going. Me and

this bitch getting money. Sip it, Sip whatever you're sipping. Keep sipping it because we're not doing this all right anyway. Um No, I found out that on their Patreon. The assar Army uses like some little you know, little thing where they share photos and yeah, and they have been sharing photos of me. Oh so you did a id stoy with your nipple, and apparently I was getting shared on the discord. I did not do it on my ig story. I was with cast. He's like, that's where

I got. He's like, these dudes were talking social talking a while crazy about you, and I'm like, word, I'm like, let me do like a tease. So I thought I pulled it like right here, but actually it was like full aial and like half nipple. And then once I saw like his phone blowing up, I was like, oh ship, and I'm like how And then I was like, let me delete it. He was like, nah, you can't. You can't. It's like snapchat and I was like, dude, I was having a panic attack. I was like googling, how did

delete a nipple off? That's your thing. You don't care right right, Butlank, I don't want my nipples shared. And if I'm gonna share it, I'm not sharing it with the asshole Army. I'm gonna share with the hor Hi first. All right, whatever man, you could, will share with him. It's not too late. Now they're remembers. Have a little fun. I mean have a little fun. They've already been talking about sticking there, dick in my mouth on app call.

You're doing fun. I appreciate it. I do know. If people want to feels good, you know what I mean, Like people will write me discuss get love both, y'all. Get love from the Ashole Army because we love you. I I love it. They're like they're down for y'all because we're disgusting. Okay, that's why. So I'm gonna remix this a little bit and start kind of from the middle because your girlfriend is going to come in and I'm so excited. You know. I wanted you guys on

for a long time. Yeah yeah, and I heard it like, well, she's hot, so that's why I'm down. But anyway you flirt with this bitch, you're gonna have problems. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna be respectful. But I want to start a little bit like our horrible decision was about cherry popping, and I want to just kind of start basic and then we're actually going to run through the actual show when she's here. So first I

want to ask you questions. I want to know for I know you're from Tech, this is that where you were born, So tell us about your background and like if it was religious, like religious family. My mom didn't know a bunch of their customs, which is hilarious. She moved here when she was fourteen, and somehow I think I get this from her. We're super religious, but well we'll be forgetting, like exactly what to do when you go to the temple, exactly what the prayer is. But

we're super religious. We know in actions you've got to be religious, and that's how I was raised. Uh and then Texas just religious in general, so most of my Yeah, why are you taking all the fun out of everything? PCs ship just take all the fun out? I'm sorry, alright, alright, alright. The reason I'm asking about religion is for those of

you that don't know. Um, I've had the pleasure of being a guest on play Grant, a fan of the show, and our cosh has lost his virginity to his girlfriend, who's gurgeous girlfriend, who's coming, And I guess I kind of just wanted to figure out if religion took part in that. Yeah. I also just this sounds corny, but like I wanted to be a role model to kids, and you don't have to live like I live. But I don't drink, I don't smoke. I don't chase hose, you know, so you can really I never smoked in

my life. No drinking either. I've been buzzed twice, never been drunk. Last time I touched alcohol was years ago. Wow, And that's all like a role model for kids? Why because I didn't. I'm gonna be mad vulnerable. Here is super serious. My dad was struggling for a while and the person who really put me on the right path wasn't my father, was another guy, and I thought I could pay that forward somehow. That's amazing, that's really dope.

I mean it's someone who isn't ship like just I mean, listen, well, well, I also learned from that. Guys you say whatever the funk you want to say. He would say wild ship, wild ship, but in actions he never drank. He was a perfect father, like great guy, did a lot for me, but he would say whatever he want to say. And that's where I picked that up. I don't care what I say, listen to what I do see what I do. Don't listen to what I say. I'm gonna say whatever I need to say to be funny or have fun.

But this about what I do. What about the alcohol? Do you feel like it's with cloud your judgment? I think I have an addicted personality, so I don't want to get too into it. And also I just when I remember the in time, I got buzz at the two shots of jack pretty close, like like within fifteen minutes of each other. Whatever, And I was buzzed for sure. But then the end of the night, when I sobered up, I had the most fun. That was like the part

I was like, this is the most fun. So I'm not saying I didn't need it, but if I could have without the people, don't ship Mousey doesn't drink or smoke. Mouse don't drink. Mouse don't smoke. No, that's got all the tattoos. He don't smoke. I mean, I know he don't drink. I'm not I don't think he smokes either smokes. I really like a mouse. I got my phone. I'm telling you right now, I really fucking don't think so,

and it honestly shocks me. And I think the reason I found out is because you know, he came down to d C with us for horrible decisions live and like I remember smoking, and like I feel like he was like nah. Now maybe it's because it's Shorty was there, but that's a wild line to draw. And everybody, me and Akash are sitting here on air. You don't drink, I know, but do you smoke? Get the funk out of her? Mouse never having in my life, never in

your life. You're fighting everybody, never smoke weed to calm down. Never, never in my life. You think that's why you always get in fights. You think that's why you always getting in fights? Mouse, I make decisions morning. Bye. All right, bro, So say hello them white girls for me. Okay, that's not alex Um, I'm going to help. Uh So, Okay, I want to know, like you grew up religious? What religion and what Benson should have been? What? What did

you like? What did your parents like teach you about? The fucking nurses came over and got to him. Oh my god, what what did I say? That's too much? It's not you had me emotional on this podcast. That's no fun. I gotta represent. I really want to know because like you're so funny, and I feel like for someone to have held something that long, like as extroverted as you are, I feel like it's got to come from somewhere, and like I just want to know, like

what did your parents tell you about sex? They didn't really talk to me much. You know, there's Ben's and do Indians ever talk about sex? That's why I still get uncomfortable when I gets brought up, even a joking manner, because my whole life and table so yeah, I know, And that was that. I've really been having a fucking loosen up for Flagrant because you can't if if the whole point of the podcast is we don't hold back,

