EP 420: Finding Love....Again! (Ft. Tank)

Welcome to Decisions Decisions. I don't think you should say decisions decisions. It sounded like you was talking to this person.

You definitely say to welcome, Welcome to the new podcast. You want to say together decisions decisions. Hey guys, girl, welcome to another episode of Decisions Decisions.

You know, we got to guess some fine because we were doing different ship. Let us have somebody who we just don't care about it O.

Welcome back everybody. Now, this whole got the moment. I'm your girl, man, d P, I'm weazy and it's a threesome today. That's right.

We are joined by we could call them a cousin, so we're not doing incests. So technically it's not that our black fam How far my cousin removed?

All right, girl, a marriage cousin or.

Like distant country cousin at the cookout? Did you ain't know what you right now?

When I went to my family union, there was like, oh, that's one with the white daddy, y'all.

We have singer songwriter Broadway song the motherfucker Bauldy.

It's all required when you're a musician to wear shirts like that, Like why do It's always just you gotta see it a little bit, a little bumps in arms.

If you have it, Oh, don't come on here, even the little squinty eyes. We just need you to beg It's not my fault because it's looking.

Like no, I'm not like, I'm not trying to smolder.

That's when people ask you d be like, yeah, I'm a tenth Asiana.

I wake up smoldering. You know what I mean? I felt I feel like I am.

I think the energy though, is beautiful because like we're making fun of it, but it is also the allure to be a good singer. To me, it's having that like sexual energy, having that natural just I don't know, I don't even want to call it flirting, but it's almost like the attentiveness.

Oh, I'm not gonna lie. It's what I say.

Said is wrong with R and B today, Like they'd be talking about like some fuck niggas ship but they're ugly, like they're not attractive enough to be saying the things they're saying. And I'm not saying names. I'm just saying that to me is what is a little bit wrong with male R and B today? Like where is the fine ones at?

You know? What and to that, I can say it's very subjective in terms of what you think is attractive.

Because back in his day he looked I think he was girl.

Okay, okay, I'll just try to be like he was a handsome man, but he wasn't because we're not allowed to call people that ain't not.

But think about this though, it wasn't necessarily like it wasn't necessarily like if they were lookers, just like you know, just without anything right, but the presentation overall, like when you saw what Luther had on you, you saw what Martin, what what Marvin had on when you saw the temptations had on the way the way they walked it and talked it. You know what I'm saying, It was like this, Oh there's something there that is attractive. It doesn't necessarily

What women do you.

Think have it that are like we can call it out like who has that aura that's a singer and entertain a period, Like who do you think has it? Because to me, Alicia Wan of Alsha could wear a cargo jeans and a stud fit and we like, what it's goddess energy.

It's crazy.

You know what. I always refrain from from speaking on women who have husbands.

I'm respectful that we don't know, as.

Alicia's had it since since day one?

Right, speaking of Alicia, yes, and speaking of Aura, she brought up but I got to see you live Hell's Kitchen on Broadway loosely based around Alicia Keys's story. And before you said a word? Is this a normal reaction to before you said a word? Before you did a who? The aunties in the crowd was like, whoa, honey?

Was your shirt on?

No girl fully clothed. He walked on stage with little squinty eyes and just like I did you did?

I the piano on stage? That did not squid my eyes.

While he was rolling the piano, he was like, and what I say?

He didn't say a word, and the girls in the audience was just like Then he started singing, I do want to say, y'all. I know I've been talking about going to Broadway shows. I've been gassing for weeks going to coe Othello, you told us during the Black Effect Fest that you were on Broadway. I had known Health's kitchen, y'all, where's my camera? By far, probably be bad. I've never cried on Broadway until I saw this show.

By the way, the girl went to see Othello day before, and I still it was gas in Hell's Kitchen.

No, so I said, I loved it. Let me tell you though, real quick.

So when I see him at the Black Back Fest, I said, oh, you're on Broadway, and he's like, I'm one of the best Broadway starts.

I said, you know, Denzel on it.

And so I went to see Othello, went to see Hell's Kitchen, and y'all, I bawled four times. The I went with al writer tempest. I went with my good friend, uh Britt. I looked up all you here from behind us in front of us, the white people stood up. Hold on, white people stood up and said that was that was magnificent. So it's not like.

And what did you say? What word did you use?

I said, that was good as fucking I'm glad we was all crying together.

It was so good. I do want to know how is it different?

Because I'm so glad you're here today, because you've been using them vocals.

How is it different from touring? And and have.

You acted before, Like, how has Broadway been different for you than anything else you've done.

