EP 446: The Box Theory (ft. Jodie K. Taylor)

Welcome to Decisions Decisions.

I don't think you should say decisions decisions. It sounded like you was talking to Kurston.

You definitely say to welcome.

Welcome to the new podcast.

Oh wait, you want to say together decisions Decisions.

Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Decisions Decisions.

I'm your girl, mad e b.

We have to be very proper. I'm your I feel like we have like a and you're from Boston, but southern Bale.

I have a You have a New England girly here.

Oh is that the New England vibe?

Yeah, it's a new England.

Are they proper?

Yes? I went to private school.

All I know is if y'all watching these holes on the YouTube, they sat up and they got these little demure dresses on, and I'm over here looking like a foster.

I look like a backup. You're not going this right now?

No, No, this fits the vibe?

Yeah, no, look good. Yeah, I look like if this was a girl group, I'd be the rapper. That's what I agree. That's what it's we're giving three O.

W oh wait, I thought you were gonna say TLC because it's given given, so we I don't know when you met Jody, but maybe we met at the same time. I met Jody and Can for our first time. We went and I think the bathroom and I was like.

No.

I was like, oh my god, because I'm.

Obsessed with you, but like that love a good bathroom na, because you don't really meet people after and even though we haven't hung after yet, but I find that, like the bathroom moment always ends, and I really appreciated that. When I started to see your videos later, I was like, oh the girls. Girls energy is real, because sometimes meeting people in the flesh is a little bit of a disappointment. So if y'all are here because you followed Jody, she

I don't know. I did see you and Can.

We were on the gary V yacht. I think, oh wait, it was yeah, not the gry V yacht. It was the I know I saw you outside of that. It was the one with was it the one where Lucky they perform?

May I saw you at CAN. You looked great. Oh thank you that you can be having about eleven afarol sprits to me.

So it's like I gotta get the number, and everyone from CAN I have to meet back up with when I come to the States. Otherwise that week I meet so many people. It's so many like that's all you do.

All Yeah, that's.

Actually one of the events where I wonder if you've ever dropped it. We're gonna ask you later like where to set the social scheme. But that's when I would put up there.

To me, CAN has been like, first off, it's now on my list for the rest of my life until they start pushing those niggas out. But it's it's one of the places where it's been so easy to meet other like minded professionals. And to me, just because you're out there, you black, everyone's dressed to the nine and everyone is there just to have a good time, and that when you are having a good time in another country with someone else, you want to bring that energy.

Different too than experiencing Like for anyone listening Can's lines festivals, what we're talking about it is a creative festival. It feels different than afrotech to me because for some reason, when you're that far, yeah, it's a different like, oh, it's a different vibe. And not only that they know that the job you're holding must already be something, yes, or if you are an influencer and starting out like

Know a thousand people going No, it's just because black people love to talk shit about our own things. Like they do it with and best fast, they did it with essence, they do it with like and I literally talked about this on selective ignorance. There's it's frustrating to see, like, the more things that we create of our own, right, we need funding, we need people to give us money.

So to me, that's the bet wards being stepped up.

I was really they stepped it up and then got rid of soul train and hip hop.

So it's like, yeah, I do believe black people are hyper critical, but it's because I don't think they feel like they have agency. And so when you don'teel like you have agency to do, then you only have agency to critique.

But how you can take our own ship. Clearly we have the agency too, and we see people getting bigger and bigger and bigger, and it's almost like a bit of some hate, like you also don't want to see your own gear and black people excel beyond the thing.

How you feel like white ice is colder And that's why I probably said Kansas bad as shit there it is, Oh my god. Okay, Jody, Jody Taylor, we just started reading bios on the show.

I ain't gonna hold you. We've eve been killing the biles. I'll say this is what we got, Bawn.

Okay, Jody, don't your native who is called New York City home for the past decade? Is it distinguished leader in the corporate strategy and digital influence space. A modern day aspirational figure providing unparalleled access. OOH embraces too and transparency into the concept of the glow up lifestyle and

So I don't wait question for you though in terms of feeling invalidated.

Tell me a little bit more about that, or we think about what our god damn book, Okay, tell it.

We don't get supported, we don't get asked to inswer certain space.

And you think it's aesthetic, it's because we're sexually liberated. It's because of the time I see it. And so the problem that.

I've been having, and it's funny because I just had an episode shout out to Ashley cop who's a sexpert, it's the same thing. It's like we're battling with the freedom to exist as C suite entrepreneurs and all these things, while also having the space to own our own autonomy, which is being taken away from us through laws, and then also just being able to be happy with how we're existing right and we're getting the issues from brands, from corporations, and then also from other black women even

No, no good.

We were told as New York Times bestsellers with a book that is being transformative, with a lot of reviews on Amazon, that actually has has been transforming the way people view themselves and stepping into their power and overcoming trauma.

Well maybe y'all should go to sex conventions.

What I think, it's difficult because people want to compartmentalize, right, It's easy. It's human psychology to dictate you look like this, ergo, you deserve these things and you're this kind of person. However, you all exist across multitudes, and that is a really difficult place to be. You all are the pioneers of this, so you're going to have an undue burden. It's going to be easier for the next Wheezy and Mandy, But y'all are the first to do something like this where

It is the way like the amount of knows we've heard me.

