EP 434: Saving Your Marriage & Successful Failure (Ft. KevOnStage)

But I'll tell you when I was judging in the book, Yeah, your wife was about to move a nigga out.

My wife was about to move a nigga in the house.

Excuse me? Was it a family member in the black community?

That's really there's a tricky It's tricky, It's right.

So she was like, yeah, my mom told him he could kind of stay with us for a while.

I was like, no, she did it.

I don't care.

She was like, heah, but you know what I'm saying, he's like family. I said that nigga ain't like family. There's family and then there's not family. And I'm not even there. I don't know Hell yet, I've never heard the name. And I live in LA with our son.

And you want another man making Sandwichians.

Welcome to decisions decisions. I don't think you should say the decisions. It sounded like you was talking to cursing.

You definitely say to welcome, welcome to the new podcast. You want to say together the decisions decisions.

Hey God, welcome to an their episode.

Of decisions decisions. I'm your girl, man DYV, and I'm not gonna do my aka's today because to be respectful.

Don't be respectful of your AKA.

Well I'm your girl.

Maybe be aka Pagan Marco aka Peg Decigon aka Peggy Buddy a ka ton b Hey everybody, I'm weazy and let the church say. Ay know I grew up a Jewish girl. They're down bad right now.

But what we do have in the building is loving, not fetter line.

We're more popularly known as keV on stage, not to be confused with Kevin.

See. You know what crazy ideas used to think it was keV on so many people do.

This is kVA stay.

He definitely thought that because my first time seeing you, I think I mentioned when we were on your episode was.

On a flight yeah, and I was like, well, I know what I'm doing well because I'm next to Kevin. He's like, I did think you were cave On, but we're from Florida's.

There's also no at this point, if you know me on social media like I don't, I'm very ready to say Kevin. I mean, like, this is Kevin stage and people just know me. I guess they think, but Kevin is a name. But the thing that tripping out people who think stage is my real last name.

And I'm like.

You ain't.

Never met nobody whose last name is stage.

You got put in a bostrophe. It could have been you know what, what's quite of black? Are you?

What? Are regular black? Regular? Regular traditional black?

Actually actually one eighth Mexican. No, technically that's why you were red bone.

We was trying to tell caw Hey he read, so we look at the white balance was off.

But I was like, can't you a little light skinned? Said you red Bone? Any white? He said no, he not, And then we like, but this is summer cap. This is brown. Just so you know, if you was in Florida, is giving red bone?

Okay, like somebody from across the street goes red and red white too dog for red ball.

I mean, you know, it's just iracial opportunity to make put somebody because all we experienced October through March is damn they were that white. Or then Mandy and I arguing about who's whiter.

Who's darker? Oh yeah, we literally have.

We was at the pool yesterday and I was literally like, m m, look at me, I'm getting red and they're like, no, you're We were literally talking about red light skin yellow. We was talking about all the shades of mellown. Then my homegirl's like, I'm olive. We said, bitch, we give up, she said, olive all of us. We're both sorry for makeup.

We all.

Anyway, let's talk about Kevin. So, actually, isn't it a brilliant of these things to say church announcements? Okay, I want to plug it off the top, Yes, off the top.

As y'all know, we begged you bitches to buy a book.

I mean I literally some of you went down the street, took the put it down your throat and say, get another one. This is what Kim is here to promo successful failure. I actually read it. I honestly didn't think I I was kind of just like, oh, let me skim.

Then it was actually fun. Yes, I love this honestly, actually fun because we'll also because yeah, I don't assume books will be now ours.

Y'all knew you were getting us eating ass like dick all the things.

So I also didn't pictures imagine someone like the dirty and funny shit like I audibly laughed out loud.

But I do doo.

I don't care how many people heard the story. By the way I brought this up with you, they were like yeah, we know the dude story. I'm like, I don't care, I want him to tell it again. But that shit was great.

Yeah, And I like when church people aren't like two churchy, but they give a show name Churchy.

So although I have a show named Churchie that's on BT plus August twenty first period. But I think for me, being for me, this is not all people for me. I think as Christians, I think we've done a bad job of showing how you can actually be a regular person. Christianity is a huge part of who you are, but it shouldn't be the only thing in the sense of like, I mean, like you don't go to movies, you can't talk about me, Like everything can't be Oh I.

Am I was they don't go to you were talking about something TV.

Yeah.

When I was a kid, we couldn't go to the movie theater, like that's how my family was raised.

And I was like, but we could watch movies.

You didn't have the experience of bringing in a whole cooked meal to the movie theater as a child.

Not until we left El Paso. Like once we left my home church, my mom kind of relaxed the guidelines. Okay, we were poor anyway, So it wasn't that's why you had to bring your own snack.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The movie theaters.

Brought in leftover in the movie logic. So I've heard like Harry Potter, my.

Pastor was like, the movie theater is sinful, and I was like, is it inherent? Is it the movie theater or the movies? Long story short, later on in life, we felt My grandma told me that his son was having sex in the theater.

I knew.

I know that that's where most girls get thinking for the first time, like the movie theaters is I'm gonna be really the beginning of Sinners got a little too long, and my my nigg was about to figure me right there, and then it started to turn it up, because you remember, like right the first ten minutes, it was like, oh this is great, great cinematography.

Oh no, great cinematography? Was you and like the reenact, oh my god?

Yeah. We did it remot.

Sinners to promote U his comedy tour. And when I say, so fucking good, and your wife.

Was in it too, right, No, that's my homegirl Angel.

Okay, okay, that's who we met. Though in the studio, everybody confused Melissa and Angel.

No, I don't know why we do that act.

Oh wow, no, God, yes, and I got some Melissa shade anyway from the book. Okay, so real quick, CHURCHI is we stream it? How do we watch it?

We stream it on bt Plus on August twenty first, all ten episodes will be that day. Believe it's a Thursday. If I'm not mistaken, you can watch it in the weekend.

By the way, if you don't want to download bt Plus to make it easier, it's just Amazon Prime and.

You add it.

That's all you got to do.

Period. I didn't realize that.

If you say, hey, we need you to promote FUSE Plus, I was like, please download it Android app stores.

Yeah, it makes it easier, but it's also confusing because you don't That's why I say the platform is it's harder to have, like, you know, platform dominance now because your TV just has the shows on. Oh you don't even know. It's just like you want to watch this, you want to and then you press play. If you're logged in, you go in. So yes, you can give BDT plus on Prime period. You could log in through there.

Now, Church, here are you bringing? Like, is there any raunchiness in it at all.

There's zero raunches in the first season.

That's why we're making cap runching, y'all.

I kissed.

I kissed a girl in the first season, not a cad I kiss with your tongue.

With my tongue.

Who watched.

Her name is Shannie Shockley. She's she had played my fiance in the show. I had not kissed another woman in since I was sixteen.

Wait, you and your wife have been together that long.

Melissa was my my my girlfriend May fifteen, two thousand. I asked her to be well technically, long story short, I thought we were dating for two weeks and what.

You thought you were dating?

How do you think you're doing a school like?

You know what I'm saying? You want be my girl?

And I thought she said yeah, So I started. I started doing boyfriend's stuff, boyfriend stuff. I'm gonna tell you this is my move right, just to say this is your knee right?

Yes.

I used to do this move where I would like, do this like and it would tickle your knee, so great move right, Oh my, I did it. She like stopped my hand on the bus. She was like, what are you doing? I was like, you're my girl. She's like, no, I'm not.

And I was like, but remember that time I said you're gonna be my girl.

