EP 448: Bump Bump Bump (feat. Ryan Mitchell)

Welcome to decisions decisions. I don't think you should say decision decisions. It sounded like you was talking to Kirsten.

You definitely say to welcome, welcome to the new podcast. You want to say together, decisions decisions.

Hey guys, welcome to another episode. Give thanks bitches of decisions decisions.

I'm your girl, Mandy Bean.

I'm not gonna throw my aka's in there today, but I am thankful for knowing how to peg.

That's all I'm gonna say.

Okay, hey everybody, I'm weazy. We're back for another episode and we have a guest.

He they girl things.

I'm really excited.

You just had a conversation about ginger neutral saying I'm talking about all of those things.

And our guest is Ryan Mitchell AKA the Slay go On. And I can't believe finally here one has have been wanting to have him on four three years now.

Easily for sure.

And I mean on the other pod rest in Peace, that.

The other prime I but I'm most definitely happy to be here with you.

Not only are you happy all the second time? What this week that he was like, oh gee, and I'm like that means.

No, no, it does OG does not mean you can't BEG. If you're you could be starting something in baby here o G. Besides Kysona Beyonce, Kiki Palmer period is good, but she's.

A OG is good.

She's a OG. Yeah, so is ky sanat o G And yeah, we can't pay.

I just wanted to be in the same category as Kay.

No no no and streaming.

Somebody would probably say he's not. They would probably say academics. But I think that's a different type of stream for kai to have to follow through stream like following watch me twenty four seven, like full on live stream. The only time we ever saw that was porn, but you got to pay for porn, like A don't know if y'all ever seen.

Maybe I'm just horning.

I just said, who's live stream born before?

So they'd be doing these little whorehouses and I don't mean that how it sounds, but basically they'd put cameras in there. You can watch them in the shower, you can watch this, and they would live stream.

Like it's just an old school HBO, like after the House.

Did it, Okay, they evolved to that the Bunny Ranch did it, and then there were different I think like different umbrellas of like peorn companies.

And so they would do with men, they do women.

They had a Latina house and it would just be like a week subscription of it.

Anyway, let's talk about that.

History now.

I wanted to just introduce y'all to Bryan in case y'all didn't know, you know, ever seen their content, you know, everything that they be on. So he's one of the voices behind High Key, which is a weekly podcast co hosted with Evy. It is an iHeart podcast. So you not a cousin, but you like a distant cousin. Yes, iHeart too, but black effects.

Yeah, but I feel like we're like like sisters in a way, you know, just a little like step sisters.

Different daddies, period, period period.

Also a voice in entertainment pop culture, has been on MTV. We did the MTV Movie Awards, UH together a few years ago. And also which I really love that you're doing. You do a lot of lot of lot of I mean panels conversations with Glad. You serve as a senior consultant for Glass Entertainment and Communities of Color Team where you champion were you champion intersectional queer and trans narratives across film, television and sports.

Absolutely who said you to buy listen? Come on? You know my husband, you know what's crazy.

I literally had to tell tell my husband, like give me more because I know.

Include the glass stuff.

I said, I.

Give it to me. Hunt And by the way, what you did?

I remember when I would see you across my feet. I'm like, you know, when you see someone you're.

Like, they need content? Are they an influencer?

But then you don't want to see the little st want and say influencer, not the sound.

Thank you so much for asking saying that, because it it. I do think I'm one of those people that have like I'm good at like a lot of different things, so it's really hard to put me in a box. But what people know me for is like my broadcast work and interview So I have like I've interviewed everyone from Kiki Palmer to Lizzo to Billy Porter to everyone

Yes, the NFL.

The NFL literally, I.

Mean it's interesting too when you with and we might have talked about when when you got but when you got with the NFL, it's interesting because clearly they had all the beef around not caring about the BLM movement, but it was interesting that they really did want to tap into like lgbt Q I a stuff because who was the footballer that came out was openly game maybe only live to like a season or two.

It was something Sam or Michael Michael. Now he was a black guy, yeah he was.

He was a black queer male that literally when he came out, as as the boyfriend was white, No.

No, well that's our k Russell. Yeah, but also Michael Michael Sam also has a white boyfriend.

But when he came.

Out, it was like interesting because for the first time it was the conversations about locker room etiquette all and it was really like ignorant around those conversations like as if, first off, it's a team of sixty men, there are definitely more than just one guy, because you get to go in the locker room.

No, I did not, and I don't know if I want to. I don't want to be that close to men.

Okay, I don't know why not should say straight men?

I don't you know.

I mean that's the thing.

Like I love being told, like historically that I don't belong in spaces and then being like, bitch, actually, I'm going to be in this space. I'm a thrive in this space. You can't tell me what to do. And that's how I kind of like entered into the world of like football.

I'm not necessarily a fan.

I love kind of like it from a cultural pop culture like perspective, like knowing that you know, the quarterback of the Buffalo Bill's like wife is Hailey Steinfeld, the girl from like oh really literally, like I'm like I can do.

I like I like documentaries.

I like watching like people just really be good at what they're doing.

And so that's my entry point.

But like when it comes to like being a bridge between like black and brown queer folks who have never really been accepted in this space for sure, like the NFL. Yeah, this is the NFL, but like people don't give a fuck about that. They need to feel like you're they're trusting you to be into this space and it feels safe.

I wish I was.

Gonna say, I wish there was like more things around entertainment that leaned into that. I went to a Broadway show maybe like three years ago, but it was based around basements show. The last Broadway show I went to was was which M call it?

Oh?

Actually wait, I'm lying.

I was gonna say it was the one with Denzel but it was actually the one that had Tank and it was based around Alicia Keys when I say so good, so good health kitchen.

Yes, but mind you.

There was another Broadway show I wanted to go to, just wanted to go to because I could see Jesse Williams dick and it was so it was based around him being a gay baseball player and how.

People were treating him there.

But then it was him being and I saw mad Dick's but his dick was the biggest. The way the water cascaded off of it was great, but the story around.

It, I mean, the decision coming on.

This was great.