I can't hold back. But it's been like I'll be sweating in that bitch like Jesus like legit, Like when it starts coming up a lot, you'll see a little sweat form on the Gulf. Indian families just do not talk about sex. Billion of us, so we fucking but you do not talk about it. I don't know why. It's just the way the culture is. We'll talk about whatever, watch whatever, violence in movies, but the second of sex scene comes up, everybody like oh god, yeah, I thought

that was normal. Where's the first time you saw porn? I have some white kid's house. You've never seen a pussy some fox some white kids house. I mean when you jerked off for the first time, Like, did you know what was gonna happen? Like, no, Matt guilt. Wow. My one of my friends I interviewed um grew up super religious and told me, like, after he jerked off, He's like, yo, I was asking God to make me stop. Like he added that he said he would pray so much that he was like, I get so tired of it.

I just jerk off and go to sleep. So like you had girlfriends, not really not. I had one girlfriend in college. But I was also fat and ugly, so that made things you were fat. I was a little chubby, ugly, little motherfucker. So there's a picture somewhere maybe you can edit in all my Instagram. I'll text it to you. It's a high school year of picture. Matt far and the threat though, But it's me at sixteen and I look like a gerbil. How do you know thirty four?

You're thirty four? R fuck you? I mean I should be more successful. But yeah, so you lost a Virginia A thirty two. Wow? Why still when I hit thirty, I'm like, I'm not waiting until marriage anymore. That's out the window. But I still wanted to be somebody actually cared about. How did you get so long? How did you go so long? Did you? Did you ever feel like it? I didn't know what I was missing. You ever seen a person who never ate meat? And you're just like, how do you not eat meating? Like? I

don't know, I don't know. People always like, so you don't we you never have like scraled eggs, like, but you don't know what you're missing. I know I never had a cage. You never had a great omelet, but you don't know what a great omelet is. I had a great pussy that a lot of great pussy is or whatever. One chilling. Okay, you dated, we were like the longest relationship before your girl a couple of months? Did you? Did you normally get left? And she was

also that was not that's happened. But also in Texas, it's not as freakish for people to not have sex. My roommate in college is a black dude, still my best friends this day. He didn't he had sex with one girl that he dated for years until he got married. And he got married twenty eight fuck do and good looking black do. You wouldn't like me where I grew up ugly And that was just kind of super Christian dude is mad. Christian dudes in Texas. Christianity got a

foothold in Texas, so it's more common now. He's happily married, got his kids, found his whatever. And if you asked about that girl, he'd be like, Yeah, that first girl is a mistake. I wish I kind of wish I didn't whatever, but he was just so. Your religion then played part into why you didn't have sex? But what what what made you did you feel kil after your first time having sex? No? I need this was the right Did you care about it? I knew this was the right girl? So like your you had, did you

know what was coming? Like did you play in the day like you're fucking thirty one years old? No? No, no, no, we didn't playing nothing that just happened. Now your parents do they know about Lake Grand Do they know you've had sex? Like my parents are forbidden from listening to this part. I like begged my mom, like do not listen. She see my stand up. I always tell her not to watch, and she'll still watch. It was pretty good, I mean not pretty good. It's like not you're staying

up is amazing. I don't mean in that way so good. I just meant it's not that crazy. No, it's not. I don't talk about sex on stage. Really, yeah, you talked about I can go any any said I do. I could. All I do is cuss, and I can take all that out because the one time my mom came to see me. Twice my mom was come to see me in both times, I was like, I'm not gonna cuss in front of me. She knows I cussed, but that's my that's my you know brown mom's you know how it is, So it's like that's my backbone.

I'm not if she doesn't like me cussing, I'm not gonna cuss the show for and it's still I can do that. It's like it's not a huge do you know you're I'm sure she knows. We're not gonna talk about it. If my girl comes to Busy we stay in the same room. Really, yeah, my mom, I think after thirty one she was like, just give me a grand baby. I don't give a Are you the only one? No? My older brother not married either though. So wait, was

your older brother fuck you ever talk to hi about? Like, yeah, he was fucking but he we wouldn't talk about him much again. He would just tell me and I'd be like, all right, no questions. When you watched four year old Virgin and they talked about like putting hands on tits and it was like a sandbag, did you like be like, oh, yeah, maybe it is. No, I had done that much by the time when we can came out. So what's the closest you've gotten to sex before you fucked your girlfriend?

