Ep. 462: Third Engagement’s The Charm Pt. 1 (feat. Sarah Fontenot)

So when I was bad, I used to beg all the because because the girls in the room would be fine.

But I come and to start making it.

But hey, they was they was okay with my three next Yeah, they said, this bitch kind of funny.

Let's keep having her round.

Everybody thought I was breaking up with him because we didn't did not care.

You broke up with him because you didn't get to see him.

I felt that he had issues in his own body.

I'm crazy. Yeah, I ain't gonna hold you.

Turn it away from me, not being able to me. Nudity is just so expressive and normal.

The decisions, decisions.

Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of The Cion The Cions. It'sy girl, Mandy b a k A Peg the Sallion aka Peggy Bundy AKA That's Beach.

Hang everybody, I'm weezy. We're back with another three someome.

That is right.

I don't know if she would actually join us, though she would actually probably be like, uh, I don't do that, y'all.

Y'all gotta give me a ring first, Can I tell you talk?

So? Amandy sent your page? I'm like, is this the one that wouldn't save her kids?

Yeah? That would choose my husband. I would not say no, no, you said you could only save one. I'm shooting my son, my husband. Y'all, we are joined. Bye.

The host of the It's Giving podcast, Sarah Fontano's dad shorter period period, Go ahead and do bling bling bling, but this man, So, as we're filming this, how many days in a marriage are you?

Okay? So this is the thing.

I don't know if y'all saw it, but we actually just hit our six month Okay, your yourage anniversary.

You kept it, you kept it, you kept it a secret, and then you celebrated and posted it all.

But after the wedding, it's been one week with days of today and three days.

After the wedding, okay, ten days okay?

Yeah, what made you guys get married and then choose the wedding six months later?

Oh my gosh. Okay, this is interesting. Okay, so what made us get married immediately?

Hold on, no, no, no, you know what. We gotta wait.

We gotta save this, We gotta say this because we gotta get to it. We gotta get to it.

So, y'all, we're.

Gonna do kind of a journey through Sarah's dating history because not only do I find it. It's interesting. Let me tell y'all how much I hate her content. And then I met her and I said, girl, I'm mad.

I like you yo, I did.

I came up to her tonight's conversation was like, you really believe the shit you be saying? And she kind of looked at me and was like, you believe the shit you'd be saying too, because we're stark differences. And what I love too is that like as women with sometimes similar goals, surprisingly enough sometimes we can all get to exactly what we want, which is happiness with the partner that we inevitably decide that we want it.

But it is important to top the episode in letting people know that you did just get married, did just get me married? And that context of what I was saying is apparently, and I want you guys to know a little bit about our guests.

You didn't have sex until marriage. Yeah, and here.

We are horrible decision decisions. There's just no holes barred behind her head there. It's like, because I'm not gonna hold you.

That's like probably the craziest thing, Like I'm not marrying somebody without knowing what that did do.

And I have questions further because I need to know, like if.

If we'll get to I think that the only thing that would have scared me.

I don't know, maybe I.

Would it was like a thumb, but no, I'm sure to see me. It was not a thumb.

But but okay, so you did get to see it first. This is I feel like you could kind of see.

No, girl, I mean you didn't see it. You did. Let me know why I asked that.

I'm actually not meaning it in a sexual way at all, just like being around each other nudity like you're own. No.

Also, he's a huge man like that don't mean nothing in three quarters huge, like his whole hand could he could literally palm from one side of my waist.

To the other. I've had like seven footer with I little need to see it. Yeah, I don't need to taste it. I just need to see it first.

Oh, I'm not gonna hold you or at least like y'all watching TV and you say Romeo KOCHI weezy, but you gotta get the field test.

So I actually had an issue with a man that dated that was celibate, and I totally respected it. He was kind of no, Well, he was celibate for a movie that he was writing. He didn't hadn't completed it yet, and he was like, when I'm finished writing the script, like I'm ready to have sex again. The one thing I actually didn't appreciate was that he.

Wouldn't be naked around me.

And so to me, I was totally fine with nothing penetrative, like nor or nothing. But I thought that because he couldn't be comfortable around me, that's what I thought. I thought it was a comfort thing. I was like, oh, yeah, no, I can't do it. I've got to see every part of you. That was something that in my head felt like it made sense. So that's why I'm curious. That's so much questions.

What I feel like.

But because men are so much usually the ones that are like initiating the physical the naked, but for most men and write more than women, and for me, I would be thinking, if I'm celibate, I wouldn't want to be around you naked, if as a man, because it immediately those thoughts are to come up and it's like that's what I want.

I guess I thought it was an uncomfortability he had. And the day that I realized it was intentional. Was Oh, we went to one of those like spot suites where they got the cold plunge and the sun.

Oh no, right, so I'm thinking you was going to get a change.

He went and changed privately, and I was like, all right, that's too far from me.

That's so far like you're he could just turned his body.

I never saw him naked, and so basically when it ended up breaking off, I was like, the sex is not this. Everybody thought I was breaking up with him because we didn't fuck.

Did not care. You broke up with him because you didn't get to see his dick.

I felt that he had issues in his own body.

I'm crazy. Yeah, I ain't gonna turn it away from me.

Not being able to me nudity is just so expressive and normal.

Oh I'm the opposite, you know, I'm the opposite. I mean I feel like I feel like with women. With women, I don't care, we are the same. But when it comes to like like significant other, I'm not the friend that's like, oh my god, let me change in front of you. When I have men friends, I will never change in front of you. I'm not gonna go of course.

Oh yeah, no, I'm not going to me. I'm not changing in front of my male friend. Ye, it's not. It's not you don't get women different. I mean my gay male friends. Yes, I don't know. I'm not even the game al friend. I don't know. Maybe yeah, probably, I don't know. I don't know, Okay, Okay.

Also, we're in show business, so there's also like if we're getting miked or like whatever like that.

I think that there are parameters. I guess you could say, but I don't know.

And Nude Beaches, I feel like Nude Beaches is mostly like old people here for it.

Like culturally speaking too, did you grow up in a naked house?

Could I do? No?

My mom, Yeah that's a naked house. Oh yeah yeah.

Now you're Canadian?

Yes, so do you have different Is it different being a Canadian?

I know it's still like North America?

But what bruh is it? You almost didn't say Canadian? You said, is it different being a Canada?

Canadian? Like you Canadian?

Like?

And Drake is kind of like us? We don't know. Apparently he's not like us, he's kind of like us.

But growing up in Canada, were there different like ways in which you go about traditionally dating, like what was what was your house like?

Growing up?

Well, there aren't a lot of black people where I'm from because not only my Canadian I'm from Saskatchewan, Regina, Saskatchewan actually a no no. But I did cariyan as my whole life. Like, okay, we we definitely have a community there. But I'm Native American and black. Okay that's the question.

Okay, So it was completely different.

And what I realized when I go back and I have conversations with young black women or nieces or whoever, They're like, we don't date black men because the black men that they have the choices of there aren't. There aren't like American black people in Canada, there are usually Africans or they are the same mixed up as us. So I feel like growing up or being in America is probably very similar to how like a mixed kid would feel. How do I identify? Do I identify with

And they don't gossip in Canada. I don't know. I honestly, I don't know. Wait, there's no fucking way. I don't know, not in my not I don't even.

Know gossiping was. Until I became an adult, I was like white.

People, Yeah, you thought gossip it was a black people think kind.

I grew up black.

Actually in Atlanta, Grandma were sitting outside and they were walked by.

Of course we're talking about her.

You thought it was Literally if I hear someone mumble I think we're gossiping, I can't hear him.

