Welcome to Decisions Decisions. I don't think you should say decisions decisions. It sounded like you was talking to Kirsty. You definitely say to welcome, welcome to the new podcast.
Oh wait, you want to say together the decisions Decisions.
Hey guys, welcome to another episode of the Sisy Hall To Sisy Hall, Listen, my vocals ain't really hit him. But I'll never be a superstar singer, but I am maybe be Aka paid the sign Aka debts Beach.
Hey, y'all, I'm weazy. Welcome back to another episode of our show. We have a guest today and her bio is so long that I'm gonna have to pick my favorite things to say. Missouri Hall. She's an any award winning TV personality who would be known from what I know eve Redcarpet, NBC's Access Hollywood, bringing the energy and empathy.
She's to who email this growned us?
Okay warrior, Oh you're from Ohio anyway. She's also a global ambassador for the Global Fund of Children. Oh, we only talk about the ones that we and yeah, I'll don't say it's kids all day over.
The nois the kids that assault.
We love the kids, but Zouri Hall is a season host. She's known from covering anything from Vanity Fair to Vogue, is a style star.
So I want you guys give it that for Hi, Hi, Hi, thank you, thank you for that.
But I also apologize that you were subjected to have to edit that real time.
Hell up, no, I will tell you this.
Like we've been talking about having uri, I feel like we all alongstage each other something, come on, come on. But the reason this one episode happen is the egg freezing journeys.
You're the second person on my timeline.
I've been seeing Cammy Crawford talk about everything from her experience to money, and it was just like, Okay, let's let's do this.
Yeah.
And I know that women listening you may want to have kids, may not want to kids, may not.
Even give a shait or say fuck them kids too.
But I think just even knowing about it, because all of our friends that are at this age maybe have tossed the idea. And I don't really know how to get in conversation about egg freezing as much.
I've had three friends do it.
So two of them went through egg freezing for they were diagnosed with breast cancer. So having to have their eggs frozen before going through chemo, and then another friend of mine currently has gone through I think two rounds total, still hasn't gotten everything, but two rounds of IVF for diminishing ovarian syndrome, which this is my first time hearing about it, and I've talked about it because it's a lot.
She's younger than me, so early thirties.
And literally trying to save it for later and realize so diminishing ovarian syndrome. Basically, even when you have IVF, they want to be able to get ten eggs.
Out of you during this process.
Now, the IVF is to make you, you know, get more eggs and make them. They have to be a certain size for them to even retrieve them, for them to be able to be considered healthy, for them to be able.
To be frozen.
Mind you, they can insert this egg later and it still doesn't mean it's going to be a full a full egg. So basically her going through this, her egg count is just drastically low. She has no reason why, like and it's just something that's rare. They can't really explain it. So in her early thirties, she's not producing eggs like she should. So she's gone through two rounds and only has three eggs. Three and mind you, with
insurance it doesn't really matter. It's cost her over seven thousand dollars each time for this process help cover some of it, some of it, but also the medication that she's had to take, and because she has not as many eggs, she has to keep doing it. But one of the things I do want to share before we get into this because it's one of the most amazing things Facebook groups. So she was spending so much money on the medication. There's women that during their IVF journeys
end up seriously getting pregnant, like from naturally. And so what's dope is if you're in whatever city you are, there's normally groups of women that are doing IVF and they'll hey, guys, I got my magical baby. If y'all if you need any medication, I haven't, And so there's
women that like share their medications. But yeah, I think being being thirty five and having so many friends go through fertility journeys in the way that they have, especially through egg freezing, has been really interesting to like learn, Yeah, firsthand.
It's fascinating and it feels like everyone just pops up all at once talking about yes, which is awesome but also points to what kind of threw me for a loop of why was nobody talking about this when we were younger and could have been seriously considering their options.
Right. We're always told, you've guys so much.
Time, don't worry about it, don't think of like girl, focus on your career, do your thing. That is true, but there is also the biological truth of what our bodies are going to do. And so when I was in my twenties, you always think the guy is going to be the guy, and it's like.
The next guy I mean to get girlfud look at him.
I'll be like, that's our wedding and it's going to be where that's my king.
I'm ready. So that's not how that went.
And I remember in my late twenties, when I ended the relationship that I was in, I was like, you know what, I should probably freeze my eggs.
I always thought I would.
Be You had this thought in your late twenties, Yes, oh okay, but.
I did not do it, and I don't believe it. Regrets.
Okay, if I could do that one more time, I would because at the time I was at NBC Universal still, so I've been at NBC for ten years, but business wise, like I was an employee for those first four or five years, the last half of my tenure there, I've been alone out my own business right myself. But that also means I'm covering my own insurance. And I'm employed by Zuri Hall and back then because I was an employee,
they had incredible benefits. So late twenties, broke up with the guy I was with, decided I want to freeze my eggs. I was working down stop. I was so busy. I tried calling. They were like, call your insurance do this. Two days into that, I was like, I don't have time for this. I would literally rather just figure it out whoever my marriage. Yeah, even go through all of this insurance stuff because it was so complicated, it wasn't easy and I was busy, so I didn't do it,
even though they covered almost one hundred percent. No way, I don't know what I was doing. Well, I know I wasn't thinking because I was overworked, exhausted and just trying to get through the days. So I didn't end up doing it, even though they covered almost the entire procedure.
And then around.
Early to mid thirties I started thinking about it again. It was because there are things that I want in my life. I want to be married, I want to have children. I don't want anything in my life more than having it and making sure it feel right.
And a lot of the questions like we're gonna talk to you about today are not even just the process, but like why because I think some of the things that was interesting to me When Cammy froze her eggs, I saw a lot of comments like but you got me in yeah, you know, and so like that's the ignorance, right, They don't get it.
They don't get it.