We even just got into a group chat together with with tempests and we were like, oh, we're so sick a fucking here and no, like we've heard no so much over the last fucking two years, even like after the rebrand, and there's still just been like God, damn, what the fuck can we do? Like and there's a there's a thing I talk about, like even with shooting

It is no. It's exhausting.

It is exhausting. But no is also data. There is no such thing as a no. It's just information. So when I hear no, I hear this is information that I'm getting from this space. What can I do to alchemize this no? So it's never a no, it's what are the pieces that I'm So for example, if someone does a video, this is a very like tepid example. But if someone does a video and I also do the same video, my video flops, Their video does fantastic.

It's a no in terms of the algorithm, it's the know.

In terms of perception, fine, but what I'm able to do is sit in the know because it's uncomfortable and it sucks. But also I can either continue to do that or I can figure out what is this person doing that's better than me, and how can I alchemize that information and data to make me better?

And that is how I've built a platform because.

I've been doing content for a minute and some of the girls blew up way past me. But what I was able to do is say, oh, she's doing this, she has the right lighting, she has the right hook, she has expyz. So even on a metas scale, and I'm not comparing a TikTok video to what y'all are going through, but on a meta scale, no is data. And I really lead into the note and I actually think you should chase the nose, especially right now, like y'all are no.

But the thing that I'm thinking about with what you're saying, especially with the being feeling like sorry, where was validated?

Yeah?

Yeah, being invalidated by women that are chasing a certain life or trying to get somewhere and we look different for me. Unfortunately, it did have to come with other accolades, like yeah, our podcast did so many numbers, so many things that it had broke barriers for so many accomplishments we've had, even with like being part of the inception of the black Back network that's now huge, just being those girls, the first girls like just like being unleashed

I would say most don't.

I don't the baby doing cochi shit. Them niggas be having the bacca bottle at the bottom of the death. They work a lot of hours, then they got to hang out with other bros. What other bros like? Stripper bitches?

No, they in broths, they strip clubs, they coked it out.

I say, the skills and the rich, but the girls that are chasing the finance bros. I think there's girls chasing them. They've never gd any finance. Have you seen on TikTok? I want a man six to finance whatever, like the black girls and white girls everybody, but they haven't got They haven't gotten it because what you don't understand is the skills that make you great at finance are the exact skills that make partner.

The way the girls be uh one in the athlete niggas? Now have you like? Oh, girls, the girls want athlete. They all growing woman girl the girl. You know, it's funny. You know what's funny about that? I'm not gonna lie. All of my homegirls thirty five don't nobody want them on. I can't think of it.

I think athletes are like, it's a young girl's game. It's a game either you got them in find you. I still got one on my roster, but just one. I only got one, Yes it was I.

Have one, just one one.

But I don't want to be with I don't desire being with him.

Like the idea of being with a guy.

Like that, yeah, is like fuck, wait, why tell me experience?

I think the way you think. I mean, they don't do coke because they get drug tested well. Apparently they do the pick coke on the yachts in off season. That was crazy.

I don't want them to take a black manta say hey, everyone's doing gummy bear stuff whatever.

Listen to me. I think just there.

They're the type of men that have never had to really compromise. They're the type of men that have always been given everything to them, that have never been held accountable for how they treat others because the world has been a runway for them, because they've been able to provide for family. They don't have friends that check them because the friends are on the paywall, and so in terms of how they show up in relationships, it's very surface, it's very lonely.

It's very empty.

And then you do have to realize that is going to be a person that you share that will most likely embarrass you.

And now you know what's interesting though, what because I know a lot of your content has been about rich men. In that discussion, people would say that for any rich guy.

Do you do you believe that about any rich men?

I do believe that about any rich man. I think I believe that about a lot of men. Actually, they don't even have to be rich.

Then if you are super attracted, if you're attracted, if you make in this economy over two hundred.

It's funny that it's funny that you said that in compared to the dark. So I was with my family this weekend and my sister is talking to a new guy his career. You wouldn't think anything up, but my mom has experienced with men in this career. So for if we're not talking about rich, wealthy men, apparently truck drivers are terrible men today and so listening to them this weekend, talk about how truck driving is a career that if a man has he.

Ain't shit because he's always on the road.

He might have his certain routes, so he got a bitch on these Routes's what.

So my partner is a real estate investor and he has been for the last I don't know, maybe six seven. We've only been did in two years. But that was his first job and that was how he got in come. You might be right the truck literally, but I didn't know about drivers, but I know those careers are the all that time on the truck, listening to them pop flipping houses, learning shit.

Okay, what other career then? If you're like, it's any guy. Are you just saying all men, whether I've got a job or not. I'm not saying all men.

Some of the some of the most insane men I've ever dated, have been in construction, I mean fantastic HVAC like it can be anything. The issue is supply and demand, and the issue is perception and access. It doesn't really matter how much money they have. What matters is who they have access to their perception.

