Ep. 433: Captain Hook

You can go get our book, No Holds Bart. If you don't have it already, you are really missing out, Beach. I really don't like when people are left out. It's like people that didn't watch Love Island and all that shit. I'm one of them, and I don't want you to be one of those that I haven't read our book yet, So go and order No Holds Bard is out now, that's right. Don't beat on people that got so much.

Some motherfuckers say because you watch a little clip, a little thirty seconds, a little sixty seconds or something and don't check out the whole thing, that's what you doing on the internet. And I know by now you've seen all these clips about our goddamn book. Do not comment unless you've broad the whole thing. Poor Fayever, Okay, she only said that because you're here, we want to make you feel included, Like we just said what I can't say,

poor paper, your favorite nicker, Nick ker Awan. I guess we're gonna start with a little ketchup or whatever. It's crazy because I notice is the decisions decisions now, and I don't want us to get like bleeped too much on the YouTube. So therefore, if you don't want to hear the bleeps that's about to come, go ahead and subscribe to our patreon where is bleep free puts the whole or what You could try to tell this story without saying I like that. I mean she just said, Dick,

do you think they bleeped out there? Yes? It isn't that an anatomical or saying thirteen version, like call it banana the banana plant? Ye say stuff like that. And when me and him were hunching, say stuff like that, you think we can say hunching, hunch hudget is corraze. Okay, so I'm gonna make it. By the way, it's already gonna sound like it's coming from an old bitch or an old woman. I'm sorry, look at me. I don't

want to get the bleeps going. Okay, it sounds like it's you're gonna hear why because I'm embarrassed to share this story, but I'm finna share it with y'all. Oh my god, No, even worse, even worse, even worse. First off, not y'all guessing about the goddamn egg plant story. Okay, So anyways, if you guys have been on the Patreon, you would have known, like the backstory, I'm back single, so I'm back dating outside, going back in the rolodecks,

and so basically boomed. Let me tell y'all what happened. So I ended up double back into somebody that this is so bad too pre pandemic. We ended up hanging out try to hook up. We were both so lit. He didn't get up, and so normally I don't give someone second chances with that. There's a few guys I've talked about on the pod where that's happened, and it's like, well, we didn't fuck because it didn't get hard, right. So anyways, we just kind of kept following each other on Instagram.

We haven't done anything. Anyways. I was lit the other night, and he happens to live in Atlanta. So I was lit the other night, coming from like my homeboy game night. When I say lit lit, we was playing some game. I don't even was it Tunuk. It might've been tungk and you would just had to drink. Anyways, I was lit. So it's two o'clock in the morning. You hear me

two o'clock in the morning. I say, come over because I look at his story and he outside, So I hit him up, like, come over, mind you we've never had sex. He's like dead ass. I'm like, yeah, the dead ass response is crazy. Now did you ever feel it coming? Did I feel it coming for him? None of Yeah, because you're like, we never had tags. No, he good looking, He very good looking. He also about to have a nickname on the five and y'all about

to hear it goes deeper into the story. So anyways, so it's two o'clock in the morning, he's like dead ass. He's like, yeah, I'm calling on uber now. I said me too this one. But just can't have homeboys just live. No, no, no, he wasn't my homeboy because we clearly tried two fuck years ago. It just didn't get up and I didn't really give him a second chance. So what did you do right after you didn't give him the second chance?

He was just like, okay, never mind. This was pre pandemic and we didn't live in the same city anyways, like I was living in New York. Prepandem. It said pre pandemic, as if that's the like it was. It was pre predom. We technically didn't fuck because resep body counts after prepend Oh baby, I got three. I'm good, so three. I mean I had a relationship, then the the basketball nigga I went to every time me and him broke up, and then my new boyfriend ex boyfriend.

Now I don't know. Oh yeah St Croix, none of the only niggas you fuck? Remember I went celibate, Yes you did, and then I stopped fucking. Twenty four to seven, Oh so I can add twenty four seven five five penises in five years is not bad? That is it's a dick of year. Whoa, I'm proud of my not a dick of year. You know what's crazy? I actually feel like that can't be right.

even too many? The nigga got cheated on him with b d d Lambbo Netflix, Netflix, Netflix. The skater niggam, I can't mind, man, you already do. I'm at five and then you're men and now you're man. Oh and the two niggas you cheated on obay with Oh my, what I count I'm like seven, old bab That don't sound right either? Sound first? Got we counted this to share a dick story is crazy? Like your nigga, you ain't fucking nobody was no the one? What do you see what I mean. I don't like this, you know,

like what I'm saying, she's over. You're trying when William and that's why he got mad at the one dude that I used to go to and you know him, that's that's him. I just feel like mine don't count how girl because she lost because she had more dis than I did. I've been more conservative. You know, it's gonna be getting hold on. You know what's even more crazy?