I've done theater before. Okay, it was traveling theater, and thank god I've done that before. It kind of helped prepare me for this. But Broadway is the pinnacle, you know what I mean? When you get the Broadway, this is what theater is, super super theater on forty four. This is where you know you you are, you are made or broken, and you know, the the critique is a lot different, the excellence that is required a lot different.

It's saying all of it the Broadway culture because for most of us, we go to New York on a trip, we go on to day ticks, We just figuring out what we're going to see, right, But the culture of the people that actually go, like what's the vibe when you walk in the door.

Well, Broadway is its own its own world, right, and so like our we have a og with us Keisha Lewis, who's been doing Broadway for forty years, Tony Award winner.

That's the one that made she made and she was the first one to make me cry.

You can tell that she is Broadway Royalty and that it is not a game.

Who do you tell from?

Is it the like when people come out? Is it your colleagues, like, what is the energy of Broadway Royalty?

What do you mean? What is it in it? Like?

Is it?

Basically when she goes out in the crowd, people know exactly who she is.

Is it the staff? Everybody's just like whatever you want to do?

Well, no, it's it's let me say, it's universal. Right for the people who know Broadway, they know her, and that's from you know, people who attend Broadway shows as well as people who book Broadway shows, who direct Broadway shows, who like, she's on the rolodex of if you can get her, you get.

Her when it comes to like one thing I've always wondered too, when you're doing Broadway, ain't no cut?

You know what I'm saying, hannay video cut?

Yeah, there's no do over?

Do you improv? Do you forget? Like what happens? What is a real moment that you've had on stage?

You have to be able to improv because things happen in live theater, you know what I mean. And so you know, we had a mishap where the piano is supposed to turn in a certain way. I don't think you remember the same. I don't want to give too much away.

But oh I wasn't going to give the scenes away.

But everything malfunctioned and we still had to deliver the scene. And sometimes you know, it's it's a lot of silly people on Broadway time. I'm silly, like I'm a goofball and a lot of our crew, a lot of our cast is goofballs too, like really talented, but we're goofballs, right, And when this thing malfunction and the way I had to come out and try to still deliver these lines, people were crying, like the cast is crying.

The audience wasn't laughing. They didn't know. They didn't know the audience that's such a funny.

And the light is on me. I have to stay in it. It's like it's a very serious moment, and I have twelve cast members dying laughing while I'm trying. And then it started out of nowhere and I have to get my toes on the turn about to turn with it while still like.

Y'all gotta do it Key and Pill told the actors like.

You just need to turn around, don't lag. You have to turn around until you get your composure back.

Now, when you read the script of this, because you play a deadbeat essentially, okay, what you do, that's he's shit, that's what That's what my daddy says too, all these years later, he's trying. When you read the script, did you realize it would evoke so much emotion, because it's it's essentially without giving the whole story away with what I love is through music, through just really the character development that happens past too. You really get to see

Her cheatten too much.

Well, no, no, no, it's all these different stories. I'm not giving any scenes away. It's it's a seventeen year old girl battling it was Alicia's story, yeah, battling all of these relationships. And that's why I thought it was so phenomenal because the character development between her love of New York, her love of the people in her building, and then you have all of these other relationships that take place while she's learning the piano, and I'm not sure if

Because you did it so well, you did it so well. Did you do a different accent? Did you have pieces that a little too good?

The way you said all of those eloquent things have been the question that was so good? That was really I like that a lot. I got sides first, and so when you get sides, what is that it's the piece of the script that that you're going to read to audition for. Okay, So I got sides first, and I was like, okay, sides only give you but so much context, you know what I'm saying, instead of having the full script. Right, So for me it was like, Okay,

Gonna tell you, Nick Cannon could play the ship out.

If you want to, you.

Know, outside of the Broadway. Something I've always been curious about. It's kind of just the pivot of entertainers as they get older. When I saw the R and B money was on Black Effect, I was like, wow, can you tell me, Like, you start off with this life, you're known for this thing, and then maybe it's not your.

Every day anymore. How what does the pivot look like?

You Like, when you sign up to do a podcast, you're like, oh my god, I must be taking a hell Like that's how everybody treats the evolution.

Of the next job. Like no, no, no, nobody asked us to do a podcast. It was it was I was like, I'm watching you know, I'm watching the terrain and I'm watching Oh I'm I'm watching all of these cool conversations ramp up about so many things, you know what I mean, so many great personalities, and and I was like, man, we need that for R and B. Like for me, it was creating something out of Anita all I was hot, like in terms of Tank, Yeah,

For me, it was adding to because you think you were like a part of like Aliah's career genuine and I know you ended up having the group later with him, like you've been a part of R and B since Mayas was in diapers not to age.