She's like, I don't know what you're talking about.

So I was like, oh so so on May fifteen, two thousand, I asked her straight up like, hey, actually, it's not even what happened.

Her cousin, Tony, who's my homeboy to this day. He was like, come on, cousin, be with keV. You know what I'm saying.

I had been championing this all semester.

Get the fist.

I was like, can I you know? She was like, be my girl, being my girl, Come on, list that's what Tony was saying. She was like, okay, Tony, I will be his girl. Dad you happy and threw my hands. No free story, threw my hand. We were walking to her house from the bus stop.

Now.

She said yeah, okay, and she threw my hand and I was like, this is gonna be my life.

And we have never broken up since.

Wait.

I don't know why that's funny, because I feel like everybody any wedding I've ever been to, they'd be like, you remember we had want rough pack.

Yeah, you've never had a rough pat.

She tried to break up with me in college.

Okay, she tried.

She tried.

She literally tried, like me and my homeboys and we were playing too much Madden. Oh yeah, I would have broken up with I was playing Madden.

You were a gamer.

I wasn't even a gamer as if like gamers are now. But when the new Madden comes out them first two three weeks.

Niggas is only Oh, I tell you're gonna say dazz no, no, no, like weeks.

I mean I was just going by boys possibly played the game for the weekend. So apparently she was mad that I wasn't like spending enough time with her. Blah ballad valid, completely valid. So I'm walking into her dorm, up to her dorm to walk into class. Actually was just come to check on her, and her door was open and she was fussing to her roommate. So the big ol' they over here uff in the puppet playing the game. Didn't spend no time with me playing the game. So so I walked in a room.

I was like, you good.

She was like, actually, I think we need to take a break. And I was like, and I was like, you're a little upset I'm gonna go back to.

My guess while you go. I was, that's funny, I said, you're a little upset.

I'm gonna I'm gonna go back to my dorm and I'll be back in the morning to walk to your class.

And I did.

I walked all the way back across campus, so I was like a twenty minute walk. I showed up the next morning like nothing ever happened, and we have never broken up since we.

Had rough patches.

Though I ain't gonna hold you, yeah, pandemic rough patch.

Now because you're spending too much on together or your board. Uh.

In the pandemic, Yeah, Pandemic was like a mirror out of things I think, myriad, I think, how do I say this? People weren't realizing how much free time they had because of their day to day life. So we thought because we were in the house together, we would then all of a sudden spend all our time together.

And I think when we didn't want to.

It was like incongruent with how we felt because I'm like, you know, I'm a touring comedian. You guys have been on the road before, like I got my so I'm usually in my hotel I'm watching like I have my own time. So there was times where I just want to go and watch the office in my office with the door closed by myself and chill, and you know, she was like, you know we why do you want to do with me? I'm like, I'd be with you all the time. And then the reverse, like when I

She'd go get.

Yeah, she'd get a nails done, get her hair does. She'll go grab lunch so she could have her day. So now that's not gone. So we're clashing more than we usually do.

A pandemic was make or break.

One relationship and true story.

One day we was into it, deep tension, thick wings wasn't saving it because wings often breaks an argument. Chicken chicken wing, get then be hungry.

No, I don't when white people watch stuff and be like told chicken wings. Everybody likes chicken.

It's not a black thing.

Everybody likes wings.

You know what, you know what pisses me all about? You just saying that bro Alex has his fucking dog in here and he's recording it.

Like looks like a little chicken wing it does you.

Really like chicken? And now you're being stereotypical Count.

I'm sorry, red bone like a chicken. God damn it.

So I used to be like, we arguing, like you're hungry with wings, and she'd be like, fun and that would be the ice breaking.

What's the flavor of the wings. Of course, you do what.

You gotta because if you want to make it back.

So one time, I mean, we was into it.

We was like walking past each other on the stairs, not talking tension people from upstairs downstairs, and she was like one day she was like, I'm gonna leave, Like I need to go stay in the hotel.

I just needing to.

I was not gonna save us.

She booked the hotel room in Simi Valley, which is like way out and she was she, yeah, that's two hours ago. They took They took that evidence like a whole bunch of cops ave out their true story.

Not they said the evidence.

They were they come from Simmy Valley down and harassed the niggas and they go right back to Sweet valley where so she booked the hotel and like she was leaving, and in this moment, I'm like, oh, Like I felt like it was gonna be a moment, like if I let her go, it was gonna be a moment. I was in my draw I'm two seventy, you know, cities hanging, belly hanging.

Over his draws. She goes, pulls her car off the garage like the ring.

The garage app opens and it is like two am and she's pulling out and I ran down the stairs in my draws, through through the garage before she could get out, got in her car and was like, no, no, don't leave, like don't nineties R and.

B don't there. You got on your knees and everything.

I I went out there because I remember her parents got divorced.

Lady, see if they don't beg bitch, you better just go him? Then why not just give.

Her the night? No, I'm gonna tell you why.

I'm gonna tell you why because in the moment of the way she left, it wasn't that right. It wasn't like let me get the night. It was like it was it felt like a point and I felt like if I let her go. It was gonna be too hard to get her back. And her parents have got divorced, and we talked to them separately, like what is one thing you wish you had done differently? And they both said, I wish I would have fought more for my marriage, and I wish the other person would have fought for me.

Forget that all right? I just say I remember. I remember I was seven years old.

I remember this.

So I remembered that in my head and I was like, there was no ego, there was no nothing. I was like, this girl goes to if I let her go to this hotel, I think it's gonna we're gonna cross the point. That's gonna be too hard because when she goes, then my mind's gonna start being like, oh she left.

You know you know what I'm saying.

This is given me a little info right now. Yeah, during an argument with.

My boyfriend, he said to me when I was like, oh, I don't know if I did any space or whatever, and I was like, you know what, sometimes we just be around each other too much, and I'm gonna go to spot day.

Maybe I'll just stay there tonight.

And he was like, are you crazy, Like, no, this isn't what house did you grow up? And when you just think, oh, I'm just gonna go stay up in the rich for the night, know how it works, you can go another room.

We are together.

We together.

And I used to look at it like, oh, he won't give me space. But hearing you.

Say this, I understand because it just gets you kind of used to like separating when you're angry instead of work here.

And I totally agree.

And I'm not saying that what you're what you're asking for is wrong, I think, but that's comes from a healthy place in a healthy moment, like hey, I just need to date to myself, blah blah blah like that, but in an argument to leave in anger for us, for us, it's just for me speaking for myself, speaking for myself, for myself, myself, I felt like this was a point where she was going to get to the hotel and start going in her mind about he let me go even though that doesn't make sense.

He didn't even fighting for me.

And whether there's you didn't run behind the car, and I would have.

I would have.

I would have wear n four two four, I would have put my hamstring, but I would have put my hamstring in chase because I really can't get up to them speeds no more.

But we sat in the car. I cried, She.

Cried, We crowed, we crowed, We crowed together, talked to like four A m in the car in the car.

My draw that's a good one. Not only that she stayed in that car because you said the wrong mother.

If you ever get to the point in the argument for like everything's getting better than one thing taking me back.

And we went in the house and it wasn't even like happily ever after.

In that moment, right, but it's like it was like a punt, like we didn't score a touchdown, but we didn't throw an interception.

We just punting for field position and type thing. We went to bed.

Madden is still in the mid I mean.

I'm gonna give you a sports analogy because that's how my mind goes. But I don't want people to think like we was like, oh it was perfect, Like no, nigga, we had to get through that night.

And then we went to therapy.