What I don't think, Like that's what we do. That's crazy, That is crazy, That is crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm a little crazy. I think.

I think that's an observation though, like like it.

Was your mom and dad together in the household.

Yes, even now, like like so, my my parents kind of ruined me a little bit, to be honest.

Oh, let's get into it.

TRUMPA so it yes, but no and no, but yes. What I mean by that is I've never seen my parents fight my whole life.

Oh never not.

And because I never saw my parents fight, I thought that when I fought getting into relationships, I was broken. Something was wrong with me because I never saw them fight. I never experienced repair. I didn't know what it meant to fix a problem or an issue in a relationship because from my perspective at that young age and that vantage.

Point, they didn't. You don't. You don't fight.

If you fight, you're broken. There's something wrong with you about broken. But I actually agree, I would never fight in front of my kids. My parents barely fight. From me, I barely saw it. Yeah, I think it's appropriate, Like kids don't need to be in Have you seen those memes where it's like we all experience this and it's like parents walking in like come on, we're leaving your dad and da da, and they like tussle back and forth and Dad's like go back to sleep.

I'm like, no, I didn't experience that. No, I didn't. Oh girl, my daddy went to jail for being my mama.

Then one of the boyfriends had to be gone, and she called my cousins over.

They came over with pots and pants.

As it was like, Nikki, you got forgot, like we didn't chase my mama boyfriends out the house before crazy crazy times over here.

See, I feel like that's almost shape that relationships are bad.

I mean to me, I've and I think that that's why we've talked about like I've never grown up seeing a healthy relationship. I will say also, though from the vantage point of view, you both not seeing confrontation and resolve also gave you a false perception of a healthy relationship that may not have been healthy, and so you didn't have also the tools to see. Okay, Well, I got to see my parents work through something. Literally, it wasn't visible for you.

It wasn't until I was an adult where I was like, Mom, did you and Dad ever fight?

And my mom was like, we fought all the time.

We just waited for y'all to go to sleep. Like they never fought in front of us. They always fought behind closed doors. So I feel like now, if or when God sees fit to give us a child, I want to.

Be in the middle. Now.

I'm never gonna cuss I don't even believe in speaking in my man a certain way. There's certain things it's just not on the table for me. I'm not a yeller. I'm not gonna cuss him out. I'm not gonna call him out his name. That's not who I am. But if I'm really frustrated, my energy is really heavy, Like you could feel me down the block.

That's how jacked up my energy could be. And that's good or bad?

Right, I'm in a positive or negative You don't feel it right, So I feel like what I get to learn is how to Yes, it's okay for us to disagree. Yes, it's okay for us to passionately feel opposite. And I still love you and I don't agree with you, but I can understand what you're saying.

I can validate what you're saying.

So now our children get to see mom and dad as Oh they're not perfect, right, they have issues, they have problems, but they work them out.

Did you do premarital counsel Yeah? We did, did you well?

Actually no, we were already married doing counseling because we literally went friend to marriage and we went we went friend married, engaged, engagement party bridal shower wedding.

That's crazy. Yeah, we did everything backwards?

Can we now you did everything backwards with this one? But this ain't your first ring? No, so can.

We get to this is your third ring? Third time? That's what they said.

You know, I've been engaged twice and this time actually wasn't engaged.

I was just married. She said, fucking engagement. That thing is bad. Look, I don't feel I feel like I'm when I tell you.

I feel like people put so much on fiance, but a fiance is a glorified girlfriend who there's no safety inside of fiance.

There's no there's no that issue because there was no real comment.

I think that we just, oh, we're so pessimistic about relationships. Sometimes I agree, like me too, Like literally, I've said the same thing. I'm like, he's still cheating, like I'm saying that. But I think it does It shows people that, like, hey, I'm ready to go that next mile. I think a marriage is expensive, it.

Doesn't have to be. I got married at the courthouse. I would get married.

My man said, you deserve a wedding, And at first we're gonna get married in the backyard, and then he was like nah, you deserve a wedding. So then then it turned into creating what we created, and we still didn't spend that much money.

People be talking about, oh my my wedding was now.

Look like it was a lot of money. But your girl, I don't. I don't operate that way. But I do think that why I say it's a glorified girlfriend is because there are so many people that get rings that never make it to the altar, or they just really some people are just giving their girls ring so they'll stop talking about it.

Or because they got they got a baby on the way.

Period said what, I always got friends that are going through some trouble.

No, a lot of our friends. I ain't gonna hold you in twenty twenty six.

If you're about to have a baby and your man proposed to you, just know he's not gonna be there when the baby six months.

I'm telling you it is it's literally, it is a curse. It is a curse.

Do not let your man or future baby daddy propose to you at the baby shower because it is a curse and you will never get married and you're gonna be a single mama.

I think that if you're engaged for longer than two years, you probably ain't gonna get married. Uh oh, I agree with that point because it's a dang. But engagement is the time in which you go from girlfriend and boyfriend to husband and wife.

Why would you have a long engagement period. What is the point?

I guess because they want this elaborate wedding. But then the more like it talks to people that have engaged for years, I was.

Like, Okay, well, what's the hold up?

We don't really know what we want to do, and she don't like you. Y'all don't like each other. They don't really want to get married.

You just want to This is the thing too. And look I might get eating alive. You know me, I have my But I don't think. I think there are so many women that don't even like their men. They just don't. They just want to have one. They want to be able to tell her they gonna be like.

They just want their women friends to know somebody chose me. I'm worth being chosen. I'm in a relationship. Now, Look how good I am?

Look? Oh, I'm gonna it's all. It's all, you know.

I don't blame the women that feel that I have a friend of mine that moved super fast into a relationship. Actually is making me think about what you were saying, because just found out a person as ed. That's what erectile dysfunction? Like?

What if what if your husband had ed? You ain't? No? Would would you call off the wedding? Would you get it annulled? If ed? Bak, she ain't find out she married?

Okay, Oh, hypothetical, let's go since you're talking about husband and kids falling into the ocean. So hypothetical question. You wait to have sex until marriage. Okay, you get married and you find out your now husband has a rectile dysfunction?

How dysfunctional is that you see by having a shot on sex in the city?

Yet, bro, So do you.

Work through the marriage and either open it up or get him an extender? Or what what do you do to stay in the marriage or do you annul the marriage because you cannot move forward because you need to.

Work and get a surgery you can get that you can't. There's no search for d No, there's a surgery that can. You could pump. Oh, so you'll pump your dick every time, so you're you're.

Pumping, you pump pump that pump it up of the power, stop stumping.

And that jam is pumping. I ain't gonna hold you.

God, I'd be like, are you ready to get right?

I would to me and my husband getting a boyfriend. You are not making me pump, y'all dick every time I want to get fucked, y'all already learned. I'd like to get fucked for two hours. What if we got to pump in between every two hours?

Girl? What are you doing for girl? Everything? There is a lot to do.

This bit walked in here today with that two hours ship every two hours. When I said this podcast, whatever you said, you gotta fuck me in all the yays. So I don't want to fuck again, she said, because I don't want to have to call another dick.

Like I want to.

I want to fuck, like I literally want to fuck so hard than when we're done, I feel like, bitch, I don't need dick for another month.

Okay, so two hours and then you have a break.

Well, no, because if he's in town for a couple of days, we're fucking two hours every time we fucked. But then when he's gone, I'd be like the wait for like, I don't because I don't. I love it because then I could be around niggas and not even see them. I show my man and he was like, how funny is that? And cut this clip and he was watching it. I was like, isn't she crazy? And he was like, no, I think I could do this too. And I'm like, what.