I wouldn't even take it. I would like, I wouldn't even like if girls want to give a head. I was like, no, we're good, I'm not you've never had head unto your girlfriend. I was like, that's a loophole. That's a loophole. I'm not taking no loopholes. Not loopy out here and stop. That's a throwback as a call back to another episode Guys about coming up with it? Wait all this coming out before? It's a call forward

to another episode Guys. The email coming is having asked girl Okay, I gotta take the heat off me right now. No shit, okay, right, I gotta act a little ridiculous. I don't even get this serious on my show. Know what's happening, Well, your girlfriend's gonna come in here and then it'll get lighthearted. But I think the main that's what I'm gonna get lighthearted. Do you think I'm gonna say the same exact extreme shoot when she gets heared? You know what you wanted to get lighthearted? You want

to get lighthearted? No no, no, no, no, no no, because now you asked for it. I want everybody who's watching to know and understand this still sound lightheartearted. What's coming is not lighthearted. No, no, let's do it. So we're going to our Vanilla Ships segment, and it's basically where we talk about sex in the news and Daily News has a headline Tom Ford on why all men should be penetrated once. I think it would help them understand women. That's exactly what it like. Gun oh boy

many printing that ship out. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. She would like use this one. She wanted me to use it for the last guest, But I was like, now I'm getting in that Indian is so it says Tom Ford has offered a unique way for men to better comprehend women. Can't you just cut my pay down to seventy three cents for dollar whatever funk I'm making right now? Can't you just do that? I understand women just as well. It's whole safe is you're the asshole army. I mean, if anybody's gonna get

sucking the aspers, they would probably be you. It can't be cast is cast. It can't be cash man sensitive. He's too big cash That's why he That's why he getting sucked his ask first. I'm too insecure. Injured deserves to be sucking his asker. Injuredent deserves to be pegged like full on, And I like, I really wanted to be in one of those moments where he's like, you know, why does it make America great? Hand? So that bam peg him in the you know what I'm saying, just

like a like that's what he needs. Honestly, it might be he might be the first. He's the first to get his assy No, alexis because he was my white girls. That's why they're just okay. The designer and filmmaker told g Q he believed that all men should be sexually penetrated. Tom Ford Maker, I did not know that and that just popped out. Well, he's up it. He has enough believe all men should be sexually penetrated at least once

in their lifetime. Back in two thousand four, more than ten years later, he still stand by those comments, even though he said he was drunk when he first made them. I think that would help them understand women. It's such a vulnerable pos s to be. It's such a passive position to be in, and it's such invasion in a way, even if it's consensual, it's very personal. I think there's a psyche that happens because of what it makes you understand and appreciate what women go through their whole life,

but not just sexual. It's a complete setup of the way the world works. That one sex is the ability to literally invade. Now, how do you feel about that woman's perspective. I'll be very honest, like I've pegged, right, I'm not like a cereal pegger like Mandie, but I have pegged. I enjoy it, but I don't know if it's necessary to understand women. I think childbirth might be something like they're gonna be like close to that, like

an excessive amount of pain. I think like that to me is like the height of what women can really fucking do. I don't feel like getting fucked is like our greatest fucking accomplishment, and that's how you understand how

what women go through. Think the man just likes getting fucked. Yeah, Tom Ford's getting into ask, obviously, But I would also say that I think anything for the first time, like especially anally, it's such a tight muscle, the spincter muscle right like it's sucking a little painful the first time. And I think just to get fucked to make you understand women is bullshit. Women don't know. But at the same time, you want to do it. I mean, yeah, you know what I'm saying. Why what is the fascination

with you and Mandy and making dudes do that. I don't have a fascination. They can't undo a man just in his mind. It's just like I sucked you in the ass, right like it's done. But it's not a fascination. More than I know, it's tightened pleasure, Like I know how much I've seen pleasure with men that have been penetrated antally not necessary. I'm not the strap up type like I believe Mandy straps up. I've strapped up once, but like it's not really my vibe, Like I would

rather use something else, Like I've used my fingers. I've used like a dildo, very skinny vibrator. It just slides in and you know, like this is almost too thick. That's a lot. Yeah, I can't even take this, so I wouldn't want anybody else to take it. But I'm talking like a nice little skinny like you know, prostates gimulator. Maybe the width of like this, you can handle that, right? What have you got a colostopy thing? What's it called?

Not colostomy calonic? If you got a calonic, it would be this going to your ask for a TV show? I remember, um, but I don't know. It wouldn't be funny if I got a clonic and I was like, oh this is this? Is it? Well? Because this to move it feels like water is going in and then you're like kind of like pushing it out, right, So that's that doesn't count. But I mean, are you doing anything like at least a little tongue there yet No, no, we'll figure out what you get here, no tongue. I'm

gonna help you. I'm gonna help you. Me and Tom are going to help you. And what's your girl's name? Just you don't need that help you could. We don't need that help. You want me to do that? What do you want to do? No? No, no, no, no, we don't need we don't need that help. Right, we're good there. So we're gonna push onto the kick of a week, which is and I love it. I feel like we've done it before, but I just love it even more climb ac ophilia and it's the arousal to

falling downstairs. So I started looking it up. I'm porn hut because I was like, no way, but honestly it comes up. Mad bitches be falling down the stairs with their tips out, and it's like such a fucking joy to see. Um. By the way, we have a special guest. Oh just super hot. So we're gonna take a quick break and listen to this ad. I'm mos surprised. I mean, like trash, you have the eyes, but like that, that's

that's all I got. It is Patreon. I see why you're staying Um so you came in here with your stripper top queue. Joseline is a very good stripper name too, like your low key ready, Like really you could be a writer, but that sounds very freelance, So Getfrity for the pole. Is your lipsick glittering too. Yeah, it's called four Carrots, and he's my My client is a makeup company, so I got it for free. She's got a day job, he makes money. She's like, y'all marketing analytics. So jeslyine,