Like that's probably the impetus for us going to therapy because at that we weren't trying to do it, and I was partially my fault.

I still was in the mindset.

That you know, if you if you had to go to therapy, your relationship beyond repair. But like two and a half years of therapy, we we only stopped because our therapist had a baby.

And then we were just like.

All right, now, y'all stopped because the therapist.

Therapists had a baby.

I was on the road.

It was just like, I love that you said that though, because like a lot of a lot of couples, yeah, therapy is like the last straw for them, but to know that you did it for an extended amount of time and that it did actually make your make your make your relationships stronger.

He just interviewed a really dope couple s km il in there a lesbian couple that came on the show and they both both carried their children adopted.

On the Wives Kids.

Yeah, yeah, nice, And they talked about how pregnancy changed one of them and they went to therapy together. And I just love hearing couples talk about it because I feel like even five years ago, you hear a couple going to therapy, like, oh.

That's the stigma that I had. The thing is I went we both went to individual therapy.

Who was your therapist?

What?

Only because whenever.

It was it was actually an Asian woman.

Oh that's.

There was a couple of times people the therapists were like knowing who we were, and it felt like that you can't know, you can't page, and then I can't pour my heart out, you know, and then they like, you know, we saw that video. It's like I can't our lady was like English second language Asian immigrant. She was a beast. Okay, ke bomb, Yeah, I was. I was bombing jokes in there. She was not getting none of the humor. She would be like, so, why did

And she was like, oh my bad, and she would let me talk and I'd be like, then this what listen? Did you know?

I just liked that you were open to that, because I don't think would have made it after my friends who have like considered uh therapy for relationships, the man wants a black man as a therapist, and it's like, you know what I mean, Like men like the partners that I know have went through that literally were like, I don't want a woman because they're gonna like there's a side thing about it. There's an understanding and a lot of black men that I know, even seeking.

Therapy want therapy from other black men, don't.

I think it's talked about mine with the black like neal therapist I had when I had an abusive X.

Everysode about this. I was only like seventeen to twenty.

I was in this relationship, and I talked about it a little bit in the book, but he's not that relevant really in my life anymore. Fifteen years later, it was the only time I ever went to a couple therapy and there was something he wanted a black man.

He was so so, so specific. Yeah, we sitting in front of the dude maybe he was.

In his fifties at the time, and I remember he's my ex said something to me or did something to me, and the therapist peeked. He said, let me talk to y'all alone for a second. So he talked to me alone. He goes, how old are you? And eighteen or nineteen? He was like, listen, I don't know what you grew up seeing, but this is this isn't how people that treat.

You like that love you treat you. Oh.

Really, you shouldn't be jumping, you shouldn't be asking for permission to speak to me. You guys are both in a space where you're paying me to give you guidance.

You don't have to look down. Do you understand that?

And like you was talking to me, I was right, I don't even know.

I was like, yes, sir, I'm not understanding it right.

He's like, this is your boyfriend, I'm a medical professional, Like, what do you think your life is about to be? Like? So then he says, our conversation can always be private, Okay, I said, okay, I walk out the room. We get back in the car. After he has his session, he was like, what the fuck did you tell him? I was like, I didn't tell him anything. He said, I just a lecture about how to be a man and what men don't do. And we never saw that guy again.

Yeah.

And it showed me like, damn, I really thought the dude wouldn't be ont myself. Women do get very scared of male therapists in the couple situations.

I can see that.

And we went through we went through like three or four until we settled on one. We had, you know, we had a white dude, we had a black woman. Uh, we had a Filipino lady, and then the Asian lady. We were like, all right, this doesn't work. We just don't think therapies for us because it was like, it was hard, and your relationship is very tense, so it's like,

It, But of course it'd be the best because now your brain is.

Oh my gosh, then you can go back to something you didn't When we was connecting dogs, I remember one of the best sessions we ever had.

It was so good because I'd hired this ready guard.

There was a point in time where comedians were people were coming up on stage and fighting comedians and I ain't no fighter like that, but you know what I'm saying.

I was like, a nigga, real, what do you mean?

Before Will Smith?

No, before that, before I mean the DC Young Fly knocked somebody out, somebody came on stage to Gary Owen. It was like three or four times, and I was like, my wife was like we were talking. I was like, I'm a provider for a lot of people. She was like, I'm not saying you can't fight, but like if you get seriously injured, it impacts a lot of people.

So I mean you could, you could, You could will yourself.

Yeah, like you could still. Comedians can go up there. You just gotta know how to talk.

Manby said. We were gonna get suited. She was like, you can't act like I was yelling. You know, we know we are. When I tell you what she be acting up, I'd be like, you're gonna get sued. Bro, they are coming after you.

Bro Like, no, we didn't get paid and then we gotta pay w I mean, I'm like, bitch, that hold was my my mama.

Are gonna get sued?

That's coming out of your your pots anyway.

So like we had hired a security guard human Simone dude that my wife came. She comes.

He's still friends with him because I want me some I'm still friends with him. He's great, he's fantastic. I'll connect you.

He looks like he got the tattoos, he.

Got all the Simone stuff.

Yes, I want I want everything pack listen.

Yeah he can sing too.

It's great. I don't even listen. The Roman reigns, all of them. They got me, They got me right now, maybe they got me. I want the whole family.

So she was on the road with us and my brother in lawst my tour manager. I think her her sister came because my wife always comes to some tour stops, no matter how many tours. She comes to at least five ten shows.

Not Jackie Christie who basketball wise, Jackie Christie went on the road with Doug Christy.

Oh no, I know this.

The thing is like that she was a terrible mom because she followed him on the road to make sure he ain't group and.

The mom was trying to beat her up on TV. It was goody.

Is that that he who hit her daughter?

Yes, that's dog Christie's. The daughter was trying to hit them.

Yeah, And I never knew. I didn't that is I was like, let me say, some things are better.

I just want to say thank you.

You bring so much stuff that shouldn't be my algorithm into my algorithm the way I look every week for the performance of the Sea World.

Because of you. I just want to thank you. Okay, I just want to thank you. Kevi.

I do like to be a repurpose repurpose stuff.

So anyway, after the show, my security guard it was his first week and my wife was coming.

So my brother in law sister in law had another car.

And it's such a simple thing, but it costs such a divide between us and I got a couple of comedians and we got to suv my security guard to you.

She's like six or five, don't tell me.

She was keep describing so long hair, the strong.

So she's like, We're walking towards the cars and I'm like, Hey, which car do you want to write in?

Right?

Because I'm trying not to be overbearing. I'm trying not to tell her what to do because I've been like I wouldn't say controlling, but I want things my way and that didn't leave a lot of rooms. This is something I'm working on, right. So I'm trying to invite her, but I don't say, hey, ride with me. I say which car do you want to ride?

Ride in?

To give her the choice. She immediately I ride with my sister, right, And I was like, nigga, that's it. We're gonna be arguing for the rest of the night. Like I knew from that moment. A year later, we go in therapy and we're talking about this thing, and my therapist was like, I want to stop you right here. Let's go back to that moment. If you could say something, if you could re enact that moment, what would you

What'd you do? Man? I just it wasn't enough lemon pepper on the world. It was a little dry.

I just didn't listen.

I thought she was wrong about something instead of oh, I would never do that.

And this is the caucasion of me. I love blue cheese.

With them pieces of.

A blue cheese, I don't want red. I want blue cheese, not ranch.

It was I hate when they like, uh, stereotype me because they bring the ranch first.

I'm like, Okay, at least.

They just think you're no human beings.