I think it's great to talk about, like even the quantity of kids they want to have or just whatever. We just are always swing everybody else's couscy. Now we're not gonna get yours yet. So we have a few lookings to play with you in our favorite game, really, I feel like, because it's a fun one to play is poetry.
But we're gonna do a.
Song, singing it like it's poetry or reading it like it's poetry, and you have to guess the song. You absolutely know this song, do what you gotta do, keep me up all night.
Hurt, what you canna do night period?
I'm on.
Yes, go so good, dam bo good? That mixed up like I'm a twelve good Okay, wait.
Now I want to give you one that don't push me too. She said, all right, witch, I got it. Next. What's the next game? Because I got one like this one? I can't remember. No, Literally that was to me. Lyrics are what you know? You know, it's crazy. I make up lyrics so much.
Say I don't know what wait out like that you could literally say to the window, to the wall, and I'm be like, when what dropped.
Down the ball dropping?
No no, no, like when I when I remember.
I have a I have a homeboy who loves R and B.
And literally like we get to where we'll play, we'll play like card games and ship it's R and B and we're just saying at the top of our lungs all together in unison. So he puts on I want to say, it's one twelve Cupid. And so it gets to a part and I say truth is and they're like, did you just say through truth is? Apparently it's Cupid would have got them song and I made up a whole another line and my last podcast used to be music Bitch.
I would literally be making up lyrics not all made up truth. Kid is nuts, but it's cupid. I don't know that young tongue song live live, live loud thing. Yes, I'm gonna tell you, no one knows that lyric. Wait do it more? Wait, A lot of ship just live in lives. What is it? Came from the bottom to the top. My life's out. I just hopping on lifestyle. That's it, you know what I mean. But we didn't know what Missy was staying with reversed. It was a sisence that was really reversed ReBs.
It literally reversed bit And I was like you, maybe this is another language because wait, it was at the time when that came out. It was at the time when like we we as hip hop. I will say, I'm blaming y'all culturally appropriated like India.
So they were like to th thing they had what.
They didn't say it like god, bro, I'm thinking, like.
Those words didn't make it India. There was the beat.
I mean, same thing. Maybe Asian toya gotta mean something. It sound like it means something in Asian. Okay, now I signed this other game.
I just made this ship up, so I'm not as gonna go one, two, three? Oh okay.
I got this question and I never one. The second one is two okay, and the next one is three.
Okay.
You have to craft the perfect date night, but you could only go to one place? Where would it be? Think of the vibes in activity? Is there fooding around? Hottailor's definitely food all of it?
Okay? Where do you take someone for the perfect date? Perfect dating?
Oh?
No?
Where does she want to be taken to? Or where does she takes something?
Doesn't have to be a hard thing, Okay, maybe plentying a great day one place, one place that.
What's the one place? And I'll see you later at five o'clock?
Right?
This is such a fun after there? Okay? One place that is a really fun question.
I mean it's kind of like cliche.
Yes, what I think?
The reason it works a spot like Dave and Busters, right, or something where you can have.
In our cage, Yes, an arcade because they have food.
They got drinks there so you can have a little appetizer, little life by maybe one drink.
I read something recently and then whoop. You know what I mean. You get to talk, youre is, you get to go back and forth. Stakes are high.
You can see what their competition game is like all they get when they are overly comoyfriend just.
Made a comment about okay, sorry, now I'm taking it. We went on a throttle day. This girl we see and we took her to vote. He was okay, but we'd already had sex. It was in our next date. But he was like, I don't really like activity dates because I feel like I'm not in the flirty vibe because we're too competitive and we're like now he's like with bowling, like it's her turn, then you go play.
Now it's me and her talking. Know how you that is? You gotta slept the ass.
No, you gotta, you gotta make it warning, you gotta start making best make its up. I get to lick them nipples to not like I do that. I do I do that for oh no, like if you make it if you don't want to make it like super friendly, you don't you want to make it sexual like you just make every you.
Turn everything into it because you're separate.
But I do like activity if it's like playing games together.
For sure, and that makes it a little trigger.
I've never navigated to throttle dynamics, so I would imagine when it's one and two and then once sitting back, that's a little tricky or vice versa. But I think, yeah, to your point, it can be whatever you make it. It can't do with sexual You can just be chill friendly.
And I feel like I don't have to do it.
And and if anyone has ever gone, I went on a date before I left New York to there's like an arcade in Chinatown, but it's like all these old school games, and just from a nostalgic being in your thirties and playing pat Man and ship like that, I was like, oh, this is really cute, like and so it was fun.
And then after that you get to go get fucking dumplings and boba tate exactly. You know, well that's adding to Okay, now, now I'm gonna really sound like a hu tar me out, Okay, no judgment listening. We listen and we judged. We listening and we judged the perfect date.
So to me, the perfect date means you spend like all day together, okay, and I can only go one place.
Okay, let's say we're in l A. I'm gonna pick.
Let's say the addition, Okay, we're gonna go to the pool during the day. Then we're gonna go to the spa that you're cheating, and then we're gonna have to.
You see how she changed. Question. Now, here's number two. Me while I'm at David.
Buster's for two hours speaking to two not like what I need to be in this.
Mine's three.
You're me your dream man physically fine as books, but he can only excel in two out of the five love languages.
So what are they going to be?
For a reminder for everyone here, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.
Fine, he only gonna be good at two of them.
That is a great question. My love languages were one thing for so many years. I got curious about myself and how I changed since the last time I took the test, which would have been seven or eight years ago, and was surprised to.
Realize, no, they changed.
She changed, which is such a reflection of where I am in my life now makes.
Matters in so these days?
My number one is quality time, So he's got to be good at that.
That matters to me. I work a lot. I would imagine he very busy too.
In a perfect world, he's doing something and that he loves and is passionate about, and so our time together becomes all the more sacred.
So quality times work, So that now what else is finance too?
You know when I say it's fine, those.