It was just really good. And so I wish like there could be maybe more things than entertainment around what a queer identity looks like in America sport, which is football, you know what I mean.

There's things that are growing.

Like I was able to come up with a program called the Exchange that was like a cultural dinner experience, and I partner with the team and we took you know, a group of black and queer trans folks to their first football game and.

Then we had a beautiful dinner.

I love that and like I got to like they got to sit down and actually like eat dinner with like nfel like sex and talk about the things are working on and help kind of be an amplifier for all of the work, because a lot of times when people like these institutions do DEI work, they're like, oh my god, we're leaders, We're doing this, we've been doing and it's like, actually, no, these black and brown queer folks are actually.

Please And I don't mean it because I know that it's good for everyone to come out.

Yeah.

I actually would be really terrified for a large player, not someone that's a myth sorry, like a mid player, not a large player er do anything they want. Yeah, you're someone that's big and known, you can come out. I feel like if you're in the middle, it may actually stop you from opportunity.

Oh yeah, Michael Sam, I don't think very long.

I mean, but there's maybe he was unfortunately like a pioneer and sample, but it's no since I feel like it's.

And then it'll very from there, right, because what I'm thinking. So I say this to say, my best friend loves the Patriots. He's from Boston, and I'm.

Like, white, but oh I love finding out black people are in Boston. Oh I love it.

Well, we do our when we do our tour stops in Boston, we'd be like, hey, did it No, you were.

Here Caribbean like Haitians really a lot of Haitians like oh yeah, yeah, meet somebody like I'm like wow.

Anyway, we get to this bar and.

Because he wants to watch the game, so I'm on the phone and I'm dating this at the time.

This is a long time ago. I've you've reformed. Yeah, okay. So he was like, damn is that many gay niggas watching football?

And so I'm laughing because I'm like yes, there are men men like sports. I just thought they was like, you know what you'd be saying, then you go to kickball? They like play sports, you know what I'm saying, like be around each other? Shit, do niggas really in there like watching? And So what it made me realize, as ignorant as it is, ignorance is it we just don't

And oh, for sure they shit.

And my thing is, even if there are gay players in the league, which I think statistically there probably are, my thing is, who gives a fuck? They probably you're probably the last piece of like type that they're even attracted to you in that locker room.

If they don't give up up.

It's crazy because when we think of like queer leagues, of course my mind goes straight to w n B a and now they just want to keep throwing fucking green dill doos everywhere. But are really you did you not this happened months ago, you see there were nine green dill dos. This was when the playoffs was happening. I thought they didn't know they did it like three or four times. And then recently in uh NFL preseason they threw a green dil doo onto a field.

Again. Yeah, that is a very SMIs. Let me ask, don't know why.

It is very spect No, they've been trying to keep up with Yeah, I get.

I mean.

Why green and they were like, all right, let's just keep doing this.

I don't know how they're just even like as no, no, no, no, because it was it happened, so so the person that did it in Atlanta at the Atlanta Dream Game, I think actually got like arrested.

But it started, like, I don't know, maybe in Phoenix.

Explain how you can bring that in. I thought they have security.

If it's not mental, it's true, it's it's okay.

But you got a lot of things in My friends be like they we ain't fancy dollars with drinks.

I'll put all of them. Great, were you sneaking them.

By the way, hold on, not even just green lime green. It happened and look none of these colors. So for the NFL, it happened during a preseason game between the Vikings and the Titans. Neon green as well, thrown on the field. I don't know why they're throwing lime green, Dell does, but yeah, there there you got people.

Has happened over the summer.

It was they are they're really you know what this is, purchase that's your content, guy, let's do shock value prank.

Yeah, and it's like gives me the ing, like who sent you, mister beast? Like, now, who sent you? He said that was a good one.

I know he's he's questionable for a lot.

Of I question anyone him, question anyone who will put people I went in a burning building, building and and then I'll give you a whole bunch of money, like literally just doing squid games all over again. No, it's literally that because someone even said he could die just from the smoke in a lace like why scaping.

So it plays into the fact that people are another squad games for like.

No, it was the white person, it was well, it was white. There was a white person escaping.

Actually squig games category and we could watch them.

You need a EP.

I mean it's weird because I mean I'm just saying white people be poor too.

But I agree with you. I think that's the sentiment.

You know, there's a lot of people that'll do a lot of things, really anything for money. And so you're dangling and I think the burning house one was for like five hundred thousand.

That's I like, it don't even really be that much money.

No, wait, five hundred thousand isn't a lot.

I don't feel like, what was that backup not to be like potentially get like burned. Oh I'm not gonna like that, Dad from this is us absolutely not right.

If the hell us across the studio is burning right now, I want us all to go and get that money and splitting five of us in a row one, two, three, four five we out after Well, I guess it's a taxi.

I think it's a gift. You don't have to pay taxes.

I thought you like, when you want a car on a game show, you have to.

Like you've got to find a way how to do it is charity like because like you don't have to.

It is charity or something, you.

Know, I think and this white man's good.

I just know he does a lot of like philanthropic sh about like giving go like like consistently giving away million.

But maybe there's something.

He's just also someone that got upset that he wasn't high enough on that little like Rolling Stone influential list.

It's also one of.

Those he's just you know what's crazy about or even say that it reminds me of like, uh, like Frank Lucas and all the mobsters and drug dealers and kingpins also gave about turkeys during the goddamn holidays, you know.

What I mean. It's a yes and yes and all right, I like a yes.

And by the way, we are gonna start with a little icebreaker. Okay, let's you better be ready.

So it's truth. It's truth and.

There oh look, oh no you should not see. However, however, I realized, like, because I'm thankful for this relationship and.

I knew you weren't you were like, and I am giving.

You an or there's two truths and two theres so you can pick one or here, okay, but you only have to choose one, so one is a little bit more crazy than the other. So I want to see how crazy you want to get, right, let's do it the truth and.

There, let's get it.

We're gonna start with truth because that's what people always want to do anyway.

So pick one or the other. Either truth.