No no, no, no, no no no. Blue cheese is elite. We're not gonna do that, or we're not gonna do it. Let's get into how churchy are you?

Oh?

Yes, this is great.

It's filthy. You don't know what? Not that. I would like you to tell us what these fetishes are. How churchy are you? Okay? Starting easy?

Spitting?

What would it be during sex?

Were you you spit in somebody's mouth? There's the trick question. Pet play, pet play?

This is real?

This is yes, this is real dog being there. No, that's best reality. Okay, I don't know, no, no pet play? What do you think?

Okay?

There we go.

Wait one person acts like the pet Yes, okay, I don't know, y'all.

And y'all, y'all, you've never you've never, you never?

Like what are y'all do?

Like? You? Good boy? Good boy? You did you watch Baby Girl? She was like licking a bowl with milk and ship. She was acting like a cat. No, he said.

Honestly, I feel like Halloween is like the real basic because you know, if you ca you could act like an animal in the bedroom. Though, keV, what animal would you be in the bedroom?

Is doggy style?

Not enough, that's the position, but it got dog in the world. No, no, no, okay, yeah, good boy? Good boy?

Is that is that pet play? Yeah? You just bark and like there we look at you.

Why would I do that? Cut cup holding?

Do you know holding?

I know that's when you like to watch your partner get smashed by somebody else?

Yes, okay, now I don't know why, just like, how are you like? Yep? No, cuck holding? Why do you know?

I've heard that before?

Okay, you've heard it?

Yes, is a new one.

I want to know where you just heard cut holding because it wasn't in the church?

No, the did he trial? He was watching?

You just learned that word?

No, no, no, I've known before. That's the most recent example.

That's a popular one, like go smash my girl? Yeah? Do it like that? Okay, I don't know why, but that's you know, no king.

Period age play? Now have you ever been daddy Kevin?

No, I guess I'm just I just kept was actually with an older person, or you act.

For so the real, the real kinky part of it. There's a king called d l l G Daddy Daddy donalddle girl or something like that. So basically a woman may act like.

A child, but not in the super like let's let's all be turned off way and be like daddy comes to give you just a voice.

It could be the playful it's.

Still grow up. We don't not grow up.

But people like that baby, No, don't even imitated a google.

Okay, what is an erotic humiliation?

Look like erotic? You smack your meat ontobody's face.

Look at you.

Okay, kill kill, You've advanced here, Wow, you gotta try to throw your meat on the forehand from here and there?

Okay, but why she's reading a book. I just slaper with slap it on the forehead.

So humiliation plays basically like when someone's a submissive mm hmm.

So like you said, like, there we.

Go, there we go, and uh, I think a basic one. Another one would be, oh, this one's pretty crazy, but what do you think it is?

What the church queer? I just want to see how church you are?

Oh?

Got you?

And I think I think you just stepped out the church slept. What do you think querophilia is queerl Q you I are not queer like that. Okay, come on the light and route, let's go, Come on author.

Okay, so net.

Questions asking questions.

Okay, So it's actually the real word for a foot in hand fetishes. Oh so involving attraction to the hands manicures foot jobs is very okay now at all I did not know that at all these fetishes.

What do you think is the one you could do? But Melissa.

Head playing and being a little childish out, I'm not gonna curious.

But you could be a little daddy. You could be a little daddy KIV.

But am I her father?

Not? If I her father, it's like sugar daddy hot.

He said, it's gonna splendid state.

I could bark in the bedroom. I could do a pet but to.

Be you wouldn't just fu some peek. Yeah, like you had to go barking.

I can't that feet. Ain't you know you're not a person.

You've never put it in your mouth put it on my mouth. But I advanced thing.

But I mean they ain't like give me them feet, girl, like I ain't like, oh no, I forget the titties. Man, feet is where it's at, and I guarantee them.

So I used to live above a bar called Lucky Jack's back in the day, and this is when, let me know, feet niggas really scared me.

So sometimes I wouldn't be home and you know New York man like that.

So I'm like, hey, would you mind, Like I have a package coming and I'll send it to you and you know, tell him to come and give it to you.

He as long as you come, get you with flip flop songs.

Oh see, I've seen a video of this woman had her feet outside the window and the guy was on a motorcycle and drove by and licked her foot.

What that is crazy, Kevin?

What is your algorithm?

I'm telling you, well, that's my I thought it was just like what the fuck? I am always searching for something to make a video about.

So what do you search to find? Something?

Like just scrolling my Twitter timeline. I'm not like searching like typing things in I'm just like scrolling Twitter and he just licked her foot and just kept on beat.

Shit terrified me.

I don't know why I don't. I mean, my wife has pretty feet, but I don't. It'll it ain't like a rottic.

Do you have Wiki feet too?

I'm on Wiki feet and the photos of me and my dead grandmother, Kevin, just me and my grandma at a nursing home with my foot kicked up in the grass, and they rating that.

One in eight point nine. That is crazy. That is that isthing.

People are in sad insane.

Every every day. I am waiting for the aliens. The robots are here down.

I'm kind of excited because we were talking about at the pool yesterday and I was like, oh my god, if I can make it look like however I want.

I would love to have a robot nigga like as my nigga.

And I get to program him to do and say and all let us you said what you know what I and all of you guys, because I believe it was Ai. Everyone has been sending me Jason Momo with his beard cut off, and they're really like the listen fellas Fellas, fellas fellows from city.

Just keep the beard, y'all. Keep the beard. It's why God gave it to you.

God gave you the beard so that y'all could look, keep the goddamn hair.

On your face. I've definitely stopped off and you were done. We weren't like, oh wait, you know, oh I'm.

Not gonna lie change changed.

Me and my ex used to get into like he would come from the barber and I'd literally be like, now why did you do that?

We didn't like. I was like why did you do that? Because I felt away like that's something we should discuss.

And then and then you though, he said, well, you change your hair color without asking me, And literally we had a whole like talk about I mean, okay, I do, but if I'm able to say don't do it, you can tell me not to color my hair.

Okay, got it.

I wanted just to say as to when he was gonna fucking cut his head off his face or not, because now I have to look at you and it's different, and now I think I'm gonna want back shots more instead of missionary.

And grows back. Okay, ship, I don't want to look at this missionary. See, look, we're bringing church into I was a part of the missions at one point.

Yeah, I remember you said that, Yes, you said, you.

Know, just one point was at one point.

I don't know, no, no, no, it was like from from eight to eleven okay, okay, good, three years okay, ship. So anyway, Tree, let's get it to Howie. It's our new segment where we basically tried to read you a song that you definitely know in.

A poetic nature.

Okay, this is great.

So you have to as the song.

Okay, she has one.

I feel like it's if you don't get it off, the first goddamn lives provoking your black cart.

All right, I know, read it, read it really well.

It's like I've got the world in my palms, your girl up under my arms. She's fucked up from the charm. She loved the way that dick stay hard from twelve till early in the morning. Fine, bitch, if you're listening, you heard me.

I'm strong.

If you're going through your cycle, I ain't with it. I'm gone. You must have heard about them hoes that I beat up in my home, my home.

They wasn't telling the truth. Baby, you know they was wrong.

Now I need you, you're just because I'm reading it this way the week.

I literally know what a wait?

Where are you from Texas?

This nigga? You should know this. You a southern nigga.

This More Mexico, New Mexico, Arizona.

Anybody, all right, you want me, you want me to reread it?

Now?

It's like I got the world of my palm, the girl of under my arm, she up from the tar.

You the way y'all locked in. I just knew y'all knew.