You know, it's like you've had such a long standing career and you still do it.

Yeah. But my conversation, so my point was to even starting it was before anybody else gets a hold of this conversation that don't know it and haven't lived it, Jay, why don't we do it?

How do you feel then when you watch people talk about music, music, podcast culture commentators, do you think it is better for someone that's in it?

Okay, which is why you see NFL Network now high players hee ESPN hiring the basketball players and the bait like hiring people who actually understand what it takes to do it. That's actually easy to take.

Yeah, my reasoning Sometimes when people say why are show over others? I'm like, yeah, y'all understand we're actually ethically non monogamous girls.

We're bisexual women.

We've done all these things we talk about and saying instead of just commenting on other people's sex lives or trends. And I really love content direct from the source. Yes, okay, there's my RMB question I need to ask out of the new school R and B guys. So, like I'm someone that listens to Minnie Riverton Luthen and Brent Bias and love them all and actually might play.

Them on rotation.

So when it comes to new school R and B, is it easy to hate on it? Or can you appreciate the new art?

Who do you like? What are your thoughts about the new vibe of R and B?

Like you gotta remember that I help usher that in, you know what I mean. Trap So stuff like I had I had Ato eight's and Collapse in two thousand and seven and Please Don't Go, which was the number one record for me for fifteen weeks I Can't and the cadences you know, from me to Usher, you know all the like we we helped do that, you know

I've been here, but what about the lyrics? Do you like hearing music like me and my visuals bucking?

You know what? I can't. I don't hate on how you communicate it, you know what I'm saying because I tell every artist listen, there's a million people that say it and feel it the way you do. If that's the way you feel it, say it like I can't tell nobody how to paint, you know what I mean. If that's the case, we'd have a hundred paintings in the louver that all look just to like and they don't. So for me, it's about appreciating how you want to express your art.

Even then a real R and B era see it again, it's with that said, is there even then a.

Real R and B?

A yes? Because we can't and which one is it? It's still right because everything evolves. It's just like saying, there's is there's still a real hip hop area era. Yeah, it just evolves it. Sometimes it sounds different, sometimes it looks different. Sometimes like before it was androgynous, Prince had the ruffles and you have to they had you have to look breed in order to really be R and B. And now it's now it's the dreads.

It's almost like the center scene when you're watching of course, I'm sure you've seen it, of course three times.

That scene shows you so much music's evolution that it kind of made me appreciate it because as I grown, oh, I've grown to love music. I feel like people hate on my musical choices a lot, and I'm like, damn, but shit just changes, you know, like we can fluctuate. And I appreciate hearing you say that because I am kind of tired of the new ways being the wrong one.

There's no there's no wrong anything. My daughter, my daughter, my daughter loves oldies. How she and my daughter's seventeen. Oh oh, one of my daughters I have three. She she loves the oldies, but she will daddy. I need a scissor ticket. I need it, period. I have to have it. Yeah, I need a Tyler the Creator ticket. Imagine Scott the ticket Tolliver And I'm like, cool, I'm going with you.

I know that's right.

Let's go get it.

Who's in your mount rushmore than what do you mean?

In terms of R and B?

Now we can pick all the time and new I I.

You have to, like we asked the question, you actually have to give us. You can't start this out.

I can't do four. I can't put four people on R and B. Is it fun?

It's five today?

You know what way to clean that up?

It can spand yourself.

Only say where where I drew from? That's that's all I can say.

That's yours.

Give me the drew from. It's not a it's not the best ever, it's it's just who I drew.

Yeah, we're cutting all that out.

You're going to keep all of that. It's a Kelly okay, babyface.

Okay, I with that one.

No, I fucked the first one to Marvin Gay, Okay, is there a woman that you were throwing there?

You don't have to do it now that I said it in R.

And B, Damn, he said, y'all, Ain't that good?

No, no, it's it's it's not. It's not. I come from church, Okay, so a lot of a lot of my influences are gospelfluences. If I was to put you know what, I take that back, Rob Babyface, Marvin Gay, this will surprise you.

Chris Brown, Oh no, that doesn't surprise me.

Let's just say take believes in separating the art from the artists.

I think I think that well because you gotta you know, in our in ours day, he was dependacle. The way he is doing it was I mean, he was top of the food chain. And even it wasn't just the music, it was the presentation, like when you go back to Downlaw and and and to separate those two songs from the remix to the and then add mister Biggs to it in the cinema and like he made it. He made it a movie. Nobody like outside of Michael Jackson who had done that for R and B. Like in

But I'll taught me how to write like your extra cut. No no, no no, yeah, I mean now the extras are great, but I learned from Babyface how how to not even need that?