Are my facto service. I was gonna say, act.
Of service and quality time are like why are they for you? So it used to be gifts and physical touch? Are you saying like if if a if a man got me gifts and fucked me good, just another man? But now someone who can come in and just make my life simpler, Like I want someone who adds and makes Like this is gonna sound so cliche, we saying cliche shit up here today, but like saying, you want
someone to be your peace. So for me, if you can come in and make my life easier, like and it's so funny because one of the things that I mean, I get made fun of on here if a man come to my house.
But like my boyfriend just.
Recently did in the house, make one of my boyfriends, but he came over, spent some time in Atlanta and before leaving for his flight. Not only did he make my bed, he took the trash out. He don't even live to ask, didn't have to ask. He started picking up the bags, the empty bottles because we had a good time, and he's like, where's your where's your dumpster? I want to make sure I take your trash out before I leave, And I'm just like he listened to the No, he's never will wed.
He ain't nothing. No, he's had this trash cank for five years. Well, it's not even that.
I was in my first relationship at twenty nine going to the thirty right, that relationship, how you said seven years ago it was one way, seven years later, it's another. It's because I went through this relationship and I was able to be like, this is what I like, and it had nothing to do with any gifts he bought me. Yes, sex was great, but it started to be it was an intimate thing that I started appreciating with my partners and then it changed to that. But those are my
top two right there as well. And I don't think men know how to show up that way fully. So when you get it, like a lot of men will lead with their wallets. So that's the gift giving right. Then you have, of course physical touch. You have a man that'll you know, do all those things. And then words of affirmations has always been the last one. I don't need you to I don't have a praise kid, and I know that that's something. But yeah, the older you get those other two. Oh baby, yeah, take trash.
I'm gonna be like this. Listen. Are you ready for the three? Yes? Three? Yes?
This one is simple. Now I call it a whole bag. I'm sure a nice lady like call it the overnight bag.
Yes, the overnight bag. You can only put three things in the bag. Oh what are those three? Oh my god? Okay, overnight bag.
Now, let's just say you know, you know you're gonna be over there that night, but also he might take you somewhere the next day. No, no, no, hey, that is a let's just say it's not the fit.
But what's in the what's in the bat and what do I need?
I'm going to assume that there is listening, toothpaste and an extra toothbrush.
And especially if he's a hope, I would say I think the extra tooth the extra toothbrushes for like, okay, I.
Guess I forget I did. I did too, but I mean hot take about the toothbrush thing. So one of my friends starts blacking about this dude having a bit a lot of toothbrushes.
I'm like, this just seems so normal to me. I know you're upset. She's like, I'm in Missouri. Nobody's visiting his name.
She's like, maybe if you live in New York, LA, people come through for the weekend.
Ain't nobody's visiting anyone else.
That's what I'm saying that I do believe that people visit too.
Me too. So then I was like, maybe here, any big family guy, maybe people do. I love it. I love mis Zouri was like, let me let y'all know my breath. Do not think. But I'm gonna assume he got out of that.
So I'm not pecking it record for the record dental high ortante period. But I'm just you said he got it, Okay, yes, yes, yes, okay, So I am bringing Can I bring it off? Change of clothes? You're saying I don't need to bring you change of clothes. I look, I am a very easy, momentous person. Honestly, I don't need much a period payies.
Like if you want your you're bringing sexy lingerie that's in the bag.
Oh no, I don't even think about that. Just change she said, change draw tomorrow. Yes, so sexy lingdre wouldn't be in the whole bay. Okay, not every man gets lingerie. That's a lot. I feel like you got it.
We got a plan that I'm not just bringing a lingerie over a man house.
No.
Yeah, and it's just like my bag and it's probably not.
Even okay, I'm not gonna lie.
If it's the first time, these gonna be the nicest pulling up and that those.
Did if it's the first time, Like, I don't need to because youre gonna pick them up because ain't gonna change it.
That was okay, I'm bed dramatic to be like one second.
And then do it, because but I've been in that moment. I'm like, this is dupid.
I'm just I'm gonna see it's But what's your makeup essential for the next day?
Okay, makeup essential?
I would say mascara and that's it because I just need to fluff my brows.
I get them together and then I'll do a swipe.
So the lashes pop, and then I tried to prioritize skincare, so I don't need to do it if I don't have to do like a full face. So and I'm pretty much bear face when I'm not what are your.
Three items on it?
Lingerie and my lip duo? I don't need to make up either, just to lip pombo. But the thing with the bonnet, like, I.
Wait a second bonnet on? Is this a first night? Bring the bag either way? Okay? Oh I want the bonnet on. I don't give a fuck.
And also I love that and I have like my boyfriend we've been together for two years now, but he got locked and so did the men before him.
We all grab bonus on everybody. Girl.
You should see when my mama called late night we beat a bed together, she'd be like, what's right?
Man? Bone it too fine? On it? That's not singing? We go to bed.
I love it, though I also felt like when I was younger, and I don't know if you guys can attest to this, or maybe it's only me, I wanted to do a lot more before going a bit.
I wanted to wake up a lot more different. I was like, oh, I got it, uh, now, not so much.
But the linguery is actually more for me than that, Yeah, because I like, I kind of feel like I'm lacking on me sometimes, like I don't realize how much I am low efforts sometimes be like I'm gonts sgard you Zuri we do a sex spot, I'm not a Yeah, I assume you're gonna get there and you should just be happy. That's not true.
Like I had really good sex recently.
I was wearing a button up and I left it on and he was like, you don't understand what that didn't me Like, I don't know. We so like used to nakedness, He's like, but I was just like, oh, I'm sneaking. He's like, I had to ship in my head like it was my teacher was so to me, It's like we're not dressing.
Yeah, So now it's made me want to step it up. Okay, I do we move on to eggs, so I do want to ask you.