I knew.

But I tell you, I never heard those words.

I like it like that emotion.

Yes, nigga, I never I I'm talking about. I was just listening to that on Tiny Deaths like two days. Yes, all that's my bad. Like, wow, I didn't I didn't know what Juey was really saying.

I was finding with him. I didn't really know what I was just. You didn't know nothing. I say slow motion for me, I was just he was rapping. It was like the seventh draw, the other draw.

You know what do?

That's what I was saying.

Yeah, I didn't really like, I ain't rap a lot.

Ask you questions about where I'm driving, you like, I know all the words that I thought.

He said it so eloquently.

Wanted to for the merits on my black car.

Guys.

I really I already got to need a backer thing. I got the punking pie going, I got the cigarette, my grit Stein. Now I got I don't know, slow.

You don't know, mom? You he said it so great. I didn't think there was a draw at all.

I mean, you know, Julie got a good rap voice.

I was just vibing.

But I didn't listen. I didn't buy the album.

You know. I couldn't listen. Now you know. Oh wait, they wouldn't let you back in the day. Oh that's right.

I got it. I snuck, but I didn't experience hip hop away a lot of other people.

But it's second you don't like get excited when the girls run for the nine nine in the two thousand, that's what that was.

What I was gonna make certain songs, the biggest song.

I'm aware of almost everything, the biggest right, slow Motion I'm aware of, but I didn't like. I didn't have that album, so I don't know every song. But then there was like either rough Rider's compilation.

I know all that.

I had outcast of Southern Playlist and Cadillac Music, so there's random things I'm really well versed in. But if it wasn't like a big radio song music videos.

I did make the third verse thinking that the first verse, I'm like, oh, he's gonna get it.

No, oh god, that was good because the backup song that I had.

You now that I know well you would have I've never guessed you would have never guessed it. I don't think either of y'all is gonna get this. I was speaking a little a little harder. Okay, picture this.

I'm in my bed, bodies hot, soaking, what thinking about the things that I would like to do to you. I'm open wide when it comes to freaking you.

Oh, every time I close my eyes.

Absolutely, it's not freaking imagine me, imagine what as can be. Okay, between my legs, you're tasting me. Boy, when you get here, you know my love will overflow and you ain't gotta worry about my clothes because I got my T shirt and my pants.

I know that song.

I don't know she said all that stuff, but my T shirt and my panties even Alex, Okay.

I this was Yeah, it was a little harder.

But yeah, I know, but I didn't know. I'm not a verse guy, You're not. I'm not listening to the verses. I'm just I love watched it up.

You're on a sex podcast church.

As I said, I said, it even.

Like pause, but but you go to church, you can't pause.

Okay, So we have another segment, were really letting out and Mandy, we're doing it a little different.

So we have we listen and we judge, and we do judge. Okay.

Now it's normally a segment where we're like telling you some gossip from our friends. But I'm gonna tell you when I was judging in the book, Yeah, your.

Wife was about to move a nigga out.

My wife was about to move a nigga in the house.

Excuse me? Yeah, we y'all are y'all are on that type of sign?

No, not even like that at all.

But wait, was a family member in the black community. That's really there's a tricky it's tricky. It's so what happened was not let me move my bro in. Yes, and that's why that's why I was tripping.

So my son had booked a Little Rascals movie and we were living in Washington. I took fmla from my job at Boeing, moved down here to La to live with him, and like be a. They called mama, your data your thing, but like you need a parental guardian to be set right at all times. So I'm down here for three months.

He should in the movie two months. So I mean one random day after like rehearsal, my wife called.

She was like, yeah, my, you know, remember I told you I'm not gonna say his name, but say his name is Johnny. Remember he told you know Johnny. He was like, my god brother, he's going through a rough time, like.

My god brother.

Yeah, yeah, right, because God wouldn't be one thousand percent her godbrother that I knew for sure, Like I knew their names, but this wasn't a name I remember knowing that you ever heard of, never heard of? Right, So she was like, yeah, my mom told him, because her mom is like the like mother hen of the neighborhood. Okay, that's her thing, and she to this day will give you the shirt off her back. She will make sure you're okay, you can come live with her, all that

I don't care.

She was like, yeah, but you know what I'm saying, he's like family. I said that nigga ain't like family.

There's family and then there's not family.

If you ain't blood related, if it ain't gonna be instant, it ain't. You know what I'm saying, not be crash right, but that I never heard that nigga in my life. And one thousand and I'm not even there. I don't know hell yet, I've never heard the name. And I live in l a with with our son. And you want another man, I haven't making sandwiches.

Now, let me ask you what would the church want you to do?

Though I don't welcome there, what.

Can be outside? She's gonna be all right, and that's what I thought.

I was like, wait, you said that. Yes, I don't care.

But she was like, but he's gonna be homeless.

And do you know what this chapter of anything?

So you'll be dead?

Bro I care, like you were like, though I'm not. I'm Melissa. Oh no, I'm judging broke and her. I'm judging her. I trust her. Here. You that's the thing when you're like a giver.

Yeah, I've had tip, I've had everybody. I'm telling you like, that's me, Like, I'm stay with me. You're in transit, like I don't know why to do it. Told me now to be like, you know, looking for places. He goes, you see this little third bedroom here, this little nook you're gonna put a bed into?

Write in This is not where people live.

No, I want oh, I got a two bedroom now and refuse to put a bed in the want you. I don't want my last, my last, my last two bedroom apartment. Literally, I ended up having like three or four friends. I didn't want a roommate. I didn't want anyone.

But I'm I'm gonna let someone if there's an extra bed, it's more than I want.

I'm going to couch myself to make it. Put a TV in there?

No.

No, And see Melissa grew up, her grew up with foster care children. Her mom was like, I will help you bringing people into They were like so they So Melissa grew up like that, and that's why I trust her.

But I don't want that nigga there.

I don't know that me walking out in a towel and appropriate my son mar oh my town just slipping and I don't know.

No, no, no, I was mad.

I'm actually judging her for even asking. But Mom, I'm not mad that. I'm not mad that she's I would have said.

That one thousand percent.

I was like, listen, like, imagine, I said, a girl's just gonna come live with me.

She was like, but it's not like that, blah blah blah, and I trust her.

Want to be clear, that's my boot. I love you.

I don't trust that. And your mom is tripping. No, everybody go to bed.

Everybody to wherever that is, wherever.

That bed is, go there. I'm sorry, bro, we can't help you. We had a two bedroom house.

Oh yeah, wait bedroom like another prime only one feet Oh yeah.

Our bathroom downstairs was in the kitchen, basically like if the door closed, but you open the door, you're the frigerator to you open the door and the frigerator is the first thing you see.

This house is not shareable.

What was her response? Did she try to go She because.

She is a kind and genuine person, she didn't want him to be out on the street, but she understood, like she didn't really factor how it was gonna make me feel and she also grew up.

Like you got to understand.

We grew up together, me and Melissa, like from sixteen and one of the hardest and one of the best thing about over in la is it allowed us to grow up for real because we are like heavily influenced by our parents, our pastors. We didn't really grow up, you know, we black, We're not really telling our parents know the stuff. Remember the first within our first month, her mother in law, my mother in law, was like, I need you this. She had a foster kid and she was going out of town. She was like, he

She was like why not.

Why could he spend the night, because I don't he my nigga, man, I don't want this hit up house, not a six year old.

No, man, get him out, because if you say yes once, then you want two kids and then I'm going to the weekend.

Now you don't open the door. Now, you know, I'm not that option.