Y'all don't fuck for two hours? No running from the big anywhere? Oh I don't.

Oh wait wait wait the girl with Edie, Oh yeah wait wait so close close friend of mine and she literally was like fuck, I cannot believe close close.

And ship take them back, don't that bitch?

So basically what happened was she's like, now I'm stuck in this thing where.

I moved too fast. I kind of.

Thought the beginning stages was maybe we were, you know, going to dinner, having drinks. Maybe that's why. And I was like, this has to do with apps. You wanting a man that fucking bad, because otherwise you wouldn't have ended up in this. You would have been able to pace yourself, have fun. The larger issue around this is you met a man that wants to induce you to his family, met a man that wants to take you on vacation, you met a man that saying all the

They've come back into my.

Life in ways that I'm just like, damn, how did I start hanging with her again? And I'm like, oh, because now I'm comfortable for you to be around crazy easy. Wasn't enough when I was like bouncing around and doing this or just living my life and enjoying my solo time. Now I'm acceptable for your nigga to let you hang around me.

Like I know what this is. I'm still doing the same shit with my man. I don't like it because even when I had a boyfriend, my friends was still you.

To me?

Is the is the excuse when they were doing some bullshit. I was like, I got a man, Why am I still the whole friend? I just never got it.

Wait, what do you mean?

So when you say, you're saying now it's more acceptable for.

You for her friends to now like her friends are now back in the circle because when she was single, she was too much around her friends.

I think that they didn't trust you around their men.

No, no, no, no no, I did any more, so their men.

Didn't trust her around the girls.

And so when I say things changed about my life, Sarah, every single part of well, when I say euro every summer, like going to South Africa, bopping around partying, like I do, I do the exact same thing I did as when I was single. I just do it with my man now. But somehow there's a validation that women feel when it's someone else is in a relationship.

Oh, I get invited to more like things in the house.

So you couldn't invite me to you and your husband's house when I was single, No, because it's just their relationship.

Is this stamp of approval for everybody?

I see it in business, even like since I've started new businesses. Just even the man in your life makes other people feel like you're a more serious person. How dare you be single? How dare you be enjoying having fun being solo? Oh look at her again by herself at the bar.

McK whatever.

Ah, bitch, I'll be having three boyfriends, and y'all don't think i'd be serious.

Y'all don't like that.

I think no matter what relationships, it's just like here she go again, y'all.

I've been single in five years, so I don't know. I've been single since pre pandemic. But you have three boyfriends. That's like having none.

No bitch around. I don't like, no one's gonna take it serious. I'm just telling y'all with the serious news. I have not been single since twenty nineteen. Thank you.

That is not a hot take. I really believe this. If you're single or in an ethically non monogamous relationship, people treat you the same, like, oh, shoot, it's a phase, should get over it.

So you should still be getting treated the same.

I do want to ask get back getting back to your story, Sarah, you've had three.

Rings, yeah, the first ring, yeah.

I want to go through that because maybe now that's why you went straight from friend to marriage because of the PTSD.

Of your lives.

Two engagements, but your first relationship, how old were you? Can you walk us through navigating that first engagement at a young age and also how you escaped the relationship.

Yes, so I was eighteen. We were together for two years.

We were engaged in that two years, and he was a professional football player.

I was a professional cheerleader. We were the dream team.

We were so a doable and also low key because the cheerleaders weren't allowed to date the players. But the caveat is shout out to my mother. My mom used to invite a lot of the black players to our house and cook for them because I had brothers and so she was like, this is like an American.

My mom is like anti Pam.

Everybody in the Yeah, everybody in the community knew my mom, and he knew everybody. It was a very small almost all the black people knew each other. We were at the Caribbean Club every weekend doing a performance. I was playing steel drums, I was in dance class and did all of these So it wasn't weird for us to have all these people over. And I actually used to have a thing because my sister was. She's actually married to the MVP of the CFL, and he played in the league as well.

So the committee of the college foot just.

Like Canada's NFL got it. And then he also played in the NFL. So his friends would come over with him to the house. And I used to be like, all these little wax football players think they somebody.

Because this was the thing. When you're back home.

The Saskatchewan rough Riders, they are there's an air that they have and women throw themselves like they they running through women like water down a stream.

Okay, it is they are, it is.

It's non stop, right, And so I was always like never, like no, never, never, never, never never anyway.

Not She was saying never at sixteen seventeen, because you got them at eighteen and.

They're all pleassure did And then it was crazy because what I think, what you're referring to is he almost paralyzed me.

Yeah, I would yeah up.

And it only happened one time. Really, it only happened one time.

And to be honest, how did it only because men suck? Women suck, especially in the comments, and so men would be like, well, what did you do to make them do that?

And women want to know.

Like how did it get to that point, especially because there were no sign right and luckily for you you didn't stay after that one time, But what how did you get there?

How did that happen? To this day, I still don't know. I think he snapped, that's what my mother says. But long story short, like an eighteen year old immature woman, we were fighting and we had broke up. Put him out, you go do whatever you gonna do, whatever, whatever, But we were still sleeping together.

We were still dealing with each other.

And so I used to work for this company that we got cars for, so I would teach kids traffic safety and show parents how to correctly and sell car seats. And so I'd travel all over the province in the work car with like stickers on it and show do that.

So while I was.

Gone, he would drive my car, okay, And so it's crazy because it was Saturday and he knew that on this Saturday, I'm coming to pick up my car. And so I called and I said, hey, I'm on the way, and he's like, no, don't come over right now.

And I'm me being me.

First of all, yes over there, and I'm like why do you company?

And he was like, no, I don't have company.

So for me, I'm like, that don't make no sense, Like what are you talking about if I'm on the way, Like I'm currently on the way to you. So long story short, I get to the apartment, I go up on the stairs because you had to use the fob to get into the elevator, but at that time you could still work the stairway, yea. So I go up the stairs and when I get there, he's talking to me on the phone in the hallway and I'm like, why are you in the hallway. Let's go inside. So

Yeah wait a second, yeah, he was, Yeah, he had your friend in his house.

Yeah, so this is the thing, he said. She was just twisting my hair because.

He had dreads.

So I'm like, oh, okay, bet, no problem, it's all good, it's all cool.

Whatever.

So I go inside and it was a normal apartment, one bedroom apartment. You walk in, you know, the TV's on that side, the kitchens right here, bedroom is right there. I'd be lined straight to the bedroom because I know that the night sand is probably where my keys are at. When I go to get my keys off of the night stand, there's bengals.

Not her. Oh now she's the jewelry two. She's sitting on the couch and she knows. Wait, but the Bengals are in the bedroom.

But the Bengals are in the you know you can't know already know, So I'm I'm talking smack from the bedroom. Oh what are these bengals doing right here? She was only doing your hair if she just got here this morning. So this man comes into the room, and then he snapped again. Now he's a defensive defensive lineman.

I'm not great with this is not a sports podcast. Yes, okay, great.

He's two hundred and fifty pounds of solid muscle.

He is strong.

He's six foot I don't know, probably two and strong as hell. Straight, just ripped everything, tackles me onto the bed and starts like kind of with his arm on my neck, trying to rip the keys out of my hand. I still have scars on my hands from this day from where he was trying to get the keys out. Anyway, I end up doing all of this, getting out, kicking him, falling off the.

Back of the bed. This is where he grabs my legs.

He mocked me, like with my feet, like was throwing me up against everything in this moment. I finally when he like slipped a leg, I kicked him in his face.

Pretty sure, I'm on the ground, he's on top of me. I kick him. Maybe I didn't get his face. I don't know what I can. I just kicked right now.