What if you had to choose out of these, like you know, you're Mount Rushmore, what is the perfect R and B track or artists for baby making music?

Because today I'm fucking to.

Naomi Sharon a little bit of Brent actually Tari's being coming in and out of there sometimes too, But for a beautiful, intimate, romantic moment, it's really not the Brint or the Naomi.

Who would it be?

What is who is the artist that guaranteed panties off? The fellas need this one because I don't know what the fuck the niggas be putting on.

Yeah, you gotta. It depends on the woman.

Yeah, I think that's.

Because because because women, you know, women are different now, you know what I mean? Women? You see you see more women under than trap post like, so it's it's like it depends on the woman and what she owned, if she in that intimate moments, she want to smoke some weed and get some Hennessy in her body and get tossed around, or or if she you know, or if she wants some nice shot a plan and she really wants somebody look deep into her eyes. You know

You sound like about all of them.

They're all like something different had the day they do.

You go, I see, I'm in my day. I had nothing I'm having.

I want to I want to get away from music for a little bit.

But still digging into one of my favorite records from you. I made a game from When We which I love in the remix.

The remix is the one. God damn it. When they say what remix is better liked? I think you made like three. There's a lot of remixes you tried.

Oh my gone, no, they went bananas. If you have not heard that record one of my favorites. So I made an ice record to get you to talk a little bit, sex, little relationship, a little all the things.

So this one's gonna be fun.

When we bring food into the bedroom to spice things up, I always suggest you're going to finish the blank So it's a bunch of win wei's and I want.

To see what you be doing when we bring food into the bedroom.

Have you never brought anything into the bedroom?

I've tried. And when we say food, the same food, I'll say ice. That's it.

Ice, That's what I'm almost.

That's the furthest we're going with food, really absolute, Wait.

Why as food failed, you went and play with food?

You way food like the idea of getting sticky.

Okay, and I'm not mad.

You gotta wipe that down, he said ice.

He said, we're not making a mess. Nowhere would I go.

Again? It depends. I mean the ice can go on to the ice can go in.

Here. That's all he wanted to hear you saying.

Now now here the interesting one into relationships.

When we argue, it's.

Usually because of miscommunication.

Okay, period, valid. I don't think we have to go deeper into that. Now here's the fun one.

When we role play, I always request to.

Be now I'm just making some ship up you've never.

Played before, or what would you like your partner to dress up as? Like, has there ever been a scenario where we're like, let's just have fun tonight, let's roll play something.

This outfit could be role play. You want to know what it would be? Okay, all you gotta do is pull the beanie.

Down you robbing all them banks and see if you can't steal.

Ship.

Wait, can't let me tell you if you wasn't going to play tonight, I would have invited you. So I'm going to quest loft to this game night in New York.

Right.

He was like, Oh, I know how much you love Sinners Ryan Coolers be there. Please don't say it, because I'm saying it every day. I'm like, please, Lord, don't let me get one to kill him play.

You know what?

This stated?

Oh?

I know, and I don't care. I don't give a ship. I'm just gonna be like, thank you so much.

But you know what, and the thing about that, like with with with the role play and things like that, I'm so still aroused and amused by the simple things, you know what I mean, Like like, you know, like my wife having on a a T shirt that just just slightly shows the butchet's just a little bit and slightly shows the panty and the print up front like that.

That have like a lot of money or affluent or can get any woman say these things that it's simplicity, like you ain't even got to do too much.

No, I don't. I find that people with more access get bore quickly, you know what I mean, and they have to find other ways, more ways to be stimulated.

I think right now a lot of us actually do, whether you have money or not, because you can literally open up your Twitter app or open up the Internet and it's all right there, all right there.

Now, I want to role play with you just a little bit. The last question.

When we're in public, and I whisper in your ear, I'm telling you finish and I want you to whisper it so the audience can hear you.

I want to devour oh fe on the bank, train, the animus and ship.

Okay, we love a big word, and so devour is not a big word.

Girl. Somebody could say, eat Mandy, I will take devow.

What you're doing.

Devour my flower, Devour my fly.

There you have there, there you have it.

Devour my flower. Now I do.

It wouldn't be us if we had this whole conversation with you and didn't bring up some of the things you've said out in public. But before we get there, we have our book, No Holds Barred, a dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power coming out. And I wanted to read a little excerpt from my chapter. Can I put it back there? This is my chapter around my sexual views on the anus, and this is just the few first sentences when I first started fucking. I believe that if a man wanted to put it in my

Now, this chapter goes from my views on.

Me receiving anal sex and then me ben and men over with a strap. So I had two views on just anal sex is a pleasurable.

Spot for people.