The clip actually didn't pull up, but one of the clips that I had pulled up. We have a reactionary segment. I'm so sorry this is so unprofessional watching, but one of the clips was a hot take and the girl basically said, my hot take is I'm sick of people saying that they need a boundary to show up for themselves, like we sometimes choosing ourselves as a fault. Don't tell me if I had friends with my friends, but I chose myself that it's my boundary no show.
Up for people, And that sounds like a breeding ground for me. Yeah, I wish I could, Yeah, but it was no.
It was eight second clip. But one of the things that it made me think about was the egg freezing thing. Are we choosing ourselves to a fault? And I asked this because before my partner, the last guy I dated, it was short lived, he was on the road, he was an actor, and I didn't really live in LA so we're back and forth. But when I discussed egg freezing with him, he said, are you so jaded or like down or just pointed by love that your mind is solely focused on having kids alone?
So well, why does it have to be so binary? Why is it so black and white?
Why if I'm interested in this, am I afraid of dying alone?
And that's my only option? Completely agree and protecting all of my options.
So the thing he said that I mean you think about that clip was I feel like I can't say this to you because you're just gonna be like you want to choose yourself?
And he said, so.
Many times I'm dating women where they're like trying to tell me all these things like me, me, me, me, and they say nothing that welcomes me into their life. And I actually thought egg freezing. At that age, I wasn't thirty four, which I am now, But to me, if it was today, it's a plus for you.
Absolutely.
What if you're meeting me at forty and forty is the scary age, I feel like for women with childbirth, So wouldn't you be happy? So I really want to pose that question to you of like, do you think that your process maybe been something that men you were dating or men that was in your life questions?
That's a great question.
No, actually, thankfully I've not experienced that at the.
Time I was. So I've done four rounds. I've done four rounds.
So it was since over the course of about a year i'd given myself I promised myself that I was going to get this done by the age of thirty six. I'm thirty seven now, so it was time and I am an over a cheaper in pretty much everything. So even with my egg freezing, I'm like, I'm gonna phrase as many acts, right, And so for me to hit the number that.
I wanted to hit I needed, I ended.
Up needing three to four rounds. Four rounds right, expensive again expensive because those first three rounds, Yeah, we're all out of pocket.
Again, no insurance covered that.
And it is not cheap, not only that, for you to do that as a working woman. And when I say working, it's a woman Like my friend took a break from it because of how a exhausting like it was to do it, but also you have to do your checkups, so she had to take off certain days of work and so during the process she's like, I missed out on so many days of work because you have your appointment and you got to make it. So for you to do that for a full year is a lot of sacrifice professionally as well.
And I don't think people talk about that often.
It was.
It was a lot.
Let's get talanmular about it. Then, Like, what exactly is the step one boom? I want to freeze my eggs? All I know about that is they hand you some shots to start shooting up your hormone, like.
Yeah, so what is it?
And I do want to say that, but just to answer that question really about the men in one.
Life, I will say it.
To me helps me understand more quickly where a man was in his life and what you guys did right, because if a man was looking forward to fatherhood, it comforted him where sometimes I think men, deep down, whether they'll admit it or not, if they meet a woman of a certain age and they know they want to be a dad one day, it's like, oh, you're incredible, you're brilliant, you're beautiful or whatever.
You're also what ever might be a heart.
So either I don't want to feel pressured with you to have this baby asap, even though I have one eventually, or I as a man and maybe deep down wondering, can you even have my babies once the time is right?
And that's a question that I think a lot of men.
Luckily now with the conversation, a lot men are either too shy to ask the question around fertility, especially an older woman who has no kids, it's like can you even have them?
And that becomes a conversation.
Unfortunately too, it's one that is touching online because it's like, there's not a really respectful way to ask that.
It's hard.
It's hard, it just is it's a complicated question to ask one and you it's one of those like where you know, how they say you shouldn't ask a woman her age, It's that's there too.
You shouldn't ask a woman where's your kid or.
Why she doesn't have kids. It's one of those questions where you're just not supposed to ask. Yeah, but you shouldn't ask if.
They have No. You shouldn't ask why don't you have kids? Yes?
Oh?
Why?
You know, it's one of those writ it's a personal thing that or taught don't even yeah, yeah.
Yeah, And that is also frustrating.
I empathize with and have compassion for the men and the women in this equation, right because if I'm a man, I want to know what I'm signing up for. It doesn't mean I won't still sign up for it. But then there is some some hesitation around being inappropriate, crossing a line, triggering a woman potentially what you don't want to do. But these are conversations that I think we men and women need to get more comfortable having with
each other. I will say this last round, these last rounds that I was doing, I was traveling a lot. I was doing injections. I remember, I was doing them for and after award shows.
How long are you doing it? For the red carpet I was.
I had to inject from my car because the red carpet wrapped out a certain.
Has every time, the same same day, yeah, same time, every day.
Wherever I was at nine to fifteen pm didn't matter, did not matter. So those needles were everywhere with me. I learned to travel like a pro tsa pre check. They hated to see me coming because it was a bag full of needles, syringes, formulas.
I was hosting a gala in London. Oh, so suddenly I'm having to do the math, the math for the time difference at like one am or whatever it was, to do the shots that I was dating at the time, you know.
And it impacts here, It impacts are you when you can have sex to write or no?
Yeah, wait, love is this version? It does.
Not really not really okay, you can do what you're gonna do. The only time that that sort of becomes a part of consideration is around the time that you're about to retrieve, retreating daily, especially immediately post retreatal.
You don't want any post retrieval. You can't, you don't want anyone in there. Yes, yes, you're just so uncomfortable. Yes, so daily and how long does do you take shots?
So cycles normally, like retrieval cycles, essentially normally go between ten to fourteen days of daily or nightly injections.
You work with your doctor to determine what time that's gonna be. They obsessively monitor your hormone levels. So for this last round that I did actually with Ova egg Freezing at Chicago, they're incredible. I highly recommend them.