This is the stupid part for me, And this is also where I got the most jacked up. That was the worst part of why my body is where my body is today. But instead of running with the keys, what I did was and Alicia is she's not even helping.

She's not.

Oh, while I'm getting dragged and mocked on the floor, she comes and peeks in the room and goes back into the living room. So then instead of me leaving, which is where I went wrong, I own it accountability, I own it. I shouldn't ever went there. I knew he had company he had but you were young, Yes, I was young. But also, I mean, I'm grateful because in my in my experience, I also felt like that was God telling me, not him, this ain't for you, This isn't for you.

You know.

So long a story short, I exit, I go into the living room. So now I'm in the living room and he had a big thing with electronics. He had a big TV right here. And now I'm on the opposite side, you know what I mean. So I'm there's like a window behind me, couches right here, little couch right there, TV right here, and he had a big thing with electronics. And I said, if you take what, I pick up his computer and I'm like, there's blood

I was so hysterical.

I was like, like, I don't I don't even feel like this is a wound for me, but I feel like like I'm I'm emotional about it because I remember my mom's hysteria.

Like my mom was like, what is wrong? Like what is like?

I don't under to this day, I don't even think my dad knows, because my dad would be in prison. He does not play about me, any of his kids. He does not play about me. And I made her swear to see because you can't. I just kept saying, you can't kill that. I think she must have thought I was gonna be I killed someone, I you know whatever. But yeah, that was a lot. And then I didn't tell anybody. And shortly after that's when I moved to La.

And when I tell you for months, did you talk to him after that?

No, okay, I ain't spoken to him since. When I tell you it hurt to sleep, it hurt to lay down flat on my back. I went to the doctor. I told him I slipped and I fell down the stairs. Because at that time I didn't want to say, oh my God, like me, you getting emotional about your mom is taking me back. The only time that man ever hit me was same Adrian eighteen twenty. And the memory I had that really made me lave him was my mom begging him to not hit me anymore. It's just

Your mom's love through a moment where you're going through it, think about now we're adults where we could have kids, right, and if we had oh, y'all could have kids.

We could at this age to.

Know you could call you and say, Mommy, someone hit me. Yeah, it's just like it's unforgettable.

Yeah.

It's actually the reason I think now when I get an argument with men, oh, it's like complete shutdown. It's almost something I had to work through in therapy. I get nasty, what the fuck are you going to do to me. I do think I'm saying shit like that.

I do think it's interesting that when you went to the hospital as a as a woman, it was like a lot of people assume, like you don't want the man to get in trouble and all that, but you were embarrassed that you had that, that you had that experience.

I couldn't believe that that had happened to me. I literally like, I don't come from that. I don't know anything about that. And like I got good grades, I got accepted into a conservatory, you know, coming up in the in like six months away, I had the opportunity to move to La Like in my mind, I was like I was so sharp, Like I was the kid in school that would go to my teacher before something was due and be like is this an a? And

Your man right to get lived.

And also if you fight, you're broken. I also had that story because of my parents. So now I'm doing everything wrong. There's no way that I was about to claim how wrong I was.

It was the most humiliating thing for me in the.

History of ever, you know, And so I am grateful because I do also strongly feel like God has a way of keeping you where he wants you to be.

And I know, like I know, like I know, I know we all have a calling on our life, but I know mine.

Is big because He's told me, like, I'm so one thousand percent crystal clear on that. And had I gone down this realm, I have literally helped thousands of people make six and seven figures. I have literally helped thousands of women get out of their own way and create their own transformation of actual self love.

I have.

There's so many things that I have done as an accolade. Who cares about an accolade? Who are you in real life?

How are you?

How do you treat people in real life? What's your heart like in real life? Like when these cameras are off? How are you as a person in real life? And those are the things about me that I take pride. And I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world. And when we were talking about Brock, you know what, he cheatd this, that and the other. I don't think Brock with Chee because I don't think Brock is a cheater.

That's a decision that we both could make together.

Potentially.

I don't even think that that's gonna happen because I think, a man, I'm too sayful, such a nice lady.

What is that for? These fucking hot takes? Is this the what you mean? So this is a hot yeah?

I know how many times like fucking crazy like and it's just funny because they really.

Does show you the internet of the Internet, and I'm like, this is the same.

This is I don't get what is the hot take that you disagree with? I'll give me one to me.

It's interesting, with you being so traditional, with you being so so open, you genuinely think that your partner he sees something, if he wants another woman, that he's gonna come to you first about it.

I don't and say, hey, I want I want to do this.

It's like you're you saying that's just your your partner you believe.

Oh, I would believe. I know my partner would come to me.

I don't because this is and I don't think that it would be like damn that that girl's bad. Like Brock doesn't operate like that. He's strategic, he's logistical. Everything has to make sense for him. So he's not gonna see some batty on the street that lady could have HIV. That's he's that's not happening.

But that thought that you have though, okay, my bad. I disagree.

I think that at your highest peak of happiness, that's true.

I think people change.

I agree, and I think that sometimes men confuse love and line knowing that it could hurt you.

Yes, now this is the caveat to that. For me, my deepest core value openness and honesty. So for you to say that too, girl, No, no, you got me.

No. No.

If you lie to meat, you know what you're doing. I will never be the same.

Now.

I don't believe in divorce. He gonna have to divorce me if we ever got a divorce. Really, it's not on the table for me.

He's just not. I'm thirty seven, thirty.

Knowing that we've all dated pieces of shit.

Piece is a shit girl. We knew how deceitful men.

Can be, and we know that the hot take on the internet is that a man will will lie or deceive you because they love you so much they don't want to hurt you, even if they know the actions that they're doing that are going to hurt.

No, that's a man with no integrity. I didn't choose a man with no integrity. And this is the thing too, my man knows what he got. I have a unicorn. I'm very aware of that. And I'm not saying most men don't cheat, because I think most men with options will absolutely cheat. I think there are girls right now so mad that we're married because he situation shipped everybody, everybody.

And I don't want.

To debate this because I'm never gonna say someone's like, yeah, that's what's hard to debate. It's very it to me nasty to be like you if there's someone watching right now that's like, she don't know. Yeah, And I actually disagree, Like I think people do it to my boyfriend all the time.

Yeah, right.

But what I will say, though, is the way that you feel about him. I feel like I've seen it in another woman, and I don't know if integrity to me equates to sexuality. Like I tell you what I think integrity is. To me, it's like the idea that he'd leave you when you're.

Sick, down and out.

Let's say you've got in a horrible accident and you change, your beauty changes and.

He would leave you.

Or if you had children and he decided to not be the man that you thought he was, that's he is integrity. Sexuality is a moment. Yeah, and it's a moment.

I believe that.

Okay, I believe that the most loyal man, I believe we can have a moment. I do, and I and that's why I can be I'm.

Not saying you right now are giving that You're saying sexuality is a moment, and so a man can't just.

Fall into Sexuality is such a moment.

To me, that is why I don't care about sex with other people because me neither.

But I.

So I think I think with you, I understand if you are single and you know who you chose, and that's an integrity for you, then what you're saying makes sense. But for me and in an our our relationship, it is not an integrity to be deceptive to me. No, it is not an integrity for you to betray me. It is not an integrity for you to sneak around and do whatever you were none of zero percent of that is in integrity.

But he believe that people can actually like when they're cheating. I don't know if you've ever cheated on someone, You never cheated on nobody.

I'm not interested. I'm not a cheater. I'm not a cheater. I'm have you cheated I cheat on oay? Remember? Oh you did? I did you cheated her? Lack of that like, well to you, you did it? Like like it was like get back he cheated on her?