You know, we only had one bed as many siblings as you.

We have the same amount of siblings. She's the oldest, two younger sisters. I'm the middle. I had older brother, younger sisters.

Okay, because I'm realizing when people have siblings, they're less like little children, are.

I am?

Okay? Okay?

So maybe, oh, I'm noticing that like with dating people with siblings and having friends with siblings, they're I don't want to say less giving, that's a funked up way to put it, but a little more selfish with their space in a way that I'm not.

Are you only child? Yes, you both.

No, I'm the oldest, but I noticed it, and I'm like, oh, it's because you are sharing a lot. Yes, Like with me, I'm like, oh, yeah, because I don't have anyone around.

Right, let's do a sleepover it.

No, I think where you fall in the birth order, how many siblings, doesn't matter. It sets you up minus one hundred. I was like, absolutely not. And I don't want your mom thinking we can have foster kids and this is not We're not an option for you to help youngest.

Youngest children are spoiled. I don't want to.

I'm scared to get in the phase where money you gotta start checking.

My mam all scared, but her.

Mom respects me. After that, after the foster care kid, she was mad at first. She was like, I'm not gonna help you at all, and I was like okay, like no, and then like two weeks later she was like, you know what, I was wrong, Like I was wrong to impose that on you. And she never asked again. And after that, Nigga tried to live with us, like and I don't think it was Johnny bro you that is. That is Nigga try to live with us. Your mom just trying to help. And I think he was on

They'll leave the lot on for you.

You know that. Did he end up getting back on.

His speak to him?

Oh?

Not my concern period. And I'm dead serious, I know you are. I hung off the phone and I was like, I didn't think about that. Man, y'all are tripping. No, all right, no.

I'm not home.

Yeah, as a man, I got to protect my house.

He could flip. I don't know why he's not. I don't know that not now I can't protect you at home. And he didn't put his hands on like I think.

All the worst things, especially if somebody you don't know, right, And my son was there, My youngest son was like, two.

I'm not gonna lie, and not that you care, but I would just say, probably a man with terrible dick, because for him to not be able to rely on any woman, that means his dick was. You thought of the worst, and she thought of this. I'm just saying the dick was good.

One of the women that he's ever smashed would have brought him in the fact that he had to rely on a stranger. It's just ain't gonna lie if he fucked me, right, That's what I'm saying. He only gave out trash dick his entire life. He deserves me.

You guys have been don't need to put the kid.

In to be home.

She'd be questioning her choices, explaining herself to her friends of her family.

Oh, the friends will talk about her and listen.

She gonna be like, but that dig big and he just need to be here for a little bit till he get back on there, let me tell you, and I'm.

Here to help him.

A few years ago, maybe four years ago, I fucked a homeless nigga.

Bit not homeless, homeless.

You were out with Brianda and we were kicking it and there was a very cute dude, very like if you live in New York, you get a very lower east side black guy looks like he's a skateboard looks poor, but he's also wearing Rick.

Omen So who knew. So he's on me.

We're talking in the street and I'm like, by Alex, we're going to the Box. And so we go to the Box, which is a very hard club to get into New York, and we're vibing. He knows everyone not paying for drinks, but it's not coming to me. I'm just thinking he's lit. That's why we're not paying for shit. Take him home, great sex, wake up. I was like, shit, I need some water. He's like, oh, I'll go get it where else in the fridge. He opens the fridge and goes, damn, you got a lot of stuff.

You got milk and cheese and stuff, this garmiment.

Mind you, I'm looking at the dog. I'm looking at other valuables in the house.

I'm like, oh, god, Dade, I'm looking at the clothes and I'm like some ditch bottom. He's fucking raight. So he gets back in the bed. I'm just starting to look at him, and I'm like, what.

Do you do? You know him? An artist? I told him an artist. I'm like, oh no, and where do you live? This is the answer.

Well, right now, I'm between not too coast west Chester, Jersey and.

Like green Point, that's where he lives.

You between three neighborhoods that are all within forty five minute drive.

You don't have all.

Now.

Someone says I'm between New York and I'm like, oh no, that's about That's what I want to hear you where you.

Can go to the post office. Then it gets worse. He says, what is that is that? Like your dog's wear kids to I'm like, that's my dog. So he's like, oh, my son has something like that. And where does your son live? My son's in DC with his mom. And why aren't you there?

I know that's that's common. Get you home. I ain't gonna lie to you'all fucked him again, but.

I see, look, look.

Look at it Alan. Oh my god, the story was going.

But it's the point you were just making up.

Dick is good. You will never be homel. I'm him in Paris. He was out there for fashion week. He wasn't that broken.

Somebody flew him there for art. I'm convinced he was selling Dick and art not.

Here selling good.

Well, if it was, you did was better than the art because he had a gallery opening, and I.

Was Dick was better than the arts. It was not a gallery. It was subjective. It was a pop up gallery and a coffee shop. And I said, now it was given.

What's the thing where the kids make a macaroni.

When you have to make something in school? Diorama?

Oh okay, that's what diorama.

It's like a little like shoe box when you put like the planets and stuff, or you got your.

Little I did that be phone girl.

He did some shit with Legos and if anyone's answering, you're gonna know not the Nigeria good like like legos. Bitch that where was his arts and crafts? I think he stole it from his son. Okay, So successful failing, Yah, successful failures. That is the name of your book. A few things in there. I wanted to highlight to talk about horrible first drink.

At twenty nine? What the fuck? What was it? What the sell us? Shot up?

Patron, This was in LA.

I was sure you were about to say I'm a retal, Soary.

No, No, we was gonna go hard.

We were super church kids, like I was telling y'all and like grew up that like alcohol is sin, sin, sin, right, So me and Melissa we're here in La. She would come down every other weekend my sod. I was shooting little roscuals. But my boys are making videos for Austin TV. So we have to shoot two videos and they go back home. And also we just missed each other, but the company will fly them down. So we're all in this little studio corporate housing studio in Burbank, and we're like, we.

Want to get drunk.

Man.

We like we changed in our lives. We didn't we know, I gonna believe drinking was a sin, but we didn't know how to get started. Got like you know, the like single shots. Yeah, patrols. We went to the liquor store. We got what.

Made you shoes? Patrol It was like the bottle.

It was in the rap songs. They was just I'm very gullible. I'm influenced by rap tremendous.

That my first choice.

This was twenty twelve, twenty thirteen, twenty.

That's a good first choice, hennessy.

Now I'm biologically We wanted to take shots the rock like Mexican Mexican. Oh that rock tequila would be the first one.

Yeah, that one Mexico? Did they anything? Did you when you had it?

So this is what we thought. I think in my mind, we thought we was gonna have like an LSD trip right off of one shot patrol well not even I guess it was like half a shot technically, because we like, oh wait, y'all shared the bottle.

We poured it into like we puted in Solo cup store.

Oh so we lights off, boys are sleep reported shots half and half cheers were about to get drunk.

Are you ready ready?

Okay, we took this this like eleven thirty at night. We took the shot of patron burned down our throat. We laid down on the bed and all right, here it goes. And I'm like prepared, we're both prepared to take an LSD trip and be like who we woke up the next morning and we were like, I don't think anything happened. So we text her sister, her younger sister,

So obviously we didn't know what we're doing.

We tried it again.

We tried it.

Again, but I mean that we didn't do it just like that, Like now, I've been drunk before.

But drinking takes activation. That's a good point. Yeah, you know you're depressed and you sit in the house. Yeah, or like I had my first drink in two months because I was just like on a little fitness journey.