I was going into the office probably every other day, wow, to do my blood work, to check my hormone levels, to do the ultrasound and see.
How big and juicy those follicles that the windows are so small.
If anything's off, they'll have to like change your door, like, oh, they'll have to switch medication.
Help every day that we're going up on this hormone. We need reined in on this. It is truly a science.
And so I say ten to fourteen because you could think it's going to take you ten days, it could take you fourteen your body.
Needs more hormones, or ooh, these eggs get real big. We need to take about now, because it's ye.
Like, if they mature and then get beyond that, they still get tossed. Right, if they don't mature enough, they get tossed. I used to think when I first came into this, Oh, however, many eggs y'all see on the ultrasound, Let's go, that's somebody coming out.
But that's not the case.
So even when they retrieve them, let's say hypothetically you get six ten eggs drawn, right, I'm not talking about my number specifically, but just for example, sixteen eggs drawn, you still have to wait another day or so to find out how many of those survived retrieval and were actually mature enough to be frozen. So sixteen you drew, could easily become nine or ten frozen eggs.
And I think the other part that has been the most interesting that I just found out as well, is not only is this process costly, right, you have to pay for storage yep, nine hundred dollars for storage of the eggs until you decide to use them, until you find a partner. And like my friend had one of my friends had her eggs retrieved. Oh my god, maybe like four years ago now, and so to hear about like like how she got to.
Pay credit card car.
No, there's a storage feet for her to be for those eggs to be storage.
So it stored in a cryo facility.
Like people listening that think the storage is crazy, Yes, you really do. And it's basically to me, it's part of the thing where we had a friend of ours, friend of the show and author, Liz Goldwyn. So she's also a sexpert sex author and has her books on it, and she said to me when I was about to freeze, I feel like you have now been part of the spear mongering. I said this Tar at thirty, I feel like you've been part of spear mongering. You just told me your mom had you at forty. Why are you
so fucking scared? Stop freaking out. Don't put your body through this. Just try first. There's Chinese medicine, there's all these different ways. Everybody I know is having kids later, like, why are you obsessing about this egg freezing and basically said to me, like, do you understand how much it'll cost you later if you do it young? Like what if you end up getting pregnant. You're just sitting here
holding on And part of that thing was storage. Yeah, She's like, it'll be a constant reminder of just like boom here it is here, don't forget blah blah blah. And she's like, there's a lot high to even having those eggs in the world.
Have you egg freezing? By the way?
Okay, I was I was gonna ask you that question. Have you had a woman question your decision for that? And how does that make you? Like?
Like what?
Those conversations kind of made me back, I thought.
Liz is on our book Yeah Love Liz.
Liz was talking to a thirty year old girl who was freaking out and very scared about never finding love. So I want to thank Liz for that conversation because I do think that we can't encourage.
People both ways.
There are people that are obsessive and overly scared and freaking out. And I think that really was what I needed at the time. Yeah, because it is true. She's like, there are a lot of times you'll go into a doctor She's like, nothing's fucking wrong with you.
Brother, They're pushing you.
They want you to spend this money, like, don't let some male doctor push you the wrong way if you.
Agree with her about that. Yeah, And she's spot on. I think it's too distinct and yet sort of neighborly conversations. Right.
There is a conversation around the emotions that come with our fertility or lack thereof, our future children or lack thereof, and then there's also a conversation around just the process. And sometimes when those two things intersect, I think because women, people I love and trust, people who are strangers who are giving unsolicited opinions to me.
Have said, do you really think you need to do that? Are you still so young?
Or girl, I got pregnant at forty two or whatever, And I love to hear those stories of people getting pregnant at forty forty plus. I'm not saying I can't or wouldn't be one of those people. I'm not even entirely sure that I wouldn't try naturally first, right, But for me, it was truly a conscious decision to just give myself another option most people, Statistically speaking, most women who freeze their eggs do not end up.
Throwing them for the sake of andel were using them.
They end up getting pregnant naturally or not going on a pregnancy journey themselves, And yet overwhelmingly they've acknowledged that they still did not regret the choice the choice because it felt like they bought themselves some peace of mind.
What ages did you do with that?
I did it between the ages of about thirty four or thirty five. When I started, it was pretty much pretty much my thirty fifth year of the life that I was like knocking it out. I was done by thirty six, so I think sometime in that window.
But again, I gave myself to thirty six, so I know. It was funny.
One of my friends who froze her eggs doesn't want children and is still paying for the storage just in case it changes. She thought she wanted children when she got them frozen. Really could well. First off, I ain't even got a man. She like, you like, She's like, girl, I gotta find somebody. I like first She's might take twenty years, you know, you know, okay, but literally is in a phase now where doesn't even want kids. But it's still because you know, we all do change our minds,
that's it. So I like your your response and just saying like listen. What might not work for you may work for someone else. Yeah, it's strange because I had to and it's still everywhere if you guys want to go listen to it. I'm really big on just reproductive health for women, especially with all of the things that my closest friends have had to deal with, and one of the things specifically about me being a woman who doesn't want kids, it was very important for me to
support any woman's decision to choose to have eggs. But not only that, when you look at genetically within your family, Like my other friend who had the breast cancer, there was an urge for her sister to have a double missextomy didn't find anything, but when things running your bloodline and things like that, you got to do things in a preventative care way. That it's important for anyone listening
to push your friends to do preventative care. Totally like because I like that, whether you decide to use them or not, whether you know I think this is.
Actually very nuanced convo. It is.
I believe everything told me today. If she would have pushed me to do that, it would have heightened my fear that I was already building on where I was in that moment, which a lot of people are, which is why I want to keep reiterating it. And also, this is someone that I really love and trust and know is so pro everything. The woman's been talking about sex and documenting it for over twenty years.
Of her life.