Everybody got access to everybody now with social media. I also think it depends.

So for example, if me and my homegirls are at a party, I have seen this with my own eyes.

A regular dude who works at a great.

Tech company, you would think he was lebron the way that women are like circulating it.

Now, what is it? Is it?

The I mean, he's moderately attractive, has a good job. But in this economy where most men don't have a lot of those things, we're in a scarcity mindset. They're going to be rotating. And that's why I always say, I think it is very lame and very corny, and I got lit up for this when women are obsessed with David rich men, I think it is extremely lame and I think it's extremely corny. I think it's a proxy for low self esteem keyword being obsessed.

So what is what is your thoughts on women who.

Are obsessed sprinkle sprinkle all of that with the sprinkle, Yeah, I think so.

Wait, what do you sprinkles?

Sprinkles, sprinkle sprinkle the little sprinkle sprinkle. Lady who was talking about.

The I'm sorry, is this a new drug?

Okay?

So I did a TikTok say I think women who are obsessed with rich men are lame. And I kind of got lit up. Some women understood, some did it okay. I For example, if this.

Is a longer format, you could break it down to okay, per so explain. Okay.

So, for example, if a man said I'm obsessed with models, I think we would be like, oh, that's lame and that's corny. I think I don't understand where their dichotomy is for some people. But when women are outsourcing their agency and autonomy to a man with money, because it's very difficult to have that sort of relationship and there isn't any leverage points that aren't being exploited because that's human nature, there is going to be a level of

That's why I said, I feel powerful now makes money like I like that because here's the thing.

You just check boxed something for me that I said the other day, so went to dinner with a friend of mine, I would say maybe ten figures which to me is insane.

Yeah, we all go eat great brings.

A partner, new partner, and my homegirl says, can I say it? I was like, say it, babe. She was like, not that she wasn't great. I just thought he'd have this like super hot Russian model. But I see why because she's like, you know, and the way that he talked about. He's like, oh and she just left your pana was doing and like they're enamored by these other things they do. And do you remember my friend, my friend that dated the manager at Ross. Yeah, that to

Drake. I'm glad we all know that. Oh my goodness.

So starts connecting with her, finds out she does lashes on the side or something, but she manages like a TJ Max or.

I love it.

She got very insulted that he wanted to level her up. I see cut him off when he tried to give her money to more so invest in lash business or whatever. And I've been thinking about what you're saying, because that, to me is super wealthy. We think super rich niggas are playing ball and all that, and that's the low self esteem shit. We want to recycle the same pot girl every time. But that's super super next level wealthy. It's not that to me. And this is why I

What do you think of the loose we women women need more hobbies or men need more hobbies?

I think we all do. I think women women too universally.

So I actually did a poll on Instagram to ask men what they think women can do to glow up. And the number one thing that they said was, jes know, nothing physical. It was hobbies. It was getting a better group of friends. It was self investment. It was spending time meaningful. Swear to you, I believe you. One hundred and seventy five thousand people I asked, and all the men said, you got that?

Do you agree with it? I agree?

But why is that such a problem. It was going to be physical.

I thought it was going to be physical, like especially because men like to be in the gym, so I would.

Think that what they do.

So I'm thinking that's what men would want women to do, because I really feel like most menigcaus want to day they God damn him home un But.

Girl, they're spoiled with beauty. Men don't care about beauty anymore. There's a million when I tell you, so many beautiful women so extraordinarily boring and have nothing.

No dynamic girls say this all the time. Well, we go out.

We were just out with my homeboy the other day and he literally brought this up because he ended up meeting us at this place that was like, uh, it was a rooftop.

He meets us at the rooftop.

We go from the rooftop to get food, so we go to like this little Korean spot. Then we he ends up taking us to one of his homeboys restaurants that his homeboy owns, and literally in between he was like, yo, this has that happened in a while. He was like, I can't hang with y'all all night, like we're talking,

What because you said have one in the closet like me. I mean, I just got to throw that in there, you know what I mean.

But there's a thing right now around women not knowing how to just engage with men when it's not them interviewing them to be their partner or interviewing them to be their fuck buddies. It's like, oh, just hang out with the guys.

Tell us you have a masterclass. Now, what's the master class about? Because we need a little crash course today.

Yes, okay, I'm gonna tell you.

So the master class is born out of I felt like I, children of immigrants, came to New York City and there was so much I didn't know. I didn't know about having hobbies. I didn't know about joining a junior board. Do y'all know what a junior board is?

That's like school boys club, stuff like that sort of.

So, for example, all of them exactly, so all of these philanthropic organizations, they have junior boards for people forty and younger. And that is where a lot of the networking that's happening with the upwardly mobile exists in boards. I didn't know about joining boards. I didn't know about conferences, I didn't know about events, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. The Master class is built to help three components. Physical number one. So we're talking about hairstyles that work for you.

So these women in a class and you'd be like, no to the ball.

Sometimes it'll drop photo.

Sometimes in the group chat though out of photo, and they'll be like, should I wear my boss? I also, I was actually looking at y'all. This is this is it. Both of you found your our looks.