What's the most ridiculous reason you've ever got to someone? Or what's your most embarrassing bedroom story that still haunts you today? I want the second, Oh, but I have an answer for the first one.

Okakay, he wore a poncho?

Was he Mexican?

Noh?

And he wore a poncho and like brunch boots.

Mexicans were ponchos. That's why we wear it on sekodmayoh like.

The like approach, like a ground heavy in the summer.

On my birthday party, he came to my birthday party and a poncho in brunch boots.

I could not believe it and then had the.

Nerve to then like the party was really cute and say, I have a speakeasy in my apartment building and it's like it's like a really cute space.

And I ended up finding out he asked one of my friends for.

Coke, which I am not I don't give a buck if the girls want to be B two K bum bum bump, but I do not care in a poncho likees on my birthday and brunch boots, I'm done.

I couldn't speak to him ever again.

Which one was worse the poncho of the brunch boots because it was.

A combination of the boat. I'm actually getting triggered thinking about him now.

I'm just going through my head.

You just said V two K, and I'm not joking with you. A few months ago, someone was like, oh, come on love V two girl, and we were at an aftees.

I didn't get it. I thought she just curious, and I only did I only did heavy. But I thought she literally was saying it because like, it's.

No, it's it's it's black people reference for coke. We were at a black house party.

I don't get it.

How have I never heard of this do coke with white people? I V two K is the perfect, It's like literally perfect. Yeah, oh yeah yeah, But that's the reason why I go. I'm not actually mad at that.

Not Dared.

Oh my god, it was awful.

The Dare is gonna have you in your acting bug?

Okay, all right, Well, from a from a talkative point, So dear give a fifteen second ted talk titled white Tops of the New Bottoms, or describe your last date like it's a true crime documentary.

Oh this is great. Listen.

Okay, all right, okay, I'll do Top of the New but I kind of want to do that one. But also I also just went on.

A date that so then we're gonna do both.

You do Top to the New Bottoms. I have a request, Okay, I want you to say it like it is breaking.

News here at four o'clock PM. Okay, okay, okay, I'm gonna do. You want to do both? K t L. Are you ready.

In the back? Okay, I will do I will do the true crime one.

Okay, okay.

Oh my god, Oh my god.

It was.

It was on a Wednesday.

It was cloudy, and we went to a theater to go see a show and Juliete. I don't know if you've seen It's a great show and broad Way. It was here in La I met a sagittarist, an actual saget terrorist, oh, an actual sagittarist where he loved bomb me. He showed me all of the things that he wanted, but one scary night because I did not let him in my apartment.

He immediately ghosted me and never.

Spoke to me again because he didn't let you in the apartment.

I didn't let him upstairs. He wanted to fuck, and I just wasn't feeling I was already we had we we did everything butt fucked?

What what besides besides fucking.

Which is just kissing, hand jobs.

Blow jobs, hanging, yeah, all the things. Because it was new. I'm like, it was like our fourth day.

Oh good, but wat y'all got to say everything butt fucking and only four Yeah.

I feel like that's classy, That's like, that's pretty glassy. I'm the girl that you want to be in this death scenario.

Okay, you I don't die.

My heart did because he completely just ed Kennedy.

He what was Oh he ghosted you? Yeah?

He ghosted me like he.

Literally Okay, I guess he technically didn't ghost me because he did call me like he went out of town the next day for the weekend, and he called me on like that following Monday, just being like I just don't know if this is really working out, And mind you, this is low key. The second time this happened because we rekindled. We talked earlier this year. I rekindled someone who goes to me literally and we talked earlier this

They're so soothing and cute.

And so we went for our first day and then we immediately had a second day, and then I went out of town and came back and like we were like it was really kind of I guess, moving fast, but it was.

Also like a whirldwind, like he was like a fool on love bomber.

And then he started to get shaky, started to be like I don't know if I want to do this anymore. And I was just like, Okay, this seems like a you issued out of me issue, and I'm gonna let you go. And then a couple of months went by and then he hit me back up, being like he called me, being like, hey, I'm.

Kind of on your side of town. I just left dinner. Do you want to go to like this hookah bar?

And I was like, okay, I love how he ignored the fact that y'all completely dead the things it still felt like actually called me back, he's me, No, it's me.

I will about you dead meat.

Like that way.

Oh no, a guy could dead me.

We could agree to dead each other, and I could one day be bored and hit them up and be like, hey, what are you doing?

Crazy work?

Wait?

Is that crazy work? I decided it with a friend.

Sometimes no, I mean no, no, no, if you have like we're done, I actually feel so disrespected if no, and dead ass.

But then you still went on the day because we are okay.

So at first, when he first told me like he didn't he wasn't like necessarily feeling it.

I was just like, okay.

But then I was like, white bitch, I actually really want to know what the fuck happened. Oh so you went for the answer.

Yeah, I wanted to know what happened, and.

Then you fucked or then you went on three more dates after that.

Hey, I didn't say I'm a leo. I didn't say I was smart.

I didn't say, you know, there's there's something happens too with two fire signs when they get together.

It's just pure chale.

But to be fair, it could have worked out again, I think that's me to me if you didn't do something awful.

I believe in possible, right person, wrong time.

So we if we like to connect and it doesn't work and we both decided the same working or one of us ghosts the other person.

Oh yeah, there's nothing bad. I don't think that's what I'm saying.

Like if we just both say and the same really working well, He had made double back.

The reason why he ended up getting like ghosting or like like cutting it off. He ended up being like I he made some like he he built up a preconception about me that was not true, like he thought I wasn't He He was like, I really want someone who is not like religious, but like they have a

You know what I mean? You know where my brain is right now?

Where is your brain?

The goal of a man? It's the all deaf period. I was gonna say, also, quick change.

Have y'all are watching on the YouTube? Get ready, We're taking it to baby.

I want to take anybody that has ever sucked a dick and as one to have the goll to tell me I.

Can't have conflicted feelings about religion, right fucking dare you?

I Actually I'm a woman with conflictive feelings, like literally, but like think.