Okay, but very toxic. And also I felt powerful in my cheat But really, which was the worst part about my cheating, And it's because that's how much he hurt me. I don't even know if my cheating was a true desire. I think seventy five percent of it was me just being like fuck him. I just I have like another man that's obsessed with me, that wants me. It was just this weird that's easy.

Now. I can't even tell you how that.

Feels, because in the moment when he hurt me, he cheated on me during COVID and we moved to Mexico and I held that and I was sitting there and I was like, fuck.

No, stuff, what am I gonna do? So when I would go to New.

York to record Horrible, I would cheat and I would come home and be like, there was so much fun, but I felt so powerful, and I think in the end I did oh no. But I don't know if he believed me.

It was in a fight.

I don't think he believed it. You felt powerful cheating. You know what's crazy about you saying that? I wonder if men do it as well. There's a lot of ways in which, especially when men are with a powerful woman, that they feel emasculated. And so I wonder if, even knowing how you excelled during that relationship financially and with with through business, if cheating for him was a power

Felt like I wasn't I didn't need him. He literally, no, no, no, this chu was a pouch surfing. He had that he was homeland.

It gives a cup out outside shaking it.

She was CouchSurfing. She didn't have a home, she was unhoused.

And we talked about it today because like not today, but we've talked about it since our breakup, because we've mended the things. And when I asked him, like, why would you do that? He let me know, like you made me feel like I like you didn't need me, and so part felt he liked that the bitch needed fifty dollars to eat. I don't know, like he liked that shit. Yeah, And I was just like, that's crazy. So again, and maybe the way that he showed up

Not to put the blame on I'm a woman.

Let me go ahead and make that a woman with a man cheats, you put the blame on a woman.

No.

No, First of all, if a man cheats, a man's gonna cheat. But I am saying if a woman opts in to being the person that a man cheats with and you know he's in a relationship.

Oh wait, I thought we were blaming like the Maine.

I thought we were blaming the main No, girl, we know side checks.

They married man. I mean they they married man with.

Girlfriends, you know, And I'm sure there's I'm not even sure I know that there is trauma linked right, Like there's a part of like an avoidant that wants to it's easier to just have this person that you can have a physical connection with the other.

Don't read me.

Yeah, I actually only give grace in this scenarios that it's an exchange of money or gifts.

And to me, I'm serious. I'm gonna tell you what.

You hear.

What you're saying, it's okay for him to have a prostitute. What you said? That's all?

Yes, let me here, it is a bag found out that this was nail what you got this person?

The hot take.

Isn't me blaming the woman when she's getting money out.

Of a bigger So as long as a man, you're a man, then I deserve it.

And they not excuse me, I'm the I'm the fucking fool, Like, what the fuck I mean?

Not you cheat on me. Baby, The bitch deserve you too.

But you're okaying a man cheating with a prostitute over cheating with a woman.

That's just saying I'm not okaying it.

I'm just saying, the woman that's engaging in this situation, get money out my nigger, and she could get gifts. Bit you deserve them. If he could do that, I take them, take them from me.

I'm a prostitute. Don't want your man. She could want the money, So I take the whole thing because I don't want them to know.

But what I'm telling you is if you can get to the like, if you're at the point where there's a married man and I'm sorry, Sarah, and I want to be married too, and I literally believe it is the highest honor that I could give my love and my family. Yea. But if there is a woman who is.

Getting money out of my man, you're not mad at her, take them?

She says, she's not mad at And I'll tell you why.

To me, if my man gives money to another female, Wait, no.

No, you can have them.

You can have them.

You gave, you gave, you gave our resources to another female.

What for what? Like? For for a moment, of for a moment, take take him them.

Hold on, I feel that way, I tell you, and let me tell you. He loved to eat in the morning. He like sausages, pancakes.

And then they expramed and look at me. I'm the opposite. No, I would much rather.

It's just something like that, like you throw a couple of hundred dollars whatever. Hold on, did you catch emotions for a woman? I don't know what you have to you have to choose. I would munch rather.

You bet the bitch. One night's Vegas and that's it, And that was my thing.

I was fine even with my partner having sex with a woman one time.

Take her out to dinner.

Don't get to know how many siblings she has, don't know her middle name, just have sex.

He's like, don't you get emotional, But Sarah fan we had a little disagreement about this. He's like, I know you say ship, like no dates, no dinner and shit, but like what type of woman do you think probably wouldn't meet? He's like, you do this whole scenario of like how you want it to look right?

What scraggly bitch do you think is going to meet me out and say yes right now in the car. He's like, this isn't even like a car take me home.

But that's the thing like decent women like if if you're decent, let's tell you that work we didn't have or we don't have one nice stands before.

And we're not scraggling anyway. Niggas have picked us up from the club before. Stop sitting here getting on your hot horse. We have had one nice sans when ygga I set at the end of the bed in Miami.

Scraggly.

You think I'm going at the balla this weekend and be like, oh, yes, no, I want to eat a hot take I have.

Yes.

No woman is to blame if she is getting something out of a man. I believe there's nowhere where a woman should be blamed. Y'all know he's on his high horse with sex workers right now.

Let's let him no.

But I just think that, like, it's not even like you're trying to take him from me. You're literally doing this because the man is funding something for you.

Well, what am I supposed to say?

How can we blame this woman's it's her using men, which they should be used men use women off.

This man should be used. Shit, Okay, a married man. You're telling me you're doing it because he's funny, because you like him. He's cute. Bitch.

If you're not getting paid, you're a joke bitch. That's a literal you could quote.

But also, men should be used. You said that too. Let's stay there.

They married one, sorry, listen, and this is someone I said that once a successful marriage. I'm just saying I cannot blame a woman. If a married man comes to you and says, I can give you X, y Z, I can help you pay your rent, I can give you all these things.

How can we blame these women? I mean, there's so many ways, so we can blame me for one.

Why Why are you so desperate for a means of survival that you rely on a man to duck out on his wife. Why are you even open to putting yourself into a space where you're going to allow yourself to be the demise of something, or the demise or the creation of his meath, or the betrayal She is.

That he is if he no, they both are. There's no woman in the world.

She has no loyalty to you that doesn't matter that bond that you do.

You not have loyalty period? Do you not have you have to have to someone else's relationship people?

No, Hey, wait, paus, because that's like saying that's like saying, what type of standard do I have to have to you? Look, I don't eat meat because I don't eat meat. I don't, I don't. I don't drink often because I don't drink often. There's never gonna be a space. I don't rob banks, I don't do heroin. There's certain things that are just not on the table for me. And this being from a woman, I had a man who is very ultra successful, wanted to have kids with me fifty thousand dollars a month.

He said, I hold on you and you left that.

Yes, no, I want partnership. This was the second engagement. No, this is a different but no.

So what I'm saying is if you are the way that you are, then be that, but don't try to make it like, oh no, I have so much integrity, but I just don't owe her anything.

No, you never had integrity to begin with. So I think that.

I know y'all probably watching this like why the bitch that like being a side chick. Ain't talking because I used to be a pride I know y'all have be just like maybe her quiet and she was being the not integroup bags.

Okay, wait pause? Were you really a sidechick? For real? Was I? Bitch?

I have a chapter in the book that says, do married men really treat you better?

Oh? And they did?

They put a part of a part of me was delusional, and I do think that I wasn't open with the fact that I was insecure.

I was in survival mode.

I didn't feel like I could be someone's number one so much so that two three, four, five.

That were your relationship? Like like, was it for fun? What do you mean? Or was it? Oh? Girl? Some of them may give me.