I ain't gonna hold you when I see like the throwback ship of how I used to like wear my hairs.

You found the hair of even mind you.

I've had men in my life that are like when I said I was gonna cut it off.

You know, black men will tell you not.

To cut your hair.

Oh, I like exactly, it's so weird.

I want to say, your long hair fixed now.

I want to ask you that actually to as a black woman with short hair, because I know we have a lot of the short hair girlies, and when we see each other, it's like a it's almost like an empowered thing to see other girls with short hair. It's almost like a club. Every time I'm out they see it.

Think it's the same.

My relationship to my hair isn't the relationship that most black women have with their hair.

Correct. What did cutting your hair off mean to you?

And and dating?

Yeah, so when I cut my hair, it was very therapeutic. So I grew up in an immigrant household where we prioritize achievement and appearance over everything. So I grew up in a very strict Christian That's why you're probably like, oh, you're acting like that. That was That was how I was socialized as a child. I went to prep school.

All of that that was my rewards growing up.

So then as I got older and was in therapy, I realized I didn't know who I was because I was defaulting so much of my identity to all right, this is what people like, this is what people says should do. And so as I was on learning and unpacking, I went to the hairdresser and I was like, shave it, Like this is a therapeutic moment for me. I want to be able to walk into a room and feel confident and to feel sexy without having to hide behind

Yeah, it is.

Depending Like there were so many things I was out of in life because I was like, oh, I can't participate in this because my hair's not done hard. My hair is really of course, also I had like I have four sea hair, so it's like, all right, it's a thing we'll have to d tangle and I have to think about it. And you begin to like socialize your life around your hair in a way that was just like, oh, I can't.

When you said hide behind your hair, I have three sea hair. And to me it's interesting because like four A three C blend. And I always said like mixed girls. Grown up people be like, oh, how can you got black girl hair? And you don't have this kind of hair like and a lot of my biracial friends have that super curly like Tracy Ellis ROSSI.

Yeah. Yeah.

My boyfriend said to me when my raids came out, he made me wear no fucking braids in Thailand. We were ever a month. Yeah, and so he goes, stop putting on makeup because you don't even put this much makeup on when.

You ever interesting.

I didn't even clock it. He was like, you are just suddenly you need this.

Your hair is out.

That's a good partner, it is, and it's a something. And great partners will hold a mirror up. Yea, but we need to hold the mirror up. Sorry, go back.

So physical physical, Oh yes, okay, So the masterclass, so we talk about physical it's everything from me. We'll have makeup artists come in, We'll have posture coaches come in, stylists come in and talk to you about your physical presence. Not only on the physical plane, but also how you hold yourself in a room. So that's why the posture piece. It might seem frivolous, but truly exactly, truly, you learn how to take up space differently exactly you're doing it.

Yeah, do you know they say.

I think it was someone at the stretch lab that told me. She was like, oh, you need your postures changed. I was like, almost bust me from stretch Lab. She's like, maybe something good's going on because you're walking with.

Your heart open. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yea yeah, learn how to take it.

And I think a lot of women, women of color, especially when we're in these spaces like corporate, we have to shrink ourselves like it's literally a physical manifestation of how we feel in a space. And so when you begin to walk open like that, it's indicating to yourself and others like I'm free to take up space and I'm allowed to move how I want to. So anyways,

And then lastly his career.

So that's everything from working in corporate, we talk a lot about entrepreneurs. So the person who's actually in the class tonight is the woman who did Anmars ten thousand dollars.

Do you remember, Charlie, Yes, they did it.

Did you see this?

That's my sast girl, because it's funny to me and my homegirl. Literally we're just.

Talking about her last week, Yes, because she met some girl that had a matchmaking service and we were talking about the difference between dating coach matchmaking service, and she was five thousand dollars. So we ended up talking about the girl who paid the ten thousand dollars but now is engaged, and so we were talking about the investment of dating. Because where we invest in college, we invest in our looks.

We invest in all these things.

She now at thirty nine. Yes, thirty nine is like damn, she said, I paid twenty five hundred. But we're talking now about what the investment in dating looks like as a woman approaching your thirties that wants a family unit or that wants to get a partner. And so it's interesting to hear her say that she would pay twenty five hundred even for a matchmaker, because I see in her mind she's like, oh, yeah, this is something now that I have to invest in.

Yeah.

So I made the face because I ain't paying ten thousand dollars for no niggas.

Well. I did Aniars program too. I paid six or seven six or seven thousand thousand.

You got a man?

How did it go? Oh?

I have myself and I have you know how I have my sanity. That's what I do.

We're your ROI on the six to seventh.

Though, So the point of NRS program is, and I love Edward, the point of NRS program isn't to get a man, because that's also.

Contingent someone else.

Okay, ballad right, that's contingent on the pool.

That's continent.

What it is though, it taught me boundaries, and it taught me vulnerability, and I think.

As of color, how I grew up vulnerability.

I did not know how to be vulnerable. I did not know.

Okay, so if I were to ask you, how are you feeling, how would you respond to it.

I'm feeling great. I had a good day, I worked out, and now I'm at work.