About it's one thing if to me, someone wants to make that choice and you're real straight just knowing that, Like we walked through life where knowing that God thinks it's wrong, hearing and seeing media all kinds of shit with people saying gay the way burn them at the.

Stake, and the specific sort of religious life that I lived, like I grew up Pentecostal and if anybody knows coaching Church of Guy in Christ, it's like long skirts, you can't women can't even be in the pool.

It's like the more conservative Christians.

For I mean like black Amish people literally where I got that extreme.

But I'm like low key, like it's very very.

Conservative, and like it just was I was.

I remember talking about it, and I was just kind of like, yeah, I know it will always be a part of me, but I have conflictive feelings, and I'm like that's anything. But my things is the fact that you have the audacity not like ask a follow up, are like you just made like a quick decision.

I didn't want anybody around in that way.

So a couple months went by and then we were talking and then of course reconnected, and.

Yeah, it just I don't know, I feel like he just.

Like he was just a type of person that gets like wrapped up in the idea of like a relationship, but wrapped up but you don't want to do the.

Work, but doesn't actually want to do Yeah, like he's trying to figure his shit out.

And so I said, I will never date another thing.

I mean a lot of people desire things that they don't know how to get to right, Like you can always have the north Star, but not the means to get there. And I think we see it the most with like a career, I want to do ra I want to start a podcast, and they never do it. But when it comes to relationships, it's the same thing. We always say we're ready for something because we know it's desirable companionship, but you gotta be fucking healed.

And I also don't know if I feel like that. Also, that moment also taught me.

It was like, am I know I am saying I want to manifest like a relationship and like want to like find a partner.

But I also don't.

I don't want to settle for anything.

I don't want to settle for like someone to not accept me fully sexually, or someone to not accept me fully in like the life that I live as like a public figure in this world, that this work that we do, Like I need someone who's going to be able to handle all of that, and like, I don't know, it sucks. It felt nice to feel wanted, but also I can't just get wrapped.

Up in that.

We say that about someone, we say that about this podcast, like you have to be fully accepting of us being open about talking about sex or being liberated, and you know, being the ogs to these types of conversations that you're an og.

You know, we got all I have, But can we call it LG like the phone you want to I want to be a little gangstter, not an og.

Okay, Well, we are going to go from the bedroom to the courtroom.

Order in the court.

Order in the court who gave her this?

Did you amazon? Jeff faced us? Okay?

Now for this part of this, shoh, I am going to read three cases. Okay, you have to decide if you will stand in defense, which means you will argue why it's hot, valid and sex positive, or you will stand in prosecution, where you will argue why this is a kink, felony and morally unsound.

Oh okay, And I am pretty progressive, so I feel like I'm gonna be on the defense a lot.

Now, we'll see, we'll see.

So case number one, they refuse to sleep over after sex. Ever, they always have something to do and decide not to spend the night. Are you defending this act or do you feel like there's a violation somewhere and why.

Oh, okay, I'm gonna I'm actually going to defend it, but you're defending hell yeah, because I like actually having my own space. I am an only child, and I do not want niggas in my room or in my space even after you have sex with or Sure, I'm so down for you to pack it.

Up and leave.

Okay, I think having I think having your own space, especially in the dating phase, like I don't maybe at some point you can start to sleep over, but.

Like I don't actually need that.

How long did you do that for?

Can I say, like it's six months?

Six months to do I've been having sex for six months and they can't spend The.

Folks are always hook up Like it's like hookup culture, right, Like it's like you like, oh wait, so dating.

Phase, say dating, but if you're sleeping for six months? Yeah, do I need to?

Can I not have? Can I not be like Whoopie Godberg and be like why is a man here?

Like?

Can I not?

Like I would I came, yeah, and you can stay?

But also like I just I don't know, I would have to really get used. I haven't had a man sleep over in a minie. If I'm being quite honest, like it did.

It depends.

I did have a guys sleep over earlier this year, and bitch, they snored and I was upset. I said, actually, I would have been okay if he left, because now I can barely sleep because what.

Are you okay? What are they staying over for?

Just for the cuddles? The cuddles? I don't like that in the morning. You don't like morning sex.

I do, but also.

Like calling someone in the I mean morning before the wait, I mean if I baby, he.

Said, Am I prepared? You ain't gotta ask time for nothing. Wait a second, but the new Tom kg La we are here with Ryan Mitchell. Tell us when did this happen for you?

Oh my god at the sweet age of I can't say. And we'll be back with a pat okay case number two? Okay, all right, On a first.

Date they bring up their kinks immediately. Do you defend this action?

And is it sex positive or do you think they're guilty and this might be morally unsound like they could.

Have Wait, No, you need to know I'm going to defeat you kinks out the game. I think you need to know people's kicks. I'd love to actually talk about sex.

I want to know, like why not? Okay, why not hold on?

Because they I mean in the in the first interaction, when you're talking to someone, you're automatically seeing if there are a top of or bottom on their profile, like automatically trying to figure out if you are like, are we like sisters are about to bump purses?

Or are we like is this like a thing.

But let's just set the scene because is not that I do always? So you're you're defending Okay, one dream comes out, We've ordered apps?

Okay, what's the apps?

A little for shooto Verada. We're like spreading it on top of the.

On the on the bread, okay, and you know what I was like a really big kink of like come, I just like it all over my face because.

Over them. You let me do this? Would you guys? Like dessert?

Actually, we'll have a survey now the survey comes out, okay, after after after the mill.

After, Like if we're at dessert and it's been going well and there's been like some flirtation and like there's banter and like you know, you're feeling like the sexual chemistry.

Why not the way you defend it?

I think.

Y'all both agree that over appetizers and immediately it is too early.

Yeah for sure, Okay, for sure, I'm making the comment this is the type of girl I am.

Unless I need to know that this guy's a chaser, are like just a sex person.

The only the only dates that I've actually been comfortable leaning straight into sex have been the ones that I've met on like field, like ones that lead with like whether you're.

A dom or what's up? Then you mentioned you're off and bottom, so if you're on Grinder or if you're on or whatever.