I'm just gonna really just started off here. Before you got in here, I was asking Okash about like, right, it's first time, like you know, with you not as much, but like how did it go with other women? Talking about never having a blow job? What the fun? So he started four how do you twenty five? Okay? So like you meet him, he's never had sex and he's older than you were you like you Yeah, it's funny because like the guy that I was kind of with right before him was also a virgin and stole her

from a black duke, stole from the black man. Yeah yeah, he was like really like on some principal ship and I don't know, I don't know why I don't know why you did it want to lose his virginity. But when I met a Gosh, I was I was at the point where I was ready because I don't know if you told her, because I don't know you didn't know your virgin. So I was a virgin too when I met him, So she don't know the dig is trash.

I don't know no better, You have no idea. You got to get him ignorant, you know what I mean? You know? So I felt like I was like at a place where I was ready and then I found out he was a virgin, and then I was like great, Like do I have to wait again? But I think like we just connected very well. That we it was kind of it wet without saying that we wanted to. How did you guys meet show? Wait? You met one

of his shows? That we're at the Home Book and Comedy Festival, and Andrandrew actually brought us together because I was on a show. My sister was a fan of Brilliant Idiots and she had heard Akash on the podcast. So I was actually living in California right before and she was buying tickets and she was like, oh, we should go, Like he's really funny. They're really funny. It'll be a good time, blah blah blah whatever. So I was like, okay. So then like we decided to go

the day of. We were like being lazy and we didn't want to go out all the way out to Hoboken. But then um, we saw the brilliant idiots. That was the first time I've ever seen them, and they were like really mean, and I didn't understand, like what was going on, like what was the dynamic? I never listened to them before. Then we saw a kash and um, I was like telling my sister was like, oh my god, he's like really cute, Like you didn't tell me he was so cute? And then, um, do you want to

tell this or should keep going? The show? Said was all right, It wasn't anything crazy. He was like in a movie theater, mad, weird, okay. And then I see her from behind and she got a sowner and I'm thinking she could be Indian. Indian girls don't normally have asses on them. I have to go see she could be Dominican too. She gotta she had it. It's like that you're mad. Then I don't know to him, I asked for an Indian girl. I wouldn't say, like, this is great for a black girl, but so I sorry, yeah,

wheezy by. So she starts flirting with you. I'm a fighter on the podcast, and if you flirt back at some motherfucking problem, I'm not gonna do it, only because you know I don't like to disrespect women, right. I would always try to make it a three someome situation. And I'm assuming that's a no. And even if it

wasn't no, I would just imagine it. Imagine two people that lost every ginney together, fucking someone who hosts the show called horrible, no disappoint Oh my god, She's gonna be like her Yo, Okay, wait, you pull up to start walking faster. I start speeding up right boy, and Bollywood doing me got booties like that. I'm walking faster, creep stop. I don't even have a plan. I'm just look at would just be like what she looked like.

Then her sister turns around and it's like can we get a picture, And I'm like, yes, the funk you

can't get a picture? How many you want? So I know he was just like sure, and then so she strategically it was like, you guys, take a picture, So I took a picture with him, and then he introduced himself to us, and then I kind of let them talk because I was like, really shy because I thought he was really cute, so I didn't want to like say anything, so I just told him my name and a long story short, I didn't ask her out at first,

and I was very upset with myself. And then as they're leaving, a guy walks up the stairs and they're walking down the stairs and then you know, say what she said though, oh I said, So first I don't holler at them. Then I'm like, she's with her sister. I don't know, this is weird. And then they go to the bathroom and I'm like, yo, if she gets out of the bathroom, forces from holler. But they come out.

I literally wait in the movie theater like the lobby area for them, and then they come out at the same time and I'm like fuck so and then I just go keep in touch. And as I said, they're walking down this want to get hereucking talking about you los her keep in touch and I'm just super upset

at myself. Then they're walking downstairs and the guy's walking upstairs that I'm cool with, and he turns around and he's like, my god, and I'm like, I know, man, and he goes they're both beautiful, but that one might have been the most beautiful gul I've ever seen. So I'm like, yo, you're right. I literally get paid and I go chase out of the movie theater. I'm like, they might be taking the same bus back to New York. As me, I run out of the movie theater, they're there.