Yeah.

So this Saturday I went out in La and I was like, it's time.

Man. Let me tell you, it's like riding a bike when you're a party guy. I had three SIPs in Cow. I said we should call the drug guy. All the drug dive hard.

Summer's the festival that's going on this is three SIPs in mescal.

Care it's ten forty five.

This is just because you know how they say acid and LSD stays in your spine. Drugs can stay in your spine. I think I pulled it back out, so have three SIPs in mescal.

And I was like, let's call them all you died. Let's fucking the music festivals ending.

There's gonna be a techno rave and he's like, bitch, don't we aren't.

You gonna work the fuck? I'm like, but we need this story for the podcast.

Don't imagine if I get the bag, get a little drugs and did I show up?

I got more to tawn. Did you have you ever tried any drugs? Weed?

Weed is in the book. Okay, I smoked the weeds.

You smoke the weeds.

I smoke the weeds one time, one time. One time I smoked the weeds. And one time I did an edible the full stories in the book.

Okay, I wanted I had to read you on an edible because the first time I took.

An edible, well it was edible.

It was during pandemic and uh, my friend at the time shout out to destiny.

She listens to the pod.

She had a guy that put him into like food and so this was my So this was my first time.

I was like, oh shit, this nigga got.

Cheesecake, he got he had all the things.

No, Lie and I probably have shared this story on Horrible.

So I get the cheesecake, but you know, there's no it doesn't say how much wheat is in there.

And the cheesecake was divine.

So I literally eat the cheesecake anime and literally next thing you know, I am in bed holding up.

I'm in the group chatting now like mind you, this is when all the rappers were dying from shit, and I said, oh my god, if I die, y'all.

It was just the cheesecake. And I'm literally hold on no, my heart was out of my chest.

I'm literally in a fetal position in my bed in this group chat like dog. I'm literally I'm so fucking scared. Finally, I don't know what happens. Literally, as I'm laying there, I.

Just start throwing up exorcist style. That's that's the way I know it. When I tell you that whole dobb baby I had to go. It was exorcistile just because I was still so high.

I was just laying it. That's how I got un high. You have to like purge.

The max limit of cannabis in your body, which is it was the max eat dumpsy. But it's only from ingesting that the man ship. I was pissed to die. So I don't know what Joe motherfucking about. I can't wait to get to that. Part of My favorite story was the DUDEO, so let's get us.

We're gonna believe how to here with ship the way that this.

Story is breakfast by the way, he's like, I know many of you heard this.

It's one that I tell all the time. Here we go again. That's how I felt writing the book.

Literally, I didn't want to put that eye peg niggas in the book, but literally it was.

Like, you have to have a chapter about Peggy.

Mind you was just gonna be about anal sex, my first antal orgasm, and then I was like, fuck, okay, it's what the audience want. So I had to fucking add the Peggy in there. So it was a whole It was a whole period now, so doodoo. There was other by the way I want you to do story, by the way, like check out the manifestation plan. That was great, period and the freaking black women thinking and racial tension great.

But let's end on ship. Let's end on Dodo.

And then we normally like to ask too how much it would take for you to be shitted on?

But we'll save that for the end. Everyone has a number.

We asked it almost every tenous in eight years.

Keeps coming back up.

The short version of the story is that, like many things in my life, had I listened to Melissa, this would not have happened. Okay, So we were in college, and at this time I had an apartment in Tacoma, and she she lived with her parents, and but we went to school in Seattle. So every Friday we would ride the bus together to the Tacoma Dome station and I would take her to her parent's house for the weekend, drive her back on Sunday. In her dorm, she didn't

Wait, this wasn't about milk.

I thought you were like ice cream is like I mean, I don't know, but reading it, I'm thinking, oh, he's lactose.

No, well he's black, all like we're all yeah, we're all lactose. Black thing. I think it's like was sitting but also every black person is like those I've heard tolerance. Yes, it's the thing I heard.

It's actually and we're allergic to dairy. We are drinking shouldn't.

And it was crazy.

I just found out too almond and old milk not healthy. We shouldn't be drinking up milk eper milk.

It's the algorithm. The algorithm said nothing. I said no.

They said all milk was about too much water.

They said, oh, Nook, too much water is bad for you.

Wait on subway takes back to the ship.

Yeah, but now.

This makes sense.

Ice cream.

We ship after ice cream.

But if you eat warm ice cream, it'll happen faster.

You wanted to eat warm ice cream.

I just really once I saw it, I was like, wait.

You ate it? I ate before a bus.

Before a bus and she was like to prove to her that my stomach was made of still because for whatever reason, when she told me not to eat it, I took it as a challenge. She was like, Kevin's gonnas your stomach. And I was like, you know know my stomach. I can eat this.

And she was like I do that well leftovers.

I love like, depending on how many days it's been there be like I'll be fine, I'm gonna kill me.

I do that.

That's how you felt, Okay, I've done minutes from the.

Oh Man, it was probably.

I mean we were getting ready to leave, so it was probably no more than twelve minutes.

How many minutes three on the bus it was.

Like an hour and ten minutes, and I lasted an hour and five minutes. I was on the bus on myself. On the bus, I was almost there.

This thing like do you even know? You should have just walk us through? One of the best lines I've ever read in the book.

I don't know if I'm saying it right because I looked out at my backpack and thought about the journals in there, and I.

Was I was gonna do it with my backpack. But it was like a forty dollars backpack. It was a little jan sport. I don't have forty dollars again, Like if I do this backpack, I just don't have no backpack no more.

So I'm not dodoing it in my back.

But wait, no, you would have had people would have.

Said, people would have saw me more than people make me. I loved that backpaund.

But didn't start from afart.

No, So what happened was like I was fighting for my life for an hour. Like we get in the thing and Melissa went to sleep. She's like all right goes to sleep. We start off with no traffic, and this is how I'm like, just for like thirty minutes, and then I get real hot.

I start sweating and stuff, and I just can never get comfortable.

And I'm like this, you know, like breathing hard and stuff, and the thing is about the human body, which I don't understand to this day.

You don't understand.

You get close to the bathroom, your mind thinks you're at the bathroom.

It's terrible.

The worst thing ever happened is we get off the freeway to get to the bus station. There's three red lights left, Like if I could just make it to these three, like I'm gonna destroy the bathroom to come a dumb station, which she already discussing because like a stain of still toilet.

It's like a jail toilet. But I gotta do what I gotta do. So I'm there and.

I'm like, you know, your sphincter, it wasn't sphinxing, like I remember, like I have. I'm closing my booty hole as much as I can. Little farts are escaping, and every time I like, dude would come a little closer.

So that way you're making me squeeze my boot right squeeze.

I'm doing butt kingles and I'm holding it and then I remember like a little fark came out and then I couldn't close.

Like it didn't go it didn't go all the way back. No morning.

I'm like, oh, hold on, hold on, hold on, and then it just like start like rumbling and I'm trying to close and it's not closing. And then it was just like oh no, no, oh no, no, no, dude, it's coming out. Dude's coming ding, it's coming out, duds coming out, Dude's

Literally, that's the type of dudoo though, like there's no money. I said it had to be solid if I got shipped on. That's the type of doodoo that I couldn't because I know that was.

It was just I had had literally the rocky road melted.

She that's she's sleep almost the whole duration. But when I when when it was happening. She she mysteriously woke up and she looked at me and I.

Was just like, oh, she loves you, loves you.

It was like.

Because you shorted shitted all the.

Thing, and it was like the full thing.