Yeah, that was the only two you now of And I know the one that Sniffy's where you It's just that's an app, that's a map, that's like more of a website.

Isn't there one like contact Exact?

Yes?

Yes, you know what I mean?

Name it?

Yeah, there's more. Give me the letter X the Twitter? Yes? Are you kidding?

Meeting anyone off?

You're not?

Why would I?

That feels like why would you?

Almost feels like meeting someone like the craigsli skilled wait off of like it feels like the same thing.

You know why I don't because no ship on Twitter you can literally see them having sex for.

Sure, but I'm not. I guess I'm just looking up with with I mean, whose I am all for sex work? Like I want to be very clear, I just I'm not sliding. I feel like their dms are full enough and busier. Well they're they're trying to make money. They was like, I don't love of dating, so like I don't like, you know, I want them.

To like want I like sex workers? Hold wait wait wait where was wet? Because I want to know what are the other apps?

Oh? Okay, I mean hinge is a good one, but I feel like everyone I thought it was like gay they have gay yeah tweeted?

Are those the only ones? You know?

I guess those are the main gay specific one.

I means like unless you go into like the bear community like growler browlers, like a bear community focused one that is like for us, you know period, you know, it's the thicker guys and the more the I mean it's more so, Yeah, it's more so like white bears.

Been on BE Okay, yeah it was.

I didn't like the they need to work on the back end of the coding.

I mean no, So I'll tell you it feels exactly how it's spelled and sounds.

Okay.

And I hate to say that because I love too, but it's they need to get more coding.

Also, Jack steels that way saying the black app I know, and I hate that first, and I will tell you, well, then I got you.

I know the I mean.

Okay, okay, okay, not I mean he's hot, Kenya shout out to spill. This is not an ad, but that's okay. I think now we're gonna get to case three so we can get into some uh gratitude because this is the Thanksgiving officiode.

I love so case number three.

They show up for the first hookup with an entire double bag of toys, loube and accessories. No discussion before. Is this is this sex positive hot and ballad? Or do you feel like you're doing too much? Don't show up with a double bag on the first hookup.

I would prosecute like I had someone on like our first date try to fist me while we.

Share the story. Curry what No, Yep, I love it.

No. In sleepover mooting you said, you know, but that's why I stopped full on because while you're prosecutor, Yeah, I would prosecute like that.

Because it was a really great day. We went to the museum.

It was really sweet, and then we got like we went to get food and then we like cat back to my place and we were making out doing the things, and then I found out he had like a fisting kink while we were doing that and he was trying to like go full on force feet and I was just like after like we just ate the food that I just like, I just don't know.

Brian, serious question. You saw the duffel bag and thought this not you didn't think work next day?

You thought, well, the double there's like yeah, there's like there's like dildos, like yeah, yeah, and like anybody else.

No, literally, anybody who brings is bringing a duff back of sex toys means they are probably very kink's.

That I'm bringing lub and accessories, not my work close for the next day.

Why bring that stuff when I might have them, so I'll be.

Honest with you.

I would actually, And I had this conversation with my boyfriend because he was we were on FaceTime and he was showing me I have multiple boyfriends, so this is what many. Oh yeah, I.

Didn't know.

I'll said you picked, I'll show you all the boy You're like a poly coole.

Yes, I'm slwly poly. Actually they're together. No, they're not together, but they know of each other. So like even one like he.

Watch Splitsville immediately on watch both of them specifically, like I'm able to share what I'm with either or and then one specifically when he knows i'm with one, asks for videos of me.

And so both boyfriends are aware of each other. Yes, and I'm still.

Talking to other people.

I love that you No.

No, no, it's like it's like okay, because I had my active.

By earlier this year.

He was monogamous, so but he was open, he thought, and it just didn't work out. And now I'm like with two people that are just like, are you all of them?

Am I?

What are you pegging all of them?

No?

I have one.

I have heard that back, so so the possible. So the possible one. The possible one played with each other years ago.

Mine. This is how much of a whole I am. I don't be remembering ship, but he remembered it.

He said that he remembered it was in Dallas and he was like, yeah, you remember when you put that butt plug in my ass? And so now he doesn't circle back and I was like, damn, I made it out, but I forgot about it.

I was like, damn, I was able to put a boot plug in your ass.

I totally forgot about it. You know when like someone really hurt you and theyvid have forgot, but you felt the pain. I guess it's like, well, no, it wasn't this, it was.

Like And so now he let me know because we haven't seeing her played with each other and probably like.

Four or five years, and he let me know he's more advanced.

Now.

I'm looking forward, but I am upseats. So yeah, to me, the Duffel bag.

But my boyfriend, back to that story, he was I'm supposed to be going to see him in the DMV, and so he was showing me around his house. He got a massage table, he got a chair with like these custom stuff and he has like a bind full of toys, and my immediate question was like whom.

Yeah, well, it's actually exact.

Before I had to ask, He's like, well, I have the toy cleaner. He has all the things, so he cleans them. But I was like, and he was like, and I use condoms on them when I use them for me. I'm not in a place because I don't I don't trust the cleanliness of anyone else to be shoving toys in me that would have winn someone else.

It's like cat owners. You don't want to eat out of calendars.

Oh my god, this is Oh you wouldn't eat in my goddamn house.

Nigga, I got body, you got you had body, no body, but body body is a black household.

Don't be on the counter.

I feel like when I was over there, came over niggah never on the counter.

Like, but Bondy is a orange cat.

Yes, yeah, okay, my first time going my business. Didn't feed you because the cat chick.

We go to his family's house and his mama's there. This is my first rid his family and I'm like, oh, and his.

Mom's Puerto Rican. I'm like, oh, we got to eat that. She hyping us up, and right as I'm putting it in my mouth, I see.

Huh, it's a little bit of rocks, not a bit of rocks.

Also, who was good this moat?

This is well? I everything is. I tell you you know what I'm gonna do.