Now, this chapter, for me, vividly speaks about just where we are taught a lot of ignorance in terms of loving ourselves, pleasing ourselves, what it looks like to communicate that, and specifically within the black community stemming from homophobia.

Now, you've said some things across the internet where people were like what the fuck.

Yeah.

One is that you admitted that you like your legs being raised during oral sex, which we find to be very vanilla, very easy, like you just like to be comfortable, you know. The other one is I think if a

I think it's more about you know, being open to conversations, okay, right, and listening to people of other lifestyles, of other whatever that for you may not make sense, but to discredit

Like, at least have you got a good stylist.

I'm like, I don't. I don't like, like, you know what I'm saying, I don't. I don't. I don't like the way looking at what I'm putting these clothes on. I don't like. And it's all in my mind. I'm assuming all of these things and it's not until I'll tell you what happened. I signed Young Lady. She was like, she was an openly gay rapper Messiah.

Oh, she was on the TV show.

Yes. I signed her, and I signed her because I thought I thought she was well she is. I thought she was the most incredibly talented human being from singing, songwriting. I thought she was like a drake. I was like, you're dope. I don't know what all's going on with you. I don't understand anything that's going on with you, but you're dope. And I signed her and she needed a place to stay, and I was like, you know, you can stay with me, and I really I started asking her questions.

About her sexuality. She's a woman, yes, and it's easier for you to do that with a woman versus a man.

That was just the opportunity that presented itself. And I just started asking her questions and I'm like, well, how and why? And as opposed to just you know, trying to make my belief stick, what kind of questions?

Yeah, would you ask?

Well? The first was why?

Why?

Why are you gay?

I say I had that reaction because for someone that's so open about gayness, I feel like, the why is any easy one?

Like because I like it this way.

Now it's easy, I understand it. And I'm like, I'm like, why are you gay? Like why? How?

Like?

Maybe we'll mix them together? And she was like, I was ever since I can remember desiring anything, I desired a woman. Okay, I said, interesting, I says you you you're telling me you were born this way? She said, I was absolutely born this way. And I had to take that into consideration outside of all the things I had been taught into spirit you can pray it out, it's nothing but the devil and all of these things

I was like, you know, what's interesting to hear a man say? And I I liked hearing you say it.

This way because I've described this to men, like when you're confused, think about innately how you want women.

That is literally how my gay friends view it. Is like I wake up, I feel this, I embody this. It's the same thing, yes, And then we're trying to convince you. Imagine me trying to tell you loving your wife is bad. Now, that could be an extremity in this, but when it comes to sexuality, Oh.

It's not the extreme. It's what it's You're right.

Okay, you're right, loving your wife would be bad, right.

For because that's how strongly we believe yep, that how we help. That's as strongly we believe against that. Yeah, it's the same thing reversed. And so like you know, one of my good friends style is Brian Javar, And I'm like, oh.

And then you started asking him the same question.

Well, just you know, just even us in in in being friends, right, you know what I'm saying, Like I kindle and that's being friends. And it's like you realize that who you are is who you are, right and just because that's your friend or just because you know y'all hang out on the case, doesn't mean that you're

How did you go from that brain to being a guy? I remember the day you said it. I was smiling, laugh I'm like.

This, I just you gotta stop worrying about what everybody else thinks.

Because you still believe that today. What is that dick twice?

And I well, how comes twice? I know that? And when when the number was put on it, that was all. But I do know that again, in speaking with with people who are gay, they are actually gay. It's not it wasn't an experiment once in high school or an experiment once in college, and then they actually found them their true selves and now they exist in whatever way that is. No, it's no, this is what I am and this is how I'm living. This is my life.

I like to a lifestyle word, just take that.

Out of context because it's the internet. The internet, and then it went from a story about somebody to me, and that's the ignorance of social media. But I don't you know, again, none of that bothers.

You know. I never thought it was you.

But one thing I did think when I saw it was something I say often.

This is a memory that will stick out to me forever. Although gay, I grew up in the South, I know how we think of men that are gay. I used to even sometimes have that language. When I was young.

I never believed niggas could be by you know, I was one of them. Girl, Like, now once you do it.

You gay.

Go to Europe with my best friend. He's on a date with a dude in Rome. He's like, girl, this place is lit, come meet us. I show up to the bar and the guy was like, oh my god, there's Italian dude. He's like, he didn't tell your friend looked like this, mind you They was kissing.

He's like, I want to fuck to both of you. So I'm laughing because I was a movie. Oh it felt like a movie. We're in Europe.

I'm twenty one and we're on this boat in Italy and my friend is like, I really don't want to fuck you, but he's fine, I want to fuck it too, but now you.