Some of them I just thought was fine and I didn't care to they was married, like not all of my side niggas became sugar daddy, See like there's something different that's that's here and here you got married?

Want to get married? I wanted to get married.

Excuse me? So do I? Mandy does not?

So how can we expect the value that you have about the sanctity of marriage and loyalty? Contributing to the demise why you would have got there, Figurenaiuta, I genuinely feel like the way that I value things I can't expect for someone else. It's like if I let you borrow a dress of mine, I can't expect.

You to treat it how I do. You don't fucking treat her like whatever? You know what I mean?

Like, that's why if you know that somebody don't take care of their stuff, they don't take care of their stuff.

But I just don't believe that the person. We can't place blame on another person. We can get angry, we can look at their Instagram and be like, fuck her, she's this, she's that, but there is nothing. I don't even think she deserves bad karma.

No, I'm not gonna lie it.

Gone back to your other relationship though. You should have whooped Alicia, ass Like as soon as you went into that apartment, fuck your keys, you actually because.

That was your friend. Yeah, I know what you're trying to say, and you know it's bold. People funk. You should have whooped Alicia. I didn't care. I didn't at that point. I feel like, no, because you saw them bangles and you care. Oh, you should have whooped Alicia.

Wait wait, I'm not talking about someone that loves I'm talking about a random woman. You need it a ball, I mean period.

I feel this is what I think. Cheating is weak, good, bad, right or wrong. It is what it is is weak. You're gonna allow the moment where you are not your strongest and that's the thing too. I also agree with you, Mandy where I feel like every person has the ability to be a cheaper cheater right time, right access, right opportunity.

You put me on.

A on a on a on a on a what you might call it for well, maybe not, maybe not because I'm like, damn, if I was on an island for thirty years with one man that's not my husband, would something go down?

Girl? Why do you do there? So thirty years? Bitch? Thirty years? Now? This is the thing. Thirty days, I don't see no planes coming down. Wait a second, you.

Say it would say you being straighted on the island for thirty years to see if you would consider cheating on your husband.

No, I think it just takes a conversation that That's what I think, like real talk, like you know, take take the extremes out the way. I personally feel like I'm not a cheater. Because I'm not a cheater. I don't I don't want to give any man that type of power over my man. I would never do that. I would never have him in a room looking dumb, looking stupid, having other men be like, oh yeah, and I tagged your girl.

No you didn't.

That can't And there's very few people that can even claim me. And I love that for him.

And like, as long as it's not All Star weekend like we are, we are, like, I'll be in these rules.

They k nobody's saying, you know what I mean, But that's the only weekend. I'm sorry.

He was like, I feel like I love that we could go in spots and like niggas ain't hit, but it definitely went on a date with your hand. It was all rio you swipe a Riety's like, we can't walk down New York City before.

You've been like the date with him? I mean I did.

Yeah, after that first day, I was like, oh no, yeah, I was a serial dater.

Yeah.

Now I'm curious because I do want to make sure we get to it. You had a second engagement, Yeah, what happened there?

Oh? Child? So that guy? So that guy changed.

So think this is where I was really caught up in perception, and perception was way more important to me than reality. The perception was black love, our couple, relationship goals. We were dream team, you know on Instagram, But in real life it was actually very toxic. And at the time, this is when I was in the top I think, three percent of a nine point eight billion dollar company and that man looked me dead in my face and said, Sarah,

Know what I mean?

Like, I feel like, was that the toxicity you're talking about, the competitiveness. The competitiveness was super toxic. The hit and his ego was so big. I'll never free. This lives like the most mortifying moment of my life.

Right. We were in best Buy.

Okay, you know, and we're old now older, but do you guys remember like the Best Buy rooms where there were those big old TVs. Yeah, and like they were hella expensive, like ten thousand dollars, fourteen thousand.

Ridiculous whatever. Now you can get them for two forty five exactly. Period.

Yes, So we are freaking going into one of these rooms in Best Buy and one of the helpers, like one of the workers, comes in the room and she's like, hey, you guys, you guys need any help with anything, and he was like he was like, no, we're just looking around because he knew we knew we weren't about to buy the TVs, like we're literally just looking at it. And the girl said something along the lines of yeah, because no one really buys these TVs. What he heard

You know.

The meme of a Maserati girl, okay, not okay, No, never.

Like ratulation.

It's it's literally like why, like why why why if you have to put yourself above others to feel good?

Like why the girl it best buy? And you know what, I hope.

That that girl isn't haunted by that moment of just osing of you're not good enough, Like imagine someone doing you like that publicly for what.

Oh I'm not gonna lie.

If your man goes out of his way to make like to talk down on you or make you feel like you're not good enough, that's that's you gotta leave them.

Yeah, that's you got us to go. Girl. It was it was a rap.

It was literally that him's telling me that that statement you'll never make it. The only way you'd make it is if you married someone who made it.

Was That was it.

It wasn't the him being this super egotistical whatever.

And in a weird way. He did have some good things about him. Honestly, he did hit his moment.

I mean I didn't he didn't have ed, but yeah, I don't know, I don't know about what was really good about?

What was the car ride home quiet? I don't have nothing to say to you? Was it because you were angry at him, or did you start to think any we'd.

Like, how the fuck did I get here?

I think I just felt embarrassed that I was a part of humiliating another human and it made me feel so small.

It made me feel like dirty almost, you know, like.

I I'm the type of person where I tell strangers they're beautiful.

But you'd be lying hair, No, I don't.

I'll be like highlashes, girl, I love your hair. I love that your hair is more blonde.

Now that's the truth. I don't say nothing true.

Oh so when you don't give compliments though, if you don't mean them.

Yeah, no, I'm but I'm intentional about trying to find something I like, like like to strangers. I do it all the time, like and brock my my husband tell me, girl, like them shoelaces, thank you.

I had a guy at Data that told me once I used to think you were a phony about like how you have small talk people. And he's like, but I realized we're toward the end of our relationship. He said, you really are someone that wants to know the Starbucks lady, like how her kids are. He's like, at first, I was just like when she shut the fuck up and he's like, but you love connecting with people in that way, And it has been my biggest turn off when people are nasty.

I hate Yeah, no, that's not a good character with the character jump.

Up leave had a great time ba but like and I noticed it, especially when today, just like a small way, I could see it.

Nobody in my life really acts like this.

When we go to a club and the other bitches in the section, how do they all treat each other?

How are the girls treating the other girls there that don't know each other?

Yes, because it is the easiest place to get territorial, to get jealous, and you just get mean and need to feel like you're more important. I'll show up sometimes, whether it be like an industry event or my homeboys pull up on this thing, whatever it is, and how the women look at me when they sit down on the enter of the room, like, especially beautiful women. I'm always shocked at beautiful women being treachery.

Excuse me.

I know you don't curse, but I really do.

But I've been through it when I.

Someone beautiful in their a bit yes are you? Let me tell you.

There's one girl and I'm never gonna say her name, and she better pray it. She needs to thank God for the fact that I will never tell the truth about her, even though this girl lies about me, like and I don't care, but no, no, no, but I'm gonna say this. She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen in my life. Like, she is stunning, and at the same time, she is the ugliest human I have ever experienced in my entire I didn't even know they made them like this. This is

Oh I like that.

So once you get through your ten, you know, if you're thirty five, you've made it to four, you got six more. If you twenty and you you're already at eight, you only got two more. Like, there's really only ten truly terrible people that you run into in your life.

She's one of my ten. Oh wow, she is one of my ten.

How many have you? How many do you think you've run into?