I'm I'm just gonna search to get you guys off of the PTSD that you have. I will send you so because I'm a cat owner, a part of my algorithm is cat videos. And the funniest thing is to see black cat owners because you just talk to him different, you treat them different.

But also black casts, no, get your.

Motherfucking air the fucking counter because you know you don't nigga you doing, You're not even allowed in the kitchen side. So black cat owners are are I will say we are different, even though yes I'm by rat you Sather day No, No, this is when I first So when I first moved into this house, I went on vacation. I also didn't bring the feeder because I got rid of everything that nigga.

I felt so bad.

He was out of water, he was out of everything. So I think I felt so bad. I felt like a terrible like mother.

So when I got how long were you out of town?

Oh my god, like four days? But and and it didn't like it was a new feeder. I didn't set it right.

I went in there.

The whole water was tipped. He had nothing, and I don't know how long he didn't have anything for. So I was like, oh my god. So I go in there and I was like, fuck, it's hot, and this again new house. He's probably looking for goddamn food. So it's a touch stove stove, so mind you. My cups were knocked over. I really think he was in a new ray and I felt so bad. So I go on and I was like, oh ship, but yeah, no, he hasn't done that since, but this is literally what no.

But also it's a new house.

This is when I had first moved in there.

He was like also getting adjusted.

You don't notice, nigga, I got two floors. Now you saw a small mind. I'm a dog girl. I have a small ship to and she's like listen. All I know is I was just glad that the house. Did my dog coco coca like chocolate. Like I was like, spoke, yeah, like butter, cocoa, butter. That's why you said coco I'm like, you spoke cocoa. That's like okay, Like witch, how else do you spoke?

Okay? Okay.

Now again, because this is a themed episode, I wanted to get into period. I'm excited. I'm excited for it.

Girls.

I am a pumpkin bitch, and that's just are you a pumpkin? I mean, first of potato p gl it is the same thing, and I'm not gonna have this every year, potato pine pump they taste the fucking say.

I actually don't think they do.

I recently had a plump We're not gonna because squad, we're really about.

We're not gonna do well.

It's probably I'm not an either, but I will have a slice. It's around Pumpkin soup was discussed.

Now why would you have that?

Because I thought butternut squash. When I saw somebody else at the table with it, I was like, let me have one of those, and I was like, I love pumpkin soup. I love pumpkin spice, I love pumpkin coppo. They have pumpkin egg nog, so let me tell you, I love everything pumpkin.

Biracial people have a thing that they like, right mineus be two K.

There we go.

No, I really think y'a by racial.

I love that you forget forgetting that I don't forget to say something or Mandy says something that's questionable.

I realized pumpkin is questionable in the fall it is.

I black people have cats.

Well, I know a lot of white people black people, they normally have black cats. But I love there's something special about an orange cats.

Orange cats are something about Yeah they are special spectral this orange cats.

But yeah, I'm most definitely a sweet mayonnaise usage.

Every loading on mayonnaise on ship or likes it or be ranchy type people all the time.

They be like, yo, what is this?

That's the other that's the other thing where I lean on the other spect do not give me ranch blue cheese.

I actually think y'all represent the spectrum racial very well. Like you're like like septum biracial and you're like black black black biration So it's like, I totally see. It's really beautiful to see the range what.

You have septum by racial. And they all have boho braids and stept them I mean all white guys. Steptrant is my twenties also black with like he got locks and we're tatty saying, but he did say, yo, if go either way, you think they got a nigga, like me, what do they got?

White?

And then like the black versions you dating Zach Fox. I feel like Zach Fox with data septum biracial would for sure.

I mean he's married Asian. Yes, yes, yes, I mean yeah, yeah.

So either black guy the biracial to date who makes all black Steve Lacy, but yeah, white man.

Yeah he's a white the white Yeah, it's true.

You know what's crazy?

Out with the Obama sisters the other night in l a and all like they're always out, like they do be out.

But when I saw them, I was like, that's all I thought.

Yeah, Like I think Malaiya likes someone who loves a good cigarette, not like loves a good cigarette or like they're putting the stuff in the list, Like I feel like she thinks, like what's the thing?

They My racial girls that live in New York were cigarette gang for sure, Like it just comes with the outfit in the attitude cigarettes.

Bro, I'm you're a you're a girl. What do you think I'm do in Paris?

Do you think I just talk to people. I mean, I just don't understand why there's a cigarette when weed exist.

I thought millennials gave up like we I thought millennials didn't smoke cigarettes.

I don't think probably. Okay, okay, this is the thing.

If you're Blueberry Bake.

I don't buy cigarettes. I'm girl that's outside. Oh my god, can I get one?

Yeah?

Now, Like what I will say though about cigarette and vape culture, I do think vaping is so weird.

So I don't understand why people do it.

And I understand why teenagers smoke cigarettes back in because it actually does look there's an aesthetic.

But the vape looks kiddyish to me. Maybe that's one trauma for me. I like how you were mad at the poncho and boots. I would go to guy for pulling out a pack of cigarettes and smoking that's happening.

I don't want to.

I don't want to kiss the guy after they smoke cigarette ciarettes.

I don't want a leather biker.

Not for me. It's I don't I don't know if I would long term date someone that smokes cigarette, but I would for sure.

Have a rendezvous with a cigarette smoking.

You know, it's crazy.

When they say not for about three weeks.

When they tell you, like when you go into like apartments and stuff like that, like it's non smoking. A lot of times it's really for cigarettes because it literally no you go, that's one thing. It changes the color of the wall wall, It's like it's disgusting.

But why are else are you smoking cigarettes in a house?

Yeah?

See that's like unt that's why there's.

As indoor smoking. Ash trays are for indoor smoking. Yeah, and people smoke inside for sure.

Yeah. I didn't even think about that. Oh my god, I.

Make I feel like someone just told me fish don't drink water? Are they just like it makes so much sense? Yeah, the ass is thin. Door spoke of it.

I I mean we did.

We've said b two K like three times.

Not not if you say the book. I'm very judging about cigarettes too.

Me and my nigga was fucking with this girl and he was like her with the pack is crazy, Like this miss take breaks me while we smoking with her that night.