We were waiting for an Uber and broke no. No, he could waste of the because Uber was Indian. Do you fucking convinced her to take a bus? Look at her? Bus to fifty? Just told me her lipstick was called twenty four. Garrett since learned, I have since learned, ain't cheap Okaya, So Uber Uber seventy bus to fifty for what bus gonna get you there faster? It's like a two block walk. I'm not putting her in danger. I'm not fucking retarded. It's not one in the morning, it's

like nine thirty at night. We're good. You're crazy, but I get it. I do dumb things for Dick too, But Dick, you didn't know you were gonna get so how many dates in? Tell me about that night? It was like the second weekend, first weekend? Three dates in? You hussy? She wanted to call you worse. But did you did that out of respect? Musty? That's her Whiteside said. I was like, because she's never had sex, so I can't just sit here and be like, Okay, where did

you guys go that night? It was my place. She came over for the weekend. She was in Philly at the time. Did you have any did you put inkling that it would happen? I didn't. Yes, Well I just knew that, like I was ready. I have been ready

for some time. It was weird because I grew up really conservatively and then I made this promise to my mom that I wasn't I was going to wait until I got married, and then I don't know, something just happened, Like when I turned twenty two, I was like, I just I felt like mentally like, okay, this is because of what you look like. It's true. I feel like when I had sex, like you know, like and I was in high school, it's because I didn't look like I was in high school. So like I knew I

looked different. I knew I had a different body, like I was getting different responses, and then it was making me think like I was ready. I really believe that. So I know he grew up Hindu. What about you? You said your mom made you make a promise, So I she didn't make me make a promise, but I wanted to make it to her. So I grew up sick. Um,

So it's kind of similar to Hinduism. But the men, they were like the Turbans and they have I thought it was always seek is how you actually say sick is how you like the proper way to say it. But seek is like how you distinguished it to like American, I'm feeling sick, you know what I mean? I was like this, ain what what I do? Like you can't like that? You know, people have to whisper like cancer. You know that's I got to keep a flavorant somehow, okay, fine on the and could get it. So like did

you ever cook get it? Did you ever learn about sex? Like? Growing up? No, I never learned about sex. And you know it's so funny. It is like I didn't even know what a blow job was until tenth grade when my geometry teacher used the variables b J and then everyone started laughing, and me and my best friend were Indian, were like, what's so funny? I told you Indians don't talk about sex. I grew up with the best friend.

I can't say her first name, but last name is the Sai, and I knew it's a very common yes, at least popular names is good J from good Rat yuck. I don't know. We were friends in middle school, but once I started suying, you stopped hanging out with right when I was getting fingered, Like, you're like, I can't I was a husy. Okay, so you guys have a first time obviously, I'm assuming no condoms because for what right? But also like you aren't you like terrified of getting

pregnant because you've never had so I was. I had actually just started birth control like a separate reason, Yeah, because I have PCOS, so I was on it anyways, Um, I'm wanted to stay regular right now. I hate it. Hate it. I've always been against birth introl. No, I don't have enough blood coming out of my pussy without it. How do you feel better? Like a stream? You guys have sex any period you're leaning in, I'm not. I don't know if I want to answer the question, that's

her question to answer. So everybody was like getting on me because I have sex on my period, um, and I don't care. And also funck my girl on her period, and people I was trying to tell them like, if it doesn't smell like quarters, who cares? You know what I'm saying. If it's that, I'm sure you like take a shower. I'm not like you're yeah, you know what

I mean. Plus, if something is stopping it me hanging, take the shower like suck it and like stop it up with like a little something like just lick the clip where I'll see no blood. Because I don't get why you have because you'd be looking her laugh. Was I never heard that laugh before? Yeah? It was funny. Wait wait wait okay, so you guys have sex? Is it terrible? Yes? Girl? What then was good? Yeah? Because

you've never felt it? Um, I mean it was just it was like it was awkward because both of us were Yeah, did go in the right did you put it in between your thighs or didn't go in the hole. No, it did not go in the hole. Did you stay hard? Did I stay hard? I honestly don't remember so much panic. Well, I know I'm thinking like because you're already really beautiful, right, And I was nervous too, so that contributed to like everything not being able to fit correctly. It didn't fit. Yeah,

you know when you get nervous. When you get nervous, you couldn't want to say you and your big cocaine coll Okay, No, it's not a reflection to me at all, but in't fit. So wait, did your cherry pop? Did your hymen breach? Or like? Because normally after like they're saying, I've heard after twenty like you kind of lose it at some point in time. No, I didn't. Okay, yeah,

so did you think she was lying? No? I believed her, But that I believe her when she told me before that, I was like, just definitely fucking look like there's not No, it was look at the glitter. No, I it was just like my whole life, like I was always such a romantic and I was I didn't really kiss anyone. I didn't kiss anyone. My first kiss was my senior

prom date and it wasn't even a real kiss. Then I had like one boyfriend before school, and like all we did is kiss, and then my first boyfriend in college kind of like corrupted me, but like in a safe way, so I like learned how to do everything. Yeah, you safe way, But then I always knew it was something that had to be special. And my first boyfriend was the virgin too, and then my second boyfriend had only had sex once, so we didn't paying predators to you?