A can like I ain't got a choice.

And this guy back and forth all night is touching both of us, so into us and I went home.

Called my mom.

The next day, I was like, Wow, Europe and men have the freedom to be gay. I didn't say they're really by there are exploring sexuality, but they actually can do this.

I believed it.

I believed men could be by From that day I watched this guy the way he was attracted back and forth, and it made me sad because I know black men don't have that.

What black men where I'm gonna pull up and that could happen where.

In La Well, I don't think it's I don't think it's dedicated to black men, right, you think it's.

An American thing, because I do feel like it might be.

I think white people can play around a little bit. I don't think black men can. I think black women can play around, but.

It also like it also has a lot of history reconnected to it when it comes to black men, right, I don't it's not just reserved for black men, but when you think about the history of black men in America specifically, and and the methods that were used to make to e masculate and make us less than that's

That's a good point. Finding your tribe is all that matter is.

Somebody, and that's really all that matters. You know. I was I was sitting on the plane next to a young guy football player and he was like, you know, how do I manage all of this? He's got the money. You know, he's he's on TV. You know what I'm saying. They all own them, you know what I'm saying. He's like, I'm a I'm a young you know, I grew up in the church. I think I know what's right, and I'm just what what do I do? And I said, and I said, I said, young fella, good luck, fuck luck,

He basically said, put a condom on a fuck them all.

I cannot wait to put violent strings behind you, saying that that was so beautiful.

You to do, because it's because.

Not what everyone thinks that you would be feeling.

You should do, or you know, because there's so many influences and so many traditions that can lead you into a space that you don't belong in.

Yeah, how long did it take?

You to figure that out and to get in a space where you're at now.

I mean, I'm forty nine, so even at forty nine, I'm still evolving, learning and growing.

I only didn't make the shock face because I googled it.

So so you know, even a lot of the ideas that I speak of now are are years old. You know what I mean, because you know, still learning, still evolving, and and still still growing into a space where everything for me is grace.

I love that now for decisions decisions.

Yes, we get into relationships though, and I want to talk to you and hopefully our audience can take some tips from you as well on how to find love again.

Now.

I talked about double backing and we kind of made the synopsis here that it doesn't work. Once you lose somebody, you shouldn't go back and xyz elemental P. However, you took a break from your wife and fiance wife, y'all have been together for the spand of like twenty years altogether, but y'all took about six years of a break you co parented. I want to know what it looked like for you to take that space and find your way back and how you.

Got back you know what I wish. I wish that I had the science on it right, Okay, because we didn't actually get together. We hadn't known each other for she danced on my first video. We hadn't known each other, you know, kind of offing on, messing or whatever, messing around. We didn't get together until like two thousand and four, broke up in like two thousand and six, then had a baby in two thousand and seven. And during all this time there was you know, there's a lot of beef,

Maybe it's because the romance is taken out. Do you think there's I know you don't have the science, but I have heard people say when the pressure is gone, they can have this resurgence of romance.

I think it was. I think it was. It wasn't romance at first, it was like we truly became friendship. Friendship.

What did it looks like? Like? How did you forgive someone that you literally said at one point.

I like her at all Forgiveness is about accountability on whose end listen, okay, listen. Forgiveness is about looking in the mirror as a as a person who is not trying to forgive, and saying to the person in the mirror, he without sin cast the first like you got caught. I didn't, but we being real, I was do that.

M hmm.

If we being real, I was old that universe had to get I got to eat that. Oh for being real.

And you knew how you showed up and the ship that you had done.

I knew what was in the dark, even if she didn't know. And and and and men are really good at that. How dare you? How dare you text that? Dude? How dare you respond to that? Dam? M hm?

Do you know? Oh, we can't wait?

Get my notepas and you just basically are like, I know what the hell I'm doing?

We gotta we gotta, we gotta be real and the in me and me looking myself in the mirror and tell them and being truthful about who I am and what I was was Was's how I was able to be like you know what, I'm not perfect, She's not perfect.

The mean thing that caused a riff.

Somewhat somewhat Yeah?

Is it just for women listening?

I made a joke you know when I was like, oh, you know this is hohost shit earlier whatever? Is it almost inevitable with someone in entertainment because of the options? Is it almost inevitably inevitable because it's like it's being thrown at you at your lifestyle the character of tank versus who you are at home?

Like, is it is it hard to avoid?

It? Is that it is also inevitable in your youth? Right?

Well? You consider like, so when do they stop? Tell you women, for the most.

Part, when you're young. When you're young, I'm gonna say for women and men, women get horny as motherfucker.

Too, and they don't know. We was host most of my friends.