Oh wow, you should see me judging bt.

K people Like, first of all, I'm a monthly party girl, bitch, what are you talking about?

The nine am?

And I just don't like the the I'm never going to do a drug where I feel like I don't have control of my body. And I think the girls that do it did they do the bump bump bumps, they get like coke mouth are like like where their their mouths are little slanted. I feel like this about and I just can't do that.

We don't.

Weed makes me feel very like I think I get weird in person, and I feel like I get anxious, and.

That's scept them by racial I'm diagnosed. I don't think that's I don't know.

I don't know.

That's what I need.

That paranoid.

I know you and I I just want to say, you have been diagnosed.

Oh my godness anxiety that comes with being a future and stuff. I'm like, totally, no, for sure.

You would have been great as a guest star on Grown Ish I work.

I I'm just clocking right, you know what's crazy? Right when I got hired, I.

Think I said it on this show, I was like, oh my god, they're gonna say, can you chose me?

Because I'm probably I don't like but they didn't put my phone on. I'm somebody on and go find me.

Be like that bitch but you know what actually helped, Horrible Decisions is so culturally relevant that black people in the space of podcasting that.

They let me go. Thank you everybody.

I love that this has been the card for you to be like, this is horrible Decisions. Is my black car.

The black heart.

I thought I wanted to get into three topics before we get out of here, to speak about gratitude and thankfulness, but of course the decisions decisions slash horrible decisions way, So we're gonna talk gratitude and dating, gratitude and relationships, and gratitude and sex.

Okay, okay, okay, but in the in the best way.

So for gratitude and dating, I would love for you to share a dating disaster that weirdly you're thankful for because it taught you a lesson.

Mmm.

Does that have to be a dating disaster.

It could be a relationship. It could be a relationship too.

I think I'm most grateful for my first real relationship same because it was I mean it was like fresh out of college and then we moved out here together. Well oh wow, that was like my first like real relationship. And there was infidelity on his side, and like there was just it was just we probably shouldn't have moved here together.

It was just like a shit show.

But if I'm being quite honest, like I don't want to be cliche, but that shit really taught me what I needed to know about I think I had this idea of needing to be a ride or die in any case, and his life was literally falling apart, and I felt like I just needed to be like there and like sacrifice a lot of my shit to like be there for him.

And especially when when we got out.

Here and we were all trying to make it and he just kind of like lost it and just was cheating up a storm and doing his own.

He was doing his big one.

What stage in your relationship did you decide to like take a leap and move together.

How long had you been We had been together for three year, maybe four years? Okay lot? Yeah, yeah, Like we were together for a minute.

And even though before we moved out here, I had found out he cheated on me and still did it and still did it. That's why I'm like, I'm so grateful for that relationship because it literally taught me what I will accept, what I want to accept hereious and also it taught me what it actually means when I do end up like connecting with someone and what it actually means for them to show like how they like me and how they show up for me, because I

Ooh, I like that.

It's funny because in terms of the the L word I call it now, Yeah, I treat that shit like the R word.

I ain't say.

Listen, I mean it's a normalize. Yeah, it's twenty twenty five. A lot of people are actually.

Saying it's kind of you.

No, it's coming back.

It's like on South Park and everything real bad.

They is saying it up a storm on that thing.

But for me, when it comes to the L word, I remember loosely saying it in my twenties or being so infatuated with like certain partners. Mind you that I wasn't exclusive with or committed to, but I like genuinely

I just need you to leave.

Well, it wasn't even the Hotep as much as it was like uh and it could be leaning ho tep. So he aligned himself with the thoughts and views of Kyrie Irving on some Israelite ship. Yeah, then freemasonship, flat earth ship, all the qualifications of being a whole.

So there we go.

I think that's like literally hotep one on one is I think.

So, I don't know much about It's like a hotel. He didn't eat like Hotep.

I mean, you've got a new age one, a modern hotel. I love to see them off.

Actually, nothing to think about it. Flat earthers, Damn. I don't put them in the hotepe ship. I do, but because so I'm hotel, because.

I like, are you okay?

Well?

You know what?

Sometimes I just let Mandy say things and just sit with them and just you have to you have to.

I just don't. I don't. I don't have to dive anyway.

But I'm happy she vocal and she's like living in that.

There's no way you've seriously, I can be.

Off doing like there's a video now on YouTube. I'm gonna send it to you after set. The seventeen minutes of watching it, you're going to like, question, it's not a spear this feareness.

You will when.

There have been airline travels. I know there's a pilot in here that explains it. So it's a documentary like a short document on YouTube. Is an airplane able to go from LA to Australia, But if New York goes that way, it's long so so meeting.

At the same point.

So no, it's a half dome, it's not a full circle.

That's what it is. But you understand that, don't do that. I'm gonna show you. I'm going to show you.

I'm going to show you that what a grateful for there's flat parks on the art God damn. But they also show us like science has shown us. I'm grateful for YouTube, bitch about that.

And I'm grateful for both of them.

Now.

I understand we think the government lies all the time, but this thing is they make the weather.

I told you that, like the Earth Watch Paradise not only paradise. So in Dubai, which I frequented many test you know the Earth is actually taking her there because it's I'm not gonna lie.

I can't even like holler bitches over there. I can't even tell a bit she's pretty because.

Everyone over hear me. It's like else my septum ring and be.

Like when I got my septum, my mom was like, you think gay for years? Why did you get it now? Okay?

So gratitude and sex, Okay, I want all of us to get into this one.

What are you gratitude for the first one?

Did we say?

What is it?

Oh?

I would say, speaking of dating relationship, my first real relationship with a woman. I had always had the idea that romantic love, like the height of it, would only come from men for me, and I always thought there had to be this like ones on top.

Ones on the bottom.

Not even trying to be pnny here, but like, seriously, there is such thing as finding a romantic love and a deep connection where both pursuits are mutual.

Hell yeah, Bobby lifting their legs.

But I don't think that it could happen because I thought, oh, one is going to have to say it first. I was so used to the way men treated me, the waiting game, like, I just thought it would never happen.