And I love my job.

Okay, you didn't use a feelings word, right, you said I feel great, active addctives. That's not vulnerability. I didn't tell me anything meaningful about your inner world when we talk about vulnerability in relationships and dating with my relationships gave me the feelings.

With the feelings feeling, I use my feelings.

We all, so I'm talking about Oh, I'm feeling really anxious right now, I'm feeling frustrated, I'm feeling really excited. Here is why. It's giving people a peak into your inner world and when you grew up how I grew up, which was perfectionism, and you can only let people. And I think a lot of black women feel this way too. If I have to be perfect in how I show up in order to say made silent very Jamaican, yeah, you could tell or I have.

Dated a Jamaican girl. For a bit that was constantly talking about perfection. She's like, why don't think you understand? Like, so they came from Jamaica when she was maybe five and just almost like I would say, adjacent to Africans wanting to be the standards. But I didn't really hear that before.

Because what what type, like did you come from money? Because like, I'm Jamaican, I was gonna say Jamaica, I'm Jamaican and white. What where from They're from Saint Catherine? Where from the township? I don't know, day from the country as the Latin the hood.

That's my family. Okay, okay, yeah.

We weren't like they say Catherine. But what's crazy? And that's why I asked, though, did you come from money? Because the difference with my family wasn't that, but they were workers like my uncle, my aunts, my like from doing the paper the paper route in the morning to then working at a at a convention store, to then taking.

Care of all the kids to me, which is why my.

Dad for so long even with this podcast, specifically when I was bartending, it was a part of why I even went to college and went to school because when I was bartending, it didn't matter how much money I fucking made every time I went home, when you're gonna get a real job, and he just didn't think I had a fucking real job. Even though I made money, even though I was paying my own bills, it didn't matter.

He wanted me to have a real job.

And it wasn't until like even recently, like I was surprised he was proud of me because this, to him isn't a real job.

Of course, and so.

Doctor engineer get me, and he's but he's also like blue blue, blue collar. He's a construction worker. My mom works in healthcare. My uncle's also construction worker. Everyone had blue collar jobs. So for me, it's interesting hearing your upbringing like that, because for me, it was just always work, work, work, make money, and have all the jobs that you can, which is probably why I keep wanting to make jobs

And then also sexuality. This is definitely not gonna say, how does he feel about oh girl.

My sister was growing up the favorite daughter. My sister is lesbian.

Okay, well I have seen.

It's so interesting subconsciously seeing him detach like my cousin had to leave Jamaica because he was gay, and I talk about it in the book where we have to unlearn so many things, because for me, even though we know he's gay, never saw any partner.

We never were introduced to anything he did, even sexually. He just showed up.

We knew he was gay, and he existed in however he had to in his other life. And I literally talked about it with my cousin recently because I was like, damn, how lonely must.

That have been.

Like we all knew he was gay, we never asked me as partners. We never welcomed it like growing up, and it was just like, it's hurtful now to realize, like damn, we never embraced his sexuality, and now as a fluid sexual bitch, I am now my sister's gay. My sister said she might go get because these niggas ain't shit. It's so interesting how we're able to talk about it now, but that was not talked about growing up, not talking.

I don't know one gage of making and statistically they have to go.

And that is why I never really got anywhere with their girls.

I don't think you get it.

You know, she's probably living in the closet.

Oh yeah, yeah, she had to have.

And honestly, when she met me, she said she was Caribbean and didn't specify, which I thought was so strange. But anyway, hold on, we need to get into joke. Let me shut the fuck U about my life. This is what y'all came for.

I'm not gonna give it to you.

Well, okay, investments for women, yes, I want to talk about both investments for women, investments for men. We've talked about social capital, but dig into what we need to be spending our money on because we're thinking it might be expensive clothes. It might just be one really good little black dress. Who knows what should we be investing?

So I think women focus on the wrong things. We hyper fixate on the micro that is it actually moving the needle. You need to focus on the big four that's moving needles. Hair, skin, teeth, nails, our hairskin, teeth, body actually, and then we can kind of like fold in. Sometimes nails can fold in, like maybe.

They just don't care about nails. They actually don't like may.

No, no, no, yeah, they care about feet in toe they care rah. I'm telling you right now, my man clut Yeah, we were watching ninety why, like, look at this girl.

Someone paid me three thousand dollars because one of my nails fell off and he was like you can't.

No, no, no, no broken nails. I get that nail key. Yeah, he was like men clock.

Yeah, but if you don't have polish on your nails, a man isn't going to be like you need a f that's not nails to me though, that's what I'm what I'm saying. If you're a woman that gets your nails done, keeping them up is a thing for me. You could have no nails literally, no designs, just your naturals and the man ain't gonna come up and be like you need a.

Full Setma, Yeah that's not what I think. That's what. Yeah, it's just nail up keep and nails that's upkeep. But don't have a chip. Don't have it.

I'm talking about the same like I don't. I don't even know if I'm dating man that date girls like they like you know, like the crazy Yeah, like that's not because that's hygiene.

Yeah, but a lot of people question the hygiene.