People about to hop in the comments like wait, what about this guy a mathematics They about to go back and be like, in this episode you said no, that was it. That was it for me too, Damn why would you do it? Okay, you know you know what's crazy? This actually might lead to one of the variables for this story that I'm telling. So anyways, the story, I'm all scared, okay, so let me get back to my story. So anyways, I was horny. Clearly he was outside, so

I said come over. He said, dead ass, He said yeah, didn't really waste no time wasted like none. So he walks in. So he walks in. We go straight to my bar and do another shot. Because you've been out. I've been lit. Let's do another shot, given though the first So we do a shot, even though the first time, you know this was dumble me good yeah, good point. And he was so lit the last time. We both were lit, but literally couldn't get up. Maybe he was nervous,

Maybe it was a liquor. I don't know. All I know is this time I think maybe he went and got surgery. It came out. He was hard. We started kissing in the dining room, said let's go upstairs. We get upstairs, and this is how you know I was. I was ready. I had already the condomns under the pillow and the loop like. He was just right ready. I knew I wanted some dick. So he pulls it out as short, isn't there what? No, I don't I I set up. I set it up. I was like, oh,

mab with this thove. So he he takes it out and I get ready to put it in my mouth, and it is ginormous. It Oh no, but it is ginormous with a hook. And when I tell you like like, so his dick is probably like this, like it might be the size of my whole arm. What's crazy? Someone's gonna know he were talking about because you think someone that dick has a hook, No, bitch on that thing like left right his name on the show about to be Captain Hooks. It's not an uppercut, it's a hook. Bitch,

Are you gonna fuck him again? So we've already fucked three times and this is where the story's gone. So anyways, we fucked that night and bitch, I know, I'm y'all's queen. Ooh, baby, I ran about forty We just experienced a heat wave in New York City and during our downtime, me and Eden county three more dicks than this, bitch, fuck continue the story, Captain hook Ricks, Oh, I got, y'all, hook, I forgot that. Okay, wait, can I be like the how to men be? Do sex workers really count sax?

Short Friends and nigga from Texas? Three different states? Okay? First off, the fellow shoall was like all up in my pussy and you know what he didn't say during hill? What's it be down down? AnyWho? Okay, so back to the story, So boom, he go to fuck me, and baby, I cannot take that dig for nothing, and I'm like, this isn't normal. It's the hood. Hold on, it's even it gets deeper than this, because I'm like, mind, you were loved up. So I'm like, okay, maybe it's because

you know, I haven't fucked in a while. I broke up with my with my boyfriend. It's been like a month and a half. You know. The pussy done came back and so I was like, maybe that's it. So gray, it was so good. I ran that thing back the next day, hold on any daytime. Literally during his lunch break, bitch ran that thing back again. So he came in again. Bitch came into girl put it in me, and I was running again. So let me tell you how big this thing is. Let me tell you now. The hook

is a variable. The amount of time it took me to have sex is another variable. Y'all want to know what another variable is? What's variable? I ain't starting. I don't know the other variable yet. Because I decided that maybe something is anatomically wrong with me. His his penis went so deep into me and I couldn't take it so good. I said, you gotta be a fibrarate. I need to go to a doctor. I literally, in my old ass mine said, bitch, you don't wrong from dick.

It's gotta be something like something a right down there that she was running. So here we go where you did you go? Well? No, we want a thirst time? Oh what did I take that dick like a motherfucker? Pro So? Maybe I think I said so, maybe it was a time that I was you know, you have a cycle and within your pms, apparently you're you're you're more sensitive at certain times than not like e'sag Smith. There's a whole lot of things that could have been.

I am going to get some doctor though, because I don't like not being able to take dick. But anyways, so that happens, and it's so good, I start to be like, so need that again? I have a question for the men because now I'm confused. We're having a great time having sex, it's going well, we've only fucked three times, and he says that he feels like meat, and I need to know how to not make him

feel that way. Although I remember how anyone that attended our last Horrible Decisions tour, what show me the text of you asking what the meat? Or ask him for the wait, ask him for it? I need to see why he said, like, how did you say the way he used to text twenty four to seven, you up gang or he said that no, no, no, we something like that. That's crazy. You know what's aught so crazy about you

saying this about how I talk? So hit him the other day because we've been talking about like Michelin restaurants and stuff, and I went to one yesterday, so I called him. I was like, ooh, go into this cote. I love cot so Coke, So went there and So called him and was like and when I called him, he answered, like, what's up, babe? Not the B word with three insertions, and I kind of let us slide. And I don't know that if I hear it again, if I'm gonna have to like, hey, brou calm down

with that problem. Okay, first off, to be called babe, I'm the only three insertions and this is any start a clip of this. So I made that love I Love Island joke today because I just started it because everybody's watching it. Okay. Brionda actually hung up on me a few days ago for the watch You're not watching Levine that I can't talk to you and hung up. She's like, ditch, I need to talk like I'm not I need to talk about that, and I can't tell you. Okay,

I'm also dubbed me in text. So I started watching it and there's a scene where this dude chooses a girl as his number one, which means they now share a bed together, and they're coupled in the villain Okay, his name is Ace, her name is Amaya, and he goes, look, I just want you to know even though I chose you, like he's, oh, I'm not watching it, but apparently they came out of thing. Okay, okay, But anyway he said to this girl, he said, yeah, like I'm with someone else.

She goes, okay, fine. Next day she's like, I mean, damn babe, and he goes, I don't really like that either. She's like what He's like, Yeah, like the cuddling, like the extra tonal, like the pet name. She's like, okay, so you don't. I can't say babe either. And at this point I'm really feeling her because I'm like, yo, don't tell me you like me or you fuck with me, and I can't say that. I can't say fucking babe. Do worth off? He just he inserted in me three times. Cool,

We're cool. A minute mark. You could say no, no, no, no to me. Three assertions doesn't mean that. Now there's the pet names going on. Not call you by your first year. Yeah, I mean he he doesn't say like that. But Yn actually told me once he was like, you call everybody bab Yeah, but you know what's crazy, he didn't call me babe before he inserted he answered the phone, what's that babe? Like that, just like that, I am not your babe. I'm not your babe. Restaurants because we finish,

go and eat. Because he don't want to feel like meat, so I'm gonna let him feed me some other meat besides his meat. So you calling him and telling about stuff, right, because you are doing no. But that's the thing. But since before pandemic, we still maintained where we talked. We send each other meets, we text like we do all that ship. When I moved to Atlanta, Like I told him about my favorite sushi restaurant, he told me about Like we still have conversations. You don't like him, you

know what's crazy? He cool, He's very he's very handsome. Me my type with a big old dick, good job six five good Yeah, Like it's cute, and she said a year out, but I don't. I don't want a relationship right now. That's fair, but he can't call you be okay, getting deeper. Let me tell you what really happened. Hold on, because why not? Let me tell you what. So we went on a date. This is before I got with Active Bay. So we went on a date. It was cool. He ghosted me, I swear to god.