How are you meeting all these visions and you look like this guys really, like I know you ain't never no club because you would have gotten taken advance, I would be guys never come up to me ever, like very rarely, Like I swear, well, I get it. Beautiful women, if you need vincent, if you need to put the camera closer, you can. But as attractive women, you know, like ourselves, I do find the men don't come up to me either. I don't know, I don't know what

the reasoning is, but he doesn't believe me. But that's what I said. I just know. I swear if you get d M S and this fucking off this podcast, we're gonna have problems. Well, I feel real bad for you now, Like God, damn that's what actually look like, because like you're you don't do like stories that much, you know what I mean, Like obviously like your girls on Instagram, but like this is a different thing. Like yeah, also, I don't want you. I don't want a bunch of

dudes and just being gross and weird. I totally understand that. So as a army, keep it tight. If you need to keep writing me about how you want to suck my face, that's fine, we take that. You know what I'm saying. Let's let's just let's let's keep it safe, mainly because I'm also trying to get in this too for the day that you sunk up, because the day that she finds out you don't have sex and I

can get my strap on, We're good. I'm totally excited and be like, just just just just pick the dick you would like, which one was a cosh, and we'll go another two inches from there and start up. So, okay, you hate me, I love you too. Feeling well and secure right now, just curious. So it sucks. The first time sucks? When did orgasms finally start happening? Did it

take time to learn each other's bodies? No, he was like very quickly adapting to my body and like what I liked, and like you are that in the corner, motherfucker's you aren't that ship in the corner? Fucking like he got it here, so he made you come? How fast? Like did it happen? Like did it take months? No? It was like within the like hours, Oh there we go. Listen,

do not that? Andrew would say, He's like like goes out of his way to make sure, like I'm always like pleased and like over the top satisfy, like he's very good. So did you when you guys had that, like you had the first time having sex? Did you go down on her? Like yeah you did? Yeah? Well it good? Did you enjoy I mean, I'm sure you've never felt it, but like were you like, oh my god, I'm premd this. Nothing is so easy down there. It's just anatomy. It's easier ship in the world, easier in

the world to eat pussy. Yeah, Nick is easier. Okay, you I believe that. I believe that she don't. I'm glad you heard it from someone who's done both. Tell me so, Like, how long did it take for you to give him a blow job? Did it freak you out because I feel like my first blow job like really was like, oh my god, like I had never Okay, is like weird for me to talk about. Sorry, I'm not used to you want to come on? No, no, okay, we'll skip the blowjob talk. But are you not skip it?

You got that, let's skip it if it's weird. But I do, I mean, I'm interested to know you. I watched porn before, right, did you feel like I hadn't want? Oh? I did? Okay, So but did you feel like you did you watch porn to know what to do? Like? Did you not feel no? I I mean I just knew what I did with previous boyfriends and what they told me they liked. So I mean it was like I knew what I was doing and that was somebody

you care about. Yeah, Like I think from the beginning, like we met each other, was just like a really

special connection. So that's why we were able to like also connect physically, because you know, when you share like an emotional connection, it kind of amplifies your Seriously though, if you guys had two weekends and you had boyfriends, like it had to be and it's what three years later, Wow, you know everybody, we were all joking that you know, a cosh was going to lose you to someone in India.

Oh maybe I don't know. No, I'm just no, I'm just kidding No, but they, you know, like it's funny because like people will come up to your parents to be like, oh, like what's her status? It's called as it's not well I figure, I mean he got eyes. No, it's just like especially when you go to weddings, like relatives or like you know, family friends of relatives will be like, oh, what's up with her? She has like

an above average face? Like what does she do? You know kind of thing, and like they get what's your bio data, which is like your like if yeah, you're you're like dating statistics of like what kind of degree you have, like the highest level of education you have, what your parents do, What cast you're in, what religion you are, what cast you're in? Yeah? Casts in mind

was like richpoort or not like what it's like. So my religion in SICKI is m You're not even supposed to have cast, but there is still like a cultural precedence over the religion. So there are casts and people do take it some people take it more seriously than others, but it does indicate kind of what your cultural values are, like, are you guys doctors are not? Basically kind of like how educated you are? Like no, no, I don't beginning

none of these questions. As soon as they find out I'm a comedian, there's no. But what do they bigs like, he's sweet, he's funny, treat you well? Like does that not hold up? No? It does? Like no, my family really likes him. I mean, yeah, I'm sure your mom is like fucking elated. I mean a comedian from Texas, Like, we did not think you could do this. You can gotta take shots for me a little bit. Where is like, what do you think since you've been having sex? It's

been three years now, obviously it's better. What do you guys think? Is your biggest like the biggest thing you've done, or something like you thought you wouldn't do, or is there like a position or like is it dirty talk? Or like what's the thing that you guys feel like? Is something that's like, holy ship, we've got here. I'll have very many limits once once you start sucking at thirty one, it's not I mean, take the seatbell dolls. But we did talk about pegging before. I'm not getting

sucking peg. I mean there's a line, fam what does that mean? Getting fucked by? You call out things? We don't do this crazy. Okay, I'm gonna call out things, and both of you at the same time we're gonna say yes or no other. You were answering your fucking questions without consulting each other first. Say it could be like blindfold yes, this that whatever? Right? Okay? Watching porn together? Not if you have a would you watching porn together? I don't think we would do. I don't think we

would be into watching porn together. Really. Yeah, let's like fifty Shades of Gray's like porn because we've watched that. I did watch that. Okay, you watch the serious you watched it. Who do you think it is? More dominant or submissive together? He's more. Wouldn't be hilarious If I said I was submissive, I would believe No. I don't think I could ever be with the guy that was sis. That's weird to me. Okay, Like tell me what submissive about?