And that I don't even know if they know what a full say is.

But my point, which is why I'm.

Like they like a well talking about men, we're not even talking about like that wasn't even the calculus that we need to be making. Because when I'm talking about self investment, I'm not even thinking from the lens of like what male care, what men care about? I'm thinking from the lens of like what is going to make you feel good and like begin the practice of focusing your energy on yourself.

Yeah, I don't even it's about bet or not.

I don't care what the bad they So when I think about like the things that really move the needle in terms of personal appearance and personal brand, it's going to be getting the hairstyle that works for you. It's going to be getting your like the body the person right. And it's not about a size. It's more about getting

Teeth was my biggest elevation in my life. Same people keep saying that I look better than I ever have, And I thought it was like hair, But I'm.

Like, I thought that about you too. I'm like, you look good.

It was like your Instagram recently, I'm like, but you know what teeth does too. It also changes your face shape. It does so it's not about the teeth, it's about like your jaw.

This is so different.

I'm sorry for saying this. I went to this doctor of her east side. She said something. I am thirty four years old. I never wanted to have races until she goes, oh, it's gonna change your face. This line isn't gonna yeah, you're gonna get a little up. Yeah, but you people are gonna think you got cheth filled.

I was like, oh, really, you're like done, But.

I'm telling you. It changed me. It's making people respond to me different way. And I never thought teeth were this important. Yeah, because I thought, fuck yeah, it was one of the.

First things I did.

Yeah, teeth changes your face shape, it changes how people interact with you.

I was thinking about that. You about Wheezy.

I saw your Instagram and I'm like, she looks good. I'm just happy, and I don't know what that's true. It might also be happy, but I do think it's a teeth.

Actually, I actually think don't have to keep racist in fail.

Okay, wait, now this one I heard has been like your ship. Yes, I want you to pick three. One has to go.

Okay.

Botox fitness therapy for the glow up, which one.

I think botox can go because you can get similar, similar results from not using botox. So there's a product called Brownies. I don't know if y'all have ever heard of it, but it's almost like put us on base taping and you sleep with it on and then it kind of creates the same effect. There's a bunch of products and like lasers and stuff that you can get collagen you get CO two lasers, you can get clear and brilliant.

All of that now, Oh clear and brilliant. Yeah, I got seven hundred. You gotta get me a guy, I got that's cheaper, all right. Another one investments for men. But the men watching that need to have their glow up? What do you feel like isn't hitting for men?

Okay, So I did the same poll I ask all men dusty they do.

And the issue is it's sorry, Ed, you don't look at you don't look dusty. You don't look dusty, Eden, I don't even believe it. No, you look like, yeah, you're good for it. Actually the diametric opposite.

So men cared a lot about what women were doing in terms of like personality stuff. They were like, oh, she should have friends, but the women were actually the ones who were very caught up on the physical.

The hygiene.

The hygiene, yes, the nail care, the teeth care.

Beard, yeah, like don't cut it off. Keep you might clean them.

No, I think it was like beard trimming, like keeping, like the general up, keep up.

I think seeth is very important with men.

But also yes, the hygiene, especially because like how are you trying to finger a bit in your nails?

Their nails is dirty, the nails are long.

And then it was and then it was really nasty too.

It was one of the streamer's brothers was talking about he just lets the water go down his ass crank, he don't wash his ass because it's.

Gay, And I was like, what that literally you ain't see the clip.

He literally was so proud to say, yeah, like I'll be digging in my ass, like I just let the water go down, It'll be fine.

Bro.

What And this is why we need full frontal alone Like what the that say?

But this is why you can't they a man who's homophobic because he not washed his ass exactly.

I mean we can end it now.

That's fact that we're not because the girls want more.

Okay, wait, I didn't finish investments for men though, so it was a lot around the physical. Also, I think what a lot of women are looking for. Women are making more money, so money is not moving the needle anymore, and I think we, I think, unfortunately, men have been socialized to believe that money is moving the needle. Ergo the men who are actually investing in therapy, the men who actually have emotional availability.

Those are actually the men who are going to win.

So a lot of the girls that I know who are true ten out of ten baddies, they're not dating the athletes. They're dating the guy who's doing well, who who asks therapy, emotionally available, can put himself together, has has somewhat of a wardshrope. Those are actually like the prime candidates right now.

So my friend taught me capsule capsule collection. He went to his closet because he always dressed so well. So the first time I w into his house, I said, this all.

Seems like a lot, yeah, because you know how to mix it match it.

When I'm looking at all the shoes, it's Margella, he's wearing the you, Saint Laurent, he's at the ricks. The best of the best. I'm like, I understand now, and I don't think that what's been easy for me, especially because we've got to have alphas all the time. Instagram really fucks your brain with gospash. Oh my gosh, you're sitting here watching this TikTok of this battie and now we've bought all these thirty dollars.

Dresses in our class yep that you never wear, which I wear them? You wear all of your thirty dollars. I wear all my two dollars sheets.

I wear its cute Sanda repeated, and then I let my friends wear it, and I'll be like, bitch, I want to beg and I get it.

Bag.