He doesn't think he did, but I felt ghost you. So literally, after he fucked the ship out of me, I said, damn, you ghost to me, nigga. So he's like, wait, what he fucked the ship out of you recently? And then I brought up damn nigga, and you ghosted me and I still gave you some pussy, which is crazy anyway, So you So then I got a boyfriend and so it didn't I got a boyfriend, so it didn't matter. So he's like, okay, I'll tell you why, just not

right now because we laid up. I'm probably ruining the mood. So he tells you you ready, yes, tell the nigga. I ain't want kids, oh exactly, and so in his mind, hold on, So we have this whole conversation because he liked me, and then I said, yeah, fuck them kids on a date and he's like, he's my age, so he wants kids. This was after fuck one. We've now fucked three times. I like to think my pussy is that good. He now was like, well, maybe I don't need kids, and he called me babe. I feel like

he's liking me, and whoa. Yeah. Well this was to go with ghosting, but we did an episode with trash Tuesday. We loved. I loved the cutie for Duties. Actually, Alex has been trying to get us to go. I want to go back for years. I will go back on their show. Love them like and I don't say that about many people, especially white people. When I tell you I would go on their show once a month I was there. I love them. They're from one of us

back before the episode. I love them. If y'all go check it out, it's out if you're on our Patreon. I posted it trash Tuesday shout out to them if oh my god, white girl us so because girl, we were saying nigga with them, but they didn't say it back, which I appreciated. Wait, Mandy, why would they say that they would. But if they did say, well, no they did say that, which one do you think it's said? No, I'm not gonna say that because these are them date guys.

One was dating an Asian and the other dates white guys. Right, she didn't Sam and allow Brown. I like Saman's nah, you damn. I want to know what I will say. I will say, I will say and though on them them them islanders, there's they're probably the most respective in terms of not having to say nigga. Like y'all saw the mexicanot said, nigga can say what they grow up around their own tribe. So I don't feel like they need to say the innovatric cle on Trappa because you

know what it is. Here's the thing she asked the question people like why you ain't check you There's some moments where you're just like, I'm gonna let you sit in your dumb yep. I felt that from h just like, but yeah, I don't think any of them want to said it anyway, don't check it out, you're gonna do about it. What did we talk about on tray Shuesday? We talked about something like this ghosting and ghosting. I don't think ghosting is okay, and you and the girls

were like, no, I go feeling it. Yeah, and so he did, and I'm not I actually think the ghosting is the most appropriate in terms of, like of what I'm saying for a reason. I actually he had a reason. I understand he had a reason. He literally they really can't go past this at all. And he literally said that to me. So after the date, which you well wait, which I thought was great, right, the date was great.

So when it kind of went nowhere and I stopped hearing from him and then I got a boyfriend, it didn't matter. But now how that he fucked me and it was good? Now I was like, damn, Now, I want to know why the fuck you ghost to me? And it was because he's digging you down and he is taking me down. Question, then what is the fine line between distancing and ghosting? No? No, no, we were we were texting, talking like it was on a date. Shut. Literally it was like a shut immediately, Oh no more Texas,

no more calls, no faith, no more reaction. And that went like even on my Instagram and then guess what he started reacting to you my flowers. I got sent by my nigga, the sushi that he bought me when I went to La. All the posts about me having a nigga is the ones he would kind of like corny double tap, like big big six five cornball. I don't know. I didn't mind it, but that's where he was like, you got into a relationship, you know, he was like, my ship, Well, you know what it is.

It's very passive aggressive it is. It's a very passive. I don't think so. Bro. If a bitch did that to a nigga, that's corny. You know, I'm glad you found somebody. I even told him when we started talking about the kids, I said, no, if you want to go have kids, you could still be in search of baby mama. Who's telling everybody? Why why can't I tell man? If they want to have kids, go ad them. You're just not gonna have them with me. I don't see

nothing wrong with that. There's something really wrong. I don't know how we're supposed to navigate this non traditional life without new ways of introducing solutions to FOP. Because the truth is, if someone wants children and you don't, they shouldn't. You shouldn't be dating long term well, who's to say what long is? It's subjective. The reason I say that, it's like who we date a year is someone who we date for two years? Like what is law? I think even dating for two years, that's kind of I

think two years. And here's why I say that. And this is no shade to you. I want you to meet I'm sure a man that's in alignment. Well yeah he might be an alnight now he said he don't old kids, no vote. I mean I didn't ask real so to me, the reason I think it shouldn't happen is because one you start doing shit, no one needs this extra headache in their life. For example, you're a woman that's saying, go out there, do your thing where

that's gracious of you. Now it's another fucking headache in your life because now this nigga has to take time from away from you to go be with this children. Then you're gonna have the baby mama headache. Then there's a new energy in their life. Then that kid is somehow now surrounding your life. Now you're the fucking bitch for saying, hey, well I don't want to wrap your son, come on vacation. I have a kid, and you're like, what the fuck it was supposed to I didn't want kids.