Oksh do you feel like whether it's no, he's not SUBMISSI I mean dominant sorry, do you feel like he initiated sex first or is he like, yeah, like all the time, I don't meet me one and a half pretty regular? Wait wait wait, how often do you guys have sex? It depends on the week. Yeah, it could be anywhere from like one to five five times a week. It really depends. Like you blow chow. Damn, that's a lot. You guys live together, right, Yeah, that's the fucking lot.

But living together? It depends though, like sometimes like you know, obviously you're tired, whatever, But where do you want to get pregnant? Black ass girl? I'm sorry what I mean? Okay, so we did the watching port together? Yeah, handcuffs? I am putting on all fucking handcuffs. She's just saying handcuffs in the midroom. I would use them? Yeah yeah, not a me. A vibrator? No fuck no? She do want to know a good dick? Feel like crazy? You crazy? Candles? Yeah? Wait? Lighting?

No like sexually handles? Yeah? I thought you were lighting? No? No, no, okay? Spanking where good? Question? A little? But not yours? Hers? Definitely not mine? You never know a little a little good spake? Do I spank her? Would you enjoy? Would you guys enjoy that? Do you like speaking choking? I said yes, I'm thinking that is yes. So I'm gonna just do the be all and all before we get to the homemail. You guys are both super cute. At some point in your lifetime, someone's gonna try to fund

the both of you. What are you saying? It's not me? You guys are gonna go out our Coash is gonna get famous. He's gonna do a way better fucking set than we've seen on fucking Netflix. And then suddenly you're gonna have to go on tour because we're gonna have to keep these bitches from the Green Eyes monster apparently. Now, when a woman comes up to you guys and she's totally flirting and she's like, oh my god, you're gorgeous blah blah blah blah blah, and your little boyfriend too, boom,

what do you do to say? Now? What's your what's what do you do? What if she's super hot and I'll never see her again? Do you have the experience? Do not have the experience? How is that conversation going talk to other? Hose No, disregard that bitch, disregard you out of here, bitch. Do you get a little jelly? Do you get a little possessive? Yes, you do. I do. I think it's gotten better, like as I've gotten more

secure and confident with myself. But I was definitely like pretty jealous of like stupid ship, like just be glad not really know you. You know, It's funny is once I started the podcast, her confidence that no girls are d M and me was just skyrocketed. She's just like nobody M and you. Well you have to talk about her so much, like we also just a it's a

dude podcast. For the most part, I'm really glad that you decided to come on here, even though I know I asked you about blow jobs, but like a space at least, but no, I mean as someone that listens to flagrant like I know that like your girlfriend is such a part of your life, Like I feel like you know, we all hear the stories of a lot and even in your set to talk about her. So I think it's great that you both are here. So

definitely no three things like ever happening. I feel like he would never want to do it through So wow, that's what you've said to me though, Yeah, I wouldn't be into it. That's too much. That's too much pressure. It's a lot of pressure. But I saw it on a Seinfeld episode when I was When I was younger, I was like, that's stupid, And then when I got older, I was like, this, man, pressuresoms are so much work, Like, seriously,

is a lot of work. Legs are flying like it's exhausting, and then like at one point you want to get fucked, but you're like, no, no, I'm trying to be a good sport. It's exhausting. What were you to say? Yeah, but what I was gonna say. Have you seen the episode of Gossip Girl where they have a three so and then he should like CBS, No, it's on It's on Netflix. Whatever. I just like one of my favorite shows that I've always watched, like since I was like eighteen.

But they had a threesome and then he ended up breaking up with this girl and started dating the other girl, like when Dan broke up with Olivia Vanessa, remember when they Yeah, that's like that. But you said you feel like he would not want to Does that mean you would Do you find women attractive in that way? Or? Um? I like, yeah, I mean some women, not like I don't think like that much like sexually, but like I mean, I can see how women are attractive, like Cassie is

like my girl crush. I feel more like I'm sorry dancing. No, I'm not saying I'm not saying I would have a three. So I'm just saying I don't like see, how are you think? Let's calm it down here, fucking space, Jim. You shouldn't be wearing a hand, you know why? Now? Is it? Like okay? When you think about a girl like kissing, like do you think that's hot? Have you

ever watched Born like that? I feel like if I wanted to kiss a girl, it would only be to like turn a guy on, so like the intent would still be, Yeah, the intent would be like the novelty or like just like a bucket list thing, or like the intent would be to turn a man on. So it's not like actually the attraction to her, you know what I mean. But a lot of women feel that way.

A lot of women that are asking for threesomes for women, like people ask during Our Lives show like oh if I do this, like I feel like my boyfriend Like it's like which is like me? They would want to go down. But you actually have like a like a real attraction, right, But like it sucks. I've made out with girls like that all the time and they're like, you're cute, Like I'm gonna just put this on Instagram, and it sucks. It's fucking terrible. You feel like an object.