There are a lot of people that choose egg freezing because of love and partnership over themselves. There was nothing about me when I came to her, and that to me, that scarcity mindset of like I'm gonna die alone, shit is really a fucking problem that now I'm.
Thinking of this, I don't know.
I must say, like the mindset that you have to be in for egg freezing is also a strong one because it's a lot on your body. Yes, So it's like I'm already in this flighty mood of going through a breakup.
It was old Bay.
He's someone I read about a book and I was like, oh my god, So now there's no one Yeah, because to me, there's got to be a lot of power in this choice.
You're right, and I felt like I didn't have it. That is, I really appreciate that perspective.
I have friends who've gone through the process with that feeling.
I have been afraid.
Don't get me wrong, I've had moments licking up it say like I am gonna die alone?
What's what we're doing right?
But overwhelmingly, like I said, there's nothing I want more than doing it or getting it in the right way, the way that feels right for me. And so as much as I want marriage, I want kids, I'm never going to rush that process.
So it wasn't from a place of fear.
It was just from a place of I know, I'm never going to choose out of desperation, which means I might be single for a while.
Let me just do this.
Thing over here, because I know for sure I want children. So I will say there were a lot of emotions with it. I didn't feel fear so much as sometimes rushing loneliness of like you know, injecting yourself every night through a chapter of singleness.
And there were moments where I was angry. I didn't even know what you were angry. That's so odd a.
Wife, how unfair it can be for women to have to be the ones to carry this labor. Sometimes I know I'm injecting it, I'm doing it for me because I want to be a mom. I know that, hands down, but some I also know I want to do it with a partner. I know those two things, right, And so going through those injections, exhausted, working NonStop, traveling, pay out of pocket, I got a dog like, I got doings to pay and I'm doing this and it's like, what am I doing this for?
Who am I doing this for? When will I even see a return on this?
So in certain moments, yeah, I get overwhelmed and the emotions would skew into sort of negativity or overwhelmed. But more than that, and I mean the eighty percent of my experience was rooted in empowerment. I felt like I was giving myself a gift that I had the privilege of being.
Able to before.
It is expensive, right, how much did you spend so each cycle you've kind of got, you're looking at around seven to eight thousands just to kind of get it done. But then the medicine, that's what medicine is not considered. I think I certainly didn't give much pops to me until it was time for me, and.
It was like, that is twelve hundred dollars of like probably like three to four k a pop just just on the medication moones.
You need more se more meds. You thought you were doing a ten day round, now you're doing fourteen days.
No more days.
Is easily hundreds, if not into the thousands of dollars, depending on what your dosages are, right, and.
You have to keep them cool, like keep them in a certain temperature rated. Yeah, it's a lot, especially if you're traveling. You gotta do the ice pack.
You gotta do.
It's a whole like science project.
Yes, like donated so much money and like did all these like fundraisers for it, and it was so random to see, but I was like, yo, it really is like when you're living with money from a place of privilege and being like fuck, these problems affect everybody.
Yeah, Like I never.
Considered how expensive would be until about homegirls like not vil vado conversation.
Not borrow fifteen and dollars. I'm like casual.
Oh, like yeah, we've been good friends a long time. But she's got money, you know, like you know, she's not down and out, So it's a weird like this bitch, I ain't never ask you for money. She like, look, I'm not to quit my job. They cover and half the eggs. So I thought, let me get this done before it's more expensive.
And I know you gonna say hell yes to this, and I was like, oh yeah, hell yes.
So when I asked her how much it was, she said, I'm gonna have to spend about sixty five hundred that my job is covering. The rest was twelve total, and she said, I actually don't want to spend this money.
I prefer to buy a house.
But I realized these are one of the expenses of my life that are going to cost a lot of money, and it's something that I think can't wait before the home rates will go down.
So are my eggs. I'm gonna do this shit right.
Now, And I encourage anyone listening the Facebook group many advice like the advice you offered. Also, like with insurance, there's different type of places and the grants and the fundraisers. Did not know you could actually get an egg freezing grant.
We do this online.
A lot of families are like donating themselves, a lot of rich people that had all these X one to two kids like Elon.
Trust me, there's a lot out there.
So don't feel too discouraged by hearing that big number seven thousand, like it got zero apr orty girl zero percent thinks like I think there's a way. But one thing that's super interested to talk about. You said that you want to have a kid with a partner. I love hearing that because sometimes the egg and freezing maybe be like, okay, well where are you gonna go it?
Sprian big gonna pick a friend?
Do you think that saying it sounds there's so many beacons of strength, Like we just saw M. D. K. Williams have a big and I was like, oh damn, that's so like fuck yeah. But at the same time, I've sometimes felt silly by saying I want to wait for someone, So what do you think?
No, I appreciate hearing that.
I do think, you know, especially because I'm a woman who it's like in one breath I'm saying it empowered me to freeze my eggs and you know, I'm my own person, and then on the other side, I'm like, butt, he's babies with you know, But like that is the duality of life and being a woman, like two things can be true at once, and so I love hearing that because I felt similarly where it's kind of like now This is the part I have to admit. I do want the partner. I want the marriage, I want
the husband. I want to create a family unit that looks and feels like my family unit in certain ways and different the others.
But I want that and I love.
What I love about what you're saying, too, is they confuse the word empowered when a woman says it to mean this masculine day we hate man movement, And it's like, you can be an empowered woman and want a partner or a man right next to you too. Sexual liberation, empowerment, feminism, all these things have been related to women who hate men. And I can be an empowered, powerful woman and still want the traditional looks of a relationship or want a man by my side. So I love that, you know,
like two things can be true. Bitch, I'm empowered and I still want a man.
Okay, but that is exactly what I like.
I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that, Like, you know, seeking partnership or love is like that, shit is okay, Like bitch o, people I don't like going out to the club alone.