It like brings it into your life and it's bringing you shit you don't want or need. So I can't even date niggas with kids, then, I think. I mean, but based on what she even said, that's what I'm g if you don't want to child like, if you don't want to handle that, if you don't want children around your seer in your life. Nah, So what you're telling me is that the date deadbeats no? Well no, because if you're saying no, so I like, I have

off of other friends that don't want children. So what you say, as crazy as people act like you are, this is not a crazy fucking thing to me at all. No, I got crazy men and women. I don't want kids, understand that. So I do. Wait, what you're saying is that I can't based off even someone wanting them in the future. Would you say that, as a woman not wanting kids, that I also shouldn't date a man that already has kids because what about the men that have

kids and don't want any more? Respectfully? Oh, I mean that's what I'm That's what I'm asked sactfully, respectfully, you don't want to be kids at all? Well, maybe they're teenagers by now, if there's an age, Like I say respectfully because I don't want to say it, like you don't like children, but they do seem bothersome to you sometimes babies, So yeah, but I wouldn't date with a

newborn baby. What about like a seven year old, I wouldn't mind a seven year old, bro, I'll be around my homegirls with kids, So like, I'm not that disgusted and like I hate kids so goddamn much. I like, I like exaggerations, don't I feel if it was long term and that kid is with his dad half the week, oh yeah, that probably wouldn't work for me. But that's what I'm saying. But that a good dad someone's playing

custody doesn't mess necessarily making them a good dad. They probably did it so they have to pay more child support. Well let's just say that. Chances are you chose a good partner, and a good man is gonna want to show up if they wanted to be in their child's life half the week. How would that make you feel? Subjective? You know, it depends how good the dick is how much money he has, how great he looks. I don't think I mean I've dated guys with kids before though

long term. No, I have a data of many people long ter. Yeah, I don't think you should go because I don't like this, because I get what she means though, and it's not a headache for Mandy though I know you're coming from good intentions at the end of the day.

in a single parent household. My dad saw us maybe once a month, and sometimes the girlfriend was with him, sometimes they weren't, but we didn't infiltrate his life at all. As what it seems, right, and a lot of my friends currently are fucking single mothers. Guess who. They have almost zero contact with zero help even financially from their baby daddies. So there are a lot of people with kids who, especially men, but especially Menia Williamson. Right, what

don't truly make you feel good? You're not talking about Zion, Zion a fat nigga that No, No, you're not talking about Zion. You're talking about Zarah. And then he there's a guy that had kids with a woman and he's like paying not to Anthony Edwards. Look, she confusing the basketball player. No, that's Anthony Edwards, she says, Zion whatever that guy right?

gonna say a deadbut dad. Right, Yes, let's just say you dated a guy that washed his hands with those children. Yeah, you in this book talk about how a ship my own daddy is yep, now knowing how the effect of those things, knowing how fucked up was, to date a man that's now having that same action, I mean, but that's so again, And that's why I said it was subjective. Like to me, I've also said that I know a man could be a great partner and probably not a

great father or vice versa. There's really good fathers that aren't great partner. But would you want to date a man that wasn't good to children but the children? So that's what I'm saying. Being good to children again is subjective because you could be a good father, not a

good partner. And unfortunately, because I also I'm friends with a lot of people who are single parents, I also know that it's not necessarily always just the relationship between a parent and a child, because you have another adult in there that infiltrates maybe how much you can see them or or makes it difficult. So that's why I said, I don't want to generalize this topic because there are a lot of nuances to being a single parent or

a nigga being a deadbeat dad. There just is. What I'm saying is though, do it unless the kid was older and the baby mama got a new call. But that's even if they're older, they still end up like a child with the trauma of not having their child around. So I don't even think age matters. I think, but I also have talked two men who had kids at a very early age seventeen eighteen, had them in college, and now they're in their thirties. So to me, I mean, again,

there's nuance to it. I would be okay dating a guy with kids? Are you? I think? Are you watching ann just like that? No? Okay, terrible first episode. I thought it was a parody, and everyone knows how much I love Sex and the City. Fucking dumb. However, this season, Aiden and Carrie decide to get back together. Okay, right, they're in the fifties or whatever they're in. Aiden's son is acting out, who's like twelve? Okay, he tells Carrie, listen, we're gonna be together, but I need to be there

for my kid right now. Okay, I think I need to be with him for another five years. Okay, Carrie and him decide to split ways. He moves to Virginia. She's in New York. She's in a relationship with him. They bought a house together. Okay, everybody, all of her friends think this is crazy, right, And Carrie's feeling very alone because he's got to tend to his children. Blah blah blah. This last episode I watched, she goes to Virginia. He tries to integrate her with his children. They're a mess.

He's throwing shit out the window. Fuck you mom, total white kid shit and my homegirl. I get on the phone, she goes, this was exactly what the world needed to see. And I wish Black America could see this, because all we see is a black single woman with her children causing a man a headache. And now you get to see a woman who decided to have no kids. Bam, and your fuck shit in your world. And now I'm excited to watch the rest of the season because I'm like,