So I had wind breakers on that was at the bottom, blue wind breakers on.

Those are my pants.

When I stood up, it like it and it clumped down and it got doodoo was stuck at my ankles and the wind breaker really kept the doodo there. So I like doodo on my socks and on my ankle. So I had to like walk to the bathroom with dodo ankle.

That is disgusting. That is discussed true story.

I threw my draws away, I like got the doodo out in the like trapped.

The wind breakers back on.

I had to go home.

Wait you didn't. I had to still go home. This is at the bus station. There was nothing.

I'm still the girl.

Wife didn't ask anybody if they had an extra pair of paine.

Who carries extra pants? You're on a bus, don't people got luggage?

No?

This is no, It's like people just coming home to work. It's just a bus. You go to work in Seattle. You come home from work.

Sundays last night, and I'm thinking, I'm sure you've told this story.

Oh, it's just my closer.

First, like the chocolate Sunday also.

Making ugh, So I like had doodo everywhere, Yeah, Rocky road down your leg, down my leg, And I had to go to my apartment before I took her home. I had to go to my apartment and take a shower through all those clothes away, obviously, and she never like she just was like, well, should have listened. She never even had to say it. She just had an air about her that was like wow. But I remember as a stand up. I was a young stand up and I didn't even have that joke in my thing.

It was a hill.

I'm not gonna hold you reading.

When you read and laugh, it's kind of embarrassing also because shout out to what the fuck was his name? The social p sorry I want to delta flight. Dude's like, oh love horrible, I'm dying laughing.

At this dudeo joke and mind you.

But I'm reading the book on my phone because it's not out yet. So he's like, girl, text you and I was like, do you know you get on stage?

And then I said, you never heard about his ship story. I'm not joking. Everybody heard that.

Yeah.

I'm like, I read, Yeah, I told you, dog.

But it's that's I remember. My editor was like, I was like, man, I told this story like and they were like, new people are gonna read this. Everybody won't know and there's a level of detail. You guys know when writing a book that on stage you can't do it in person like they want you to. I'll be like, bro, okay, I got to tell you, but it's so good to know that you like, that was a fresh story for you, and hopefully somebody else will laugh like you did.

They don't.

I'm telling you you don't need you could have heard it, seen it and helped him punch up the joke.

They goddamn book is funny.

Tell every oh not God, it's already out, okay, tell people where to find it and what you're giving out for Successful Failure is out September twenty third, thanks to the ladies here on Decision Decisions.

You can now get my Masterclassic if you go to the link of my bio and uh you pre order pre order the book. You fill out this form and then you'll upload the receipt of your pre order and we will send you a link of my masterclass over thirty hours of how yeah, social media, above and beyond. Yeah, I wait, I went hard when y'all said that. I was like, this is great because I got y'all y'all think our master class.

Yeah, your masterclass and how to eat out right, oh, how.

To eat Pussy's that social media but it is that Yeah. Sorry guys, you won't get any sex.

Tips from keV no, no, no, just tips on how to grow on social media for me.

But yeah, it's completely free. And that used to be three hundred dollars, so it's.

Hell legit value was three hundred dollars. We made up our value.

Yeah, we were like, this is worth four hundred and ninety nine dollars.

Hey, five pounds high five pounds. But since you were the next you put the cost in there.

Yes, absolutely, and mine was two ninety nine for for for some years. And you'll get that free and you'll get the book. It's a good book.

Hey, y'all, you helped us do it. We want to help Kevy New York Times bestseller. We need I found out that like point zero one percent of all authors even are able to get that, and we need more more black zero one zero one.

And we don't have Target, y'all, so we can't go into Target and buy him.

But we say support black owned, woman own. That don't hurt you too.

Yeah, that that's what helps you get on the New York Times best selling liess more than Amazon.

Yeah, no, no, no, you need them to go.

Support also kind of makes you feel like, damn, this is a good guy.

I'm glad he got rich. Yes, really like reading it. And then also finding out your son had the big break first.

Yes, I had to really say with that I love because I didn't name my son after me because I was like, I don't want him to have that pressure. And then he booked a movie at five, and I should have had my name. I could have been getting Google a confusion like he was killing. He was on Nickelodeon, he was on Little Rod School at like six and four, and I was like, I should have been you should have been named after me.

He was, I want to in myself after you.

Now you're doing a step at forty.

Yeah, it took on. It took forty. He did it at five and six. So uh yeah, it's a good time. It's all my it's my life told from the point of view of the failures instead of the successes, because it's so much more interesting to tell to me and uplifting, Like we all taken ls, but we're not all talking about them, so I wanted to talk about them because it's much more interesting and it tells you how it became good at things by being bad at them first.

Well, I am going to buy a lot of cop than you. We're gonna definitely support and it's also.

A week's lotter ate unless you if someone we're famous. But let's moderate.

Yeah, when you ever do, when you moderate, when you do your book signing, love to come in ask you question I'm doing.

I'm not doing a traditional tour. I'm doing a meet and greet tour.

That's kind of what that's what we did did it, that's what we just switched to.

So now like we're doing the bookstores book signings, yeah, instead.

Of doing because I was doing the like theaters thing, but it's just it's not.

The same for a book. You gotta, you gotta.

I'm so glad you'll heard someone else say it unprovoked. Yeah, canceling our tours, you guys know.

Yeah, you'all be canceling stuff.

Well, it will.

And I don't do meet and greets. I don't like to meet people before or after show.

Well.

Also to make it make sense for the even including the book, we were charging so much and to have.

To become a New York ticket.

Plus the book, it was a lot.

And so like for us now like being New York Times bestsellers and our audience helping us get there.

It's like, no, we want to bet.

Y'all still doing it even though you already made it.

We just did one. This want to make it for another week.

You can make it another week once you're on there. And so now that like you now that people go back, like the Jay Hudds and all them are back, We're hoping to do traditional they really sex or the name of the book so well, but.

All failures are definite.

K T l A.

Yeah, yeah, I'll turn out.

They said NHB by man Wi.

Yeah, they yeah, they you know what.

PR put out for us for press. I don't have a hot girl summer. That is what PR pitched.

Us as because and then the mental health aspect of the book we could. They were like, yeah, well you bitches know how to have a hot girl summer.

Let's lean in that.

But I will tell you I think that God damn it. Also because we had such a great time to please let our audience who is looking for something else to listen to, to be entertained by all.

This stuffing podcast with me and Angel and Josh is a good time.

The ladies were on there.

We have a great, great time. If you don't watch any other episode, watch their episode. You have a good time. Watch other episodes. I'm on Patreon as well. Studios pull up to that. I've got the churches coming out on the twenty first. I have a show called The Hospital that I sold the BT.

I saw that y'all are listening to the next Tyler.

Parent period to support certain rich people, sir, because they really will put jobs.

Back into the ye listen, I really to me, it's really about bringing everybody with me, Like I love not everybody, but as many some of them. Yeah, everybody eat as many people as possibly can. But yeah, if you if you invest in to me, I invested in the community, so it's not just going in my pocket.

Well, thank you so much for coming on.

Y'all have on side, and y'all already know our book is out, no holds bar to doing manifesto of sexual exploration and power.

Get that wherever you get books.

We also did the audiobook version of it where you could hear our places if you liked the podcast, and we are also on Patreon. Horrible Decisions is still here, just over behind the paywall, So if you want the Nancy shit, if you want to hear how Weezy Sex more Dick, please go ahead and support it's patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decision.

Thank you, guys. This has been another episode of This is the Olds. The City Owns Wee Wee Bye boy Shout