Don't al of fire? Right right?
Can I ask you if you and this if I don't know if this is a good question not to ask you, but I'm but it went to my mind.
Okay, as a woman still aging.
There also is a thing by the way, once you're like thirty four year geriatric pregnancy, right, and so is there a timeline that you have for yourself bringing back ebony again, she had a timeline. If I don't get a partner by this, I'm still going forward with it because again, complications can arise. Do you have a timeline or would you be open to surrogacy? If you feel like I am open, you are open to serrogacy.
Okay, already I would like to experience the journey of pregnancy for myself, right, God is gonna do them when that path is going to be laid out, how it will be. So I am not so attached to the idea of that that I would be devastating to tell.
Okay, I like that A lot of years have learned it is detached. I'll set the intention. Who knows, you know?
Judging for surrogacy though, did you see how the world treated Kim Kardashian. Now, yeah, we all thought, oh, her body, she doesn'tant to fuck up her body.
But I'm like, oh, they're helpless.
There's a lot of health perss. I think, what's great about what you said? And I'm a I'm a bravo girly.
So I loved it these convers carrieon.
I loved these conversations, like the IVF conversation Candy went through sarrogacy. Shamia is also, you know, showing her her journey going through that. I think specifically as black women with that, because it's.
The white girl on New York that was going through that.
But I think that it's really dope that now these conversations are being put into entertainment because this is why we're learning about it. These are why we're able to have these conversations and hopefully people listening are like, oh shit, I didn't know this, Like they're they do want to hear us talking about sucking dick on the show, right,
because it's entertainment. But in the ways that we're experiencing entertainment, these are the conversations that people aren't interested in hearing about. What is this journey about? What, what does it feel like? What are the emotions in what ways? If this is what I have to consider, do I navigate this for myself and specifically as black women holding the space for these conversations.
It's so important.
So I appreciate that absolucely just for you. Want to like you open to sharing this?
I know I'm more than happy to. Is that meed my phone?
Don't worry, don't the eggs are calling like, hey, I like to patch us in.
We have something. I just googled how.
Much surrogacy costs, and for insurance it says between ten to thirty thousand dollars.
Yeah, it was my album.
My rounds were averaging about Fourteencroency is a whole nother call.
You gotta be rich. You gotta be rich for listen, now, you gotta be rich usual baby mama, because let me tell you what I would do. Wait, but baby Mama, all right for sure? Oh.
At first I was like, so I feel like if I go through an agency, if I had to do surrogacy.
Do you remember the movie Baby Mama? Yeah? Yeah, yeah?
Do you remember with Tina Fey It was Amy Poehler and then she had her baby, but there were she was like kind of trailer park, they'd move it.
So in my head, I'm like, oh my god, I'm gonna have a horror story. So I feel like I would do.
My best to choose someone that I know, don't know and see if if maybe someone that doesn't want to have children, and maybe see if they be comfortable with it.
Oh, so you are considering finding someone to be a surrogate that I know, I kind of know someone who would go through.
That process for it.
It's like, what kind of connection would I want with this person? And if I chose someone from a website. Baby Mama used to be one of my favorite movies to throw on as a teenager, and I literally I think.
It's that trauma that you care from watching the movie that yeah, just also thinking like what have you just started eating bullshit?
Maybe I'm just some person and you really need to just get some bread at the end of the day.
Maybe don't. You're not doing this because.
I want someone who to hate kids. I want someone who knows how to be pregnant. I want someone who who didn't had the bag. I want a woman who knows how to be pregnant.
It's real. It's like I want you.
To eat super Greens one percent. Do y'all know Miles the music kid? Have you ever seen him, his little white boy. He can hear a note and fucking play it and like just do all this shit. He's like super super super smart. But that's like millions of followers. And someone left in the comments to his mother what did you eat? What was different? And I'm for real, like what y'all doing there? I want that kid speaking Japanese to come out. You know what's crazy you saying
that is because they have it. He might be autistic and there's only no, no, no, but in a good way.
And when there's baby genius sit you want to.
Lean into genius like that phrase instead of autism.
But we got to get tired. Oh my god.
President alright, she said, just so you know, I do not are the thoughts and opinions of the bitches on this podcast.
I'm just a guess ohot opin that.
I'm up evil now terraffic. Just Wo'd love to know who is your support system during the time.
I love that question. I'm super close with my family. I've gotten closer to my mother. I've always been really close with both of my parents, but I've always been a daddy's girl, like we were just so synced in and for those twenties when I was navigating the workplace and climbing and conquering, like that's my dude.
I'm calling Joe. My mom. We've always been really tight.
As I have thought more about motherhood, thought and gone through this journey of you know, the egg freezing, I have such an appreciation for her that I couldn't have before I started thinking in that way.
I love it.
And so my mom has been an incredible sort of side by side person in this calling me. She would sometimes sit with me on FaceTime when I was doing the injections, just so that I didn't have to feel alone.
There was someone there.
To witness this part of my journey, which otherwise would have felt very isolating. But I would say, it's it's my parents, it's my family, my best friends. I have beautiful, incredible women in my life, and we are so locked
in on supporting each other's personal, professional, emotional journeys. So my best friend, you know, she's in Phoenix, but she was always there if I needed to talk, if I needed to download It's Yeah, it's actually a really special thing to go through because even though doing it can feel isolating, or maybe you feel so alone, you realize you have this incredible tribe, this incredible community of people who, particularly if you're going through it as a single person
who doesn't want to be single forever, you're reminded of all the people who show up for you in that gap.
So for me, it's the family, it's.
The love good, like I think finding an anchor through any intense medical even.
Like I'm just thinking because you're you're motioning like the stuffach even weight loss brouh.