I feel like not like an object, but like I've always felt like girls would like to test me out. I feel like I'm not the's a threesome starter kid either lesbian starter kid, not a threesome starter kid civic for lesbians. We just but that's what you start with. That's what you start with. We're gonna get we all getato, homemail. I love this question. Okay, first, I love y'all. Don't use my name. I'm a patron. I went to the d C show. My boyfriend and I have been together

from a five years. We met in college and he took my virginity. So he's the only man I've ever been with. I love him to death, but we've been struggling because of distrust and him just not giving me the ship I deserve. I guess I'm an emo ho because it's definitely affected the sex we've decided to work it out, and he's given me permission to fun someone else without him. I'm not going to that's crazy. Actually, I'm dying to. Like I'm gonna look through the pictures

now and figure out who came with their boyfriends. We decided to work it out, and he's giving me proficient permission to fun someone else without him. I'm not going to until I feel a little bit better about us, because I want to be with him, But I need to know. How Am I gonna know if a nigga has good dick. I'm not trying to waste my damn pass. I don't know if I can come vaginally or if my man is a stroke off. Either way, I'm gonna find out. The sex used to be amazing and he

makes me come clatorially all the time. Don't go in on my man now. I'm curious to know. Do you think the hall pass as someone that he took her virginity? The guy similar to you right, the only person she's out of sex with. Do you think the hall Pass is bull ship? Do you think he's testing her? If you ever offered a hall of pack like, would you ever? I would never in my fucking life all for a hall pass. That's crazy, all pass? But do you think

he's bullshitting? This dude is bullshitting Do you think he's playing with her? Maybe? I don't know because I can't think of any reason a guy would say, hey, go flux somebody else. That's just weird. I don't know why he would offer that unless he really truly believed, like, Okay, this is I'm something I'm okay with, or he really truly had faith in her coming back to him and like this is like a temporary feeling, but you're going to come back to like me because I love you.

Unless he's like, really that racially in tune with her? Do you think they're like? For you? Guys? Is there ever pressure that you're the only people that you'll have sex with? Right? Like, I mean, you both love each other very much, you enjoy the sex with each other, But is there any pressure that you won't suck anybody else? And that's why I thought this question was great because it's like the unknown, Like do you ever feel like that?

Do people ever say that to y'all? I'm sure your girlfriends are your guy friends, like damn any money else? Like I think, Well, the girls that I'm friends that are kind of similar to me, like like we just

grew up like kind of conservatively. But besides that, it's to me like it's really special to share it with someone who you you just share so much like love with And if I felt like I could have that love with someone else, then maybe, But I don't feel like I could also get that emotional connection with someone else, so it doesn't feel like I'm really missing out, you know,

I don't know. I hate you, Like she's so great and you're wearing litter, like it's great, like you're literally conservative wearing litter, but like I know, there's can't get that one and a half waiter, what about you? Do you? I mean, I'm sure like flagrancy, like people are telling you like you never don't get some new pussy like you're a man. There's there's there's beautiful girls you attempted, but you just don't. I don't know. Yeah, it's just not I'm proud of you. You guys are so ill.

I'm not gonna live. Alex, come hug me. I'm sorry. These dreads are a little too, you know, Alex, Alex and Alex and Wheezier like Ross and Rachel. Like Ross and Rachel, we are not like Ross and Rachel the last Weeker's network. We are okay. First of all, y'all all gotta stop. It's not fucking true. What happened to them? They got together? Else she turned into lesbian Rachel lesbian beginning of the show as another girl. I mean, no

one my friends. Anyway, If you guys enjoyed Oh Cosh, check him out on Flagrant to his shitty aass co host is in here problematic wearing a space jam hat. My god, Um, I'm so glad that you came. I'm actually shocked that you came on here. Yeah. I don't know. I just thought it would be fun. Yeah he did you have a good time? Yeah? I did. It was low jop thing was that was? Yeah, I can't least stopped it. I felt it, I felt vibes, and she was appreciate it. But like, I'm really glad you went

in for the lesbian ship. But thank you for your advice, O Cosh, you were fun except for making fun of the girl with Lucas. Um. If you want a little bit more importable decision ship, check out us out on Patreon for five bucks a month. You get three extra episodes. They come out every Monday after our regular episodes. O cosh, tell us where they can find you, and not where they can find your girl. I won't plug her at

all day. Um, you know, listen to podcast. Listen to me, I'll flagrant to We got regular episodes every Tuesday, and they got Patreon episodes every Friday. Fast is going Patreon in the world. Second is horrible decisions Twitter. Everything is a cosh saying my name A K A S H S I N G. H Um. I'm excited to see your stand up again. I'm sure one day you'll be. I'm not gonna lie every time I watch an Indian dude on Netflix. I'm just like I'm a I'm ann

pomp more shootout. I'm gonna get on that Andrew Schultz plan. I just gotta get the money you have to produce my own ship. Yeah, we gotta get this. We really do. We do, because you'll imagine if we can get more ship like this. You know how good this was. This was fucking gold. All we need is now the almost reasome to happen so you could just have material for

the next year. That's it. I mean, imagine if it happened just like a little like, oh, you know, maybe he'll like it if I do the kids, damn new set new bit like yo this last week a bit try to make out with my girl. It is a good idea. Anyway, if you don't want to do that, you can always get back in here in the closet. Thank you for listening. This has been another episode of horrible decisions by was Mad entertained