I think I've only had one, to be honest. No, girl, the ex I'm sorry you gotta throw.

I wouldn't even probably they saying maybe a good or or five that are confusing me with how nasty they are, Like just not even like you know, when you get in an argument with someone like that doesn't count to me because that then there's an excuse for your or maybe some anger is bringing a bad side of you. Just someone truly nasty. The one thing I will say though, one of them was a very beautiful one and she

Down, ohasy Fells bought blah blah blah blah blah, or.

When I come into a room, or I'm the party friend sometimes right, people love me at a party.

It's just the truth.

He's like, how much it must bother her that the beauty stops and now the attention shifts a lot of beautiful.

Oh yeah, when I was fat, I used to bag all the niggas because because the girls in the room will be fine, but I come and to start making a nigga ut. Hey, they was okay with my three necks.

Yeah, they say, this bitch kind of funny. Let's keep having her around. You know you're someone that people want to be around.

Oh, let me tell you what I really can't stand. I mean, there's a joke having me a bad bitch. Here's she funny and cool like and yeah, you'd be surprised.

Yeah, it's the best feeling because it really goes to show that like, nah, we can pivot past this. I feel like my whole life I was meant to think that hot people were rude, always was.

I'm curious in terms of pivoting you and your husband.

Now, to wrap this up, you and your husband were friends for how long before you said you got to marry me to get this koochie.

That's why you can't trust friends. You can't trust friends. I say that all the time. I you know, you was my friend.

I choose from my friends. Everybody I've ever dated it has been a friend.

And so your your husband now can't.

But your husband now can't have girls ariends for what.

What about the women that were in life?

He don't have none, he'd wait, all the women that were in his life before y'all got married.

Are y'all talking about Wait? He had everybody you were I was a friend. I don't know any of his other friends. Wait, so the ones now you doesn't have any female friends. He has women that he's cool with, and I know who they are.

That count. No, it's doesn't. I feel like people be putting too much on friend.

Even for friend to me means you show up to this person, you talk to them often, you'll.

Hang out with them one on one. Those are friend. Can any of the women that he's cool with show up at the wedding? Yeah, so that's a friend.

I wouldn't give that they came to the people came to your weddings, Sarah one hundred.

Nah, No, he got friends. Look at you. You're kind of living on a that's a little delusional.

If he was able to invite women, yeah to your wedding.

Yes, those aren't his friends. A hundred people.

Yeah, that's small. That's a small wedding.

You better small wedding.

That's a very small wedding. Yeah, it was what I'm saying, like in the grand scheme of when people like do this big blot thing of hundreds.

Of unless he know eighty, I might invite twenty five, but I don't know.

I ain't gonna have a wedding.

But look, if you're talking, this is what I'll say for Brock. I would never I don't have to tell Brock anything because I can't tell him anything. He is truly a man's man. And I think because he is quiet in nature, like he's an observer. He's a little mysterious. He don't have a lot to say to y'all. If you don't know y'all, he ain't gonna and kick it and chat with It's not how He's not a big talker.

That's not who he is. So for.

Our whole wait, I lost my trade of thought. We're talking about friends.

Friends. Yeah, he'll be a friend.

He was a friend, but you don't believe in friends.

No, the opposite sex.

No.

Now I feel like even my closest guy friends that I have, we're we all are friends now. The girls that he has in his life, we all are friends.

Now.

When we had a whole get together at the house where the female friends that he has, they came to the house and we all already know each other, my friends that have a strong relationship with God.

I don't know what this is.

All of my homegirls that are like this with Jesus believe men and women can't be friends.

Don't know why. Oh don't know why.

I don't think that's literally Brionda said to me when she knew my man and I were talking about marriage, like, You're gonna have to get rid of your friends.

I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? No? Like what? But what is their purpose? Because friends, what do you do? Whatever? What do you? What do you are right now? No, I'm you don't want to be married? Oh no, that okay, I'll take a ring. Okay, come on, I'll be mad. I'll take a ring to me.

Even even so, here's the thing, what y'all do in this marriage that's very but I still to think that.

I still believe liked.

What I also don't like is that both the audists saying you don't want to be married, because that's what I still want to have a sanctified relationship that is serious, that where we have boundaries, where he is my partner. I absolutely still want that. So I hate that because I don't want to get married. That the way I want to show up in relationships.

Still had from that conversation.

I made you feel that way. Oh yeah, I don't want to make you feel what's he already saying. I don't date seriously because I just mean yeah, and I don't mean if you went of society.

I think if society could suck my dick from back the recent niggas, you wasn't that serious.

I was serious with everyone.

I don't, okay, so and so for me, this idea is so crazy because I absolutely if a man came in and was like, hey, baby, like da da d we're getting serious now. I don't want you on the phone with ish. I don't want you on the phone with a king. I don't want you on the phone with this. I don't care how good the dick is, how much money he got deuces there. I have genuine

The person I'm dating.

That they could assume that that that that opposite sex is nothing besides trouble to.

Me, like, that's ever one as I'm ever own ass woman.

I own too many damned businesses not to have interactions with them. That's just the facts, right, that's extra Now, granted that's a work relationship. Yeah, however, she dropped out of college. This is how I make friends. Yeah, right now, if I suddenly have to remove myself from those people because you feel like it's not appropriate for our relationship,

Certain friends gotta go.

For example, I've got close friends that are definitely patronic, and then it was definitely some niggas.

That maybe would have fucked if I got if they could. There's a lot of niggas that would fuck if you let.

Them exactly still be your I don't think that it's fair to only build sisterhood.

So so I hear what you're saying, and that is a vantage point. But this is my this is my opposing view.

Now.

I have a friend right now, his name is Ady, one of my closest friends. We talk on the phone all the time, knows them. We've had conversation. So it's not that you can't have friends of the opposite sex. One of his girlfriends shout out to Asia. Asia came over to the house. Asia was at the wedding. Asia's like, I love what you guys have this. The three of

Go on a trip, go on vacation, go on why would you go with a friend instead of your husband or wife?

Okay, wait wait now you cook. Now I get it.

But in terms of friendship and we so my partner had dated someone for nine years before me m hm, and he was like, you got too many fucking homeboys, boots, what the fuck? But I'm like, well, how what is this gonna make you comfortable? Because I'm not gonna stop being friends with them.

He's like, well, you can't go on.

Trips with Andre anymore, just you and him my friends in DJ, so I would jump on a trip. I'll come out there. He's like, that's weird to me that just you and him go on this trip. That I understand. He's like, but I do understand that you and Andre might step out. I live between New York and LA. Y'all partying in LA for a night, you go out, you have dinner, whatever. He's like, like, why would you and Andre go on a trip alone? Now that I

Or a room.

No, but I understand the intimacy that vacations are, and I don't necessarily think like it makes sense to go like, why would my.

Man go on a trip at one of his whole that's fucking insane. I get it. But granted we're all friends.

Now, would you say said, maybe they're going to Black Ski Week? I don't know, not, but it's just inappropriate for me. And also, this is the thing, none of us are just perfect people. I'm not a perfect person. The thing that causes cheating, cheating happens way before the act of sex. It's access. Access again and again and again over time. It's like the Chinese proverb that says a drop of water dropping on a rock same spot over time will split the rock.

It is the continuous access. Yeah. Absolutely, I don't think one drop of water. Reason. I don't know if I really believe it.

With friendship, I think someone at work could start more of a budding relationship.

Like I think that at the end. Why you think they say workwives and work husband, of.

Course, but I think, like, so you better work with the same sex if we get together.