Cheek listen when you're young and hot and bothered and won't it should happens? Should happen?

What age do you think there's a shift for men though, when they like, hey, having it too?

Not even there now? If they got these pills out. You know, I got a new line. Uh uh stiff bull bang bang tea. We will get to all of that. Yeah, you have a new line.

I've been trying to dilute my man's mocker root, Like I know how horny is.

Listen you, that's funny. I think that again a lot of times I say everything is based on the individual and and and the experience it is. It is like, no nobody can make you do anything, like like, yep, no situation can make you do anything. It has to be for you. You know what I'm saying. If you're going to be solid and faithful or if you're not, it's it's on you.

I literally say that if there's not gun to head, you have the wherewithal to make the decisions. It's to leave, to walk away, to stay, to put up with it, to tell your friends and not tell your friends.

But I do think it could be harder with men and entertainment not giving men slack. But for example, if I'm on a diet, it's easy if I ain't got no crazy food in the house. Now when I'm going out to restaurants and choosing not to eat, it's like, right now we're not drinking. I'm not drinking because I'm trying to cut and lean out. Right, Oh why am I going to parties like it's.

The met weekend? Like Monday we got I'm like, bro, this is tough.

And it's tougher in the environment.

Now if I'm home, I'm going breaking up at a certain time.

Yeah.

So I can't imagine pussy and the best pussy, different colored pussies, different kinds, flavors and shit.

It's crazy.

I know when we talk we lean into like the entertainer of it all. But growing up in Orlando, if you're in small cities, there's men that have a plethora of options in even Middle America, small cities, Like, it's not just status, it's not just power.

A lot of men have a lot of options a lot of times in their own listen.

And it's cast in the hood.

They got the full.

There's there's options and they but they don't have they have options, they don't have discernment.

That's the problem.

Are they just the means are just different.

I mean we're only as good as our options. That's the truth of it all. Like you can have a funny looking nigga, tell me he's good to his wife. I bet you are, Bet you are. You can have a wealthy man tell me that it's hard, and I bet it is. Like I really do believe It's our options. It's why certain people act certain ways. What we're like, we're a product of those options, having a roster, a plethoro of people falling at you. It's celebrity status too

And especially right you're just like, I know I'm mean, but what the fuck? How does this person do it? I want to ask you before we get out of here. We haven't dove into the episode just yet, but being that you communicate, you've unlearned some things, you're open to learning more things within your relationship.

What do your boundaries look like?

We've been talking about boundaries, compromise versus sacrifice and all these things. Do you have a boundary that you've set forth that you won't cross or what does it look like to compromise with your partner?

What does that kind of entail?

I mean, we we we really communicate about everything everything. Like my wife is one of those women that'll say anything okay, Like she'll say it and then that oh yeah, I shouldn't said it like that, like she's she's that person. Absolutely, it's spice, is it? Because I'm non reactive?

We see how long you take to answer question?

You know how you like you have a your Wow, I just writing the big dogs and things like this, that's you. That's how So you know me. I'm just about you know, I'm just about respect and appreciation because I'm getting out in the field and I'm going to make sure that your feet don't touch the ground. Just

Oh affirmation okay? And how many years have you move with your wife?

We have we're going on seven years of marriage this year.

So when we sat down with Envy DJ Envy and his wife, Yeah, I asked, at what point do you just stop fighting and or what point does it just get easier? Do you feel that you've even reached it seven years that it's just seamless, that it's just easy that you know each other better, has that hit?

Yeah, we know each other very well. But you know, spice just is what it is. It's just it's just organically spicy.

Do you like a little toxic? Do you?

And my wife is going to find some spice to throw to start the dash.

Of at front?

Is this liberal woman will figure out some spice. I'm a capricorn, Oh, Jane Janeuay first, damn? Yeah, yeah, I have.

A holiday birthday too. I'm curious when is your birthday? You'd be like, like, is it annoying that everybody's come over on your birthday?

Do you just celebrated? Is it New York?

It annoyed me as a kid because they would group my birthday gifts for my Christmas gift. It's still got.

You got your birthday gifts on Christmas.

I don't do that to my son because because his birthday January first?

What the wow?

Yeah? Yeah, see she she had a she had a baby on my birthday. That's how she got the job.

Was that her due date?

That was her January first?

That is so weird.

And I said, I said, listen, I got you. Don't roll with me. Give me a baby as a gift you good, that's good for life's special. But yeah, so, I mean, but she's spisy. She can't help herself, like it's not like she can control it, like she's she's just swixy. And then don't let you know you know how how you know your hormones get when that time when the month comes and things just get thrown off, bounced a little bit. Oh when that when the spikes

She looked like, let me see, she's gorgeous. Does she looks? Does she got the looks gorgeous? You know, when women are so fine, you be like, what's remember the guy that they were hot and crazy smell.