One of my homegirls just started fucking ozipa and she'd be calling me really like struggling through how she feels about it. She's like, Damn, I thought I love my body and now loving myself in a way that makes me feel like, did I hate myself? Like I think any kind of change that we're going through, we really do need to find that person that we can still all to if therapy isn't for you, because some people
I don't know it doesn't work for them. I do my best, and sometimes it can be seasonal with friends, right Like, I'm sure when I've become a mom, I may become closer to certain friends I wasn't for Right now.
I like my whole friends I'm a man. I like going to the club. You know what I'm saying.
Yeah, So like I think really finding that anchor, and I like that you've got your family. For those who don't like, get that girl squad going, Ladies listening seriously, Like if there's someone that you haven't.
Talked to in a while, pick up the phone.
Making sure that, like, we're really investing in those friendships, because even your partner may not be easy to talk to you for actially.
I just wouldn't understand, no matter how hard they may try. And I appreciate you saying that because it was only after I started speaking out publicly about this a couple of years ago. Friends I have obviously not my besties, we would have talked about it, but that I've broken red with.
We talked about overwine, about all the things.
They never brought it up, and so once I came out publicly, they were texting me.
You're like, oh my god, girl, I did it five years old.
You don't say nothing because I should have probably knocked it out again, these are things, yea, sometimes we don't share and you do it by yourself.
So it's that's why I said I love you.
I realized like man, she felt like she had to just do that, and there was way more shadowy stigma around it then than there is now. Or there were friends who were like, oh my god, I didn't know you did it. Have so many questions. I have my first meeting with a doctor or a friend telling me I just booked my first consultation and I found out.
I've got fibers or I've got clever.
But I'm so glad that it pushed them to do it, because now you know the information is power, and now you know what to do with it.
It might suck.
I know, we get tempted to stick our heads in the sand for things that are uncomfortable or overwhelming.
Myself included, but I promise I won't promise, I'll speak for myself.
I would rather know what I am working with, not work so that I can make a conscious and informed decision, then just keep putting it off because I'm afraid of the answer, because the answer is are going to be my reality regardless, and I'd rather not wait into the last minute. So the friends who have popped in like hey,
can you tell me more, I've actually been curious. It made me realize so many of us, women, particularly in our thirties and beyond, have been navigating this, if only internally, and I hope through.
Conversations like these, we just kind of remove the stima. It's not it's serious, but it's not that it doesn't have to be that there's someone else has done it, like you don know done it.
I mean it's the same way as women we used to be embarrassed to have to go get pads and tamans off the store.
And the older you get, the more normalized and.
Comfortable you are with it. That's the way we have to treat these types of conversation.
And most times, like women will really offer themselves up to you, like I've had so many firebriad experiences. In last year, I heard some girls I feel like they have you now. But I know when I jumped in that convo at a random dinner, They're like about but I was eating alone at Alba.
Was so good.
These girls were like freaking out by fevers. I'm like, so sorry to jump in.
Can I cheme in her? I fid uf me too, wasn't great.
Tot tried this and they were like really grateful dinner And I'm telling you like the way we can all show up for each other. But again, what happened to me my experience with being suggested egg freezing was by a male doctor who's very pushy about it. That sometimes that medical phobia of like you're already like fearful of the doctor, and now they make you more scared, like there's got to be a warm place.
And so we hope we were that few today. And I know that you guys are mad because you want to know.
Who's very fucking has she like me, Zuri before you get out of here, tell them where to find you, but also tell them your favorite position.
I don't want to be like, tell them who you're a fing it tell you.
I don't think I want to do that. Okay, what's the first question? Favorite position? That was the second question, But I answer the asking. She said, I'm a virgin. I'll make it a really nice question for you.
Here's how you want to know out Are you looking down or are you looking in his eyes?
Oh? It just depends.
I'm a Gemini, So I trust me when I say I am a very people would be surprised to experience.
Me and all the dimensions. I know my dimensions. It depends on the day, because if that is not me, you trying to get out of it.
She also, by the way, has on very little hoops and you know what they say, the bigger than hoop.
So not.
For Zurri. Oh wait, I'm not even taking this for.
I like to keep it fine and I like to switch things up, and I like to you know, we'll put.
Some resources if we can, We'll ask it. We'll put the name of that place in Chicago. We'll put as many resources as we can to help egg freezing. In the description, I will remind myself to do this because I had.
Yes, and I have a highlight ro Go to my Instagram. I've got highlight Q and as all of this as you for sure. I have so much content on Instagram where followers have asked me, and I'm super transparent.
I get it into the supplements I've taken.
I'm a big advocate for Eastern medicine in addition to Western practices, acupuncture, eastam, all the things.
So go there for that. And then also, can I play a little something real quick? Yeah?
Okay, so we just want you to join a wait list. I have a new show that by the time this comes out maybe premier if well, yes, so you'll see it on Instagram if it's happened by then. But I also have a wait list join zurivip dot com. It'll be the first to know. I'm really excited about it.
So I like you. I like you name your show.
So the show is called Not About Sports and it is an incredibly fun, irreverent and thoughtful series interview series with some of the world's biggest sports stars, athletes, wax sports adjacent realities. Yes, which is very fun about everything except famous.
For talking about the stories not the stats. Like it. I'm very excited. That is when we get in. Where can we watch? So it's digital so you'll be able to watch on YouTube. Depend on the stairs.
You can watch it now on YouTube YouTube dot com slash Hayzury Hall.
And then also we're doing short form on Instagram. So if you see it there, got it? I love that. Yes, yes, well, thank you Sary so much for joining h thank you.
If you guys want to check out Horrible Decisions, which yes, still does exist, you have to go over to Patreon.
That's patreon dot com.
Backslash Look, I never know which camera backslash Horrible Decisions. Also, if you have not yet, No Holds Barred du a manifesto of sexual exploration and power, go ahead and get that book wherever you purchase your books. Anyways, guys, thank you guys so very much for tuning in to another episode of Decisions Decisions Bivey Bady