Carrie should leave. I'm not gonna lie because I just need It's our baggage, not everybody's children. Are baggage them a little fuck ass motherfuckers, dawn, little boys baggage and his baggage to the point where now I can't be a priority. Now I can't be a part of this world. For example, another thing, get to a city in Europe. I don't want to say what city, but my man's homeboys around and he's got a kid, he has a

girl come visit. I'm talking to the ditch at the bar with my homegirl and the dude was basically, uh, you know, he's only in time for a little bit of time. And a girl's like oh. I was like, yeah, he's so sweet, like he's getting back to his sons, Like this is so cute. And she was like, yeah, I can't be number two to nobody and they kids. My homegirl and I looking like, oh no, my homegirl says, shout out to a cute so why are you dating a man with kids? She goes like, I guess I

probably shouldn't. I'm just having fun, but I'm never showing up the number two, So that's that's problematic. So when she walks away, me and my homegirl like, why would you even say something like that to y'all? To your man's he's with his friend, his girlfriend. Now you know, I know you're gonna repeat this. Why would you tell a man to their face, I'm never coming number two to your kids? So now you're literally dating someone saying

what out not gonna happen? Your sons are number two to mind you A man saying that to a woman would be just like you don't say that kids come first. I think, though I've called this my superpower in previous episodes, I think compartmentalizing is my superpower, and it could be to a fault, right Like, I know there's gonna be people in the comments like, oh my gosh, she clearly needs therapy. But I said it, and I'll say it again.

I don't believe in things lasting forever, and I think that in ways that I genuinely know, I can't show up. I have to be willing to walk away or have someone walk away from me, which is why when I laid down with Captain Hook, because it was good and I wanted again, I wanted to know where that happened.

And when he said, oh, because you said you didn't want kids, okay, well I'll be here until you go find someone to have them with like, but that's not what I want, literally, dead ass, you know to me saying that, why, because I feel like that almost lives in the same language of so why married ben Chichi better chapter? It's the thing of getting more and deserving better? Are you fucking kidding me? Why would someone? Well? Right now, I'm just well, right now, I'm just I don't feel

like I'm getting you. I want the dick. I want the dick. It's really good. I enjoy his company and so for now it works for me and I'm getting exactly what I want to Well, to me, I don't want a relationship right now. I just got out of one bitch. I haven't been home longer than fucking like even the third time I just fucked him. It was because I decided to change my flight so I could sleep in my bed and not have to rush straight

to Okay. See, so I was like, ooh, no, I wasn't supposed to be here, but I'm here for eleven hours if you want to come over, like to me, it works right now, So to me, where now he has to make the decision. Big if you're starting to like me, but you know you want family planning and I can't give you that. That's to be his decision to stop fucking with me. Right now, I'm getting exactly what I want. But it feels good now that I'm not running. But like, to me, I'm not wasting my time.

If he's wasting his time, that's on him. He has to plan his own life for me right now, though what I want is exactly what I'm getting out of him, and I like it. If you want friends with benefits, shit, sure, great, I think that's the best thing. And then the only thing that can suck is like the more that we start to grow connections with people, like, let's just say, you really start feeling this niggat, let's say, because it's very possible, I think he would be the most unfair

one because he's telling you I'm good. I said I didn't need a kid like you said that I'm still dating you. It's like the pressure back and forth. That's why I don't think it's fair or safe to say date me, go up kids with someone else, because that's still well no, so even me saying that we had a deeper conversation, right, I don't want kids. We're fucking I know that we're fucking with protections. So I'm not even asking him if there's anyone else he's fucking. I

don't think we're there yet. But when I say, when you're ready to go have kids, go find someone. To me, that's me letting him know when he gets to a place where he wants something, I don't even want him to think he can apply any pressure to make me change my mind or make me feel like I have to show up in a way that I've already said

I'm not going to. I think when we date people with intention or not because of yes, we'll deal with people and then fall into feelings, we get digmatized, we think that we just want of friends with benefits relationship, and then it's like, oh my god, you coming over every day. Now I'm cooking for you, Now I like you.

All of those things, Yes, they happen, but I'm very clear about that, and so to me, if he is this grown ass man at the age of thirty five really wants to have kids before it's too late, I'm fine with him saying, Yo, you're not able to give me what I need right now. I need to go get that. I might cry not it too, but I'm okay.

With that, and I think that that's the thing, like I'm not gonna try to be somebody that I'm not that I don't want to be that, And I think that we have to put that same onus on the man, like a lot of us show up in ways that we don't want to for the sake of a man often. And so if that's what he's doing with me, I hope he's not because I want him to be true to himself. That's gonna be his job to step away from me, and for me, it's not to push away in no good dick, bitch, I'm sorry, I'm gonna keep

getting a good dick. So you feel we almost don't want you to go eat with this nigga, just keep getting why now you are telling me that now I can't get fed by niggas only because he said he feels like he's being treated by meat. But that's why I say he can take me how to go get some shit. I'm saying I think I make something sex focused because they know that's what they like. I actually really believe niggas need to let that shit ronge. Oh no, you should have seen girl, because I didn't make him

feel like meat. So he's put on like the the documentary around the Submersible, and then we started fucking, so we paused it and then he left because I had a flight. Bitch, there's twenty five minutes left. Do you know he said, don't finish watching it till I come back. That's bitch, Now we watching shit together. Oh I thought, I thought, I don't wait he left left. I thought he left all night, but we had twenty five minutes left, and I was like, dang, he told me not to

finish it until you come back over. That's like leaving something making sure he come back. You know. Yeah, my nigga didn't talk to me all night because I watched White Lotus with bro It becomes well. He was a wait, so is that more intimate than him taking me out to eat kind of yees? Saving a Netflix show? Yes? Yeah, yes, yes, yeah, I will agree. We agree more than babe. No no, no, no, I'm not gonna like you know it's crazy. You know

what's crazy experience for him? You know what's crazy. I didn't check him on the bab, but if it happened again, it might have to check him. So is there a way to check someone on a anymore. Why you're too far, which we have only fucked three times. Now you're saving, Now you're doing the food that you guys are picking the ship. You're too far. It's like, what are you talking about now? I can't say, babe, bitch, sun up Seau. He hasn't slept over yet. Okay, he hasn't slept over yet,