What do you mean, so now you gotta go work at more house. He can't be around women, Like, That's the thing. I don't think. I'm not saying he can't be around women. I'm not saying that.

Wait, wait, you really think it's cool that, like someone could be married and go on a vacation with a woman.

I don't think that that would happen. I just don't see where why that would happen. Like when you get married, like you often now either here with other friend groups like you, that wouldn't be a thing where if we're married and we're living together, that you're planning a vacation with another person, that wouldn't happen. No, I agree, it shouldn't happen. No, but it wouldn't happen like that doesn't even make sense by.

Saying that's like bro the last three. But that's why, that's why y'all like y'all are taking it to the extreme.

Do I think that my husband or my partner can go and have lunch or dinner with just a woman one on one?

Yes, oh, I agree to Yes, she doesn't.

That's what I'm saying in him cannot go and have dinner by themselves, like we're taking it to the extreme with this vacation to it's not it's not cannot, but he also would not.

That's the man I chose.

I chose a man that sees the same inappropriate actions, the same that I see.

That's not an inappropriate action to eat, But come to the house. I'll cook for you. I gave what you to me.

But wait, wait, wait, girl, something that makes sense. Yeah, he's out with the boys. Asia is at a bar. Come through, let's have a drink. That's not that's crazy. Look, no, that's not crazy. He's already out with the boys and she's at the same place. Maybe he's gonna meet with the boys. I'm saying, maybe he has plans that night, but right before he meets Asia to catch up.

No, that's weird.

See, so something I really need. For example, I'll bring this person up again. Now him and Andre hang out alone without me, which is lovely. We've been on vacations together. Pooh. I need my time with my friend privately. And it's not because I have some crazy It's weird. See, it's weird to me. I got to catch up with my dog.

I want to talk, but why can't you do that in front of your your man?

But I also can't share every single lived experience, sir, And that's she thinks that.

That's like we talked.

I think that independence then becomes a thing, right, So yeah, you got a agree of your partner.

Now I agree with that.

Look, I'm here right now before it is. I was at a laser hair removal appointment before that. Like, I'm not saying you have to be up.

Under your man all the time.

I'm saying that there are certain things that I can create intimacy, which is not always sexual, by the way, but intimacy, and I don't think that we as women should be spreading our intimate things with men.

I just don't think that now, I don't.

I think the intimacy looks different from me, right, it's the bond that I share when I'm having a tough day and I'm talking about the fragility of my parents being older. It could be maybe finance or work stress or whatever. But sometimes shooting the shit with a friend does look different with your partner. Hey, they need an event for a second.

Where are your girlfriends?

They're there too, Okay, So if you're already having those conversations with your girlfriends, why then do you also need to have those conversations with him. Why is because there's a part of your intimate capacity that he is taking so much, so that if your partner were to say, I don't really you know, I love.

That intimate capacity. We havecity, we are humans.

I guess that that person is that important to me. Then so is that person more important?

If your a person were to come to you right now that you've been with for three years and say, you know what, I love the dynamic, but I don't want you guys to have a one on one cover roman.

I think my romantic shouldn't be placed in a hierarchy with the other men, because again, I would be so icked out that he and you're serious, this is what I be mean, I know and you know what's very difficult about it.

That is so.

We've been friends longer than my relationship, right, it probably would uh huh sacrifice.

Him because yeah, because I'm that in love with my man. Okay, point right, which sucks.

Well, what ended up happening is I'd be so resentful that my man controlled my life that much. Would But is it control and that is just the true it's absolute control?

Or is it respect? I don't think that's control.

But you respect me, if you love me, if you care about me again, the same way that cheating would hurt me. Why would Why does it go differently than you removing someone that I care about that would hurt me for me to have to this this like this.

Don't care for respects for you and I are both different. No, no, no, we're not. I'm not keeping it on respect. I'm talking about hurt.

If cheating is something that would hurt you, why is it then okay for him to set this boundary that essentially would remove someone from your life that would hurt you. Why why is there a hierarchy of hurt here for what's allowed and what's not allowed.

So this is what I think.

I think that this is why it's so important, number one, for us to know ourselves right, Because for me, there's not a man on this planet that I would choose over my husband.

I don't care no my husband, and this too right there, that man I'm that man over here, But.

I am because this is your once in a lifetime platinum needle in a haystack, swing for the fence's best friend, confidante, lover husband Like that's not true.

But no, And that's the thing. You see it different.

So what I'm saying is you got to choose a person that's he's the same way as you see it.

I would never choose a man.

I wouldn't never choose a man that felt like he needed to go out with his girlfriends all the time and then would try to play me like I'm insecure, non negro.

I don't feel respected.

When you're out with a bunch of different women. Fact, we have to choose the people that make the most sense for us. And on top of that, I feel like like, because when y'all are saying the words that are coming out of your mouth, like this makes sense to me in my mind, and and not not to make a debate, but in my mind, I'm like, y'all

And why would your man choose horrents of going to a bar?

Yes, frankly saying that, And I can only speak from wanting to be married, Yes, the commitment you love. Yes, I want, Yet I don't want to wedlock. I want to honor each other family, to each other's families. I love how blended we are now.

I love how we take of each other. Yes, there's no.

World where that friendship. Sorry, Andre, love you to death means more than that. But but this is the thing I have, the issue where he feels like I can't walk outside and go to a bar with Weezy here. There's not a place in his brain where he's going like and now she's gonna suck his dick at GGR Friday.

It's not about that. It's not about.

So let me say this so because I'm glad that you said that when you bring up your man and you're like, there's not a peace that would act that that would that would make me choose I'm choosing my man over Andre, right. But you also said over time you would resent him so much that you would end up breaking up, meaning wait.

Wait, wait, let me finish this.

Is something wait wait wait wait no, no he didn't, because that's the thing a marriage.

Let me tell you. Let me tell you. Look, y'all, and I'm not trying to be a preacher. I am not a perfect person. I do now.

I have not figured out marriage. I am not a couple's goals. I am not black excellence. I am just one person that is committed to my person and figuring the shit out. But what I can tell you is most men are terrified of marriage. Why because they fear divorced.

If you are marrying a woman that ultimately, on.

A subconscious level, is telling you that she does not choose you all the way, that there are caveats or conditions on the way that she chooses you, or because you made her sacrifice something that meant something to her, you think that's going to be the only thing you sacrifice America.

I will tell you this flat out. I am not scared to lose a man. I am not scared that's the problem. And no it's not. That's the way's the problem.

But not a man always first, and then my kids and then God, well all the way God comes through day.

But here's here's where it is. Yay, right, I'm listening. I would probably if you told me right now my man needs y'all.

I don't relate to nothing. I'm just over here listening to the nuts to me everything, both of y'all.

Is this the very people? We don't wait overall time? Bitch, we gotta do another episode and I'm just listening to the y'all like I.

Didn't even get to wait until married. Literally literally, I really want a part two about me.

Okay, you don't wait, hold on, let's go ahead and do a part two. Okay, No, so we'll do a part two. Okay, all right? Is that good for you? Start?

Okay, so guys, we will get to how she held out on Kouchie to get married.

Y'all. Make sure y'all tune into next week's episode.

And luckily I do have some stuff for us to have a little bit of fun with because god damn this is I would love to be able to talk about how I like to.

Fuck for two hours or something. Can we can?

We We'll make it fun. So guys, make sure y'all check out next week. But we also have Sarah Fotonos Slash Shorter Part two and our no friends haven't had. Thank you guys for tuning in again. Come join us next week. We got Sarah for a part two Getting No Holds Bart go on Patreon this Patreon dot comback slash Hordle Decisions.

We will see you bitches next week

And se