From Saint Looisa.

Fine? Oh I forgot a fun woman right there. Oh yes, I see, I could see the crazy. I see it. It's the eyes. It's the eyes.

Oh my god.

I love this picture of you too.

That's from the front of my first video.

Shoot, first video shoot.

First video shoot.

And he has on leather pants of course that's what we did, dated.

White and a bandanna. I ain't got no bandanas, but I tell you right now I gotta, I gotta. I got a tank top and some leather pants in the closet.

You know you got a tank?

Stay ready to.

Be Wait before we get out of here. How'd you get your name? Don't tell you the tank top?

No, I wish I wish it was you said he got that tank in the pants.

I wish.

The Caribbean mom to fucking do Tank.

I'm talking about Lord Jesus, are you here in the room with us? And she over looked, like kept the boris kujo?

Tank? Yes, he is.

I say that. My grandmother named me Tank. My cousins were making fun of me because I had a big hit in the big stomach.

That is hilarious from Geekko hilarious.

So my grandma was like, that's my tank. Boy, leaves him alone, Come here Tank, and just started calling because.

Your head, that's hilarious.

Dog.

If y'all haven't uh. There are over a hundred episodes.

Of R and B Money correct hundred in fifty there's a ton and guess you and Jay Valentine hosted. One of my favorite episodes was when y'all had Tearan He's a friend of mine. I love Torn so much, love that that episode. I was like, and he always drops gems and tells the best stories, which I think I love about R and B Money so much.

You get the people so comfortable they do the stories.

And they really they're really the drivers, you know what I mean, their conversations and their experiences and no, no, no no, they.

Say with other people, it's not the same. No, no, no, no, they're not the drivers.

Well we know why. You know why. You know why because we're of the cloth, right, you know what I mean, we we are, we are active, and so our sensibilities are just different. Yeah, you know, our conversation is just different because we do it. And so they I mean when they sit on our couch, you know, they they don't just feel comfortable, they feel appreciated. I mean they feel thata tell you like, we know what you're doing, what it is that you do, and how hard it

Period, y'all. Check out R and B Money.

Yeah, if you are coming to New York anytime, you must see Hell's.

Kitchen, please tell us so highly on the stage.

Yeah, so, y'all have a good.

Amount of time our listeners New York, y'all, this is one of our biggest audiences. If you're traveling to New York, you must. I'm telling y'all now you must see Hell's Kitchen. And if you're a patron, I because it was so good. This isn't because Tank right here. I promise you it's not because I would have told them if it was mid it wasn't.

I love it so much.

I am giving away two pairs of tickets to go see Hell's Kitchen to our patrons. So go on over to our Patreon community. That's patreon dot com. Backslash horrible Decisions. And then also, I was talking to your manager before we get out of here. You have a new single out with Alisa.

Yes, all gone shout out to a black Round record, shout with the Barry Hankerson. Okay, they called me with this idea, Sean Garrett, who actually helped, you know, reproduce it together. You just wanted the greatest and you know they had the idea to to to make me a part of it. Wow, And for me it was it was a no brainer. You know what I mean. Any opportunity I get to pay homage to a Leah to just keep her legacy and her memory.

I can't wait.

Well, I do want to tell you because I was looking for it today. It is exclusively on bk stream, so bokaystreamai dot com if you guys want to hear that. But I'm literally I was like, Okay, I guess I gotta.

Go get on.

Uh this app. I love any which way that they're adding.

And what I want to add to that is that I think, you know, I think people, you know, when judging these things and critiquing these things, want people to have a little more grace because the song.

Is a or no it's not.

But we're dealing with you know, we're dealing with vocals that are decades and decades all. We're going to salvage a lot of things and put things together the best way we can to sound the best they can to honor her. You know, I'm not I'm not making a bunch of money to do this, you know what I mean. Blackground is not making a bunch of money to do this.

People will appreciate that.

People can it just can be too judgmental when they don't understand the process everything. But just know that you know we're doing our best.

We're not going to judge this. You're just gonna judge that old clip year bro. Thank you so much, y'all.

Make sure you go ahead and pre order our book, No holds bar to doing Manifesto of Sexual Exploration and Power. And again I'm giving out two pairs of the tickets two Hell's Kitchen on Broadway in New York City because you're gonna spend your money on nhbtour dot com.

You will, you will NHB tour dot com. Make sure you check us out.

And I think that's it, so y'all, thank you so much for tuning in to yet another episode of Decisions, Decisions Yane