but that's why he feels like me. And I was like, well, Nigga had a fly, you had to get up early for work. You made an excuse to why he couldn't sleep over. Instead of saying, oh no, I did say I would like I like slumber parties, so I said we got to do that soon, and he kids, I don't like the pet names, bro. I just don't like that. If you all go back to maybe like your three

of Horrible decisions. I've never really liked the pet names, bro, because it made me feel like you're just forgetting my name, like you fucking with a whole bunch of bitches. Way about a friend of mine, you've only met him once or twice on my gaze. I don't want to say his name though, but he was like saying something about you, and I was like, well, is Mandy like that? What do you say about me? So in the Breakfast Club interview, yes, you said you were single. Mmm. He called me, and

he's like, I knew it. I was like, knew what he's like after listening to the show Mandy when she like a nigga, got an energy that I didn't hear from her this time around, and I was like really, he was like, oh, I remember Mandy was giggly, and he was like, so Mandy wasn't giving that energy. I said, you know, bring this up. I didn't know that. I think he's gonna be at the book signing tonight, so I'm gonna having keep going, keep going. He said to me.

A thing that I thought was very interesting. He said, I wasn't even trying to be what's the word when you're wanting something to go bad? Malicious? He said, Listening I knew Mandy. It felt like he liked it when Mandy was just she didn't get google Gaga and I've heard her be on the show Your ex the recent X. Okay, He's like, I would hear Mandy be like let me I mean and get so feminine and girly and whatever. He's like, I know, I absolutely did that with my ex.

I know. Oh the point he's now is when Mandy likes a nigga, she's like that. And so I'm saying, when you like a nigga and he called you bad bitch bag, you're not, you'll enjoy it. I don't know, really, go don't like a nigga. You know, it's crazy. I like him, but I am so like anti relationship right now, right like, but I don't. I don't want it to go that far. And I don't think like you, and

I don't think I'm the one for him. That's your your saying you're valid in the whole day, Well, you really like a nigga and you're into a nigga, your energy is definitely you are like super in luck and I didn't think about it. Okay, that's possible. And honestly, it's crazy because I wonder if people felt that from you while talking about your most recent ex. Because for a person who's met you once or twice to be like nah, I heard may be different before. Yeah, was

a narcissist. I was throwed over a nigga. Darren. If you listen to the eight years of this fucking podcast. I was thrown over twenty four seven's Dick Lawyer Bay who had a lot of issues, and my ex uh sauwmate. Those are the only three niggas that I've ever been googly over. I talk about good dinner. You were that googly over lawyer Babe. But well, it was it was very short lived. I remember it was very short lived.

I remember one thing specifically you said, and I was like, oh, boy, was I google over a nigga that I thought it was my sawmate? Yes, I said something about something wrong. You said he didn't do nothing wrong. He didn't. He was perfect for the whole first year, and that's why points But I also say, and it's it's weird because even in therapy I'm talking about it, that whole timeline of me. First off, it was the pandemic. I was

cooking every day. I wasn't outside. We were only together me, him and my fucking cat like because of the world shutting down, Crystal was battling breast cancer like. I wasn't even allowed to be around my core group of friends. So he was my universe literally for a year, which is why he was perfect to me. We had no outside influences think about him being perfect or I think when you to me out someone, But to me, he's the only person that I've ever been like that with.

And it's why I had such the difficult time saying that L word to my ex because this was the first person I let all of my guards down for. This is the first person I said I love you too, And this is the first person that I like, literally kept going back to, and I felt like I lost myself again, and so me even saying the L word to my new X, yes, I probably went into my last relationship with trauma that I didn't realize I had.

Even with the L word, I felt like I was a delusional, dumb ass bitch when I was in love with him. Being in love is a delusional to me? Is this is all to me? Love is not delusion for a lot of people. For me, when I said that word to a man, when it was said back to me, when I look back at it now, I felt delusional. I felt stupid. I kept going back as well to him for the face of love, which is what I said on this podcast, bitch when I went back time nine, it was because well, they say that

love is hard and you gotta fight for it. And all the little things about love that I thought I had to be in with him makes me feel stupid in hindsight. So maybe it's not even that it was love. Maybe I was just literally thrown over a narcissist. Maybe the self worth I thought I had didn't exist. Maybe there was still things I was getting over. But for me, what that relationship resembles now is so like choppy that

no love to me, isn't that? And the way I was googly eyed for that man, the way I was able to exist with him, I literally look back now, I've talked about it in therapy and I'm like, bro, the world was ending. Do you think that you can be or that being googly can be something safe when you're with someone? I mean, and let's be honest, your most recent acts like you enjoy that company absolutely affirming, Like do you think you could ever be googly again and feel safe?

throw it over Nigga. And this again could be my defense mechanism as to why Captain hook ain't really getting

the googly from me. I don't want that right now, and I don't know when I'm going to be ready to get that, but right now, especially having to navigate not wanting children, not wanting these things, and standing firm on it and finding soe that respects that, to me, I'm I'm really cool with just like enjoying like the joys of life, like my friendships, like being able to live in Atlanta out and be close to like my

fucking friends, like it feels so good. And not saying that I didn't have friends in New York, but like these are my friends I've been friends with for like fifteen plus years, Like Crystal just made it to fourteen. My other friend we've been friends since tenth grade. So like these friends are like they've just known me. It just feels different. And so for me, it's that it's traveling. It's the new baby of our book. It's the new

baby of selective ignorance. It's me thinking, Okay, realistically, I'm in this new city. What other things do I want to do? And so for me, a relationship doesn't seem like the work I want to do right now. And relationships are work. I said it, like yeah, and I worked with some shit. I had to make space and I don't think I had the space around the time that I broke up with Olbay. And it's a good thing.