I literally moved to Atlanta for another closet, so I mean that's what I tell you. Feel me, I'd be like, bitch, I needed a closet. But I love just a lot of options. I do love a lot of options too.

However, it creates paralysis, and it creates cognitive dissonance, so people don't always know how to engage with you when they don't know how to perceive you. And in terms of like how you're showing up on the physical plane, it's giving so many different so if you're a girly in corporate specifically, there should be one aesthetic that you're really leading into and then maybe on the weekends you

It goes by my mood.

Okay, Sometimes I want to give study, Sometimes I want to give hope. Sometimes I want to give corporate baddies for me.

And I think that.

That's been the joys of maybe entrepreneurship and freedom for me. Like I hated the frumpiness of what corporate attire for the pond people, and so like now that I just get to some which is why my friends make fun of me. It don't matter if I'm somewhere. This is like the most the least I've packed ever. If I come to New York for three days, which my suitcase is sixty pounds because I don't know if I'm going to wake up and want to wear boots or heels or slides or sneakers. To me, it's a mood when

It is very important because something people have told me over the years that I kind of like. I love that everyone knows exactly what my neil color will be exactly my hair is always pretty much gonna the same. That it's not natural. I think it's nice to even have, even with us being on tour now, like blonde, it's a signature the last tour that you did, we had that look.

Yeah, this signature a lot of pr people actually tell.

So I don't know if you do y'all know Elaine.

Mall Turos, Yes, yes, okay, I don't know if you remember when she came out on the scene.

She used to have the big blacks and the big white boots.

And the big hair.

And I don't know her if she did this intentionally, but it was something that or de Ray do you know y'all.

Know Drays the blue vest, blue vest exactly because the blue best I'd be like, what exactly to this?

So there is a there's a currency in being able to have things that people can identify you by. So it doesn't have to be clothing like you have the hair, you have the hair, et cetera.

But we can all say deray in the blue vest.

We can all say wireframe glasses it and now now we know exactly, so.

Screwed when I get these braces off. Okay, dating A ten out of ten? You had a video about this. What the hell was that?

I don't even remember this video? But what was the concept dating a ten out of ten?

It was like who you are and dating experience or person? Maybe that was the same one, but oh that one I really like. Okay, tell me who are you in dating? You said there's either two type of people. Are you an experienced data or person data? Y? What is that?

I remember?

I was digging girl.

I'm like, I don't even remember.

I didn't agree with and then things I did, but I wanted j all to find.

About Ooh, I want to hear what you don't agree with as well. But okay, tell me this one.

We're talking.

Okay, So people oftentimes fixate on the person in dating.

This is something I learned from Nmar as well.

Fixate on the person, right, Like I like this man so much, I'm going to figure out how to make it work. Instead, we need to focus on the experience, Like what is the experience that I'm having, and whoever offers me the best experience is the person I'm going to go with. So I don't think it's particularly controversial. I just won't think people.

Do it well.

Right, So you meet somebody he has all of these like checklist qualities, You're like, I'm going to figure out a way to make this work. Instead, you should be doing what are the feelings, the experiences, the ease that I want to feel, and whoever offers that within the realm of like your standards and boundaries is the person that you need to go with. And I feel like that's pretty that's that's yeah. I feel like everyone should feel that way. I don't think everyone executed love that.

I don't even want to like get too much into our own ship to stuck up your time. But there was a recent thing that I've been talking about on Horrible that was so important to me. My boyfriend told me I really don't know if I dated a woman that liked me, or they were seeing me and they knew I was fly or attracted. I have a great job, like I'm working for myself. They're like, oh, I need him.

But I also want to bring it to the Ross point where your rich friend was dating the girl who worked at Ross, and we see that dynamic a lot. I feel like we see that dynamic with men who are exceptionally wealthy end up dating women who are like, ah, not doing that well. It's because they offer a unique experience. They're not eliciting something from them. I think unfortunately a lot of girls who are doing like exceptionally well.

We lean on qualities that don't.

Make us softer partners, and I think you were kind of saying this earlier too. Sometimes we over index on like the harder qualities, like the fact that we make money, the fact that we have these degrees, and don't lean into the more feminine, soft qualities that I think a lot of these high earning men are really looking for.

M oh no, I'm very feminine. I will ask any money. I want to go on vacation. I really need a break. I'm tired.

Like, oh no, I lean And I think that that's been the best part about me currently dating.

Like I used to think I couldn't ask for things. Yeah, but I go. I not ask for exactly.

I love it and I get to do it. Yeah, And I'm all right, schall for our reaction. Before we get out of here, I want to play this and tell you what various men said in my phone, including mine.

The box theory when it comes to men is completely true. Guys when they start to see a girl, will put you in one of three boxes. The first box is someone that they are not really attracted to and they just don't want to date.

The second box is someone.

That they want to hook up with.

So even though they may tell you that they like you or they enjoy.

Hanging out with you, maybe they take you on dates.

They just only want to hook up with you. And then the third box is, of course they want to date you, and guys will know what box to put you in literally within like the first twenty minutes of meeting.

You agree.