So now that I saw it.

I realized there's a genuinity in queer relationships and in how I saw them, Like I always was confused about how deep it would go for me.

Was that heterosexual, hetero romantic?

What wasn't?

Now it actually made my bonds with men stronger.

Interesting, So you you still want to be with Like you're still like you're dating a man right now? Right?

Yeah?

Oh okay, work, I love that for you.

We think women together, but not romantically, not as serious. But sometimes they'll say to me.

Like, is he queer?

Do you date queer man?

No, I date queer man, but he's not queer. But he has said to me pretty often that he thinks I'm mainly gay. He's like, I think you just really want a family. I feel like you're more gay. You do a lot of gay shit that like just does it sometimes out of He's like, the way that you act. He's like, if you're drunk, you don't even look at niggas anymore. You just lose the inhibition and be like boom,

I did explain that I actually had to explain that in the in the in our book no holes part get it now, I had to explain that I was bisexual and hetero romantic because I have zero desire whatsoever to date a woman, to be with a woman, like that's my brain literally doesn't see it possibly happening. But I love eating couci and being sexual with a woman. And so what's funny right now is you know I got the two boyfriends my third that it's not it's

That was a lot.

Now meant to an impossible the possible. I would love to be bisexual, Like I'm in an era where especially like being a bisexual woman. I would love to just be with a bisexual man who is confident, comfortable.

I've only met like.

Two in my whole life, but like, I just would really like to be with someone that I can explore all the things sexually, that we could be open about the things we enjoy about both sexes.

Like there's just something that is.

So literally literally no holes barred at all, all the holes.

For the taking an ear a nose.

I want everything, you know what I mean.

And so I don't know what you would do with an ear.

I don't even blowing and blowing like a blow job, nigga blowing an ear when I tell you the sensation I've had an ear orgularly.

I've talked about it on this pot.

I mean I have to, but I've used a cute tap.

Oh my, you know what I'm not.

Now that does know the right My lag has shook a little bit, absolutely.

Okay.

So the last one is gratitude in sex. Okay, what is something you used to be embarrassed about that now you're grateful you explored.

Ooh maybe it changed you know, your mind.

To be quite honest, I actually used to be embarrassed about sex a lot, like all together, like I used to. I think it's because of the way that I grew up and being religious, like I was always like shamed

That I'm just with anyone.

But when I have that trust with someone and it's there, I'm like, oh my god, let's try anything once, except for anything.

That has smells.

Oh yeah, I agree with that. Yeah, I can't.

Smells or things or things that are coming out waiting is well not that's not nut well BV like like uh like like scat play or oh yeah, I don't death, I don't do smegma And yeah, I'm also not a musty girl like.

I don't like, I don't like musks me neither not.

I need to be clean. I need to feel like the dove cocoa butter. That's why you named yes, yes, my baby is clean. Period. Well, I'm gonna make this really quick.

I think for me, when it comes to sex, it would be public sex. So exploring the sex clubs and things that I thought like we didn't like that were completely completely taboo. I love that I'm now in communities and spaces where it's normalized, like yeah, like we're gonna go to the sux club. I think public sex and being able to be a voyeur and exhibitionist has been like the one thing that I was just like, oh,

But then, well, and mature easy and it's so hard. Mine is basic?

Now why because the only thing that keeps coming to my mind about gratitude is just body. So I felt like, now this may sound like some whole shit. The more women I slept with, the more comfortable I was with my own body. And I think it's because not like anything was wrong with their but let's just say I slept with a girl who was skinnier than me, or thicker than me or whatever it was. They just were

Nope, she was fully naked, having taken my hand.

I could literally feel it, and I remember being like, damn, she doesn't give a fuck, Like I really thought if this was me, wouldn't be the same. So I would say, like getting to explore women's bodies, because I'm just not the person that would look at someone and be like, ew.

Wait it's so beautiful.

Audege but like with body like you know, I'm gonna judge that outfit poncho.

Yes, puncho, take me there.

I'm not gonna lie. That may be the lesson from this episode. Throw the ponchos out, throw my life, and I'm not gonna lie.

Follow a low key appropriation when they start looking like western in like well, I was.

Also gonna say, fellows, I don't think I've heard of anyone that likes brunch boot.

Oh brunch boots gotta go. Yeah, let's go for a loafer.

Well, Ryan, thank you so much. Finally got them joining us.

We're having me. This is fun.

Please let us know where you gotta can follow you, support you and we could.

Do a virtually love I would love Okay, I mean if we're doing it here, then you know, so you can follow me everywhere.

On the sligh god T H E S l A Y g A w D.

And of course listen to High Key literally every Monday new episodes and I'm so excited we have some really good episodes.

Also if you listen to go listen to y'all have a new thing.

It's it's great, it's black, it's day, it's it's chaos. It's literally just unfiltered in the best possible way, and I love it.

I would love to hear someone white describe your podcast if it's her favorite.

It's black, it's gay, and that's actually I think that was actually I pulled that from a comment from a white But oh my love, you are my black friend. Well, thank you so much for coming. I'm your bi racial two black people to know.

Can I just say congratulations for everything y'all have, like are just constantly so inspiring and to like see where you've come from and where you are now, Like I'm really thankful to like one have you in my life and now have you in my life.

And we're gonna sign this for you right behind you.

Yeah yeah, why yeah, like literally they you andy, y'all if you're watching on videos, she just pointed to our instant New York Times bestselling books no holsebart period.

It's tat it on me. We we only needed it for one week. That's it, period.

Anyways, get your book, no holds bar to do a manifesto of sexual exploration and power. And also, if you want horrible decisions like the Little runch we kind of snuck in here on this episode.

We still have horrible decisions.

It hasn't gone anywhere, it's just behind a paywall because it gets a little nasty over there. So head on over to patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions for those five dollars a month. Bitch, you get another episode a week. All right now, thank you guys for tuning in. This has been another episode of The Cisions.

The cis me see that sexy bodyg good lack bye Off