I don't know, it's a good thing. Goun to me, my partner, and I remember he was saying the same thing to me, like damn, even like six months earlier, I don't know, Yeah, where will we be because you actually do have to make room and making room is something that like, I don't think it sucks because we could want to receive love, intimacy, whatever, But it's like timing matters if I'm just kind of prioritizing this thing. I just realized this week just with our press tour.

Moh blah blah blah, whatever is going on. He was gonna come over yesterday. Yes, we just got back from a trip together. It's only in twenty four hours. He was like, miss She goes like, miss you too, come over and I was like, just heads up, I make up at ten thirty in the morning. He's like, all right, baby, I'm gonna I'll stay home. I'll see you at the book Sadie. And I was like, why can't you come over.

He's like, we're gonna get wrapped up and shit and by the time you wake up for me and breakfast, you got makeup, Like I need to leave you alone. And I was laughing about it to myself because I'm like, oh my god, Like there is really a world of like you don't have time. Yeah, like I don't. I don't have time bucked, But it's true. I want to get fucked, but I don't have time. And this is gonna sound by the way, this is gonna sound bad. Yeah,

I know limited vocabulary. It's gonna sound bad. Is it gonna bad or it's gonna be I don't have the time right now. This is gonna sound so bad. And I know it, but I don't know another word to use. I don't have the time right now to consider somebody else that doesn't sound okay. Well, they be fucking heavy dragging me for everything. Oh my god, I said, motherfuckers deserve the relationships, stay in and I'm getting draged, so people deserve to be killed and abuse. Shut the fuck up.

I don't know it worth any So I missed a few texts from him, and he wrote me back and said, do you love me? I wrote him back, I said, your pages eighty eight through ninety in my book, I love you, And don't make that the clarify because there's a lot of people who ain't get mentioned in my book. You know. It was just fucking around, okay, And I said, I really am selfish right now. Sorry, and he was like,

you're good, baby, like it's your week. But I think you actually do need to kind of say to someone I don't I can't consider or I don't have the capacity to be responsible right now for how you feel or how you want to be treated, because I don't have the capacity to be there for you right and I need to say that. And I think it didn't hit me. This is the first time in this relationship because when we went on the last horrible tour twenty twenty three and I were dated. Oh yeah, last year

we didn't tour at all. I know last year was easy to be. That's why I was on the phone with Activating for three hours in Yare somch I ain't got the time to talk to a nigga that long now book and then he came over like bruh. So now he's like, Yo, it's cool, don't worry. And I'm appreciative of that. But you know, yes, he even hit me and said, uh, what do you need me to do? Do you want me to drive you? Like, tell me you know some health you need, like you know on

this move. You want me to take you to Connecticut? You want to take you guys here. I'm like, yo, I don't even want you to feel so over exhausted from our shit. And I I was like, I guess we really do have to be a part. I gotta get this shit done. And it feels good. It's great, like you know, especially when knowing that like you have the support, but it does make you be like, oh, I gotta

be selfish. But the way I want Dick and I have to tell him I'm supposed to be bleeding when I get back, so then I gotta go on another trip. It's literally like twelve days before I could even have dick again. And I'm like, damn, I gotta tell you. You can't even fuck me for the next two weeks. Oh my god, Like, what the fuck? I need to tell you guys something. This was a very weird, nasty little flirt that should probably be illegal from the guy at

one of the pharmacias on Lower East Side. What the fuck? Okay, So, since it's the ketchup and mustard and you just said bleeding at this point, no, at this point, decisions decisions, y'all wanted some horrible decisions content here the fuck you go? Okay, So if you want more, you can go to Patreon. This is where we do it. So I didn't realize I'll order my I ain't medicine or my birst control from one of those like subscription services that just send them to you. I don't know if it's in LA

I don't know, but I'm on my last pill. Today. I was worrying and I'm like, oh shit, this book pub day and I'm fucking hype. I'm like, damn it, my alarm went off. You know what? Always goes off in an interview. This fucked. I call the company. They're like, shit, we can't get to you here for seventy four hours. Now I am a little nervous because this would be my population time. Technically, I'm just scared and I'm on low estrogen. You just don't fuck right talking about you

scared it Just don't fuck it. First of all, you touching look, and I was like, just easy, fixed, bro, it's not bad. It's just I don't know how if it like throws you off, well, just don't fuck God for how long till you get your ship back? And it's not even that once I take the pill, does it throw me off? I don't want inconsistencies. I heard when you're on low estro it like really only lasting your body for twenty four hours. So don't don't fuck

for twenty four hours. It's not just twenty four hours, so don't fuck for four It's not that I again, does it throw my body off for like a week? Girlss, this is an emergency. Don't don't work for a week, wait till you get back regulated. No, it's not gonna work for me. So anyway, everybody trying to is your engineer. I don't appreciate this, like just lock that you're not in her common don't lock. Okay, So this happens. So