I don't agree.

I agree to an extent, but yeah, I don't agree.

I think there's more than three boxes oo before it, I can't. I can't give you another one right now, but there's in my head I tell us, I'm sure that there's more than three boxes for me. I can't just put you as then like I just want you as a friend, I just want to fuck and then I just want.

To be there, especially within the first twenty minutes, Like I think both of my last two relationships, it's like they were shocked, like because who they thought I was once they actually got to know me, they were like, you're nothing like I thought you'd be. I thought this would just be one thing, and now I've fallen for you. Like the people that have been around for a long time, even she know my little other little boo, like we've known each other for a long time and now like

So to me, how you meet me immediately, You're not.

Gonna know in twenty minutes, because I'm someone that you kind of have to peel back the layers like an onion to really experience it.

Thinks in the opposite you, I think a lot about a wife, this girl, and then after maybe.

Like so I think for me, they expect me to be one way. I actually am shockingly very down to earth. I don't really like to go out that much. I'm a homebody. I like to kick it that they might think they set it on couch exactly and only talked to whatever. Whatever people think about whomever I think there's an opportunity.

I think I'm a dynamic person, so I don't want to be.

At a club.

How come off seener?

The clue A last two times?

When was the last time you sat me?

The can't exactly.

Did a little intake.

I asked my boyfriend, Jeff, who's a fitness structure of trap Arsante, who does drink ConTroll off some other guys. Now, every single man said yes, but one. And what I found interesting was Jeff was like absolutely yes, yes I did bottle box. But there was one girl that got out. All of them.

Always get out the box. Now you might be the one.

One thing my boyfriend said that was interesting to me. That started to connect the dots with the others. When I started to dig deeper, like what was it with the other women? They all were maybe influencer, maybe DJ, maybe someone You're like, this is scary a sex podcaster?

Yeah, very scary. Yeah. Now big big red flags, right, And so.

My red friend's like, of course, He's like, actually, I just wanted to fuck everybody until I'll talk a little more. But I then asked what brought me out of the box, and this I found interesting. I don't want to lie to you. It didn't take weeks to.

Get out of the box.

It did take months. I didn't fall for you till month three because I just kept thinking you were so cool and I had to study a little bit more. I'd like to date for a long time before making someone my girl, and I don't think you're understanding that if it's working faster for you. I'm consistently putting everybody in the same box because I am not actively looking for a partner in that or at that time, right, And a lot of men, I think find their answer

Oh, Because I mean I for my ex first night, it was the other three years.

And that happens though, because.

It happens quite a bit.

Like Yeah, we had a conversation with Paul Pierce and he said his wife sucked on the first night.

But that's the thing too, Like even if the sex.

That is hilarious that he came out here.

That he did, he said, And I stayed with her for like two weeks after that because she's just yeah.

This is very I mean they're not married, Okay, I said, besides cooking and cleaning, what were the qualities? And I wait, you were cooking and cleaning, because I know that's what I do. I'm saying, besides me cooking or whatever, you were cooking and cleaning, though not in three months, but you're cooking, yes, not cleaning. Okay, Okay, okay, I think if we're cleaning, you know I'm a clean girl. Okay, went home. Yeah, you smell the dip tea. I love it.

Man, you're gonna come to mysel and be like, my cleaner ain't coming.

She's not here yet, you're coming tomorrow.

And then cooking. I ain't doing that for a while.

So confidence was one. Honesty didn't find you to be a liar. And I really think some real shit.

Yeah.

A lot of the girls he did before me were very like primp popper girls. Yeah, you know, those are the girls that are acting like they never sucked the day. Yep, they've never had a partner, and I think men are very taken back when women get to talk about relationships and exes. I'd love to know what you think of that too. Nurturing, I found that many women are not I'm looking for them to be softer, and it's not

We're losing I think unfortunately society has changed in a way in which we are having multiple roles. The household used to be someone was a primary breadwinner, then someone was taking care of the home, and a contemporary society, we're doing both roles right Like we go home and we cook and we clean and we meal prep, and then we're also going out and doing work. Softness comes from having the psychological space to rest and be able to sort of like disconnect from your mind and into

I won't say most, but some are.

But if you're able to say, like, hey, I'm feeling this way, can we talk about it. The emotional regulation and the emotional control that comes with UH being able to one identify your own feelings and then verbalize it to someone else. I think that's the softness that men are really looking for. But generally, if a woman wants to reconnect with her femininity, with her softness, with whatever one, it's doing things that you like to do growing up, like whatever you like to do as a child, like

I love that.

I love that, boss pitch the chief of staff and let our listeners know where they can follow you.

So on TikTok, I'm Jody k Tay on Instagram, I'm the same thing, but with an L at the end, Jode Kate Tail Hey y L And then yeah, my masterclass and all information is also on my website, which is jodykta dot com.

Is only in person now it's virtual.

We have girls all across the world and we will we.

Will include the link. Thanks the discersion of this episode at to make sure you get it. Thank you guys so much for tuning in. Make sure you become a patron. Make sure you buy our books. This has been another episode of Decisions, Decisions.

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