I'm like, what do I do? So the lady on the phone goes, this is advice that's off the record. But if you prove that you have a subscription, sometimes you can go to a local pharmacy and they'll actually give you like an emergency script. Just try it. She was like, it happens most of the time for like inhalers or things that are like dire emergency insulin birth control is do they consider birth control dire because it could

throw you off? So anyway, Ashes no one to Walgreens maybe then went to a local one and there was a man and he was young, maybe thirty eight. I'm not trying to smile, it's just the way that he was learning to me was crazy. So he's like, how can I help you? And I was like, I know this has been on orthodox. I've never even shopped here before, but I'm your neighbor and I'm trying to get this script filled. But this first control and I'm a little worried,

you know, it'll throw my cycle off or whatever. He said with these eyes. I sort of, God, you need it that fast, you need that badly. And by the way he's smiling, I know he's gonna give it to me. This sounds like a violation, like a healthcare professional hip. This is giving Tyler Perry response that's appropriate. Then I'm like, okay,

I guess I'll just do this back. I was like, well, it's not that, it's just then I'll start my cycle if I don't take it, and I just don't want it to He was like, can't have that on a summer day and I was like, no, no, no, just because we yucking it. You liked it, so see you change your faith? Nah? No, I flirted for birth control. Hold on. Wow. So right now it is ten ten am. I just left Trap Palace workout and I'm just like, bro, like, how long is this going to take? So I was like,

I'm just getting what you want. I was like, listen, I really need it badly because I do have plans this week and I don't want to mess anything up and I would rather be safe than sorry. He's like, I want you to be really really safe too. I don't want you to have any mishaps. He goes, but we do have condoms? Would you like condoms? And I'm like, oh, now you want me to say, I don't want to use kinda I want to cream by imposed to marry that's what you want. I don't think that's I think

he was just giving you an alternative, like we just did. Look, we said, don't have sex. He said condoms, and now you feel I said, well, they're not guaranteed. So I was like, bro, they are ninety nine percent and which the point one swimmer? Bro? Are you kidding me right now? So I was like, please, Bro, do you hear this? Just if it's now condoms? Are you seriously want me? There's birth control? Don't how any women have gotten pregnant on birth control? I would like you shut up? I

know I actually want to look up chat gibt. I think I think condoms have a better I think condoms have a better success rate. Then then Robert, no, but like, you're not on the pill right now. I just took it. Oh you gave it to me. Oh this is this is how you gave it to me. So I act he gave it to me. I said I didn't want to know condoms. He's like, all right, I'm gonna give you another brand that we have here. So you said low estrogen birth control pills. Yeah, I'm not trying to

be as Laurena. I think I'm on. I just want to know which one is more effective tatchipt my man be giving me all the tea. Okay, they're both effective methods because she's a cut. Okay, there's a one percent difference. Perfect use effectiveness. Condoms is ninety eight percent. The low estrogen pills are ninety nine percent.

So then he puts them out in his hand like this, So I had to fucking grab it instead of putting it down on the table, and I was like, he wants to fuck me, he wants me in and around his mouth, and you know what, I just didn't want him to say no. So I was like, I'll take that one, and I like gotta tapped his wrist and he was like, that was so good. That was so good. You made that twice, bitch. Anyway, rang it up. It was forty eight dollars. I say, old, no, that's how high.

It's only thirty days. That the fuck. So he's like, I'm gonna give you a discount if you come back to me. Never, this sounds like you cheated on man. I'm not gonna lie this a little. This is a lot. It's Michael cheating. Should I cut this out? No, it's staying in bro executive decisions. They get show work control pills because you couldn't use condoms. Mandy. It's not about

the condoms. I'm really scared to get off birth control for like a day because if I throw my ship off, do you want me to be a looney tuner this week? I'm already. I mean, birth control pills make you do that too. But if you're off off, it's just like I'm a little worried about being off. And also like the way people scare you about birth control, like you have to take it this time. You don't want to

do this, like it's just too scary. And I've also you know, I don't know how deep we are into the book, but if you read my love chapter like that, ship was scary. But I don't want to. I feel I want to know when I'm pregnant. So's to pull on the vacuum, pull out, pull out, but pull out the vacuum. Thanks so much for joining us. Another episode Decisions. This is pretty all bitch ass holes on the motherfucking By the way, just so you know, this is a

Celsius making me this way. This is not so real quick, by the way, this is Celsius. What happened immunity juice this morning and something else? Because I have so much anxiety that's really like, my anxiety right now is fucking off the charts and I'm pre message. I love about to come out my pussy in a day. But you know, need no, no, no, So so I talked to my mom, I talked to my friends. They say, no caffeine and bitch, you know I drink always. Is this she said, this

is health This is a healthier caffeine and cofee. She said no coffee. So she said to a Celsius, it's healthier. She said no caffeine. No looker, so bitch. Also also all week I'm not drinking liquor, so like anyways, this is getna hype. So I do want to talk y'all real quick, because this was an episode of decisions decisions, and you put the assholes since the rebrand want to act like changing one motherfucking word and change who the fuck we is. Just know this is why y'all whole

just got shown as a horrible decision. You changed more niggas than me. No, no, no, no, no no oh yeah, bring it back. You find eight niggas that I funck savy. You just wanted me to have one more than you, and that is crazy because I feel like you're still leaving someone else.

that bad? Damn yo RP, Jesus, I'm sorry. Like rest and pleasure the relationship you deserve, drinking the damn you women like their hell we got ship to do them bitches still big got more episodes that do you know what? More episodes we got to do more horrible decisions will say so So if you want some more horrible decisions, five dollars a month to get you a babe. That's how she says it, right, okay, baby judged bab. Five dollars say it gets you fine, gets you fucking more

horrible decisions episodes. So take your eyes over to patreon dot com backslash horrible decisions, spout w H O R E and get your fucking shit bab. Okay, five dollars a month, bab, Thanks Bob, See you next week, Bed